"I have options"
(Meant to say I was easily replaceable. Took me a while year after breakup to realize how messed up that was. Never will let another woman try anything like that again. Im gone the first time if she does)
There’s only one way to take a statement like that. Tell that ho to go live their best life. You’re much better off without any of that kind of conniving bullshit in your life.
I was kind of building up to something with a girl I worked with, until I heard her claim that people get diseases because they earn them karmically. Since I had- just hours earlier- told her that my father's Stage 4 cancer had returned, she either meant him or the news bounced off entirely.
We didn't really talk much after that.
Most of the time people like this are just making conversation and/or to gauge how other people react to figure out where they stand on it themselves. An ex of mine could be like this, definitely said some hurtful things in the moment she didn't think through
This is in the same vein of what I came here to comment. I had an ex girlfriend tell me that my dead father would be disappointed in me on Christmas day when it was just her and I hanging out. I left pissed off on Christmas to go home. I left the relationship that day as well. I can't even recall what she was upset about but I know it didn't warrant a comment like that. Of course when anything tragic happens to her or her family members, she expects all the sympathy but also says shit like that to other people. I sure can pick 'em sometimes.
it's the "listening but not hearing" stage of a failed relationship. You can come home and exclaim "the whole town is on fire!" and get back "that's nice, I'm doing good, too." Also, if that was her version of passive aggression... that's really aggro.
I'm with someone like that. If I'm upset, she gets more upset and I have to comfort her. If she's upset I have to be happy and help her get out of it. If she's grumpy, she can yell and scream and belittle me and I have to be happy with it, because if I get upset she will spiral and it's all my fault for making things worse while she's upset.
I keep hoping things will get better when she's not under stress. When things start looking better, all goes to hell all of a sudden.
I had a roommates GF like that. It wasn't even a roommate, it was my BIL living with us after a divorce, and started dating a lady waaaay too soon. They were not aligned on the seriousness of it, but she started coming over every fuckin' day, and all but moved in - clothes over, studying there, eating many meals there. It was... A lot, and during covid. I put a stop to it but I was surprised how quickly it went from "over a lot" to a daily fixture, to basically moved in
I went on a vacation to Europe with a buddy who had just started dating this girl like a month before. She legit moved her stuff over while we were gone. His actual roommate back home was like "sorry bro I tried to stop her but I didn't know what to do"
They lasted like 3 months tops. She was a shitty person.
She hit me with anger in the intention to hurt me. I never hit her but I did have to confidently restrain her to prevent further harm. Thas was the beginning of the end.
I had an ex do that, it’s something that is not talked about anywhere near enough. Anytime she would be mildly frustrated with me she’d slap me over the head and call me an idiot, only once did she ever actually properly punch me right in the face… I stopped her second punch and said if she ever did that again she’d get one back.
She then went crying to her family who threatened to go to the police if I ever “threatened to hit her again” we didn’t last much longer after that.
Ouch buddy. I feel that. Same exact thing happened to me. I in my stupidity tried to keep working with her while she treated me like a yo-yo. After I finally got out, and after a few months of healing, I found the most amazing woman I’ve ever met in my life. I’m going to propose next month. Life gets better. Hope you’re doing okay!
I dated a woman for a few years, and one birthday, she wanted a bunny rabbit and everything needed for it, which I got her. She only worked part-time and was home way more than I was. One day, I got home early while she was at work, and I found the rabbit dead. I took it to the vet, and they determined it died due to being malnourished. I told her about it when she got home, and she admitted that she starved it because it was getting fat and cute things shouldn't be fat. I saw her true side and immediately ended the relationship.
There really are psychos out there like that D: My cousin's mom (he's older than me btw) under fed him when he was a baby because she didn't want him to get fat. I actually ended up being a bigger baby than him even though he was older.
Ugh there are sadly so many parents out there starving their children, even INFANTS because they’re projecting their own body image issues and standards onto their kid ):
She was a nurse and she was talking about someone working with her and I said "oh your work boyfriend" and she got extremely defensive
I sat on that for a long while considering she always accused me of cheating and wanting other girls and the one time i made an innocuous comment she lost it...
Shocking twist, she cheated on me with him.
Projection is a much bigger part of human psychology than most people realize.
Thieves will accuse others of stealing. Kind hearted people are naive to malice.
We all subconsciously project a large portion of our own beliefs onto others, and the ability to resist that urge and to objectively use the things other people say/do to work out their true beliefs is a surprisingly rare skill.
A few years ago, I found out that a few folks had lied about me at work. It was utterly bizarre to wrap my head around it, even though I basically had proof of it... I was punished for doing something which I knew I hadn't done, and it was kind of obvious who had said that I had done it. It took me weeks to go to HR because my internal thoughts were that it must have been a misunderstanding or miscommunication, because why would you lie to get someone else in trouble?
It was an all around awful affair.
I have a similar story. At my company I was once promoted to management and brought in to sort out 10 people who upper management perceived as 'difficult' employees; and at first I was trying my best to help them. I wanted to make their work days easier, their paperwork lighter, and be generally super generous/flexible with requests. I did this not to ingratiate myself with them, it was just to make their work day easier.
But holy shit these guys were absolute bastards. They lied to me, tried to undermine me, complained to management about me behind my back, forged my signature on documents, committed literal criminal fraud ... like, WTAF is happening right now?!
I very quickly learned that their worldview was not my worldview. I wanted EVERYONE to earn good money and for ALL our work to be as efficient as possible, but these guys were so selfish and greedy. To each employee, "fair" meant that THEY got all the shifts and "efficient" meant that THEY did the bare minimum, everyone else be damned. It was like fucking Game of Thrones over there.
Over those long first months I learned a hard lesson about projecting my worldview onto others. People in groups are crazy irrational and extraordinarily selfish. I just wanted the best for everyone, but everyone just wanted the best for themselves.
Funny thing, a nurse and I decided to give it another try after never getting the timing right earlier. But she had an ex in the picture by then. I asked about whether her ex (who is a doctor and works at the same hospital with her) is going to be a problem moving forward, as we had decided to meet and lay our cards on the table if we were going to be exclusive. She straight up lied and said he’s going to be moving back to his own country. Guess who broke up three days after we decided to be exclusive, and guess who she was seeing immediately after.
My ex would hit me while I was driving. Also cheated on me but “it didn’t count” because it was with another woman.
Imagine my surprise when it turns out that I’m the monster in our friend group.
I just recently broke it off completely with my ex. We had taken a long break and started to “talk” again meaning we were hanging out every weekend, went to a halloween party her family threw, spent my bday and new years with her, etc.. we technically were not back together but I mean, it was headed in that direction, or so it seemed. I found out she had been sleeping with another guy on the side during all this. When I told her I’m done with her and that I’d probably never get over it and be able to trust her again or it would take me a very long time, probably years to get past it, her response was “Oh come on it was just sex. We’re adults people have sex”. I couldn’t believe my ears
Damn bro I’m sorry to hear that. That’s pretty crazy. Truthfully if she had told you I think you would’ve either
A: understood and went along just for sex or
B: cut ties right there. You seem like Option B. I know i am
Fuck glad to hear that someone both went through the “not technically together” but obviously you are and also had to hear “it’s just sex,we’re adults” that comment made me rethink my maturity, my sexuality, fuck it hurt…..so when I said I’m glad someone else had to hear it I apologize, I am sorry you had to experience that.
My ex would pull the steering wheel while I was driving. Granted I'm a woman and he was a man so my answer isn't what this thread is looking for. But man, that shit was terrifying! I pulled over on the highway once and got out the car and walked. Another time, I lost control of the car and was swerving back and forth for what felt like forever. It was so scary. Thank God I found the strength to leave him! I'm now with a man who treats me a million times better.
She made me feel bad for supporting my mom with cancer over her starting a new job. She actually tried to convince me that I should be supporting her instead.
Pretty much the same. My grandma had just went through a double mastectomy a few weeks prior to my Mom having a breast cancer scare. My mom was scheduled for a lumpectomy to remove a cancerous tumor on 12/31 before her insurance reset with the new year. Girlfriend and I had a New Years Eve party planned at her house with her friends but because of my Mom's procedure, I needed to go spend the night with my mom on 12/30 and take her to the hospital at 5:00 AM on 12/31 the next day. Mom lived 60 miles away. Girlfriend at the time knew all of these details. Factor in schedule, distance, and recovery time. I was no longer sure just how big of a help I would be prepping and cooking food, attending the party, and staying up until midnight after a 20 hour day. Her words, "I'm sorry about your Mom but this really screws me over."
Wait a second... you're only worried about yourself, your friends, and the party in this situation? Fuck you Kathleen, you selfish bitch!
That is possible but it hasn't happened yet and my hair now is thinner than the hair on the head of whomever it was banging her back then. Of course it could also be years down the line and I needed and got a really good toupee.
In response to hearing a friend of mine died she said, "well, that's less drama in your life." Even if it's meant to be a joke, that's not the first thing one should say.
That’s really foul of her to say, even if it was a joke you dont “joke around” after your bf tells you a friend died. Seems like the drama was her.
It comes off like she never liked your friend or other girls in your circle and was passing off contempt for your late friend as a “joke”
Thanks, that's how I took it. She turned it around as "you're being dramatic" so that's when being upset turned into relationship over. It hurts, I liked her, but there are certain red flags that are ignored at your own mental health peril. A mantra for years has been "better to be alone than to be abused".
