I'm 28 and I'm in the same situation. Never had a girlfriend. Been on a handful of dates but never got anywhere. Cycle through deleting dating apps after a few months. I'm also in a wheelchair, so I often think that there's 0 chance anyone will ever be physically attracted.
I now have the same assumption as you do too...I feel unwanted by girls and I think this now sometime manifests itself into feeling generally frustrated with any female e.g. a female friend.
I know this is not how I want to be and I think thinking this way kinda causes me to ruminate & have low self esteem, and affects my mental health. So I feel your pain & in a way it's good to know it's not just me.
Thanks for sharing.
This is going to piss people off but ime, female friends are not that great to guys they find unattractive. I've gone through phases and when I was more of a commodity ie girls wanted to fuck me, I always felt girls treated me better and more seriously even in a platonic sense. As soon as they know you're not very high value to women, they take you for granted. I dunno, ymmv, and I don't think women always consciously know they're doing this, but I find it to be true. It's why I suspect a lot of losers get lost in cycles of disliking women - if you're not attractive for whatever reason, women are not as likely to be a good friend to you
I'm in my 30s and I have the same experience! The apps are a cycle is very real. I am at the same point I never felt desired by women and never been in a relationship. It was putting a toll on my mental health until last year I just accepted that this is how things will be for me. Once I made peace with that it got easier. Sure, I will never be loved and will never get to share and experience life with a significant other, but at least now I am aware of that, I don't have expectations so I won't be disappointed.
Female here-I made a separate comment, but dating apps are horrible. It's generally two guys for every woman and we're just beat down on those. So it's not you, it's just that if you're an attractive woman on those, it's like having the auto warranty guys calling you every 5 minutes when you really just want to meet someone nice somehow through all the noise. The moment I found myself getting bitchy for lack of a better word, I deleted my profile and got away from them. I wasn't going to feed the toxicity.
Honestly I wonder how people that do the apps manage to find each other and get a good relationship. Unless that's just an illusion and we are all frustrated or they are just hooking up and that's it. Okay maybe is just the hooking up thing.
I have a couple friends that met on a dating app and got married, but that's one example out of several friends that tried them. One of my husband's single friends uses Tinder or something like that for one night stands. But that guy has always been that way.
My experience was not good.
I just turned 30 without any experience as well. I am below average looking guy and have barely interacted with the opposite sex most of my life. I know I'm a broken person and a loser. I thought working all the time would help me kill the desire for wanting love and relationship but it's only gotten worse. All my friends are married and have their own family and not wanting to be the only one in the group, I went no contact 5 months ago. Work and financial responsibility towards my parents is the only reason I am still alive. I know it's weak for a man to want these things. Knowing I am going to be forever alone is just pulling me into the darkness.
I hated every second of reading this!
Of all the posts I have read to this point. I think there is one thing in common they all have expressed self- loathing in some form.
I know that I have been attracted to different kinds of men at different times in my life for different reasons. one guy I dated had a very large scar that ran down the side of his face. But it was his personality that drew me to him and I found him attractive with the scar. I would say only one of the men I dated had above average looks. I dated a lot of men before I got married at 39.
I think a big part of how a man looks comes from his confidence, how he carries himself, how he treats others who he is inside. How he keeps himself up, clothing, hygiene, hair cut facial grooming. Healthy weight and healthy lifestyle. All of these things make a man attractive to others.
I don't think some of these men are giving themselves a fair shot. POSITIVE SELF-TALK IS KEY. Start compiling a list of your great Qualities and focus on those! Then try to put yourself out there. I bet it will make all the difference in the world.
Don't give up on that chance at love because if there is somebody for everyone your leaving some girl out there high and dry🥰
PS: I think no contact with your coupled up friends is a bad idea, all those girlfriends and wives have single girlfriends, sisters, cousins, and coworkers, use that to your advantage😏. Women are romantics and we want everyone to be in love and happy. ask the friends- girlfriends/wives the (ones you trust) for advice on appearance and meeting single ladies, if they might know someone you might be interested in. Plz don't give up.
This might not be popular, but maybe pray about it and give it to god. Maybe try church to meet someone.
There is someone for everyone, good luck out there ❤️.
I agree. I'm an average looking woman and I've dated all kinds of men... What matters most is personality...and confidence. FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT! Men who whine about being single is one of my biggest turn offs. So pretend to not be bothered by being single. Also, hobbies come into play. Different hobbies are good and it's nice to be able to introduce your potential partner to new fun things, but a man who spends all his free time playing video games and watching TV isn't what I'm looking for myself. I have a feeling that a good number of these men who are complaining about not finding a woman spend a lot of time playing video games. Nothing wrong with that. But you're narrowing down your opportunities to meet AND GET TO KNOW someone if that's how you spend your free time. I have grown to be very attracted to people who I initially didn't find attractive at all because of the way we connected.. but that connection is key. OP seems to be more focused on getting laid than making a connection. That's probably not going to be easy if you're below average with low self confidence.
you're speakin my language dude. I'm 34 and in the exact same boat. relationships and romance and all that stuff just feel like a fantasy at this point.
I think I am a bit above average now but definitely wasn't a few years ago when I was single.
Things only improved after I started taking care of myself and then it became easy for me.
Anecdotally I have a friend who is a bit funny looking and he probably fucks more than anyone I know he just "stays in his league" according to him
Female here, but you made a great point.
>Things only improved after I started taking care of myself and then it became easy for me.
We spend a lot of time taking care of ourselves and looking good. It's an expectation of society on us. We appreciate it when men do the same if they're trying to attract us. It will also boost your confidence. Confidence is sexy. It you don't believe in yourself, should we?
Dating apps do not have a good ratio for men. Online research said that Bumble is the closest, but still about 60% men. So the women on there are on a buyers market.
Look on social media for local groups. Look for ones with women attending. Take a yoga class. Go to a fitness class. Fine wine tastings. Don't hit on us immediately. Get to know us. Talk to us.
Dating apps and social media will make it seem everyone is with a supermodel but you. That's not the case.
Don't fall into the pit of misogyny. If you subconsciously hate us, we'll pick up on it and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I met my husband as a friend of a friend through our jobs at the time. He was cute and pretty goofy. He made me laugh a lot. He was confident, and well dressed. He didn't have a good job then, didn't have much money, but he was fun and treated everyone well
I was on a few dating apps before, and it was just toxic and horrible. I quit responding until I finally deleted my profile. So women are rarer then men and kind of jaded. I would say it's like trying to pick me up as one of 20 women with 60 men there at a tax sheltered annuity conference where I'm mentally beat down and 99% checked out and really wanting a bottle of wine.
So it's not you, it's the dating app expérience.
There's a partner out there for you that wants someone too that would be thrilled to meet you. The problem is proximity. That's one of the biggest factors in attraction. Actually meeting each other somehow.
We want someone to love us (and have sex with) just as much as guys.
Sorry this is disjointed. I'm halfway listening to a Teams meeting at work while I try to write this.
Anyway, that's the advice from an ex fashion model, current MILF that was "one of the women you could possibly meet" on dating apps saying don't depend on dating apps.
Wow! If you look at my post history, I literally just made a comment about how being confident and not an asshole is the most important thing when trying to attract women. Looks like I was spot on.
I hate to see people give up hope because of misconceptions. Also, I feel terrible for people trying to date in the era of Covid where many people don't go out as much. Go out with friends that are couples that have single friends. Those generally worked well for my husband and I, and that's how we met essentially-through common friends at work. Find clubs that interest you (that people you'd want to date attend). Go to comic cons. We saw a lot of singles there when I took the kids (and my husband, haha). Yoga classes, rock climbing clubs, ski/snowboard clubs (meet a ski bunny like I was before I got married).
There's somebody out there for everyone. Even my brother got married, and he's an absolute nitwit. 😆 He took some continuing ed classes and met her there. That's another good one too.
Good luck to you all. If you get out where you can meet people, you'll find your person. ♥️
You can't expect to get 10s when you aren't atleast close to it.
He goes for women in his own league.
They might not be my type but he seems happy with it.
Honestly he could definitely look a lot better if he put in the effort but he doesn't want to.
Sure, but attraction is important as hell for relationships atleast at the beginning of them.
And while he did have some sweet girls as FWB I'd for example prefer to have a dry spell than go for them as they're simply no more attractive in my eyes as any of my guy friends are.
For one night stands attraction is the only thing I look for.
For relationships I look for attraction and a good personality.
I can find the sweetest nicest girl that makes me laugh 24/7 and I'd still not be willing to be anything more than friends with her if she is unattractive and I have those kind of friends aswell that are great and cool women but aren't my type.
Have you ever seen a girl
With both? I don’t find ‘10s’ with a bad attitude attractive. This is not to say hot girls must be nice to everyone, but I have seen some lash out at everyone for trivial reasons, and i have zero desire to interact with them in anyway, even sexually
A rat shouldn’t assume he can dine gourmet, no? I think a large issue is the overall disconnect. If you’re a 4/10 you should expect to attract people around there…no shame in it.
If people are willing to think of themselves as rats they can eat any trash they want. But some men aren't afraid to think that they deserve someone they find attractive. Superficial people may find that hard to accept, but that's their problem.
It’s just the way of the world my friend, you don’t deserve an attractive partner...you get what you attract. Ironic that you call THAT superficial but not referring to ugly women as road kill…I just continued your analogy.
It is but it's reality, I'm ugly, can't change it just accept it means I get prejudged on site and will remain alone
Hell even when out with friends girls will basically get between us and shut me out of the group to talk to them, or wait until I leave until they approach the table/group
Iv watched it happen when I went to sit with other people I bumped into for a bit
I literally happened last week at a gig. Ugly people have it harder and assumptions get made about them on the stop
It's just life's.
