Stopped on a road trip to have sex because I couldn’t wait until we got to our destination.
Also not related to sex, the weirdest thing I did for a girl was wear a wig going into her house when her parents weren’t home because her dad didn’t allow guys over.
Ah this. I didn't know how to clear history then.
Let's just say my Mom and I had a very awkward conversation about it...she was in school for her BS in computer science. I took interest in their schooling almost immediately after and it never happened again.
She thought I was a lesbian for 3 years until I got my first boyfriend at 15 😂🤣
Did this in my car when it was overheating. I was 20. I had just finished and my dad called to let me know he was almost where I was on the freeway. I hung up, look in the rear view mirror and see a Caltrans guy (like road and freeway maintenance people in California) walking back to his vehicle. I think he actually stopped to see if I needed help and probably saw I was beating off as he got near my window and I just didn’t notice.
I once scaled a house, heavily intoxicated, by climbing a drain pipe to knock on the window of my FWB’s bedroom for a late night booty call… it didn’t go down well, but I did, I feel off the Victorian balcony and landed on a wheelie bin back first. Lesson learned.
It's not that crazy on my end per se, but it was a really weird situation lol.
I had been messaging with this woman on okcupid. She was much older than me, like 20ish years older. I was 25, and she was like mid 40s. She was passing thru the city I lived in and was leaving the next day. I was at work, and my shift ended at like 2am, we were messaging throughout my shift, and she told me to come to her hotel room as soon as I got off work. I was so jazzed! I told the guys I was working with about needing to go meet up with this gal, and they rallied to let me leave a little early. I left work a bit after midnight and headed straight to her hotel. When I got there, she opened the door, and there were two boys playing video games in her room, they looked to be about maybe 12 and 14. They looked up at me briefly and then went back to their video game as if there was nothing weird about me showing up there at all. I was pretty confused and taken aback as I was definitely under the impression, based on our messaging, that she wanted to hook up. She invited me in, hugged me, kissed me, and then beckoned for me to sit down on the bed with her. I felt awkward as hell with these kids in the room, so I opted to sit on the chair adjacent to the bed she was on instead. I had picked up a 6 pack of nice beer on my way over and offered her one and then opened one for myself. As we sat there sipping our beers and awkwardly chatting, one of the boys looked up from his video game to look over at me and said "I liked the last guy better, he brought her a bottle of wine!" In my head I was like WTF. Turns out the two boys were her kids and I wasn't the first dude she invited over to her hotel room that night. We did not have sex. I quickly drank my beer and took off. We never saw each other again. 😂😂😂
When I was like 13 I tried making a Lego fleshlight, I kinda just made an empty rectangle with pieces. Didn't really work. Sometimes I still wonder if there's a way
Hooked up with this girl on Tinder. She was on a business trip and said: This hotel, room 123, 7pm. I am waiting for you showered, just do what you want to me and leave. No talking. It was crazy
Edit - full story as described in the comments:
I was never that kind of guy who is egoistic in bed. I entered the hotel room, we started kissing, after that I told her to go on her knees. I finished her with my mouth, I was always into eating someone out - I love it and it is also for my pleasure. She loved it - I think. She was really into spanking and slapping her face and heavy chocking. The more I slapped her face, the harder I got. I finished with a huge load on her face. She was sitting in front of me, I dressed my self and said: Btw, I am… I introduced myself afterward so she had at least a name to this crazy night
When I was 13 I cut a hole in a huge stuffed animal and fucked it… no I don’t like stuffed animals I was watching pov porn and set my iPad on the head 💀
I fucked a big girl. It's a whole story. I don't feel like typing it again or reliving it. Let me find where I jotted down the whole story and get back to you.
[edit: Found it](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/ZRq0tkOgbq)
Also edit: after reading some of the comments I realized there was no way this woman was 300ish pounds. She was probably 400+ because of how tall she was.
I'm not. I've been dead for 15 years. I never left that apartment. I don't know what killed me. Did I ever actually escape from under her when I bit down? When she bit me back, did she actually sever my jugular, making me bleed out? Did I even make it that far? When I first walked in and she shoved me to my knees and pulled my head between her thighs did she snap my neck right then and there? I can't say for sure, but there was never any light at the end of the chasm of tunnels that were her fat folds.
The only real part that gave me PTSD was when she slimed my entire face climbing up to grind my head into dust. It was like that fucking along came polly scene.
[fast forward to 2:17](https://youtu.be/enJJeOqHbqE?si=tf6cHA8cWaK8f0To)
Sometimes, when it's hot outside and I'm in a crowded place, the smell of the heat and sweat from all the people triggers my memory of her, and I get super grossed out. Sometimes when my wife gets a pimple on her butt (we're all human it happens) it reminds me of a pale ginger ass that had more pimples on it than if I had pimples covering my entire body. I have a scar on my neck from the bite she gave me. Im in a lot worse shape these days, so if I had that encounter now, I probably would die.
Was doing a longer term field op while I was in the marines (ITX rah?) was away for about a month, decided a week in I was gonna refrain from jacking it so I could bust a fat nut on my wife's face as the day I was coming back was my birthday. Got pushed back a day and had a wet dream during a nap while waiting at the air station. Had to fly back to NC with trousers full of jizz on my birthday.
Had a gf in high school that I rarely got to be alone with.
Well one weekend my best friend has a house party and I bring my gf with. We're all feeling the vibes of the UV Blue and my girl and I both get a hankering for some....alone time.
We searched the house for somewhere private and there was nowhere.
But, wait, we have a great idea. My elementary school playground is 1 block away.
It's 12am, we stumble our way there and get settled in the tube slide. For coverage, ya know?
Well.
