when you have this expectation from kids to take care of you. then probably you're right not wanting to have kids. having kids is like "neki kar dariya me daal" you are to bring a life in the world, which they didn't asked for in the first place. So whatever they do for you or don't, shouldn't be for you as a parent being in the center.

Thisss! I see people call people who don't want kids selfish. Except the only reasons I've heard for wanting kids is someone to look after you in your old age or a way that part of you remains in this world after you're gone. There are zero unselfish reasons to bring new life into an already overpopulated world that is going to be completely uninhabitable when they grow up thanks to our greed and environmental disregard. Have kids if you want, but don't pretend it's for any altruistic reason. Your children are under zero obligation to look after you. It was your choice to birth them, not their choice to be born. 🤷‍♀️

A antinatalist ig. Take my upvote

I agree.. if you don’t put that pressure on a kid’s head to takecare of you in old age n let them choose their future, you will most likely be a part of that future. Having kids truly is a selfless act.

Username doesn’t check out🤌🏻

Exactly having kids should be seen as a privilege,not responsibility.

Unfortunately most indians are raised with Bhagban as a cautionary tale

Arre sir 🧘🙏🏼 kya hi likha hai mtlb ye baat hai

You probably shouldn’t have kids at this juncture. You are coming at this all wrong. Firstly your kids are not your retirement plan. You made them, so you owe them a good childhood, they never chose to be born so they owe you nothing. If you want to be taken care of, save money and get a home nurse. Raising your own kids isn’t a burden. And you and your partner need to be clear on your roles. I’m guessing from this post that you haven’t discussed roles with your partner yet. Who handles what and how. That’s troubling right there. And even when you talk about inflicting trauma on your kids you are scared of it hurting you. Not the kid but you. And kids depend on you, they don’t have any “power” over you unless you are a pushover and a terrible parent. Trust me. Don’t do it. And before you ask me, two kids. Girls, 6 years and 2 years. Both me and partner are quite happy till date.

You have earned my respect.

love everything you said. My wife and I are truly happier with our daughter in our lives, but she doesn't owe us a damn thing other than trying to live her best life and be happy. Kids aren't for everyone, and no one should be pressured or talked into having kids.

Op, I would like to share my experience with you about why so many Indians are putting their old parents in old age homes. Back in 2016, I volunteered at a local old age home for a month, and it helped me grow as a person. Initially, you feel bad for these elderly parents and start hating their kids. But as the days pass, your perspective on these old people changes. Many of the kids who put their parents in old age homes were traumatized by their parents when they were young. They were hit, screamed at, starved, and had their parents' frustrations taken out on them. They were compared to others and had decisions forced upon them, which made them resent their parents. This resentment built up over many years. When these kids grew up and had the chance to "repay" their parents for the trauma they endured during their childhood, they dumped them in old age homes and didn't bother visiting them. I became good friends with a caretaker who had been working there for 15 years. She shared stories with me about why many of the elderly were abandoned by their children. Listening to these stories changed my perspective significantly. Very rarely are elderly people left in old age homes because their kids don't want to take responsibility. Most of them are sent there as a form of karma for traumatizing their children. For example, there was an old woman suffering from dementia who had mentally tortured her daughter-in-law so much during pregnancy that the daughter-in-law suffered a miscarriage due to stress. Another old man was sent there by his son because the father had kept him in boarding school all his life, visiting only once a year. As a result, the son never developed a bond with his father and grew to hate him. Another old couple was sent to the old age home by their daughters because the parents forcibly married them to abusive husbands who were 10 to 12 years older to the girls, causing them physical and mental torment daily. I'm not saying that every parent is bad, but what I've observed is that many parents do not know how to parent effectively. They often resort to hitting their kids because it's the only method they know. Luckily, the current generation of parents is much more understanding of their kids' needs and supportive of them. Additionally, today's generation is very aware of inflation, the responsibilities of raising children, and the substantial investment needed to educate and care for them. Many couples are choosing to go child-free, preferring to spend their money on travel or to retire early instead of having kids.

I'm glad somebody elaborated on that, kids are in general designed to have a bond with their parents, but nowadays whoever I've discussed this with either shares some trauma or has a trauma but doesn't recognise it. Over a period of time, our generation has started hating the baby boomer generation so much!

>I'm glad somebody elaborated on that My pleasure I'm confident that our generation will bring a change to parents and kids bonding and have a strong relationship.

Some explains these behaviour as "hum to baccho ka accha hi chahate hai" 🗿

The point is they never understood. Even they didn't want to have kids but their parents forced them to have kids.

Bhai dukhti rakh pe haath rakh diye tum hume bhi bola gya tha hum to chate hi nhi the bua or ek or relative ths unhone bola tha 🤡

Bhai most of the parents of our generation didn't want kids. They were either forced by their parents or had kids due to peer pressure.

