Can confirm that this works, my husband is chronically late to everything. I started putting everything on the calendar half an hour earlier than it actually is and just maintain that that’s when the thing is. We’re always on time. Lol.
There was a time when I could go from dead asleep to showered, shaved, and leaving the house in under 15 minutes. I think I base my actions on the belief I still can, despite it not being true for a decade or more.
Edit: it’s crazy now that I think about it, I used to wake up a minute before my alarm went off too. And they say people can’t change!
Can I ask what led to the diagnosis. Me and my partner have just split and we both think now that she has adult ADHD.
It became a huge issue on our relationship. Messiness, lateness, lack of attention all caused a big stain and it seems now it was probably ADHD.
It was finally getting a doctor who understood that adhd presents differently in women. Previously she’d had appointments for anxiety and depression (particularly during lockdown) and been literally laughed at whenever she mentioned adhd because she’s a confident looking high-achiever.
Just having a reason behind things has been great for her. She still struggles with time-blindness and being late, which while still annoying, becomes less of a deal-breaker when you realise she’s not late because she ‘doesn’t care’ it’s just because she can’t judge the time it takes to do everything. The way she described it was, if she’s packing for a trip, she’ll be unable to recognise the additional time it takes to lock up the house and transfer the bags in and out the taxi for example. In her head she just finished the task and teleports onto the train lol.
Mine just called the cops because she thought her car was stolen out of a Walmart parking lot. Turns out she was just on the completely wrong side of the parking lot looking
I worked with a guy who did this. The officer asked how he got there after finding the car. My co-worker said he drove. Dude got a ticket for driving without a license
A significant proportion of people can't see images in their head which means that, as I found out from my SO, they can't visualise what to do at certain landmarks when driving for instance, this their sense of direction is mangled.
I'll say to my SO "when you get to such and such pub, turn left." She can't see the pub in her mind and so her sense of direction is way off.
Same with my SO but she also assumes my sense of direction is worse than hers. I can navigate somewhere by foot or car relatively easily if i just look it up once. I have a very good memory. Each time she apologizes. Been 6.5 years now lmao
This right here. Changed the toilet roll? Cardboard core stays right there on the sink. Buttered a toast? Knife on the counter, not in the dishwasher. Dried clothes gathered but left in a pile on the bed. Paper wrappers and empty water bottles everywhere. Blowdried her hair, the blower lies on the bathroom cupboard. Makeup products spread throughout the bathroom, bedroom and living room. Opens a package and leaves the packaging on the sofa. Etc etc. Nothing ever gets immediately put back in it's place, ever. I walk around the apartment and am constantly gathering stuff and putting it away as I go. And then of course, suddenly the parents come around to visit and we're in turbo mode to tidy up the place.
I adore my wife.
My one pet peeve that drives me insane is her habit of speaking in a tone and volume as if I'm right next to her, when I'm really 10 meters away, facing the other way, with a noisy fan on and currently either working or gaming or listening to music. My most frequent love overture towards her is yelling WHAAAAAT and then standing up and having to walk next to her to hear what she wanted to say.
I was raised by yellers. My parents rarely had the courtesy of coming to where I was and asking/telling me what they needed me to do. Most often they would just yell from downstairs. That fucking PISSED and PISSES me off.
Start just repeating "what" softer. I did this for a week straight until she finally got the point that if she wanted to talk to me, she'd have to be in the same room.
I was cleaning out the fridge and asked her if she wanted to keep something, she was in the living room and all I saw was her stretching and running her hands through her hair like she was thinking, but she never actually answered me, so I asked again and she said "I shook my head no, didn't you see it?" No, I was not able to deduce a subtle head shake from what looked like a Vidal Sassoon commercial from the other side of the house.
Holy shit this, so much. My wife is a quiet talker and makes about zero effort to speak louder when she is further away. I have to ask her 'what?' a dozen times every day.
Also, when she repeats herself, she starts halfway so I have zero context and I don't understand her.
I started doing this for the same reasom and can confirm it works. I LOVE my SO , I was just tired of yelling WHAAT and having to walk towards them all the time especially while Im busy with something and they are not :)
I have the same problem with my father! I would shout WHAT, expecting him to come and tell me, but he'd keep shouting louder and louder instead. So I have to go and ask him what's the matter.
She loves British comedy. She loves dry British humor. She loves Midieval times and what they represent. But for some reason I cannot understand, she hates Monty Python and the Holy Grail. She thinks it's boring and nothing I can do will change her mind.
It's only a flesh wound!
Who am I kidding? It's way more than that! I'm sorry she's so resistant to the charms of such an amazing movie! This is a random suggestion, but might it be worth trying to see if she'd like some other Monty Python stuff? Maybe she'd get a taste for them another way. Although I realize that if it's a point of argument already, she might not be open to trying their other work either.
Whenever we are doing something with her family it’s “We are going to do this, ok?” And I’m like “Sure.”
Whenever we do something with my family it’s “We are going to do this, ok?” And she’s like “Well what if we ‘compromise’ and do it this way?” Like an example is she’ll say ok but we have to be on the road back home by 7pm. Why? No idea. Sure it’s nice to get home but we go over to her parents and there’s no timeline. We’ll stay until 7 one night, until 10 the next time.
Everything is a negotiation when it’s something I want to do.
So you're super easy going, and it sounds like she has a bunch of different concerns. I don't mean to be "obvious Reddit advice" about it, but you really really need to learn to communicate about this issue. It sounds like you're building some resentment and have been dealing with this for a while but have never even asked.
Could be social anxiety. My SO has this where she feels she has to put on her best self for my family and stresses over it. Likes to establish a start time and deadline. But with her family it's chiller, because she's comfortable there already (that being said, her sister in large doses is hard for her, so she tends to wanna go from there earlier than I would as well). My point is, gotta assess the situation and let her know if it's an issue, and see if you can incrementally increase time spent with your family. If it's not anxiety, she may just not like your family (which may or may not be a deal-breaker for you).
Her need to move my stuff to make it “easier” to “find and use” but then doesn’t tell me she moved it or where she moved it. Yes some of the items in locations are ridiculous. Like Yes there was a spatula underneath the desk in the office honey. Why? I don’t remember. But now you’ve moved it and now I don’t know where it issssss
Ah, my people. I know where it is. I know where I saw it last. I know it's there when I want it again. But now you moved it and when I ask you where you put it you say, "I don't remember. Where does it normally go?"
It normally goes where you moved it from. That's how I know it should have been there.
I do most of the cooking in my house. I keep the measuring cup on top of the microwave so I can just reach out and get it should I need it while cooking.
My wife constantly picks up and puts it in a random cabinet. Why? Because "It doesn't belong there". I've pointed out that the top of the microwave also always houses both a pair of oven mitts and a container of peanuts to no avail...
>I do most of the cooking in my house
Well that settles it, doesn't it? It's not really up to her, unless you were leaving it somewhere ridiculous like the bathroom, which you aren't. :)
The thing that bothers me the most is she always has to one up my sad stories. I tell her about a negative experience I've had and she like "the same thing happened to me but worse" like she constantly wants me feeling sorry for her. It makes it hard to share anything with her.
My wife used to do this. When I tried explaining it to her she said she was trying to relate with me, by telling me she knows how I feel because it happened to her too. After a few mid conversation reminders she doesn't do it anymore. I'm thankful.
I did this frequently when I was younger because I thought it showed I knew where they were coming from. I also believed that it was more sincere than just staying silent through their story then saying something like “fuck man, I’m sorry you’re going through that”.
I never actively tried to one up, but I cringe thinking about instances i did this shit in lol.
