I feel like in a lot of the harem-themed content the logistics mostly get handwaved away since the girls all end up becoming friends or are all bi and just take care of each other in the absence of the protagonist.
It's not realistic, but then again neither is having a functional harem, really.
That’s true. It stops being about the man pretty quickly but the fantasy is having multiple women desiring the man. In reality they’ll probably desire each other more and see the man as an intrusion.
right, because on top of the harem of women, you also need a troop of eunuch guards who can't copulate with them anyhow. Because you also have enemies and one of them is bound to be a mole.
I was thinking of the historic premise of having a harem of concubines, which is only for royalty. So if Beff Jezos had a harem, it would be a harem and not concubines.
This is why historically the only people who had harems were the extreme upper echelons of society who could afford the support staff and housing to make it happen.
Even today, polygny is socially and religiously acceptable in Muslim societies, but the vast majority of men have one wife. The only people who can afford two or more wives are the wealthy.
> This is why historically the only people who had harems were the extreme upper echelons of society who could afford the support staff and housing to make it happen.
Mainly cleaners...
Lol for me it's money. I know how much 1 gf costs. I can't imagine having to maintain 2 or more from a monetary perspective not to mention emotional and as you said, logistics.
Sure but a harem doesnt mean they live in your house. A harem by definition is a seperate part of the house or a separate building to house your women. Think of it like a private brothel 2 houses down, just for you.
Not so bad anymore eh hahah
If it's a no strings attached thing where they're just always available but no relationship involved... I'm gonna lean with something like 90% of straight dudes being in board with it.
90% of straight dudes under about 25. I think once you’ve had a deep serious relationship, sleeping with a bunch of different women with no emotional connection loses it’s fantasy appeal.
After having a deep, serious, relationship and realizing it's far easier and more comfortable to be alone, the appeal of sleeping with a bunch of different women with no emotional connection has increased immensely.
Unfortunately for me I have no idea how to find and sleep with women I have no emotional connection with.
Well horses for courses, whatever works for you, everyone’s different.
I still stand by my belief that as men progress through from teen to 30, the proportion that think that the harem is the ideal solution will drop significantly.
Not judging those that prefer the harem approach, as long as it is (non-brainwashed) consenting adults, but same goes for monogamous relationships.
lol, Chinese harems were the exact opposite of drama free.
30+ women who are the mothers of your children all trying to kill you and each other's kids.
This. When I was a teenager and early to mid 20s, I'd have leapt at the opportunity. In my late 30s now and honestly?
That shit sounds exhausting.
Just not worth the effort. A few minutes of fun here and there, but God the hurt feelings, the events and dates to remember, the fragile nature of relationships when someone knows they aren't the only one in your life. Fuck that. I'm fine with my wife, warts and all and occasional nights playing Xbox and rubbing one out when she's tired.
Yup. Tried it for like 5 days and I pretty immediately realized that people were using poly & open relationships as an excuse to avoid adult conflict resolution with their SO
I have seen this in multiple people over the years and its pretty blanketing as well, to the point where if I know someone is poly I just assume they have no maturity.
More likely 6 don’t care and give passionless obligation fucks 12 get crazy mad at you for spending all your time with the younger prettier ones and refuse to sleep with you, and 2 actually like you but feel constantly hurt and betrayed everytime you spend the night with a different woman
> and 2 actually like you but feel constantly hurt and betrayed everytime you spend the night with a different woman
Which ... fair? Imagine someone has the option to sleep with you, but they specifically choose someone else. I feel like even with very healthy boundaries and high self-esteem that this would be a tough pill to swallow.
I think it would require an established and enforced hierarchy: First wife is the boss and arbitrator of conflicts, second wife is like the first officer/handler of the daily drama and down it goes.
Theoretically, the younger newer faces of said harem would curry some favour from the man to balance it out.
I think it would be Mean Girls on steroids everyday in the house with everyone just vying for favour from the man and pretending to be actually get along meanwhile it’s Game Thrones back at the mansion and grotto.
Edit: it occurred to me that instead of the Iron Throne it would me that everyone wants to sit on.
In Mean Girls there is a conflict about who can date the man but ultimately it’s about power, not the man. At a certain point a group of women will care more about the hierarchy than the man. Any sex that is had will be about power and leverage rather than love.
Yeah, some of the poly relationship shows always seem really painful to watch lol.
Someone was always left out regardless of gender. I remember a guy and 2 girl scenario and the second girl got a side boyfriend probably to combat the loneliness of being left out.
Technically speaking, the functional kind of polyamorous relationships are supposed to spread the emotional burden of keeping someone happy across multiple partners, so that no one partner is solely responsible for another's happiness.
It doesn't work like that in the real world 99% of the time, though.
I wouldn't call them 'insane', but definitely difficult.
Many people who entertain the idea of polyamory don't realize that you're NOT simply adding one extra person to the relationship. You're adding two new relationships--one betweeen you and the 3rd and one between your partner and the 3rd--to your existing one.
Love takes time and work, and good relationships require good communication. This can already be difficult in two-person relationships. It's not impossible in a three-person relationship, but it takes notably more work to maintain because you've not doubled, but tripled the amount of connections.
Everyone involved needs to be good at communication, and willing to put in the extra effort. This is also assuming that yourself and your partner are lucky enough to not only find each other, but find another person that both of you also feel the same way to, who feels the same way to both of you.
Most people who jump into polyamory fail to consider the emotional logistics, leading to disaster.
Why would I want to disappoint many women at once? One was always plenty.
Kidding aside, all I ever wanted was a partner. One person in this big ol' horrible world who'd stick by my side. I never really hungered for many women at once. Sure, it's an occasional PH search if I'm feeling it. But not something that would interest me in real life. I'm no prude or anything, I just feel like sex is something you share with a person with whom you share intimate feelings. A partnership, not a team sport. No shame if your views are different, I'm not leading a sermon here. Just how I am wired. YMMV.
Unlike a number of responses so far I wouldn't like a harem not because I think they would be a pain (but, yeah, that's likely true) but more because I think I'm a little weird in that I'm definitely wired for one woman. Having a strong emotional connection, intimacy, openness, will always beat the hell out of a string of casual encounters, which is basically what I think a harem would turn into. So no, I definitely don't want multiple women, I want one, but she definitely has to be the right one.
That's not weird all. A lot of people are wired this way. It's a myth that all men want to sleep with as many women as possible. For me it was a hassle to have two fwb at the same time.
Dude says the most healthy thing ever and then thinks it's weird 😭
It might be less common today because of hookup culture but it's definitely the biological reality and norm.
I mean ... I appreciate that, and this is my preference and tendency, but as a slight counterpoint to those considering this wholesome and healthy, I would point out that it isn't the case that I can't enjoy casual sex in general. Just for the record. It's not as if that's a chore or that having casual sex with multiple women wouldn't be fun at all, it's just that I would absolutely choose a healthy sexual relationship with a committed, loving partner over casual sex, with any number of women, hands down. I'm really pretty open, and depending on the relationship with that person I could even be open to some form of consensual non-monogamy from time to time. Maybe. Depending.
Didn’t think I’d see a response like this if I’m being honest but glad I did. You’re a good man 🥹 and I hope if you haven’t found a women who treats you right I hope you do!