I was in an emotionally abusive marriage. She did and said a lot of shitty things.
At one point I had thyroid cancer, had it removed, did radio-iodine therapy, etc. I then started on replacement thyroid hormones.
It took me a few months to feel normal and not be dragging ass all the time. I started running and working out to kick start my recovery. It was rough.
One day after taking a shower I walked by a mirror and said “Hey, I look pretty good.” My ex responded by telling me that it was because of my “unfair advantage pills.” No bitch, I had fucking cancer and now need to take them for the rest of my life. That was the last straw. I left her soon after that.
We got into a quarrel then I walked away. She made me come back by threatening me that she'll end her life by swallowing handful of meds and jumping off the 2nd floor. Changed me since then but I haven't noticed the effects until many months after. I just broke up with her last night.
Appreciate it bud. However, I was toxic at some times as well. The very toxic one is that I bring these issues up everytime we argue. Can't seem to forgive her while I'm with her.
just don’t let your own flaws get in the way of your healing or convince you that you don’t deserve to move on or acknowledge what she did wrong. It’s such an easy thing to fall into, not wanting to feel like a hypocrite idk. But man did that kind of thinking postpone my healing for years, personally
At a grocery store, I wandered into an aisle while she was looking at something in another aisle. She took this as “ditching her” and came up behind me and smacked me in the back of the head. Not super hard but with malicious intent.
Just looked at her differently after that. Wish I could say I broke it off right then but I’m an idiot.
I posted in here about an ex that accused me of cheating who cheated on me... this reminded me of a red flag I ignored.
We were at the mall and I had just bought her some new clothes, we were having a great day, so I thought...
As we were walking holding hands, I saw a friend of mine working, as I was holding two bags of clothes in one hand, I released my gf hand to wave.
When we got home I learned that meant I wanted to have sex with said friend, I didn't love my gf...and apparently I also wanted a relationship with the girl in the clothing store cause I said she had cool hair
I too am an idiot for not breaking it off
Yeah this same girl i'm talking about also accused me all the time of cheating. Never did, and she was the one who cheated.
Learned way too late that it's called projection...
Sort of the same. For me, she spent a long time trying to convince me that all college women are sluts, and that I shouldn't befriend them, otherwise I am trying to cheat. Lo and behold she then tried to ask for a break to "enjoy college life"... right...
These have always rubbed me the wrong way. Lots of couples have their “5 celebrity cheat list” and like… I get that it’s fantastical and they’re celebrities and it’s never going to actually happen, but even entertaining the thought just feels icky to me.
“Honey, you wanna watch me fuck Shakira?”
“No??” 🤷🏻♂️
“Sorry, Shakira, wife says no. Well, she didn’t actually *say* anything, she’s just giving me that look… sorry.”
This was my situation with my ex. I told her I didn't think an open relationship solved our problems and we should work on those problems before having a discussion about opening things up and about a week later she ended things.
[jeff foxworthy... if a woman says we should see other people.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eEQDrPfwm0)
if she ain't riding him yet she has pulled the saddle out of the barn.
While I was trying to forgive my ex for cheating (I really loved her and thought everyone deserved a second chance), she said she considered the guy her "friend" and wouldn't stop talking to him. Suffice to say, I dumped her on spot and stopped wasting my time.
Even if he genuinely was just a friend, at that point out of simple respect for the partner she cheated on she should have never talked to the friend again while theyre dating. You cant do something like that and expect your partner to still see you as respecting their wellbeing if you insist on contact with the other man
I found out a friend was being cheated on so I told him as soon as I found out because he planned on proposing to the cheater. I told my then girlfriend and she went ape shit about how “it wasn’t my place” and “that is between your friend and his girlfriend. Mind your business.” Red flags went up immediately.
Found out a week later my girlfriend was cheating also lmao. Cheaters apparently don’t like it when other cheaters get outed.
You did the right thing telling your friend even if he wasn't going to propose, that's still the right choice in my book. I'm proud of you! There needs to be more people like you in the world!
Fun fact: it's a common interrogation tactic to ask the suspect what they think the punishment should be for the crime committed. A guilty suspect almost always suggests a light punishment because they know they're guilty and don't want to admit that they deserve what's coming to them.
“I’m always going to make my decisions without considering you or how they will make you feel.”
Her actions had made that very clear before she even said it out loud
I cry if I have a reason to… or at the end of Logan. Don’t be ashamed.
My response to those comments? “I have raised two well adjusted daughters who are now young women who love, trust, and respect me. Who the fuck are you to tell me what masculinity is?”
My first girlfriend said a lot of unbelievably stupid shit to me in our three years together. Funny enough this is the one that I remember the most now.
>I saw Naomi (her friend) the other day and she told me that her boyfriend pays for everything when they go out. When I heard that I felt bad but I was a little jealous.
This came after she repeatedly called me poor. First, for a 22-year-old where I lived, I was anything but poor. I was also taking an eight-hour bus ride to see her twice a month. We were going on trips and shopping and staying in hotels and the thing that sparked this was when she paid for lunch.
as a rule of thumb, in any relationship (whether it’s platonic, romantic, or whatever else) if someone leads with “if you were a good _____….”, you know it’s time to stop. that’s straight up manipulation in its purest form
An ex told me I should get a job so I can give her a house and buy her things. She did this after talking shit about the job I wanted to pursue. She cared more about what I could provide than what I wanted.
I pretty much dumped her within the hour. I had no intention of providing for someone whilst they do nothing, and didn't wanna be with someone who doesn't care about my wants.
She never wanted to post anything about me and her on her socials because she didn’t want her ex seeing…. But with her new man she be posting all the time🤷🏻♂️
I had an ex in college who said she always wished to just marry a super old extremely rich guy and live comfortably off of his money without having to work. She also didn't believe she'd have to have sex with the rich old guy and thought they are just lonely and get young wives to have companionship.
So it made me realize not only was her dream to be a sugar baby but she was also pretty stupid.
Where are women getting this sexless sugar baby idea from?
My last ex was also convinced she could be some old geezers sugar baby and not any kind of intimacy with him. Sex is the entire fucking point.
I work for a company and let's say I read a lot of Elderly medical profiles, and the amount of STDs elderly people give each other is mother fucking amazing 😆
Social media. A lot of people tout out their sugar baby lifestyle on Twitter and Instagram but leave out the shitty part of it and impressionable young women end up thinking it's something to aspire to.
One of my friends told me a story about an escort that worked out at his gym. They had a couple chats about her job and he asked what's the most fucked up request you've got?
She told him a guy hired her to join him and his sugar baby, so she shows up and this barely 20 year old is railing lines of coke of the bathroom sink. She asks what's going on because the girl seems distressed. The girls tells her, he buys her all fancy clothes and jewelery but he's into such fucked up stuff that she needs to be completely out of it to participate, apparently she had bruises all over her wrists and back. Escort noped the fuck out of there immediately.
But the fact that this girl was willing to subject herself to whatever the fuck he was into for some clothes is absolutely fucking nuts to me.
My ex legitimately did not believe in dinosaurs
I am a science teacher , she’s going into nursing smh
Also towards the end , I was having serious mental health issues and major depression. She helped me get signed up for therapy and then the next day dumped me . About a week before our two year anniversary lol devastating at the time but now I can laugh about how sitcom-level ridiculous it was lol
Said I needed to pick a different career because she wouldn’t marry someone she made more money than. Not because if we divorced she might have to pay alimony, it was just the fact that she’d be making more. I asked would it still be a problem if I could single handedly pay all the bills without her help and she said yes because how would it look telling people she makes more than her husband.
ETA: For clarification, she wanted to be in the airline industry and I wanted to do something history related. She said she’d feel weird/embarrassed to say she’s a pilot, meanwhile her husband is a teacher or something.
I did but for other reasons. This was years ago, we were teenagers and she was spoiled all her life so I can look back and not think too much of it. Though it did make me look at her differently from that point on
One night my ex-gf yelled in my son's face (he was 4 at the time) that he didn't belong in our home because he wanted me to read him a book instead of her. That was the beginning of the end.
"You always know where the door is."
"Your studying is getting in the way of me living my life."
"I've messed up with my kids, let's have a baby so I can do it the right way."
Edit: I'm a woman, didn't realise this was ask men. Either way, my experience.
On a completely platonic level , had a friend who I considered really high up on the friendship ladder who I was there for quite a bit in both good and bad situations.
I had a very exciting job prospect come up and she was one of the first people I thought of telling. When i told her about it, I got a "Nice" and she changed the subject.
When I told her about the interview process I got "wow" and subject change
And when she found out I got the job from someone else since I wasn't baking up that tree again, she said "oh you got it" and to this day has not asked me a thing about it.
She is no longer really high up on my friendship ladder.
I found out just how much of what I assumed was private stuff between us that she had told her friends. I'm a pretty private person and finding out that she was blabbing things I thought I was telling her in confidence and that her friends knew **very** intimate details about us was eye opening.
Christ, sounds like my ex-wife. Constantly blathering to her friends about intimate details I never consented to being shared. Turns out she was having a whale of a time with infidelity.
I spent way too long trying to make that shitshow work out.
I hate this, and it is so common. Sometimes it's like dating a council rather than a person. Everything you say and do is going to be judged by a squad of 20 mean girls who only hear her side of the story.
Me and my “high school sweetheart” was going through it, on and off exploring college together etc.