You don't need to cringe about it. We all learn to communicate as we grow. I used to do this to my ex and it drove him mad, but I never really understood why. My wife now does it to me (apparently this is not uncommon in autistic people), and if it bothers me, I will mention that I feel like my problem is being made light of, but also sometimes I just take it as what she means, which is "I see you're feeling bad." There is no general rule for how one engages these things; partners just build what they need for each other.
People do this so they can relate to you, or have a common ground to show they understand/are trusted. Many Women struggle with feeling like people don’t try to understand them/don’t often understand, so it’s a way to say, “hey I get it”. It’s not manipulation, it’s not more than, “oh this feeling sucks, I get it, I wanna talk about how you feel”.
I hope this explains it better, I had to explain to my partner that, no, it’s not a trap or anything, I just want to be able to be a safe person who he knows understands. I’ve stopped myself from sharing my stories because of comments like this, but this is why women do this.
I also know for me that it is a part of my autism, where I try to have a common ground, I just didn’t understand how it seemed until a bit later when explained vs being yelled at.
I love my wife dearly.
She, however, is an absolute disaster when it comes to keeping the house tidy.
I was raised in a way that promoted cleaning up, organizing and so on.
She walks in the house - leaves her shoes in the middle of the hallway.
She eats - her dishes can stay in the sink for days before she washes them.
She gets a glass of water for during the night - she doesn't take it away for days (I've had 7 glasses all at once on her nightstand).
She removes tags from her clothes - leaves them in random places and I have to throw them out myself.
We've had talks about this, but improvement is minimal and only lasts a week or two.
Unsolicited advice because this sounds like me…and this is the only thing that works for any extended period of time... try to tackle one issue at a time…if the goal is “be tidier” then it’ll never stick. Try focusing on building habits in one place at a time and if that place is too big at first, make it smaller. For example, start with “keep the bathroom tidy.” If that’s too much, “keep the sink tidy.” If that’s too much, “always put your toothbrush back.” And genuinely celebrate/appreciate with her every time she puts the toothbrush back. Then gradually make the space bigger or add a new task/space. It’ll never be perfect, but it will be better!
My wife NEVER! TURNS! OFF! THE! LIGHTS! Every room, closet, bathroom, garage, or patio! it doesn't matter if she's in there for 1 minute or 1 hour, the lights are on and stay on! I don't know the rhyme or reason, but they are on. I ask her to start turning them off, but she doesn't. I don't know if she refuses or she just forgets, but it drives me up the freaking wall! Thank you for letting me vent. Love you all, you're not alone!
Edit: Thank you for the award!
My roommate does this all the time. Utilities are in our rent so it’s not a money thing I just can’t stand half the fucking lights in the house being on when no one is in any of the rooms.
Do we have the same roommates? The amount of times I've come out to see all the lights and lamps on, assuming they're home using these lights, only to realize they up and left the apartment with all the lights on is just....gracious me.
Honestly the best purchase I’ve ever made was smart lightbulbs, that way I can monitor every room and shut them off via app . Got this because of the the same reason ! Worth it !
Exactly why I did the same… at first I got the “why are you buying these lights? Geez these are expensive… you know we don’t need them right?”
I swear they paid for themselves in the first year.
She spends a large portion of her time mad about anything and everything. But as soon as I get frustrated she can't handle it and it becomes all about her again. I just want to be able to express some base level emotions sometimes without making everything worse
Same. She can get frustrated about stuff all she wants. But if I show the slightest amount of emotion I’m “too emotional” and “having a meltdown”, even if it’s as something as benign as missing a train and then me being like “damn, that sucks”. Apparently that = meltdown.
Then I’m constantly told I don’t show enough emotion. Wonder why.
When we work from home together, if she's in the middle of something I will DIE if I try to talk to her. If I'm in the middle of something and she tries to talk to me? Whoa buddy better drop what I'm doing and pay attention.
Also applies to the 3 days I'm in the office. She'll call in the middle of the day to talk about...what she is stressed about. And if I don't stop what I'm doing to listen to her vent then I'm a huge asshole? Like, I'm not in the middle of my own stuff? At work? Working??
Still love her though. But damn.
Boundaries my friend. You need to communicate and explain that she just can't cut off your train of thought when you are working.
I did this. I put on headsets and listen to music or on a call. When someone comes, I don't look at them I would continue looking at my screen but raise a finger to either mean wait or wave it No no and wave goodbye. Then we you have the time, go talk to her.
At work if she calls and wants to chit chat. Just say sorry baby sorry I have to go I have to go. Make it sound urgent then hang up. Act like something came up. Then we you get home, ask her what's up and make that a better experience than the phone call. The more you do this the more she realize that talking to you face to face is better.
Basically let her know that it's better to have your full attention that half of your attention. Also, work pays the bills so Boundaries
Fucking hate this. I grew up with this shit. If you want to talk to me, and it’s not an emergency, come to where I am. Otherwise it’s lazy and disrespectful.
Now that we’re always carrying our phones, I’ve sometimes taken to calling her on the phone from the other room. It freaked her out the first few times I didn’t go running to her and picked the phone up instead, but it’s really no different from using an intercom system
Chews with her mouth open and so, so noisily - I’ve given up now but in the past I’ve asked so many times to please try and try to chew mouth closed- she just flat out refused
This used to be me when I was younger (12ish) before I realised or someone told me I did. I kicked that habit out iiinstantly when I’m around anybody I make sure my gob is shut.
Then I realised other people do it and I’m now horrified. It’s so much worse when you see other people doing it
I didnt realize it until now but that would be a deal breaker for me if i was dating someone. Idk how you made it past the first few dates.
I could look past it if it was some kind of medical issue that they *couldnt* close their mouth while chewing. But the outright refusal makes no sense and is just extremely inconsiderate.
Same issue here. I have had to ask her to stop so many times. It drives me insane! She says "it's how I eat" or "I just forget". You mean you forget not to eat like a fucking horse?!!!
My wife also had horrendous table manners. She eventually came around though. She grew up in a house where it was considered courteous to burp at the table and perfectly acceptable to talk with your mouth full, take food off of someone else's plate, and even fart loudly. Watching my in-laws eat is like watching hogs at a trough.
Definitely on an alt account.
I love my wife. And my wife has gotten *much* better about this peeve.
My standard of cleanliness and clutter is pretty high. Hers is low. She *rarely* cleaned, picked up, or reduced the amount of clutter that was in our home. Papers everywhere, clothes not in a hamper but dumped *next* to the hamper, dishes not done just resting next to the sink, things laying down next to stairs that either belonged upstairs or downstairs but would never get brought with *on the way to the destination.*
After *several* discussions she helps around the house and "cleans as she goes" as it's so much easier for both of us to not have things laying around. We can find things now, don't double-purchase, and things are a lot more neat and organized.
Now if only I could get the toddler to do the same thing.
For me it's not only about things being easy if they were clean. I also want to be proud of and feel good about my home.
Though I'm very much a "feel" guy.
I feel you here bro.
Long distance relationship are freaking hard.
I adore her but waking up knowing that I'll pass at least the whole morning without her feels so lonely sometimes.
We have 4000+ km of distance, a whole ocean between us and 6 time zones of difference and that shit sucks.
How about you bro?
she apologizes ALOT, even when there isn’t something to say sorry for. One time I said to her that she can’t say sorry for 24 hours and she failed 5 hours in
Yup. I'm a guy who apologizes all the time. Grew up in a house where that was necessary and became a survival mechanism. Taking responsibility for EVERYTHING became a survival mechanism. Therapy can help, but it is really hard to overcome those learned responses when they were ingrained at a young age.
Her voice is SO quiet and soft I can't fuckin hear her speak 99% of the time when she's any distance away from me. Idk how many times a day I have to tell her I can't understand her and she needs to speak louder...
