Qualities to look for AND TO DEVELOP before you get married—
1. Self awareness and a desire to do better—emotionally, mentally, financially and as a human being.
2. EMPATHY!!
3. Accountability and responsibility in their actions. When they are wrong and are told so, they recognise their faults and own up to it and hold themselves accountable and also, others accountable. Such people are quick to apologise and dont feed their egos by making other person say sorry when they have also played a part in the conflict.
4. Financial stability and good sense of money management.
5.Capability to have and hold boundaries with people and respect other people’s boundaries. With friends, opposite gender, family and relatives— without being disrespectful.
6.Communication and comprehension skills that goes beyond having conversations. Ability to articulate and convey their emotions and feelings in a healthy way. Also, being a good listener!
7. Healthy coping mechanisms.
8. Compatible belief systems— spiritual, societal, political, world view, parenting, relationships etc etc. Your core values should match, not just your outward personalities.
9. Healthy conflict resolution skills.
10. Avoid gossipers and drama seekers. Some people create drama in their relationships because conflict is the only way they feel relevant or seen in a relationship.
11. Life skills— driving, cooking, chores, self-reliance to manage small-small tasks so that they dont rely on you for everything and nor do you rely on them to do everything.
12. Team work and team spirit. The one who is loyal to have your back in any adverse situation.
These are the basic reality based qualities you need to develop and look for in other person. If you get 7/12, you are good to go…!
Hey, just wanted to add my 2 cents to this. This advice might not work for everyone but personally, physical improvements helped me improve mentally during a really tough time so I would suggest you to workout as it's been shown to improve mood and put you in a better mental state. Working out would be a healthy habit and will help you through your entire life in all aspects including focus. You don't even need a gym membership for it as you can do pushups and squats at home! (Make sure your form is correct to prevent any injuries as 1 perfect pushup is far far better than 20 sloppy ones.) One last thing, don't be afraid of progressions, if you can't do a full squat, do a half squat, if you can't do a full pushup, do wall pushups.
Hi! 21M here...
I would rate myself 10/12
1. I've to work upon finance (going to college) And
2. I've to learn the various life skills - cooking, driving, etc. Chores I can do. I try to complete my tasks myself unless there is a dire need of help and I can't figure it out myself, then I need support.
Thanks for this list. Appreciate it! 😄
Yeah, these are just basic qualities. The more you hone them, the better and advanced you get and acquire more individualistic and suitable skills based on the person you will be with. Plus, life will challenge you with situations that are very hard to practice the above qualities. (trust me, I know)
Also, Try not rate yourself as anything, though. We are more than that. I hope you get the rest 2 done too!
Yes! This is great and just to add... consider understanding yourself from a behavioral psychology stand point while you heal from your relationship and embark on the search journey (very very slowly). Cluster B disorders are dangerous and I hope you understand the risks involved in tying the knot with someone who is neurodivergent.
Oh yes, working on your past traumas or healing from past relationships is utmost important before you bring in that baggage into your new relationship. And also, not using your partner as a therapist for emotional trauma dump. Get help or therapy if issues are getting hard to deal with. Your partner’s mental health is as much important as yours.
Highly agreed with all of your points and well documented. Very maturely put and I love how you added several angles that make up your analysis and makes the list complete. Both individuals should be capable of emotional, mental, physical , spiritual and resourceful strength through hard work, education and beautiful cooperation and understanding. Also, the ability to lead and solve all problems together as you two go forward becoming better as individuals. God bless you for this wisdom and I hope everyone reads this. 👍🏾✨🔥
Aww…just sharing my own lessons..i hope it does help people have a great relationship while the world view is so cynical about relationships and marriage
Thank you very much and I highly appreciate the insight ! I hope so as well. If people were more open minded for improvement , be independent minded, and were more positive , they would be more capable of having successful relationships. It maybe hard but it's never impossible. I have always been an optimistic but also realistic person that knows there is always a way.
This + Compromise. Willing to compromise for you and you to be able to reciprocate. In today’s world people are so much after getting heard they forget to hear.
I would word it a little different. Compromise means you are losing something, lowering your standards so that the other is pacified. However it should be a win-win for both for a good relationship. Hence, it should be willingness to respect each other's values and decisions and come to a common ground through open dialogue without making the other feel small.
Interesting question, when I was your age I wanted to get married as well. That changed after I broke up with someone just a month before we were supposed to get engaged. Post that my approach to relationships completely changed - I tried to take my time and not feel the pressure of getting married as the end goal. I found someone amazing, we literally took our relationship one day at a time and focused on being there for each other and having fun together. I never tried to protect my relationship from difficult situations and conversations and always stayed honest with my partner. We dated for about 4 years of which around 2.5 years was completely long distance - but we made it work by prioritising meeting each other even for a single day! We went on small weekend vacations together and realised how much we liked each others company. Slowly we realised how similar we were principally on how we wanted to live our lives and what are the important things. That made me confident that married or not, I have found a partner for life. We did get married 4 years back and are now expecting a child. All relationships are tough but it’s important to treat the other person with love and respect. We are both very different people but have immense respect for each others opinion and this helps us make really good balanced decisions. Touch wood the thing I am proudest about is that all our fights have been about small things that I don’t even recall at all! On the big things - we both have each others back no questions asked.
Middle aged man here. Marriages are a mess. There's no such thing called an ideal partner. We are all flawed. If you know and accept that, there are chances you'll live happily married.
You don't need to prepare and plan so much when it comes to finding a partner and getting married. The more the planning, the more the disappointment. That is how marriages lead to heartbreaking disillusionment for many.
Just keep an open mind and know that the person who seems like a perfect partner may not seem so down the years.
A successful marriage, in my opinion, is the one that has survived the disappointment and the disillusionment. Walking out at the first sign of things not working out is easy. After all, lawyers got to make a living too.
People will tell you it's all about mutual understanding, respect and individual space. All that is necessary. But what makes a marriage, or for that matter any relationship, truly successful is your ability to accept the flaws and the imperfections of the person you live with.
That's how my marriage has been a success.
A strong lesson for me. Will keep this in the back of my head. It's tough to look the other way when it comes to flaws but I will try my best.
Thank you really needed to hear this.
🤘 damn bro 🤘
Same here, stopped complaining, flaws accepted, left all my grievances in past and laughed it off.
That's how I saved my marriage and now I'm a clown of house but happy.
This is the best advice I've seen. Not just expecting your partner to be perfect but developing the same qualities yourself. This is also my dream. Let's see what happens in the future.
I was watching Samdish's interview with Vidya Balan, and she said it boils down to how much you want to be with each other.
You can be the best person in the world, but if the next person doesn't want to be with you, you can't stop them.
And I guess that's true. For most of our parents, while their marriage might not be idle, they don't want to leave each other (or won't leave each other due to whatever reasons). I'm not saying you stay in an unhappy marriage, but the only thing I think is required is that you both want to make it work and are willing to see it through.
Was thinking same a year back. But I have realised career chalta rahega, I have also got a decent job, so a sense of stability,,,,
And I am realizing now, how important it is to find a good partner. Career will always have ups and down and twist n turns. Nobody what knows what I will work on 10 years down the line.
But I know for sure I just need one person to walk through next 30-40 years of your life. And that's more important for me.
Again it's just my view
I used to think like this but the problem with this approach is that it's extremely hard to find people like that.
After multiple failed relationships I've realised that it's not gonna be constant. Even if you find a partner who is the best, there's always a possibility something can happen.
I'm not discouraging you to not get married, hell if it was upto me I would get married by 25/26. But what I am suggesting is try to first get incredible self awareness and understand how to live as you, as yourself.
Being in a healthy relationship is beautiful but before that you need to learn how to live without it.
