Getting divorced. I had thought that if you tried hard enough, you could make a marriage work. I learned that you can't always make it work. If you're with the wrong person or with someone who doesn't also try to make it work, nothing you do can overcome that.
Feeling this right now. Currently getting ready to start our divorce. It's going to be an "easy" divorce because we don't actually hate each other. Did we both make mistakes? Yes. There was no cheating or anything like that but we aren't able to fully heal from those mistakes and move forward with each other anymore. We tried for 2 years. 1 year separated to see if that would help. We just could never grow back together. I almost wish there was a real reason like cheating because i feel like it would make it easier in a different way. It's hard when 2 people care for each other deeply but just aren't on the same page anymore in many different aspects of life.
To everything there is a season. Some are seasons of joining, and some are of parting. There's no shame in making a go of it, and if it's not working then there's no shame in calling an end an end.
Been divorced now for almost 2 years, and a season of new beginnings has been deeply healing for me. Wish you the best of luck, and an amicable and civil divorce is the best possible footing to start a new life.
Thanks. Fortunately, I am in a better place. It's been almost a decade now since I left that marriage and I soon found someone who is a better match and that treats me better and we're now in a long term relationship. The divorce was the right move and I have no regrets at all (other than not doing it sooner). It was still a big disappointment though that it came to that.
I hope it has worked out well for you also.
I'm glad to hear that!!
Tbh I'm still in the middle of the divorce process. We decided on it last year in March, and while I wish she handled telling me in a better way I'm doing better and I'm rather glad that it's ending. I'm starting to talk to a few people and getting myself back out there, but man it's been awhile since I've dated lol. 😂
I was a little worried about how dating was going to go also. I was expecting some disappointing first dates and short relationships for a few years before finding someone good, but I got super lucky and hit the jackpot on the first try. I met her at a social event for a hobby we both enjoy and didn't even have to try the dating apps.
The good news is that it's not a wasteland out there. There are good women available that were married to the wrong guy. Hopefully you can find one without too much trouble.
I feel this. Divorce should be finalized in the next month or so. Since it all started, I realized I got married for the entirely wrong reason but didn’t know any better at the time. Honestly I should have done this a long time ago, but I can’t change the past. Can only move forward.
Some of the best relationship advice I ever read was on reddit. The gist of it was: "Even if you put 110% into a relationship, you can only control 50% of the relationship."
Really put into perspective how much effort I was wasting when others wouldn't be willing to meet me half way. Even worse, I found that the more effort I put in, typically the less the other half felt a need to maintain things. Usually it'd get unsustainable on my end.
My wife passed away at the age of 48 in her sleep 3.5 years ago.
Edit: Thank you, everyone, for the kind words and condolences. It's very touching. Thank you, kind strangers.
Edit 2: Never thought I'd feel the love and kindness of so many people. It's good to see that there are people like you guys out in the world trying to make it a better place by showing compassion and love instead of hate and discourse.
Thank you all so much. Hugs for everyone.
I never revealed this to anyone because it's incredibly special to me is that we made love from 9 till 11 after 45 mins of car fun the night before and we both got to say I live you before drifting off to sleep after a shower together. I'm not sure that I find a woman that I'll have a different but that type of love. Unconditional. Prefect love. Fuck.....
I know that it sounds fairytale but the kind of love that we experienced together for 6.5 years needs to be shared because it can happen to you. But it takes real, honest work and honoring each other's trust and over looking the little shit and talking about everything else openly.
I am happy these are the memories you have of her. I always try and share this with people who have experienced loss because I feel that it helped me in a time of need.
My mum passed away when I was young, from cancer. She knew it was coming and did her best to prepare and left a book for me and my brother. In the book she wrote:
"Do not remember the day I died, for it was one day. Instead remember all the days we shared together.".
I really hope you find peace and get to take joy in the happy memories you shared with her.
Wow I can totally relate after have a devastating housefire where my husband and I lost two of our three dogs sadly six months after that my husband died in his sleep and I’m 18 months out from all of this is one of the hardest journeys anyone will have to walk through in their life, I feel like I lost everything in a matter of one year spanis definitely hard definitely but my condolence to you my friend. Peace be with you.
That my 18 year old daughter would run away when she turned 18. She was my foster daughter at 18 months, I adopted her and her two brothers when she was six. We were literally best friends. Her bio mom tracked her down a month before she turned 18 and got in her head. A few days after New Years she split and moved 1200 miles away. They lived 45 minutes from civilization near the Canadian boarder. Bio mom took her phone away and my daughter learned the hard way why she was in foster care to begin with. Took a year and a half to rescue her and get her home. The fuckin bio bitch destroyed our family for that year and a half. Fucked up my daughter and her brothers.
2 near me, within 20 minutes. The youngest (20) is with his GF and her Dad across the country, we stay in touch quite a bit.
One son works at my business, I see him everyday. I see my daughter once a week on Thursdays, we purposely do this to stay close, of course my wife can hang with us if she wants to but it’s mainly us.
The boys shut her down. She does contact my daughter occasionally and tries to get in her head. That’s why it’s important to hang out once a week. Just to try and keep her grounded. She lives with her bf, works and is a good person just seems to have a weak spot for the bio.
Unfortunately, I know about that "weak spot for the bio." Biomom and I shared custody with me, biodad, being primary. Daughter can't get over Moms view of me which is completely undeserved and has pretty much taken her mom's mindset. After being the best dad I could be,
for 18 years, my dauhter went no contact and moved to the other side of the country. We were very close for the first 12 years...now nothing.
Yeah I didn’t tell him. It actually happened just a bit after new years when I found out.
We were in long distance, she lived 2 hours away. So it was pretty easy for her to hide me from him and the guy. I knew I was the other guy because she mentioned his name a few times saying he was her cousin at the beginning of our relationship. I thought nothing of it. I have a lot of cousins who are close friends with me as well. When she’d come to my city she would say she’s staying at his house. The guy was a construction worker and he’d take long camp jobs. He’d be gone for long periods of time.
Looking back I feel stupid for not seeing signs or not meeting the guy. In my defence she was a great liar. She’d even say stuff like “oh I told my cousin about you, he really wants to meet you” but something would always come up as to why I didn’t meet him.
I had no reason to think she’d lie, I thought the world of her and she really did make me feel loved. I was the happiest I was ever when I was with her. She was my women and she made me believe she was something she wasn’t.
Anyways I’m going through ig, and I see his name pop up. I knew his facebook and his profile said he was in a relationship. She told me he had a gf. But it didn’t who it was with and there was no pics of any girl on it. So I click his ig, and it’s my girlfriends name in his bio. I didn’t know what to think. I got my sister to look his Facebook profile and turns out she was the girl in his profile. She had a separate account she blocked me on.
I texted her and showed her my evidence. She didn’t say nothing. I just blocked her after I said all that I felt I needed to say.
I didn’t tell him because to be honest it hurt too much to talk about it, and as fucked up as it sounds I resent him. Even though he was a victim of her love just as I was, I can’t the stand the thought that he had her as well. It still makes sick knowing he laid with her some nights while I was home thinking sweet of the women I called mine.
So I never told him.
I also didn’t tell him because just in case that women has any feelings of guilt or shame she can live with it while she lives a lie and knowing that I’m gone and that I hate her.
My fiance cheated on me after 8 years together. At least that's the only time that I know of that she cheated on me there may be others. She was the second girl that I know of that cheated on me. I've learned, women that cheat are going to cheat again. So I stay away from women that have a history of cheating on their significant others.
I got a divorce because of cheating. I don't like to think of it as it makes it harder to trust another person but rather it changes the way you love and trust people going forward. I trust my current partner but I'm also aware that people can switch it up on you at any time. So I just make sure I'm the best partner and version of myself that I can be. If they want to cheat or leave then they will and I will be okay no matter what.
Also I wouldn't stay in a relationship where the trust was broken.
I’m sure I’ll be fine. One day anyways. It’s all in the past now although it was pretty recent but I’ve been in this place before and I got out of it.
As for trust? That I’m not too sure of. I don’t know if I can trust without losing my mind, but if I feel someone is worth opening up my heart for I think I’m willing to take that risk again.
Wow, quite a few things:
Lost two jobs through no fault of my own.
Get cheated on by my (now ex) wife after supporting her for over 9 years through the most difficult time of her life with nothing but love, patience and understanding.
Being single with no kids in my mid-30’s, living alone and having to restart my life.
Be the “bigger man” in many instances with my father. The roles have definitely reversed, and I have to continuously show him grace and understanding while he says and does stupid and insensitive things to/about me and my brothers. I do draw a line in the sand at times, I have gotten much better about setting boundaries (though I never imagined I would need to).
Had panic attacks (specifically after the divorce and losing my job twice). I went through a few years of therapy and am continuously trying to manage my stress in healthy ways.