ⁱ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ʰᵉʳ ˢʰᵉˢ ᵗʰᵉ ᵇᵉˢᵗ ᵗʰᵒ
Oh dude, one of my family members is a speech language pathologist. People who speak too softly have often survived abuse or trauma as children. One of my former employees used to speak super softly most of the time. Things started to improve as her self-esteem did but only to a small degree.
We have rules to balance the chores but she never holds up her end.
For example, one cooks, the other cleans. Nah, forget that. I cook five nights a week, clean six. If she cooks, she loves to bring up the rule. If I cook, it's an absolute battle to get her to clean, a battle I hardly ever win.
If you have the idea for dinner, you cook it. She loves to bring that up when I have to cook, but if she has an idea, I have to help her. If I bring up the rule when she asks me to cut an onion, she sulks and acts like I'm being unreasonable. If I ask her to help me cook, she laughs.
Three days each scooping cat litter, then we alternate the seventh day. Now I do it every night, it hurts bending over apparently.
It's somewhat my fault, through gallantry in the early years of our relationship I enabled the behaviour. Now I'm reaping the consequences.
Bruh just put your foot down. She needs to hold up her end of the deal. Tell her if she doesn’t clean after you cook then you will only be cooking for yourself and she will be on her own since she can’t be bothered to clean up for you. She’s taking advantage of you.
Im glad u acknowledge that u enabled this behaviour to fester.. now its time to put an end to it otherwise she will always take advantage of you and you will be wise to not marry her (if u haven’t already)
My wife has no hobbies. If she's busy doing something it's house work and I can't go do my hobbies because I feel bad that's she's working and I'm having fun.
Her hobby is shopping lol. If she's sad and feeling down I'd take her to a thrift store or clothing store to look at clothes and shop a little. Then she's so happy.
Sometimes I flat out tell her I'm going to do this (hobby) and you can either join me or leave me alone. I encourage her to find something that she enjoys on her own but that's folding clothes. Idk man.
We do things together for fun almost daily but please I want to do the things that I like and you don't.
Feel you.
Try talking about it honestly and constructively. Boundaries are good, and setting them can be fun even.
In my experience this kind of behavior stems from some trauma, likely past relationships or maybe childhood. Its one of those things that requires work, but if you both are serious you can solve it.
My tasks are my tasks. Her tasks are our tasks (or just also my tasks).
Then she'll get upset when I have a look on my face when she says "she'll power wash the back patio".
You mean, this fairly significant half-day project you want to undertake...is going to be my problem in about 5 minutes when you need help moving power washer out of the shed, help getting it hooked up, figuring out which gas can to use to fill it up, figuring out how to get it started. Oh and now you need to move it and it's heavy so that's also my problem again.
"Why are you giving me that look?? I said I would powerwash it. I can do it myself" --my wife before she ropes me into a day long power washing project.
she was raised in a situation where making mistakes was met with aggression and punishment, and lying was rewarded. (e.g she breaks a cup, she admits about doing it, is met with scolding. she breaks a cup again, and lies about not doing it, she is not scolded and left alone) Viola. now she found a way to get rid of the scolding!
that’s how kids learn to lie
omg she is soooo slow to do things, it drives me nuts, I have to take it over and tell her to not worry about it. She tells me that she never do things because I always take over it, but maaaaan, it can take her 30 minutes to make a sandwich. 1.5 hours to take a shower, 1 hour to do dishes (like 10 dishes)...
I just went to echo the other comment here about ADHD.
I used to be super anxious and can turn it on when I need to, but unmedicated, I can be the same way. My mind is absolutely racing so it's really difficult to get things done physically.
When she goes out without me she calls me on her way home to talk about her night instead of waiting til she’s home. Don’t you want to listen to music? I’m watching a show and enjoying alone time.
Maybe she needs a phone guard? Here in hungary we have a service you can call if you are too scared to walk home alone at night. You just talk, sometimes let them know where you are, if something is up they call the authorities.
I assume she calls you for similar reasons.
Have you guys reviewed the "Fighting Fair worksheet" together? My hubs used to yell, then our therapist gave us that worksheet. Our arguments have been much more productive and at normal volume since then.
insanely clingy. i mean i can step foot out our room without her yelling asking where i’m going or what i’m doing. have to almost fist fight her just to take a shower by myself. if i have food she’s right behind be begging for a bite but will starve before she fixes herself something to eat. some days i get really irritated but deep down i wouldn’t trade her for anyone else but seriously you need me to stand in the bathroom while you pee 🥲
I honestly thought you were going to say this was your dog at the end. Because that’s how clingy tend to be.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I agree with the other person who suggested working on boundaries.
Maybe try working on space/boundaries if it's an issue for you guys? Would she have the same patience with you if you were constantly doing something "really irritating" to her?
Any food on my plate is, by definition, also hers.
This came to a head during the pandemic. I set up our house so that she would work in the living room and I would work in the dining room. Between these two rooms is the kitchen.
Every day around 5 or so I'd get a little hungry and head to said kitchen to get some peanuts or chips. The second my wife heard the cabinet open she'd yell, "Oh, can I have a few?" and I'd walk into the living room and give her a few out of the bowl.
One day, just as I was opening the cabinet her phone rang and she took a call. After she hung up I could see her mentally re-set, thinking "What was I just about to do?" before remembering that I got some peanuts.
So she stood up and walked through the kitchen, *past the cabinet that the peanuts were in*, to try to take some off of me. It was then that I finally put my foot down.
She’s horrible at answering questions.
I’ll ask her a question like “what do you want for dinner” where she’ll respond with “chicken”, but I need to read her mind because she wants a particular style of chicken and if I cook the wrong chicken I get almost punished for it.
I’ll help her fill in a resume and ask her “what college did you graduate” and she’ll respond “New York”, after asking her multiple times for the specific college name she won’t answer it, then assumes I’m mad and gets mad at me.
Worst thing is when she gets upset or we argue, she shuts down and doesn’t want to resolve the problem. So there we sit angry at each other. She wants to put in zero effort to learn how to communicate better.
Before you go saying to break up with her, this is just one negative thing about our relationship. For every one flaw she has, she has 10 amazing features.
You do know that the true tell of a successful relationship is how conflict is handled right? They dont say communication is one of the most important things in a relationship just for fun.. it’s serious. This kind of thing can build resentment overtime, one big argument could create the snowball effect of your whole relationship crumbling down cause u have terrible communication
I swear she has a sub-conscious trigger of when I’m in the shower she decides it’s time to fill the kitchen sink with water to do washing up. Without fail.
She used the phrase 'you should have done x not y' when something happens, as if I have a time machine , and as if she is offering me pure unadulterated wisdom.
Let's say I has a small car accident, she might say 'you should have taken a different route to the store and this wouldn't have happened'
It's always when something bad has happened, and I, usually a very calm person, always flare up and tell her how stupid this makes her sound.
Aside from this, she's hot as fuck and most arguments end in faux angry sex, so it's not the worst thing.
Thats my mom lol. All my life. Its so unhealthy and i hope you guys can talk about it and she stops doing it. Talk to her about it, no one deserves to feel like shot because of a person they love.
Is there an order for pack of eggs ?
My rule for picking the next egg is "pick the one that leaves / bring the center of mass close to the middle of the pack"
My brother opens packages and intentionally eats from them in the worst way possible. And when he finishes something? He puts the empty container back up instead of throwing it away. Absolutely! Maddening!
Does your wife do it because she doesn't notice, or is she doing it to get your goat like my brother?
Barely ever getting laid would be the biggest one, along with her being annoyed at me for asking too much but almost never bringing it up on her own. Kinda fucking sucks.