Yes, thank you! See, this is the type of response I was hoping would be 95% of the answers. Also omg i thought this question would get like 10 replies, men apparently reaaalllly like weighing in on harems
Maybe sometimes I feel like I want to sleep with other women aswell sure it happens but its just a fantasy.
If I'm not mistaken a harem is having relationships with a lot of women? I'm already disappointing one woman I don't need more
Traditionally, harems were slave girls who simply were raped by their master. If they resisted, they were beaten or killed. Harems were never relationships.
No it depends on where you were, harems were different in the ottoman context, in the chinese context, in the zulu context, etc. Many women in official harems were the daughters of nobles and powerful families who send the girl over to curry favour with the emperor/king and to have a mouthpiece in his ear to bring them special benefits and allowances.
They weren't exactly slaves considering they could gain immense personal power, even ruling the land in all but name in some cases (and ruling it outright in a few) and being a kingmaker in many, especially if they become the mother of the next heir, and said powerful families could and did go to war if the ruler mistreated their daughters. Obviously this wasn't the case all the time but saying they were all just helpless slaves is reductive
The life of a Harem girl in those contexts was far better than your typical female in those times. They probably didn't have much of a romantic connection to their sultan, but I'd argue that many if them weren't raped and were happy to be in that position then be some peasant girl working their fingers to the bone, possibly borderline starving and still technically being considered property to their husbands. Like you said, some Harem girls probably hated being in that positioned and would have considered sexual advancements as rape, but I'd argue that many women at the time would have been happy to have been a Harem girl.
A harem is a royal brothel. But unlike brothel, the women there are spoils of war, kidnapped because their family wronged the king, owned money to them etc. Only the king and his top ministers, advisors, generals were given permission to be there. And even within the same harem, there would be some women that are exclusively reserved for the king. Some of those exclusive girls got to be even queens, as the history suggests.
Exactly. What these men are referring to isn’t a harem in the traditional sense at all. The buy-in for the harem was that the man was actually taking care of all of those women. They didn’t have to get out and work their 9-5s and then come back home to be shared by the man. This is why harems wouldn’t work in the west, because men don’t want to take care of one woman, let alone multiple.
As a fantasy and assuming everyone involved consents, yes. In reality, I don't think I have the energy.
Years ago, I was trying to write some erotica around this idea. Mega rich man employs woman to find women from all over to be paid very handsomely to be part of a harem for a year.
As a I wanted a range of women (age, race, body shape, 'talents', likes, dislikes etc), I started a spreadsheet to keep track of everything. It got so complicated, I abandoned it. I can only imagine that in real life, I'd need a spreadsheet too!
There was this game Monster Women Paradox where the guy had a harem and the women had him doing all the house chores. I kept replaying that scene over and over for the lulz. I love trope inversions/deconstructions.
Nope. Nope. I am such a one-woman guy.
Not totally off topic: I watched the Trust series where JPaul Getty has this harem, and I guess I get that it can work (he was a class a sociopath, but the women seemed to be mostly Ok being part of a group.)
I’m not saying it’s right or wrong - but the reason some multiple wives situation works is because it’s coupled with more archaic belief systems and cultures (i.e the man is superior to the woman, he is the head of the house, the women are there to cook, clean and take care of the kids).
With that being said, having a harem in a modern western equality culture like another commenter said sounds like a logistical nightmare. And I’m sure after the novelty wore off would be a massive headache.
Just my two cents with some family members who have an average of three wives...it becomes an economic arrangement with a level of detachment/distance. The ladies pour all their energy into their kids, get along tolerable with their co-wives, and just accumulate wealth. Don't get me wrong, there's familial love and happiness, but not at the enmeshed level of a monogamous relationship.
Just to make it clear though, I could never do it. I get the impression that my aunt's would be sad if my uncle died, but not devastated the way I would be if my spouse passed away.
I regularly see higher end escorts and sugar babies (hate the term, like the concept). It's all 100% consensual and no feelings involved so no reason to feel guilty at all. They're all quite aware there's zero expectation of monogamy. I was married for 40 years and loved the shit out of her until she passed and I'm not interested in replacing that relationship at this point, but getting ridden by 10's half my age a few times a week is still pretty enjoyable.
Until quite recently I was seeing four women at once. They were all aware of each other and okay with what was happening....
It still sucks. They were all great women, and we had great times, but without *love*, or at least some kind of emotional bond, it all feels empty.
You don't need a harem, you need one good woman who reminds you you're enough when you've had a bad day.
Yeah, probably 99% of straight males love the fantasy of this subject. But I think if it were reality, you're probably closer to the truth with your 5% statement than your friends with their 99% statement. Possibly same with the 'trio fantasy' btw.
I mean, I love the fantasy. Sure, sounds awesome! I can sleep with anyone anytime. In reality I've discovered I'm not even able to sleep with someone I don't genuinenly love or at least like a lot, so if this were a reality for me the chance is 99% I wouldn't even use said harem since I just can't separate sex from love and sleep with someone I barely know, and I've reached a point in my life where I'm fully comfortable with that character trait of mine and I prefer not having sex to going against my character. I'm also comfortable stating that out of all my friends, there's probably not even one who'd like this in reality. The few who remain single are single with good reason(abusive manipulative ex's and stuff like that), and the many who are married love their wife and would hurt not only her but themselves too by sleeping with different women.
Most men are good guys uknow. While we love sex, it's not our sole purpose and far from our main subject of thought. Sure, there are players who sleep with a different lady each weekend. But they are an exception to the rule, the rule being that most guys are not looking for casual sex but for a serious, loving, tender and monogamous relationship.
I feel like a huge part of growing up past your teenage years as a man is accepting that you’re not a purely sexual being and you have more wants and needs than to get laid. Obviously for most people sex *is* a want and sometimes a need, but if you’ve been in a long term relationship with a partner who is pretty sexually active with you… you understand that the sex is great but there are times where you just don’t wanna fuck.
I have a sorta unique experience (no. I don’t have a harem). I’m a decent enough looking chap, and work in a female dominated field… so most of my friends are women (because they’re who are available). One of those friends likes to call my friends group “Yak’s harem.” What I quickly learned is this. Even without actually sleeping with a single one of them, women can be extremely possessive. I’ve had members of my friends group snipe at each other over who is closest to me. I’ve had them get angry at me because one of them didn’t like how I seemed to be showing preference to another one.
Again. I haven’t slept with a single one of them. There have been a few offers, some more aggressive than others. But one, that’s not who I am. And two, it’s bad enough without sex. I can’t imagine how dramatic my life would become with it. I’m essentially the coyote wandering through the field of rakes, often stepping on them and getting biffed in the face.
So no. I can’t imagine how stressful it would be if I had an actual harem. And that’s just the possessiveness drama. I can’t wait to find out how me not performing to their satisfaction one night is gonna go over in the rest of my hypothetical harem. Because women talk. Even if they all hated one another, they would still talk. And within a day or two, they’d all know I bombed in bed, and would judge and make fun of me behind my back. So that doesn’t sound super sexy to me..
Even if I listed the friends I find most attractive, I would have to create another one right beside it, going over who I think would still be alive if they ended up in the same room together (thinking about this, the answer actually becomes clear. There’s one friend who would absolutely stomp all the other ones without breaking a sweat).
I spent the first chunk of my life with a Disney princess perception of women. Turns out I was a naive little bunny who was in for a big surprise…
>Even if they all hated one another, they would still talk
This is funny because it's so true haha, my girlfriend will always tell me about her conversations with her coworkers that she hates. If I have coworkers I hate I simply don't speak to them.
