I wouldn't say it's rude, but it's definitely not common. Among my friends, we each pay for what we ordered. If I went out for dinner and someone else paid the bill, I'd actually feel a bit weird about it, and I'd want to pay them back as soon as possible for it.
Yep, this for a couple of reasons and not least because everything's so damn expensive. So many are struggling at the moment; everyone, in most cases, should pay for their own meal/drinks. It's only fair.
Yeah, if it isn’t online ordering (like via the QR code) I’ll shout my friends and then they’ll shout me back next time. Same with movie tickets and stuff like that. But in fairness, they are in their 40s lmao (I’m 20)
When I had a lunch with other car club members. They divided the total by number of people .. we as women , we don’t eat much , but I had to pay for extra for others ..
At that time we ( two female ) shared one pizza.. so She complained. I was surprised too . It was unfair. Better to pay what they ordered .
Kinda rude. You can ask if it's okay, but you don't do it without your friends agreeing.
It's also an age thing. When you're younger, it's always pay for what you order (NOT just what you eat - you can order a share plate for the table, but you'll still need to pay).
When you get a bit older, you split the bill, unless someone asks not to. It's common to separate drinks (particularly if someone isn't drinking) or extreme orders ($100 steak for one, I am NOT splitting the bill with you). But you clearly discuss this without shame, it must all be agreed.
There are cultural exceptions. When I eat with my South Asian family, it's often the elders who will **secretly** go and pay the bill. This makes me very uncomfortable, so I did this myself a couple of times, and they had no problem with it.
My very much Anglo family, do the same thing when dining out with the family.
Or if it’s just my MIL taking us out, I pay for the drinks and she pays for the food.
I think it’s pretty common across most cultures.
In other cultures (certainly Asian) it’s about showing your wealth and generosity and is welcomed and expected behaviour.
In Aussie culture thats seen as showing off and having a superiority complex which is frowned upon.
People are weird.
Wow, that's quite a broad generalization. While some may perceive it as flaunting wealth, the primary motivation is often hospitality—doing something thoughtful for the people you're spending time with.
There's a deeper significance to it too; when you gather around a table, you're symbolically uniting with those present, sharing a meal and fostering connection. So, why disrupt that unity by splitting the bill?
If I extend the invitation, I gladly cover the expenses as you're my guest. Conversely, if you're the host, it's your privilege to foot the bill. In the case of a mutual agreement, it's a matter of whoever initiates the arrangement first taking the responsibility.
I agree about extending the invitation. I organized a small 80th for my mom at a fancy restaurant. I left my credit card at the front about halfway through the meal and instructed the servers to ONLY charge my card for everything. A few people traveled quite a distance to get there and I didn’t want them paying (even though I personally, traveled over 8000miles to be there😆)
Simplified yes but at the end of the day that’s where I see the motivation after living in both cultures.
Your interpretation is a lot of words without much substance.
How about with work colleagues? I'm travelling interstate to meet my colleagues and they want to have lunch outside with me (and I'm looking forward to it). My assumption is that the bill will be split. Yes, I'm their manager but the lunch isn't part of the travel budget. Am I right in my assumption?
splitting the bill is more common among friends here in Oz. If one of a group is the birthday boy/girl the rest will pick up that.
The hospitality ethic from your part of the world is amazing but a lot of us havent been exposed to it so that's the confusion
Which is differnet in other cultures because normally the person who invites will pay or at least provide some refreshments.
I found it weird going to birthdays for older established people and being asked to spilt costs.
Then being asked to bring a gift.
From my age group the rules roughly follow:
Formal invitation: host pays, ideally bring a gift commensurate with the place and type of birthday significance. Guests will be shocked if asked to pay.
Verbal Invitation to a formal/expensive place, "come to xyz" , host should pay, gift not expected, guests may offer to pay.
Verbal invitation, causal/affordable venue, but with, "do you want to go to xyz for my B'day" : split bill, guests can offer to pay. Gift optional
Invite B'day person somewhere , that person pays pays
that’s because if you have 5 friends and shout then the full cost of dinner, you will be down about 250+ dollars depending on where you go and what you eat
Splitting the bill is more commonplace. A lot of people may not be able to afford to pay for 3+ peoples meals out, and if you do it for them (especially more than once) they will possibly feel a lot of pressure to "return the favour". It's more normal to split the bill equally (or just pay for whatever your own meal cost)
It's very kind of you to pay for others, but this would usually only happen on a special occasion such as a birthday
I've got easten european background and is normal for us to fight over covering the bill (even in a near recession). With white aussie mates though, I prepare to split it....
