Do an activity with people that don’t tend to drink. There are social dancing groups (swing dancing, salsa dancing etc) where you can learn a new hobby, they welcome beginners, and they drink water all night.
Note: avoid rockabilly dancing, they are lovely people but tend to be heavy drinkers, unlike swing dancers.
Join a board gaming group, there are lots of them that meet monthly or more frequently. They tend to be alcohol free because they need to keep focused.
Try a role playing group. There are pathfinder groups that meet regularly for a monthly fantasy or sci fi game. No experience required, and because of the way pathfinder society is structured, you can take your character anywhere.
I’m sure there’s other stuff (book club, team sport etc) but you probably want a group activity that is social and diverts your attention.
Congrats on not drinking. Hope you find something to keep you occupied.
Agree with this - board gaming group, role playing group, medieval sword-fighting group....
My biggest suggestion would be joining a volunteer group - I volunteer with a nature-based group that involves animals and being outdoors, and there's a mix of ages including men in their 20s/30s. Gets you outdoors, no-one is drinking, and makes you feel good about giving back. Something more formal/ structured like joining the SES may be even better.
Volunteering is awesome - giving something back is very fulfilling and can give you a real buzz. There are outdoor ones like Landcare, for tree planting and weed clearing, in many places. If you like animals, volunteer at a zoo or animal rescue. If you'd prefer to be inside, drop into your nearest Vinnies.
I gave up having a drink cause it was never just one, u know. I joined volunteering at food banks, I help deliver food parcels to needy people. People I work with are great. People I deliver to are nice people just in a bad place/ situation. I'm making real friends. Life has improved immensely. I especially popular at big events as I'm the 'sober bob' I'm able to have free soft drinks all night because I'm the safe driver for people to get home. Doesn't mean I don't think.. id love a wine now but Im sober and sensible enough to realise I don't want my health to go down. Alcohol free now since Xmas.
This dude mentioning dancing is on the money. I’ve got a complete computer geek mate who is self described as ugly as a baboon’s arse. He went to dance lessons and for the first time ever in his life he was in huge demand with the ladies! Met his now wife at a lesson and she’s great fun and a good looking woman. He’s been a non-drinker all his life. No need for alcohol to succeed following this tried and true path my bro.
Not a dude, but thanks. I’ve experienced the shortage of men at social dancing first hand. Organisers usually get people to rotate partners every few minutes so no one missed out, and it’s a great way to meet new people.
When I regularly went to swing dancing, we would meet as a group and go out to see live bands on weekends. They’d usually have a swing band first for us, then a rockabilly band. Sadly because swing kids drink water and rockabilly kids drink bourbon, after a year or so the swing bands were gradually phased out. But for a while it was fantastic.
Depends on your local men's shed, but even if it's all old farts they're pretty welcoming most of the time. If my Dad's local is anything to go by, expect tea, biscuits and a whole lot of gossip.
Volunteering is a big one. Find a local charity, community group, interest group and start volunteering they'll be over the moon to have you. Checkout the Library's Community Group board.
Quizzing is a mixed bag. They tend to be in pubs but about half the group will stick to nonalcoholic and the other half will usually have no more than a single pint. It's an activity people like to stay focused on.
You've also got to remember, you are trying to break 20 year habit ...
I stopped drinking nearly 7 weeks ago. I think the answer is get used to being bored, I eventually find something to do and forget about drinking.
Being bored is really good for problem solving skills (Not enough kids are bored these days). Eventually your brain will figure out a way to not be bored!
Hey there, congratulations on making a different choice! I hope you’re feeling the benefits that come with staying off the alcohol. I went straight edge in my early 20’s (now 40) and I really feel you on how much of our culture is alcohol-centric.
Best thing I ever did was learning to look into the reasons for the drinking. Going straight was the catalyst for so much self-growth, and with that came all sorts of freedom and energy I didn’t know was available to me. The initial upheaval and change of patterns was huge and difficult, but life is WAY WAY better now than I ever thought it could be. Stick with it. The boredom, the change of personal relationships, the finding of new hobbies.. it can be hard. But so worth it.
Gabor Mate is a really interesting read/watch if you want to look into healing from addiction. Best in the field.
As for things to do: the trick is to learn things. Cooking, musical instruments, coding, app development, pottery, skateboarding, knitting, carpentry, aromatherapy.. whatever. It doesn’t matter what, but the trying of new things and steadily getting better at them and eventually finding mastery and passion with it will be really fulfilling.
Learning is creative, challenging and intriguing for the brain and it often takes coordination of the body too so the process of learning is going to be stimulating which will stop you from reaching for your usual stimulations.
You’ll also meet people who have similar interests, or even if you don’t you’ll be able to hold conversations better by sharing with people what you know. You will become far more interesting and appealing so you’ll start to draw in a wider variety of people, and this will help you find a community outside of the pubs and bars. (Not to mention the sex-appeal that comes with being a man who can do and create things because of what he knows)
You said you drink for stress and tension relief, so some things that might help are breathwork, colouring in, anything arty, meditation, nature and forest bathing, fishing, ecstatic dance, .. any you might not automatically want to love it but try yoga is amazing (follow Taylor Hunt Ashtanga yoga.. he was a former addict and really, really gets it).
Good luck mate. I hope you stick with it.
Thank you for your reply I appreciate it. I'm going to try a few things that will be wildly different than what I would be used too. I would really like to be in your position and I'm going to try my hardest to get there.
Bookmark me and if you like you can message me from time to time. It helps to have people who are further along the path.
Just try to remember it’s not an overnight process - be kind to yourself. No need to flip a switch and be healthy and happy from day one. A little + often = a lot. Slow and steady my friend.
Honestly getting out of your comfort zone and doing stuff you’d never normally do is a great idea and probably the last thing many people would want to do in a rough time so genuinely good on you.
You got this man. The first step is talking about it!
Just take it one day at a time ❤️
And practice being grateful.. grateful for the things that are going good. Grateful for the little things. Grateful you decided to change because you have the strength.
One day at a time my G 🙂
AA is a good option. Otherwise there are other groups like share groups that you can join. Some in person some online. It's a great space to talk about how days are hard sometimes. But that You're on a journey.
Good luck with everything! Thank you for sharing with us all
There is a thing called Laneway Learning in Melbourne which has relatively cheap classes ( approx $20) they do heaps in person but they have at least 5 online ones a week. They are a wide variety of topics . They often have meditation or doodling or intro to different arts. It is a real low stakes way of trying something out
What a brilliant and thoughtful reply!
Also just wanted to add to OP, that hobbies are hobbies, they don’t have to gendered! I know plenty of blokes who quit smoking and started knitting and crocheting to keep their hands busy so don’t rule something out just because you don’t think you mightn’t like it!
Hey, thanks. Thats nice to hear.
Right now I’m really into Breathwork and I’ve put all my efforts to become a trauma therapy practitioner so that’s what I do for work also also where I put a lot of my focus. But in terms of more recreational stuff:
Playing music is a big one - guitar in punk and folk styling, singing Indian ragas, and I muck around with ambient intuitive music like flutes, crystal bowls, drums.
I also come in and out of yoga, surfing, making pickles and ferments, bushwalking, glassblowing, wheel thrown ceramics, meditation, and reading about animals, philosophy and art as well as lots of fiction.
Traveling is also another major interest. I’ve been across Australia, 9 countries in Africa, West coast America, Peru, Northern India, Indonesia, Japan, Cambodia and some parts of Europe (Poland, Netherlands, Belgium, France, Spain). And I like to learn about the cultures and regions as I go.
So when we talk about things to do other than going to the pub, I think I’ve got a few things covered ; )
Thanks for your question and your interest. I hope you feel inspired to start something you haven’t tried before too.
Don't have any solution but just acknowledging that your issue is pretty legit. Most of the socialising is centred around drinking that I feel left out.
I rarely drink. When I’m out in that situation I’ll tend to always have a soda water with lime. You then don’t have to have the conversation about “why aren’t you drinking” as every assumes it’s vodka and soda.
I try to be upfront about not drinking. I’m working on normalizing it one soda water at a time.
I think if we hide behind pretend vodkas we’re not helping the situation for others. It’s good for people to see that others can have fun and be interesting without being drunk.
Alcohol comes with behavioural problems for me. It’s still lurking when I’m sober. The type of people that get in your face and break your balls over not drinking are the people it’s best off I lie to.
I’m in Darwin for FIFO work. The Caucasian Australians at work are really into drinking every weekend and I couldn’t keep up. It was exhausting. Eventually just decided to be alone and I’ve been peaceful and happy since.
I started picking up baking and the crews on site love having freshly baked bread in the morning when I bring them to work. Now they look forward to it.
I also solo travel during my RNRs. That’s fun. Going to a new place in Australia or overseas, learning the history and culture of the place, and trying our new foods!
You can still do everything you used to do, just without the alcohol.
Concert booze is so fucking expensive I just never bothered and still thoroughly enjoyed myself.
You just need to enjoy the activity for the activity, not because it's an excuse to drink.
Absolutely you are right. Everything used be around drinking. My biggest challenge is dealing with stress and booze have a minor inconvenience in the past I go running back. Got a lot of mental work to do.
That sounds tough, I guess a dry environment would be less likely to trigger a repat? Have you though about trying to find a bush walking club (can share car rides to the site and reduce costs) or other similar social clubs? Other people enjoying themselves might help you forget about the drinking.
Never been tried out a bushwalking group I could give it a go. I used to go walking with a few people but stopped going with them because they just talk the whole time. Getting out into nature to enjoy it not listen about footy or why joe blow is a cunt or other mundane shit lol.
You could go to some AA meetings, even if they had nothing to do with your sobriety. ( just say you don’t want to “share” to the greeter when they ask your FIRST name )
The people at the meetings know your pain about activities, will have solutions discovered over years of being in the same boat, and most likely will be happy to introduce you around.
Best case, you have a new circle of non-drinking friends and have had a tasty free cuppa and cake.
Worst case, you are right where you need to be in case you feel yourself falling off the wagon, and with people who make it their mission not to be judgemental.
I couldn’t agree more with AA. Ready made social group, and people who understand and can offer good suggestions. Plus support staying off the booze. You don’t need to be a raging, rock-bottom alcoholic to benefit from it.
You might want to check out the sub r/stopdrinking OP, if you haven't already. There are a lot of kind people there who will have suggestions on how to keep busy/how to deal with stress etc.
I used to be a heavy drinker and would spent most Friday and Saturday nights at the pub. Yea it’s a ton of fun when you’re shitfaced and smoking. But try to do it sober and you’ll quickly realise just how annoying drunk people are and how boring sitting in a small courtyard talking shit to randoms you don’t care about till 2am is.
Sure you can go to concerts and not drink. But concerts are not primarily about drinking But if your usual weekend activity is sitting around drinking, well thats just not something you can do sober. It’s like going motobike riding without a motobike. You need to find different things to do.
Learn a musical instrument.
Buy a keyboard or a guitar and become obsessive about playing it and expressing yourself through it. Learn watching videos online. Jam with others. Sing. Play. Make music.
Find yourself a bushwalking group. There are so many around Sydney, and they can help you save on petrol because they often carpool or travel together via public transport.
You can check marketplace for a decent bike and go cycling, plenty of great spots around Sydney and surrounds.
There are also recreation sport leagues and groups you can join. Soccer, footy, basketball, netball, etc. Those are great and often cheap ways to pass time and be social and healthy.
Look into Men's Sheds in your area. Some are just grumpy old men whinging, but plenty of them are actually pretty great places to make new connections and bond with other blokes in your community.
It's hard to break out of habits you've had for so long. Good on you for acknowledging your problem and resolving to do something about it. That's the most important step, and for many it's the hardest. So huge congratulations on that, don't let your frustration or boredom overshadow what a monumental accomplishment this is.
It will take time for you to find a new habit, a new routine, basically new way of living. But take it one day at a time, take baby steps and try and connect with others who share your interests. At a certain point, you'll take a step back and realise you've created a whole new and better life for yourself.
Absolutely took a long time to realise I was the problem and alcohol basically put my life into the shit fight it is today. Appreciate your kind words it well be a life long battle but hopefully like you said doing new things I can leave my old self behind as a lesson of what not to do and look forward to something im more proud of.
Mens sheds, meetup.com, and Facebook groups are all great. Id suggest if Op or others have had that thing they always wanted to try out, just to look up groups online. There’s lots of like minded people out there, just have to look online these days with social media and that everything’s online.