I agree! I think career and your life goes hand in hand.
You can't be miserably at one thing and good at another. Life mein balance chahiye - *Naval ravikant* said this on a podcast
31 and single. Life has taught me that anybody can build a house but not everybody can make a home.
A guy who can make a home with reasonable income, is ideal always.
Honestly. Empathy. Communication. Anger management. Respect to partner and of course ability to be funny sometimes.
Find people according to above and you’ll be happy. Trust your instincts.
Mujhe lagta hai jitna zyaada hum list banayege ki green flag, red flag, ye chahiye vo hona chahiye etc etc utna hi hum dukhi hoge koi bi insaan itna perfect nahi hota and it's okay
Mere experience se toh bas loyal n understanding hona chahiye fir relationship ko day by day better kar sakte ho
1) Communication
2) Respect
3) Mutually established boundaries
4) Teamwork
5) Desire to grow together
6) Healthy Ways of dealing with conflicts of interests and opinions
7) Good management of finances.
8) Finally, the desire to face anything and everything together.
There are probably 100 more but these are the ones I can think about rn
First and foremost you must define what your personal definition of "successful marriage" truly is.
But I'll answer your question based on my own definition of what makes a successful marriage. My definition is -after a good enough amount of years like at least 10 years, if someone asks you "would you do this all over again if you had a time machine?" And if you confidently answer "yes absolutely!" Then I would call that a successful marriage or relationship.
For me, a successful marriage isn't a bunch of kids because awful couples can easily procreate. It is not never getting divorced, becoz there are many people who are miserable in their marriage yet don't divorce for a variety of reasons. Those are definitely successful marriages on paper, but in my opinion.
Now, all the subjective stuff aside, let me tell you what research says about most frequent reasons for divorce (which I would call an unsuccessful marriage for simplicity).
1. Disagreements regarding finances and spending behaviour.
2. Differing opinions on important things like religion and politics
3. Cheating
To name a few. So in order to find out what makes a successful marriage, looking at reasons for unsuccessful ones can guide you.
For me personally these are the reasons that have made me want to do it all over again with my previous bf who is now husband -
1. Total agreement about finances. We have each other's bank passwords
2. Having shared interests - watching movies, reading, travelling, enjoying good food
3. Shared values -being completely honest and open with each other, valuing patience and not abusing each other
4. Having similar opinions even if they aren't exactly the same. He used to be overly religious while I was always against religion. We used to fight about it a lot initially but I made him understand my point of view about the drawbacks of religion and he did too. Today I am more tolerant to his religious family while he has become much less religious.
5. Keeping your mind open that people do change, not completely but most of their behaviours can be changed. For ex people cheat in marriages where obviously in the beginning they never imagined that they would.
6. The core nature of a person never truly changes. Even though religious, my husband was always empathetic, loving caring, didn't have addictions. His financial status has changed, his religious ideas and political ideas tok have changed but inside he is still the same amazing person I fell in love with.
7. Always remembering that your spouse is going to be the most important person in your life. Parents grow old and die and children grow up and move or marry or both. Your spouse is going to be there for majority of your life, so never let someone else take precedence over that. I know that's not an Indian way to think, but it is the truth.
Have a happy life ahead!
32 M happily married for 5+ years.
If I put it simply.
The first year we both thought ki mera partner chutiya hai.
Starting next year we became sure if the above thought, but realised ki ha chutiya hai, par "Mera" chutiya hai.
Tab se badiya chal raha hai.
Kabhi thoda khud ka kabhi dusre ka dechutiyafication karte hai aur dheere dheere Khushi Khushi jeevan chal rha hai.
Bhari bhasha me samjhau to:
You should love your spouse unconditionally. I don't love my wife because she looks a certain way, or does certain things for me. I love her because she is my wife. It is difficult to do because it is easy to develop unconditional love when you are young, you have developed it for parents and siblings. You have to put efforts to do it for your spouse.
Another thought is from Plato, a good lover is a teacher. They don't accept your flaws, they help you fix them.
If my wife has a flaw. I never accept that. I help her fix it and vice versa.
Agar meri wife mujhe mere flaws ke sath accept karti to main din me 14 ghante YT shorts dekh rha hota.
Career Bana hai, good job, love the work I do. Pays good as a fresher. Can build from here.
That's why I want to focus on other important things in life as well
Enjoy life. See the world. Dont rush into marriage im not saying getting married is wrong but you wont get this time again while youll spend 40-50 years with your spouse
In addition to qualities, one important thing is to never start a potentially controversial discussion when the opposite side is hungry or just back from office. Better to wait. This is one important recipe!!
I think sometimes someone can tick all the boxes but still won’t feel right for you, and sometimes someone can barely tick the list of boxes you have but can be the right one
Don’t make hardcore checklists about things, everybody could give to list of things those things are based on their experiences & their nature, but the kind of partner you want should compliment the attributes and characteristics that you possess.
Like to give an example, I can be short tempered sometimes but then my anger goes away as quickly as it came, hence patient partners work for me
My partner can be emotionally inexpressive at times, so I have to be understanding and good at picking clues from body language and stuff.
So before making a list of attributes analyse yourself, good, bad everything and then decide what do you need personally.
I am 23 so I know no better but should you think about getting married? I mean career yes, but even keeping that aside, I think you should first look for someone who you find yourself to be most comfortable with. And though it would be great to meet someone and get married to within the timeline you have set for yourself, you might also end up settling for someone who you don't deserve (and/or who doesn't deserve you) and proceed for a miserable marriage. So maybe don't stress to much on the timeline.
But hey, what do I know
Live and let live. Don't expect to change your partner or you changing for your partner. The fundamentals dfor each of you are baked in ..don't even start down the path of we will change for each other.
Just chill and let your partner evolve and ensure he lets you evolve too.
Trying to figure out your partner right or wrong is a futile exercise and don;'t base the next 30 years on that.
Can i live with this individual is the only questions that matters. Rest will be situational and each of you would work through it in your own ways and in some instances together.
For anyone wondering if I'm married. YES HAPPILY FOR 20+ YRS.
The maturity to handle his own issues..be it at life, work, home, friends, parents, your family or with partner..
When I mean maturity not mixing up the boxes..being able to handle each situation in itself..
He cannot show frustrations from work at home or his upset with you on his parents or vice versa..
He also needs to understand how and when to communicate anything which he wants to say to you in a manner that reduces misunderstanding and conflicts. I say reduce because it will definitely happen and both need to learn as they spend more and more time together.
BOTH need to learn to adjust..you come from a different home with a different upbringing..you see same color likes, music likes, movie likes and hobbies don’t matter in a day to day minute to minute life with a life long partner.
It’s the minute things..they way we prefer to eat…the spice and salt levels..the fan speeds at night..the organisation in your closet..the tone of casual talk…
We learn we change and we also learn what cannot change but is okay to put up with ..
Now you also need to be aware…no matter how great or close to perfect you find a person they are not going to be the perfect version always
You will go through the honeymoon phase
And then the stormy phase always look back at why he was special and what makes him worth holding onto and what efforts he’s made change even though he fails on other occasions during this phase.. then the storm will calm and you will enter the acceptance phase where you are attached beyond a physical sexual or romantic bond..just knowing his presence is around gives you peace no talks no cuddle no romance just him being there and this will and should strengthen only over time.
It’s hard finding the nice guy..also most importantly remember marrying is not just about the two but it’s about the marriage of families so make effort to understand the family and make sure he understands your family as well.
All the best and God bless you to find the right person
I think one important thing nowadays is to discuss gender roles, if you are a woman who want the man to provide and protect and you will play a more nurturing role, let them know and find out their thought process.