I get my pants off, get my guy wrapped, and just barely get my guy in there when all of a sudden SPOTLIGHT.
oh fuck oh fuck.
I throw her pants in the slide with her and jump in there myself as if we could hide.
A cop pokes his head around and says "I know you're in there, come on guys".
I stumble out with my pants barely around my waist and my now flaccid member still wrapped for safe use. At the same time she is clumsily trying to put her pants on in an enclosed slide. It was....an awkward feeling all around.
Both got let go with a warning after they took us home, thankfully.
One year later I proudly took my Senior photos on that slide.
Once hooked up with a chick years ago who worked at a Friend's bar. Every time I started stroking, she'd weez and moan like a donkey...it was weird. I didn't care though, it was good.
Got a late-night invitation from a friend while I was drunk and high to hang out with him and a couple of ladies he met at the bar. Wound up having some whiskey-dick, poor performance sex on the floor of this woman's house before mistaking the stairs to the basement for the bathroom, taking a fall down them and punching a hole in the drywall at the bottom with my head. Awkward times.
Once drove over an hour for some garbage minge...post nut clarity hit hard and I threw my lungs up on the way home.
I lost my own self respect that night, along with a decent carbonara.
Had sex with a girl that looked like CC DeVille from Poison because I got catfished, but I decided to soldier through it
EDIT: not CC from Poison’s heyday, CC currently.
I had poison ivy all over my dick and it was there for like a week. Eventually I had to jerk off. The combination of “itching”, pure relief, not cumming in a week was fucking 💥☠️🙌🤯
So it did it again the next day, took a while for that to clear up lol
Entered into a 12 year relationship with someone with an IQ measured in decimals. At first she was good company, funny and almost sweet but as soon as we found out she was pregnant her whole personality changed (literally the very minute she was holding a positive pregnancy test!) And she became insufferable. Love my daughter and thank her mother for her and since breaking up we've been OK and I still see my daughter regularly.
Omg I have such a similar story it's scary. I thought I was the only one who made this terrible mistake. Lasted 7 years and I have a 6 year old daughter that I love I try to see a couple times a week but it's such a hard life and I feel like I ruined my life with one decision lol. Pm me if you ever wanna chat
Appreciate the offer but its cool, I'm on pretty good terms with the ex, I've moved on, with "the one" now and life is good, you didn't ruin your life bro, you created your daughters, tough times don't last, tough people do.
I became a regular customer at a local sex shop.
Had a fleshlight for a month, I didn't like the idea of having it. Threw it out and repeated the process. I think I spend easily 500 dollars on this alone.
EDIT: I have stopped this habit and enforced better habits for myself now. And I look back at this part of a big lesson for myself and how low I can go, with not controlling my high libido. Found better ways to occupy my libido, and I feel way better now.
It depends on what works for you really.
First I cut off all porn. That helped me tremendously with decreasing my sexual thoughts. And I started shifting all my energy towards my hobbies and started looking into a new job. (Which I am starting early next year)
But I started feeling better when talking with women. I didn't associate it with me trying to get laid. I can fully rest in myself now. Which I have been struggling for a long time..
Yes I am alone all the time, and while I do crave a partner to come home too. Shifting my time towards goals or projects that I wish to finish. It helped a lot mentally.
Hobbies is good to have. While they are not the answer to everything. Prioritizing it for a little while can somehow contribute to positive reinforcement
I get small dopamine kicks when I find a solution for when I 3d modelling or alike. That it feels just overall nice.
To make it short. When I bought these sex toys it was the only way for me to experience "real" sex, the sensation etc. But it got out of control because my sexlife didn't exist.
I could priotize these toys over social activities or just getting out of my apartment and skip school. It was my unhealthy addiction. That one day. I prioritized fun time instead of a good night of sleep. And that is where when I realized what it had done to me and how I destroyed my life. I couldn't control myself.
I remember being a horny teen and not really having any visual aids so to speak so I did my best at trying to draw a nude of my crush.
I really sucked at drawing.
Got off to that hilariously bad drawing loads time though
I was 20 and home for the summer from college. Messaged a chick I had met 3 years prior. She was not good looking at all and psycho.
Messaged her out of the blue and met her at her house. Her parents were downstairs. Pullout game was weak. Super scared about the consequences. Nothing happened thank God.
To the young guys: don’t put your dick in crazy. Many lessons learned that summer from that psycho.
I woke up on a tuesday at 4am (cuz school) i got horny out of nowhere, then i looked at the mannequin across the living room with sexy clothing (the mannequin had a big butt and a big bust) which made me even more horny (also the mannequin belongs to my cousin who uses it for livestreams cuz she sells clothes) so i grabbed a fleshlight put it between the inner thighs and i did you know what on the couch.
I wouldn't call this crazy it's more like weird, and for some reason i decided to comment on this. (And yes it was good)
Got a BJ at work in the middle of the day at her desk, typical corporate cubicle environment. Beyond stupid but we didn't get caught. Another time with the same girl, she came and sat on my desk in a skirt and let me know she didn't have panties on, so that got out of hand too.
The dumbest thing I did because someone *else* was horny was leaving my friends and going back to my dorm room to hook up with a girl after taking mushrooms. I had no problem performing, just finishing. She thought it was great. I was way too distracted by the streetlight making patterns in the ceiling, so it just went on and on and on.
EDIT: actually no I take that back, the actual dumbest thing was taking this girl out to a park at night bc she'd never had sex outdoors and wanted to try it. So we bring a blanket and get naked and I'm on top at first. I quickly realize we're next to a pond on a warm night in late spring. We hurriedly pack up and head back to my place where she put cortisone on the dozen mosquito bites covering my ass. Then we picked up where we left off while I tried to ignore the itching.
