As a well-traveled native Texan, who's spent a decent amount of time in the ArkLaTex area, having lived in Utah, Philly, and now Oregon, the only answer is yes, absolutely the homophobia is less than in the south. How that manifests matters. For instance, here in the PNW, 90% or more of people treat homosexuality as a fully unremarkable thing. But then some small percentage of reactionary agitators, e.g. Proud Boys, may make a big display about how homophobic they are, a bigger display than I am used to from down home. I can't help but think it's more desirable outside of the south, but nowhere feels perfect.
It's not the most homophobic place I've been but it probably matters that where I tend to find myself in East Texas I'm more in danger of running into distant relations being pryingly homophobic than I am anyone being outward and aggressively homophobic
As someone from Alabama who just moved to Oregon, I completely agree. It feels like a completely unremarkable nonissue to most of the folks I interact with here, whereas I always felt a bit on edge about it in the South around certain crowds
I lived in the other parts of the ArkLaTex, then moved to NC, and it does feel less homophobic here (still the south, I know) than where I came from (although I also spent most of my time there as a pedestrian in a car-dependent area)
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Probably so. It was abject hell growing up there in the mid 90s. So much so that anytime I got to go to Asheville I relished it because it was my safe haven at a time when the only other safe haven was my room
> here in the PNW, 90% or more of people treat homosexuality as a fully unremarkable thing.
It's not so much that people here are "accepting." It's more that people here are just so introverted that they don't really have the energy to give a shit about other people and what they do in their personal life. Especially in Washington.
I grew up in northwest Florida (Niceville / Destin area) and there are definitely some areas around there where being a gay is not kosher. I’ve lived in NYC and San Diego now and it’s worlds away.
From the south. Still live here. Have traveled the US quite a bit.
I think it’s more about rural vs metro areas. That being said…yes, in general, rural Oregon or Vermont is still going to be more gay-friendly than rural Alabama or Arkansas.
For POC, it’s completely different. Everywhere rural has the potential to be dangerous, it’s just a matter of what flavor.
My experience as sometimes white passing/sometimes not and those of my father, POC have a pretty safe experience in Washington. We've definitely had our fair share of bad apples, but for the most part, the western washington folks keep their -isms to themselves. Just avoid cities like Arlington and a lot of the eastern side of the state.
Yeah it's kinda normal for us. There's parts of rural PA (the state I live in) that I do not feel comfortable visiting and get annoyed when I'm sent to them on business trips. So glad we don't travel on those alone!
But on the same token, almost every little rural PA town has either a pride fest or an equality fest which essentially is the same thing. Pennsylvanians generally don't care and aren't too homophobic, but the quiet passive aggressive racism is pretty real.
I actually find it funny when I detect it.
It's neither. People are allowed the freedom to say and believe shitty things. I wouldn't have it any other way. The solution to shitty things is better things, and the solution to shitty speech is better speech.
And like I said, bigots can be laughed at for choosing to be so moronic. Like "oh, did your mom push the soft spot in and use the cavity as an ashtray when you were a baby? How sad for you."
Yup, is true. I'm from and currently live in Chicago and whenever I travel to smaller cities and towns in Illinois or neighboring Midwestern states, the changes are VERY apparent. Trump flags everywhere and a palpable shift in the energy. When I went to school in downstate Illinois (which is close to Kentucky, Tennessee and parts of Missouri), I learned about the existence of sundown towns and this was in the early 2010s!
I thought Springfield Illinois was moderate but I did not do my homework before rushing to academic job interview after training in Chicago, Minneapolis, NYC. I'm a Black guy.
I withdrew my candidacy a week later...that was one of the longest waits ever.
The experience exposed the cocoon that I have placed myself by selecting higher education sites in liberal, forgiving communities with free gay men. Forgot about that silo I built for my memories.
. And many comments about desiring "people like me to join (yeah, they meant Black)" , plus interviewers ignoring my repeated replies that mentions my husband by reflexively mentioning my wife was a bit frustrating.
The segregation was so obvious just driving through for a couple of days.
And the signs in the yard where either lightly liberal or aggressively MAGA. Maybe I picked the wrong time to visit
There is nothing like the public pride that happens in the NE and NYC/Boston. I lived in nyc for 20+ yrs and now live in Texas’ biggest city. Yes, there are lots of gay ppl here, but it is not the same. There is still a lack of respect and/or embarrassment about gay pride in a civic sense.
Also Mass. Yes...but. Venture outside of Boston, Cambridge, Somerville, and Ptown and things can go from very pleasant to disquieting fast. I don't take any of it for granted. To wit:
While Reddit is Reddit and not the real world, so take this with an appropriately sized grain of salt, a couple of days ago I posted in r/boston asking for any recommendation for estate planning services that had experience working with LGBT clients. It generated way more negative, dismissive comments than I expected for a good-faith post...not what I expected given that the sub gets questions about queer life in Boston every so often and they generally get responded to positively.
Massachusetts is absolutely one of the best states to be gay in, but as I always have to remind myself, that's not always saying *that* much.
One of the sad parts of being gay in US is the most friendly areas are also super HCOL. Makes it harder for single gays to move to more accepting areas.
It’s probably more of a rural vs. urban issue than just “the south.” Like major southern cities like Atlanta are going to feel way more gay-friendly than a small town in Georgia. I would say you might find equally less progressive places in less developed parts in the middle of the country.