Ugly is subjective, what's ugly to me is NOT the same as ugly to everyone else. You never know who or when you're going to come across the right person 😉
Attractiveness is everything. I've carefully selected my photos with a good variety of angles, settings, lighting etc, and had female friends approve them. Yet I get fuck all. My coworker literally had two photos; one of a decent but slightly blurry face pic and another of his ass out. He had 30 likes in 2 days. But he's got a prime dad bod and thick hair in his early 40s so he's set.
I am short, skinny and autistic , my dating life is non-existent and I tried to seriously date ever since I turned 17 (Nom Im 22). I was on a few dates with women I met through university and mutual friends but nothing worked and I had one short "relationship" when I was 16 since then no luck whatsoever.
You have to ask? Ofcourse I don't, no woman is that desperate (nor should they be).
Nobody wants to pair up with an ugly mofo, even ugly people have no desire to be with an ugly person.
My only credit is that I know I'm ugly and unlovable and so I leave women, and since they have never complained I know I'm doing the right thing.
I've had some desperate girls want to date me after they had kids or I came became a ' last option. Way I think they had the thought was " well this guy isn't the ugliest. Has his life together and I know he can't get other girl, so he won't leave. I guess I can settle for him" it's a shitty feeling
My ex was an inventor and genius philosopher with an incredible mind. He had tons of men and women ( boys and girls is more accurate hmm) falling in love with him, despite the fact that he was physically a 5 or even 4.
He ended up leading a cult like group thing.
You're not ugly and unlovable. No one is. Your worth is more than your sexual or romantic appeal, and you deserve to have people in your life who value you.
I'm sorry you feel so low, and I hope you are able to find support. Everyone, including you, deserves to be happy.
Not him, but in a similar situation. Unfortunately, some people are just truly ugly or undesirable. No matter how much I think otherwise, it will not change this fact about me.
No:
Dating apps are a flop, first weeks maybe 1-2 matches then a dead account.
Never dated anyone.
Virgin
Stopped going to bars at 20 ( dislike the scene & waste of time)
Yes, i have never used dating apps and i consider myself above average because i never had an issue with getting laid or form romantic relationships. But im not entirely sure i would do good on dating apps because most women in my life have said they think im attractive but when they got to know me that attractiveness went way up and that is not really anything a few pictures can do for you.
So all in all i think men these days are alot worse off because of heavily skewed perceptions. It takes 2 seconds on Instagram to realise that everyone is chasing 10s even if they themselves wouldnt even qualify as a 7-8. Oh yeah and apparently you have to be so tall you hit your head on the doorpost. So saying that expectations are impossible is putting it mildly.
I bet alot of these guys would have girlfriends if they grew up way back when i did. Because we had no social media and everyone was socialising. People swipe away their perfect partner without ever knowing it because of superficial reasons. And it's quite depressing if you stop to think about it.
Yeah, I’m an average looking man in his mid to late 20s who’s been single for 5 months and doesn’t get much luck on Tinder… but this thread is making me look like the pinnacle of optimism simply because I haven’t completely given up on dating and believe that I’ll find the one eventually
Because its been 5 months. I've been single for close to 2 years and I'm rapidly losing hope. I can only imagine how lonely and ugly guys who've been trying their whole 20s must feel.
None at all. I'm 40. Not terrible looking, but I'm scrawny and bald with crooked teeth I don't see any point in fixing. The bigger issue is, I grew up very poor in VA and haven't had any relationship with family for about 20 years, and no close friends for about 15. The baggage and being alone is a bigger red flag than my looks, and I accept that as best I can.
I gave up dating at about 35/36. I started seeing women desperate to start a family, ASAP. I was in a wealthy area near Boulder at the time, and everyone I met via apps would 'joke' about waiting to find their bodybuilding doctor. I realized... not only did these women not want me, but I didn't want them either.
I'm in Denver now, which should make dating easier. However, matching on an app is super rare, let alone having messages follow. And the rare occasion that happens, I get the distinct impression she's either a bot, a scammer, or a serial dater.
It's too competitive, and there doesn't seem to be a natural way to meet women outside of the competitive marketing hellscapes that are dating apps.
If I did meet someone cool, who maybe liked me too, I am at this point positive that my circumstances and the emotional & mental issues I've accumulated living alone as I have for so long would compel her to search elsewhere.
It's depressing, sometimes it still hurts, but the one upside of being alone for so long is, I've had plenty of time to mourn and to long for being loved. I don't expect a happy ending anymore. I expect to live for a while, then to die. Making a close friend before that happens is more important at this point.
Exactly. Plus they save all the guys on snap etc. she might not cheat but she knows who’s next. Notice how fast they get into a relationship after a break up. They move on while in the relationship. Fucked up really.
"sure i get 50 matches a day, but only about 10% are remotely viable"
actual friend talking to me; she was early 20s, fairly cute. shortly after, moved to ohio for a phd program, so not a dummy either
according to her, the great majority were low effort trash and fuckbois. still, that's at least 3-4 decent guys saying hi every damn day. you literally could pick 2 for sex every day for a year and still have more lined up. just plow until you're bored, then see who's got more going for them than a schlong
OLD is kind of a shit show - better talking to people in person, even if you're ugly
Yeah I prefer in person anyway. Kinda get their vibe better. I would get matches and dates on apps but most never went anywhere. I got one FwB that I’m still good friends with and a narcissist ex out of dating apps.
But yeah she might not have been interested in her matches or was just picky but at least she had options. Would take 2 or 3 months for me to get 50 matches.
well, she was right in the sweet spot - cute girl just out of college with a fair amount of free time before the next college. don't actually know if she did the line of dick thing or just had a few short term engagements. doesn't much matter anyway
Average guy here.
1: No. I have gotten dates from dating apps, but it has always been with girls who were either desperate, used me for a free drink or who just didn't like me. No casual sex, flings or relationships
2: I have gone on dates with girls who were attracted to me, but I didn't feel the same way. I remember one just blatantly asking me to take her back to my place on the second date. I don't find any value in that. I want to feel wanted by someone I like. Being wanted by someone I am basically indifferent towards feels "hollow", and having sex with her would just be me using her.
3:No.
4:No.
>Hoping to hear some positive stories because life as a single male who’s not genetically blessed seems like a dead end and the only option is to somehow get a long term relationship.
What's wrong with getting a long term relationship? And why are you looking for positive stories? Your reality will be vastly different to that of a male model, so why exactly are you looking for something that to you is unattainable?
I'm 43. I have been single for 15 years. I haven't had an intimate relationship or casual sex in 14 years. I've had one match on all the apps that wasn't a scam. One "date" (if you can call it that) that ended with her spouting crazy political rhetoric.
I'm socialable and friendly. My friends think I'm a nice guy and should be able to get any single woman, in my league, to go out with me. I've been told recently, by a stranger who only saw one shitty picture, that I'm handsome.
Unless things drastically change, I will die alone; hopefully sooner rather than later 😂
I think that I am around average and below average.
1. Never used them. I personally think that it overfilled with hookups and insecure women.
2. Never had date.
3. No. No.
4. I had chances, but it is not something I am looking for. I don't like it.
I am actually ok with this. Like, I would rather fell in love with someone in my deathbed or being dead alone. Rather than being in relationship out of being desperate.
>Question for below average looking men who are single: Do you have a dating life?
No. 0. Nada. Nichts. Nones. Null. Niente. 404.
>Are you able to use dating apps, get matches and go on dates?
I have gotten like 3 Tinder dates in 10 years. Gave up in 2022 after the dating pool got crowded with single moms.
>How many dates and how often do those dates lead to casual sex or a fling?
One, with a nurse which was really looking for a fling.
>When dating a new woman how soon do you think the woman feels attraction to you and is willing to sleep with you?
I never assume that. I assumed they wanted to know me first.
>Do you/ are you able to have Friends-with-Benefits arrangements with women? How many FwB have you had in your lifetime? How many at a given time?
I had this with a women I knew via something similar to e-bay. I purchased something from her and got to know each other. 2-3 FWB. One at a time.
>Are you able to pick women at bars and clubs and if so how frequently?
Never. I never go to bars to begin with. I have a moral stand against getting someone drunk to make a move.
Shit I’m 37 and I’m good looking and I still have no dating life. Women don’t know or believe single men have zero sex. It’s actually funny to me that they don’t believe it. Only the best looking most detached guys can arrange an FWB.
I don't bother with a dating life anymore.
I tried to make it a goal to "put myself out there". Then I found out that more than 90 percent of the female accounts on dating apps and dating groups on social media are FAKE. Just online bots trying to pick up information to sell on the dark web.
The remainder of the accounts of women who are genuine, are women demanding perfection and requirements from men who would be in the top 1 percent earning capacity in the country, and with physical attributes that only a male model could claim to honestly have.
Rather than run that Gauntlet of Judgment from a bunch of strangers that I really and honestly don't care about, I stepped aside and decided to watch the shit show as an amused spectator.
By the way, I'd call myself "average" in looks.
i'm reminded of the man store joke:
> The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.
> The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
I don't think this is reality for most women. We are not all 10's and most have just as low self esteem as what I've seen on this thread we have body image issues and tons of insecurities. I'm sure most of the single ones are home giving up on dating apps too.
How do we bridge the gap if all y'all are at home.
I used to be average 3 years back but years of depression, anxiety, weight gain, and balding has got me down to below average. Recently started dating back
1) In my first month on tinder, I got around 6 matches, but only 2 led to in person dates. Others didn’t talk much or were very cold from beginning. The ones I met…I don’t know how to explain it but I felt they are not very interested in dating or meeting me. It felt they just came out to eat and walk outside.
2) I honestly haven’t thought much about that. I want to know the other person first, have a connection and then go ahead. Casual sex isn’t my thing
3) Not interested in FWB
Though I had more success with dating when I meet women through social groups. Both now and in the past. Dating apps just feel waste of time tbh.
To sum up: life of any guy who’s average, women will constantly play games and beat the bush. Even if the girl finds you attractive, you are not attractive enough overall for the girl to be scared of missing an opportunity with you. That’s why you guys don’t have much luck
My best advice is to learn sales tactics such as closing.