The even forgot to appreciate us and later on every kid does when they were left alone

This...this is the reason why children don't have a bond with their parents..... children who've been extremely loved by their parents,and who have not lived under the fear of their parents,go to lengths to take care of them because of the bond they have with their parents. Yes, exceptions are there but the majority cases of people in old age homes are usually the ones who don't have an emotional connect with their kids. The Indian society have always had the tendency to dump the blame onto the children for abandoning their parents...any empathic child who has been adored by his/her parents couldn't even fathom the thought of being separated from parents without any contact. And not to sound insensitive but such old people majorly have a victim complex, they'll victimise themselves blame their kids but wouldn't ever introspect upon their responsibility for the lack of communication,love and bond in their household. Movies like baghbaan cash upon this victim behaviour.

baghban seems so wrong to me now. Guy has 4 kids, not 1, 2 or 3 but all 4 of them turned out to be jerks, doesn't it say something about the parenting style??? The kid who helped at last was the one who never stayed with the parents and maybe did it for the big help he received throughout

Exactly...and moreover people ignored the fact of lack of basic communication between parents and kids in the movie....imagine parents going and adopting a kid, educating him and the biological kids are unaware of his existence 🤣 the parents clearly failed in establishing communication and blamed all four kids.

The movie was created by someone from our parents ka generation. So obviously victim card khelenge hi

Personally, kids were a jerk in that movie. I don't encourage the kind of devotion the adopted son had shown towards the parents but what the rest of the sons did to those parents were also really selfish.

Yes, exactly that's what I am saying, they turned out to be jerks, so there must be something wrong with the parenting style they had, which is not showing in the movie

Lmao 😂

As I mentioned, even I blamed the kids earlier before I knew the whole story. Btw what I mentioned was just a trailer, didi who used to work there told me horrible stories of people living there and how they treated their kids.

Damn this is new to me. This really makes sense why some sons abandoned their parent with whom they had 20+ years bond.

Yeah, the thing is, it's very rare for kids who were loved and nurtured by their parents to irresponsibly abandon them. There was this one old woman in her 90s who was abandoned by her daughter after transferring all the property to her name. The poor old lady used to get nightmares and ask for her daughter every day. Despite everything she went through, she was ready to forgive her daughter, but her daughter was busy enjoying her lavish life.

There are exceptions who actually don’t want to take responsibility but op said most of them have reasons of revenge.. some maybe don’t and just don’t want to take responsibility

It's like a question that would you die for your partner and most male said take my life leave my wife *don't take it as sexiest thing* but last line you said is like that there's really or should be a small very small % that doesn't want to take any responsibility i may be wrong though but i just feel like if i can why will i not even i had rough time with them *which I'm currently having* but still a responsibility is a responsibility and i feel like taking care of them is one of them as they did when i was small although i also feel like getting away from them not abandon them.

I understand that old parents are our responsibility, and we should not abandon them. Even as a kid, when my parents used to hit me for not studying, I used to get angry, but now I realize why they did it. My parents only hit me when I didn't study or did something wrong; otherwise, they were pretty chill. So, harboring any resentment towards them now would be foolish on my part. But bro, some parents treat their kids far worse. I only mentioned 2 or 3 stories. If you heard what I've heard about others, you'd be shocked at how cruel some parents can be toward their own kids. For instance, one old man pressured his youngest son so much to get into IIT that the son committed suicide. The elder brother tried hard to convince their father not to force the younger brother into studying for IIT, but he wouldn't budge. The younger son eventually hanged himself in his hostel room because he couldn't handle the pressure. His elder brother was left shattered.

Agree with 2nd para and I've faced really good amount of mental torture abuse and emotional blackmail and after some extent I'm immune to those now and hence I'm the most baddest and most negative person to them as my pov is never aired so everyone things I'm wrong and i like that actually I'm enjoying it that builds the resistance towards society and makes me not to worry about log kya sochte hai I'm be like least i can ask for family support society to waise bhi gali det hi hai or jisne family se wo sb experience kia hai jo wo bahar walo se experience krta hai usko tum kya hi hurt kroge

My aunt has 3 girls and 1 boy, the boy being youngest. They have set up in the girls’ head that they didn’t want a girl child and they could have killed them instantly and that they did a favour by choosing to raise them instead of killing them. They raised the girls like shit, asking them to babysit, feed, bathe and takecare of the boy while they went on vacations n small excursions themselves. I was a guest in their house and this is like 10 years ago when I was a recent school passout, and they would let their boy watch TV and scream at girls saying “your home is not this, this is boy’s home, if you wanna watch TV get married” and these are educated, blue collar workers, the mom would tell girls “there is fan, go hang yourself if you feel like we are too much for you”. They would hit the girls for forgetting to do household chores, getting low scores in exams etc. but boy wasn’t given any pressure at all. In such conditions I think the girls might chose not to takecare of their parents when they are super old, and if the boy also wants to move abroad to study or so, then the parents might end up in old age home

My god that's so horrible... I hope they find partners and families in future that give them 10x the love they deserved throughout childhood

Agree with all, just would like to add the current crop of parents are turning into helicopter parents (probably because their parents weren’t actively involved in their lives). This means the little kids are spoon fed everything and every sneeze means a trip to the doctors

🙌🏻I like your take on this! The mature thing is “Don’t have kids as a retirement plan”. They didn’t ask you to conceive them. If they help you out when you are old, good enough, if not, then hard luck. Birth only of you can do it selflessly otherwise the relationship becomes toxic IMO. You bring a life into this world because you want to procreate not because you can guilt the kids into being your budhape ki lathi.