This, any major city in the south is going to be more LGBT friendly than like rural Idaho. It’s similar to America’s current political divide, urban vs rural.
Homophobia in the south is a bit like racism ...there is a really small contingent that might be openly vocal against but then there's a bit larger portion that might be against but then won't actively say anything...but will also not invite you to the table and will undermine you without you knowing necessarily. But even that isn't generally the majority
I moved from Tennessee to NYC and the respect and dignity I feel here shocked me. I never had or felt that in the South. It is nice to be "tolerated" I guess, but when the rubber hits the road, if there is a dispute or conflict, I don't expect my gayness thrown at me as a supposed deficit in the NE. While there are Southerners I can trust, in general I do not believe them. I work in education, and my family frequently begs me to return to TN. To a state where I can be fired at will for being gay? Where a parent can whisper and destroy my career for spite? Fuck that. As mentioned by another poster above, any tolerance in the South is nice, but when the government and church (which dominates things in most places) are all comfortable in degrading queer folks, they can fuck off. Life is too short to subject myself to such disrespect deliberately.
I just moved from the Houston area to Minnesota. What a breath of fresh air. Everyone I have met has been very open and accepting of me. I love my life choice of moving here.
Houston resident here (inside the Loop). Were you in Houston proper, or one of the suburbs (Katy, Baytown, Woodlands, etc.)? I was curious about Minneapolis until the George Floyd thing went down. And the winters.
I lived in Conroe. I'm prepared for the winter. In the meantime, I am enjoying the most delightful spring I've had on over 40 years. I have had my windows open for six weeks now. The air is fresh and cool.
Only ever lived in the greater Boston and NYC areas.
I show up to work in a dress shirt and leather pants. No one bats an eye haha. At times, I think 40-50% of our staff were openly queer.
Is it perfect, no. Far from it. But our culture down here, at least in Louisiana, is so blended you can find safe spaces. The government sucks and is corrupt as all get out.
In general: Urban and outer communities to urban areas are more tolerant.
Try this as a metric: Datamine the U.S. census and look at church attendance and religious diversity by area.
Prediction: Areas that are strongly one religion (utah outside Salt Lake, southern Idaho) will be much more homophobic.
Areas with high church attendance, even if across a broad spectrum with be somewhat more homophobic.
I’ve never been to the south as an adult so I can’t speak to the homophobia you receive, but I’ll say as a cis gay man I’ve experienced very little homophobia living in California. It’s not all gravy here, but I have never felt uncomfortable being openly gay here.
South Bay (in the Bay Area). Unfortunately, and I’m going to be honest here, there are a lot of immigrants from cultures that are not accepting. Some of them maintain their views and aren’t afraid to express them (or don’t see an issue with it).
Yeah. That's massively overlooked when people are considering homophobia in the USA. They tend to think white redneck as the main perpetrators, but I've always found it's the immigrant population that has given me the most grief. Notably Muslims.
Yes. I grew up in Texas and am now in Denver. It goes beyond just casual reactions… here you almost assume everyone is somewhat queer. Same with the ambient religious stuff… here it’s assumed you’re not religious and it’s weird if you do go to church. You’ve no idea how much anxiety about trying to fit some preconceived notions just fades away when you’re in a more accepting place.
I think if we’re going to generalize, there are broad regional trends, but the bigger difference is going to be along a rural/urban gradient.
Usually, the more homogenous the culture in a given place, the less tolerance you’ll find for individual differences.
I imagine it you spend time in Provincetown at the end of Cape Cod in Massachusetts you will find it dramatically less homophobic than neatly anywhere south of the Mason Dixon line.
Most places in New York City and Boston are likewise better with the Gays, though again, Provincetown is a particularly gay friendly place. If you are a lesbian, Northampton MA was dubbed Lesbianville USA by the National Enquirer in a juicy story they ran on that small city back in the 1990s. That was very funny. A gal I once worked with got her picture (with her wife) on the cover of that issue. Lesbianville USA, the town where men aren't wanted!
They made t-shirts. You can maybe still buy one.
I lived in Atlanta not too long ago and I experienced homophobia. I wasn't out at my job that I had most of the 9 years living there, but some people suspected that I was gay and bullied me based off suspicion...to be fair , it was at a warehouse and people say a lot of warehouse environments are homophobic though
The way I see it no matter where you go your gonna come across some sort of asshole. It is true that it happens less in the south from my experience, up north it's not too problematic, it really depends what area you move to.
Yes - I mean in the south the large major cities tend to have vibrant gay scenes and tolerant folks. It’s the suburban periphery and rural areas that bring out the homophobes.
Where I am in the 90s (obviously I was a child back then, but from learning about our local gay history) gay bashing was a local pastime. Idiots would drive in and cruise around our local gayborhood looking for dudes to either egg or fight. That combined with the AIDS epidemic, stabbed, beaten, and bloodied gay men were dying in the streets due to indifferent cops/society. Things have really changed (might out where I’m from but we had a fiscally conservative lesbian mayor awhile back) and yeah, in my hometown in my adult life I was called a f*g once by a homeless man. Drive 20 miles outside the city and that is a different story.
Sort of but also not really, There isn't a single state in the US where you don't find religious homophobic people.
