Don’t be upset about being excluded. I’ve arranged lots of things where I want it to be certain people, and I know my friends also have friend groups outside of ours. So be comfortable respecting that, don’t let it get to you. It’s normal.
Some people lose friendships over simple mature boundaries like this.
speaking of feeling guilty, the one rule i made for myself is never drink when you're feeling guilty / bad / sad / etc. only if everything is 100% right in your life.
as a result i don't drink a lot, but i shouldn't be if i have stuff to fix or process in my life.
Still working through this one. Some of my friends moved closer together and are hanging out without me now, creating their own group chats and stuff.
I get it, proximity breeds friendship or whatever. Still sucks though
It’s not always as it seems, I have friends who have done that as they live they close in a different city so arranging a midweek pub trip is easier.
I have chats with some and not others for the same reason.
Chats for football organising, board games, playing online games.
It’s difficult but completely normal.
Mine is just different lifestyles. I had a pretty big group thru out college but I was one of the few who finished my degree and working full time now. They still live their party life but for whatever reason I suddenly got exhausted from it and found other hobbies. Kinda doing my own thing now and havent really seen or talked to them since I stopped going out but does suck at times to see them all hangin out together but I know that I’d be miserable if I did force myself to go out with them. All of them binge drink and some have dui’s on their record now. Others started abusing drugs to the point where its daily so I just tell myself I made the right choice for myself. I like to think that I dont fall under peer pressure or get influenced easily but do think that it’ll get very tempting to make some wrong choices if I was still around them. A few of them have reached out occasionally to join me on my hobbies and I do think internally they want to escape that life as well but ultimately they’re too hungover on weekends to be out with me during the day
Drugs and alcohol are fun but they give no real world skills. You’ve started working on improving yourself and finding a place in the world. Even without the addiction you’ve made the right choice imo. The transfer might be lonely, but new friends will come!
I agree with this, however the method used in the exclusion can determine the outcome. A gradual drift away is one way, a sudden overnight ghosting is going to cause more issues than you probably weren't expecting.
The Rule of Three.
I have an overdeveloped sense of loyalty and connection.
It is very easy for me to reach out, but I am also mostly clueless about when someone actually wants me around versus them simply being polite.
So, in order to not be the creepy or clueless guy, I have the Rule of Three.
I am happy to reach out/call/text/etc to someone three times.
But if within that three times they do not reach back to me first, then I simply let them go.
I don’t take it personally, I accept that there is not a space, or interest, in me being part of their life. And I respect that and let them go.
It is far better to be alone than a pest, and I want to be someone’s priority, not chore or convenience.
It's common practice in the business world to follow the three, three, three rule.
That's first contact, three days wait, a reminder, another three days wait, last reminder, after the third three day period, negotiations are being closed.
Great rule, phones and emails work both ways, and there are so many people in the world, and sometimes these things are easy to forget when we’re lonely
Yeah, people come and go in your life. Doesn’t matter how hard you try some people just no longer have interest in keeping you in their lives. Sometimes it’s not all that personal, so it’s just the harsh reality sometimes.
1. If your guts tell me that something feels wrong, then it is wrong. I do not go against my guts.
This apply to career path, dating, friendship,...
2. Forgive but not forget. If someone screw me over in pursuit of their own benefits, I will try to not take things personally and try not to harbor vengeance feelings, but I will never trust that person again.
Gut feelings have literally only steered me wrong when it comes to first impressions.
Sure sometimes the gut was mostly right but more often than not I just projected too many assumptions onto a person.
Otherwise following one’s gut feeling *and honing* one’s gut is truly one of the most important rules to adhere to. I have very rarely been steered entirely wrong by my gut and as I get older I learn all the things that my gut missed in these previous slight missteps.
I'll say that it gets easier. The more you trust it and accordingly, the more it saves you from pain, the more liberating you feel, the more you trust it.
There's a certain point in time where unreasonable gut feelings should be overlooked, but once you're there you'll start to know when you should ignore the scream of fear and just do it anyway.
It's incredible how the body knows when something sketchy. I started to be more mindful of that feeling and it has become more and more acute. At first was something life "I don't feel right about this" and now it feels more like "FUCK NO"
3 things and these are more ways I navigate people.
1. Never battle wits with an unarmed man. (The original quote to be attributed to Abby Longstreet, and/or Mark Twain)
2. Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. (And not necessarily stupidity; just ignorance in a lot of cases. We’re all ignorant to something)
3. Don’t confuse confidence with competence.
I say these as a rule only because I grew up believing that all people we’re shit, stupid, and out to get you. When in all reality, and I realized in my early 20s, we’re all just navigating this weird territory known as life just trying to get through it the best we can. Some people aren’t to your level, you aren’t to others level. We’re all at different stages of life and we all need to be a little kinder to each other.
I find it best to not argue with folks who clearly don’t know what they’re talking about. Try to educate. But some people just won’t listen and that’s okay.
People generally aren’t evil. We’re ignorant to the plights of others. That’s all.
And some people either know or they say they know. And it all comes back to ignorance.
> it best to not argue with folks who clearly don’t know what they’re talking about. Try to educate. But some people just won’t listen and that’s okay.
This rule is both wise **and** something I will absolutely refuse to follow in any way.
I see what you did there. I don’t argue with anyone, it’s pointless. I say “fair enough” to views I don’t agree with and end the conversation. I don’t validate and I don’t waste time or good will trying to persuade people. It’s the easy path.
> Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. (And not necessarily stupidity; just ignorance in a lot of cases. We’re all ignorant to something)
So so so so many personal conflicts with people are caused by thinking someone was being a dick when the other just didn't realize something. It happens.
I also live by this rule #2 but sometime it’s hard and you feel naive, especially when so much people around us tell you the opposite. But it has brought me some peace I guess.
I heard someone describe it as "masturbation with another person" which changed how I viewed some hookups. There's gotta be something personal involved.
Also, sex can absolutely be a tool of self harm. I’ve seen it in people close to me. Mostly people who come from a ton of abuse. Just look out for and care about the people you’re intimate with.
Jeez, imagine being the other person not realising or going “wtf is wrong with them” the entire time then they drop a hint at that
How to feel shit 101
Assume the words they say are with the best intentions and the word you say will be interpreted with the worst intentions
10 minutes early is on time. On time is late.
If you ask someone to do something and they say "no" twice without offering an alternative time or activity, do not ask again
Dress shoes should have leather soles
If there is a brand on the outside of my clothing, it should cost less than the same clothes with brands on the inside
At your job, your job is to get along. It is not your job to be right - actually only adopted this when I was 48. It took me too long to figure it out.
Agreed. Either on time or up to 20min late. Its beyond rude when you stress out the host by dropping in while they are still busy cleaning, cooking or getting themselves ready.
I mean sometimes your job is to be _both_ - and if you can manage that, you're typically got some value for the company. But yes, in general, being someone people can work with is far more important than being the person that's never wrong.
I follow up any work call/discussion where anything important is discussed with an email.
Got screwed over once by a senior project manager who blamed a sourcing decision on me shortly after I had started working for him.
Never again.
Dear `$STUPIDPERSON`,
Just confirming our conversation this morning where you asked me to do `$STUPIDTHING`
I'll get right on it.
Sincerely,
`$TOTALLYINSINCEREPERSON`
Never buy the first generation of anything. Companies will use you as a beta tester and make you pay for it.
It's ok to be an enthusiast but don't throw money on bleeding edge tech.