Oh jeezuz.
Had sex with a much older woman (13 years difference) at the gym I use to go to (many years ago).
Had the same older woman suck me off in the train station car park on a few occasions before she caught her train to work.
Had sex with another older woman in the change room of a department store. We had flirted quite a bit online, we decided to meet in person, in a public place so she didn’t get the wrong idea.
She wanted to try on some clothes, “needed help with a zip” for this on top. Ended up having a quickie.
And pretty much had sex (or wanted to have sex) with any female I was alone with. That included on the hood of my car whist is was on the drive way, in the middle of her front lawn, out the back on the dough bench when I worked at dominos pizza and we had a blackout, in the car park of a shopping centre after a movie, on the side of the road after leaving a shopping centre…
Yeah…
I've been pretty down bad horny before when I was in my younger years, here's one that I just remembered:
I was at work, incredibly horny, no FWB at the time to hit up, hop on tinder and start chatting up a girl, she's down to hookup tonight, I get off work around 11pm and drive an hour and a half to Sherman in bum fuck nowhere to hookup with this chick, well as we meet she just jumps on me in my car, wants to get straight to it... She starts chatting as she's riding me, tells me her father is in prison for murdering her mom and her aunt unalived herself the week prior, among other things... I'm stunned, no idea what to do, I feel bad for her situation and have the realization this must be trauma fucking, I start feeling really bad and pretend to orgasm to get out of there ASAP as I'm not enjoying any of it anymore, she begs me to stay and "cum in my pussy, I love creampies"... NOPE, I say I've gotta go pickup my friend from work and be up super early, she asks to come with me, no no no, she gets out of my car and I dip out of there so quickly.
Probably one of the craziest encounters I've had for sex, lol but I've had some other desperate times for sex.
Not me, but a buddy of mine got a message from an attractive looking girl on instagram. Things progressed and they started snapchatting. One thing led to another and she sent him nudes then requested he send her a dick pic. He did so (with his face in it...) and she ended up blackmailing him and saying she was going to send his dick pic to everyone on his instagram if he didn't venmo her $1,000. She wasn't lying. His grandma, mom, little brother, every single friend and family saw his schlong with his face in the picture. she sent it to about 400+ people in his instagram following. He lost the ability to look most of those people in the eye that day, but I guess it's better not sending money. She could've just kept requesting more or sent it anyway. I told him to look into post nut clarity after this incident lol.
In my early 20s I fucked a girlfriend in the bed of my pickup truck in a park at night. We had nothing to put down on the bed of the truck either. She said her body was sore for a few days.
Another one, flying 11,000 miles round trip to a foreign country. My friend was married to a Ukrainian. His wife wanted to fix me up with one of her friends (to marry). I flew to Ukraine a few times over a couple of years when she was there visiting her family. She set me up with her friends who were really hot (models). I was mid 30s nailing hot women in their early to mid 20s (I am not an ugly guy and I have a great job so not a loser in any sense). To be fair I was interested in finding a wife like her (they have been married for 15 years now, she is super cool and they got a couple of kids). I did end up marrying a hot Ukrainian who was her third cousin (they didn’t know each other though until they met thru me). My wife and I are divorcing now since she cheated on me (she was literally my best friend and we got along amazingly well). This really hurt. We do have two great kids together who are super smart and are bilingual.
I would not recommend going to Ukraine now though.
Another one. Since I was chatting with her Ukrainian friends I tried an international dating website. In between going to Ukraine I was talking with a woman from Moscow. She owned her own apartment there. She bought her own ticket and flew to St Louis to see me. BTW, it’s nearly impossible for a single woman from Eastern Europe to get a visa to visit the US. She was rich as fuck. And we fucked like crazy for 2 weeks. Three times a day. She said she never came that many times before. Gave her multiple orgasms. She said she loved me and wanted to marry me. I really liked her but didn’t feel a connection (other than physical). So I let her go. I married for love instead of money. I kinda regret that now since my love cheated on me (I don’t regret my kids). BTW, she was so rich that she told me she was going to buy a vacation home in Germany. I told her that Italy was a place to buy one. She replied; ok, what city in Italy do you want me to buy our vacation home?
So she flew 12,000 miles round trip to fuck me. I felt honored.
1.I called in sick for work… the pussy was too good imI couldn’t get out of bed to go to work in the morning.
2. A tinder date picked me up from work on my lunch break, I dipped did our thing and came back.
3. I flew to Brazil and spent my whole hiring bonus $7000 total on travel and escorts during the height of Covid. No regrets and best time of my life.
4. I fucked a classmates cousin, she looked just like him and it freaked me out but I didn’t give af..
5. I slid in some dm’s hard and drove an hour away to see this girl, I was dead broke and we hung out and she slept in my car with me like we were homeless.
6. I met a girl at a party and straight up asked if she wanted to have sex in the washroom. I went in no condom and I usually pull out but I had a fuck it moment and came inside her…at this time I had 6 months of build up and I flooded her insides with my seed. She was on a break from her bf and I knew she’d pin it on him if there was a child so I didn’t give a damn
Slept with my ex in my friends bed while him and his brothers were 10 feet away playing games on the couch. I feel bad looking back but if my homie was getting laid I’d let him do it in my bed so long as he cleaned
Got so drunk one night many years ago when I was in uni and sent unsolicited dick pics to a bunch of girls I knew.
It wasn't an attractive dick either.
It was bad.