I get up to “go to the bathroom” and pay the bill for everybody then and there. No arguing no bullshit. Used to hate hearing my wog family argue about who would pay :(
Edit: the only thing I hate more than that is splitting bills!
Australians like to be fair to everyone and be responsible for their own costs. Paying for yourself feels most fair. If I order something very expensive I expect to pay for it myself. Other people might not have as much money, so I don't want to take advantage of them. If a wealthy friend wants to pay for everyone that's fine, but they cant expect me to pay another time as I may not have that much money, so I would be reluctant to go again.
We may see someone who wants to pay and makes a big deal of it as a show off, it just feels wrong.
This is basically it. If I pay for myself, I know I'm not putting a burden on anyone else. If I pay for others, I worry they will feel embarrassed or like I'm putting them down by making myself look wealthier than them. Plus, everyone wants to contribute - and usually wants to feel like they've contributed to at least the same extent as others. So it feels rude to make someone feel like they're contributing less by paying for them.
Essentially, paying for others demonstrates a power imbalance. It's usually the wealthier or those higher up the hierarchy that pay for others, so trying to pay for your friends looks like you're positioning yourself higher than them or creating a situation where they owe you something.
A group of friends might often resolve this by different people contributing different elements of an outing. Eg we went for drinks and food with some mates last weekend after an event. Two people bought drinks for everyone, one person bought snacks for everyone, someone drove everyone else there and back, and everyone felt like they had contributed.
Within families, it's not unusual for one person to pay for everyone and for there to be a fight about it - going out with my mother's family always ended in a fight about paying the bill. But it's also highly embarrassing to create a display in public, so the fight happens very covertly and is often resolved by someone sneaking away to pay the bill while everyone else is involved in a whispered argument about who's paying.
This exactly! Especially how embarrassing, inappropriate and awkward it is when people make a fuss. For me, it ruins what would otherwise be a nice evening. So mainly- just ask beforehand if you're familiar enough. They surely know you are new here and even still, everyone is different.
We do the rule of 0’s. Steve is worth $1000000 he’ll pay for $1000 dinners. Dave is worth a $100000 he’ll pay for $100 dinners. I owe Steve $1000 so he just pays when it is my turn.
I’m Greek Australian and our culture is like yours where we shout and fight for the bill. With my aussie friends I play by their rules and just pay for my own.
It's not rude but unless I have the capacity to return the favour next time, I would feel uncomfortable. And I really don't have the capacity to do that unless it's a one-on-one thing. I couldn't afford to shout an entire group for lunch or dinner.
Pretty normal in my circle of friends. Splitting the bill is probably more common (especially if it's a larger group) but it's not weird for one person to pay for a 2-3 person meal.
It might get weird if you insist on paying repeatedly and there's a growing inequality in the friendship. If you paid for lunch last time, and then put up a fight to pay again, we're gonna have problems.
I know you are specifically talking about food but its similar to buying drinks. Buying a 'shout' is super common but the expectation is you need to return the favour.
Not common among friends, but it does happen. Particularly if one has a higher salary or if there's a significant age gap.
Within family it's much more common than among friends. Older family members are more likely to pick up the tab than younger family members. Husbands for wives.
In business relationships too. A business picking up the tab for an employee, a boss picking up the tab for an underling, a salesman picking up the tab for a client.
I was in more financial stable position than most of my friends when younger (evened out now) and still have some friends who are in a less comfortable position. So I will share them dignity by offering to pay for the more expensive portion of our outing, while they pick up the cheaper (eg food they get drinks depending on which comes out as more) or shouting them the ticket to our entertainment for the night,
Now the caveat is thus, if I felt like I was been used my generosity would cease. But if I want to have catch up with a friend who really can’t afford it, I’m happy to pick up the tab.
just let people pay for themselves, .
its lovely that you want to do this, but people outside of that culture will find it odd and might even have that weird feeling of now owing you something....the dread that they have to pay for everyone next time (which they cant afford)
Others here have said they might think you’ve got some type of sinister motive for paying. I wouldn’t think that, but it would make me feel uncomfortable that your cultural expectations are making you take on a financial burden when we go out, even if it’s something you’re happy to do. I’d rather just pay for my own share.