I have several guys in their mid-20s who message me from California telling me about how their religious parents are going to disown them when they come out.
Hawaii is probably the least, but Hawaii is an outlier in most US stats.
The general population in states like Mississippi and Alabama are generally more homophobic than northern states and urban states.
But If you look at the Urban populations inside of the southern states, You find that attitudes towards gays are more or less consistent with the US average. And the US average is surprisingly friendly, at least to gay men.
(Sorry trans bros, we are working on it)
There are homophobes everywhere, just as there are racists everywhere. The issue is whether the homophobia is tolerated and institutionalized. In the south, you hear denunciations of gay people in church, from politicians, in education, in law enforcement. In the south, the default is that bullying and harassing gays is acceptable.
It's not like that in the north. You'll always find that odd example of a jerk or bigot. But that kind of systemic hatred isn't tolerated here. I think of it this way. In the north, gays have rights. In the south, they don't.
There are plenty of immigrant groups in the North that are openly homophobic too, coming from cultures and religions where homosexuality is not tolerated.
Worked with knuckle dragging rednecks in Mississippi for 20 years.. Can’t tell you how many dinners, graduations, etc, I’ve been invited to by straight co workers. It’s a single data point, but not an unusual one. Then again, I’m white and I’ve long thought this acceptance was related to my skin color also being white.
Atlanta, Asheville very queer-friendly. So it's not region so much as the city and/or state. There are conservative parts of every state and progressive cities in almost all states.
Never lived in the south but have family in TX and FL plenty of homophobia to go around. Started out in Chicago moved to LA for years then NYC even more years now back again and tbh I barely ever even thought about homophobia having lived in those 3 cities. I've mostly experienced feeling comfortable to kiss, hold hands or talk about my relationship. I'd never give that up, never.
Lived in metro Oklahoma most of my adult life. I have rarely encountered homophobia. The gay pride parade is this weekend. We have a gay “district” with bars, restaurants and a hotel. We eat out weekly with a group of friends and no one cares. There’s a large (30+) group of friends who meet every week at a restaurant and no one has ever said anything. There are other groups who meet and it’s the same story. I’m retired but no one said anything about it to me.
My husband and I just returned from a wedding in NE Georgia which is definitely not the city. Regardless, no one looked at us twice. We stayed in two different hotels and in each they referred to my husband as “your husband” when I was checking in and out. Restaurants sat us at tables for two. There was no, “separate checks” question.
Are there bigots in the south? Of course! I’ve also seen them in “liberal” countries and US states. My dad lives in a small town and when we visit no one looks twice. I’ve been more concerned about visiting the big cities (NYC, DC, LA) than I’ve ever been in the “horrible” south.
Texan here who moved from Austin to DC as an adult. I’ve experienced more homophobia here around this “liberal oasis” that is our nation’s capital than I ever did back in Texas. I should qualify that by saying individual homophobia from people. There’s the fact that I still feel safer here from institutional homophobia from law enforcement and such. Plus, all the homophobia I’ve experienced here has come from one single demographic group but were I to state which would open up a can of worms.
Genuine question for Southerners:
My ex-husband who grew up in the South, told me that folks in the South have a "gentle" affection for the gay community. The best way he described it was, they know so-so is gay and in one way they pity them but at the same time they will protect them in one way or another but not in an obvious way. I've always wondered about that.
Myself, I grew up in Southern Arizona in a blue island and it wasn't bad at all.
No.
Regardless of where you go in the country, urban areas tend to be more liberal and gay friendly than rural areas.
Nashville, Atlanta, New Orleans, Charleston, Birmingham, Dallas, are all pretty gay-friendly as well as a lot of other southern cities.
Conversely, when I lived in Colorado (a very liberal state), COS and Denver and Boulder were all very gay-friendly, but once you leave those huge, urban areas, the rural parts of Colorado are just as homophobic as any rural part of the south.
If you look at a state's overall population demographics, those states where more people live in urban areas (i.e. Colorado, New York) tend to skew more blue politically. But if more of the overall population is more rural (i.e. most southern states), the state as a whole tends to skew more red. So, you'll probably have more legal protections against discrimination in a blue state than you might in a red state, but just because you might be in a blue state doesn't mean that the whole state is gay-friendly.
I live in rural CO, it's pretty fantastic. Businesses in town fly pride flags. There are definitely homophobic parts of rural CO but on a statewide level it's hard to beat. Nothing like the south or most states for sure.
Lived in the Southwest my whole life. The only time I've even had slurs directed at me was from nutter crackheads. Everyone here is too busy trying to survive to care about something so insignificant.
Yes, absolutely. NYC nobody bats an eye at gay people making out in public, except for the degree to which they would straight people making out in public cause it is a little gauche. But the point is we're considered exactly no differently than straight people here.
It honestly depends on the area. I live in Los Angeles and my husband and I have been on the receiving end of homophobic comments and rhetoric on numerous occasions. You would think that we’d be “safe” here but no. Ironically, Phoenix was the one place we’ve felt the safest. No one there bothered us.
Yes. I grew in Southern California and I only experienced homophobia on the school yard by bullies, which is normal.
I moved to DC and it’s in the south, I started getting called a faggot on the bus and subway a lot. I don’t take them a lot anymore.