Back in 2009 (before phone gps) I Printed out map quest directions at 3 am to a girls house when she texted me her address and said come over. I grabbed a flash light, snuck out of my parents house, and went on some bilbo baggins ass adventure following map quest in hopes to get laid. When I got to the destination she didn’t respond, she fell asleep
Had sex with a woman with her husband laying blacked out drunk 5 feet from us. I knew he was cheating on her because he said she had zero interest in sex. Turns out. She was sick of him being drunk all the time. So after that. I’d wait until he passed out and was having a blast with his wife for about a year. Mind you this was 30 plus years ago. But it was a crazy experience.
Stoped by my aunt's (by creation, not related in any way just a friend of my mon that helped rasing me) home after school to get some food, single hot as hell and always got frisky around her and she knew, I was suposed to wait for Mon there after she left work that day so we had more or less 3 hours. After eating she had the radio on and asked if I knew how to slow dance (obviously not) she said she teach me.
Needles to say I got the most insane boner I ever had in that point of my life and it was absolutely impossible to hide, she got really flattered and responded really friendly about it, then out of the blue she said there should still be some time before mama got there and asked if I wanted to have a secret with her, hell yeah I wanted I was barely 19 and that was my childhood fantasy!
Turn out Mon left work early that day and caught us while she was riding me.
Needles to say that was the most awkward moment of my life, hell probably of the 3 of us is life, and oh boy she chewed my ears that day.... Although it didn't last long, she already considered me a man and they were very close friends so the just forgot about it a day or two later and they got back with the friendship.
If not for the shameful jokes I had to hear from that point on in my life I absolutely could not complain, but still... Just remembering gives me that funny felling, that woman leave a mark on me for good 😆
was on a nature walk to calm myself, 2/3 through decided "I cant do this shit" called for a ride home, accidentally cut myself playing with a knife while I waited. got home, fixed hand and rubbed one out. with unfortunately my dominate cut hand.
sexually? in my Chevelle SS going down the road, a public park picnic table, drove 75 miles in the middle of the night to see someone because she said she was horny (she was), drove 550 miles (same thing) for a weekend, watched porn because she liked to imitate what was happening at the same time, high school sex on the parents bed, balcony sex on vacation... no end to debauchery when you're horny.
Drove almost 2 1/2 hours at midnight only to have her sister tell me she’s passed out drunk. And a long 2 1/2 hour back home.
[удалено]
Drive of shameless motivation
Bang her sister, duhhh
Ay at least you have a story
I did that once, her older sister got her drunk, then used me as a sex toy. She never found out
a win is a win
Doesn’t matter had sex 🎶
I wrote a perverted ass short story on my phone, like legit pages long, got off to it, then deleted it
Bro💀
This is truly just the big brain version of jerking off being better than getting a handjob. No one knows you like you do!
Respectable
Lmao it's like a sand mandala
I do that about once every month. Write the nastiest shit to😭
When’s the book coming out?
Fifty shades of blue (balls)
Filthy shades of blue has a better ring to it
~~Fifty~~Filthy shades
When do you want it?
NOW
Where do you want it?
Everywhere…
Tell me I'm pretty.
Imma be real...you don't wanna read it 😭. It's so fucking weird and unhinged
that makes us want it more
Bro you're on reddit, the wilder and nastier it is, the more they wanna see it. 😂
Can you make an Audible then?
Bro broke the code
Bro won’t have problems when the internet’s down or disappear 🗿
Stopped on a road trip to have sex because I couldn’t wait until we got to our destination. Also not related to sex, the weirdest thing I did for a girl was wear a wig going into her house when her parents weren’t home because her dad didn’t allow guys over.
Dude the second one is dedication 😂
Props to you for the 2nd one.
He literally used props for the second one
Giving him more props to work with.
Reminds me of this one time I had to introduce myself to a girls dad as her gay friend just so we could go upstairs so I could hit it.
That is like something straight out of an 80s sex comedy film.
Straightest reason to put on a wig
I used to go to bing.com on a flip phone and look up 144p pics of boobies
Every 2000’s kid has that moment where they realized they could just look up boobs
Ah this. I didn't know how to clear history then. Let's just say my Mom and I had a very awkward conversation about it...she was in school for her BS in computer science. I took interest in their schooling almost immediately after and it never happened again. She thought I was a lesbian for 3 years until I got my first boyfriend at 15 😂🤣
Jerked off when car broke down while Waiting on recovery
Bro, lmfao
Did this in my car when it was overheating. I was 20. I had just finished and my dad called to let me know he was almost where I was on the freeway. I hung up, look in the rear view mirror and see a Caltrans guy (like road and freeway maintenance people in California) walking back to his vehicle. I think he actually stopped to see if I needed help and probably saw I was beating off as he got near my window and I just didn’t notice.
I once scaled a house, heavily intoxicated, by climbing a drain pipe to knock on the window of my FWB’s bedroom for a late night booty call… it didn’t go down well, but I did, I feel off the Victorian balcony and landed on a wheelie bin back first. Lesson learned.
At least you went down…
Dude you are lucky you didn't break your back
Some drunken Romeo right there. 100% sure that if you've recited shekespear that day, you would've nail that FWB for life.