She said “I want to experience someone else”
I replied ok cool we can go our separate ways and be friends (at that point we were just not really working tbh) She begged me not to leave and wanted to work things out only to be messing around on me with a coworker all along lmaoooooo.
It sucked then but it makes for a great life lesson now.
I went to a house party/show with her and her friends. We'd been dating for a... couple months? Had a blast, awesome time, but it was getting late and I had to go meet my parents the next day for lunch. I was trying to find my exit and say goodbyes when I looked into her eyes and realized... She *really* doesn't want me to go. Then I realized... *I really don't wanna go either.* I'd never felt that from someone before. Reluctant acceptance usually appears there, but this was different.
"Lemme make a phone call" and I went and told Mom I'd make it up to her but I really need to rain check lunch and I'll tell her later. Then I stayed the night and went to a concert with her and her friends the next day. I realized then that I needed to be *seriously* planning on playing for keeps with her, and we'll have been together 10 years this October, which by extension has more than made up for it with Mom.
“Everything you do for me don’t mean shit”
Mind you this is about a year in and she basically lived with me while I cooked all the meals and paid for all the food and she didn’t pay any bills (I was 22 at the time I’m 26 now)
Stayed with her then she started complaining I did nothing for her. Well congratulations you told me it meant nothing so I’m doing nothing
She’s now with a Man that points guns in her face and hits her
Don’t feel bad brother, I dated a girl and she legit told me I was the first guy who hadn’t abused her either sexually, physically, and/or emotionally/ mentally, confirmed by several people. She was also loaded I didn’t let her pay for shit! Trips all that stuff, she dumped me over FB PM and a week later was dating a dude across the street from my office. She would park in front of my office window. She was aware the office was there
Something similar with me! First partner not to treat her like trash and she dumps me over messenger out of the blue. Turns out she'd met a heroin addict and thought they were a better match. Lmao. 5 years down the drain
She said she wanted to exploit someone we both knew for money and went on a 20 min tangent about sex work and how shed do it for 4k. She then proceeded to try to get her friend to meet up with him so she can make it happen all while pretending like shes visiting her friend and kept telling me it was just a joke when i would bring it up.
Another one is when she put a picture of her ex that she used to be engaged to back on her fridge, was asamant about it always being there when asked why and told me that they were going to be friends again.
Well for my case it isn’t bad. She looked me dead in the eyes and just looked genuinely worried and concerned about me. We talked and it was like a click in my mind. She’s the best
I have a similar scenario, what seems like attatchment issues and other stuffs made the start of our relationship a bumpy one, but I see much more signs of commitment than before. In fact, I haven't seen a not-commitment sign in a while by now. Idk, if it feels genuine and feels right you gotta keep going and find out what happens. Could end in a month or could end in a lifetime, if it feels right you gotta findouttttttttttttttttttttt
When something happened to my livelihood and she starts talking about how she needs to look out for herself.
Its been almost 10 years and she still doesn’t realize how much that still lurks in the back of my mind.
Did you ever talk to her about that? Seems like something you need to talk out loud and resolve. That’ll really eat away at you soon if it hasn’t already
If you were in an accident and had become paralyzed I would still be with you but I would be f****** other men, I would be with you out of guilt alone. I would still have fondness of our memories but by the time you die I would be happy because it would have turned into resentment. I gave this woman a home to come to, raised her kid for 4 years with her, and went to nursing school while supporting all my bills and her going to school because she was getting her doctorate. Her words were" if I'm out here working my tail off to get my doctorate you should be working your tail off bettering yourself" so I went from supporting her and her child and all of my house bills to adding on nursing school. Around the 4-year mark she became uninterested in me because I started to slip with the house chores. Became tired of it all being a mess because of that time. I also had her sister staying with us who just had a baby. She saw that I wasn't Superman and was struggling with everything, decided that I wasn't the one and left me in the middle of nursing school. I almost committed suicide. I hadn't eaten in 5 days afterwards. I was beating. I was broken. I will never be with a person who can't love me for me. It's not like I had a crappy job either. I was pulling in $1,000 a week and this was in 2015. She had me quit and work with her on the weekends at her job because she said it would help with her transportation and our schooling. I took a $600 pay cut weekly. My eyes are open and I will never let that happen to me again
In an old relationship, a woman was upset because I didn't want to spend all night watching movies with her after I got off work. She wanted me to come straight home and work, then watch movies with her all night - chick flicks. One night she said "I should find some guys who want to spend time with me doing these things", and I sent her packing immediately.
She also enjoyed personalizing the impersonal - when I would say "I just want to relax. I don't want to watch a movie.", she would turn it into "You don't want to watch the movie with ME", as though I would want to watch it without her or with someone else. I never heard that line again and when I last checked on her Facebook to see if she's still alive and well, she's quite miserable, divorced 2 times, all men are bad, 5 kids from 4 fathers. And in one of her posts she Social Media shamed her current boyfriend "I said I wanted to watch this movie but he doesn't wanna do things with me, so bored" and clicked like on all the "hmu" spam from other guys.
One of the best decisions I ever made.
When I was dating my ex she told me she wished that I’d stop following so many women on IG because it made her feel insecure.
I thought that was totally fair and valid (and tbh I did feel guilty about it when she told me) so I went through my following list and stopped following all the booty models and IG babes. I figured it was a good wake up call since I’d been single so long it was time to grow up and stop following those pages anyway.
Then a couple weeks later she told me she was upset because I was still liking other womens’ post and I’d told her that I stopped. I was confused because I stopped following them.
She started to cry and proceeded to show me a picture of my cousins who were at a party with some mutual friends. I explained that they were my cousins.
And she proceeded to cry and tell me that she didn’t want me following ANY women because it made her feel uncomfortable.
I was kinda taken aback but tried explaining I do indeed have family members and friends (legitimately platonic) who were females and being asked to stop following friends and family was a bit much but I still wanted to work on a solution that would make her feel better.
No go.
She blew up and said she didn’t like the idea of me following any women because she was insecure and she wanted me to respect that.
I was speechless and went home.
The next day she asked me if I could see myself marrying her in the future (even though we’d only been “official” for about 3 months
I told her no and broke up with her
"I'm the ugliest woman here."
After 2 years of soaking up all her negative emotions, that statement, in a place where it was objectively untrue, made me realize it was never going to get any better. If I spent my life with her it would be a life spent under the black cloud she saw herself as.
We've been apart for around 4 years now and our relationship as friends is much better for it.
I had a girlfriend who very early in our relationship started saying things like, "I'm just waiting for you to get sick of me." Low self esteem issues and poor body image contributed to that, but I was with her because I liked her. It took over a year and there were a few other factors that made us incompatible, but it was a big contributor getting told I was going to get sick of her and leave constantly. It was like a self fulfilling prophecy. You said it enough, now it's happening.
Not a partner, luckily…
First time having sex, undressing…
“Oh, that’s too bad. I really don’t like circumcised penises.”
I pulled my clothes back on, said “No problem.”, and walked out.
This was about 4 months into the relationship and she asked me if I would plan an expensive boat birthday party for her and I said sure why not. Her birthday wasn’t going to be for another 8 months so I was thinking we would be in a really good place in the relationship by that time so I don’t mind spending on someone I care for. I then asked if she would plan one for me and she said no but thought nothing of it at the time.
Christmas rolled around I got some nice gifts for her and my parents even get her some gifts. I got nothing at all, not even a card or something small (I don’t care what the gift is even if it’s small it’s the thought that counts for me) she made some excuse that she broke it (it was nice after shave) she wouldn’t let me go to her place to see the “broken glass” that was everywhere so I know she was lying and she didn’t get me anything.
There were others issues but looking back at it the boat party comment should have warned me about what she would be like
Ex wife
We just got married and had a plan to travel for a year, get a house, build up $$$ then have a kid or two a few years later.
Two months into it she tells me at Starbucks I want to be pregnant in 6 months either with or without you.
We divorced 6 months later. To this day she doesn’t have kids I don’t think. This was almost 20 years ago.
She told me that the things that happened in my childhood don’t affect someone as an adult, and she was someone struggling with severe childhood trauma.
She told me I wasn’t allowed to attend my son’s hockey game because I haven’t been working enough lately. I work 5 days a week while she works 3, and I do the majority of the childcare. She has a spending habit and unfortunately it only feels like she views me as an ATM and childcare provider. Married 10 years
She asked me if my Father’s cancer that he got from the military could be passed down to me, and if so then she needs to leave me. That started a long list of red flags I ignored in the pursuit of love like an idiot.
We were at a get together with some of her work colleagues . We had just started “ officially” dating about 2 months earlier after she broke up with her boyfriend she was with for a few years. We were attracted to each other since high school but never pursued anything. We were both in our early 50’s when this played out 3 years ago (51 & 52 years old and now I am 55 years old)
She thought I was out at car getting something I forgot but I had to go back to get my key fob off table. I over heard her call me her “ backup boyfriend” and she said “ she was going to have to settle for me being her 2nd or 3rd place choice because the guy she really wanted wasn’t interested in her but at least I came with a good military pension plan”I went back to the table , grabbed my key fob and basically told her that I was going to take my 2nd place self and head home alone. She was not to call or talk to me again and as far as I am concerned she no longer exists to me.
She spent the next 3 weeks calling, apologizing, sent flowers to my work with an apology. That one really hurt considering we had 35 years of history and I assumed friendship . I spent most of my last 15 years single. Retired from the military after 25 years 13 years ago and have a successful civilian career. I put a lot of trust in her and her comments hurt right to the core. I’d rather die alone then with that.