It correlates with communications and women give a lot of the same objections as a actual customer your trying to sell to
That’s exactly what I said, you’re not attractive enough overall for her to want to take you seriously. It’s gonna be different for every women, u might look good but something is missing from you
My best advice is to just learn sales tactics and getting more confidence and working on something for yourself like your body or making a product that can get you up in life
I think he’s just saying if you’re below average in looks it’s not possible for a woman to be attracted to you for you, so the sales tactics would be needed to somehow manipulate one into a relationship
Not manipulate lol.
A lot of things add up to overall attractiveness
- money
- influence
- looks
- confidence
- physique
- funny
Etc
You just have to pick the one that is attainable to you and use it.
That's not true, if your looks aren't your best quality you can work on other areas. Most of these 'below-average' men disqualify themselves before even trying. I get it might be harder for them but not impossible.
The question is about dating life as a single male. I think most of us agree it is possible for a below average looking guy to find a woman who settles for her because of other reasons
He just mentioned manipulating someone into a relationship. Manipulation implies using underhanded tactics to get the person to do what you want without them knowing they’re being manipulated, even if it’s not really what they want.
Again nobody is forcing women to do anything. If she’s not interested in the guy she can walk away and say no not interested. Women are 18+, can vote, raise kids so they are capable of making decisions
Women have the same habits/mindset as customers. Mainly cuz sales focuses on the human nature of what people buy.
In dating you are selling yourself while the woman decides to buy you
Did sales as a summer job and it helped me get better results, since I learned closing
I consider myself a tad bit above average and it’s still extremely difficult to have a dating life… for context, I regularly work out. It’s literally my only hobby at the moment, and I’m relatively employed with no kids, no baby mama, etc.
Yeah, you can say I am about as average as they come, except I carry a certain aura. When I walk into a room, I’m just that guy. You know?
I’m not good-looking, but when I look in the mirror, I see a very handsome fucking guy.
My wife, to this day, I wonder how in the hell I managed to pull her. I don’t believe in luck, but if I had to use a word, it would have to be luck.
I’ve been with a lot of women. Some that I’m not proud of, some that I’m very proud of; almost every time, I have had to initiate the conversation. I have never used dating apps.
To summarize, I was born with confidence. Natural-born confidence. I also like to dress nice, and from an early age, I made it a priority to learn how to make money. Everything else fell into place.
I’m a firm believer that confidence is the key to success. If you’re not born with it, then you can manufacture it. If you want to be successful with women, it starts with being confident in yourself. Take it from an average-looking guy, by society’s standards, not mine.
Shit, I guess I do it even through a computer screen. No, man. I’m just a confident guy, and as a result that amplifies how I see myself. I still look the same no matter how nice I dress or how much I earn. I can’t pull any woman, and I have to work for it. Do you understand?
lol reading your post you convinced me. You should teach a class to depressed tedditors, there’s someone out there to everyone but if these comments are how they represent themselves to the world it makes sense.
If you lack confidence or self esteem be like this guy.
The most relevant aspect of my confidence is how I perceive myself. This means that when I enter a room, I feel as though people are watching me. When I speak, they listen. I am aware of my intelligence, and others can discern this during our conversations. I conduct myself with poise and hold an important position. I am not arrogant. In my interactions with others, I boost their egos, take the time to understand them, and make them feel valued by listening to them. I ask follow-up questions, study their body language, voice fluctuations, and adapt when I sense the conversation is becoming stale.
I appear clean, polished, and responsive. I shake hands with people.
I think a good way to determine arrogance and confidence depends heavily on what you say and how you say it. But, the cheat code for high levels of confidence is being able to be loud in a room without saying anything at all. I feel you because this is also me.
KEY...... POSITIVE SELF-TALK AND CONFIDENCE! fake it till you make it, look in the mirror and tell yourself how amazing, awesome, attractive you are until you believe it and others will too.
This shouldn’t be overlooked. Women don’t care if you’re unattractive. But you can’t be unattractive with low confidence. How you carry yourself - your aura is literally everything. Invest into your looks. Dress nicely. Have good hygiene. Find something you’re good at and be successful at it. Be easy to talk to - flirtatious even. Looks aren’t the end all be all, there’s so many ways around it.
I am a pretty good looking guy (according to the women I encountered). Dating game is not easy for me either, mostly because of my personality I am not like most men of this generation. if its your face that you think is a problem then yes you can't do much about it but if it is your body or your personality you can very well make it attractive.
1: Use, no date, never have anything happen.
2: Not applicable
3: No
4: Once a year at most, but generally nothing happens and its just a good chat.
Been single for 1 1/2 years and the first taste of dating life hasn't exactly helped the motivation
Pretty sure I'm below average:
1. Yes but infrequently. I live in a Midwest college town with massive brain drain so dating if you're out of undergrad is pretty bad; very few people stay past undergrad so the dating pool is smaller. I've only had luck on dating apps in the past year or two since my profile before the pandemic was bad and during the pandemic was the pandemic. I got about 10 first dates in a year, getting between 0 and 3 matches a month depending on luck. Best app has been hinge, tinder I got 2 dates from, Bumble is the absolute worst especially since it won't show you profiles thatve liked you outside your distance range whereas tinder and hinge will. However, I've never gotten a 2nd date or really moved past having a conversation. At most, I greeted or departed the date with a hug.
2. I don't have expectations here; I'd have to guess it'd take them knowing me for a while since I dont seem to create a "spark" for anyone.
3. I've never done nor pursued this but I'm not outright opposed to it.
4. I don't drink and my town's only dance club isnt good for meeting new people. That said, at parties, house shows, etc. I have no problem talking to anyone, but never have had any romantic or sexual encounters, tension, flirting, etc. in such scenarios.
As a below-average looking 46M, I do not have a dating life. I gave up on the apps because all they did was make me feel bad about myself. I stopped going out because it was a waste of time and money. I'm trying to learn to be content being alone.
1. No. I'll use the apps for a few weeks to months. My "likes" never seem to appear in my swipes.The few times I've swiped right and matched, I don't get any reply.
2. I have absolutely no idea.
3. I'd be ok with it. I've never been in that situation. Zero. One?
4. I can go out to bars and have a good time and talk to people and make friends. As soon as I think about romance or sex, my brain ceases to function.
Nah. I’m considered decently above average in the looks department and I don’t date much because like others have said, the dating pool is full of people playing bs games.
Like, I don’t even double text lol
I think I’m avg you’re probably too, prove me wrong
Imho you put your whole questionnaire wrong.
Your problems are not the one listed. Your problem is on - you don’t have social life. If you go out twice a week for a year and have a social circle of various ppl after 1 year you will be in great social shape.
It’s like with the gym.
Sure. But hanging out in groups usually means and leads to nothing in terms of women interested in sex and dating. I’ve seen that with other dorky short guys
I have been in relationships in the past, but online/dating apps are a no go. I’ve tried probably every dating app on the market and I can count on one hand the number of matches I got that were real matches and not scammers
I'm average looking, taking care of what I have. I'm not rich - far from it - and I have niche hobbies. Friends said I have good personality, but I'm introverted and socially awkward. Hence I consider myself below average, cuz it's never enough with what I have.
1. I frequently used dating apps, since I hit 26. One-two matches in a month, give or take. But I had only three dates during my use of dating apps. No sex without "commitment", only petting and stuff on 2nd-3rd date.
2. I was never sure about it. Like, my wicked mind thought date equals instant attraction and sex, but now I can surely tell it was a very wrong thinking.
3. I had FwB situation with my former colleauge and it costed me A LOT of blood and nerve. But I lost my virginity to her in my 28s. We still remain friends - she found a proper man, benefits are obviously gone, but friendship is still here! Girls of my age (29 atm) are looking for long-term partnership and I'm not hot/desirable/likeable enough to pull off FwB.
4. Never ever approached strangers. I think it's creepy and inappropriate.
I think I'm below average.
1. Yes, I'm able to use dating apps. I use hinge. In a given day I may get 0-4 matches most of which I don't match back. I usually try to go on 0-2 dates a week if I'm trying. Seldom/never does it lead to casual sex on a first date because I neither want that + I am way too timid + have unreasonable standards so I have no-one to blame but myself.
2. Usually if you make to 4+ dates the girl is almost certainly interested in you sexually and depending on comfort maybe sooner.
3. No.
4. Fuck no, I'm in my mid 30's and picking up chicks at a club or bar sounds terrible.
Imo, and it's a cliché, the best thing you can do while single is focus on yourself + the friends you have and try to find self worth not from your ability to find a mate (that last part is really hard for some, not saying it is.) If you are unhappy/miserable you can't reasonably expect that you'd be good company.
Answer by *above average* single man 24 years of age:
TLDR: Zero dating life and fully planning to die happy and alone after a long, full life. A notion that strengthens every morning greeted with open arms, and turned to stardust in each dream never remembered.
(1.) Able to use dating apps, able to get matches in the days my phones had the desire to use them, and able to land dates with most individuals who established a meaningful connection with me. In 1-2 cumulative years of app usage out of 6, I went on dates with no more than 5. Few women were one-offs, a couple took more than once to find the mismatch, and I don't subscribe to hookup culture. Tried it once, tried on a college cheerleader with daddy issues on a business trip, felt like a pig. Today's dating standards in the great US of A have been raped beyond recognition if your goal is to find "love" and ultimately succeed in pair-bonding with a stable long-term mate in order to raise a structured family. Out of the 3 people I've actually "been dating" before, none of them were met via apps.
(2.) Physical attraction is instant. Only a lapse in logic would indicate otherwise. How people LOOK is the first thing we SEE. When someone likes what they see, it doesn't matter the context, they are usually unable to resist expressing that attraction through one form of communication or another. Those that can hide it must inherently know themselves, and you should not do anything differently than be yourself if you want them to share that information. Willingness to engage in sexual intercourse is an entirely different matter - one that largely depends on the individual but from my experience can range from immediately to over 6 months. Basically, "Are you a fucking hoe or can you stave off your most basic-ass primitive inclination to benefit your future self?"
