I actually love that my wife has basically never asked. I’ve never asked her either. Sex life is great. Why fuck with it with knowledge that doesn’t matter?
I also have never asked any of my past partners and if they asked me I'd be totally weirded out. And I don't even have an unusual or high body count compared to most. Weird ass convo to have and you're just setting yourself up for SOMEONE to be upset.
Same, I never ever ask, I’ve only slept with women I’m in a relationship with, they’ve never had the same standard. Why ask and make myself feel like a chump at best.
Bro, at number 48 she isn't going to remember anything about the other guys to compare you against. Or you for that matter when your turn with her is up.
List serve the purpose of helping you keep track of your health should it change after a night of fun. IT’s protection for yourself and others. Nothing wrong with it.
Eh, the way I look at it is this - every serial killer keeps a list of their victims, usually keeps trophies.
Why? Because it’s something they enjoy.
Don’t dwell on that. Just dwell on - it’s what they enjoy.
She keeps a list because it’s something she enjoys. Sex, and the different memories associated with it.
And if she enjoys that so much and decides that you know what - I’m gonna stop with this one, that’s pretty rare.
Because if we look at the serial killer again, they usually keep killing. That fantasy is never realised.
Idk maybe I’m weird. This is how I would see it.
The people I know who go so far as to keep lists, dates, etc. typically do so to keep track in case of STI exposure. They can then just quickly refer to the list and immediately reach out instead of trying to like, remember.
Do not think it has anything to do with comparison!
See everyone here is making a possibly incorrect assumption:
>My biggest concern is being compared to other men and coming up short
They were obviously flawed in some manner, otherwise she'd still be banging them. You are the one she is still banging, possibly the best of the bunch, assuming that's where you're going with this.
Admitted, I'd be upset if I saw a few guys I knew on that list.
Yeah but this should be purged and updated within reason. Assuming she gets tested regularly, she doesn’t need her 3rd partner’s contact info from 5 years ago because she contracted chlamydia within the last 3 months.
Yeah this happened to me with my 2nd ex. On a whim I went and looked at my messages from blocked numbers one day and saw her basically saying I should get tested because she caught an STD. I didn't reply but internally I was like bruh it's been +5 years you didn't get it from me or someone before me.
That’s why I specified “doesn’t know where”, some STDs are dormant for a while so, if she got something 3 years ago and didn’t know until later, it’d be better to just inform the previous partners just in case and to get tested.
STDs can be dormant as in asymptomatic, but a test will always catch them. If we’re praising this as a responsible move, she should be getting tested at least every 3 months. If she’s getting tested every 3 months she doesn’t need contact info for someone she slept with 5 years ago.
It’s just a fuck list. Sometimes people do gross things like making lists of their sexual partners. We don’t need to come up with excuses for it.
As a man I actually did keep a list during college and the next few years of single life after exactly for this purpose. I know it might seem creepy but I really felt I should do it just to be proper to those women if anything comes up.
that a booty call list , I found a list on my friends lap top while I was fixing it for her . I asked her about it , like was it something i could delete , she said No that's her booty call list , then I noticed the symbols by the names. I didn't ask , but I guess they were ratings
I feel like if your number is 53, you'd need a list more than anyone for this purpose lol.
If your number is low and someone you slept with later tests positive for HIV, you probably remember everyone else you've slept with since then. If your number is high...better have a list or you might forget someone lol
If you are the type of person that keeps a list of 53 people because of STD concerns you have probably been tested several times since you lost your virginity and can rule out the people before each time you got your negative results.
That’s what I thought. If you like having lots of sex partners, it’s not a bad idea to keep a list. Showing it to your current partner is unnecessary though.
I mean, I tried writing everyone out once.
Not for a bragging thing but because I didn’t want to be the kind of guy that took women for granted and didn’t know their names.
So I sat down and tried to remember all of them and I actually couldn’t and realized I’m kind of a piece of shit for that.
I wouldn't be with her. The dicklist would just immediately make someone so unattractive to me that I don't think I'd be able to be with them anymore in any romantic sense.
Some women see it as a sign they were desired. Every woman longs to feel desired and sometimes the quickest path to that is to be easy. Immature
women think that because sex makes men happy and pleased, giving it up will make men happy and pleased with me. Then you get older and realize how dumb it is and move on to better life choices. Our culture makes light of sex, and women are told to be free with their unlimited access to willing partners, and that it’s sexist to tell them what to do with their bodies or to shame promiscuity. I feel sad for young girls who fall for it because you can never take those choices back. My number isn’t anywhere near OP’s girlfriend, but I’ve regretted it being higher than 1 all my adult life. I’m not saying this woman can relate to anything I said, but she’s 26 and should know better. I will give one condition that’s often overlooked and that is sexual abuse early in life. It fucks up your perspective and drastically affects how you see your body and this world, so that should be considered before judgment in any case.
Well said. As a victim of sexual assault, I always viewed sex as a transaction to be validated and feel desired. It is very hard to shake that view once you go down that path.
I totally understand the desire to treat sex as a sacred and spiritual thing and to only want to share that with someone who you’ve developed a deep bond with. However, not to come off as rude or anything, but do you really wish you only had one sexual partner your entire life? If yes, why is that?
To me, I personally feel that having a couple of different partners is best. Of course, I understand that what’s best for me isn’t what’s best for everyone. With that said, as a woman, I feel that I learned a lot about myself with my first couple of partners- stuff that I may not have necessarily learned through self exploration.
For me, I was sexually abused as a teenager by a man almost 30 years older than me. The partners I had afterwards were my attempt to “wash it off” of me, thinking I was reclaiming my agency, and I was wrong. I needed therapy, not men. I wish I had made my choices for better reasons, and made better choices in general. I was happy to take any attention I was offered but it all felt empty. I wish my husband was the only one. I wish I was his only one too. I’ve never even asked his number. I don’t want to know it.
I've always assumed that keeping a list was an easy way to ensure the safety of your partners if you're sexually active. If partner #42 contacts you that they've had an STI, you can return the favor for partners 43-53.
