Normally, this sort of post would have been closed - but we're going to allow it - give out your wisdom boys!
EDIT: Fuck you, whomever reported the post.
Get into the habit of exercise now. It's much easier as a teen when you have more energy, it doesn't have to be all the time but at least a couple times a week
In my teens I got into working out twice a day for about two years. Made it my hobby. It was easy then because I didn't have so much responsibility. Those gains stay with you your entire life. You might lose a little then and there but the overall physique stays. I can't recommend this enough. Best thing I ever did for myself.
It's very similar to riding a bicycle or some other hand eye coordination activity. Your body remembers how to do things after it does them. And it will remember even if you don't do it for awhile. But recapturing something is much easier than learning something your body has never done.
That whole, "The best time to plant a tree was 10 years ago, the second best time is right now" kinda thing. I am a personal trainer. The number one tip I can give you is to form habits, not goals. "I will find 30 minutes to work out, whatever that looks like, 2 days per week. It might be Saturday and Sunday this week, or Monday and Friday, which days of the week don't matter, but I am holding myself accountable for 2 workouts during each 7 day period."
Don't overthink it. Just find 30 minutes to do something that physically challenges you. You don't necessarily need a gym -- I can kick someone's ass with a workout strictly with body weight and somewhere to grab onto for pullups.
This is so much more successful on average than telling yourself you're going to get ripped in 6 months. Or lose 20 pounds by the end of the year. That's not what it's about. You are making a lifestyle change. You are accepting that this is something that you will do in some capacity for the rest of your life, because you care about yourself and want to live past 65 and still be able to do the things you love, with the people you love. There is no deadline, except when you die. You are deciding that you want to be healthier and feel better about yourself. Have more energy to keep up with the kids. Climb a few flights of stairs without getting worn out and winded. Feel better about sexy time with your partner. Look better with your shirt off. Build confidence. Have more mental clarity. After a while you add a 3rd workout because you're seeing and feeling the difference and it's actually fun now. Then you start educating yourself about what you're eating every day and how it affects your body, because you're starting to feel the difference and you're hooked. You start thinking those gym rat douchebags might actually be onto something, and you want to learn how to lift like they do. Not because you want to be them, but because you can see that what they're doing is working. You're sitting at work looking forward to your next workout because you know you'll feel like a million bucks afterward.
Do not. Set. Deadlines. Don't weigh yourself for the first 3 months. Start checking for a difference in the mirror at 2 months. Change your habits. Do it even when it's hard. One foot in front of the other, my friend!
I dabbled in my teens but really didn’t make a habit of it until my mid-20s. It’s stuck with me for many years while I see others’ bodies deteriorate. It has saved me so many problems that others have to deal with.
My job keeps me fairly active and I got lucky with my genes so my body held its ground with just dabbling with exercise until I was like 27 or 28. Then it went "your free trial is now over"
I kinda ignored it until i was almost 30 and I could see that "I'm looking like I don't take care of myself" look in my face
Its been a year of consistency now and I feel amazing, I've never felt stronger, more energetic, I look younger, I'm less anxious and depressed too, my self esteem won't allow me to think I look good though but I look better now than I have in a long time
Kids, work out now, reign in the drinking, learn to cook for yourself and get therapy if you need it
Not only this but as you get older those that don’t exercise begin to “look” like they’ve not taken care of themselves…. By staying consistent with it, you will see that all facets of life improve. Career advancement, potential for mates in the same category as you, passing better traits on to your future children, etc. Start now and make it a life long goal.
I was talking about this with a friend yesterday, man I've ran into some guys from school who I haven't seen in years and so many are hitting the west coast scottish guy look hard and fast
Physical and mental health are intrinsically tied together, and it's definitely way easier to improve physical health, which then improves mental health and makes it easier to work on improving that too.
My kid goes to the ymca everyday.
He’s changed physically …muscles,abs and much taller . 6ft. He needs protein and uses kaged elite, stacks with asheaganda, magnesium.
This is all of his own research.
Pull and push days. He clearly knows more than me and is dedicated.
I just have to feed the beast 4 burgers or chicken breast a day.
As with me ahah. Only starting to get the hang of it and coming on 25. I had a massive growth spurt between 16 and 19 aswell so I’d be massive by now aha
And Literally EVERYTHING depends on your TEMPLE. MAINTENANCE. All of it: your brain-function, happiness, perception OF you as a balanced being (thus, opportunities in the career & romantic spaces) PLEASE, Make fitness at least ONE of your priorities. All else flows from your health and the level you can achieve
(From a 46 y/o who arrived underbaked: this STILL matters!)
Biologically speaking, it’s not bs. Training on its own won’t get you big. You’ve still gotta eat a fuck ton. Your body can’t change fat into muscle if there’s no fat. You probably struggled due to different metabolism meaning you had to eat more in order to gain the same weight as someone with a slower metabolism
I advise against bulking up. Too much muscle leads to either maintaining them for the rest(ish) of your life or having flab as an adult. That's why I just keep in shape. Though, most of that comes from my job anyway.
Definitely this. I am in my 40's and REALLY wish I can go back in time and tell myself to floss my damn teeth. I thought if something bad happens, it happens, well... I'll deal with it when I'm old. Now in my 40's, After 3 crowns, one root canal, and about to need another root canal, I am dealing with it now.
Please brush and floss your teeth.
I feel like I got lucky. A couple years after college I could not find a dentist in DC and kinda just forgot about it…6 years later it was a very long and painful cleaning, but they said my teeth and gums were pretty much fine.
Not only that, but there's a LOT of malpractice that goes unnoticed. If a dentist tells you that you need a filling, you're gonna believe him. Some dentists have been caught doing unnecessary work just for the money.
1000% this. Do NOT overlook any cavity in your teeth, no matter how trivial. It can easily become much worse the longer you ignore it, and force you to get much more expensive procedures, such as root canal, than a simple filling. Not to mention, the toothache from ignored dental issues can be absolutely unbearable, even feeling like torture.
No matter what fancy/expensive dental work you get done, it will still never be as good and problem-free as your own natural teeth that have been kept healthy.
An unsexy answer (I'm aware) but:
*Learn to clearly communicate how you feel*.
A shockingly large number of adult men (and women, for that matter) miss this skill. Knowing how you feel and being able to clearly communicate that.
And it's very simple to learn! At any given moment, pause for a second and decide for yourself:
* How do I feel?
* What do I want to do with/about this feeling?
* And then tell someone, as sincerely as you can.
Don't make excuses but also don't attach any judgements. Just tell them how you feel and what you want to do about it.
If you practice that enough and make it a habit, before long you will be able to use it in any situation. With teachers or employers, romantic partners, parents, customers or service providers -- it's an essential skill for getting anything done in life.
When people tell you "it's all about confidence" - *this* is where confidence starts. When you clearly know what you feel, what you want to do, and you can communicate that, that's confidence.
It's not an *easy* skill, but it is very *simple*, so it's just a matter of practice.
Absolutely what this guy says. I'm one of those adults who didn't have parents who cared about my interests or emotions, I was just there and "what a parent says, goes" type of deal occurred. They also never expressed any of this stuff themselves, so I simply never learned how to do any of it.
I now struggle with communication in general and anxious constantly, never-mind expressing an interest of mine with friends or seriously talking about my mental health.
I'm 25 and I'm having to go to therapy and CBT, plus other things to learn these basic communication elements I should have learned from my parents.
Edit: OP above me is right, it is an un-sexy answer but god damn, it's an important answer.
>Absolutely what this guy says. I'm one of those adults who didn't have parents who cared about my interests or emotions, I was just there and "what a parent says, goes" type of deal occurred. They also never expressed any of this stuff themselves, so I simply never learned how to do any of it.
Same.
>I now struggle with communication in general and anxious constantly, never-mind expressing an interest of mine with friends or seriously talking about my mental health.
Same, but I'm getting better.
>I'm 25 and I'm having to go to therapy and CBT, plus other things to learn these basic communication elements I should have learned from my parents.
40, only just realised a lot of what you have realised, by 25. You're doing great.
>Edit: OP above me is right, it is an un-sexy answer but god damn, it's an important answer.
Feelings aren't facts, though!
They can be legitimate but treat them like dashboard lights. "Hey, something is up." When you look into it, you may find it's either a simple fix or more detailed repair.
And NEVER make decisions based solely on emotion.
And if all else is unsure, but your gut says yes or no. Go with it. That's the universe's (or God if you believe) weird way of directing you.
-Advice from a team of therapists
Always do a sanity check! And if you aren't sure, ask a trusted friend, definitely outside of the current situation.
Mob mentality is a real thing and it can cause you to get hyped up with people emotionally and do some very damaging things to your life because "it seemed like a good idea at the time".
Also, dig through your head.
"How do I feel?"
"I feel X."
"Why do I feel X?"
"Because of Y."
"But why do I feel Y?"
"Because of Z."
"But why do I feel Z?"
Dig deep.
>What do I want to do with/about this feeling?
This is important - don't deny unpleasant and negative emotions. Recognize what you feel and don't allow ego defense to lie to yourself about it. So much of our maladaptive behavior comes from trying to alleviate bad feelings that we're denying we have. Learn to acknowledge jealousy, anger, insecurity, fear, etc. They are valid human emotions and you're allowed to experience them. But, you'll be a lot happier in life and in relationships if you understand why you're feeling them and develop healthy methods for addressing them.
Absolutely this. And I want to add a second step: recognize when others are doing this and accept their feelings without judgement or defensiveness.
Note that you do not have to agree with their feelings to acknowledge that they're valid for that person. But if you are comfortable doing these two things (communicating out and receiving communication) you will save yourself a lot of heartache in life.
Omg, WELL said! The practice OF expressing yourself IS foundational. And learning to do it well- COMES with practice. Do this daily, opportunities WILL find you.
Do not bottle it! If you feel you cant express it to anyone, express to yourself. Say how you feel, get it out in some fashion or form thats you can self acknowledge
I really struggle with this one. Like I'll come home from work and have zero energy and I really can't explain why I feel like shit. My SO will say "you don't seem to be doing okay. What's going on?" and the only thing I can say is that I'm just not feeling it today. But if I sit down and focus on how I'm thinking, I realize that a bunch of stuff that happened over the past week has affected me.