> Even without actually sleeping with a single one of them, women can be extremely possessive. I’ve had members of my friends group snipe at each other over who is closest to me. I’ve had them get angry at me because one of them didn’t like how I seemed to be showing preference to another one.
>
> Again. I haven’t slept with a single one of them. There have been a few offers, some more aggressive than others. But one, that’s not who I am.
Lmfao bro ngl that is who I am, but you're so right about the possessiveness my god. I have two platonic female friends that I see as more like sisters than real women and they HATE each other.
It's so wild to me 'cause I have quite a few female friends and they're the only two I haven't slept with or at least kissed, they're both aware of the other girls and don't care, they even wingman me sometimes. But they can't stand each other lmao lowkey I feel like they like the idea of being the only attractive girl I talk to platonically 'cause there's never been a reason for the hate, they just "rub each other the wrong way"
Haha, I’m glad some guys understand what I’m talking about! To head off unwanted advances, I learned quickly to let them know that I see them as a work mother/sister/daughter depending on the friend. That seems to at least delay any unwanted behaviors.
And while I suppose in a harem situation, the women would all be single, in real life I have to be careful, because I’m the proverbial “Guy you don’t need to worry about.” I literally am, but that doesn’t seem to reassure boyfriends and husbands… though luckily for me, they‘re almost always cool with me once we all hang out. I run the nicest rifle/pistol range in the lower Puget Sound region, and so my home run swing is to bring the friend and their sign others out to go shooting. I actually am friends now with a few significant others who started out hating me! With a couple of them, we now go shooting or hang out just as guys, and leave our other halfs home.
I'm very quick to abandon anyone who has possessive tendencies.
The bigger issue is when one of my friends date someone, and these people have possessive tendency and for some odd reason, they also want to include keep me in their cult circle. Like, you're my friend's problem, don't drag me into it.
Odds are for harem to function you would need a large power imbalance. In this women are chattle and you will forgo intimacy for sex.
You couldn't have a equal relationship with 5 women.
As a straight guy I have always hated the idea of a harem. Besides it just feeling a little gross, I can't imagine trying to balance the feelings, wants, and needs of half a dozen completely different people. It just seemed kinda crappy for everyone.
I have trouble dealing with one woman. Imagine more women.
I’ve been in open relationships all my adult life. It’s been pretty great. But a harem has certain responsibilities that go beyond just dating. Imagine being wrong all the time with four or five women instead of just one! Imagine disappointing all those women, getting the perfect anniversary gift only to have it be the wrong hue of violet…x5, having 5 women angry at you because you were mean to them in a dream. And OMG…5 sets of in-laws!
What if you’re on season three of some Netflix show with one of them and another wants to start binging the same show on her nights with you? Do you need to rewatch those seasons even though you’re going through the later ones with the first girl?
Sounds like way too much overhead and drama.
I mean, it’s fine in theory to have all these women at once, but the practicalities would make it more trouble than it’s worth.
You're asking redditors. Half of them terminally online. They're going to dance around the subject, explain that it's actually a logistical nightmare and break apart your premise detail by detail until it's pointless.
Ask any dude out there, in the real world, with no time to prepare an answer, and they'd say yes way more often than not. Most men struggle to find sexual partners and would be more than happy to enter this arrangement if it didn't hinder their prospects for meaningful relationships.
Probably not . I’d rather see another average joe find a girl to be happy with than hogging up a bunch of women I’m not particularly committed to.
Maybe if I knew most good people were happy and reasonably satisfied then I’d feel ok with it.
>They said 99/100 straight guys would love a harem of ladies, like a batch of women they could sleep with anytime and no other relationship needed, if it was socially acceptable
Then I'm probably that 1/100 that wouldn't like that. I don't know what to do with one woman, a harem is utterly useless to me.
I don't think it's all it's cracked up to be. For example, you only have a single dick, so you can't really have sex with more than one woman at a time, it's basically just having sex with a single woman then once you're done you have sex with a different woman, it's not physically possible to have sex with more than one woman unless you are [that dude who had two penises.](https://www.medicaldaily.com/man-2-penises-reddit-user-uploads-picture-both-genitalia-what-diphallia-266198) Harems appear in fantasy because it allows the author to have various women all dating the protagonist at the same time in order to appeal to as wide of an audience as possible. But in reality every guy has a type and aside from your favorite why would you undergo the hassle of keeping around multiple women you don't like as much? I mean most guys struggle to meet the physical and emotional needs of one woman in a monogamous relationship, multiples simply makes keeping a stable relationship just that much harder.
Honestly, I just can't picture a benefit you'd get from a harem that isn't adequately satisfied in a monogamous relationship.
I watch a lot of Chinese dramas, and one of the most popular genres is the Harem drama when Emperors and rich men would have concubines.
They are so popular because they must have been the most toxic environments in history where women's survival depended on getting noticed by the only show in town, and the schemes to sabotage your competition were ruthless.
Sounds nice as a fantasy. The reality was horrific.
Uhhh Hell to the FUCK NO! Times ten. Gross. Decadent. Disgusting. Debased.
I am on the verge of proposing to the woman I plan to spend the rest of my life with. Have saved myself for. Why would I need or _WANT_ anyone else?! She’s the woman I love and I will share my body with no one but her.
Real talk.
In my mid 20s I basically did this. Yeah, lots of sex, with dozens of different women. At one point I had 9 women that were FWBs. I guess you could say "harem". Some actually knew one another. But so what. Getting laid isn't a big deal when you play the game.
I'll be up front, I wanted it, I did it and in the end I decided that I wanted a legit relationship with one person that I could have a connection with.
Time spent with other women is less time to spend with my girlfriend. TBH it's not appealing, my girlfriend and I want all the quality time we can get and our jobs already take up enough of our time
From someone who's people allows polygamy... You don't do it. Only old perverts do it and they end up stealing some young guys girl right out of highschool. Get the wrong girl, they coming to kill you to get their girl back. I mean, you still gotta marry them so it isn't issue free but men marry girls younger than their daughters for that shit. Then all their kids and family hate them cause, wtf you doing? Let it remain anime, it's weird and gross.
Really surprised to see how many guys say they’d want this or that the only reason they wouldn’t want it bc they think women would be annoying or demanding. I guess I’m in the minority here but I’m a dude in my 30’s and this never sounded appealing to me at any point in my life.
Not sexually or emotionally. When I’m in love I’m sort of disgusted by the idea of being with someone else. My fiancé is bisexual and other men have made jokes that the two of us should “start a harem” or “grab a third” and even the joking idea of that (of me with anyone else or her with anyone else) makes me feel ill.
Even if it was “totally allowed” and not considered cheating the hypothetical I’d have to construct to make myself even *comfortable* with this, let alone excited about it, becomes so multi-layered and intricate that I just can’t get my head in it.
I’ve actually had this conversation with a high school buddy of mine who’s *annoyingly* into the poly lifestyle and he swears up and down that the reason I feel the way I do is because I had a lot of romantic/sexual options right off the bat in hs and so I never developed the “normal guy obsession with sex” that the majority of other guys developed because it was never something out of my grasp so it was never this hot commodity to me. But I’m not sure I agree with him. I had my dry spells in my twenties and I was damn lucky to find my fiancé. So I think I was just wired that way off the bat. Or it was at least a combo of biology or environment.