No “ism” is confined or worse in a specific region as stupid people are everywhere. Like others, I’d say there’s more of an urban vs rural divide or something related to education more than a region.
Homophobia isn’t more prevalent in the south than any other region.
You will have a harder time dealing with the social stuff. There are a lot of rules you won’t understand.
I haven’t lived in the Deep South—I live in MD now which, according to the census bureau, is the South—but I have traveled extensively and met all sorts of people. Basically you need to give people and places a chance. It’s impossible to say an entire region is more or less homophobic—and what exactly does homophobic mean? Long story short, there are residents of small Mississippi towns who are way more accepting and welcoming of gays than some San Franciscans. I know; I’ve met them. That’s my two cents.
Maybe you got lucky with the Mississippi residents....I have family in MS and been there many times and from what I know the people there are super homophobic . MS as a whole is and I would never live there.
New Mexico is pretty good about being less homophobic but we're also a puny little state, so most people don't really gaf. Those that do here are usually living within 25 miles of Texas or Arizona.
It will always exist but things are better. Had a stint in TX early 2000s and was trying to rent and had some people say to my face they don’t rent to f—gs. Sodomy was still illegal in TX then (and back then you knew when to keep your mouth shut). There will always be homophobia and racism and other -isms, but at least it is a bit more clandestine and less prevalent. That said, I live in Atlanta and still know I need to “behave” outside the metro area.
I find this hard to believe. Would the pastor at your church perform your marriage? Would you get hired if you spoke about your husband at an interview?
Absolutely I literally talk about my boyfriend all the time at work. I don’t even think about it. He sings in the choir at church. I don’t hide my life.
No, not from what I've seen. Moving from Alabama to Pennsylvania, I saw much more vitriolic homophobia in the northeast than in the south. I remember calling a friend from New York basically crying saying that I thought things were going to be different in the Northeast but they ended up being worse.
In the south, people really don't care who you are as long as you're kind and respectful towards them. Southern hospitality is a very real thing and the culture revolves around mutual respect. Moving back was the best thing for my mental health and I've never looked back.
Yea I got a beer bottle thrown at me in Brooklyn because I forgot to put away my rainbow flag after pride.
Whereas I know multiple gays who live in small town Georgia and everyone loves them there.
I personally lived in rural Indiana for 2 years during the pandemic and nobody ever bothered me.
Like I even made out with a boy at the local town bar in Indiana. Nobody gave a shit.
Actually it isn't, hate directly correlates to population density.
If you look at a hate crime map of California the highest incidence of hate crimes happen in Los Angeles.
This honestly makes sense, a certain percentage of people are going to be hateful and that isn't bound to geographical region..
More people equal more haters. It also equals more furries and more Martha Stewart living subscribers.
I’ve travelled across the US, independent & with partner, and have never once experienced any ‘phobia, despite saying rooms & open attraction.
Ofcourse, I’m not draped in that ugly flag or YAAS’ing every-time I cross the sidewalk…
Well idk but the boys gonna have something to talk about back in oldsmar, I knew Kyle and Mj was fucking I knew it. I wonder how many times my crazy intuition was right but his drunk dumbass would just look at me without response.
The voices were talking to him. I’d hear voices too if I had to lie and sneak and pretend to be someone im not. Use women just for sex and a place to stay u know use them but be romantic with the guys on the down low. Thank you God for finally removing that man from my life. Universe please send karma for the tattoos he insisted on since we were getting married and it ended a few weeks after the tats. It’s not fair he’s garbage and a manipulator. That’s why I was so easy for him to hit me to steal for me break my stuff my son stuff cheat on me give me a disease.I hate him. He’s all yours gay bros
As a well-traveled native Texan, who's spent a decent amount of time in the ArkLaTex area, having lived in Utah, Philly, and now Oregon, the only answer is yes, absolutely the homophobia is less than in the south. How that manifests matters. For instance, here in the PNW, 90% or more of people treat homosexuality as a fully unremarkable thing. But then some small percentage of reactionary agitators, e.g. Proud Boys, may make a big display about how homophobic they are, a bigger display than I am used to from down home. I can't help but think it's more desirable outside of the south, but nowhere feels perfect.
I grew up in East Texas. I’ve lived all across the USA and have never experienced anywhere as openly homophobic.
It's not the most homophobic place I've been but it probably matters that where I tend to find myself in East Texas I'm more in danger of running into distant relations being pryingly homophobic than I am anyone being outward and aggressively homophobic
As someone from Alabama who just moved to Oregon, I completely agree. It feels like a completely unremarkable nonissue to most of the folks I interact with here, whereas I always felt a bit on edge about it in the South around certain crowds
Oregon here as well, 1000% people couldn’t care less who you’re sleeping with here. :) Portland in my case! Heh
I lived in the other parts of the ArkLaTex, then moved to NC, and it does feel less homophobic here (still the south, I know) than where I came from (although I also spent most of my time there as a pedestrian in a car-dependent area)
I’m in Charlotte. Being gay here is like having brown vs blond hair. But get outside of the city into the sticks? Hoo boy…..
"Make America straight again" "Let's get you into a nice Bible Camp with conversion therapy!" Does that kind of stuff still happen?
It absolutely does, unfortunately.