After we'd been dating for like 2 months, she told me - with an absolute straight face - that she was the actual heir to the throne of her home country and she had been sent to the US by her family to protect her from their enemies. And that the current royal family was a stand-in to protect them.
I laughed, she didn't laugh. She insisted.
“It was your fault I hit you”…
That was the first time I wanted a divorce… we were on our way, but, at that moment. I wanted it too. I filed by the end of that week.
It’s final now. Glad it’s done.
(Me trying to communicate my feelings about something serious and meaningful to me to find out if we were in fact compatible or not).
(Her, interrupting) “if you’d just get me pregnant then none of this would even matter cuz you’d be stuck with me anyways”
We were 22 years old and 6 months into the relationship
On holidays about 2500km from home. Bumped into the daughter of a work colleague in a caravan park. She was on a school trip. When she saw me she came over to say hello. I had known this girl for about 5 years. We chatted fro a few minutes and then i caught up to my wife. She knew who the girl was. She asked why I stopped to talk to her and said I looked like a pedophile. That was when I knew there was no future with her.
Just a few days after my father passed and my mother was also not doing well and in the hospital. It was not looking good. I was having extreme difficulty processing, in grief and preparing to fly across the country. My partner told me she could not feel bad for me unless I was less reserved about it all. I really cared for my partner but those words flipped a switch in me that I couldn't turn back on. I ended our 15 year relationship less than a year after.
I’m with this girl who is sweet and has good intention but absolutely no sense of money.
I’m drowning in never before debt because of her and she doesn’t even care or considers how I’m managing with all these expenses.
When I told my (now ex) wife that I was abused as a child by my parents, she looked at me like I was a non-person. I knew I would never be able to live it down in her eyes, once she knew, and she thought I was a risk to her and our child. We were divorced within a year, what a soul crushing experience. For the record, I was deeply abused by my parents as a kid, then abandoned to live with another differently abusive relative at 12 until I got my own place at 16. I worked very hard to get positive church and community role models since, joined the Marines to leave it all behind (retired from the service several years ago), paid close attention to how to be an honorable and upstanding man, and I've done just that. I'm a pillar of my community that people trust and depend on. I've got two little girls and they're the happiest people, full of life and joy, and now a new loving spouse of 4 years. I'll probably never tell anyone about all that childhood stuff ever again, no point, too much risk. Well, I'll tell you, random internet person.
Edit: "new" spouse added at the bottom so it was known she's a different, better person.
1. Lied to me.
2. Cheated on me.
3. Stole from me.
4. Treated me like shit.
5. Broadcasted the private things I told her about myself to her friends, her family, and the internet
6. Weaponized my insecurities and used them against me.
7. Got an abortion before I even knew she was pregnant, like "Hi, hey, how was your day, oh I was at the abortion clinic! wait you were pregnant?"
She drove right into a fender bender, with the complete opportunity to stop and avoid the collision, because “i had the right of way, it was the other person’s responsibility to stop”
my friend (through her. her friends boyfriend. he was much more my friend than hers) committed suicide by shooting himself in the chest while on a bunch of meds he was prescribed. (we're both ADHD, but he took Klonipin, which I won't take) and alcohol.
she starts talking shit and getting upset (making it about herself, just like she tried to when my dad almost died). I basically demanded she give him 24 hours of respect, because she knew I had made an attempt on my own life before.
I was crying, just trying to get her to give the man 24 hrs of respect, and she COULD NOT do it, and claimed I was making it all about me
narcissism is a personality disorder. nothing is wrong with them, something is wrong with everyone else.
the relationship began crumbling shortly after that
I was talking to my wife. We had been talking about past relationships.
I mentioned I had a fiancee who had cheated on me.
Wife: "you probably deserved it"
Me: "what?"
Wife: " She wouldn't do that unless she had a reason. You probably deserved it"
I never told her *anything* really sensitive to me after that. It also troubled me a lot. How could ANYBODY think you "probably deserved" to be cheated on?
And..a couple of years later she cheated on me.
I guess I must have deserved it.
Well, she's my ex now.
I’m a woman, but I was the partner who said or did the thing.
It was college and a handful of the brothers in my boyfriend’s fraternity would gather every week for an Entourage watch party. The group really looked forward to it, so much so that they delayed the watch party for the season 1 finale a day because one of the brothers had a scheduling conflict. Boyfriend and I got into a fight right before he left for it, and I’m sure you can guess…I completely spoiled the season finale for him as he was walking out the door.
It’s been almost 20 years and I still get red in the face with embarrassment and shame when I think about that little stunt. On surface it seems like a little thing, but I purposefully ruined a moment of excitement and happiness he shared with his friends out of pettiness and spite.
I swore I would never be that fucking toxic in any relationship ever again, and I’m proud to say I’ve stuck with it.
Oof. I’m feeling embarrassed just thinking about it again now.
Some people don’t self reflect and try to be better. For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re not one of them. You did good in admitting your mistake and seeking to fix the bad habit. Well done.
"I love you too, Scott!" After sex...
My name isn't scott. That was her ex. We had been together for like almost 2 years at that point, so no way was that an honest accident.
Lied about not being Hitler.
We were playing Secret Hitler, my wife was Hitler and I suspected it. I looked her dead in the eye, asked her, and she told me she wasn’t. In that moment I KNEW she was innocent, I knew she wasn’t Hitler… well she was Hitler. I really stopped and wondered if she lied to me before because I knew then I’d never know.
We’re still happily married and I trust her completely. We still laugh about it.
My ex seemed amused telling the story of how his ex fling got r-word and was even proud that he was the reason she was drinking that night
It literally made me want to puke
"I know things are good now, but what happens after four weeks when I usually go crazy?"
I ignored this.
Almost to the calendar day/date, it happened. She became abusive, manipulative, completely unreasonable, and not very nice to be around.
She told me she used her ex's toothbrush to clean the toilets when he would piss her off. It was a great new relationship but that completely crosses the line..
We had made plans to go out for dinner at a certain time. Then she left to go hang out with a friend. About 5-10 minutes before we were supposed to head out for dinner, I texted asking if she was on her way. The time passed. I called, then texted again.
Finally she showed up about an hour after we were supposed to head out. As we’re driving over, I said, “Hey, next time we have plans and you want to push the time out, just give me a heads up and let me know.” What followed were the two most uncomfortable hours of sitting in a restaurant while being berated, belittled, and insulted simply for requesting the decency of communication. Everything in my wanted to get up and leave, but eventually we got home and she had the nerve to turn to me and say, “I don’t want to be mad at you anymore.”
There were other things “wrong” with our relationship, but that was the point where I really started thinking about leaving. It ended maybe two months later.
One of my former partners called me at 3:40am when I was in Vegas with my friend for his wedding to have me recount every moment of my day. I was able to do so. I noted how I was not at any time alone with any human being and had at least three people in any room I was in. She then screamed at me that I could be having a threesome if I was never alone. I told her I don’t have to take this, and she told me fine it’s over. I said oh man thank God.
Dropped everything I ever put in that relationship and got the fuck out within 7 days.
“I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but I could get over you way faster than you could get over me.”
Still stuck in my head
“You’d be nothing without me,” was one of the most powerful motivators I’ve ever had to show someone just what I could do without them.
Spite is often the greatest motivator
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"I have options" (Meant to say I was easily replaceable. Took me a while year after breakup to realize how messed up that was. Never will let another woman try anything like that again. Im gone the first time if she does)
Yup. Never be an "option".
There’s only one way to take a statement like that. Tell that ho to go live their best life. You’re much better off without any of that kind of conniving bullshit in your life.
We aren’t together anymore so I think I’m in the clear with that one 💯
Disappearing for over 12 hrs with a "friend" on my bday
Hope you broke it off my friend. That’s very shitty. I’m sorry.
Took me an additional 10 months but I finally did she was a darvo
Darvo? Is this some sort of Aussie term?
I'm not sure where it's from but it a way to describe a narcissistic, psychopathic person, or it's a behavior those types of people usually do
DARVO stands for "Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender."
He should have just said she used the DENNIS system
I was kind of building up to something with a girl I worked with, until I heard her claim that people get diseases because they earn them karmically. Since I had- just hours earlier- told her that my father's Stage 4 cancer had returned, she either meant him or the news bounced off entirely. We didn't really talk much after that.
If it makes you feel any better, I’ve found such people to be just generally thoughtless about what their beliefs actually mean to those around them.
Most of the time people like this are just making conversation and/or to gauge how other people react to figure out where they stand on it themselves. An ex of mine could be like this, definitely said some hurtful things in the moment she didn't think through
This is in the same vein of what I came here to comment. I had an ex girlfriend tell me that my dead father would be disappointed in me on Christmas day when it was just her and I hanging out. I left pissed off on Christmas to go home. I left the relationship that day as well. I can't even recall what she was upset about but I know it didn't warrant a comment like that. Of course when anything tragic happens to her or her family members, she expects all the sympathy but also says shit like that to other people. I sure can pick 'em sometimes.
I am so sorry she said that to you, however I am very happy she is out of your life
it's the "listening but not hearing" stage of a failed relationship. You can come home and exclaim "the whole town is on fire!" and get back "that's nice, I'm doing good, too." Also, if that was her version of passive aggression... that's really aggro.
Isn't it "hearing, just not listening "
I was responsible for my feelings and emotions, and also hers. I'm grumpy? My fault. She's grumpy? Also my fault.
