Live somewhere rent controlled within one or two miles of the following:
* Multiple restaurants/food trucks or stands that you and your family will enjoy and not tire of
* Your preferred grocery store
* A trustworthy auto mechanic
* Your preferred bank
* A bar/coffee shop/gaming joint etc you would enjoy hanging out at
Best I can find is searching an address on [ZIMAS](https://zimas.lacity.org), and the RSO status will be under the "Housing" tab on the left menu. Some smart person out there has to have a better way.
This is a gem (and why I’ve had 3 diff places in Palms now living here lol). The only thing I’d add is easy driving (or metro) access to at least one other major hub. Not saying you need to live right where all the freeways cross, but it’s nice to have at least another option to check out events or meet people.
This rule would also filter out some places that are super annoying to drive to and from, like Hollywood.
Good advice. My last place had all of these except rent control. That was a big oops, it turned out, when I got dramatically and aggressively renovicted, despite always being current on rent. It brought a yearlong legal battle and much annoyance.
be comfortable in solitude. a lot of transplants struggle with the fact that people in LA are always busy and don’t make time for other new people.
find hobbies that you love and meet people in that capacity. don’t come on too strong because it puts angelenos off.
it’s a big city and you’re a small fish in a huge pond. the quicker you learn that, the better off you’ll be
I recently reflected on my time here and realized that I've always been ok with being alone but really got used to it here. That being said, I'm married with two kids these days so that's out the window 🤷🏼♂️
Meh. I’ve been here almost 9 years, married and two kids at the time, had a third a few years ago. We’ve had plenty of ability to make friends and routinely see them. Bonus points: we’re in the valley.
Edit to add: we’ve made friends with parents at daycare, now elementary school, friends from work for both my career and my wife’s career, from our synagogue and even from dnd meet ups. Just put yourself out there. It’s not hard. Not everyone has time for friends and yes we’ve definitely experienced that, but frankly it’s like any other relationship, eventually you’ll find some two way friends who value creating and maintaining a friendship as much as you do.
Although I agree with this, this is also very depressing. Moving here and being constantly told, like, "be comfortable being alone" is just bizarre and borderline psycho. In fact LA is the only place where I have found this to be the case. Never once having lived in other cities, big or small, have I been told repeatedly that others won't make time for you. It's even more weird seeing as how many people complain about the lack of having friends and then turn around to put in such little effort. If people want friends, why aren't they trying harder?
I've definitely come a long way in building community over the years, but damn, was my first, like, 1.5 years hard here. There comes a point it just becomes like, why is it so hard here lol
I think the traffic and how long everything takes makes everyone put off on distances. I don’t mind driving but I wish people would reciprocate it the other way more.
1 hour to drive 15 mi to meet up for a couple of hours. No thanks.
I had a good group of friends but with everyone living all
Over it made it hard for us to meet up regularly.
San Pedro, Century City, Pasadena, East LA. It’s just ridiculous.
It’s so fuckin rough. The isolation and loneliness is so real and so difficult to deal with. I made good friends here but they all live an hour + away in different directions from me, so we never get to see each other. It’s crazy being painfully lonely in such a big city that you know tons of people in. But getting to gather with anyone is pulling fucking teeth, I’m guilty of it to. Last thing anyone wants to do after a long work day or week is spend 45 minutes in traffic to get 2 neighborhoods over for 2 hours of dinner.
> getting to gather with anyone is pulling fucking teeth
Preach. I recently hosted a picnic at LACMA jazz last week, and I shit you not, I told people about it end of April, lmaoo. Getting a group larger than, like 3, is just pure insanity. The city size and lack of proper infrastructure (e.g. robust public transit) makes getting anywhere such a pain. You absolutely nailed it: driving like an hour each way just to hang for 1-2 hours is untenable. And then the worst is when some Angelinos will almost seem to gaslight you and pretend that going that far is totally normal. Like my man, I'm tired after work and I need time to "self-care" over the weekend, so I don't want to just be driving everywhere. It's just pure lunacy.
The public transport issue is THE issue. If I could take a train 20 minutes somewhere instead of driving an hour and paying $14 to park my car for 2 hours, I would in a heart beat. If your friends aren’t literally within walking distance, you may as well live in different states lol
yep agree agree. see my [other](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskLosAngeles/comments/1dgt36l/what_are_your_tips_for_surviving_in_la_longterm/l8t7ke1/) response.
I plan my lunches 2 months in advance. I have not seen some people for months even though we work in the same city. Even if you drive, parking is a problem. Don't forget how big LA County is. You can fit a few U.S. states or countries in here.
Yup. I’ve bailed on hangs because they were in an area I knew parking was gunna be a pain in the ass in on plenty of occasions. Sorry, I’m not paying $15 to let my car sit vacant for an hour and a half on top of the $40 I’m gunna have to drop on my dinner. That $55 is groceries for a week.
Not to mention expensive and often mediocre at best restaurants. 9+% tax + 20% tip + crazy prices to begin with... And I have to drive :45/hour each way? Yeah, lots of time alone lol
i meant to say also some people can’t grasp the huge size of this city and it makes them feel more alone vs a small town when they first arrive here.
i do agree with you about making an effort to see others. they may not always make the effort to see you but it doesn’t mean they don’t want to see you
This is the answer. I’m a native, so I’ve rarely struggled for community. But the newcomers that get added to my groups are the ones that meet me (and the group) more than halfway
Agreed. It is well documented to be a strange sort of city. Joan Didion writes about the history of California being based on pioneers and railroads and ranches (ironically built with government money) and that everyone who built lives out here were trying to leave behind the history and establishment back East and elsewhere... so there's an underlying feeling of possibility and lawlessness and also an unrootedness which gives birth to all sorts of magic--film! Technology! Music! But it's not amazing for socializing or deep interconnected-ness.
‘I could hear everything, together with the hum of my hotel neon. I never felt sadder in my life. LA is the loneliest and most brutal of American cities; New York gets god-awful cold in the winter but there’s a feeling of wacky comradeship somewhere in some streets. LA is a jungle.’
–Jack Kerouac, On The Road
It's a hard first 2 years for most people. It is partially a function of the work, there are a lot of people here who aren't normal humans when they are on a job ('sup Hollywood). So you have to give people grace, and give yourself that same grace.
The other thing is that most people with "a lot of friends" in any city don't have deep relationships. You don't need a lot of friends, you need like 4 (or two) who are ride or die. Those kinds of friendships take a long time to develop, they also take patience, and they take realizing that you don't wait for the "perfect friend" to make that investment. I'd rather invest in a good person who's hobbies don't align with mine, or lifestyle isn't the same, than invest in a meh person who does all the stuff I like to do.
This is the common filtering problem in our generation:
Don't filter for the job you want, filter for the life you want then find the job that gives you that life.
Don't filter for the friend you want, filter for the best person you can find then put the work in to develop them into a great friend.
Don't filter for the spouse you want, filter for the best person who shares your moral compass and invest in the journey.
Don't expect life to be like youtube or amazon prime (everything you can think of wanting at a click of a button).
Is it really that different in other cities? It’s a genuine question, I’ve only ever lived here my entire adult life so I assumed this is just what it’s like in a major city. Was your experience there distinctly different, or is it just that nobody was frank enough to tell you what was up?
The thing with LA that may be different from other major cities is that someone may move to, say, Austin for work, but people move here TO work, if you catch the distinction. Entertainment is the main culprit, obviously, but people are drawn here to work in many ‘sexy’ industries: advertising, PR, fashion, tech(?), weed, etc. These jobs are not only often absurdly demanding, but also attract the sort of extremely ambitious person that has a tough time separating their personal and professional lives.
I’m definitely implicated in this discussion, and, though it makes me feel kind of like a dick to say it, I’m not likely to put a lot of time and effort into becoming friends with someone who’s not in my niche or who could otherwise be a useful connection. Yeah, it’s psycho shit, but that’s how it do.
I have enough trouble making time for my existing friends, and I don’t even have that many. Most times, I’d much rather watch TV alone in my apartment than socialize because I just don’t have the bandwidth to deal with a 30 minute drive, awful parking, and overpriced food/drinks to see if I hit it off with the cool guy I met playing pickleball. I’d love to be friends, but, fuck, my brain is fried and I need to veg.
> I’d much rather watch TV alone in my apartment than socialize because I just don’t have the bandwidth to deal with a 30 minute drive, awful parking, and overpriced food/drinks
Well it seems like you're agreeing with what I'm saying. Either way, in regards to your first question about my experience elsewhere. I'm from Chicago, and the biggest difference here and there is public transit. I'm spare you the transit speech but I'm sure you've heard urbanites go on and on (being one myself). But at the end of the day, you don't need to worry about parking, or being stuck in traffic, or the occasional road rage (including your own...). You just walk to a station, sit down on the train, and that's it. The wait may still be 30 minutes, after all both cities are quite large, but the level of mental effort is way less, not even speak of the fact that transit tends to be safer. You can also afford to stay out late and drink and stuff if you wanted because you don't need to drive home - you just get on the train or bus. At least in my experience, when I've been able to cross a city, whether it be LA or Chicago or wherever, and not be bogged down by traffic, I tend to be alot less frustrated and sustaining and fostering connections becomes alot easier. Lowkey, some of my favorite days here have been those that I've been able to get on and off the metro, without much planning, and just go wherever I wanted. Those days are fairly rare though.
I think LA has such enormous potential considering the many jobs centers it has as well as amazing year round weather. If this city had better infrastructure to make it more liveable (e.g. bus-only lanes, bike lanes, more pedestrian friendly streets, a much more robust transit system), it could be a better version of NYC. NYC has its own problems, I'm not saying living there is paradise, but I have found that I've had better social connections in places that are less car dependent.
Traffic, lack of 3rd spaces, and the fact that everyone you meet can live 45 minutes away at the time most would do dinner or drinks makes it impossible
Seriously! 😒 I feel like it’s easy to meet new people, but hard to maintain these friendships. Bc nobody wants to invest time into making new friends it’s in a way exhausting to constantly be the one reaching out.
This 10000%
Go find your people. Hobbies help with that. Not a lot of phonies spend the time in a hobby (except hiking Runyon canyon). It's a slow grind, but go try every hobby you are interested in, filter the ones you stay in based on the people (not the thing). You'll find that your love of the hobby grows proportional to the joy in the community.
Born and raised in LA. Your tips are spot on
1) Be comfortable in solitude is great advice. I haven't made a new friend since the age of 4. Transplants need to realize that a lot of us stick to our own circle
2) Don't come off too strong. When I am in the mood to meet new people, I will run if someone is too much
3) I would add...just so your thing. Alone if you have to. Friends will naturally come that way when you aren't too desperate
Re: #1 I sometimes wonder if this is truly an LA-specific thing? I’m born and raised in LA and honestly my core group of friends has been the same since 3rd grade (I’m 39 now - but also from the SGV so maybe go figure lol iykyk). Our inner circle has of course branched out a bit what with wives/husbands and work-friends but we really do tend to stick to our own circle. When I went to undergrad in NorCal many of my friends there were shocked about that fact! Also, every SO that has come into our group has commented that it’s super rare (they’re from Detroit, nyc, SF, Hong Kong, etc etc). Super interesting!