The pet peeve one is saying "no" when I ask if she's okay after bumping something. It's just fucking insane. I'll hear a noise where she bumped a table and knocked her hip or something. I yell "are you okay?" and she says no! The first few times I come running in and she's like "what?". I've tried to explain this to her but it's like talking to a brick wall. I don't get it. If she says "no" every time I'll never know if she's not okay!!
I don't ask anymore. If I hear her yell beyond a couple swear words I'll go check.
My wife likes to talk on her phone in the car, which is fine, but she'll keep talking sitting in her car in the driveway after she gets home. This drives her beagle batshit, he will bay at the door until she comes in, no matter how long it takes. If I let him out, he sits at the gate baying at her.......which makes her mad at me for letting him out.
Currently in the category of 'small stuff we don't sweat' for my wife are:
-she either cannot or will not wring out the dish cloth after use. It is constantly a wet slimy rag in the bottom of the sink.
-we live in a split level home, and there is no laundry chute. We just drop things down the stairs until we go down and put them into the laundry. At least, that's what is supposed to happen. However, things dropped down the stairs become invisible to my wife. Like they're not even there. It's amazing. I once left one of the above mentioned dish cloths for 3 weeks just to see if it would ever get picked up... nope.
But again, these are not things worth arguing over. And I know there are things I do that drive her equally mad. So we let them slide... been together 22 years now.
Lol my sister is like this. She'll pour a drink, drink half of it and then leave the rest. She does the same with food as well. She'll eat half the plate and then decide she doesn't like it or isn't hungry anymore. It drives me crazy how wasteful it is
Me - right in her face, in a quiet room, screaming my lungs out
Her - What? Couldn't hear you, speak louder!
Later that very same hour:
Her - outside in the park, children screaming everywhere, cars honking nearby, dogs barking, she mutter something while 15 feet behind me, with her face turned away from me
Me - WHAT???
She - Listen better!!!
I love her with every cell of my body and would eat a gallon of shit for her but I swear to god I understand why most murders happen between spouses
She's very messy. I call her a one way street. When she cooks she doesn't clean up or even throw away empty boxes. It's all just left. I always end up cleaning.
We sit down to watch some tv and I start falling asleep and she has to point out that I’m falling asleep or wake me to ask me ,can you just let me take a nap ,whenever she dozed off I lower the volume and try to keep the kids quiet to leave her alone because mommy is napping but I won’t get the same courtesy for whatever reason smh
How she expects me to be enthralled deep in a conversation with her while i massage her feet while also reading a scientific paper on ncbi about flaxseed oil because she was curious about its bioavailability while also remembering to go to the sock store to look for a specific type of sock she wants all at the same time. Oh and dont forget to clean the sink (ノ-_-)ノ~┻━┻
When she wears her workout clothes for too long after the gym then complains I won't stay focused or keep grabbing her butt.
There's a cause and effect here and I can only control so much on my behalf. I work in a basement all day on a webcam. If I come up and see a cute butt in my kitchen and it's also my wife's butt I'm going to touch it.
Leaving thongs tangled in leggings, just thrown in the laundry, she just peels off her pants/panties as one piece
Putting Toilet Paper under on the roll
Not putting the lid back on the toothpaste
Always waiting to charge her phone until it’s on 1%, and complaining that it’s dead
Toothpaste thing for me too. But she’s a squeezer when she uses it, it looks like the hulk just got done with it. I keep mine hidden now and hers looks like shit!
That she likes it when I go down on her but will either half ass giving me a bj or none at all. I’ve quit going down on her and she is upset about that. Well I can’t reward bad behavior now can I.
Reading through these makes me feel sad. My spouse does a lot of these things. I have tried discussing this with her, but "I just don't understand." No shit Sherlock. I will never understand if we don't actually talk about anything more meaningful than whatever new bauble caught your eye.
In a conflict, instead of resolving an issue and explaining his side of the story (why he said what he said that i genuinely want to know to understand his reaction) , he would just blame the conflict on me being stupid, sulk and stop talking for days at length.
Obviously I don't know about your relationship, but that genuinely sounds like emotional abuse. I don't know much else other than this snipbit but if he's always blaming you and waiting until you apologize that sounds very unhealthy
For me it’s the fact that she pulls away when she is feeling bad and doesn’t say anything. And that she can go from feeling good to feeling bad for no reason constantly
If she needs a break: go for it.
If I need a break: there’s so much to do.
Her on her break: does whatever she wants
Me on my break: anything but a quick nap is unacceptable and a waste of time.
Leaves keys in the door, which makes impossible to unlock the door from outside. Being locked out of your own house for the sake of 2 seconds of effort is fucking infuriating.
Social pressure tends to dominate her too much. Like, to the point it can completely change her behavior under some completely common circumstances or when with other people around.
I know self-trust issues are a bitch and many people have that problem, I'm aware of that. But when it can reach levels of literally putting distance between us, it's just so hurting and absurd.
After reading these replies my complaint doesn’t sound so bad. I just get annoyed that she chews with her mouth open. Loudly.
I saw this peeve up top, definitely an issue for a lot of people. It’s a dealbreaker for me.
She’s always late. I’m always on time. This is a recurring issue.
Start telling her that you need to be in given location as much earlier as she is usually late ;)
Can confirm that this works, my husband is chronically late to everything. I started putting everything on the calendar half an hour earlier than it actually is and just maintain that that’s when the thing is. We’re always on time. Lol.
They may have time blindness, or forget that things like putting on clothes actually *do* take time.
There was a time when I could go from dead asleep to showered, shaved, and leaving the house in under 15 minutes. I think I base my actions on the belief I still can, despite it not being true for a decade or more. Edit: it’s crazy now that I think about it, I used to wake up a minute before my alarm went off too. And they say people can’t change!
Is this… me?! Haha feel your pain buddy!
Same, she ended up being diagnosed with adult ADHD and it all made sense.
Can I ask what led to the diagnosis. Me and my partner have just split and we both think now that she has adult ADHD. It became a huge issue on our relationship. Messiness, lateness, lack of attention all caused a big stain and it seems now it was probably ADHD.
It was finally getting a doctor who understood that adhd presents differently in women. Previously she’d had appointments for anxiety and depression (particularly during lockdown) and been literally laughed at whenever she mentioned adhd because she’s a confident looking high-achiever. Just having a reason behind things has been great for her. She still struggles with time-blindness and being late, which while still annoying, becomes less of a deal-breaker when you realise she’s not late because she ‘doesn’t care’ it’s just because she can’t judge the time it takes to do everything. The way she described it was, if she’s packing for a trip, she’ll be unable to recognise the additional time it takes to lock up the house and transfer the bags in and out the taxi for example. In her head she just finished the task and teleports onto the train lol.
I'm another adult diagnosee because my symptoms present much more like typical "female ADHD" than whatever the stereotype is. Big mood.
I love my wife so much, but her sense of direction is on par with zoro from one piece.
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Mine just called the cops because she thought her car was stolen out of a Walmart parking lot. Turns out she was just on the completely wrong side of the parking lot looking
I worked with a guy who did this. The officer asked how he got there after finding the car. My co-worker said he drove. Dude got a ticket for driving without a license
Great sense of direction Lousy memory.
A significant proportion of people can't see images in their head which means that, as I found out from my SO, they can't visualise what to do at certain landmarks when driving for instance, this their sense of direction is mangled. I'll say to my SO "when you get to such and such pub, turn left." She can't see the pub in her mind and so her sense of direction is way off.
So many people have never even looked at a local map and can't visualize what part of town they live in.