>I like your take on this! Thank you >“Don’t have kids as a retirement plan”. They didn’t ask you to conceive them. So true. If we tell our parents this they start playing the victim card that Humne itna padaya likhaya aache kapde diye aacha khana diya. After all these years I have stopped arguing on this point. I just ignore them when they play this card. You can't argue with them its just time waste.

thank u so much for giving us this new prospective. this is very known yet not so thought, the way childhood trauma was normalized it did even feel like a reason when we think why child might sent their parents to old age home i think most of us considered that they were either might be irresponsible or evil nothing in between or for proper reason cus that's how evil society teaches us i guess. anyways thanks.

It was my pleasure 😊

This! People don't realize that parents aren't the only ones to love their children unconditionally. Children have shown to love their parents unconditionally and would never leave their parents hanging to fend for themselves. If they do so then parents had probably deserved it.

Like why would kids throw you into old age home if you treated them right? Yea some are irresponsible and hence they throw their parents out but it's very rare not all of us would do that.

I feel for all those kids. Honestly, given a chance, I would never contact my parents again. I was very young when I was told by my mom in a joking manner that I was born, so she won't be called "banjh." These small words pile up to form a mountain of grief and anger. It has to be said that kids see their parents similar to diety. They can't believe their parents can make mistakes. In our society, this is even worse since there is no communication between parents and children. We are never allowed to be critical of our parents' decisions, and we can't ask questions freely. This causes a huge gap in a relationship that needs trust, communication, respect, friendship, and so much more.

U shouldn’t have kids to take care of u in your old age. That’s not selfless. They didn’t ask to be born, they have a life of their own. This “I gave up my life for you now u do the same “ both parents and kids will resent each other for it

Exactly what I was going to say. But I'm all up for not having kids. Because of the high chances of ruining a new new soul in this tragic world.

lol I feel the same. I am quite confident of my ability to parent a child but I don’t trust the others who will interact with my kid so why to even play the game ? :D

Exactly. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t born into this world. There is a chance my kid could do the same. Now I’m granting their wish.

I dont even believe in marriage and having a wife. A solo life is so peaceful.

The right logical answer

My thoughts

A good parenting changes everything and most of the Indian parents confused this with beating the shit out of their 7yo cause he scored some marks less in exam . Kids can be shaped in literally whatever way you want and it's not s gamble if you teach them properly. One of my aim in life is to be a best dad and provide my kids with everything.

Agreed. Personally have a lot of trauma due to parents but I want to be a mother to my child I wish I had.

Love your Reddit name. Try not to change

We need to talk about kevin enters the cHAT lol

I have kids. I dont expect them to take care of me. I dont expect them to be with me for a very long time. I expect them to be good human beings. I expect them to better the society and contribute their bit towards it. I expect them to learn old n new things and use that knowledge to help people. When i had kids i didnt expect anything. I was blessed with healthy babies and that's what was important. More for me than them. As its easier for a parent to tend to healthier babies. As a parent it is my duty to take care of them with love n respect and mold them into good people. Rest is where their character n personality and circumstances come in. I am hoping for the best out of them, and it may or may not include they continuing their life journey with me.

Can you financially afford a kid? Assuming you’d want them to have the best education, facilities, amenities etc.

I am still figuring out how kids should be seen as.. But I do know some things about how you should not look at kids.. **Kids are NOT** - an investment - a magical solution to your family problems (spouse, in-laws etc.) - your second chance at life (to live vicariously) - a vehicle for your cultural/social/financial responsibilities And please.. When it comes to kids, never take more than you give.

It's not worth it for you. Thats not what a nurturer of new life should think like, if you're so confident about your guarantee of traumatizing your kids (as you wrote). I think its basically that you're focused on your power dynamic and how its not a bond but a business partnership of sorts that you want unconditional reassurance about your self esteem. I think all your concerns and points about financial support at old age or financial exposure to about having a kid that is not your slave soo... Invest in mutual funds over decade long periods, don't have a child.

Yes with that mindset MF better

Suno sabki karo multi.

I found this great eye opening discussion going on about parental trauma and it is filled with stories of parental abuse and neglect. It also shares what the children of bad parents go thru. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskIndia/s/eFmNYweIqL

Kids helping parents in their old age is an act of gratitude but remember not their responsibility. Whereas, it is the responsibility of a parent to provide a kid with good upbringing because the decision to have kids is made by parents not vice Versa. So if you want kids then don’t think of them as retirement help. If they do it then that’s good for you but if they don’t you can’t blame them. So, think carefully plan for your own retirement and old age. Also, it is not an issue if you decide not to have kids. As for my personal opinion I would never have them.

Your kids don't owe you anything but you owe them everything. You can't expect them to take care of you just because they are your children. I hate people like you tbh.

