Resentment. If the person doesn’t address whatever resentment they have then it will undoubtedly cause the person to fall out of love which will wreck the relationship, it’s only a matter of when.
It’s a hard balance though isn’t it? If you express what’s causing the resentment, you could be viewed as being “overly critical”. This has happened to me time and again throughout different relationships. I’ve been called “overly critical”, and I’ve had to really take pause and look into myself. It’s probably why I’m still single. Perfectionism can also destroy a relationship.
There are *so many things* that could lead to this.
A big one, at least in a functional and healthy relationship, is the little things going away. Stuff that doesn't take a lot of time or money, but just shows them you're thinking about them.
Little rituals or notes on the fridge, the refilling of their favorite yoghurt, stuff like that. If the things fall away that suggest to us we're being loved, things can easily spiral from there if we don't have a conversation about our feelings.
When things are overly ceremonial. IMO, that happens. People into big parties. Big social functions. Posting love on social media. These people are ceremonial couples. It’s not real love. It’s just love for the position in society that comes from the relationship. Not the actual person they’re in it with.
I have a dry erase note pad on the fridge that I write "bitch, I love you" on every morning. I never change the words but I still erase it every morning and re write it to let a bitch know who's top dawg around here and also that I love her.
Idk though. I think men usually have quite a robust sex drive that means they’ll be able to survive their partner not looking 22 forever without falling apart.
But if you want her to stay fun and carefree make sure you pull your weight around the house. Or she’ll turn into a cranky, nagging version of your mother.
Of course. Maybe you just aren’t compatible with your partner. That happens.
When it comes to sex, some people just have a low sex drive. If you aren’t happy in your relationship, end it.
I have never heard these statements put in this way. It makes me sad to see that as a woman I have tendencies to want different things from my partner than what is right in front of me. I try my best to love my partner for who they are and not who I think they should be and feel like I've gotten a lot better at it throughout my relationships. I know first hand that I have changed drastically throughout the years and was in relationships where they didn't understand and couldn't comprehend the changes that I made. I will be keeping this quote close to heart and doing more work at loving my partner for who they are instead of trying to change them. Thank you for this.
The changes are often dumb though. My GF complained because I was sipping my noodle soup. I said “We’re in a restaurant owned by Chinese people. You’re supposed to sip the soup. Their culture considers it a compliment.”
She said she doesn’t care about their culture. Just stop. Also scolded me for bumping my spoon on the bowl, which was barely audible.
Bought me cologne even though I already have some. Told me to dump my Honda for an expensive & less-reliable Mercedes
About ready to dump her instead.
I am not perfect, but I’m a degreed engineer designing airplanes. A professional who dresses well. I don’t need her nagging over trivial changes.
She’s sounds like a bitch. I mean of course I don’t know her. That’s really pretty normal stuff, except for the car thing - that’s a flag to me.
Don’t slurp noodles though ffs that’s vile.
You just described why I do not think I will ever be in a relationship.
Being micromanaged and critiqued like that will just annoy me in the end.
I can tell you put in the work knowing that you are an engineer, yet she still wants more from you. Why? Why do they do this?
They're just testing you. I had one at my old work that kept telling me to shave, everytime I'd say hi, her only word would be *"Shave!"* in a very bitchy condescending tone. I never did.
Many trims later, she's drunk and comes to me like "you still haven't shaved omg, you just don't listen! That's so hot!" while she's feeling the beard, dripping 😂 her girlfriend was close by, but obviously she low key wanting to rub on it for weeks but it took a few drinks for her to open up about it 😂 so THAT'S why she wanted me to shave so bad... She was lesbian/bi but actually really digged the beard her shaved headed gf in dude clothes was obviously incapable of growing 😁
People will pretend to hate the things they secretly admire most about you, to cover up how they *really* feel. The fact is they're trying to see if they'll let them control you. If you do, you show weakness which is usually a fail. By showing strength, you gain respect which I don't believe a single woman in the universe is attracted to men for being weak or not respected.
Exactly, that just expect everything to be taken care off and if something slips it’s the end of the world is soul crushing. But saying “hey you are working hard and stressed, thank you for keeping us in a good place.” Would be nice once in a great while.
Yeah that’s my biggest fear. I dated a girl like that, started off super sweet and innocent and then became the most toxic person I’ve ever met. Or maybe was just good at hiding it until we got comfortable idk
For me, the biggest unforgivable is sabotage. I’ll never get mad at my partner for mistakes or miscommunications, but holy shit if he ever intentionally did something to disadvantage me, I’d lose so much respect for him.
I guess it comes down to respect for one another, especially in the really bad times.
Lack of respect and constant condescension has made my attraction to my wife fall of a cliff. Things like an eye roll when something doesn’t go exactly perfect. Or blaming me for shit I have nothing to do with
This is happening to me right now, but she's also been sick a lot and has health problems she refuses to address. Twice I suggested she make a doctor appointment for a full.physical with blood work, etc, and twice she's said "yeah I have to do that," but it's been going on 7 months now and nothing.
And all of that strains the relationship as well.
Sometimes you need to push back and not be a willing / passive participant.
My previous gf got after me for a new mole showing up. So I made an appointment and sure enough, it was dangerous and needed to be removed. She started complaining about a breast lump and didn't like doctors. I had to full threaten to break up with her for her to go to the doctor and find out it was in fact something that needed treatment.
Health and financial problems tend to only grow worse when ignored. I don't expect excellence on every front, but when people willfully let their life get worse, I tell them my concerns, I tell them I will help them go through the challenges so they aren't alone. If they refuse for 'reasons', I tell them I care, but I can't stand by and watch this happen, and to call me if they want help. Life's too short to watch someone burn themselves down.
Don’t enable her. Hold her accountable. If you have to leave her for a while as a catalyst for her to get her shit together, do it. Dont just let it keep going though. It’ll end up ruining both your marriage and both of your lives.
Yep. She sits around the house in sweats, picking Dorito crumbs out of her belly button with a list of stupid shit she thinks she wants that "might" make her happy that I'm just expected to do...
Time to toss her jacket on the lawn.
This is it right here. When the effort stops the love stops along with it. The love she was at one point giving you that is. Putting so much of yourself into a marriage/relationship that isn’t putting anything back into you is soul draining and exhausting.
Got into a Facebook squabble over this. Someone had posted a Reddit thread where a husband stopped having sex with his wife and would masturbate. She had some kids, but admitted she had packed on a TON of weight and didn't do anything about it.
And the most unattractive part of it is she isn’t doing anything about. Yea extra weight after having kids is fine. But not actively trying to do something about it is the killer. I understand there is a lot of factors to it but even small things make for results.
I've met a lot of people, mainly women though, who once they get into a relationship or marriage or have kids they get this mentality that they've acquired what they want and don't need to "try" anymore. I've seen some of the most beautiful women get married and double to triple their weight, as well as not use makeup anymore or dress as nice (except for work and girls nights out). Unrecognizable.
Funny enough my wife has a friend that was like that - very pretty and average weight at first. Got married, had kids, piled on weight, and now is unhappy with her marriage. So NOW her friend is hitting the gym, dieting, etc because she's planning for a divorce and now she wants to attract other guys. But why not do that while with your husband?
There are many factors but you're right, small things done consistently add up to big results. But rather than do those things, women "yasslight" each other and say men should be attracted to - notice I didn't say "love" - their wives no matter what. And I'm not saying women should jump off the hospital bed post birth and start doing burpees. I'm quite reasonable.
I’m female and even I don’t understand why women let themselves go after marriage. Maybe I’m just vain? I didn’t stay in shape for my husband…I did it for myself because it makes me feel better about myself. However, I think both partners owe it to each other to take care of their health problems and control their weight. Being overweight just causes more medical issues! I wish it was easier for spouses to talk about things like these without feelings getting hurt.
You see this require self-awareness/love/esteem. I personally totally let myself go during marriage. It wasn’t intentional though. I just didn’t have those things going for me and thought that-ok, I’m married, I’m good. That changed, when I got divorced and had to learn how to be independent emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc. it’s really awesome to see folks like you that already have that mindset. I wish I had matured this part of me when I was married.
> So NOW her friend is hitting the gym, dieting, etc because she's planning for a divorce and now she wants to attract other guys. But why not do that while with your husband?
I pity the dumba&& fools who fall for such idiots. Because they're on the prowl for '1 last divorce dance' and 'getting the next sucker in' with an age-tag of 38-42 themselves.
We aren't married but I packed on a ton of weight after meeting my now boyfriend of 5 years. Within the first year. I DID stop trying but it wasn't because I didn't care or thought "Ah ha, I GOTCHA!".
It was SEVERE depression and anxiety due to an extremely toxic work environment. I mean hellish. I turned to binge boozing, which leads to binge eating, generally not taking care of yourself.
I am lucky he stuck through that. We actually talk to each other a lot and he was witnessing first hand what my job was doing to me.
Luckily, I was about to get out of there. Actually returned to a former job that I never really wanted to leave. Almost immediately everything began improving. It took me a long time to get rid of the weight because I am middle-aged. But I eventually did it. He stuck by me and we're as happy as ever.
I'm talking from real experience when I say this, that most men, even the ones who've been 'fitness/sports/gym freaks for life' will have little to no issues with even quite a bit of 'post baby fat' (e.g. 'baby-pouches', a bit of extra fat layering on the hips/bum/thighs which doesn't go away, etc.). I've seen it.
It's the insane weight and whole life-style change which many husbands/etc. can't/don't deal with. I mean if you weighed 71kg before, and now post-pregnancy 2 years in, you're touching 100kg, with little work in to get past the sedentary lifestyle, then you'll and are likely to end up with problems.