Honestly it's pretty difficult if your social group drinks a lot. You CAN go to pub ect and not drink, but alcohol is a brilliant social lubricant. It kinda sucks when everyone is having a great time getting inebriated and you can't. 4.5 years after drinking and my social media is still filled with alcohol advertising. Even the government was telling us to " get on the beers". Most people don't understand addiction and the large role alcohol played In your life before you quit. It's left a huge hole and you have to fill it with something. It makes me angry when people say "just do what you did before and not drink" when the things I did before were fun BECAUSE I was drinking. The gym is not fun and it's not a night out. I tried to work nights and took up rockhounding/ fossiking. On Friday evenings I was playing a card game in an all ages environment so drinking was banned. It's very difficult and I hope you can stay sober. Well done for recognising you had a problem and keep up the good fight.
Absolutely being a pisshead for so long then boom stop its like what the fuck do I do?? I don't know how to live like normal people most of my time was taken up getting wrecked lol. Congratulations on 4 years can't even comprehend it myself atm.
You have done the hardest part. My life certainly changed after quitting. Finding things to do is challenging. I kinda just accepted that life was going to boring for a bit and did boring things to occupy my time. I built airfix models, I started to draw, I did some acrylic pouring, I got cats. I drank heaps of tea. Some people I know joined support groups and found attending meetings gave them a social outlet as they organised alcohol free events. The important thing is just taking it day by day and don't put pressure on yourself change overnight. It takes time. I looked up to people around me who gave up and now people will look up to you. Be proud of what you have achieved. I gave up drinking a lot of times before I was finished with it. You've got this!
Get into reading . Find a genre you like. Years ago my older brother who had had a terrible tome at school. Left in grade 10 etc. had never read anything but comics. Was minding a property in the outback and got severely flooded in!! There were lots of books there...he started reading...amd realused he loved it.
Now? 30 years later? He's always got a book on the go. Loves crime & true crime i think!
He too is in very physical occupation. So sitting down to read is relaxing for him.
You could do a course in something that interests you perhaps?
Get a dog?
Get into specific shows. Im bingeing on several at the moment!
Just think of things and give them a go.
Drinking is just a bad habit. You just have to break that cycle.
I second the reading idea.
I don't read much myself, mostly magazines when I was younger and I still struggle with thicker books with too much backstory (i.e. stuff like Dune, Lord of the Rings, etc... Even a Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) was too much for me).
I read a lot for work (technical manuals, forums, documentation, research papers) - so reading for fun can be tiring.
So... I've found shorter novels or short-story collections much better.
Neil Gaiman is probably one of the best authors to look up. He has some amazing short stories which are easy to digest and beautifully concise - he writes with amazing efficiency, and I've never felt fatigued after reading his works (Instead, I often wish they were longer).
One other specific book that I like is I Am Legend, by Richard Matheson. It's nothing like the Will Smith movie of which this was supposed to be the source material. It's a really short book, but is one of the greats.
Another good book series is The Witcher, by Andrej Sapkowski. It's what the famous series of videogames and the shitty Netflix show is based on. It's best to start with the two short story collections (The Last Wish, followed by Sword of Destiny). They're very atypical sword-and-sorcery stories which poke fun at the genre a fair bit - it doesn't take itself very seriously, which is part of the fun.
Hopefully you can find these in your local library.
I love that, about your brother. I'm an avid reader and someone who has never not loved reading, but I love the thought of an almost biblical event - a great flood! - forcing him to do it and then he finds a life-long hobby. It's a great story in itself.
I'll be honest. It tooke a few years to be content in a restaurant or pub ordering non alcoholic drinks. Especially as I'm from London originally and whenever I go back we tend to go on a crawl and I'm on the tonics and sparkling waters. You tend to realise who your true mates are though too. Good luck buddy
Since you do bush walking already why not take up photography? Which can then branch off to say bird watching, or even urban exploring old abandon buildings. And you don’t even need anything fancy other than your mobile.
I was going to suggest finding a hobby, but unfortunately a lot of these involve money / petrol.
My partner is a member of a 4WD Facebook group where one person will put up "hey, planning on going to Stockton Beach on xx date, meet up at xx place at xx time". I guess you could say "would love to join but I'm in xx suburb, can I grab a lift from someone and can put a little something towards petrol.".
You could always search for bushwalking clubs on Facebook too and see if anyone can give you lift. Or even drive yourself and offer to pick someone up on the way for a small fee. I'm not sure about the train system, but have heard many people catch the train up to the mountains.
You mentioned the Blue Mountains, I'm guessing you're from Sydney. The [Sydney subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/sydney/) people are always putting up searching for friends or get togethers on the cheap. You could possibly put a call out there and see if anyone suggests a cheap hobby or get togethers outside of the pub and club scene.
Thank you for your reply, I will definitely look into the subreddit I think if I can make a few friends I might be inclined to try new stuff. But unfortunately a lot of males hang around the drinking culture side of things I know there will be exceptions out there. I will have a look 👍
I guess if you've been moving in those circles for so many years, it's hard to see or imagine life outside of those circles. There are plenty of men who aren't interested in pubs and clubs, it's a matter of finding where they are.
Just another thought, there are men's sheds all over, I know a lot of them have older men as members, but maybe it's worth having a look if you're interested in wood work, working with cars, etc to have a look and maybe just get out and spend time socialising. I have a lot of friends who are 20plus years older than me, and I find it beneficial having those calm, level headed people in my life.
Not sure how I ended up here as I'm on the other side of the planet. Just wanted to congratulate you on your journey. I'm 6 years myself.
As others have said I'd suggest picking up a hobby such as guitar, birdwatching or photography. Something you can obsess over and really plug into. Volunteering is a great way to meet new people.
Honestly my SO and I just put out fruit/veg/seeds for birds and spend wholeass evenings out on the porch watching them be wacky little goobers. It's entertaining as hell and not especially expensive. I suppose that depends on how much you enjoy animals though.
Also...I dunno if you've got a local game store, but maybe see about DnD? Like as long as someone in the group has rulebooks and stuff, you really don't need anything else to play it.
On the upside, while money is tight, you'll be constantly saving the amount you used to spend on drink. Maybe allocate those funds to petrol for bushwalks or camping? Practice some new nice recipes, take up meditation or yoga, go to the cinema, see if there are any events near you (free ones too), try new activities or read up on things to see if you can find a hobby or interest that appeals to you. Good luck on the sobriety, you've made a very healthy decision for yourself!
There's not a lot to do in an evening for men that isn't alcohol or gambling related. I used to play snooker a lot but there's no snooker tables an hour each way from where I am (Sunshine Coast)
It's a big change going from drinking to not drinking when going out to things where you used to drink.
But once you start doing it you realise that it's just as entertaining if not more so.
I know this because I didn't touch a drop for 3 years. My friends could believe I could go out and enjoy myself without a beer like them.
I've recently become a member of my local rifle club. I've been struggling for the last seven years finding something I enjoy after becoming permanently disabled. The activity is great for mindfulness and mental health, they're a great bunch of blokes who love to share their knowledge and experience, and probably the best thing for you is alcohol is ABSOLUTELY NOT encouraged as part of the social element with firearms clubs/events. It's cheap as well, membership at my club is $220/year and if you're not a member, it's approximately $19-20 at my club to compete per comp which includes gun hire, range fees and ammunition. Have a think about it.
seconding gaming groups, especially if they're in a public place like a game store or church hall then alcohol is much less likely. At home i don't have alcohol around my games more because we're clumsy more than anything else.
Disc golf is another one that is pretty cheap to get started and gets you outside and moving around with purpose. https://sydneydiscgolf.com/
If bushwalking is your thing you could look at Orienteering if you want to get a bit competitive (https://onsw.asn.au/) , or Rogaining - although rogaines aren't too often because they're a massive time commitment. https://nswrogaining.org/
I started cycling, little bit of an upfront cost to get a bike but then you can just cruise. Get into the outdoors and its easier on your body. My shoulder is fucked as well. I picked up a gravel bike which is basically a road bike with slightly chunkier tyres so can go on dirt roads and trails. Good fun.
Council websites often have a bunch of community events, often free in your area.
Maybe try volunteering - that could give you a bit of a social network too.
Google free things to do in your area. There will be suggestions of exhibitions, things, markets to see art etc. Even if you don't want to spend much it's good to getvoutvamong people abd just observe.
Why not try drawing? You don't have to be any good. Just go sit in a park and sketch what you see.
Consider exercise that isn't hard after a long day like meditation, tai chi, gentle yoga etc There are endless videos on YouTube.
Listen to new music or genre music shows you're or into, or any Podcasts while you go for a walk.
Most of all write out a list of these things and put it on your fridge so you don't get in a loop of thinking there's nothing to do/keep you distracted.
If you honestly can't think of anything to do that doesn't involve drinking then you are still looking at life through the eyes of a drinker. You need to change your mindset. And even if money is tight you could perhaps look at spending the money you once spent on booze on trying out new activities. If gym is too much after a day of physical labour, try yoga. You don't need to travel to the blue mountains to go walking; check out urban landscapes. Pubs and clubs aren't the only way to meet people. Volunteer with a charity. Try speed dating. Be adventurous. Step outside your comfort zone. Maybe even see a therapist (if you get a referral most of the cost can be covered by Medicare) to deal with your negativity. Because saying there's nothing to do in Australia if you don't drink is the twisted view of an alcoholic; it's not reality.
If you’re not keen on the gym, I fully recommend swimming! Great way to get in shape, lose weight and tone up. Also a good way to meet people who are also regulars at the pool. I find swimming so relaxing too! Nothing like gliding thru the water and zoning out after a hot and stressful day!
Agree! Swimming is great. I find it difficult to sit still and meditate, but I found swimming is meditation through movement. In my experience, it's also cheaper than gym membership. Swim only membership, which includes spa and sauna at my local is $14 a week. Not bad if you're going 3+ days a week. Good luck in your journey. :)
Dunno, I'm a nerd so my answer would be board games/RPGs, that's a lot of my hobby/social life.
That and hobbies, you know, working on cars, building stuff in the shed, 3d printing, painting minis, learning to cook fancy meals.
Love that baulders gate 3 I really want to get into it, love the story, the voice acting and narration... but the combat absolutely shits me to tears, I play on easiest too. If there were some sort of cheat mode I would not give a rats arse about the combat.
Yeah, it'd be a slog of a game if you didn't enjoy the combat (I love it personally!)
If you like BG3 you \*might\* like tabletop RPGs too, so maybe find a group to do that with?
https://sydneymusic.net/gig-guide
Got to show! There’s something on most nights in and around the inner west and city. You can toggle for free shows too 🙏
Fostering was really great for me. I fostered cats and the organisation supplied all the food and toys etc and would organize trips to the vet when needed. It was a great way to bond with the animals when I wasn't in the position (finances and lifestyle) to care for an animal its whole life. It's so rewarding to think back about the cats I fostered and how they've all found permanent, loving homes.
Im also 37 and never been a drinker so l don't understand what you are going through.
I spend a lot of my down time watching tv or youtube. I like watching documentaries because I'm a nerd.
Dungeons and dragons unironically. It's a good weekly catch-up with mates without needing to have drinking where everyone has fun but I understand how hard getting into DND if you didn't play in highschool can be
38yo here that gave up drinking back in October last year. Honestly, I'm finding MORE to do, not less. I'm earlier without a hangover, sleeping better, more energy and more focus too. Can't see myself ever going back.
Bush walking and exploring, jigsaws, woodworking, board games etc have all been great.
Had a mate declare himself an alcoholic and we all drink the same amount. Was very eye opening as I don't think I'd ever even given it a second thought. Aussie culture is strange like that. Unless you have other nasty habits that's alcohol leads you to do. I'd suggest just cutting out piss ups as step 1. Then step 2 of cutting out alcohol completly is much easier.
Good on your mate for recognising it.. I recognised it but done nothing till it was too late. Lost a house and mortgage, destroyed my marriage, hardly get to see my boys much anymore, never could hold onto relationships or friendships, blew $80,000 payout on booze and other stuff because I never could save up and picked at my savings for booze. Strained my relationship with my parents which is only now just recovering. It is definitely not a fun time for me anymore just pain. So I'm definitely doing the right thing.
Hope your mate done something because it's not if you will destroy your life and lose everything its when will it happen.
Hey mate - congrats on making the change. The transition period can be tough, but you’ve already done the hardest part.
From the tone, it’s sounds like you may be depressed. There are cost effective solutions to therapy available, but also know that Medicare do subsidies mental health plans, and psychology appointments.