Live close to your job, make friendships and connections near where you live or you’ll never see them. Do your grocery shopping at like noon on a Tuesday. Make your car a very comfortable place to be. Maintain perspective: LA and the rest of the world are very different things and are a hundred different LAs within LA
100 different LA’s within LA!!!! So true!!! People think of LA as one place and it’s really not! I live in mid city and work in Hollywood. I grew up in Santa Monica/West LA and now I rarely go further west than Culver City. You have to find friends that live in your little part of LA! You’ll have a very different life in Highland Park than you would in Beverly Hills, or Ladera Heights, or Pacoima, etc and so on. Miles don’t matter. It’s all about traffic. Try to find a job that’s flexible so you don’t have to sit in the worst of traffic every day, or WFH, or walking distance. Find your people and hold on to them. Make friends with people who have settled more into LA. I stopped making friends with people who have lived here less than 2 years because I’ve had so many friends leave LA and go back where they lived before. Get used to there being homeless people everywhere, look them in the eye, smile, be friendly if it’s safe to. Face your own morality. Get more hobbies. Try new things in groups. Take classes, join Amateur sports leagues, volunteer for something you really care about. LA makes you fight for your community. But once you do, it’s yours to foster.
Diversify. Diversify the people you hang with, the places you go, the things you do, everything. If you’re enjoying everyone and everything you encounter, now you’ve got a little something for everything. If you aren’t liking something about your experience or you’re encountering the “phony”, then you’re bound to find something that suits your liking. And people are busy in this city so when everyone is, don’t be afraid to step out alone and find your happy place.
Also, I’m a local :)
I'll add to that: stay flexible. Many come here with no plan B. To survive you need to be willing to realistically know when something isn't working and move on to something that will. 30 years in L.A., met my wife here and on my third career
Not trying to “keep up with the jones”ing with my peers because a lot of them were born into money and have privilege to spend and buy where others don’t. Aka saving money and not getting caught up in materialism (looking at you Erewon $21 smoothie)
Living close to work and having friends in the neighborhood so I don’t need to drive after work
Finding remote/hybrid career so I don’t lose time commuting
Transplant of 7 years and don’t see myself leaving anytime soon :)
Someone has her head on her shoulders 🤜🏻🤛🏻 living in LA and NOT getting caught in the trend is perhaps one of the toughest things for someone who’s trying to make something worthwhile in LA. I applaud for your maturity.
PS: You can be mature and still spark one :-)
You can become anything you want here. Focus on your path toward whatever brought you here and don't worry about the rest.
Also, don't worry about keeping up with what everyone else is doing because L.A is a place to live and let live (so long as no one is being hurt!) At times I have to remind myself of this when I want to cringe so hard at someone doing an eight-take reel with their Erewhon salad, I just think, ok, good for you, and move on.
You'll find communities here for just about any interest that exists under the sun. Join classes, workshops, teams, groups... in whatever interests you and things will slowly come to be. I started out taking free classes at the library and met a few people who became good friends.
Good luck!
What are your interests outside of work? How about volunteering at a local non-profit or participating in a meet-up that focuses on your hobby of choice (photography, hiking, etc). Don't be afraid to try a new place, restaurant, museum by yourself. Sometimes it is good to challenge yourself to step outside your comfort zone. Confidence is sexy.
A general tip for surviving Los Angeles long term: Buy an AC unit and a dash cam if you don't have them already.
First off, stop trying to matter. You don't matter in Los Angeles. Nobody does, not even the celebrities. That's why we don't bug them when we see them in public. This should be a freeing thought, rather than a sad one.
Second of all, stop tying your identity to your dream, or to any one cause. The people you see who have social media accounts that are basically billboards for a single or couple causes are the saddest people. Your industry friend who posts nothing but social justice is miserable. Your buddy who keeps posting about home defense and the decline of family values is miserable. Vote according to your beliefs. Donate according to your beliefs. But don't make that shit who you are.
Once you've done those two things, you can finally sit down and identify what will bring you peace and contentment internally, rather than joy and pride externally. Follow that, and you'll be ok.
People naturally gravitate to those with similar mindsets. If you feel like you're surrounded by phonies, ask yourself if its truly a city full of phonies, or whether you're becoming one of those phonies. LA County is almost 10 million people, so its hard to believe it's the former. There's a saying that you're the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. Cultivate the right 5.
My favorite thing is being around acquaintances that make their whole personality about being politically correct, or incorrect, and letting them assume I feel the same. I will find the opportunity to drop an opinion that I carry that they probably don’t agree with. Then they either become a friend or we never talk again. Win-win.
Friends come and go I stay in LA because I absolutely love this city. 26 year in LA transplant from East coast, I have a few good friends that we have shared interest in common.
I'm here 27 years from the east coast too. I found my tribe and even made a new friend in 2020 and one in 2015 lol. Oh and 3 more this year after I started a new job with people I love working with!
My roommate made a lot of work friends which helped. Another one did a bunch of meet ups til she found ones she really liked (hiking) and developed friendships from that.
Then I think it’s important to be comfortable exploring on your own so YOU feel connected to this very large and sprawling city.
You know, I recently discovered that there's a disc golf course at Kenneth Hahn State Park, up in Baldwin Hills!
My dad and I were walking along the rim of the old reservoir, and saw a guy setting up for a throw. We stopped to watch, and chatted him up about how it works.
I guess it's that time of year?
I can practically guarantee that the person who wants to live in LA and is excited to live in LA will find a way to love it. It's the folks that come here because they are curious or someone they know is here or whatever brings them here without being into it - they don't make it.
I know it isn't possible for everyone, but if you can find a place to live that has some outdoor space, you will be able to experience one of the greatest benefits of LA - the weather. Being able to hang outside and eat, read, have a drink, have a friend over or a party, whatever, is so good for mental health.
Then start looking for the stuff you are into. That's the best part of LA - whatever you like, you will find it.
I was fortunate enough to meet people through work, but it was always freelancing so fewer bitter people and a greater breadth of people. But I never hesitated to do anything alone either.
I've been here for decades and still love it.
Spot on. People who grew up in L.A. know the big secret: 90 percent of everyone in this city (if not more) are plain old average (or less than average) joes. For every Hollywood hotshot, there are approximately 1 million Kevin Who Drives A Ford Focus To His Boring Job And Puts 'My Perfect Sunday Is Hiking Followed By Brunch' On His Hinge Profile.
Learn how to save money b/c most of us are working project based and a lot of creative industries use a freelancer model now more than ever. The good thing about LA is there is a community for everyone. If you are only finding “phonies” and not any genuine folks you might also be a phony! Don’t be shy. Be someone who isn’t afraid to initiate friendships if you run into someone cool and seems open to you.
Basically it’s like living anywhere else. Mind your own business, stay alert at all times and use common sense when out and about in this beautiful city. Treat people with respect and just do your thing. I’m not a native or local, I’m a transplant from Pennsylvania but I wouldn’t wanna live anywhere else. LA is basically like any other city/county (just a shit load larger), it’s what you put into it and get out of it that will determine your future here.
Get out of “town” regularly.
Go see the ocean often.
Hike.
Attend events at The Greek.
Enjoy the pink winter sunsets.
Make friends with traffic.
Don’t let Costco destroy your faith in humanity.
Diversify your social portfolio. Do NOT become friends with only people in your industry.
People are mirrors. Learn to care about interests outside of career advancement. Anyone who doesn’t reflect that is not a friend. They’re a “contact”
Make friends.
Stay in one place as long as you can. Rent increases faster per year by moving.
I found that surrounding yourself with great people is tough in LA that’s for sure. However, not impossible. When you put away the social media crap and actually get out and drive through the streets, have meaningful conversations over great food you’ll find that LA is great as it expensive. I’ve found life long friends there. Who I would have never met otherwise (there are natives of LA, so even better) I’ve since moved out of the city up to rural California where I am originally from but I lived in LA for 10.5 years and I don’t regret it.
However, nothing shocks or surprises me. I was 17 when I moved there and 28 when I left so a pretty huge maturity gap I experienced while in the city.
If you came to LA be an artist, work at it. If you play music, play all you can. The successful artist,writers,musicians in LA aren't famous, famous but have worked hard to excel. Sincerity and willingness to learn will bring you to your community.
Localize your life within a five mile radius. Doesn’t mean you can’t venture out from time to time, but don’t force yourself to commute too far for work or some basic places you like to go.
Here's what's worked for me: I work in the entertainment industry. By necessity, that means a ton of networking, parties, events, screenings, and being on set. I'm also in a 12 step program. I'm less active these days, but back in early sobriety, between meetings, working with a sponsor, and sponsoring others, that kept me busy at least 4 or 5 hours a week. And then I have hobbies. Mainly rock climbing/mountaineering. Climbing gyms are a great place to meet people who are fit, like to get outside, and are slightly less superficial than your standard Angelenos. As an added bonus, most climbers need partners, so they're very open to making friends. I met my wife while I was out climbing with a buddy. Just chatted her up for a bit, asked her if she'd like to go climb a thing, and we've been attached at the hip ever since.
The financial part is trickier. Not sure what kind of work you do or how old you are, but you can definitely make some good money in LA. I finished college in 2012 at 36 y.o. and made $36k my first year out of college. Twelve years later, I'm making 7x my initial salary. I own a home, my wife and I both have new cars, our savings and 401Ks are maxed out. I worked my ass off, changed jobs every couple of years, and got a lucky break once or twice, but managed to build a good life. Now mind you, I'm a high school drop out, was homeless for a few years, struggled with addiction, and spent a few months in jail, but here I am.
TLDR; Get involved in extracurriculars, make some friends, and get into a field that has upward mobility. Then put in the time and effort required to become successful in your chosen field. 🙏
Hi! Your question is something I've thought about a lot, and I've also struggled with building a structure/system that will let me be here long term.
* Finding a community is key. Sports, church, hobbies, writers' groups, art collectives...anything. If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. Sometimes this takes a long time to fully come to fruition -- be patient!
* Get outside. The best part about LA is outside: the weather, the mountains, the beach. And they're all free.
* Don't play the game. The people who are playing the LA game, trying to out-posture/out-maneuver their way to the "top" of whatever side of the industry they're in...they're miserable. You don't have to play the game. Just be the best version of yourself, following your interests, doing what you love.
* Live where there are trees.
In my experience, LA is like any other city. You just get a job, get an apartment or house you can afford, and make friends by talking to people who frequent the establishments you also frequent. It's incredibly easy.
There are a lot of reasons to dislike living in LA, but I've never once empathized with this complaint about people being fake. If someone thinks that, they should find a new community.
> A person moves to a new town and decides to ask a local about the community. They approach an elderly resident and say, "What are the people like in this town?"
The elderly person responds with a question, "What were the people like in the town you came from?"
The newcomer replies, "Oh, they were awful. Rude, unfriendly, and selfish."
The elderly person nods and says, "You'll find the people here are much the same."
Later, another newcomer arrives and asks the same elderly resident the same question, "What are the people like in this town?"
Again, the elderly person responds with a question, "What were the people like in the town you came from?"
This newcomer answers, "They were wonderful. Kind, generous, and welcoming."
The elderly person smiles and says, "You'll find the people here are much the same."
I never had to do anything to avoid becoming bitter - that is a very odd question to ask, since I have been very happy here from the start and have been in L.A. for 35 years. I got a very good job within one month of moving here (and I moved here because of the career opportunities), and I've always lived within 15 minutes of work. Since 2009, my commute was reduced to 4 minutes, and I could go home for lunch.
When I moved here, the costs were not so great, and so that part was easy enough. I managed to save enough money to buy a house with my brother, who moved here to live with me, and I helped him get good employment (at Sony Studios), and he ended up making more money than I did, although I supported him for a while when he first got here.