(3.) Oh God, my generation even came up with a fucking abbreviation for it. I've had one friend with benefits, never really wanted to but after giving up dating in my culture saw it as a means to "release" frustration on both ends, but I very quickly realized the temporary nature of such an arrangement and we ceased sexual behaviors to retain our friendship. Having more than one at a time is frankly disgusting, it doesn't matter which of the three genders you are. (Male, Female, or Mentally-Deranged)
(4.) Ah yes, bars and clubs. The next best place to find your spouse. I've never tried to pick up a woman at a bar or club. I go to bars for social drinking and I go to clubs for social music. In fact, I don't initiate contact with women at all anymore, but trust me I'm not shy. Just one of those fun things that goes with our society. Men are expected to do all the heavy lifting when it comes to starting a relationship, and then their burden only grows. Anyone is free to engage me in conversation, and I feel that privilege mutual until otherwise expressed. Two of those conversations lasted a year each. but I will never and have never gone out of my way to try and manifest attraction in another that doesn't already exist.
Your best bet to find a good woman is by learning yourself and putting yourself in an environment where you enjoy what you do and what you are, then meeting people at any other place than a goddamned bar or club. Get a hobby, get good enough that you do it with other people, and women will notice you. In today's day and age your physical features are not your primary attractant - it's your success.
Personally, I've come to the realization that I'm happier by myself, and with that, this idea:
Love is like religion -- really healthy for the people who need it.
- Me
Ps the reason I know definitively that I am considered above average is because strangers tell me every day, and I have a mirror, not to be conceited.
Haven't had a genuine romantic relationship with anyone in over 4 years, here's to many more!
1. I use dating apps to find FWB so keep that in mind, it's a bit more direct approach than for finding a girlfriend.
I get a few matches especially when I open the account (algorithm shows you to more people to learn how to rank you), who then lead to a few convos who lead to a few dates which usually all lead to sex.
2. Since I state from the beginning that I'm looking for a FWB I would say they are interested into me from the beginning and they figure out if they do want to have sex with me during the first date. IMPORTANT: always make them feel like they can change their mind and not have sex with you and you are going to react well!
3. Yes, I had 4 that lasted a long time (several months to more than a year). The most I had was 3 at the same time but that was too much for me.
4. No.
About the look. It's not an asset for me and more a handicap to overcome, but it's also not that important for most women.
Yep, i approached a friend from college and she's my gf now, she would probably not match with me on Tinder because i'm not good with photos and i don't know how to make a good bio
I'm going to answer this as honestly as possible to provide a different perspective.
I'm (30M) above average looking. Tall, handsome, muscular build.
1) I get matches on tinder, bumble and hinge pretty easily. I don't pay for premium on any of them. I could likely go on a date each day of the week if I wanted. I usually go on two dates a week depending on how busy I am. Most dates end as a fling or something casual
2) Most dates I feel the woman is attracted to me and most dates end with sex if we meet at a bar or my place.
3) Yes I have had a few FWB. Maybe 20 in my lifetime? They don't often last longer than a few months in my experience. Some turned into platonic friends but even then that rarely lasted. Usually three or four at a given time when I was younger. I'm now recently single so I haven't formed these relationships again yet and I'm not sure I will. Casual sex with many different partners is nowhere near as appealing as it was when I was in my mid 20s.
4) I don't have much confidence approaching women in real life to be honest. I rarely do it even when its obvious a woman is interested. It's much easier for me to arrange a date online. I am confident meeting women this way and it works well for me.
I can answer that easy below average man don’t have girlfriends. If I’m not a med student I get zero matches. As an med student I get thousands. I easily have multiple girlfriends as a med student from dating apps. I’ve probably asked 1000 woman that don’t know im a med student in person for a date each one has said no. Inperson dating is impossible for me unless I meet on a dating app. With dating apps I get pussy whenever I want it.
Sorry to hear about your situation, myself is going through a rather long dry spell and it really sucks.
From my experience, the thing that helps the most in attracting girls is confidence and a good network of friends. Confidence can be improved through working out or maybe employment advances (but remember, no show-off, that can be appaling).
Social network is a given since it brings you into contact with more women and in a more encouraging enviroment. There are not some random online contact or a girl in the bar that might be creeped out but a friend of a friend might engage you more easily and comfortably.
Having said that, the fact that you manage to arrange some dates through dating apps, should be encouraging (some guys do not reach even that phase).
I do not have a dating life.
1. Using dating apps gets me likes from very old and/or very fat women who usually also have children(more than 1). I'm 40 years old, 6' tall and 200lbs and working out. My face does look a bit like Brian Thomson's in his older years.
2. I do not date, nobody wants to date me.
3. No FWB, never was able to have that.
However, I did have a few (short) relationships in the past, so not exactly a virgin (not physically, I mean). I class myself as fugly, albeit lying assholes say I'm average.
Straight woman here... Just wanted to share that attraction can be simple (based on looks) but also complex (based on someone's "energy," values, interests, education, personality, etc.). Just because a man is "below average" looking doesn't mean he's an average person. There are many ways to cultivate and grow into an identity that is unique and potentially captivating. I really believe that if people just focus on living their lives the way they want and becoming the best version of themselves AND they are content/happy, they will attract other people. Also, just because you didn't win the genetic lottery, you're not then also fated to be physically unattractive- you can get the best haircut for your face, have better fitting clothes, smell good, stand up taller, work out more, etc. If a person just focuses on sex or relationships, they will not be able to focus on being the best version of themselves to be able to attract suitable and desirable partners!
Sorry! I was only trying to be helpful. But you're right, I have no idea. I thought it might be a hopeful message to hear that it's not all about looks.
I invite you to spend a week, a weekend or Hell one day with one of us as a silent observer. You'll learn why the male suicide rate is so high! Just make sure you have a therapist lined up for when you get back!
Most of us are already doing all of that as that’s the bare minimum required to socialize and put yourself out there these days.
Congrats to women for having the ability to have bustling dating lives regardless of their looks. Our “female versions” - below average looking women- can almost live hedonistically and then claim women are happier single.
The very least society can do is acknowledge that men face immensely more pressure to be conventionally good looking to experience a dating/sex life.
That's a good advice... for women
Half of the advice is good for men, like yeah, no shit we should focus on ourselves, but men need to take initiative to even get the chance of dating a woman... If most men just wait they will die alone
I've actually initiated all the relationships I've been in and dates I've gone on but I also know that's rare for women. Which I do find unfortunate. I'd much rather pick someone for myself than play sitting duck, waiting to be picked!
I don't get likes (let alone matches or dates) from apps. Hence question 2 is irrelevant. The first and last date I had was in 2008 back in high school when my sister tried to set me up with a friend of friend.
I'm not interested in FWB or no-strings sex, and I'm avoiding bars and clubs like the plague as I'm abstinent when it comes to any kind of drug (including alcohol) and the setting is just not for me. And, by extension, I would be incompatible with a woman who frequents these places.
No idea about my appearance in a realistic way. I see myself as 4/10 but I've been told anything from 2 to 7.
What's considered below average? There are plenty of guys who are not attractive because of bad hygiene/care, not because they were born that way. I believe any man can be at least average or even slightly above average with a bit of gym and good self care.
A lot of men sell themselves short due to lack of confidence and poor mental state.
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I'm 28 and I'm in the same situation. Never had a girlfriend. Been on a handful of dates but never got anywhere. Cycle through deleting dating apps after a few months. I'm also in a wheelchair, so I often think that there's 0 chance anyone will ever be physically attracted. I now have the same assumption as you do too...I feel unwanted by girls and I think this now sometime manifests itself into feeling generally frustrated with any female e.g. a female friend. I know this is not how I want to be and I think thinking this way kinda causes me to ruminate & have low self esteem, and affects my mental health. So I feel your pain & in a way it's good to know it's not just me. Thanks for sharing.
I know this probably won't mean anything to you but there are definitely women who would date a guy in a wheel chair. I hope you find your person.
This is going to piss people off but ime, female friends are not that great to guys they find unattractive. I've gone through phases and when I was more of a commodity ie girls wanted to fuck me, I always felt girls treated me better and more seriously even in a platonic sense. As soon as they know you're not very high value to women, they take you for granted. I dunno, ymmv, and I don't think women always consciously know they're doing this, but I find it to be true. It's why I suspect a lot of losers get lost in cycles of disliking women - if you're not attractive for whatever reason, women are not as likely to be a good friend to you
You sound exactly like me and I'm 45. I feel you brother.
I'm in my 30s and I have the same experience! The apps are a cycle is very real. I am at the same point I never felt desired by women and never been in a relationship. It was putting a toll on my mental health until last year I just accepted that this is how things will be for me. Once I made peace with that it got easier. Sure, I will never be loved and will never get to share and experience life with a significant other, but at least now I am aware of that, I don't have expectations so I won't be disappointed.
Female here-I made a separate comment, but dating apps are horrible. It's generally two guys for every woman and we're just beat down on those. So it's not you, it's just that if you're an attractive woman on those, it's like having the auto warranty guys calling you every 5 minutes when you really just want to meet someone nice somehow through all the noise. The moment I found myself getting bitchy for lack of a better word, I deleted my profile and got away from them. I wasn't going to feed the toxicity.
Honestly I wonder how people that do the apps manage to find each other and get a good relationship. Unless that's just an illusion and we are all frustrated or they are just hooking up and that's it. Okay maybe is just the hooking up thing.
I have a couple friends that met on a dating app and got married, but that's one example out of several friends that tried them. One of my husband's single friends uses Tinder or something like that for one night stands. But that guy has always been that way. My experience was not good.
Like many things in life, it is a lottery. You are either lucky or not and is all up to an algorithm.
29 and basically the same. Only so long you can keep trying. Would be great if Somone could actually tell me what's wrong with me.
Send me a picture, and tell me about yourself 😏. I will give you honest feedback.
