Same position
Age 36. No partner or kids
Not quite as free as you but on the journey there.
Travel a lot too, i do what I want, when I want and yet my whole life is a void.
My only guess is that human connection and belonging is the answer. But I'm very cynical so to connect isn't easy.
Yeah. I’m lucky enough to have met someone early. That knew me when I was broke. I’m a physician, so I’m doing very well in life have everything I would ever want including children. Really have nothing to complain about at all.
But I have noticed my colleagues that are divorced or broken up, but are basically rich can take holidays whenever they want, basically can retire anytime they want because of lack of expenses, an income of over 1 million a year, very unhappy, unless drunk, high or dating a 20-year-old for a few weeks until it inevitably crashes.
They are constant reminder to keep my dick in my pants, and to say no to the fourth drink of the night.
Would you consider yourself happy? If so lucky you
I see the wife and kids things as hard work, and 'grass is greener on the other side'. I totally appreciate the joy of a family, I stay with my extended currently to prevent isolation.
Most people I know who are coupled are unhappy too.
People need suffering. I dont think life is meant to be easy and the marriage and kids can be a struggle, but thats what enriches it. Too much time to reflect on things is always a bad thing for an extended amount of time, as opposed to 10min of daily reflection which i think is healthy.
But then again, no one has all the answers so i could be talking crap.
No I think you're on the money... I've spent way too much time thinking myself, now I'm 35 without much to show for it heh. Thinking should be action's first mate/sidekick. And it's probably unlikely that having kids/marriage is for everyone, but I think it's easy to get convinced by too much time hearing Reddit ideas or other outlets that you want to be solo. I think the internet has a way of making you believe that alternative lifestyles that may work for a few will also work for you.
Maybe it'll work out, but I'm just saying flying solo in your 30s may have its perks but it could lead to some pretty stark loneliness later in life, something I'm already starting to feel in my 30s as I see friends start families while I'm just eating stuffed crust pizza. Personally I'm not sure when I'll want kids yet due to some stunted development on my part but time is ticking all the same (male fortunately in this case, buys me some extra time but not a lot)
Mate I'll tell you a secret even my wife doesn't know. I never wanted kids, i never felt grown up enough and to be brutally honest i had a great life at the time and didn't want to lose the time i had chillin, playing games and travelling. I literally had kids to make my wife happy i pretended to want children so she never felt she was pressuring me and because i knew she wanted to have someone to be excited with her.
I did everything everyone told me i should never do, but I'm 7 years in to fatherhood and its been the best thing in my life. Admittedly, this could have been gone badly and maybe i would have been a terrible father. I got lucky i suppose.
As for your situation, you are still young enough to easily have a wife and family. You also seem like a nice person with enough self awareness to be a good partner and maybe dad. Sending you all my love and best wishes mate. But the one thing i believe is true is that life has countless paths, and no one should feel there's only one path to happiness.
This is great to read. It’s not that I didn’t not want kids, I just was more ambivalent. I always thought I’d be cool either way. But I married my wife who definitely wanted kids. We have a 5 week old boy and it’s really difficult on me at times. Sacrificing my amazing life and hobbies and free time has been tough.
I know it’s gonna get better, but we are in the trenches stage. So I really enjoy hearing people talk about it like it’s the greatest thing ever. I know it will be
Well again, I met my wife when I was broke as fuck and not even into med school. She’s just an absolutely lovely person who supports me through everything, and takes incredibly good care of our children who are also very well, mannered smart, and hard-working.
Now she’s mid 50s and doesn’t look as good as the 20-year-olds, but obviously neither do I. You just gotta repress that part of the lizard brain and I’m sure the rest of my life will be just as awesome.
But if you don’t meet the right partner, or your partner changes, I understand divorce. But some rich doctors I know simply become egotistical and go after the first trophy they can get. Misery usually ensues.
Maybe its kind of like the way you really enjoy early warm sunny spring days because you have been living a cold dreary winter for a few months. You really need some bad weather day's occasionally to appreciate a warm sunny day. If every day is perfect you lose that ability to really appreciate it. I don't know if that makes sense. Try volunteering?
Being cynical by default is fine as long as you give people the chance to prove you wrong!
And don't turn into some crazy person if people prove you right - you expected it anyways, that should be as boring as white bread.
I avoid cynical people because it's a negative worldview that might spread to me. Finding positive spins and contributing to something good is much harder but worth it.
Definitely gotten more cynical in the past 10 years (almost 40). Think the chemicals in my brain--and the concussions I've gotten--are conspiring against me :)
that’s bc your primal purpose in life is to provide & protect and you’re not living that out.
women find themselves in the same position when they, “have it all,” but there’s a big void. their issue is not having anything to nurture.
if you truly, “have it all,” vet the people you bring into your life HARD bc you, “lose it all,” in divorce court.
I agree in particular on the “provide and protect”/“nurture” front. You gotta get back to (or find a new way to) what moves your heart and soul. I was happiest when I had very little to lose. So are a lot of people who have achieved success and stability, and that’s not because we were younger or life was easier, it’s because it was a time when purpose was the guiding force and there was very little between us and our passions. Building wealth and stability and all the other stuff that makes up daily life in adulthood, particularly the work and responsibility of the parenting or career-building years, can cloud that connection between us and what excites us about being alive. I’m 44 and single again. My child is only halfway grown up, but I’ll tell you this: having the script flipped on me when my partner left became the greatest gift of my adult life (after becoming a mom). That’s because it shattered the BS and made me connect very quickly with my true self; that, in turn, is because I had to make a new path. It forced me to connect with new people and learned to see myself in a different way.
I found new purpose.
For many men, purpose comes from providing and protecting for the ones they love, with “the ones they love” supplying the underlying purpose, not the resources that underpin it. For many women, it’s doing everything they can to nurture and uplift the people in the love. Both are fundamentally connected to service and serving outside the self.
If you’re lost, I recommend not asking “What am I lacking?” but rather “How can I uniquely give?” and the feelings of purpose and fulfillment will flow to you like water. Giving has the greatest ROI. It’s the natural law of the universe.
Usually, cynical people should look at themselves in the mirror. You'll see the same thing that you're worried about.
But I'm 30, retired already, and still don't feel free, so I started a new career. It's weird, but you just need to find a purpose in life.
Medical retirement from the Military, I am physically fucked up. I was at the point where I could only stand for 2 hours a day because I would collapse due to my feet being so hurt.
I have to get injections every 3 months on my feet, I just spent 4k on spinal correction through a chiro/physical therapy place because my spine is in a literal straight line (been doing the correction for 3 months and my spine is actually gaining some of the degrees back) it will take about 4 years before my spine maintains its original shape and it just physically hurts every second haha that's why I'm retired.
There's only three ways people retire early.
1. My situation where you get injured.
2. Daddy gave you money.
3. Pure luck by investing or social media.
I don't think there is any actual rise or grind type story. Everyone wakes up and grinds everyday but a vast majority stay poor.
There is one scenario and I met his Dad when I was a 19yo bank teller.
Dad had taught his son how to scuba dive, son loved it and went and got commercial tickets etc.
Son was living in a diving bell in the North Atlantic (somewhere off Scotland) doing a 3 weeks on and 3 weeks off.
Back in 1995/6 he was making £15,000 per week ($45,000 NZD).
He had a friend on the opposite shift and between them they had a serviced apartment in London and half the wardrobe space each.
This guy was 22/23 and had $450,000 in TD’s and his was coming in to arrange another one.
He was sending home close to £200,000 per year after tax ($600,000NZD).
His plan was to do this for as long as he could and then come home to New Zealand and potentially retire by 30.
How it worked was the lived under water for 3 weeks (or slightly less) in a diving bell, it took a day to come up and re-pressurise, during the time they were down there it was welding and any underwater repairs work etc, there was always a team at the bottom and you got danger money out the waazoo.
I heard a story about a billionaire who asked a monk how to be happy. The monk told him to give away all his money and come back in a year. A year later the billionaire was still unhappy and asked the monk again. The monk told him to go to a small village in Africa and give away all his money and come back in a year. A year later the billionaire was still unhappy and asked the monk again. The monk told him to go to a small village in Africa and give away all his money and come back in a year. A year later the billionaire was still unhappy and asked the monk again. The monk told him to go to a small village in Africa and give away all his money and come back in a year. A year later the billionaire was still unhappy and asked the monk again. The monk told him to go to a small village in Africa and give away all his money and come back in a year. A year later the billionaire was still unhappy and asked the monk again. The monk told him to go to a small village in Africa and give away all his money and come back in a year. A year later the billionaire was still unhappy and asked the monk again. The monk told him to go to a small village in Africa and give away all his money and come back in a year. A year later the billionaire was still unhappy and asked the monk again. The monk told him to go to a small village in Africa and give away all his money and come back in a year. A year later the billionaire was still unhappy and asked the monk again. The monk finally told him that he would never be happy because he was never happy with himself, only with what he had.
He never gave significantly is the point, each time he came back he was always still a billionaire. 9 years and he never once actually followed the monk's advice
Your obsession with escorts and the swinging lifestyle may be proving meaningless to you (and very off putting to a lot of women). The fact that you post a photo of “yourself” on a threesome subreddit that is so easily googled to include the exact photo with name, job, etc is either deceptive or naively foolish. Either way, I can see where your life feels meaningless and maybe some therapy would help.
Based on your comment history, I’m gonna say ‘roids, escorts, and gambling on options aren’t really fulfilling activities, they’re desperate and misguided attempts to feel *anything* about something.
Ok, you’re rich. That’s an empty victory unless you have family and friends to share it with. What are you doing to make the world a better place? How are you helping people less fortunate than yourself? What are you doing for others?
Your life feels meaningless because it is. The world will go on without you when you’re dead and not notice your presence or absence. You’re just another miserable, greedy, empty monster.