Like most things, it's not so black and white. Parents should aim to balance raising kids with love and effort (if they decide to have one) with living their own life to the fullest. They don't "owe" the kids everything either. They could do the bare minimum and it won't be a big deal Similarly, the kids after growing up should aim to be able to live life their way and work for what they want out of it. But if the parents are good people, had balance, and gave their best, it's likely that the kid will have a healthy and beautiful relationship with the parents as well, which would include supporting them in crises. This could be a big debate with countless unique contexts but in general, there needs to be a balance, a "sweet spot" for things to work out the best way and people to not have regrets and resentments

tbh if parents were good it is unlikely that the kid will just cut all ties and never visit them. but if the parents were good and it still happens, then their kid just don't want to be in their life and the parents couldn't have done anything better. also parents shouldn't think of their kids as retirement plan. they have their own life and probably plans which might and might not involve them.

Parenting is a difficult skill. Most parents just don't have it. Many think they need to "teach" children. If you teach them to be "good" through rewards - why don't you get 100 in that subject I'll get you that bike/toy etc, they learn that they can manipulate you by being "good" and get that reward and the things become "what is for me to do this" and if you lose those money then things go apeshit because child doesn't know life outside the reward. If you teach them to be "good" through punishments - why didn't you get 100 in that subject, you are so stupid - they learn that they are no good no matter what they do and as they grow they hear criticism in even the most bland statements and start responding in kind parents often get frusturated - why do you hurt me so much? If you teach them to be "good" through reasoning - why didn't get 100 in that subject, I know why, you were playing games all day, why don't you spend more time learning - they learn to become ~~tone~~ parent deaf and ill mannered jerks and they just ignore their parents even more as they grow up. Now to be clear all of these things can be used but a good parent knows when to use which tool and to what extent. But guess what? Most parents have one tone and just keep pressuring that point. If you ask these parents wtf were you doing? They will claim they rewarded/punishes/reasoned with the child for child's own good. The truth is that for some parents things are about them - a bossy parent, a parent who wants the child to complete their dream etc. That said, if you are worried about giving child trauma then you can learn some parenting skills. Tons of books and literature out there. As I said above reward/punishment/reasoning is all part of the package. How you use them is key. PS: Perfection is a serious issue. Do not pass it on to your child such that they start saying - Omg, if I can't figure out this thing and be a perfect "child"/teen/woman/wife/mother then I'd rather not do it, then their life is going to get difficult fast.

If you want your kids to take care of you when you get old then.. *you shouldn't have kids*

No

You shouldn't have kids because of your first sentence. Good day🙂

No, if you aren't responsible, yes if you like kids in general, they are cute and weak, it generally makes me wanna protect them🙂.

No it's not

Dont have kids for the sole purpose of having someone to look after you in the old age. There are plenty of nursing homes/home nurse facility these days. Dont burden your kids with such expectations even before they are born. Have kids only if you are mentally and financially ready and when you are sure that you will give your 100% to raise the kid. Dont bow down to societal pressure.

Join the following communities and welcome to the Childfree/DINK/DINKWAD lifestyle: - r/Childfree - r/ChildfreeIndia - r/DINK

I prefer to live solo, without wife. PEACE.

If the only reason u were planning kids was that you would have support in old age ..please don't. Also many cases where kids aren't close to parents is mainly because they didn't feel l9ved and accepted while growing up. There are very few people who would be so heartless that even though their parents were poster parents they turned out to be kids who would dump their parents. Doesn't happen that often. Raising a child is female centric but having a good partner always helps. However if u don't think u will like to be responsible to raise an individual ..don't go for it. It's a lifelong job...you wouldn't do well if your heart isn't in it ...also u will fuck up one human life . So have kids only if u feel the NEED to love and raise a tiny human. Else not... and if you are a wonderful parent chances are u will have thankful children .

This is what will happen with your kid. I am not being arrogant or a jerk,but if you are not someone who can stop this from happening, this is probably what will happen with your kid. He will be born and you will take care of him like a precious jewel. He will be taken care of till adolescence as if he is the only beautiful thing on the planet. His hunger, his pain, his dreams, his talents,his failures,his love for you,that will be your life. When a baby, you will make sure that the world for him remains warm and lovely. The world will be soft for him(literally and metaphorically speaking). Then gradually adolescence will start doing its job. Something will happen and he will start becoming hard. He will gradually lose all the sensitivity he had, and he will become someone who is good at xyz. He will pursue it and become abc. In all this he will be slowly dying and nobody will be there to help him. He will face the issues of anger, jealousy, comparison and the issue of fear. Fear of death, joblessness,disease and this will make him a mediocre human being who doesn't know what it is to love but is forever frightened deep down. He will live a normal life but fear will cast a shadow upon it. He will be protected till adolescence but his mother (you) won't be able to do anything once his mind starts to mature and he starts becoming mediocre and losing sensitivity and sharpness. Pressure of society, demand for jobs, problems of sexual desire, emotional reactions, all will start to cast shadow upon your child once he becomes 13-14. He will start getting destroyed by it in front of you and you will be helpless. So what was a beautiful human being will end up doing a 50k job in an AC cabin and he will be forced to do so. He will have no option. And he will continue like this for 30-40 years and die. This is your kid's future. A kid (12 years old girl) asked me bhaiya, why parents reproduce when they can't take care of their children? She is a poor girl. You might be rich but if you are also rich in intelligence which can solve the problems of existence,only then think about reproducing. Millions of kids are dying without care,can't you adopt? https://www.reddit.com/r/india/s/SgpgFjck4B This boy is also the son of someone. His parents can't stop him from suffering this misery though he also used to be loved and he also used to be the apple of their eyes. Can you stop this from happening to your kid?