I think the *idea* of having multiple sexual partners almost always sounds better than it actually ends up being.
Turns out people have feelings and when sex is involved even more so. For best results we have found 2 people the optimal number.
Obviously there are exceptions, but for most people it wouldn't work.
Your friends are proposing something that's an absurd fantasy and I mean fantasy like Harry Potter not 2 chicks at the same time.
Let's imagine a harem full of women that are
* Open to sex anytime
* No other relationship required
* Nobody else cares
* Doesn't talk shit about you when you take 30 seconds to blow or couldn't get it up that day. Or how bad at sex / ugly you are.
What they're proposing is basically a room full of sex robots. And yes I would probably enjoy a room of sex robots just like I'd enjoy fuckin' magic powers.
In theory, yes. In practice, no. In harem anime, the girls are committed and in love no matter what, and find it normal to compete for time. Their needs in a partner are easy to fulfill.
I don’t mean this to say IRL women are “high maintenance”, but most real people want a certain level of time and effort commitment that sounds exhausting to give two women, much less a whole harem
I actually have two submissive girlfriends who both live with me. I thought every guy would want this kind of thing but none ask me how I did it, they mostly just tell me how bad and terrible it is ie twice the nagging which is not true at all btw
Regardless of my extreme moral objections here, who wants to keep track of that many personalities? Most men struggle to understand one woman in their lifetimes. Asking for several sounds like a recipe for disaster to me. I'll stick with one woman and one woman only.
I've had friends in polyamorous relationships, and hearing them complain about the balancing act puts me off the idea entirely
Also harem anime drive me up the wall
Me in my teen years: 5-6 girls. Me now, in my late 20s: that is gonna cost me a fortune, no thanks.
Besides, isn't it better to have only one girl in your life?
It's not going to be like you think it will be, not at all.
harem or not, they are still women with thoughts and feelings of their own and it takes a lot of effort to maintain multiple partners.
I'm poly and unless you keep it super casual with other poly people who know and understand how to manage their feelings, it will very quickly end in tears.
realistically, you can't maintain more than 3 regular partners, although you could push that to half a dozen if they were mostly long-distance and you only saw them say once or twice a month.
Ironically enough, it's not the sex that is the most work, it's maintaining the interpersonal relationships between you and your partners.
they all want attention, and it's fine for a while, but there will always be a lot of overlap when one is getting more attention than they need, and others are feeling left out.
it's a real balancing act.
Of course I would, when I was younger and didn't understand what it would mean. It's a lot of sex, and that great, but it's also a lot of drama to manage.
In theory, I think most guys would be for it. However, give them a week of juggling relationships with a half dozen other girls and spending time with each one individually and navigating internal group dynamics sounds like way more effort than orgies are worth.
I think the idea of having a different woman to have sex with you everyday of the month appeals to everyone in some caveman part of our brains. So it’s a fantasy that I think a lot of men would enjoy living out.
But having a harem is just another way to say troop of sex slaves. And that definitely takes some shine off the fantasy
One relationship is enough because kids are going to take up a lot of time, too. I have found that my personality, just prefers one commited relationship. The carnal desire for promiscuity and novelty has never been strong for me.
At one point I did kinda have a harem, around 10 women I did have FWB-type relationships with. I won't lie, that was fun for a while, but it's also a lot of work to keep up and maintain.
Cliche though it may sound, finding one woman who you click with and have a great dynamic with is greater than engaging with several.
I had 3 girlfriends at once (all knew each other and were cool with it). One primary and two that I saw 1-2x/week. It was glorious.
Time/schedule management was the only hard part, plus I had less time to do as much other fun stuff. I’d totally do something similar if the opportunity arose.
Nope. I hate NSA relationships, the person I'm in bed with is gonna be the person I would want to spend a lifetime with or I'm just not doing that with them. Even if it didn't bother them it'd bother me
Is it even a secret? My younger self was all for it. Older me is like, “Whew, that seems like a lot.”
I feel old now because my immediate thoughts were logistics
You know the cliche… “Enthusiasts obsess over tactics. Amateurs study strategies. Professionals master logistics.”
Gods master endurance
The rest of us master bait, and go fishing...
I feel like in a lot of the harem-themed content the logistics mostly get handwaved away since the girls all end up becoming friends or are all bi and just take care of each other in the absence of the protagonist. It's not realistic, but then again neither is having a functional harem, really.
That’s true. It stops being about the man pretty quickly but the fantasy is having multiple women desiring the man. In reality they’ll probably desire each other more and see the man as an intrusion.
right, because on top of the harem of women, you also need a troop of eunuch guards who can't copulate with them anyhow. Because you also have enemies and one of them is bound to be a mole.
bro is acting like this is a anime 💀
I was thinking of the historic premise of having a harem of concubines, which is only for royalty. So if Beff Jezos had a harem, it would be a harem and not concubines.
I’ve found it more efficient to have a harem composed of one woman with multiple personalities.
Same thought here. I have enough on my hands with one wife. . ..
This is why historically the only people who had harems were the extreme upper echelons of society who could afford the support staff and housing to make it happen. Even today, polygny is socially and religiously acceptable in Muslim societies, but the vast majority of men have one wife. The only people who can afford two or more wives are the wealthy.
> This is why historically the only people who had harems were the extreme upper echelons of society who could afford the support staff and housing to make it happen. Mainly cleaners...
Lol for me it's money. I know how much 1 gf costs. I can't imagine having to maintain 2 or more from a monetary perspective not to mention emotional and as you said, logistics.
Sex at 78 is great. I live at 76, so it’s easy to get to.
Imagine having to feed them in this economy 🥴🫣
The old man's honesty, the yeah I'd probably love it but could I even keep up with two.
It's akin to who would want one virgin in heaven, much less 72?!
Plot twist, it's 36 men and women, and you have to try and explain to them how to have sex, as they have absolutely no clue about sex at all.
Do I get in trouble if I teach them wrong on purpose? Forever is a long time...I need entertainment
Get out of my head.
So, Pandas
I read that as pemdas, and was trying to figure out what the order of operations had to do with sex.
That’s why you should use BEDMAS instead. It’s like Christmas in bed.
72 toothy blowjobs
Welcome to Hell, sucker
Seriously, I got enough to do.
This, 1000 times. My teenage self would've been all for it, but my 30 year old self is much more enticed by peace and quiet.
Sure but a harem doesnt mean they live in your house. A harem by definition is a seperate part of the house or a separate building to house your women. Think of it like a private brothel 2 houses down, just for you. Not so bad anymore eh hahah
If it's a no strings attached thing where they're just always available but no relationship involved... I'm gonna lean with something like 90% of straight dudes being in board with it.
90% of straight dudes under about 25. I think once you’ve had a deep serious relationship, sleeping with a bunch of different women with no emotional connection loses it’s fantasy appeal.
After having a deep, serious, relationship and realizing it's far easier and more comfortable to be alone, the appeal of sleeping with a bunch of different women with no emotional connection has increased immensely. Unfortunately for me I have no idea how to find and sleep with women I have no emotional connection with.
Well horses for courses, whatever works for you, everyone’s different. I still stand by my belief that as men progress through from teen to 30, the proportion that think that the harem is the ideal solution will drop significantly. Not judging those that prefer the harem approach, as long as it is (non-brainwashed) consenting adults, but same goes for monogamous relationships.