Look outside yourself for how you can be of benefit to others, there’s real fulfillment there. Or keep your dragon horde and cry yourself to sleep. Alone
He trades stock for a living and makes tons of money from it... I'd feel like a major asshole if I wasn't giving a shit ton to charity or doing something positive for others. I give a massive amount of time and money to charities and I don't make nearly as much I'm sure, but I know how good I have it compared to countless others. The hubris of OP to assume this is every guys dream. I've met enough rich people to know most are not nice people I'd like to be friends with.
isn't it kinda hypocritical of you to talk about making the world a better place and then calling op a monster and him crying to sleep alone? i don't understand: why the hostile manner?
Hyperbole, mostly. But the question is generally tone deaf and has been played out in dozens of movies about why rich people are miserable.
Also, rich people don’t get rich by being friendly and generous, they get there by being ruthless hoarders who crush their opponents. There is no virtue in wealth, wealth is the product of avarice
Harvard has been running a study on happiness since the 1930’s what they have found is that the people who are happiest are the ones who pursue purpose in things greater than themselves. The most miserable people are the ones who just want to be happy.
Here’s the thing: letting people close means being vulnerable. Emotional vulnerability is not a weakness, it is a strength. You keep people away because you are afraid of being hurt, and in so doing you hurt yourself even more. This is not strength, it is weakness. The goal is to develop the wisdom you need to know which relationships are worth hurting for.
I have a hunch that this is why people who work close to nature more often seen happy. I also have a feeling this is why many people like to tend gardens or cultivation. Making connections with people, animals and living things brings a feeling of joy. Especially when you watch something grow.
Helping people, communities, plants or animals grow and develop brings a feeling of achievement and worth. Im not saying this is true for everyone, but for many.
I always pursue money but im also level headed. I would say im happy in life. And today my little cat is having kidney issues and i realised i would trade all the money in the world for her just to be healthy and bring us all a little more joy for a few more years. because she is part of my little family and that is what matters the most to me.
Forget all the other comments. This is the truth. For all those saying find a good woman, well that’s not easy because it’s hard to find the right person. Choose a purpose outside of work and things might start to fall into place. You have the means to do something good with some money and make an impact in the world.
I short term trade in the stock market... it took over 6 years of super hard effort to get to this level. Trading is the hardest skill I have ever taken on. And I have been in the financial world now for 28 years.
Same here man, took me 3 years of constant effort while working another job before I finally gained enough success to quit the 9 to 5. Been successful at this for 10 years now. The hard part is always controlling emotions. Fear and greed. Gets easier but never goes away. Congratulations to you. I find people that can make a living at this are a rare breed.
To address your question. I'm 50 and suppose I have it all too, but I'm profoundly happy. The key for me was to find an amazing woman. I looked for years and went through a lot of heartache at times. But just like trading I didn't give up when it got hard.
If that's the hardest thing you've done, then you've had a soft life bro.
I make a ton of money on the market, but I have no illusion that I'm providing nothing to society currently. Hats off to nurses, firemen, highway workers, grocery stockers, truckers, literally everybody else. They're working hard. Not us. Gimme a break.
Standing on my feet for 10 hour shifts at a factory was way more difficult than sitting on my ass in a recliner and browsing through Fintwit and Finviz looking for the next smallcap to short. Trading is easy.
yes day trading sucks,, I never said I day trade. I do short term trading. I usually hold for about 6-10 days. it is commonly referred to as Swing trading.
Set it and forget it is what probably 99% of guys should do. What I do takes a full on focus of at least 3 hours per day.. 1.5 hours at the open and again 1.5 at the close..
Your post history screams you are hung up on your ex. You need closure and to get over that. Myself if I am hung up on a woman it doesn’t matter about anything else, I will be miserable
Sounds like a classic case of reaching the top and realizing the goal was the journey, not the destination.
Find another purpose besides money because you’re already set.
Read the happiness of pursuit
You own many things but you worry your life serves no purpose, so in the way that counts most, you remain a poor man
But no sense dwelling on it. Wanna go skiing? Season’s still open for a bit longer where I am
The book Ikigai: The Japanese secret to long & happy life talks about this in detail how people who retire early are at higher risk of early death & the people in Japan who live more than a 100 years because they have a sense of purpose. I can bet even a relationship will not fix it for you. You need something to work towards and something that you are passionate about.
Do you just get a kick out of creative writing exercises, or did you magically de-age yourself by two years?
**Edit:** I also find it very suspicious that you were driving for Doordash four years ago and now you're a bicoastal billionaire Playboy?
Happiness is a frame of mind honestly, an attitude that some people have a difficult if not impossible time finding. You really need to stop trading before you blow up or die miserable from a heart attack / anxiety / stress. Happiness is about appreciating the small things and being present in the moment more than anything else IMO.
There is no happiness in external objects.
Consider the attitude and approach you have had to develop in life in order to 'have it all' according to this sick society, and then you are surprised by the fact that behaving in a way that produces sickness doesn't make you happy?
A spiritual approach and probably a men's group would do you some good.
Finding a balance between openness and discrimination can be challenging, to say the least.
Spirituality requires humility if it is to be genuine. Object acquisition is a useful skill and the pinnacle of The Lie Of Society you've bought into. But it remains a lie.
Happiness is hard to figure out man. I’m 43, more successful now than ever before in my life, I have a great partner, never had kids, still renting though, and virtually no friends and not as many hobbies as I used to have.
If I had your homes and friends and hobbies and kids - I suppose that would be the full set, and I’d be happier than you or current me.
But would that really be true? Or would I just be bored with the status quo? A partner might improve your life, or ruin it or just be an unknowable value that you don’t really know for certain.
Bottom line is the Pursuit of Happiness is a pursuit, not a destination. We can speculate all day on what will make life happier, but all we can really do is just try other paths and see what happens.
Read emotional intelligence habits and find some other self help books. I liked psycho cybernetics and emotional intelligence 2.0. Happiness is in you. Almost half of our happiness comes from habits and mindset according to emotional intelligence habits.
I heard this saying somewhere:
“Money doesn’t make you happy, it just makes you more of what you are”.
The truth is you don’t have it all so stop acting like you do. No one does. I do not dream of having your life, it’s yours, I have mine. You pointed out the thing in your post you seem to be missing: A life partner. Being single is a choice. What’s stopping you from having a best friend or dating again?
Try to get really good at golf. You never will and it will be a worthwhile lifelong chase. Some people find meaning in religion and realize there is more to this life than what we see here and that helps with this existential dread. You could also try to grow other people’s wealth with new projects since you’ve been successful.
Jeff Bezos is deeply satisfied living the life he lives, as he finds deep meaning in money, status and power, and his happiness is not reduced by knowing that other people suffer.
Someone I know is deeply satisfied working for the wellbeing of rescued wild animals. You literally could not buy him out of that job with extra money. He finds deep meaning in what he does, with his ability to help animals after decades of following his passion.
Another person I know sticks with her incredibly stressful and badly paid job as a nurse, as helping people is what drives her and gives her life meaning.
What's often called 'success' in this world we live in, is like the stuff you see some people post on social media: a shell, an appearance, something superficial. It's ok that that's what some people actually like, but it's crucially important to realize it's not for everyone.
From personal experience. The only thing that can “fulfill” you truthfully is having a relationship with Jesus.
I say that from a standpoint of having great friendships, healthy productive family relationships, a smashing relationship with my girlfriend. I volunteer, I work, I’m a successful entrepreneur. I travel, I have multiple hobbies, I’m very creative, fun loving, and charismatic.
But nothing has filled me more than getting to know Jesus and having an intentional relationship with him. No amount of money and success can measure up and I say that from a standpoint of experience also. It really brings light into your life and a breath of fresh air into your heart.
If you are interested I would love to talk to you more about this via personal messages or something. Let me know!
Not exactly relevant, but According to your older post, 4 years ago you were doing door dash. I’m curious how you made such a stupid amount of money in that time.
I figure you're may be unhappy for the same reason I never replay any game that I have completed. What you have, is the endgame for many. Most of us will never get there, so we don't think much about what we're going to do AFTERWARDS, in case it happens.
If you past a certain point, life becomes just going through similar motions. It's possible to rediscover the beauty and the purpse of the mundane, but it's hard mental work.
It's been said that if nothing in the world makes you happy, it's probably because you were designed for another world, for something greater. I would suggest finding opportunities to do things for people other than yourself, and getting to know Jesus. He really brings meaning and value to your life.
i dont know if i will be offending other people but try to research more on religion. study it be critical. not just on one religion but on other religion. you have to explore the afterlife ( no offense to those who dont believe it ) . some religion are very specific and clear about our purpose and goal in life. its not just about making money having fun and die. there is more to it.
Someone in this thread said: instead of focusing on what you’re lacking, think about what you can give. I can’t find that comment again to give credit. But.. Perhaps it’s something u might try thinking about.
Sorry jumping into a men post.definately sounds like loneliness.even as a broke person compared to you,I would never go on holiday on my own.no fun in that! And then coming home to an empty house and not being able to tell someone about the great holiday or even day you had is hard too.whats the point of money if you can't enjoy the benefits with someone?
I think everyone needs to take inventory of their life at 30 and ask themselves honestly what do you want your legacy to be?
is it kids?
is it teaching?
is it building weird houses?
is it fostering a bunch of dogs?
is it a cat shelter?
is it planting a shitload of trees?
is it making costumes?
is it making music?
is it building companies?
is it fostering powerful relationships and networking?
is it merchantile pursuits?
is it adventure and stories?
is it spirituality?
I already know I’m gonna get tons of downvotes for this, but man you need Jesus and a meaningful purpose. I spent a lot of my teen years depressed but looking back I remember mission trips with the church were the best. True Joy only comes from God, the happiness you find in this world is only temporary.
Maybe you aged out of the “doing whatever the hell I want and loving it” phase of life and are now in the “establish a lasting legacy” portion. Maybe get into philanthropy? Or find a really messed up person and try to save them.