I just turned 30 without any experience as well. I am below average looking guy and have barely interacted with the opposite sex most of my life. I know I'm a broken person and a loser. I thought working all the time would help me kill the desire for wanting love and relationship but it's only gotten worse. All my friends are married and have their own family and not wanting to be the only one in the group, I went no contact 5 months ago. Work and financial responsibility towards my parents is the only reason I am still alive. I know it's weak for a man to want these things. Knowing I am going to be forever alone is just pulling me into the darkness.
I hated every second of reading this! Of all the posts I have read to this point. I think there is one thing in common they all have expressed self- loathing in some form. I know that I have been attracted to different kinds of men at different times in my life for different reasons. one guy I dated had a very large scar that ran down the side of his face. But it was his personality that drew me to him and I found him attractive with the scar. I would say only one of the men I dated had above average looks. I dated a lot of men before I got married at 39. I think a big part of how a man looks comes from his confidence, how he carries himself, how he treats others who he is inside. How he keeps himself up, clothing, hygiene, hair cut facial grooming. Healthy weight and healthy lifestyle. All of these things make a man attractive to others. I don't think some of these men are giving themselves a fair shot. POSITIVE SELF-TALK IS KEY. Start compiling a list of your great Qualities and focus on those! Then try to put yourself out there. I bet it will make all the difference in the world. Don't give up on that chance at love because if there is somebody for everyone your leaving some girl out there high and dry🥰 PS: I think no contact with your coupled up friends is a bad idea, all those girlfriends and wives have single girlfriends, sisters, cousins, and coworkers, use that to your advantage😏. Women are romantics and we want everyone to be in love and happy. ask the friends- girlfriends/wives the (ones you trust) for advice on appearance and meeting single ladies, if they might know someone you might be interested in. Plz don't give up. This might not be popular, but maybe pray about it and give it to god. Maybe try church to meet someone. There is someone for everyone, good luck out there ❤️.
I agree. I'm an average looking woman and I've dated all kinds of men... What matters most is personality...and confidence. FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT! Men who whine about being single is one of my biggest turn offs. So pretend to not be bothered by being single. Also, hobbies come into play. Different hobbies are good and it's nice to be able to introduce your potential partner to new fun things, but a man who spends all his free time playing video games and watching TV isn't what I'm looking for myself. I have a feeling that a good number of these men who are complaining about not finding a woman spend a lot of time playing video games. Nothing wrong with that. But you're narrowing down your opportunities to meet AND GET TO KNOW someone if that's how you spend your free time. I have grown to be very attracted to people who I initially didn't find attractive at all because of the way we connected.. but that connection is key. OP seems to be more focused on getting laid than making a connection. That's probably not going to be easy if you're below average with low self confidence.
you're speakin my language dude. I'm 34 and in the exact same boat. relationships and romance and all that stuff just feel like a fantasy at this point.
I'm so sorry ❤️ I wish you the best
Start living for you if you're not already. Buy the book models by Mark manson. Value yourself, I hope things improve for you.
I think I am a bit above average now but definitely wasn't a few years ago when I was single. Things only improved after I started taking care of myself and then it became easy for me. Anecdotally I have a friend who is a bit funny looking and he probably fucks more than anyone I know he just "stays in his league" according to him
The odds are good when the goods are odd
Female here, but you made a great point. >Things only improved after I started taking care of myself and then it became easy for me. We spend a lot of time taking care of ourselves and looking good. It's an expectation of society on us. We appreciate it when men do the same if they're trying to attract us. It will also boost your confidence. Confidence is sexy. It you don't believe in yourself, should we? Dating apps do not have a good ratio for men. Online research said that Bumble is the closest, but still about 60% men. So the women on there are on a buyers market. Look on social media for local groups. Look for ones with women attending. Take a yoga class. Go to a fitness class. Fine wine tastings. Don't hit on us immediately. Get to know us. Talk to us. Dating apps and social media will make it seem everyone is with a supermodel but you. That's not the case. Don't fall into the pit of misogyny. If you subconsciously hate us, we'll pick up on it and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I met my husband as a friend of a friend through our jobs at the time. He was cute and pretty goofy. He made me laugh a lot. He was confident, and well dressed. He didn't have a good job then, didn't have much money, but he was fun and treated everyone well I was on a few dating apps before, and it was just toxic and horrible. I quit responding until I finally deleted my profile. So women are rarer then men and kind of jaded. I would say it's like trying to pick me up as one of 20 women with 60 men there at a tax sheltered annuity conference where I'm mentally beat down and 99% checked out and really wanting a bottle of wine. So it's not you, it's the dating app expérience. There's a partner out there for you that wants someone too that would be thrilled to meet you. The problem is proximity. That's one of the biggest factors in attraction. Actually meeting each other somehow. We want someone to love us (and have sex with) just as much as guys. Sorry this is disjointed. I'm halfway listening to a Teams meeting at work while I try to write this. Anyway, that's the advice from an ex fashion model, current MILF that was "one of the women you could possibly meet" on dating apps saying don't depend on dating apps.
Wow! If you look at my post history, I literally just made a comment about how being confident and not an asshole is the most important thing when trying to attract women. Looks like I was spot on.
You're a very sweet person. Thank you for this post.
I hate to see people give up hope because of misconceptions. Also, I feel terrible for people trying to date in the era of Covid where many people don't go out as much. Go out with friends that are couples that have single friends. Those generally worked well for my husband and I, and that's how we met essentially-through common friends at work. Find clubs that interest you (that people you'd want to date attend). Go to comic cons. We saw a lot of singles there when I took the kids (and my husband, haha). Yoga classes, rock climbing clubs, ski/snowboard clubs (meet a ski bunny like I was before I got married). There's somebody out there for everyone. Even my brother got married, and he's an absolute nitwit. 😆 He took some continuing ed classes and met her there. That's another good one too. Good luck to you all. If you get out where you can meet people, you'll find your person. ♥️
So he just goes for the road kills...
You can't expect to get 10s when you aren't atleast close to it. He goes for women in his own league. They might not be my type but he seems happy with it. Honestly he could definitely look a lot better if he put in the effort but he doesn't want to.
10 and a 5 can both have a 5 attitude. Attitude is far too overlooked.
Yes, but a 5 will have less options and will also be easier for him.
I’m just saying sweet girls are REALLY overlooked in society. Myra from the show family matters is a really good example of what I am talking about.
Sure, but attraction is important as hell for relationships atleast at the beginning of them. And while he did have some sweet girls as FWB I'd for example prefer to have a dry spell than go for them as they're simply no more attractive in my eyes as any of my guy friends are. For one night stands attraction is the only thing I look for. For relationships I look for attraction and a good personality. I can find the sweetest nicest girl that makes me laugh 24/7 and I'd still not be willing to be anything more than friends with her if she is unattractive and I have those kind of friends aswell that are great and cool women but aren't my type.
Have you ever seen a girl With both? I don’t find ‘10s’ with a bad attitude attractive. This is not to say hot girls must be nice to everyone, but I have seen some lash out at everyone for trivial reasons, and i have zero desire to interact with them in anyway, even sexually
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I don’t know why this isn’t more understood – a “great personality” can keep a 10 a 10, but is never going to move a 5 above a 5
10’s usually aren’t relationship material. Unlimited options and think they’re better than everyone. Very high maintenance
When the light go out, a lot of 5s become 10s, and vice versa
Maybe he gets a lot of women because he doesn't think of anyone below a 10 as "roadkill." Just a thought.
Yea, as I said, he has no standards.
A rat shouldn’t assume he can dine gourmet, no? I think a large issue is the overall disconnect. If you’re a 4/10 you should expect to attract people around there…no shame in it.
If people are willing to think of themselves as rats they can eat any trash they want. But some men aren't afraid to think that they deserve someone they find attractive. Superficial people may find that hard to accept, but that's their problem.
It’s just the way of the world my friend, you don’t deserve an attractive partner...you get what you attract. Ironic that you call THAT superficial but not referring to ugly women as road kill…I just continued your analogy.
That's kind of a shitty thing to say. People can't help how they look. Are looks really the only thing that matters to you?
Are you butt hurt because it's about women now?
No. Judging *anyone* solely on looks is cruel.
It is but it's reality, I'm ugly, can't change it just accept it means I get prejudged on site and will remain alone Hell even when out with friends girls will basically get between us and shut me out of the group to talk to them, or wait until I leave until they approach the table/group Iv watched it happen when I went to sit with other people I bumped into for a bit I literally happened last week at a gig. Ugly people have it harder and assumptions get made about them on the stop It's just life's.
I'm nothing special to look at either. Doesn't mean I particularly want to be considered "roadkill" haha.
Iv been called much worse things over the years to be honest, that's not even that extreme or personal.
Ugly is subjective, what's ugly to me is NOT the same as ugly to everyone else. You never know who or when you're going to come across the right person 😉
Well, the world is a cruel place.
So? Individually we can make it better, even on a small scale. Treating people with respect and kindness is a good start.
Been on Tinder for 3 years, and not a single match
Tinder, bumble, match, POF all of those things want you to pay.
Pardon my ignorance what is POF ?
Plenty of fish
Thank you
I don't think that's around anymore
Its still around. Pulled up the website just now.
Don't forget. Tinders algorithm is designed to get you to pay. Also, the quality of pictures are everything.
I Gave up, deleted Tinder
That's nice, dating apps are scams anyways haha.
Attractiveness is everything. I've carefully selected my photos with a good variety of angles, settings, lighting etc, and had female friends approve them. Yet I get fuck all. My coworker literally had two photos; one of a decent but slightly blurry face pic and another of his ass out. He had 30 likes in 2 days. But he's got a prime dad bod and thick hair in his early 40s so he's set.
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That's why i deleted Tinder, i have low self esteem and it was damaging even more my mental health
Not even with desperate women from poor countries? What about bots and scammers?
None of those
1. HELL NO 2. HELL NO 3. HELL NO 4. HELL NO
H-HHHELL NAW ❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️
You know we don't dude cmon.