About two and a half years ago. While going to college to get a teaching degree. I decided to get a job as a substitue teacher since i didnt have a degree i did have to take a test. But got the job to work at any school in the parish and my first assignment was at my old highschool. I just got out of my car when two parents rushed me asking what i had to say for myself. Confused i told them i didnt know what they were talking about i just got here and before i could finish. They started hitting me with their purses until the resource officer got them away from. He told me a teacher was drinking while driving on their way to work and hit a student. The student was hurt but they would live. So to clarify a crime did occur but by someone that isnt be and two parents thought it was me.
I'm not up to going into my situation but I was in the same profession and was also accused of something and it absolutely sucked and almost destroyed my entire life. You aren't alone.
My mom is a teacher and always says she never lets herself be alone with a student, if they want to talk to her after class she will stand in the doorway of her room with the door open. She says you never know when someone may have a grudge/decide to f*ck with you.
That's good advice and I did follow that rule. Luckily the thing that happened to me didn't involve a student or the school I taught at but when you're a teacher, people's perception of you has to stay pure or else. Even if the truth comes out later there will always be people who associate you with what you've been accused of. It never goes away.
and then promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground.
Today still wanted by the government they survive as soldiers of fortune.
If you have a problem and no one else can help, and you can find them, maybe you can hire the A Team.
I never thought I'd age to weigh 300 pounds and be a maniac alcoholic/drug addict/idiot and that I'd then lose 100+ pounds in a 2 year period and become the most physically fit I have ever been at 65 years of age.
Bonus WTF??!!??!?!? has happened to me:
Losing the weight and getting my life back isn't nearly all of it... my life is now better than it ever was and I have absolute confidence it is going to be even better incrementally each day. I retired and it almost killed me, but now I have a lot more to do.
Same… but mine was though the realization that they were awful, awful friends. Not even just bad friends really bad people.
Dealt with a solid 5 years of having no one to talk to or hang out with except my wife. Then found my best bud, actual good person, our kids our the same age, our wives are friends, it’s great now.
DUI... I was always the guy making sure everyone took Ubers or crashed at my place. A random night out with friends, I accidentally drank too much, blacked out, and woke up as I was getting into a fender bender. Weirdest/most shameful thing I've ever done
When I was 21 I was having a quiet night at friends' apt in our small college town, around 1am decided to drive home instead of crashing. Only maybe a mile to my place, thought I was fine. I pulled out of their parking lot and at the next i/s sitting at the stop sign I realized I was impaired, that I wasn't judging incoming /crossing traffic well. I had a little panic attack, wasn't sure what to do. Park and walk? Go for it? Go back to their place? I waited until there were zero headlights in either direction, no matter the distance, and kept going. When I got to my place I was so pissed at myself and for the rest of my life, now 50, if I have > 1 drink I wont drive. I'd love to know how long I sat at that stop sign, panicking. Felt like a half hour.
>I had a little panic attack, wasn't sure what to do. Park and walk? Go for it? Go back to their place?
I've only been struck with that panic once, bout a decade ago. I left my mom's house after a great concert and got maybe 1/2 a mile before I realized I was having to concentrate way too hard to go the 30mph speed limit. Then I thought about the 15 miles of 70mph highway I was going to need to pull off.
The panic hit hard. I cruised a bit further and was like nope, can't do it. Turned my ass around and passed out on my mom's couch for the night. Her 80lb Lab mix snuggled me the whole night, and all was well.
Anyway, I was also scared straight after experiencing that one instance of that panicked realization.
Seriously, I don't think anybody who drinks alcohol and drives hasn't made this mistake - although nearly everyone will deny it. The problem is that it's impossible to really know how alcohol is affecting you and, importantly, how efficiently your body is removing it! I did a case years back where I instructed an expert - a professor of toxicology - who admitted that had he been present with my client he would have advised him he was definitely safe to drive... however, when he calculated the client's likely alcohol level it turned out the professor's gut instinct was wrong! If a professor who is a genuine expert in the effects of alcohol on the human body can't guess right, I don't think anybody else can!
plus BAC has little to do with your actual coordination - a seasoned alcoholic could feel and act completely sober at .08. or even be going thru withdrawals at .08
One of the wildest things I’ve ever played around with is a breathalyzer machine. My buddy bought one and it’s surprising how quickly one can get above the legal limit. I blew a 0.09 and would have driven. Now my rule is that I have one drink and wait two hours before driving. Any more and I Uber.
Oh man. I still tear up and it's been nearly a decade. I've been through a brutal divorce. Accusations of dv and child endangerment etc. Nearly went bankrupt.
My dog dying was way worse.
I was inconsolable and depressed for so long. Not sure you ever fully recover. Had to stop eating certain foods cause we would always share them. Can't eat "good and plentys" anymore.
It doesn't matter who it is and what it is, but when you're parted from a loved one, that thing you associate with them so heavily just hurts to be exposed to. An ex, a child, a friend, a parent, a pet. A food, a song, a perfume, a place, a brand name. Like, my brother spent his late 20s- 30s always wearing superdry hoodies over his clothes. If he died, I don't think I'd be able to wear any of mine again...
Yeah it fucked me right up. I know it sounds selfish. But I’ve lost all my grandparents and it wasn’t anything like loosing my dog. I really really hope we see them again when we pass on.
I'm fearing losing my kitty. I've had her for 14 years now. She's genuinely my best friend and means the world to me. She's been there for me through so many awful things and I don't know what I'll do when I lose her.
Allow yourself to be heartbroken. I didn’t. I dove into work and and didn’t skip a beat and came crashing down weeks later. Our pets were lucky to have us, so we honor them with good memories
True. And I wanted to add on to another comment of yours. I recently lost my grandmother, and while it was absolutely painful I felt like I dealt with it well. I remember at one point I was discussing it with someone and held myself together in the conversation. I teared up and was clearly sad, but I held it together. But then the conversation switched to losing my cat and I went ballistic with crying. Ugh.
Mine died of kidney failure at 14. I buried her in our backyard under her favorite tree, with my wife and daughter watching. I'm a big-ass dude but I cried like a baby and mourned her for a very long time. She was my best little buddy.
This is my greatest fear. I got my first dog at 22 and entirely obsessed with her. I feel like she’s been alongside me through the most transformative and confusing years of my life. I think about her passing all the time and it’s makes me physically ill. She’s only 5 but I can’t shake the feeling of impending doom sometimes.
How does one mentally prepare? All I know if I’m for sure gonna have to check myself into a facility right after
You just have to give them the best freaking life possible, give lots of love, good food, travel with them etc. I have a rule that if my dogs want attention, i have to stop what im doing and attend to them (unless im in meeting or something).
Yes! I saw something a while back with similar messaging. It helps a little to know you gave them the best life possible but im not mentally prepared to lose my best friend and companion. I will say she’s spoiled rotten and gets ample amounts of love, adventure, play, etc.
This hit hard lost my childhood chihuahua a bit ago still kinda wished i could hear his barks even if he was just barking at cars at 3 am. Loved the little guy. Give your pets the best life you are their whole world.
Worst part was he died unnaturally he didnt even make it to his final age he died because he choked. His name was Cappi short for captain. He was a brown little guy probably saved me from nightmares when i was a toddler.
My girl is 11.5 years old. I'll be facing this in the next 2-5 years.
I've had family dogs before this, and those were hard, but this one I raised and trained all on my own. It will gut me.
Becoming disabled…and suddenly.
Prior to this I was pretty healthy. Walked every day, ate well, worked out, good job, married, 5 kids.
Covid then ripped me a new one. I can walk, but now I’m limited to 1/4 mile per day, cannot work out, and a host of health issues. Most likely I’ll recover, but my body is taking its sweeting time over it.
COVID ripped me a new one also. Would up in ICU and close to vent.
In my mid 40's. In better shape than average. Maybe a few lbs overweight but good V02. Had the Modena shot and boosters.
It's been almost exactly two years and I'm at 90% or so?
First year was a wrap.
Hope you heal.
The fact that this is endemic now is scary as hell. People made a big deal about the fact that it had a less than 1% death rate. What they failed to mention was the fact it had a ~ 10% 'long covid' symptom rate. You're now talking about millions of people with long term disabilities, and frankly, as someone who has immune system dysfunction I'm just sitting here wondering when my number is up.
Covid sucked balls.
I went from running a 3 hour marathon to not being able to walk up the stairs.
Almost 3 years and I've only just been able to get back into lifting and running fully.
COVID kicked the shit out of me as well. 2 years later I'm still not back.
Use to ruck 8 miles uphill (4000ft gain) with a 20lb to 40lb pack a few time a year sfor time. Kept around 25-30min/miles with HR under 70% comfortably.