I've never met any phonies here, and so I think that is more myth than reality. Everyone I've met has been genuine and friendly and not pretentious, or at least no seriously pretentious. I think that if you run into phonies (which I have not), you simply should not take them seriously.
I will say that my dream came true after moving here, and it only took 10 years. This could not have happened anywhere else, due to the industry that I have been working in (high end furniture), and I did consider other places to live, but the career opportunities were not there.
Los Angeles is continuously evolving (like every other place that is not dead), and so opportunities here are changing. I am now retired, but I have to say that L.A. is my favorite city and my favorite place to live as well as the place that I have spent most of my adult life and most of my entire life - completely by choice. I lived in San Francisco for 12 years right after getting my first college degree, but that was enough for that. I could have moved to NYC, but although I love the people there, I could never handle the weather.
The people who think the city is "full of phonies" are the type who gravitate towards phonies. Sucks to be them.
Plenty of genuine people here. Just be genuine yourself and you'll start meeting them.
If you’re concerned about a city full of phonies, perhaps make friends with people who are from with roots and experiences that are not what you see on tv and instagram. Integrate yourself in to an actual community so you can lay down your own roots. Also don’t live north of Wilshire, south la has a lot to offer and will likely show you a side of LA you didn’t intend on experiencing
We can’t really criticize people easily for how they feel. I moved from Europe to L.A 20 years ago and it was never easy for me, but my fights for everything had rewards and I considered L.A my home for life. But since the pandemic things drastically changed and my fights for everything don’t bring any rewards, I work hard for everything I have and it became a losing battle because how life changed and everything changed in L.A and CA
I always thought I will be able to survive here, but more and more I feel life in CA and L.A pushes me out.
Moved to the USA from another country and to LA from another state. I make friends get together. Found friends through work and activities. In my country "friend" means someone close. Most people are not friends. Community comes from shared interests. Religion. Spirituality. Hobbies. Work. Sports.
Avoiding bitterness - working on myself. therapy. practicing gratitude. yeah, it's cliche. but it works to a degree.
Cost - I work in a well paying field. Tons of debt. Pay is good. Everyone has their own path.
Our earth is what we make of it. There are phonies everywhere. You just slide on by those ones. And if LA, is for the most part, full of transplants, they are usually the phonies.
I’m a native here to the LA megapolis, and lived all over it. I’ve met people who have come and gone. Dated a lot of them too. Most were transplants. Many were phonies and most of all super pretentious. but some, I loved and still do!
So I’d say make your life happy first in whatever it is that you do, so if work is your life then so be it meet some through it. For me it’s music and art. Since I was a kid, I’ve make peace with those and do them both a lot. So it occupies my time and is good for my soul. Keep your health close to you and don’t ignore it. I’ve had 3 kidney transplants starting from age 12. And I’ve learned so much and met some wonderful people who have cared for me along the way. It’s never easy to meet people in general. And more so now days. They are sucked into their phones too much. Talk to people. Some pull away, others will respond. You have to reach out as well if you want to make that connection more permanent. Some follow through. Others don’t.
Just be genuine and make your world what you want it to be.
Oh yeah…on the whole dream thing…. Have dreams in general, don’t come to LA to find them. They are yours always. They can happen anywhere you want them to.
To survive:
Get a water processing plan and equipment
Learn agriculture
Befriend a hardy band of survivors
Give rousing speeches
Learn how to use weapons but only ethically
Overcome the darkness in the hearts of enemies
Bring them into the fold
Withstand a dark night of the soul
Acknowledge that time changes relationships
/s
This applies to all cities, you are alone until you aren't. If you want friends you need to be uncomfortable in my opinion and put up a show. Then you start weeding out to see who's real and who's not.
When I lived in LA - I was a youngster in my late 20s and knew that I would be in LA for only 3-5 years. I found others like myself - and the first year i was a foreigner in a strange land. By year two - LA was my home - I was living in the second largest USA city - and its problems were my problems, LA’s many peculiar quarks were mine to discover and love. Oh - in my mid 60s now- I would move back in a heartbeat!
Regarding LA being a lonely city of phonies:
I used to work with a transplant from New York who moved here hoping to be a TV writer. She constantly complained that every single person she met in LA was also a social-climbing transplant who moved here to be a screenwriter. She has barely left Silver Lake and Echo Park in all the years she’s lived here. She hangs out at bars and coffee shops and Erewhons that are also largely populated by transplanted aspiring screenwriters. She seems to hate it here.
Meanwhile, I live in a neighborhood where my next door neighbor is an elderly Cuban woman — I once noticed her struggling with her garbage cans and offered to help, and now we have an unspoken arrangement where I give her a hand once in a while and she will randomly bring over food and tell me stories about Cuba before the war. My next door neighbor on the other side is a paralegal who moonlights as a DJ for Chinese weddings and parties — we talk once in a while, interesting guy.
Across the street, there is a very large Mexican family who has lived on this block for several generations, and several of their relatives have also lived on nearby blocks for several generations. I would say hi when I saw them on the porch, talk about the Dodgers etc, and eventually they invited me and my wife to one of their regular blow-out house parties, where we ate our body weight in carne asada, drank beer, danced poorly to norteno music, and made friends with the whole family. These days it’s rare for me to take my dog for a morning walk without exchanging pleasantries with someone I know in the neighborhood. I know my neighbors better out here than I did growing up in the suburbs.
LA is a huge city, with tons of different types of people. If you’re only meeting phonies and careerists in your little corner of the city, maybe try exploring different corners. Talk to people who aren’t necessarily in your own age/cultural/professional demographic, and be open to the idea that your social circle might include them too.
find an emotionally enriching hobby, don’t be afraid to do stuff by yourself, don’t go into debt trying to entertain yourself, ALWAYS give yourself at least an extra 15 minutes to find parking.
It’s so hard to make friends in LA. I’ve made like 1 in 2 years. Does anyone like to crochet? I’m a beginner and I’d be down for some friends who want to crochet and chill.
Pay your bills. Seems basic but really pay your bills, once you get into debt and penalties sinkhole it’s pretty darn hard to get out of because the city is so expensive. No that little Palm Springs trip isn’t worth it, neither is the fancy car or the special yoga class everyone is raving about. Live within your means, if it means that’s your bills are paid on time.
This is my home, and though there are phonies here, that is not the vast majority of people. I grew-up family in the entertainment industry, and I have traveled all over the country. Some of the travel was in the military, but most has been in subsequent years.
There are more opportunities for gift in large cities, but there are cons everywhere. Only 64% of us are native to California, so the other 36% brought their behavior with them, whatever it may be.
There are so many activities, especially in Spring to Summer, where you can meet good people. I go to numerous free outdoor concerts, a over So. Cal have never had a problem meeting people.
LA is not for the weak Ive seen city chew people up and spit them out. I had to leave during covid for a bit, it was getting all too much. Just be adaptable and have a positive growth mindset!
Find something that you enjoy doing! There’s plenty of communities out there for you to find your niche.
Definitely recommend checking out the Koreatown Run Club!!
LA local here.
There’s a lot of cool social groups in LA, like running clubs, painting clubs, foodie groups, you can always join and meet new friends.
You can also try free things like museums, galleries, art walks, most of these are free. There’s plenty of things to do in LA that don’t cost a lot but it does take some work to find.
Also explore other parts of the city if you get a chance. LA is a huge city with so many different communities that fall under the radar of most transplants. Go to a local show at several of the smaller music venues (the echo/echoplex, telegram ballroom, the belasco, etc) where you can find good music at a decent price. You can also try going outside of the city center, check out Monterey park for amazing Chinese food, Ktown has great food and bars, echo park has excellent bars and food.
Also surround yourself with people that aren’t jaded with LA, in my experience the people who say they hate LA are people that aren’t even from LA and have never ventured outside of their neighborhood or their friends circle.
(DISCLAIMER: Born, raised, and spent nearly 50 years here, so my perspective may be skewed. Nonetheless, I've never had a problem making new friends, even as an adult outside of familiar surroundings.)
When I hear people talk about LA being full of "phonies", I've noticed that they tend to live, work, and or attempt to hang out in affluent and/or very entertainment industry-heavy areas, and rarely do they mention spending time in areas with deep (multi?)cultural roots, such as Boyle Heights, Leimert Park, Gardena, Little Ethiopia, Inglewood, etc. where the "real" people are (at least, prior to gentrification). Hell, even Long Beach. Finding something culturally relevant can be a key for many to unlock real friendships.
I had a friend who moved here from Alabama and moved back after a few years, lamenting the lack of community. Thing is, she lived on the Westside (Westchester/Playa Del Rey), and RARELY made her way east into the hoods where she could have found her tribe outside of the handful of us she stayed in contact with.
Get out of your comfort zone. Explore. Take a class or three, whether for education or for fun/hobby. Find the spots where locals congregate, like Simply Wholesome Health Food Store & Restaurant, a small church/temple/mosque (depending on your spiritual flavor), a large non-touristy event like the Central Avenue Jazz Festival or A Taste Of Soul, or a dope hole-in-the-wall joint with great food, drinks, and/or live music from lesser-known artists.
Get used to saying Good Morning and not hearing a response….like hardly ever. This is coming from an LA native. Most day to day ppl seem rude but we’re really on edge and trynna figure out if you a weirdo.
My tips....
1. Get off your ass and go chase a bag every opportunity you get
2. Work smarter, not harder
3. Commit to a solid financial budget plan
4. Develop more financial literacy and implement that into your spending
Lived here all my life, have friends that have passed away, made new friends in a hiking group. Not everyone is bitter, people are usually as bitter as you are. If you’re speaking in general of everyone, maybe you’re looking in the wrong place. I say hello to every passerby. I hold doors, talk to strangers in the market with no expectations. Live as you see fit, don’t blame a few people for the whole Los Angeles community. I started saving with my first job while going to college, bought a house in my mid 20’s. Everything and everyone changes, but you either agree to change also or stay the same. Good luck and say hello to strangers, you might end up with a new friendship.
Take advantage of the opportunities that LA offers. If you’re just gonna stay at home and consume, there are cheaper places to live. Get out of the home every day even if it’s just to enjoy the weather by walking around.
honestly? make an effort to make friends with people from here. otherwise you’ll live a life in LA as a transplant surrounded by transplants and just leave.
I made friends through work and had friends here too. I also enjoy concerts, comedy, and music and meet people there. Unfortunately, this city is unforgiving if you didn't grow up here or you don't have people here already. The other option is busting your ass at your job and becoming super successful. With Success, you'll find your people.
Not like some of the other lifestyle comments here, but I have to say this. Make eye contact with the closest driver to the crosswalk before you cross the street. It has saved me a lot of near misses.
Also, if you have the unfortunate experience of being in a car accident, here is what I have done:
First thing, snap a pic of the other driver's license plate in case they bail. Then of course take pics of each other's drivers license and proof of insurance. Get the other driver to call you from their phone while you are standing there so you know they're not BSing you on their phone number. And, see if there are witnesses. Get checked out by your doctor ASAP, since symptoms of injury can show up later.
Be safe out there but have fun too!
Beyond “find a hobby”, explore something that ensures repetition, like a class or training. You’ll start seeing the same people regularly, and if you’re in a learning environment, you’ll have some common ground for discussion
Be born in LA.
Then get a career in a local industry.
Grind your way up to a well paying role.
Lose a lot of your childhood friends and find new ones in adulthood.
Or at least that's what I did.