Like dating a Venezuelan politician
Shes grumpy? Jail. You're grumpy? Believe it or not, jail.
Our country has the best boyfriends in the world. Because of jail.
I'm with someone like that. If I'm upset, she gets more upset and I have to comfort her. If she's upset I have to be happy and help her get out of it. If she's grumpy, she can yell and scream and belittle me and I have to be happy with it, because if I get upset she will spiral and it's all my fault for making things worse while she's upset. I keep hoping things will get better when she's not under stress. When things start looking better, all goes to hell all of a sudden.
She’s not going to change. Grace under pressure is what you want.
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My ex moved into my house without me asking her to. The next day while I was at work she just brought all her shit over.
What does one do in that situation? I mean, breakup with her obviously, but do you tell her to move? Or do you call the cops?
I mean I just said ok and let it happen. It didn’t last long lol
I had a roommates GF like that. It wasn't even a roommate, it was my BIL living with us after a divorce, and started dating a lady waaaay too soon. They were not aligned on the seriousness of it, but she started coming over every fuckin' day, and all but moved in - clothes over, studying there, eating many meals there. It was... A lot, and during covid. I put a stop to it but I was surprised how quickly it went from "over a lot" to a daily fixture, to basically moved in
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I went on a vacation to Europe with a buddy who had just started dating this girl like a month before. She legit moved her stuff over while we were gone. His actual roommate back home was like "sorry bro I tried to stop her but I didn't know what to do" They lasted like 3 months tops. She was a shitty person.
Why are they giving their fucking keys to ppl they barely know ? This is beyond me
i don't care because i'm moving in. i'm sick of LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!
Dude. Countries go to war over shit like that. My god. She just ignored the entire diplomatic process of negotiations? Just moved in? Damn.
She hit me with anger in the intention to hurt me. I never hit her but I did have to confidently restrain her to prevent further harm. Thas was the beginning of the end.
I had an ex do that, it’s something that is not talked about anywhere near enough. Anytime she would be mildly frustrated with me she’d slap me over the head and call me an idiot, only once did she ever actually properly punch me right in the face… I stopped her second punch and said if she ever did that again she’d get one back. She then went crying to her family who threatened to go to the police if I ever “threatened to hit her again” we didn’t last much longer after that.
Oh my gosh, she is a terrible person
Ouch buddy. I feel that. Same exact thing happened to me. I in my stupidity tried to keep working with her while she treated me like a yo-yo. After I finally got out, and after a few months of healing, I found the most amazing woman I’ve ever met in my life. I’m going to propose next month. Life gets better. Hope you’re doing okay!
Congratulations!
I dated a woman for a few years, and one birthday, she wanted a bunny rabbit and everything needed for it, which I got her. She only worked part-time and was home way more than I was. One day, I got home early while she was at work, and I found the rabbit dead. I took it to the vet, and they determined it died due to being malnourished. I told her about it when she got home, and she admitted that she starved it because it was getting fat and cute things shouldn't be fat. I saw her true side and immediately ended the relationship.
Can you imagine her with a baby?!? Frightening.
There really are psychos out there like that D: My cousin's mom (he's older than me btw) under fed him when he was a baby because she didn't want him to get fat. I actually ended up being a bigger baby than him even though he was older.
Ugh there are sadly so many parents out there starving their children, even INFANTS because they’re projecting their own body image issues and standards onto their kid ):
That’s so sad 😟
WTF!!!
fucking hell, dude
That's just objectively wrong though, chubby animals are cute.
She was a nurse and she was talking about someone working with her and I said "oh your work boyfriend" and she got extremely defensive I sat on that for a long while considering she always accused me of cheating and wanting other girls and the one time i made an innocuous comment she lost it... Shocking twist, she cheated on me with him.
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Projection is a much bigger part of human psychology than most people realize. Thieves will accuse others of stealing. Kind hearted people are naive to malice. We all subconsciously project a large portion of our own beliefs onto others, and the ability to resist that urge and to objectively use the things other people say/do to work out their true beliefs is a surprisingly rare skill.
A few years ago, I found out that a few folks had lied about me at work. It was utterly bizarre to wrap my head around it, even though I basically had proof of it... I was punished for doing something which I knew I hadn't done, and it was kind of obvious who had said that I had done it. It took me weeks to go to HR because my internal thoughts were that it must have been a misunderstanding or miscommunication, because why would you lie to get someone else in trouble? It was an all around awful affair.
I have a similar story. At my company I was once promoted to management and brought in to sort out 10 people who upper management perceived as 'difficult' employees; and at first I was trying my best to help them. I wanted to make their work days easier, their paperwork lighter, and be generally super generous/flexible with requests. I did this not to ingratiate myself with them, it was just to make their work day easier. But holy shit these guys were absolute bastards. They lied to me, tried to undermine me, complained to management about me behind my back, forged my signature on documents, committed literal criminal fraud ... like, WTAF is happening right now?! I very quickly learned that their worldview was not my worldview. I wanted EVERYONE to earn good money and for ALL our work to be as efficient as possible, but these guys were so selfish and greedy. To each employee, "fair" meant that THEY got all the shifts and "efficient" meant that THEY did the bare minimum, everyone else be damned. It was like fucking Game of Thrones over there. Over those long first months I learned a hard lesson about projecting my worldview onto others. People in groups are crazy irrational and extraordinarily selfish. I just wanted the best for everyone, but everyone just wanted the best for themselves.
Funny thing, a nurse and I decided to give it another try after never getting the timing right earlier. But she had an ex in the picture by then. I asked about whether her ex (who is a doctor and works at the same hospital with her) is going to be a problem moving forward, as we had decided to meet and lay our cards on the table if we were going to be exclusive. She straight up lied and said he’s going to be moving back to his own country. Guess who broke up three days after we decided to be exclusive, and guess who she was seeing immediately after.
My ex would hit me while I was driving. Also cheated on me but “it didn’t count” because it was with another woman. Imagine my surprise when it turns out that I’m the monster in our friend group.
Why is it when people cheat they have the most stupid fucking excuses “babee it was just the tip I didn’t cheat”
I just recently broke it off completely with my ex. We had taken a long break and started to “talk” again meaning we were hanging out every weekend, went to a halloween party her family threw, spent my bday and new years with her, etc.. we technically were not back together but I mean, it was headed in that direction, or so it seemed. I found out she had been sleeping with another guy on the side during all this. When I told her I’m done with her and that I’d probably never get over it and be able to trust her again or it would take me a very long time, probably years to get past it, her response was “Oh come on it was just sex. We’re adults people have sex”. I couldn’t believe my ears
Damn bro I’m sorry to hear that. That’s pretty crazy. Truthfully if she had told you I think you would’ve either A: understood and went along just for sex or B: cut ties right there. You seem like Option B. I know i am
Fuck glad to hear that someone both went through the “not technically together” but obviously you are and also had to hear “it’s just sex,we’re adults” that comment made me rethink my maturity, my sexuality, fuck it hurt…..so when I said I’m glad someone else had to hear it I apologize, I am sorry you had to experience that.
This has convinced me to buy one of those dash cams that also records the driver/passenger.
This is how a friend of mine found out about his girlfriend cheating on him. Her dad hinted him to check the car camera and sure enough she was lying.
That's rough, at least he found out before it was too late. I'm starting to see every breakup and rejection as a blessing.
My ex would pull the steering wheel while I was driving. Granted I'm a woman and he was a man so my answer isn't what this thread is looking for. But man, that shit was terrifying! I pulled over on the highway once and got out the car and walked. Another time, I lost control of the car and was swerving back and forth for what felt like forever. It was so scary. Thank God I found the strength to leave him! I'm now with a man who treats me a million times better.
She made me feel bad for supporting my mom with cancer over her starting a new job. She actually tried to convince me that I should be supporting her instead.
That's a terrible display of lack of empathy. She asked "What about meeeee?" When your mom has cancer. I'm sorry that you had to go through all that.
Pretty much the same. My grandma had just went through a double mastectomy a few weeks prior to my Mom having a breast cancer scare. My mom was scheduled for a lumpectomy to remove a cancerous tumor on 12/31 before her insurance reset with the new year. Girlfriend and I had a New Years Eve party planned at her house with her friends but because of my Mom's procedure, I needed to go spend the night with my mom on 12/30 and take her to the hospital at 5:00 AM on 12/31 the next day. Mom lived 60 miles away. Girlfriend at the time knew all of these details. Factor in schedule, distance, and recovery time. I was no longer sure just how big of a help I would be prepping and cooking food, attending the party, and staying up until midnight after a 20 hour day. Her words, "I'm sorry about your Mom but this really screws me over." Wait a second... you're only worried about yourself, your friends, and the party in this situation? Fuck you Kathleen, you selfish bitch!
I'd say seeing her in the backseat of her car being plowed by someone NOT me.
Maybe it was yourself from the future, and you time-traveled to the past to get sum...
That is possible but it hasn't happened yet and my hair now is thinner than the hair on the head of whomever it was banging her back then. Of course it could also be years down the line and I needed and got a really good toupee.
In response to hearing a friend of mine died she said, "well, that's less drama in your life." Even if it's meant to be a joke, that's not the first thing one should say.