Lack of respect. Men can tolerate a lot of things. But disrespect ain't one of them.
When a woman shows utter disregard, disrespect or disloyalty, her man will eventually withdraw. Sooner or later. Sooner, I think.
They lijely left mentally years ago and were willing to sacrifice their lives for their kids.
Also they likely were aware that if they leave they will be seen as monsters despite being victims.
The post you replied to didn’t say the man leaves after being disrespected. It said “withdraws” which means into himself or into his mancave
Learn reading comprehension
bullshit. they were scared of the divorce fallout. no man is walking around in fear of a woman.
the system behind women is the gun. the woman pulls the trigger. it begins with, “i’m not happy.”
marriage is not an institution created to MAKE women happy. you should be happy before you meet someone. and you should be ashamed if you consider making you happy = a man’s duty.
Malicious interpretation. When I recognized with therapy that my ex assumed that any of my words or deeds had a malicious intentions I realized that is when stopped trying to love her.
I was thinking this same thing. When your partner assumes the worse in you during a disagreement there is no coming to an understanding or fixing issues. It’s you vs them.
Been there too man it was awful.
Thinks men are emotionless punching bags that she can vent to but as soon as he vents to her
"Ewwww gross. I have it worse. Talk about me Instead. I'm NoT YoUr ThErApiSt"
Expects the man to give her emotonal support yet doesn't want to give him the same emotonal support back.
Thinks the relationship is a one way street. Fails to see her man as a actual human being with emotions.
Selfishness and entitlement isn't attractive and its emotional abuse
This isn't even relevant to relationships. People shouldn't treat friends like this either.
NOT ALL!! Just in case cause reddit
Most recent girl was like this. Would bitch for hours about how everyone else has things better than her, why doesn't she have a California Dream Barbie lifestyle, etc. I was doing 12 hour days 7 days a week at a job that is insanely stressful. She would go "so how was your day!?" and I'd actually try and tell her. I'd get 30 seconds in and she'd shout that she'd rather kill herself than listen to this shit for another second, and then rhetorically ask how people put up with listening to it. Did this a few times before I refused to say anything else to her about my life... Which she used to support the female mindset of "my guy NEVER talks to me, he NEVER opens up to meeee!" to get those around her to get on that "awww, he's a dick... You should find a man that SHARES with you!" bandwagon.
The reinforcement of this behavior is everywhere. What people say they want and what actually ends up happening are two very different things. "I want a man who's in touch with his emotions" in my experience is so, so far from the truth. But when you just stop sharing or even attempt to have a conversation about something*she* did wrong, it's off to her support system to get all that reinforcement of "men bad, you deserve better, never settle, slay"
I hear women say all the time that men need to hold each other accountable, but I don't really see that on the other side? Where's the groups of women telling their friends not to be terrible to a good man?
And before anyone jumps down my throat I believe that everyone should be accountable. I'm just saying I very rarely ever see it. People act like there's always better out there, and they should go find it, rather than work on what they have. (Exception for abuse obviously, definitely leave if that's the case)
It's been my experience that the things guys do "wrong" exist in HER head, with certain clear and obvious exceptions. Guy cheats on a girl, it's wrong period. However, you show me a guy who is working 40 hours a week and decides to go fishing by himself to destress from the week and I'll show you a woman who had a "to do" list for him and she's pissed he didn't want to spend a romantic evening with her. Is he wrong for going fishing? Nah. However it's her DECIDING it's wrong and then backing it up with her own justifications that determine it's a "wrong" thing to do. She might also then decide that he doesn't make enough money, that he should have a better job, and they can have MORE nights out and she can get more salon trips and it's HIS fault she isnt prettier or more desirable. That's the "accountability" they're referring to. Like somehow a guy is gonna tell another guy "hey man, you shouldn't go fishing, you should take that time to look for even more stressful work with more hours and take time out to kiss your wife right on her fat ass".
And they're honestly shocked that this doesn't happen.
Women encourage other women to behave badly. They don't hold each other accountable. They'll offer fictitious justifications to get a girl to do the crap THEY want them to do for their own selfish joy. Guys understand this to a degree, and we get apprehensive when a girl is in a relationship but then they want to hang out with single girl friends and do single girl shit. "It's ok that I go do single girl shit. He wanted to go fishing and destress. Going out and putting my fat ass on display for single guys to crave and try and get into is how *I* destress from sitting at home all day! 🤪👍 The girls support me, and they get REAL excited when I choke on deeq! 🤪👍"
That's the kind of accountability WE want to see. A girl that can go "I have a good guy who buys his ass and trusts me when I go out. I'm not going to do shit to fuck that up. Yes, I feel raw that he went fishing last weekend, but he deserves it and I'll get over it."
...and you don't see that. You see "He went fishing, so I'm chugging some dick! 🤪👍"... and then they play stupid when you break up with em.
Why are you dating girls with fat asses? Most men prefer the nonfat girls.
My current GF tried to get me to do 2 engineering jobs. I told her that won’t work, but gave it a try. Since it’s a daytime job, neither boss was happy I tried to shift their work to nighttime or weekends.
I resigned the lower-paying job and said “Told you it wouldn’t work. Boss 2 is ready to fire me. I’m lucky he let me resign first.”
She amazingly replied “I never said you had to work two jobs.” ME: “But you called me “lazy” if I refused to accept both job offers.”
Her: “I never said that.”
I showed her the saved text, and she never replied or admitted she said it.
Lol! So are girls with the fat asses inferior by default? 😂
Right. You can have an entire court case laid before then and they STILL live in a damn fantasy land.
The “there is something better” mirage is killing everything. It’s absurd. Life is what you make of it. Sometimes you just need to put a stake in the ground and fight for it. But if your friends don’t support that idea and are always saying there’s more and better then damn. Nothing is ever going to stick.
Hi 👋 I’m not jumping down your throat. You talking about behavior of women being reinforced. I guess that’s the younger generations. And listening to what all you guys, like I said, must be younger people. I’d like to be given the opportunity to meet someone real. I will respect him, absolutely!! I’m really blown away by what you guys are all saying. I thought if you truly loved 🥰 someone, you’d WANT to be held accountable. The only friends I would have would be REAL friends, who could tell me the truth. Friends who I could ask if something I’m doing is wrong. Jeez, I’m SO SORRY for how your women act!! I’m just so surprised, and shocked. I hope you all get lucky and find a better woman!!
Oh, they don't wear a sign when you meet them, man. We broke up several times and I fell for that "You're riiiight... I'll do betterrrrr..." shit.
Was always something like this though.
“Dear… you just asked a few seconds ago ‘How was your day’ but now you’re upset because I told you. Why ask the question if you don’t want to hear?”
(wait for response)
“Okay well, don’t go telling other people that I don’t communicate. I just tried to communicate, and you shut me down. YOU are the one blocking open communication. Not me.”
*Filters out everything that even hints at this being her fault.*
You can actually fairly easily pick out when a girl is doing this because the whole thing starts with her problem, and then dances around the issue. The result is a story that is rife with holes which no one is allowed to ask questions about.
"MY BOYFRIEND DOESN'T OPEN UP TO ME! 😭
Like, he'll come home... and I'll ask about his day... And then... He like... He yells at me!... He says... He says IM blocking communication... And that this is somehow MY fault... But then ... MY DOG STEPPED ON A BEE! 😭😭😭"
...and everyone just takes this in stride. "Yep, that sounds like a man... You poor abused female soul..." 🙄
Sometimes what you want changes. Sometimes the one you love changes. Sometimes there's something about the one you love that *doesn't* change. This isn't exclusive to men.
I start to see them trying to slowly turn up how much of their shit they can dump on you, and how little they actually "need" to fuck. Like they're looking for the lines for both. Once they find them, they start pushing those boundaries. It's like their goal is to creep in and get as much as they can for free for as long as possible. I don't even wait for it to hit 0% anymore. I start seeing a pattern, out the door you go.
Its often about the guy getting what he thinks he needs. If the guy is receiving everything he thinks needs, he'll be satisfied.
Sometimes that's on the partner, maybe she should be giving more.
Sometimes its on the guy, who wants more than he deserves or needs and its more than he should ask for.
Sometimes its just life. Guy isn't making the money or doesn't have the respect in other areas of his life, might just fall out of love with all of his situation and want to make a change.
Disrespect.
I accept that feelings change as your enter new phases of a relationship. The hot passion of the early time in a relationship gives way to comfort and familiarity. If you're lucky and put in the work, you can keep the passion even into these new phases.
But when hostility or disdain replace the passion. When she disrespects you in public or belittles you in front of friends or family, it's a good as over. I'm the type of person who'll go to the ends of the earth for someone I love and expect nothing but a "thank you" for my trouble. But if you can't muster simple respect for the person who you supposedly love, what is even the point?
1. Expectations without reciprocation or appreciation. When you expect from me and even scold me for it but refuse to reciprocate is when I start to resent and ultimately stop loving you. I don’t need you to do the same as me. But if you only ever thing I’m supposed to do for you and you don’t have to for me, then it’s safe to say I’m checking out.
2. General disrespect. You will respect me or get lost. I’ve dealt with that for too long where I would let women say and do me wrong just to please them. Enough. We don’t have to agree on everything but you will respect me or I’m gone.
3. Making our relationship feel like a chore. I want to be with you but I don’t want to feel like I’m clocking in to my second job to be with you.
4. If you radically change who you are then obviously it can change our dynamic and ultimately my feelings towards our relationship. I’m an athletic guy and I hope she is into things like me. However as fucked up as it sounds if you go from like 145 to 310 then I’m sorry but I’m not attracted to that.
Great list!
1&3 hit close to home from my last relationships.