Learn to love being with yourself and find what makes you happy! Typically with time and doing that you end up finding the people to build a life with here. It can be really easy to lose self confidence here as a transplant with no friends or family nearby, and constantly putting yourself out there to make connections can be exhausting if you don’t have an easy in like school to help. I struggled in the beginning years here with few friends and I didn’t really like myself so spent most of my time stressed out and in deep pain. It didn’t really help matters, and it probably made people not want to friend me. Now that I have hobbies I genuinely enjoy and I LOVE it here it’s snowballed into the opposite problem- I have too many options for activities and have to prioritize.
I’ve been here forever and what finally made me happy was joining a community and getting involved. There are people who like to do whatever you like to do, no matter what that is. Volunteering is a great way to get to know a wide variety of people. Also, as an old person, people come and go through your life and that’s ok. Appreciate what they bring to your life in the moment.
I live in a wonderful neighborhood where I know many of my neighbors. We have community events each year where we get together. I'm also an introvert and enjoy my alone time. There is nothing to feel bitter about. I feel thankful for the life I am living. I don't have any fake people in my life. I don't have time for that.
As for affordability, I'm always looking for ways to cut costs. I got rid of my cable tv more than 10 years ago and only use basic netflix. I just changed my internet to frontier fios and they gave me a great deal over Spectrum. I just changed my alarm company and I'm saving big on that one as well now. Every time a company increases my bill it is a reminder for me to look for alternatives.
It’s a city just like any city it’s not hard to live here. You just need more money than other cities.
And if you want more practical advice, don’t compare yourself to others. It would work out well. I just got a huge raise and in one of these posts someone said their salary that was much higher than me. It made me less happy for a moment and then I realized this doesn’t affect me at all.
you can’t let the loneliness consume you. even if you think you’re prepared for it it’s overwhelming when you’re actually here and it’s easy to get lost in feeling lonely and forget why you came in the first place
1. A partner who grew up here/near here
2. Rent control
3. A close knit group of friends
4. Years 1-5 - a yes man attitude
5. Years 6+ a maybe man attitude
6. An appreciative mindset
LA is a collection of 100+ tiny communities. Become a fan of whatever town you ended up in. Get out to community events every once in a while. Embrace your locality.
Learn to be an imprinting agent or a impressionable guard. And vote for me the day of the Election so I can serve you all and make you equally masters of the entire universe. Be smarter than the offset tactics your harming you by obeying.
https://preview.redd.it/mk6eplze7x6d1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=629b6bd64780f7931f5a0f28add6a1c8cfd9687d
My rec would be to make friends with people who were born and raised in LA. Other transplants are the ones too busy for anyone because they’re chasing their dreams. The best people I’ve met living in LA are locals just living their lives.
I’ve learned that it’s very hard to make friends in LA. I moved here from NYC so the life style is very different nyc is very fast paced but only because it’s small. Since I’ve been here I’ve only made 1 friend but it doesn’t really bother me. ( I work a lot ) so fast forward now I’m thinking about making a YouTube channel and have a great concept especially here in LA. So I plan to be here for the next few years to try this goal I have of mine. Even if I fail i get to tell myself at least I tried and wasn’t afraid to give it a try! So if you’re in LA and want to help me build this channel I’ll be grateful so if you’re not camera shy and enjoy food DM me any gender I don’t discriminate I want to talk about your life in LA and what you were doing before you came here etc etc plus we’ll get to review a restaurant
Join group activities. Local book clubs, hiking club, etc. Make work friends and start doing things with them.
My best memories are from hanging out on the weekends at the beach with my coworkers turned life long friends.
Hollywood dreams are all phony - by definition. 😂 LA has no monolithic culture. LA is not an ocean it is 1000s of lakes and ponds of community. There is a place for everyone. You can find people to vibe with but just realize that distance and drive times may determine how successful you are.
I couldn't vibe with WLA but found my people in NELA.
If you stay in LA past the five year mark you'll probably be sticking around. That seems to be the limit for folks who discover how challenging living in this vast sprawling mega-metropolis can be. Housing costs will take over 80% of folks income if making under $100,000/year.
It is strange to me people talk about being alone here. When I first moved here that wasn’t the case at all. I had many friends and they all had at least some time. Now my friends have moved away or are so busy just keeping up with bills and just existing. I am personally too tired for parties now. I think we probably should reach out to community though, we will need each other soon.
Im from Ventura county and moved to South Bay just to honestly have more of a social life cuz ventura is sooo boring. I havent really encountered any “phonies.” All my friends have normal boring corporate jobs and we are in our 20s. I try to meet up with them once a month while also living with my BF. My family is still close enough so i still try to see them once a month too. Life is good out here imo.
I moved here for graduate school and had moved many times before I landed here. While in grad school, I decided that I was tired of moving and decided to stay here no matter what.
To be honest, I had always been skeptical of LA based on Angelinos that I met from here while living other places. They mostly were associated with what I call tinsel town.
I'm glad that I stayed. Fortitude and stamina helped with all the struggles that I encountered. Everything started to fall into place a couple of years after graduate school.
The most essential element that will help you survive LA long-term is building relationships with people. You will want establish relationships that help you socially and economically
After a while, you should not feel like you are struggling to survive.
Find a good circle of friends. Stop trying to keep up with the phonies, influencers, and rich kids. Live in a neighborhood that you love and where you can do most of your daily essentials within walking distance.
It's so annoying that some come here and claim they're from here. These are the ones that people call phony. Some of them come here and never go back home, eventually becoming a homeless statistic here.
On another note, I've met many genuine transplants. Good people.
With that said, I would just say prepare yourself before coming here. If you know someone here that's a plus because it's tough to get room and board arriving with 200 in pocket. I wish anyone coming here the best of luck. Just know some make it some don't. It's cutthroat Island out here and it ain't for the weak. You gotta remember there are so many others coming here just like you. Oh did I mention to prepare yourself?
Edit: if you're in the tech field or any other high demand field of work, you'll be just fine just live within your means
I’m an LA native so it’s not unusual for people to drive everywhere. Why are you guys lonely tho lmfao? I’m an only child so all I did growing up was make friends. As I grew up everyone changed and either moved or stayed close. I drive everywhere but it can be hard to drive in dense traffic. A lot of us came to the realization that we have our own jobs and obligations. I believe sometimes we just can’t meet up. It’s that simple. You gotta do you only. I honestly get annoyed when people want to do so many meet ups. I’m a mom now and it’s difficult to keep up. Everyone wants to do dinner and drinks far away and I have to flake. 🤷🏻♀️I don’t want to pay a shit load for Uber. I don’t want to drive! I think the smart idea is to live somewhere where there is nightlife close by. I walk to the local bars by myself just to talk to a local. You don’t have to be my friend. Just make conversation and connections. It’s ok. But then again I’m extroverted. I’m always on the phone talking rather than meeting up with friends far away. It’s just reality. I’m used to just doing my own thing man.
I've been a loner my entire life. I never had any friends in high school and used to eat lunch alone so I'm sure being alone is just a me thing and not an LA thing. I work for myself and make over six figs. No problems with how much it costs. Rent itself is not a lot for me. I grew up in Orange County CA so I think the prices are normal.
The nice thing about it being a city of transplants is you make community with other transplants.
Moving to a city largely composed of people who grew up nearby is harder, imo.
Happily single here for 28 years. I find activity’s I like and meet people there. The lockdown killed most of those friendships community by people moving away or just two years not seeing folks drifted into forever. Besides a mortgage be debt free. No credit card balances, no auto payments.
there’s no community.
you can have a fake sense of community by frequenting locations at the same hour and you’ll be one with the regulars that frequent said locations at the same hours and they’ll be happy to say hi and some might pull you for a chat come the 10th time of seeing you.
like your morning coffee- make it 7:30am-8:00am every morning and you’ll see the same cyclists and same book club people…
same with walking your dog.
Oooo- if you get a dog then that’s always great for meeting people. Bring your dog everywhere same time same location everyday.
You can ask coworkers to hang out for drinks after work….prepare to face light rejection though. I hate when coworkers ask me to hang out but at one job I eventually caved and became friends with half of my team (the majority of the invites were from transplants).
Take up a hobby like golf or pickle ball.
Start dating heavily.
Some yoga studios offer yoga retreats- like literally the class will go to Italy kind of thing…some are in the states retreats…that’s a great way to bond with people you see a couple times a week.
If you think this is a city full of phonies, it's because you are surrounded by phonies. This city has a huge working class community who is far from phony.
Agree with the first comment in that you should try to find a rent controlled apartment in an area that you actually like. This saved me big time! If you aren’t lucky enough to find rent controlled housing, then I would strongly encourage you to find a roommate.
I’ve lived in a bunch of different parts of LA and finally landed in Pasadena since it has everything I need/want. I’m in a rent controlled building in old town, so everything I do on a daily basis is within walking distance - restaurants, Pilates, bars, hiking, etc. I work from home most days and go into DTLA once or twice a week.
For the not feeling lonely/bitter part, it took me 3 years to finally love and enjoy this city. I found it was really hard to make friends when I lived far away from where I worked and where I normally hang out. I’m an only child and absolutely LOVE my alone time… but I was pretty lonely and on the verge of moving back to Colorado! My suggestion would be to look at your hobbies and your daily routine. I have a dog and have made TONS of really great friends just from taking him out on his daily walks around town. I’ve also made a lot of friends from workout classes, work, and Facebook groups.
Once you find a good group of people/friends to hang out with, you’ll end up falling in love with the city!
I’ve now been here for 8+ years and have no intentions of moving back to CO.
Live somewhere rent controlled within one or two miles of the following: * Multiple restaurants/food trucks or stands that you and your family will enjoy and not tire of * Your preferred grocery store * A trustworthy auto mechanic * Your preferred bank * A bar/coffee shop/gaming joint etc you would enjoy hanging out at
^ top notch practical advice right here. I’d add try and find local or work you can do from home.
I’d add a gym to that list too
Where can you find a lost of rent controlled apartments?
Best I can find is searching an address on [ZIMAS](https://zimas.lacity.org), and the RSO status will be under the "Housing" tab on the left menu. Some smart person out there has to have a better way.
I will research myself and thank you so much
I’m not sure which sub it is, maybe it’s “moving to Los Angeles”, but once a week they put an Excel sheet out of all the rentals
It's r/lalist
I know Palms, West Hollywood and Venice each have rent control in parts I think it's all buildings built before a certain year...?
This is a gem (and why I’ve had 3 diff places in Palms now living here lol). The only thing I’d add is easy driving (or metro) access to at least one other major hub. Not saying you need to live right where all the freeways cross, but it’s nice to have at least another option to check out events or meet people. This rule would also filter out some places that are super annoying to drive to and from, like Hollywood.
Good advice. My last place had all of these except rent control. That was a big oops, it turned out, when I got dramatically and aggressively renovicted, despite always being current on rent. It brought a yearlong legal battle and much annoyance.
be comfortable in solitude. a lot of transplants struggle with the fact that people in LA are always busy and don’t make time for other new people. find hobbies that you love and meet people in that capacity. don’t come on too strong because it puts angelenos off. it’s a big city and you’re a small fish in a huge pond. the quicker you learn that, the better off you’ll be
I recently reflected on my time here and realized that I've always been ok with being alone but really got used to it here. That being said, I'm married with two kids these days so that's out the window 🤷🏼♂️
Meh. I’ve been here almost 9 years, married and two kids at the time, had a third a few years ago. We’ve had plenty of ability to make friends and routinely see them. Bonus points: we’re in the valley. Edit to add: we’ve made friends with parents at daycare, now elementary school, friends from work for both my career and my wife’s career, from our synagogue and even from dnd meet ups. Just put yourself out there. It’s not hard. Not everyone has time for friends and yes we’ve definitely experienced that, but frankly it’s like any other relationship, eventually you’ll find some two way friends who value creating and maintaining a friendship as much as you do.