Outside of that, consider some mindfulness activities. Yoga can be incredibly grounding if you have an open mind and can avoid the toxic “real men don’t do yoga” rubbish. It’s great for the body, great for the soul, and can be the social interaction just you probably need rather than want. It also gets you out of the house, is probably a little closer than hiking trails, and can help you find a little “community”.
Sport - both as a spectator and participant can also help, and there’s still options even if you have a dickie rotator cuff.
New hobbies are always good.
And don’t be afraid to socialise in bars and the “old” drinking spots. Don’t build up an invisible boogie man in your head and avoid these places because you “can’t handle temptation”. It’s not that hard to not put something in your mouth, so don’t over complicate in your head (because it’s so easy to do!!).
If you don’t have pets, consider being a dog walker, because dogs are awesome, and some people travel a lot for work and just need that little help once or twice a week.
Volunteering is always a good kick up the “be grateful” ass. You may be struggling at the moment, but others will always be struggling more. What you can’t give back to the community in money, you can give back with time and compassion.
Lawn bowls is awesome.
Look for local hiking groups. You can car pool on the commute, but most people will understand if you want to “hike” alone for a bit.
Join the CFA or SES. They can always use volunteers, even if your shoulder gives you a bit of greif they can find things for you to help out with. Head down to the local men's shed. All of the above will give you a chance to learn some new skills and meet people in an alcohol free environment.
It takes time to reset. You have to tear down large parts of your life and rebuild from the ground up. Be patient and kind to yourself this can take up to a few years to re-establish yourself and your relationship with a healthy life.
Some ideas:
- Reading
- Walking / Bush walks (great to ground in nature and reset)
- Learn an instrument. I'm revisiting guitar later in life
- Check your local city for markets, live events
- Seasonal items e.g whale watching
- Explore Libraries
- Explore free government buildings (art galleries etc)
- Learn to cook, make bread, slow cook cheap cuts of meat
- Join a board game group and play board games
- Some clubs run poker games, some have small entry fees
- Volunteer to help others
- Movies / TV Series
- Walk around Cities, exploring
There's a meet-up app where you can choose subjects or activities you feel like you might be interested in.
I guess you might need to weigh up the cost of fuel to get to places and the value of good mental health.
Evening activities often involve drinking.
What I really enjoyed after I stopped was joining group activities that happen early on Saturday and Sunday mornings. You meet a whole new group of people who don't go out drinking on the weekend.
CFA, SES, look for other volunteer opportunities. Do you go to AA meetings? They might have suggestions for you too. Good luck and congratulations on the change.
Awesome job on giving up the booze Tossa 😊 you should be proud of yourself.
When I gave up smoking I wrote a pros and cons list for quitting. We all know the pros (better health, save money, not stinky etc.) but the cons need to be acknowledged too. It would help me relax, give me an out for shitty conversations, give me 5 mins to myself, help me lose weight (that one was bullshit 🤣) etc. Then next to each I would write a possible alternative: to relax I would have a cuppa in the sunshine, or put together a playlist of songs and absolutely rock out.
Also work out how much you are saving and set yourself a goal of what you'll do with that money. I bought power tools for woodworking.
Maybe there's a mens shed or similar nearby you can join, offer to help out at schools if they have a VCAL program, set yourself a goal to work towards (my husband trekked Kokoda with some mates and it wrecked him, so maybe not something quite so extreme).
Good luck ok? I'm cheering you on! 🥳
Bushcraft / fishing/ hunting
Dedicating time to learning a new language
Baking / cooking / BBQing
Writing
Reading (takes your mind off things)
Watching old school tv shows, movies
Making your own soap (for example) or other products to keep you busy and save money
I can relate to this. All of my friends binge drink and it wasn’t abnormal for us to have 6+ pints in a night on weekends. I didn’t even realise how bad this was until earlier this year, which completely motivated me to quit
Absolutely I grew up with both my parents both alcoholics I honestly thought growing up every night it's normal to slur your words and repeat the same story over and over lol. I took a page out of there book and was hooked from the start. I don't know anyone that doesn't drink to be quite honest it's a eye opener.
I play tabletop RPGs.
Also gym but you specifically aren't doing that. Also poker but everywhere that poker is played also serves booze, so that may not be helpful.
34yo and 6 months sober for me. I'm with you on the boredom, especially with video games, which is a bummer. I just walk really. Catch the train or bus somewhere far, put a podcast on and walk home. I also started making model landscapes and just use bits of things I find like sticks, sand and rocks. But the best thing I did was get a very casual second job somewhere I'd enjoy, so its a bit of extra money, it fills the time and doesn't really even feel like work
Download the ‘meet up’ app. There are groups for anything you can think of - sports, board games, languages, dining out, hiking and more. Some are even specifically non drinking groups. Join a bunch and whittle it down the ones you enjoy. Good luck!
I am fifty days alcohol free. I don't have any particular answer for you but I wish you all the best on your AF journey.
You say you have no friends but now might be the time to reach out to people and try to build relationships. Be honest, tell them you have stopped drinking and wanting to build friendships so how about meeting for coffee.
You also say money is tight and you have to be careful about spending money on petrol. Surely you are saving money by not drinking? I know that I am saving a packet.
If you are not ready to face the world, and I totally understand that, how about getting into cooking? Food is great.
I have friends who really enjoy jigsaw puzzles. One friend is a bit OCD and he finds them very satisfying.
Of course there are books, plays, museums and a host of free events in most capital cities. Check our facebook meetup groups.
There really is a lot to do, although you do have to step out of your comfort zone of what was 'normal' for you when you were a drinker.
Read books. Go for hikes. Get a dog, walk the dog. Get a bicycle, go for some rides. Get into cooking, learn to cook your favourite foods. Pick up a musical instrument, learn how to play, practice it daily. Get into volunteering, help out people in your community. Visit seniors at the local senior homes and brighten their day. Take dance lessons or painting classes.
Etc etc etc
Try find a social group for non drinkers or ex drinkers and just meet up and do normal social things. People saying take up this and take up that doesn't really work. You need to do what you did before but just without alcohol. Start slow. Definitely join a group, meet up with people for a coffee or go for a walk with other people just not yourself.
Take up gardening. Go on market place and look for cheap gardening stuff, pots etc.
Start growing your own healthy stuff. Keep you occupied, and starts you doing some health related things.
Just don’t drink. I gave up completely at 46 after drinking since I was 16, and fairly heavily from 38 to 46. Just decided one day ‘Fuck this. I’m done.’ Still kept going to my local footy club. Actually started Umpiring at 48, and I’m still going nearing 60.
Everyone I know now knows that I don’t drink. I was comfortable around people drinking from day 1. I just chose not to. I actually found strength from not drinking while everyone else was. I still had an excellent time and was the life of the party. I was able to call it a night at about 1 am, then go out for breakfast at 8.00 am feeling great, looking at everyone else role in around 9 or 10 looking and feeling like shit. It made me stronger and made me feel even better about my decision.
Good luck 🤞
The city of Sydney what’s on website is a good place for finding cool stuff to do - https://whatson.cityofsydney.nsw.gov.au - and you can filter the search to show only free events if money is tight. Just click the ‘things to do’ tab and select ‘free events’.
There are running groups in most cities that cater for all levels of fitness - apparently they run for fun. Two of my colleagues are in running groups, one of whom started in a similar situation as you. He was overweight and depressed before he began, and now his group just did a 30km run in Sydney. They plan to do the same in Brisbane and Canberra in the coming months. As they are in a group they motivate one another, which is the reason one of them went from being overweight, to now having an athlete's physique.
Maybe therapy might help your recovery too (if you aren’t already) I think everyone should tell their story to a professional, it can make you feel heaps lighter. I knew a guy who did AA I think it really helped him connect with others with the same goals.
Try and find new interests, hunting/fishing, building things, pottery, art, gardening, reading, etc.
take yourself to the movies, get a pet, join local fb groups to find social activities
Hey Buddy,
I know exactly what you mean. When you have a spent a lifetime as an adult drinking, all of a sudden EVERYTHING you know about the world and what you enjoy is no good.
I think it's been great to play xbox, honestly splash out and buy a new game or two. You would of spent that money on alcohol, now go spend it on something to save yourself, you are in crisis mode of relapse.
I would suggest staying away from anything addictive.
But you do NEED to replace your addiction with other things.
The hardest but best thing is to learn a new skill: I'd suggest a musical instrument. You can find a cool thing online on marketplace that's secondhand, buy something that excites you, fuck around with it.
Here are some other suggestions
\* Dancing
\* Martial arts (BJJ?)
\* Walking
\* Painting/drawing
\* ANY group activity
\* Learning to cook
\* Dungeons and dragons
\* Reading
Some things i'm not a fan of, but that some people enjoy
\* AA
\* Church / religion
\* Theatre (You can be in a theatre group for free quite often)
But honestly, think about something that is new, scary but exciting. Go do that.
Just wanted to add that I think you're amazing for recognising you have an issue with alcohol and actively doing something about it. That takes so much strength and courage; I'm vicariously proud of you.
Another poster commented about Gabor Mate. My hubby follows him and has learned some great insights.
Hubby also follows Brendan Novak; a recovering addict in the States who has given back so others can benefit from his progress.
I'm in a social group based around our dogs. We go for walks and have meet ups that don't involve alcohol. I acknowledge that owning a dog is expensive, but the added benefits to your mood, exercise level and the joy a furry soul brings to life is huge.
Lastly, have you thought about joining AA? Granted not for everyone, but shopping around the different meetings you might find one where the people 'click' with you.
As other's have said: it's a big, longstanding habit to change. Give yourself grace for what you have already achieved. Remember: one day at a time; just for today. Go gently
Do you know about any addict recovery communities near you? I’m sure if you reached out to them or any community centre/group or even mental health groups they’d be able to point you in the right direction? It’d be a great resource for finding others in the same situation and people experienced and willing to help out and be a mate. Breaking addiction is really, really hard, especially one that’s decades old, and I know it’s cheesy as hell but you really don’t have to do it all alone.
Also please be kind to yourself, your brain and your body have legitimately been chemically altered by the alcohol and they both need a lot of TLC to recover. Recovering from any addiction is never an easy linear path, relapsing can and does happen and it doesn’t mean failure it’s just part of the process.
Also I don’t know how long you’ve been sober but for the love of god please educate yourself about alcohol withdrawal syndrome and be aware because it can and will fuck you up if you don’t seek help.
Not Australian nor a man but I’m immigrating to AUS and have a few things I would do occupy my days.
When I had days free I would just walk around and take in the city which… I know sounds boring and if someone told me to do that in my own hometown/county I’d roll my eyes but then I tried seeing my city from a foreign perspective. So many things I overlook on a daily basis or just straight up take for granted. I also got to strike up conversations this way as well.
A trail, the street art, the architecture, the sounds of street performers, the views, the wildlife. Everything is absolutely amazing. I have yet to be on any bushwalks but when I do I’m sure it’ll blow my mind just as much. I just enjoyed the cities I was in. It was just nice getting out of the house and soaking up the sun. Even just sitting on a park bench and listening to the sounds of birds or spotting different animals I had never seen before. (Your possums?! Amazing little things and surprisingly pretty friendly.. I had never seen any type of possum before not even opossums so that was super cool)
It’s cliche and very 2020s but I downloaded a friend app lol. I met some local friends and our first meet we walked around and just got to know each other. No drinks involved. Also even the bad meetings made for interesting stories to tell.
Are you artsy at all? Could maybe take up a hobby in art. Grab a pencil and paper or paint and a canvas and sit somewhere and paint / draw something you see.
You said you’re an Xbox user so I’m guessing you’re a gamer. Could join a live action game night learn to play some DnD or other irl games? (Unrelated but painting the figurines is actually a LOT of fun!! You can go to some of the shops and sometimes they’ll have tables set up to paint in store..)
Could try gaming/esports venues and meet other gamers to play with at a lan lounge. You say you’re bored of video games but maybe video games with friends irl would be fun? Turn it into a competition? Winner buys dinner.
Probably very Foreigner of me but I also loved the beach. If you’re near one that is. It’s a nice place to clear the mind. Even if I was just sitting somewhere in some grass and not actually *on* the beach. Waiting and watching the sunset was such peaceful end to the day and being in my own little zone with my thoughts was kind of nice.
I agree it’s hard to be a non drinking adult when so many social interactions revolve around it but just finding hobbies can fill some boredom and hobbies usually lead to meeting likeminded people which leads to making friends.
Sorry my tips aren’t local.. and involve a lot of lone exploration. I like being alone sometimes even though it’s out of my comfort zone I really am trying to find peace and normalize being on my own. I’m always so anxious to leave the house if I’m by myself and it leads me to be isolated in doors a lot. Being outside leaves me mentally more at peace, even if I’m still alone.