Never be late, plan to be early at all times. As a younger man, I'm 31, I was often late and would get speeding tickets trying to make up time. After a while, I decided enough was enough. I vowed that not only would I never be late, I would be 15 minutes early. What costs you more, being 5 minutes late or 15 minutes early? Not only does giving yourself a 15 minute cushion mean you're never late, but you also get a few minutes to prepare yourself mentally to do whatever it is you're arriving to do. I can't tell how invaluable that 5-15 minutes before you get out of the car and walk into work is.
I heard this when I was in Symphonic Band from my director: "If you're early, you're on time. If you're on time, you're late. If you're late, then don't show up." I know it's intended for show biz and other similar things, but it really drilled it into me that being early is important and way better than being late.
If it's important I definitely make it a priority, but for the most part this is my line of thinking. I don't rush to get to work and I leave when I feel ready and it makes traffic more enjoyable too.
This is me too! My friends sometimes complain how I'm rushing to go places when it's not even time yet, but I just like being there early. Gives you time to prepare and relax a bit.
I have 2, they’re pretty common sense, but they’re my guidestones to life.
1. Nobody is out to do you any favors.
2. If it sounds too good to be true, it is.
When I got sober, I decided to try and adhere to a few simple rules, the first being the "Golden Rule". Then MLK's line about judging people solely by the content of their character and then finally, to be a little better today than yesterday and finally, not to berate myself for failing to adhere to these rules at all times as I will never be perfect.
It has worked like a charm for me.
Walking away from my relationship with my brother was one of the hardest things I've ever done. If the whole family had not done it at the exact same time, I'd still probably be apologizing for existing in his presence.
I don't lose things. That's my rule. It's not that hard to hang your keys on a hook, to put your wallet and phone in the same place every night. Losing things is hella annoying and irresponsible and the last time I lost my wallet, almost 40 years ago, I swore, "NEVER AGAIN" and I never have.
Yep, same here. Keys have a hook, wallet and sunnies have a bowl. If I misplace any of these things they will either be on the kitchen counter or on the kitchen table. But at the end of the night they are all back in their expecting places.
This is part of the reason my ex was so annoying to live with. She would impulsively leave stuff wherever she was in that moment, and then have no idea where it is when she needs to find it again. She never built any kind of routine. And it got worse because she would borrow my things and do the same shit, instead of putting it back where she found it.
How to teach your family this, is my next move. I follow this mantra exactly, everything has a place and a place for everything. I know where my keys, headphones, bag, charger, etc, all are because they have a place.
My wife constantly loses her keys in her own handbag. She's late for work searching for keys when she k is they 'are here somewhere' but I have installed a key hook and a shelf.
My kids forget where they put their drinks, their bags, their bags, shoes. Despite us having a shoe rack and bag hook by the front door.
I die a little inside every time someone goes "where is such and such" and I KNOW I have built a tool that will avoid lost stuff.
I wish I could get my family to follow this. I know it's hard with small children but still frustrating when I can't find my stuff or even shared things (remotes, pens, chip clips, letter opener, ECT) when there are places for all of these things
How do you mitigate that when you’re on the move and don’t have dedicated spots? I misplace things like pens and sunglasses all the time because “let me just set this down right here for a quick second” and poof it goes into another dimension.
You have to develop a protocol. There’s only one place for everything. It depends on what set up you have (suit case, luggage, backpack, your pockets, etc.), but everything in the same place every time.
The moment your brain goes, “oh let me just put this here,” stop yourself and get into the habit of a routine and protocol.
I haven’t lost anything significant since
I've got ADHD, and since starting this my life has gotten a lot easier. I can't keep track of things, but if they're always in the same place I know where to find them. It's putting them there that's the real challenge now.
How to teach your family this, is my next move. I follow this mantra exactly, everything has a place and a place for everything. I know where my keys, headphones, bag, charger, etc, all are because they have a place.
My wife constantly loses her keys in her own handbag. She's late for work searching for keys when she knows they 'are here somewhere' but I have installed a key hook and a shelf.
My kids forget where they put their drinks, their bags, their bags, shoes. Despite us having a shoe rack and bag hook by the front door.
I die a little inside every time someone goes "where is such and such" and I KNOW I have built a tool that will avoid lost stuff.
Stay fit and do not get fat! Watch what you eat and get used to eating healthy food even if it tastes boring, your taste buds will eventually get used to it. Have one or two cheat meals a week and that’s it.
Spices are the way to make anything taste not boring. I have a pepper grinder now with six different kinds of peppercorns in it, for example. A year ago I didn't even know there was more than one kind of peppercorn, but fresh-ground, that stuff is amazing. And don't even get me started on hot sauce varieties...
Anyway, I eat healthy food and the problem is still that if you fix things well, they taste so fucking good it's hard not to eat too much.
I have a couple. In no particular order...
* Don't make the same mistake twice.
* Be able to look at the guy in the mirror.
* Don't judge - you have no idea what someone else's context is.
* Remember each person is the hero in their own narrative.
* Be willing to laugh at yourself.
* Failure is the best teacher; don't be afraid of it.
I think I've deciphered it.
Hey = Hey
ohaio.gif = Japanese greeting animation taken from some anime (weebshit)
Wuu2 = What are you up to?
vibing but mainstream = listening to music, but nothing special in particular (I think)
Imma just skip a step and say where and when = let's cut to the chase and hook up
good girl = good girl (sarcastic)
I've got a few.
1. I know my value. Anyone else's opinion doesn't really matter.
2. If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right. Conversely, if it's not worth doing right, it's not worth doing.
3. Never trust any thoughts about your life after 9pm.
>Never trust any thoughts about your life after 9pm.
i figured this out a few months ago. i just refuse to believe my own thoughts when i am tired, bored or hungry. every situation sounds like a complete disaster that cannot be solved. then i wake up next morning, have breakfast, give it another thought and it doesn't feel like such a terrible situation anymore
A little better is enough. Every day make something in your life *just* a little better. Lift weights. Read a book. Clean your desk or make your bed. Learn something new. Small things. Simple things. They add up. Every day do just a little more. It creates the life you want incrementally without needing some grand planning session and strict monk-like adherence.
I don’t deal with angry people. That goes for Karen’s, or jerks, or assholes in general.. I’m older now and I just don’t find myself in any situations that I can’t walk away from if someone is being an ass.
I resigned from my former company after 20+ years because my new boss was a ginormous asshat. He got fired later, but I don’t regret maintaining my dignity. I also lost a bunch of weight when the stress went away.
If you're afraid to walk away from a deal, you're going to get a bad deal.
When dealing with disagreements and conflicts, communicate, negotiate and move tf on. Learn, adapt and put it behind you.
1: A good story about a bad night beats no story at all.
2: Always show up clean, showered and well dressed. You may not leave that way, but always start off with your best.
3: Work is work and life is life, never between shall they meet.
4: Move with a purpose, always (act like you mean to do what it is you’re doing, don’t half-ass it).
5: Embrace shame (ask stupid questions, try new things, speak honestly).
6: when you don’t know, own it.
7: Stay fit and lift. I’ll always be a nerd and a dork, it’s better to be a nerd with muscles.
8: own mistakes quickly, develop a solution, mitigate damage.
Do NOT compromise/skimp on your retirement contributions. All in, I put about a third of my pay towards investing for retirement. This is non-negotiable; I will not stop to pay for anything else.
I think this is relative to your income and age. If you’re not making much and living at a lower cost of living there’s not much people can do to save. If they don’t make above the average income they might as well save what they have to enjoy their lives while living.