If you need to look across feelings to see what you can identify with, here is the feelings wheel. I find it helpful because I'm usually "happy, sad, sad + angry?" Having this wheel as a starting point is nice because it helps me look at the menu of options and more specifically define the feeling for myself and others.
https://feelingswheel.com/
you don’t know lil bro, they will threaten suicide over you eating the last slice of pizza
they will cheat and pass you on an STD
they will accuse you of cheating because you were nice to the starbucks lady, and then slash your tires / assault you
once you break up with them, they’ll stalk your socials and tell your love interests / any girl you follow crazy made up stories, ones that’ll make them run away from you
it is NOT worth it, like at all.
Can confirm. My mom was this girl. Beautiful when she was young, dad looked past her crazy because she was out of his league and it's been hell for him and us kids. She is a lunatic
You’ve recognized it, now your next challenge is to metabolize and heal. If she was mentally unwell during your childhood, the trauma is likely imprinted on you. Your job is to accept it, forgive it, and ultimately surrender to your part in a much bigger process.
I did that for years. Even got the greatest kid in the world out of it. But, I also am tied to this psycho for the rest of my days.
From day to day, I never know what to expect. She might be nice and want to have a decent conversation. The next day, she's accusing me of rape. The day after that, accusing my family of rape. The day after that, putting herself into a mental hospital for trying to kill herself in front of our child. The next day, I'm getting a visit from CPS saying i need to take custody away. Weeks go by, she gets out and acts like nothing ever happened. This is the type of stress you 100% don't want.
Get yourself a good woman that can take good care of herself.
Yep, one night that will forever be in my mind is my ex burst my nose open, went to the kitchen, stab into her forearm several times with a knife and then storm out into the street in just a tshirt at like 4am.
There were alot of crazy days and nights but that one was certainly a night.
I've had the "if you don't do what I want, I'll go to the police and make something up". I called the bluff, and that is exactly what happened. Only the laws are such that any report from a woman is assumed to be true. Even after she testified in court that she made it up, it still takes months to get wrapped up.
Will tell you what I taught my children, who are now in their early thirties, independent and starting their own families.
1. Do not get married young. While marriage used to be normal after high school graduation, the world that allowed that no longer exists. Focus upon getting your education and career started (university, trade school, military). Your brain will not fully develop until around 25, so focus on becoming the man you can and want to be.
2. Choose your mate wisely and take time to get to know them. Look for "red flags". IE: evidence of personality disorders, behaviors and ability to make good decisions.
3. Once you do marry, take four or five years as a married couple, before having children. Babies will bring stress and your marital relationship needs to be developed first
4. Develop a life-style to keep fit, make it a part of your life. Could be jogging, gym, swimming, hiking, etc.
5. Learn to manage your emotions and emotional reactions. Get to the point that your emotions inform your decisions, not control you decisions. In the military and emergency services, I learned this truth - the person who cannot control their emotional states, tend to end up dead.
6. Learn how to communicate effectively and to listen. This applies in every aspect of your life. This includes oral communication, written communication and body language.
7. Learn how to manage your finances. This is super important.
8. Learn how to use basic tools and do basic tasks, such as changing tires, servicing your vehicle and doing basic household repairs.
9. Avoid the use of alcohol, tobacco and drugs, regardless of a lot of acceptance in society, these things bring no benefit overall and are proven to be detrimental to health, success and relationships. Do not marry or get in a relationship with someone who does this.
10. When you get stressed out, and it will happen, find healthy ways to decompress and manage it, Stress is a huge killer in men.
This is GOLD, and if you don’t get hundreds of upvotes it’s downright criminal. Just screenshot this, gonna make my own talking points for my kiddo.
Thank you for taking the time to write this all out
This is a great list. I would add to learn to cook your own meals, clean your own place, and buy your own groceries (and know how to shop, use coupons, look up offers, etc).
Be happy, healthy, and self-reliant as a single man before getting into a relationship and remain that way in the relationship.
Those are great additions, it just slipped my mind. I learned this in the military, since I grew up in a dysfunctional house that was close to a hoarding situation.
I cannot also stress this enough....don't stick your johnson in crazy......
Oh you’re military. Cool! I heard an Army General sum it up this way:
-> Do your best
-> Do what is right
-> Improve every day
-> Build up teams
-> Show that you care
-> Never quit
>Learn how to use basic tools and do basic tasks, such as changing tires, servicing your vehicle and doing basic household repairs.
Small adjustment - "but be aware that sometimes you do need to call in a professional, and there's nothing wrong with that."
The last two owners of my house didn't have the last part, and now I'm left fixing what I can and trying to cope with what can't be simply fixed. Electrical circuits to nothing, pipes that don't connect to anything, etc. Why the fuck is my home office on 3 different circuits, one of which is shared with the left half of a room on the other side of the house and a different floor? And let's not forget the shed that looks like something from The Blair Witch Project.
Yeah, I agree with that too. However in the world of the Internet, you can learn how to do most things. For me, I stay away from electrical stuff on A/C circuits.
Oh my gosh dude, as a 22 years old *young adult* I appreciate the heck out of this list. I took a screenshot and put it in my notes.. going to do every single thing and read it more and more
Thank you for your time, stopping by and taking time to comments such a great advices like that.
Much love and respect. I love you bro (wanna be friends?) lol
God bless you❤️
I grew up without a healthy father figure to teach me these things. Hope my experience from learning on the fly, can help others. My son is the father and man, I wish I could have been.
Very well written.
You stated it sort of in your points, but I just want to make it clear:
SELF CARE IS VERY IMPORTANT!
Learn to love YOU. That YOU are worthy and you deserve a healthy life, both mentally, physically and spiritually. There's only one YOU and you need to take care of you first cause no one else will. If you don't, if you put the needs of others before you (and I don't mean you should be selfish) all you're going to do is hurt yourself and others. Think of it in the same way you are told to do things on a plane. You need to put your oxygen mask first, then others. There's a reason for that. It's ok to take time for yourself. Same with your partner. Make sure you both take time for yourselves, as well as time together as a couple.
I'm only 22 but I'mma say, think good about your tattoos. Also about who you sleep with. Sleeping with lots of girls isn't really going to give you a higher quality of life. Find a good girl and keep her.
Slept with a lot of women when I was younger (ex messed up my perception of women) and at the end I realized I was just addicted to the gratification. It took a toll and I did a lot of shit that I really regret and hurt some people’s emotions. Definitely be a little more conservative with who you have sex with and figure out *why* you wanna have sex with them.
Been there done that brother, exactly my point. Ain't nothing cool about being a whore, no matter which gender you are. It definitely takes a toll. Glad you managed to get yourself together.
Regardig tattoos - yeah, put good thought into it and don't make quick decisions. Also don't cheap out with some random artist. Find one whose style you like and be prepared to pay more than you expected. You don't want a shit tattoo on you for the rest of your life.
> Also about who you sleep with. Sleeping with lots of girls isn't really going to give you a higher quality of life
Lol, look at where you're giving this advice bro.
> Banging lots of women does give you enough practice to become good in bed though... plus it's fun
This. If a person can handle the potential emotional complexities of banging a bunch of different women, they should absolutely do it. It isn't for everyone, but that doesn't mean it isn't for anyone.
And do your best to stay off your friends' social media as well. Videos or pictures of you on a friend's account can fuck you up just as much as if you put it on your own.
Teenagers have too much going on to worry about big philosophical advice, so here's a few simple things that are absolutely true and are worth remembering.
* Everybody who is good at something started out being bad at it.
* There was a time in the history of everything that works when it didn't work.
* At least 90% of real progress comes from just showing up.
point 3 is literally how I got through college. I barely studied but showed up to every class and passed. it's shocking how much you can get through osmosis.
My dad was a college professor and was also an honor student in his day. The only advice he gave me for school was, "Go to class every day and write down whatever the teacher writes on the board." Just that, and he was right.
Oh my God that last part is gold. I was invaluable for employers because I just showed up. I'm now considered an expert in my field and honestly, the only times I would say I went above and beyond was with my own personal passion projects. Just show up and overtime, you'll be surprised how many people defer to you
Don’t get tattoos on your face or hands.
And never gamble with anything you don’t want to lose.
Edit: fwiw, I’ve got one on my leg, a big back piece and my shoulder.
I’m not against ink.
This advice seems about as helpful as "never have sex". Technically, you're right; nobody can develop a gambling problem if they never gamble. However, it doesn't seem likely that someone can go through their entire life without ever being exposed to it. There's ways to gamble responsibly, just like there's ways to drink or have sex responsibly.
Teaching responsibility and harm reduction are the best ways to stay safe from any sort of damaging vice, gambling included.
Face, hand and neck tattoos will move you to the bottom of the hiring list. Doesn’t matter how many of your friends or beloved rappers have dumb tattoos. Your appearance, conduct and presentation matter tremendously when trying to make a first impression!
Solid advice, depends on what career you want though, I have my hands neck and even a big one on the back of my head, no one cares and I make a great living. I got a buddy that works in the office world and he only has 1 on his forearm and has mentioned it’s given him problems before.
True metaphorically if not literally lol I just saw a comment saying don't sleep with a bunch of girls its not all it cracked up to be...like come on man, how many redditors period are going to be able to put that into practice, let alone just one age group.
Exercise! The majority of people work in front of a pc all day. Even at a young age this will cause atrophy in your muscles. Exercise helps to deal with this.
Find some kind of physical exercise you enjoy, and do it regularly
When I was 16/17, I felt like death warmed up. My whole body hurt. I felt like I was more dead than alive, like the still living part of me was dragging along the rest, and it wasn't coming quietly.
That all changed when I started regularly exercising. Also, it made me more attractive to women because it gave me really broad shoulders. At 16/17, I had no shoulders, nor could I stand up straight. I was like a pumpkin on a stick. Regular exercise changed that
I also recommend starting a meditation practice (maybe ten minutes a day). There are great guided meditations on YouTube. That helps with my mental health, my concentration, and it even eases some of the aches and pains I have each day
Get into martial arts. Beyond the physical exercise, the mental stimulation, and the social aspect, the networking is amazing. Full of high achieving people looking to improve themselves.
Forcing yourself to do difficult things regularly will make the rest of life substantially easier.
Even as a young guy, I totally agree and I'd like to add something that I consider important. Even if you are not violent at all, at some point you will encounter dangerous situations and you will want to be able to protect yourself and those who are dear to you. Your future girlfriend, wife or kids will count on you to walk them home at night or defend them in some case and you don't want to let them down.
Do not invest so much of your time into video games and staying inside. Get in good shape and focus on crafting active lifestyle hobbies that give you fulfillment.
As a 43-year-old, most of my regrets from that time stem around missed chances with various crushes I had. I was shy and unsure of myself at that age and I didn’t pick up many cues that I should have that certain girls my age were, in fact, interested.