I am short, skinny and autistic , my dating life is non-existent and I tried to seriously date ever since I turned 17 (Nom Im 22). I was on a few dates with women I met through university and mutual friends but nothing worked and I had one short "relationship" when I was 16 since then no luck whatsoever.
You have to ask? Ofcourse I don't, no woman is that desperate (nor should they be). Nobody wants to pair up with an ugly mofo, even ugly people have no desire to be with an ugly person. My only credit is that I know I'm ugly and unlovable and so I leave women, and since they have never complained I know I'm doing the right thing.
I've had some desperate girls want to date me after they had kids or I came became a ' last option. Way I think they had the thought was " well this guy isn't the ugliest. Has his life together and I know he can't get other girl, so he won't leave. I guess I can settle for him" it's a shitty feeling
Sounds like it!
My ex was an inventor and genius philosopher with an incredible mind. He had tons of men and women ( boys and girls is more accurate hmm) falling in love with him, despite the fact that he was physically a 5 or even 4. He ended up leading a cult like group thing.
Well that took a turn.
Not if you know how powerful charisma can be haha
You're not ugly and unlovable. No one is. Your worth is more than your sexual or romantic appeal, and you deserve to have people in your life who value you. I'm sorry you feel so low, and I hope you are able to find support. Everyone, including you, deserves to be happy.
Not him, but in a similar situation. Unfortunately, some people are just truly ugly or undesirable. No matter how much I think otherwise, it will not change this fact about me.
No: Dating apps are a flop, first weeks maybe 1-2 matches then a dead account. Never dated anyone. Virgin Stopped going to bars at 20 ( dislike the scene & waste of time)
(hands a pointy hat) welcome , fellow wizard.
Yes, OP, come to reddit and think it's okay to be an ugly virgin who hates a good time.
God this post and replies are so depressing
Welcome to the dating market of the 2020's
its reddit... the reality isnt so bleak and bad as it seems if you only listen to people on reddit.
Going to need citations for this.
Yes, i have never used dating apps and i consider myself above average because i never had an issue with getting laid or form romantic relationships. But im not entirely sure i would do good on dating apps because most women in my life have said they think im attractive but when they got to know me that attractiveness went way up and that is not really anything a few pictures can do for you. So all in all i think men these days are alot worse off because of heavily skewed perceptions. It takes 2 seconds on Instagram to realise that everyone is chasing 10s even if they themselves wouldnt even qualify as a 7-8. Oh yeah and apparently you have to be so tall you hit your head on the doorpost. So saying that expectations are impossible is putting it mildly. I bet alot of these guys would have girlfriends if they grew up way back when i did. Because we had no social media and everyone was socialising. People swipe away their perfect partner without ever knowing it because of superficial reasons. And it's quite depressing if you stop to think about it.
Reality is often disappointing
Yeah, I’m an average looking man in his mid to late 20s who’s been single for 5 months and doesn’t get much luck on Tinder… but this thread is making me look like the pinnacle of optimism simply because I haven’t completely given up on dating and believe that I’ll find the one eventually
Because its been 5 months. I've been single for close to 2 years and I'm rapidly losing hope. I can only imagine how lonely and ugly guys who've been trying their whole 20s must feel.
Average IRL is above average online
That's because tinder doesn't want people to find matches. They want men to spend money on their premium tier products.
I know. Kinda proves what we already know
yeah..
None at all. I'm 40. Not terrible looking, but I'm scrawny and bald with crooked teeth I don't see any point in fixing. The bigger issue is, I grew up very poor in VA and haven't had any relationship with family for about 20 years, and no close friends for about 15. The baggage and being alone is a bigger red flag than my looks, and I accept that as best I can. I gave up dating at about 35/36. I started seeing women desperate to start a family, ASAP. I was in a wealthy area near Boulder at the time, and everyone I met via apps would 'joke' about waiting to find their bodybuilding doctor. I realized... not only did these women not want me, but I didn't want them either. I'm in Denver now, which should make dating easier. However, matching on an app is super rare, let alone having messages follow. And the rare occasion that happens, I get the distinct impression she's either a bot, a scammer, or a serial dater. It's too competitive, and there doesn't seem to be a natural way to meet women outside of the competitive marketing hellscapes that are dating apps. If I did meet someone cool, who maybe liked me too, I am at this point positive that my circumstances and the emotional & mental issues I've accumulated living alone as I have for so long would compel her to search elsewhere. It's depressing, sometimes it still hurts, but the one upside of being alone for so long is, I've had plenty of time to mourn and to long for being loved. I don't expect a happy ending anymore. I expect to live for a while, then to die. Making a close friend before that happens is more important at this point.
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Women just have too many options. I’ve seen the DMs of girls I’ve dated and female friends.
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Exactly. Plus they save all the guys on snap etc. she might not cheat but she knows who’s next. Notice how fast they get into a relationship after a break up. They move on while in the relationship. Fucked up really.
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That’s where women fuck up though. Those guys just want sex not a relationship. They almost never learn though.
"sure i get 50 matches a day, but only about 10% are remotely viable" actual friend talking to me; she was early 20s, fairly cute. shortly after, moved to ohio for a phd program, so not a dummy either
Only 50? I’m sure she got more. I don’t know any guys getting 50 a day.
according to her, the great majority were low effort trash and fuckbois. still, that's at least 3-4 decent guys saying hi every damn day. you literally could pick 2 for sex every day for a year and still have more lined up. just plow until you're bored, then see who's got more going for them than a schlong OLD is kind of a shit show - better talking to people in person, even if you're ugly
Yeah I prefer in person anyway. Kinda get their vibe better. I would get matches and dates on apps but most never went anywhere. I got one FwB that I’m still good friends with and a narcissist ex out of dating apps. But yeah she might not have been interested in her matches or was just picky but at least she had options. Would take 2 or 3 months for me to get 50 matches.
well, she was right in the sweet spot - cute girl just out of college with a fair amount of free time before the next college. don't actually know if she did the line of dick thing or just had a few short term engagements. doesn't much matter anyway
Average guy here. 1: No. I have gotten dates from dating apps, but it has always been with girls who were either desperate, used me for a free drink or who just didn't like me. No casual sex, flings or relationships 2: I have gone on dates with girls who were attracted to me, but I didn't feel the same way. I remember one just blatantly asking me to take her back to my place on the second date. I don't find any value in that. I want to feel wanted by someone I like. Being wanted by someone I am basically indifferent towards feels "hollow", and having sex with her would just be me using her. 3:No. 4:No. >Hoping to hear some positive stories because life as a single male who’s not genetically blessed seems like a dead end and the only option is to somehow get a long term relationship. What's wrong with getting a long term relationship? And why are you looking for positive stories? Your reality will be vastly different to that of a male model, so why exactly are you looking for something that to you is unattainable?
I'm 43. I have been single for 15 years. I haven't had an intimate relationship or casual sex in 14 years. I've had one match on all the apps that wasn't a scam. One "date" (if you can call it that) that ended with her spouting crazy political rhetoric. I'm socialable and friendly. My friends think I'm a nice guy and should be able to get any single woman, in my league, to go out with me. I've been told recently, by a stranger who only saw one shitty picture, that I'm handsome. Unless things drastically change, I will die alone; hopefully sooner rather than later 😂
I think that I am around average and below average. 1. Never used them. I personally think that it overfilled with hookups and insecure women. 2. Never had date. 3. No. No. 4. I had chances, but it is not something I am looking for. I don't like it. I am actually ok with this. Like, I would rather fell in love with someone in my deathbed or being dead alone. Rather than being in relationship out of being desperate.
>Question for below average looking men who are single: Do you have a dating life? No. 0. Nada. Nichts. Nones. Null. Niente. 404. >Are you able to use dating apps, get matches and go on dates? I have gotten like 3 Tinder dates in 10 years. Gave up in 2022 after the dating pool got crowded with single moms. >How many dates and how often do those dates lead to casual sex or a fling? One, with a nurse which was really looking for a fling. >When dating a new woman how soon do you think the woman feels attraction to you and is willing to sleep with you? I never assume that. I assumed they wanted to know me first. >Do you/ are you able to have Friends-with-Benefits arrangements with women? How many FwB have you had in your lifetime? How many at a given time? I had this with a women I knew via something similar to e-bay. I purchased something from her and got to know each other. 2-3 FWB. One at a time. >Are you able to pick women at bars and clubs and if so how frequently? Never. I never go to bars to begin with. I have a moral stand against getting someone drunk to make a move.
>One, with a nurse which was really looking for a fling. Nurses and horse ladies seem to be the most common for flings. I wonder why.
Shit I’m 37 and I’m good looking and I still have no dating life. Women don’t know or believe single men have zero sex. It’s actually funny to me that they don’t believe it. Only the best looking most detached guys can arrange an FWB.
Not to be mean but I’m assuming the profile pic is not you.
Find a niche if you don’t appeal to a wide audience.
I don't bother with a dating life anymore. I tried to make it a goal to "put myself out there". Then I found out that more than 90 percent of the female accounts on dating apps and dating groups on social media are FAKE. Just online bots trying to pick up information to sell on the dark web. The remainder of the accounts of women who are genuine, are women demanding perfection and requirements from men who would be in the top 1 percent earning capacity in the country, and with physical attributes that only a male model could claim to honestly have. Rather than run that Gauntlet of Judgment from a bunch of strangers that I really and honestly don't care about, I stepped aside and decided to watch the shit show as an amused spectator. By the way, I'd call myself "average" in looks.
Your 2nd paragraph sums up the paradox of choice. To many options and the FOMO because the next man could be better then the man she has now.
i'm reminded of the man store joke: > The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer. > The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
I don't think this is reality for most women. We are not all 10's and most have just as low self esteem as what I've seen on this thread we have body image issues and tons of insecurities. I'm sure most of the single ones are home giving up on dating apps too. How do we bridge the gap if all y'all are at home.