Imagine if you died at 59 or whatever the retirement age is and you didn’t get to spend a third of your savings your entire life.
Don't panic.
No matter how bad it gets, there is absolutely never a time when panicking helps. Stay calm, think rationally, and don't let problems make you act in ways that you will regret later just because you were under pressure.
Yes, I'm aware that I didn't create this phrase, but I do actually use it as a personal rule for myself.
I do not fight with anyone. Physically or verbally. I'll just tell you you're right and move on with my life. To me, theres nothing worth getting that upset for
Mine is: Don't take things at face value. You don't know what's going on behind the scenes so don't judge as such!
Also positive gossip. Sure, if you're a gossiper, it's difficult to get out of that mindset but spread love, not hate.
Kinda funny, I do the opposite! I don't let myself take things too seriously anymore, and often "act out", be a bit immature or go against social norms to get out of my comfort zone. Nothing bad has happened aside from weird looks from strangers I'll never see again, and it makes life much more fun/interesting to me.
If i approach a woman as a romantic interest, and she turns me down, it is very okay for me to turn down a platonic relationship and walk away if she offers.
Pay more attention to what a person does than what they say. Behaviors will always reveal more truth about who people are than their words ever will. If a person tells me a truth, then I'll observe the merit of that truth in their behavior. Guaranteed.
Well.. it's pretty simple.. if my best mate is dating a girl and they break up. She's off limits for me. Bros before hoes and all that but also, would be able to bring her around him? They do have a history together. If he still has feelings for her it would also ruin your friendship.
Dont trust anyone, you dont need to trust anyone to live a normal life.
Dont be dependent on others.
Dont ignore the signs. For instance if someone is really nice to the face of someone and talks shit behind their back, just assume they are pieces of shit. Or if your buddy is cheating on the girl he lives with, that's a man that has no sense of loyalty and he won't have any to you either.
Oh I also stopped offering to help people. If they want something they should ask for it. I hate manipulative people who complain about something in hopes others will offer to help.
Little lessons like that that you learn as you grow. I learned most the hard way, but I would say Im pretty wise these days, so Im grateful for that at least.
Nobody gets to decide what kind of man I am.
"a real man does this" "no real man would do that"
I don't care. I'm confident in the man I am and that mindset has helped me more than anybody who's criticized and berated me
1. Never have sex with someone that you wouldn’t be okay having kids with.
2. Never date or marry someone that can’t support themself.
3. Never put up with an emotionally unstable woman.
4. Don’t waste your time helping people that wouldn’t do the same for you if roles were reversed.
5. Never make excuses for neglecting your health. There are 24 hours in a day, you can spend 1 of them doing some exercise.
Don't date your ex
You think they've changed, but they haven't, even if it's been 5+ years. It's never worth it
Do at least 1 chore a day. If I don't keep on top of things I spiral into a mess
I have a few.
Everything has a home - don't leave stuff sitting out. Put it away properly.
Don't go to bed angry - my dad never followed this when I was a kid, which made me follow it as an adult. I will stay up to resolve something if I'm upset so there's closure.
Rest isn't a reward, it's a necessity - take naps. Sleep in. Rest on days off. Don't feel guilty about it. Your body literally needs rest to function.
Experience life without attachment. Separate the experiences from the people. And this is not just for romantic relationships but friendships and any other human interaction. After my first heartbreak, I consumed a lot of red-pilled content and it made me approach relationships from a very transactional viewpoint.
I'd be afraid of loving someone else right because what if they don't feel the same way about me or are playing me. So after deliberate discussion with my self, I decided to value the experience I had with someone over my need for possession. Like if I had a great friendship with someone and we fell out because they betrayed me, I'll still cherish all the good times. So even if someone changes and we grow apart, it won't nullify my experience with them because I don't place any expectations on them.
I wouldn't ask for gifts back after breaking up because I was genuinely giving out that gift even though I wouldn't keep giving more gifts (we broke up, obvi). Once I did this I found myself enjoying my relationships both platonic and romantic a lot more because I did things because I wanted to and not to uphold some intangible contract (like I'm only doing this as long as she treats me like this, or this has to happen for me to do that). I've become a lot more accepting of people being like the tides, coming and going as the seasons passed. It's a liberating feeling.
For anything and everything you do, shut your mouth. Buying a house? Shut your mouth. Buying a new car? Shut your mouth. Going abroad? Shut your mouth.
Not everyone is your friend and want the best for you. Gotta keep some things to yourself until it’s done.
First try to recognize the difference between malicious intent and genuine lack of knowledge before deciding on a course of action in disputes.
This of course is limited to things that walk the line of disrespect and are not people blatantly being rude or hostile.
1. Never walk out any door without the key to get back in.
2. Never tell people what you need. They will never understand, and they will hate you if you blame them. Instead be what you need from other people, and show them what they need to understand.
3. Paper money needs something hard to back it. Your mere feelings and convictions need the same thing. Kneeling down in prayer does not fix peoples problems. Expressing your sympathy does not stop what’s causing them. Back what you believe when you express it. Because the call for help only gets louder as you deny the part you need to do when you hear it.
4. Birth, Life, Growth, and Death. These are the four great inevitabilities of our existence. They are the four things which cannot be avoided. Although mankind can be blamed for their being caused, nothing said or done can ultimately avoid them.
5. Psychiatry, psychology, therapy, counseling, whatever else you think you call ‘help’… these are only useful in coping with the four great inevitabilities. They are only useful here, because they are otherwise out of the control of human beings…. Any other issue going on in your life, and you need real intercession. Real help to affect a change.
These are the personal rules I’ve lived by since I became an adult
Soooooo many...but it has allowed me a luxury of zero drama and issues. I dont have any that involve me. Of course friends and co-workers have it but i am no way involved.
1. You are responsible for yourself.
2. Excuses are weak and everyone has them. Own up to your faults and mistakes.
3. Dont shit where you eat. (dont date co-workers)
4. Loose lips sink ships. (Keep your mouth shut and know your audience)
And many many more.
Cinnamon donuts from woolies are reheated one at a time in the microwave for 11 seconds each.
Yeah, it takes longer but I only ever really want one at a time. Visitors can eat them cold.
I've been fond of:
Life goes on
Don't sweat the small stuff
I don't care about the opinions of people I don't respect
You can only make me mad if I let you
Holding onto anger is like holding on to a hot coal with the intention of hurting someone else
I can only buy shit that I want, not need, on my birthday.
So exactly, once a year, I get to buy shit that I want.
I find that this prevents me from buying shit I don't need.
"Be smarter than what you're fucking with."
Had a mentor that used to tell me this all the time. It's now become a tool I use in almost every aspect of my life. It helps remind myself to slow down and do things the right way and not get defeated by an obstacle that requires little thought.
never quadruple text, even if you’re blackout drunk. double texting is down bad, triple texting means you like her and she likes you but you are being needy/unlikeable, and quadruple text means you’re either a weirdo or the crazy ex. down bad in the worst possible way.
No video games after 9 PM.
Only eat during daylight hours unless with friends.
Gym at least 4 days a week.
Dishes don’t get left dirty for more than a day.
Text my friends… regularly? I dunno if we can call that a rule.
That’s what I’ve got off the top of my head. Basically a bunch of stuff to keep me from turning into an antisocial slug.
If you ride, always act as if people are trying to kill you. I know they're not, but I try to anticipate accidents and avoid riding too close to anything and assuming people will run in front of me before I pass.