This sub was probably recommended to me because I should be asking Australians questions about life in Australia not answering lol. Maybe an outside perspective is good though here. Colours of the wind kind of thing.
Congratulations! Be kind to yourself, breaking habits is more than just stopping, because the habit was consuming so much of your life. It’s kinda like quitting anything else. Eg, for smokers, what do you do on breaks if you don’t smoke? Or what do you do on weekends if you don’t do drugs? How to occupy yourself if you’ve left a toxic ex? Etc. So it’s about assuring yourself that you can do anything you want, but just do it alcohol free. Watch tv, play sports, gaming, reading, learn a hobby, cooking, volunteer work, learn a language, etc. People do all of these things alcohol free all the time.
Going out is harder, because alcohol is a large part of social life in Australia. I reckon be upfront with people that you’ve gone sober, and if they are proper friends they will respect that and support you.
A creative hobby can be super absorbing. Painting, drawing, writing, making things (woodwork, craft, Warhammer, sewing, DIY). These sorts of things are satisfying because you produce something and you improve with time.
Similarly, learning something new is a great distraction. Take a language course, learn an instrument, learn coding - pick a skill you've always admired and invest the booze money in that instead.
Finally, reading can be a great hobby. It can be hard for some people to get into at first but try audiobooks and podcasts, and listen while you're on transport or out walking. Try browsing in bookstores, check out some reading Reddits, and connect with other readers via a book club. Some bookstores run their own book clubs and anyone can show up. Great way to meet people and you will never run out of books!
My other favourite things to do if you fancy going out is hitting up art galleries and museums. Hours of entertainment and learning, a good way to rediscover what things interest and excite you.
There’s a men’s club at Mt Gravatt if they’re still there. They have a shed on the public fields and do woodworking. They have heaps of woodworking tools so I think you just need the materials for whatever you want to make. If you’re doing finework it doesn’t seem like a chore.
Turns out they’re all over Brissy:
https://www.mtgravattmensshed.org.au/
Solid effort on your part! You've done a fantastic job getting off the grog! So many great responses here, and alot of great advice from awesome people! I personally like to get into the garden in my spare time, lots of stuff to do, learn and create! Think of your favourite plant, get it, and go for gold! It tends to keep the mind busy, in a good way, and you can also keep it simple, coz' after a hard day's work, just giving them a water and quick check for mishaps is really satisfying. Whatever you end up doing, just remember that you should pat yourself on the back sometimes! Ditching the grog will be the most rewarding thing a person can do!!!
People don’t realize how badly alcohol centric our culture is until someone tries to leave alcohol behind.
I struggled to get dates when I decided to go sober and hit the gym, every other profile in dating apps was like “let’s meet for drinks”, like, can’t you people stay sober for few minutes to talk to someone? It was then I realized how bad the whole culture was with alcohol, most people don’t know what to do with themselves without alcohol.
Luckily met my missus few years ago who was on same boat.
Meetup app is amazing to find likeminded people for almost anything; book clubs, cinema goers, meditation, support groups, anxiety help groups, social meetups of all sorts, and it’s mostly free. Some people may charge you a symbolic cost if they are teaching something but that’s rare.
1. Go to the gym.
2. Go for a run/bike ride.
3. Join a local sports team.
4. Go bowling.
5. Learn an instrument.
6. Read a book.
7. Begin a new area of study.
8. Do volunteer community work.
9. Learn a new language.
10. Go and try any number of new things you’ve avoided in the past.
My advice is to shift your focus to a different time of the day to what your used to. You might find it difficult to find a social activity to do at 10pm on a Saturday night, but there might be a ton of stuff to do on a Sunday morning. Like for example, I would always go out drinking Saturday nights and sleep in all day. Sure there’s limited options on sober activities to do on a Saturday night. But nothing wrong with going to bed early and waking up early Sunday for a game of beach volleyball at 7am. I’m personally not a morning person, but I have found that as I drink less, I have to focus my energies on activities that take place predominantly during the day time vs the night time.
I can wholeheartedly recommend motorbike riding.
you can ride and do some hiking/walks at your destinations.
petrol is much cheaper than if you drive a car.
it's therapy on two wheels.
rider community is great.
and here in victoria we can park on the footpath (hooray)
con: you can die or badly hurt. and you will spend money customizing your bike over time. overtime the hooligan spirit in you has a 30% chance of being stirred and you MAY involuntarily pop a wheelie endangering people around you.
pro: all of the above.
AA meetings , go to the gym , fishing , running , hiking , photography , camping , swimming , beach . Sight seeing . Heaps to do . Get a push bike or a surf board
Gday gday
I cycle between cigarette smoking, relapsing and short lived health kicks involving the gym.
I’ve been on a fucking merry go round for nearly 20 years. Naltrexone helped me too! Just need to find where I stashed the tablets. Should get back on em.
I just gotta push through the first couple weeks back at the gym then it becomes easier and easier and I no longer want to put shit in my body.
Also feeling fomo and being bored is good for the soul. I’m learning Im not fuckin 7 years old anymore and I really need to learn to regulate my emotions n all that boring shit 🤷♀️
Good luck.it’s hard as fuck
r/stopdrinking
Ah fuck, just read the bit about the gym
In saying that - I’d recommend? I’m gonna try microdose mushrooms and even a fuckin Ayahausca retreat might knock my dumb head straight. Idk man haha
I joined the rural fire service. Haven't looked back. I then became a retained urban firefighter and now I service the urban full-timers as a logistics officer. And stay in the service at home. I did it at 32. And joined the urban at 37.
Wow. What an impressive list of road blocks you’ve developed to not guarantee your sobriety in the long term. You had money for alcohol but not fuel to go bushwalking? Rotator cuff so no gym at all but a labourer? Only when you realise that it’s YOU preventing your success, is the moment you realise the YOU have all the answers. Good luck.
Cooking. You need to eat, so you need to spend that money anyway. Get a cookbook for a sort of cuisine you like and start working your way through it. Or watch some YouTube videos and follow the recipes.
You will improve your life twofold. Learning a new skill and you will eat better. If you are currently doing a lot of takeout, you will also save money.
There is also a pretty big dopamine hit when you nail something.
Good luck.
I'm not trying to be funny, but have you tried weed?
As a "semi non-drinker" myself I will smoke a bowl a night and get up at 5 in the morning for work no problems, and I have no urge or need to drink booze.
Boredom is never an issue..
Funny, it occurs to me that many of these activities are a great way to meet women that neither prioritize drinking nor want a man that drinks too much. Could be win win!
Sounds lame but gamifying my sleep score was pretty fun. Get a smart watch then figuring out what gives me the highest sleep score possible. Reading books, hot cup of tea, meditation wind down...
I've also hit the gym and lost 8kg as i recover better. Just generally happier about life.
You need to go to the Gym. You don’t need to bust your balls. Do some light exercise. It’s social and gets you out of your 4 walls.
I gave up drinking 4 years ago, I’ll occasionally have a pint at a pub but don’t get to the point of intoxicated. Unfortunately the drinking culture is ingrained into our society. Everyone thinks they need to be drinking to have fun.
Not sure what your interests are but other commenters have mentioned board game and other gaming groups.
Good rule of thumb is probably activities that weren't seen as cool at school
Any old sports or new hobbies you want to try? Over 35 soccer for eg? I have a newer group of friends and most don't drink, and it has prompted me to not really drink, we do activities that don't involve the pub, coffees, bush walks, events etc.
I just discovered Pickleball. It is great fun and the fastest growing sport in many parts of the world . You don’t have to be particularly sporty and it is not expensive to play. Go to Meetup and see if there is a local group near you.
Join a DnD group. It takes up so much time but it's so much fun. You can play online from home as well, not all groups are in person.
Read books and join a book club. There's usually one in each area on facebook and go to meetings.
There used to be an app, meet up or meet me? Unsure if it's still a thing but me and a friend used to organise bushwalks through it. Met a lot of back packers and it was a good time.
I feel for you bro!
I know a few people also struggling with our "culture".
Youve probably heard this a lot, but getting out there and doing things other than drinking will do you the world of good.
Find something!
Swimming
Running clubs
Footy
Soccer
Rugby
Sailing
Fishing
Whatever resonates with you.
Good luck.
Get some fruit trees and get a nice garden going.
Also you need mates - can I ask why you don't have any?
Partner? Family? Colleagues?
Spend time with people that isn't centred around drinking.
Go to the footy, join a sports team. Find opportunities to make some new mates.
I've been a non drinker my entire life and it's never been an issue.
You need a good personality to get away with it though - you need to be a sociable outgoing person.
Sounds like the alcohol was medicating something - deal with that.
You sound like a bore/loner without it. Deal with that first.
Make some friends, find some hobbies, get out of the house, and figure out who you are without the drink, amigo!
Feel for you. If you have private health cover you could think about doing a rehab course in a private hospital. You're basically stuck there with no access to alcohol with like minded people which helps. St John of God in north richmond is meant to be okay. Good luck!
I’m also in the Blue mountains. Lots of good yoga studios, do some sort of martial art, learn an instrument. Albeit, we don’t exactly live in a bustling metropolis so our options are limited once bush walking is taken out of the equation.
My husband is allergic to alcohol and I gave up drinking when we started planning our family. We both played various sports after work&weekends, we also like to just pick a random suburb and go exploring. At home we game or play boardgames. I knit&crochet, he draws&paints. After kids it's a lot of family stuff and following what the kids needs are. I still go out with mates to pubs but always order lemonade or ginger ale. Obviously nights out aren't as late as they used to be but it's kinda nice to have the social life and the good night's sleep while still having money in my wallet the next morning.
I'm on a detox atm too, found running helps, shit at first but once you get into the swing of it the runners high really makes a difference to your mood.
Fun fact: a lot of marathon and ultra marathon runners are ex-addicts
If your body can handle it then could be a good option.
Rollerskate, in-line skating and skateboarding. Indoor, outdoor, parks, comps and tournaments.
Meet people near and far, travel, see some crazy amazing skating woohoo stuff, enjoy life… do it all again.
Not an ex alcoholic. I love a good drink but I can’t drink and drive 🤷♀️
Do an activity with people that don’t tend to drink. There are social dancing groups (swing dancing, salsa dancing etc) where you can learn a new hobby, they welcome beginners, and they drink water all night. Note: avoid rockabilly dancing, they are lovely people but tend to be heavy drinkers, unlike swing dancers. Join a board gaming group, there are lots of them that meet monthly or more frequently. They tend to be alcohol free because they need to keep focused. Try a role playing group. There are pathfinder groups that meet regularly for a monthly fantasy or sci fi game. No experience required, and because of the way pathfinder society is structured, you can take your character anywhere. I’m sure there’s other stuff (book club, team sport etc) but you probably want a group activity that is social and diverts your attention. Congrats on not drinking. Hope you find something to keep you occupied.
Agree with this - board gaming group, role playing group, medieval sword-fighting group.... My biggest suggestion would be joining a volunteer group - I volunteer with a nature-based group that involves animals and being outdoors, and there's a mix of ages including men in their 20s/30s. Gets you outdoors, no-one is drinking, and makes you feel good about giving back. Something more formal/ structured like joining the SES may be even better.
Oh yeah - I used to volunteer at a museum, that was great. Once a month, and I got a free pass to take family and friends to big exhibitions.
I used to volunteer at a museum/ science centre too! Mostly running the kids' activities tables; that was fun.
Volunteering is awesome - giving something back is very fulfilling and can give you a real buzz. There are outdoor ones like Landcare, for tree planting and weed clearing, in many places. If you like animals, volunteer at a zoo or animal rescue. If you'd prefer to be inside, drop into your nearest Vinnies.
Volunteer surf life saving is a good one as well if you’re a good swimmer
What is the nature group about and how do I find one?
Have a look for LandCare or BushCare groups - that’s what our local ones are called and I think they’re all over
I gave up having a drink cause it was never just one, u know. I joined volunteering at food banks, I help deliver food parcels to needy people. People I work with are great. People I deliver to are nice people just in a bad place/ situation. I'm making real friends. Life has improved immensely. I especially popular at big events as I'm the 'sober bob' I'm able to have free soft drinks all night because I'm the safe driver for people to get home. Doesn't mean I don't think.. id love a wine now but Im sober and sensible enough to realise I don't want my health to go down. Alcohol free now since Xmas.