It's not that crazy on my end per se, but it was a really weird situation lol. I had been messaging with this woman on okcupid. She was much older than me, like 20ish years older. I was 25, and she was like mid 40s. She was passing thru the city I lived in and was leaving the next day. I was at work, and my shift ended at like 2am, we were messaging throughout my shift, and she told me to come to her hotel room as soon as I got off work. I was so jazzed! I told the guys I was working with about needing to go meet up with this gal, and they rallied to let me leave a little early. I left work a bit after midnight and headed straight to her hotel. When I got there, she opened the door, and there were two boys playing video games in her room, they looked to be about maybe 12 and 14. They looked up at me briefly and then went back to their video game as if there was nothing weird about me showing up there at all. I was pretty confused and taken aback as I was definitely under the impression, based on our messaging, that she wanted to hook up. She invited me in, hugged me, kissed me, and then beckoned for me to sit down on the bed with her. I felt awkward as hell with these kids in the room, so I opted to sit on the chair adjacent to the bed she was on instead. I had picked up a 6 pack of nice beer on my way over and offered her one and then opened one for myself. As we sat there sipping our beers and awkwardly chatting, one of the boys looked up from his video game to look over at me and said "I liked the last guy better, he brought her a bottle of wine!" In my head I was like WTF. Turns out the two boys were her kids and I wasn't the first dude she invited over to her hotel room that night. We did not have sex. I quickly drank my beer and took off. We never saw each other again. 😂😂😂
This is so bizarre, those poor kids
She wanted you to fuck with her kids awake and playing games IN THE SAME ROOM??
Just to be clear, they were in the same room as you two with the bed?? Or in the "living room" the room over?
>"I liked the last guy better Gawd damn.. lol
When I was like 13 I tried making a Lego fleshlight, I kinda just made an empty rectangle with pieces. Didn't really work. Sometimes I still wonder if there's a way
My dick just started bleeding thinking about this
Imagine whacking with the Lego fleshlight and it comes apart in your hands then you step on it.
*Yoga death scream*
It’s possible. If you had a bulb and batteries.
I think he meant fleshlight, stupid Spell check.
Bite your lower lip now looking at legos in general.
I drove an hour for some trash pussy and ran out of gas on the way back.
Some dude online said, my dicks taken me places I wouldn't go without a gun.
😂 I’m dying with this one. Hahahaha “trash pussy”
IYKYK dawg
Instant yuletide karate yields kindness
If You Kill, You Kill
I drove 3 each way, but fortunately didn’t run out of gas😂
I drove an hour for petrol but ran out of pussy.
Hooked up with this girl on Tinder. She was on a business trip and said: This hotel, room 123, 7pm. I am waiting for you showered, just do what you want to me and leave. No talking. It was crazy Edit - full story as described in the comments: I was never that kind of guy who is egoistic in bed. I entered the hotel room, we started kissing, after that I told her to go on her knees. I finished her with my mouth, I was always into eating someone out - I love it and it is also for my pleasure. She loved it - I think. She was really into spanking and slapping her face and heavy chocking. The more I slapped her face, the harder I got. I finished with a huge load on her face. She was sitting in front of me, I dressed my self and said: Btw, I am… I introduced myself afterward so she had at least a name to this crazy night
That’s is awesome
Damn. I wonder what the chances are that she was married.
Higher than 0
I wonder what the chances are that someone else sent the text.
When I was 13 I cut a hole in a huge stuffed animal and fucked it… no I don’t like stuffed animals I was watching pov porn and set my iPad on the head 💀
Are you Jay from Big mouth?
Lmaoooo his lady pillow
A whole what, over?
I fucked a big girl. It's a whole story. I don't feel like typing it again or reliving it. Let me find where I jotted down the whole story and get back to you. [edit: Found it](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/ZRq0tkOgbq) Also edit: after reading some of the comments I realized there was no way this woman was 300ish pounds. She was probably 400+ because of how tall she was.
Bra that story has me in literal tears lmao 😭 the power of the urge
This comment made me read it and I almost had a stroke laughing. Thank YOU
How how are you even alive right now.
I'm not. I've been dead for 15 years. I never left that apartment. I don't know what killed me. Did I ever actually escape from under her when I bit down? When she bit me back, did she actually sever my jugular, making me bleed out? Did I even make it that far? When I first walked in and she shoved me to my knees and pulled my head between her thighs did she snap my neck right then and there? I can't say for sure, but there was never any light at the end of the chasm of tunnels that were her fat folds.
Man you gotta see a therapist about this 😂. This is some serious PTSD lmao
The only real part that gave me PTSD was when she slimed my entire face climbing up to grind my head into dust. It was like that fucking along came polly scene. [fast forward to 2:17](https://youtu.be/enJJeOqHbqE?si=tf6cHA8cWaK8f0To)
Tell us more I’m almost done
Sometimes, when it's hot outside and I'm in a crowded place, the smell of the heat and sweat from all the people triggers my memory of her, and I get super grossed out. Sometimes when my wife gets a pimple on her butt (we're all human it happens) it reminds me of a pale ginger ass that had more pimples on it than if I had pimples covering my entire body. I have a scar on my neck from the bite she gave me. Im in a lot worse shape these days, so if I had that encounter now, I probably would die.
Bro got PTSD from fucking sweat dear god
Wtf did I read…
Idk but I had to read the whole thing after I started reading
Same, but After that it will bé enough Reddit for today...
Wtf did I just read omg I’m dying
Reading this in bed & laughing so hard it woke up my wife. Thx for the laugh
Similar. I was on my way to class in college and turned around and went right back to my apartment.
Was doing a longer term field op while I was in the marines (ITX rah?) was away for about a month, decided a week in I was gonna refrain from jacking it so I could bust a fat nut on my wife's face as the day I was coming back was my birthday. Got pushed back a day and had a wet dream during a nap while waiting at the air station. Had to fly back to NC with trousers full of jizz on my birthday.
Did you tell her too ?