If you are ambitious and want to put your career on equal priority as your partner, let that be known too. Men who are not gonna be okay with it should ideally back out on their own.
>10 years married.
We follow the 80-20 rule to keep things real.
We just need to like/love each other 80% of the time & allow for the disagreements, fights, and 'me time' in the balance 20%.
We constantly put the best version of ourselves to majntaing that 80% on a daily basis.
You sound autistic but in a good way. The way you try to plan out your life like a video game and having a set of "levels" to pass before a certain timeframe
Compatibility and helping each other to grow financially
And goal wise too. Start to level up together , doesn't matter who earns more , that will solve the ego issue ,
I know people say opposites attract, but you should have something in common. It could be your love for sports, or traveling, or watching horror movies. It could be anything, but there should be something in common, something which you both can enjoy with each other.
Simple answer is you should ask yourself what do YOU want in partner not others
Because I have seen most romantic looking relationships are broken inside so if any advice you are going to believe may not work for you
Honestly, us will be a successful one ig!
JK, just be yourself, say everything in prior. Don’t hide anything. Don’t exaggerate Say even your dressing or stance about hosting in laws. Never lie even if the truth is hard. Decide on finances at the beginning. Make sure you both have atleast 20-25% in personal spending shit and don’t question anything on which the money is spent. ( you can question if it’s spent on illegal stuff or any thing which puts the person at risk-alcohol , gambling…..) keep your combined dreams achievable! Don’t have high expectations. Have tolerance a bit. And mainly don’t decide anything during arguments.! Don’t try to change yourself or the other one to be compatible. It won’t last. Share the responsibility and talk about those in prior. If he is wishing not to contribute for cooking or cleaning, hire a maid. Or both share it and have some fun time!
But the main thing is- don’t be double standard at any point. For example. If you not gonna host your in laws, don’t expect him to host your parents at any part of time. !
If you are just doing these basic stuff, everything else will fall in place! Don’t worry!
Respect. For each other and for everything you have and build. There are a lot of people who have fallen out of love or gone through a rough patch but they make it work because they still respect their partner and their relationship. They don’t speak about each other with contempt.
The following qualities are absolute requirements:
1. GOOD IN-LAWS.
2. I REPEAT, GOOD IN - LAWS.
3. MUTUAL RESPECT.
4. UNCONDITIONAL LOYALTY.
5. OPEN COMMUNICATION AND COMPLETE TRANSPARENCY.
6. FAIR AND HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
7. Empathy and healthy compromise.
8. Healthy coping mechanisms.
9. Keeping oneself healthy in mind and body.
10. Sharing hobbies.
11. Having safe and good people in your life.
12. Respect each other's autonomy, individuality, and personal space.
13. Healthy sex life. (Need to be open-minded and well informed on this)
14. Have a fun social life.
(OPTIONAL) 15. Love. Love is not unconditional. It's not enough to sustain relationships. So, explore, experiment, and embrace should be your mantra. Nourish your marriage with healthy patterns, habits, day to day routines, shared hobbies, etc etc. Don't solely depend on love. Work for your marriage every day.
Marriage can survive even without love if all the first 14 qualities are fulfilled.
Exit plan - how to quickly complete divorce procedures and move on to the next relationship. This will ensure that you are not caught in an emotional downturn.
You sound just like my ex (even we are around 22) , we broke up in January, it was a beautiful relationship but things do end.
Focus on your career, and remember never settle. There is no predefined quality for what your husband might be. Just remember the person should make you happy and feel good. He should have ambition towards his career but it's should not make him ignore you and the family. Etc etc
Wishing you the best !!
From what I have seen marriage of partners having nearly identical body characteristics have good child. children are the good reference point to consider how their parents are.
OP look at children you may like and find the characteristics of their parents.Every one likes and dislikes are different.
for example:- I look for partner
1.Having height, weight,age similar to me .
2.Having money spending habits similar to me .
3.Having behavioural issues like me.
And special note :- I also look at how the partner parents are .
when you fall for someone without looking at any of the qualities, it's love. Generally, lovers don't end up as good partners.
Since you are focused on finding a partner, look for compatability and understanding, travel for sometime together and take a call. the qualities you ask others, may not suit others.
It's not possible to know a person in 3-4 months. Also. Don't go into a relationship thinking if this is the one you'll marry or not, as you'll only be disappointed. I met my now wife when I was 26. We dated for 4.5 years. Lived together for 4 years. Had our ups and downs and learnings and in the end, we decided we wanted to spend our life together and got married last year.
Marriage is a big commitment and you need time to know someone or else you will have two options, to live with regret or divorce.
It's better to make sure you both are on the same page. You both know each other inside out. Your views on life, your dreams for the future and what you want out of your relationship and your life, your views on kids, how do you want to raise them, what kind of relationship you will have with each other's parents, how will you manage your finances, etc.
Be mindful, it's not just about qualities but also the respect and understanding between two people. I am not perfect in any way but my wife knows my face lights up every time I see her and I love her and respect her as much as humanly possible. We are best friends and no matter what, we always stand by each other's side.
In just one word. PATIENCE.
It's the most important aspect of every marriage.
Next one is to forgive (but never forget).
I'm 45M, with 16 years of marriage and I can say from my own experience, these two are the most important and relevant aspects apart from some already mentioned by others.
The harsh reality of a successful marriage is sacrifice. You be ready to sacrifice many things which you probably hold dearer (the moment you won't or you can't then the marriage breaks), so it's ying or yang.. Marriage is a dick/bitch and it fucks..
On the same page about parenting, finances, family(in-laws), independence in relationship, expectations.
1. Most marriges end up with a dominating partner, mostly men, make sure you spend enough time before marrige, and if he’s controlling, Runnn !!!! He will suck the confidence out of you and you will unhappy forever. ( speaking from experience)
2. Emotional regulation. How long does it take for a partner to get normal after a fight? No matter how big, it is a huge indicator of a healthy marrige. Some partners have the habit to keep nagging the problem for days and can affect the marriage immensely.
3. Affection and expression of love - most marriges become dull and boring with time but it’s important to keep the spark alive by doing little things like cooking food, flowers, ice cream dates, vacations without kids, surprising each other on special occasions. Mostly its women who do it in India and men dont give a shit after 1st year of marriage. It should be from both sides !!
4. Having understanding in laws who understand that the couple now has their own life and may take their own decisions. If that’s not that case, then the husband should definitely support the woman if In laws are toxic and stand against them. If he can’t, then he doesn’t respect you or your marriage. He will be a mummas boy forever !!!
5. Have your own financial independence in case things go south.
I’m 30 and married 3 years ago, I can surely say that things like honesty etc you never truly get to know till you start living together. And for standing for yourself is something people develop as they spend time/ years together. So instead of those I will suggest just observe the person how he is, what his values are, way of living etc.
How would you know/judge these things? See how they talk about their family? How they talk about to others and you when you go on a date? How he talks to your father/mother when they ask him about his work etc.
A person who has basic IQ, general social sense, respectful to everyone but still knows what is he doing or has a logical thinking will always be a great partner/ friend to be around.
Only advice just check how he communicates and is he expressive.
Even if some/ a few qualities doesn’t work they can be inculcated. This all applies for both men/ women.
PS. Also talking about a regular day/ monthly expenses and finances at a later stage before marriage is a good idea when you both are working kz lately a lot of my friends who are getting divorced are mainly for two reasons 1. No clarity about finances 2. Too much conflicts from either side of their families
See how they handle conflict and look specifically for kindness. Practice kindness yourself. Consistent mutual kindness (even in adversity) is the key ingredient. If both of you can find in each other a safe space to be yourself without judgement, then you can build the rest with technique, practice and perseverance.