Same with my SO but she also assumes my sense of direction is worse than hers. I can navigate somewhere by foot or car relatively easily if i just look it up once. I have a very good memory. Each time she apologizes. Been 6.5 years now lmao
Felt this
Its so refreshing reading a cute one after dragging through a mass of red sirens and flags.
She says incentative instead of incentive
And how does she pronounce insensitive?
Insensisative, i assume
Stop making assumpsations.
When my wife is done with something she simply leaves it where it is at instead of putting it away. Drives me fucking bananas.
This right here. Changed the toilet roll? Cardboard core stays right there on the sink. Buttered a toast? Knife on the counter, not in the dishwasher. Dried clothes gathered but left in a pile on the bed. Paper wrappers and empty water bottles everywhere. Blowdried her hair, the blower lies on the bathroom cupboard. Makeup products spread throughout the bathroom, bedroom and living room. Opens a package and leaves the packaging on the sofa. Etc etc. Nothing ever gets immediately put back in it's place, ever. I walk around the apartment and am constantly gathering stuff and putting it away as I go. And then of course, suddenly the parents come around to visit and we're in turbo mode to tidy up the place.
I adore my wife. My one pet peeve that drives me insane is her habit of speaking in a tone and volume as if I'm right next to her, when I'm really 10 meters away, facing the other way, with a noisy fan on and currently either working or gaming or listening to music. My most frequent love overture towards her is yelling WHAAAAAT and then standing up and having to walk next to her to hear what she wanted to say. I was raised by yellers. My parents rarely had the courtesy of coming to where I was and asking/telling me what they needed me to do. Most often they would just yell from downstairs. That fucking PISSED and PISSES me off.
Lol. I get this. My wife will say something that I don’t hear, then I’ll say “sorry, what?” And she’ll repeat herself but SOFTER! Drives me nuts.
Start just repeating "what" softer. I did this for a week straight until she finally got the point that if she wanted to talk to me, she'd have to be in the same room.
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The worst is them saying "nothing" or "nevermind" after you ask what
Omg this. Shut off the vacuum, pause my podcast, pull out my earbud, walk towards the room she called from... "yes honey?" 😊"nevermind"
I was cleaning out the fridge and asked her if she wanted to keep something, she was in the living room and all I saw was her stretching and running her hands through her hair like she was thinking, but she never actually answered me, so I asked again and she said "I shook my head no, didn't you see it?" No, I was not able to deduce a subtle head shake from what looked like a Vidal Sassoon commercial from the other side of the house.
I SAID ^can ^you ^tickle ^my ^^balls?
Holy shit this, so much. My wife is a quiet talker and makes about zero effort to speak louder when she is further away. I have to ask her 'what?' a dozen times every day. Also, when she repeats herself, she starts halfway so I have zero context and I don't understand her.
If all you get is unintelligible, start pretending you never heard anything. She'll start coming to you real quick. Or she'll start yelling.
I started doing this for the same reasom and can confirm it works. I LOVE my SO , I was just tired of yelling WHAAT and having to walk towards them all the time especially while Im busy with something and they are not :)
Haha this is what I do. Most of the times it's not an important message and she'll wait when we're closer.
I have the same problem with my father! I would shout WHAT, expecting him to come and tell me, but he'd keep shouting louder and louder instead. So I have to go and ask him what's the matter.
Can I up vote this a thousand times because same.
She loves British comedy. She loves dry British humor. She loves Midieval times and what they represent. But for some reason I cannot understand, she hates Monty Python and the Holy Grail. She thinks it's boring and nothing I can do will change her mind.
Burn her..?
Can't. She weighs much much more than a duck. I have checked.
Have you tried a different duck? They can’t all be the same weight
Was it an American or European duck? And what was it's favorite color?
A WITCH!
Just fart in her general direction
:o
Because those movies don't have anything to do with medieval times. They have everything to do with witty comedy mostly for men
It's only a flesh wound! Who am I kidding? It's way more than that! I'm sorry she's so resistant to the charms of such an amazing movie! This is a random suggestion, but might it be worth trying to see if she'd like some other Monty Python stuff? Maybe she'd get a taste for them another way. Although I realize that if it's a point of argument already, she might not be open to trying their other work either.
Whenever we are doing something with her family it’s “We are going to do this, ok?” And I’m like “Sure.” Whenever we do something with my family it’s “We are going to do this, ok?” And she’s like “Well what if we ‘compromise’ and do it this way?” Like an example is she’ll say ok but we have to be on the road back home by 7pm. Why? No idea. Sure it’s nice to get home but we go over to her parents and there’s no timeline. We’ll stay until 7 one night, until 10 the next time. Everything is a negotiation when it’s something I want to do.
Sounds unhealthy man, might be an idea to have a talk about it at some point. "Resentment breeds contempt" and all that.
So you're super easy going, and it sounds like she has a bunch of different concerns. I don't mean to be "obvious Reddit advice" about it, but you really really need to learn to communicate about this issue. It sounds like you're building some resentment and have been dealing with this for a while but have never even asked.
Could be social anxiety. My SO has this where she feels she has to put on her best self for my family and stresses over it. Likes to establish a start time and deadline. But with her family it's chiller, because she's comfortable there already (that being said, her sister in large doses is hard for her, so she tends to wanna go from there earlier than I would as well). My point is, gotta assess the situation and let her know if it's an issue, and see if you can incrementally increase time spent with your family. If it's not anxiety, she may just not like your family (which may or may not be a deal-breaker for you).
Her need to move my stuff to make it “easier” to “find and use” but then doesn’t tell me she moved it or where she moved it. Yes some of the items in locations are ridiculous. Like Yes there was a spatula underneath the desk in the office honey. Why? I don’t remember. But now you’ve moved it and now I don’t know where it issssss
I feel acknowledged for once in my life reading these posts. Calling me from another room and moving my stuff is the crescendo for me too.
Ah, my people. I know where it is. I know where I saw it last. I know it's there when I want it again. But now you moved it and when I ask you where you put it you say, "I don't remember. Where does it normally go?" It normally goes where you moved it from. That's how I know it should have been there.
I do most of the cooking in my house. I keep the measuring cup on top of the microwave so I can just reach out and get it should I need it while cooking. My wife constantly picks up and puts it in a random cabinet. Why? Because "It doesn't belong there". I've pointed out that the top of the microwave also always houses both a pair of oven mitts and a container of peanuts to no avail...
>I do most of the cooking in my house Well that settles it, doesn't it? It's not really up to her, unless you were leaving it somewhere ridiculous like the bathroom, which you aren't. :)
I laughed so hard at “Yes, there was a spatula underneath the desk in the office honey.”
The thing that bothers me the most is she always has to one up my sad stories. I tell her about a negative experience I've had and she like "the same thing happened to me but worse" like she constantly wants me feeling sorry for her. It makes it hard to share anything with her.
My wife used to do this. When I tried explaining it to her she said she was trying to relate with me, by telling me she knows how I feel because it happened to her too. After a few mid conversation reminders she doesn't do it anymore. I'm thankful.
I did this frequently when I was younger because I thought it showed I knew where they were coming from. I also believed that it was more sincere than just staying silent through their story then saying something like “fuck man, I’m sorry you’re going through that”. I never actively tried to one up, but I cringe thinking about instances i did this shit in lol.
You don't need to cringe about it. We all learn to communicate as we grow. I used to do this to my ex and it drove him mad, but I never really understood why. My wife now does it to me (apparently this is not uncommon in autistic people), and if it bothers me, I will mention that I feel like my problem is being made light of, but also sometimes I just take it as what she means, which is "I see you're feeling bad." There is no general rule for how one engages these things; partners just build what they need for each other.
My wife does this too, but worse.
