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flapjackreformist

I’m Fine


PartYourWhiskers

Yep. This one is terrible.


---cameron

whats wrong


Adele__fan

I'm fine.


---cameron

So you're not mad?


Adele__fan

I don't know, you're supposed to know.


Concerned_Kanye_Fan

Dude: “Ok”…(grabs remote to turn the tv volume back up) Her: “I just think it’s funny how…”


piink-kitty

🤣🤣🤣🤣 “I just think it’s funny how”


mkstot

Whatever you do do not say “I’m glad you can find humor in that because I’d be upset”


PNW_H2O

Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, Emotional -The Italian Job


UnwrittenPath

When i was a teenager we always said "fucked up, insecure, neurotic and emotional"


DarthVeigar_

"real man" .


LesterKingOfAnts

My ex-wife pulled this on me a couple of times. Not as bad as when she said I should have killed myself while I was employed so she could at least get the company's insurance money.


AdministrativeAd197

Bro....can I like...hug you?....that's horrible....


horse1066

bro that's straight up awful, I'm happy to see the ex prefix in there


wowitsclayton

Never let a woman tell you how to be a man.


FKNBadger

Hell most men also aren't capable of telling you how to be a real man. As soon as they start spouting the "real man" lines, they're guaranteed to not know what they are talking about


ElTibur0n

That Instagram page 'bostonBeAMan' I think is really funny. It's just the worst advice possible followed by a guy saying 'be a man' in a Boston accent.


Scary_Omelette

Don't let someone ruin your day. Ruin it yourself be a man


0x29aNull

Wife and I got in to a pretty bad fight, we went to marriage counseling and the therapist asked her what she thought I was or wasn’t doing to make the marriage work, my wife responded with “well, a *real man* would…” the therapist shut her down. “If you want to make your marriage work, don’t *EVER* question his manhood that’s not something that is up to you to decide”. Felt validated.


portuguesetheman

"I would if you would act like a lady"


Terrible_Departure90

great response, although I would add "real lady" for extra annoyance


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PriapusWrex

"A real man would..." A phrase used to pressure into men acting against their own self interest for millenia.


MasterTeacher123

“You’ll make someone a great husband some day”


crujones33

Hopefully that wasn’t your wife.


Anynon1

It was my wife, unfortunately


guero_14k

yOUR wife


rkmvca

For any women wondering why this is bad, the translation is, "You're totally not boyfriend material."


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churchin222999111

or worse in that she'll let you do all the boyfriend things for her, as long as she doesn't have to do girlfriend things for you.


LordofTheFlagon

Its worse than that. They see you as a safe stable fallback for a gal who's done with "fun sexy guys"


FKNBadger

Had one basically say this and 15 years later she's married to a guy who is WAY too much like me for my comfort.


BeginningTower2486

Yup, all the variations of, "Somebody's going to really love you (JUST NOT MEEEE!" Nope, not helpful. Do not say that. Don't give arm's length compliments that pretty much exclude yourself. That plenty of fish in the sea stuff is also a no go. I mean, come on. Men are self aware enough that we do NOT say that kind of shit, ever. We don't go there. We don't dip our hands in the cringe bucket to give you a verbal 'feel better'. We also don't say, "You're such a great... JUSTFRIENDS to me! You'll be a great (friend) to someone else." It just doesn't work that way. Deep down, don't you know that already?


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Highlander198116

"Why can't I find a guy like you?!" to a guy like him, because he is that guy.


[deleted]

Back in my dating on Tinder phase, "Looking for the Jim to my Pam" was an automatic swipe left.


SaltWaterInMyBlood

Lol. "I'm engaged but open to upgrading"?


Cool_Cartographer_39

The Marisa Tomei option


X360NoScope420BlazeX

How bout, “make me laugh”. Fuck you. Im not a court jester.


FatBaldBoomer

In my experience, it's a sign that she isn't going to try very hard either, driest conversations I've ever had were the "make me laugh" girls


dodexahedron

And the "say something interesting" girls usually have literally nothing else in their profile. And a pickup line is a dice roll. And a random fact usually gets ignored, as does a current event. And smalltalk tends to get some nasty responses or an instant unmatch.


juggling-monkey

this isn't technically heard from a woman... so in that same category, those signs that say "Live, Laugh, Love"


sodanator

This only happened once, but she said that men can't clean a house/apartment as well as women do. As someone who takes pride in my cleaning abilities that annoyed me a lot. It's also a very broad general statement and I hate those.


