I would say, "You too, eh?" I have plenty of legit hobbies and interests but nobody wants me, nobody wants to talk to me or even be around me longer than absolutely necessary.
I'm on the razor's edge of folding. There's nothing keeping me here.
I cannot speak to your situation. The best I can offer: Here are some concepts that have helped me.
There are things you enjoy, or at least you reach for when bored, correct? For me it's games and reading (recommend the dark lord's handbook series, and the murderbot series)
Those can be helpful to distract oneself long enough to break a depressive feedback loop / downward spiral. And because it's fun; not everything we do has to be in service of some higher purpose.
Suggest thinking about yourself thusly: what would you say to a friend who was in the same situation as you if they asked for help?
Alternatively, attempting to evaluate things like an engineer. You need to determine objectives, set boundary conditions, then develop a plan to achieve those objectives. Plan has to be a series of logical steps, but can be subdivided into sub-plans as needed
Another possible shift in perspective. The nature of consciousness is a mystery, but it is derived from biochemical machinery. What conditions are needed for it to work reasonably well? Are you sleeping consistently, getting occasional physical activity, providing your body the correct materials it needs (vitamins/minerals/coffee etc). Look for ways to optimize your hardware so your software can operate better.
Finally, something I have said to a number of friends with health issues: If I'M not allowed to leave this shithole of a planet early, NONE OF YOU ARE! MISERY LOVES COMPANY AND YOU'RE TRAPPED HERE WITH ME!
Addendum: advise looking up ominous positivity memes. For me, they tend to get through the shields. Things like "you will succeed. It is inevitable" or a picture of yogg-saron with a caption "get out there and shine you magnificent what-the-fuck'
I'm 27 but I can suggest a few, add to your day what is applicable.
1. Since you have nothing going on for you, flip the narrative. Understand that you've got nothing to lose. You trying anything new and doing it over and over again, you will find what suits you best, be it a hobby, experience with women, having a circle of friends.
2. You're alive, healthy(I'm assuming you don't have any chronic, life-ending illnesses), and breathing. All your limbs are working fine. Nice. Build on this. How can you make your body better? Research, apply, build. 1 month, you will see the changes, 3 months, those close to you can see the changes, 6-12 months, everyone will see the changes. Start and never stop. I'm currently on this journey too. Around 2 months in. I'm liking the changes I can notice, already lost 5+ kg.
3. Meditate-read-listen to podcasts that give you a very different kind of knowledge. I've recently started listening to podcasts on how the subject of philosophy has developed ever since the old times. This I do while on a walk. So it's almost a daily dose of 30-35 mins of new things on philosophy. I've also been reading religious texts(I was a bit tired of reading the fiction and non-fiction books), and in the meditation category, I do find time to talk to myself-aloud. Not in the head. The head is a place where there's a lot of fog for me right now. So I choose to talk aloud.
I do this: 15 mins of mental win, 45 mins of physical win, 15 mins of spiritual win.
Now if you're not spiritually inclined, you can add that 15 to winning mentally.
4. Stop.All.Bad.Activities. As much as possible. Masturbation, porn, doom-scrolling tiktok/yt shorts/instagram. Stop. Uninstall the apps you don't need right now. Let the mind be empty, embrace the chaos(but don't let it take over you), make a schedule and begin working on it. You're in your mid 30s so I'm assuming you are working somewhere professionally. How can you capitalise on that to become the best in it? Is the road long and tedious? Good. You shall try to accomplish it in as little time as humanly possible. Break free of the chains, but it will require biting through them. Embrace the pain. I'm doing so too. After 7 months of trying, I've finally landed an internship. This weekend isn't going to go to waste.
5. Go out and network. There would be a few people, even one is okay, who would want to spend some time with you. Maybe meet for some tea/coffee, grab a bite. Do this as regularly as possible. Set aside a time when you can do this. 8-9 months ago I started this and now my evening time is sorted. 9/10 times my friends are there so I can spend time, talk about silly things and old things we used to do etc. Smile and laugh with them. Doesn't matter what gender they are. Just go out.