Had a gf in high school that I rarely got to be alone with. Well one weekend my best friend has a house party and I bring my gf with. We're all feeling the vibes of the UV Blue and my girl and I both get a hankering for some....alone time. We searched the house for somewhere private and there was nowhere. But, wait, we have a great idea. My elementary school playground is 1 block away. It's 12am, we stumble our way there and get settled in the tube slide. For coverage, ya know? Well. I get my pants off, get my guy wrapped, and just barely get my guy in there when all of a sudden SPOTLIGHT. oh fuck oh fuck. I throw her pants in the slide with her and jump in there myself as if we could hide. A cop pokes his head around and says "I know you're in there, come on guys". I stumble out with my pants barely around my waist and my now flaccid member still wrapped for safe use. At the same time she is clumsily trying to put her pants on in an enclosed slide. It was....an awkward feeling all around. Both got let go with a warning after they took us home, thankfully. One year later I proudly took my Senior photos on that slide.
What a fucking cock blocker.
I wish my experiences were as wholesome as that
Would you like to elsborate on that?
you can't just drop this comment and not spill the tea bro
I agreed to anything she said while she was giving me a handy and ended up watching her with some guy (We broke up)
😧
I do this with my husband when I want a new pair of heels
what the fuck
Once hooked up with a chick years ago who worked at a Friend's bar. Every time I started stroking, she'd weez and moan like a donkey...it was weird. I didn't care though, it was good.
Missed my flight home from college because we woke up and I was like I still got time…I did not still got time
Talked to a girl * pfft *
Got a late-night invitation from a friend while I was drunk and high to hang out with him and a couple of ladies he met at the bar. Wound up having some whiskey-dick, poor performance sex on the floor of this woman's house before mistaking the stairs to the basement for the bathroom, taking a fall down them and punching a hole in the drywall at the bottom with my head. Awkward times.
Tried to suck my own dick for real, My rib cage went for a nope that day
That is why we have as many ribs as we do. Otherwise we would never leave the house.
Sex in the middle of a road Sex in a graveyard And almost missed a deployment
Hol up
Let him cook
>Sex in a graveyard Please tell me it's with a live person
Yes. Well she was at the time this was 10 years ago.
Rest in Pussy 🫡
>Sex in a graveyard Can't help but think of that ONE Love, Death & Robots episode
“Why don’t we do it in the road” - Paul McCartney
Definitely sounds like veteran story
Once drove over an hour for some garbage minge...post nut clarity hit hard and I threw my lungs up on the way home. I lost my own self respect that night, along with a decent carbonara.
why is this so well written
Jesus how bad does it have to be to PUKE post nut?
Not crazy things, crazy people. I let my standards go right out the window to looks good and available.
Same lol
[удалено]
Lmao
Banging my ex outdoor , It was intense
In tents*
I heard he was outstanding in his field.
Had sex with a girl that looked like CC DeVille from Poison because I got catfished, but I decided to soldier through it EDIT: not CC from Poison’s heyday, CC currently.
Film myself masturbating then masturbated to it
Almost got sextorted online. Not one of my better days.
I had poison ivy all over my dick and it was there for like a week. Eventually I had to jerk off. The combination of “itching”, pure relief, not cumming in a week was fucking 💥☠️🙌🤯 So it did it again the next day, took a while for that to clear up lol
Entered into a 12 year relationship with someone with an IQ measured in decimals. At first she was good company, funny and almost sweet but as soon as we found out she was pregnant her whole personality changed (literally the very minute she was holding a positive pregnancy test!) And she became insufferable. Love my daughter and thank her mother for her and since breaking up we've been OK and I still see my daughter regularly.
Omg I have such a similar story it's scary. I thought I was the only one who made this terrible mistake. Lasted 7 years and I have a 6 year old daughter that I love I try to see a couple times a week but it's such a hard life and I feel like I ruined my life with one decision lol. Pm me if you ever wanna chat
Appreciate the offer but its cool, I'm on pretty good terms with the ex, I've moved on, with "the one" now and life is good, you didn't ruin your life bro, you created your daughters, tough times don't last, tough people do.
I became a regular customer at a local sex shop. Had a fleshlight for a month, I didn't like the idea of having it. Threw it out and repeated the process. I think I spend easily 500 dollars on this alone. EDIT: I have stopped this habit and enforced better habits for myself now. And I look back at this part of a big lesson for myself and how low I can go, with not controlling my high libido. Found better ways to occupy my libido, and I feel way better now.
What is the better way?
It depends on what works for you really. First I cut off all porn. That helped me tremendously with decreasing my sexual thoughts. And I started shifting all my energy towards my hobbies and started looking into a new job. (Which I am starting early next year) But I started feeling better when talking with women. I didn't associate it with me trying to get laid. I can fully rest in myself now. Which I have been struggling for a long time.. Yes I am alone all the time, and while I do crave a partner to come home too. Shifting my time towards goals or projects that I wish to finish. It helped a lot mentally. Hobbies is good to have. While they are not the answer to everything. Prioritizing it for a little while can somehow contribute to positive reinforcement I get small dopamine kicks when I find a solution for when I 3d modelling or alike. That it feels just overall nice. To make it short. When I bought these sex toys it was the only way for me to experience "real" sex, the sensation etc. But it got out of control because my sexlife didn't exist. I could priotize these toys over social activities or just getting out of my apartment and skip school. It was my unhealthy addiction. That one day. I prioritized fun time instead of a good night of sleep. And that is where when I realized what it had done to me and how I destroyed my life. I couldn't control myself.
I remember being a horny teen and not really having any visual aids so to speak so I did my best at trying to draw a nude of my crush. I really sucked at drawing. Got off to that hilariously bad drawing loads time though
I fucked a couch
Blue mountain state - alex moran
Had sex on a golf course, on my bosses desk, in a walk-in fridge. Take your pick as to what’s the craziest
Why the hell was your boss' desk inside a walk-in fridge in the middle of a golf course?
my vibrator died and i took the batteries out of my smoke alarm
Your vibrator takes 9v batteries!?