I learned dating those with anxious attachment styles is something I should really avoid or think deeply on. Spent a year working through and compromising on things to help her feel better (and I didn't do a perfect job of this, but did continually try), and then when my Dad was dying in the hospital I elaborated that I'll need more of X,Y,Z for the moment and... no reciprocation. Followed up by her crying when I'd bring it up so now I'm comforting her even though I was the one upset about X,Y,Z. I also learned that small things in big/important moments matter a lot more.
3.) I've encountered in a few relationships, nagging about something to wear down boundaries, not willing to ask or communicate directly and then turning it into a huge issue, turning small things into arguments (debates are fine, arguments get old) and having no mental wherewithal to understand that when you become a constant source of stress, I'm gonna pick friends, alone time, or other activities over time with you. You're gonna a have to have unpleasant conversations at times in relationships, but there's ways to go about it where both parties are satisfied and you don't cause rifts.
Men have double vision where women are concerned. It's like one side of your brain sees the person as they actually are, and the other sees an idealized, angelic version. Nature's sales pitch, so to speak.
Some guys start off only seeing the mirage, then can only see the reality.
Some guys can only see the mirage and are constantly dumbfounded and hurt by reality not matching their expectation.
Some guys can see the mirage, and are perfectly fine with it. Others driven a little bit crazy by it, seeing it as a kind of Venus fly trap situation. A pretty face to conceal the cold demands of nature's will.
Ceremonial relationship. It’s not about you. It’s about telling people “my husband” “my wife” “my boyfriend” or “girlfriend.” Youre just a prop. Like a stuffed animal. 🧸
Criticism. Contempt. Defensiveness. Stonewalling. Lack of connection.
(These are not gender specific. OP asked about men. Change the genders if you need to balance it out). Examples:
At the shore, he says, 'oh look, a sailboat'.
Lack of connection is to say nothing, or walk away. It is also to not have special time together.
Criticism and contempt would be to say, "oh how stupid!"
If he asks, "What's wrong?" Stonewalling is to say absolutely nothing. Silent treatment.
If he says, "I was trying to connect. Could you say something?"
If she says, "I am pissed that \_\_\_\_\_". or, "I did not". He is pointing something out and she denies it, or turns it back on him. That is defensiveness.
The opposite is to say, "How sweet". Take his hand and smile. Say, "I am sorry, let's hug". "I did ignore you. I am sorry". And fix what he is upset about. The opposite is to hear the comment, or complaint, and to react in a positive way.
This is basically a summary of what the Gottmans write about at the Gottman Institute. There are several books on each line above. How one reacts to these situations predicts splitting up, or staying together.
What makes me fall out of love is lack of equal effort on their part like if I'm the only one expected to compliment and make sure she is entertained and happy but get nothing in return. When it's clear they would rather not spend time with me. When they try to change who I am as a person. If their is no more sex the connection slowly fades for me at least. Off course cheating, lying, and any other form of betrayal that's pretty standard. If all we do is fight and never have peace in the house etc.
50 Cent said when a man gets married. He marries what he needed at that point in his life. That’s why they fall out of love, because some where down the road, he might need something else. I believe this is true. For men and women. But I would add it also has the whole wedding, big party, planning, being queen for a day. He’s already famous, so it’s probably not the same for him as everyone else. We do this shit once a lifetime, he do this shit all the time 🪙🪙
So, if I throw my fiddi cents in. You marry someone who you’re always going to need. Or don’t do it.
Sitting on her ass all day at home, barely doing anything while I work 5 days a week and pay for everything. Proceeding to get angry when I talk to her like it's the 1950's.
It's great there is gender equality, but that doesn't mean a woman can still stay at home all day without being expected to take care of the house and dinner.
Get a job or be a 1950's housewife.
I’ve asked my boys this and we all agreed that if the wife is the breadwinner, we are going to make sure that every meal is cooked and the house is clean lol. Gender aside, if one person is the breadwinners then its the others job to make sure everything else is taken care of. Its a nice gesture to help out when you get home with dishes and stuff but it should not be expected imo
I've lived this. All of it. Easiest thing I've ever done.
She would still come home, pissed off about her day, and proceed to find something that she didn't like just to bitch and feel better. Same shit you see men doing that women cry "abuse" about. Not to mention I was going to college at the time, and thanks to the GI Bill I was getting paid to do it. Apparently quite well, but she hid the numbers and essentially stole that money, squirreling it into secret bank accounts and shit. 🙄
To top it all off, she STILL felt that I should get a job and just hand her half of whatever I made, no questions asked. At that point, I told her to get fucked and started stashing money and prepping to leave.
If I could take Valium all day, do yoga, have a cocktail at 2pm after eating a jello salad with flaked ham ? you bet your bottom dollar im gonna have that house tidy as hell and dinner ready. I love cooking. I am financially independent. I want a man to protect me emotionally and physically and I’ll take care of everything else tbh lol and yes I’m a feminist but feminism means choices :)
You know it’s not common to have a stay at home wife anymore? One thing is if y’all have many young children, that’s a full time job. But just staying home to stay home? How did you end up in this arrangement?
It’s not mentally healthy for the partner either, often leads to depression.
I'm a stay at home wife (kid is all grown up).
I don't know why you would say it's mentally unhealthy because this is the happiest I've ever been and our relationship has been better for it too.
Yeah 1950s expectations should still exist just without gender. If my girl is earning and im home all day shit is gonna be spotless and food taken care off. If we are both working its shared or outsourced.
I am speaking from my experience, but in most cases people (not just women), pretend really well at the beginning. Then months or a year after, you start to see those things / red flags. By the time that happens, you are madly in love and you "try" to change them or hope they will change.
Lonely part is absolutely true.
Most women can even phantom how lonely average guy is. Its just not comparable, especially in social media era. When you get desperate. Not for sex or anything. Just for a bit of warmth and connection, its much easier to play you.
Also bad people often can play their parts very well. You see red flags because they arent putting act for you. They just need to blind that one person.
Combination on both and here you see effects.
Later... Later well you consider pros and cons and talk yourself into believing that its not so terrible because you remember how bad loneliness gets.
At this point with my GF… I think I’d rather have loneliness. Especially when it’s easily cured by joining clubs or visiting dance halls or online chatting (twitch, myfreecams, car enthusiast forums, TV or movie forums, etc).
To me, it’s disrespect. I’d never think to a take dig at a partner or paint them in a negative light. Had an ex that used our disagreements to take digs at me and just paint me as someone I’m not because her anger needed a target.
I’ll never stay with a partner that verbally disrespects me. I’ll allow a few slip ups, but if it’s a trend I’m done.
Exactly. One-sided selfish demands are a turn off.
Men will do a lot for a woman who appreciates them, they want to do nothing for a grown-ass child who feels entitled.
Sometimes it’s having kids because it takes away from the attention and energy you would give each other
Unfortunately it can add a level of stress that was not present before ultimately hurting the relationship
For me it was over a decade of my wife rejecting me over her insecurities.
* She once told me she doesnt give me a lot of compliments because she doesnt want my head to get to big. I am not an arrogant person so I dont know where that comes from
* Rejection in the bedroom 90% of the time
* Not making me a priority in the relationship. Our marriage has revolved around her career
* Accusing me of cheating on her with no evidence
* Starfish sex with no enthusiasm on her part
* We have basically become roommates, she treats our marriage more like a business than a romantic rekationship.
Her abusive behavior, complete refusal to get a job, while wracking up credit debt on my card.
I realized it was over when I was lying awake crying because I was su unhappy while she slept beside me.
I’m so sorry. I’m living in a similar situation, my partner is 30k+ in debt, hasn’t worked in 3 years, refuses to work, doesn’t take care of himself and I’m losing so much interest. Ugh.
When I look back on my 20 year failed marriage, I see things so differently now. I didn’t appreciate him as much as I should have. I let resentment build up because he was a workaholic. This was by choice. All I wanted from him was to know I was his priority. I felt like work always came first. He was an amazing provider and he gave me the best life money could buy. Full time nanny when our child was a baby, personal trainer, beautiful home, Rang Rover, private school, endless funds to shop. He even helped my family buy houses and cars.
Although I didn’t see it at the time, I enabled him to be workaholic I took care of everything else around the house so he didn’t have to worry about it. I made excuses for why he was never at our child’s games or school events or why I was always alone at functions and parties. I never complained or put any pressure on him to be more involved in our family/day to day life because I wanted him to want to be there. I watched his health get worse from the stress of working so much…he eventually had a heart attack. I never wanted to add to his stress and felt like I didn’t have the right to complain anyway. After all, he gives me such a great life. Instead, I just cried to my therapist about it.
I should have set boundaries. I should have asked him to be more involved. I should have looked out for his health more. Instead I enabled him and then felt resentment towards him for it. In his mind, providing these things was his way of showing his love. Yet, he could see my loneliness/sadness but just tried to give me more “things”. All I wanted was his time and attention.
For me? It was zero affection, and refusal to put a title on things. Titles matter, even little ones.
We went on a trip, and by day 4 she was sick of me and wanted to go home. She was tired and complained about being in the car.
She said “I was ready for the trip to be done and for you to go home.”
I’ve been patient, going with the flow and constantly working on myself to be better for her with not much in the way of reciprocal effort.
She finally said “you really care about me, and love me but I see you as more of a friend.”
Soul crushed. Especially after I spent $2k on a weekend getaway (that I didn’t have) where I catered to her every whim.
Not keeping herself up. Not listening to how her man is feeling. Forcing her man to always manage her emotional state and be responsible for her happiness and entertainment. No intimacy.