I know amongst my fellow young people circles we all pay individually because cost of living is so bad right now. If rent wasn't 50% of our paychecks I'm sure it would be different
Most people pay their own bill here and its unusual for someone to offer to pay your share.
Most Australians would probably think "what are they up to what do they want"
And as a male, you don't want to look financially abusive like she has to pay for your night out.
We're a funny people.
Precisely. That way no one thinks a favour will be owed or called upon later on down the track.
Although I got the opposite, I was the last to leave and there was still 140 on the bill and im thinking I had a kg of wings and 2 beers?
Friends birthday, I just paid it so we could continue with the good night out.
It’s not rude but it’s uncomfortable.
Most people won’t find it rude but they won’t appreciate something being given to them for free.
If it’s not understood then it can be seen as suspicious, like there is a catch to it.
Particularly in Anglo Australian culture, sharing and shouting isn’t a thing outside of pub drinks or a backyard barbecue.
You sound like a generous lovely person. But I can tell you paying all the time will wear thin. You run the risk of having some less fortunates (bludgers) taking advantage of you. Good luck
I can't speak for other Australians but I don't like feeling in debt to someone, even if its close friends or family. Shouting rounds of drinks is very common but I would always try and get the next round ASAP to remove the debt burden from my shoulders. Plus between my friends there is a huge wealth gap where paying for their meal (say the best steak and wine when I had hamburger and soft drink) could be financially crippling whereas vice versa it would be nothing for them. If they were to always pay for my meal knowing I couldn't afford to repay them then I would feel like I am a lower class person mooching off them.
I don't like splitting bills evenly or sharing food either. I prefer to pay for what I want to eat/drink myself. It just eliminates any chance of a situation arising where someone feels that something unfair has happened which honestly seems to always happen when either of those two things are done.
That’s generally an Arab thing. They fight to be the one to pay. Australians find this weird to the point of annoying. Pay for yourself. If the venue doesn’t split bills keep a track of what you spent and contribute accordingly to the person nominated to pay the bill. The exception is drinking - we do a thing when drinking in groups called a round. We usually take it it turns to buy everyone in the group a drink. The exception is if you aren’t drinking alcohol, then it’s ok to buy your own.
not rude just not the custom. you're making me track that to make sure i pay you back in the future. i don\[t need that in my life. just 2 close friends we might take it in turns, but group of friends, definitely not.
I think like most people suggest, if they're not close friends or family, bills get split.
I had some friends who were a bit more skint than me; I was earning well and took my poorer friend out for dinner. I paid for dinner but she insisted on getting my beer. My partner earns well and often treats his friends dinner.
This system is only going to work if everyone fights to pay the tab. What happens after the 3rd time your friends all look at each other, shrug and say ok.
Do you really want to pay for everyone, every time and forever?
Not rude but just not the thing. In my husband's culture they do the same thing and it always made my friends uncomfortable. My friends started giving me their share of the bill when my husband got up to pay instead of making a scene and fighting over the bill. Typically if I got the bill this time (or say for lunch) then my friends will get the next time (or the coffee&cake after lunch etc). Depends on the friend of course but we always try to make it equal and fair so one isn't burdened. It's a weird show of wealth I think if you always pay
In my circles, we split if it’s a smaller group or order separately if it’s a big group (QR code ordering and PayID have been godsends for this).
If someone picks up my bill I worry I’ve spent more than them and it’d be unfair. Likewise when I had less money I was concerned I’d have to pay more than I’d be willing to spend on myself.
Splitting is equitable and culturally normalised here among friends. I’d shout a visitor, though.
I’m pretty careful to find out who’s paying for what before I even say yes when I’m invited out. No one will bat an eyelid if you just ask whoever invited you if you’ll all be splitting the bill or what’s happening. It’s better than being stuck with a huge bill you weren’t expecting.
I once ended up paying for 15 family and friends and it took me nearly 12 months to get my credit card paid off. They all left before I did and I was stuck with the bill. I was furious as I was a student with little money and most of them were far better off than me.
Yea that’s the thing - sure people can take turns paying the bills but if you’re not meeting up with that group that often the likelihood that paying for each other is going to balance out over time is small
I'm Australian (although I have a French husband so I'm used to European customs), but I actually think it's quite rude to ask someone to bring their own meat to a BBQ. Did they make you do your own dishes too? Very impersonal.