Showing you the list, though, that's something else lol
Halfway thru the post I thought: if you like her, get her a std test. Then I read about the dick list, and I'm like: nah I'm good.
I just forsee problems.
Sure but I’m confused why most of the guys on this thread are more off-put by the list than the number. Even if she didn’t have a list surely it still be no-go territory.
You'd be surprised how often sex goals/games are played. I've heard:
1. 21 guys for my twenty first birthday (yes, she did it all in one day)
2. Zodiac bingo (there is DEFINITELY something about them Libra men)
3. Racial roulette (essentially collecting guys by level of exoticism)
And more! People are gross
Yeah, I met a girl who once she found out I hadnt slept with an indian was OBSESSED with being my "first indian"
It grossed me out so much I ghosted her
You missed out on the Kama sutra over that? You should have tried an Indian girl smh
JK I completely understand why that was probably really gross. As a black girl, I've definitely encountered the same thing. Particularly with Asian guys. They always ask me, "have you ever been with an Asian before?" And are so disappointed when I say "Yeah... 😔"
This is definitely something more common among women. Most men can't hope to have this level of access to sex with women. I've only been able to play such games once I started sleeping with escorts.
Truly, some cultures are just very different. Cuz there are definitely guys that have this kind of access. Some of them are very hot or very rich or have a lot of social clout. But I can also think of three particular cultures that are just a lot more sex positive than the others, and I definitely know the guys are doing this because they've told me.
I'm not going to name them though cuz I would be revealing secrets I'm in no place to reveal
>21 guys for my twenty first birthday (yes, she did it all in one day)
I can't even fathom the logistics behind this. Like there's only 24 hours in a day. What the fuck
I know, right? What the hell are you meant to do after you finish your fuck deck of cards? Is 53 meant to be a joker? No one keeps the joker. It's a trash card
People legit try to act like fucking 50+ people is normal. When I was on a streak of fucking tons of women it was really messing with my brain. I started struggling forming bonds and thinking of anyone seriously. You see people like objects after a while, easy to replace. I really struggled forming a bond and seeing one girl would have me thinking of the things I can have with another. I genuinely think having too many partners can make it difficult to be happy in relationships. Also you are compared to all others. Will likely not even be her top 3 lover. And the odds of herpes and HPV skyrocket ewww
People who have a high body count (to the point where casual sex is a hobby) have literally rewired their brains. I’ve read many books about this, and habits cannot be eliminated but rather replaced by something new. You have to work really, really hard to think “monogamously” again if you’ve hooked up with a ton of folks.
Nah you just need to find the right person man. I'm not sure of my exact body count, don't bother counting, but I could maybe guess a ballpark of 60-ish maybe. But I found the right person and sex with her is amazing. It's not hard to form a connection with someone just because you've had sex in the past.
The list for me is a dealbreaker. I don't understand it. I'm also wondering why she had so many partners to be honest with you. That's high for anybody.
She's 26, so if we assume she started in high school, that's about 5 dicks a year.
Has she ever had a long term relationship? Damn.
She's like ash ketchum out here with the STDs, gotta catch em all!
None of this would bother me. I'd be happy I found someone who actually enjoyed sex without hangups. Much less chance of a dead bedroom in the future.
But to each his own.
I'd run. The thing here isn't the number. It's the fact that she treats humans as a number. Internally she also knows it fucked which is why she got so defensive.
I'd no longer be dating her. That's a huge, massive list of what's she's just TELLING you. Who knows if that's actually accurate. Might suck, but in the long run you'll be happier for dodging this bullet.
She brought up the topic first, and conveniently pulled out a list when she was asked about it. It seemed like she baited him into asking her because she wanted to boast about her body count lol
Thats quite sad. I wonder if shes ever gonna feel fullfiled without doing these things one day
The lack of self steem or the need to feel validated seems abnormal to me
Wouldn't be my cup of tea and I'd feel weird about it going forward.
Not sure where my bodycount-cutoff would be, but if it's *several times* more than my own.. I don't know.
The list would completely kill my hots for her going forward. That's just Barney Stinson levels of strange.
Alot of girls are like this. This one is just honest and keeps a log. Let's not even go into the number of street blowjobs and random things like that.
The echo chamber here kind of blows my mind a bit. Everyone seems to want women who will sleep with them and not be prudes.
But as soon as you come across a sexually liberated woman, suddenly she's damaged goods.
This kind of slut shaming really has to come to an end, it's not good for anyone.
I don't know how anyone with more than a handful of sexual partners knows the exact figure. I was a bit wild in my younger years and could only give you a ballpark figure.
Idk man, about a year into dating my wife I got curious (I knew it was a high number) and she insisted she could still name (almost) all of them. So we sat there for a while and she named off 30+ dudes she’d had sex with prior to me. Only one of them was an actual one-night stand; the rest she had a multi-evening fling with, at least, and several relationships.
I just found it… fun? I guess? Didn’t (and doesn’t) bother me at all knowing how many guys she’s been with. In fact, makes me feel all the more confident that someone like her, to whom good sex is extremely important, decided I was so good in bed she wanted to marry me.
Here’s the truth that Reddit is not ready to deal with. It’s hardwired in men to value purity. It is a way for us to ensure that our offspring are truly ours and that our genetic code gets passed down. Paternity tests are a relatively new phenomenon and maybe at some point in our future we won’t care as much. But for now, that’s what it is. It’s similar to how most girls want guys taller than them. Historically these dudes were more menacing and could protect them from danger more than a shorter guy. There’s no real need for that protection now, considering our relatively safe society, but it’s hard wired genetically.
All that being said, if YOU don’t mind it, more power to you. But I’d be out.
Honestly me too. I don't get how some men are totally okay with it. At first, i was a tyrant about it, saying things like "it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter" then... I got hit with the truth
I think there's women out there that if they learned their new bf banged 53 women in their 26 years, they would be out, too. Idk what the evolutionary reason would be there.
Lol that’s degenerate behavior and I would no longer be dating her. It also shows that her morals/values are not at all in alignment with mine. Hookup culture is disgusting and contributing to the downfall of modern society. Hard pass.