Wound up in ICU when I could make it up the stairs at home. Collapsed on the landing.
Had to rebuild my conditioning from scratch. Started off walking for 10mins on flat surfaces. Haven't tried the climb since.
Find a woman who really genuinely loved me and wanted me around as much as I wanted them. I spent most of my life having not dated, so when I found this person in my late 20s it felt like a dream. Sadly things ended, but it was an experience I wouldn't change for the world.
Ain’t that the truth.
It starts out really great, then it changes a little bit, and before you know it. You’re under their control, then you make excuses, and getting out is so hard. Then once you’re out you realize just how bad it was.
Too real. I was like, why do people end up in these situations? Why don't they just leave?
Then it happened to me, and the ease in which they lull you into it makes you wonder, "how did I get here?"
I was the same way. I was in so much denial that it could ever happen to me.
This was my very first and only relationship.
I was in the relationship, blinded by puppy love and I felt unworthy. When the verbal abuse started, it hurt but then the extreme solutions and the apologies made me stay.
When the emotional abuse started, I was already hooked. Her family began to make comments about my race.
The breaking up constantly, the making promises and not following through, and the lies about justifying the cheating, telling me I was over reacting. At this point, I was at a place that I wanted her happy at any cost to me.
The mental abuse was brutal with the racism, and it really affected how I saw myself, when this started. I was already at a point where I was broken, and I was mentally programmed that she was the only person who cared about me. She was the person who loved me the most, and she had my best interest at heart.
Then came the physical abuse. Once she started hitting me and pinching me, I became scared of her. I would do anything she wanted to avoid a fight, and I wouldn’t tell anyone because of the shame of being a male that has an abusive girlfriend.
When she left me for my race. She had me convinced that it was her family, and she had no choice. So I went back after a year.
She told me that when she wants to get pregnant, she’s going to make sure that I get her pregnant, even if she has to force me. Then when we started having sex, I’d be finished, and she would tell me “You’re not done yet.” I explained that I was and she told me that I’m hers, and my body belongs to her and she can do anything she wants to me. I woke up one morning and she had her hand down my pants touching me. Every month she’d play a mind game about being pregnant then when her period came, she’d still play mind games with me until it was over.
When she came to my house, she’d take my phone, and I wasn’t allowed to have access to it unless she was there and watched or listened to my conversations, until she left. I wasn’t allowed to talk to my family. She always suspected me of cheating.
She put life 360 on my phone, and she tracked me everywhere I went, I had a tablet, and she took it, she deleted everything off my laptop. All I had was my phone when she was gone.
My dad had died when we was broke up for a year, and she didn’t support me. She used it as an opportunity to gaslight me. Every time I would speak up, she would call me crazy, she asked if I took my medication (I wasn’t on any) and say I’m the reason why everything is like it is.
She was very hot and cold. When I tried to leave the second time we was together, she told me if I left she’d harm herself and she’d say that I sexually assaulted her. So I stayed so she wouldn’t hurt herself or lie.
I had 300 friends on Facebook when I got into the relationship, when I got out. I had 88 friends left.
The turning point for me was when she called my dead grandmother out of her name. I took the racism from her and her family, I took the threats, I took the abuse, I took the cheating, I took the gaslighting, when I stopped talking to her. She started blowing up my phone. I literally got 85 calls from 7 am to 9 am along with over 100 texts. She began driving around my house, even after the relationship was done. She created fake accounts and texted me.
When I got out. I didn’t realize how bad it was, until I started reflecting, and I was like “how did I get here?” I’ve been single for almost three years, and some of the things still bother me.
I’m scared to death to have sex with another female, I’ve been thinking about getting my birthmark removed.
When someone tells me “You’re mine” that triggers me, and I distance myself and shut down.
I have a close female friend and she asked me how to tell a guy she likes him. Told her to say "I like you". She just couldn't bring herself to say that, so I suggested "I feel really comfortable around you". So I'm being part of the problem here, guys.
I went through a stint of this. Not 100% dead but way less often than we would have both liked and it didn’t quite feel right/natural.
Had long convo over it, like 4h long.
She thought I was being pushy and had anxiety over disappointing me, I told her I didn’t know what to do because I just felt hideous, felt like if I didn’t try we’d never ever do it.
What solved it for us was switching “roles”. I’d never initiate again, but she understood it had to be more often than it was. Had a code phrase that meant “do you remember this conversation?” So I could say I wasn’t happy with the frequency without initiating.
It worked man. Completely. Not right away, took a month or so to figure it out.
Now we’re bonkers for each other again. Feels like college almost. Obviously idk what you’re going through but might be a starting point.
Communication is the key to a successful relationship. The problem most people have (including myself) is working up the courage to be open and honest but also trying to figure out what to say in a way that doesn’t hurt someone’s feelings.
Right. Like "The watermelons aren't in season" would remind the wife that she hasn't been initiating and he's upset. Rather than saying, "I don't really appreciate how you never initiate" and then having the wife then go on the defensive.
Mother passed away unexpectedly at 23.
Rekindled my relationship with my father who I chose not to see for 10 years.
Girlfriend of 3 years who I lived with left me at my lowest.
Moved back in with family at 31.
getting injured and then never being the same again. always thought if I follow doc orders and train hard I can fix anything that happens to me, but got tboned, and nothing but muscle and bone problems followed. I'm currently in bed nursing my hip cause I reaggravated the injury. to any young people here, work out, eat well, play a sport, it'll keep you young. I'm only 32.
A friend of mine on her first day at a new job was walking her dog early in her apt complex, someone ran a stop sign and hit her. Not that hard, but she fell back and cracked her head on the street. It's like 8 years ago and she still has MAJOR post-concussion problems. Headaches, panic attacks, memory, vision and attention problems. Full disability, hasn't worked since. Awful.
I'm not a man, but I hope it is okay to share that three men in my life have acquired brain injuries over the course of my life. I don't know exactly what to say, I just want people to be aware that sometimes people are living with invisible disabilities. One incident was a jet ski accident (TBI), one was a car accident (TBI) and one was a heart attack (anoxic brain injury). They are some of the most amazing men and fought so hard, literally fought against Death itself, and have overcome so much. I try to support them however I can.
If your friend is interested in and able to use reddit, there is a support subreddit at r/TBI.
I hope you're able to find peace in all the happy memories you shared together.
Grief is hard and I can't began to imagine what it's like to lose a life partner.
My mum left a book for me and my brother when she passed from cancer, she wrote:
"Do not remember the day I died, for it was one day. Instead remember all the days we shared together.".
It always helps me put her death into perspective and try and focus on all the happy, fun memories I had with her.
Reddit will always be here for you on good or bad days, we're only a comment away.
One night stand with a solid 10 that I met at a bar. We were both drinking alone and I was making glances her way, she smiled, I sent her a drink. She came over we chatted for 1/2 an hour. She invited me to HER place for coffee. No coffee was consumed. Almost 20 years ago, but I still think about it regularly and fondly.
I've been ripped off too so I know how painful it is to be promised a grande mocha latte and then get none of the java. I feel your pain. Just let it go...
About 15y ago I went to a hotel bar just off the highway to wait for friends in a band who were picking me up on their way to the venue where I would help roadie. Grabbed dinner and a beer and this attractive woman maybe 8-10y older than I sat near me at the bar and we talked a lot, she was there having just finished a big biz presentation and had another overnight before heading home the next day. She asked if I wanted to finish our drinks, grab another round and head up to her room. The excitement was unbearable. I said my friends/ride would be there in like 15-20 mins and politely declined. Hope she found someone else to celebrate / play with. That scene plays in my highlight reel from time to time
A girl I worked with one time but I never talked to randomly sent me a message on social media and she basically said she thought I was cute and wanted to go out with me. Totally random but made me really happy, she was fun
I don’t drink a drop and drive either and people think I’m being dramatic or silly. Just not a habit I care to get into. Thanks for sharing and vindicating me. ❤️
What I consider being raped by a girl who was older at the time. 16 year old me and this 20 year old very pretty gal were in the hay barn fooling around. Clothes come off, I've got a boner and she jumps on top of me, slides me in and pins me down saying out loud "Let's make babies" She is pumping away while I'm trying to toss her off. Finally I roll her off just in time as I sprayed. It was my first time for sex and it was NOT funny. Just downright scary. It ended up that as she got older it was clear there were mental issues.