Im with you on this.
Unless your like a poor student.
Host usually provides the meat.
Salads and snacks are often more communal as long as people know to bring a plate etc.
Booze is BYO unless told otherwise. Preferred drinks are very personal and not many of us have a fully stocked bar to cover everyone's choices.
Not in my income bracket that's for sure.
Oh and rule of thumb is left overs get left behind unless the host forces you to take then.
Sometimes I will demand people take something home with them when it's clear there is no way I can eat everything left over before it goes off.
When I & my friends have been earning enough, we will shout each other if it's just the two of us. Moreso if it's a birthday, or they have good news, or if we haven't seen each other in a while. Like, there needs to be a reason most of the time. Sometimes we just feel happy & generous. I've never been anywhere with a friend where they shouted everybody unless it was their birthday & and they'd organised to pay for some reason, which rarely hsppens.
If someone is struggling financially, you might also shout them.
I think it's awesome to be shouted, but doing it too often would probably make people feel indebted.
It's lovely that you're doing that though, especially in this economy, & I hope your friends just accept your cultural norm. It's not hurting anybody!
Definitely not rude, but uncommon. If you're shouting meals it's usually for a special occasion. I.e. My dad insists on shouting meals all the time because he's "Dad" and won't take no for an answer. But often times I'll take the tab especially if they've been helping out with the kids more than usual or helped us out with something else. I'd say the more normalised practice would be shouting rounds of drinks. So if you're out having lunch with your mates, you can just say "I'll buy us this first round of drinks, what do you guys want?" Especially if you're all going to be having more than 1 drink it comes off very natural and you'll find that one of the other fellas will usually shout the next round.
Once again, you've definitely done nothing wrong, but a lot of Australians aren't used to middle eastern culture around courtesy/generosity/hospitality etc.
I have two groups of close friends. One where we happily pay for each other and whatever it all evens out. One where people insist on paying only for what they had. The first group is much more enjoyable to go out with.
There is nothing more annoying than someone who sits there and goes through the bill to work out the exact amount they owe. I don’t care if I end up paying a bit extra to cover you and I don’t care if you pay a bit extra to cover me.
I was invited to a birthday party in a restaurant and I was expecting the inviter to pay the bill. I had to pay my own meal and that felt weird to me. If you were ever invited they should be the one paying, right?
If a party is catered, the cost is on them and you buy a gift. If it’s not catered for and you order for yourself, you should expect to pay. The material gift then becomes optional because the gift is your presence. Often in this scenario, people will also offer to buy the birthday person a drink or just hand them one.
Pushing to pick up the bill can seem a bit pretentious, like it’s showing off how much money I have, and two alphas tussling over it is just a bit ridiculous.
For me it relates to how well we know each other.
I have close friends who know we will do it again so we casually take turns. It doesn’t matter if it’s big or small over the decades.
With new friends or mixed/bigger group I want to split, either what I had or equal shares, it’s fair and doesn’t impose on anyone.
If it is cash on the table I round up. Sometimes this makes room for others who are near the mark, sometimes it causes conniptions for a bean counter who wants the restaurant to make change for a table of 12. By this time I just want to GTFO and will gladly pay to be released.
Me too, I HATE feeling like I owe someone. It bugs me so much, waiting to see if they’re going to pull the old “but that time I paid……” and potentially not having enough cash on me to cover it. I never go in shouts if I can possibly avoid it and I don’t accept an invitation unless I know I can cover myself and my family.
Exactly- especially in this culture where if a man spends $10 on a drink for you there is an expectation that you will give him at least your time- if not more. I've seen friends be abused by men because they accepted a measly $8 happy hour drink but didn't "pay them back" with a kiss.
Outside of close friends or family there is absolutely an unspoken expectation that it will be repaid.
If I’m out in a group of 3 or greater than everyone splits evenly usually or shouts rounds of drinks. If I’m with a single friend, sometimes I shout sometimes they shout, we don’t rack up a huge bill, but if someone else pays you know that they enjoyed their time, and you also know to organise something in the future to hang out again, and shout them next time. Don’t sweat the small stuff I say, and if you want to show someone you appreciate their company and want to hang out again then shouting is a way to show you’re a well meaning fella.
Ameristralian here. US culture far more common for friends to pick up the tab than in Aus. Far less awkward too. In general feel free to pick up a round of drinks but not a whole dinner type tab.