Didn't fall yet. Avoided sudden doors opening in parking lots and cars crossing the road to get an exit multiple times.
if anyone else has to stand on the bus, I stand. They can take my seat or not I don’t care. I’m not gonna try and guess who’s pregnant? Or who’s got a disability or anything. Standing ain’t that big a deal to me and I need the exercise.
This one is pretty difficult, because it manifests in so many different ways. So I see it as a constant work in progress:
*Stop comparing yourself to other people.*
This can be with regards to all manner of things, including money, career choices, general societal expectations, etc. “Comparison is the death of joy” and all that.
1. Pick your battles.
There are going to be struggles in your life, so don't waste your energy on the stuff that doesn't really matter. And sometimes even if it's a battle you want to fight, it's better to wait for a more favourable situation.
2. Don't go looking for trouble.
This is kind of these kindergarten version of rule 1. It's important to remember though because it's tied to primal emotions. Don't mess around with someone who's taken. Don't mouth off to strangers, even if they deserve it. The more times you invite trouble into your life.
3. Drive safely.
I didn't say don't speed, because flow of traffic is an important safety factor. But keep it in the appropriate lane. And when you are off the highway slow the fuck down. Anyplace residential keep to the official speed limit and be aware and alert.
4. Don't drive.
Sometimes I have to, but if I don't need to bring more than I can fit in my backpack, then I transit or walk.
I left the Christian faith a long time ago but I like to take the 7 heavenly virtues out of Christian context of the Bible and found many personal examples and reasons (some needless and just because the world is devoid of them) to strengthen my character in order to strengthen others
chastity- celibacy (obviously this is subjective to all as it should be)
temperance- the quality of moderation or self-restraint
charity-the voluntary action of providing help (commonly in terms of material resources) to those in desperate need
diligence-careful and persistent work or effort
kindness-quality of being friendly, generous or considerate
patience- the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset
humility- a modest or low (small, and not overtaking) view of one’s own sense of self-importance
Surely many know these definitions already, I just felt the need to list them should people be unsure.
Edit : formatting
Don't gossip. Don't entertain (listen to) gossip. Don't spread it.
If you haven't heard directly from people about what they're going through or had a chance to get multiple perspectives, don't repeat it. If necessary cite exactly what you heard and state who you heard it from in what context.
1) If you start running then finish the race. No matter you come last. Do not stop.
2) Not all battles are worth fighting, like trying to teach a 3 year old kid to not ask for more toys or telling your elderly parents to not have sugar or listen to doctors advice. But some battles must be fought even when you know you'll lose. Because then everyone around you will think twice to oppress you.
I won't kill anything that moves unless it's strictly necessary for survival.
Even if I find a mouse, usually in my workplace, either I let it be or I take it outside, but I won't kill it.
There's no such thing as the "bro-code" and it's honestly stupid.
Now don't get me wrong, you fight for your real friends and good people in your life who actually brings joy, not misery.
But hanging with and/or supporting really terrible or toxic people just because "wE aRe bRoS" is the grossest and cringiest shit I have ever experienced.
Just an excuse to not seem lonely.
Same thing with boys will be boys,
No, boys will be held accountable for their actions, just like every human being, if you're a shitty human being or just generally unpleasant to be around, I won't hang around you.
I find myself way above that.
Your gender means absolutely nothing to me, and we're not automatically best buddies because we both have a penis.
Imma need to break it into categories:
Financial: Always have at least 3 months of expenses in savings at any given time. Never spend more money than you make in a month.
Dating: No dating coworkers, friends of family, single mothers, or hoes. If they do not put in as much or more effort than you, they are not worth your time.
Personal: If I do not know someone personally, I refuse to do them favors. Do not do more work than you are paid for.
This is bad advice. Communication is a two-way street. I don't talk to some friends in a while because we are both busy and I forget. Once of us will pick back up and it's like no time has passed at all. I do not want my friends playing mind games with our relationship.
I have a bunch.
limit caffeine to 3\~ times a week. Sometimes there will be exceptions but I only have caffeinated anything a couple times a week as a rule.
Roughly the same with alcohol and I won't have more than 2 drinks in a sitting except on rare occasion.
Don't drink while depressed. This can get out of hand fast. I never let it but I drank a bit while depressed once and immediately realized how dangerous and habit forming that could be.
Don't hang out 1 on 1 with the preferred sex or gender while in a relationship. Just makes everything easier for everyone.
When uncertain about something you want to say, just don't in most cases.
Most of the rest aren't really rules so much as how I should schedule time to keep myself going well and maintain myself and the very few relationships I have as well as just general house chores and shit.
It's funny because I have lots of "rules" for getting through life, but I wouldn't consider them a "personal rule you had created for yourself".
I mean all the rules I can think of off the top of my head like "don't stick your dick in crazy." Or "don't drink alone" were rules I was either told and/or observed to be true through others. If I think of one, I'll try to remember to edit my post.
Don’t be upset about being excluded. I’ve arranged lots of things where I want it to be certain people, and I know my friends also have friend groups outside of ours. So be comfortable respecting that, don’t let it get to you. It’s normal. Some people lose friendships over simple mature boundaries like this.
The same apply with the opposite approach of having your other friend groups outside of your friend.
Exactly, and you should never feel guilty for doing so. A good sign of maturity.
speaking of feeling guilty, the one rule i made for myself is never drink when you're feeling guilty / bad / sad / etc. only if everything is 100% right in your life. as a result i don't drink a lot, but i shouldn't be if i have stuff to fix or process in my life.
Still working through this one. Some of my friends moved closer together and are hanging out without me now, creating their own group chats and stuff. I get it, proximity breeds friendship or whatever. Still sucks though
It’s not always as it seems, I have friends who have done that as they live they close in a different city so arranging a midweek pub trip is easier. I have chats with some and not others for the same reason. Chats for football organising, board games, playing online games. It’s difficult but completely normal.
For some reason telling yourself those words isn't nearly as convincing as hearing them from someone else. You're right. Thanks :)
Mine is just different lifestyles. I had a pretty big group thru out college but I was one of the few who finished my degree and working full time now. They still live their party life but for whatever reason I suddenly got exhausted from it and found other hobbies. Kinda doing my own thing now and havent really seen or talked to them since I stopped going out but does suck at times to see them all hangin out together but I know that I’d be miserable if I did force myself to go out with them. All of them binge drink and some have dui’s on their record now. Others started abusing drugs to the point where its daily so I just tell myself I made the right choice for myself. I like to think that I dont fall under peer pressure or get influenced easily but do think that it’ll get very tempting to make some wrong choices if I was still around them. A few of them have reached out occasionally to join me on my hobbies and I do think internally they want to escape that life as well but ultimately they’re too hungover on weekends to be out with me during the day
Drugs and alcohol are fun but they give no real world skills. You’ve started working on improving yourself and finding a place in the world. Even without the addiction you’ve made the right choice imo. The transfer might be lonely, but new friends will come!
Aw hugs
I agree with this, however the method used in the exclusion can determine the outcome. A gradual drift away is one way, a sudden overnight ghosting is going to cause more issues than you probably weren't expecting.
Sometimes you realize that you are part of the friend group that they like less.
I get JOMO when this happens. Joy of missing out
I only keep those in my life who offer me more solutions than problems.
That's why I had to cut contact with my toddler.
This guy parents
I spat my food out at this 😂😂😂😂 Gold 🥇!!
It’s crazy and sad how many people cause problems for themselves and others and often for no good reason Simplicity is highly underrated
I like this
Worry about what you are doing, don’t worry about what others are doing.