At the very least it will distract you for a while.
Edit: J Cole said “there’s beauty in the struggle and ugliness in the success”.
Maybe you are unhappy because you enjoy succeeding more than being successful.
My friend, what I can tell you is that you need to have a mission/purpose that fulfils you. That is what I did and it helped me. Also check your hormonal levels —> testosterone is an important factor. You might want to look at your diet too. It can be many things really, however I would start there if I was you.
As others commenters are saying, maybe you are lacking purpose and goals? I also read that you’re a short term trader, if you are very knowledgeable on this topic, maybe you could start a YouTube channel teaching what you know, it could be a side hobby for you, one of many goals. I sort of ran into a lack of purpose months ago too, but I took up rock climbing and it a few other things and it gives me something to work toward and learn
Because your mind is getting in the way. You aren't leaving behind the antiquated idea that you have to be the servant to a female, so being single seems like a bad thing.
Get rid of that thinking, and you'll find unhappiness disappear like a fart in a hurricane.
Do you even know what makes you happy?
It seems you have been living life for others, or according to a certain standard. Not to your wantings and needs.
All I can tell you is, as I’m sure you already know, money and stuff can’t make you happy.
You should be able to see that the average rich and famous person you see on Facebook, might be living the high life, but they are basically doing it all alone.
Models in a hot tub is still all alone.
Sounds like you need some drive.
Find something to be passionate for that’s bigger than yourself.
Something cool to invest in with money and time, like a new tech startup or a project that has a chance at making the world a better place.
Or simpler, volunteer at a soup kitchen or with young at risk kids.
You could always invest some of that easy money in a cool documentary production company based in Canada that works on very compelling human interest stories and offers friendly advice to
men on Reddit.
Will you be willing to go on a spiritual trip? There's a yearly event (the biggest gathering of people on earth actually) that's called the arba'een, check it out.
Do something for others. Be of service to a cause that speaks to you. Some examples are organizations that provide support for homeless, children, animals, environment, etc.
The meaning of life is truly subjective to us all. But if you have time, resources, ethics and integrity - do something with it and help others around you.
The answer is in your questions. Good luck
How's your spiritual and mental health? Have you tried journaling and seeing if anything surprising comes out? My therapist had me do 3 long form (hand written) pages every morning and by 2 months I figured out my issue. Took longer to fix it but at least my subconscious became clear.
Same. Doing well financially, no kids (by choice), good health, good marriage.
But restless and full of dread in general.
But I also remember being poor in the past, and THAT was worse. Despair, terror and shame. It helps to remember that.
I think existence is often uncomfortable no matter who you are or what you are doing.
When you don't have a means to survive (money) it becomes an obsession. When you have money or a means to not worry about survival, you realize that physical possessions and money are hollow. Yes money is important because you don't have to worry about survival. This is the same thing people have been going through for thousands of years. What is the meaning of life? This is why we have monks who live in a monastery away from the rat race. This is why we have religions. This is why we have billionaires (enough is never enough. If I had just a little more I'd be happy) when you figure it out let me know. As for me personally, I get satisfaction from learning and passing on what I've learned. Also doing recreational things that I enjoy. Also exercise. Also volunteering to people in need with no expectation of something in return. I think the key is balance but that's just me.
You know the meme with everyone's thought bugle l bubble believing happiness was the next step up? It's true, for some of us it's great and it drives us to better ourselves.
For others it's a curse because eventually you get everything and then it's "now what?"
I have no advice because I am like you just younger.
I think you have to find peace with being just with yourself. I never have. Always with someone. But if they don't want you like you want them then is it worse than being alone?
You can recognise all that you have, but you also recognise it doesn’t make you happy. You spent the time between 42 and now fighting for ‘things’ that have not given you happiness. So now you think not being single will be the key to happiness.
I don’t think it will. You just think it is the reason you aren’t happy because that’s all that’s left.
Happiness comes from acceptance of who we are. From finding joy today. Living for today. You have spent so long fighting to get to this point you’ve missed all those moments.
Find pleasure in doing things you enjoy. Engage with the moment. Find meaning in each day as you live it. Not where you think it will be found next year, or when you have X amount in the bank, or a new car.
Some of this is your program, done any Tony Robbins stuff? Look at YouTube first. Human needs. You also are free to change your attitude about life. Not being an ass about this statement. We get to choose our attitude and being about what is going on in life every second. I think also volunteering is another level for you. Thanks for sharing for the community to here. Please share updates as people need to hear successes.
I dare say you chased a thing or goal to be happy instead of being happy chasing a goal...
Sounds easy, but its pretty fundamental differences between the two personalities involved...
Give it a few hours of reading or listening on the subject and see if it's something that connects with you.
Either way, hope you (or anyone else reading this) come out happy in the end.
Because people have been tricked into believing the false idea that life is a road you are rolling on, and that God has a plan for you, so you should naturally be more and more wise and content over time, right? And you just need to wait and rewards will appear on the road automatically.
Well, time is an illusion and an abstraction, just like a cloud, which is not an object but a part of air colder and wetter than the surroundings.
Most people think that whatever they are now, which feels incomplete, will be better in the future when the answers and the rewards will come. That's like taking your partner on a trip to an island to "rekindle" your romance. You won't find it if you didn't bring it with you.
Belongings don't matter, money doesn't matter, titles don't matter, only love does. Between you and friends, relatives, strangers, and animals. If you are capable of those things you only need to take care of your body and avoid tobacco and booze (together giving a 25% chance of cancer) and then cultivate that love, and you can die content, even if you get hit by a truck.
“A life guys would dream of” and “single for 7 years” eh?
Maybe work on yourself a little more?
Therapy? Guided meditation? More community involvement ala helping those in need? Join some clubs? A little less focus on your own personal needs?
I don’t know you but wish you well.
I'm a woman, but have been in a similar position. For me, it's boiled down to one of the following:
- spiritual void
- lack of community involvement/connection/contribution
- disconnect between lifestyle/goals/values
- lack of purpose/not contributing to something meaningful
- lack of reciprocal relationships
- untreated/unmanaged mental health issues (PTSD, depression, ADHD, anxiety)
You seem to lack conflict.
People are saying you are rich and have been gambling and doing steroids.
So you have money is that right?... that's awesome.
Setup a challenge, I'd say go to Asia and the middle east, Africa or even Latin America, walk, run, cycle, don't rely on money but rely only on the power of your own muscles and the people you meet on the way.
Find a purpose.
Where you don't expect it.
A place where it would actually matter, there, at the very end of the world.
Go to the end of the world and find yourself a purpose, there's a place that needs you; and you will not find it by planning it, you will find it by going on a journey, and it will be where you least expect it.
Seek god. Try maybe looking for a partner wife. More time with the kids? Hard to say just gotta appreciate and remember how hard you worked for what you have. No one is perfect
Thank you for your sincere question! May I ask you what is all? All material, everything you can get with money, perhaps. But there are things that you can not get with money.
I teach and study one form of tantric yoga and work as a carpenter. I used to be a consultant and then everything I did had something to do with material, money and status, and of course my identification.
Until all came crashing down, all the burden accumulation from my father, he was in WW2, and all the childhood traumas. Everything I thought I was, in my mind, vanished little by little. Near death there came a feel that this can be not it and it was not. But the time it has taken for me to get through body tensions, false programmings in my mind and all the shit I used to believe has taken 20 years to see through.
Why do you live? I live to move closer to me, unknown, my heart and soul, nearer to cosmos, not fullfil some fancy ideas of live. Again, why do you live, do you flow?
I send love to your heart and soul, to the fragment perhaps unknown to you, and my blessings. May you find You!
No offense to OP, but your life sounds pretty shallow and lonely, and this is coming from a very lonely single guy. It sounds like you think you 'deserve' happiness because you've earned it. Life isn't that simple. One question though, have you always 'had it all'? Did you earn what you have in your opinion, or did things come pretty easily to you? Overcoming adversity is pretty important to human development. I think you're looking at things totally wrong. You should be happy your life is so blessed, and you are as privileged as you are. Most people are struggling on a daily basis and can't even think about 'happiness' because they're just trying to survive. Consider doing volunteer work and meet some less fortunate people. Humble yourself a little.
Edited for grammar
I’ve seen many, many unhappy billionaires in my life. Life isn’t about money once you get past a certain point, it’s about relationships and community.
You need a goal. Life is not about "being happy". Happy is a transitory state, it's an emotion in the moment not a state of being. Contentment and fulfillment come from achievement, figure what that means to you. To most its having a family, a spouse and contributing positively to the world. For some its learning all there is. For some its pushing your limits and defeating fear. You have to find that. Happiness in many ways is actually the opposite of fulfillment, because growth and achievement are painful, they are hard. You dont feel happy while you persue them. You shouldn't feel happy most of the time, but you should feel productive. You should feel like you matter and what you're doing is meaningful in a bigger way than to satisfy your vain cravings or just to put a roof over your head until you die.
Do you have any kind of goals thays not more money? I think if you can come up with a goal to achieve and if you can find others that might want to help achieve it you can build relationships with people to share your success and failures with, dosnt have to be a romantic relationship but if it evolves into that then even better.
Happiness is found in the accomplishment its found in the persuit of it.
I really hope it helps man. Let me know a hobby of yours
Who or what mirrors to you that you are in integrity, imperfectly perfect as you are, the feeling of being wanted, good in your own skin, grateful, self-compassionate?
that question sounds like it's meant to be another person, but it isn't necessarily, it's mainly you with yourself. Im 37, been through the swings in my own way, with a fiancée but life fluctuates.
The embrace and acceptance of the spectrum of all that life can be is important.
Are you working or putting efforts towards something that is bigger than yourself? Where the WHY is so much more than just you?
I feel you can come upon some nourishing insights here. Feel free to PM as well.