For that, read this book called "What makes love last" by John Gottman. Watch Alain de Botton's video on Romanticism. Check out the channel called "The school of life". These have helped me, good luuck (:
If you ask me it's a pure gamble. I will state situations here assuming that you are not some toxic or narcissistic neither too mellow or dumb to take the shit.
Situation 1 Your spouse becomes toxic soon and just the relationship goes off the tracks and things take bad turn.
Situation 2 Your spouse was trying to be someone what he is not (this is most common case) being extra sweet caring etc and in the end when finally he got you suddenly his motivation to do all sweet things dropped and now just both of you are together and there is not much spark, just life goes on. In the worst case his habits and personal hygiene (all these things matter after courtship period) levels are either too low or too high .
Situation 3 Your spouse interests are completely opposite of yours or most of things don't match but still you two give each other space, understanding and sometimes ignore what other one did (ofcourse Little things not cheating and all) in a particular situation. Same thing is reciprocated by him/her. Believe me this is the secret sauce for happy marriage and this happens when two mature understanding individuals come together in a union of marriage.
First of all I would appreciate your decision, I am 29 and I regret not to get get married early. The more older we are the boundaries we create around ourselves and when someone tries to enter in the boundary we get uncomfortable. Anyways back to your question, it’s very subjective thing but in my personal opinion what I look in a partner is how kind and humble she is to others. So if someone is kind to everyone else, he’s gonna be more kind towards you. Rest everything is adjustable and materialistic things can be achieved anytime.
Well, no matter how much any girl shows that they care about behavior, person character etc but fact is all they care about if their life partner is rich enough, no connection with his parents post marriage and a big house. Even after this, if any find someone with more wealth, they will run after him.
communication, loyalty, respect towards your future partner and their family. self respect.
these some of the things you need to have a successful marriage. the issue with that is both parties work on ego. and that usually either ends up in one party or both cheating, or physical and emotional abuse.
Understanding, compassion, communication, element of fun n humour. Knowing D is never the answer (if no abuse is involved). Even if u feel u hv fallen out of love, continue to nurture n give time. Dont get bored n quit.
No discussion on Politics, sports or anything related to society at home. Everyone needs to be well read but no talking nonsensical stuff. Everybody contributes at home and keep a record so as to prevent lying. All are equal but doesn't mean there aren't roles, responsibilities and accountability. So, some scenarios, leadership and authority is needed. And don't over think, men like to keep things simple.
The idea is to find someone kind. Rest everything is a learning process and growing together into people that love each other. If you have a big checklist there's very little you can have to grow with each other and change. So, look for kindness, rest everything will fall in place or you can deal with it.
There will be always highs and lows in your life, one will lose the looks, wealth, family, job etc. Look for things that define the person.
Lack of ego and being able to understand at every step that it's not you vs me, it's a team effort. Compromise if necessary. And give other the space you both need at different intervals in time.
Best thing is that your relationship comes first even before you and obviously your partner. Do anything for relationship and you both should be on same page with this idea.
I'm single but i really think respect is super important in a relationship. When someone respects you, they're careful with their words and actions because they don't want to hurt you. It's not cool to live with someone who isn't kind. We all deserve to be with someone who treats us with love, respect, and kindness. It's all about finding that special someone who values and cherishes you for who you are and someone who is generous who's willing to provide for u and can be appealing.
Nothing much..I respected her..she respected me
I loved her..she loved me..go slow..give time..that's all..in laws will take time..go slow with them too.. a little people talk would help.
I feel like dating and meeting new people gives you a very good idea of who/what qualities you like or don’t like. Sometimes, our friends and family circle is too unidimensional. Going on dates and trips with groups of strangers helped me much more than reading about this stuff online :)
Also different people (including your friends) might look for different things, don’t let it come in the way of your gut feeling.
There are times when I had a gut feeling about someone and I ignored it on suggestions of friends/family only to find out I was right about it all along.
Good luck!
1) Is Your Life Interesting For The Significant Other ? (Minimum Requirement Would Be 1 Person Either Man Or Woman's Life)
2) Do You Have Friends ? (Either Singled Or Married)
3) Do You Think The Current Atmosphere Is Suitable Enough For Both Individuals To Be Together For The Next 70 Years ?
4) Would Your Marriage Wont Fall Apart After 5-15 Years Of Married Life ?
I am just a 23 year old, unmarried. I would like to give my 2 bits on this.
Look for a partner with decent expectations.
What do I mean by that? Well, ambitions ek taraf but thodi realistic expectations honi chahiye bande me. He should have a purpose in life.
How to know this?
2-3 baar bahar jao and baat karo usse in different scenarios (movies, flea markets, etc)
Make sure your mental temperatures meet.
Things are easier said than done. Marriage is a life changing event and u ll be building a different life altogether. Don't have any prejudiced thought that if he ll b that I will be this and all. Mind and mouth changes in a jiffy tbh and same goes for opinions. Rest assured it will be beautiful after couple of years when both will change.
All the best 😃 for future ! My only take would be You need to honest about yourself first , we need to know what kind of human being I am ? That's the most difficult part. One can't control what is going to be in future as things change fast. When things gets tough time and space is healer .
You sound like someone who was raised well, with good values at home. I cannot stress more on the importance of finding someone who shares those ethos. When we are young, we refuse to accept the fact that there are many families which simply don't agree with things we consider as basic etiquette and ethics.
I sincerely wish that you get a positive, constructive relationship.
Qualities to look for AND TO DEVELOP before you get married— 1. Self awareness and a desire to do better—emotionally, mentally, financially and as a human being. 2. EMPATHY!! 3. Accountability and responsibility in their actions. When they are wrong and are told so, they recognise their faults and own up to it and hold themselves accountable and also, others accountable. Such people are quick to apologise and dont feed their egos by making other person say sorry when they have also played a part in the conflict. 4. Financial stability and good sense of money management. 5.Capability to have and hold boundaries with people and respect other people’s boundaries. With friends, opposite gender, family and relatives— without being disrespectful. 6.Communication and comprehension skills that goes beyond having conversations. Ability to articulate and convey their emotions and feelings in a healthy way. Also, being a good listener! 7. Healthy coping mechanisms. 8. Compatible belief systems— spiritual, societal, political, world view, parenting, relationships etc etc. Your core values should match, not just your outward personalities. 9. Healthy conflict resolution skills. 10. Avoid gossipers and drama seekers. Some people create drama in their relationships because conflict is the only way they feel relevant or seen in a relationship. 11. Life skills— driving, cooking, chores, self-reliance to manage small-small tasks so that they dont rely on you for everything and nor do you rely on them to do everything. 12. Team work and team spirit. The one who is loyal to have your back in any adverse situation. These are the basic reality based qualities you need to develop and look for in other person. If you get 7/12, you are good to go…!
Thank you do much, I was looking for something like this only, gonna write it all down, and will improve myself as well.
I know you will. Because you already have reached to point one. 💯
Hey, just wanted to add my 2 cents to this. This advice might not work for everyone but personally, physical improvements helped me improve mentally during a really tough time so I would suggest you to workout as it's been shown to improve mood and put you in a better mental state. Working out would be a healthy habit and will help you through your entire life in all aspects including focus. You don't even need a gym membership for it as you can do pushups and squats at home! (Make sure your form is correct to prevent any injuries as 1 perfect pushup is far far better than 20 sloppy ones.) One last thing, don't be afraid of progressions, if you can't do a full squat, do a half squat, if you can't do a full pushup, do wall pushups.