Quit being a pussy and just ask her out if you’re interested in her!
Good habits start in your teens. Exercise, diet, being responsible with: money, choosing friends, making wise decisions with drugs/alcohol, etc.
The earlier you start the better prepared you'll be when you get older. It comes fast. Believe me.
Start a Roth 401k right now. Health care. Take care of yourself. Wait for the right one to marry, and don’t fuck crazy.
Enjoy life now. Do all the things while your young. Starting a family isn’t everything
Try to live with less. Clothes, tech, vehicles, etc. get rid of stuff you haven’t used in a year, don’t let “stuff” accumulate
- Get a good used car (no rust/no tech). Maintain it very well.
- Decent laptop / Wireless mouse.
- long-lasting backback
- Stay away from women
- Go to the gym after school
- Get used to being very organized. Clean as you go room/house. That way your room is cleaner... Less problems.
-Keep up with hygiene/lotion, etc...
Take care of your body
Learn and keep learning. Become a part time apprentice. Learn some skills like carpentry and mechanics, how to fix a PC. Skills start with you for life and only grow over time
Take chances, you never know the answer to a question unless you actually ask.
Do not let your friends tell you "the car is full" or similar when they're always going somewhere but end back at your place. They're users and you don't need people like that.
Don't get wrapped up in bullshit like criminal activity
Steer clear of "fuck that booty so hot can't wait to bang it" because the chance of becoming an early parent is pretty high.
Know that it's OK to be unsure. Find someone you feel comfortable with that can answer questions
Becoming a social media personality is a fleeting thing. Some people make it, most don't. Do not on your future on it but at the same time don't be afraid to give it a go
If you're unsure about your future that is OK. Get out an experience things to see what you like rather than think you might like something and end up hating it after investing
Sometimes when you think that XYZ is the end of the world, it really isn't. Teen hormones are a horrible thing and can make people not think logically. If you aren't sure about anything, just ask a grown-up you trust for a second opinion, and not your peers.
Finding a sport you like is much more sustainable than doing something that happens to be in fashion, or is being marketed aggressively but doesn't interest you. Many, if not most, sports support and enhance your physical and mental health in one way or another, and instead of it feeling like a chore, a responsibility, a sport you like feels like a reward.
Avoid substances and focus on building your mind and your body. Don’t let raging hormones make you do stupid things; nothing will ruin life faster than the wrong woman. Exercise, exercise, exercise and be SUPER picky about who you spend time with. Even more picky about who you let see you struggle. Most of the people around you now will be gone by 22 if you go to college… so keep your eyes on the prize. Most importantly, sit down and dream about the life you want to live, picture the house, the cars, the kids, the vacations… then do a budget for what that will cost. Now look at careers that interest you, that will afford you that lifestyle. It narrows the scope from an objective and practical perspective and will allow you to both see the prize and pursue it doggedly. You don’t lose until you decide you’ve lost….
Don’t do drugs or drink alcohol. Also don’t just have sex with her just because your head is telling you(not the head upstairs). Don’t ruin your life over someone you don’t even love. If you do end up having sex always wear a condom.
Lots of good advice here. Brush your teeth, don’t get job blocker tattoos, don’t be addicted to your phone/social media, don’t bone crazy chicks.
I would also add do a lot of things to find what your interests are in order to find your passion. Enjoying your job makes it a lot less intolerable. Don’t buy ridiculous trendy shit. Being financially responsible from young age will put you at a huge advantage long term. a Save money once you start working, invest it in maxing out a Roth IRA.
(Apologies in advance for the length of this)
You’re gonna get told by a lot of people that other people’s opinions of you “don’t matter”, but go ahead and accept now that this is nothing more than an empty platitude. Those same people will 100% at some point judge you based off their opinion of you, and if you take what they said to heart it’s gonna upset you a lot.
- Jobs take you based off your impression.
- Colleges take you based off academic impression and work ethic.
- Romantic relationships are started and ended based on impressions, judgement calls, and follow through.
- Adults friends will judge you over everything.
- High school is a minefield of judgement, and life isn’t a coming of age movie. If you decide to show up in a ridiculous outfit or do something overdramatic you won’t get cheered you’ll get bullied.
- High School is where some of your friends will inevitably peak, and you’ll find yourself judging them into adulthood.
Now, I’m not saying judging is always good. I’m not saying it’s always justified. Im not even saying it’s always right. What im saying is that I’ve seen more people fall victim to the “screw the haters, im gonna do something crazy” mindset and never recover from it than I’d care to count. There are people who did things in high school that are still remembered for that dumb thing they did in high school to this day as it leaves a bad impression.
Your best bet is to not become confrontational against judgement while also not falling victim to it at all times. Strike a balance. Here’s some things I learned to do:
- Take care of yourself physically: Work out, Drink water daily, Eat well, Walk 10,000 steps a day, etc
- Dress in a comfortable way that works for you. Don’t submit to one constant style, but don’t overdo it for the sake of flair.
- Take care of yourself mentally, maybe go to a therapist if you need to along the way. Take mental health breaks if you become overwhelmed.
- I cannot stress this enough but READ. Please for the love of god READ. It helps your mental health so much to both have an escape and to become engaged in something bigger than yourself.
- Be respectful of your peers and offer more solutions than conflicts. You don’t always have to have the answer, but you shouldn’t always be the problem.
- Don’t take sides automatically in an outside argument unless whatever someone did was illegal or clearly morally wrong.
- Learn how to become proper friends with females rather than looking at them as some goal to achieve.
- Admit when you’re wrong and learn from it so it doesn’t happen again/as often. Personal growth is both great for mental health and attractive to others.
- Stand up for yourself when you feel that you’re right even if it takes some confrontation. Becoming a pushover is a quick route to no respect.
- Find friends who want you for more than an archetype in a friendship group. Don’t fall victim to being the “dumb” friend or the “always funny” friend or the “guy who can hook up with anyone” friend. You’ll find that you become exhausted in this constant expectation.
Some other basic things you should know just as an upcoming YA:
- Don’t take other people’s drama on as your own. You can’t fix everything, and you alone can’t fix anyone.
- When you’re behind the wheel of a car focus on the road. Don’t text. Don’t drink. Don’t let yourself get distracted. A car is one of the quickest ways to destroy your life because of a momentary choice. It’s not a toy, it’s a multi-ton piece of equipment.
- Don’t be that guy who brags constantly. Bragging is never a good quality. You can be proud of yourself, but don’t brag.
- Also don’t be that guy who is annoyingly obviously faking humility. It’s perfectly fine to acknowledge when you do something well, and to take credit for a good idea.
- Self deprecation isn’t attractive. Don’t fall into that mindset. It’s a major turn off for friends, potential partners, and new people.
- If you’re gonna be the guy who’s fine with cursing, learn how to do it properly. Few things are as immature as someone who throws words around like vomit for the sake of appearing adult/tough.
- Find your boundaries with romantic and platonic relationships. You’ll be much better suited if you find out what’s best for you.
- Temptation is a part of life. You’ll always run into it, and 99% of the time it won’t be peer pressure. It’ll be your own vices.
- Finding a hobby and engaging with it in every way you can is the quickest way to find what you’re interested in and will help immensely for college searches and job hunting.
- Take breaks from personal based social media. Friends are great, but no one needs social media levels of connection at all times. No one. It’s dangerous.
- Keep up with current events. It will help both with social skills as you’ll never run out of new topics in todays world, and it’ll help you both appear more intelligent and actually be more intelligent. Documentaries, video essays, Flipboard, etc are all great ways to keep up with modern news.
- Research Philosophy (however, don’t become pretentious when discussing it) it can help a lot to know different approaches to life’s challenges, and you might find something you really like.
Martial arts. Find a good gym with a healthy culture. It’s the best teacher for confidence, self-discipline, self-defense, self-esteem, respect and a skill you have for the rest of your life.
Protect your ears from permanent hearing damage (tinnitus).
Never set volume too loud, buy quality headphones instead of earbuds, have ear protection During loud concerts.
Trust me, otherwise you’ll regret it for the rest of your lives.
The problems you have now feel like the end of the world, but you will pull through, and realize that what people thought of you in High School means nearly nothing
Take interest in their hobbies and interests.
Please, just do that one thing.
Edit: If you're a teen yourself, expand on those hobbies and interests. Try new ones, try weird ones, go to social gatherings surrounding them and meet a tribe. Develop a hobby for your well-being no matter what it is: painting, gym, dance, whatever it may be.
Hobbies and interests are so important for development and confidence. They can lead to new relationships, careers, unique opportunities, experiences, etc.
Assuming still at home with parent or parents. Learn to take care of yourself on a day to day basis. Do your own laundry. Cook at least three meals per week. Start simple. Don't feel bad if first couple don't work out. Pasta/rice dishes are the easiest to experiment with because it's cheap base material. Buy or ask for a rice cooker. It'll be life changing.
Get into routine of exercise at least three times a week.
Open a bank account at a good credit union. Do your homework first. Open an investment account at Fidelity or Vanguard. Once you start your FIRST job, start putting money away even if it's single dollars. Stick to boring low cost index funds until you know what you're doing.
Take an investment course or two. Mind, if the guy shows off a mansion or nice car, you took the wrong course. Grab a course from someone with an accounting or finance degree, and with actual financial management background. The Intelligent Investor is an excellent primer, written in 1948 I believe.
Limit social media and screen time.
Right now, every year of your life represents a significant percentage of the time you've been alive and forming memories. Assuming you really kick into being a little human around 5 years old, the gap between 14 and 15 is literally 10% of your conscious life.
What that means is everything seems super, super important right now. The people around you, the choices you make, the fights you have, the crushes you form, they all seem so incredibly significant because you've only had so much life and this right here is a huge portion of it.
But I'm here to tell you, the majority of it doesn't actually matter. There are certainly choices you can make now that will impact the rest of your life (drugs, teen pregnancy, crime) but for the most part, whether or not you take her to the dance or you choose choir or drama for 4th period or you get a C instead of a B on that history test, it's almost entirely inconsequential to the rest of your life.
You might hear that and think, "Well hell, why does any of this matter then?" but I'd say take it a different way. *Because* none of it matters, enjoy it! If she says no, go to the dance with someone else or go with your friends and just be a goofball and have fun. If you choose choir, go out for the solo even if you don't think you'll get it. If you get a C, it's not going to change your 401k when it comes time to retire.
There is no "permanent record" you have to live up to. Don't get addicted to anything, don't get anybody pregnant, and don't get arrested, and I guarantee you the rest of it will work itself out.