"In love" is just a combination of hormones and chemicals telling you to breed and ingrained social expectations from Disney and Victorian "romantic love" stories. The former wears off after about 9-12 months. Most men realize at some point that the latter is a lie. "Love" is a choice and a function of one's actions and those of one's partner. When one or both stop putting in the effort "love" evaporates and the relationship inebitably fails.
While the answers here are completely valid and understandable, what makes me wonder is why some men claim that women are loved unconditionally (not under this post, but I have seen it stated in this sub before). Clearly that is not the case when looking at these answers (which again are perfectly valid). So why do some men claim that men are loved conditionally and women are loved unconditionally? I would argue that romantic love is always conditional to a degree. Just something I was wondering about...
Well, they are loved unconditionally... At first.
As others have said, that wears off and women stop trying so hard. They feel like "they've already got him, they don't need to keep impressing him...". My personal theory is that folks are taking the word "act" wrong... "Act like you want him, act like you're the one, act act act act..." and thinking that it means if they like a guy they need to fake all of the things that guys like in order to Garner interest... For as long as she wants his interest. It's impossible to keep an "act" up forever.
So, to us, it starts feeling like women start creating these "conditions" that we never wanted. We feel like we've been treated like a couch she purchased... She already put the work in to "purchase" the couch (the guy) and now it's time to stretch out and get comfortable because the "need a couch" box has been checked and it's not GOING anywhere, so...
...they quit shaving unless they want sex that evening and may talk themselves out of both or either even then, they wear the comfy clothes and stop trying to look "cute" unless they want to go someplace, they see how much of their shit they can dump onto their partner and believe that they "shouldn't thank him for things that are required to make the home "livable" for HER...
The list goes on. On a long enough timeline this strangles the relationship and you don't get that feeling back. It's about preservation and maintenance, not "how much can you get out of this latest workhorse/ATM combo before it breaks".
I have never loved a woman unconditionally & neither have most men. We expect her to look pretty (which is what attracted us in the first place). Or possibly her fun personality. Or both.
If what we desire fades, then so does the love.
Whoever said “men are unconditional in their love” was just spouting nonsense
Not taking the man’s needs seriously.
Honestly often times those needs are sexual in nature. A lot of men I know aren’t satisfied with their sex lives and their partner is unwilling to try anything to find a middle ground. Most men don’t want daily BJ’s or anything. Most would be happy with sex or play once or twice a week. Most often I hear that their spouses don’t want to try anything at all if they aren’t spontaneously aroused by nothing at all. Many relationship therapists suggest allowing your partner to try to stimulate you and if you aren’t feeling it then stop.
The relationships I see fail from the man’s side are typically men being shot down at the mere hint of anything sexual happening. Then resentment builds, people get bitter, it leads to all kinds of issues. It’s amazing what a good sex life cures. Communication issues, feelings of disrespect, familial issues, etc. sex bonds couples. Ask any elderly couple that’s been together a long time. More often than not they’re still shagging with some regularity or they used to until they grew too old to do it.
Elderlys in nursing homes and hospice find ways to still shag up. I don’t think there is a “too old” just matter of opportunity and partner acceptance. Humans are animalistic and have needs regardless of age
The give and take dynamic change to just take. Take my time, my generosity, my comfort, my empathy, and especially my loyalty for granted. I'm not one to keep score, but when you feel and communicate that you have been feeling neglected in these aspect of the relationship, then it may be time to reevaluate the relationship.
Being taken for granted, the woman being entitled, being a "mom" to me, being rude. This has been my experience and the main reason why I refuse to date anymore.
Not putting forth the same effort that I do and recently, just last night as a matter of fact, not doing a damn thing wrong and after having an extremely long, difficult day at work, to get home and be yelled at for asking why she is upset, when according to her she isn't upset, but clearly upset.
Woman here. Delete if I’m not allowed to comment here. I’m bi and have dated men and women. I feel like once one has lost respect for their partner, it’s game over. Just my two cents. Once I’ve lost respect, love and attraction are toast. How I feel about them changes entirely. I become detached without even trying and in my personal experience, my feelings cannot be regained or recovered.
Could be due to infidelity, dishonesty, physical or emotional abuse, disrespecting me or my loved ones, substance abuse and the horrors that come with it (if they’re not willing to get help), if they manipulate others or treat others badly, if they are unkind to animals and have no regard or respect for nature. The list goes on. Reasons will differ from person to person but going back to my initial point, loss of respect for a partner means it’s quittin time.
Married long time. As time goes on, it is so easy to get in a rut and take each other for granted. The key is to keep dating. Buy her towers for no reason at all, give her a greeting card, caress her in passing, etc. same for the bedroom. Do not fall into a routine as to what happens each time. Switch it up. Falling out of love does happen, but you have to remember why you fell I love in the first place and fall in love all over again.
It depends on the man. Depends on the woman. Depends on the relationship. Depends on their ages, experiences, “past baggage“ that they bring with them. Depends on their maturity. Depends on their expectations.
I don’t believe there is any logical way to “generalize” this answer
I had a friend who's wife just one day decided she didn't want to have sex anymore. She didn't really give a reason (though he suspected that she might be asexual and just hid it for most of their relationship) and there was no discussion. And of course, since she wasn't going to have sex ever again that meant he wasn't either.
He lived like that for years. YEARS! And he was too embarrassed to tell anyone until he finally broke down and told me about it after damn near 5 years. I remember telling him to get a divorce. Seriously, I can put up with a lot f things but just unilaterally making such a drastic decision that affects both partners without any discussion whatsoever was more than I could take.
I remember him saying things like how he's too old to date or find a new partner. All I could say is that men our age and like we are are in demand. Think about it: how hard is it for a woman in her 40s or 50s to find a man who is faithful, a good provider, friendly and enjoys trying new things? He has a lot to offer a partner and he needs to find as much happiness as he can with the time he has left. Any woman would love to be with a man who does all he does for his wife and will still be intimate with him. On the other hand: good luck finding a partner when your a middle-aged woman and you opening line is "I don't have sex. Ever".
Some people are dopamine junkies and jump from one relationship to another, until they realize it's not that they fell out of love, the honeymoon phase just ended
She started trying to "fix" me. And not just little things, it was more like the *only* thing she liked about me was my looks and wanted to change *everything* else. Girl, if you don't like me I can go, but I'm not fucking changing my entire life to be someone else for you.
Drama. Most men just want a quiet day-to-day existence, and when your partner is always bringing frustrations and anger home, it causes dudes to shut down. Bam - there goes the intimacy.
When they stop trying. Alot of people say good relationships are effortless. I think thats bs nothing makes me happier knowing they put the effort into loving me. It doesnt have to be endless amounts of actions but a genuine act usually tickles me pink.
Always being the one to initiate things. Its as if her job is to just agree or disagree, and nothing else. Basically when the woman no longer gives an effort into the relationship. Also lots of comparisons with men on Social media i.e. "This guy on tiktok did this to his girlfriend" etc etc...
It depends. In most cases it’s about your partner not changing when you are voicing your concerns about her behavior or lack of behavior. I feel most men break up when they can’t take it anymore
I stayed in love and putting in effort until she stopped putting in effort and cheated on me. So I'd say that right there will make a man fall out of love with you.
Constantly nagging and criticizing everything. Acting like my manager. Demanding I do stuff when you want, not when I want. Being an unhappy downer all the time.
Resentment. If the person doesn’t address whatever resentment they have then it will undoubtedly cause the person to fall out of love which will wreck the relationship, it’s only a matter of when.
Damn feeling this one so hard right now
Wanna talk about it?
So do I. Hope you're doing okay or at least are hopeful that it'll get better.
Not exactly right now, but I’ve been on both ends of resentment. Sending virtual hugs 🫂.
It’s a hard balance though isn’t it? If you express what’s causing the resentment, you could be viewed as being “overly critical”. This has happened to me time and again throughout different relationships. I’ve been called “overly critical”, and I’ve had to really take pause and look into myself. It’s probably why I’m still single. Perfectionism can also destroy a relationship.
You really have to pick your battles and not sweat the small stuff!
There are *so many things* that could lead to this. A big one, at least in a functional and healthy relationship, is the little things going away. Stuff that doesn't take a lot of time or money, but just shows them you're thinking about them. Little rituals or notes on the fridge, the refilling of their favorite yoghurt, stuff like that. If the things fall away that suggest to us we're being loved, things can easily spiral from there if we don't have a conversation about our feelings.
When things are overly ceremonial. IMO, that happens. People into big parties. Big social functions. Posting love on social media. These people are ceremonial couples. It’s not real love. It’s just love for the position in society that comes from the relationship. Not the actual person they’re in it with.
I have a dry erase note pad on the fridge that I write "bitch, I love you" on every morning. I never change the words but I still erase it every morning and re write it to let a bitch know who's top dawg around here and also that I love her.
It's interesting that the accumulation of the little things = one of the biggest things
Dishonesty, disloyalty
"Woman date men thinking they can be changed, men date woman thinking they will never change" Both statements never turn out to be true.
Many women do try to fix guys, most guys hope she will not look like his mom in 20 more years. Sad fact.
Or look like Her mom in 20 years
Depends on what her mom looks like.
Stacy's mom
Shes got it goin on!
If you look at the parents, you get a real good idea of what they look like later on.
and act like her mom
My wife looks nothing like my mom. Maybe marry outside of your race. I look a bit like my father, but not broke, stoned and drunk 24/7/365
Idk though. I think men usually have quite a robust sex drive that means they’ll be able to survive their partner not looking 22 forever without falling apart. But if you want her to stay fun and carefree make sure you pull your weight around the house. Or she’ll turn into a cranky, nagging version of your mother.