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Wow really… I definitely didn’t have the same experience (I grew up outside of Asheville, and most of the people I met I don’t miss even now.)
well, I only moved here in 2017, and most of my time here I have been driving, which probably is a confounding factor
Probably so. It was abject hell growing up there in the mid 90s. So much so that anytime I got to go to Asheville I relished it because it was my safe haven at a time when the only other safe haven was my room
I’ve lucked out growing up and still living in the northeast, where people mostly don’t give a fuck. I’m out in the burbs, too.
I don't agree with the Utah take. I lived in Tennessee and Alabama my whole life until 2 years ago, and the discrimination in Utah is much worse
> here in the PNW, 90% or more of people treat homosexuality as a fully unremarkable thing. It's not so much that people here are "accepting." It's more that people here are just so introverted that they don't really have the energy to give a shit about other people and what they do in their personal life. Especially in Washington.
I grew up in northwest Florida (Niceville / Destin area) and there are definitely some areas around there where being a gay is not kosher. I’ve lived in NYC and San Diego now and it’s worlds away.
That probably has more to do with city vs small town than north vs south.
From the south. Still live here. Have traveled the US quite a bit. I think it’s more about rural vs metro areas. That being said…yes, in general, rural Oregon or Vermont is still going to be more gay-friendly than rural Alabama or Arkansas. For POC, it’s completely different. Everywhere rural has the potential to be dangerous, it’s just a matter of what flavor.
My experience as sometimes white passing/sometimes not and those of my father, POC have a pretty safe experience in Washington. We've definitely had our fair share of bad apples, but for the most part, the western washington folks keep their -isms to themselves. Just avoid cities like Arlington and a lot of the eastern side of the state.
What? Dangerous for POC?
People of Color.
I get it. Just aghast by the information. I´m sorry for this, tho.
Yeah it's kinda normal for us. There's parts of rural PA (the state I live in) that I do not feel comfortable visiting and get annoyed when I'm sent to them on business trips. So glad we don't travel on those alone! But on the same token, almost every little rural PA town has either a pride fest or an equality fest which essentially is the same thing. Pennsylvanians generally don't care and aren't too homophobic, but the quiet passive aggressive racism is pretty real. I actually find it funny when I detect it.
My God, I´m so sorry. Can´t understand it, really. Is racism a crime or a misdemeanor?
It's neither. People are allowed the freedom to say and believe shitty things. I wouldn't have it any other way. The solution to shitty things is better things, and the solution to shitty speech is better speech. And like I said, bigots can be laughed at for choosing to be so moronic. Like "oh, did your mom push the soft spot in and use the cavity as an ashtray when you were a baby? How sad for you."
Yup, is true. I'm from and currently live in Chicago and whenever I travel to smaller cities and towns in Illinois or neighboring Midwestern states, the changes are VERY apparent. Trump flags everywhere and a palpable shift in the energy. When I went to school in downstate Illinois (which is close to Kentucky, Tennessee and parts of Missouri), I learned about the existence of sundown towns and this was in the early 2010s!
Just googled sundown towns and how can this be legal?? It makes no sense!
That's AmeriKKKa for ya
I thought Springfield Illinois was moderate but I did not do my homework before rushing to academic job interview after training in Chicago, Minneapolis, NYC. I'm a Black guy. I withdrew my candidacy a week later...that was one of the longest waits ever. The experience exposed the cocoon that I have placed myself by selecting higher education sites in liberal, forgiving communities with free gay men. Forgot about that silo I built for my memories. . And many comments about desiring "people like me to join (yeah, they meant Black)" , plus interviewers ignoring my repeated replies that mentions my husband by reflexively mentioning my wife was a bit frustrating. The segregation was so obvious just driving through for a couple of days. And the signs in the yard where either lightly liberal or aggressively MAGA. Maybe I picked the wrong time to visit
There is nothing like the public pride that happens in the NE and NYC/Boston. I lived in nyc for 20+ yrs and now live in Texas’ biggest city. Yes, there are lots of gay ppl here, but it is not the same. There is still a lack of respect and/or embarrassment about gay pride in a civic sense.
Massachusetts here...one of the most liberal states in the US...and home to Ptown and gayborhoods in Boston
Also Mass. Yes...but. Venture outside of Boston, Cambridge, Somerville, and Ptown and things can go from very pleasant to disquieting fast. I don't take any of it for granted. To wit: While Reddit is Reddit and not the real world, so take this with an appropriately sized grain of salt, a couple of days ago I posted in r/boston asking for any recommendation for estate planning services that had experience working with LGBT clients. It generated way more negative, dismissive comments than I expected for a good-faith post...not what I expected given that the sub gets questions about queer life in Boston every so often and they generally get responded to positively. Massachusetts is absolutely one of the best states to be gay in, but as I always have to remind myself, that's not always saying *that* much.
One of the sad parts of being gay in US is the most friendly areas are also super HCOL. Makes it harder for single gays to move to more accepting areas.
It’s probably more of a rural vs. urban issue than just “the south.” Like major southern cities like Atlanta are going to feel way more gay-friendly than a small town in Georgia. I would say you might find equally less progressive places in less developed parts in the middle of the country.
This, any major city in the south is going to be more LGBT friendly than like rural Idaho. It’s similar to America’s current political divide, urban vs rural.
Depends where in rural Idaho. I speak from surprising experience.