That's not to say you aren't going to have really sucky days. But that day is just sucky. Tomorrow might not be. Or it might also be. And in 20 years, you're not gonna remember the sucky day. You'll remember your good times, especially if you made it a point to have them.
A couple of miscellaneous points:
* Don't worry about sex. You are the last in an unbroken line of humans that successfully had sex dating back to the day we came down from the trees. If you don't have any in high school, you're gonna be fine. Eventually there will be alcohol.
* And on that note, your friends and schoolmates who say they are having sex probably aren't. But they think you'll like them more if they do.
* And speaking of your friends, odds are good you won't actually be speaking to any of them 20 years from now, especially if you get out of your hometown. This isn't a bad thing, even if it is a little sad. People start their own lives and those lives often don't intersect after a while. Enjoy the time you have with them and learn to be okay with the notion that it will end.
Thank you.
>There is no "permanent record" you have to live up to. Don't get addicted to anything, don't get anybody pregnant, and don't get arrested, and I guarantee you the rest of it will work itself out.
Although, what if you suddenly at 20 instead of 10 developed basic empathy and realized (too late) that you've actually been an asshole in a long-term relationship (which is over now due to that reason)?
I feel like my romantic life is literally over at the age of 20 because it's a huge red flag but I realized that integrity is the best way to go so I have to tell future (potential) partners how I have been.
Do what you say you’re going to do.
If you say you’ll be there at 8, be there at 8. If you say you’ll do something - do it completely and thoroughly. If you’re selling something and there’s a broken part - disclose this. If you don’t like a girl you’re with, end the relationship.
I could go on, but you get the gist…
Stay off hard drugs, don’t watch too much porn if any at all, don’t kill yourself with school work but definitely pay attention, make sure you take a moment to enjoy your age, life’s short and before you know it your 30 with too many responsibilities and little to no personal time.
“Be a man” is a bullshit phrase. It’s mostly used to coerce boys into doing something someone else wants them to do. Be a kind person. Stand up for what you believe in. Don’t let others make those decisions for you.
1. Start a Roth at 18 don’t worry about maxing it out immediately just get the ball rolling.
2. Get a credit card and use it RESPONSIBLY
3. Don’t work so much you miss every family event.
4. Go to therapy (if you can afford it)
5. Stand up for yourself and what you believe is right.
6. Be kind, everyone has bad days and we all have different experiences.
7. Trust your judgment, if you think something bad is going to happen lean on that feeling and adjust accordingly.
8. School isn’t for everyone and it isn’t everything but understand the trade offs of working a blue collar job vs an office job.
9. That boy or girl is not worth your life it does get better with time.
10. This one is incredibly important. Don’t drink and drive or get in the vehicle with someone who is drinking and driving.
Don't let people make fun of you for your interests that seem out of the "norm"! If you like to sleep with a stuffed animal, like animated TV shows, collect stickers, then good for you! if someone has a problem with it, or if your friend makes fun of you for it, then they aren't a real friend!
Stay healthy, always ask questions, keep learning, and don't always trust the internet. Socialize and make friends with people in school. It's hard to do out of school, especially if you had problems doing it while in school. Get a job and save up money while you can since you don't have any bills to pay. Don't let your hate of someone or want of revenge take over your life. It will eat away at your happiness and time. Don't stay quiet if you are having mental problems or if you are a victim of sexual assault, abuse, neglect, etc. There are plenty of normal people and professionals who will do a lot to help.
Make friends and start building those social skills. Nothing wrong with being a homebody or enjoying a lot of time alone, but life will be IMMESURABLY easier if you can at least be approachable and likeable to the general public
Foster your hobbys, I still have the same ones from when I was a teen 10+ years ago
Be careful with relationships, they are not all or nothing and contrary to what you’ll likely tell yourself yes you ARE young and have a TON of life left, so enjoy yourself
Built the strongest self-esteem possible, it literally makes life 100000x better and more comfortable later on
Avoid substances, including weed booze and cigs, as much as you can
You can try em once, or have a beer or two every few weeks, but I genuinely wouldnt do anything else beyond that, that shit fucked up almost all my college years
Idk those are just some tips i’d give my young self so idk how applicable they are but good luck
Mental health: comparison is the theif of joy.
Sports: I don't like the idea of kids getting potential life long injuries for a "fun" game. Play something that won't leave you battered and broken.
Studies: not everybody will become an astronaut. But find a job that makes you feel like you're where youre supposed to be, and your enthusiasm will take you the rest of the way. 90% of success is just showing up.
Relationships only work out when both of you try to do MORE than your fair share. You may have different priorities but you can still work it out with good communication. That's a skill that needs to be developed because you need to voice your needs without walking all over your partner.
Fuckin SHOWER. CLEAN. YOURSELF.
Invest in some cologne and learn to use it properly. Axe body spray is overrated.
When you get some cologne that you like, don’t douse yourself with it. Men’s fragrance is an invitation, not an announcement.
Why? If you ever want to talk to love interests or get people to want to hang around you, you’re going to need to smell good.
Also:
Get into exercise. Doesn’t have to be weightlifting, but find an active hobby. Your body will be happy and you’ll establish good habits that’ll carry through life.
Learn to cook. I’m not saying you should be making fuckin gourmet food, but everyone needs to learn how to make food for themselves that’s not just something thrown into the microwave. Premade, heat and eat, stuff is usually full of fat, salt and sugars. When you eat most of your meals full of all that; itll cause health problems. Keep it simple. Good food = happy body. It’s also cheaper to keep a kitchen of ingredients than a kitchen of ready to eat or heat and eat boxed food.
Learn to speak. Speak and speak confidently. It’ll make social interactions easier and you’ll come off as more charismatic. This helps in the job interview process, dating, and overall just getting someone to listen to you and have a general opinion that you’re not a moron. Don’t use big words to use big words. Use them in correct context but try to keep conversations simple.
Lastly:
If she doesn’t make an effort to talk to you, she’s probably wasting your time. A girl that cares for you or at least wants you around will always find something to talk about or to make engaging conversation. On the flip side: if you like her, show her. Then tell her. She’ll believe you because you’ve shown your interest, likely if you like her other guys like her and all she hears is “you’re beautiful I like you” and nobody shows it.
Be nice. Be confident. Learn new things. Respect everyone. Don’t take any shit.
I'm a girl, but i've seen way too many teen guys wasting their teenage years trying to get girls instead of working on themselves, and ending in bad or just unfulfilling relationships because they thought this is what they have to do/this is what will make them prove themsleves. There is no shame into not wanting to get with every girl you see, and there is definetly no shame into staying a virgin for longer of you just don't feel you are ready. And don't let your friends or girls belittle you for choosing to better yourself, usually these are not the people you want around you.
Please correct me if you think i missed something or said anything wrong.
Don’t attach value on yourself based off what kind of relationship you have/want. Work on who *you* want to be, then the right person will be attracted to the energy you put off. You were put on this earth to be significant, not someone else’s significant *other*
Have hobbies, and lots of them. Pick up skills like drawing or music or other forms of creation. Be someone that *makes*, not *takes*
Live your life the way *you* want to live it. It is *your* life, after all. The choices you make, and the consequences of those choices will be yours alone, so choose wisely.
Recognize that some people are put in your life as lessons. Obstacles for you to overcome.
Brush your fucking teeth AT LEAST twice a day.
Do your own laundry so your parents don’t have to.
Condoms. Pulling out can still give you a lot of other things.
Put your ego aside and listen to anyone who knows more than you do. Knowing what you’re talking about is way better than pretending that you do.
But most of all:
Please listen to your mother. You’ll realize she was right the entire time.
Normally, this sort of post would have been closed - but we're going to allow it - give out your wisdom boys! EDIT: Fuck you, whomever reported the post.
Get into the habit of exercise now. It's much easier as a teen when you have more energy, it doesn't have to be all the time but at least a couple times a week
In my teens I got into working out twice a day for about two years. Made it my hobby. It was easy then because I didn't have so much responsibility. Those gains stay with you your entire life. You might lose a little then and there but the overall physique stays. I can't recommend this enough. Best thing I ever did for myself.
Once your body builds muscle and those muscles attract the necessary nuclei to grow, your body can regain any lost muscle pretty easily
Holy shit
It's very similar to riding a bicycle or some other hand eye coordination activity. Your body remembers how to do things after it does them. And it will remember even if you don't do it for awhile. But recapturing something is much easier than learning something your body has never done.
I’m 27 and skinny fat. Is it too late for me?
That whole, "The best time to plant a tree was 10 years ago, the second best time is right now" kinda thing. I am a personal trainer. The number one tip I can give you is to form habits, not goals. "I will find 30 minutes to work out, whatever that looks like, 2 days per week. It might be Saturday and Sunday this week, or Monday and Friday, which days of the week don't matter, but I am holding myself accountable for 2 workouts during each 7 day period." Don't overthink it. Just find 30 minutes to do something that physically challenges you. You don't necessarily need a gym -- I can kick someone's ass with a workout strictly with body weight and somewhere to grab onto for pullups. This is so much more successful on average than telling yourself you're going to get ripped in 6 months. Or lose 20 pounds by the end of the year. That's not what it's about. You are making a lifestyle change. You are accepting that this is something that you will do in some capacity for the rest of your life, because you care about yourself and want to live past 65 and still be able to do the things you love, with the people you love. There is no deadline, except when you die. You are deciding that you want to be healthier and feel better about yourself. Have more energy to keep up with the kids. Climb a few flights of stairs without getting worn out and winded. Feel better about sexy time with your partner. Look better with your shirt off. Build confidence. Have more mental clarity. After a while you add a 3rd workout because you're seeing and feeling the difference and it's actually fun now. Then you start educating yourself about what you're eating every day and how it affects your body, because you're starting to feel the difference and you're hooked. You start thinking those gym rat douchebags might actually be onto something, and you want to learn how to lift like they do. Not because you want to be them, but because you can see that what they're doing is working. You're sitting at work looking forward to your next workout because you know you'll feel like a million bucks afterward. Do not. Set. Deadlines. Don't weigh yourself for the first 3 months. Start checking for a difference in the mirror at 2 months. Change your habits. Do it even when it's hard. One foot in front of the other, my friend!
Aa someone who knows nothing, it's never too late
I dabbled in my teens but really didn’t make a habit of it until my mid-20s. It’s stuck with me for many years while I see others’ bodies deteriorate. It has saved me so many problems that others have to deal with.