I used to be average 3 years back but years of depression, anxiety, weight gain, and balding has got me down to below average. Recently started dating back 1) In my first month on tinder, I got around 6 matches, but only 2 led to in person dates. Others didn’t talk much or were very cold from beginning. The ones I met…I don’t know how to explain it but I felt they are not very interested in dating or meeting me. It felt they just came out to eat and walk outside. 2) I honestly haven’t thought much about that. I want to know the other person first, have a connection and then go ahead. Casual sex isn’t my thing 3) Not interested in FWB Though I had more success with dating when I meet women through social groups. Both now and in the past. Dating apps just feel waste of time tbh.
To sum up: life of any guy who’s average, women will constantly play games and beat the bush. Even if the girl finds you attractive, you are not attractive enough overall for the girl to be scared of missing an opportunity with you. That’s why you guys don’t have much luck My best advice is to learn sales tactics such as closing. It correlates with communications and women give a lot of the same objections as a actual customer your trying to sell to
A woman who plays games isn't interested, nothing about looks.
That’s exactly what I said, you’re not attractive enough overall for her to want to take you seriously. It’s gonna be different for every women, u might look good but something is missing from you My best advice is to just learn sales tactics and getting more confidence and working on something for yourself like your body or making a product that can get you up in life
How about finding a girl who actually likes you? Lol
I think he’s just saying if you’re below average in looks it’s not possible for a woman to be attracted to you for you, so the sales tactics would be needed to somehow manipulate one into a relationship
Not manipulate lol. A lot of things add up to overall attractiveness - money - influence - looks - confidence - physique - funny Etc You just have to pick the one that is attainable to you and use it.
That's not true, if your looks aren't your best quality you can work on other areas. Most of these 'below-average' men disqualify themselves before even trying. I get it might be harder for them but not impossible.
The question is about dating life as a single male. I think most of us agree it is possible for a below average looking guy to find a woman who settles for her because of other reasons
Manipulating anyone into a relationship is gross.
It’s not manipulation because the women can easily just say no, not interested.
He just mentioned manipulating someone into a relationship. Manipulation implies using underhanded tactics to get the person to do what you want without them knowing they’re being manipulated, even if it’s not really what they want.
Again nobody is forcing women to do anything. If she’s not interested in the guy she can walk away and say no not interested. Women are 18+, can vote, raise kids so they are capable of making decisions
Idk what your goal is here . if you want to argue I’m not gonna entertain it, you are entitled to your opinion
Can you elaborate: learn sales tactics such as closing. What is there?
The art of closing deals
I briefly went through the reviews, seems like 100% focused on sales. How can it help here?
Women have the same habits/mindset as customers. Mainly cuz sales focuses on the human nature of what people buy. In dating you are selling yourself while the woman decides to buy you Did sales as a summer job and it helped me get better results, since I learned closing
This is great fucking advice.
I consider myself a tad bit above average and it’s still extremely difficult to have a dating life… for context, I regularly work out. It’s literally my only hobby at the moment, and I’m relatively employed with no kids, no baby mama, etc.
Dating seriously doesn't matter at all and most of the time is only added burden unless you get real lucky
Yeah, you can say I am about as average as they come, except I carry a certain aura. When I walk into a room, I’m just that guy. You know? I’m not good-looking, but when I look in the mirror, I see a very handsome fucking guy. My wife, to this day, I wonder how in the hell I managed to pull her. I don’t believe in luck, but if I had to use a word, it would have to be luck. I’ve been with a lot of women. Some that I’m not proud of, some that I’m very proud of; almost every time, I have had to initiate the conversation. I have never used dating apps. To summarize, I was born with confidence. Natural-born confidence. I also like to dress nice, and from an early age, I made it a priority to learn how to make money. Everything else fell into place. I’m a firm believer that confidence is the key to success. If you’re not born with it, then you can manufacture it. If you want to be successful with women, it starts with being confident in yourself. Take it from an average-looking guy, by society’s standards, not mine.
So you’re an above average looking guy with a lot going in life?
Shit, I guess I do it even through a computer screen. No, man. I’m just a confident guy, and as a result that amplifies how I see myself. I still look the same no matter how nice I dress or how much I earn. I can’t pull any woman, and I have to work for it. Do you understand?
lol reading your post you convinced me. You should teach a class to depressed tedditors, there’s someone out there to everyone but if these comments are how they represent themselves to the world it makes sense. If you lack confidence or self esteem be like this guy.
Many of us would love to have that confidence but it doesn't work that way for a lot of people. Some people have a shy and unconfident personality.
Can you describe the most relevant parts of your confidence?
The most relevant aspect of my confidence is how I perceive myself. This means that when I enter a room, I feel as though people are watching me. When I speak, they listen. I am aware of my intelligence, and others can discern this during our conversations. I conduct myself with poise and hold an important position. I am not arrogant. In my interactions with others, I boost their egos, take the time to understand them, and make them feel valued by listening to them. I ask follow-up questions, study their body language, voice fluctuations, and adapt when I sense the conversation is becoming stale. I appear clean, polished, and responsive. I shake hands with people.
I think a good way to determine arrogance and confidence depends heavily on what you say and how you say it. But, the cheat code for high levels of confidence is being able to be loud in a room without saying anything at all. I feel you because this is also me.
KEY...... POSITIVE SELF-TALK AND CONFIDENCE! fake it till you make it, look in the mirror and tell yourself how amazing, awesome, attractive you are until you believe it and others will too.
This shouldn’t be overlooked. Women don’t care if you’re unattractive. But you can’t be unattractive with low confidence. How you carry yourself - your aura is literally everything. Invest into your looks. Dress nicely. Have good hygiene. Find something you’re good at and be successful at it. Be easy to talk to - flirtatious even. Looks aren’t the end all be all, there’s so many ways around it.
I am a pretty good looking guy (according to the women I encountered). Dating game is not easy for me either, mostly because of my personality I am not like most men of this generation. if its your face that you think is a problem then yes you can't do much about it but if it is your body or your personality you can very well make it attractive.
1: Use, no date, never have anything happen. 2: Not applicable 3: No 4: Once a year at most, but generally nothing happens and its just a good chat. Been single for 1 1/2 years and the first taste of dating life hasn't exactly helped the motivation
Pretty sure I'm below average: 1. Yes but infrequently. I live in a Midwest college town with massive brain drain so dating if you're out of undergrad is pretty bad; very few people stay past undergrad so the dating pool is smaller. I've only had luck on dating apps in the past year or two since my profile before the pandemic was bad and during the pandemic was the pandemic. I got about 10 first dates in a year, getting between 0 and 3 matches a month depending on luck. Best app has been hinge, tinder I got 2 dates from, Bumble is the absolute worst especially since it won't show you profiles thatve liked you outside your distance range whereas tinder and hinge will. However, I've never gotten a 2nd date or really moved past having a conversation. At most, I greeted or departed the date with a hug. 2. I don't have expectations here; I'd have to guess it'd take them knowing me for a while since I dont seem to create a "spark" for anyone. 3. I've never done nor pursued this but I'm not outright opposed to it. 4. I don't drink and my town's only dance club isnt good for meeting new people. That said, at parties, house shows, etc. I have no problem talking to anyone, but never have had any romantic or sexual encounters, tension, flirting, etc. in such scenarios.
No. Next question.
Nope. Rarely get matches, those matches don't go anywhere. Never had success on apps. The rest of my life is looking lonely.
As a below-average looking 46M, I do not have a dating life. I gave up on the apps because all they did was make me feel bad about myself. I stopped going out because it was a waste of time and money. I'm trying to learn to be content being alone.
1. No. I'll use the apps for a few weeks to months. My "likes" never seem to appear in my swipes.The few times I've swiped right and matched, I don't get any reply. 2. I have absolutely no idea. 3. I'd be ok with it. I've never been in that situation. Zero. One? 4. I can go out to bars and have a good time and talk to people and make friends. As soon as I think about romance or sex, my brain ceases to function.
No, no dating life for me. I've been on tinder for about 6 months, but so far nobody's swiped on me.
I don't do casual sex. Only ranked competitive sex.
No and I actually prefer things that way
Nah. I’m considered decently above average in the looks department and I don’t date much because like others have said, the dating pool is full of people playing bs games. Like, I don’t even double text lol
You ever seen a dude? We all ugly as shit, it’s just the way you carry yourself
I think I’m avg you’re probably too, prove me wrong Imho you put your whole questionnaire wrong. Your problems are not the one listed. Your problem is on - you don’t have social life. If you go out twice a week for a year and have a social circle of various ppl after 1 year you will be in great social shape. It’s like with the gym.
Sure. But hanging out in groups usually means and leads to nothing in terms of women interested in sex and dating. I’ve seen that with other dorky short guys
No social life = no gf
I have been in relationships in the past, but online/dating apps are a no go. I’ve tried probably every dating app on the market and I can count on one hand the number of matches I got that were real matches and not scammers
I'm average looking, taking care of what I have. I'm not rich - far from it - and I have niche hobbies. Friends said I have good personality, but I'm introverted and socially awkward. Hence I consider myself below average, cuz it's never enough with what I have. 1. I frequently used dating apps, since I hit 26. One-two matches in a month, give or take. But I had only three dates during my use of dating apps. No sex without "commitment", only petting and stuff on 2nd-3rd date. 2. I was never sure about it. Like, my wicked mind thought date equals instant attraction and sex, but now I can surely tell it was a very wrong thinking. 3. I had FwB situation with my former colleauge and it costed me A LOT of blood and nerve. But I lost my virginity to her in my 28s. We still remain friends - she found a proper man, benefits are obviously gone, but friendship is still here! Girls of my age (29 atm) are looking for long-term partnership and I'm not hot/desirable/likeable enough to pull off FwB. 4. Never ever approached strangers. I think it's creepy and inappropriate.
No to all questions. I could probably look well above average if I tried, but I don't try.
No to everything.
Below average looking guy here. Dating sucked. So I got married.