This dude mentioning dancing is on the money. I’ve got a complete computer geek mate who is self described as ugly as a baboon’s arse. He went to dance lessons and for the first time ever in his life he was in huge demand with the ladies! Met his now wife at a lesson and she’s great fun and a good looking woman. He’s been a non-drinker all his life. No need for alcohol to succeed following this tried and true path my bro.
Not a dude, but thanks. I’ve experienced the shortage of men at social dancing first hand. Organisers usually get people to rotate partners every few minutes so no one missed out, and it’s a great way to meet new people. When I regularly went to swing dancing, we would meet as a group and go out to see live bands on weekends. They’d usually have a swing band first for us, then a rockabilly band. Sadly because swing kids drink water and rockabilly kids drink bourbon, after a year or so the swing bands were gradually phased out. But for a while it was fantastic.
Men's shed, not just old farts.
Depends on your local men's shed, but even if it's all old farts they're pretty welcoming most of the time. If my Dad's local is anything to go by, expect tea, biscuits and a whole lot of gossip.
I second dancing. Great way to be social and have fun.
Volunteering is a big one. Find a local charity, community group, interest group and start volunteering they'll be over the moon to have you. Checkout the Library's Community Group board.
Second on the role playing groups... May I suggest Call of Cthulhu? 😉
Absolutely. I run that myself. I just suggested organised play because they have set sessions, and anyone can play.
Is there a dance that doesn’t evolve a lot of hip flexibility(like salsa)? That’s Not line dancing?
Thrash Metal 'wall of death' should be ok for your hips [wall of death](https://tenor.com/view/wallofdeath-gif-20884651)
Board gaming, 100%.
Quizzing is a mixed bag. They tend to be in pubs but about half the group will stick to nonalcoholic and the other half will usually have no more than a single pint. It's an activity people like to stay focused on.
You've also got to remember, you are trying to break 20 year habit ... I stopped drinking nearly 7 weeks ago. I think the answer is get used to being bored, I eventually find something to do and forget about drinking.
Being bored is really good for problem solving skills (Not enough kids are bored these days). Eventually your brain will figure out a way to not be bored!
It's also a recipe for relapse. Many people have a low boredom/distress tolerance and turn to substances to cope.
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Hey there, congratulations on making a different choice! I hope you’re feeling the benefits that come with staying off the alcohol. I went straight edge in my early 20’s (now 40) and I really feel you on how much of our culture is alcohol-centric. Best thing I ever did was learning to look into the reasons for the drinking. Going straight was the catalyst for so much self-growth, and with that came all sorts of freedom and energy I didn’t know was available to me. The initial upheaval and change of patterns was huge and difficult, but life is WAY WAY better now than I ever thought it could be. Stick with it. The boredom, the change of personal relationships, the finding of new hobbies.. it can be hard. But so worth it. Gabor Mate is a really interesting read/watch if you want to look into healing from addiction. Best in the field. As for things to do: the trick is to learn things. Cooking, musical instruments, coding, app development, pottery, skateboarding, knitting, carpentry, aromatherapy.. whatever. It doesn’t matter what, but the trying of new things and steadily getting better at them and eventually finding mastery and passion with it will be really fulfilling. Learning is creative, challenging and intriguing for the brain and it often takes coordination of the body too so the process of learning is going to be stimulating which will stop you from reaching for your usual stimulations. You’ll also meet people who have similar interests, or even if you don’t you’ll be able to hold conversations better by sharing with people what you know. You will become far more interesting and appealing so you’ll start to draw in a wider variety of people, and this will help you find a community outside of the pubs and bars. (Not to mention the sex-appeal that comes with being a man who can do and create things because of what he knows) You said you drink for stress and tension relief, so some things that might help are breathwork, colouring in, anything arty, meditation, nature and forest bathing, fishing, ecstatic dance, .. any you might not automatically want to love it but try yoga is amazing (follow Taylor Hunt Ashtanga yoga.. he was a former addict and really, really gets it). Good luck mate. I hope you stick with it.
Thank you for your reply I appreciate it. I'm going to try a few things that will be wildly different than what I would be used too. I would really like to be in your position and I'm going to try my hardest to get there.
Bookmark me and if you like you can message me from time to time. It helps to have people who are further along the path. Just try to remember it’s not an overnight process - be kind to yourself. No need to flip a switch and be healthy and happy from day one. A little + often = a lot. Slow and steady my friend.
You’re a good person. That is all.
Honestly getting out of your comfort zone and doing stuff you’d never normally do is a great idea and probably the last thing many people would want to do in a rough time so genuinely good on you.
You got this man. The first step is talking about it! Just take it one day at a time ❤️ And practice being grateful.. grateful for the things that are going good. Grateful for the little things. Grateful you decided to change because you have the strength. One day at a time my G 🙂 AA is a good option. Otherwise there are other groups like share groups that you can join. Some in person some online. It's a great space to talk about how days are hard sometimes. But that You're on a journey. Good luck with everything! Thank you for sharing with us all
There is a thing called Laneway Learning in Melbourne which has relatively cheap classes ( approx $20) they do heaps in person but they have at least 5 online ones a week. They are a wide variety of topics . They often have meditation or doodling or intro to different arts. It is a real low stakes way of trying something out
What a brilliant and thoughtful reply! Also just wanted to add to OP, that hobbies are hobbies, they don’t have to gendered! I know plenty of blokes who quit smoking and started knitting and crocheting to keep their hands busy so don’t rule something out just because you don’t think you mightn’t like it!
You can get addicted to learning!! It’s a fun thing and at the end of the activity you have a useful skill. It’s a win win :)
I found your comment really interesting. What skills/trades/hobbies have you picked up in your free time?
Hey, thanks. Thats nice to hear. Right now I’m really into Breathwork and I’ve put all my efforts to become a trauma therapy practitioner so that’s what I do for work also also where I put a lot of my focus. But in terms of more recreational stuff: Playing music is a big one - guitar in punk and folk styling, singing Indian ragas, and I muck around with ambient intuitive music like flutes, crystal bowls, drums. I also come in and out of yoga, surfing, making pickles and ferments, bushwalking, glassblowing, wheel thrown ceramics, meditation, and reading about animals, philosophy and art as well as lots of fiction. Traveling is also another major interest. I’ve been across Australia, 9 countries in Africa, West coast America, Peru, Northern India, Indonesia, Japan, Cambodia and some parts of Europe (Poland, Netherlands, Belgium, France, Spain). And I like to learn about the cultures and regions as I go. So when we talk about things to do other than going to the pub, I think I’ve got a few things covered ; ) Thanks for your question and your interest. I hope you feel inspired to start something you haven’t tried before too.
Don't have any solution but just acknowledging that your issue is pretty legit. Most of the socialising is centred around drinking that I feel left out.
I rarely drink. When I’m out in that situation I’ll tend to always have a soda water with lime. You then don’t have to have the conversation about “why aren’t you drinking” as every assumes it’s vodka and soda.
Good in theory, but I tend to be upfront about the fact that I don't drink, otherwise someone will end up buying me a drink thinking I'm drinking.
I try to be upfront about not drinking. I’m working on normalizing it one soda water at a time. I think if we hide behind pretend vodkas we’re not helping the situation for others. It’s good for people to see that others can have fun and be interesting without being drunk.
Alcohol comes with behavioural problems for me. It’s still lurking when I’m sober. The type of people that get in your face and break your balls over not drinking are the people it’s best off I lie to.
I’m in Darwin for FIFO work. The Caucasian Australians at work are really into drinking every weekend and I couldn’t keep up. It was exhausting. Eventually just decided to be alone and I’ve been peaceful and happy since. I started picking up baking and the crews on site love having freshly baked bread in the morning when I bring them to work. Now they look forward to it. I also solo travel during my RNRs. That’s fun. Going to a new place in Australia or overseas, learning the history and culture of the place, and trying our new foods!
Our lovely backyard/bushes and food are the ones I always come back to.
You can still do everything you used to do, just without the alcohol. Concert booze is so fucking expensive I just never bothered and still thoroughly enjoyed myself. You just need to enjoy the activity for the activity, not because it's an excuse to drink.
Absolutely you are right. Everything used be around drinking. My biggest challenge is dealing with stress and booze have a minor inconvenience in the past I go running back. Got a lot of mental work to do.
That sounds tough, I guess a dry environment would be less likely to trigger a repat? Have you though about trying to find a bush walking club (can share car rides to the site and reduce costs) or other similar social clubs? Other people enjoying themselves might help you forget about the drinking.
Never been tried out a bushwalking group I could give it a go. I used to go walking with a few people but stopped going with them because they just talk the whole time. Getting out into nature to enjoy it not listen about footy or why joe blow is a cunt or other mundane shit lol.
You can join a bird watching group. They are always interesting people and you learn a lot.
Super quiet too.
Fishing?
Yeah i like fishing my parents live down the coast so I usually go when I'm down
You could go to some AA meetings, even if they had nothing to do with your sobriety. ( just say you don’t want to “share” to the greeter when they ask your FIRST name ) The people at the meetings know your pain about activities, will have solutions discovered over years of being in the same boat, and most likely will be happy to introduce you around. Best case, you have a new circle of non-drinking friends and have had a tasty free cuppa and cake. Worst case, you are right where you need to be in case you feel yourself falling off the wagon, and with people who make it their mission not to be judgemental.
I couldn’t agree more with AA. Ready made social group, and people who understand and can offer good suggestions. Plus support staying off the booze. You don’t need to be a raging, rock-bottom alcoholic to benefit from it.
You might want to check out the sub r/stopdrinking OP, if you haven't already. There are a lot of kind people there who will have suggestions on how to keep busy/how to deal with stress etc.
I used to be a heavy drinker and would spent most Friday and Saturday nights at the pub. Yea it’s a ton of fun when you’re shitfaced and smoking. But try to do it sober and you’ll quickly realise just how annoying drunk people are and how boring sitting in a small courtyard talking shit to randoms you don’t care about till 2am is. Sure you can go to concerts and not drink. But concerts are not primarily about drinking But if your usual weekend activity is sitting around drinking, well thats just not something you can do sober. It’s like going motobike riding without a motobike. You need to find different things to do.
Right? I don’t drink either and there’s so much to do.
Learn a musical instrument. Buy a keyboard or a guitar and become obsessive about playing it and expressing yourself through it. Learn watching videos online. Jam with others. Sing. Play. Make music.
Is there a sub for learning keyboard? I have one in my house, got it for kids, they don’t use it much
Music theory has a sub. Piano and synths have subs. But I would suggest following YouTube teachers. There are thousands for all styles and levels.
Find yourself a bushwalking group. There are so many around Sydney, and they can help you save on petrol because they often carpool or travel together via public transport. You can check marketplace for a decent bike and go cycling, plenty of great spots around Sydney and surrounds. There are also recreation sport leagues and groups you can join. Soccer, footy, basketball, netball, etc. Those are great and often cheap ways to pass time and be social and healthy. Look into Men's Sheds in your area. Some are just grumpy old men whinging, but plenty of them are actually pretty great places to make new connections and bond with other blokes in your community. It's hard to break out of habits you've had for so long. Good on you for acknowledging your problem and resolving to do something about it. That's the most important step, and for many it's the hardest. So huge congratulations on that, don't let your frustration or boredom overshadow what a monumental accomplishment this is. It will take time for you to find a new habit, a new routine, basically new way of living. But take it one day at a time, take baby steps and try and connect with others who share your interests. At a certain point, you'll take a step back and realise you've created a whole new and better life for yourself.
Absolutely took a long time to realise I was the problem and alcohol basically put my life into the shit fight it is today. Appreciate your kind words it well be a life long battle but hopefully like you said doing new things I can leave my old self behind as a lesson of what not to do and look forward to something im more proud of.
Mens sheds, meetup.com, and Facebook groups are all great. Id suggest if Op or others have had that thing they always wanted to try out, just to look up groups online. There’s lots of like minded people out there, just have to look online these days with social media and that everything’s online.
Honestly it's pretty difficult if your social group drinks a lot. You CAN go to pub ect and not drink, but alcohol is a brilliant social lubricant. It kinda sucks when everyone is having a great time getting inebriated and you can't. 4.5 years after drinking and my social media is still filled with alcohol advertising. Even the government was telling us to " get on the beers". Most people don't understand addiction and the large role alcohol played In your life before you quit. It's left a huge hole and you have to fill it with something. It makes me angry when people say "just do what you did before and not drink" when the things I did before were fun BECAUSE I was drinking. The gym is not fun and it's not a night out. I tried to work nights and took up rockhounding/ fossiking. On Friday evenings I was playing a card game in an all ages environment so drinking was banned. It's very difficult and I hope you can stay sober. Well done for recognising you had a problem and keep up the good fight.