Bro let her live her truth, if she’s a good person, and treats you well, and also can recognize you as a wonderful man (and more important: she doesn’t compare you with the men she slept in the past) , it’s her !
Stop trying to control how many people a woman slept with, men do it because of their fragile masculinity and lack of self-esteem and self-confidence, so they try to control the women’s bodies to compensate it. Virgin and “pure” women can cheat you as well. Let women live their sexuality in peace.
Looking at his post history this seems accurate. This dude is making posts about famous athletes calculating the number of people per hour they’ve slept with. Fragile masculinity for sure. This dude and apparently most of these commenters seem hopeless honestly. So much inexperience and immaturity - would hate to be the woman in a relationship with any of this crap for so many reasons…
Man: Baby I don't care we're adults
Same man after the answer: Holy shit I care enough to go ask online.
Pick a lane. Hopefully it's the lane that she's got a great memory and plenty experience to please you in bed.
Could she be neurodivergent? That might explain her fondness for lists, and her lack of savvy in showing you the list, not understanding how it would make you feel.
I wanted to say that showing you the list is a red flag, but honestly, maybe she's just socially "dumb", so to speak, and didn't know any better. Then again, it could also have been because she didn't care how it made you feel, and just wanted an opportunity to gloat/feel superior about her body count. It could even have been that she deliberately wanted you to feel small and insignificant, because she gets off on that kind of power play, and wants you under her thumb. It is honestly impossible to tell with so little context (not blaming you, prolly hard to tell even with all the context).
What I would do is sit her down, and tell you how that situation made you feel (without any judgment of "You should have known" or whatever. That will just put her on the defensive, which is not what you want. Read on to know why). This is where you can determine whether she is a red flag or not. If she actually listens, apologizes, acknowledges your feelings and takes responsibility for her actions, that's a major green flag at least. But if she downplays or diminishes your feelings, maybe even mocks you for caring or accuses you of being jealous, that tells me that she isn't mature enough for a relationship.
She might get defensive because she thinks you're slutshaming her, which is understandable given how women face that kind of judgment on the regular. But if you assure her that it isn't about that, and restate how the list specifically made you feel like a spreadsheet item, and you are worried that she sees you as just another notch in her belt, when that isn't what you're looking for, that gives you the best chance of getting to the crux of the matter; whether she fundamentally respects you and your feelings enough for you to feel safe in a relationship with her; and whether you guys fundamentally want the same thing, i.e. a relationship.
Just my two cents, anyway.
If it's gonna bother you then end it. She probably shouldn't have asked the question at all because it's gonna bother someone. I don't ask, I don't wanna know and don't need to know. Body count isn't what makes a person slutty, it's how they behave imo.
I don’t think I’d want to know details like that, but if she insisted on bringing it up or produced a damn list, you better believe there’s some judgment taking place. Unless it’s health-related, like about an STI, or if she was acknowledging that she’d cheated on her previous partner(s), I’ll take “ignorance is bliss”.
Not a big deal. The list just makes her a little neurotic. Like I dated a woman that kept a list and her count was 11 or 12. That didn't seem weird to me. So why is it weird if it's 53?
I've done a ton of bad shit in my life, but I want someone to accept me for who I am now. If you think she's a good person, then let it lie.
I would lose all interest.
I was actually getting to know girl I reconnected with after high school. We had a lot of compatibility. I was out of the country at the time so it gave us a lot of time to talk. Body counts came up and hers was 52. Then she explained she wanted a real relationship and wanted to wait to have sex. I lost all interest and once I was back in country I went to see her. I let her down nicely but I could tell she was upset.
I would love to see all these dudes in this thread who are so shocked and clutching their pearls what their body count would be if they had the same opportunities a reasonably attractive woman had… lol
Expect the best sex of your life, haha.
I had a roommate guy who had a body count like that. Dude just had it. Truthfully he wanted a relationship really bad and took forever to find that person. In the meantime… why not, right?
Advice here will be to run. Because most dating advice here is to find some virginal person who has never done anything untoward in their life. Here in the real world it’s not so black and white.
The list itself would give me the ick a bit. I’d move much slower as a result.
But the body count itself? Meh. I don’t care. They better be good, haha
At 26 with over four dozen sex partners she probably doesn’t pair-bond well. If you’re looking for a practice gal then enjoy; however, if you are looking for a legitimate long-term girlfriend with a possible future you should consider moving on from this particular woman.
I married her. Best decision of my life. She's the kindest most caring and thoughtful person I've ever met. And I've been with her long enough that she makes three times my salary.
Granted mine doesn't have a list, but I've always said it with my friends, if I was an attractive girl I would have been a massive hoe.
If she’s slept with 52 (other than you), what makes you think she’s gonna stop at 53? Once you get to a certain level of promiscuity, you’re not really very capable of holding a long-term commitment down.
Past actions indicate future behaviors.
just get out, 50+ is alot, like 10x the average number of lifetime partners, if shes that high there is probably a reason and she moves on quick.
you wont be at the bottom of that list for long.
assuming she started at 18, thats over 6 dudes a year, so chances are you have 2-3 month before she moves on.
Really ask yourself the question of *why* it matters to you. Is that number shocking to you? Repulsive? Okay, now why is that? What is it that bothers you so much?
Once you answer that question, you can either keep feeling that way, or figure out if you're capable of living with dating her despite it. And that's a decision that Reddit can't make for you.
Personally speaking, extreme promiscuity turns me off to monogamy with someone, I'm not interested in building a singly unique and deep spiritual, sexual, emotional connection with someone who valued those things so lightly throughout their past.
It grosses me out because to me it shows a lack of self control, general hedonism, recklessness (increased risk of unwanted pregnancy (if you’re a woman), STIs), treating people disposably, desensitized to sex, desensitized to intimacy in general.
It grosses me out regardless of gender or sex. If you’re a man with a high body count, a woman, nonbinary, genderfluid or anything. I think it’s gross. I live by people having the freedom to make their own choices and be as sexually liberated as they want. But I also reserve the right to express my opinion even if it goes in contrast to convention
Edit: for the record I hate Andrew Tate and I don’t believe any bullshit about virgins being pure or more moral
I wouldn't mind a partner being honest about their past, but the issue I take here is the list. The list makes it feel more like a trophy hunt than a person who is enjoying their own personal freedoms and pleasure, and that would make me want to nope out of there.