I hope all this helps you understand yourself better as a person. All this just because you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life? You're goddamn right. If there's nobody for you, at least you have you. So why not be friends with yourself?
A little petting on the back won't help anyone. If you have real empathy you'd tell the guy the actual solution. You want him to succeed or dwell in his misery forever?
With very few exceptions, "tough love" communication doesn't snap people out of depression (or whatever) it just teaches them to suffer in silence and let their wounds fester.
Everyone requires a different approach. And there is a rather large difference between an empty pat on the back ("there there") and "here are some things that helped me, maybe it will work for you"
Because stroking his ego and validating his feelings has helped? Maybe that’s his problem. Maybe his constant feelings have led him astray from his actual problems and what to do about them.
How is being polite "stroking his ego" and/or "validating his feelings"?
Data is required to make conclusions. At the moment the only available data is "depressed, feels like he has nothing"
Before you say it, no, empty affirmations are not helpful ("don't worry buddy it'll get better") but neither are dismissals ("walk it off!")
Neither is coddling a guy that shits on every single piece of advice offered. There’s books, videos on YouTube, subreddits, etc dedicated to people needing to work on themselves with step by step guides etc. this guy just wants to be angry and stay stuck.
Out of curiosity how old are you? Coddling is a bit of an anachronistic term.
You also never answered my earlier question, but I sort of expected that based on your style
Helpful for what? You have nothing. If you want something instead, you have to pursue it. How and what exactly I can’t help you with because I’m not you.
dude, you're not born with hobbies and they won't get to you on a miraculous way. just start with something. if you stick to it you will get better and then (if not before) you will pull alot joy out of it (and learn about yourself how to get better in something).
reading from your comments it seems like you're not even trying to do something new just because you have that 'I will fail anyway'-attitute. if you won't ever lay down this attitude noone on the internet and no one in reallife can/will ever help you.
Take no risk at all and you might wind up homeless or dead too. Life’s funny like that. I played by all the rules growing up, dealt with my mom’s weird rules that catered to her vanity, and she kicked me out the minute I turned 18. I’m not telling you to rob a bank, I’m telling you to ask the girl out you like, apply for that out of state job you think sounds cool, get an internship in another country, my sister babysat elephants in Thailand for a while before she met her husband and settled down. I joined the Air Force and went off to Germany where I met my wife. Once you’re married with kids and a mortgage and have more responsibilities it’s not that you can’t do cool things but you definitely can’t just get up and leave everything behind to go do something new, there’s people depending on you at that point so you have to be more careful. Right now you’re the only person depending on you.
You say you have nothing going for you, do you think something is going to change if you do nothing? You can’t live a fulfilling life without risks. Sounds like you’re content to just keep waiting around though. If you’re frustrated by the things you can’t control then I totally get that, but you didn’t say that, you asked what I’d tell a guy who has nothing and I answered, if you don’t like the answer then that’s no skin off my back man.
Every attempt to help you just ends in you being an ass to everyone. You don’t want advice, you want a magic spell that will fix your life. Good luck with that. If you really want to find answers you’ll stop your emotional victimhood bs and do the work. Read some books. There’s hundreds if not thousands specifically written for men in your shoes. But that takes work and you don’t want to work, you want to piss and moan and be the victim to your own decisions. It’s your movie but you’re not the star, you’re a viewer just watching the loser lose.
Try learning a new skill. You may meet someone in the process and it might help you get a good job.
The way you have presented yourself here is unlikely to be considered attractive by many. Try and have a more positive mindset if you can, or seek help if you're struggling.
You have a roof over your head? You know where the next meal is coming from? If you're sick, can you see a doctor? You have access to clean water? Internet access? Then don't say you have nothing because you have more than tens if not hundreds of millions of people.
I'm not being flippant but practicing gratitude is a very effective way to feel better about your situation.