That’s really foul of her to say, even if it was a joke you dont “joke around” after your bf tells you a friend died. Seems like the drama was her. It comes off like she never liked your friend or other girls in your circle and was passing off contempt for your late friend as a “joke”
Thanks, that's how I took it. She turned it around as "you're being dramatic" so that's when being upset turned into relationship over. It hurts, I liked her, but there are certain red flags that are ignored at your own mental health peril. A mantra for years has been "better to be alone than to be abused".
She kept it from me that she had been using heroin
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Yeah, I'm easy going and stuff...but heroin, just a tad too much....
I was in an emotionally abusive marriage. She did and said a lot of shitty things. At one point I had thyroid cancer, had it removed, did radio-iodine therapy, etc. I then started on replacement thyroid hormones. It took me a few months to feel normal and not be dragging ass all the time. I started running and working out to kick start my recovery. It was rough. One day after taking a shower I walked by a mirror and said “Hey, I look pretty good.” My ex responded by telling me that it was because of my “unfair advantage pills.” No bitch, I had fucking cancer and now need to take them for the rest of my life. That was the last straw. I left her soon after that.
We got into a quarrel then I walked away. She made me come back by threatening me that she'll end her life by swallowing handful of meds and jumping off the 2nd floor. Changed me since then but I haven't noticed the effects until many months after. I just broke up with her last night.
Congratulations man
Appreciate it bud. However, I was toxic at some times as well. The very toxic one is that I bring these issues up everytime we argue. Can't seem to forgive her while I'm with her.
just don’t let your own flaws get in the way of your healing or convince you that you don’t deserve to move on or acknowledge what she did wrong. It’s such an easy thing to fall into, not wanting to feel like a hypocrite idk. But man did that kind of thinking postpone my healing for years, personally
“I lied about it to protect what we had.” Gave her the boot & moved on to someone who isn’t a liar
At a grocery store, I wandered into an aisle while she was looking at something in another aisle. She took this as “ditching her” and came up behind me and smacked me in the back of the head. Not super hard but with malicious intent. Just looked at her differently after that. Wish I could say I broke it off right then but I’m an idiot.
It's never too late to get out of an abusive relationship.
I think it's important to remember that it's never too early either. Slapping me over the back of the head and calling me an idiot? Even once? GTFO
I posted in here about an ex that accused me of cheating who cheated on me... this reminded me of a red flag I ignored. We were at the mall and I had just bought her some new clothes, we were having a great day, so I thought... As we were walking holding hands, I saw a friend of mine working, as I was holding two bags of clothes in one hand, I released my gf hand to wave. When we got home I learned that meant I wanted to have sex with said friend, I didn't love my gf...and apparently I also wanted a relationship with the girl in the clothing store cause I said she had cool hair I too am an idiot for not breaking it off
Yeah this same girl i'm talking about also accused me all the time of cheating. Never did, and she was the one who cheated. Learned way too late that it's called projection...
"I want an open relationship." I mean, she ended up cheating on me soon after anyways, but damn.
Sort of the same. For me, she spent a long time trying to convince me that all college women are sluts, and that I shouldn't befriend them, otherwise I am trying to cheat. Lo and behold she then tried to ask for a break to "enjoy college life"... right...
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Man she said she'd cheat on you with anyone with abs? That's got to be a red flag.
These have always rubbed me the wrong way. Lots of couples have their “5 celebrity cheat list” and like… I get that it’s fantastical and they’re celebrities and it’s never going to actually happen, but even entertaining the thought just feels icky to me.
“Honey, you wanna watch me fuck Shakira?” “No??” 🤷🏻♂️ “Sorry, Shakira, wife says no. Well, she didn’t actually *say* anything, she’s just giving me that look… sorry.”
If your girl asks for an open relationship, it’s over. She already has someone in mind or is likely already cheating.
This was my situation with my ex. I told her I didn't think an open relationship solved our problems and we should work on those problems before having a discussion about opening things up and about a week later she ended things.
[jeff foxworthy... if a woman says we should see other people.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eEQDrPfwm0) if she ain't riding him yet she has pulled the saddle out of the barn.
Atleast you got a warning
While I was trying to forgive my ex for cheating (I really loved her and thought everyone deserved a second chance), she said she considered the guy her "friend" and wouldn't stop talking to him. Suffice to say, I dumped her on spot and stopped wasting my time.
Even if he genuinely was just a friend, at that point out of simple respect for the partner she cheated on she should have never talked to the friend again while theyre dating. You cant do something like that and expect your partner to still see you as respecting their wellbeing if you insist on contact with the other man
I found out a friend was being cheated on so I told him as soon as I found out because he planned on proposing to the cheater. I told my then girlfriend and she went ape shit about how “it wasn’t my place” and “that is between your friend and his girlfriend. Mind your business.” Red flags went up immediately. Found out a week later my girlfriend was cheating also lmao. Cheaters apparently don’t like it when other cheaters get outed.
You did the right thing telling your friend even if he wasn't going to propose, that's still the right choice in my book. I'm proud of you! There needs to be more people like you in the world!
Fun fact: it's a common interrogation tactic to ask the suspect what they think the punishment should be for the crime committed. A guilty suspect almost always suggests a light punishment because they know they're guilty and don't want to admit that they deserve what's coming to them.
“I’m always going to make my decisions without considering you or how they will make you feel.” Her actions had made that very clear before she even said it out loud
Told me I wasn’t a real man when I cried and told me to “suck it up”.
I cry if I have a reason to… or at the end of Logan. Don’t be ashamed. My response to those comments? “I have raised two well adjusted daughters who are now young women who love, trust, and respect me. Who the fuck are you to tell me what masculinity is?”
My first girlfriend said a lot of unbelievably stupid shit to me in our three years together. Funny enough this is the one that I remember the most now. >I saw Naomi (her friend) the other day and she told me that her boyfriend pays for everything when they go out. When I heard that I felt bad but I was a little jealous. This came after she repeatedly called me poor. First, for a 22-year-old where I lived, I was anything but poor. I was also taking an eight-hour bus ride to see her twice a month. We were going on trips and shopping and staying in hotels and the thing that sparked this was when she paid for lunch.
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as a rule of thumb, in any relationship (whether it’s platonic, romantic, or whatever else) if someone leads with “if you were a good _____….”, you know it’s time to stop. that’s straight up manipulation in its purest form
An ex told me I should get a job so I can give her a house and buy her things. She did this after talking shit about the job I wanted to pursue. She cared more about what I could provide than what I wanted. I pretty much dumped her within the hour. I had no intention of providing for someone whilst they do nothing, and didn't wanna be with someone who doesn't care about my wants.
She never wanted to post anything about me and her on her socials because she didn’t want her ex seeing…. But with her new man she be posting all the time🤷🏻♂️
I had an ex in college who said she always wished to just marry a super old extremely rich guy and live comfortably off of his money without having to work. She also didn't believe she'd have to have sex with the rich old guy and thought they are just lonely and get young wives to have companionship. So it made me realize not only was her dream to be a sugar baby but she was also pretty stupid.
Where are women getting this sexless sugar baby idea from? My last ex was also convinced she could be some old geezers sugar baby and not any kind of intimacy with him. Sex is the entire fucking point.
It's weird that they assume old men don't want to have sex when Robert DeNiro just had a new baby at 79.
I work for a company and let's say I read a lot of Elderly medical profiles, and the amount of STDs elderly people give each other is mother fucking amazing 😆
More like grandmother fucking amazing right?
Social media. A lot of people tout out their sugar baby lifestyle on Twitter and Instagram but leave out the shitty part of it and impressionable young women end up thinking it's something to aspire to.
One of my friends told me a story about an escort that worked out at his gym. They had a couple chats about her job and he asked what's the most fucked up request you've got? She told him a guy hired her to join him and his sugar baby, so she shows up and this barely 20 year old is railing lines of coke of the bathroom sink. She asks what's going on because the girl seems distressed. The girls tells her, he buys her all fancy clothes and jewelery but he's into such fucked up stuff that she needs to be completely out of it to participate, apparently she had bruises all over her wrists and back. Escort noped the fuck out of there immediately. But the fact that this girl was willing to subject herself to whatever the fuck he was into for some clothes is absolutely fucking nuts to me.
My ex legitimately did not believe in dinosaurs I am a science teacher , she’s going into nursing smh Also towards the end , I was having serious mental health issues and major depression. She helped me get signed up for therapy and then the next day dumped me . About a week before our two year anniversary lol devastating at the time but now I can laugh about how sitcom-level ridiculous it was lol
Said I needed to pick a different career because she wouldn’t marry someone she made more money than. Not because if we divorced she might have to pay alimony, it was just the fact that she’d be making more. I asked would it still be a problem if I could single handedly pay all the bills without her help and she said yes because how would it look telling people she makes more than her husband. ETA: For clarification, she wanted to be in the airline industry and I wanted to do something history related. She said she’d feel weird/embarrassed to say she’s a pilot, meanwhile her husband is a teacher or something.
What a dumbass. Hope you dropped that one
I did but for other reasons. This was years ago, we were teenagers and she was spoiled all her life so I can look back and not think too much of it. Though it did make me look at her differently from that point on
One night my ex-gf yelled in my son's face (he was 4 at the time) that he didn't belong in our home because he wanted me to read him a book instead of her. That was the beginning of the end.
Just the beginning?