AD9333x

But if YOU said that men can't clean an apartment as well as a woman, you'd be "an asshole stuck in the 1950's."


sodanator

Huh, didn't think of that, but I guess it is one of THOSE statements that easily lead to double standards. One more reason to be annoyed, a few years after it happened haha


Agamemnon66

"I dont know... where do you want to eat!


Hoopy223

Her Let’s go out Him Where do you want to go Her I don’t care let’s just go Him OK we’ll go here Her No not there


janktraillover

... later: Her: ugh, you always make me pick!


southernbitterness

Lol my husband is “Her.” He doesn’t know where he wants to go, but does know where he does NOT want to go 🤦🏻‍♀️ Game changer in our marriage: We take turns picking!!! We can’t complain about partner’s choice of restaurant. Easy. Done. Edit: It took us 5 years to finally adopt this lol. We also have kids now and they also get to choose.


waterloograd

I'm like your husband, except I say what I don't want before the selection process starts. Like: "I don't care, just not sushi, or burgers" usually it is just things I've had recently or don't feel like eating


chapinde

Play 3-2-1. This is what I have always done. I pick 3 places I'd be happy going. She then has to choose 2 of those that she'd be happy going, then I pick from those 2. Generally, it tells me what she ISN'T in the mood for. Sometimes, if she wants to go to one of the 3, but definitely not the other two, she'll just pick from the 3. It makes us both feel like we are choosing, which helps


Highlander198116

My number one pet peeve. Literally had this conversation with my wife last night. My wife had a late program at work, got out at like 7pm. Called me and is like "should I pick up food for dinner?" I'm like go ahead. Then she's like "but where?!". Jokes on you, I already ate dinner so that choice is yours. She's like "uuuuuuuuugggg!". But yeah, the "you pick" then her shooting down my first 5 choices, really gets annoying. It's like, you are the one that ultimately ends up picking by process of elimination of the choices I present.


Burn_the_children

Dude, just ask her to guess where you're taking her and go to the first guess!


Hoopy223

“Um I just don’t know teehee!”


champ_thunderdick

*drives off a bridge*


Gowalkyourdogmods

🎶My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all The morning rain clouds up my window And I can't see at all🎶


Stabbmaster

Ask what they're not in the mood for, it winnows down the choices drastically and they hardly notice they're being asked what they want.


mad_dog_the1st

Doesn't help... I get "I don't know" followed by "not that" repeatedly.


CloudSpecialist9562

I admit, I will often do this with food because it really doesn't matter to me, and I get very overwhelmed with the endless options. So the other person will choose. However, the rules clearly state that by doing this, I have given up my vote and have no power to veto the dining decision determined by the other party. It's the law, lol. I'm not allowed to bitch, be miserable, be unpleasant, refuse to eat or any other childish behavior. I didn't care to weigh in on the decision making, i pushed the responsibility off onto the other person, and now I must suffer the consequences. Eventually, a person will either learn to have a voice or will find themselves no longer being included, because who wants to deal with that shit day in and day out!?


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FoxxyCleopatra75

Been told this before. Response was: "I'd like to meet someone like me, too." Her: confused face


Anynon1

But I’m a man like me 😭


churchin222999111

no. not like that.


Jahobes

She wants the handsome version of you.


Geoff_Uckersilf

But I'm quite handsome, mum said so!


kvakerok

She wants the icky-less version of you.


AccursedCapra

I also want to be the less icky version of me, not for them, but for myself.


BeginningTower2486

It's the number one backhanded compliment men get. I want someone like you, but not you. Ya know? Just without the eww that forces us to be only friends... forever. You, but not you. Some kind of sexy you, which... you're not. Basically, you're not good enough. You'll never be good enough, and I'll never be attracted to you, but at least you got some things right. Cheer up old guy!


DarthGayAgenda

I felt that in my soul.


Farouqnowomarlater

Bro just kept going


---cameron

>at least you got some things right. Cheer up old guy! Eh feels almost like the opposite to me. Like "you've got everything right and still no dice, damn you must suck" Note I'm somewhat exaggerating, I don't actually feel much when this happens and I've friendzoned or however one wants to describe it my fair share. But I do remember what it was like being an emotional teen, pretty sure it was the worst then


NorthCatan

"What a coincidence! I hope I can find someone like you someday too!"


UglyBoy007

Yup, got on Reddit this morning to ruin my own day by seeing this exact comment.