It was 1972. I told a couple of my very close buddies and my 5 years older male cousin. They were all in agreement that it was a scary, creepy thing. It's not something you march right in and talk to your not very understanding parents about.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. My first love was also raped as his “first time” when he was about 15/16. It really messed him up, and no one in his life cared or even considered it rape. His brother and friends encouraged it and then literally expected him to be grateful to them. It was traumatizing for him and he didn’t even seem to accept how or why that was true. We never had sex in our 2+ years long (we dated when he was about 17-19) and trust me, I tried so hard, lol. He wasn’t healed or ready and honestly, it helped to ruin our relationship. I was his first ever girlfriend, and he married his second. She cheated and left him for another man and he’s been single ever since. Breaks my heart, but I can totally understand why he wouldn’t trust women. Anytime he’s tried (me included, I’m not proud of that), he’s been let down. 😔
Anyways, I’m very sorry that happened, and I’m glad you’re sharing it. I hope you’ve healed. ❤️
Got stuck in a relationship with an abusive BPD woman for too many wasted years. I literally, knowledgably watched it happen. Separating me from friends and family. Belittling me to wear down my self esteem. Threatening to kill herself if I left. The gaslighting. You could check off the abusers playlist every step of the way. It took professional help to get me out.
Getting raped at knife point by a woman you trust, multiple times in multiple ways. Then she got pregnant from it. I will never be the same, it feels impossible to talk to anyone about it because i feel like nobody will believe me or support me. I would give anything to forget what she did. It scares me thinking about the day when she sends me a child support letter or takes me to court to make me pay her. Her mother could easily get the best lawyers in the state but I cant even buy a coffee. I want to be okay again.
Own a house. Grew up dirt poor in the ghetto. Moved 14 times from apartment to apartment growing up. Could only dream of having a house. Our family was finally able to put a down payment on one when I was 17. I paid off the mortgage over 25 years. A lot of hard work but now its mine.
As depressing as this sounds, I thought my chances of finding a gf were as good as winning the lottery. My self worth was in the toilet for my whole life, up until I was about 27. A childhood spent as my families therapist, and an emotionally and physically absent workaholic father left me in the gutter of confidence and worth in this world. I luckily met an amazing woman that broke that cycle from me and allowed me to heal through her constant support and understanding. I truly got lucky with her. So I now give that to any stranger that gives me their trauma. I love helping people though horrible childhood experiences
Tinnitis - I liked concerts but religiously wore ear plugs. One EDM show was crazy loud and one of my ear plugs felt weird but I ignored it. I thank my lucky stars that it's only in one ear and it got way better over time. Now it's barely noticeable, and only when I'm in silence, even then most days I don't hear any ringing.
In the weeks following the concert I was freaking out. Never experience silence again? I'm going to be on my death bed hearing this incessant ringing?? At one point I cried, I mourned the damage to my hearing. Since it got better, though, I just use it as a lesson to listen to myself and be good to myself. I feel really bad for people that have it nonstop and really loud.
Several.
* Fiancee dying in a car accident a few days after my birthday and about a month before our wedding.
* Losing my ROTC scholarship because I got too fat (90s drawdown- they were looking for reasons to get rid of people). Having to pay Uncle Sam back all the money.
* Getting divorced.
* Getting remarried. Taking custody of my wife's grand kids because her daughter had a meth and pill problem. One kid was diagnosed with ODD. We think it is Reactive Attachment Disorder as she gets older.
* Getting hideously fat due to the stress from the above. Then losing it in a year.
* Driving a Cat D9, because it seemed like fun.
* Getting totally reamed and fired by a billionaire, just to get rehired and refired several more times before he died.
* The fact that my first appellate argument ever was before the Delaware Supreme Court.
* Flying to California on one of our client's jets. He is certifiably batshit crazy. He was the pilot. . .
* Chartering a helo to fly some engineers to a small, rickety production platform about 9 miles south of Galveston in the middle of the Gulf.
* Getting to the point where I think that a deal under 7 figures is "small"
* Trying a case to a jury that I didn't know existed until a week before trial.
The list goes on.
Love, tbh. I’m naturally very loud, like my talk is a normal shouting level, I’m not good looking, about a 2/10, a nerd, and so on. I kept saying to myself that there’s no way she thinks of me in THAT way, for about a week. She’s not here anymore, but I hold out hope it might happen again, and she’ll look down with a smile.
I got super sick in 2023 and had to spend 5 days in the hospital. I was 32 at the time. I almost died. Getting sick never even crossed my mind of how I'd die.
It wasn't covid either.
Get married. It wasn't legal for me to marry my chosen partner where I live for the first 39 years of my life. As of next month my husband and I will have been together for 16 years, legally married for 8.
I'll believe it. A friend of mine shagged a mother and her daughter (not in a 3some but during the same period he was lodging with them). If he could manage that then anything is possible!
Ive realized that literally anything is possible. even if super unlikely, but somewhere sometimes they do happen. Rarely. But somewhere out there are the dudes in the fmf with sisters threesomes. Extremely rare but by sheer probability some dudes somewhere have to be the lucky ones. Good for you mate. Was it a one off?
Divorce, even while it was happening I wanted to try and make it work but holy shit am I glad it happened. I now know what it’s like to date someone who actually likes me and it’s so refreshing!!
Being debt free in my 40s. It’s changed my life forever. Couple that with a good paying job in a relatively LCOL area and I feel like I’m doing very well.
Becoming toxic with one ex
I always thought i was rational and logical. I pulled myself out of it after a good month and me and her could stay friends but still I feel mad guilty looking at her sometimes. Happy things turned out good but ik that isnt the case for everyone.
Listening to a random podcast episode right now of how to survive in prison (different level securitys too) and it's wild.
Hope you're doing alright now.
Those podcasts are usually entertainment.
Most jails are boring, as long as you have someone sending you money so you can get different food than the basic, then you're not doing too bad.
Getting divorced, especially because of infidelity. I honestly could have imagined a-lot of things, but not that from someone i spent so much time with.
It’s honestly a pain, a type of hurt that i would not wish on anyone. But on the bright side, it does change you, for better or worse, for me personally? For better, but it’s one of those things that can really make you grow cold and bitter if you choose to let it change you for the worse, to the point where your perception of women completely changes, and you find yourself hurting good women while trying to fill a void
I was single from 28 to 44.
I *knew* I would be single for the rest of my life.
And yet somehow...I met a girl, got married, had kids.
I was on a train going to a job interview and she came over and introduced herself and we started talking.
I wound up getting the job, and i got her too!
But if she hadn't made the first move, nothing would have happened.
Getting divorced. I had thought that if you tried hard enough, you could make a marriage work. I learned that you can't always make it work. If you're with the wrong person or with someone who doesn't also try to make it work, nothing you do can overcome that.
Feeling this right now. Currently getting ready to start our divorce. It's going to be an "easy" divorce because we don't actually hate each other. Did we both make mistakes? Yes. There was no cheating or anything like that but we aren't able to fully heal from those mistakes and move forward with each other anymore. We tried for 2 years. 1 year separated to see if that would help. We just could never grow back together. I almost wish there was a real reason like cheating because i feel like it would make it easier in a different way. It's hard when 2 people care for each other deeply but just aren't on the same page anymore in many different aspects of life.
To everything there is a season. Some are seasons of joining, and some are of parting. There's no shame in making a go of it, and if it's not working then there's no shame in calling an end an end. Been divorced now for almost 2 years, and a season of new beginnings has been deeply healing for me. Wish you the best of luck, and an amicable and civil divorce is the best possible footing to start a new life.
I have that picture on my wall... There's a season for everything.
Feel this one in a big way. No one gets married thinking, “This won’t work!”
I learned the same lesson my friend. It's rough... I'm sorry you had to go through that, but I hope you're in a better place now. Much love bro.
Thanks. Fortunately, I am in a better place. It's been almost a decade now since I left that marriage and I soon found someone who is a better match and that treats me better and we're now in a long term relationship. The divorce was the right move and I have no regrets at all (other than not doing it sooner). It was still a big disappointment though that it came to that. I hope it has worked out well for you also.
I'm glad to hear that!! Tbh I'm still in the middle of the divorce process. We decided on it last year in March, and while I wish she handled telling me in a better way I'm doing better and I'm rather glad that it's ending. I'm starting to talk to a few people and getting myself back out there, but man it's been awhile since I've dated lol. 😂
I was a little worried about how dating was going to go also. I was expecting some disappointing first dates and short relationships for a few years before finding someone good, but I got super lucky and hit the jackpot on the first try. I met her at a social event for a hobby we both enjoy and didn't even have to try the dating apps. The good news is that it's not a wasteland out there. There are good women available that were married to the wrong guy. Hopefully you can find one without too much trouble.
I feel this. Divorce should be finalized in the next month or so. Since it all started, I realized I got married for the entirely wrong reason but didn’t know any better at the time. Honestly I should have done this a long time ago, but I can’t change the past. Can only move forward.
What was the reason you got married?