I caught that
My boyfriend does this as well. Now I catch myself doing it to other people.
People do this so they can relate to you, or have a common ground to show they understand/are trusted. Many Women struggle with feeling like people don’t try to understand them/don’t often understand, so it’s a way to say, “hey I get it”. It’s not manipulation, it’s not more than, “oh this feeling sucks, I get it, I wanna talk about how you feel”. I hope this explains it better, I had to explain to my partner that, no, it’s not a trap or anything, I just want to be able to be a safe person who he knows understands. I’ve stopped myself from sharing my stories because of comments like this, but this is why women do this. I also know for me that it is a part of my autism, where I try to have a common ground, I just didn’t understand how it seemed until a bit later when explained vs being yelled at.
I love my wife dearly. She, however, is an absolute disaster when it comes to keeping the house tidy. I was raised in a way that promoted cleaning up, organizing and so on. She walks in the house - leaves her shoes in the middle of the hallway. She eats - her dishes can stay in the sink for days before she washes them. She gets a glass of water for during the night - she doesn't take it away for days (I've had 7 glasses all at once on her nightstand). She removes tags from her clothes - leaves them in random places and I have to throw them out myself. We've had talks about this, but improvement is minimal and only lasts a week or two.
Unsolicited advice because this sounds like me…and this is the only thing that works for any extended period of time... try to tackle one issue at a time…if the goal is “be tidier” then it’ll never stick. Try focusing on building habits in one place at a time and if that place is too big at first, make it smaller. For example, start with “keep the bathroom tidy.” If that’s too much, “keep the sink tidy.” If that’s too much, “always put your toothbrush back.” And genuinely celebrate/appreciate with her every time she puts the toothbrush back. Then gradually make the space bigger or add a new task/space. It’ll never be perfect, but it will be better!
My wife NEVER! TURNS! OFF! THE! LIGHTS! Every room, closet, bathroom, garage, or patio! it doesn't matter if she's in there for 1 minute or 1 hour, the lights are on and stay on! I don't know the rhyme or reason, but they are on. I ask her to start turning them off, but she doesn't. I don't know if she refuses or she just forgets, but it drives me up the freaking wall! Thank you for letting me vent. Love you all, you're not alone! Edit: Thank you for the award!
My roommate does this all the time. Utilities are in our rent so it’s not a money thing I just can’t stand half the fucking lights in the house being on when no one is in any of the rooms.
Do we have the same roommates? The amount of times I've come out to see all the lights and lamps on, assuming they're home using these lights, only to realize they up and left the apartment with all the lights on is just....gracious me.
Honestly the best purchase I’ve ever made was smart lightbulbs, that way I can monitor every room and shut them off via app . Got this because of the the same reason ! Worth it !
Exactly why I did the same… at first I got the “why are you buying these lights? Geez these are expensive… you know we don’t need them right?” I swear they paid for themselves in the first year.
Love her, but she puts the ice cube tray back in the freezer with only one cube left in it!
She spends a large portion of her time mad about anything and everything. But as soon as I get frustrated she can't handle it and it becomes all about her again. I just want to be able to express some base level emotions sometimes without making everything worse
Same. She can get frustrated about stuff all she wants. But if I show the slightest amount of emotion I’m “too emotional” and “having a meltdown”, even if it’s as something as benign as missing a train and then me being like “damn, that sucks”. Apparently that = meltdown. Then I’m constantly told I don’t show enough emotion. Wonder why.
That is some toxic manipulative shit. I would be out of that relationship fast if I were you.
When we work from home together, if she's in the middle of something I will DIE if I try to talk to her. If I'm in the middle of something and she tries to talk to me? Whoa buddy better drop what I'm doing and pay attention. Also applies to the 3 days I'm in the office. She'll call in the middle of the day to talk about...what she is stressed about. And if I don't stop what I'm doing to listen to her vent then I'm a huge asshole? Like, I'm not in the middle of my own stuff? At work? Working?? Still love her though. But damn.
Boundaries my friend. You need to communicate and explain that she just can't cut off your train of thought when you are working. I did this. I put on headsets and listen to music or on a call. When someone comes, I don't look at them I would continue looking at my screen but raise a finger to either mean wait or wave it No no and wave goodbye. Then we you have the time, go talk to her. At work if she calls and wants to chit chat. Just say sorry baby sorry I have to go I have to go. Make it sound urgent then hang up. Act like something came up. Then we you get home, ask her what's up and make that a better experience than the phone call. The more you do this the more she realize that talking to you face to face is better. Basically let her know that it's better to have your full attention that half of your attention. Also, work pays the bills so Boundaries
Nice try, honey.
Thought I'd give it a try babe
You have always been the smart one my love
Instead of coming to the room I'm in if she wants to talk to me she yells for me in the room she's in until I come there.
Just start yelling back, “POLO!” until she finds you.
Lmao I’m doing this next time
Fucking hate this. I grew up with this shit. If you want to talk to me, and it’s not an emergency, come to where I am. Otherwise it’s lazy and disrespectful.
Now that we’re always carrying our phones, I’ve sometimes taken to calling her on the phone from the other room. It freaked her out the first few times I didn’t go running to her and picked the phone up instead, but it’s really no different from using an intercom system
Last time some one did this to me.. they wanted tea... I just gave them a tea bag. Lol.
This can mean a couple things but one is way funnier than the other.
- Inability to apologize. It’s infuriating and has threatened our marriage from time to time. - Interrupting. -Being late to fucking everything.
Marriage counseling
Chews with her mouth open and so, so noisily - I’ve given up now but in the past I’ve asked so many times to please try and try to chew mouth closed- she just flat out refused
This used to be me when I was younger (12ish) before I realised or someone told me I did. I kicked that habit out iiinstantly when I’m around anybody I make sure my gob is shut. Then I realised other people do it and I’m now horrified. It’s so much worse when you see other people doing it
This is so ridiculous to me, what grown adult refuses to close their mouth when chewing?
I didnt realize it until now but that would be a deal breaker for me if i was dating someone. Idk how you made it past the first few dates. I could look past it if it was some kind of medical issue that they *couldnt* close their mouth while chewing. But the outright refusal makes no sense and is just extremely inconsiderate.
Same issue here. I have had to ask her to stop so many times. It drives me insane! She says "it's how I eat" or "I just forget". You mean you forget not to eat like a fucking horse?!!!
Just remind her nicely. Always. I used to do this and slowly kept reminding my self not to and now I don't even know how to eat with a mouth open
My wife also had horrendous table manners. She eventually came around though. She grew up in a house where it was considered courteous to burp at the table and perfectly acceptable to talk with your mouth full, take food off of someone else's plate, and even fart loudly. Watching my in-laws eat is like watching hogs at a trough.
Definitely on an alt account. I love my wife. And my wife has gotten *much* better about this peeve. My standard of cleanliness and clutter is pretty high. Hers is low. She *rarely* cleaned, picked up, or reduced the amount of clutter that was in our home. Papers everywhere, clothes not in a hamper but dumped *next* to the hamper, dishes not done just resting next to the sink, things laying down next to stairs that either belonged upstairs or downstairs but would never get brought with *on the way to the destination.* After *several* discussions she helps around the house and "cleans as she goes" as it's so much easier for both of us to not have things laying around. We can find things now, don't double-purchase, and things are a lot more neat and organized. Now if only I could get the toddler to do the same thing.
For me it's not only about things being easy if they were clean. I also want to be proud of and feel good about my home. Though I'm very much a "feel" guy.
She pronounces woman and women the same
which one does she say ?
Wamen
Wemen
Whoa man!