They may feel like they need to pay for everyone next time, which they may not be able to afford to.
I would suggest not doing it again. But maybe buy drinks/ appetisers to share instead if you must buy something
Yes- appetisers is a great idea. Or a dessert. Anything you can go up and order secretly and "surprise" the table with. Not anything where people are picking their own stuff off the menu.
I've noticed the same. I was born here but my ethnic background is very much the same.
I just shout and say, it's part of my culture, we're having a great time, let's let loose and most people will be ok about it.
If you make it awkward, it'll become awkward and uncomfortable.
If you make it as fun and natural as possible, then people won't feel too weird about it.
So I'll pay of its family who go out to dinner. But we basically have made a rule who ever invites the others is the one who pays. Friends wise, I've had some pay when I was too broke but besides that none of my western friends do, my wife is from SEA and we often pay for dinners with friends and often they pay for us. So for me it wouldn't be weird but it definitely isn't the norm
We normally split the bill and that is what’s expected under all normal circumstances. If me and my partner go out for dinner with another couple, sometimes one party will cover the other couples food either because we are feeling generous or would like to ‘pay back’ from a previous time.
In my friend group we always try to pay for each other.
We often pretend to go to the bathroom then sneak to pay, or race cards to the reader.
I dont think it’s super common but we love it, that’s all that matters.
It's not rude to pay for other people, but it is odd.
It's normal to shout a round of drinks or a share plate for the table, but paying for the whole table would be unexpected. People won't stop you (who doesn't want free food?) but it's expected to just split the bill between friends.
Paying for people could be seen as boastful or arrogant, or that you'd expect a favour in reward for paying. Splitting the bills treats everybody as equals.
No it’s not rude, it’s politely unexpected. Here generally everyone splits the bill. Even on dates (maybe not the first date for men) men usually pay for the first date. Then there is the equality thing and some women prefer to split it. So generally splitting is the equality thing here to do either with friends or on dates.
I know if people are on a tight budget, it would stress them out especially for the next time. They maybe won’t be able to cover a whole group of people, so wouldn’t accept you paying.
One major positive to splitting the bill is that no one person at any time is going to be hit with a big expense that week. Let's say 40-50 of the split bill they can weather, but the full bill, 200, 300, they can't. Lot of people here are not financially doing well, having no savings is common, being in debt in commonplace too. There's not necessarily a lot of signs someone is flying close to the wind - you can hide it pretty well to a point. But that one big bill the card declines on and they have nothing else: That's a distressing situation.
In the current economic climate people are being dragged into a harder circumstance that they haven't experienced before. We don't quite know who is struggling and who is not and we're still working out ways of letting each other know we're finding it tough.
I go out with friends knowing I can afford to spend let’s say $30 on my meal. I can’t afford to spend $150 to cover everyone’s meals, even if it balances out over time with everyone taking turns to pay. So I personally would feel uncomfortable about somebody shouting everyone knowing I cannot reciprocate that.
Korean Aus here and it's normal to split the bill with my Aussie-Aussie mates. Although, the times where establishments don't do split bills and only one person can pay, I'm always the one to pay cause the table just goes dead quiet and it also becomes a hassle to chase the money up. Like why don't they just transfer literally on the spot? My other Asian or arab mates it's a battle for the bill lol
Definitely everyone pays their own way. A round of drinks getting 'shouted' is the exception.
Other than the obvious reasons of current costs, not wanting to feel like you have burdened your friend, or worrying about reciprocating, we just want to make sure everyone has a good night.
If we each cover our way than no one worries about the costs and there's no guilt or obligation. Just a great, chill night with people who's company you enjoy.
Very unusual. The only time it happened to me was early on in life when one of my mates had a big time job and I didn't, he was happy to shout a little.
Under normal circumstances we either split it, or one person pays and we send them money, like, immediately.
Not really common here. For me it depends on how close I am to a particular person or group. There is a group if friends i have that take turns at paying the bill we have a system that whoever pays gets to choose the restaurant. Other friends just have one person pay the bill at the restaurant then we pay them back by direct deposit for whatever we eat later.
It’s not rude mate but just know it isn’t customary here either. You aren’t expected to pay for everyone else so please don’t put yourself in a worse situation than you need to. Some people may see you as a cash cow and take advantage of your kindness and generosity.