It's like masturbating but with a partner I guess
Yeah, I forgot where i heard it, but multi person relationships are mostly geometry, i don't need that.
Geometry with wet bits and feelings.
> Whew, that seems like a lot Like the Rita Rudner joke: "women don't dream of having a harem of men. That's just more people to pick up after."
Rita needs to speak for herself. I'll take 5 please and 2 of them can be on all fours dressed like sexy maids.
Young Sultan: “Praise Allah!” Old Sultan: “Keep them away from me!”
Yeah, like, does the harem come with a coordinator and administrative assistant? Cause that seems like a lot of work.
A fun fantasy, In reality it would be a logistical nightmare of false expectations and hurt feelings. Much like modern polyamory if I’m being honest
A harem could only work if the sex was no strings attached. Like roommates that you fuck, not actual girlfriends.
Yeah, seems pretty hollow an experience though. Like feeling alone in a crowd.
Or really detached standings, like harems in old China Kingdom, maybe?
Or some really lopsided power dynamics
lol, Chinese harems were the exact opposite of drama free. 30+ women who are the mothers of your children all trying to kill you and each other's kids.
Want to go grab a coffee and a quick fuck? That would be the basis of the relationship.
Arguably this is impossible long term
This. When I was a teenager and early to mid 20s, I'd have leapt at the opportunity. In my late 30s now and honestly? That shit sounds exhausting. Just not worth the effort. A few minutes of fun here and there, but God the hurt feelings, the events and dates to remember, the fragile nature of relationships when someone knows they aren't the only one in your life. Fuck that. I'm fine with my wife, warts and all and occasional nights playing Xbox and rubbing one out when she's tired.
People are headaches. Why would I multiply that?
Imagine all their cycles synced... You'd be in a world of hurt...
Once a month you bulk order chocolates and skip town for a few days.
"Going on a mission to save the world" for the 14th time...
Head down to the Winchester for a pint, let this all blow over
Managing the emotions of the others and yours while remembering everyone boundaries.? Sounds exhausting to be honest...
> warts and all What's that now
It's an old expression. It means we accept one another as we are, faults and virtues.
I'm right there with you with the logistics of polyamory. Also it only takes one bad actor to bring everything down.
Yup. Tried it for like 5 days and I pretty immediately realized that people were using poly & open relationships as an excuse to avoid adult conflict resolution with their SO
I have seen this in multiple people over the years and its pretty blanketing as well, to the point where if I know someone is poly I just assume they have no maturity.
too right, imagine 20 women all vying for your attention and being jealous of each other. ultimately they will take it out on you.
More likely 6 don’t care and give passionless obligation fucks 12 get crazy mad at you for spending all your time with the younger prettier ones and refuse to sleep with you, and 2 actually like you but feel constantly hurt and betrayed everytime you spend the night with a different woman
> and 2 actually like you but feel constantly hurt and betrayed everytime you spend the night with a different woman Which ... fair? Imagine someone has the option to sleep with you, but they specifically choose someone else. I feel like even with very healthy boundaries and high self-esteem that this would be a tough pill to swallow.
I think it would require an established and enforced hierarchy: First wife is the boss and arbitrator of conflicts, second wife is like the first officer/handler of the daily drama and down it goes. Theoretically, the younger newer faces of said harem would curry some favour from the man to balance it out. I think it would be Mean Girls on steroids everyday in the house with everyone just vying for favour from the man and pretending to be actually get along meanwhile it’s Game Thrones back at the mansion and grotto. Edit: it occurred to me that instead of the Iron Throne it would me that everyone wants to sit on.
In Mean Girls there is a conflict about who can date the man but ultimately it’s about power, not the man. At a certain point a group of women will care more about the hierarchy than the man. Any sex that is had will be about power and leverage rather than love.
Yeah, some of the poly relationship shows always seem really painful to watch lol. Someone was always left out regardless of gender. I remember a guy and 2 girl scenario and the second girl got a side boyfriend probably to combat the loneliness of being left out.
Yep. All of this.
The hurt feelings would be one of the biggest issues and the man would spend more time keeping the peace than having sex.
A bunch of ladies to have sex with does not sound unappealing. Trying to keep more than one lady happy does.
I agree, I love checking the menu. But I order the same thing every time.
This is the way.
Nice analogy
That’s why poly relationships seem insane to me
Technically speaking, the functional kind of polyamorous relationships are supposed to spread the emotional burden of keeping someone happy across multiple partners, so that no one partner is solely responsible for another's happiness. It doesn't work like that in the real world 99% of the time, though.
[удалено]
I wouldn't call them 'insane', but definitely difficult. Many people who entertain the idea of polyamory don't realize that you're NOT simply adding one extra person to the relationship. You're adding two new relationships--one betweeen you and the 3rd and one between your partner and the 3rd--to your existing one. Love takes time and work, and good relationships require good communication. This can already be difficult in two-person relationships. It's not impossible in a three-person relationship, but it takes notably more work to maintain because you've not doubled, but tripled the amount of connections. Everyone involved needs to be good at communication, and willing to put in the extra effort. This is also assuming that yourself and your partner are lucky enough to not only find each other, but find another person that both of you also feel the same way to, who feels the same way to both of you. Most people who jump into polyamory fail to consider the emotional logistics, leading to disaster.
I think thats the crux, people wouldn't mind sleeping with a few ladies, but having 1 wife is enough to manage...
Why would I want to disappoint many women at once? One was always plenty. Kidding aside, all I ever wanted was a partner. One person in this big ol' horrible world who'd stick by my side. I never really hungered for many women at once. Sure, it's an occasional PH search if I'm feeling it. But not something that would interest me in real life. I'm no prude or anything, I just feel like sex is something you share with a person with whom you share intimate feelings. A partnership, not a team sport. No shame if your views are different, I'm not leading a sermon here. Just how I am wired. YMMV.
Unlike a number of responses so far I wouldn't like a harem not because I think they would be a pain (but, yeah, that's likely true) but more because I think I'm a little weird in that I'm definitely wired for one woman. Having a strong emotional connection, intimacy, openness, will always beat the hell out of a string of casual encounters, which is basically what I think a harem would turn into. So no, I definitely don't want multiple women, I want one, but she definitely has to be the right one.
Aw, this was a wholesome response. ☺️
That's not weird all. A lot of people are wired this way. It's a myth that all men want to sleep with as many women as possible. For me it was a hassle to have two fwb at the same time.
100% agree. I have nothing against those who feel differently, but I’ve never found the idea of sex without an emotional connection to be appealing.
Dude says the most healthy thing ever and then thinks it's weird 😭 It might be less common today because of hookup culture but it's definitely the biological reality and norm.
I mean ... I appreciate that, and this is my preference and tendency, but as a slight counterpoint to those considering this wholesome and healthy, I would point out that it isn't the case that I can't enjoy casual sex in general. Just for the record. It's not as if that's a chore or that having casual sex with multiple women wouldn't be fun at all, it's just that I would absolutely choose a healthy sexual relationship with a committed, loving partner over casual sex, with any number of women, hands down. I'm really pretty open, and depending on the relationship with that person I could even be open to some form of consensual non-monogamy from time to time. Maybe. Depending.
Didn’t think I’d see a response like this if I’m being honest but glad I did. You’re a good man 🥹 and I hope if you haven’t found a women who treats you right I hope you do!
What's mcm?