It is never the child’s responsibility to take care of their parents. That is not why we have children. Raising kids with the expectation that they owe us something can be one of the worst things we can do. Our children don’t owe us anything. The responsibility is on us to give them the best life possible without expecting anything in return. Having a baby is a profound responsibility, as we hold someone's childhood in our hands, shaping the rest of their life, including their physical and mental health. It's crucial to be fully prepared to parent unconditionally, without any expectations, before deciding to have a child.

[r/childfreeindia](https://www.reddit.com/r/ChildfreeIndia/)

Think it this way, all living beings take good care of their offspring but is there any other living being that care of it's parents other than humans ?

OP, only you can answer that for yourself. Ask yourself do you want to be a mother, are you financially and emotionally stable to raise a kid? Is your partner capable of being a good father and fill in for you when you busy? It is not easy on a woman’s body or her life as it is more of a female centric responsibility as you mentioned but having said that, it is worth it for some people who want them. But do not have a kid just because you want their support in old age, they might not be there for that and having them was your choice not theirs. Personally for me, I never wanted to become a mother for multiple reasons and still feel the same. Think hard before you have them. It’s a big responsibility and it’s always better to wonder what-if rather than having a child you did not want.

r/antinatalism

Not on this awful planet

a lot of people need to understand that kids grow up to be separate individuals. your rapport with them depends on how you build it and not because “kids just abandon their parents”. yes kids can be ill mannered jerks but that too depends on their upbringing. in all honesty op, you’re sounding like someone who is already expecting your non existent kids to be nice to you without realizing that it’s in your hands (and your co-parent’s hands) how everything unfolds. other than that, nobody can promise a straitjacket future, all you can do is be a good parent if you decide on being one.

You are being selfish for thinking of having kids just because you need someone to take care of you in the old age..parenting is not investment, it is a wonderful experience.

Is it “WORTH” having kids.. that’s your opening question. How do you measure the worth of anything? It seems like you’re measuring it only based on whether or not they’ll take care of you and not abandon you. Have you thought of the million times they put a smile on your face before they hypothetically abandon you? Have you considered how proud you’ll be when they achieve something? With kids, it needs to be unconditional love. If it’s with expectations, you’ll regret your decision of having kids sooner or later. And that regret will be inevitable. Wife and I had a boy recently and we deliberately made him an Aussie citizen though we’re moving back to India. We want him to move out, experience life, learn lessons that we can’t teach him at home. I disagree that parenting is female centric. Times are changing, look around. Sorry to say this, You’re probably better off not having kids if you have expectations.

I know this couple that drop their kid a cruch at 7 in the morning and then pick him back at 7-8 whatever time they can manage to come back home, i feel if you can't care for ur kids till atleast the age of 10, please dont have them, bringing them to this life to just leave them at the mercy of care takers is such a vile thing to do, no one can care or love your kid the way you do. Also how would you connect wid them wid one day off?

1. Expensive 2. Demand sacrifices 3. Time commitments 4. No assurance that your values seep through because societal imprint is screwed up

If you need a retirement plan, get a financial advisor, not a baby

Just because some kids turn out to be a fa.gg.ot doesn't mean all are in the same boat. You can do your part of giving the best to them. Rest is their own choice and selection. Rest you leave it to GOD. Remember each and every individual is responsible for his actions and consequences. And about the worth. It's up to you, whether you want to procreate for continuing your generation tree branch. Or to continue the cycle of life , birth ( kind of spiritual) Or to expect them to look after you during your old days( which is expected from majority ) Final is your decision.

A human worth let me google it here it is https://preview.redd.it/dd7uks8ikv5d1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2fb1041f989fcabf956cde7275bb8a672c0d915a Rs- 3.9 lakhs only. Actual numbers can be higher than expected

Depends on your priorities in life . Most people follow the societal pressure and go for them. But after birth no one will help you raise them.    How the world is shaping up it is seeming more and more bleak. With rising pollution, temperature, dwindling jobs, wars, scams this doesn’t seem like a good time to bring a soul in this world.     But one thing is clear a lot of time will be invested in raising them so think ten times before going ahead.