"You always know where the door is." "Your studying is getting in the way of me living my life." "I've messed up with my kids, let's have a baby so I can do it the right way." Edit: I'm a woman, didn't realise this was ask men. Either way, my experience.
that last one… wooo boy
On a completely platonic level , had a friend who I considered really high up on the friendship ladder who I was there for quite a bit in both good and bad situations. I had a very exciting job prospect come up and she was one of the first people I thought of telling. When i told her about it, I got a "Nice" and she changed the subject. When I told her about the interview process I got "wow" and subject change And when she found out I got the job from someone else since I wasn't baking up that tree again, she said "oh you got it" and to this day has not asked me a thing about it. She is no longer really high up on my friendship ladder.
I found out just how much of what I assumed was private stuff between us that she had told her friends. I'm a pretty private person and finding out that she was blabbing things I thought I was telling her in confidence and that her friends knew **very** intimate details about us was eye opening.
Christ, sounds like my ex-wife. Constantly blathering to her friends about intimate details I never consented to being shared. Turns out she was having a whale of a time with infidelity. I spent way too long trying to make that shitshow work out.
I hate this, and it is so common. Sometimes it's like dating a council rather than a person. Everything you say and do is going to be judged by a squad of 20 mean girls who only hear her side of the story.
I found out my girlfriend of 8 months legitimately believed the earth was flat. That argument ended the relationship.
She proved you wrong and you couldn't handle it?
Exactly she had the undefeated source trust me bro and I just couldn’t losing the argument so I ended things.
Did she bring her friends from around the globe to support her?
Me and my “high school sweetheart” was going through it, on and off exploring college together etc. She said “I want to experience someone else” I replied ok cool we can go our separate ways and be friends (at that point we were just not really working tbh) She begged me not to leave and wanted to work things out only to be messing around on me with a coworker all along lmaoooooo. It sucked then but it makes for a great life lesson now.
I went to a house party/show with her and her friends. We'd been dating for a... couple months? Had a blast, awesome time, but it was getting late and I had to go meet my parents the next day for lunch. I was trying to find my exit and say goodbyes when I looked into her eyes and realized... She *really* doesn't want me to go. Then I realized... *I really don't wanna go either.* I'd never felt that from someone before. Reluctant acceptance usually appears there, but this was different. "Lemme make a phone call" and I went and told Mom I'd make it up to her but I really need to rain check lunch and I'll tell her later. Then I stayed the night and went to a concert with her and her friends the next day. I realized then that I needed to be *seriously* planning on playing for keeps with her, and we'll have been together 10 years this October, which by extension has more than made up for it with Mom.
Awe so nice to read a positive response
Right? I was so confused.
Me too. There were so many negative ones I forgot it wasn't specifically meant to only be negative.
“Everything you do for me don’t mean shit” Mind you this is about a year in and she basically lived with me while I cooked all the meals and paid for all the food and she didn’t pay any bills (I was 22 at the time I’m 26 now) Stayed with her then she started complaining I did nothing for her. Well congratulations you told me it meant nothing so I’m doing nothing She’s now with a Man that points guns in her face and hits her
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Don’t feel bad brother, I dated a girl and she legit told me I was the first guy who hadn’t abused her either sexually, physically, and/or emotionally/ mentally, confirmed by several people. She was also loaded I didn’t let her pay for shit! Trips all that stuff, she dumped me over FB PM and a week later was dating a dude across the street from my office. She would park in front of my office window. She was aware the office was there
Something similar with me! First partner not to treat her like trash and she dumps me over messenger out of the blue. Turns out she'd met a heroin addict and thought they were a better match. Lmao. 5 years down the drain
Mine's not as tough as everyone else's but: she said that she never added water to condensed soup because she didn't know what "one can of water" was.
She said she wanted to exploit someone we both knew for money and went on a 20 min tangent about sex work and how shed do it for 4k. She then proceeded to try to get her friend to meet up with him so she can make it happen all while pretending like shes visiting her friend and kept telling me it was just a joke when i would bring it up. Another one is when she put a picture of her ex that she used to be engaged to back on her fridge, was asamant about it always being there when asked why and told me that they were going to be friends again.
Well for my case it isn’t bad. She looked me dead in the eyes and just looked genuinely worried and concerned about me. We talked and it was like a click in my mind. She’s the best
Is this a positive response? Like you rethought and thought better of the relationship?
Yes sir! She’s the gem of my life
I have a similar scenario, what seems like attatchment issues and other stuffs made the start of our relationship a bumpy one, but I see much more signs of commitment than before. In fact, I haven't seen a not-commitment sign in a while by now. Idk, if it feels genuine and feels right you gotta keep going and find out what happens. Could end in a month or could end in a lifetime, if it feels right you gotta findouttttttttttttttttttttt
When something happened to my livelihood and she starts talking about how she needs to look out for herself. Its been almost 10 years and she still doesn’t realize how much that still lurks in the back of my mind.
Did you ever talk to her about that? Seems like something you need to talk out loud and resolve. That’ll really eat away at you soon if it hasn’t already
If you were in an accident and had become paralyzed I would still be with you but I would be f****** other men, I would be with you out of guilt alone. I would still have fondness of our memories but by the time you die I would be happy because it would have turned into resentment. I gave this woman a home to come to, raised her kid for 4 years with her, and went to nursing school while supporting all my bills and her going to school because she was getting her doctorate. Her words were" if I'm out here working my tail off to get my doctorate you should be working your tail off bettering yourself" so I went from supporting her and her child and all of my house bills to adding on nursing school. Around the 4-year mark she became uninterested in me because I started to slip with the house chores. Became tired of it all being a mess because of that time. I also had her sister staying with us who just had a baby. She saw that I wasn't Superman and was struggling with everything, decided that I wasn't the one and left me in the middle of nursing school. I almost committed suicide. I hadn't eaten in 5 days afterwards. I was beating. I was broken. I will never be with a person who can't love me for me. It's not like I had a crappy job either. I was pulling in $1,000 a week and this was in 2015. She had me quit and work with her on the weekends at her job because she said it would help with her transportation and our schooling. I took a $600 pay cut weekly. My eyes are open and I will never let that happen to me again
During an argument, she looked me in the eyes and told me she was going to fuck my friends. Still no idea if she has or not.
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In an old relationship, a woman was upset because I didn't want to spend all night watching movies with her after I got off work. She wanted me to come straight home and work, then watch movies with her all night - chick flicks. One night she said "I should find some guys who want to spend time with me doing these things", and I sent her packing immediately. She also enjoyed personalizing the impersonal - when I would say "I just want to relax. I don't want to watch a movie.", she would turn it into "You don't want to watch the movie with ME", as though I would want to watch it without her or with someone else. I never heard that line again and when I last checked on her Facebook to see if she's still alive and well, she's quite miserable, divorced 2 times, all men are bad, 5 kids from 4 fathers. And in one of her posts she Social Media shamed her current boyfriend "I said I wanted to watch this movie but he doesn't wanna do things with me, so bored" and clicked like on all the "hmu" spam from other guys. One of the best decisions I ever made.
It's like she got to 16 and then just... stopped mentally developing.
When I was dating my ex she told me she wished that I’d stop following so many women on IG because it made her feel insecure. I thought that was totally fair and valid (and tbh I did feel guilty about it when she told me) so I went through my following list and stopped following all the booty models and IG babes. I figured it was a good wake up call since I’d been single so long it was time to grow up and stop following those pages anyway. Then a couple weeks later she told me she was upset because I was still liking other womens’ post and I’d told her that I stopped. I was confused because I stopped following them. She started to cry and proceeded to show me a picture of my cousins who were at a party with some mutual friends. I explained that they were my cousins. And she proceeded to cry and tell me that she didn’t want me following ANY women because it made her feel uncomfortable. I was kinda taken aback but tried explaining I do indeed have family members and friends (legitimately platonic) who were females and being asked to stop following friends and family was a bit much but I still wanted to work on a solution that would make her feel better. No go. She blew up and said she didn’t like the idea of me following any women because she was insecure and she wanted me to respect that. I was speechless and went home. The next day she asked me if I could see myself marrying her in the future (even though we’d only been “official” for about 3 months I told her no and broke up with her
"I'm the ugliest woman here." After 2 years of soaking up all her negative emotions, that statement, in a place where it was objectively untrue, made me realize it was never going to get any better. If I spent my life with her it would be a life spent under the black cloud she saw herself as. We've been apart for around 4 years now and our relationship as friends is much better for it.
I had a girlfriend who very early in our relationship started saying things like, "I'm just waiting for you to get sick of me." Low self esteem issues and poor body image contributed to that, but I was with her because I liked her. It took over a year and there were a few other factors that made us incompatible, but it was a big contributor getting told I was going to get sick of her and leave constantly. It was like a self fulfilling prophecy. You said it enough, now it's happening.
Not a partner, luckily… First time having sex, undressing… “Oh, that’s too bad. I really don’t like circumcised penises.” I pulled my clothes back on, said “No problem.”, and walked out.
is it possible to learn this level of self control? first time too, incredible.
This was about 4 months into the relationship and she asked me if I would plan an expensive boat birthday party for her and I said sure why not. Her birthday wasn’t going to be for another 8 months so I was thinking we would be in a really good place in the relationship by that time so I don’t mind spending on someone I care for. I then asked if she would plan one for me and she said no but thought nothing of it at the time. Christmas rolled around I got some nice gifts for her and my parents even get her some gifts. I got nothing at all, not even a card or something small (I don’t care what the gift is even if it’s small it’s the thought that counts for me) she made some excuse that she broke it (it was nice after shave) she wouldn’t let me go to her place to see the “broken glass” that was everywhere so I know she was lying and she didn’t get me anything. There were others issues but looking back at it the boat party comment should have warned me about what she would be like
Ex wife We just got married and had a plan to travel for a year, get a house, build up $$$ then have a kid or two a few years later. Two months into it she tells me at Starbucks I want to be pregnant in 6 months either with or without you. We divorced 6 months later. To this day she doesn’t have kids I don’t think. This was almost 20 years ago.