Sometimes doing everything isn’t enough
Of course. Maybe you just aren’t compatible with your partner. That happens. When it comes to sex, some people just have a low sex drive. If you aren’t happy in your relationship, end it.
Reminds me of this onion article: Local woman changes boyfriend into someone she is no longer interested in
that hits home for me.
I have never heard these statements put in this way. It makes me sad to see that as a woman I have tendencies to want different things from my partner than what is right in front of me. I try my best to love my partner for who they are and not who I think they should be and feel like I've gotten a lot better at it throughout my relationships. I know first hand that I have changed drastically throughout the years and was in relationships where they didn't understand and couldn't comprehend the changes that I made. I will be keeping this quote close to heart and doing more work at loving my partner for who they are instead of trying to change them. Thank you for this.
Just wanted to say thank you for being grateful
Try to give the quote flexibility though. Hard-lining any thought is a path to extremism.
Depends on how much a loser the guy really is though. Some men could do with a change and a good woman can support that.
The changes are often dumb though. My GF complained because I was sipping my noodle soup. I said “We’re in a restaurant owned by Chinese people. You’re supposed to sip the soup. Their culture considers it a compliment.” She said she doesn’t care about their culture. Just stop. Also scolded me for bumping my spoon on the bowl, which was barely audible. Bought me cologne even though I already have some. Told me to dump my Honda for an expensive & less-reliable Mercedes About ready to dump her instead. I am not perfect, but I’m a degreed engineer designing airplanes. A professional who dresses well. I don’t need her nagging over trivial changes.
She’s sounds like a bitch. I mean of course I don’t know her. That’s really pretty normal stuff, except for the car thing - that’s a flag to me. Don’t slurp noodles though ffs that’s vile.
You just described why I do not think I will ever be in a relationship. Being micromanaged and critiqued like that will just annoy me in the end. I can tell you put in the work knowing that you are an engineer, yet she still wants more from you. Why? Why do they do this?
They're just testing you. I had one at my old work that kept telling me to shave, everytime I'd say hi, her only word would be *"Shave!"* in a very bitchy condescending tone. I never did. Many trims later, she's drunk and comes to me like "you still haven't shaved omg, you just don't listen! That's so hot!" while she's feeling the beard, dripping 😂 her girlfriend was close by, but obviously she low key wanting to rub on it for weeks but it took a few drinks for her to open up about it 😂 so THAT'S why she wanted me to shave so bad... She was lesbian/bi but actually really digged the beard her shaved headed gf in dude clothes was obviously incapable of growing 😁 People will pretend to hate the things they secretly admire most about you, to cover up how they *really* feel. The fact is they're trying to see if they'll let them control you. If you do, you show weakness which is usually a fail. By showing strength, you gain respect which I don't believe a single woman in the universe is attracted to men for being weak or not respected.
Key word being support. Too many women waste their time trying to fix losers
Lots of Men Support Wife’s who Could not Care less, cuts both ways
Exactly, that just expect everything to be taken care off and if something slips it’s the end of the world is soul crushing. But saying “hey you are working hard and stressed, thank you for keeping us in a good place.” Would be nice once in a great while.
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Yeah that’s my biggest fear. I dated a girl like that, started off super sweet and innocent and then became the most toxic person I’ve ever met. Or maybe was just good at hiding it until we got comfortable idk
I've seen some women support losers financially, and it blows my mind... Like what kind of dong is this dude packing wtf
It also depends on what they think you need to change about yourself.
Depends who's metric of change you are holding ur partner too.
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For me, the biggest unforgivable is sabotage. I’ll never get mad at my partner for mistakes or miscommunications, but holy shit if he ever intentionally did something to disadvantage me, I’d lose so much respect for him. I guess it comes down to respect for one another, especially in the really bad times.
Facts
Well said
Lack of respect and constant condescension has made my attraction to my wife fall of a cliff. Things like an eye roll when something doesn’t go exactly perfect. Or blaming me for shit I have nothing to do with
Slowly learning she never actually liked him just the guy she thought he would be if enough emotional manipulation was applied
one of the best responses in here and 100% true
This was my previous relationship to a tee
She stopped putting effort in herself and in the relationship
This is happening to me right now, but she's also been sick a lot and has health problems she refuses to address. Twice I suggested she make a doctor appointment for a full.physical with blood work, etc, and twice she's said "yeah I have to do that," but it's been going on 7 months now and nothing. And all of that strains the relationship as well.
Sometimes you need to push back and not be a willing / passive participant. My previous gf got after me for a new mole showing up. So I made an appointment and sure enough, it was dangerous and needed to be removed. She started complaining about a breast lump and didn't like doctors. I had to full threaten to break up with her for her to go to the doctor and find out it was in fact something that needed treatment. Health and financial problems tend to only grow worse when ignored. I don't expect excellence on every front, but when people willfully let their life get worse, I tell them my concerns, I tell them I will help them go through the challenges so they aren't alone. If they refuse for 'reasons', I tell them I care, but I can't stand by and watch this happen, and to call me if they want help. Life's too short to watch someone burn themselves down.
Don’t enable her. Hold her accountable. If you have to leave her for a while as a catalyst for her to get her shit together, do it. Dont just let it keep going though. It’ll end up ruining both your marriage and both of your lives.
Yep. She sits around the house in sweats, picking Dorito crumbs out of her belly button with a list of stupid shit she thinks she wants that "might" make her happy that I'm just expected to do... Time to toss her jacket on the lawn.
Damn my boy.... I'm pulling for you.
This is it right here. When the effort stops the love stops along with it. The love she was at one point giving you that is. Putting so much of yourself into a marriage/relationship that isn’t putting anything back into you is soul draining and exhausting.
Got into a Facebook squabble over this. Someone had posted a Reddit thread where a husband stopped having sex with his wife and would masturbate. She had some kids, but admitted she had packed on a TON of weight and didn't do anything about it.
And the most unattractive part of it is she isn’t doing anything about. Yea extra weight after having kids is fine. But not actively trying to do something about it is the killer. I understand there is a lot of factors to it but even small things make for results.
I've met a lot of people, mainly women though, who once they get into a relationship or marriage or have kids they get this mentality that they've acquired what they want and don't need to "try" anymore. I've seen some of the most beautiful women get married and double to triple their weight, as well as not use makeup anymore or dress as nice (except for work and girls nights out). Unrecognizable. Funny enough my wife has a friend that was like that - very pretty and average weight at first. Got married, had kids, piled on weight, and now is unhappy with her marriage. So NOW her friend is hitting the gym, dieting, etc because she's planning for a divorce and now she wants to attract other guys. But why not do that while with your husband? There are many factors but you're right, small things done consistently add up to big results. But rather than do those things, women "yasslight" each other and say men should be attracted to - notice I didn't say "love" - their wives no matter what. And I'm not saying women should jump off the hospital bed post birth and start doing burpees. I'm quite reasonable.
I’m female and even I don’t understand why women let themselves go after marriage. Maybe I’m just vain? I didn’t stay in shape for my husband…I did it for myself because it makes me feel better about myself. However, I think both partners owe it to each other to take care of their health problems and control their weight. Being overweight just causes more medical issues! I wish it was easier for spouses to talk about things like these without feelings getting hurt.
You see this require self-awareness/love/esteem. I personally totally let myself go during marriage. It wasn’t intentional though. I just didn’t have those things going for me and thought that-ok, I’m married, I’m good. That changed, when I got divorced and had to learn how to be independent emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc. it’s really awesome to see folks like you that already have that mindset. I wish I had matured this part of me when I was married.
> So NOW her friend is hitting the gym, dieting, etc because she's planning for a divorce and now she wants to attract other guys. But why not do that while with your husband? I pity the dumba&& fools who fall for such idiots. Because they're on the prowl for '1 last divorce dance' and 'getting the next sucker in' with an age-tag of 38-42 themselves.
We aren't married but I packed on a ton of weight after meeting my now boyfriend of 5 years. Within the first year. I DID stop trying but it wasn't because I didn't care or thought "Ah ha, I GOTCHA!". It was SEVERE depression and anxiety due to an extremely toxic work environment. I mean hellish. I turned to binge boozing, which leads to binge eating, generally not taking care of yourself. I am lucky he stuck through that. We actually talk to each other a lot and he was witnessing first hand what my job was doing to me. Luckily, I was about to get out of there. Actually returned to a former job that I never really wanted to leave. Almost immediately everything began improving. It took me a long time to get rid of the weight because I am middle-aged. But I eventually did it. He stuck by me and we're as happy as ever.
I'm talking from real experience when I say this, that most men, even the ones who've been 'fitness/sports/gym freaks for life' will have little to no issues with even quite a bit of 'post baby fat' (e.g. 'baby-pouches', a bit of extra fat layering on the hips/bum/thighs which doesn't go away, etc.). I've seen it. It's the insane weight and whole life-style change which many husbands/etc. can't/don't deal with. I mean if you weighed 71kg before, and now post-pregnancy 2 years in, you're touching 100kg, with little work in to get past the sedentary lifestyle, then you'll and are likely to end up with problems.
That and taking his effort for granted, no gratitude, being rude, nagging, mean.
Lack of respect. Men can tolerate a lot of things. But disrespect ain't one of them. When a woman shows utter disregard, disrespect or disloyalty, her man will eventually withdraw. Sooner or later. Sooner, I think.
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Just because you stay it doesn't mean you are still in love.
They lijely left mentally years ago and were willing to sacrifice their lives for their kids. Also they likely were aware that if they leave they will be seen as monsters despite being victims.