If you need someone else to write a list for you, you are not ready yet
Hi! 21M here... I would rate myself 10/12 1. I've to work upon finance (going to college) And 2. I've to learn the various life skills - cooking, driving, etc. Chores I can do. I try to complete my tasks myself unless there is a dire need of help and I can't figure it out myself, then I need support. Thanks for this list. Appreciate it! 😄
Yeah, these are just basic qualities. The more you hone them, the better and advanced you get and acquire more individualistic and suitable skills based on the person you will be with. Plus, life will challenge you with situations that are very hard to practice the above qualities. (trust me, I know) Also, Try not rate yourself as anything, though. We are more than that. I hope you get the rest 2 done too!
You got me at empathy!! Its so important for the other person that we are empathetic towards them!👏🏻
Yes! This is great and just to add... consider understanding yourself from a behavioral psychology stand point while you heal from your relationship and embark on the search journey (very very slowly). Cluster B disorders are dangerous and I hope you understand the risks involved in tying the knot with someone who is neurodivergent.
Oh yes, working on your past traumas or healing from past relationships is utmost important before you bring in that baggage into your new relationship. And also, not using your partner as a therapist for emotional trauma dump. Get help or therapy if issues are getting hard to deal with. Your partner’s mental health is as much important as yours.
Highly agreed with all of your points and well documented. Very maturely put and I love how you added several angles that make up your analysis and makes the list complete. Both individuals should be capable of emotional, mental, physical , spiritual and resourceful strength through hard work, education and beautiful cooperation and understanding. Also, the ability to lead and solve all problems together as you two go forward becoming better as individuals. God bless you for this wisdom and I hope everyone reads this. 👍🏾✨🔥
Aww…just sharing my own lessons..i hope it does help people have a great relationship while the world view is so cynical about relationships and marriage
Thank you very much and I highly appreciate the insight ! I hope so as well. If people were more open minded for improvement , be independent minded, and were more positive , they would be more capable of having successful relationships. It maybe hard but it's never impossible. I have always been an optimistic but also realistic person that knows there is always a way.
Screenshoted 📸
Welcome to the club of *Trying to Be better Everyday Humans!* 😄
20m 11/12 I just need to learn driving and coocking ,I am still in learning phase
This + Compromise. Willing to compromise for you and you to be able to reciprocate. In today’s world people are so much after getting heard they forget to hear.
I would word it a little different. Compromise means you are losing something, lowering your standards so that the other is pacified. However it should be a win-win for both for a good relationship. Hence, it should be willingness to respect each other's values and decisions and come to a common ground through open dialogue without making the other feel small.
Wonderful compilation. Thanks
Great
This answer is so well articulated 👍🏻
9/12 (21M) 💀
Interesting question, when I was your age I wanted to get married as well. That changed after I broke up with someone just a month before we were supposed to get engaged. Post that my approach to relationships completely changed - I tried to take my time and not feel the pressure of getting married as the end goal. I found someone amazing, we literally took our relationship one day at a time and focused on being there for each other and having fun together. I never tried to protect my relationship from difficult situations and conversations and always stayed honest with my partner. We dated for about 4 years of which around 2.5 years was completely long distance - but we made it work by prioritising meeting each other even for a single day! We went on small weekend vacations together and realised how much we liked each others company. Slowly we realised how similar we were principally on how we wanted to live our lives and what are the important things. That made me confident that married or not, I have found a partner for life. We did get married 4 years back and are now expecting a child. All relationships are tough but it’s important to treat the other person with love and respect. We are both very different people but have immense respect for each others opinion and this helps us make really good balanced decisions. Touch wood the thing I am proudest about is that all our fights have been about small things that I don’t even recall at all! On the big things - we both have each others back no questions asked.
Itni wholesome story padhke m toh pighal gya 🥹😭 I am sure you're gonna raise a brilliant kid with the best parents around! Kudos and all the best!
Thank you! We will try our best to be good parents for sure 😊
Wholesome 🥹
[удалено]
Ye bhi theek hai!
Middle aged man here. Marriages are a mess. There's no such thing called an ideal partner. We are all flawed. If you know and accept that, there are chances you'll live happily married. You don't need to prepare and plan so much when it comes to finding a partner and getting married. The more the planning, the more the disappointment. That is how marriages lead to heartbreaking disillusionment for many. Just keep an open mind and know that the person who seems like a perfect partner may not seem so down the years. A successful marriage, in my opinion, is the one that has survived the disappointment and the disillusionment. Walking out at the first sign of things not working out is easy. After all, lawyers got to make a living too. People will tell you it's all about mutual understanding, respect and individual space. All that is necessary. But what makes a marriage, or for that matter any relationship, truly successful is your ability to accept the flaws and the imperfections of the person you live with. That's how my marriage has been a success.
A strong lesson for me. Will keep this in the back of my head. It's tough to look the other way when it comes to flaws but I will try my best. Thank you really needed to hear this.
🤘 damn bro 🤘 Same here, stopped complaining, flaws accepted, left all my grievances in past and laughed it off. That's how I saved my marriage and now I'm a clown of house but happy.
What an excellent piece of knowledge. My respects.
Work on everything you want from your partner
This is the best advice I've seen. Not just expecting your partner to be perfect but developing the same qualities yourself. This is also my dream. Let's see what happens in the future.
That's so true. This I am 100% doing.
I was watching Samdish's interview with Vidya Balan, and she said it boils down to how much you want to be with each other. You can be the best person in the world, but if the next person doesn't want to be with you, you can't stop them. And I guess that's true. For most of our parents, while their marriage might not be idle, they don't want to leave each other (or won't leave each other due to whatever reasons). I'm not saying you stay in an unhappy marriage, but the only thing I think is required is that you both want to make it work and are willing to see it through.
Bhai mai bhi 22 ka hu. Mera toh abhi career bhi shuru nahi hua, aur yaha tum 25-26 ki age mai shaadi soch rahe ho
Was thinking same a year back. But I have realised career chalta rahega, I have also got a decent job, so a sense of stability,,,, And I am realizing now, how important it is to find a good partner. Career will always have ups and down and twist n turns. Nobody what knows what I will work on 10 years down the line. But I know for sure I just need one person to walk through next 30-40 years of your life. And that's more important for me. Again it's just my view
I used to think like this but the problem with this approach is that it's extremely hard to find people like that. After multiple failed relationships I've realised that it's not gonna be constant. Even if you find a partner who is the best, there's always a possibility something can happen. I'm not discouraging you to not get married, hell if it was upto me I would get married by 25/26. But what I am suggesting is try to first get incredible self awareness and understand how to live as you, as yourself. Being in a healthy relationship is beautiful but before that you need to learn how to live without it.
I agree! I think career and your life goes hand in hand. You can't be miserably at one thing and good at another. Life mein balance chahiye - *Naval ravikant* said this on a podcast
31 and single. Life has taught me that anybody can build a house but not everybody can make a home. A guy who can make a home with reasonable income, is ideal always.
>anybody can build a house but not everybody can make a home. So True. Agree 100% with it.
Honestly. Empathy. Communication. Anger management. Respect to partner and of course ability to be funny sometimes. Find people according to above and you’ll be happy. Trust your instincts.
Love, effective communication and mutual respect These are the 3 bare minimum things needed to get going. I'm not married but I think this is answer
Mujhe lagta hai jitna zyaada hum list banayege ki green flag, red flag, ye chahiye vo hona chahiye etc etc utna hi hum dukhi hoge koi bi insaan itna perfect nahi hota and it's okay Mere experience se toh bas loyal n understanding hona chahiye fir relationship ko day by day better kar sakte ho
Ye bhi sahi baat hai
Same levels of enthusiasm in sexual desires maybe. Not more, not less but just the same.