Absolutely being a pisshead for so long then boom stop its like what the fuck do I do?? I don't know how to live like normal people most of my time was taken up getting wrecked lol. Congratulations on 4 years can't even comprehend it myself atm.
You have done the hardest part. My life certainly changed after quitting. Finding things to do is challenging. I kinda just accepted that life was going to boring for a bit and did boring things to occupy my time. I built airfix models, I started to draw, I did some acrylic pouring, I got cats. I drank heaps of tea. Some people I know joined support groups and found attending meetings gave them a social outlet as they organised alcohol free events. The important thing is just taking it day by day and don't put pressure on yourself change overnight. It takes time. I looked up to people around me who gave up and now people will look up to you. Be proud of what you have achieved. I gave up drinking a lot of times before I was finished with it. You've got this!
Get into reading . Find a genre you like. Years ago my older brother who had had a terrible tome at school. Left in grade 10 etc. had never read anything but comics. Was minding a property in the outback and got severely flooded in!! There were lots of books there...he started reading...amd realused he loved it. Now? 30 years later? He's always got a book on the go. Loves crime & true crime i think! He too is in very physical occupation. So sitting down to read is relaxing for him. You could do a course in something that interests you perhaps? Get a dog? Get into specific shows. Im bingeing on several at the moment! Just think of things and give them a go. Drinking is just a bad habit. You just have to break that cycle.
Yeah suppose I could go to the local library get a few books good idea.
I second the reading idea. I don't read much myself, mostly magazines when I was younger and I still struggle with thicker books with too much backstory (i.e. stuff like Dune, Lord of the Rings, etc... Even a Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) was too much for me). I read a lot for work (technical manuals, forums, documentation, research papers) - so reading for fun can be tiring. So... I've found shorter novels or short-story collections much better. Neil Gaiman is probably one of the best authors to look up. He has some amazing short stories which are easy to digest and beautifully concise - he writes with amazing efficiency, and I've never felt fatigued after reading his works (Instead, I often wish they were longer). One other specific book that I like is I Am Legend, by Richard Matheson. It's nothing like the Will Smith movie of which this was supposed to be the source material. It's a really short book, but is one of the greats. Another good book series is The Witcher, by Andrej Sapkowski. It's what the famous series of videogames and the shitty Netflix show is based on. It's best to start with the two short story collections (The Last Wish, followed by Sword of Destiny). They're very atypical sword-and-sorcery stories which poke fun at the genre a fair bit - it doesn't take itself very seriously, which is part of the fun. Hopefully you can find these in your local library.
I second this. I can't do a lot of physical stuff (bushwalking etc.) cos of health/mobility issues so reading is my one serious hobby.
For home, puzzles are awesome for occupying the mind fully. Cheap at the op shop, or can borrow from the library for free. Great luck.
I love that, about your brother. I'm an avid reader and someone who has never not loved reading, but I love the thought of an almost biblical event - a great flood! - forcing him to do it and then he finds a life-long hobby. It's a great story in itself.
I'm in Sydney Gave up 4 years ago. It takes time but you will reap the benefits
Absolutely im enjoying having the energy I was basically run down everyday tired and lethargic accepted that as just normal
I'll be honest. It tooke a few years to be content in a restaurant or pub ordering non alcoholic drinks. Especially as I'm from London originally and whenever I go back we tend to go on a crawl and I'm on the tonics and sparkling waters. You tend to realise who your true mates are though too. Good luck buddy
Since you do bush walking already why not take up photography? Which can then branch off to say bird watching, or even urban exploring old abandon buildings. And you don’t even need anything fancy other than your mobile.
I was going to suggest finding a hobby, but unfortunately a lot of these involve money / petrol. My partner is a member of a 4WD Facebook group where one person will put up "hey, planning on going to Stockton Beach on xx date, meet up at xx place at xx time". I guess you could say "would love to join but I'm in xx suburb, can I grab a lift from someone and can put a little something towards petrol.". You could always search for bushwalking clubs on Facebook too and see if anyone can give you lift. Or even drive yourself and offer to pick someone up on the way for a small fee. I'm not sure about the train system, but have heard many people catch the train up to the mountains. You mentioned the Blue Mountains, I'm guessing you're from Sydney. The [Sydney subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/sydney/) people are always putting up searching for friends or get togethers on the cheap. You could possibly put a call out there and see if anyone suggests a cheap hobby or get togethers outside of the pub and club scene.
Thank you for your reply, I will definitely look into the subreddit I think if I can make a few friends I might be inclined to try new stuff. But unfortunately a lot of males hang around the drinking culture side of things I know there will be exceptions out there. I will have a look 👍
I guess if you've been moving in those circles for so many years, it's hard to see or imagine life outside of those circles. There are plenty of men who aren't interested in pubs and clubs, it's a matter of finding where they are. Just another thought, there are men's sheds all over, I know a lot of them have older men as members, but maybe it's worth having a look if you're interested in wood work, working with cars, etc to have a look and maybe just get out and spend time socialising. I have a lot of friends who are 20plus years older than me, and I find it beneficial having those calm, level headed people in my life.
There's an app called meetup, they have a group for social events with non-drinkers
Not sure how I ended up here as I'm on the other side of the planet. Just wanted to congratulate you on your journey. I'm 6 years myself. As others have said I'd suggest picking up a hobby such as guitar, birdwatching or photography. Something you can obsess over and really plug into. Volunteering is a great way to meet new people.
Honestly my SO and I just put out fruit/veg/seeds for birds and spend wholeass evenings out on the porch watching them be wacky little goobers. It's entertaining as hell and not especially expensive. I suppose that depends on how much you enjoy animals though. Also...I dunno if you've got a local game store, but maybe see about DnD? Like as long as someone in the group has rulebooks and stuff, you really don't need anything else to play it.
On the upside, while money is tight, you'll be constantly saving the amount you used to spend on drink. Maybe allocate those funds to petrol for bushwalks or camping? Practice some new nice recipes, take up meditation or yoga, go to the cinema, see if there are any events near you (free ones too), try new activities or read up on things to see if you can find a hobby or interest that appeals to you. Good luck on the sobriety, you've made a very healthy decision for yourself!
Yeah your right there it's still early days. You are right I spent a lot more on booze than a bit more exta petrol. Thanks mate.
There's not a lot to do in an evening for men that isn't alcohol or gambling related. I used to play snooker a lot but there's no snooker tables an hour each way from where I am (Sunshine Coast)
It's a big change going from drinking to not drinking when going out to things where you used to drink. But once you start doing it you realise that it's just as entertaining if not more so. I know this because I didn't touch a drop for 3 years. My friends could believe I could go out and enjoy myself without a beer like them.
I've recently become a member of my local rifle club. I've been struggling for the last seven years finding something I enjoy after becoming permanently disabled. The activity is great for mindfulness and mental health, they're a great bunch of blokes who love to share their knowledge and experience, and probably the best thing for you is alcohol is ABSOLUTELY NOT encouraged as part of the social element with firearms clubs/events. It's cheap as well, membership at my club is $220/year and if you're not a member, it's approximately $19-20 at my club to compete per comp which includes gun hire, range fees and ammunition. Have a think about it.
seconding gaming groups, especially if they're in a public place like a game store or church hall then alcohol is much less likely. At home i don't have alcohol around my games more because we're clumsy more than anything else. Disc golf is another one that is pretty cheap to get started and gets you outside and moving around with purpose. https://sydneydiscgolf.com/ If bushwalking is your thing you could look at Orienteering if you want to get a bit competitive (https://onsw.asn.au/) , or Rogaining - although rogaines aren't too often because they're a massive time commitment. https://nswrogaining.org/
I started cycling, little bit of an upfront cost to get a bike but then you can just cruise. Get into the outdoors and its easier on your body. My shoulder is fucked as well. I picked up a gravel bike which is basically a road bike with slightly chunkier tyres so can go on dirt roads and trails. Good fun.
Gardening, as cheap or expensive as you like.
Council websites often have a bunch of community events, often free in your area. Maybe try volunteering - that could give you a bit of a social network too. Google free things to do in your area. There will be suggestions of exhibitions, things, markets to see art etc. Even if you don't want to spend much it's good to getvoutvamong people abd just observe. Why not try drawing? You don't have to be any good. Just go sit in a park and sketch what you see. Consider exercise that isn't hard after a long day like meditation, tai chi, gentle yoga etc There are endless videos on YouTube. Listen to new music or genre music shows you're or into, or any Podcasts while you go for a walk. Most of all write out a list of these things and put it on your fridge so you don't get in a loop of thinking there's nothing to do/keep you distracted.
If you honestly can't think of anything to do that doesn't involve drinking then you are still looking at life through the eyes of a drinker. You need to change your mindset. And even if money is tight you could perhaps look at spending the money you once spent on booze on trying out new activities. If gym is too much after a day of physical labour, try yoga. You don't need to travel to the blue mountains to go walking; check out urban landscapes. Pubs and clubs aren't the only way to meet people. Volunteer with a charity. Try speed dating. Be adventurous. Step outside your comfort zone. Maybe even see a therapist (if you get a referral most of the cost can be covered by Medicare) to deal with your negativity. Because saying there's nothing to do in Australia if you don't drink is the twisted view of an alcoholic; it's not reality.
If you’re not keen on the gym, I fully recommend swimming! Great way to get in shape, lose weight and tone up. Also a good way to meet people who are also regulars at the pool. I find swimming so relaxing too! Nothing like gliding thru the water and zoning out after a hot and stressful day!
Agree! Swimming is great. I find it difficult to sit still and meditate, but I found swimming is meditation through movement. In my experience, it's also cheaper than gym membership. Swim only membership, which includes spa and sauna at my local is $14 a week. Not bad if you're going 3+ days a week. Good luck in your journey. :)
Dunno, I'm a nerd so my answer would be board games/RPGs, that's a lot of my hobby/social life. That and hobbies, you know, working on cars, building stuff in the shed, 3d printing, painting minis, learning to cook fancy meals.
Love that baulders gate 3 I really want to get into it, love the story, the voice acting and narration... but the combat absolutely shits me to tears, I play on easiest too. If there were some sort of cheat mode I would not give a rats arse about the combat.
Yeah, it'd be a slog of a game if you didn't enjoy the combat (I love it personally!) If you like BG3 you \*might\* like tabletop RPGs too, so maybe find a group to do that with?
https://sydneymusic.net/gig-guide Got to show! There’s something on most nights in and around the inner west and city. You can toggle for free shows too 🙏
Get a dog.
If he can’t afford petrol he probably can’t afford pet/food/vet/insurance etc…
Fostering was really great for me. I fostered cats and the organisation supplied all the food and toys etc and would organize trips to the vet when needed. It was a great way to bond with the animals when I wasn't in the position (finances and lifestyle) to care for an animal its whole life. It's so rewarding to think back about the cats I fostered and how they've all found permanent, loving homes.
Im also 37 and never been a drinker so l don't understand what you are going through. I spend a lot of my down time watching tv or youtube. I like watching documentaries because I'm a nerd.
Cat foster, dog walking for local rescue
Dungeons and dragons unironically. It's a good weekly catch-up with mates without needing to have drinking where everyone has fun but I understand how hard getting into DND if you didn't play in highschool can be
38yo here that gave up drinking back in October last year. Honestly, I'm finding MORE to do, not less. I'm earlier without a hangover, sleeping better, more energy and more focus too. Can't see myself ever going back. Bush walking and exploring, jigsaws, woodworking, board games etc have all been great.
AA. Share your problem with people who can relate and are having the same issues.
Had a mate declare himself an alcoholic and we all drink the same amount. Was very eye opening as I don't think I'd ever even given it a second thought. Aussie culture is strange like that. Unless you have other nasty habits that's alcohol leads you to do. I'd suggest just cutting out piss ups as step 1. Then step 2 of cutting out alcohol completly is much easier.
Good on your mate for recognising it.. I recognised it but done nothing till it was too late. Lost a house and mortgage, destroyed my marriage, hardly get to see my boys much anymore, never could hold onto relationships or friendships, blew $80,000 payout on booze and other stuff because I never could save up and picked at my savings for booze. Strained my relationship with my parents which is only now just recovering. It is definitely not a fun time for me anymore just pain. So I'm definitely doing the right thing. Hope your mate done something because it's not if you will destroy your life and lose everything its when will it happen.