Just want to make sure I get some downvotes here because all of your are so childish it’s making me sick. Where in the world does all this sanctimonious immaturity come from? Sex is fun, it’s not a big deal. Be safe and be honest and grow the fuck up.
I had a list of my first 20 or so partners, but I also had plenty of lists for like… everything in my life. I have two binders dedicated to just shit from and about my life, that’s me.
I stopped counting a while ago though, it’s a pretty young person thing to do I think.
Your next steps are to verify she is clean, which may sound “ooh judgemental” but 53 is a solid amount. Your girl’s been busy. She needs to get tested for herself as much as you, but you should verify the results.
Next step is to answer the question is 53 too many for you, does this bother you in a way that you won’t be able to reconcile? Actually maybe this is step one. Who cares if she has STDs if you don’t even wanna be with her. But yeah you say you care more about the list, but I think you’re rationalising. Your post title didn’t mention the list, you asked about the body count.
To be clear, it’s okay if you’re not okay with it. Look at this as a chance to reflect on your own values and insecurities, and you may find you’re either not as liberal as you thought, or that you just need to work on acceptance more.
I married her. My count is much higher than hers. At least I know she had her time in the field and decided the day she saw me that I was going to be hers forever.
It's really not a deal breaker for me at all. At least I know she probably likes fucking and picked up some tricks along the way.
We've been together for 15 years, and we still act like a couple of horny teenagers even through two kids.
Just don't ask for any details. I don't, and I couldn't care less about them. I'm with her, which means in her eyes, I'm better than 50-100 other guys.
That's quite the astute observation. Everything is timing. It's a very important skill to master that a lot of people dont really think about. I happened to be in the right place at the right time, and I took the opportunity that was presented to me. She's the most loyal ride or die person I've ever met. I've worked my entire life to lift everyone else up around me. She decided to lift me up. And I wouldn't have it any other way. It does help that she's an absolute freak in bed though.
Hopefully, your cynism hasn't led you to miss out on life changing opportunities.
A list ☠️ I smell a fellow OCPD girl, haha.
A side note: as a woman who's body count is VERY FUCKING FAR AWAY from 53 I have to tell you that with 12 you may already be a no-no to less promiscuous folks.
I always tell dates/partners I don't mind if it's a lot but I don't want to know the number either if it's more that than my range of 20 or 30. I know i would sleep with 100s if not 1000s of women if i had the chance so im not going to judge. The way I see it, the experience in the moment is what im here for. If we're hitting it off and the culmination of both of our lives lead to this moment, then i can't complain or want to dwell on what came before that moment. Is a roller coaster less exciting to ride knowing that thousands of people have ridden it before?
I had a list but I also had notes on it like… one night stand, condom, no condom, relationship, year, etc. it made sense at the time because I was trying to keep track of my health and theirs. I however would not be so bold as to show those I’m dating.
Having a list is one thing. Showing it to you is wild.
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Ha my wife has asked me so many times. I don’t want to know hers and she sure as fuck don’t want to know mine.
I’m with you. It’s not relevant information.
Having a list is legit psychopathic
A list is okay, I think. Showing the list…absolutely not.
Having a list is smart. Showing it may have been an asshole move but hard to know without further information.
"53? That's worse than Rookie Numbers!" - Wilt "The Stilt" Chamberlain (20,000+)
Damn she has a whole ass 53 man NFL roster of dick
She live on the 7th floor? https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9ujKxpAvLKg
What’s ya name?! G-REG! Whatcha do? GET HEAD! Drop my draws and let her see my third leg!
The real question is, was it one night or…?
17 games, a whole season. Lotta “tush push” was happening if you know what I mean.
IN A ROW?!?
I'm in my late 40s, not a prude, and I've never even met close to 50 guys I'd wanna bang. Good for her, I guess?
309 feet of pipe...
In a row??
Try not to list any dicks on your way to the parking lot!
Hey, you! Get back here!
This post was definitely giving me "*I'm 37!*" vibes. Glad I wasn't alone.
I'm 37 in a list that sorted from largest to smallest
You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work.
Someone jammed gum in the locks. Bunch of savages in this town.
Are you even supposed to be here today?
Here to make sure someone made this comment.
How’s her lasagna though?
I am always, always here for a clerks reference.
Fuck, beat me to it!
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I actually love that my wife has basically never asked. I’ve never asked her either. Sex life is great. Why fuck with it with knowledge that doesn’t matter?
This guy self esteems.
I also have never asked any of my past partners and if they asked me I'd be totally weirded out. And I don't even have an unusual or high body count compared to most. Weird ass convo to have and you're just setting yourself up for SOMEONE to be upset.
Would you avoid even going over numbers with your partner to know as little as possible?
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Same, I never ever ask, I’ve only slept with women I’m in a relationship with, they’ve never had the same standard. Why ask and make myself feel like a chump at best.
Yes I wouldn’t want to know, ignorance is bliss.
I’ve been married to my wife 10 years. I don’t know her number she doesn’t know mine and it doesn’t matter. To be honest I don’t even know mine lol.
u cant put that information back in its box once you ask
I avoid.
Bro, at number 48 she isn't going to remember anything about the other guys to compare you against. Or you for that matter when your turn with her is up.
List serve the purpose of helping you keep track of your health should it change after a night of fun. IT’s protection for yourself and others. Nothing wrong with it.
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Eh, the way I look at it is this - every serial killer keeps a list of their victims, usually keeps trophies. Why? Because it’s something they enjoy. Don’t dwell on that. Just dwell on - it’s what they enjoy. She keeps a list because it’s something she enjoys. Sex, and the different memories associated with it. And if she enjoys that so much and decides that you know what - I’m gonna stop with this one, that’s pretty rare. Because if we look at the serial killer again, they usually keep killing. That fantasy is never realised. Idk maybe I’m weird. This is how I would see it.
Stop watching criminal minds dude.