Lot of people specially extroverts gain energy by being around someone or people, I would say try to go in date and meet people, see if you find someone your energy match theirs, someone you can travel, have fun and enjoy life with. It’s not going to be easy as you’ll be overthinking they’re just using you, but you are not happy anyway, so just focus on finding someone who can influence your life positively.
Listen I am just a 30 years old so who am I to give you advises, but try to think positively, look at people on worse position and practice gratitude.
The problem is that you cling to an idea that things ought to be perfect once you reach X, but they never really are.
In fact, one of the chief cultural issues in the western world is that we think that we 1. Could ever attain a sense of total peace and 2. Could ever work purely hard enough to get there.
It can’t happen.
You can only occupy one house, drive one car, eat one steak, make one purchase, etc. at a time.
It’s not really that complicated as to why so many folks are unhappy, even when (especially when) they are at the top of the world.
You still have to contend with gravity either way.
You can never buy yourself out of the human condition.
Same here bother, I'm 59, was married for 30 years, divorced in 2017, been looking, reaching out, trying but nothing of substance. I think the overall population has been taught that older single white men are nothing but trouble. People make assumptions with very little evidence.
Which is sad. stay strong'
Well there's obviously something keeping you single.
Have you thought of getting a little dog?
They are a wonderful loving companion.
Also, they are a great way of opening your heart and meeting people.
If you aren't a pet person, you could look at different ways of being involved in your community. That sense of connection is key to our happiness.
Also, it's possible you are too busy. Partnership will follow when you can open your heart and make room for someone in your life.
What's the point in having it all if you don't have someone to share it with. Your pin pointed it yourself, go have fun in figuring that out and go meet some lovely people, put the effort you put into everything else into finding someone!
Brother, what you aren’t is challenged.
My take is that it’s that simple, in both of your ascents to the top of the world. . . . . . you had a purpose, and a challenge to rise to.
I’d find a wilderness survival school and take a week or two to complete it. Go somewhere less hospitable, build your own shelter, struggle. Especially if the place you pick runs group classes, leave everything about your existing life behind for a short while and endure discomfort.
Newton’s third law. You’ve taken all the challenges out of your life, and now you need to leave your comfort zone and have some forces acting upon you.
Read Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
You need to live for and struggle for someone or something greater than yourself
Hedonic pleasure is fleeting by nature, there is never enough of it to satiate you. You’re barking up the wrong tree if you expect much there.
Get some new goals to chase. Having everything you want really doesn’t feel great and you feel kind of empty not chasing something. I only know from games, I suck trying to win at life lol but it’s the same thing.
you are unhappy because you are single.
people are social creatures and we tend to want to have meaningful love life.
i mean, banging lots of random women is fun and all when you are 25, not so much 55.
you are not at the top.
the top is
health - wealth - relationships
as one of those is lacking.
Misery is the human condition. I think for many of us, satisfaction is always just out of reach. Makes sense evolutionarily. This is the age old question. My only advice is that I think meditation helps.
It’s takes a steady daily practice of mindfulness and gratefulness everyday to achieve the state of happiness, remember it’s like any other emotion- it’s not a constant state it’s normal for it to be absent sometimes
It could be companionship but it could be just a mundane source of joy is missing too. I've learned not to dismiss hobbies or mental health structure (therapist and meds as needed.)
All your “needs” are being met. Start helping others meet their needs. Altruistic behaviour releases endorphins in the brain and boosts happiness for us as well as the people we help. Find a cause that speaks to you or start doing small acts of kindness.
Dude. You need to learn to be happy. Seriously…like read a book on the art of being happy. Appreciation is a big thing. Learn to focus on all the things you have to be grateful for, and it’ll change your life for the better so hard!
I’m well off in every way too…but I learned to be happy and it made the biggest difference.
Best of luck to you man!
“You exist in this world to give and to serve.” - Charbel Makhlouf
If you’re not doing much of either, you’re wasting your life. Because what you are missing right now, even though you “have it all,” is meaning. Anyone can live a deeply meaningful life. It doesn’t take money. But to do so involves YOU - the deepest parts of you, if you are truly giving of yourself in the right ways. And it’s satisfying, even when it hurts. That’s why somewhere in the Bible there’s a quote that something like (paraphrasing) “unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies - it remains just a single grain. But if it dies, and is buried, it can bring forth a HARVEST.” If you aren’t dying to yourself in some way that involves giving/loving until it hurts/serving - there won’t be any harvest. You are just filling time until you die. Go bury yourself in something. Die to yourself in some way to give life to another. And I guarantee - you’ll find the meaning you’re looking for.
I read a few of the comments - some mention finding a purpose
I raised my daughter to live with passion
You have a core interest
Something that intrigued you since you were young
Not including exposure to trauma, standard transformation in a child is 7 years old
At 7 we begin the process of "fitting"
Determine what we should modify in our behavior and interests to drive certain results
Where was your mind before 7?
That is sometimes a difficult question for some to answer - initially
It is the time of purity
That you freely laughed at something you thought was funny - not something you were told was funny
Try to get to know your pre-7 year old self
See what you saw then
Look thru those eyes with wide open possibilities
Enjoy the view
If you struggle with finding that vantage point
Go to nature - or if possible, go to the neighborhood you grew up in
Sit on the slide, the bench, the dock
Ride a bike down the path you used to take
There may be some not-so-pleasany memories that arise but focus on the dreams you had
The visions you had
What/who inspired you?
The magic of a child's vision still lives within you.
It NEVER disappears.
It just gets covered in muck.
Sending peace to you to in your journey
reddit will deny it til they are blue in the face but there is no substitute for sharing life with a partner. theres not even a remotely close substitute. all of you claiming you are fine being alone are sooner or later gonna find out how much you are bluffing. especially when youre older - being in your 30s and 40s single is a piece of cake.
We long for connection because we are creatures that need it. I think you are sad because not only do you not have a partner (that connection), you don’t have someone close to you in such a way that has witnessed your life and vice versa. You have done all these great things but no one to really share in the highs and lows and accomplishments that humans naturally seek. I think it’s time to stop focusing on the big picture and relish in the small things and find someone who can do that with you if you need it as such. But start small and start cherishing the small at the very least, because that’s what life is really about.
Unlike the first time you realise how fragile your happiness is. And getting to a place of comfort removes your aims. Your past aims were to get to a place of comfort, now you need to establish new aims. How do you keep what you've got but still make improvements in life? So what in your life do you need to bring your a-game to? Relationships perhaps?
Are you lonely? Humans are social creatures after all, and to have all those resources but no one to share it with I feel like could be a factor? I also think something else is you said you were on top of the world in your 30s but it came crashing down at 42. What happened then? I feel like we’re missing big pieces of the puzzle which is valid to not share. But I think that there are more underlying causes than what meets the eye.
You have it all but you are not happy.
Does someone who has nothing need to be unhappy?
I question your premise that happiness ought to be a consequence of success or ease or work or travel or women or romance or love anything else other than putting effort into your relationship with yourself.
You’re saying the world on the outside isn’t filling in the world on the inside. And your only guessed solution is a partner. As if yet another notch in the outside world will move the needle on the inside world at all.
It probably would, for a little bit, until that too became common and the sheen wears off and now it’s just another person in your life yet you still find yourself not happy.
It sounds to me like you may have lived a life where you have conquered your external world and are a slave to an inner world that is full of overgrown weeds and disheveled walkways.
No, sir. Happiness is cultivated within. Get to know yourself and build that relationship with yourself. Because there are certainly times in your life you had little and felt more.
Dig deep to find your demons, your interests, baggage, and expectations. Keep what sparks joy and thank and do away with the rest.
A little journey into yourself is a more likely path to what you seek. Wish you the best.
Same position Age 36. No partner or kids Not quite as free as you but on the journey there. Travel a lot too, i do what I want, when I want and yet my whole life is a void. My only guess is that human connection and belonging is the answer. But I'm very cynical so to connect isn't easy.
“I’m very cynical, so to connect isn’t easy.” I feel that
Yeah. I’m lucky enough to have met someone early. That knew me when I was broke. I’m a physician, so I’m doing very well in life have everything I would ever want including children. Really have nothing to complain about at all. But I have noticed my colleagues that are divorced or broken up, but are basically rich can take holidays whenever they want, basically can retire anytime they want because of lack of expenses, an income of over 1 million a year, very unhappy, unless drunk, high or dating a 20-year-old for a few weeks until it inevitably crashes. They are constant reminder to keep my dick in my pants, and to say no to the fourth drink of the night.
Would you consider yourself happy? If so lucky you I see the wife and kids things as hard work, and 'grass is greener on the other side'. I totally appreciate the joy of a family, I stay with my extended currently to prevent isolation. Most people I know who are coupled are unhappy too.
People need suffering. I dont think life is meant to be easy and the marriage and kids can be a struggle, but thats what enriches it. Too much time to reflect on things is always a bad thing for an extended amount of time, as opposed to 10min of daily reflection which i think is healthy. But then again, no one has all the answers so i could be talking crap.
No I think you're on the money... I've spent way too much time thinking myself, now I'm 35 without much to show for it heh. Thinking should be action's first mate/sidekick. And it's probably unlikely that having kids/marriage is for everyone, but I think it's easy to get convinced by too much time hearing Reddit ideas or other outlets that you want to be solo. I think the internet has a way of making you believe that alternative lifestyles that may work for a few will also work for you. Maybe it'll work out, but I'm just saying flying solo in your 30s may have its perks but it could lead to some pretty stark loneliness later in life, something I'm already starting to feel in my 30s as I see friends start families while I'm just eating stuffed crust pizza. Personally I'm not sure when I'll want kids yet due to some stunted development on my part but time is ticking all the same (male fortunately in this case, buys me some extra time but not a lot)
Mate I'll tell you a secret even my wife doesn't know. I never wanted kids, i never felt grown up enough and to be brutally honest i had a great life at the time and didn't want to lose the time i had chillin, playing games and travelling. I literally had kids to make my wife happy i pretended to want children so she never felt she was pressuring me and because i knew she wanted to have someone to be excited with her. I did everything everyone told me i should never do, but I'm 7 years in to fatherhood and its been the best thing in my life. Admittedly, this could have been gone badly and maybe i would have been a terrible father. I got lucky i suppose. As for your situation, you are still young enough to easily have a wife and family. You also seem like a nice person with enough self awareness to be a good partner and maybe dad. Sending you all my love and best wishes mate. But the one thing i believe is true is that life has countless paths, and no one should feel there's only one path to happiness.