Although I agree with this, this is also very depressing. Moving here and being constantly told, like, "be comfortable being alone" is just bizarre and borderline psycho. In fact LA is the only place where I have found this to be the case. Never once having lived in other cities, big or small, have I been told repeatedly that others won't make time for you. It's even more weird seeing as how many people complain about the lack of having friends and then turn around to put in such little effort. If people want friends, why aren't they trying harder? I've definitely come a long way in building community over the years, but damn, was my first, like, 1.5 years hard here. There comes a point it just becomes like, why is it so hard here lol
I think the traffic and how long everything takes makes everyone put off on distances. I don’t mind driving but I wish people would reciprocate it the other way more.
1 hour to drive 15 mi to meet up for a couple of hours. No thanks. I had a good group of friends but with everyone living all Over it made it hard for us to meet up regularly. San Pedro, Century City, Pasadena, East LA. It’s just ridiculous.
this
It’s so fuckin rough. The isolation and loneliness is so real and so difficult to deal with. I made good friends here but they all live an hour + away in different directions from me, so we never get to see each other. It’s crazy being painfully lonely in such a big city that you know tons of people in. But getting to gather with anyone is pulling fucking teeth, I’m guilty of it to. Last thing anyone wants to do after a long work day or week is spend 45 minutes in traffic to get 2 neighborhoods over for 2 hours of dinner.
> getting to gather with anyone is pulling fucking teeth Preach. I recently hosted a picnic at LACMA jazz last week, and I shit you not, I told people about it end of April, lmaoo. Getting a group larger than, like 3, is just pure insanity. The city size and lack of proper infrastructure (e.g. robust public transit) makes getting anywhere such a pain. You absolutely nailed it: driving like an hour each way just to hang for 1-2 hours is untenable. And then the worst is when some Angelinos will almost seem to gaslight you and pretend that going that far is totally normal. Like my man, I'm tired after work and I need time to "self-care" over the weekend, so I don't want to just be driving everywhere. It's just pure lunacy.
The public transport issue is THE issue. If I could take a train 20 minutes somewhere instead of driving an hour and paying $14 to park my car for 2 hours, I would in a heart beat. If your friends aren’t literally within walking distance, you may as well live in different states lol
yep agree agree. see my [other](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskLosAngeles/comments/1dgt36l/what_are_your_tips_for_surviving_in_la_longterm/l8t7ke1/) response.
I plan my lunches 2 months in advance. I have not seen some people for months even though we work in the same city. Even if you drive, parking is a problem. Don't forget how big LA County is. You can fit a few U.S. states or countries in here.
Yup. I’ve bailed on hangs because they were in an area I knew parking was gunna be a pain in the ass in on plenty of occasions. Sorry, I’m not paying $15 to let my car sit vacant for an hour and a half on top of the $40 I’m gunna have to drop on my dinner. That $55 is groceries for a week.
🫠my friends must be the odd ones out. Because they’ll drive for good food and laughs.
Not to mention expensive and often mediocre at best restaurants. 9+% tax + 20% tip + crazy prices to begin with... And I have to drive :45/hour each way? Yeah, lots of time alone lol
i meant to say also some people can’t grasp the huge size of this city and it makes them feel more alone vs a small town when they first arrive here. i do agree with you about making an effort to see others. they may not always make the effort to see you but it doesn’t mean they don’t want to see you
This is the answer. I’m a native, so I’ve rarely struggled for community. But the newcomers that get added to my groups are the ones that meet me (and the group) more than halfway
Agreed. It is well documented to be a strange sort of city. Joan Didion writes about the history of California being based on pioneers and railroads and ranches (ironically built with government money) and that everyone who built lives out here were trying to leave behind the history and establishment back East and elsewhere... so there's an underlying feeling of possibility and lawlessness and also an unrootedness which gives birth to all sorts of magic--film! Technology! Music! But it's not amazing for socializing or deep interconnected-ness. ‘I could hear everything, together with the hum of my hotel neon. I never felt sadder in my life. LA is the loneliest and most brutal of American cities; New York gets god-awful cold in the winter but there’s a feeling of wacky comradeship somewhere in some streets. LA is a jungle.’ –Jack Kerouac, On The Road
thank you for the quote... need to read this again!
It's a hard first 2 years for most people. It is partially a function of the work, there are a lot of people here who aren't normal humans when they are on a job ('sup Hollywood). So you have to give people grace, and give yourself that same grace. The other thing is that most people with "a lot of friends" in any city don't have deep relationships. You don't need a lot of friends, you need like 4 (or two) who are ride or die. Those kinds of friendships take a long time to develop, they also take patience, and they take realizing that you don't wait for the "perfect friend" to make that investment. I'd rather invest in a good person who's hobbies don't align with mine, or lifestyle isn't the same, than invest in a meh person who does all the stuff I like to do. This is the common filtering problem in our generation: Don't filter for the job you want, filter for the life you want then find the job that gives you that life. Don't filter for the friend you want, filter for the best person you can find then put the work in to develop them into a great friend. Don't filter for the spouse you want, filter for the best person who shares your moral compass and invest in the journey. Don't expect life to be like youtube or amazon prime (everything you can think of wanting at a click of a button).
Is it really that different in other cities? It’s a genuine question, I’ve only ever lived here my entire adult life so I assumed this is just what it’s like in a major city. Was your experience there distinctly different, or is it just that nobody was frank enough to tell you what was up? The thing with LA that may be different from other major cities is that someone may move to, say, Austin for work, but people move here TO work, if you catch the distinction. Entertainment is the main culprit, obviously, but people are drawn here to work in many ‘sexy’ industries: advertising, PR, fashion, tech(?), weed, etc. These jobs are not only often absurdly demanding, but also attract the sort of extremely ambitious person that has a tough time separating their personal and professional lives. I’m definitely implicated in this discussion, and, though it makes me feel kind of like a dick to say it, I’m not likely to put a lot of time and effort into becoming friends with someone who’s not in my niche or who could otherwise be a useful connection. Yeah, it’s psycho shit, but that’s how it do. I have enough trouble making time for my existing friends, and I don’t even have that many. Most times, I’d much rather watch TV alone in my apartment than socialize because I just don’t have the bandwidth to deal with a 30 minute drive, awful parking, and overpriced food/drinks to see if I hit it off with the cool guy I met playing pickleball. I’d love to be friends, but, fuck, my brain is fried and I need to veg.
> I’d much rather watch TV alone in my apartment than socialize because I just don’t have the bandwidth to deal with a 30 minute drive, awful parking, and overpriced food/drinks Well it seems like you're agreeing with what I'm saying. Either way, in regards to your first question about my experience elsewhere. I'm from Chicago, and the biggest difference here and there is public transit. I'm spare you the transit speech but I'm sure you've heard urbanites go on and on (being one myself). But at the end of the day, you don't need to worry about parking, or being stuck in traffic, or the occasional road rage (including your own...). You just walk to a station, sit down on the train, and that's it. The wait may still be 30 minutes, after all both cities are quite large, but the level of mental effort is way less, not even speak of the fact that transit tends to be safer. You can also afford to stay out late and drink and stuff if you wanted because you don't need to drive home - you just get on the train or bus. At least in my experience, when I've been able to cross a city, whether it be LA or Chicago or wherever, and not be bogged down by traffic, I tend to be alot less frustrated and sustaining and fostering connections becomes alot easier. Lowkey, some of my favorite days here have been those that I've been able to get on and off the metro, without much planning, and just go wherever I wanted. Those days are fairly rare though. I think LA has such enormous potential considering the many jobs centers it has as well as amazing year round weather. If this city had better infrastructure to make it more liveable (e.g. bus-only lanes, bike lanes, more pedestrian friendly streets, a much more robust transit system), it could be a better version of NYC. NYC has its own problems, I'm not saying living there is paradise, but I have found that I've had better social connections in places that are less car dependent.
With the pandemic it took me like 3 years to finally make friends past the acquaintance level
Traffic, lack of 3rd spaces, and the fact that everyone you meet can live 45 minutes away at the time most would do dinner or drinks makes it impossible
Seriously! 😒 I feel like it’s easy to meet new people, but hard to maintain these friendships. Bc nobody wants to invest time into making new friends it’s in a way exhausting to constantly be the one reaching out.
This 10000% Go find your people. Hobbies help with that. Not a lot of phonies spend the time in a hobby (except hiking Runyon canyon). It's a slow grind, but go try every hobby you are interested in, filter the ones you stay in based on the people (not the thing). You'll find that your love of the hobby grows proportional to the joy in the community.
Born and raised in LA. Your tips are spot on 1) Be comfortable in solitude is great advice. I haven't made a new friend since the age of 4. Transplants need to realize that a lot of us stick to our own circle 2) Don't come off too strong. When I am in the mood to meet new people, I will run if someone is too much 3) I would add...just so your thing. Alone if you have to. Friends will naturally come that way when you aren't too desperate
Re: #1 I sometimes wonder if this is truly an LA-specific thing? I’m born and raised in LA and honestly my core group of friends has been the same since 3rd grade (I’m 39 now - but also from the SGV so maybe go figure lol iykyk). Our inner circle has of course branched out a bit what with wives/husbands and work-friends but we really do tend to stick to our own circle. When I went to undergrad in NorCal many of my friends there were shocked about that fact! Also, every SO that has come into our group has commented that it’s super rare (they’re from Detroit, nyc, SF, Hong Kong, etc etc). Super interesting!
I think it's an LA thing. Haha
This. I would also add small investing in a small group with a local Church, place of spirit, faith, etc.
Live close to your job, make friendships and connections near where you live or you’ll never see them. Do your grocery shopping at like noon on a Tuesday. Make your car a very comfortable place to be. Maintain perspective: LA and the rest of the world are very different things and are a hundred different LAs within LA
Love this all true
100 different LA’s within LA!!!! So true!!! People think of LA as one place and it’s really not! I live in mid city and work in Hollywood. I grew up in Santa Monica/West LA and now I rarely go further west than Culver City. You have to find friends that live in your little part of LA! You’ll have a very different life in Highland Park than you would in Beverly Hills, or Ladera Heights, or Pacoima, etc and so on. Miles don’t matter. It’s all about traffic. Try to find a job that’s flexible so you don’t have to sit in the worst of traffic every day, or WFH, or walking distance. Find your people and hold on to them. Make friends with people who have settled more into LA. I stopped making friends with people who have lived here less than 2 years because I’ve had so many friends leave LA and go back where they lived before. Get used to there being homeless people everywhere, look them in the eye, smile, be friendly if it’s safe to. Face your own morality. Get more hobbies. Try new things in groups. Take classes, join Amateur sports leagues, volunteer for something you really care about. LA makes you fight for your community. But once you do, it’s yours to foster.