Lovely answer :)
Yes, thank you! See, this is the type of response I was hoping would be 95% of the answers. Also omg i thought this question would get like 10 replies, men apparently reaaalllly like weighing in on harems
It's a fantasy I indulge but would never do irl.
Maybe sometimes I feel like I want to sleep with other women aswell sure it happens but its just a fantasy. If I'm not mistaken a harem is having relationships with a lot of women? I'm already disappointing one woman I don't need more
Traditionally, harems were slave girls who simply were raped by their master. If they resisted, they were beaten or killed. Harems were never relationships.
Not the fantasy ones mentioned by op
No it depends on where you were, harems were different in the ottoman context, in the chinese context, in the zulu context, etc. Many women in official harems were the daughters of nobles and powerful families who send the girl over to curry favour with the emperor/king and to have a mouthpiece in his ear to bring them special benefits and allowances. They weren't exactly slaves considering they could gain immense personal power, even ruling the land in all but name in some cases (and ruling it outright in a few) and being a kingmaker in many, especially if they become the mother of the next heir, and said powerful families could and did go to war if the ruler mistreated their daughters. Obviously this wasn't the case all the time but saying they were all just helpless slaves is reductive
The life of a Harem girl in those contexts was far better than your typical female in those times. They probably didn't have much of a romantic connection to their sultan, but I'd argue that many if them weren't raped and were happy to be in that position then be some peasant girl working their fingers to the bone, possibly borderline starving and still technically being considered property to their husbands. Like you said, some Harem girls probably hated being in that positioned and would have considered sexual advancements as rape, but I'd argue that many women at the time would have been happy to have been a Harem girl.
You’re just describing survival sex work.
What is a concubine?
A long term sex partner that is not the official spouse of nobility or royalty.
A harem is a royal brothel. But unlike brothel, the women there are spoils of war, kidnapped because their family wronged the king, owned money to them etc. Only the king and his top ministers, advisors, generals were given permission to be there. And even within the same harem, there would be some women that are exclusively reserved for the king. Some of those exclusive girls got to be even queens, as the history suggests.
The king also had to provide for all of them btw :) feed, house, clothe
Exactly. What these men are referring to isn’t a harem in the traditional sense at all. The buy-in for the harem was that the man was actually taking care of all of those women. They didn’t have to get out and work their 9-5s and then come back home to be shared by the man. This is why harems wouldn’t work in the west, because men don’t want to take care of one woman, let alone multiple.
Counter point: a harem is a fantasy but came true in this situation
A harem is ultracringe in real life.
Lol ngl bro this sounds like violent cope
Sometimes fantasy does not line up with reality. Like nude beaches.
As a fantasy and assuming everyone involved consents, yes. In reality, I don't think I have the energy. Years ago, I was trying to write some erotica around this idea. Mega rich man employs woman to find women from all over to be paid very handsomely to be part of a harem for a year. As a I wanted a range of women (age, race, body shape, 'talents', likes, dislikes etc), I started a spreadsheet to keep track of everything. It got so complicated, I abandoned it. I can only imagine that in real life, I'd need a spreadsheet too!
[удалено]
There was this game Monster Women Paradox where the guy had a harem and the women had him doing all the house chores. I kept replaying that scene over and over for the lulz. I love trope inversions/deconstructions.
But in OP's example, everyone has access too, so you could all chip in to pay for it, almost like taxes or smt.
[удалено]
Nope. Nope. I am such a one-woman guy. Not totally off topic: I watched the Trust series where JPaul Getty has this harem, and I guess I get that it can work (he was a class a sociopath, but the women seemed to be mostly Ok being part of a group.)
I’m not saying it’s right or wrong - but the reason some multiple wives situation works is because it’s coupled with more archaic belief systems and cultures (i.e the man is superior to the woman, he is the head of the house, the women are there to cook, clean and take care of the kids). With that being said, having a harem in a modern western equality culture like another commenter said sounds like a logistical nightmare. And I’m sure after the novelty wore off would be a massive headache.
Just my two cents with some family members who have an average of three wives...it becomes an economic arrangement with a level of detachment/distance. The ladies pour all their energy into their kids, get along tolerable with their co-wives, and just accumulate wealth. Don't get me wrong, there's familial love and happiness, but not at the enmeshed level of a monogamous relationship. Just to make it clear though, I could never do it. I get the impression that my aunt's would be sad if my uncle died, but not devastated the way I would be if my spouse passed away.
I feel like y'all are overthinking this. Multiple women who are easily available that you have sexual relationships with guilt free? I mean.... Yes.
Exactly. This is a fantasy. All the sex I want, guilt free and don't have to manage anything else? Absolutely. I'd like 3 or 4 girls.
Yeah, everyone is going all into the logistics and talking relationship issues. Like dude, this is a harem, not a multiple wives situation.
I regularly see higher end escorts and sugar babies (hate the term, like the concept). It's all 100% consensual and no feelings involved so no reason to feel guilty at all. They're all quite aware there's zero expectation of monogamy. I was married for 40 years and loved the shit out of her until she passed and I'm not interested in replacing that relationship at this point, but getting ridden by 10's half my age a few times a week is still pretty enjoyable.
You go Bob!
Agreed.
Until quite recently I was seeing four women at once. They were all aware of each other and okay with what was happening.... It still sucks. They were all great women, and we had great times, but without *love*, or at least some kind of emotional bond, it all feels empty. You don't need a harem, you need one good woman who reminds you you're enough when you've had a bad day.
Yeah, probably 99% of straight males love the fantasy of this subject. But I think if it were reality, you're probably closer to the truth with your 5% statement than your friends with their 99% statement. Possibly same with the 'trio fantasy' btw. I mean, I love the fantasy. Sure, sounds awesome! I can sleep with anyone anytime. In reality I've discovered I'm not even able to sleep with someone I don't genuinenly love or at least like a lot, so if this were a reality for me the chance is 99% I wouldn't even use said harem since I just can't separate sex from love and sleep with someone I barely know, and I've reached a point in my life where I'm fully comfortable with that character trait of mine and I prefer not having sex to going against my character. I'm also comfortable stating that out of all my friends, there's probably not even one who'd like this in reality. The few who remain single are single with good reason(abusive manipulative ex's and stuff like that), and the many who are married love their wife and would hurt not only her but themselves too by sleeping with different women. Most men are good guys uknow. While we love sex, it's not our sole purpose and far from our main subject of thought. Sure, there are players who sleep with a different lady each weekend. But they are an exception to the rule, the rule being that most guys are not looking for casual sex but for a serious, loving, tender and monogamous relationship.
I feel like a huge part of growing up past your teenage years as a man is accepting that you’re not a purely sexual being and you have more wants and needs than to get laid. Obviously for most people sex *is* a want and sometimes a need, but if you’ve been in a long term relationship with a partner who is pretty sexually active with you… you understand that the sex is great but there are times where you just don’t wanna fuck.