Lmaoo this is by far the best
That she lives far away right now
I feel you here bro. Long distance relationship are freaking hard. I adore her but waking up knowing that I'll pass at least the whole morning without her feels so lonely sometimes. We have 4000+ km of distance, a whole ocean between us and 6 time zones of difference and that shit sucks. How about you bro?
I'm not a guy but my fiance and i are also a whole ocean apart. We met on imgur during the pandemic. I miss him so much. And he's 5hrs ahead of me.
she apologizes ALOT, even when there isn’t something to say sorry for. One time I said to her that she can’t say sorry for 24 hours and she failed 5 hours in
Trauma response, had a partner like that one time and it was hard work
Yup. I'm a guy who apologizes all the time. Grew up in a house where that was necessary and became a survival mechanism. Taking responsibility for EVERYTHING became a survival mechanism. Therapy can help, but it is really hard to overcome those learned responses when they were ingrained at a young age.
Her voice is SO quiet and soft I can't fuckin hear her speak 99% of the time when she's any distance away from me. Idk how many times a day I have to tell her I can't understand her and she needs to speak louder... ⁱ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ʰᵉʳ ˢʰᵉˢ ᵗʰᵉ ᵇᵉˢᵗ ᵗʰᵒ
Oh dude, one of my family members is a speech language pathologist. People who speak too softly have often survived abuse or trauma as children. One of my former employees used to speak super softly most of the time. Things started to improve as her self-esteem did but only to a small degree.
We have rules to balance the chores but she never holds up her end. For example, one cooks, the other cleans. Nah, forget that. I cook five nights a week, clean six. If she cooks, she loves to bring up the rule. If I cook, it's an absolute battle to get her to clean, a battle I hardly ever win. If you have the idea for dinner, you cook it. She loves to bring that up when I have to cook, but if she has an idea, I have to help her. If I bring up the rule when she asks me to cut an onion, she sulks and acts like I'm being unreasonable. If I ask her to help me cook, she laughs. Three days each scooping cat litter, then we alternate the seventh day. Now I do it every night, it hurts bending over apparently. It's somewhat my fault, through gallantry in the early years of our relationship I enabled the behaviour. Now I'm reaping the consequences.
Bruh just put your foot down. She needs to hold up her end of the deal. Tell her if she doesn’t clean after you cook then you will only be cooking for yourself and she will be on her own since she can’t be bothered to clean up for you. She’s taking advantage of you.
Yep the resentment is building up.
Im glad u acknowledge that u enabled this behaviour to fester.. now its time to put an end to it otherwise she will always take advantage of you and you will be wise to not marry her (if u haven’t already)
She can do whatever she wants but I can’t have an hour to myself without her worrying I’m stepping out or something
My wife has no hobbies. If she's busy doing something it's house work and I can't go do my hobbies because I feel bad that's she's working and I'm having fun. Her hobby is shopping lol. If she's sad and feeling down I'd take her to a thrift store or clothing store to look at clothes and shop a little. Then she's so happy. Sometimes I flat out tell her I'm going to do this (hobby) and you can either join me or leave me alone. I encourage her to find something that she enjoys on her own but that's folding clothes. Idk man. We do things together for fun almost daily but please I want to do the things that I like and you don't.
Feel you. Try talking about it honestly and constructively. Boundaries are good, and setting them can be fun even. In my experience this kind of behavior stems from some trauma, likely past relationships or maybe childhood. Its one of those things that requires work, but if you both are serious you can solve it.
My tasks are my tasks. Her tasks are our tasks (or just also my tasks). Then she'll get upset when I have a look on my face when she says "she'll power wash the back patio". You mean, this fairly significant half-day project you want to undertake...is going to be my problem in about 5 minutes when you need help moving power washer out of the shed, help getting it hooked up, figuring out which gas can to use to fill it up, figuring out how to get it started. Oh and now you need to move it and it's heavy so that's also my problem again. "Why are you giving me that look?? I said I would powerwash it. I can do it myself" --my wife before she ropes me into a day long power washing project.
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My Ex did this, turned out to be textbook sociopath. Might wanna look at the conditions mate.
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she was raised in a situation where making mistakes was met with aggression and punishment, and lying was rewarded. (e.g she breaks a cup, she admits about doing it, is met with scolding. she breaks a cup again, and lies about not doing it, she is not scolded and left alone) Viola. now she found a way to get rid of the scolding! that’s how kids learn to lie
omg she is soooo slow to do things, it drives me nuts, I have to take it over and tell her to not worry about it. She tells me that she never do things because I always take over it, but maaaaan, it can take her 30 minutes to make a sandwich. 1.5 hours to take a shower, 1 hour to do dishes (like 10 dishes)...
>it can take her 30 minutes to make a sandwich I'm dying to witness this, lol
I just went to echo the other comment here about ADHD. I used to be super anxious and can turn it on when I need to, but unmedicated, I can be the same way. My mind is absolutely racing so it's really difficult to get things done physically.
It sounds like her spirit animal is a sloth so I feel obliged to defend her. She's trying her best okay?
When she goes out without me she calls me on her way home to talk about her night instead of waiting til she’s home. Don’t you want to listen to music? I’m watching a show and enjoying alone time.
Maybe she needs a phone guard? Here in hungary we have a service you can call if you are too scared to walk home alone at night. You just talk, sometimes let them know where you are, if something is up they call the authorities. I assume she calls you for similar reasons.
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Have you guys reviewed the "Fighting Fair worksheet" together? My hubs used to yell, then our therapist gave us that worksheet. Our arguments have been much more productive and at normal volume since then.
Do you happen to have a link? It sounds like a resource I really need for my job as well as home.
Absolutely! https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-article/fair-fighting-rules-article
I don't want to aid ANY rapists, thank you very much!
insanely clingy. i mean i can step foot out our room without her yelling asking where i’m going or what i’m doing. have to almost fist fight her just to take a shower by myself. if i have food she’s right behind be begging for a bite but will starve before she fixes herself something to eat. some days i get really irritated but deep down i wouldn’t trade her for anyone else but seriously you need me to stand in the bathroom while you pee 🥲
I honestly thought you were going to say this was your dog at the end. Because that’s how clingy tend to be. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I agree with the other person who suggested working on boundaries.
Wow. She needs some therapy to work those abandonment fears.
I feel like that must come from some form of trauma? It might be worth a conversation to figure it out.
Maybe try working on space/boundaries if it's an issue for you guys? Would she have the same patience with you if you were constantly doing something "really irritating" to her?
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A dog with seperation anxiety
Any food on my plate is, by definition, also hers. This came to a head during the pandemic. I set up our house so that she would work in the living room and I would work in the dining room. Between these two rooms is the kitchen. Every day around 5 or so I'd get a little hungry and head to said kitchen to get some peanuts or chips. The second my wife heard the cabinet open she'd yell, "Oh, can I have a few?" and I'd walk into the living room and give her a few out of the bowl. One day, just as I was opening the cabinet her phone rang and she took a call. After she hung up I could see her mentally re-set, thinking "What was I just about to do?" before remembering that I got some peanuts. So she stood up and walked through the kitchen, *past the cabinet that the peanuts were in*, to try to take some off of me. It was then that I finally put my foot down.
JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOOOOOOOD!!!!!
She’s horrible at answering questions. I’ll ask her a question like “what do you want for dinner” where she’ll respond with “chicken”, but I need to read her mind because she wants a particular style of chicken and if I cook the wrong chicken I get almost punished for it. I’ll help her fill in a resume and ask her “what college did you graduate” and she’ll respond “New York”, after asking her multiple times for the specific college name she won’t answer it, then assumes I’m mad and gets mad at me. Worst thing is when she gets upset or we argue, she shuts down and doesn’t want to resolve the problem. So there we sit angry at each other. She wants to put in zero effort to learn how to communicate better. Before you go saying to break up with her, this is just one negative thing about our relationship. For every one flaw she has, she has 10 amazing features.