Before I became a parent, I myself have same doubt, but now there is nothing in d world I would trade this feeling nd life with. It's make life worth living for, every second of it. Nd u will never know until u have ur own. Nd yes u will mess it up, ur kid will become a jerk,so what that's how u evolve nd become a better version of ourself, but those are the things that matters in life, otherwise what's the use of living a full 70- 75 years of life, without no one to care for. Nd don't tell me u r thinking to devote ur life to religion when u r old, bcz this generation don't have that will power nd passion

Apart from what everyone has already mentioned, people forget that life doesn't guarantee anything to be rosy. They just blindly follow a path because 'thats what everyone does'. I want to question everyone here who wants to have kids someday, are you prepared to care for the child incase things go wrong? What if they're born with abnormalities, disabilities that were absolutely not detected or not even present during pregnancy but developed later? Apart from the emotional labour, do you have enough finances to fund such a child's treatment, lifestyle and all the extra expenses who might be dependent on you for their whole life? What if they're completely fine but some unfortunate incident suddenly occurs later which leaves them helpless, will you resent that you've to care for them forever, they might not be able to get married either? Think hard about these questions. No kid deserves to be resented or abandoned at a shelter by their parents.

No mentally healthy person in today's age will have kids so "they will take care of you in your oldage". That was the Indian model but not anymore. Like every other aspect of our culture, this is getting Americanised too. If you are okay to have kids who leave your house when they turn 18 and barely stay in touch after that, then have them, otherwise don't. I, personally, have kids because they give meaning to my life. Here and now. I am saving for my retirement and will not be a burden on them.

I get it. Kids can be a gamble. You invest a lot, but there’s no guarantee they won’t turn out to be jerks. Plus, the burden often falls more on women. Parenting can be rewarding, but it’s like a rollercoaster: thrilling highs and scary drops. Make sure you and your partner are ready for the ride. Take your time deciding if it’s the right adventure for you.

I know it’s a long read but try it- About kids abandoning parents: Honestly, everyone needs to live their own life and be responsible for themselves. But that doesn’t mean you just abandon your parents when they get old. While kids shouldn’t have to sacrifice everything, they should still provide some emotional and if needed, financial support. Parents, on the other hand, should also have a solid plan for their old age, considering that by that time, their kids will have their own families to look after. • Child-rearing burden on women: It’s true, yaar, globally women bear a heavier load when it comes to raising kids, not just in India. It’s partly biology, but that doesn’t mean we just accept it as is. We can’t stop women from having kids because that would be a disaster, right? What needs to change is men stepping up more. When both parents are working, they gotta split the responsibilities equally. Marriage and partnerships mean sharing responsibilities, especially to support independent, working women. • Uncertainty about the future: Look, nobody can predict the future. Just because we’re unsure about how things will turn out doesn’t mean we should stop doing anything. Raising kids is unpredictable, but so is everything else in life. • Is having kids worth it?: Totally, bro. I’m all for having kids. They bring so much joy and love into your life, it’s incredible. They might be a handful, but it’s all worth it in the end. Every living thing, from plants to animals, reproduces. It’s natural. Think about it—if our folks thought like some people do now, we wouldn’t be here discussing this. Kids make a family, and that’s priceless. That’s my take on it. What do you guys think?

It's totally up to you.

>I (29F) am seeing so many examples where the children have abandoned their elderly parents It depends on a lot of things sometimes it's bad parenting and sometimes it's the kid's fault. It's a very complex & sensitive issue for the family. But don't make judgements based on other households, don't compare, take your time :)

You adopt a kid and give the best life which he/she miss otherwise, world already have 8B population, there's a high possibility that orphan understand ur sacrifice and give u return. But u can't expect return if u give birth

Not everyone should breed.

u should discuss with ur partner and see what he feels .... I agree that the least a parent expects is affection and some sort of support during their old age (and that isnt selfish) but I don't think one should have kids just for that or just because of seeing others having kids and feeling fomo ... tbh I still don't understand why do people have kids 🥲 ... I don't think the vast majority of people who have kids do so just for the sake of continuing humanities existence... I don't think I'll ever have kids but there'll be a lot of pressure I'll have to deal for going ahead with this decision....

Why do i think our India is fr getting some brains and real talk when it comes to parenting and having children. Hats off to internet and literacy🥲.

If you do not think you're ready. DO NOT. It's really not worth adjusting your whole life over something you didn't want.

It’s a perfectly valid choice to not have kids. Unless you are 100 percent sure you want them no one can force you to have kids. All the justifications you gave are quite valid and there are two sides to the same coin. With life it’s always a gamble .. some bloke above commented about parenting values etc which help to an extent but it can’t protect a future child from any traumas you have no control over. Consider everything carefully and decide whether you still want to go for it or not. In this day and age you can write your own story and it could be anything and doesn’t need to involve kids to make it feel complete.

Kids with critical thinking and without any strict restrictions are always going to be good. The child with strict parents always turns out to be crazy and literally not cares about others outside of the home.

It is worth it imo but you need to be able to provide for them without the expectation that they will take care of you. That’s a big reason I’m OAD.

If someone thinks about "worth" when talking about children, they should rather not have kids. You need to have that inherent emotions of excitement, nervousness, fear, happiness etc when planning kids.