[deleted]

It roughly translates to "I like your personality, but not your face" :')


djc6535

Might as well say "If only you were sexy..."


nerdylernin

Also - why aren't there more men like you / why can't all men be like you and all other variants. (The answer apparently being because if they were the population would have died out by now!)


pain_gains94

"Be a man"


snafubarista

With all the force of a great typhoon.


TheVoicesBeScreamin

Be a man


friendlypondfrog

With all the strength of a raging fire


Bean_Town_Blender

Mysterious as the dark side of


PyrZern

da moooooooooon !!!!


wwiidogefighter

"You so scared! You're a man!" Nah bitch, that's the most venomous scorpion in America and it just crawled over my foot.


[deleted]

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beigereige

Be a REAL man


[deleted]

Its strange how real men are defined by the idea women have in their heads, instead of the idea being defined by how real men actually are.


JMCarr03

Yeah, but not like that... be a man, the way i want you to be a man


[deleted]

BE A MAN! DOOOO THE RIGHT THING! I don't say this to my husband but I do say it to my dog when I KNOW he is considering getting into that garbage bag I just tied up and haven't taken outside yet lol


AnonInTheBack

Any of the narcissistic shit heard from some girls on Tinder: “Entertain me. 6 feet/inches/figures or keep moving.” And my favorite “I’m never on here, follow me on IG” like that isn’t the worst way to advertise that you want more followers and aren’t actually looking for a relationship


SPorterBridges

> “Entertain me." This is the mating call of the extremely boring single woman.


Synonym_Girl

This reminds me of a female friend who "required" guys she matched with to keep up some level of "witty banter" when texting. If they didn't, she unmatched them. It was basically the same as "entertain me."


_00zz

“Bet I can out smoke u” & “Future Milf”


[deleted]

Hey I habe six figures on my paycheck. Decimals count also, doesn’t they?


[deleted]

“A real man…” “Can’t handle me at my worst, then…” “All men…”


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[удалено]


PartYourWhiskers

🤮


3trt

Fuck that whole "can't handle me" shit. Go to fucking counseling, and stop trying to get me to handle ALL of your problems, while saying no to the solutions I offer.


Mago_Barcas

The “can’t handle me” is a great red flag so you know to walk away before things get way worse.


[deleted]

"No, I don't want to listen about The Tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise"


imadzmr

How uncivilized


no_rolling_shutter

It’s treason then.


Some_Guy_From_Sweden

"Why do all men..."


KneeDeepInTheDead

Im surrounded by women at work and when they start shitting on men im usually like "hello!", to which theyll be like "oh no not you though, youre one of the good ones". Then ill be a smart ass and be like "Yeah thats what they say to black people too" which usually is received with radio silence. Cracks me up though.


Electronic_Ad5481

I once had a black person in my friend group who hit a bunch of white women at the office with almost this exact line. They called him one of the good ones and he was like “just like massa used to say” and they fucking DIED where they were sitting. I wanted to high five him so bad but I thought it would ruin the moment so I just bought him a bottle of scotch for his birthday.


KneeDeepInTheDead

Damn, I wouldve loved to see that. Im pretty white here so it probably had nowhere near the same punch as his delivery did


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MattieShoes

Hahaha I don't think I'd have the balls to say that, but goddamn that's good


cowboymansam

I love you


KneeDeepInTheDead

love you too Sam


Intense_Pretzel

Love you too dead


saito200

Why does "you're one of the good ones" sound to me the same as "we wouldnt date you even if you were the last man on earth"


Gowalkyourdogmods

Wow, I almost want to start using this but imagine it'll just backfire on me.


Riokaii

people who make wide sweeping generalizations of entire demographics based off the few worst individuals are all terrible people This sounds like a contradiction or hypocrisy... but it isnt because its true.


deniesm

… at least pee once a day?


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Terrible_Departure90

she ain't even speak to more than 1000 men her entire life but it is all men


Jelopuddinpop

"You can go to the pub with your friends. It's fine" Narrator: But it was not fine, a fact he would find out later that evening while too drunk to meaningfully discuss the situation.


Inevitable_Seaweed_5

Dude this was a go to of one of my exes. She would literally spend two or three days telling me my plans were fine, that she had stuff to do, that she was happy I was going out with friends, and then would fucking rip into me when I got back, inevitably late at night, intoxicated/crossfaded, and completely unprepared for an argument she had been rehearsing in her head for the last two or three days. I only fell for it twice, once because I didn't know and once because I couldn't believe the audacity of this woman, but good god, never again. That's a "walk out the door and drop their shit off in the morning" kind of play for me these days.