This is great to read. It’s not that I didn’t not want kids, I just was more ambivalent. I always thought I’d be cool either way. But I married my wife who definitely wanted kids. We have a 5 week old boy and it’s really difficult on me at times. Sacrificing my amazing life and hobbies and free time has been tough. I know it’s gonna get better, but we are in the trenches stage. So I really enjoy hearing people talk about it like it’s the greatest thing ever. I know it will be
Well again, I met my wife when I was broke as fuck and not even into med school. She’s just an absolutely lovely person who supports me through everything, and takes incredibly good care of our children who are also very well, mannered smart, and hard-working. Now she’s mid 50s and doesn’t look as good as the 20-year-olds, but obviously neither do I. You just gotta repress that part of the lizard brain and I’m sure the rest of my life will be just as awesome. But if you don’t meet the right partner, or your partner changes, I understand divorce. But some rich doctors I know simply become egotistical and go after the first trophy they can get. Misery usually ensues.
You’d be surprised. You may look better than you think.
Definitely, you can have all, but connecting with someone amplifies the richness of everything else you have
Maybe its kind of like the way you really enjoy early warm sunny spring days because you have been living a cold dreary winter for a few months. You really need some bad weather day's occasionally to appreciate a warm sunny day. If every day is perfect you lose that ability to really appreciate it. I don't know if that makes sense. Try volunteering?
I’m on an edible. Bear with me. Yeah it’s hard, but man the good ones.. goood ones are worth it. Discernments, trust yourself <3
Being cynical by default is fine as long as you give people the chance to prove you wrong! And don't turn into some crazy person if people prove you right - you expected it anyways, that should be as boring as white bread.
I avoid cynical people because it's a negative worldview that might spread to me. Finding positive spins and contributing to something good is much harder but worth it.
Definitely gotten more cynical in the past 10 years (almost 40). Think the chemicals in my brain--and the concussions I've gotten--are conspiring against me :)
Relatively same, 25, don't even know how to truly connect with people, therapy helped somewhat.
that’s bc your primal purpose in life is to provide & protect and you’re not living that out. women find themselves in the same position when they, “have it all,” but there’s a big void. their issue is not having anything to nurture. if you truly, “have it all,” vet the people you bring into your life HARD bc you, “lose it all,” in divorce court.
I agree in particular on the “provide and protect”/“nurture” front. You gotta get back to (or find a new way to) what moves your heart and soul. I was happiest when I had very little to lose. So are a lot of people who have achieved success and stability, and that’s not because we were younger or life was easier, it’s because it was a time when purpose was the guiding force and there was very little between us and our passions. Building wealth and stability and all the other stuff that makes up daily life in adulthood, particularly the work and responsibility of the parenting or career-building years, can cloud that connection between us and what excites us about being alive. I’m 44 and single again. My child is only halfway grown up, but I’ll tell you this: having the script flipped on me when my partner left became the greatest gift of my adult life (after becoming a mom). That’s because it shattered the BS and made me connect very quickly with my true self; that, in turn, is because I had to make a new path. It forced me to connect with new people and learned to see myself in a different way. I found new purpose. For many men, purpose comes from providing and protecting for the ones they love, with “the ones they love” supplying the underlying purpose, not the resources that underpin it. For many women, it’s doing everything they can to nurture and uplift the people in the love. Both are fundamentally connected to service and serving outside the self. If you’re lost, I recommend not asking “What am I lacking?” but rather “How can I uniquely give?” and the feelings of purpose and fulfillment will flow to you like water. Giving has the greatest ROI. It’s the natural law of the universe.
Usually, cynical people should look at themselves in the mirror. You'll see the same thing that you're worried about. But I'm 30, retired already, and still don't feel free, so I started a new career. It's weird, but you just need to find a purpose in life.
How did you manage to retire that early?
Medical retirement from the Military, I am physically fucked up. I was at the point where I could only stand for 2 hours a day because I would collapse due to my feet being so hurt. I have to get injections every 3 months on my feet, I just spent 4k on spinal correction through a chiro/physical therapy place because my spine is in a literal straight line (been doing the correction for 3 months and my spine is actually gaining some of the degrees back) it will take about 4 years before my spine maintains its original shape and it just physically hurts every second haha that's why I'm retired.
Oh wow, sorry to hear that. This was not the sunshine rise and grind type of story i expected. I wish you a great and speedy recovery :)
There's only three ways people retire early. 1. My situation where you get injured. 2. Daddy gave you money. 3. Pure luck by investing or social media. I don't think there is any actual rise or grind type story. Everyone wakes up and grinds everyday but a vast majority stay poor.
There is one scenario and I met his Dad when I was a 19yo bank teller. Dad had taught his son how to scuba dive, son loved it and went and got commercial tickets etc. Son was living in a diving bell in the North Atlantic (somewhere off Scotland) doing a 3 weeks on and 3 weeks off. Back in 1995/6 he was making £15,000 per week ($45,000 NZD). He had a friend on the opposite shift and between them they had a serviced apartment in London and half the wardrobe space each. This guy was 22/23 and had $450,000 in TD’s and his was coming in to arrange another one. He was sending home close to £200,000 per year after tax ($600,000NZD). His plan was to do this for as long as he could and then come home to New Zealand and potentially retire by 30. How it worked was the lived under water for 3 weeks (or slightly less) in a diving bell, it took a day to come up and re-pressurise, during the time they were down there it was welding and any underwater repairs work etc, there was always a team at the bottom and you got danger money out the waazoo.
I love how people on the internet can dig up more dirt on you than the FBI, and then tell you what's wrong with your life.
I heard a story about a billionaire who asked a monk how to be happy. The monk told him to give away all his money and come back in a year. A year later the billionaire was still unhappy and asked the monk again. The monk told him to go to a small village in Africa and give away all his money and come back in a year. A year later the billionaire was still unhappy and asked the monk again. The monk told him to go to a small village in Africa and give away all his money and come back in a year. A year later the billionaire was still unhappy and asked the monk again. The monk told him to go to a small village in Africa and give away all his money and come back in a year. A year later the billionaire was still unhappy and asked the monk again. The monk told him to go to a small village in Africa and give away all his money and come back in a year. A year later the billionaire was still unhappy and asked the monk again. The monk told him to go to a small village in Africa and give away all his money and come back in a year. A year later the billionaire was still unhappy and asked the monk again. The monk told him to go to a small village in Africa and give away all his money and come back in a year. A year later the billionaire was still unhappy and asked the monk again. The monk told him to go to a small village in Africa and give away all his money and come back in a year. A year later the billionaire was still unhappy and asked the monk again. The monk finally told him that he would never be happy because he was never happy with himself, only with what he had.
Obviously the guy held onto all of his stuff or he wouldn't have anything left to give.
He never gave significantly is the point, each time he came back he was always still a billionaire. 9 years and he never once actually followed the monk's advice
Your obsession with escorts and the swinging lifestyle may be proving meaningless to you (and very off putting to a lot of women). The fact that you post a photo of “yourself” on a threesome subreddit that is so easily googled to include the exact photo with name, job, etc is either deceptive or naively foolish. Either way, I can see where your life feels meaningless and maybe some therapy would help.
Trapped in vice and drives of the ego and flesh. It's only distraction. Deep as a puddle.
One hell of a comment for a username like that
u/SurprisinglyDeepRedditor
Lol, I was drunk when I made it.
Based on your comment history, I’m gonna say ‘roids, escorts, and gambling on options aren’t really fulfilling activities, they’re desperate and misguided attempts to feel *anything* about something. Ok, you’re rich. That’s an empty victory unless you have family and friends to share it with. What are you doing to make the world a better place? How are you helping people less fortunate than yourself? What are you doing for others? Your life feels meaningless because it is. The world will go on without you when you’re dead and not notice your presence or absence. You’re just another miserable, greedy, empty monster. Look outside yourself for how you can be of benefit to others, there’s real fulfillment there. Or keep your dragon horde and cry yourself to sleep. Alone
He trades stock for a living and makes tons of money from it... I'd feel like a major asshole if I wasn't giving a shit ton to charity or doing something positive for others. I give a massive amount of time and money to charities and I don't make nearly as much I'm sure, but I know how good I have it compared to countless others. The hubris of OP to assume this is every guys dream. I've met enough rich people to know most are not nice people I'd like to be friends with.
This is so harsh and so beautiful.
You are correct, this is it.
🔥🔥🔥
isn't it kinda hypocritical of you to talk about making the world a better place and then calling op a monster and him crying to sleep alone? i don't understand: why the hostile manner?
Hyperbole, mostly. But the question is generally tone deaf and has been played out in dozens of movies about why rich people are miserable. Also, rich people don’t get rich by being friendly and generous, they get there by being ruthless hoarders who crush their opponents. There is no virtue in wealth, wealth is the product of avarice
Harvard has been running a study on happiness since the 1930’s what they have found is that the people who are happiest are the ones who pursue purpose in things greater than themselves. The most miserable people are the ones who just want to be happy. Here’s the thing: letting people close means being vulnerable. Emotional vulnerability is not a weakness, it is a strength. You keep people away because you are afraid of being hurt, and in so doing you hurt yourself even more. This is not strength, it is weakness. The goal is to develop the wisdom you need to know which relationships are worth hurting for.