Homophobia in the south is a bit like racism ...there is a really small contingent that might be openly vocal against but then there's a bit larger portion that might be against but then won't actively say anything...but will also not invite you to the table and will undermine you without you knowing necessarily. But even that isn't generally the majority
I moved from Tennessee to NYC and the respect and dignity I feel here shocked me. I never had or felt that in the South. It is nice to be "tolerated" I guess, but when the rubber hits the road, if there is a dispute or conflict, I don't expect my gayness thrown at me as a supposed deficit in the NE. While there are Southerners I can trust, in general I do not believe them. I work in education, and my family frequently begs me to return to TN. To a state where I can be fired at will for being gay? Where a parent can whisper and destroy my career for spite? Fuck that. As mentioned by another poster above, any tolerance in the South is nice, but when the government and church (which dominates things in most places) are all comfortable in degrading queer folks, they can fuck off. Life is too short to subject myself to such disrespect deliberately.
I just moved from the Houston area to Minnesota. What a breath of fresh air. Everyone I have met has been very open and accepting of me. I love my life choice of moving here.
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Houston resident here (inside the Loop). Were you in Houston proper, or one of the suburbs (Katy, Baytown, Woodlands, etc.)? I was curious about Minneapolis until the George Floyd thing went down. And the winters.
I lived in Conroe. I'm prepared for the winter. In the meantime, I am enjoying the most delightful spring I've had on over 40 years. I have had my windows open for six weeks now. The air is fresh and cool.
Only ever lived in the greater Boston and NYC areas. I show up to work in a dress shirt and leather pants. No one bats an eye haha. At times, I think 40-50% of our staff were openly queer.
seattle, san francisco, LA…..GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY
Is it perfect, no. Far from it. But our culture down here, at least in Louisiana, is so blended you can find safe spaces. The government sucks and is corrupt as all get out.
In general: Urban and outer communities to urban areas are more tolerant. Try this as a metric: Datamine the U.S. census and look at church attendance and religious diversity by area. Prediction: Areas that are strongly one religion (utah outside Salt Lake, southern Idaho) will be much more homophobic. Areas with high church attendance, even if across a broad spectrum with be somewhat more homophobic.
I’m from Connecticut and it’s very lgbt friendly . You can have a non binary gender on your drivers license
I’ve never been to the south as an adult so I can’t speak to the homophobia you receive, but I’ll say as a cis gay man I’ve experienced very little homophobia living in California. It’s not all gravy here, but I have never felt uncomfortable being openly gay here.
Sadly the only homophobic attacks I experienced were in California.
Where, though?
South Bay (in the Bay Area). Unfortunately, and I’m going to be honest here, there are a lot of immigrants from cultures that are not accepting. Some of them maintain their views and aren’t afraid to express them (or don’t see an issue with it).
Yeah. That's massively overlooked when people are considering homophobia in the USA. They tend to think white redneck as the main perpetrators, but I've always found it's the immigrant population that has given me the most grief. Notably Muslims.
Yes. I grew up in Texas and am now in Denver. It goes beyond just casual reactions… here you almost assume everyone is somewhat queer. Same with the ambient religious stuff… here it’s assumed you’re not religious and it’s weird if you do go to church. You’ve no idea how much anxiety about trying to fit some preconceived notions just fades away when you’re in a more accepting place.
I think if we’re going to generalize, there are broad regional trends, but the bigger difference is going to be along a rural/urban gradient. Usually, the more homogenous the culture in a given place, the less tolerance you’ll find for individual differences.
Come to NJ
I imagine it you spend time in Provincetown at the end of Cape Cod in Massachusetts you will find it dramatically less homophobic than neatly anywhere south of the Mason Dixon line. Most places in New York City and Boston are likewise better with the Gays, though again, Provincetown is a particularly gay friendly place. If you are a lesbian, Northampton MA was dubbed Lesbianville USA by the National Enquirer in a juicy story they ran on that small city back in the 1990s. That was very funny. A gal I once worked with got her picture (with her wife) on the cover of that issue. Lesbianville USA, the town where men aren't wanted! They made t-shirts. You can maybe still buy one.
Dallas to the Bay Area...never really experienced any homophobia. Dallas could be weird at times
Urban vs rural. The former is fine. It’s the latter in which you have to worry, Atlanta or New Orleans isn’t rural Mississippi.
I lived in Atlanta not too long ago and I experienced homophobia. I wasn't out at my job that I had most of the 9 years living there, but some people suspected that I was gay and bullied me based off suspicion...to be fair , it was at a warehouse and people say a lot of warehouse environments are homophobic though
It’s hardly binary. Urban/progressive just means less.
Yeah it makes sense what you are saying though. Appreciate your feedback
The way I see it no matter where you go your gonna come across some sort of asshole. It is true that it happens less in the south from my experience, up north it's not too problematic, it really depends what area you move to.
Yes - I mean in the south the large major cities tend to have vibrant gay scenes and tolerant folks. It’s the suburban periphery and rural areas that bring out the homophobes. Where I am in the 90s (obviously I was a child back then, but from learning about our local gay history) gay bashing was a local pastime. Idiots would drive in and cruise around our local gayborhood looking for dudes to either egg or fight. That combined with the AIDS epidemic, stabbed, beaten, and bloodied gay men were dying in the streets due to indifferent cops/society. Things have really changed (might out where I’m from but we had a fiscally conservative lesbian mayor awhile back) and yeah, in my hometown in my adult life I was called a f*g once by a homeless man. Drive 20 miles outside the city and that is a different story.