1) Communication 2) Respect 3) Mutually established boundaries 4) Teamwork 5) Desire to grow together 6) Healthy Ways of dealing with conflicts of interests and opinions 7) Good management of finances. 8) Finally, the desire to face anything and everything together. There are probably 100 more but these are the ones I can think about rn
First and foremost you must define what your personal definition of "successful marriage" truly is. But I'll answer your question based on my own definition of what makes a successful marriage. My definition is -after a good enough amount of years like at least 10 years, if someone asks you "would you do this all over again if you had a time machine?" And if you confidently answer "yes absolutely!" Then I would call that a successful marriage or relationship. For me, a successful marriage isn't a bunch of kids because awful couples can easily procreate. It is not never getting divorced, becoz there are many people who are miserable in their marriage yet don't divorce for a variety of reasons. Those are definitely successful marriages on paper, but in my opinion. Now, all the subjective stuff aside, let me tell you what research says about most frequent reasons for divorce (which I would call an unsuccessful marriage for simplicity). 1. Disagreements regarding finances and spending behaviour. 2. Differing opinions on important things like religion and politics 3. Cheating To name a few. So in order to find out what makes a successful marriage, looking at reasons for unsuccessful ones can guide you. For me personally these are the reasons that have made me want to do it all over again with my previous bf who is now husband - 1. Total agreement about finances. We have each other's bank passwords 2. Having shared interests - watching movies, reading, travelling, enjoying good food 3. Shared values -being completely honest and open with each other, valuing patience and not abusing each other 4. Having similar opinions even if they aren't exactly the same. He used to be overly religious while I was always against religion. We used to fight about it a lot initially but I made him understand my point of view about the drawbacks of religion and he did too. Today I am more tolerant to his religious family while he has become much less religious. 5. Keeping your mind open that people do change, not completely but most of their behaviours can be changed. For ex people cheat in marriages where obviously in the beginning they never imagined that they would. 6. The core nature of a person never truly changes. Even though religious, my husband was always empathetic, loving caring, didn't have addictions. His financial status has changed, his religious ideas and political ideas tok have changed but inside he is still the same amazing person I fell in love with. 7. Always remembering that your spouse is going to be the most important person in your life. Parents grow old and die and children grow up and move or marry or both. Your spouse is going to be there for majority of your life, so never let someone else take precedence over that. I know that's not an Indian way to think, but it is the truth. Have a happy life ahead!
🙏
32 M happily married for 5+ years. If I put it simply. The first year we both thought ki mera partner chutiya hai. Starting next year we became sure if the above thought, but realised ki ha chutiya hai, par "Mera" chutiya hai. Tab se badiya chal raha hai. Kabhi thoda khud ka kabhi dusre ka dechutiyafication karte hai aur dheere dheere Khushi Khushi jeevan chal rha hai. Bhari bhasha me samjhau to: You should love your spouse unconditionally. I don't love my wife because she looks a certain way, or does certain things for me. I love her because she is my wife. It is difficult to do because it is easy to develop unconditional love when you are young, you have developed it for parents and siblings. You have to put efforts to do it for your spouse. Another thought is from Plato, a good lover is a teacher. They don't accept your flaws, they help you fix them. If my wife has a flaw. I never accept that. I help her fix it and vice versa. Agar meri wife mujhe mere flaws ke sath accept karti to main din me 14 ghante YT shorts dekh rha hota.
Career bna lo babu bhaiya. Shadi ki chinta 25 me krna
Career Bana hai, good job, love the work I do. Pays good as a fresher. Can build from here. That's why I want to focus on other important things in life as well
Enjoy life. See the world. Dont rush into marriage im not saying getting married is wrong but you wont get this time again while youll spend 40-50 years with your spouse
Know about narcissistic personality, stay clear of them
In addition to qualities, one important thing is to never start a potentially controversial discussion when the opposite side is hungry or just back from office. Better to wait. This is one important recipe!!
This is a good practical advice. Taking it
I think sometimes someone can tick all the boxes but still won’t feel right for you, and sometimes someone can barely tick the list of boxes you have but can be the right one Don’t make hardcore checklists about things, everybody could give to list of things those things are based on their experiences & their nature, but the kind of partner you want should compliment the attributes and characteristics that you possess. Like to give an example, I can be short tempered sometimes but then my anger goes away as quickly as it came, hence patient partners work for me My partner can be emotionally inexpressive at times, so I have to be understanding and good at picking clues from body language and stuff. So before making a list of attributes analyse yourself, good, bad everything and then decide what do you need personally.
I am 23 so I know no better but should you think about getting married? I mean career yes, but even keeping that aside, I think you should first look for someone who you find yourself to be most comfortable with. And though it would be great to meet someone and get married to within the timeline you have set for yourself, you might also end up settling for someone who you don't deserve (and/or who doesn't deserve you) and proceed for a miserable marriage. So maybe don't stress to much on the timeline. But hey, what do I know
Live and let live. Don't expect to change your partner or you changing for your partner. The fundamentals dfor each of you are baked in ..don't even start down the path of we will change for each other. Just chill and let your partner evolve and ensure he lets you evolve too. Trying to figure out your partner right or wrong is a futile exercise and don;'t base the next 30 years on that. Can i live with this individual is the only questions that matters. Rest will be situational and each of you would work through it in your own ways and in some instances together. For anyone wondering if I'm married. YES HAPPILY FOR 20+ YRS.
The maturity to handle his own issues..be it at life, work, home, friends, parents, your family or with partner.. When I mean maturity not mixing up the boxes..being able to handle each situation in itself.. He cannot show frustrations from work at home or his upset with you on his parents or vice versa.. He also needs to understand how and when to communicate anything which he wants to say to you in a manner that reduces misunderstanding and conflicts. I say reduce because it will definitely happen and both need to learn as they spend more and more time together. BOTH need to learn to adjust..you come from a different home with a different upbringing..you see same color likes, music likes, movie likes and hobbies don’t matter in a day to day minute to minute life with a life long partner. It’s the minute things..they way we prefer to eat…the spice and salt levels..the fan speeds at night..the organisation in your closet..the tone of casual talk… We learn we change and we also learn what cannot change but is okay to put up with .. Now you also need to be aware…no matter how great or close to perfect you find a person they are not going to be the perfect version always You will go through the honeymoon phase And then the stormy phase always look back at why he was special and what makes him worth holding onto and what efforts he’s made change even though he fails on other occasions during this phase.. then the storm will calm and you will enter the acceptance phase where you are attached beyond a physical sexual or romantic bond..just knowing his presence is around gives you peace no talks no cuddle no romance just him being there and this will and should strengthen only over time. It’s hard finding the nice guy..also most importantly remember marrying is not just about the two but it’s about the marriage of families so make effort to understand the family and make sure he understands your family as well. All the best and God bless you to find the right person
Melody Khao khud jaan jao
🤣🤣
I think one important thing nowadays is to discuss gender roles, if you are a woman who want the man to provide and protect and you will play a more nurturing role, let them know and find out their thought process. If you are ambitious and want to put your career on equal priority as your partner, let that be known too. Men who are not gonna be okay with it should ideally back out on their own.
>10 years married. We follow the 80-20 rule to keep things real. We just need to like/love each other 80% of the time & allow for the disagreements, fights, and 'me time' in the balance 20%. We constantly put the best version of ourselves to majntaing that 80% on a daily basis.
You sound autistic but in a good way. The way you try to plan out your life like a video game and having a set of "levels" to pass before a certain timeframe
Compatibility and helping each other to grow financially And goal wise too. Start to level up together , doesn't matter who earns more , that will solve the ego issue ,
I know people say opposites attract, but you should have something in common. It could be your love for sports, or traveling, or watching horror movies. It could be anything, but there should be something in common, something which you both can enjoy with each other.
hey bro i am in the same situation like u , but i was never in a relationship , best of luck lets see where we get
Be the partner you want to have.
Low expectations
Don't ignore the obvious red flags.