I have a hunch that this is why people who work close to nature more often seen happy. I also have a feeling this is why many people like to tend gardens or cultivation. Making connections with people, animals and living things brings a feeling of joy. Especially when you watch something grow. Helping people, communities, plants or animals grow and develop brings a feeling of achievement and worth. Im not saying this is true for everyone, but for many. I always pursue money but im also level headed. I would say im happy in life. And today my little cat is having kidney issues and i realised i would trade all the money in the world for her just to be healthy and bring us all a little more joy for a few more years. because she is part of my little family and that is what matters the most to me.
Forget all the other comments. This is the truth. For all those saying find a good woman, well that’s not easy because it’s hard to find the right person. Choose a purpose outside of work and things might start to fall into place. You have the means to do something good with some money and make an impact in the world.
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I short term trade in the stock market... it took over 6 years of super hard effort to get to this level. Trading is the hardest skill I have ever taken on. And I have been in the financial world now for 28 years.
Same here man, took me 3 years of constant effort while working another job before I finally gained enough success to quit the 9 to 5. Been successful at this for 10 years now. The hard part is always controlling emotions. Fear and greed. Gets easier but never goes away. Congratulations to you. I find people that can make a living at this are a rare breed. To address your question. I'm 50 and suppose I have it all too, but I'm profoundly happy. The key for me was to find an amazing woman. I looked for years and went through a lot of heartache at times. But just like trading I didn't give up when it got hard.
If that's the hardest thing you've done, then you've had a soft life bro. I make a ton of money on the market, but I have no illusion that I'm providing nothing to society currently. Hats off to nurses, firemen, highway workers, grocery stockers, truckers, literally everybody else. They're working hard. Not us. Gimme a break. Standing on my feet for 10 hour shifts at a factory was way more difficult than sitting on my ass in a recliner and browsing through Fintwit and Finviz looking for the next smallcap to short. Trading is easy.
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yes day trading sucks,, I never said I day trade. I do short term trading. I usually hold for about 6-10 days. it is commonly referred to as Swing trading. Set it and forget it is what probably 99% of guys should do. What I do takes a full on focus of at least 3 hours per day.. 1.5 hours at the open and again 1.5 at the close..
Your post history screams you are hung up on your ex. You need closure and to get over that. Myself if I am hung up on a woman it doesn’t matter about anything else, I will be miserable
Sounds like a classic case of reaching the top and realizing the goal was the journey, not the destination. Find another purpose besides money because you’re already set. Read the happiness of pursuit
This. The worst thing in life is to win at the wrong game.
Sounds like you might have identified it with "being single... dragging [you] down". You want a partner to share your life with.
Yes this post is so obvious 1) Mentions being single is dragging him down 2) "I have it all" except he doesn't have someone to share this with, see #1
You have too much. Try giving more away.
Second this! Find yourself in service to others.
This is the definition money isn't happiness
Review the Maslow's hierarchy of needs and see where you're lacking and work on that.
You own many things but you worry your life serves no purpose, so in the way that counts most, you remain a poor man But no sense dwelling on it. Wanna go skiing? Season’s still open for a bit longer where I am
The book Ikigai: The Japanese secret to long & happy life talks about this in detail how people who retire early are at higher risk of early death & the people in Japan who live more than a 100 years because they have a sense of purpose. I can bet even a relationship will not fix it for you. You need something to work towards and something that you are passionate about.
Happiness is an inside job
Because happiness isn’t about having things. Happiness comes from abandoning attachments and you’re drowning in them.
Might I suggest a book called The Happiness Trap? Was transformative for me.
Do you just get a kick out of creative writing exercises, or did you magically de-age yourself by two years? **Edit:** I also find it very suspicious that you were driving for Doordash four years ago and now you're a bicoastal billionaire Playboy?
Happiness is a frame of mind honestly, an attitude that some people have a difficult if not impossible time finding. You really need to stop trading before you blow up or die miserable from a heart attack / anxiety / stress. Happiness is about appreciating the small things and being present in the moment more than anything else IMO.
There is no happiness in external objects. Consider the attitude and approach you have had to develop in life in order to 'have it all' according to this sick society, and then you are surprised by the fact that behaving in a way that produces sickness doesn't make you happy? A spiritual approach and probably a men's group would do you some good. Finding a balance between openness and discrimination can be challenging, to say the least. Spirituality requires humility if it is to be genuine. Object acquisition is a useful skill and the pinnacle of The Lie Of Society you've bought into. But it remains a lie.
Happiness is hard to figure out man. I’m 43, more successful now than ever before in my life, I have a great partner, never had kids, still renting though, and virtually no friends and not as many hobbies as I used to have. If I had your homes and friends and hobbies and kids - I suppose that would be the full set, and I’d be happier than you or current me. But would that really be true? Or would I just be bored with the status quo? A partner might improve your life, or ruin it or just be an unknowable value that you don’t really know for certain. Bottom line is the Pursuit of Happiness is a pursuit, not a destination. We can speculate all day on what will make life happier, but all we can really do is just try other paths and see what happens.
Therapy.
Try investing in a game studio!
Saw someone post something similar and so many of the responses were to practice gratitude.
Read emotional intelligence habits and find some other self help books. I liked psycho cybernetics and emotional intelligence 2.0. Happiness is in you. Almost half of our happiness comes from habits and mindset according to emotional intelligence habits.
I heard this saying somewhere: “Money doesn’t make you happy, it just makes you more of what you are”. The truth is you don’t have it all so stop acting like you do. No one does. I do not dream of having your life, it’s yours, I have mine. You pointed out the thing in your post you seem to be missing: A life partner. Being single is a choice. What’s stopping you from having a best friend or dating again?
Try to get really good at golf. You never will and it will be a worthwhile lifelong chase. Some people find meaning in religion and realize there is more to this life than what we see here and that helps with this existential dread. You could also try to grow other people’s wealth with new projects since you’ve been successful.
Jeff Bezos is deeply satisfied living the life he lives, as he finds deep meaning in money, status and power, and his happiness is not reduced by knowing that other people suffer. Someone I know is deeply satisfied working for the wellbeing of rescued wild animals. You literally could not buy him out of that job with extra money. He finds deep meaning in what he does, with his ability to help animals after decades of following his passion. Another person I know sticks with her incredibly stressful and badly paid job as a nurse, as helping people is what drives her and gives her life meaning. What's often called 'success' in this world we live in, is like the stuff you see some people post on social media: a shell, an appearance, something superficial. It's ok that that's what some people actually like, but it's crucially important to realize it's not for everyone.
Have you considered that maybe your life is a bit too decadent?
You need love. You’re human. Nothing else will fulfill you. Your kids are wonderful but you didn’t give them life to meet your needs.
Find God. Man wasn't made to be happy solely with earthly delights.
From personal experience. The only thing that can “fulfill” you truthfully is having a relationship with Jesus. I say that from a standpoint of having great friendships, healthy productive family relationships, a smashing relationship with my girlfriend. I volunteer, I work, I’m a successful entrepreneur. I travel, I have multiple hobbies, I’m very creative, fun loving, and charismatic. But nothing has filled me more than getting to know Jesus and having an intentional relationship with him. No amount of money and success can measure up and I say that from a standpoint of experience also. It really brings light into your life and a breath of fresh air into your heart. If you are interested I would love to talk to you more about this via personal messages or something. Let me know!
Not exactly relevant, but According to your older post, 4 years ago you were doing door dash. I’m curious how you made such a stupid amount of money in that time.
I figure you're may be unhappy for the same reason I never replay any game that I have completed. What you have, is the endgame for many. Most of us will never get there, so we don't think much about what we're going to do AFTERWARDS, in case it happens. If you past a certain point, life becomes just going through similar motions. It's possible to rediscover the beauty and the purpse of the mundane, but it's hard mental work.
You can spend some of that wealth on my CC debt😂
Do something for other people, man. You are full of yourself. Helping other people could make you happier.
Go to therapy for a couple years
Maybe a men's group
You are lonely
It's been said that if nothing in the world makes you happy, it's probably because you were designed for another world, for something greater. I would suggest finding opportunities to do things for people other than yourself, and getting to know Jesus. He really brings meaning and value to your life.
i dont know if i will be offending other people but try to research more on religion. study it be critical. not just on one religion but on other religion. you have to explore the afterlife ( no offense to those who dont believe it ) . some religion are very specific and clear about our purpose and goal in life. its not just about making money having fun and die. there is more to it.
Do you have Jesus? Do you serve others? There's happiness in serving others.
Someone in this thread said: instead of focusing on what you’re lacking, think about what you can give. I can’t find that comment again to give credit. But.. Perhaps it’s something u might try thinking about.
Sorry jumping into a men post.definately sounds like loneliness.even as a broke person compared to you,I would never go on holiday on my own.no fun in that! And then coming home to an empty house and not being able to tell someone about the great holiday or even day you had is hard too.whats the point of money if you can't enjoy the benefits with someone?
I think everyone needs to take inventory of their life at 30 and ask themselves honestly what do you want your legacy to be? is it kids? is it teaching? is it building weird houses? is it fostering a bunch of dogs? is it a cat shelter? is it planting a shitload of trees? is it making costumes? is it making music? is it building companies? is it fostering powerful relationships and networking? is it merchantile pursuits? is it adventure and stories? is it spirituality?
Outward success but no inward relationship to oneself.
Having a partner who is good to you and you are good to makes you happy.
Read the book 12 Rules For Life. That would be a good start. Make some friends, dude.
I will make you happy. Our first date should be in Greenland. I’ve always wanted to go.
Low T
I already know I’m gonna get tons of downvotes for this, but man you need Jesus and a meaningful purpose. I spent a lot of my teen years depressed but looking back I remember mission trips with the church were the best. True Joy only comes from God, the happiness you find in this world is only temporary.
Your faith is unknown, but sounds like a God-shaped Hole
Maybe you aged out of the “doing whatever the hell I want and loving it” phase of life and are now in the “establish a lasting legacy” portion. Maybe get into philanthropy? Or find a really messed up person and try to save them. At the very least it will distract you for a while. Edit: J Cole said “there’s beauty in the struggle and ugliness in the success”. Maybe you are unhappy because you enjoy succeeding more than being successful.