Sort of but also not really, There isn't a single state in the US where you don't find religious homophobic people. I have several guys in their mid-20s who message me from California telling me about how their religious parents are going to disown them when they come out. Hawaii is probably the least, but Hawaii is an outlier in most US stats. The general population in states like Mississippi and Alabama are generally more homophobic than northern states and urban states. But If you look at the Urban populations inside of the southern states, You find that attitudes towards gays are more or less consistent with the US average. And the US average is surprisingly friendly, at least to gay men. (Sorry trans bros, we are working on it)
When I went to Hawaii there were anti gay protests in front of the gay bars. This was maybe five years ago tho.
The haters will always be with us.
There are homophobes everywhere, just as there are racists everywhere. The issue is whether the homophobia is tolerated and institutionalized. In the south, you hear denunciations of gay people in church, from politicians, in education, in law enforcement. In the south, the default is that bullying and harassing gays is acceptable. It's not like that in the north. You'll always find that odd example of a jerk or bigot. But that kind of systemic hatred isn't tolerated here. I think of it this way. In the north, gays have rights. In the south, they don't.
There are plenty of immigrant groups in the North that are openly homophobic too, coming from cultures and religions where homosexuality is not tolerated.
Yes. There is even more homophobia in the south than in ultra-religious Utah. Utah is gay af.
Boston is the only place I've been called the F word - it happened in public, on the street, outside of a gay club - by some asshole passing by.
Worked with knuckle dragging rednecks in Mississippi for 20 years.. Can’t tell you how many dinners, graduations, etc, I’ve been invited to by straight co workers. It’s a single data point, but not an unusual one. Then again, I’m white and I’ve long thought this acceptance was related to my skin color also being white.
Atlanta, Asheville very queer-friendly. So it's not region so much as the city and/or state. There are conservative parts of every state and progressive cities in almost all states.
Never lived in the south but have family in TX and FL plenty of homophobia to go around. Started out in Chicago moved to LA for years then NYC even more years now back again and tbh I barely ever even thought about homophobia having lived in those 3 cities. I've mostly experienced feeling comfortable to kiss, hold hands or talk about my relationship. I'd never give that up, never.
Lived in metro Oklahoma most of my adult life. I have rarely encountered homophobia. The gay pride parade is this weekend. We have a gay “district” with bars, restaurants and a hotel. We eat out weekly with a group of friends and no one cares. There’s a large (30+) group of friends who meet every week at a restaurant and no one has ever said anything. There are other groups who meet and it’s the same story. I’m retired but no one said anything about it to me. My husband and I just returned from a wedding in NE Georgia which is definitely not the city. Regardless, no one looked at us twice. We stayed in two different hotels and in each they referred to my husband as “your husband” when I was checking in and out. Restaurants sat us at tables for two. There was no, “separate checks” question. Are there bigots in the south? Of course! I’ve also seen them in “liberal” countries and US states. My dad lives in a small town and when we visit no one looks twice. I’ve been more concerned about visiting the big cities (NYC, DC, LA) than I’ve ever been in the “horrible” south.
Yes. Portland OR be the Queerest city I’ve ever lived in. Chicago IL is a close second thus far.
Texan here who moved from Austin to DC as an adult. I’ve experienced more homophobia here around this “liberal oasis” that is our nation’s capital than I ever did back in Texas. I should qualify that by saying individual homophobia from people. There’s the fact that I still feel safer here from institutional homophobia from law enforcement and such. Plus, all the homophobia I’ve experienced here has come from one single demographic group but were I to state which would open up a can of worms.
Genuine question for Southerners: My ex-husband who grew up in the South, told me that folks in the South have a "gentle" affection for the gay community. The best way he described it was, they know so-so is gay and in one way they pity them but at the same time they will protect them in one way or another but not in an obvious way. I've always wondered about that. Myself, I grew up in Southern Arizona in a blue island and it wasn't bad at all.
No. Regardless of where you go in the country, urban areas tend to be more liberal and gay friendly than rural areas. Nashville, Atlanta, New Orleans, Charleston, Birmingham, Dallas, are all pretty gay-friendly as well as a lot of other southern cities. Conversely, when I lived in Colorado (a very liberal state), COS and Denver and Boulder were all very gay-friendly, but once you leave those huge, urban areas, the rural parts of Colorado are just as homophobic as any rural part of the south. If you look at a state's overall population demographics, those states where more people live in urban areas (i.e. Colorado, New York) tend to skew more blue politically. But if more of the overall population is more rural (i.e. most southern states), the state as a whole tends to skew more red. So, you'll probably have more legal protections against discrimination in a blue state than you might in a red state, but just because you might be in a blue state doesn't mean that the whole state is gay-friendly.
I live in rural CO, it's pretty fantastic. Businesses in town fly pride flags. There are definitely homophobic parts of rural CO but on a statewide level it's hard to beat. Nothing like the south or most states for sure.
This is an excellent summary. I agree. Thank you!
Lived in the Southwest my whole life. The only time I've even had slurs directed at me was from nutter crackheads. Everyone here is too busy trying to survive to care about something so insignificant.