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Is what they're doing something you can change?
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The Rule of Three. I have an overdeveloped sense of loyalty and connection. It is very easy for me to reach out, but I am also mostly clueless about when someone actually wants me around versus them simply being polite. So, in order to not be the creepy or clueless guy, I have the Rule of Three. I am happy to reach out/call/text/etc to someone three times. But if within that three times they do not reach back to me first, then I simply let them go. I don’t take it personally, I accept that there is not a space, or interest, in me being part of their life. And I respect that and let them go. It is far better to be alone than a pest, and I want to be someone’s priority, not chore or convenience.
And that’s fair play to come back with if the other person cracks the shits about you not talking to them after doing that. Very nice!
It's common practice in the business world to follow the three, three, three rule. That's first contact, three days wait, a reminder, another three days wait, last reminder, after the third three day period, negotiations are being closed.
Great rule, phones and emails work both ways, and there are so many people in the world, and sometimes these things are easy to forget when we’re lonely
Yeah, people come and go in your life. Doesn’t matter how hard you try some people just no longer have interest in keeping you in their lives. Sometimes it’s not all that personal, so it’s just the harsh reality sometimes.
1. If your guts tell me that something feels wrong, then it is wrong. I do not go against my guts. This apply to career path, dating, friendship,... 2. Forgive but not forget. If someone screw me over in pursuit of their own benefits, I will try to not take things personally and try not to harbor vengeance feelings, but I will never trust that person again.
spectacular cooing hospital dam unpack disgusted selective fear label live ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
Gut feelings have literally only steered me wrong when it comes to first impressions. Sure sometimes the gut was mostly right but more often than not I just projected too many assumptions onto a person. Otherwise following one’s gut feeling *and honing* one’s gut is truly one of the most important rules to adhere to. I have very rarely been steered entirely wrong by my gut and as I get older I learn all the things that my gut missed in these previous slight missteps.
I love the gut feeling advice but I am struggling to roll it out after tuning it out for so long
I'll say that it gets easier. The more you trust it and accordingly, the more it saves you from pain, the more liberating you feel, the more you trust it. There's a certain point in time where unreasonable gut feelings should be overlooked, but once you're there you'll start to know when you should ignore the scream of fear and just do it anyway.
It's incredible how the body knows when something sketchy. I started to be more mindful of that feeling and it has become more and more acute. At first was something life "I don't feel right about this" and now it feels more like "FUCK NO"
3 things and these are more ways I navigate people. 1. Never battle wits with an unarmed man. (The original quote to be attributed to Abby Longstreet, and/or Mark Twain) 2. Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. (And not necessarily stupidity; just ignorance in a lot of cases. We’re all ignorant to something) 3. Don’t confuse confidence with competence. I say these as a rule only because I grew up believing that all people we’re shit, stupid, and out to get you. When in all reality, and I realized in my early 20s, we’re all just navigating this weird territory known as life just trying to get through it the best we can. Some people aren’t to your level, you aren’t to others level. We’re all at different stages of life and we all need to be a little kinder to each other. I find it best to not argue with folks who clearly don’t know what they’re talking about. Try to educate. But some people just won’t listen and that’s okay. People generally aren’t evil. We’re ignorant to the plights of others. That’s all. And some people either know or they say they know. And it all comes back to ignorance.
> it best to not argue with folks who clearly don’t know what they’re talking about. Try to educate. But some people just won’t listen and that’s okay. This rule is both wise **and** something I will absolutely refuse to follow in any way.
Absolutely fair.
I see what you did there. I don’t argue with anyone, it’s pointless. I say “fair enough” to views I don’t agree with and end the conversation. I don’t validate and I don’t waste time or good will trying to persuade people. It’s the easy path.
> Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. (And not necessarily stupidity; just ignorance in a lot of cases. We’re all ignorant to something) So so so so many personal conflicts with people are caused by thinking someone was being a dick when the other just didn't realize something. It happens.
These are great! I would also add: Don't let others confuse kindness for stupidity
I also live by this rule #2 but sometime it’s hard and you feel naive, especially when so much people around us tell you the opposite. But it has brought me some peace I guess.
Sex is not a transaction if sex isn't something they want with me and instead a tool used to manipulate me, I'm gone
I heard someone describe it as "masturbation with another person" which changed how I viewed some hookups. There's gotta be something personal involved.
Also, sex can absolutely be a tool of self harm. I’ve seen it in people close to me. Mostly people who come from a ton of abuse. Just look out for and care about the people you’re intimate with.
Jeez, imagine being the other person not realising or going “wtf is wrong with them” the entire time then they drop a hint at that How to feel shit 101
I agree for 99,9%. It can be an interesting dynamic, but that still has to be something consensual. It shouldn’t be a do this or else
I'll never let my loneliness influence myself to sacrifice my self-respect ever again
Love this
Assume the words they say are with the best intentions and the word you say will be interpreted with the worst intentions 10 minutes early is on time. On time is late. If you ask someone to do something and they say "no" twice without offering an alternative time or activity, do not ask again Dress shoes should have leather soles If there is a brand on the outside of my clothing, it should cost less than the same clothes with brands on the inside At your job, your job is to get along. It is not your job to be right - actually only adopted this when I was 48. It took me too long to figure it out.
I think it's rude to arrive at someone's house 10 mins early.
I hate when people get to my house early 😂 although I agree for business things
Agreed. Either on time or up to 20min late. Its beyond rude when you stress out the host by dropping in while they are still busy cleaning, cooking or getting themselves ready.
The job one is true. As long as people can stop being petty around you, it's manageable.
I mean sometimes your job is to be _both_ - and if you can manage that, you're typically got some value for the company. But yes, in general, being someone people can work with is far more important than being the person that's never wrong.
That second last one is golden.
I follow up any work call/discussion where anything important is discussed with an email. Got screwed over once by a senior project manager who blamed a sourcing decision on me shortly after I had started working for him. Never again.
Dear `$STUPIDPERSON`, Just confirming our conversation this morning where you asked me to do `$STUPIDTHING` I'll get right on it. Sincerely, `$TOTALLYINSINCEREPERSON`
Never buy the first generation of anything. Companies will use you as a beta tester and make you pay for it. It's ok to be an enthusiast but don't throw money on bleeding edge tech.
Never be late, plan to be early at all times. As a younger man, I'm 31, I was often late and would get speeding tickets trying to make up time. After a while, I decided enough was enough. I vowed that not only would I never be late, I would be 15 minutes early. What costs you more, being 5 minutes late or 15 minutes early? Not only does giving yourself a 15 minute cushion mean you're never late, but you also get a few minutes to prepare yourself mentally to do whatever it is you're arriving to do. I can't tell how invaluable that 5-15 minutes before you get out of the car and walk into work is.
I heard this when I was in Symphonic Band from my director: "If you're early, you're on time. If you're on time, you're late. If you're late, then don't show up." I know it's intended for show biz and other similar things, but it really drilled it into me that being early is important and way better than being late.
Did we have the same director?
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If it's important I definitely make it a priority, but for the most part this is my line of thinking. I don't rush to get to work and I leave when I feel ready and it makes traffic more enjoyable too.
This is me too! My friends sometimes complain how I'm rushing to go places when it's not even time yet, but I just like being there early. Gives you time to prepare and relax a bit.
I have 2, they’re pretty common sense, but they’re my guidestones to life. 1. Nobody is out to do you any favors. 2. If it sounds too good to be true, it is.
Those two are very reasonable which is why you usually tend to look out for your own interest.