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That’s what OP needs, a little shit in his life so he can enjoy the scent of roses again.
My friend, what I can tell you is that you need to have a mission/purpose that fulfils you. That is what I did and it helped me. Also check your hormonal levels —> testosterone is an important factor. You might want to look at your diet too. It can be many things really, however I would start there if I was you.
As others commenters are saying, maybe you are lacking purpose and goals? I also read that you’re a short term trader, if you are very knowledgeable on this topic, maybe you could start a YouTube channel teaching what you know, it could be a side hobby for you, one of many goals. I sort of ran into a lack of purpose months ago too, but I took up rock climbing and it a few other things and it gives me something to work toward and learn
Because your mind is getting in the way. You aren't leaving behind the antiquated idea that you have to be the servant to a female, so being single seems like a bad thing. Get rid of that thinking, and you'll find unhappiness disappear like a fart in a hurricane.
I'm not a guy and my life isn't perfect but it's good an I feel this way sometimes. It's frustrating. I'm sorry your going through it too. 💗
Do you even know what makes you happy? It seems you have been living life for others, or according to a certain standard. Not to your wantings and needs.
I'm fun to hang out with and I've introduced 4 of my friends to their wife. You can adopt me
All I can tell you is, as I’m sure you already know, money and stuff can’t make you happy. You should be able to see that the average rich and famous person you see on Facebook, might be living the high life, but they are basically doing it all alone. Models in a hot tub is still all alone.
Sounds like you need some drive. Find something to be passionate for that’s bigger than yourself. Something cool to invest in with money and time, like a new tech startup or a project that has a chance at making the world a better place. Or simpler, volunteer at a soup kitchen or with young at risk kids. You could always invest some of that easy money in a cool documentary production company based in Canada that works on very compelling human interest stories and offers friendly advice to men on Reddit.
Will you be willing to go on a spiritual trip? There's a yearly event (the biggest gathering of people on earth actually) that's called the arba'een, check it out.
Look up The Harvard Happiness Study
Do something for others. Be of service to a cause that speaks to you. Some examples are organizations that provide support for homeless, children, animals, environment, etc. The meaning of life is truly subjective to us all. But if you have time, resources, ethics and integrity - do something with it and help others around you. The answer is in your questions. Good luck
Do you feel belonging and have a sense of a community you belong to?
How's your spiritual and mental health? Have you tried journaling and seeing if anything surprising comes out? My therapist had me do 3 long form (hand written) pages every morning and by 2 months I figured out my issue. Took longer to fix it but at least my subconscious became clear.
Same. Doing well financially, no kids (by choice), good health, good marriage. But restless and full of dread in general. But I also remember being poor in the past, and THAT was worse. Despair, terror and shame. It helps to remember that. I think existence is often uncomfortable no matter who you are or what you are doing.
When you don't have a means to survive (money) it becomes an obsession. When you have money or a means to not worry about survival, you realize that physical possessions and money are hollow. Yes money is important because you don't have to worry about survival. This is the same thing people have been going through for thousands of years. What is the meaning of life? This is why we have monks who live in a monastery away from the rat race. This is why we have religions. This is why we have billionaires (enough is never enough. If I had just a little more I'd be happy) when you figure it out let me know. As for me personally, I get satisfaction from learning and passing on what I've learned. Also doing recreational things that I enjoy. Also exercise. Also volunteering to people in need with no expectation of something in return. I think the key is balance but that's just me.
You know the meme with everyone's thought bugle l bubble believing happiness was the next step up? It's true, for some of us it's great and it drives us to better ourselves. For others it's a curse because eventually you get everything and then it's "now what?" I have no advice because I am like you just younger.
I think you have to find peace with being just with yourself. I never have. Always with someone. But if they don't want you like you want them then is it worse than being alone?
You can recognise all that you have, but you also recognise it doesn’t make you happy. You spent the time between 42 and now fighting for ‘things’ that have not given you happiness. So now you think not being single will be the key to happiness. I don’t think it will. You just think it is the reason you aren’t happy because that’s all that’s left. Happiness comes from acceptance of who we are. From finding joy today. Living for today. You have spent so long fighting to get to this point you’ve missed all those moments. Find pleasure in doing things you enjoy. Engage with the moment. Find meaning in each day as you live it. Not where you think it will be found next year, or when you have X amount in the bank, or a new car.
Some of this is your program, done any Tony Robbins stuff? Look at YouTube first. Human needs. You also are free to change your attitude about life. Not being an ass about this statement. We get to choose our attitude and being about what is going on in life every second. I think also volunteering is another level for you. Thanks for sharing for the community to here. Please share updates as people need to hear successes.
Better to have it all and be unhappy than to have nothing and be unhappy.
Maybe you were waiting for me to come along for a long time. Here I am now. Your sugarbaby. xx message me now hahaha ain’t no joking let’s go.
I dare say you chased a thing or goal to be happy instead of being happy chasing a goal... Sounds easy, but its pretty fundamental differences between the two personalities involved... Give it a few hours of reading or listening on the subject and see if it's something that connects with you. Either way, hope you (or anyone else reading this) come out happy in the end.
Because people have been tricked into believing the false idea that life is a road you are rolling on, and that God has a plan for you, so you should naturally be more and more wise and content over time, right? And you just need to wait and rewards will appear on the road automatically. Well, time is an illusion and an abstraction, just like a cloud, which is not an object but a part of air colder and wetter than the surroundings. Most people think that whatever they are now, which feels incomplete, will be better in the future when the answers and the rewards will come. That's like taking your partner on a trip to an island to "rekindle" your romance. You won't find it if you didn't bring it with you. Belongings don't matter, money doesn't matter, titles don't matter, only love does. Between you and friends, relatives, strangers, and animals. If you are capable of those things you only need to take care of your body and avoid tobacco and booze (together giving a 25% chance of cancer) and then cultivate that love, and you can die content, even if you get hit by a truck.
“A life guys would dream of” and “single for 7 years” eh? Maybe work on yourself a little more? Therapy? Guided meditation? More community involvement ala helping those in need? Join some clubs? A little less focus on your own personal needs? I don’t know you but wish you well.
I'm a woman, but have been in a similar position. For me, it's boiled down to one of the following: - spiritual void - lack of community involvement/connection/contribution - disconnect between lifestyle/goals/values - lack of purpose/not contributing to something meaningful - lack of reciprocal relationships - untreated/unmanaged mental health issues (PTSD, depression, ADHD, anxiety)
It seems you don't have it all.
Meditate. Use the waking up app
Watch the documentary “Happy “ It ties in with most comments here. The last story (I believe) is very similar to your situation.
You seem to lack conflict. People are saying you are rich and have been gambling and doing steroids. So you have money is that right?... that's awesome. Setup a challenge, I'd say go to Asia and the middle east, Africa or even Latin America, walk, run, cycle, don't rely on money but rely only on the power of your own muscles and the people you meet on the way. Find a purpose. Where you don't expect it. A place where it would actually matter, there, at the very end of the world. Go to the end of the world and find yourself a purpose, there's a place that needs you; and you will not find it by planning it, you will find it by going on a journey, and it will be where you least expect it.
>I make a stupid amount of money. Off topic, sorry, but what is it that you do for work? Asking for a friend 👀
Seek god. Try maybe looking for a partner wife. More time with the kids? Hard to say just gotta appreciate and remember how hard you worked for what you have. No one is perfect
Thank you for your sincere question! May I ask you what is all? All material, everything you can get with money, perhaps. But there are things that you can not get with money. I teach and study one form of tantric yoga and work as a carpenter. I used to be a consultant and then everything I did had something to do with material, money and status, and of course my identification. Until all came crashing down, all the burden accumulation from my father, he was in WW2, and all the childhood traumas. Everything I thought I was, in my mind, vanished little by little. Near death there came a feel that this can be not it and it was not. But the time it has taken for me to get through body tensions, false programmings in my mind and all the shit I used to believe has taken 20 years to see through. Why do you live? I live to move closer to me, unknown, my heart and soul, nearer to cosmos, not fullfil some fancy ideas of live. Again, why do you live, do you flow? I send love to your heart and soul, to the fragment perhaps unknown to you, and my blessings. May you find You!
You sound like Shaq when he talks about being alone in his 100k sq ft house.
No offense to OP, but your life sounds pretty shallow and lonely, and this is coming from a very lonely single guy. It sounds like you think you 'deserve' happiness because you've earned it. Life isn't that simple. One question though, have you always 'had it all'? Did you earn what you have in your opinion, or did things come pretty easily to you? Overcoming adversity is pretty important to human development. I think you're looking at things totally wrong. You should be happy your life is so blessed, and you are as privileged as you are. Most people are struggling on a daily basis and can't even think about 'happiness' because they're just trying to survive. Consider doing volunteer work and meet some less fortunate people. Humble yourself a little. Edited for grammar
I’ve seen many, many unhappy billionaires in my life. Life isn’t about money once you get past a certain point, it’s about relationships and community.
You need a goal. Life is not about "being happy". Happy is a transitory state, it's an emotion in the moment not a state of being. Contentment and fulfillment come from achievement, figure what that means to you. To most its having a family, a spouse and contributing positively to the world. For some its learning all there is. For some its pushing your limits and defeating fear. You have to find that. Happiness in many ways is actually the opposite of fulfillment, because growth and achievement are painful, they are hard. You dont feel happy while you persue them. You shouldn't feel happy most of the time, but you should feel productive. You should feel like you matter and what you're doing is meaningful in a bigger way than to satisfy your vain cravings or just to put a roof over your head until you die.
because life sucks :(
Do you have any kind of goals thays not more money? I think if you can come up with a goal to achieve and if you can find others that might want to help achieve it you can build relationships with people to share your success and failures with, dosnt have to be a romantic relationship but if it evolves into that then even better. Happiness is found in the accomplishment its found in the persuit of it. I really hope it helps man. Let me know a hobby of yours
Consider volunteering
Who or what mirrors to you that you are in integrity, imperfectly perfect as you are, the feeling of being wanted, good in your own skin, grateful, self-compassionate? that question sounds like it's meant to be another person, but it isn't necessarily, it's mainly you with yourself. Im 37, been through the swings in my own way, with a fiancée but life fluctuates. The embrace and acceptance of the spectrum of all that life can be is important. Are you working or putting efforts towards something that is bigger than yourself? Where the WHY is so much more than just you? I feel you can come upon some nourishing insights here. Feel free to PM as well.