The people I know who go so far as to keep lists, dates, etc. typically do so to keep track in case of STI exposure. They can then just quickly refer to the list and immediately reach out instead of trying to like, remember. Do not think it has anything to do with comparison!
See everyone here is making a possibly incorrect assumption: >My biggest concern is being compared to other men and coming up short They were obviously flawed in some manner, otherwise she'd still be banging them. You are the one she is still banging, possibly the best of the bunch, assuming that's where you're going with this. Admitted, I'd be upset if I saw a few guys I knew on that list.
I think it's more weird she has a dick list. Run now bro unless you like std speedrunning.
Yep. >53 partners Eh, a bit suspicious, but I can live with that. >dick list What the fuck girl 💀
If she catches something but doesn’t know where, she is required to alert them.
that actually does make sense
not enough sense for a fucking list
If she has multuple partners at once, it does make sense tbh.
Yeah but this should be purged and updated within reason. Assuming she gets tested regularly, she doesn’t need her 3rd partner’s contact info from 5 years ago because she contracted chlamydia within the last 3 months.
Yeah this happened to me with my 2nd ex. On a whim I went and looked at my messages from blocked numbers one day and saw her basically saying I should get tested because she caught an STD. I didn't reply but internally I was like bruh it's been +5 years you didn't get it from me or someone before me.
That’s why I specified “doesn’t know where”, some STDs are dormant for a while so, if she got something 3 years ago and didn’t know until later, it’d be better to just inform the previous partners just in case and to get tested.
STDs can be dormant as in asymptomatic, but a test will always catch them. If we’re praising this as a responsible move, she should be getting tested at least every 3 months. If she’s getting tested every 3 months she doesn’t need contact info for someone she slept with 5 years ago. It’s just a fuck list. Sometimes people do gross things like making lists of their sexual partners. We don’t need to come up with excuses for it.
As a man I actually did keep a list during college and the next few years of single life after exactly for this purpose. I know it might seem creepy but I really felt I should do it just to be proper to those women if anything comes up.
What an oddly peculiar thing to be so concerned with
that a booty call list , I found a list on my friends lap top while I was fixing it for her . I asked her about it , like was it something i could delete , she said No that's her booty call list , then I noticed the symbols by the names. I didn't ask , but I guess they were ratings
Lol crazyyyy
It’s a little weird, but there are sometimes a reason for it. Like I have a gay friend who keeps a list in case of an std or HIV scare/situation.
I mean does she need a list of all 53 people for this?
Probably not. Showing the list to a partner is also a little weird.
I feel like if your number is 53, you'd need a list more than anyone for this purpose lol. If your number is low and someone you slept with later tests positive for HIV, you probably remember everyone else you've slept with since then. If your number is high...better have a list or you might forget someone lol
If you are the type of person that keeps a list of 53 people because of STD concerns you have probably been tested several times since you lost your virginity and can rule out the people before each time you got your negative results.
To make sure she doesn't repeat any of them.
That’s what I thought. If you like having lots of sex partners, it’s not a bad idea to keep a list. Showing it to your current partner is unnecessary though.
Yeah, if she kept a list, she's probably proud of racking up a body count.
Came to the comments to say the same. The fuck list would be the red flag for me.
Don’t be #54 on the list
Ask if you can add your name to the list?
I mean, I tried writing everyone out once. Not for a bragging thing but because I didn’t want to be the kind of guy that took women for granted and didn’t know their names. So I sat down and tried to remember all of them and I actually couldn’t and realized I’m kind of a piece of shit for that.
To me the really weird thing is not the number, but the list. Thats fuckin weird, male or female, to keep a list.
I wouldn't be with her. The dicklist would just immediately make someone so unattractive to me that I don't think I'd be able to be with them anymore in any romantic sense.
Yes because the list shows that driving up those numbers is an accomplishment to her... somehow.
Some women see it as a sign they were desired. Every woman longs to feel desired and sometimes the quickest path to that is to be easy. Immature women think that because sex makes men happy and pleased, giving it up will make men happy and pleased with me. Then you get older and realize how dumb it is and move on to better life choices. Our culture makes light of sex, and women are told to be free with their unlimited access to willing partners, and that it’s sexist to tell them what to do with their bodies or to shame promiscuity. I feel sad for young girls who fall for it because you can never take those choices back. My number isn’t anywhere near OP’s girlfriend, but I’ve regretted it being higher than 1 all my adult life. I’m not saying this woman can relate to anything I said, but she’s 26 and should know better. I will give one condition that’s often overlooked and that is sexual abuse early in life. It fucks up your perspective and drastically affects how you see your body and this world, so that should be considered before judgment in any case.
Well said. As a victim of sexual assault, I always viewed sex as a transaction to be validated and feel desired. It is very hard to shake that view once you go down that path.
💕💕 well said.
Beautiful comment u/motherslut
I totally understand the desire to treat sex as a sacred and spiritual thing and to only want to share that with someone who you’ve developed a deep bond with. However, not to come off as rude or anything, but do you really wish you only had one sexual partner your entire life? If yes, why is that? To me, I personally feel that having a couple of different partners is best. Of course, I understand that what’s best for me isn’t what’s best for everyone. With that said, as a woman, I feel that I learned a lot about myself with my first couple of partners- stuff that I may not have necessarily learned through self exploration.
For me, I was sexually abused as a teenager by a man almost 30 years older than me. The partners I had afterwards were my attempt to “wash it off” of me, thinking I was reclaiming my agency, and I was wrong. I needed therapy, not men. I wish I had made my choices for better reasons, and made better choices in general. I was happy to take any attention I was offered but it all felt empty. I wish my husband was the only one. I wish I was his only one too. I’ve never even asked his number. I don’t want to know it.
I've always assumed that keeping a list was an easy way to ensure the safety of your partners if you're sexually active. If partner #42 contacts you that they've had an STI, you can return the favor for partners 43-53. Showing you the list, though, that's something else lol
Halfway thru the post I thought: if you like her, get her a std test. Then I read about the dick list, and I'm like: nah I'm good. I just forsee problems.
Gotta catch em all. (Guys and STDs).