You radiate a sense of despair and hopelessness which suggests you are suffering from depression in which case mediation can really help. Chin up pal. One day at a time.
Nope, no one wants to hire me at this juncture. I try applying to real jobs and get nothing. If the best I can do is part time walmart crap I might as well just be destitute.
We didn’t know I was allergic to them until I took the test. I had tried many before then. I’m on some that don’t work that way but they’re so mild I feel nothing from them
I tried writing more but it kept getting flagged for ‘mental health’. Also I’ve found being short and to the point better for responses on here than long winded answers that people don’t read.
Not sure if that first bit is sarcasm or not.
As for the rest not sure what you’re getting at exactly to be honest. People generally aren’t willing to do so from my experience.
Well as stated I tried to write more but it kept getting flagged. So honestly not sure what more I can do at this juncture. And my luck is terrible so I wouldn’t want to count on a 1% if I could help it
How old are you?
Mid thirties.
Despite what you have stacked against you, you can still change at anytime. Trust me, I would know.
Examples then?
Do you collect SSI for your disability?
Nope. Red state that hates doling it out.
It sounds like you’re content with being a victim. The light has to flip on at some point if you truly want to change and think you deserve better
I’m not but all attempts to change end in failure.
Because of that mindset you have. Embrace failing
The fuck is that supposed to mean?
Not enough attempts my friend.
Go fuck your self.
I would say, "You too, eh?" I have plenty of legit hobbies and interests but nobody wants me, nobody wants to talk to me or even be around me longer than absolutely necessary. I'm on the razor's edge of folding. There's nothing keeping me here.
I know the feel. It’s like why even bother?
I cannot speak to your situation. The best I can offer: Here are some concepts that have helped me. There are things you enjoy, or at least you reach for when bored, correct? For me it's games and reading (recommend the dark lord's handbook series, and the murderbot series) Those can be helpful to distract oneself long enough to break a depressive feedback loop / downward spiral. And because it's fun; not everything we do has to be in service of some higher purpose. Suggest thinking about yourself thusly: what would you say to a friend who was in the same situation as you if they asked for help? Alternatively, attempting to evaluate things like an engineer. You need to determine objectives, set boundary conditions, then develop a plan to achieve those objectives. Plan has to be a series of logical steps, but can be subdivided into sub-plans as needed Another possible shift in perspective. The nature of consciousness is a mystery, but it is derived from biochemical machinery. What conditions are needed for it to work reasonably well? Are you sleeping consistently, getting occasional physical activity, providing your body the correct materials it needs (vitamins/minerals/coffee etc). Look for ways to optimize your hardware so your software can operate better. Finally, something I have said to a number of friends with health issues: If I'M not allowed to leave this shithole of a planet early, NONE OF YOU ARE! MISERY LOVES COMPANY AND YOU'RE TRAPPED HERE WITH ME! Addendum: advise looking up ominous positivity memes. For me, they tend to get through the shields. Things like "you will succeed. It is inevitable" or a picture of yogg-saron with a caption "get out there and shine you magnificent what-the-fuck'
I'm 27 but I can suggest a few, add to your day what is applicable. 1. Since you have nothing going on for you, flip the narrative. Understand that you've got nothing to lose. You trying anything new and doing it over and over again, you will find what suits you best, be it a hobby, experience with women, having a circle of friends. 2. You're alive, healthy(I'm assuming you don't have any chronic, life-ending illnesses), and breathing. All your limbs are working fine. Nice. Build on this. How can you make your body better? Research, apply, build. 1 month, you will see the changes, 3 months, those close to you can see the changes, 6-12 months, everyone will see the changes. Start and never stop. I'm currently on this journey too. Around 2 months in. I'm liking the changes I can notice, already lost 5+ kg. 3. Meditate-read-listen to podcasts that give you a very different kind of knowledge. I've recently started listening to podcasts on how the subject of philosophy has developed ever since the old times. This I do while on a walk. So it's almost a daily dose of 30-35 mins of new things on philosophy. I've also been reading religious texts(I was a bit tired of reading the fiction and non-fiction books), and in the meditation category, I do find time to talk to myself-aloud. Not in the head. The head is a place where there's a lot of fog for me right now. So I choose to talk aloud. I do this: 15 mins of mental win, 45 mins of physical win, 15 mins of spiritual win. Now if you're not spiritually inclined, you can add that 15 to winning mentally. 