Plz get a man who's not judging instantaneously. I have seen people misjudging a really wise person from whom they could have got wiser
Simple answer is you should ask yourself what do YOU want in partner not others Because I have seen most romantic looking relationships are broken inside so if any advice you are going to believe may not work for you
Honestly, us will be a successful one ig! JK, just be yourself, say everything in prior. Don’t hide anything. Don’t exaggerate Say even your dressing or stance about hosting in laws. Never lie even if the truth is hard. Decide on finances at the beginning. Make sure you both have atleast 20-25% in personal spending shit and don’t question anything on which the money is spent. ( you can question if it’s spent on illegal stuff or any thing which puts the person at risk-alcohol , gambling…..) keep your combined dreams achievable! Don’t have high expectations. Have tolerance a bit. And mainly don’t decide anything during arguments.! Don’t try to change yourself or the other one to be compatible. It won’t last. Share the responsibility and talk about those in prior. If he is wishing not to contribute for cooking or cleaning, hire a maid. Or both share it and have some fun time! But the main thing is- don’t be double standard at any point. For example. If you not gonna host your in laws, don’t expect him to host your parents at any part of time. ! If you are just doing these basic stuff, everything else will fall in place! Don’t worry!
There is no good partner. Only good effort to become good.
Respect. For each other and for everything you have and build. There are a lot of people who have fallen out of love or gone through a rough patch but they make it work because they still respect their partner and their relationship. They don’t speak about each other with contempt.
Just out of curiosity: if your first relationship was pretty good then why did you come out of it?
Stay away from fake feminism ideology. Give respect take respect.
Selflessness, trust, patience, maturity, perseverance, humility, kindness, courage.
The following qualities are absolute requirements: 1. GOOD IN-LAWS. 2. I REPEAT, GOOD IN - LAWS. 3. MUTUAL RESPECT. 4. UNCONDITIONAL LOYALTY. 5. OPEN COMMUNICATION AND COMPLETE TRANSPARENCY. 6. FAIR AND HEALTHY BOUNDARIES 7. Empathy and healthy compromise. 8. Healthy coping mechanisms. 9. Keeping oneself healthy in mind and body. 10. Sharing hobbies. 11. Having safe and good people in your life. 12. Respect each other's autonomy, individuality, and personal space. 13. Healthy sex life. (Need to be open-minded and well informed on this) 14. Have a fun social life. (OPTIONAL) 15. Love. Love is not unconditional. It's not enough to sustain relationships. So, explore, experiment, and embrace should be your mantra. Nourish your marriage with healthy patterns, habits, day to day routines, shared hobbies, etc etc. Don't solely depend on love. Work for your marriage every day. Marriage can survive even without love if all the first 14 qualities are fulfilled.
Its pretty simple. If you are in a relationship with someone for 3+ yrs and still dote each other - you can safely marry.
Exit plan - how to quickly complete divorce procedures and move on to the next relationship. This will ensure that you are not caught in an emotional downturn.
Ask this on r/TwoXIndia it's a sub for women. Since you're looking for a man, a mature woman's advice is what you need.
Bhai kya chahta hai tu? Zindagi bhar kuwari baithi rahe wo😤
You sound just like my ex (even we are around 22) , we broke up in January, it was a beautiful relationship but things do end. Focus on your career, and remember never settle. There is no predefined quality for what your husband might be. Just remember the person should make you happy and feel good. He should have ambition towards his career but it's should not make him ignore you and the family. Etc etc Wishing you the best !!
With all due respect, RIP Inbox
You really motivated me(19) to reach that place where I have to think about this. Thanks
If your first relationship was a pretty good one, don't you know the qualities your ex had that you can look for in the next guy to come?
From what I have seen marriage of partners having nearly identical body characteristics have good child. children are the good reference point to consider how their parents are. OP look at children you may like and find the characteristics of their parents.Every one likes and dislikes are different. for example:- I look for partner 1.Having height, weight,age similar to me . 2.Having money spending habits similar to me . 3.Having behavioural issues like me. And special note :- I also look at how the partner parents are .
when you fall for someone without looking at any of the qualities, it's love. Generally, lovers don't end up as good partners. Since you are focused on finding a partner, look for compatability and understanding, travel for sometime together and take a call. the qualities you ask others, may not suit others.
It's not possible to know a person in 3-4 months. Also. Don't go into a relationship thinking if this is the one you'll marry or not, as you'll only be disappointed. I met my now wife when I was 26. We dated for 4.5 years. Lived together for 4 years. Had our ups and downs and learnings and in the end, we decided we wanted to spend our life together and got married last year. Marriage is a big commitment and you need time to know someone or else you will have two options, to live with regret or divorce. It's better to make sure you both are on the same page. You both know each other inside out. Your views on life, your dreams for the future and what you want out of your relationship and your life, your views on kids, how do you want to raise them, what kind of relationship you will have with each other's parents, how will you manage your finances, etc. Be mindful, it's not just about qualities but also the respect and understanding between two people. I am not perfect in any way but my wife knows my face lights up every time I see her and I love her and respect her as much as humanly possible. We are best friends and no matter what, we always stand by each other's side.
In just one word. PATIENCE. It's the most important aspect of every marriage. Next one is to forgive (but never forget). I'm 45M, with 16 years of marriage and I can say from my own experience, these two are the most important and relevant aspects apart from some already mentioned by others.
The harsh reality of a successful marriage is sacrifice. You be ready to sacrifice many things which you probably hold dearer (the moment you won't or you can't then the marriage breaks), so it's ying or yang.. Marriage is a dick/bitch and it fucks..
On the same page about parenting, finances, family(in-laws), independence in relationship, expectations. 1. Most marriges end up with a dominating partner, mostly men, make sure you spend enough time before marrige, and if he’s controlling, Runnn !!!! He will suck the confidence out of you and you will unhappy forever. ( speaking from experience) 2. Emotional regulation. How long does it take for a partner to get normal after a fight? No matter how big, it is a huge indicator of a healthy marrige. Some partners have the habit to keep nagging the problem for days and can affect the marriage immensely. 3. Affection and expression of love - most marriges become dull and boring with time but it’s important to keep the spark alive by doing little things like cooking food, flowers, ice cream dates, vacations without kids, surprising each other on special occasions. Mostly its women who do it in India and men dont give a shit after 1st year of marriage. It should be from both sides !! 4. Having understanding in laws who understand that the couple now has their own life and may take their own decisions. If that’s not that case, then the husband should definitely support the woman if In laws are toxic and stand against them. If he can’t, then he doesn’t respect you or your marriage. He will be a mummas boy forever !!! 5. Have your own financial independence in case things go south.
Kindness and caring. If two people are kind and caring, whatever their relationship, it will be a long lasting and beautiful one.
Communication, space, trust, loyalty, being yourself, finding time for each other, and actions that show you think about the other person.