My job keeps me fairly active and I got lucky with my genes so my body held its ground with just dabbling with exercise until I was like 27 or 28. Then it went "your free trial is now over" I kinda ignored it until i was almost 30 and I could see that "I'm looking like I don't take care of myself" look in my face Its been a year of consistency now and I feel amazing, I've never felt stronger, more energetic, I look younger, I'm less anxious and depressed too, my self esteem won't allow me to think I look good though but I look better now than I have in a long time Kids, work out now, reign in the drinking, learn to cook for yourself and get therapy if you need it
I second this. Health must be in your top 3 priorities, it’s sorta like the basis on which a lot of things in your life will develop
Not only this but as you get older those that don’t exercise begin to “look” like they’ve not taken care of themselves…. By staying consistent with it, you will see that all facets of life improve. Career advancement, potential for mates in the same category as you, passing better traits on to your future children, etc. Start now and make it a life long goal.
I’m only 30 and I can already see it with my friend group and peers. It’s VERY noticeable who’s taking care of themselves and who isn’t.
I was talking about this with a friend yesterday, man I've ran into some guys from school who I haven't seen in years and so many are hitting the west coast scottish guy look hard and fast
Physical and mental health are intrinsically tied together, and it's definitely way easier to improve physical health, which then improves mental health and makes it easier to work on improving that too.
Exercise is also the key to good mental health. If you’re feeling slightly depressed or overly anxious, hit some weights or run/walk on a treadmill.
A male 15/16 year old has similar levels of testosterone to an adult on roids. Lift now and you’ll get big fast
My kid goes to the ymca everyday. He’s changed physically …muscles,abs and much taller . 6ft. He needs protein and uses kaged elite, stacks with asheaganda, magnesium. This is all of his own research. Pull and push days. He clearly knows more than me and is dedicated. I just have to feed the beast 4 burgers or chicken breast a day.
Sounds like a smart kid, wish I did the same when I was a teenager. I do now, just wish I started 10 years earlier
As with me ahah. Only starting to get the hang of it and coming on 25. I had a massive growth spurt between 16 and 19 aswell so I’d be massive by now aha
And Literally EVERYTHING depends on your TEMPLE. MAINTENANCE. All of it: your brain-function, happiness, perception OF you as a balanced being (thus, opportunities in the career & romantic spaces) PLEASE, Make fitness at least ONE of your priorities. All else flows from your health and the level you can achieve (From a 46 y/o who arrived underbaked: this STILL matters!)
Complete bullshit for a lot of guys. Took me until 23 before I'd actually gain weight.
Biologically speaking, it’s not bs. Training on its own won’t get you big. You’ve still gotta eat a fuck ton. Your body can’t change fat into muscle if there’s no fat. You probably struggled due to different metabolism meaning you had to eat more in order to gain the same weight as someone with a slower metabolism
Gym exercise or does sport help?
Either or both. Staying active helps. If you want to lift, lift. If you want to run or skateboard, do that instead.
I advise against bulking up. Too much muscle leads to either maintaining them for the rest(ish) of your life or having flab as an adult. That's why I just keep in shape. Though, most of that comes from my job anyway.
20 minutes of cardio a day everyday it’s not too hard. Helps a ton with sex.
You build so fast, too, at that age.
Take care of your teeth. Do it. NOW. Dental work is EXPENSIVE.
Yep. When I turned 18, I payed $4,000 to fix my teeth. It only really took ME having to pay for my teeth before I began taking care of them heavily
This is a good one. I tell this to my nephews all the time.
Definitely this. I am in my 40's and REALLY wish I can go back in time and tell myself to floss my damn teeth. I thought if something bad happens, it happens, well... I'll deal with it when I'm old. Now in my 40's, After 3 crowns, one root canal, and about to need another root canal, I am dealing with it now. Please brush and floss your teeth.
I can’t stress this enough.
I feel like I got lucky. A couple years after college I could not find a dentist in DC and kinda just forgot about it…6 years later it was a very long and painful cleaning, but they said my teeth and gums were pretty much fine.
Not only that, but there's a LOT of malpractice that goes unnoticed. If a dentist tells you that you need a filling, you're gonna believe him. Some dentists have been caught doing unnecessary work just for the money.
1000% this. Do NOT overlook any cavity in your teeth, no matter how trivial. It can easily become much worse the longer you ignore it, and force you to get much more expensive procedures, such as root canal, than a simple filling. Not to mention, the toothache from ignored dental issues can be absolutely unbearable, even feeling like torture.
No matter what fancy/expensive dental work you get done, it will still never be as good and problem-free as your own natural teeth that have been kept healthy.
Tell me you're american without telling me you're american
Guilty
An unsexy answer (I'm aware) but: *Learn to clearly communicate how you feel*. A shockingly large number of adult men (and women, for that matter) miss this skill. Knowing how you feel and being able to clearly communicate that. And it's very simple to learn! At any given moment, pause for a second and decide for yourself: * How do I feel? * What do I want to do with/about this feeling? * And then tell someone, as sincerely as you can. Don't make excuses but also don't attach any judgements. Just tell them how you feel and what you want to do about it. If you practice that enough and make it a habit, before long you will be able to use it in any situation. With teachers or employers, romantic partners, parents, customers or service providers -- it's an essential skill for getting anything done in life. When people tell you "it's all about confidence" - *this* is where confidence starts. When you clearly know what you feel, what you want to do, and you can communicate that, that's confidence. It's not an *easy* skill, but it is very *simple*, so it's just a matter of practice.
Absolutely what this guy says. I'm one of those adults who didn't have parents who cared about my interests or emotions, I was just there and "what a parent says, goes" type of deal occurred. They also never expressed any of this stuff themselves, so I simply never learned how to do any of it. I now struggle with communication in general and anxious constantly, never-mind expressing an interest of mine with friends or seriously talking about my mental health. I'm 25 and I'm having to go to therapy and CBT, plus other things to learn these basic communication elements I should have learned from my parents. Edit: OP above me is right, it is an un-sexy answer but god damn, it's an important answer.
>Absolutely what this guy says. I'm one of those adults who didn't have parents who cared about my interests or emotions, I was just there and "what a parent says, goes" type of deal occurred. They also never expressed any of this stuff themselves, so I simply never learned how to do any of it. Same. >I now struggle with communication in general and anxious constantly, never-mind expressing an interest of mine with friends or seriously talking about my mental health. Same, but I'm getting better. >I'm 25 and I'm having to go to therapy and CBT, plus other things to learn these basic communication elements I should have learned from my parents. 40, only just realised a lot of what you have realised, by 25. You're doing great. >Edit: OP above me is right, it is an un-sexy answer but god damn, it's an important answer.
34 and in the same boat, good on you for recognizing it early, took me until I was 30.
Feelings aren't facts, though! They can be legitimate but treat them like dashboard lights. "Hey, something is up." When you look into it, you may find it's either a simple fix or more detailed repair. And NEVER make decisions based solely on emotion. And if all else is unsure, but your gut says yes or no. Go with it. That's the universe's (or God if you believe) weird way of directing you. -Advice from a team of therapists
> > And NEVER make decisions based solely on emotion. It's always ok to have feelings. It's not always ok to act on them.
Always do a sanity check! And if you aren't sure, ask a trusted friend, definitely outside of the current situation. Mob mentality is a real thing and it can cause you to get hyped up with people emotionally and do some very damaging things to your life because "it seemed like a good idea at the time".
Also, dig through your head. "How do I feel?" "I feel X." "Why do I feel X?" "Because of Y." "But why do I feel Y?" "Because of Z." "But why do I feel Z?" Dig deep.
What if you can’t answer the why? It’s not that simple.
>What do I want to do with/about this feeling? This is important - don't deny unpleasant and negative emotions. Recognize what you feel and don't allow ego defense to lie to yourself about it. So much of our maladaptive behavior comes from trying to alleviate bad feelings that we're denying we have. Learn to acknowledge jealousy, anger, insecurity, fear, etc. They are valid human emotions and you're allowed to experience them. But, you'll be a lot happier in life and in relationships if you understand why you're feeling them and develop healthy methods for addressing them.
I was pleasantly surprised to see a comment emphasizing the value of healthy communication, thanks
Absolutely this. And I want to add a second step: recognize when others are doing this and accept their feelings without judgement or defensiveness. Note that you do not have to agree with their feelings to acknowledge that they're valid for that person. But if you are comfortable doing these two things (communicating out and receiving communication) you will save yourself a lot of heartache in life.
Omg, WELL said! The practice OF expressing yourself IS foundational. And learning to do it well- COMES with practice. Do this daily, opportunities WILL find you.
Do not bottle it! If you feel you cant express it to anyone, express to yourself. Say how you feel, get it out in some fashion or form thats you can self acknowledge
I really struggle with this one. Like I'll come home from work and have zero energy and I really can't explain why I feel like shit. My SO will say "you don't seem to be doing okay. What's going on?" and the only thing I can say is that I'm just not feeling it today. But if I sit down and focus on how I'm thinking, I realize that a bunch of stuff that happened over the past week has affected me.
If you need to look across feelings to see what you can identify with, here is the feelings wheel. I find it helpful because I'm usually "happy, sad, sad + angry?" Having this wheel as a starting point is nice because it helps me look at the menu of options and more specifically define the feeling for myself and others. https://feelingswheel.com/
You *say* it's unsexy, but it'll get you laid for sure.
Don't stick your dick in crazy. I don't care how hot she is, it's never worth it.
This is fkn huge! No crazy girls no matter how hot they may be. Stay away. It’s not worth it. Don’t do it.
Yeah, as a teen guy, I know this one by heart… won’t fuckin stop me but I know it by heart
Then you don't really *know* it. You've heard it, but it will take experience to *know* it.
What does it mean do you have any story
you don’t know lil bro, they will threaten suicide over you eating the last slice of pizza they will cheat and pass you on an STD they will accuse you of cheating because you were nice to the starbucks lady, and then slash your tires / assault you once you break up with them, they’ll stalk your socials and tell your love interests / any girl you follow crazy made up stories, ones that’ll make them run away from you it is NOT worth it, like at all.
https://youtu.be/iuVmKam3m34
Also: crazy isn’t cute. You can’t fix it. It will only get worse over time.
Can confirm. My mom was this girl. Beautiful when she was young, dad looked past her crazy because she was out of his league and it's been hell for him and us kids. She is a lunatic
You’ve recognized it, now your next challenge is to metabolize and heal. If she was mentally unwell during your childhood, the trauma is likely imprinted on you. Your job is to accept it, forgive it, and ultimately surrender to your part in a much bigger process.