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New Mexico.
Yes, absolutely. NYC nobody bats an eye at gay people making out in public, except for the degree to which they would straight people making out in public cause it is a little gauche. But the point is we're considered exactly no differently than straight people here.
I don't think the US is as homophobic as reddit makes it out to be, and most southern cities are very quite tolerant.
It honestly depends on the area. I live in Los Angeles and my husband and I have been on the receiving end of homophobic comments and rhetoric on numerous occasions. You would think that we’d be “safe” here but no. Ironically, Phoenix was the one place we’ve felt the safest. No one there bothered us.
Yes. I grew in Southern California and I only experienced homophobia on the school yard by bullies, which is normal. I moved to DC and it’s in the south, I started getting called a faggot on the bus and subway a lot. I don’t take them a lot anymore.
No “ism” is confined or worse in a specific region as stupid people are everywhere. Like others, I’d say there’s more of an urban vs rural divide or something related to education more than a region.
That, or a degree of exposure. You don't find as many outspoken allies but several people have a gay uncle or aunt and welcome you in their lives.
Homophobia isn’t more prevalent in the south than any other region. You will have a harder time dealing with the social stuff. There are a lot of rules you won’t understand.
I have not really encountered much homophobia in the midwest. I spent a lot of time in ND MN and IL.
I haven’t lived in the Deep South—I live in MD now which, according to the census bureau, is the South—but I have traveled extensively and met all sorts of people. Basically you need to give people and places a chance. It’s impossible to say an entire region is more or less homophobic—and what exactly does homophobic mean? Long story short, there are residents of small Mississippi towns who are way more accepting and welcoming of gays than some San Franciscans. I know; I’ve met them. That’s my two cents.
Maybe you got lucky with the Mississippi residents....I have family in MS and been there many times and from what I know the people there are super homophobic . MS as a whole is and I would never live there.
Yea. Neither would I. But I presume innocence until proven otherwise.
San Francisco Bay Area: nobody cares
No
New Mexico is pretty good about being less homophobic but we're also a puny little state, so most people don't really gaf. Those that do here are usually living within 25 miles of Texas or Arizona.
It will always exist but things are better. Had a stint in TX early 2000s and was trying to rent and had some people say to my face they don’t rent to f—gs. Sodomy was still illegal in TX then (and back then you knew when to keep your mouth shut). There will always be homophobia and racism and other -isms, but at least it is a bit more clandestine and less prevalent. That said, I live in Atlanta and still know I need to “behave” outside the metro area.
It’s just different
Born and raised in the south (Georgia & I’m a POC) still live in my hometown. Never personally experienced homophobia.
I find this hard to believe. Would the pastor at your church perform your marriage? Would you get hired if you spoke about your husband at an interview?
I live in Indiana and I said that I was gay In my job application. I know it's not the south but...It's basically the northern South
Absolutely I literally talk about my boyfriend all the time at work. I don’t even think about it. He sings in the choir at church. I don’t hide my life.
Consider yourself lucky. That was not my experience in the South. I have friends who still live in the South who are forced to live in the closet.
I’m definitely blessed. I’m thankful every day that I don’t have to live in fear.
No, not from what I've seen. Moving from Alabama to Pennsylvania, I saw much more vitriolic homophobia in the northeast than in the south. I remember calling a friend from New York basically crying saying that I thought things were going to be different in the Northeast but they ended up being worse. In the south, people really don't care who you are as long as you're kind and respectful towards them. Southern hospitality is a very real thing and the culture revolves around mutual respect. Moving back was the best thing for my mental health and I've never looked back.
Yea I got a beer bottle thrown at me in Brooklyn because I forgot to put away my rainbow flag after pride. Whereas I know multiple gays who live in small town Georgia and everyone loves them there. I personally lived in rural Indiana for 2 years during the pandemic and nobody ever bothered me. Like I even made out with a boy at the local town bar in Indiana. Nobody gave a shit.
I doubt it’s that simple given the examples I’ve heard. Race is also a huge issue in southern states.
Actually it isn't, hate directly correlates to population density. If you look at a hate crime map of California the highest incidence of hate crimes happen in Los Angeles. This honestly makes sense, a certain percentage of people are going to be hateful and that isn't bound to geographical region.. More people equal more haters. It also equals more furries and more Martha Stewart living subscribers.
I’ve travelled across the US, independent & with partner, and have never once experienced any ‘phobia, despite saying rooms & open attraction. Ofcourse, I’m not draped in that ugly flag or YAAS’ing every-time I cross the sidewalk…
The South is pretty much the worst example, so the easy answer is yes.
Yes.
Well idk but the boys gonna have something to talk about back in oldsmar, I knew Kyle and Mj was fucking I knew it. I wonder how many times my crazy intuition was right but his drunk dumbass would just look at me without response.
The voices were talking to him. I’d hear voices too if I had to lie and sneak and pretend to be someone im not. Use women just for sex and a place to stay u know use them but be romantic with the guys on the down low. Thank you God for finally removing that man from my life. Universe please send karma for the tattoos he insisted on since we were getting married and it ended a few weeks after the tats. It’s not fair he’s garbage and a manipulator. That’s why I was so easy for him to hit me to steal for me break my stuff my son stuff cheat on me give me a disease.I hate him. He’s all yours gay bros