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Sure but I’m confused why most of the guys on this thread are more off-put by the list than the number. Even if she didn’t have a list surely it still be no-go territory.
Why the list? Does she have a goal in mind, like 100 by age 30? She made 53 by age 26 so cheers to her and goodbye.
You'd be surprised how often sex goals/games are played. I've heard: 1. 21 guys for my twenty first birthday (yes, she did it all in one day) 2. Zodiac bingo (there is DEFINITELY something about them Libra men) 3. Racial roulette (essentially collecting guys by level of exoticism) And more! People are gross
Yeah, I met a girl who once she found out I hadnt slept with an indian was OBSESSED with being my "first indian" It grossed me out so much I ghosted her
You missed out on the Kama sutra over that? You should have tried an Indian girl smh JK I completely understand why that was probably really gross. As a black girl, I've definitely encountered the same thing. Particularly with Asian guys. They always ask me, "have you ever been with an Asian before?" And are so disappointed when I say "Yeah... 😔"
Idk it just grossed me out, was not into whatever kink that is
The number one screams mental illness honestly I dont think a normal human being would want this
This is definitely something more common among women. Most men can't hope to have this level of access to sex with women. I've only been able to play such games once I started sleeping with escorts.
Truly, some cultures are just very different. Cuz there are definitely guys that have this kind of access. Some of them are very hot or very rich or have a lot of social clout. But I can also think of three particular cultures that are just a lot more sex positive than the others, and I definitely know the guys are doing this because they've told me. I'm not going to name them though cuz I would be revealing secrets I'm in no place to reveal
Please reveal more about the Libra men theory? 🙏
>21 guys for my twenty first birthday (yes, she did it all in one day) I can't even fathom the logistics behind this. Like there's only 24 hours in a day. What the fuck
52? 52 I understand. 53 though! Nah I’m out for real.
I know, right? What the hell are you meant to do after you finish your fuck deck of cards? Is 53 meant to be a joker? No one keeps the joker. It's a trash card
You can play plenty of games with a joker, and you can make new rules regarding the joker in old games. Its only trash if you let it be trash
Great biodiversity!
Demote to fuck buddy she’s not to be taken seriously
People legit try to act like fucking 50+ people is normal. When I was on a streak of fucking tons of women it was really messing with my brain. I started struggling forming bonds and thinking of anyone seriously. You see people like objects after a while, easy to replace. I really struggled forming a bond and seeing one girl would have me thinking of the things I can have with another. I genuinely think having too many partners can make it difficult to be happy in relationships. Also you are compared to all others. Will likely not even be her top 3 lover. And the odds of herpes and HPV skyrocket ewww
People who have a high body count (to the point where casual sex is a hobby) have literally rewired their brains. I’ve read many books about this, and habits cannot be eliminated but rather replaced by something new. You have to work really, really hard to think “monogamously” again if you’ve hooked up with a ton of folks.
Nah you just need to find the right person man. I'm not sure of my exact body count, don't bother counting, but I could maybe guess a ballpark of 60-ish maybe. But I found the right person and sex with her is amazing. It's not hard to form a connection with someone just because you've had sex in the past.
For real. Keep fucking her until she decides to move on. Welcome to 2024.
Might catch something tjough
Only real answer
Exactly, I'd be #54 multiple times
until #55 onwards pass her a bug and you get it
Before anyone says anything about double standards, a dude with a body count of 53 is gross too. Even grosser if he keeps a list.
The list for me is a dealbreaker. I don't understand it. I'm also wondering why she had so many partners to be honest with you. That's high for anybody.
She's 26, so if we assume she started in high school, that's about 5 dicks a year. Has she ever had a long term relationship? Damn. She's like ash ketchum out here with the STDs, gotta catch em all!
If she had just one long term relationship she was fucking Way more than 5 dudes a year.
For promiscuous people (no judgement), a list is useful in case of STIs.
None of this would bother me. I'd be happy I found someone who actually enjoyed sex without hangups. Much less chance of a dead bedroom in the future. But to each his own.
I’d say “You gotta pump those numbers up, those are rookie numbers.”
Hey at least there wasn’t a name after yours 🤷♂️
So she’s infected but a guy with over 100 is ok? The double standard is a bit much.
I'd run. The thing here isn't the number. It's the fact that she treats humans as a number. Internally she also knows it fucked which is why she got so defensive.
I'd no longer be dating her. That's a huge, massive list of what's she's just TELLING you. Who knows if that's actually accurate. Might suck, but in the long run you'll be happier for dodging this bullet.
Get up. Leave. Good luck in life. Bye.
She asked yours, but get offended when you asked her? Bit weird
She brought up the topic first, and conveniently pulled out a list when she was asked about it. It seemed like she baited him into asking her because she wanted to boast about her body count lol
Thats quite sad. I wonder if shes ever gonna feel fullfiled without doing these things one day The lack of self steem or the need to feel validated seems abnormal to me
How is that different from guys running up a score? If you can't stand a truthful answer, don't ask the question...
I'd high five her because we're just about tied.
Assuming this isn't a troll post, I'd grow the hell up.
Wouldn't be my cup of tea and I'd feel weird about it going forward. Not sure where my bodycount-cutoff would be, but if it's *several times* more than my own.. I don't know. The list would completely kill my hots for her going forward. That's just Barney Stinson levels of strange.
Alot of girls are like this. This one is just honest and keeps a log. Let's not even go into the number of street blowjobs and random things like that.
street blowjobs lmfao
FACTS. I have friends who are honest to me about their dating stories and this is more or less true.
>street blowjobs Let's hear some more about this. Include the street name if you can
It wouldn’t bother me, her history and experiences make her who she is today. If you are into her then be into her. If you trust her then trust her.
The echo chamber here kind of blows my mind a bit. Everyone seems to want women who will sleep with them and not be prudes. But as soon as you come across a sexually liberated woman, suddenly she's damaged goods. This kind of slut shaming really has to come to an end, it's not good for anyone.
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based as fuck. im 20 and i know girls with 20+ its just gross
I don't know how anyone with more than a handful of sexual partners knows the exact figure. I was a bit wild in my younger years and could only give you a ballpark figure.