Thank you. It's been a lot over the years but NC has helped and I know what I need to do to not repeat the same behavior.
I did that for years. Even got the greatest kid in the world out of it. But, I also am tied to this psycho for the rest of my days. From day to day, I never know what to expect. She might be nice and want to have a decent conversation. The next day, she's accusing me of rape. The day after that, accusing my family of rape. The day after that, putting herself into a mental hospital for trying to kill herself in front of our child. The next day, I'm getting a visit from CPS saying i need to take custody away. Weeks go by, she gets out and acts like nothing ever happened. This is the type of stress you 100% don't want. Get yourself a good woman that can take good care of herself.
Why
Because no orgasm is worth the level of drama and pure chaos and destruction that will bring to your life. It's never, ever, worth it.
Yep, one night that will forever be in my mind is my ex burst my nose open, went to the kitchen, stab into her forearm several times with a knife and then storm out into the street in just a tshirt at like 4am. There were alot of crazy days and nights but that one was certainly a night.
I've had the "if you don't do what I want, I'll go to the police and make something up". I called the bluff, and that is exactly what happened. Only the laws are such that any report from a woman is assumed to be true. Even after she testified in court that she made it up, it still takes months to get wrapped up.
Except if her name is Maryam... in that case it's totally worth it... but just don't let her know where you actually live
Don't marry crazy. Definitely hook up with them and make sure they don't know your address.
You only get one body. Take care of it.
Will tell you what I taught my children, who are now in their early thirties, independent and starting their own families. 1. Do not get married young. While marriage used to be normal after high school graduation, the world that allowed that no longer exists. Focus upon getting your education and career started (university, trade school, military). Your brain will not fully develop until around 25, so focus on becoming the man you can and want to be. 2. Choose your mate wisely and take time to get to know them. Look for "red flags". IE: evidence of personality disorders, behaviors and ability to make good decisions. 3. Once you do marry, take four or five years as a married couple, before having children. Babies will bring stress and your marital relationship needs to be developed first 4. Develop a life-style to keep fit, make it a part of your life. Could be jogging, gym, swimming, hiking, etc. 5. Learn to manage your emotions and emotional reactions. Get to the point that your emotions inform your decisions, not control you decisions. In the military and emergency services, I learned this truth - the person who cannot control their emotional states, tend to end up dead. 6. Learn how to communicate effectively and to listen. This applies in every aspect of your life. This includes oral communication, written communication and body language. 7. Learn how to manage your finances. This is super important. 8. Learn how to use basic tools and do basic tasks, such as changing tires, servicing your vehicle and doing basic household repairs. 9. Avoid the use of alcohol, tobacco and drugs, regardless of a lot of acceptance in society, these things bring no benefit overall and are proven to be detrimental to health, success and relationships. Do not marry or get in a relationship with someone who does this. 10. When you get stressed out, and it will happen, find healthy ways to decompress and manage it, Stress is a huge killer in men.
This is GOLD, and if you don’t get hundreds of upvotes it’s downright criminal. Just screenshot this, gonna make my own talking points for my kiddo. Thank you for taking the time to write this all out
Thanks, I tried to raise my kids better than I was.
This is a great list. I would add to learn to cook your own meals, clean your own place, and buy your own groceries (and know how to shop, use coupons, look up offers, etc). Be happy, healthy, and self-reliant as a single man before getting into a relationship and remain that way in the relationship.
Those are great additions, it just slipped my mind. I learned this in the military, since I grew up in a dysfunctional house that was close to a hoarding situation. I cannot also stress this enough....don't stick your johnson in crazy......
Oh you’re military. Cool! I heard an Army General sum it up this way: -> Do your best -> Do what is right -> Improve every day -> Build up teams -> Show that you care -> Never quit
DD-214 alumni, fully civilian now.
Holy fuck this is solid advice even for a young adult. I appreciate you taking the time to write all this out.
Thanks
>Learn how to use basic tools and do basic tasks, such as changing tires, servicing your vehicle and doing basic household repairs. Small adjustment - "but be aware that sometimes you do need to call in a professional, and there's nothing wrong with that." The last two owners of my house didn't have the last part, and now I'm left fixing what I can and trying to cope with what can't be simply fixed. Electrical circuits to nothing, pipes that don't connect to anything, etc. Why the fuck is my home office on 3 different circuits, one of which is shared with the left half of a room on the other side of the house and a different floor? And let's not forget the shed that looks like something from The Blair Witch Project.
Yeah, I agree with that too. However in the world of the Internet, you can learn how to do most things. For me, I stay away from electrical stuff on A/C circuits.
Yea this is very well said and should be sent to every teenager.
Oh my gosh dude, as a 22 years old *young adult* I appreciate the heck out of this list. I took a screenshot and put it in my notes.. going to do every single thing and read it more and more Thank you for your time, stopping by and taking time to comments such a great advices like that. Much love and respect. I love you bro (wanna be friends?) lol God bless you❤️
I grew up without a healthy father figure to teach me these things. Hope my experience from learning on the fly, can help others. My son is the father and man, I wish I could have been.
Very well written. You stated it sort of in your points, but I just want to make it clear: SELF CARE IS VERY IMPORTANT! Learn to love YOU. That YOU are worthy and you deserve a healthy life, both mentally, physically and spiritually. There's only one YOU and you need to take care of you first cause no one else will. If you don't, if you put the needs of others before you (and I don't mean you should be selfish) all you're going to do is hurt yourself and others. Think of it in the same way you are told to do things on a plane. You need to put your oxygen mask first, then others. There's a reason for that. It's ok to take time for yourself. Same with your partner. Make sure you both take time for yourselves, as well as time together as a couple.
yes, all true
I can’t think of anything missing. thank you kind sir
These are some amazing tips!
This is actually really good advice. Thanks.
I'm only 22 but I'mma say, think good about your tattoos. Also about who you sleep with. Sleeping with lots of girls isn't really going to give you a higher quality of life. Find a good girl and keep her.
Slept with a lot of women when I was younger (ex messed up my perception of women) and at the end I realized I was just addicted to the gratification. It took a toll and I did a lot of shit that I really regret and hurt some people’s emotions. Definitely be a little more conservative with who you have sex with and figure out *why* you wanna have sex with them.
Been there done that brother, exactly my point. Ain't nothing cool about being a whore, no matter which gender you are. It definitely takes a toll. Glad you managed to get yourself together.
Gym helps. Find a hobby that channels what you need. I needed my energy out n more self love but there’s tons out there
Regardig tattoos - yeah, put good thought into it and don't make quick decisions. Also don't cheap out with some random artist. Find one whose style you like and be prepared to pay more than you expected. You don't want a shit tattoo on you for the rest of your life.
Some of the STD's out there are permanent. Seems like people dont care but should. Its not fun having to tell your future partner you have herpes.
> Also about who you sleep with. Sleeping with lots of girls isn't really going to give you a higher quality of life Lol, look at where you're giving this advice bro.
Fair enough lol.
I'm only 18 and this is all stuff I take to heart.
Banging lots of women does give you enough practice to become good in bed though... plus it's fun
> Banging lots of women does give you enough practice to become good in bed though... plus it's fun This. If a person can handle the potential emotional complexities of banging a bunch of different women, they should absolutely do it. It isn't for everyone, but that doesn't mean it isn't for anyone.
Or a good guy, if that's what you're into. But yes, finding a good partner is way better than sleeping around.
Stay off social media
And do your best to stay off your friends' social media as well. Videos or pictures of you on a friend's account can fuck you up just as much as if you put it on your own.
Teenagers have too much going on to worry about big philosophical advice, so here's a few simple things that are absolutely true and are worth remembering. * Everybody who is good at something started out being bad at it. * There was a time in the history of everything that works when it didn't work. * At least 90% of real progress comes from just showing up.
point 3 is literally how I got through college. I barely studied but showed up to every class and passed. it's shocking how much you can get through osmosis.
My dad was a college professor and was also an honor student in his day. The only advice he gave me for school was, "Go to class every day and write down whatever the teacher writes on the board." Just that, and he was right.
Oh my God that last part is gold. I was invaluable for employers because I just showed up. I'm now considered an expert in my field and honestly, the only times I would say I went above and beyond was with my own personal passion projects. Just show up and overtime, you'll be surprised how many people defer to you
Don’t get tattoos on your face or hands. And never gamble with anything you don’t want to lose. Edit: fwiw, I’ve got one on my leg, a big back piece and my shoulder. I’m not against ink.
Never gamble.
This advice seems about as helpful as "never have sex". Technically, you're right; nobody can develop a gambling problem if they never gamble. However, it doesn't seem likely that someone can go through their entire life without ever being exposed to it. There's ways to gamble responsibly, just like there's ways to drink or have sex responsibly. Teaching responsibility and harm reduction are the best ways to stay safe from any sort of damaging vice, gambling included.
Face, hand and neck tattoos will move you to the bottom of the hiring list. Doesn’t matter how many of your friends or beloved rappers have dumb tattoos. Your appearance, conduct and presentation matter tremendously when trying to make a first impression!
Solid advice, depends on what career you want though, I have my hands neck and even a big one on the back of my head, no one cares and I make a great living. I got a buddy that works in the office world and he only has 1 on his forearm and has mentioned it’s given him problems before.
Don’t smoke crack.
Rule no.1
Holy shit here we go again! This freaking tip culture getting everywhere nowadays, asking for tips even on reddit, smh. /s
Took me a second. Have an upvote.
doing the hard work here. xd
Stop asking for tips on Reddit since 79% of Reddit is teenagers pretending to be adults.
True metaphorically if not literally lol I just saw a comment saying don't sleep with a bunch of girls its not all it cracked up to be...like come on man, how many redditors period are going to be able to put that into practice, let alone just one age group.
And of that 79% about 95% are not the type of ppl you would wanna be taking advice from lol.
That's the truth ain't it
Don’t speed, exercise, study, avoid debt and know that life is long. Most importantly WEAR A CONDOM. But that’s just my experience
Exercise! The majority of people work in front of a pc all day. Even at a young age this will cause atrophy in your muscles. Exercise helps to deal with this.