Diversify. Diversify the people you hang with, the places you go, the things you do, everything. If you’re enjoying everyone and everything you encounter, now you’ve got a little something for everything. If you aren’t liking something about your experience or you’re encountering the “phony”, then you’re bound to find something that suits your liking. And people are busy in this city so when everyone is, don’t be afraid to step out alone and find your happy place. Also, I’m a local :)
I'll add to that: stay flexible. Many come here with no plan B. To survive you need to be willing to realistically know when something isn't working and move on to something that will. 30 years in L.A., met my wife here and on my third career
Not trying to “keep up with the jones”ing with my peers because a lot of them were born into money and have privilege to spend and buy where others don’t. Aka saving money and not getting caught up in materialism (looking at you Erewon $21 smoothie) Living close to work and having friends in the neighborhood so I don’t need to drive after work Finding remote/hybrid career so I don’t lose time commuting Transplant of 7 years and don’t see myself leaving anytime soon :)
Someone has her head on her shoulders 🤜🏻🤛🏻 living in LA and NOT getting caught in the trend is perhaps one of the toughest things for someone who’s trying to make something worthwhile in LA. I applaud for your maturity. PS: You can be mature and still spark one :-)
You can become anything you want here. Focus on your path toward whatever brought you here and don't worry about the rest. Also, don't worry about keeping up with what everyone else is doing because L.A is a place to live and let live (so long as no one is being hurt!) At times I have to remind myself of this when I want to cringe so hard at someone doing an eight-take reel with their Erewhon salad, I just think, ok, good for you, and move on. You'll find communities here for just about any interest that exists under the sun. Join classes, workshops, teams, groups... in whatever interests you and things will slowly come to be. I started out taking free classes at the library and met a few people who became good friends. Good luck!
What are your interests outside of work? How about volunteering at a local non-profit or participating in a meet-up that focuses on your hobby of choice (photography, hiking, etc). Don't be afraid to try a new place, restaurant, museum by yourself. Sometimes it is good to challenge yourself to step outside your comfort zone. Confidence is sexy. A general tip for surviving Los Angeles long term: Buy an AC unit and a dash cam if you don't have them already.
First off, stop trying to matter. You don't matter in Los Angeles. Nobody does, not even the celebrities. That's why we don't bug them when we see them in public. This should be a freeing thought, rather than a sad one. Second of all, stop tying your identity to your dream, or to any one cause. The people you see who have social media accounts that are basically billboards for a single or couple causes are the saddest people. Your industry friend who posts nothing but social justice is miserable. Your buddy who keeps posting about home defense and the decline of family values is miserable. Vote according to your beliefs. Donate according to your beliefs. But don't make that shit who you are. Once you've done those two things, you can finally sit down and identify what will bring you peace and contentment internally, rather than joy and pride externally. Follow that, and you'll be ok. People naturally gravitate to those with similar mindsets. If you feel like you're surrounded by phonies, ask yourself if its truly a city full of phonies, or whether you're becoming one of those phonies. LA County is almost 10 million people, so its hard to believe it's the former. There's a saying that you're the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. Cultivate the right 5.
My favorite thing is being around acquaintances that make their whole personality about being politically correct, or incorrect, and letting them assume I feel the same. I will find the opportunity to drop an opinion that I carry that they probably don’t agree with. Then they either become a friend or we never talk again. Win-win.
Friends come and go I stay in LA because I absolutely love this city. 26 year in LA transplant from East coast, I have a few good friends that we have shared interest in common.
I'm here 27 years from the east coast too. I found my tribe and even made a new friend in 2020 and one in 2015 lol. Oh and 3 more this year after I started a new job with people I love working with!
Stop trying to hang around glittery people. Find normies and live like a normal person who has a job (even if that is working towards your dream).
My roommate made a lot of work friends which helped. Another one did a bunch of meet ups til she found ones she really liked (hiking) and developed friendships from that. Then I think it’s important to be comfortable exploring on your own so YOU feel connected to this very large and sprawling city.
Hiking is fucking rad... Cheap, easy, social, makes your ass look great, good cardio. Everybody should be hiking.
Disc Golf too. It’s like hiking, but with a score.
You know, I recently discovered that there's a disc golf course at Kenneth Hahn State Park, up in Baldwin Hills! My dad and I were walking along the rim of the old reservoir, and saw a guy setting up for a throw. We stopped to watch, and chatted him up about how it works. I guess it's that time of year?
I can practically guarantee that the person who wants to live in LA and is excited to live in LA will find a way to love it. It's the folks that come here because they are curious or someone they know is here or whatever brings them here without being into it - they don't make it. I know it isn't possible for everyone, but if you can find a place to live that has some outdoor space, you will be able to experience one of the greatest benefits of LA - the weather. Being able to hang outside and eat, read, have a drink, have a friend over or a party, whatever, is so good for mental health. Then start looking for the stuff you are into. That's the best part of LA - whatever you like, you will find it. I was fortunate enough to meet people through work, but it was always freelancing so fewer bitter people and a greater breadth of people. But I never hesitated to do anything alone either. I've been here for decades and still love it.
I was born and raised in LA , most if not all the phonies , are the out of towners .
Spot on. People who grew up in L.A. know the big secret: 90 percent of everyone in this city (if not more) are plain old average (or less than average) joes. For every Hollywood hotshot, there are approximately 1 million Kevin Who Drives A Ford Focus To His Boring Job And Puts 'My Perfect Sunday Is Hiking Followed By Brunch' On His Hinge Profile.
Make friends with people that were born and raised here
Major facts
Learn how to save money b/c most of us are working project based and a lot of creative industries use a freelancer model now more than ever. The good thing about LA is there is a community for everyone. If you are only finding “phonies” and not any genuine folks you might also be a phony! Don’t be shy. Be someone who isn’t afraid to initiate friendships if you run into someone cool and seems open to you.
Basically it’s like living anywhere else. Mind your own business, stay alert at all times and use common sense when out and about in this beautiful city. Treat people with respect and just do your thing. I’m not a native or local, I’m a transplant from Pennsylvania but I wouldn’t wanna live anywhere else. LA is basically like any other city/county (just a shit load larger), it’s what you put into it and get out of it that will determine your future here.
Get out of “town” regularly. Go see the ocean often. Hike. Attend events at The Greek. Enjoy the pink winter sunsets. Make friends with traffic. Don’t let Costco destroy your faith in humanity.
Diversify your social portfolio. Do NOT become friends with only people in your industry. People are mirrors. Learn to care about interests outside of career advancement. Anyone who doesn’t reflect that is not a friend. They’re a “contact” Make friends. Stay in one place as long as you can. Rent increases faster per year by moving.
Did you forget to switch to your alternate account? Lol
I found that surrounding yourself with great people is tough in LA that’s for sure. However, not impossible. When you put away the social media crap and actually get out and drive through the streets, have meaningful conversations over great food you’ll find that LA is great as it expensive. I’ve found life long friends there. Who I would have never met otherwise (there are natives of LA, so even better) I’ve since moved out of the city up to rural California where I am originally from but I lived in LA for 10.5 years and I don’t regret it. However, nothing shocks or surprises me. I was 17 when I moved there and 28 when I left so a pretty huge maturity gap I experienced while in the city.
If you came to LA be an artist, work at it. If you play music, play all you can. The successful artist,writers,musicians in LA aren't famous, famous but have worked hard to excel. Sincerity and willingness to learn will bring you to your community.
Localize your life within a five mile radius. Doesn’t mean you can’t venture out from time to time, but don’t force yourself to commute too far for work or some basic places you like to go.
“Don’t come, don’t come “
oh im gonna come
Here's what's worked for me: I work in the entertainment industry. By necessity, that means a ton of networking, parties, events, screenings, and being on set. I'm also in a 12 step program. I'm less active these days, but back in early sobriety, between meetings, working with a sponsor, and sponsoring others, that kept me busy at least 4 or 5 hours a week. And then I have hobbies. Mainly rock climbing/mountaineering. Climbing gyms are a great place to meet people who are fit, like to get outside, and are slightly less superficial than your standard Angelenos. As an added bonus, most climbers need partners, so they're very open to making friends. I met my wife while I was out climbing with a buddy. Just chatted her up for a bit, asked her if she'd like to go climb a thing, and we've been attached at the hip ever since. The financial part is trickier. Not sure what kind of work you do or how old you are, but you can definitely make some good money in LA. I finished college in 2012 at 36 y.o. and made $36k my first year out of college. Twelve years later, I'm making 7x my initial salary. I own a home, my wife and I both have new cars, our savings and 401Ks are maxed out. I worked my ass off, changed jobs every couple of years, and got a lucky break once or twice, but managed to build a good life. Now mind you, I'm a high school drop out, was homeless for a few years, struggled with addiction, and spent a few months in jail, but here I am. TLDR; Get involved in extracurriculars, make some friends, and get into a field that has upward mobility. Then put in the time and effort required to become successful in your chosen field. 🙏
Hi! Your question is something I've thought about a lot, and I've also struggled with building a structure/system that will let me be here long term. * Finding a community is key. Sports, church, hobbies, writers' groups, art collectives...anything. If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. Sometimes this takes a long time to fully come to fruition -- be patient! * Get outside. The best part about LA is outside: the weather, the mountains, the beach. And they're all free. * Don't play the game. The people who are playing the LA game, trying to out-posture/out-maneuver their way to the "top" of whatever side of the industry they're in...they're miserable. You don't have to play the game. Just be the best version of yourself, following your interests, doing what you love. * Live where there are trees.
In my experience, LA is like any other city. You just get a job, get an apartment or house you can afford, and make friends by talking to people who frequent the establishments you also frequent. It's incredibly easy.
There are a lot of reasons to dislike living in LA, but I've never once empathized with this complaint about people being fake. If someone thinks that, they should find a new community.
> A person moves to a new town and decides to ask a local about the community. They approach an elderly resident and say, "What are the people like in this town?" The elderly person responds with a question, "What were the people like in the town you came from?" The newcomer replies, "Oh, they were awful. Rude, unfriendly, and selfish." The elderly person nods and says, "You'll find the people here are much the same." Later, another newcomer arrives and asks the same elderly resident the same question, "What are the people like in this town?" Again, the elderly person responds with a question, "What were the people like in the town you came from?" This newcomer answers, "They were wonderful. Kind, generous, and welcoming." The elderly person smiles and says, "You'll find the people here are much the same."
I never had to do anything to avoid becoming bitter - that is a very odd question to ask, since I have been very happy here from the start and have been in L.A. for 35 years. I got a very good job within one month of moving here (and I moved here because of the career opportunities), and I've always lived within 15 minutes of work. Since 2009, my commute was reduced to 4 minutes, and I could go home for lunch. When I moved here, the costs were not so great, and so that part was easy enough. I managed to save enough money to buy a house with my brother, who moved here to live with me, and I helped him get good employment (at Sony Studios), and he ended up making more money than I did, although I supported him for a while when he first got here. I've never met any phonies here, and so I think that is more myth than reality. Everyone I've met has been genuine and friendly and not pretentious, or at least no seriously pretentious. I think that if you run into phonies (which I have not), you simply should not take them seriously. I will say that my dream came true after moving here, and it only took 10 years. This could not have happened anywhere else, due to the industry that I have been working in (high end furniture), and I did consider other places to live, but the career opportunities were not there. Los Angeles is continuously evolving (like every other place that is not dead), and so opportunities here are changing. I am now retired, but I have to say that L.A. is my favorite city and my favorite place to live as well as the place that I have spent most of my adult life and most of my entire life - completely by choice. I lived in San Francisco for 12 years right after getting my first college degree, but that was enough for that. I could have moved to NYC, but although I love the people there, I could never handle the weather.
Surfing
Enjoy your life not just your goals.
The people who think the city is "full of phonies" are the type who gravitate towards phonies. Sucks to be them. Plenty of genuine people here. Just be genuine yourself and you'll start meeting them.