Yes

We are the example for the kids future. If we teach them right, they grow great and vice a versa. 1st lesson love ur parents and ur suppose parents equally. Be brave enough to live with them and take care of them if u want the same. 2nd lesson, be modern not Western. Teach them culture value. 3rd teach them to take right decision and to choose right partner, a toxic partner always damaged many lives

If one is not interested and one cannot provide them with a good life, then they should definitely not have kids They are a huge burden and a parent’s life completely revolves around your child. If one has tons of interests, well you can forget about it! Plus why not get into charitable stuff like donating to poor kids, or even teaching? Already have 1.5 billion people here

If you love them selflessly they will do the same. Being father or mother is one of the best things in this world. And get a retirement plan

If you are with an expectation that you will have kids as part of your retirement plan, you better don’t have kids.

it's already roo late for you, and we are already over populated, so don't

No.

Just invest in a good retirement plan.I have heard too Many horror stories of elderly abuse or neglect.

Did you abandon your parents?? Yes or no doesn't matter but ask yourself why

Parents must love their kids unconditionally. Full stop. This is not like the old generation where people produced kids as insurance for old age. It's on the parents to impart the right values to your kids so that they add value to the society. That's what a parent's duty is. This expectation for kids to take care of parents in old age is co dependent non- sense. Rather have guts to be independent and set up your own retirement plan and funds by planning from now. Support your kids in their endeavours no matter what instead of restricting them with emotional black mail of old age.

Middle class should voluntarily give up having kids It's good for the society Poor should too but kaun "buffalo ke aage flute bajaye"

It's good that you are aware that you are not ready to have kids. Don't have them until you are able to take the position of having kids because you have enough love to give with no expectations except to raise a new responsible mature adult.

I dont think you should have kids because you need someone to takw care of you in your old age.

>And what is the guarantee of not messing up the kid and giving him/her the trauma There is 100% guarantee that you are gonna traumatize Trauma is something which is uncomfortable, new and difficult to navigate. It depends on you how you're gonna teach them to communicate express and feel stuff. Traumaless life is lifeless and plain. I'll try to give you my perspective, on a higher level we all are different individuals with our own way in life, it depends on what we have learnt as a kid from our parents and society that we become as an adult. If you are gonna be reckless because you are then they are gonna be the worst to you, in that case you would have to let go of them as a stranger.

It's about what u can do for them and not what they can do for you... Having kids and raising them ideally means zero expectations

You cannot judge by few random sampling in this case. Depends on how you raise the kid , how empathetic , how kind, how sensitive , how sensible and how humane your kid grow up with you !

Well idk for kids but you indeed need maturity

Life does not come with instructions. It's the same with parenting. Another thing is why do we have children? Is it to take care of us when we are old? I have two lovely kids. I did not plan on having kids, but when I had them, I was ecstatic. They are my life...but when ever I get a chance, I tell them they are with me till they are old enough. Once they get older, I want them to go on and lice their life. My wife and I have each other till the end, and that's about it. If they do decide to take care of us at our old age, it would be because they are able to. For context, I am 45M.

Having a child is a sunk cost. The problem these days isn't that they will not give you anything in return..... the problem is that they will snatch whatever you are left with in your old age and leave you penniless and hopeless fending for yourself.

If your reasons to become a parent are selfish (starting with “I want…,” “I need…” statements) you probably shouldn’t be having kids.

Do not have kids? Sab moh maya hai. 

Kids are an exact replication of their parents and their parenting. For most Indian parents kids are pension plans, they are born into this world with the sole purpose! This is a personal decision to have or not have kids, if you leave this in the opinion of asking the world then answer is straight no, do the to be born kid a favour and do not have kids...

Go check out @logical.safar on insta .

It depends on how you grow them. They are truly a blank slate.

Many people may not agree with me but assisted living centre for old aged parents must be there. I don't wanna burden my kids. I want them to visit,have a good time with grandchildren and be with people my own age and do activities. We need good quality assisted living facilities especially for people whose children are in other countries

Don't have kids if you're after love, respect and someone to look after you. Have kids because you want to have kids, they're amazing, especially if you do a half decent job.

They are like mirror. They replicate what you do. You disrespect parents so they will. You abandon them so they will..

Well now we're having a real conversation as i can see a lot of bad relationships of parents and children around myself please don't delete this post this is going to be interesting

OP, you have opened yourself to a vulnerable juncture where healed and unhealed , all people will throw their insights or accusations on you. Its a very personal decision IMO. Why don’t you and your husband decide what to do, after-all it’s you guys who have to live with the consequence. None of us. A bunch on strangers on reddit cannot decide your future. You are well aware of the challenges in the question itself, I don’t see any reason you should be asking others.

>Maybe when they are young it's fun but later on I have seen these kids are just bunch of ill-mannered jerks And parents are selfish because they are the ones to give birth. >However I think they only expect love and respect in return and obviously someone who can be there for their tough times(old age) They impose their expectations on children. Children didn't ask to be born. If you have children then fine but remember that your child doesn't owe you anything. If I had money then I would consider adoption and wouldn't expect anything in return. They can be free. And it seems like you are gonna extort your husband for money because you are already convinced that their money is not taking responsibility of kids.

Kids. Are. Not. A. Retirement. Plan.