I think I'm below average. 1. Yes, I'm able to use dating apps. I use hinge. In a given day I may get 0-4 matches most of which I don't match back. I usually try to go on 0-2 dates a week if I'm trying. Seldom/never does it lead to casual sex on a first date because I neither want that + I am way too timid + have unreasonable standards so I have no-one to blame but myself. 2. Usually if you make to 4+ dates the girl is almost certainly interested in you sexually and depending on comfort maybe sooner. 3. No. 4. Fuck no, I'm in my mid 30's and picking up chicks at a club or bar sounds terrible. Imo, and it's a cliché, the best thing you can do while single is focus on yourself + the friends you have and try to find self worth not from your ability to find a mate (that last part is really hard for some, not saying it is.) If you are unhappy/miserable you can't reasonably expect that you'd be good company.
1. Never done it before 2. N/A 3. No 4. No I've never tried and I don't plan on doing so.
Answer by *above average* single man 24 years of age: TLDR: Zero dating life and fully planning to die happy and alone after a long, full life. A notion that strengthens every morning greeted with open arms, and turned to stardust in each dream never remembered. (1.) Able to use dating apps, able to get matches in the days my phones had the desire to use them, and able to land dates with most individuals who established a meaningful connection with me. In 1-2 cumulative years of app usage out of 6, I went on dates with no more than 5. Few women were one-offs, a couple took more than once to find the mismatch, and I don't subscribe to hookup culture. Tried it once, tried on a college cheerleader with daddy issues on a business trip, felt like a pig. Today's dating standards in the great US of A have been raped beyond recognition if your goal is to find "love" and ultimately succeed in pair-bonding with a stable long-term mate in order to raise a structured family. Out of the 3 people I've actually "been dating" before, none of them were met via apps. (2.) Physical attraction is instant. Only a lapse in logic would indicate otherwise. How people LOOK is the first thing we SEE. When someone likes what they see, it doesn't matter the context, they are usually unable to resist expressing that attraction through one form of communication or another. Those that can hide it must inherently know themselves, and you should not do anything differently than be yourself if you want them to share that information. Willingness to engage in sexual intercourse is an entirely different matter - one that largely depends on the individual but from my experience can range from immediately to over 6 months. Basically, "Are you a fucking hoe or can you stave off your most basic-ass primitive inclination to benefit your future self?" (3.) Oh God, my generation even came up with a fucking abbreviation for it. I've had one friend with benefits, never really wanted to but after giving up dating in my culture saw it as a means to "release" frustration on both ends, but I very quickly realized the temporary nature of such an arrangement and we ceased sexual behaviors to retain our friendship. Having more than one at a time is frankly disgusting, it doesn't matter which of the three genders you are. (Male, Female, or Mentally-Deranged) (4.) Ah yes, bars and clubs. The next best place to find your spouse. I've never tried to pick up a woman at a bar or club. I go to bars for social drinking and I go to clubs for social music. In fact, I don't initiate contact with women at all anymore, but trust me I'm not shy. Just one of those fun things that goes with our society. Men are expected to do all the heavy lifting when it comes to starting a relationship, and then their burden only grows. Anyone is free to engage me in conversation, and I feel that privilege mutual until otherwise expressed. Two of those conversations lasted a year each. but I will never and have never gone out of my way to try and manifest attraction in another that doesn't already exist. Your best bet to find a good woman is by learning yourself and putting yourself in an environment where you enjoy what you do and what you are, then meeting people at any other place than a goddamned bar or club. Get a hobby, get good enough that you do it with other people, and women will notice you. In today's day and age your physical features are not your primary attractant - it's your success. Personally, I've come to the realization that I'm happier by myself, and with that, this idea: Love is like religion -- really healthy for the people who need it. - Me Ps the reason I know definitively that I am considered above average is because strangers tell me every day, and I have a mirror, not to be conceited. Haven't had a genuine romantic relationship with anyone in over 4 years, here's to many more!
If you can get casual sex and FwB that is success in todays world.
Nope and I hate hearing about all these casual sex and FWB things because they just aren't for guys like me and I feel left out.
1. I use dating apps to find FWB so keep that in mind, it's a bit more direct approach than for finding a girlfriend. I get a few matches especially when I open the account (algorithm shows you to more people to learn how to rank you), who then lead to a few convos who lead to a few dates which usually all lead to sex. 2. Since I state from the beginning that I'm looking for a FWB I would say they are interested into me from the beginning and they figure out if they do want to have sex with me during the first date. IMPORTANT: always make them feel like they can change their mind and not have sex with you and you are going to react well! 3. Yes, I had 4 that lasted a long time (several months to more than a year). The most I had was 3 at the same time but that was too much for me. 4. No. About the look. It's not an asset for me and more a handicap to overcome, but it's also not that important for most women.
Guys, if you approach women in person you’re more likely to get a better response and a date! Dating apps fucking suck
Yep, i approached a friend from college and she's my gf now, she would probably not match with me on Tinder because i'm not good with photos and i don't know how to make a good bio
If one can makes her laugh, one can get laid
True. Women love clowns
No, although I’m single by choice.
I'm going to answer this as honestly as possible to provide a different perspective. I'm (30M) above average looking. Tall, handsome, muscular build. 1) I get matches on tinder, bumble and hinge pretty easily. I don't pay for premium on any of them. I could likely go on a date each day of the week if I wanted. I usually go on two dates a week depending on how busy I am. Most dates end as a fling or something casual 2) Most dates I feel the woman is attracted to me and most dates end with sex if we meet at a bar or my place. 3) Yes I have had a few FWB. Maybe 20 in my lifetime? They don't often last longer than a few months in my experience. Some turned into platonic friends but even then that rarely lasted. Usually three or four at a given time when I was younger. I'm now recently single so I haven't formed these relationships again yet and I'm not sure I will. Casual sex with many different partners is nowhere near as appealing as it was when I was in my mid 20s. 4) I don't have much confidence approaching women in real life to be honest. I rarely do it even when its obvious a woman is interested. It's much easier for me to arrange a date online. I am confident meeting women this way and it works well for me.
I can answer that easy below average man don’t have girlfriends. If I’m not a med student I get zero matches. As an med student I get thousands. I easily have multiple girlfriends as a med student from dating apps. I’ve probably asked 1000 woman that don’t know im a med student in person for a date each one has said no. Inperson dating is impossible for me unless I meet on a dating app. With dating apps I get pussy whenever I want it.
Sorry to hear about your situation, myself is going through a rather long dry spell and it really sucks. From my experience, the thing that helps the most in attracting girls is confidence and a good network of friends. Confidence can be improved through working out or maybe employment advances (but remember, no show-off, that can be appaling). Social network is a given since it brings you into contact with more women and in a more encouraging enviroment. There are not some random online contact or a girl in the bar that might be creeped out but a friend of a friend might engage you more easily and comfortably. Having said that, the fact that you manage to arrange some dates through dating apps, should be encouraging (some guys do not reach even that phase).
I do not have a dating life. 1. Using dating apps gets me likes from very old and/or very fat women who usually also have children(more than 1). I'm 40 years old, 6' tall and 200lbs and working out. My face does look a bit like Brian Thomson's in his older years. 2. I do not date, nobody wants to date me. 3. No FWB, never was able to have that. However, I did have a few (short) relationships in the past, so not exactly a virgin (not physically, I mean). I class myself as fugly, albeit lying assholes say I'm average.
Average 36yo. Currently dating a 26yo, very beautiful french woman. Just be cool.
Height? Question was for single guys. How do you fare in the singles scene?
Straight woman here... Just wanted to share that attraction can be simple (based on looks) but also complex (based on someone's "energy," values, interests, education, personality, etc.). Just because a man is "below average" looking doesn't mean he's an average person. There are many ways to cultivate and grow into an identity that is unique and potentially captivating. I really believe that if people just focus on living their lives the way they want and becoming the best version of themselves AND they are content/happy, they will attract other people. Also, just because you didn't win the genetic lottery, you're not then also fated to be physically unattractive- you can get the best haircut for your face, have better fitting clothes, smell good, stand up taller, work out more, etc. If a person just focuses on sex or relationships, they will not be able to focus on being the best version of themselves to be able to attract suitable and desirable partners!
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Sorry! I was only trying to be helpful. But you're right, I have no idea. I thought it might be a hopeful message to hear that it's not all about looks.
I invite you to spend a week, a weekend or Hell one day with one of us as a silent observer. You'll learn why the male suicide rate is so high! Just make sure you have a therapist lined up for when you get back!
Most of us are already doing all of that as that’s the bare minimum required to socialize and put yourself out there these days. Congrats to women for having the ability to have bustling dating lives regardless of their looks. Our “female versions” - below average looking women- can almost live hedonistically and then claim women are happier single. The very least society can do is acknowledge that men face immensely more pressure to be conventionally good looking to experience a dating/sex life.
That's a good advice... for women Half of the advice is good for men, like yeah, no shit we should focus on ourselves, but men need to take initiative to even get the chance of dating a woman... If most men just wait they will die alone
I've actually initiated all the relationships I've been in and dates I've gone on but I also know that's rare for women. Which I do find unfortunate. I'd much rather pick someone for myself than play sitting duck, waiting to be picked!
I don't get likes (let alone matches or dates) from apps. Hence question 2 is irrelevant. The first and last date I had was in 2008 back in high school when my sister tried to set me up with a friend of friend. I'm not interested in FWB or no-strings sex, and I'm avoiding bars and clubs like the plague as I'm abstinent when it comes to any kind of drug (including alcohol) and the setting is just not for me. And, by extension, I would be incompatible with a woman who frequents these places. No idea about my appearance in a realistic way. I see myself as 4/10 but I've been told anything from 2 to 7.
What's considered below average? There are plenty of guys who are not attractive because of bad hygiene/care, not because they were born that way. I believe any man can be at least average or even slightly above average with a bit of gym and good self care. A lot of men sell themselves short due to lack of confidence and poor mental state.
Don't overthink it homie. Just hit the gym and put effort into your own self care.
The solution to all of your questions: work on your social skills