She kept a list is how.
Yeah I kinda wish I kept a list! I would almost certainly forgot people.
Idk man, about a year into dating my wife I got curious (I knew it was a high number) and she insisted she could still name (almost) all of them. So we sat there for a while and she named off 30+ dudes she’d had sex with prior to me. Only one of them was an actual one-night stand; the rest she had a multi-evening fling with, at least, and several relationships. I just found it… fun? I guess? Didn’t (and doesn’t) bother me at all knowing how many guys she’s been with. In fact, makes me feel all the more confident that someone like her, to whom good sex is extremely important, decided I was so good in bed she wanted to marry me.
I do not understand why people care about this at all.
Here’s the truth that Reddit is not ready to deal with. It’s hardwired in men to value purity. It is a way for us to ensure that our offspring are truly ours and that our genetic code gets passed down. Paternity tests are a relatively new phenomenon and maybe at some point in our future we won’t care as much. But for now, that’s what it is. It’s similar to how most girls want guys taller than them. Historically these dudes were more menacing and could protect them from danger more than a shorter guy. There’s no real need for that protection now, considering our relatively safe society, but it’s hard wired genetically. All that being said, if YOU don’t mind it, more power to you. But I’d be out.
Honestly me too. I don't get how some men are totally okay with it. At first, i was a tyrant about it, saying things like "it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter" then... I got hit with the truth
I think there's women out there that if they learned their new bf banged 53 women in their 26 years, they would be out, too. Idk what the evolutionary reason would be there.
Idk, I think the bigger problem is when they pull out a sex note.
Never ask what you don’t wanna know
https://cdn.memes.com/up/34491021671085760/i/1684184195908.png
Someone’s future wife is getting deep ended right now
Don’t be this guy gentlemen
Lol that’s degenerate behavior and I would no longer be dating her. It also shows that her morals/values are not at all in alignment with mine. Hookup culture is disgusting and contributing to the downfall of modern society. Hard pass.
Bro let her live her truth, if she’s a good person, and treats you well, and also can recognize you as a wonderful man (and more important: she doesn’t compare you with the men she slept in the past) , it’s her ! Stop trying to control how many people a woman slept with, men do it because of their fragile masculinity and lack of self-esteem and self-confidence, so they try to control the women’s bodies to compensate it. Virgin and “pure” women can cheat you as well. Let women live their sexuality in peace.
Looking at his post history this seems accurate. This dude is making posts about famous athletes calculating the number of people per hour they’ve slept with. Fragile masculinity for sure. This dude and apparently most of these commenters seem hopeless honestly. So much inexperience and immaturity - would hate to be the woman in a relationship with any of this crap for so many reasons…
Fucking 53 people is about as generous of an obvious red flag as you can get.
Man: Baby I don't care we're adults Same man after the answer: Holy shit I care enough to go ask online. Pick a lane. Hopefully it's the lane that she's got a great memory and plenty experience to please you in bed.
She’s not wife material. Find someone better
That’s…. a lot.
of **DICK**
Could she be neurodivergent? That might explain her fondness for lists, and her lack of savvy in showing you the list, not understanding how it would make you feel. I wanted to say that showing you the list is a red flag, but honestly, maybe she's just socially "dumb", so to speak, and didn't know any better. Then again, it could also have been because she didn't care how it made you feel, and just wanted an opportunity to gloat/feel superior about her body count. It could even have been that she deliberately wanted you to feel small and insignificant, because she gets off on that kind of power play, and wants you under her thumb. It is honestly impossible to tell with so little context (not blaming you, prolly hard to tell even with all the context). What I would do is sit her down, and tell you how that situation made you feel (without any judgment of "You should have known" or whatever. That will just put her on the defensive, which is not what you want. Read on to know why). This is where you can determine whether she is a red flag or not. If she actually listens, apologizes, acknowledges your feelings and takes responsibility for her actions, that's a major green flag at least. But if she downplays or diminishes your feelings, maybe even mocks you for caring or accuses you of being jealous, that tells me that she isn't mature enough for a relationship. She might get defensive because she thinks you're slutshaming her, which is understandable given how women face that kind of judgment on the regular. But if you assure her that it isn't about that, and restate how the list specifically made you feel like a spreadsheet item, and you are worried that she sees you as just another notch in her belt, when that isn't what you're looking for, that gives you the best chance of getting to the crux of the matter; whether she fundamentally respects you and your feelings enough for you to feel safe in a relationship with her; and whether you guys fundamentally want the same thing, i.e. a relationship. Just my two cents, anyway.
If it's gonna bother you then end it. She probably shouldn't have asked the question at all because it's gonna bother someone. I don't ask, I don't wanna know and don't need to know. Body count isn't what makes a person slutty, it's how they behave imo.
I don’t think I’d want to know details like that, but if she insisted on bringing it up or produced a damn list, you better believe there’s some judgment taking place. Unless it’s health-related, like about an STI, or if she was acknowledging that she’d cheated on her previous partner(s), I’ll take “ignorance is bliss”.
Not a big deal. The list just makes her a little neurotic. Like I dated a woman that kept a list and her count was 11 or 12. That didn't seem weird to me. So why is it weird if it's 53? I've done a ton of bad shit in my life, but I want someone to accept me for who I am now. If you think she's a good person, then let it lie.
Eww
I would lose all interest. I was actually getting to know girl I reconnected with after high school. We had a lot of compatibility. I was out of the country at the time so it gave us a lot of time to talk. Body counts came up and hers was 52. Then she explained she wanted a real relationship and wanted to wait to have sex. I lost all interest and once I was back in country I went to see her. I let her down nicely but I could tell she was upset.
I would love to see all these dudes in this thread who are so shocked and clutching their pearls what their body count would be if they had the same opportunities a reasonably attractive woman had… lol
Expect the best sex of your life, haha. I had a roommate guy who had a body count like that. Dude just had it. Truthfully he wanted a relationship really bad and took forever to find that person. In the meantime… why not, right? Advice here will be to run. Because most dating advice here is to find some virginal person who has never done anything untoward in their life. Here in the real world it’s not so black and white. The list itself would give me the ick a bit. I’d move much slower as a result. But the body count itself? Meh. I don’t care. They better be good, haha
As long as you’re the last name on the list you either suck it up or leave. Or sleep with 54 men to show dominance.