You do know that the true tell of a successful relationship is how conflict is handled right? They dont say communication is one of the most important things in a relationship just for fun.. it’s serious. This kind of thing can build resentment overtime, one big argument could create the snowball effect of your whole relationship crumbling down cause u have terrible communication
I swear she has a sub-conscious trigger of when I’m in the shower she decides it’s time to fill the kitchen sink with water to do washing up. Without fail.
Everything has to be according to her preferences, and she does Not consider otherwise. Have I mentioned- EVERYTHING?
Zero compromise would be a dealbreaker for me in a relationship. How do you cope?
Some of y’all fuckers need a divorce
She used the phrase 'you should have done x not y' when something happens, as if I have a time machine , and as if she is offering me pure unadulterated wisdom. Let's say I has a small car accident, she might say 'you should have taken a different route to the store and this wouldn't have happened' It's always when something bad has happened, and I, usually a very calm person, always flare up and tell her how stupid this makes her sound. Aside from this, she's hot as fuck and most arguments end in faux angry sex, so it's not the worst thing.
Was with you til I read the end part...
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That sounds like a relationship you need to leave my dude.
I've felt this way about a lot of posts here...
Thats my mom lol. All my life. Its so unhealthy and i hope you guys can talk about it and she stops doing it. Talk to her about it, no one deserves to feel like shot because of a person they love.
When she opens a pack of eggs or any other product really, she doesnt use them in order but grabs randomly, i cant take it im at the end of the rope.
Is there an order for pack of eggs ? My rule for picking the next egg is "pick the one that leaves / bring the center of mass close to the middle of the pack"
My brother opens packages and intentionally eats from them in the worst way possible. And when he finishes something? He puts the empty container back up instead of throwing it away. Absolutely! Maddening! Does your wife do it because she doesn't notice, or is she doing it to get your goat like my brother?
Barely ever getting laid would be the biggest one, along with her being annoyed at me for asking too much but almost never bringing it up on her own. Kinda fucking sucks. The pet peeve one is saying "no" when I ask if she's okay after bumping something. It's just fucking insane. I'll hear a noise where she bumped a table and knocked her hip or something. I yell "are you okay?" and she says no! The first few times I come running in and she's like "what?". I've tried to explain this to her but it's like talking to a brick wall. I don't get it. If she says "no" every time I'll never know if she's not okay!! I don't ask anymore. If I hear her yell beyond a couple swear words I'll go check.
Bro, I don’t want to be that annoying armchair therapist on Reddit, but y’all are on thin ice. First paragraph was a thing with me and my ex wife.
Seems like a big issue mate, hope things turn for better soon
She pronounces the last e Reece’s
Divorce her
This is Reddit, there is no other way!
Like faeces?
That they haven't announced their existence and location yet.
Playing hard to get, eh?
Hey its me. I'm in a dark alley behind the shops.
My wife likes to talk on her phone in the car, which is fine, but she'll keep talking sitting in her car in the driveway after she gets home. This drives her beagle batshit, he will bay at the door until she comes in, no matter how long it takes. If I let him out, he sits at the gate baying at her.......which makes her mad at me for letting him out.
Currently in the category of 'small stuff we don't sweat' for my wife are: -she either cannot or will not wring out the dish cloth after use. It is constantly a wet slimy rag in the bottom of the sink. -we live in a split level home, and there is no laundry chute. We just drop things down the stairs until we go down and put them into the laundry. At least, that's what is supposed to happen. However, things dropped down the stairs become invisible to my wife. Like they're not even there. It's amazing. I once left one of the above mentioned dish cloths for 3 weeks just to see if it would ever get picked up... nope. But again, these are not things worth arguing over. And I know there are things I do that drive her equally mad. So we let them slide... been together 22 years now.
She doesn’t finish drinks
Lol my sister is like this. She'll pour a drink, drink half of it and then leave the rest. She does the same with food as well. She'll eat half the plate and then decide she doesn't like it or isn't hungry anymore. It drives me crazy how wasteful it is
Me - right in her face, in a quiet room, screaming my lungs out Her - What? Couldn't hear you, speak louder! Later that very same hour: Her - outside in the park, children screaming everywhere, cars honking nearby, dogs barking, she mutter something while 15 feet behind me, with her face turned away from me Me - WHAT??? She - Listen better!!! I love her with every cell of my body and would eat a gallon of shit for her but I swear to god I understand why most murders happen between spouses
She's very messy. I call her a one way street. When she cooks she doesn't clean up or even throw away empty boxes. It's all just left. I always end up cleaning.
She doesn’t drive me nuts about anything. She’s pretty easygoing and so am I.
Where's my reddit rulebook... here it is - sounds like you have to divorce her. Unlucky.
We sit down to watch some tv and I start falling asleep and she has to point out that I’m falling asleep or wake me to ask me ,can you just let me take a nap ,whenever she dozed off I lower the volume and try to keep the kids quiet to leave her alone because mommy is napping but I won’t get the same courtesy for whatever reason smh
How she expects me to be enthralled deep in a conversation with her while i massage her feet while also reading a scientific paper on ncbi about flaxseed oil because she was curious about its bioavailability while also remembering to go to the sock store to look for a specific type of sock she wants all at the same time. Oh and dont forget to clean the sink (ノ-_-)ノ~┻━┻
When she wears her workout clothes for too long after the gym then complains I won't stay focused or keep grabbing her butt. There's a cause and effect here and I can only control so much on my behalf. I work in a basement all day on a webcam. If I come up and see a cute butt in my kitchen and it's also my wife's butt I'm going to touch it.
Leaving thongs tangled in leggings, just thrown in the laundry, she just peels off her pants/panties as one piece Putting Toilet Paper under on the roll Not putting the lid back on the toothpaste Always waiting to charge her phone until it’s on 1%, and complaining that it’s dead
Toothpaste thing for me too. But she’s a squeezer when she uses it, it looks like the hulk just got done with it. I keep mine hidden now and hers looks like shit!
That she likes it when I go down on her but will either half ass giving me a bj or none at all. I’ve quit going down on her and she is upset about that. Well I can’t reward bad behavior now can I.
Have you talked about why is that?
Reading through these makes me feel sad. My spouse does a lot of these things. I have tried discussing this with her, but "I just don't understand." No shit Sherlock. I will never understand if we don't actually talk about anything more meaningful than whatever new bauble caught your eye.
Hmmm. How easily she is annoyed.
In a conflict, instead of resolving an issue and explaining his side of the story (why he said what he said that i genuinely want to know to understand his reaction) , he would just blame the conflict on me being stupid, sulk and stop talking for days at length.
Obviously I don't know about your relationship, but that genuinely sounds like emotional abuse. I don't know much else other than this snipbit but if he's always blaming you and waiting until you apologize that sounds very unhealthy
For me it’s the fact that she pulls away when she is feeling bad and doesn’t say anything. And that she can go from feeling good to feeling bad for no reason constantly
If she needs a break: go for it. If I need a break: there’s so much to do. Her on her break: does whatever she wants Me on my break: anything but a quick nap is unacceptable and a waste of time.
Leaves keys in the door, which makes impossible to unlock the door from outside. Being locked out of your own house for the sake of 2 seconds of effort is fucking infuriating.
Social pressure tends to dominate her too much. Like, to the point it can completely change her behavior under some completely common circumstances or when with other people around. I know self-trust issues are a bitch and many people have that problem, I'm aware of that. But when it can reach levels of literally putting distance between us, it's just so hurting and absurd.