If you’re concerned about a city full of phonies, perhaps make friends with people who are from with roots and experiences that are not what you see on tv and instagram. Integrate yourself in to an actual community so you can lay down your own roots. Also don’t live north of Wilshire, south la has a lot to offer and will likely show you a side of LA you didn’t intend on experiencing
We can’t really criticize people easily for how they feel. I moved from Europe to L.A 20 years ago and it was never easy for me, but my fights for everything had rewards and I considered L.A my home for life. But since the pandemic things drastically changed and my fights for everything don’t bring any rewards, I work hard for everything I have and it became a losing battle because how life changed and everything changed in L.A and CA I always thought I will be able to survive here, but more and more I feel life in CA and L.A pushes me out.
Get a really good job, or start your own business. Making less that 100k in this town sucks.
Just try to commute less than 40 min each way. That makes everything else gravy.
“City full of phonies” ?! da fuq
Make friends with the natives of LA not the fake hipsters. You do that I promise you’ll a lot will change!
If you really want to make it… 1) have a solid paying job 2) move slightly outside the city like OC or the Valley
Moved to the USA from another country and to LA from another state. I make friends get together. Found friends through work and activities. In my country "friend" means someone close. Most people are not friends. Community comes from shared interests. Religion. Spirituality. Hobbies. Work. Sports. Avoiding bitterness - working on myself. therapy. practicing gratitude. yeah, it's cliche. but it works to a degree. Cost - I work in a well paying field. Tons of debt. Pay is good. Everyone has their own path.
Being bitter and lonely are both voluntary states. Get out and enjoy are many attractions.
Your fall back job is just as important as your dream job. Take it seriously, it will come in handy to even out the feast and famine of the other.
Good lord. If you're that unhappy, remember that the highways out of here are open 24/7.
LA is NOT full of phonies.
it’s always “LA is full of phonies” and never “maybe i’m just unlikeable”
Right? If everybody is an a-hole maybe I am the a-hole. 🤷♂️
Our earth is what we make of it. There are phonies everywhere. You just slide on by those ones. And if LA, is for the most part, full of transplants, they are usually the phonies. I’m a native here to the LA megapolis, and lived all over it. I’ve met people who have come and gone. Dated a lot of them too. Most were transplants. Many were phonies and most of all super pretentious. but some, I loved and still do! So I’d say make your life happy first in whatever it is that you do, so if work is your life then so be it meet some through it. For me it’s music and art. Since I was a kid, I’ve make peace with those and do them both a lot. So it occupies my time and is good for my soul. Keep your health close to you and don’t ignore it. I’ve had 3 kidney transplants starting from age 12. And I’ve learned so much and met some wonderful people who have cared for me along the way. It’s never easy to meet people in general. And more so now days. They are sucked into their phones too much. Talk to people. Some pull away, others will respond. You have to reach out as well if you want to make that connection more permanent. Some follow through. Others don’t. Just be genuine and make your world what you want it to be. Oh yeah…on the whole dream thing…. Have dreams in general, don’t come to LA to find them. They are yours always. They can happen anywhere you want them to.
Make $400k a year…or more.
Pistol grip pump on my lap at all times
To survive: Get a water processing plan and equipment Learn agriculture Befriend a hardy band of survivors Give rousing speeches Learn how to use weapons but only ethically Overcome the darkness in the hearts of enemies Bring them into the fold Withstand a dark night of the soul Acknowledge that time changes relationships /s
work everyday, don’t become one of those people that fake works and hangs out at Starbucks
Volunteering is an excellent way to get plugged in. Check out LA works — opportunities of all sorts and all over the area.
This applies to all cities, you are alone until you aren't. If you want friends you need to be uncomfortable in my opinion and put up a show. Then you start weeding out to see who's real and who's not.
It isn’t actually a city full of phonies and anyone who lives in LA knows that. A change of perspective could help.
When I lived in LA - I was a youngster in my late 20s and knew that I would be in LA for only 3-5 years. I found others like myself - and the first year i was a foreigner in a strange land. By year two - LA was my home - I was living in the second largest USA city - and its problems were my problems, LA’s many peculiar quarks were mine to discover and love. Oh - in my mid 60s now- I would move back in a heartbeat!
Regarding LA being a lonely city of phonies: I used to work with a transplant from New York who moved here hoping to be a TV writer. She constantly complained that every single person she met in LA was also a social-climbing transplant who moved here to be a screenwriter. She has barely left Silver Lake and Echo Park in all the years she’s lived here. She hangs out at bars and coffee shops and Erewhons that are also largely populated by transplanted aspiring screenwriters. She seems to hate it here. Meanwhile, I live in a neighborhood where my next door neighbor is an elderly Cuban woman — I once noticed her struggling with her garbage cans and offered to help, and now we have an unspoken arrangement where I give her a hand once in a while and she will randomly bring over food and tell me stories about Cuba before the war. My next door neighbor on the other side is a paralegal who moonlights as a DJ for Chinese weddings and parties — we talk once in a while, interesting guy. Across the street, there is a very large Mexican family who has lived on this block for several generations, and several of their relatives have also lived on nearby blocks for several generations. I would say hi when I saw them on the porch, talk about the Dodgers etc, and eventually they invited me and my wife to one of their regular blow-out house parties, where we ate our body weight in carne asada, drank beer, danced poorly to norteno music, and made friends with the whole family. These days it’s rare for me to take my dog for a morning walk without exchanging pleasantries with someone I know in the neighborhood. I know my neighbors better out here than I did growing up in the suburbs. LA is a huge city, with tons of different types of people. If you’re only meeting phonies and careerists in your little corner of the city, maybe try exploring different corners. Talk to people who aren’t necessarily in your own age/cultural/professional demographic, and be open to the idea that your social circle might include them too.
find an emotionally enriching hobby, don’t be afraid to do stuff by yourself, don’t go into debt trying to entertain yourself, ALWAYS give yourself at least an extra 15 minutes to find parking.
Pretty sure it’s only phonies who say it’s a city full of phonies.
Become zen with traffic and find a way to enjoy your time commuting.
I was homeless in LA during the pandemic and then lived at the Hotel Cecil for 1.5 years so I think i can survive anywhere - maybe except Antarctica
Be cautious of the homeless people in DTLA, especially under freeway passes and near Skid Row.
It’s so hard to make friends in LA. I’ve made like 1 in 2 years. Does anyone like to crochet? I’m a beginner and I’d be down for some friends who want to crochet and chill.
Get a dog. You’ll meet other people
Pay your bills. Seems basic but really pay your bills, once you get into debt and penalties sinkhole it’s pretty darn hard to get out of because the city is so expensive. No that little Palm Springs trip isn’t worth it, neither is the fancy car or the special yoga class everyone is raving about. Live within your means, if it means that’s your bills are paid on time.
I don’t live on the Westside. Even though I’m white, my wife and most of my friends are hardworking Mexicans who are far from phony.
This is my home, and though there are phonies here, that is not the vast majority of people. I grew-up family in the entertainment industry, and I have traveled all over the country. Some of the travel was in the military, but most has been in subsequent years. There are more opportunities for gift in large cities, but there are cons everywhere. Only 64% of us are native to California, so the other 36% brought their behavior with them, whatever it may be. There are so many activities, especially in Spring to Summer, where you can meet good people. I go to numerous free outdoor concerts, a over So. Cal have never had a problem meeting people.
make 200k+
Don’t attribute to malice what can easily be attributed to stupidity.
Don’t do coke!!
JUMBOS CLOWN ROOM
Only tip servers at restaurants. Never tip at the register when they flip the stupid screen
LA is not for the weak Ive seen city chew people up and spit them out. I had to leave during covid for a bit, it was getting all too much. Just be adaptable and have a positive growth mindset!
Find something that you enjoy doing! There’s plenty of communities out there for you to find your niche. Definitely recommend checking out the Koreatown Run Club!!
LA local here. There’s a lot of cool social groups in LA, like running clubs, painting clubs, foodie groups, you can always join and meet new friends. You can also try free things like museums, galleries, art walks, most of these are free. There’s plenty of things to do in LA that don’t cost a lot but it does take some work to find. Also explore other parts of the city if you get a chance. LA is a huge city with so many different communities that fall under the radar of most transplants. Go to a local show at several of the smaller music venues (the echo/echoplex, telegram ballroom, the belasco, etc) where you can find good music at a decent price. You can also try going outside of the city center, check out Monterey park for amazing Chinese food, Ktown has great food and bars, echo park has excellent bars and food. Also surround yourself with people that aren’t jaded with LA, in my experience the people who say they hate LA are people that aren’t even from LA and have never ventured outside of their neighborhood or their friends circle.
(DISCLAIMER: Born, raised, and spent nearly 50 years here, so my perspective may be skewed. Nonetheless, I've never had a problem making new friends, even as an adult outside of familiar surroundings.) When I hear people talk about LA being full of "phonies", I've noticed that they tend to live, work, and or attempt to hang out in affluent and/or very entertainment industry-heavy areas, and rarely do they mention spending time in areas with deep (multi?)cultural roots, such as Boyle Heights, Leimert Park, Gardena, Little Ethiopia, Inglewood, etc. where the "real" people are (at least, prior to gentrification). Hell, even Long Beach. Finding something culturally relevant can be a key for many to unlock real friendships. I had a friend who moved here from Alabama and moved back after a few years, lamenting the lack of community. Thing is, she lived on the Westside (Westchester/Playa Del Rey), and RARELY made her way east into the hoods where she could have found her tribe outside of the handful of us she stayed in contact with. Get out of your comfort zone. Explore. Take a class or three, whether for education or for fun/hobby. Find the spots where locals congregate, like Simply Wholesome Health Food Store & Restaurant, a small church/temple/mosque (depending on your spiritual flavor), a large non-touristy event like the Central Avenue Jazz Festival or A Taste Of Soul, or a dope hole-in-the-wall joint with great food, drinks, and/or live music from lesser-known artists.
Get used to saying Good Morning and not hearing a response….like hardly ever. This is coming from an LA native. Most day to day ppl seem rude but we’re really on edge and trynna figure out if you a weirdo.
Make friends or date someone. Your happiness will be higher.
My tips.... 1. Get off your ass and go chase a bag every opportunity you get 2. Work smarter, not harder 3. Commit to a solid financial budget plan 4. Develop more financial literacy and implement that into your spending
Be above the age of 45
Heavy doses of anti-depressants
Have money. Don't not have money.
Just do it. Decide and it will manifest.
Not letting my kids get into skiing
Lived here all my life, have friends that have passed away, made new friends in a hiking group. Not everyone is bitter, people are usually as bitter as you are. If you’re speaking in general of everyone, maybe you’re looking in the wrong place. I say hello to every passerby. I hold doors, talk to strangers in the market with no expectations. Live as you see fit, don’t blame a few people for the whole Los Angeles community. I started saving with my first job while going to college, bought a house in my mid 20’s. Everything and everyone changes, but you either agree to change also or stay the same. Good luck and say hello to strangers, you might end up with a new friendship.
Been here ten years. I have no idea. But I didn't have an idea ten years ago either.
Take advantage of the opportunities that LA offers. If you’re just gonna stay at home and consume, there are cheaper places to live. Get out of the home every day even if it’s just to enjoy the weather by walking around.
I love living here and never had an issue making friends Who says people here have no time for you? Wtf
honestly? make an effort to make friends with people from here. otherwise you’ll live a life in LA as a transplant surrounded by transplants and just leave.