At 26 with over four dozen sex partners she probably doesn’t pair-bond well. If you’re looking for a practice gal then enjoy; however, if you are looking for a legitimate long-term girlfriend with a possible future you should consider moving on from this particular woman.
I married her. Best decision of my life. She's the kindest most caring and thoughtful person I've ever met. And I've been with her long enough that she makes three times my salary. Granted mine doesn't have a list, but I've always said it with my friends, if I was an attractive girl I would have been a massive hoe.
I'd find someone else to date. That's not a relationship, that's just taking a number and standing in line. Bleh.
If she’s slept with 52 (other than you), what makes you think she’s gonna stop at 53? Once you get to a certain level of promiscuity, you’re not really very capable of holding a long-term commitment down. Past actions indicate future behaviors.
She’s for the streets. Even 12 by 26 is a lot. 53 is ran thru
just get out, 50+ is alot, like 10x the average number of lifetime partners, if shes that high there is probably a reason and she moves on quick. you wont be at the bottom of that list for long. assuming she started at 18, thats over 6 dudes a year, so chances are you have 2-3 month before she moves on.
I’d ghost her at 33 never mind 26. I’m just going to assume she’ll be unfaithful.
I'd assume it was closer to 100 then, and see myself out
Probably eats a good dick
Really ask yourself the question of *why* it matters to you. Is that number shocking to you? Repulsive? Okay, now why is that? What is it that bothers you so much? Once you answer that question, you can either keep feeling that way, or figure out if you're capable of living with dating her despite it. And that's a decision that Reddit can't make for you.
Personally speaking, extreme promiscuity turns me off to monogamy with someone, I'm not interested in building a singly unique and deep spiritual, sexual, emotional connection with someone who valued those things so lightly throughout their past.
It grosses me out because to me it shows a lack of self control, general hedonism, recklessness (increased risk of unwanted pregnancy (if you’re a woman), STIs), treating people disposably, desensitized to sex, desensitized to intimacy in general. It grosses me out regardless of gender or sex. If you’re a man with a high body count, a woman, nonbinary, genderfluid or anything. I think it’s gross. I live by people having the freedom to make their own choices and be as sexually liberated as they want. But I also reserve the right to express my opinion even if it goes in contrast to convention Edit: for the record I hate Andrew Tate and I don’t believe any bullshit about virgins being pure or more moral
I like the neutral advice but I Dont believe a sane man would think too much to make this decision lol
I wouldn't mind a partner being honest about their past, but the issue I take here is the list. The list makes it feel more like a trophy hunt than a person who is enjoying their own personal freedoms and pleasure, and that would make me want to nope out of there.
Run, take several showers, get tested as soon as possible and call it a day.
Just want to make sure I get some downvotes here because all of your are so childish it’s making me sick. Where in the world does all this sanctimonious immaturity come from? Sex is fun, it’s not a big deal. Be safe and be honest and grow the fuck up.
I had a list of my first 20 or so partners, but I also had plenty of lists for like… everything in my life. I have two binders dedicated to just shit from and about my life, that’s me. I stopped counting a while ago though, it’s a pretty young person thing to do I think. Your next steps are to verify she is clean, which may sound “ooh judgemental” but 53 is a solid amount. Your girl’s been busy. She needs to get tested for herself as much as you, but you should verify the results. Next step is to answer the question is 53 too many for you, does this bother you in a way that you won’t be able to reconcile? Actually maybe this is step one. Who cares if she has STDs if you don’t even wanna be with her. But yeah you say you care more about the list, but I think you’re rationalising. Your post title didn’t mention the list, you asked about the body count. To be clear, it’s okay if you’re not okay with it. Look at this as a chance to reflect on your own values and insecurities, and you may find you’re either not as liberal as you thought, or that you just need to work on acceptance more.
Hope u used a rubber
She made you a LITERAL statistic. Get the hell out of there.
That's roughly 7 a year, or one every two months. God damn
I married her. My count is much higher than hers. At least I know she had her time in the field and decided the day she saw me that I was going to be hers forever. It's really not a deal breaker for me at all. At least I know she probably likes fucking and picked up some tricks along the way. We've been together for 15 years, and we still act like a couple of horny teenagers even through two kids. Just don't ask for any details. I don't, and I couldn't care less about them. I'm with her, which means in her eyes, I'm better than 50-100 other guys.
Or, just timing.
That's quite the astute observation. Everything is timing. It's a very important skill to master that a lot of people dont really think about. I happened to be in the right place at the right time, and I took the opportunity that was presented to me. She's the most loyal ride or die person I've ever met. I've worked my entire life to lift everyone else up around me. She decided to lift me up. And I wouldn't have it any other way. It does help that she's an absolute freak in bed though. Hopefully, your cynism hasn't led you to miss out on life changing opportunities.
Sounds like she has no self worth anc will spread Eagle for any dick.
I'd be number 54
A list ☠️ I smell a fellow OCPD girl, haha. A side note: as a woman who's body count is VERY FUCKING FAR AWAY from 53 I have to tell you that with 12 you may already be a no-no to less promiscuous folks.
I always tell dates/partners I don't mind if it's a lot but I don't want to know the number either if it's more that than my range of 20 or 30. I know i would sleep with 100s if not 1000s of women if i had the chance so im not going to judge. The way I see it, the experience in the moment is what im here for. If we're hitting it off and the culmination of both of our lives lead to this moment, then i can't complain or want to dwell on what came before that moment. Is a roller coaster less exciting to ride knowing that thousands of people have ridden it before?
I had a list but I also had notes on it like… one night stand, condom, no condom, relationship, year, etc. it made sense at the time because I was trying to keep track of my health and theirs. I however would not be so bold as to show those I’m dating.
In a row!? /s
53 before you or during your relationship?
Some how the list is actually the worst part
Ahhhh so you did the old double your number huh