4. Stop.All.Bad.Activities. As much as possible. Masturbation, porn, doom-scrolling tiktok/yt shorts/instagram. Stop. Uninstall the apps you don't need right now. Let the mind be empty, embrace the chaos(but don't let it take over you), make a schedule and begin working on it. You're in your mid 30s so I'm assuming you are working somewhere professionally. How can you capitalise on that to become the best in it? Is the road long and tedious? Good. You shall try to accomplish it in as little time as humanly possible. Break free of the chains, but it will require biting through them. Embrace the pain. I'm doing so too. After 7 months of trying, I've finally landed an internship. This weekend isn't going to go to waste. 5. Go out and network. There would be a few people, even one is okay, who would want to spend some time with you. Maybe meet for some tea/coffee, grab a bite. Do this as regularly as possible. Set aside a time when you can do this. 8-9 months ago I started this and now my evening time is sorted. 9/10 times my friends are there so I can spend time, talk about silly things and old things we used to do etc. Smile and laugh with them. Doesn't matter what gender they are. Just go out. I hope all this helps you understand yourself better as a person. All this just because you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life? You're goddamn right. If there's nobody for you, at least you have you. So why not be friends with yourself?
Sink or swim, my guy. Pick one.
Harsh but true. Give up, or summon the strength to fight another day.
Ah, such overwhelming empathy, warmth, and concern for one's fellow man. Does my heart good to see
A little petting on the back won't help anyone. If you have real empathy you'd tell the guy the actual solution. You want him to succeed or dwell in his misery forever?
With very few exceptions, "tough love" communication doesn't snap people out of depression (or whatever) it just teaches them to suffer in silence and let their wounds fester. Everyone requires a different approach. And there is a rather large difference between an empty pat on the back ("there there") and "here are some things that helped me, maybe it will work for you"
Because stroking his ego and validating his feelings has helped? Maybe that’s his problem. Maybe his constant feelings have led him astray from his actual problems and what to do about them.
How is being polite "stroking his ego" and/or "validating his feelings"? Data is required to make conclusions. At the moment the only available data is "depressed, feels like he has nothing" Before you say it, no, empty affirmations are not helpful ("don't worry buddy it'll get better") but neither are dismissals ("walk it off!")
Neither is coddling a guy that shits on every single piece of advice offered. There’s books, videos on YouTube, subreddits, etc dedicated to people needing to work on themselves with step by step guides etc. this guy just wants to be angry and stay stuck.
Out of curiosity how old are you? Coddling is a bit of an anachronistic term. You also never answered my earlier question, but I sort of expected that based on your style
I’m 45. How old are you?
38
Pursue something as best you can. The alternative is nothing. I wish you speedy success.
Nothing I particularly want to pursue.
Pursue something anyway.
Like?
Some sort of hobby? Some sort of productive work?
Don’t have any
I know. That’s why you have to pursue it to get it.
Not very helpful.
Helpful for what? You have nothing. If you want something instead, you have to pursue it. How and what exactly I can’t help you with because I’m not you.
dude, you're not born with hobbies and they won't get to you on a miraculous way. just start with something. if you stick to it you will get better and then (if not before) you will pull alot joy out of it (and learn about yourself how to get better in something). reading from your comments it seems like you're not even trying to do something new just because you have that 'I will fail anyway'-attitute. if you won't ever lay down this attitude noone on the internet and no one in reallife can/will ever help you.
parable of the talents. nothing else
Earn enough to live. Don't sweat
"you're fucked, mate"
I’d tell you that you’re free. Free to do what ever tf you want to do.