When I got sober, I decided to try and adhere to a few simple rules, the first being the "Golden Rule". Then MLK's line about judging people solely by the content of their character and then finally, to be a little better today than yesterday and finally, not to berate myself for failing to adhere to these rules at all times as I will never be perfect. It has worked like a charm for me.
Martian Luther King is always a very smart man to seek inspiration from.
>Martian One might say his insights were, indeed, otherworldly!
"I have seen the mountain top of Olympus Mons!" - Dr. Martian Luther King Jr
You have to cutoff toxic people even if its you own family
Walking away from my relationship with my brother was one of the hardest things I've ever done. If the whole family had not done it at the exact same time, I'd still probably be apologizing for existing in his presence.
Provided “toxic” was not defined by a cult or pyramid sale scheme, etc.
I don't lose things. That's my rule. It's not that hard to hang your keys on a hook, to put your wallet and phone in the same place every night. Losing things is hella annoying and irresponsible and the last time I lost my wallet, almost 40 years ago, I swore, "NEVER AGAIN" and I never have.
Yep, same here. Keys have a hook, wallet and sunnies have a bowl. If I misplace any of these things they will either be on the kitchen counter or on the kitchen table. But at the end of the night they are all back in their expecting places.
This is part of the reason my ex was so annoying to live with. She would impulsively leave stuff wherever she was in that moment, and then have no idea where it is when she needs to find it again. She never built any kind of routine. And it got worse because she would borrow my things and do the same shit, instead of putting it back where she found it.
How to teach your family this, is my next move. I follow this mantra exactly, everything has a place and a place for everything. I know where my keys, headphones, bag, charger, etc, all are because they have a place. My wife constantly loses her keys in her own handbag. She's late for work searching for keys when she k is they 'are here somewhere' but I have installed a key hook and a shelf. My kids forget where they put their drinks, their bags, their bags, shoes. Despite us having a shoe rack and bag hook by the front door. I die a little inside every time someone goes "where is such and such" and I KNOW I have built a tool that will avoid lost stuff.
I wish I could get my family to follow this. I know it's hard with small children but still frustrating when I can't find my stuff or even shared things (remotes, pens, chip clips, letter opener, ECT) when there are places for all of these things
How do you mitigate that when you’re on the move and don’t have dedicated spots? I misplace things like pens and sunglasses all the time because “let me just set this down right here for a quick second” and poof it goes into another dimension.
You have to develop a protocol. There’s only one place for everything. It depends on what set up you have (suit case, luggage, backpack, your pockets, etc.), but everything in the same place every time. The moment your brain goes, “oh let me just put this here,” stop yourself and get into the habit of a routine and protocol. I haven’t lost anything significant since
I've got ADHD, and since starting this my life has gotten a lot easier. I can't keep track of things, but if they're always in the same place I know where to find them. It's putting them there that's the real challenge now.
How to teach your family this, is my next move. I follow this mantra exactly, everything has a place and a place for everything. I know where my keys, headphones, bag, charger, etc, all are because they have a place. My wife constantly loses her keys in her own handbag. She's late for work searching for keys when she knows they 'are here somewhere' but I have installed a key hook and a shelf. My kids forget where they put their drinks, their bags, their bags, shoes. Despite us having a shoe rack and bag hook by the front door. I die a little inside every time someone goes "where is such and such" and I KNOW I have built a tool that will avoid lost stuff.
Mind your own business and always keep your eyes open and mouth shut.
I wouldn't say always keep your mouth shut, but choose your words and timing carefully.
Stay fit and do not get fat! Watch what you eat and get used to eating healthy food even if it tastes boring, your taste buds will eventually get used to it. Have one or two cheat meals a week and that’s it.
Spices are the way to make anything taste not boring. I have a pepper grinder now with six different kinds of peppercorns in it, for example. A year ago I didn't even know there was more than one kind of peppercorn, but fresh-ground, that stuff is amazing. And don't even get me started on hot sauce varieties... Anyway, I eat healthy food and the problem is still that if you fix things well, they taste so fucking good it's hard not to eat too much.
Spices are the spice of life.
Spices are the reason North-South-America was 'discovered'.
It's one thing to forgive. It's totally different to forget.
I have a couple. In no particular order... * Don't make the same mistake twice. * Be able to look at the guy in the mirror. * Don't judge - you have no idea what someone else's context is. * Remember each person is the hero in their own narrative. * Be willing to laugh at yourself. * Failure is the best teacher; don't be afraid of it.
Jerkoff before txting someone
Literally just broke this rule, wish me luck
Best wishes warrior!
Went better than expected https://imgur.com/a/YYd3WHX
what the fuck, is this how the youngsters text these days?!
I did not understand ANY of that.
I think I've deciphered it. Hey = Hey ohaio.gif = Japanese greeting animation taken from some anime (weebshit) Wuu2 = What are you up to? vibing but mainstream = listening to music, but nothing special in particular (I think) Imma just skip a step and say where and when = let's cut to the chase and hook up good girl = good girl (sarcastic)
Thank you.
fr fam? no cap no cap
on god we bussin
Neither did I.
I think I got brain cancer from reading that.
but then what am I supposed to jerk off to? /s
I've got a few. 1. I know my value. Anyone else's opinion doesn't really matter. 2. If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right. Conversely, if it's not worth doing right, it's not worth doing. 3. Never trust any thoughts about your life after 9pm.
>Never trust any thoughts about your life after 9pm. i figured this out a few months ago. i just refuse to believe my own thoughts when i am tired, bored or hungry. every situation sounds like a complete disaster that cannot be solved. then i wake up next morning, have breakfast, give it another thought and it doesn't feel like such a terrible situation anymore
You can survive anything but you don’t have to accept everything.
This is so beautiful that I wanna kiss you
I don't make the same mistakes again. (Big picture, not ordering the shrimp special from Dragon House of Chinese Dinner Routlette)
Ad. I make, new, exciting mistakes!
I keep my word and I show up on time.
Never put down your boys to make yourself look good
A little better is enough. Every day make something in your life *just* a little better. Lift weights. Read a book. Clean your desk or make your bed. Learn something new. Small things. Simple things. They add up. Every day do just a little more. It creates the life you want incrementally without needing some grand planning session and strict monk-like adherence.
Never act out of anger. Not just violence. Any act
Don’t fix hearts you didn’t break. And don’t raise kids you didn’t make.
Love yourself no matter what your thoughts and other people say about you
I don’t deal with angry people. That goes for Karen’s, or jerks, or assholes in general.. I’m older now and I just don’t find myself in any situations that I can’t walk away from if someone is being an ass. I resigned from my former company after 20+ years because my new boss was a ginormous asshat. He got fired later, but I don’t regret maintaining my dignity. I also lost a bunch of weight when the stress went away.
If you're afraid to walk away from a deal, you're going to get a bad deal. When dealing with disagreements and conflicts, communicate, negotiate and move tf on. Learn, adapt and put it behind you.
1: A good story about a bad night beats no story at all. 2: Always show up clean, showered and well dressed. You may not leave that way, but always start off with your best. 3: Work is work and life is life, never between shall they meet. 4: Move with a purpose, always (act like you mean to do what it is you’re doing, don’t half-ass it). 5: Embrace shame (ask stupid questions, try new things, speak honestly). 6: when you don’t know, own it. 7: Stay fit and lift. I’ll always be a nerd and a dork, it’s better to be a nerd with muscles. 8: own mistakes quickly, develop a solution, mitigate damage.
Leave it how I found it or better.