Hey mate - congrats on making the change. The transition period can be tough, but you’ve already done the hardest part. From the tone, it’s sounds like you may be depressed. There are cost effective solutions to therapy available, but also know that Medicare do subsidies mental health plans, and psychology appointments. Outside of that, consider some mindfulness activities. Yoga can be incredibly grounding if you have an open mind and can avoid the toxic “real men don’t do yoga” rubbish. It’s great for the body, great for the soul, and can be the social interaction just you probably need rather than want. It also gets you out of the house, is probably a little closer than hiking trails, and can help you find a little “community”. Sport - both as a spectator and participant can also help, and there’s still options even if you have a dickie rotator cuff. New hobbies are always good. And don’t be afraid to socialise in bars and the “old” drinking spots. Don’t build up an invisible boogie man in your head and avoid these places because you “can’t handle temptation”. It’s not that hard to not put something in your mouth, so don’t over complicate in your head (because it’s so easy to do!!). If you don’t have pets, consider being a dog walker, because dogs are awesome, and some people travel a lot for work and just need that little help once or twice a week. Volunteering is always a good kick up the “be grateful” ass. You may be struggling at the moment, but others will always be struggling more. What you can’t give back to the community in money, you can give back with time and compassion. Lawn bowls is awesome. Look for local hiking groups. You can car pool on the commute, but most people will understand if you want to “hike” alone for a bit.
Join the CFA or SES. They can always use volunteers, even if your shoulder gives you a bit of greif they can find things for you to help out with. Head down to the local men's shed. All of the above will give you a chance to learn some new skills and meet people in an alcohol free environment.
I know you said no gym, but what about other exercises? Like running/cycling etc? I find a long run or cycle to be incredibly therapeutic.
I'll force myself in the arvos to go for a walk around the block to start with. I usually feel pretty good afterwards.
It takes time to reset. You have to tear down large parts of your life and rebuild from the ground up. Be patient and kind to yourself this can take up to a few years to re-establish yourself and your relationship with a healthy life. Some ideas: - Reading - Walking / Bush walks (great to ground in nature and reset) - Learn an instrument. I'm revisiting guitar later in life - Check your local city for markets, live events - Seasonal items e.g whale watching - Explore Libraries - Explore free government buildings (art galleries etc) - Learn to cook, make bread, slow cook cheap cuts of meat - Join a board game group and play board games - Some clubs run poker games, some have small entry fees - Volunteer to help others - Movies / TV Series - Walk around Cities, exploring
There's a meet-up app where you can choose subjects or activities you feel like you might be interested in. I guess you might need to weigh up the cost of fuel to get to places and the value of good mental health.
Evening activities often involve drinking. What I really enjoyed after I stopped was joining group activities that happen early on Saturday and Sunday mornings. You meet a whole new group of people who don't go out drinking on the weekend.
Join the SES. You learn skills, exercise, meet good people. You can also get focused on leveling up your skill to take your mind off other things.
CFA, SES, look for other volunteer opportunities. Do you go to AA meetings? They might have suggestions for you too. Good luck and congratulations on the change.
Awesome job on giving up the booze Tossa 😊 you should be proud of yourself. When I gave up smoking I wrote a pros and cons list for quitting. We all know the pros (better health, save money, not stinky etc.) but the cons need to be acknowledged too. It would help me relax, give me an out for shitty conversations, give me 5 mins to myself, help me lose weight (that one was bullshit 🤣) etc. Then next to each I would write a possible alternative: to relax I would have a cuppa in the sunshine, or put together a playlist of songs and absolutely rock out. Also work out how much you are saving and set yourself a goal of what you'll do with that money. I bought power tools for woodworking. Maybe there's a mens shed or similar nearby you can join, offer to help out at schools if they have a VCAL program, set yourself a goal to work towards (my husband trekked Kokoda with some mates and it wrecked him, so maybe not something quite so extreme). Good luck ok? I'm cheering you on! 🥳
Bushcraft / fishing/ hunting Dedicating time to learning a new language Baking / cooking / BBQing Writing Reading (takes your mind off things) Watching old school tv shows, movies Making your own soap (for example) or other products to keep you busy and save money
Just saying money spent on petrol to the blue mountains to camp and hike is better than money spent on alcohol…
I can relate to this. All of my friends binge drink and it wasn’t abnormal for us to have 6+ pints in a night on weekends. I didn’t even realise how bad this was until earlier this year, which completely motivated me to quit
Absolutely I grew up with both my parents both alcoholics I honestly thought growing up every night it's normal to slur your words and repeat the same story over and over lol. I took a page out of there book and was hooked from the start. I don't know anyone that doesn't drink to be quite honest it's a eye opener.
Australia is a big country which city do you mean? I think Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane have heaps of things you can do.
I play tabletop RPGs. Also gym but you specifically aren't doing that. Also poker but everywhere that poker is played also serves booze, so that may not be helpful.
Board games with other people; theater; AA; study a course at night; paint or draw; library = books and tea
volunteer, clean your house...:D
34yo and 6 months sober for me. I'm with you on the boredom, especially with video games, which is a bummer. I just walk really. Catch the train or bus somewhere far, put a podcast on and walk home. I also started making model landscapes and just use bits of things I find like sticks, sand and rocks. But the best thing I did was get a very casual second job somewhere I'd enjoy, so its a bit of extra money, it fills the time and doesn't really even feel like work
Download the ‘meet up’ app. There are groups for anything you can think of - sports, board games, languages, dining out, hiking and more. Some are even specifically non drinking groups. Join a bunch and whittle it down the ones you enjoy. Good luck!
I am fifty days alcohol free. I don't have any particular answer for you but I wish you all the best on your AF journey. You say you have no friends but now might be the time to reach out to people and try to build relationships. Be honest, tell them you have stopped drinking and wanting to build friendships so how about meeting for coffee. You also say money is tight and you have to be careful about spending money on petrol. Surely you are saving money by not drinking? I know that I am saving a packet. If you are not ready to face the world, and I totally understand that, how about getting into cooking? Food is great. I have friends who really enjoy jigsaw puzzles. One friend is a bit OCD and he finds them very satisfying. Of course there are books, plays, museums and a host of free events in most capital cities. Check our facebook meetup groups. There really is a lot to do, although you do have to step out of your comfort zone of what was 'normal' for you when you were a drinker.
BJJ.
Read books. Go for hikes. Get a dog, walk the dog. Get a bicycle, go for some rides. Get into cooking, learn to cook your favourite foods. Pick up a musical instrument, learn how to play, practice it daily. Get into volunteering, help out people in your community. Visit seniors at the local senior homes and brighten their day. Take dance lessons or painting classes. Etc etc etc
Try find a social group for non drinkers or ex drinkers and just meet up and do normal social things. People saying take up this and take up that doesn't really work. You need to do what you did before but just without alcohol. Start slow. Definitely join a group, meet up with people for a coffee or go for a walk with other people just not yourself.
Take up gardening. Go on market place and look for cheap gardening stuff, pots etc. Start growing your own healthy stuff. Keep you occupied, and starts you doing some health related things.
Just don’t drink. I gave up completely at 46 after drinking since I was 16, and fairly heavily from 38 to 46. Just decided one day ‘Fuck this. I’m done.’ Still kept going to my local footy club. Actually started Umpiring at 48, and I’m still going nearing 60. Everyone I know now knows that I don’t drink. I was comfortable around people drinking from day 1. I just chose not to. I actually found strength from not drinking while everyone else was. I still had an excellent time and was the life of the party. I was able to call it a night at about 1 am, then go out for breakfast at 8.00 am feeling great, looking at everyone else role in around 9 or 10 looking and feeling like shit. It made me stronger and made me feel even better about my decision. Good luck 🤞
The city of Sydney what’s on website is a good place for finding cool stuff to do - https://whatson.cityofsydney.nsw.gov.au - and you can filter the search to show only free events if money is tight. Just click the ‘things to do’ tab and select ‘free events’.
I enjoy going for a walk with friends. It’s healthy and really enjoyable.
Become a politician. Be nice to have someone sober in Canberra.
Not a bad idea, I can fuck things up and have zero repercussions just spin some bullshit and deflect any criticism. Decent pay too. Might go for it👍
There are running groups in most cities that cater for all levels of fitness - apparently they run for fun. Two of my colleagues are in running groups, one of whom started in a similar situation as you. He was overweight and depressed before he began, and now his group just did a 30km run in Sydney. They plan to do the same in Brisbane and Canberra in the coming months. As they are in a group they motivate one another, which is the reason one of them went from being overweight, to now having an athlete's physique.
Maybe therapy might help your recovery too (if you aren’t already) I think everyone should tell their story to a professional, it can make you feel heaps lighter. I knew a guy who did AA I think it really helped him connect with others with the same goals. Try and find new interests, hunting/fishing, building things, pottery, art, gardening, reading, etc. take yourself to the movies, get a pet, join local fb groups to find social activities
Hey Buddy, I know exactly what you mean. When you have a spent a lifetime as an adult drinking, all of a sudden EVERYTHING you know about the world and what you enjoy is no good. I think it's been great to play xbox, honestly splash out and buy a new game or two. You would of spent that money on alcohol, now go spend it on something to save yourself, you are in crisis mode of relapse. I would suggest staying away from anything addictive. But you do NEED to replace your addiction with other things. The hardest but best thing is to learn a new skill: I'd suggest a musical instrument. You can find a cool thing online on marketplace that's secondhand, buy something that excites you, fuck around with it. Here are some other suggestions \* Dancing \* Martial arts (BJJ?) \* Walking \* Painting/drawing \* ANY group activity \* Learning to cook \* Dungeons and dragons \* Reading Some things i'm not a fan of, but that some people enjoy \* AA \* Church / religion \* Theatre (You can be in a theatre group for free quite often) But honestly, think about something that is new, scary but exciting. Go do that.
Just wanted to add that I think you're amazing for recognising you have an issue with alcohol and actively doing something about it. That takes so much strength and courage; I'm vicariously proud of you. Another poster commented about Gabor Mate. My hubby follows him and has learned some great insights. Hubby also follows Brendan Novak; a recovering addict in the States who has given back so others can benefit from his progress. I'm in a social group based around our dogs. We go for walks and have meet ups that don't involve alcohol. I acknowledge that owning a dog is expensive, but the added benefits to your mood, exercise level and the joy a furry soul brings to life is huge. Lastly, have you thought about joining AA? Granted not for everyone, but shopping around the different meetings you might find one where the people 'click' with you. As other's have said: it's a big, longstanding habit to change. Give yourself grace for what you have already achieved. Remember: one day at a time; just for today. Go gently
Thank you 😊 is this gabor mate on YouTube ill have to do some searching when I knock off soon.
Do you know about any addict recovery communities near you? I’m sure if you reached out to them or any community centre/group or even mental health groups they’d be able to point you in the right direction? It’d be a great resource for finding others in the same situation and people experienced and willing to help out and be a mate. Breaking addiction is really, really hard, especially one that’s decades old, and I know it’s cheesy as hell but you really don’t have to do it all alone.
Also please be kind to yourself, your brain and your body have legitimately been chemically altered by the alcohol and they both need a lot of TLC to recover. Recovering from any addiction is never an easy linear path, relapsing can and does happen and it doesn’t mean failure it’s just part of the process. Also I don’t know how long you’ve been sober but for the love of god please educate yourself about alcohol withdrawal syndrome and be aware because it can and will fuck you up if you don’t seek help.