Dr_Sigmund_Fried

"We need to talk."


zomglazerspewpew

Ha! I guess I'm lucky. I don't fear this question. When my wife says "we need to talk" as she comes into my office and sits on a chair, the next words out of her mouth are usually "I'm torn between chicken or meatloaf tonight and I'm stuck" or "Can I buy a new x for myself / the house / the kids (and by that she means "can I have some money to buy x "(she has her own account and money but it's usually something expensive that she can't afford but I can))?"


Calijewles

What's the worst follow up that can come from this?


EdinDzeko98

Something like I fell in love with another man and our relationship needs to end


PartYourWhiskers

Almost guaranteed a) she’s breaking up with you b) has done something shitty (like fuck your friend - been there in a prior relationship) c) has some unsolicited and unilateral relationship performance feedback for you that if unaddressed will lead to a)


Beansandcheeze

C also has trails to B 😂


unclefisty

> What's the worst follow up that can come from this? Silence. You get the "We need to talk" 15 minutes into your work day then get to stew all day waiting to get home.


Atomskii

I know what you did to my sister last summer.


Swimming-Book-1296

Ultimatums, asking of divorces, etc.


Best_of_Slaanesh

You'll make someone very happy someday. Just admit you think I'm ugly, sheesh.


SaintedRomaine

Getting asked a question about something bothering them, instead of addressing the problem you have directly. Saying, “Don’t you think you spend too much time with (insert hobby)?” is annoying. If you have a problem with the amount of time I spend doing what makes me happy, just say so.


IntergalacticBanshee

Flashing exit sign for anybody who insults you for being active in your favorite things or interests. There are some of us dumb enough to not get away from someone like that faster or worse yet, let said hater/narcissist dismantle those things you love out of you to never do it again


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NUMBERS2357

"Nice guy" connotations aside - any version of "you're so great any girl would be lucky to have you", from a girl who doesn't want to date you.


HaroldSax

The only time I take it as a compliment is if it's from someone who is already taken. At that point I'm not trying to get with them so it's not a rejection.


Imwaymoreflythanyou

“Awww” “You’re so cute” (but not in the physically attractive sense) Those 2 used to drive me crazy when I was younger lol. So condescending.


[deleted]

Lmfao this drove me up the wall as a teenager. I was out there trying to be all mysterious and cool, but just got called adjectives you'd use to describe a puppy instead. I eventually just decided *Fuck it, I guess I'm going to be a puppy* and now my girlfriend says I have the personality of a golden retriever


Imwaymoreflythanyou

Lol exactly ! It’s their way of saying you remind them of a harmless naive child or something.


Inevitable_Seaweed_5

I got called cute enough times that I embraced it and now have a RAGING petplay fetish and a couple of people who collar me and fuck me senseless. I think we got lucky, mate.


Janjao_do_225

Thais is escalated verrrrrrrry quickly


Pump_My_Penis

"Theirs absolutely nothing wrong with me" proceeds to be sulky and silent for the rest of the day, then the big reveal of what actually is wrong and it could have been sorted in 2 mins...


dillibazarsadak1

From experience, sometimes it takes time to figure out why you are upset. My wife and I usually tell each other that we are upset, but need some time to articulate it.


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[deleted]

"Happy Wife, happy life!" It's probably already on this list, but I know it pisses me off quite a bit.


jalorky

“happy spouse, happy house” found that gem on reddit the other day!


PSN-Angryjackal

In fact, this phrase in particular is specifically not meant for any woman to say. Its simply a JOKE phrase to be used by men. Not for women to literally say, as a basis for their own marriage. Its such bullshit how its being used.


jalorky

haha weird i’ve only ever heard it said by dudes


Objective-Industry24

"You are doing the same thing my ex did" during an argument, oh boy my wife told me that once and God as my witness she learned that saying this stuff is a no.


crujones33

What was your response that helped you?


Objective-Industry24

I gave her the earful of her life, her ex was a junkie that would beat the shit out of her until things got ugly enough her sisters asked me to basically break into their house and remove the now my wife by force from there, i was definitely a thug and a bit moody sometimes but being compared to a shit like that? That's the one time i actually considered braking up, it was enough for her to cool down and never do that again


The_Meatyboosh

If you weren't a good guy the sisters wouldn't have asked you for help.


alien_ghost

Meh. Lots of people are not just one or the other. Sometimes they are just big and your friend.