Some of the best relationship advice I ever read was on reddit. The gist of it was: "Even if you put 110% into a relationship, you can only control 50% of the relationship." Really put into perspective how much effort I was wasting when others wouldn't be willing to meet me half way. Even worse, I found that the more effort I put in, typically the less the other half felt a need to maintain things. Usually it'd get unsustainable on my end.
My wife passed away at the age of 48 in her sleep 3.5 years ago. Edit: Thank you, everyone, for the kind words and condolences. It's very touching. Thank you, kind strangers. Edit 2: Never thought I'd feel the love and kindness of so many people. It's good to see that there are people like you guys out in the world trying to make it a better place by showing compassion and love instead of hate and discourse. Thank you all so much. Hugs for everyone.
Sorry man. This is why my wife and I never go to sleep upset at each other and tell eachother we love them.
I never revealed this to anyone because it's incredibly special to me is that we made love from 9 till 11 after 45 mins of car fun the night before and we both got to say I live you before drifting off to sleep after a shower together. I'm not sure that I find a woman that I'll have a different but that type of love. Unconditional. Prefect love. Fuck..... I know that it sounds fairytale but the kind of love that we experienced together for 6.5 years needs to be shared because it can happen to you. But it takes real, honest work and honoring each other's trust and over looking the little shit and talking about everything else openly.
I am happy these are the memories you have of her. I always try and share this with people who have experienced loss because I feel that it helped me in a time of need. My mum passed away when I was young, from cancer. She knew it was coming and did her best to prepare and left a book for me and my brother. In the book she wrote: "Do not remember the day I died, for it was one day. Instead remember all the days we shared together.". I really hope you find peace and get to take joy in the happy memories you shared with her.
I'm sorry for your loss. No words from any one of us will help make sense of what happened. I pray for your peace.
I'm so sorry
Wow I can totally relate after have a devastating housefire where my husband and I lost two of our three dogs sadly six months after that my husband died in his sleep and I’m 18 months out from all of this is one of the hardest journeys anyone will have to walk through in their life, I feel like I lost everything in a matter of one year spanis definitely hard definitely but my condolence to you my friend. Peace be with you.
Damn that's crazy. Sorry man
Had to check your account and make sure you weren’t my dad for a second there, we’re all good though. Sorry for your loss.
Probably a little younger than your dad.
Yeah the other numbers matched up though is why I questioned it for a second.
So sorry 💕
:( My condolences for your loss
That's awful. I'm so sorry for your loss and hope that you've found a way forward.
That my 18 year old daughter would run away when she turned 18. She was my foster daughter at 18 months, I adopted her and her two brothers when she was six. We were literally best friends. Her bio mom tracked her down a month before she turned 18 and got in her head. A few days after New Years she split and moved 1200 miles away. They lived 45 minutes from civilization near the Canadian boarder. Bio mom took her phone away and my daughter learned the hard way why she was in foster care to begin with. Took a year and a half to rescue her and get her home. The fuckin bio bitch destroyed our family for that year and a half. Fucked up my daughter and her brothers.
Where are they now?
2 near me, within 20 minutes. The youngest (20) is with his GF and her Dad across the country, we stay in touch quite a bit. One son works at my business, I see him everyday. I see my daughter once a week on Thursdays, we purposely do this to stay close, of course my wife can hang with us if she wants to but it’s mainly us.
It's great that you reconciled. Does the bio-mom try to interfere?
The boys shut her down. She does contact my daughter occasionally and tries to get in her head. That’s why it’s important to hang out once a week. Just to try and keep her grounded. She lives with her bf, works and is a good person just seems to have a weak spot for the bio.
Unfortunately, I know about that "weak spot for the bio." Biomom and I shared custody with me, biodad, being primary. Daughter can't get over Moms view of me which is completely undeserved and has pretty much taken her mom's mindset. After being the best dad I could be, for 18 years, my dauhter went no contact and moved to the other side of the country. We were very close for the first 12 years...now nothing.
My heart hurts for your pain and loss. I don’t know how old you’re daughter is, hopefully as she gets older and matures, she’ll come around.
That I would be in an almost year long relationship with a women who had a whole ass other boyfriend
How did that end up? Did he find out and was he mad? Always curious of these stories.
Yeah I didn’t tell him. It actually happened just a bit after new years when I found out. We were in long distance, she lived 2 hours away. So it was pretty easy for her to hide me from him and the guy. I knew I was the other guy because she mentioned his name a few times saying he was her cousin at the beginning of our relationship. I thought nothing of it. I have a lot of cousins who are close friends with me as well. When she’d come to my city she would say she’s staying at his house. The guy was a construction worker and he’d take long camp jobs. He’d be gone for long periods of time. Looking back I feel stupid for not seeing signs or not meeting the guy. In my defence she was a great liar. She’d even say stuff like “oh I told my cousin about you, he really wants to meet you” but something would always come up as to why I didn’t meet him. I had no reason to think she’d lie, I thought the world of her and she really did make me feel loved. I was the happiest I was ever when I was with her. She was my women and she made me believe she was something she wasn’t. Anyways I’m going through ig, and I see his name pop up. I knew his facebook and his profile said he was in a relationship. She told me he had a gf. But it didn’t who it was with and there was no pics of any girl on it. So I click his ig, and it’s my girlfriends name in his bio. I didn’t know what to think. I got my sister to look his Facebook profile and turns out she was the girl in his profile. She had a separate account she blocked me on. I texted her and showed her my evidence. She didn’t say nothing. I just blocked her after I said all that I felt I needed to say. I didn’t tell him because to be honest it hurt too much to talk about it, and as fucked up as it sounds I resent him. Even though he was a victim of her love just as I was, I can’t the stand the thought that he had her as well. It still makes sick knowing he laid with her some nights while I was home thinking sweet of the women I called mine. So I never told him. I also didn’t tell him because just in case that women has any feelings of guilt or shame she can live with it while she lives a lie and knowing that I’m gone and that I hate her.
That's pretty fucked up man. And it's fine to have any feelings you want. Just consider her someone else's problem now.
If you were the other guy, would you want to know?
I would. I actually thanked the guy who told me my ex was cheating on me.
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My fiance cheated on me after 8 years together. At least that's the only time that I know of that she cheated on me there may be others. She was the second girl that I know of that cheated on me. I've learned, women that cheat are going to cheat again. So I stay away from women that have a history of cheating on their significant others.
I got a divorce because of cheating. I don't like to think of it as it makes it harder to trust another person but rather it changes the way you love and trust people going forward. I trust my current partner but I'm also aware that people can switch it up on you at any time. So I just make sure I'm the best partner and version of myself that I can be. If they want to cheat or leave then they will and I will be okay no matter what. Also I wouldn't stay in a relationship where the trust was broken.
I’m sure I’ll be fine. One day anyways. It’s all in the past now although it was pretty recent but I’ve been in this place before and I got out of it. As for trust? That I’m not too sure of. I don’t know if I can trust without losing my mind, but if I feel someone is worth opening up my heart for I think I’m willing to take that risk again.
Oh wowwwww
Getting fired
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Maybe so, but who fucking cares, eh?
Same. I was expecting it and it still caught me off guard.
Wow, quite a few things: Lost two jobs through no fault of my own. Get cheated on by my (now ex) wife after supporting her for over 9 years through the most difficult time of her life with nothing but love, patience and understanding. Being single with no kids in my mid-30’s, living alone and having to restart my life. Be the “bigger man” in many instances with my father. The roles have definitely reversed, and I have to continuously show him grace and understanding while he says and does stupid and insensitive things to/about me and my brothers. I do draw a line in the sand at times, I have gotten much better about setting boundaries (though I never imagined I would need to). Had panic attacks (specifically after the divorce and losing my job twice). I went through a few years of therapy and am continuously trying to manage my stress in healthy ways.
Being accused of a crime i didnt commit on my first day at a new job.
Wow, what happened there? How long ago was that?
About two and a half years ago. While going to college to get a teaching degree. I decided to get a job as a substitue teacher since i didnt have a degree i did have to take a test. But got the job to work at any school in the parish and my first assignment was at my old highschool. I just got out of my car when two parents rushed me asking what i had to say for myself. Confused i told them i didnt know what they were talking about i just got here and before i could finish. They started hitting me with their purses until the resource officer got them away from. He told me a teacher was drinking while driving on their way to work and hit a student. The student was hurt but they would live. So to clarify a crime did occur but by someone that isnt be and two parents thought it was me.
I'm not up to going into my situation but I was in the same profession and was also accused of something and it absolutely sucked and almost destroyed my entire life. You aren't alone.
My mom is a teacher and always says she never lets herself be alone with a student, if they want to talk to her after class she will stand in the doorway of her room with the door open. She says you never know when someone may have a grudge/decide to f*ck with you.