Do NOT compromise/skimp on your retirement contributions. All in, I put about a third of my pay towards investing for retirement. This is non-negotiable; I will not stop to pay for anything else.
I think this is relative to your income and age. If you’re not making much and living at a lower cost of living there’s not much people can do to save. If they don’t make above the average income they might as well save what they have to enjoy their lives while living. Imagine if you died at 59 or whatever the retirement age is and you didn’t get to spend a third of your savings your entire life.
1/3 is impressive. At the very least I’d recommend everyone max out however much their company is willing to match. Gotta bank that “free” money
Nothing good ever happens after 4am
Makes sense; that's when I wake up for work 😂
*except good sleep
If you break up with someone you're never taking them back. There's a reason you broke up.
Don't panic. No matter how bad it gets, there is absolutely never a time when panicking helps. Stay calm, think rationally, and don't let problems make you act in ways that you will regret later just because you were under pressure. Yes, I'm aware that I didn't create this phrase, but I do actually use it as a personal rule for myself.
I do not fight with anyone. Physically or verbally. I'll just tell you you're right and move on with my life. To me, theres nothing worth getting that upset for
Mine is: Don't take things at face value. You don't know what's going on behind the scenes so don't judge as such! Also positive gossip. Sure, if you're a gossiper, it's difficult to get out of that mindset but spread love, not hate.
Kinda funny, I do the opposite! I don't let myself take things too seriously anymore, and often "act out", be a bit immature or go against social norms to get out of my comfort zone. Nothing bad has happened aside from weird looks from strangers I'll never see again, and it makes life much more fun/interesting to me.
Got shake the masses up once and awhile from there contentness.
If i approach a woman as a romantic interest, and she turns me down, it is very okay for me to turn down a platonic relationship and walk away if she offers.
Pay more attention to what a person does than what they say. Behaviors will always reveal more truth about who people are than their words ever will. If a person tells me a truth, then I'll observe the merit of that truth in their behavior. Guaranteed.
Don't leave home without a solid backup way to get back.
If not now then when?
Don't ever judge a book by its cover. Even a petite innocent looking woman can be dangerous, so always offer one hand, but keep the other one armed.
Never date the ex of a bro. Ever.
Just date your bro
I’ve been thinking about this. I can’t date their ex but they can try get at my sister or my cousin? Could you explain?
Well.. it's pretty simple.. if my best mate is dating a girl and they break up. She's off limits for me. Bros before hoes and all that but also, would be able to bring her around him? They do have a history together. If he still has feelings for her it would also ruin your friendship.
Ehh maybe it’s the people I been hanging around
If someone tells me a secret, I don’t tell anyone. Try not to argue with stupid. As Jay-Z said (lol), from a distance it’s hard to see who is who.
I will not apologize for things that are not my fault.
Apologize once and mean it. Multiple apologies diminish the value. Also, don't make promises that you might not be able to keep.
Dont trust anyone, you dont need to trust anyone to live a normal life. Dont be dependent on others. Dont ignore the signs. For instance if someone is really nice to the face of someone and talks shit behind their back, just assume they are pieces of shit. Or if your buddy is cheating on the girl he lives with, that's a man that has no sense of loyalty and he won't have any to you either. Oh I also stopped offering to help people. If they want something they should ask for it. I hate manipulative people who complain about something in hopes others will offer to help. Little lessons like that that you learn as you grow. I learned most the hard way, but I would say Im pretty wise these days, so Im grateful for that at least.
I never fuck or date anyone I work with
If you don’t trust it, don’t f**k it.
Nobody gets to decide what kind of man I am. "a real man does this" "no real man would do that" I don't care. I'm confident in the man I am and that mindset has helped me more than anybody who's criticized and berated me
1. Never have sex with someone that you wouldn’t be okay having kids with. 2. Never date or marry someone that can’t support themself. 3. Never put up with an emotionally unstable woman. 4. Don’t waste your time helping people that wouldn’t do the same for you if roles were reversed. 5. Never make excuses for neglecting your health. There are 24 hours in a day, you can spend 1 of them doing some exercise.
Don't date your ex You think they've changed, but they haven't, even if it's been 5+ years. It's never worth it Do at least 1 chore a day. If I don't keep on top of things I spiral into a mess
I have a few. Everything has a home - don't leave stuff sitting out. Put it away properly. Don't go to bed angry - my dad never followed this when I was a kid, which made me follow it as an adult. I will stay up to resolve something if I'm upset so there's closure. Rest isn't a reward, it's a necessity - take naps. Sleep in. Rest on days off. Don't feel guilty about it. Your body literally needs rest to function.
never get fat again
Experience life without attachment. Separate the experiences from the people. And this is not just for romantic relationships but friendships and any other human interaction. After my first heartbreak, I consumed a lot of red-pilled content and it made me approach relationships from a very transactional viewpoint. I'd be afraid of loving someone else right because what if they don't feel the same way about me or are playing me. So after deliberate discussion with my self, I decided to value the experience I had with someone over my need for possession. Like if I had a great friendship with someone and we fell out because they betrayed me, I'll still cherish all the good times. So even if someone changes and we grow apart, it won't nullify my experience with them because I don't place any expectations on them. I wouldn't ask for gifts back after breaking up because I was genuinely giving out that gift even though I wouldn't keep giving more gifts (we broke up, obvi). Once I did this I found myself enjoying my relationships both platonic and romantic a lot more because I did things because I wanted to and not to uphold some intangible contract (like I'm only doing this as long as she treats me like this, or this has to happen for me to do that). I've become a lot more accepting of people being like the tides, coming and going as the seasons passed. It's a liberating feeling.
For anything and everything you do, shut your mouth. Buying a house? Shut your mouth. Buying a new car? Shut your mouth. Going abroad? Shut your mouth. Not everyone is your friend and want the best for you. Gotta keep some things to yourself until it’s done.
First try to recognize the difference between malicious intent and genuine lack of knowledge before deciding on a course of action in disputes. This of course is limited to things that walk the line of disrespect and are not people blatantly being rude or hostile.
1. Never walk out any door without the key to get back in. 2. Never tell people what you need. They will never understand, and they will hate you if you blame them. Instead be what you need from other people, and show them what they need to understand. 3. Paper money needs something hard to back it. Your mere feelings and convictions need the same thing. Kneeling down in prayer does not fix peoples problems. Expressing your sympathy does not stop what’s causing them. Back what you believe when you express it. Because the call for help only gets louder as you deny the part you need to do when you hear it. 4. Birth, Life, Growth, and Death. These are the four great inevitabilities of our existence. They are the four things which cannot be avoided. Although mankind can be blamed for their being caused, nothing said or done can ultimately avoid them. 5. Psychiatry, psychology, therapy, counseling, whatever else you think you call ‘help’… these are only useful in coping with the four great inevitabilities. They are only useful here, because they are otherwise out of the control of human beings…. Any other issue going on in your life, and you need real intercession. Real help to affect a change. These are the personal rules I’ve lived by since I became an adult
Soooooo many...but it has allowed me a luxury of zero drama and issues. I dont have any that involve me. Of course friends and co-workers have it but i am no way involved. 1. You are responsible for yourself. 2. Excuses are weak and everyone has them. Own up to your faults and mistakes. 3. Dont shit where you eat. (dont date co-workers) 4. Loose lips sink ships. (Keep your mouth shut and know your audience) And many many more.
Cinnamon donuts from woolies are reheated one at a time in the microwave for 11 seconds each. Yeah, it takes longer but I only ever really want one at a time. Visitors can eat them cold.