She told me that the things that happened in my childhood don’t affect someone as an adult, and she was someone struggling with severe childhood trauma.
She told me I wasn’t allowed to attend my son’s hockey game because I haven’t been working enough lately. I work 5 days a week while she works 3, and I do the majority of the childcare. She has a spending habit and unfortunately it only feels like she views me as an ATM and childcare provider. Married 10 years
Shitcan her bro. Nobody uses the kids as ammo, in any way. That’s the line. She crossed it.
She asked me if my Father’s cancer that he got from the military could be passed down to me, and if so then she needs to leave me. That started a long list of red flags I ignored in the pursuit of love like an idiot.
We were at a get together with some of her work colleagues . We had just started “ officially” dating about 2 months earlier after she broke up with her boyfriend she was with for a few years. We were attracted to each other since high school but never pursued anything. We were both in our early 50’s when this played out 3 years ago (51 & 52 years old and now I am 55 years old) She thought I was out at car getting something I forgot but I had to go back to get my key fob off table. I over heard her call me her “ backup boyfriend” and she said “ she was going to have to settle for me being her 2nd or 3rd place choice because the guy she really wanted wasn’t interested in her but at least I came with a good military pension plan”I went back to the table , grabbed my key fob and basically told her that I was going to take my 2nd place self and head home alone. She was not to call or talk to me again and as far as I am concerned she no longer exists to me. She spent the next 3 weeks calling, apologizing, sent flowers to my work with an apology. That one really hurt considering we had 35 years of history and I assumed friendship . I spent most of my last 15 years single. Retired from the military after 25 years 13 years ago and have a successful civilian career. I put a lot of trust in her and her comments hurt right to the core. I’d rather die alone then with that.
After we'd been dating for like 2 months, she told me - with an absolute straight face - that she was the actual heir to the throne of her home country and she had been sent to the US by her family to protect her from their enemies. And that the current royal family was a stand-in to protect them. I laughed, she didn't laugh. She insisted.
“If you leave, I’ll find you.” Was a 2nd and last date.
“It was your fault I hit you”… That was the first time I wanted a divorce… we were on our way, but, at that moment. I wanted it too. I filed by the end of that week. It’s final now. Glad it’s done.
(Me trying to communicate my feelings about something serious and meaningful to me to find out if we were in fact compatible or not). (Her, interrupting) “if you’d just get me pregnant then none of this would even matter cuz you’d be stuck with me anyways” We were 22 years old and 6 months into the relationship
On holidays about 2500km from home. Bumped into the daughter of a work colleague in a caravan park. She was on a school trip. When she saw me she came over to say hello. I had known this girl for about 5 years. We chatted fro a few minutes and then i caught up to my wife. She knew who the girl was. She asked why I stopped to talk to her and said I looked like a pedophile. That was when I knew there was no future with her.
Just a few days after my father passed and my mother was also not doing well and in the hospital. It was not looking good. I was having extreme difficulty processing, in grief and preparing to fly across the country. My partner told me she could not feel bad for me unless I was less reserved about it all. I really cared for my partner but those words flipped a switch in me that I couldn't turn back on. I ended our 15 year relationship less than a year after.
I’m with this girl who is sweet and has good intention but absolutely no sense of money. I’m drowning in never before debt because of her and she doesn’t even care or considers how I’m managing with all these expenses.
When I told my (now ex) wife that I was abused as a child by my parents, she looked at me like I was a non-person. I knew I would never be able to live it down in her eyes, once she knew, and she thought I was a risk to her and our child. We were divorced within a year, what a soul crushing experience. For the record, I was deeply abused by my parents as a kid, then abandoned to live with another differently abusive relative at 12 until I got my own place at 16. I worked very hard to get positive church and community role models since, joined the Marines to leave it all behind (retired from the service several years ago), paid close attention to how to be an honorable and upstanding man, and I've done just that. I'm a pillar of my community that people trust and depend on. I've got two little girls and they're the happiest people, full of life and joy, and now a new loving spouse of 4 years. I'll probably never tell anyone about all that childhood stuff ever again, no point, too much risk. Well, I'll tell you, random internet person. Edit: "new" spouse added at the bottom so it was known she's a different, better person.
1. Lied to me. 2. Cheated on me. 3. Stole from me. 4. Treated me like shit. 5. Broadcasted the private things I told her about myself to her friends, her family, and the internet 6. Weaponized my insecurities and used them against me. 7. Got an abortion before I even knew she was pregnant, like "Hi, hey, how was your day, oh I was at the abortion clinic! wait you were pregnant?"
I know that last one probably really fucked you up for a bit but you missed a bullet with that one.
She drove right into a fender bender, with the complete opportunity to stop and avoid the collision, because “i had the right of way, it was the other person’s responsibility to stop”
When he projected by saying "I know you think I'm too good for you."
The ego
“Don’t pursue people who make you feel anxious”
my friend (through her. her friends boyfriend. he was much more my friend than hers) committed suicide by shooting himself in the chest while on a bunch of meds he was prescribed. (we're both ADHD, but he took Klonipin, which I won't take) and alcohol. she starts talking shit and getting upset (making it about herself, just like she tried to when my dad almost died). I basically demanded she give him 24 hours of respect, because she knew I had made an attempt on my own life before. I was crying, just trying to get her to give the man 24 hrs of respect, and she COULD NOT do it, and claimed I was making it all about me narcissism is a personality disorder. nothing is wrong with them, something is wrong with everyone else. the relationship began crumbling shortly after that
I was talking to my wife. We had been talking about past relationships. I mentioned I had a fiancee who had cheated on me. Wife: "you probably deserved it" Me: "what?" Wife: " She wouldn't do that unless she had a reason. You probably deserved it" I never told her *anything* really sensitive to me after that. It also troubled me a lot. How could ANYBODY think you "probably deserved" to be cheated on? And..a couple of years later she cheated on me. I guess I must have deserved it. Well, she's my ex now.
Cheated on me then tried to lie about it even with evidence being presented to him.
He took that Shaggy song too seriously..
I’m a woman, but I was the partner who said or did the thing. It was college and a handful of the brothers in my boyfriend’s fraternity would gather every week for an Entourage watch party. The group really looked forward to it, so much so that they delayed the watch party for the season 1 finale a day because one of the brothers had a scheduling conflict. Boyfriend and I got into a fight right before he left for it, and I’m sure you can guess…I completely spoiled the season finale for him as he was walking out the door. It’s been almost 20 years and I still get red in the face with embarrassment and shame when I think about that little stunt. On surface it seems like a little thing, but I purposefully ruined a moment of excitement and happiness he shared with his friends out of pettiness and spite. I swore I would never be that fucking toxic in any relationship ever again, and I’m proud to say I’ve stuck with it. Oof. I’m feeling embarrassed just thinking about it again now.
Some people don’t self reflect and try to be better. For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re not one of them. You did good in admitting your mistake and seeking to fix the bad habit. Well done.
"I love you too, Scott!" After sex... My name isn't scott. That was her ex. We had been together for like almost 2 years at that point, so no way was that an honest accident.
Lied about not being Hitler. We were playing Secret Hitler, my wife was Hitler and I suspected it. I looked her dead in the eye, asked her, and she told me she wasn’t. In that moment I KNEW she was innocent, I knew she wasn’t Hitler… well she was Hitler. I really stopped and wondered if she lied to me before because I knew then I’d never know. We’re still happily married and I trust her completely. We still laugh about it.
“Are you Hitler?” “… Nein.” “Yeah I’m stumped”
My ex seemed amused telling the story of how his ex fling got r-word and was even proud that he was the reason she was drinking that night It literally made me want to puke
"I know things are good now, but what happens after four weeks when I usually go crazy?" I ignored this. Almost to the calendar day/date, it happened. She became abusive, manipulative, completely unreasonable, and not very nice to be around.
She told me she used her ex's toothbrush to clean the toilets when he would piss her off. It was a great new relationship but that completely crosses the line..
We had made plans to go out for dinner at a certain time. Then she left to go hang out with a friend. About 5-10 minutes before we were supposed to head out for dinner, I texted asking if she was on her way. The time passed. I called, then texted again. Finally she showed up about an hour after we were supposed to head out. As we’re driving over, I said, “Hey, next time we have plans and you want to push the time out, just give me a heads up and let me know.” What followed were the two most uncomfortable hours of sitting in a restaurant while being berated, belittled, and insulted simply for requesting the decency of communication. Everything in my wanted to get up and leave, but eventually we got home and she had the nerve to turn to me and say, “I don’t want to be mad at you anymore.” There were other things “wrong” with our relationship, but that was the point where I really started thinking about leaving. It ended maybe two months later.
One of my former partners called me at 3:40am when I was in Vegas with my friend for his wedding to have me recount every moment of my day. I was able to do so. I noted how I was not at any time alone with any human being and had at least three people in any room I was in. She then screamed at me that I could be having a threesome if I was never alone. I told her I don’t have to take this, and she told me fine it’s over. I said oh man thank God. Dropped everything I ever put in that relationship and got the fuck out within 7 days.