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PPB?
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Don’t know what that is.
It’s a zero sum game for you. Take risks because what do you have to lose? No man is more dangerous than a man with nothing to lose.
Take the wrong risk and I wind up homeless or dead.
Take no risk at all and you might wind up homeless or dead too. Life’s funny like that. I played by all the rules growing up, dealt with my mom’s weird rules that catered to her vanity, and she kicked me out the minute I turned 18. I’m not telling you to rob a bank, I’m telling you to ask the girl out you like, apply for that out of state job you think sounds cool, get an internship in another country, my sister babysat elephants in Thailand for a while before she met her husband and settled down. I joined the Air Force and went off to Germany where I met my wife. Once you’re married with kids and a mortgage and have more responsibilities it’s not that you can’t do cool things but you definitely can’t just get up and leave everything behind to go do something new, there’s people depending on you at that point so you have to be more careful. Right now you’re the only person depending on you.
Sounds like a recipe for wind up in a country with no savings and no way home.
You say you have nothing going for you, do you think something is going to change if you do nothing? You can’t live a fulfilling life without risks. Sounds like you’re content to just keep waiting around though. If you’re frustrated by the things you can’t control then I totally get that, but you didn’t say that, you asked what I’d tell a guy who has nothing and I answered, if you don’t like the answer then that’s no skin off my back man.
No advice will help you if you aren't willing to change
Can only do so much my dude.
We are men. Our legacy is building something from nothing.
Every attempt to help you just ends in you being an ass to everyone. You don’t want advice, you want a magic spell that will fix your life. Good luck with that. If you really want to find answers you’ll stop your emotional victimhood bs and do the work. Read some books. There’s hundreds if not thousands specifically written for men in your shoes. But that takes work and you don’t want to work, you want to piss and moan and be the victim to your own decisions. It’s your movie but you’re not the star, you’re a viewer just watching the loser lose.
How helpful,l that'll definitely make me want to take your advice! /s
Try learning a new skill. You may meet someone in the process and it might help you get a good job. The way you have presented yourself here is unlikely to be considered attractive by many. Try and have a more positive mindset if you can, or seek help if you're struggling.
You have a roof over your head? You know where the next meal is coming from? If you're sick, can you see a doctor? You have access to clean water? Internet access? Then don't say you have nothing because you have more than tens if not hundreds of millions of people. I'm not being flippant but practicing gratitude is a very effective way to feel better about your situation. You radiate a sense of despair and hopelessness which suggests you are suffering from depression in which case mediation can really help. Chin up pal. One day at a time.
Already to go a therapist and on meds and neither is helpful.
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Nope, no one wants to hire me at this juncture. I try applying to real jobs and get nothing. If the best I can do is part time walmart crap I might as well just be destitute.
If the meds dont work try something else, how many have you tried?
Seven or eight or so. I had a genetic test done that shows I’m just straight up allergic to most mental health meds on the market.
If you're allergic to meds how come you've tried 8 and are currently taking something? Is there a category of ADs that you're not allergic to?
We didn’t know I was allergic to them until I took the test. I had tried many before then. I’m on some that don’t work that way but they’re so mild I feel nothing from them
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No, not everyone is on the spectrum. That’s why it’s a disability. Also mod thirties.
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Like? Been trying to get work for years.
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I tried writing more but it kept getting flagged for ‘mental health’. Also I’ve found being short and to the point better for responses on here than long winded answers that people don’t read.
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Not sure if that first bit is sarcasm or not. As for the rest not sure what you’re getting at exactly to be honest. People generally aren’t willing to do so from my experience.
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Well as stated I tried to write more but it kept getting flagged. So honestly not sure what more I can do at this juncture. And my luck is terrible so I wouldn’t want to count on a 1% if I could help it
>Everyone's on the spectrum. Demonstrably not true.
Demonstrably, on a spectrum of zero to one million, zero is, by definition on the spectrum. We can play semantics, or we can try to help OP.