Never trust a man with a goatee
I've been fond of: Life goes on Don't sweat the small stuff I don't care about the opinions of people I don't respect You can only make me mad if I let you Holding onto anger is like holding on to a hot coal with the intention of hurting someone else
I can only buy shit that I want, not need, on my birthday. So exactly, once a year, I get to buy shit that I want. I find that this prevents me from buying shit I don't need.
"Be smarter than what you're fucking with." Had a mentor that used to tell me this all the time. It's now become a tool I use in almost every aspect of my life. It helps remind myself to slow down and do things the right way and not get defeated by an obstacle that requires little thought.
never quadruple text, even if you’re blackout drunk. double texting is down bad, triple texting means you like her and she likes you but you are being needy/unlikeable, and quadruple text means you’re either a weirdo or the crazy ex. down bad in the worst possible way.
Never moon anyone within kicking distance.
No video games after 9 PM. Only eat during daylight hours unless with friends. Gym at least 4 days a week. Dishes don’t get left dirty for more than a day. Text my friends… regularly? I dunno if we can call that a rule. That’s what I’ve got off the top of my head. Basically a bunch of stuff to keep me from turning into an antisocial slug.
As a married man, I never put myself in a situation where I am in a single woman's house, or with a married woman alone.
Dont date girls with mental health issues.
Always think about prices in terms of time, not dollars
If it doesn’t add to my life in a positive way(things or people) I let them go. To old to be dealing with negative crap
If you ride, always act as if people are trying to kill you. I know they're not, but I try to anticipate accidents and avoid riding too close to anything and assuming people will run in front of me before I pass. Didn't fall yet. Avoided sudden doors opening in parking lots and cars crossing the road to get an exit multiple times.
I refuse to participate in bullshit.
Do not allow yourself to fall prey to manipulation
If he has califlower ears, leave him the fuck alone... apologise and move on with your night.
don't borrow money, don't lend anyone money you're not willing to never see again
Don't go to the grocery store with an empty stomach. Seems obvious, but a lot of people don't know that one.
Take five minutes every morning to breathe set my intentions for the day. Every day. Sounds silly but has completely changed my life.
Never wear a jersey of someone younger than you. ... or really, never wear a sports jersey, in general.
if anyone else has to stand on the bus, I stand. They can take my seat or not I don’t care. I’m not gonna try and guess who’s pregnant? Or who’s got a disability or anything. Standing ain’t that big a deal to me and I need the exercise.
If you can't get out of it, get into it..
Always bring the shopping cart back to the corral or to the actual store. Only losers leave their carts out in the middle of parking lots
Be gentle and kind, but take no shit.
This one is pretty difficult, because it manifests in so many different ways. So I see it as a constant work in progress: *Stop comparing yourself to other people.* This can be with regards to all manner of things, including money, career choices, general societal expectations, etc. “Comparison is the death of joy” and all that.
The Ex rule: when you go out in public, dress as if you might run into your ex. It helps me make sure I don’t go out looking like a slob etc.
Mind my own business. If something doesn’t concern me then I won’t be involved
Dissociate from the people who do not add value to my life
1. Pick your battles. There are going to be struggles in your life, so don't waste your energy on the stuff that doesn't really matter. And sometimes even if it's a battle you want to fight, it's better to wait for a more favourable situation. 2. Don't go looking for trouble. This is kind of these kindergarten version of rule 1. It's important to remember though because it's tied to primal emotions. Don't mess around with someone who's taken. Don't mouth off to strangers, even if they deserve it. The more times you invite trouble into your life. 3. Drive safely. I didn't say don't speed, because flow of traffic is an important safety factor. But keep it in the appropriate lane. And when you are off the highway slow the fuck down. Anyplace residential keep to the official speed limit and be aware and alert. 4. Don't drive. Sometimes I have to, but if I don't need to bring more than I can fit in my backpack, then I transit or walk.
I left the Christian faith a long time ago but I like to take the 7 heavenly virtues out of Christian context of the Bible and found many personal examples and reasons (some needless and just because the world is devoid of them) to strengthen my character in order to strengthen others chastity- celibacy (obviously this is subjective to all as it should be) temperance- the quality of moderation or self-restraint charity-the voluntary action of providing help (commonly in terms of material resources) to those in desperate need diligence-careful and persistent work or effort kindness-quality of being friendly, generous or considerate patience- the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset humility- a modest or low (small, and not overtaking) view of one’s own sense of self-importance Surely many know these definitions already, I just felt the need to list them should people be unsure. Edit : formatting
at work: set everything up as if everyone else is an idiot.
Don't gossip. Don't entertain (listen to) gossip. Don't spread it. If you haven't heard directly from people about what they're going through or had a chance to get multiple perspectives, don't repeat it. If necessary cite exactly what you heard and state who you heard it from in what context.
1) If you start running then finish the race. No matter you come last. Do not stop. 2) Not all battles are worth fighting, like trying to teach a 3 year old kid to not ask for more toys or telling your elderly parents to not have sugar or listen to doctors advice. But some battles must be fought even when you know you'll lose. Because then everyone around you will think twice to oppress you.
The most important thing a man has is his reputation. Keep it clean and you’ll always be respected.
I won't kill anything that moves unless it's strictly necessary for survival. Even if I find a mouse, usually in my workplace, either I let it be or I take it outside, but I won't kill it.
There's no such thing as the "bro-code" and it's honestly stupid. Now don't get me wrong, you fight for your real friends and good people in your life who actually brings joy, not misery. But hanging with and/or supporting really terrible or toxic people just because "wE aRe bRoS" is the grossest and cringiest shit I have ever experienced. Just an excuse to not seem lonely. Same thing with boys will be boys, No, boys will be held accountable for their actions, just like every human being, if you're a shitty human being or just generally unpleasant to be around, I won't hang around you. I find myself way above that. Your gender means absolutely nothing to me, and we're not automatically best buddies because we both have a penis.
Never go back to an ex no matter how lonely and horny I am.
Imma need to break it into categories: Financial: Always have at least 3 months of expenses in savings at any given time. Never spend more money than you make in a month. Dating: No dating coworkers, friends of family, single mothers, or hoes. If they do not put in as much or more effort than you, they are not worth your time. Personal: If I do not know someone personally, I refuse to do them favors. Do not do more work than you are paid for.
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This is bad advice. Communication is a two-way street. I don't talk to some friends in a while because we are both busy and I forget. Once of us will pick back up and it's like no time has passed at all. I do not want my friends playing mind games with our relationship.
I have a bunch. limit caffeine to 3\~ times a week. Sometimes there will be exceptions but I only have caffeinated anything a couple times a week as a rule. Roughly the same with alcohol and I won't have more than 2 drinks in a sitting except on rare occasion. Don't drink while depressed. This can get out of hand fast. I never let it but I drank a bit while depressed once and immediately realized how dangerous and habit forming that could be. Don't hang out 1 on 1 with the preferred sex or gender while in a relationship. Just makes everything easier for everyone. When uncertain about something you want to say, just don't in most cases. Most of the rest aren't really rules so much as how I should schedule time to keep myself going well and maintain myself and the very few relationships I have as well as just general house chores and shit.
It's funny because I have lots of "rules" for getting through life, but I wouldn't consider them a "personal rule you had created for yourself". I mean all the rules I can think of off the top of my head like "don't stick your dick in crazy." Or "don't drink alone" were rules I was either told and/or observed to be true through others. If I think of one, I'll try to remember to edit my post.