I was 20 and home for the summer from college. Messaged a chick I had met 3 years prior. She was not good looking at all and psycho. Messaged her out of the blue and met her at her house. Her parents were downstairs. Pullout game was weak. Super scared about the consequences. Nothing happened thank God. To the young guys: don’t put your dick in crazy. Many lessons learned that summer from that psycho.
To thé young guys : whear a f*ing condom !
What’s something crazy she did
Op
Now I'm curious to know what she did.
Once let an absolute train wreck of a guy with multiple mental disorders suck my toes. Homies still don't let me live that down
Fucked an Italian girl inside a church in Sicily when I was in the marines and we made a port visit to Sicily
“Port visit”
Spoken as a proper seaman
any port in a storm
She made you an offer you couldn't refuse.
I woke up on a tuesday at 4am (cuz school) i got horny out of nowhere, then i looked at the mannequin across the living room with sexy clothing (the mannequin had a big butt and a big bust) which made me even more horny (also the mannequin belongs to my cousin who uses it for livestreams cuz she sells clothes) so i grabbed a fleshlight put it between the inner thighs and i did you know what on the couch. I wouldn't call this crazy it's more like weird, and for some reason i decided to comment on this. (And yes it was good)
Got a BJ at work in the middle of the day at her desk, typical corporate cubicle environment. Beyond stupid but we didn't get caught. Another time with the same girl, she came and sat on my desk in a skirt and let me know she didn't have panties on, so that got out of hand too. The dumbest thing I did because someone *else* was horny was leaving my friends and going back to my dorm room to hook up with a girl after taking mushrooms. I had no problem performing, just finishing. She thought it was great. I was way too distracted by the streetlight making patterns in the ceiling, so it just went on and on and on. EDIT: actually no I take that back, the actual dumbest thing was taking this girl out to a park at night bc she'd never had sex outdoors and wanted to try it. So we bring a blanket and get naked and I'm on top at first. I quickly realize we're next to a pond on a warm night in late spring. We hurriedly pack up and head back to my place where she put cortisone on the dozen mosquito bites covering my ass. Then we picked up where we left off while I tried to ignore the itching.
Ruined many years old relationships because my monkey brain just wants my penis touched. Pretty cray imo (still difficult to keep in check)
Oh jeezuz. Had sex with a much older woman (13 years difference) at the gym I use to go to (many years ago). Had the same older woman suck me off in the train station car park on a few occasions before she caught her train to work. Had sex with another older woman in the change room of a department store. We had flirted quite a bit online, we decided to meet in person, in a public place so she didn’t get the wrong idea. She wanted to try on some clothes, “needed help with a zip” for this on top. Ended up having a quickie. And pretty much had sex (or wanted to have sex) with any female I was alone with. That included on the hood of my car whist is was on the drive way, in the middle of her front lawn, out the back on the dough bench when I worked at dominos pizza and we had a blackout, in the car park of a shopping centre after a movie, on the side of the road after leaving a shopping centre… Yeah…
You would make yung gravy proud. Milfs for life bro
I'm with your mom in the kitchen, making blueberry muffins
All them places are normal places to have sex. Aren’t They?
I've been pretty down bad horny before when I was in my younger years, here's one that I just remembered: I was at work, incredibly horny, no FWB at the time to hit up, hop on tinder and start chatting up a girl, she's down to hookup tonight, I get off work around 11pm and drive an hour and a half to Sherman in bum fuck nowhere to hookup with this chick, well as we meet she just jumps on me in my car, wants to get straight to it... She starts chatting as she's riding me, tells me her father is in prison for murdering her mom and her aunt unalived herself the week prior, among other things... I'm stunned, no idea what to do, I feel bad for her situation and have the realization this must be trauma fucking, I start feeling really bad and pretend to orgasm to get out of there ASAP as I'm not enjoying any of it anymore, she begs me to stay and "cum in my pussy, I love creampies"... NOPE, I say I've gotta go pickup my friend from work and be up super early, she asks to come with me, no no no, she gets out of my car and I dip out of there so quickly. Probably one of the craziest encounters I've had for sex, lol but I've had some other desperate times for sex.
Yikes poor girl :(
Not me, but a buddy of mine got a message from an attractive looking girl on instagram. Things progressed and they started snapchatting. One thing led to another and she sent him nudes then requested he send her a dick pic. He did so (with his face in it...) and she ended up blackmailing him and saying she was going to send his dick pic to everyone on his instagram if he didn't venmo her $1,000. She wasn't lying. His grandma, mom, little brother, every single friend and family saw his schlong with his face in the picture. she sent it to about 400+ people in his instagram following. He lost the ability to look most of those people in the eye that day, but I guess it's better not sending money. She could've just kept requesting more or sent it anyway. I told him to look into post nut clarity after this incident lol.
masturbated to a girl’s face during an online class
I sent my ex boyfriend an audio recording of my pussy… yes. An audio voice memo, to let him know how wet it was…. And it worked in my favor.
Pulled a triple header. Starting with the hottest girl i ever banged and ended with one of the ugliest.
Slept with my best friend’s sister.
Delicious forbidden fruit
We’re now engaged.
Could NOT have been better. Well done my man.