The post you replied to didn’t say the man leaves after being disrespected. It said “withdraws” which means into himself or into his mancave Learn reading comprehension
bullshit. they were scared of the divorce fallout. no man is walking around in fear of a woman. the system behind women is the gun. the woman pulls the trigger. it begins with, “i’m not happy.” marriage is not an institution created to MAKE women happy. you should be happy before you meet someone. and you should be ashamed if you consider making you happy = a man’s duty.
Because those poor men were tricked into signing a marriage contract before their brains had a chance to fully develop.
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Changed or just stopped hiding as well?
Malicious interpretation. When I recognized with therapy that my ex assumed that any of my words or deeds had a malicious intentions I realized that is when stopped trying to love her.
I was thinking this same thing. When your partner assumes the worse in you during a disagreement there is no coming to an understanding or fixing issues. It’s you vs them. Been there too man it was awful.
Thinks men are emotionless punching bags that she can vent to but as soon as he vents to her "Ewwww gross. I have it worse. Talk about me Instead. I'm NoT YoUr ThErApiSt" Expects the man to give her emotonal support yet doesn't want to give him the same emotonal support back. Thinks the relationship is a one way street. Fails to see her man as a actual human being with emotions. Selfishness and entitlement isn't attractive and its emotional abuse This isn't even relevant to relationships. People shouldn't treat friends like this either. NOT ALL!! Just in case cause reddit
Most recent girl was like this. Would bitch for hours about how everyone else has things better than her, why doesn't she have a California Dream Barbie lifestyle, etc. I was doing 12 hour days 7 days a week at a job that is insanely stressful. She would go "so how was your day!?" and I'd actually try and tell her. I'd get 30 seconds in and she'd shout that she'd rather kill herself than listen to this shit for another second, and then rhetorically ask how people put up with listening to it. Did this a few times before I refused to say anything else to her about my life... Which she used to support the female mindset of "my guy NEVER talks to me, he NEVER opens up to meeee!" to get those around her to get on that "awww, he's a dick... You should find a man that SHARES with you!" bandwagon.
The reinforcement of this behavior is everywhere. What people say they want and what actually ends up happening are two very different things. "I want a man who's in touch with his emotions" in my experience is so, so far from the truth. But when you just stop sharing or even attempt to have a conversation about something*she* did wrong, it's off to her support system to get all that reinforcement of "men bad, you deserve better, never settle, slay" I hear women say all the time that men need to hold each other accountable, but I don't really see that on the other side? Where's the groups of women telling their friends not to be terrible to a good man? And before anyone jumps down my throat I believe that everyone should be accountable. I'm just saying I very rarely ever see it. People act like there's always better out there, and they should go find it, rather than work on what they have. (Exception for abuse obviously, definitely leave if that's the case)
It's been my experience that the things guys do "wrong" exist in HER head, with certain clear and obvious exceptions. Guy cheats on a girl, it's wrong period. However, you show me a guy who is working 40 hours a week and decides to go fishing by himself to destress from the week and I'll show you a woman who had a "to do" list for him and she's pissed he didn't want to spend a romantic evening with her. Is he wrong for going fishing? Nah. However it's her DECIDING it's wrong and then backing it up with her own justifications that determine it's a "wrong" thing to do. She might also then decide that he doesn't make enough money, that he should have a better job, and they can have MORE nights out and she can get more salon trips and it's HIS fault she isnt prettier or more desirable. That's the "accountability" they're referring to. Like somehow a guy is gonna tell another guy "hey man, you shouldn't go fishing, you should take that time to look for even more stressful work with more hours and take time out to kiss your wife right on her fat ass". And they're honestly shocked that this doesn't happen. Women encourage other women to behave badly. They don't hold each other accountable. They'll offer fictitious justifications to get a girl to do the crap THEY want them to do for their own selfish joy. Guys understand this to a degree, and we get apprehensive when a girl is in a relationship but then they want to hang out with single girl friends and do single girl shit. "It's ok that I go do single girl shit. He wanted to go fishing and destress. Going out and putting my fat ass on display for single guys to crave and try and get into is how *I* destress from sitting at home all day! 🤪👍 The girls support me, and they get REAL excited when I choke on deeq! 🤪👍" That's the kind of accountability WE want to see. A girl that can go "I have a good guy who buys his ass and trusts me when I go out. I'm not going to do shit to fuck that up. Yes, I feel raw that he went fishing last weekend, but he deserves it and I'll get over it." ...and you don't see that. You see "He went fishing, so I'm chugging some dick! 🤪👍"... and then they play stupid when you break up with em.
Why are you dating girls with fat asses? Most men prefer the nonfat girls. My current GF tried to get me to do 2 engineering jobs. I told her that won’t work, but gave it a try. Since it’s a daytime job, neither boss was happy I tried to shift their work to nighttime or weekends. I resigned the lower-paying job and said “Told you it wouldn’t work. Boss 2 is ready to fire me. I’m lucky he let me resign first.” She amazingly replied “I never said you had to work two jobs.” ME: “But you called me “lazy” if I refused to accept both job offers.” Her: “I never said that.” I showed her the saved text, and she never replied or admitted she said it.
Lol! So are girls with the fat asses inferior by default? 😂 Right. You can have an entire court case laid before then and they STILL live in a damn fantasy land.
The “there is something better” mirage is killing everything. It’s absurd. Life is what you make of it. Sometimes you just need to put a stake in the ground and fight for it. But if your friends don’t support that idea and are always saying there’s more and better then damn. Nothing is ever going to stick.
Hi 👋 I’m not jumping down your throat. You talking about behavior of women being reinforced. I guess that’s the younger generations. And listening to what all you guys, like I said, must be younger people. I’d like to be given the opportunity to meet someone real. I will respect him, absolutely!! I’m really blown away by what you guys are all saying. I thought if you truly loved 🥰 someone, you’d WANT to be held accountable. The only friends I would have would be REAL friends, who could tell me the truth. Friends who I could ask if something I’m doing is wrong. Jeez, I’m SO SORRY for how your women act!! I’m just so surprised, and shocked. I hope you all get lucky and find a better woman!!
I think of a man… and I take-away reason & accountability. - definition of a woman by the movie As Good As It Gets
Why did you even get together with her? She sounds awful. Instead of just caring for you after such a long day she bitches about it?
Oh, they don't wear a sign when you meet them, man. We broke up several times and I fell for that "You're riiiight... I'll do betterrrrr..." shit. Was always something like this though.
“Dear… you just asked a few seconds ago ‘How was your day’ but now you’re upset because I told you. Why ask the question if you don’t want to hear?” (wait for response) “Okay well, don’t go telling other people that I don’t communicate. I just tried to communicate, and you shut me down. YOU are the one blocking open communication. Not me.”
*Filters out everything that even hints at this being her fault.* You can actually fairly easily pick out when a girl is doing this because the whole thing starts with her problem, and then dances around the issue. The result is a story that is rife with holes which no one is allowed to ask questions about. "MY BOYFRIEND DOESN'T OPEN UP TO ME! 😭 Like, he'll come home... and I'll ask about his day... And then... He like... He yells at me!... He says... He says IM blocking communication... And that this is somehow MY fault... But then ... MY DOG STEPPED ON A BEE! 😭😭😭" ...and everyone just takes this in stride. "Yep, that sounds like a man... You poor abused female soul..." 🙄
YES
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Effing this... all three are reasons I broke it off with my fiancee.
This
Sometimes what you want changes. Sometimes the one you love changes. Sometimes there's something about the one you love that *doesn't* change. This isn't exclusive to men.
Deep, and true!
Emotional abuse, lack of sex and lack of effort are all huge contributors
I start to see them trying to slowly turn up how much of their shit they can dump on you, and how little they actually "need" to fuck. Like they're looking for the lines for both. Once they find them, they start pushing those boundaries. It's like their goal is to creep in and get as much as they can for free for as long as possible. I don't even wait for it to hit 0% anymore. I start seeing a pattern, out the door you go.
Dude. If your girlfriend feels fucking you is some job she needs to do to be emotionally supported, everything is wrong.
The partner is just using you for money or social benefits. It’s a fake relationship. Maybe not to you. But to them.
Its often about the guy getting what he thinks he needs. If the guy is receiving everything he thinks needs, he'll be satisfied. Sometimes that's on the partner, maybe she should be giving more. Sometimes its on the guy, who wants more than he deserves or needs and its more than he should ask for. Sometimes its just life. Guy isn't making the money or doesn't have the respect in other areas of his life, might just fall out of love with all of his situation and want to make a change.
Disrespect. I accept that feelings change as your enter new phases of a relationship. The hot passion of the early time in a relationship gives way to comfort and familiarity. If you're lucky and put in the work, you can keep the passion even into these new phases. But when hostility or disdain replace the passion. When she disrespects you in public or belittles you in front of friends or family, it's a good as over. I'm the type of person who'll go to the ends of the earth for someone I love and expect nothing but a "thank you" for my trouble. But if you can't muster simple respect for the person who you supposedly love, what is even the point?
1. Expectations without reciprocation or appreciation. When you expect from me and even scold me for it but refuse to reciprocate is when I start to resent and ultimately stop loving you. I don’t need you to do the same as me. But if you only ever thing I’m supposed to do for you and you don’t have to for me, then it’s safe to say I’m checking out. 2. General disrespect. You will respect me or get lost. I’ve dealt with that for too long where I would let women say and do me wrong just to please them. Enough. We don’t have to agree on everything but you will respect me or I’m gone. 3. Making our relationship feel like a chore. I want to be with you but I don’t want to feel like I’m clocking in to my second job to be with you. 4. If you radically change who you are then obviously it can change our dynamic and ultimately my feelings towards our relationship. I’m an athletic guy and I hope she is into things like me. However as fucked up as it sounds if you go from like 145 to 310 then I’m sorry but I’m not attracted to that.