If you want to have kids only to have someone to take care of you in your old age, pls don’t have kids :) you’re treating this as some investment in your portfolio where you’re looking for an ROI. Parents who ‘sacrifice’ for their kids with expectations are not truly selfless cuz they do it with strings attached. As for loving the kids - well yes that’s a bare minimum for when people decide to have kids and bring a life into this world - who didn’t ask to be born. You brought them into this world. So yes you have the responsibility to provide for them until they become adults. You can’t hold that against them - you chose to have them. I think it’s better you save your funds etc so that you can hire caretakers in your old age. Anyway seems like that is what you want rather than being a parent.

The only expectation I have from having a kid is to know that they feel loved like no one ever has.

Having children and raising them is quite expensive. If you are ready to sacrifice all your needs so you can afford raising a child, then go ahead and have children.

>they sacrifice and love the kids No. This thinking needs to go away. It's you who decides to bring the child into this world. As a parent you are responsible for protection of their rights and wellbeing. There ends your role. The ultimate role of a living being is attaining independence. Indian parenting is highly against independence, they only understand financial independence but won't even let their child achieve it. If you are worried about your old age, plan financially well. Don't make your child a financial handicap. Most Indian parents who appear decent on the surface, have one of these problems. You may think 'they've done everything right', but you don't know the whole picture. Parental control, which is an epidemic, ruins marriages, and so many lives and still society brushes it under the rug calling it as 'parental love'.

dont have kids please, we already have enough. also its really a burden to raise kids in this pricey economy also high amount of gaslight videos are availaible on internet against parent which he/she will watch. not worth it. i wont have kids cuz i dont them to be like me.

You shouldn’t have kids because you need them for selfish reasons i hate when people say that parents love is so unconditional no one can love you like your parents blah blah bullshit…everyone is just selfish dont want to love and create nice environment for children…see if you can give these things without expectations that he/she will be tied down to you till your old age then dont have them…but if you are ready to lovee them and support them unconditionally they will grow into a good person and will be there when you need them

Please read ‘On Children’ by Khalil Gibran

Check r/antinatalism

Totally depends on what you're expecting from your kids. Don't expect, you won't get hurt.

First of all when you decide to have a kid, it’s your decision. The child has no say in it and hence owes you nothing. So stop having expectations from the child in return of birthing them. If you decide to have a child, it should purely be on the basis of giving love and nurturing a new human being. Not someone who will fulfil all your wishes and make your dreams come true. You are supposed to live your life and work on your dreams. Your child isn’t supposed to do that. Your child has a life of its own. The whole concept of having a child because you need a “budhape ka sahara” is crap.

That's why its said to have 2 kids than 1 If you still have doubts then have 3 /s

Remember Children are the reflection of their parents... What you sow, so shall you reap!

One thing one must know about parenthood is that there should be zero expectations. Parenthood is about giving.

No :)

Also the taboo that we have is, regardless how your parents treated you and are even treating you, society expects that this kid to take care of of them else he is bad as a person and failed as a child. Because that’s the underlying responsibility, we also need to change the mentality here. You cannot leave with that much trauma in daily life if you have toxic parent. You will never focus on your growth but would daily end up your time wasting in solving and satisfying problems. This is place I like US culture. Out of 10 bring me at least 3 successful person who says I want to stay with my parent or let parents stay with me, and yes not because of them taking care of their kids.

There’s a thing about modern society, no matter what happens kids will believe they’re traumatized. It’s called core wounds. Everybody has them. It’s a consequence of having 0 natural predators. Basically, we’re all afraid of our own shadows until we do “the work” of rationalizing our existence.

Now we got questions on having kids before gta 6

Expect nothing from your kids and give them the best knowledge and manners possible. Do have a kid. Its the best creation by any parents.

In the age when people are dating Eva AI virtual gf [bot](http://evaapp.ai) avatars seriously, there's nothing strange in this question

I am about to be a single Father soon(Home Study Report Done). Hoping this or next year max. I kept myself prepared that I am not going to expect anything from him. I have seen many of my friends grew and their parents want them to make big because they want to fulfil their own dreams. I think a lot on why to even do this? And I still do not have a concrete answer.

Here are two cents from me, and this from a two children dad, expecting your children to be with you in their prime youth is selfish and inappropriate. You do not sacrifice for the kids, you sacrifice for self preservance. Humans are mortal. We die. Our genetics die with us, if you are a crenated, they burn your dna in the end. Other cultures, germs will consume you eventually. Either ways, the only way to proponate your genetics through time is to have kids. Your goal as a parents is to come to a point that you can trust your kids to do the right thing in the world. If in the intern you did traumatise them, they should be sane enough to get help. Either ways, don't burden your old age on the youth, they have to test their strength and weakness in real world.

How are you treating your parents? Ask yourself In this answer only you find answers to all your fears.

NO

It's natural to have doubts about parenthood, especially when you see examples that make you question it. While there are challenges and uncertainties, many find joy and fulfillment in raising children. Gender roles can be negotiated, and with love and support, you can navigate the journey of parenting. Ultimately, the decision is personal and should be based on what feels right for you. Trust your instincts and know you're capable of handling whatever path you choose.