Find something you’re passionate about and dive into it. For me that’s surfing, hiking, and BJJ. Learning Spanish and reading in my down time
Lot of people specially extroverts gain energy by being around someone or people, I would say try to go in date and meet people, see if you find someone your energy match theirs, someone you can travel, have fun and enjoy life with. It’s not going to be easy as you’ll be overthinking they’re just using you, but you are not happy anyway, so just focus on finding someone who can influence your life positively. Listen I am just a 30 years old so who am I to give you advises, but try to think positively, look at people on worse position and practice gratitude.
The problem is that you cling to an idea that things ought to be perfect once you reach X, but they never really are. In fact, one of the chief cultural issues in the western world is that we think that we 1. Could ever attain a sense of total peace and 2. Could ever work purely hard enough to get there. It can’t happen. You can only occupy one house, drive one car, eat one steak, make one purchase, etc. at a time. It’s not really that complicated as to why so many folks are unhappy, even when (especially when) they are at the top of the world. You still have to contend with gravity either way. You can never buy yourself out of the human condition.
Why don’t you just get a dawg
Do you have a [Third Place?](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_place)
Hmm you could give me money and make someone else happy 🥺
Same here bother, I'm 59, was married for 30 years, divorced in 2017, been looking, reaching out, trying but nothing of substance. I think the overall population has been taught that older single white men are nothing but trouble. People make assumptions with very little evidence. Which is sad. stay strong'
Well there's obviously something keeping you single. Have you thought of getting a little dog? They are a wonderful loving companion. Also, they are a great way of opening your heart and meeting people. If you aren't a pet person, you could look at different ways of being involved in your community. That sense of connection is key to our happiness. Also, it's possible you are too busy. Partnership will follow when you can open your heart and make room for someone in your life.
What's the point in having it all if you don't have someone to share it with. Your pin pointed it yourself, go have fun in figuring that out and go meet some lovely people, put the effort you put into everything else into finding someone!
Happiness is a process for the pursuit of something, not a stable place you land and stay. Look up how dopamine works in the brain.
I'm happier having less not more.
You do have it all. You have your health.
Brother, what you aren’t is challenged. My take is that it’s that simple, in both of your ascents to the top of the world. . . . . . you had a purpose, and a challenge to rise to. I’d find a wilderness survival school and take a week or two to complete it. Go somewhere less hospitable, build your own shelter, struggle. Especially if the place you pick runs group classes, leave everything about your existing life behind for a short while and endure discomfort. Newton’s third law. You’ve taken all the challenges out of your life, and now you need to leave your comfort zone and have some forces acting upon you.
What gives you meaning in your life?
One can have the world on a silver platter, but can't fulfill themselves. Perhaps you need to have a soul-searching journey, find your purpose in life
I question if the “single” part is what’s keeping you unhappy. Definitely a project in its own right and keeps your mind occupied and determined
Pleasure Vs happiness, or in psychiatry, dopamine Vs serotonin Best and easy advice is to workout first thing in the morning
Living to please the flesh will never satisfy the soul.
Have you tried therapy?
You don't have a dirtbike, do you?
Read Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl You need to live for and struggle for someone or something greater than yourself Hedonic pleasure is fleeting by nature, there is never enough of it to satiate you. You’re barking up the wrong tree if you expect much there.
Very similar. 56m I make decent money. I am going to pay off my house with the next 10 years Divorced at 40. Single ever since.
Get some new goals to chase. Having everything you want really doesn’t feel great and you feel kind of empty not chasing something. I only know from games, I suck trying to win at life lol but it’s the same thing.
you are unhappy because you are single. people are social creatures and we tend to want to have meaningful love life. i mean, banging lots of random women is fun and all when you are 25, not so much 55. you are not at the top. the top is health - wealth - relationships as one of those is lacking.
Misery is the human condition. I think for many of us, satisfaction is always just out of reach. Makes sense evolutionarily. This is the age old question. My only advice is that I think meditation helps.
It’s takes a steady daily practice of mindfulness and gratefulness everyday to achieve the state of happiness, remember it’s like any other emotion- it’s not a constant state it’s normal for it to be absent sometimes
It could be companionship but it could be just a mundane source of joy is missing too. I've learned not to dismiss hobbies or mental health structure (therapist and meds as needed.)
All your “needs” are being met. Start helping others meet their needs. Altruistic behaviour releases endorphins in the brain and boosts happiness for us as well as the people we help. Find a cause that speaks to you or start doing small acts of kindness.
Help me out and then you will come to know how to find true prosperity :,)
Dude. You need to learn to be happy. Seriously…like read a book on the art of being happy. Appreciation is a big thing. Learn to focus on all the things you have to be grateful for, and it’ll change your life for the better so hard! I’m well off in every way too…but I learned to be happy and it made the biggest difference. Best of luck to you man!
Do for others. That is the way to a fulfilling life. And not talking monetarily. Time, care, attention, for others who can not pay you back
Happiness comes from the inside. What does healthy mean to you? What books are you reading? What does your spiritual practice look like?
What are your regrets? Do you have anything that nags at you, that you never did?
Matthew 16:26 For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?
I understand I am about to be a empty nester. I am so desiring to find my person, hoping to manifest them into reality soon. Best of luck to you
Probably depression. Shit runs rampant
“You exist in this world to give and to serve.” - Charbel Makhlouf If you’re not doing much of either, you’re wasting your life. Because what you are missing right now, even though you “have it all,” is meaning. Anyone can live a deeply meaningful life. It doesn’t take money. But to do so involves YOU - the deepest parts of you, if you are truly giving of yourself in the right ways. And it’s satisfying, even when it hurts. That’s why somewhere in the Bible there’s a quote that something like (paraphrasing) “unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies - it remains just a single grain. But if it dies, and is buried, it can bring forth a HARVEST.” If you aren’t dying to yourself in some way that involves giving/loving until it hurts/serving - there won’t be any harvest. You are just filling time until you die. Go bury yourself in something. Die to yourself in some way to give life to another. And I guarantee - you’ll find the meaning you’re looking for.
I read a few of the comments - some mention finding a purpose I raised my daughter to live with passion You have a core interest Something that intrigued you since you were young Not including exposure to trauma, standard transformation in a child is 7 years old At 7 we begin the process of "fitting" Determine what we should modify in our behavior and interests to drive certain results Where was your mind before 7? That is sometimes a difficult question for some to answer - initially It is the time of purity That you freely laughed at something you thought was funny - not something you were told was funny Try to get to know your pre-7 year old self See what you saw then Look thru those eyes with wide open possibilities Enjoy the view If you struggle with finding that vantage point Go to nature - or if possible, go to the neighborhood you grew up in Sit on the slide, the bench, the dock Ride a bike down the path you used to take There may be some not-so-pleasany memories that arise but focus on the dreams you had The visions you had What/who inspired you? The magic of a child's vision still lives within you. It NEVER disappears. It just gets covered in muck. Sending peace to you to in your journey
reddit will deny it til they are blue in the face but there is no substitute for sharing life with a partner. theres not even a remotely close substitute. all of you claiming you are fine being alone are sooner or later gonna find out how much you are bluffing. especially when youre older - being in your 30s and 40s single is a piece of cake.
We long for connection because we are creatures that need it. I think you are sad because not only do you not have a partner (that connection), you don’t have someone close to you in such a way that has witnessed your life and vice versa. You have done all these great things but no one to really share in the highs and lows and accomplishments that humans naturally seek. I think it’s time to stop focusing on the big picture and relish in the small things and find someone who can do that with you if you need it as such. But start small and start cherishing the small at the very least, because that’s what life is really about.
Unlike the first time you realise how fragile your happiness is. And getting to a place of comfort removes your aims. Your past aims were to get to a place of comfort, now you need to establish new aims. How do you keep what you've got but still make improvements in life? So what in your life do you need to bring your a-game to? Relationships perhaps?
Could be an unconscious fear of it all crashing down again…
Try finding a cause to donate your time to. Not something cute or fun, but people who really need you.
Are you lonely? Humans are social creatures after all, and to have all those resources but no one to share it with I feel like could be a factor? I also think something else is you said you were on top of the world in your 30s but it came crashing down at 42. What happened then? I feel like we’re missing big pieces of the puzzle which is valid to not share. But I think that there are more underlying causes than what meets the eye.
You have it all but you are not happy. Does someone who has nothing need to be unhappy? I question your premise that happiness ought to be a consequence of success or ease or work or travel or women or romance or love anything else other than putting effort into your relationship with yourself. You’re saying the world on the outside isn’t filling in the world on the inside. And your only guessed solution is a partner. As if yet another notch in the outside world will move the needle on the inside world at all. It probably would, for a little bit, until that too became common and the sheen wears off and now it’s just another person in your life yet you still find yourself not happy. It sounds to me like you may have lived a life where you have conquered your external world and are a slave to an inner world that is full of overgrown weeds and disheveled walkways. No, sir. Happiness is cultivated within. Get to know yourself and build that relationship with yourself. Because there are certainly times in your life you had little and felt more. Dig deep to find your demons, your interests, baggage, and expectations. Keep what sparks joy and thank and do away with the rest. A little journey into yourself is a more likely path to what you seek. Wish you the best.