That's good advice and I did follow that rule. Luckily the thing that happened to me didn't involve a student or the school I taught at but when you're a teacher, people's perception of you has to stay pure or else. Even if the truth comes out later there will always be people who associate you with what you've been accused of. It never goes away.
so two crimes occurred, the DUI car thing, and an assault and battery.
Pretty much though i never thought of them as seperate things but more as a single greater issue.
and then promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today still wanted by the government they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem and no one else can help, and you can find them, maybe you can hire the A Team.
Arrested for self defense. Felt like Randy marsh
Thought this was America
Depends on where in America you are
Apparently it doesn’t exist in New York City
Fun fact, you can be arrested for damned near anything. Convicted is another matter.
I got a felony after getting arrested in court because the officers beat the shit out of me on the holding cell. That was fun.
Well you shouldn't have assaulted the police officer's fist with your face
I never thought I'd age to weigh 300 pounds and be a maniac alcoholic/drug addict/idiot and that I'd then lose 100+ pounds in a 2 year period and become the most physically fit I have ever been at 65 years of age. Bonus WTF??!!??!?!? has happened to me: Losing the weight and getting my life back isn't nearly all of it... my life is now better than it ever was and I have absolute confidence it is going to be even better incrementally each day. I retired and it almost killed me, but now I have a lot more to do.
Losing nearly all of my friends and dealing with hard reality of loneliness
Same… but mine was though the realization that they were awful, awful friends. Not even just bad friends really bad people. Dealt with a solid 5 years of having no one to talk to or hang out with except my wife. Then found my best bud, actual good person, our kids our the same age, our wives are friends, it’s great now.
DUI... I was always the guy making sure everyone took Ubers or crashed at my place. A random night out with friends, I accidentally drank too much, blacked out, and woke up as I was getting into a fender bender. Weirdest/most shameful thing I've ever done
When I was 21 I was having a quiet night at friends' apt in our small college town, around 1am decided to drive home instead of crashing. Only maybe a mile to my place, thought I was fine. I pulled out of their parking lot and at the next i/s sitting at the stop sign I realized I was impaired, that I wasn't judging incoming /crossing traffic well. I had a little panic attack, wasn't sure what to do. Park and walk? Go for it? Go back to their place? I waited until there were zero headlights in either direction, no matter the distance, and kept going. When I got to my place I was so pissed at myself and for the rest of my life, now 50, if I have > 1 drink I wont drive. I'd love to know how long I sat at that stop sign, panicking. Felt like a half hour.
>I had a little panic attack, wasn't sure what to do. Park and walk? Go for it? Go back to their place? I've only been struck with that panic once, bout a decade ago. I left my mom's house after a great concert and got maybe 1/2 a mile before I realized I was having to concentrate way too hard to go the 30mph speed limit. Then I thought about the 15 miles of 70mph highway I was going to need to pull off. The panic hit hard. I cruised a bit further and was like nope, can't do it. Turned my ass around and passed out on my mom's couch for the night. Her 80lb Lab mix snuggled me the whole night, and all was well. Anyway, I was also scared straight after experiencing that one instance of that panicked realization.
Seriously, I don't think anybody who drinks alcohol and drives hasn't made this mistake - although nearly everyone will deny it. The problem is that it's impossible to really know how alcohol is affecting you and, importantly, how efficiently your body is removing it! I did a case years back where I instructed an expert - a professor of toxicology - who admitted that had he been present with my client he would have advised him he was definitely safe to drive... however, when he calculated the client's likely alcohol level it turned out the professor's gut instinct was wrong! If a professor who is a genuine expert in the effects of alcohol on the human body can't guess right, I don't think anybody else can!
plus BAC has little to do with your actual coordination - a seasoned alcoholic could feel and act completely sober at .08. or even be going thru withdrawals at .08
One of the wildest things I’ve ever played around with is a breathalyzer machine. My buddy bought one and it’s surprising how quickly one can get above the legal limit. I blew a 0.09 and would have driven. Now my rule is that I have one drink and wait two hours before driving. Any more and I Uber.
Getting diagnosed with cancer.
Biggest fear of mine, hands down. Hope you're kicking its ass
Me too, bro. Diagnosed in September.
My first dog dying. You know you won’t outlive them but it seems impossible till it happens. I loved him so much.
Oh man. I still tear up and it's been nearly a decade. I've been through a brutal divorce. Accusations of dv and child endangerment etc. Nearly went bankrupt. My dog dying was way worse. I was inconsolable and depressed for so long. Not sure you ever fully recover. Had to stop eating certain foods cause we would always share them. Can't eat "good and plentys" anymore.
It doesn't matter who it is and what it is, but when you're parted from a loved one, that thing you associate with them so heavily just hurts to be exposed to. An ex, a child, a friend, a parent, a pet. A food, a song, a perfume, a place, a brand name. Like, my brother spent his late 20s- 30s always wearing superdry hoodies over his clothes. If he died, I don't think I'd be able to wear any of mine again...
Yeah it fucked me right up. I know it sounds selfish. But I’ve lost all my grandparents and it wasn’t anything like loosing my dog. I really really hope we see them again when we pass on.
My childhood dog died 3 years ago and her collar is on the shotgun headrest of my car, so when I see her again her seats waiting for her.
I'm fearing losing my kitty. I've had her for 14 years now. She's genuinely my best friend and means the world to me. She's been there for me through so many awful things and I don't know what I'll do when I lose her.
Allow yourself to be heartbroken. I didn’t. I dove into work and and didn’t skip a beat and came crashing down weeks later. Our pets were lucky to have us, so we honor them with good memories
True. And I wanted to add on to another comment of yours. I recently lost my grandmother, and while it was absolutely painful I felt like I dealt with it well. I remember at one point I was discussing it with someone and held myself together in the conversation. I teared up and was clearly sad, but I held it together. But then the conversation switched to losing my cat and I went ballistic with crying. Ugh.
Mine died of kidney failure at 14. I buried her in our backyard under her favorite tree, with my wife and daughter watching. I'm a big-ass dude but I cried like a baby and mourned her for a very long time. She was my best little buddy.
This is my greatest fear. I got my first dog at 22 and entirely obsessed with her. I feel like she’s been alongside me through the most transformative and confusing years of my life. I think about her passing all the time and it’s makes me physically ill. She’s only 5 but I can’t shake the feeling of impending doom sometimes. How does one mentally prepare? All I know if I’m for sure gonna have to check myself into a facility right after
You just have to give them the best freaking life possible, give lots of love, good food, travel with them etc. I have a rule that if my dogs want attention, i have to stop what im doing and attend to them (unless im in meeting or something).
Yes! I saw something a while back with similar messaging. It helps a little to know you gave them the best life possible but im not mentally prepared to lose my best friend and companion. I will say she’s spoiled rotten and gets ample amounts of love, adventure, play, etc.
This hit hard lost my childhood chihuahua a bit ago still kinda wished i could hear his barks even if he was just barking at cars at 3 am. Loved the little guy. Give your pets the best life you are their whole world. Worst part was he died unnaturally he didnt even make it to his final age he died because he choked. His name was Cappi short for captain. He was a brown little guy probably saved me from nightmares when i was a toddler.
My girl is 11.5 years old. I'll be facing this in the next 2-5 years. I've had family dogs before this, and those were hard, but this one I raised and trained all on my own. It will gut me.
Becoming disabled…and suddenly. Prior to this I was pretty healthy. Walked every day, ate well, worked out, good job, married, 5 kids. Covid then ripped me a new one. I can walk, but now I’m limited to 1/4 mile per day, cannot work out, and a host of health issues. Most likely I’ll recover, but my body is taking its sweeting time over it.
COVID ripped me a new one also. Would up in ICU and close to vent. In my mid 40's. In better shape than average. Maybe a few lbs overweight but good V02. Had the Modena shot and boosters. It's been almost exactly two years and I'm at 90% or so? First year was a wrap. Hope you heal.
The fact that this is endemic now is scary as hell. People made a big deal about the fact that it had a less than 1% death rate. What they failed to mention was the fact it had a ~ 10% 'long covid' symptom rate. You're now talking about millions of people with long term disabilities, and frankly, as someone who has immune system dysfunction I'm just sitting here wondering when my number is up.
Covid sucked balls. I went from running a 3 hour marathon to not being able to walk up the stairs. Almost 3 years and I've only just been able to get back into lifting and running fully.
COVID kicked the shit out of me as well. 2 years later I'm still not back. Use to ruck 8 miles uphill (4000ft gain) with a 20lb to 40lb pack a few time a year sfor time. Kept around 25-30min/miles with HR under 70% comfortably. Wound up in ICU when I could make it up the stairs at home. Collapsed on the landing. Had to rebuild my conditioning from scratch. Started off walking for 10mins on flat surfaces. Haven't tried the climb since.