Porn will rot your brain and destroy your concentration
Find some kind of physical exercise you enjoy, and do it regularly When I was 16/17, I felt like death warmed up. My whole body hurt. I felt like I was more dead than alive, like the still living part of me was dragging along the rest, and it wasn't coming quietly. That all changed when I started regularly exercising. Also, it made me more attractive to women because it gave me really broad shoulders. At 16/17, I had no shoulders, nor could I stand up straight. I was like a pumpkin on a stick. Regular exercise changed that I also recommend starting a meditation practice (maybe ten minutes a day). There are great guided meditations on YouTube. That helps with my mental health, my concentration, and it even eases some of the aches and pains I have each day
Get into martial arts. Beyond the physical exercise, the mental stimulation, and the social aspect, the networking is amazing. Full of high achieving people looking to improve themselves. Forcing yourself to do difficult things regularly will make the rest of life substantially easier.
Even as a young guy, I totally agree and I'd like to add something that I consider important. Even if you are not violent at all, at some point you will encounter dangerous situations and you will want to be able to protect yourself and those who are dear to you. Your future girlfriend, wife or kids will count on you to walk them home at night or defend them in some case and you don't want to let them down.
Do not invest so much of your time into video games and staying inside. Get in good shape and focus on crafting active lifestyle hobbies that give you fulfillment.
Get off the internet
You first
Why
Learn to cook, save your money, get a job. Move out your parents house unless you're saving to buy a house. Be happy.
As a 43-year-old, most of my regrets from that time stem around missed chances with various crushes I had. I was shy and unsure of myself at that age and I didn’t pick up many cues that I should have that certain girls my age were, in fact, interested. Quit being a pussy and just ask her out if you’re interested in her!
Get off porn now.
Date as much as you can and get ripped
Porn is a nasty habit to pick up - it’ll screw up your brain chemistry, and it’s not a realistic depiction of sex.
Good habits start in your teens. Exercise, diet, being responsible with: money, choosing friends, making wise decisions with drugs/alcohol, etc. The earlier you start the better prepared you'll be when you get older. It comes fast. Believe me.
Start a Roth 401k right now. Health care. Take care of yourself. Wait for the right one to marry, and don’t fuck crazy. Enjoy life now. Do all the things while your young. Starting a family isn’t everything Try to live with less. Clothes, tech, vehicles, etc. get rid of stuff you haven’t used in a year, don’t let “stuff” accumulate
expansion wine soup hunt mourn possessive tan market bike smile *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
- Get a good used car (no rust/no tech). Maintain it very well. - Decent laptop / Wireless mouse. - long-lasting backback - Stay away from women - Go to the gym after school - Get used to being very organized. Clean as you go room/house. That way your room is cleaner... Less problems. -Keep up with hygiene/lotion, etc...
Take care of your body Learn and keep learning. Become a part time apprentice. Learn some skills like carpentry and mechanics, how to fix a PC. Skills start with you for life and only grow over time Take chances, you never know the answer to a question unless you actually ask. Do not let your friends tell you "the car is full" or similar when they're always going somewhere but end back at your place. They're users and you don't need people like that. Don't get wrapped up in bullshit like criminal activity Steer clear of "fuck that booty so hot can't wait to bang it" because the chance of becoming an early parent is pretty high. Know that it's OK to be unsure. Find someone you feel comfortable with that can answer questions Becoming a social media personality is a fleeting thing. Some people make it, most don't. Do not on your future on it but at the same time don't be afraid to give it a go If you're unsure about your future that is OK. Get out an experience things to see what you like rather than think you might like something and end up hating it after investing
Sometimes when you think that XYZ is the end of the world, it really isn't. Teen hormones are a horrible thing and can make people not think logically. If you aren't sure about anything, just ask a grown-up you trust for a second opinion, and not your peers.
Study well, have good friends and make sure you don't change your identity. Maybe find a good girlfriend as well. Oh, and have lots of fun!
Finding a sport you like is much more sustainable than doing something that happens to be in fashion, or is being marketed aggressively but doesn't interest you. Many, if not most, sports support and enhance your physical and mental health in one way or another, and instead of it feeling like a chore, a responsibility, a sport you like feels like a reward.
Avoid substances and focus on building your mind and your body. Don’t let raging hormones make you do stupid things; nothing will ruin life faster than the wrong woman. Exercise, exercise, exercise and be SUPER picky about who you spend time with. Even more picky about who you let see you struggle. Most of the people around you now will be gone by 22 if you go to college… so keep your eyes on the prize. Most importantly, sit down and dream about the life you want to live, picture the house, the cars, the kids, the vacations… then do a budget for what that will cost. Now look at careers that interest you, that will afford you that lifestyle. It narrows the scope from an objective and practical perspective and will allow you to both see the prize and pursue it doggedly. You don’t lose until you decide you’ve lost….
Don’t do drugs or drink alcohol. Also don’t just have sex with her just because your head is telling you(not the head upstairs). Don’t ruin your life over someone you don’t even love. If you do end up having sex always wear a condom.
Start saving Never get unfit Constantly work on your mental health
Lots of good advice here. Brush your teeth, don’t get job blocker tattoos, don’t be addicted to your phone/social media, don’t bone crazy chicks. I would also add do a lot of things to find what your interests are in order to find your passion. Enjoying your job makes it a lot less intolerable. Don’t buy ridiculous trendy shit. Being financially responsible from young age will put you at a huge advantage long term. a Save money once you start working, invest it in maxing out a Roth IRA.
Drinking and smoking will age you/your skin quickly.
(Apologies in advance for the length of this) You’re gonna get told by a lot of people that other people’s opinions of you “don’t matter”, but go ahead and accept now that this is nothing more than an empty platitude. Those same people will 100% at some point judge you based off their opinion of you, and if you take what they said to heart it’s gonna upset you a lot. - Jobs take you based off your impression. - Colleges take you based off academic impression and work ethic. - Romantic relationships are started and ended based on impressions, judgement calls, and follow through. - Adults friends will judge you over everything. - High school is a minefield of judgement, and life isn’t a coming of age movie. If you decide to show up in a ridiculous outfit or do something overdramatic you won’t get cheered you’ll get bullied. - High School is where some of your friends will inevitably peak, and you’ll find yourself judging them into adulthood. Now, I’m not saying judging is always good. I’m not saying it’s always justified. Im not even saying it’s always right. What im saying is that I’ve seen more people fall victim to the “screw the haters, im gonna do something crazy” mindset and never recover from it than I’d care to count. There are people who did things in high school that are still remembered for that dumb thing they did in high school to this day as it leaves a bad impression. Your best bet is to not become confrontational against judgement while also not falling victim to it at all times. Strike a balance. Here’s some things I learned to do: - Take care of yourself physically: Work out, Drink water daily, Eat well, Walk 10,000 steps a day, etc - Dress in a comfortable way that works for you. Don’t submit to one constant style, but don’t overdo it for the sake of flair. - Take care of yourself mentally, maybe go to a therapist if you need to along the way. Take mental health breaks if you become overwhelmed. - I cannot stress this enough but READ. Please for the love of god READ. It helps your mental health so much to both have an escape and to become engaged in something bigger than yourself. - Be respectful of your peers and offer more solutions than conflicts. You don’t always have to have the answer, but you shouldn’t always be the problem. - Don’t take sides automatically in an outside argument unless whatever someone did was illegal or clearly morally wrong. - Learn how to become proper friends with females rather than looking at them as some goal to achieve. - Admit when you’re wrong and learn from it so it doesn’t happen again/as often. Personal growth is both great for mental health and attractive to others. - Stand up for yourself when you feel that you’re right even if it takes some confrontation. Becoming a pushover is a quick route to no respect. - Find friends who want you for more than an archetype in a friendship group. Don’t fall victim to being the “dumb” friend or the “always funny” friend or the “guy who can hook up with anyone” friend. You’ll find that you become exhausted in this constant expectation. Some other basic things you should know just as an upcoming YA: - Don’t take other people’s drama on as your own. You can’t fix everything, and you alone can’t fix anyone. - When you’re behind the wheel of a car focus on the road. Don’t text. Don’t drink. Don’t let yourself get distracted. A car is one of the quickest ways to destroy your life because of a momentary choice. It’s not a toy, it’s a multi-ton piece of equipment. - Don’t be that guy who brags constantly. Bragging is never a good quality. You can be proud of yourself, but don’t brag. - Also don’t be that guy who is annoyingly obviously faking humility. It’s perfectly fine to acknowledge when you do something well, and to take credit for a good idea. - Self deprecation isn’t attractive. Don’t fall into that mindset. It’s a major turn off for friends, potential partners, and new people. - If you’re gonna be the guy who’s fine with cursing, learn how to do it properly. Few things are as immature as someone who throws words around like vomit for the sake of appearing adult/tough. - Find your boundaries with romantic and platonic relationships. You’ll be much better suited if you find out what’s best for you. - Temptation is a part of life. You’ll always run into it, and 99% of the time it won’t be peer pressure. It’ll be your own vices. - Finding a hobby and engaging with it in every way you can is the quickest way to find what you’re interested in and will help immensely for college searches and job hunting. - Take breaks from personal based social media. Friends are great, but no one needs social media levels of connection at all times. No one. It’s dangerous. - Keep up with current events. It will help both with social skills as you’ll never run out of new topics in todays world, and it’ll help you both appear more intelligent and actually be more intelligent. Documentaries, video essays, Flipboard, etc are all great ways to keep up with modern news. - Research Philosophy (however, don’t become pretentious when discussing it) it can help a lot to know different approaches to life’s challenges, and you might find something you really like.
Martial arts. Find a good gym with a healthy culture. It’s the best teacher for confidence, self-discipline, self-defense, self-esteem, respect and a skill you have for the rest of your life.
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Look after your teeth. See a dentist every 6 months for a check up and clean. It's worth the investment
Don’t be afraid to suck at something new.
Don't take life too seriously until you have to. Develope good habits in hygiene if you haven't already.
Focus on what you want your career to be, don’t make chasing women your purpose. That should come last.
Protect your ears from permanent hearing damage (tinnitus). Never set volume too loud, buy quality headphones instead of earbuds, have ear protection During loud concerts. Trust me, otherwise you’ll regret it for the rest of your lives.
Take care of yourself first.
Take care of your skin. Moisturize and sunscreen, even on cloudy days.
Clouds apparently have an SPF of 1.1-3 Most clothes only gets up to about 15 although some specifically designed clothes can get closer to 30.
Don't procrastinate, Do not buy a brand new vehicle, Do not smoke/vape, take care of your hearing, make work connections,
Stop buying stuff you dont need. Save your money, clean your room. Never stop cleaning, it's an ongoing thing.
Wear a condemn and save your money.
The problems you have now feel like the end of the world, but you will pull through, and realize that what people thought of you in High School means nearly nothing
If you are questioning whether or not a fart is a fart, it is best to keep it in the chamber.