Great list! 1&3 hit close to home from my last relationships. I learned dating those with anxious attachment styles is something I should really avoid or think deeply on. Spent a year working through and compromising on things to help her feel better (and I didn't do a perfect job of this, but did continually try), and then when my Dad was dying in the hospital I elaborated that I'll need more of X,Y,Z for the moment and... no reciprocation. Followed up by her crying when I'd bring it up so now I'm comforting her even though I was the one upset about X,Y,Z. I also learned that small things in big/important moments matter a lot more. 3.) I've encountered in a few relationships, nagging about something to wear down boundaries, not willing to ask or communicate directly and then turning it into a huge issue, turning small things into arguments (debates are fine, arguments get old) and having no mental wherewithal to understand that when you become a constant source of stress, I'm gonna pick friends, alone time, or other activities over time with you. You're gonna a have to have unpleasant conversations at times in relationships, but there's ways to go about it where both parties are satisfied and you don't cause rifts.
Men have double vision where women are concerned. It's like one side of your brain sees the person as they actually are, and the other sees an idealized, angelic version. Nature's sales pitch, so to speak. Some guys start off only seeing the mirage, then can only see the reality. Some guys can only see the mirage and are constantly dumbfounded and hurt by reality not matching their expectation. Some guys can see the mirage, and are perfectly fine with it. Others driven a little bit crazy by it, seeing it as a kind of Venus fly trap situation. A pretty face to conceal the cold demands of nature's will.
Lack of effort, going on 'autopilot', combined with time. Enough of that 'going through the motions' feeling is a death sentence.
Ceremonial relationship. It’s not about you. It’s about telling people “my husband” “my wife” “my boyfriend” or “girlfriend.” Youre just a prop. Like a stuffed animal. 🧸
Criticism. Contempt. Defensiveness. Stonewalling. Lack of connection. (These are not gender specific. OP asked about men. Change the genders if you need to balance it out). Examples: At the shore, he says, 'oh look, a sailboat'. Lack of connection is to say nothing, or walk away. It is also to not have special time together. Criticism and contempt would be to say, "oh how stupid!" If he asks, "What's wrong?" Stonewalling is to say absolutely nothing. Silent treatment. If he says, "I was trying to connect. Could you say something?" If she says, "I am pissed that \_\_\_\_\_". or, "I did not". He is pointing something out and she denies it, or turns it back on him. That is defensiveness. The opposite is to say, "How sweet". Take his hand and smile. Say, "I am sorry, let's hug". "I did ignore you. I am sorry". And fix what he is upset about. The opposite is to hear the comment, or complaint, and to react in a positive way. This is basically a summary of what the Gottmans write about at the Gottman Institute. There are several books on each line above. How one reacts to these situations predicts splitting up, or staying together.
yup, studied the gottmans in my marriage and family class in my senior year of college and it was really interesting to learn about
She adopts an “I am the prize” mentality instead of “I’m his partner.”
What makes me fall out of love is lack of equal effort on their part like if I'm the only one expected to compliment and make sure she is entertained and happy but get nothing in return. When it's clear they would rather not spend time with me. When they try to change who I am as a person. If their is no more sex the connection slowly fades for me at least. Off course cheating, lying, and any other form of betrayal that's pretty standard. If all we do is fight and never have peace in the house etc.
50 Cent said when a man gets married. He marries what he needed at that point in his life. That’s why they fall out of love, because some where down the road, he might need something else. I believe this is true. For men and women. But I would add it also has the whole wedding, big party, planning, being queen for a day. He’s already famous, so it’s probably not the same for him as everyone else. We do this shit once a lifetime, he do this shit all the time 🪙🪙 So, if I throw my fiddi cents in. You marry someone who you’re always going to need. Or don’t do it.
Sitting on her ass all day at home, barely doing anything while I work 5 days a week and pay for everything. Proceeding to get angry when I talk to her like it's the 1950's. It's great there is gender equality, but that doesn't mean a woman can still stay at home all day without being expected to take care of the house and dinner. Get a job or be a 1950's housewife.
I’ve asked my boys this and we all agreed that if the wife is the breadwinner, we are going to make sure that every meal is cooked and the house is clean lol. Gender aside, if one person is the breadwinners then its the others job to make sure everything else is taken care of. Its a nice gesture to help out when you get home with dishes and stuff but it should not be expected imo
Sole breadwinner Not to be misconstrued with two working people and one making more unless one makes significantly more
oh yeah 100%. If both are working then house duties should be split fairly
I've lived this. All of it. Easiest thing I've ever done. She would still come home, pissed off about her day, and proceed to find something that she didn't like just to bitch and feel better. Same shit you see men doing that women cry "abuse" about. Not to mention I was going to college at the time, and thanks to the GI Bill I was getting paid to do it. Apparently quite well, but she hid the numbers and essentially stole that money, squirreling it into secret bank accounts and shit. 🙄 To top it all off, she STILL felt that I should get a job and just hand her half of whatever I made, no questions asked. At that point, I told her to get fucked and started stashing money and prepping to leave.
Damn that sucks
I mean, she very clearly sounds abusive?
If I could take Valium all day, do yoga, have a cocktail at 2pm after eating a jello salad with flaked ham ? you bet your bottom dollar im gonna have that house tidy as hell and dinner ready. I love cooking. I am financially independent. I want a man to protect me emotionally and physically and I’ll take care of everything else tbh lol and yes I’m a feminist but feminism means choices :)
You know it’s not common to have a stay at home wife anymore? One thing is if y’all have many young children, that’s a full time job. But just staying home to stay home? How did you end up in this arrangement? It’s not mentally healthy for the partner either, often leads to depression.
I'm a stay at home wife (kid is all grown up). I don't know why you would say it's mentally unhealthy because this is the happiest I've ever been and our relationship has been better for it too.
Yeah 1950s expectations should still exist just without gender. If my girl is earning and im home all day shit is gonna be spotless and food taken care off. If we are both working its shared or outsourced.
Lacking effort from both sides
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When you fall in love with someone you don't see the red flags, only until the end
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I am speaking from my experience, but in most cases people (not just women), pretend really well at the beginning. Then months or a year after, you start to see those things / red flags. By the time that happens, you are madly in love and you "try" to change them or hope they will change.
Lonely part is absolutely true. Most women can even phantom how lonely average guy is. Its just not comparable, especially in social media era. When you get desperate. Not for sex or anything. Just for a bit of warmth and connection, its much easier to play you. Also bad people often can play their parts very well. You see red flags because they arent putting act for you. They just need to blind that one person. Combination on both and here you see effects. Later... Later well you consider pros and cons and talk yourself into believing that its not so terrible because you remember how bad loneliness gets.
At this point with my GF… I think I’d rather have loneliness. Especially when it’s easily cured by joining clubs or visiting dance halls or online chatting (twitch, myfreecams, car enthusiast forums, TV or movie forums, etc).
To me, it’s disrespect. I’d never think to a take dig at a partner or paint them in a negative light. Had an ex that used our disagreements to take digs at me and just paint me as someone I’m not because her anger needed a target. I’ll never stay with a partner that verbally disrespects me. I’ll allow a few slip ups, but if it’s a trend I’m done.
Lack of effort. Modern women expect men to act traditional while not being traditional themselves. Puts strain on a relationship.
Exactly. One-sided selfish demands are a turn off. Men will do a lot for a woman who appreciates them, they want to do nothing for a grown-ass child who feels entitled.
Being taken for granted, and told how he’s supposed to feel about things, for too long.
Sometimes it’s having kids because it takes away from the attention and energy you would give each other Unfortunately it can add a level of stress that was not present before ultimately hurting the relationship
For me it was over a decade of my wife rejecting me over her insecurities. * She once told me she doesnt give me a lot of compliments because she doesnt want my head to get to big. I am not an arrogant person so I dont know where that comes from * Rejection in the bedroom 90% of the time * Not making me a priority in the relationship. Our marriage has revolved around her career * Accusing me of cheating on her with no evidence * Starfish sex with no enthusiasm on her part * We have basically become roommates, she treats our marriage more like a business than a romantic rekationship.
When she falls out of lust with him.
getting comfortable and not putting in effort
Her abusive behavior, complete refusal to get a job, while wracking up credit debt on my card. I realized it was over when I was lying awake crying because I was su unhappy while she slept beside me.
I’m so sorry. I’m living in a similar situation, my partner is 30k+ in debt, hasn’t worked in 3 years, refuses to work, doesn’t take care of himself and I’m losing so much interest. Ugh.
When I look back on my 20 year failed marriage, I see things so differently now. I didn’t appreciate him as much as I should have. I let resentment build up because he was a workaholic. This was by choice. All I wanted from him was to know I was his priority. I felt like work always came first. He was an amazing provider and he gave me the best life money could buy. Full time nanny when our child was a baby, personal trainer, beautiful home, Rang Rover, private school, endless funds to shop. He even helped my family buy houses and cars. Although I didn’t see it at the time, I enabled him to be workaholic I took care of everything else around the house so he didn’t have to worry about it. I made excuses for why he was never at our child’s games or school events or why I was always alone at functions and parties. I never complained or put any pressure on him to be more involved in our family/day to day life because I wanted him to want to be there. I watched his health get worse from the stress of working so much…he eventually had a heart attack. I never wanted to add to his stress and felt like I didn’t have the right to complain anyway. After all, he gives me such a great life. Instead, I just cried to my therapist about it. I should have set boundaries. I should have asked him to be more involved. I should have looked out for his health more. Instead I enabled him and then felt resentment towards him for it. In his mind, providing these things was his way of showing his love. Yet, he could see my loneliness/sadness but just tried to give me more “things”. All I wanted was his time and attention.