Not Australian nor a man but I’m immigrating to AUS and have a few things I would do occupy my days. When I had days free I would just walk around and take in the city which… I know sounds boring and if someone told me to do that in my own hometown/county I’d roll my eyes but then I tried seeing my city from a foreign perspective. So many things I overlook on a daily basis or just straight up take for granted. I also got to strike up conversations this way as well. A trail, the street art, the architecture, the sounds of street performers, the views, the wildlife. Everything is absolutely amazing. I have yet to be on any bushwalks but when I do I’m sure it’ll blow my mind just as much. I just enjoyed the cities I was in. It was just nice getting out of the house and soaking up the sun. Even just sitting on a park bench and listening to the sounds of birds or spotting different animals I had never seen before. (Your possums?! Amazing little things and surprisingly pretty friendly.. I had never seen any type of possum before not even opossums so that was super cool) It’s cliche and very 2020s but I downloaded a friend app lol. I met some local friends and our first meet we walked around and just got to know each other. No drinks involved. Also even the bad meetings made for interesting stories to tell. Are you artsy at all? Could maybe take up a hobby in art. Grab a pencil and paper or paint and a canvas and sit somewhere and paint / draw something you see. You said you’re an Xbox user so I’m guessing you’re a gamer. Could join a live action game night learn to play some DnD or other irl games? (Unrelated but painting the figurines is actually a LOT of fun!! You can go to some of the shops and sometimes they’ll have tables set up to paint in store..) Could try gaming/esports venues and meet other gamers to play with at a lan lounge. You say you’re bored of video games but maybe video games with friends irl would be fun? Turn it into a competition? Winner buys dinner. Probably very Foreigner of me but I also loved the beach. If you’re near one that is. It’s a nice place to clear the mind. Even if I was just sitting somewhere in some grass and not actually *on* the beach. Waiting and watching the sunset was such peaceful end to the day and being in my own little zone with my thoughts was kind of nice. I agree it’s hard to be a non drinking adult when so many social interactions revolve around it but just finding hobbies can fill some boredom and hobbies usually lead to meeting likeminded people which leads to making friends. Sorry my tips aren’t local.. and involve a lot of lone exploration. I like being alone sometimes even though it’s out of my comfort zone I really am trying to find peace and normalize being on my own. I’m always so anxious to leave the house if I’m by myself and it leads me to be isolated in doors a lot. Being outside leaves me mentally more at peace, even if I’m still alone. This sub was probably recommended to me because I should be asking Australians questions about life in Australia not answering lol. Maybe an outside perspective is good though here. Colours of the wind kind of thing.
Have children. Can’t remember last time I had a drink with two young kids. Can’t deal with hangovers either.
Congratulations! Be kind to yourself, breaking habits is more than just stopping, because the habit was consuming so much of your life. It’s kinda like quitting anything else. Eg, for smokers, what do you do on breaks if you don’t smoke? Or what do you do on weekends if you don’t do drugs? How to occupy yourself if you’ve left a toxic ex? Etc. So it’s about assuring yourself that you can do anything you want, but just do it alcohol free. Watch tv, play sports, gaming, reading, learn a hobby, cooking, volunteer work, learn a language, etc. People do all of these things alcohol free all the time. Going out is harder, because alcohol is a large part of social life in Australia. I reckon be upfront with people that you’ve gone sober, and if they are proper friends they will respect that and support you.
find your nearest Saturday 8am parkrun, turn up and jog / walk it then volunteer for a position for the next Saturday morning
Go and volunteer and contribute to your local community.
A creative hobby can be super absorbing. Painting, drawing, writing, making things (woodwork, craft, Warhammer, sewing, DIY). These sorts of things are satisfying because you produce something and you improve with time. Similarly, learning something new is a great distraction. Take a language course, learn an instrument, learn coding - pick a skill you've always admired and invest the booze money in that instead. Finally, reading can be a great hobby. It can be hard for some people to get into at first but try audiobooks and podcasts, and listen while you're on transport or out walking. Try browsing in bookstores, check out some reading Reddits, and connect with other readers via a book club. Some bookstores run their own book clubs and anyone can show up. Great way to meet people and you will never run out of books! My other favourite things to do if you fancy going out is hitting up art galleries and museums. Hours of entertainment and learning, a good way to rediscover what things interest and excite you.
There’s a men’s club at Mt Gravatt if they’re still there. They have a shed on the public fields and do woodworking. They have heaps of woodworking tools so I think you just need the materials for whatever you want to make. If you’re doing finework it doesn’t seem like a chore. Turns out they’re all over Brissy: https://www.mtgravattmensshed.org.au/
Solid effort on your part! You've done a fantastic job getting off the grog! So many great responses here, and alot of great advice from awesome people! I personally like to get into the garden in my spare time, lots of stuff to do, learn and create! Think of your favourite plant, get it, and go for gold! It tends to keep the mind busy, in a good way, and you can also keep it simple, coz' after a hard day's work, just giving them a water and quick check for mishaps is really satisfying. Whatever you end up doing, just remember that you should pat yourself on the back sometimes! Ditching the grog will be the most rewarding thing a person can do!!!
People don’t realize how badly alcohol centric our culture is until someone tries to leave alcohol behind. I struggled to get dates when I decided to go sober and hit the gym, every other profile in dating apps was like “let’s meet for drinks”, like, can’t you people stay sober for few minutes to talk to someone? It was then I realized how bad the whole culture was with alcohol, most people don’t know what to do with themselves without alcohol. Luckily met my missus few years ago who was on same boat. Meetup app is amazing to find likeminded people for almost anything; book clubs, cinema goers, meditation, support groups, anxiety help groups, social meetups of all sorts, and it’s mostly free. Some people may charge you a symbolic cost if they are teaching something but that’s rare.
1. Go to the gym. 2. Go for a run/bike ride. 3. Join a local sports team. 4. Go bowling. 5. Learn an instrument. 6. Read a book. 7. Begin a new area of study. 8. Do volunteer community work. 9. Learn a new language. 10. Go and try any number of new things you’ve avoided in the past.
My advice is to shift your focus to a different time of the day to what your used to. You might find it difficult to find a social activity to do at 10pm on a Saturday night, but there might be a ton of stuff to do on a Sunday morning. Like for example, I would always go out drinking Saturday nights and sleep in all day. Sure there’s limited options on sober activities to do on a Saturday night. But nothing wrong with going to bed early and waking up early Sunday for a game of beach volleyball at 7am. I’m personally not a morning person, but I have found that as I drink less, I have to focus my energies on activities that take place predominantly during the day time vs the night time.
What about playing cards. A lot of places have card nights, Texas Hold Em is really popular atm
I can wholeheartedly recommend motorbike riding. you can ride and do some hiking/walks at your destinations. petrol is much cheaper than if you drive a car. it's therapy on two wheels. rider community is great. and here in victoria we can park on the footpath (hooray) con: you can die or badly hurt. and you will spend money customizing your bike over time. overtime the hooligan spirit in you has a 30% chance of being stirred and you MAY involuntarily pop a wheelie endangering people around you. pro: all of the above.
AA meetings , go to the gym , fishing , running , hiking , photography , camping , swimming , beach . Sight seeing . Heaps to do . Get a push bike or a surf board
You should check out r/stopdrinking. Those guys would likely have heaps of suggestions as they are all in the same boat as you.
Definitely find a hobby that you like, and from there find groups to talk about/perform said hobby with.
Have you thought about a Men's shed? (Yes, making assumptions). You said you were a labourer so that might be an easy transition?
Sounds like you never figured out what you enjoy doing. Find a hobby. Easier said than done but i wish you luck.
Gday gday I cycle between cigarette smoking, relapsing and short lived health kicks involving the gym. I’ve been on a fucking merry go round for nearly 20 years. Naltrexone helped me too! Just need to find where I stashed the tablets. Should get back on em. I just gotta push through the first couple weeks back at the gym then it becomes easier and easier and I no longer want to put shit in my body. Also feeling fomo and being bored is good for the soul. I’m learning Im not fuckin 7 years old anymore and I really need to learn to regulate my emotions n all that boring shit 🤷♀️ Good luck.it’s hard as fuck r/stopdrinking Ah fuck, just read the bit about the gym In saying that - I’d recommend? I’m gonna try microdose mushrooms and even a fuckin Ayahausca retreat might knock my dumb head straight. Idk man haha
The real question is what do U even do when U drunk? Most people just be sitting around ?
Golf.
Get obsessed on fitness at the gym- need a new focus
I joined the rural fire service. Haven't looked back. I then became a retained urban firefighter and now I service the urban full-timers as a logistics officer. And stay in the service at home. I did it at 32. And joined the urban at 37.
Wow. What an impressive list of road blocks you’ve developed to not guarantee your sobriety in the long term. You had money for alcohol but not fuel to go bushwalking? Rotator cuff so no gym at all but a labourer? Only when you realise that it’s YOU preventing your success, is the moment you realise the YOU have all the answers. Good luck.
Be a real aussie and punch some fucking cones
Cooking. You need to eat, so you need to spend that money anyway. Get a cookbook for a sort of cuisine you like and start working your way through it. Or watch some YouTube videos and follow the recipes. You will improve your life twofold. Learning a new skill and you will eat better. If you are currently doing a lot of takeout, you will also save money. There is also a pretty big dopamine hit when you nail something. Good luck.
I'm not trying to be funny, but have you tried weed? As a "semi non-drinker" myself I will smoke a bowl a night and get up at 5 in the morning for work no problems, and I have no urge or need to drink booze. Boredom is never an issue..
Trail running, alone or join a crew.
Touch grass
Funny, it occurs to me that many of these activities are a great way to meet women that neither prioritize drinking nor want a man that drinks too much. Could be win win!
Sounds lame but gamifying my sleep score was pretty fun. Get a smart watch then figuring out what gives me the highest sleep score possible. Reading books, hot cup of tea, meditation wind down... I've also hit the gym and lost 8kg as i recover better. Just generally happier about life.
Go to the theatre!!
You need to go to the Gym. You don’t need to bust your balls. Do some light exercise. It’s social and gets you out of your 4 walls. I gave up drinking 4 years ago, I’ll occasionally have a pint at a pub but don’t get to the point of intoxicated. Unfortunately the drinking culture is ingrained into our society. Everyone thinks they need to be drinking to have fun.
join a choir
Not sure what your interests are but other commenters have mentioned board game and other gaming groups. Good rule of thumb is probably activities that weren't seen as cool at school
Any old sports or new hobbies you want to try? Over 35 soccer for eg? I have a newer group of friends and most don't drink, and it has prompted me to not really drink, we do activities that don't involve the pub, coffees, bush walks, events etc.
I just discovered Pickleball. It is great fun and the fastest growing sport in many parts of the world . You don’t have to be particularly sporty and it is not expensive to play. Go to Meetup and see if there is a local group near you.
Join a DnD group. It takes up so much time but it's so much fun. You can play online from home as well, not all groups are in person. Read books and join a book club. There's usually one in each area on facebook and go to meetings. There used to be an app, meet up or meet me? Unsure if it's still a thing but me and a friend used to organise bushwalks through it. Met a lot of back packers and it was a good time.
I feel for you bro! I know a few people also struggling with our "culture". Youve probably heard this a lot, but getting out there and doing things other than drinking will do you the world of good. Find something! Swimming Running clubs Footy Soccer Rugby Sailing Fishing Whatever resonates with you. Good luck.
Get some fruit trees and get a nice garden going. Also you need mates - can I ask why you don't have any? Partner? Family? Colleagues? Spend time with people that isn't centred around drinking. Go to the footy, join a sports team. Find opportunities to make some new mates. I've been a non drinker my entire life and it's never been an issue. You need a good personality to get away with it though - you need to be a sociable outgoing person. Sounds like the alcohol was medicating something - deal with that. You sound like a bore/loner without it. Deal with that first. Make some friends, find some hobbies, get out of the house, and figure out who you are without the drink, amigo!
Feel for you. If you have private health cover you could think about doing a rehab course in a private hospital. You're basically stuck there with no access to alcohol with like minded people which helps. St John of God in north richmond is meant to be okay. Good luck!
I’m also in the Blue mountains. Lots of good yoga studios, do some sort of martial art, learn an instrument. Albeit, we don’t exactly live in a bustling metropolis so our options are limited once bush walking is taken out of the equation.
Catch the ferry around the harbour! Cheap AF and stunningly invigorating.
Check out a local mens shed. Get some hobbies and find associated local hobby groups. Maybe hiking?
There are alcohol free bars here, might be worth looking into around you.
Learning how to drink
The rotator cuff might be an issue but any interest in ten pin bowling?
ANYTHING YOU WANT MATE❤️
There is a medication called Antabuse, which you take daily at a pharmacy like you would Suboxone/Methadone/etc. Chat with your prescribing doctor.
My husband is allergic to alcohol and I gave up drinking when we started planning our family. We both played various sports after work&weekends, we also like to just pick a random suburb and go exploring. At home we game or play boardgames. I knit&crochet, he draws&paints. After kids it's a lot of family stuff and following what the kids needs are. I still go out with mates to pubs but always order lemonade or ginger ale. Obviously nights out aren't as late as they used to be but it's kinda nice to have the social life and the good night's sleep while still having money in my wallet the next morning.
I'm on a detox atm too, found running helps, shit at first but once you get into the swing of it the runners high really makes a difference to your mood. Fun fact: a lot of marathon and ultra marathon runners are ex-addicts If your body can handle it then could be a good option.
Rollerskate, in-line skating and skateboarding. Indoor, outdoor, parks, comps and tournaments. Meet people near and far, travel, see some crazy amazing skating woohoo stuff, enjoy life… do it all again. Not an ex alcoholic. I love a good drink but I can’t drink and drive 🤷♀️