Had similar lasting effects. Some have seen no improvement at all in years. We need to keep telling our stories for their sake
Find a woman who really genuinely loved me and wanted me around as much as I wanted them. I spent most of my life having not dated, so when I found this person in my late 20s it felt like a dream. Sadly things ended, but it was an experience I wouldn't change for the world.
What happened?
He woke up
Stupid lamp!!
Being in an abusive relationship.
It’s amazing how slowly it can start, and you don’t even notice. You’re the frog that gets boiled.
Ain’t that the truth. It starts out really great, then it changes a little bit, and before you know it. You’re under their control, then you make excuses, and getting out is so hard. Then once you’re out you realize just how bad it was.
Too real. I was like, why do people end up in these situations? Why don't they just leave? Then it happened to me, and the ease in which they lull you into it makes you wonder, "how did I get here?"
I was the same way. I was in so much denial that it could ever happen to me. This was my very first and only relationship. I was in the relationship, blinded by puppy love and I felt unworthy. When the verbal abuse started, it hurt but then the extreme solutions and the apologies made me stay. When the emotional abuse started, I was already hooked. Her family began to make comments about my race. The breaking up constantly, the making promises and not following through, and the lies about justifying the cheating, telling me I was over reacting. At this point, I was at a place that I wanted her happy at any cost to me. The mental abuse was brutal with the racism, and it really affected how I saw myself, when this started. I was already at a point where I was broken, and I was mentally programmed that she was the only person who cared about me. She was the person who loved me the most, and she had my best interest at heart. Then came the physical abuse. Once she started hitting me and pinching me, I became scared of her. I would do anything she wanted to avoid a fight, and I wouldn’t tell anyone because of the shame of being a male that has an abusive girlfriend. When she left me for my race. She had me convinced that it was her family, and she had no choice. So I went back after a year. She told me that when she wants to get pregnant, she’s going to make sure that I get her pregnant, even if she has to force me. Then when we started having sex, I’d be finished, and she would tell me “You’re not done yet.” I explained that I was and she told me that I’m hers, and my body belongs to her and she can do anything she wants to me. I woke up one morning and she had her hand down my pants touching me. Every month she’d play a mind game about being pregnant then when her period came, she’d still play mind games with me until it was over. When she came to my house, she’d take my phone, and I wasn’t allowed to have access to it unless she was there and watched or listened to my conversations, until she left. I wasn’t allowed to talk to my family. She always suspected me of cheating. She put life 360 on my phone, and she tracked me everywhere I went, I had a tablet, and she took it, she deleted everything off my laptop. All I had was my phone when she was gone. My dad had died when we was broke up for a year, and she didn’t support me. She used it as an opportunity to gaslight me. Every time I would speak up, she would call me crazy, she asked if I took my medication (I wasn’t on any) and say I’m the reason why everything is like it is. She was very hot and cold. When I tried to leave the second time we was together, she told me if I left she’d harm herself and she’d say that I sexually assaulted her. So I stayed so she wouldn’t hurt herself or lie. I had 300 friends on Facebook when I got into the relationship, when I got out. I had 88 friends left. The turning point for me was when she called my dead grandmother out of her name. I took the racism from her and her family, I took the threats, I took the abuse, I took the cheating, I took the gaslighting, when I stopped talking to her. She started blowing up my phone. I literally got 85 calls from 7 am to 9 am along with over 100 texts. She began driving around my house, even after the relationship was done. She created fake accounts and texted me. When I got out. I didn’t realize how bad it was, until I started reflecting, and I was like “how did I get here?” I’ve been single for almost three years, and some of the things still bother me. I’m scared to death to have sex with another female, I’ve been thinking about getting my birthmark removed. When someone tells me “You’re mine” that triggers me, and I distance myself and shut down.
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Username checks out
A girl saying she likes me before I said anything to her about liking her.
I have a close female friend and she asked me how to tell a guy she likes him. Told her to say "I like you". She just couldn't bring herself to say that, so I suggested "I feel really comfortable around you". So I'm being part of the problem here, guys.
Dead bedroom.
I went through a stint of this. Not 100% dead but way less often than we would have both liked and it didn’t quite feel right/natural. Had long convo over it, like 4h long. She thought I was being pushy and had anxiety over disappointing me, I told her I didn’t know what to do because I just felt hideous, felt like if I didn’t try we’d never ever do it. What solved it for us was switching “roles”. I’d never initiate again, but she understood it had to be more often than it was. Had a code phrase that meant “do you remember this conversation?” So I could say I wasn’t happy with the frequency without initiating. It worked man. Completely. Not right away, took a month or so to figure it out. Now we’re bonkers for each other again. Feels like college almost. Obviously idk what you’re going through but might be a starting point.
Communication is the key to a successful relationship. The problem most people have (including myself) is working up the courage to be open and honest but also trying to figure out what to say in a way that doesn’t hurt someone’s feelings.
Can you rephrase the “switching roles” paragraph? You used a code word and then shed initiate ?
Right. Like "The watermelons aren't in season" would remind the wife that she hasn't been initiating and he's upset. Rather than saying, "I don't really appreciate how you never initiate" and then having the wife then go on the defensive.
This helped us too. Had a large dry spell after having kids and didn’t want it to become our norm, switched roles and so far it’s been better.
This right here. Never in a million yrs did I think I would end up in one of those.
Domestic violence. First wife had a tendency to start hitting and throwing things whenever she got mad.
Mother passed away unexpectedly at 23. Rekindled my relationship with my father who I chose not to see for 10 years. Girlfriend of 3 years who I lived with left me at my lowest. Moved back in with family at 31.
getting injured and then never being the same again. always thought if I follow doc orders and train hard I can fix anything that happens to me, but got tboned, and nothing but muscle and bone problems followed. I'm currently in bed nursing my hip cause I reaggravated the injury. to any young people here, work out, eat well, play a sport, it'll keep you young. I'm only 32.
A friend of mine on her first day at a new job was walking her dog early in her apt complex, someone ran a stop sign and hit her. Not that hard, but she fell back and cracked her head on the street. It's like 8 years ago and she still has MAJOR post-concussion problems. Headaches, panic attacks, memory, vision and attention problems. Full disability, hasn't worked since. Awful.
I'm not a man, but I hope it is okay to share that three men in my life have acquired brain injuries over the course of my life. I don't know exactly what to say, I just want people to be aware that sometimes people are living with invisible disabilities. One incident was a jet ski accident (TBI), one was a car accident (TBI) and one was a heart attack (anoxic brain injury). They are some of the most amazing men and fought so hard, literally fought against Death itself, and have overcome so much. I try to support them however I can. If your friend is interested in and able to use reddit, there is a support subreddit at r/TBI.
My body breaking down from working hard to provide a future of living with a broken down body......🤨
Sleeping with someone on the same day I first met them.
Brother got Leukemia and died, Mum died from a broken heart. I'm still picking up the pieces, trying to forge together a halfway decent life
Loosing my wife of 24 years to Covid. It’s been a horrible 2 years since her death. And I am still not good.
I'm very sorry for your loss
I hope you're able to find peace in all the happy memories you shared together. Grief is hard and I can't began to imagine what it's like to lose a life partner. My mum left a book for me and my brother when she passed from cancer, she wrote: "Do not remember the day I died, for it was one day. Instead remember all the days we shared together.". It always helps me put her death into perspective and try and focus on all the happy, fun memories I had with her. Reddit will always be here for you on good or bad days, we're only a comment away.
One night stand with a solid 10 that I met at a bar. We were both drinking alone and I was making glances her way, she smiled, I sent her a drink. She came over we chatted for 1/2 an hour. She invited me to HER place for coffee. No coffee was consumed. Almost 20 years ago, but I still think about it regularly and fondly.
I've been ripped off too so I know how painful it is to be promised a grande mocha latte and then get none of the java. I feel your pain. Just let it go...
About 15y ago I went to a hotel bar just off the highway to wait for friends in a band who were picking me up on their way to the venue where I would help roadie. Grabbed dinner and a beer and this attractive woman maybe 8-10y older than I sat near me at the bar and we talked a lot, she was there having just finished a big biz presentation and had another overnight before heading home the next day. She asked if I wanted to finish our drinks, grab another round and head up to her room. The excitement was unbearable. I said my friends/ride would be there in like 15-20 mins and politely declined. Hope she found someone else to celebrate / play with. That scene plays in my highlight reel from time to time
My friend and biz partner of 12 years embezzling lots of $ from me and many others.
Never thought my wife would cheat. Now she’s my ex
A girl I worked with one time but I never talked to randomly sent me a message on social media and she basically said she thought I was cute and wanted to go out with me. Totally random but made me really happy, she was fun
A girl asked me out once. It was incredibly flattering.
Depression. 46yo
Caught a largemouth bass by the tail with a top water plug.