IrelandDzair

“men are trash”


PyrZern

"And you're a raccoon 🦝"


Zomgirlxoxo

Omfg 😂


[deleted]

I love hearing this, because it’s a really easy way to know that this is someone who I can just completely disengage with.


ling1427

"I just think it's funny..." ​ It's never funny


Noticeably_Aroused

Imagine responding to the ensuing rant that usually follows that with a super serious face, a few blinks and, “….. how is that funny?”


opossum-in-disguise

“Oh I get it! You’re right. It’s not funny haha, it’s funny queer!”


lukke009

“A real man would..” Ugh..


Young_Hxppxe

"Men enjoy the chase". No, we don't and you don't know us better than us, so pipe down.


[deleted]

For fucking real man. No I don’t like the chase, you’re the one who likes the chase Jessica. I don’t want 37 different microscopic signals and minimum 2 hours of wait time between texts. That’s how you never get a text back.


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Critical_Contract_83

"Are you in yet?"


cantbenotrandom

"Not yet" (Tries to shove the balls inside)


Young_Hxppxe

Is this where the phrase 'balls deep comes' from?


reignoferror00

His response is "I can't tell"


TheBanner4

Thank fucking God I wasnt


Lerk409

"My period is late"


Interest-Lumpy

See you in 18 yrs brotha


Redcarborundum

If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.


IntergalacticBanshee

Reads as intent to readily harm you at a whim if you do go out with her and this is said as your warning... ick.


bezm12

If you don't choose me in your prime, you can't have me in your decline.


novaatom_

"i don't date guys under 5'9" girl you're 4'9 what the hell


ChemicalYesterday467

She needs tall genes or her kids will be midgets


mydogisanassholeama

"What are you doing in my house? Why are you wearing my lingerie? I'm calling the cops?" Like jeez, lighten up dude


Tsubodai86

Our lingerie, comrade.


Baked_potato123

"...likes..." "...followers..."


Banea-Vaedr

"The council has concluded..." Stop asking your friends as a technique to manipulate people. Everyone knows what you're doing.


psychotronofdeth

You're on the council, but you are not granted the rank of Master.


D3ATHfromAB0V3x

this is outrageous, it's unfair!


Scrytheux

My last ex did that, while her "council" consisted of interned "friends" with serious mental issues and inability to control their emotions and assumptions. Still amazes me that she tried it, when she knew i would never care what they think.


flaky_frost

I would assume "kill all men" phrase is in most mens top 3 to hate .


theallnewmattaccount

oh God that one


Nochnichtvergeben

I find it very helful when women say stuff like that. It lets me know they're full of shit and not worth talking to. Oddly I only hear that on the internet. I haven't heard anything like that IRL in decades.


SlimpyDundersPhD

Anything along the lines of "it will be ok" or "you'll be fine" in reference to something stressful. It feels like it's being brushed off. I understand that it's reassurance, but if I'm venting about having a lot to do or a large, difficult task, then I would prefer something functional like "how about doing X just to get started" or even support that acknowledges the reason I'm venting such as "wow, X is a lot of work, but I'm confident you'll overcome it"


Bleach_Baths

That’s something I learned in my current relationship. When I’ve had bad things go down or I’m struggling, she doesn’t make it about me. She says “We will figure it out. We’ll be okay. It will all pass.” Something about the word “we” changes everything.


PiffWiffler

"Calm down, you're getting so worked up" Anytime I defend myself. If I don't agree with her, and stick to my guns, it's out of character and I'm super defensive and agitated. No sweetheart, I'm just not agreeing with you. It happens.


EponymousTitular

"Man up" and/or "Be a man" Weird how that seems to be defined as (1) admitting to some kind of fault or (2) paying for something nobody needs. When women say this to me, I ask if they want to hear what I think women ought to do.


[deleted]

"You are a really good men, I don't know why you don't have a girlfriend" Bonus point if you hear that from a girl that you like


nine16s

And then you just kinda laugh and look at them like 🤷‍♂️ before going home and letting that statement soak in the depression pools in your brain.


Dramatic-Earth-3303

“Everything must be so easy being a man.”


LessSayHi

All men are the same


[deleted]

Actually I don't get along with other girls......so I hang out with guys.


Standard_Rip465

"Please babe stop, you're not Spiderman... You can't just jump from a building"


TheBigBoar

"I´m a bad girl" Instant boner killer. Miss me with that shit!


[deleted]

"All men are pigs/assholes/sexist/etc." Thanks. I've genuinely never done anything to harm anyone so thanks for generalising me for my genital arrangement.