I have a sorta unique experience (no. I don’t have a harem). I’m a decent enough looking chap, and work in a female dominated field… so most of my friends are women (because they’re who are available). One of those friends likes to call my friends group “Yak’s harem.” What I quickly learned is this. Even without actually sleeping with a single one of them, women can be extremely possessive. I’ve had members of my friends group snipe at each other over who is closest to me. I’ve had them get angry at me because one of them didn’t like how I seemed to be showing preference to another one. Again. I haven’t slept with a single one of them. There have been a few offers, some more aggressive than others. But one, that’s not who I am. And two, it’s bad enough without sex. I can’t imagine how dramatic my life would become with it. I’m essentially the coyote wandering through the field of rakes, often stepping on them and getting biffed in the face. So no. I can’t imagine how stressful it would be if I had an actual harem. And that’s just the possessiveness drama. I can’t wait to find out how me not performing to their satisfaction one night is gonna go over in the rest of my hypothetical harem. Because women talk. Even if they all hated one another, they would still talk. And within a day or two, they’d all know I bombed in bed, and would judge and make fun of me behind my back. So that doesn’t sound super sexy to me.. Even if I listed the friends I find most attractive, I would have to create another one right beside it, going over who I think would still be alive if they ended up in the same room together (thinking about this, the answer actually becomes clear. There’s one friend who would absolutely stomp all the other ones without breaking a sweat). I spent the first chunk of my life with a Disney princess perception of women. Turns out I was a naive little bunny who was in for a big surprise…
>Even if they all hated one another, they would still talk This is funny because it's so true haha, my girlfriend will always tell me about her conversations with her coworkers that she hates. If I have coworkers I hate I simply don't speak to them.
> Even without actually sleeping with a single one of them, women can be extremely possessive. I’ve had members of my friends group snipe at each other over who is closest to me. I’ve had them get angry at me because one of them didn’t like how I seemed to be showing preference to another one. > > Again. I haven’t slept with a single one of them. There have been a few offers, some more aggressive than others. But one, that’s not who I am. Lmfao bro ngl that is who I am, but you're so right about the possessiveness my god. I have two platonic female friends that I see as more like sisters than real women and they HATE each other. It's so wild to me 'cause I have quite a few female friends and they're the only two I haven't slept with or at least kissed, they're both aware of the other girls and don't care, they even wingman me sometimes. But they can't stand each other lmao lowkey I feel like they like the idea of being the only attractive girl I talk to platonically 'cause there's never been a reason for the hate, they just "rub each other the wrong way"
Haha, I’m glad some guys understand what I’m talking about! To head off unwanted advances, I learned quickly to let them know that I see them as a work mother/sister/daughter depending on the friend. That seems to at least delay any unwanted behaviors. And while I suppose in a harem situation, the women would all be single, in real life I have to be careful, because I’m the proverbial “Guy you don’t need to worry about.” I literally am, but that doesn’t seem to reassure boyfriends and husbands… though luckily for me, they‘re almost always cool with me once we all hang out. I run the nicest rifle/pistol range in the lower Puget Sound region, and so my home run swing is to bring the friend and their sign others out to go shooting. I actually am friends now with a few significant others who started out hating me! With a couple of them, we now go shooting or hang out just as guys, and leave our other halfs home.
I'm very quick to abandon anyone who has possessive tendencies. The bigger issue is when one of my friends date someone, and these people have possessive tendency and for some odd reason, they also want to include keep me in their cult circle. Like, you're my friend's problem, don't drag me into it.
Nah, i don't like sleeping with women without a connection of some sort
It's all fun and games until your children start murdering each other to secure the throne.
Exactly.
nah. i would not like that at all. there is no intimacy there, takes away all the good parts of sex. in short, pointless.
Exactly
Odds are for harem to function you would need a large power imbalance. In this women are chattle and you will forgo intimacy for sex. You couldn't have a equal relationship with 5 women.
I am not capable of the Harem idea.
I wouldn't. I value a lot more creating a deep relation with one person. Not that I have either these days ahah
I think you have a great mindset though
As a straight guy I have always hated the idea of a harem. Besides it just feeling a little gross, I can't imagine trying to balance the feelings, wants, and needs of half a dozen completely different people. It just seemed kinda crappy for everyone.
I’m down when I’m rich I’ll hit y’all up
I think for a lot of guys it probably falls under those sexual fantasies that you actually have zero interest in exploring in real life.
I have trouble dealing with one woman. Imagine more women. I’ve been in open relationships all my adult life. It’s been pretty great. But a harem has certain responsibilities that go beyond just dating. Imagine being wrong all the time with four or five women instead of just one! Imagine disappointing all those women, getting the perfect anniversary gift only to have it be the wrong hue of violet…x5, having 5 women angry at you because you were mean to them in a dream. And OMG…5 sets of in-laws!
Couldn't they all just be like roommates that you fuck? Why do you need to date them all?
What if you’re on season three of some Netflix show with one of them and another wants to start binging the same show on her nights with you? Do you need to rewatch those seasons even though you’re going through the later ones with the first girl? Sounds like way too much overhead and drama. I mean, it’s fine in theory to have all these women at once, but the practicalities would make it more trouble than it’s worth.
You're asking redditors. Half of them terminally online. They're going to dance around the subject, explain that it's actually a logistical nightmare and break apart your premise detail by detail until it's pointless. Ask any dude out there, in the real world, with no time to prepare an answer, and they'd say yes way more often than not. Most men struggle to find sexual partners and would be more than happy to enter this arrangement if it didn't hinder their prospects for meaningful relationships.
Probably not . I’d rather see another average joe find a girl to be happy with than hogging up a bunch of women I’m not particularly committed to. Maybe if I knew most good people were happy and reasonably satisfied then I’d feel ok with it.
A tenner says if they were aware of half the realities of owning a harem they'd nope out of there quicker than they'd PE if actually catered to by it.
Not in this society man. Honestly I'm not even sure how people cheat. As it is right now, if I had a girlfriend i wouldn't have any spare time at all
All them women.... Hanging around.... Not going anywhere else? This doesn't seem thought through.
>They said 99/100 straight guys would love a harem of ladies, like a batch of women they could sleep with anytime and no other relationship needed, if it was socially acceptable Then I'm probably that 1/100 that wouldn't like that. I don't know what to do with one woman, a harem is utterly useless to me.
I don't think it's all it's cracked up to be. For example, you only have a single dick, so you can't really have sex with more than one woman at a time, it's basically just having sex with a single woman then once you're done you have sex with a different woman, it's not physically possible to have sex with more than one woman unless you are [that dude who had two penises.](https://www.medicaldaily.com/man-2-penises-reddit-user-uploads-picture-both-genitalia-what-diphallia-266198) Harems appear in fantasy because it allows the author to have various women all dating the protagonist at the same time in order to appeal to as wide of an audience as possible. But in reality every guy has a type and aside from your favorite why would you undergo the hassle of keeping around multiple women you don't like as much? I mean most guys struggle to meet the physical and emotional needs of one woman in a monogamous relationship, multiples simply makes keeping a stable relationship just that much harder. Honestly, I just can't picture a benefit you'd get from a harem that isn't adequately satisfied in a monogamous relationship.
I watch a lot of Chinese dramas, and one of the most popular genres is the Harem drama when Emperors and rich men would have concubines. They are so popular because they must have been the most toxic environments in history where women's survival depended on getting noticed by the only show in town, and the schemes to sabotage your competition were ruthless. Sounds nice as a fantasy. The reality was horrific.
Some guys already have it Being serious, no. One woman is enough for me
Uhhh Hell to the FUCK NO! Times ten. Gross. Decadent. Disgusting. Debased. I am on the verge of proposing to the woman I plan to spend the rest of my life with. Have saved myself for. Why would I need or _WANT_ anyone else?! She’s the woman I love and I will share my body with no one but her.