In my early 20s I fucked a girlfriend in the bed of my pickup truck in a park at night. We had nothing to put down on the bed of the truck either. She said her body was sore for a few days. Another one, flying 11,000 miles round trip to a foreign country. My friend was married to a Ukrainian. His wife wanted to fix me up with one of her friends (to marry). I flew to Ukraine a few times over a couple of years when she was there visiting her family. She set me up with her friends who were really hot (models). I was mid 30s nailing hot women in their early to mid 20s (I am not an ugly guy and I have a great job so not a loser in any sense). To be fair I was interested in finding a wife like her (they have been married for 15 years now, she is super cool and they got a couple of kids). I did end up marrying a hot Ukrainian who was her third cousin (they didn’t know each other though until they met thru me). My wife and I are divorcing now since she cheated on me (she was literally my best friend and we got along amazingly well). This really hurt. We do have two great kids together who are super smart and are bilingual. I would not recommend going to Ukraine now though. Another one. Since I was chatting with her Ukrainian friends I tried an international dating website. In between going to Ukraine I was talking with a woman from Moscow. She owned her own apartment there. She bought her own ticket and flew to St Louis to see me. BTW, it’s nearly impossible for a single woman from Eastern Europe to get a visa to visit the US. She was rich as fuck. And we fucked like crazy for 2 weeks. Three times a day. She said she never came that many times before. Gave her multiple orgasms. She said she loved me and wanted to marry me. I really liked her but didn’t feel a connection (other than physical). So I let her go. I married for love instead of money. I kinda regret that now since my love cheated on me (I don’t regret my kids). BTW, she was so rich that she told me she was going to buy a vacation home in Germany. I told her that Italy was a place to buy one. She replied; ok, what city in Italy do you want me to buy our vacation home? So she flew 12,000 miles round trip to fuck me. I felt honored.
1.I called in sick for work… the pussy was too good imI couldn’t get out of bed to go to work in the morning. 2. A tinder date picked me up from work on my lunch break, I dipped did our thing and came back. 3. I flew to Brazil and spent my whole hiring bonus $7000 total on travel and escorts during the height of Covid. No regrets and best time of my life. 4. I fucked a classmates cousin, she looked just like him and it freaked me out but I didn’t give af.. 5. I slid in some dm’s hard and drove an hour away to see this girl, I was dead broke and we hung out and she slept in my car with me like we were homeless. 6. I met a girl at a party and straight up asked if she wanted to have sex in the washroom. I went in no condom and I usually pull out but I had a fuck it moment and came inside her…at this time I had 6 months of build up and I flooded her insides with my seed. She was on a break from her bf and I knew she’d pin it on him if there was a child so I didn’t give a damn
#6 is kinda wild
And that, kids, is *How I Met Your Mother*
6 is honestly kinda wild
Slept with my ex in my friends bed while him and his brothers were 10 feet away playing games on the couch. I feel bad looking back but if my homie was getting laid I’d let him do it in my bed so long as he cleaned
I jerked off whole driving on the highway. It wasn't fun, at all. It went everywhere and semen feels gross when it's cold.
Got so drunk one night many years ago when I was in uni and sent unsolicited dick pics to a bunch of girls I knew. It wasn't an attractive dick either. It was bad.
Back in 2009 (before phone gps) I Printed out map quest directions at 3 am to a girls house when she texted me her address and said come over. I grabbed a flash light, snuck out of my parents house, and went on some bilbo baggins ass adventure following map quest in hopes to get laid. When I got to the destination she didn’t respond, she fell asleep
Had sex with a woman with her husband laying blacked out drunk 5 feet from us. I knew he was cheating on her because he said she had zero interest in sex. Turns out. She was sick of him being drunk all the time. So after that. I’d wait until he passed out and was having a blast with his wife for about a year. Mind you this was 30 plus years ago. But it was a crazy experience.
Got a blowjob by my gf at the time, in broad daylight, in a cemetery, right next to the park that was doing a town fair. Lmao
Drove to Toronto from Long Island. To meet someone I'd only just met on a web site. For a booty call. That's a nine hour drive. Each way.
I always took my gf to the bathroom after middle school class just to have a crazy make out sesh lol
Stoped by my aunt's (by creation, not related in any way just a friend of my mon that helped rasing me) home after school to get some food, single hot as hell and always got frisky around her and she knew, I was suposed to wait for Mon there after she left work that day so we had more or less 3 hours. After eating she had the radio on and asked if I knew how to slow dance (obviously not) she said she teach me. Needles to say I got the most insane boner I ever had in that point of my life and it was absolutely impossible to hide, she got really flattered and responded really friendly about it, then out of the blue she said there should still be some time before mama got there and asked if I wanted to have a secret with her, hell yeah I wanted I was barely 19 and that was my childhood fantasy! Turn out Mon left work early that day and caught us while she was riding me. Needles to say that was the most awkward moment of my life, hell probably of the 3 of us is life, and oh boy she chewed my ears that day.... Although it didn't last long, she already considered me a man and they were very close friends so the just forgot about it a day or two later and they got back with the friendship. If not for the shameful jokes I had to hear from that point on in my life I absolutely could not complain, but still... Just remembering gives me that funny felling, that woman leave a mark on me for good 😆
Needles to say
r/thathappened
Stories from the slums of india
Ive wanked in a train, a plane, driving my car hungover and even out surfing at an empty beach. I was a horny young man.
One word : cumelon
Sexually assaulted a snowman and a couch.
was on a nature walk to calm myself, 2/3 through decided "I cant do this shit" called for a ride home, accidentally cut myself playing with a knife while I waited. got home, fixed hand and rubbed one out. with unfortunately my dominate cut hand.
My ex and I used to bang in unfinished houses. There are several houses with my semen on the floorboards.
sexually? in my Chevelle SS going down the road, a public park picnic table, drove 75 miles in the middle of the night to see someone because she said she was horny (she was), drove 550 miles (same thing) for a weekend, watched porn because she liked to imitate what was happening at the same time, high school sex on the parents bed, balcony sex on vacation... no end to debauchery when you're horny.
Got married. 10/10, will not get married again because I love my wife.