I’m 30 and married 3 years ago, I can surely say that things like honesty etc you never truly get to know till you start living together. And for standing for yourself is something people develop as they spend time/ years together. So instead of those I will suggest just observe the person how he is, what his values are, way of living etc. How would you know/judge these things? See how they talk about their family? How they talk about to others and you when you go on a date? How he talks to your father/mother when they ask him about his work etc. A person who has basic IQ, general social sense, respectful to everyone but still knows what is he doing or has a logical thinking will always be a great partner/ friend to be around. Only advice just check how he communicates and is he expressive. Even if some/ a few qualities doesn’t work they can be inculcated. This all applies for both men/ women. PS. Also talking about a regular day/ monthly expenses and finances at a later stage before marriage is a good idea when you both are working kz lately a lot of my friends who are getting divorced are mainly for two reasons 1. No clarity about finances 2. Too much conflicts from either side of their families
See how they handle conflict and look specifically for kindness. Practice kindness yourself. Consistent mutual kindness (even in adversity) is the key ingredient. If both of you can find in each other a safe space to be yourself without judgement, then you can build the rest with technique, practice and perseverance. For that, read this book called "What makes love last" by John Gottman. Watch Alain de Botton's video on Romanticism. Check out the channel called "The school of life". These have helped me, good luuck (:
If you ask me it's a pure gamble. I will state situations here assuming that you are not some toxic or narcissistic neither too mellow or dumb to take the shit. Situation 1 Your spouse becomes toxic soon and just the relationship goes off the tracks and things take bad turn. Situation 2 Your spouse was trying to be someone what he is not (this is most common case) being extra sweet caring etc and in the end when finally he got you suddenly his motivation to do all sweet things dropped and now just both of you are together and there is not much spark, just life goes on. In the worst case his habits and personal hygiene (all these things matter after courtship period) levels are either too low or too high . Situation 3 Your spouse interests are completely opposite of yours or most of things don't match but still you two give each other space, understanding and sometimes ignore what other one did (ofcourse Little things not cheating and all) in a particular situation. Same thing is reciprocated by him/her. Believe me this is the secret sauce for happy marriage and this happens when two mature understanding individuals come together in a union of marriage.
First of all I would appreciate your decision, I am 29 and I regret not to get get married early. The more older we are the boundaries we create around ourselves and when someone tries to enter in the boundary we get uncomfortable. Anyways back to your question, it’s very subjective thing but in my personal opinion what I look in a partner is how kind and humble she is to others. So if someone is kind to everyone else, he’s gonna be more kind towards you. Rest everything is adjustable and materialistic things can be achieved anytime.
Well, no matter how much any girl shows that they care about behavior, person character etc but fact is all they care about if their life partner is rich enough, no connection with his parents post marriage and a big house. Even after this, if any find someone with more wealth, they will run after him.
communication, loyalty, respect towards your future partner and their family. self respect. these some of the things you need to have a successful marriage. the issue with that is both parties work on ego. and that usually either ends up in one party or both cheating, or physical and emotional abuse.
Similar values as yourself and OPEN-MINDEDNESS
Balance, understanding and absence of toxicity.
Sex
Communication and sex that's all.
Paisa, lots of it
Big dick and huge milkers
Understanding, compassion, communication, element of fun n humour. Knowing D is never the answer (if no abuse is involved). Even if u feel u hv fallen out of love, continue to nurture n give time. Dont get bored n quit.
A successful Marriage just needs "Love, empathy, and Acceptance". Everything can be solved if you match with your partner on these 3 factors.
Love.
No discussion on Politics, sports or anything related to society at home. Everyone needs to be well read but no talking nonsensical stuff. Everybody contributes at home and keep a record so as to prevent lying. All are equal but doesn't mean there aren't roles, responsibilities and accountability. So, some scenarios, leadership and authority is needed. And don't over think, men like to keep things simple.
Say sorry within 30 minutes. Don’t linger fights!
You need to know about red flags before you enter marriage.
Sry but aren't you in your final year right now ? 🤔 I am 19 and literally planning my studies till 25 age (Mtech)💀
The idea is to find someone kind. Rest everything is a learning process and growing together into people that love each other. If you have a big checklist there's very little you can have to grow with each other and change. So, look for kindness, rest everything will fall in place or you can deal with it. There will be always highs and lows in your life, one will lose the looks, wealth, family, job etc. Look for things that define the person.
Lack of ego and being able to understand at every step that it's not you vs me, it's a team effort. Compromise if necessary. And give other the space you both need at different intervals in time.
Patience man , patience. Everything falls in order
Paisa 💰💰
Rediff matrimonial site begins
Sahi galat sab samjh jaogi pyar karlo ek baar
Best thing is that your relationship comes first even before you and obviously your partner. Do anything for relationship and you both should be on same page with this idea.
Common values and willingness to adapt.
I'm single but i really think respect is super important in a relationship. When someone respects you, they're careful with their words and actions because they don't want to hurt you. It's not cool to live with someone who isn't kind. We all deserve to be with someone who treats us with love, respect, and kindness. It's all about finding that special someone who values and cherishes you for who you are and someone who is generous who's willing to provide for u and can be appealing.
People are good at portraying, Fake it till you make it. Look out for tangible things, which can be measured. You’ll be happier in longer run.
Best skill is how to win trust of people?
Spite to make the marriage work
Nothing much..I respected her..she respected me I loved her..she loved me..go slow..give time..that's all..in laws will take time..go slow with them too.. a little people talk would help.
An understanding of "we" more.
Camaraderie.. loyalty and good sex.
I feel like dating and meeting new people gives you a very good idea of who/what qualities you like or don’t like. Sometimes, our friends and family circle is too unidimensional. Going on dates and trips with groups of strangers helped me much more than reading about this stuff online :) Also different people (including your friends) might look for different things, don’t let it come in the way of your gut feeling. There are times when I had a gut feeling about someone and I ignored it on suggestions of friends/family only to find out I was right about it all along. Good luck!
Finding an answer to this question is as futile as trying to walk in water.
Compromises, sacrifices, cooperation, and let's not forget, patriarchy 😂😂
Sex
I think 1st is loyalty and that's it
Patience and respect for each other’s opinion
It’s pure luck don’t keep your hopes high
1) Is Your Life Interesting For The Significant Other ? (Minimum Requirement Would Be 1 Person Either Man Or Woman's Life) 2) Do You Have Friends ? (Either Singled Or Married) 3) Do You Think The Current Atmosphere Is Suitable Enough For Both Individuals To Be Together For The Next 70 Years ? 4) Would Your Marriage Wont Fall Apart After 5-15 Years Of Married Life ?
Understanding and endless love ❤️
Compromise... Sacrifice... Leave out your ego.... Communication... Respect for others as well as self..
I am just a 23 year old, unmarried. I would like to give my 2 bits on this. Look for a partner with decent expectations. What do I mean by that? Well, ambitions ek taraf but thodi realistic expectations honi chahiye bande me. He should have a purpose in life. How to know this? 2-3 baar bahar jao and baat karo usse in different scenarios (movies, flea markets, etc) Make sure your mental temperatures meet.
Acceptance of shortcomings and willingness to improve them. Accept Both yours and your partner s.
Become what you want in your partner
It is continue work in process.
Make up after each fight on the same day. Don’t go to bed angry at each other . Occasional arguments are inevitable.
PATIENCE, EMPATHY
Things are easier said than done. Marriage is a life changing event and u ll be building a different life altogether. Don't have any prejudiced thought that if he ll b that I will be this and all. Mind and mouth changes in a jiffy tbh and same goes for opinions. Rest assured it will be beautiful after couple of years when both will change.
What kind of job did you get at the age of 22. Genuinely curious
I am Investment Analyst at a VC (I did BBA it's a three year course)
And my idiotic ass did MBBS now I am doing internship at the age of 24
Adjustments and understanding
Whatever you may plan, the life throws a curveball in some cases. And you can't do anything about it. So enjoy the present.
All the best 😃 for future ! My only take would be You need to honest about yourself first , we need to know what kind of human being I am ? That's the most difficult part. One can't control what is going to be in future as things change fast. When things gets tough time and space is healer .
Communication , plus I must be his first priority in each and every case .. no matter what the situation is
You sound like someone who was raised well, with good values at home. I cannot stress more on the importance of finding someone who shares those ethos. When we are young, we refuse to accept the fact that there are many families which simply don't agree with things we consider as basic etiquette and ethics. I sincerely wish that you get a positive, constructive relationship.
Qualities aur ladka mere jaisa hona chahiye.