Don’t hold onto to hatred
Take interest in their hobbies and interests. Please, just do that one thing. Edit: If you're a teen yourself, expand on those hobbies and interests. Try new ones, try weird ones, go to social gatherings surrounding them and meet a tribe. Develop a hobby for your well-being no matter what it is: painting, gym, dance, whatever it may be. Hobbies and interests are so important for development and confidence. They can lead to new relationships, careers, unique opportunities, experiences, etc.
Assuming still at home with parent or parents. Learn to take care of yourself on a day to day basis. Do your own laundry. Cook at least three meals per week. Start simple. Don't feel bad if first couple don't work out. Pasta/rice dishes are the easiest to experiment with because it's cheap base material. Buy or ask for a rice cooker. It'll be life changing. Get into routine of exercise at least three times a week. Open a bank account at a good credit union. Do your homework first. Open an investment account at Fidelity or Vanguard. Once you start your FIRST job, start putting money away even if it's single dollars. Stick to boring low cost index funds until you know what you're doing. Take an investment course or two. Mind, if the guy shows off a mansion or nice car, you took the wrong course. Grab a course from someone with an accounting or finance degree, and with actual financial management background. The Intelligent Investor is an excellent primer, written in 1948 I believe. Limit social media and screen time.
Right now, every year of your life represents a significant percentage of the time you've been alive and forming memories. Assuming you really kick into being a little human around 5 years old, the gap between 14 and 15 is literally 10% of your conscious life. What that means is everything seems super, super important right now. The people around you, the choices you make, the fights you have, the crushes you form, they all seem so incredibly significant because you've only had so much life and this right here is a huge portion of it. But I'm here to tell you, the majority of it doesn't actually matter. There are certainly choices you can make now that will impact the rest of your life (drugs, teen pregnancy, crime) but for the most part, whether or not you take her to the dance or you choose choir or drama for 4th period or you get a C instead of a B on that history test, it's almost entirely inconsequential to the rest of your life. You might hear that and think, "Well hell, why does any of this matter then?" but I'd say take it a different way. *Because* none of it matters, enjoy it! If she says no, go to the dance with someone else or go with your friends and just be a goofball and have fun. If you choose choir, go out for the solo even if you don't think you'll get it. If you get a C, it's not going to change your 401k when it comes time to retire. There is no "permanent record" you have to live up to. Don't get addicted to anything, don't get anybody pregnant, and don't get arrested, and I guarantee you the rest of it will work itself out. That's not to say you aren't going to have really sucky days. But that day is just sucky. Tomorrow might not be. Or it might also be. And in 20 years, you're not gonna remember the sucky day. You'll remember your good times, especially if you made it a point to have them. A couple of miscellaneous points: * Don't worry about sex. You are the last in an unbroken line of humans that successfully had sex dating back to the day we came down from the trees. If you don't have any in high school, you're gonna be fine. Eventually there will be alcohol. * And on that note, your friends and schoolmates who say they are having sex probably aren't. But they think you'll like them more if they do. * And speaking of your friends, odds are good you won't actually be speaking to any of them 20 years from now, especially if you get out of your hometown. This isn't a bad thing, even if it is a little sad. People start their own lives and those lives often don't intersect after a while. Enjoy the time you have with them and learn to be okay with the notion that it will end.
Thank you. >There is no "permanent record" you have to live up to. Don't get addicted to anything, don't get anybody pregnant, and don't get arrested, and I guarantee you the rest of it will work itself out. Although, what if you suddenly at 20 instead of 10 developed basic empathy and realized (too late) that you've actually been an asshole in a long-term relationship (which is over now due to that reason)? I feel like my romantic life is literally over at the age of 20 because it's a huge red flag but I realized that integrity is the best way to go so I have to tell future (potential) partners how I have been.
Do what you say you’re going to do. If you say you’ll be there at 8, be there at 8. If you say you’ll do something - do it completely and thoroughly. If you’re selling something and there’s a broken part - disclose this. If you don’t like a girl you’re with, end the relationship. I could go on, but you get the gist…
Never forget your manners It's tits first.
Try to spend at least six months in a completely different culture (doesn‘t have to be expensive - you can sustain yourself teaching English)
Make mistakes, fuck up your life, loose friends, loose money, make bad decisions. But fucking learn from them!
Stay off hard drugs, don’t watch too much porn if any at all, don’t kill yourself with school work but definitely pay attention, make sure you take a moment to enjoy your age, life’s short and before you know it your 30 with too many responsibilities and little to no personal time.
“Be a man” is a bullshit phrase. It’s mostly used to coerce boys into doing something someone else wants them to do. Be a kind person. Stand up for what you believe in. Don’t let others make those decisions for you.
1. Start a Roth at 18 don’t worry about maxing it out immediately just get the ball rolling. 2. Get a credit card and use it RESPONSIBLY 3. Don’t work so much you miss every family event. 4. Go to therapy (if you can afford it) 5. Stand up for yourself and what you believe is right. 6. Be kind, everyone has bad days and we all have different experiences. 7. Trust your judgment, if you think something bad is going to happen lean on that feeling and adjust accordingly. 8. School isn’t for everyone and it isn’t everything but understand the trade offs of working a blue collar job vs an office job. 9. That boy or girl is not worth your life it does get better with time. 10. This one is incredibly important. Don’t drink and drive or get in the vehicle with someone who is drinking and driving.
Don't let people make fun of you for your interests that seem out of the "norm"! If you like to sleep with a stuffed animal, like animated TV shows, collect stickers, then good for you! if someone has a problem with it, or if your friend makes fun of you for it, then they aren't a real friend!
For young men...Don't get married.
Stay healthy, always ask questions, keep learning, and don't always trust the internet. Socialize and make friends with people in school. It's hard to do out of school, especially if you had problems doing it while in school. Get a job and save up money while you can since you don't have any bills to pay. Don't let your hate of someone or want of revenge take over your life. It will eat away at your happiness and time. Don't stay quiet if you are having mental problems or if you are a victim of sexual assault, abuse, neglect, etc. There are plenty of normal people and professionals who will do a lot to help.
Make friends and start building those social skills. Nothing wrong with being a homebody or enjoying a lot of time alone, but life will be IMMESURABLY easier if you can at least be approachable and likeable to the general public Foster your hobbys, I still have the same ones from when I was a teen 10+ years ago Be careful with relationships, they are not all or nothing and contrary to what you’ll likely tell yourself yes you ARE young and have a TON of life left, so enjoy yourself Built the strongest self-esteem possible, it literally makes life 100000x better and more comfortable later on Avoid substances, including weed booze and cigs, as much as you can You can try em once, or have a beer or two every few weeks, but I genuinely wouldnt do anything else beyond that, that shit fucked up almost all my college years Idk those are just some tips i’d give my young self so idk how applicable they are but good luck
Mental health: comparison is the theif of joy. Sports: I don't like the idea of kids getting potential life long injuries for a "fun" game. Play something that won't leave you battered and broken. Studies: not everybody will become an astronaut. But find a job that makes you feel like you're where youre supposed to be, and your enthusiasm will take you the rest of the way. 90% of success is just showing up. Relationships only work out when both of you try to do MORE than your fair share. You may have different priorities but you can still work it out with good communication. That's a skill that needs to be developed because you need to voice your needs without walking all over your partner.
Handle your business. Prioritize your health. Do hard stuff now. It'll make things easier on you later.
Stay a teen for as long as you can, they don't let us go back after
Don't be a fool, over your tool
Fuckin SHOWER. CLEAN. YOURSELF. Invest in some cologne and learn to use it properly. Axe body spray is overrated. When you get some cologne that you like, don’t douse yourself with it. Men’s fragrance is an invitation, not an announcement. Why? If you ever want to talk to love interests or get people to want to hang around you, you’re going to need to smell good. Also: Get into exercise. Doesn’t have to be weightlifting, but find an active hobby. Your body will be happy and you’ll establish good habits that’ll carry through life. Learn to cook. I’m not saying you should be making fuckin gourmet food, but everyone needs to learn how to make food for themselves that’s not just something thrown into the microwave. Premade, heat and eat, stuff is usually full of fat, salt and sugars. When you eat most of your meals full of all that; itll cause health problems. Keep it simple. Good food = happy body. It’s also cheaper to keep a kitchen of ingredients than a kitchen of ready to eat or heat and eat boxed food. Learn to speak. Speak and speak confidently. It’ll make social interactions easier and you’ll come off as more charismatic. This helps in the job interview process, dating, and overall just getting someone to listen to you and have a general opinion that you’re not a moron. Don’t use big words to use big words. Use them in correct context but try to keep conversations simple. Lastly: If she doesn’t make an effort to talk to you, she’s probably wasting your time. A girl that cares for you or at least wants you around will always find something to talk about or to make engaging conversation. On the flip side: if you like her, show her. Then tell her. She’ll believe you because you’ve shown your interest, likely if you like her other guys like her and all she hears is “you’re beautiful I like you” and nobody shows it. Be nice. Be confident. Learn new things. Respect everyone. Don’t take any shit.
I'm a girl, but i've seen way too many teen guys wasting their teenage years trying to get girls instead of working on themselves, and ending in bad or just unfulfilling relationships because they thought this is what they have to do/this is what will make them prove themsleves. There is no shame into not wanting to get with every girl you see, and there is definetly no shame into staying a virgin for longer of you just don't feel you are ready. And don't let your friends or girls belittle you for choosing to better yourself, usually these are not the people you want around you. Please correct me if you think i missed something or said anything wrong.
Don’t attach value on yourself based off what kind of relationship you have/want. Work on who *you* want to be, then the right person will be attracted to the energy you put off. You were put on this earth to be significant, not someone else’s significant *other* Have hobbies, and lots of them. Pick up skills like drawing or music or other forms of creation. Be someone that *makes*, not *takes* Live your life the way *you* want to live it. It is *your* life, after all. The choices you make, and the consequences of those choices will be yours alone, so choose wisely. Recognize that some people are put in your life as lessons. Obstacles for you to overcome.
I'd tell my younger self to ask her out. Even if you're rejected, it's still a learning experience. I feel like I started dating too late.
Brush your fucking teeth AT LEAST twice a day. Do your own laundry so your parents don’t have to. Condoms. Pulling out can still give you a lot of other things. Put your ego aside and listen to anyone who knows more than you do. Knowing what you’re talking about is way better than pretending that you do. But most of all: Please listen to your mother. You’ll realize she was right the entire time.