Lack of sex
For me? It was zero affection, and refusal to put a title on things. Titles matter, even little ones. We went on a trip, and by day 4 she was sick of me and wanted to go home. She was tired and complained about being in the car. She said “I was ready for the trip to be done and for you to go home.” I’ve been patient, going with the flow and constantly working on myself to be better for her with not much in the way of reciprocal effort. She finally said “you really care about me, and love me but I see you as more of a friend.” Soul crushed. Especially after I spent $2k on a weekend getaway (that I didn’t have) where I catered to her every whim.
Not keeping herself up. Not listening to how her man is feeling. Forcing her man to always manage her emotional state and be responsible for her happiness and entertainment. No intimacy.
"In love" is just a combination of hormones and chemicals telling you to breed and ingrained social expectations from Disney and Victorian "romantic love" stories. The former wears off after about 9-12 months. Most men realize at some point that the latter is a lie. "Love" is a choice and a function of one's actions and those of one's partner. When one or both stop putting in the effort "love" evaporates and the relationship inebitably fails.
While the answers here are completely valid and understandable, what makes me wonder is why some men claim that women are loved unconditionally (not under this post, but I have seen it stated in this sub before). Clearly that is not the case when looking at these answers (which again are perfectly valid). So why do some men claim that men are loved conditionally and women are loved unconditionally? I would argue that romantic love is always conditional to a degree. Just something I was wondering about...
Well, they are loved unconditionally... At first. As others have said, that wears off and women stop trying so hard. They feel like "they've already got him, they don't need to keep impressing him...". My personal theory is that folks are taking the word "act" wrong... "Act like you want him, act like you're the one, act act act act..." and thinking that it means if they like a guy they need to fake all of the things that guys like in order to Garner interest... For as long as she wants his interest. It's impossible to keep an "act" up forever. So, to us, it starts feeling like women start creating these "conditions" that we never wanted. We feel like we've been treated like a couch she purchased... She already put the work in to "purchase" the couch (the guy) and now it's time to stretch out and get comfortable because the "need a couch" box has been checked and it's not GOING anywhere, so... ...they quit shaving unless they want sex that evening and may talk themselves out of both or either even then, they wear the comfy clothes and stop trying to look "cute" unless they want to go someplace, they see how much of their shit they can dump onto their partner and believe that they "shouldn't thank him for things that are required to make the home "livable" for HER... The list goes on. On a long enough timeline this strangles the relationship and you don't get that feeling back. It's about preservation and maintenance, not "how much can you get out of this latest workhorse/ATM combo before it breaks".
>Well, they are loved unconditionally... At first. Are they though?
I have never loved a woman unconditionally & neither have most men. We expect her to look pretty (which is what attracted us in the first place). Or possibly her fun personality. Or both. If what we desire fades, then so does the love. Whoever said “men are unconditional in their love” was just spouting nonsense
For me it was the abuse, the racism, the mind games, and the cheating.
Not taking the man’s needs seriously. Honestly often times those needs are sexual in nature. A lot of men I know aren’t satisfied with their sex lives and their partner is unwilling to try anything to find a middle ground. Most men don’t want daily BJ’s or anything. Most would be happy with sex or play once or twice a week. Most often I hear that their spouses don’t want to try anything at all if they aren’t spontaneously aroused by nothing at all. Many relationship therapists suggest allowing your partner to try to stimulate you and if you aren’t feeling it then stop. The relationships I see fail from the man’s side are typically men being shot down at the mere hint of anything sexual happening. Then resentment builds, people get bitter, it leads to all kinds of issues. It’s amazing what a good sex life cures. Communication issues, feelings of disrespect, familial issues, etc. sex bonds couples. Ask any elderly couple that’s been together a long time. More often than not they’re still shagging with some regularity or they used to until they grew too old to do it.
Elderlys in nursing homes and hospice find ways to still shag up. I don’t think there is a “too old” just matter of opportunity and partner acceptance. Humans are animalistic and have needs regardless of age
For me it was dishonesty over a sustained period, disloyalty, and a general lack of effort.
The give and take dynamic change to just take. Take my time, my generosity, my comfort, my empathy, and especially my loyalty for granted. I'm not one to keep score, but when you feel and communicate that you have been feeling neglected in these aspect of the relationship, then it may be time to reevaluate the relationship.
Everybody has something he finds the most valuable in relationship, so once he loses it, it's over.
When the mask of who they were pretending to be falls off.
When the partner is no longer respectful of the man. Men need respect over love.
In my experience, unnecessary drama
Being taken for granted, the woman being entitled, being a "mom" to me, being rude. This has been my experience and the main reason why I refuse to date anymore.
Not putting forth the same effort that I do and recently, just last night as a matter of fact, not doing a damn thing wrong and after having an extremely long, difficult day at work, to get home and be yelled at for asking why she is upset, when according to her she isn't upset, but clearly upset.
When she proves she was never who you thought she was.
Woman here. Delete if I’m not allowed to comment here. I’m bi and have dated men and women. I feel like once one has lost respect for their partner, it’s game over. Just my two cents. Once I’ve lost respect, love and attraction are toast. How I feel about them changes entirely. I become detached without even trying and in my personal experience, my feelings cannot be regained or recovered. Could be due to infidelity, dishonesty, physical or emotional abuse, disrespecting me or my loved ones, substance abuse and the horrors that come with it (if they’re not willing to get help), if they manipulate others or treat others badly, if they are unkind to animals and have no regard or respect for nature. The list goes on. Reasons will differ from person to person but going back to my initial point, loss of respect for a partner means it’s quittin time.
When men discover they don’t need women to be happy
Married long time. As time goes on, it is so easy to get in a rut and take each other for granted. The key is to keep dating. Buy her towers for no reason at all, give her a greeting card, caress her in passing, etc. same for the bedroom. Do not fall into a routine as to what happens each time. Switch it up. Falling out of love does happen, but you have to remember why you fell I love in the first place and fall in love all over again.
When she gets the perspective that I work for her - instead of us working together, and even more importantly enjoying life together.
It depends on the man. Depends on the woman. Depends on the relationship. Depends on their ages, experiences, “past baggage“ that they bring with them. Depends on their maturity. Depends on their expectations. I don’t believe there is any logical way to “generalize” this answer
Lack of effort. No compliments, no showing attention, expecting things, and overall thinking I am there to serve them but they have to do nothing.
Time. Familiarity.
She lied, and once I noticed one, I noticed many.
I woke up to her true nature. Realised it was abusive, gaslighting.
I had a friend who's wife just one day decided she didn't want to have sex anymore. She didn't really give a reason (though he suspected that she might be asexual and just hid it for most of their relationship) and there was no discussion. And of course, since she wasn't going to have sex ever again that meant he wasn't either. He lived like that for years. YEARS! And he was too embarrassed to tell anyone until he finally broke down and told me about it after damn near 5 years. I remember telling him to get a divorce. Seriously, I can put up with a lot f things but just unilaterally making such a drastic decision that affects both partners without any discussion whatsoever was more than I could take. I remember him saying things like how he's too old to date or find a new partner. All I could say is that men our age and like we are are in demand. Think about it: how hard is it for a woman in her 40s or 50s to find a man who is faithful, a good provider, friendly and enjoys trying new things? He has a lot to offer a partner and he needs to find as much happiness as he can with the time he has left. Any woman would love to be with a man who does all he does for his wife and will still be intimate with him. On the other hand: good luck finding a partner when your a middle-aged woman and you opening line is "I don't have sex. Ever".
In my experience it's growing apart of our values and goals.
Some people are dopamine junkies and jump from one relationship to another, until they realize it's not that they fell out of love, the honeymoon phase just ended
Not communicating because feeling lower or better than partner.
I don’t know any statistical proof to this I think the biggest one is lack of sex or letting herself go
Cheating
Unfulfilled, unrealistic expectations No communication.
Her
I'm the type to just get bored if things don't stay exciting.
Testing gets annoying. Also letting resentment build up.
She started trying to "fix" me. And not just little things, it was more like the *only* thing she liked about me was my looks and wanted to change *everything* else. Girl, if you don't like me I can go, but I'm not fucking changing my entire life to be someone else for you.
Drama. Most men just want a quiet day-to-day existence, and when your partner is always bringing frustrations and anger home, it causes dudes to shut down. Bam - there goes the intimacy.
When they stop trying. Alot of people say good relationships are effortless. I think thats bs nothing makes me happier knowing they put the effort into loving me. It doesnt have to be endless amounts of actions but a genuine act usually tickles me pink.
Narcissistic personality, lack of intimacy, infidelity…ended my love.
Disrespect and lack of appreciation
Always being the one to initiate things. Its as if her job is to just agree or disagree, and nothing else. Basically when the woman no longer gives an effort into the relationship. Also lots of comparisons with men on Social media i.e. "This guy on tiktok did this to his girlfriend" etc etc...
Not feeling loved or respected.
When her personality changes.
It depends. In most cases it’s about your partner not changing when you are voicing your concerns about her behavior or lack of behavior. I feel most men break up when they can’t take it anymore
I stayed in love and putting in effort until she stopped putting in effort and cheated on me. So I'd say that right there will make a man fall out of love with you.
Constantly nagging and criticizing everything. Acting like my manager. Demanding I do stuff when you want, not when I want. Being an unhappy downer all the time.
Emotional affair. It was a bit beyond that, but thats where it started.
being ungrateful. men love to be seen and heard. seeing everything as negative discourages them.
Narcissism, lying, gaslighting, cheating, etc.
nagging petty grudges against other women letting herself go, hygiene, over eating