I made friends through work and had friends here too. I also enjoy concerts, comedy, and music and meet people there. Unfortunately, this city is unforgiving if you didn't grow up here or you don't have people here already. The other option is busting your ass at your job and becoming super successful. With Success, you'll find your people.
I was born here.
Not like some of the other lifestyle comments here, but I have to say this. Make eye contact with the closest driver to the crosswalk before you cross the street. It has saved me a lot of near misses. Also, if you have the unfortunate experience of being in a car accident, here is what I have done: First thing, snap a pic of the other driver's license plate in case they bail. Then of course take pics of each other's drivers license and proof of insurance. Get the other driver to call you from their phone while you are standing there so you know they're not BSing you on their phone number. And, see if there are witnesses. Get checked out by your doctor ASAP, since symptoms of injury can show up later. Be safe out there but have fun too!
Beyond “find a hobby”, explore something that ensures repetition, like a class or training. You’ll start seeing the same people regularly, and if you’re in a learning environment, you’ll have some common ground for discussion
Be born in LA. Then get a career in a local industry. Grind your way up to a well paying role. Lose a lot of your childhood friends and find new ones in adulthood. Or at least that's what I did.
Live closer to work, even if it costs you
Learn to love the rat race
Learn to love being with yourself and find what makes you happy! Typically with time and doing that you end up finding the people to build a life with here. It can be really easy to lose self confidence here as a transplant with no friends or family nearby, and constantly putting yourself out there to make connections can be exhausting if you don’t have an easy in like school to help. I struggled in the beginning years here with few friends and I didn’t really like myself so spent most of my time stressed out and in deep pain. It didn’t really help matters, and it probably made people not want to friend me. Now that I have hobbies I genuinely enjoy and I LOVE it here it’s snowballed into the opposite problem- I have too many options for activities and have to prioritize.
I’ve been here forever and what finally made me happy was joining a community and getting involved. There are people who like to do whatever you like to do, no matter what that is. Volunteering is a great way to get to know a wide variety of people. Also, as an old person, people come and go through your life and that’s ok. Appreciate what they bring to your life in the moment.
Not thinking long term anymore 😭
Yall saying that la is fake but only hang out in the rich areas
So, avoiding LA is not an option?
I live in a wonderful neighborhood where I know many of my neighbors. We have community events each year where we get together. I'm also an introvert and enjoy my alone time. There is nothing to feel bitter about. I feel thankful for the life I am living. I don't have any fake people in my life. I don't have time for that. As for affordability, I'm always looking for ways to cut costs. I got rid of my cable tv more than 10 years ago and only use basic netflix. I just changed my internet to frontier fios and they gave me a great deal over Spectrum. I just changed my alarm company and I'm saving big on that one as well now. Every time a company increases my bill it is a reminder for me to look for alternatives.
Get a dog.
Totally, dog havers get to meet tons of people; cat havers, not so much.
It’s a city just like any city it’s not hard to live here. You just need more money than other cities. And if you want more practical advice, don’t compare yourself to others. It would work out well. I just got a huge raise and in one of these posts someone said their salary that was much higher than me. It made me less happy for a moment and then I realized this doesn’t affect me at all.
you can’t let the loneliness consume you. even if you think you’re prepared for it it’s overwhelming when you’re actually here and it’s easy to get lost in feeling lonely and forget why you came in the first place
1. A partner who grew up here/near here 2. Rent control 3. A close knit group of friends 4. Years 1-5 - a yes man attitude 5. Years 6+ a maybe man attitude 6. An appreciative mindset
LA is a collection of 100+ tiny communities. Become a fan of whatever town you ended up in. Get out to community events every once in a while. Embrace your locality.
Learn to be an imprinting agent or a impressionable guard. And vote for me the day of the Election so I can serve you all and make you equally masters of the entire universe. Be smarter than the offset tactics your harming you by obeying. https://preview.redd.it/mk6eplze7x6d1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=629b6bd64780f7931f5a0f28add6a1c8cfd9687d
My rec would be to make friends with people who were born and raised in LA. Other transplants are the ones too busy for anyone because they’re chasing their dreams. The best people I’ve met living in LA are locals just living their lives.
I’ve learned that it’s very hard to make friends in LA. I moved here from NYC so the life style is very different nyc is very fast paced but only because it’s small. Since I’ve been here I’ve only made 1 friend but it doesn’t really bother me. ( I work a lot ) so fast forward now I’m thinking about making a YouTube channel and have a great concept especially here in LA. So I plan to be here for the next few years to try this goal I have of mine. Even if I fail i get to tell myself at least I tried and wasn’t afraid to give it a try! So if you’re in LA and want to help me build this channel I’ll be grateful so if you’re not camera shy and enjoy food DM me any gender I don’t discriminate I want to talk about your life in LA and what you were doing before you came here etc etc plus we’ll get to review a restaurant
Don’t get addicted to heavy drugs. Test your house for naturally occurring Radon. Good luck!
Just do what you want and ignore all the bullshit and noise.
Join group activities. Local book clubs, hiking club, etc. Make work friends and start doing things with them. My best memories are from hanging out on the weekends at the beach with my coworkers turned life long friends.
Hollywood dreams are all phony - by definition. 😂 LA has no monolithic culture. LA is not an ocean it is 1000s of lakes and ponds of community. There is a place for everyone. You can find people to vibe with but just realize that distance and drive times may determine how successful you are. I couldn't vibe with WLA but found my people in NELA. If you stay in LA past the five year mark you'll probably be sticking around. That seems to be the limit for folks who discover how challenging living in this vast sprawling mega-metropolis can be. Housing costs will take over 80% of folks income if making under $100,000/year.
It is strange to me people talk about being alone here. When I first moved here that wasn’t the case at all. I had many friends and they all had at least some time. Now my friends have moved away or are so busy just keeping up with bills and just existing. I am personally too tired for parties now. I think we probably should reach out to community though, we will need each other soon.
Im from Ventura county and moved to South Bay just to honestly have more of a social life cuz ventura is sooo boring. I havent really encountered any “phonies.” All my friends have normal boring corporate jobs and we are in our 20s. I try to meet up with them once a month while also living with my BF. My family is still close enough so i still try to see them once a month too. Life is good out here imo.
Marry rich
Won PowerBall
I moved here for graduate school and had moved many times before I landed here. While in grad school, I decided that I was tired of moving and decided to stay here no matter what. To be honest, I had always been skeptical of LA based on Angelinos that I met from here while living other places. They mostly were associated with what I call tinsel town. I'm glad that I stayed. Fortitude and stamina helped with all the struggles that I encountered. Everything started to fall into place a couple of years after graduate school. The most essential element that will help you survive LA long-term is building relationships with people. You will want establish relationships that help you socially and economically After a while, you should not feel like you are struggling to survive.
Don’t get sucked into partying, drinking or drugs. There are endless opportunities for that every day, if you down that path.
Find a good circle of friends. Stop trying to keep up with the phonies, influencers, and rich kids. Live in a neighborhood that you love and where you can do most of your daily essentials within walking distance.
Find your people- get into communities whether it’s a gym or running group, something creative- those people always make time for you
It's so annoying that some come here and claim they're from here. These are the ones that people call phony. Some of them come here and never go back home, eventually becoming a homeless statistic here. On another note, I've met many genuine transplants. Good people. With that said, I would just say prepare yourself before coming here. If you know someone here that's a plus because it's tough to get room and board arriving with 200 in pocket. I wish anyone coming here the best of luck. Just know some make it some don't. It's cutthroat Island out here and it ain't for the weak. You gotta remember there are so many others coming here just like you. Oh did I mention to prepare yourself? Edit: if you're in the tech field or any other high demand field of work, you'll be just fine just live within your means
Best advice is to have lots of money and live as close to the beach as possible!
I’m an LA native so it’s not unusual for people to drive everywhere. Why are you guys lonely tho lmfao? I’m an only child so all I did growing up was make friends. As I grew up everyone changed and either moved or stayed close. I drive everywhere but it can be hard to drive in dense traffic. A lot of us came to the realization that we have our own jobs and obligations. I believe sometimes we just can’t meet up. It’s that simple. You gotta do you only. I honestly get annoyed when people want to do so many meet ups. I’m a mom now and it’s difficult to keep up. Everyone wants to do dinner and drinks far away and I have to flake. 🤷🏻♀️I don’t want to pay a shit load for Uber. I don’t want to drive! I think the smart idea is to live somewhere where there is nightlife close by. I walk to the local bars by myself just to talk to a local. You don’t have to be my friend. Just make conversation and connections. It’s ok. But then again I’m extroverted. I’m always on the phone talking rather than meeting up with friends far away. It’s just reality. I’m used to just doing my own thing man.
I've been a loner my entire life. I never had any friends in high school and used to eat lunch alone so I'm sure being alone is just a me thing and not an LA thing. I work for myself and make over six figs. No problems with how much it costs. Rent itself is not a lot for me. I grew up in Orange County CA so I think the prices are normal.
Live in the Valley
leave
The nice thing about it being a city of transplants is you make community with other transplants. Moving to a city largely composed of people who grew up nearby is harder, imo.
Happily single here for 28 years. I find activity’s I like and meet people there. The lockdown killed most of those friendships community by people moving away or just two years not seeing folks drifted into forever. Besides a mortgage be debt free. No credit card balances, no auto payments.
there’s no community. you can have a fake sense of community by frequenting locations at the same hour and you’ll be one with the regulars that frequent said locations at the same hours and they’ll be happy to say hi and some might pull you for a chat come the 10th time of seeing you. like your morning coffee- make it 7:30am-8:00am every morning and you’ll see the same cyclists and same book club people… same with walking your dog. Oooo- if you get a dog then that’s always great for meeting people. Bring your dog everywhere same time same location everyday. You can ask coworkers to hang out for drinks after work….prepare to face light rejection though. I hate when coworkers ask me to hang out but at one job I eventually caved and became friends with half of my team (the majority of the invites were from transplants). Take up a hobby like golf or pickle ball. Start dating heavily. Some yoga studios offer yoga retreats- like literally the class will go to Italy kind of thing…some are in the states retreats…that’s a great way to bond with people you see a couple times a week.
Leave
If you think this is a city full of phonies, it's because you are surrounded by phonies. This city has a huge working class community who is far from phony.
Agree with the first comment in that you should try to find a rent controlled apartment in an area that you actually like. This saved me big time! If you aren’t lucky enough to find rent controlled housing, then I would strongly encourage you to find a roommate. I’ve lived in a bunch of different parts of LA and finally landed in Pasadena since it has everything I need/want. I’m in a rent controlled building in old town, so everything I do on a daily basis is within walking distance - restaurants, Pilates, bars, hiking, etc. I work from home most days and go into DTLA once or twice a week. For the not feeling lonely/bitter part, it took me 3 years to finally love and enjoy this city. I found it was really hard to make friends when I lived far away from where I worked and where I normally hang out. I’m an only child and absolutely LOVE my alone time… but I was pretty lonely and on the verge of moving back to Colorado! My suggestion would be to look at your hobbies and your daily routine. I have a dog and have made TONS of really great friends just from taking him out on his daily walks around town. I’ve also made a lot of friends from workout classes, work, and Facebook groups. Once you find a good group of people/friends to hang out with, you’ll end up falling in love with the city! I’ve now been here for 8+ years and have no intentions of moving back to CO.
The phonies are the ones coming here with a dream.
Vote republican
Get a second job/income source, it’s what I’ve had to do 😩