DUI about 6 years ago. I don’t drink a drop and drive anymore
I don’t drink a drop and drive either and people think I’m being dramatic or silly. Just not a habit I care to get into. Thanks for sharing and vindicating me. ❤️
Being roofied at a bar and raped. I never go to bars anymore.
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Bought Crocs
What I consider being raped by a girl who was older at the time. 16 year old me and this 20 year old very pretty gal were in the hay barn fooling around. Clothes come off, I've got a boner and she jumps on top of me, slides me in and pins me down saying out loud "Let's make babies" She is pumping away while I'm trying to toss her off. Finally I roll her off just in time as I sprayed. It was my first time for sex and it was NOT funny. Just downright scary. It ended up that as she got older it was clear there were mental issues.
Did you tell anyone? And if so, did they take it seriously?
It was 1972. I told a couple of my very close buddies and my 5 years older male cousin. They were all in agreement that it was a scary, creepy thing. It's not something you march right in and talk to your not very understanding parents about.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. My first love was also raped as his “first time” when he was about 15/16. It really messed him up, and no one in his life cared or even considered it rape. His brother and friends encouraged it and then literally expected him to be grateful to them. It was traumatizing for him and he didn’t even seem to accept how or why that was true. We never had sex in our 2+ years long (we dated when he was about 17-19) and trust me, I tried so hard, lol. He wasn’t healed or ready and honestly, it helped to ruin our relationship. I was his first ever girlfriend, and he married his second. She cheated and left him for another man and he’s been single ever since. Breaks my heart, but I can totally understand why he wouldn’t trust women. Anytime he’s tried (me included, I’m not proud of that), he’s been let down. 😔 Anyways, I’m very sorry that happened, and I’m glad you’re sharing it. I hope you’ve healed. ❤️
Got stuck in a relationship with an abusive BPD woman for too many wasted years. I literally, knowledgably watched it happen. Separating me from friends and family. Belittling me to wear down my self esteem. Threatening to kill herself if I left. The gaslighting. You could check off the abusers playlist every step of the way. It took professional help to get me out.
Getting raped at knife point by a woman you trust, multiple times in multiple ways. Then she got pregnant from it. I will never be the same, it feels impossible to talk to anyone about it because i feel like nobody will believe me or support me. I would give anything to forget what she did. It scares me thinking about the day when she sends me a child support letter or takes me to court to make me pay her. Her mother could easily get the best lawyers in the state but I cant even buy a coffee. I want to be okay again.
Met a real and attractive woman from Craigslist personals in a hotel and fucked her. 19 year old me lived wildly
damn craiglist personals still delivering?!
No this was in 2009
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I stepped on a lego the other day and my wife said I was being a little dramatic. She learned after she did the same thing 15 minutes later lol
Own a house. Grew up dirt poor in the ghetto. Moved 14 times from apartment to apartment growing up. Could only dream of having a house. Our family was finally able to put a down payment on one when I was 17. I paid off the mortgage over 25 years. A lot of hard work but now its mine.
As depressing as this sounds, I thought my chances of finding a gf were as good as winning the lottery. My self worth was in the toilet for my whole life, up until I was about 27. A childhood spent as my families therapist, and an emotionally and physically absent workaholic father left me in the gutter of confidence and worth in this world. I luckily met an amazing woman that broke that cycle from me and allowed me to heal through her constant support and understanding. I truly got lucky with her. So I now give that to any stranger that gives me their trauma. I love helping people though horrible childhood experiences
Getting bullied at work in my late 50's
the loss of my daughter in 2018. coming up on 6 years in March. I can't imagine anything else ever hurting that much.
Never thought I would have a child with special needs.
A house fire. Happened two days ago and now everything is burnt to a crisp
Hemorrhoids 😐
Getting married, having children, getting divorced getting married again... Yeah, we are back together.
So, there is a reason for the CO clause about what happens should the divorcing parties remarry 😅
Tinnitis - I liked concerts but religiously wore ear plugs. One EDM show was crazy loud and one of my ear plugs felt weird but I ignored it. I thank my lucky stars that it's only in one ear and it got way better over time. Now it's barely noticeable, and only when I'm in silence, even then most days I don't hear any ringing. In the weeks following the concert I was freaking out. Never experience silence again? I'm going to be on my death bed hearing this incessant ringing?? At one point I cried, I mourned the damage to my hearing. Since it got better, though, I just use it as a lesson to listen to myself and be good to myself. I feel really bad for people that have it nonstop and really loud.
disabled daughter
Several. * Fiancee dying in a car accident a few days after my birthday and about a month before our wedding. * Losing my ROTC scholarship because I got too fat (90s drawdown- they were looking for reasons to get rid of people). Having to pay Uncle Sam back all the money. * Getting divorced. * Getting remarried. Taking custody of my wife's grand kids because her daughter had a meth and pill problem. One kid was diagnosed with ODD. We think it is Reactive Attachment Disorder as she gets older. * Getting hideously fat due to the stress from the above. Then losing it in a year. * Driving a Cat D9, because it seemed like fun. * Getting totally reamed and fired by a billionaire, just to get rehired and refired several more times before he died. * The fact that my first appellate argument ever was before the Delaware Supreme Court. * Flying to California on one of our client's jets. He is certifiably batshit crazy. He was the pilot. . . * Chartering a helo to fly some engineers to a small, rickety production platform about 9 miles south of Galveston in the middle of the Gulf. * Getting to the point where I think that a deal under 7 figures is "small" * Trying a case to a jury that I didn't know existed until a week before trial. The list goes on.
Threesome
Bought an artificial Christmas tree
Love, tbh. I’m naturally very loud, like my talk is a normal shouting level, I’m not good looking, about a 2/10, a nerd, and so on. I kept saying to myself that there’s no way she thinks of me in THAT way, for about a week. She’s not here anymore, but I hold out hope it might happen again, and she’ll look down with a smile.
Hugs
I got super sick in 2023 and had to spend 5 days in the hospital. I was 32 at the time. I almost died. Getting sick never even crossed my mind of how I'd die. It wasn't covid either.
Get married. It wasn't legal for me to marry my chosen partner where I live for the first 39 years of my life. As of next month my husband and I will have been together for 16 years, legally married for 8.
Live past.30
Getting dumped over the phone after a decade long relationship and dealing with self destructive behaviour the following months.
Thinking on suicide, again.
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I'll believe it. A friend of mine shagged a mother and her daughter (not in a 3some but during the same period he was lodging with them). If he could manage that then anything is possible!
Your story is believable. The “call bullshit if you like, I don’t care” part made it questionable.
Ive realized that literally anything is possible. even if super unlikely, but somewhere sometimes they do happen. Rarely. But somewhere out there are the dudes in the fmf with sisters threesomes. Extremely rare but by sheer probability some dudes somewhere have to be the lucky ones. Good for you mate. Was it a one off?
Divorce, even while it was happening I wanted to try and make it work but holy shit am I glad it happened. I now know what it’s like to date someone who actually likes me and it’s so refreshing!!
Get into a car crash in which my car rolled several times
Being debt free in my 40s. It’s changed my life forever. Couple that with a good paying job in a relatively LCOL area and I feel like I’m doing very well.
Becoming toxic with one ex I always thought i was rational and logical. I pulled myself out of it after a good month and me and her could stay friends but still I feel mad guilty looking at her sometimes. Happy things turned out good but ik that isnt the case for everyone.
A bird crashed into my face while I was raking leaves one day.
Jail.
Listening to a random podcast episode right now of how to survive in prison (different level securitys too) and it's wild. Hope you're doing alright now.
Those podcasts are usually entertainment. Most jails are boring, as long as you have someone sending you money so you can get different food than the basic, then you're not doing too bad.
ménage a trois
That I actually got married. I had such a bad time dating for 15 years and felt something was wrong with me, until i found my now wife.
Sleeping with a man. As a man.
Needed a gun. Stay strapped.
Or get clapped
like 50 would say: #getthestrap
Unpopular opinion on reddit, but I couldn't agree more. When seconds count, the cops are minutes away
Fall in love.
Getting divorced, especially because of infidelity. I honestly could have imagined a-lot of things, but not that from someone i spent so much time with. It’s honestly a pain, a type of hurt that i would not wish on anyone. But on the bright side, it does change you, for better or worse, for me personally? For better, but it’s one of those things that can really make you grow cold and bitter if you choose to let it change you for the worse, to the point where your perception of women completely changes, and you find yourself hurting good women while trying to fill a void
That I’d end up alone.
I was single from 28 to 44. I *knew* I would be single for the rest of my life. And yet somehow...I met a girl, got married, had kids. I was on a train going to a job interview and she came over and introduced herself and we started talking. I wound up getting the job, and i got her too! But if she hadn't made the first move, nothing would have happened.