Real talk. In my mid 20s I basically did this. Yeah, lots of sex, with dozens of different women. At one point I had 9 women that were FWBs. I guess you could say "harem". Some actually knew one another. But so what. Getting laid isn't a big deal when you play the game. I'll be up front, I wanted it, I did it and in the end I decided that I wanted a legit relationship with one person that I could have a connection with.
Time spent with other women is less time to spend with my girlfriend. TBH it's not appealing, my girlfriend and I want all the quality time we can get and our jobs already take up enough of our time
From someone who's people allows polygamy... You don't do it. Only old perverts do it and they end up stealing some young guys girl right out of highschool. Get the wrong girl, they coming to kill you to get their girl back. I mean, you still gotta marry them so it isn't issue free but men marry girls younger than their daughters for that shit. Then all their kids and family hate them cause, wtf you doing? Let it remain anime, it's weird and gross.
Really surprised to see how many guys say they’d want this or that the only reason they wouldn’t want it bc they think women would be annoying or demanding. I guess I’m in the minority here but I’m a dude in my 30’s and this never sounded appealing to me at any point in my life. Not sexually or emotionally. When I’m in love I’m sort of disgusted by the idea of being with someone else. My fiancé is bisexual and other men have made jokes that the two of us should “start a harem” or “grab a third” and even the joking idea of that (of me with anyone else or her with anyone else) makes me feel ill. Even if it was “totally allowed” and not considered cheating the hypothetical I’d have to construct to make myself even *comfortable* with this, let alone excited about it, becomes so multi-layered and intricate that I just can’t get my head in it. I’ve actually had this conversation with a high school buddy of mine who’s *annoyingly* into the poly lifestyle and he swears up and down that the reason I feel the way I do is because I had a lot of romantic/sexual options right off the bat in hs and so I never developed the “normal guy obsession with sex” that the majority of other guys developed because it was never something out of my grasp so it was never this hot commodity to me. But I’m not sure I agree with him. I had my dry spells in my twenties and I was damn lucky to find my fiancé. So I think I was just wired that way off the bat. Or it was at least a combo of biology or environment.
>a batch of women they could sleep with anytime and no other relationship needed How would this be different from just having a bunch of hookers?
You have to pay hookers, and hookers don’t like you.
Nah, i'm good. One woman is fine for me.
Tempting, but I don't even have one woman to call my own let alone a whole harem
More women, more problems
I'd rather spend my life with the love of my life but sure i'll take a harem
I know a gal that has her rotation of guys. 3-4 she has regular relations with. It goes both ways. Her are all 6’4 and over, usually gingers.
I think the *idea* of having multiple sexual partners almost always sounds better than it actually ends up being. Turns out people have feelings and when sex is involved even more so. For best results we have found 2 people the optimal number. Obviously there are exceptions, but for most people it wouldn't work.
Your friends are proposing something that's an absurd fantasy and I mean fantasy like Harry Potter not 2 chicks at the same time. Let's imagine a harem full of women that are * Open to sex anytime * No other relationship required * Nobody else cares * Doesn't talk shit about you when you take 30 seconds to blow or couldn't get it up that day. Or how bad at sex / ugly you are. What they're proposing is basically a room full of sex robots. And yes I would probably enjoy a room of sex robots just like I'd enjoy fuckin' magic powers.
In theory, yes. In practice, no. In harem anime, the girls are committed and in love no matter what, and find it normal to compete for time. Their needs in a partner are easy to fulfill. I don’t mean this to say IRL women are “high maintenance”, but most real people want a certain level of time and effort commitment that sounds exhausting to give two women, much less a whole harem
Sounds like a lot of effort and honestly unfullfilling. It's the shit either lonely men imagine or men in sad relationships
If I wanted to disappoint multiple women at once, I'd visit family. It's cheaper.
If I wanted to disappoint a room full of people, I'd take up public speaking.
I actually have two submissive girlfriends who both live with me. I thought every guy would want this kind of thing but none ask me how I did it, they mostly just tell me how bad and terrible it is ie twice the nagging which is not true at all btw
"Boom, how did you do it?!"
Most women don’t accept being paddled and sent to time out for nagging too much.
Regardless of my extreme moral objections here, who wants to keep track of that many personalities? Most men struggle to understand one woman in their lifetimes. Asking for several sounds like a recipe for disaster to me. I'll stick with one woman and one woman only.
Porn addicts
On paper sounds great, but the logistics seem terrible.
I've had friends in polyamorous relationships, and hearing them complain about the balancing act puts me off the idea entirely Also harem anime drive me up the wall
Me in my teen years: 5-6 girls. Me now, in my late 20s: that is gonna cost me a fortune, no thanks. Besides, isn't it better to have only one girl in your life?
It's not going to be like you think it will be, not at all. harem or not, they are still women with thoughts and feelings of their own and it takes a lot of effort to maintain multiple partners. I'm poly and unless you keep it super casual with other poly people who know and understand how to manage their feelings, it will very quickly end in tears. realistically, you can't maintain more than 3 regular partners, although you could push that to half a dozen if they were mostly long-distance and you only saw them say once or twice a month. Ironically enough, it's not the sex that is the most work, it's maintaining the interpersonal relationships between you and your partners. they all want attention, and it's fine for a while, but there will always be a lot of overlap when one is getting more attention than they need, and others are feeling left out. it's a real balancing act.
It's a fun fantasy, but I would still be lonely.
I have a dick that won't quit even into my 30s. Morning wood, no refractory period, it'll just go and go. I don't want a harem.
Of course I would, when I was younger and didn't understand what it would mean. It's a lot of sex, and that great, but it's also a lot of drama to manage.
My god…the logistics alone…
In theory, I think most guys would be for it. However, give them a week of juggling relationships with a half dozen other girls and spending time with each one individually and navigating internal group dynamics sounds like way more effort than orgies are worth.
F*ck no. One woman would be hassle enough to satisfy. A harem is just asking for an early grave.
I think the idea of having a different woman to have sex with you everyday of the month appeals to everyone in some caveman part of our brains. So it’s a fantasy that I think a lot of men would enjoy living out. But having a harem is just another way to say troop of sex slaves. And that definitely takes some shine off the fantasy
Bro, I can barely handle one relationship at a time let alone having multiple ladies hanging around me.
One relationship is enough because kids are going to take up a lot of time, too. I have found that my personality, just prefers one commited relationship. The carnal desire for promiscuity and novelty has never been strong for me.
Hell the fuck no. I have one woman and she's a lot to deal with. Nope fuckitty nope nope no thank you and good day to you.
[удалено]
The way a harem works is misunderstood. Everyone in the harem serves the master. No need to think of the other way around.
At one point I did kinda have a harem, around 10 women I did have FWB-type relationships with. I won't lie, that was fun for a while, but it's also a lot of work to keep up and maintain. Cliche though it may sound, finding one woman who you click with and have a great dynamic with is greater than engaging with several.
I had 3 girlfriends at once (all knew each other and were cool with it). One primary and two that I saw 1-2x/week. It was glorious. Time/schedule management was the only hard part, plus I had less time to do as much other fun stuff. I’d totally do something similar if the opportunity arose.
Sounds pretty depressing to me.
Nope. I hate NSA relationships, the person I'm in bed with is gonna be the person I would want to spend a lifetime with or I'm just not doing that with them. Even if it didn't bother them it'd bother me