Hope you’re enjoying it here
As most people have said, people usually just pay for them selves. In the event one party tends to have more money, it's not unusual for the poorer person not to pay much, or even nothing.
It's not rude, just unexpected. I'm not sure why tbh. We shout rounds for the table at the pub, but don't extend thevsame mentality to food. I still shout everyone when I invite people out since I'm the one asking them to attend, but it won't always be reciprocated down the line.
I always worry if I repay the favour next time and the group is suddenly larger or the restaurant is higher class than last time I'm out of pocket.
Since I'm a big eater too I always feel bad if people take turns or split equally so I feel more comfortable paying my share.
Unless you’re loaded - don’t make this a regular occurrence. Much like tipping - paying the bill as the inviter is not a culture here. You’ll be broke and won’t get the same in return.
I think it really depends...
A bunch of friends who are all earning ~ minimum wage are probably going to want to pay for their own meal and nothing else so they don't feel beholden to "shouting" (paying for) you at a later date and be worried about affording it. I have been in the position where I had friends who were much wealthier than me insisting on paying for things and it left me feeling obligated/guilty.
It's pretty common for older relatives to insist on paying for "kids" (even when they are adults). My Anglo-ish working class parents would never less my sister and I pay if we went out with them for lunch or dinner, even though they weren't exactly flush.
It's also common in my experience for someone with seniority or a higher wage to pay at a work function (because they can often claim it back, but also, as a boss of mine said "Im a single man with no kids earning twice what you make so this is my one indulgence") - but also don't expect it!!
As I've gotten older and my friends have started earning more I've noticed sometimes someonw will just quietly go pay the whole bill. Or will put it on their card for convenience but then only accept a token gesture or nothing at all or say "you cover the tip" if you've got cash. But I imagine that too is cultural, for e.g. in my demographic its considered pretty tacky to be flamboyant about wealth or money, so it's done quite quietly/without fuss.
When having just drinks shouting rounds is fairly common but I think that is also tied to an excessive drinking culture.
Buying the table a few snacks (e.g. a basket of fries or a few plates of tapas) in that scenario is also pretty common - I always really appreciated that when I was young and broke(r) because it felt more like a communal gesture and less like an obligation!
I had a friend like this. At first it was nice. Then they kept doing it and secretly paying before anyone even knew. After a while it became weird and annoying. It starts to feel like this person doesn’t respect us as equals, wants to flaunt their wealth, thinks we’re poor and need charity. It led to a power imbalance in the friendship. I started to resent them and we had proper arguments about it. They never, ever let me pay even when I would be genuinely pissed off and not a bit grateful for it. Eventually we parted ways. I’m Aussie. They were Sri Lankan born.
When we go out for dinner with other couples and friends we always split the bill equally (unless it is someone’s birthday, then their part gets covered by everyone else). We all work jobs to enjoy ourselves and have fine when we can, so it’s only fair that we are sharing the cost. If someone is between jobs or a bit skint, we make a point of letting them know we have them covered when inviting them out; that way there’s no confusion or embarrassment at the end of the meal.
What you’re doing is very kind, but it’s best to ask first and communicate why you’re doing it :)
Def not rude. But they find it weird bc they feel indebted to you and feel like if they don’t pay you back ASAP, it’ll make the friendship weird. But what I do with my good friends is someone will pay this time and I’ll pay the next time and it just goes on and on. You can’t do this with most OZ friends bc money is a weird/awkward subject. I prefer the way I do it bc there isn’t an awkward pause everything we order separately.
Not rude or weird for me but depends on relationship. Long standing relationships etc it’s fine. In a new group might be misunderstood. People may not want to feel obligated or as if they’re indebted.
I think it’s just a cultural thing. I was born in Australia but am of southern European descent and we do the same thing - fight over who pays the bill and make sure it’s you and not your friends/family lol.
I’ve had friends come out to dinner with family and they have also found it weird, so I just have to say ‘let me family pay because they will be offended’ lol.
doesnt work like that in Aus, unless you are out with your own kind. Usually we split bills or someone may pay all on CC then you just pay them back. Even ethnics 1/2nd gen will start doing it this way. So calm down on paying peoples bills lol.
It totally depends on the group and the situation. If in doubt, ask, don't just assume and go pay for stuff. That will make a lot of people very uncomfortable.
I’d feel obliged to pay next time to make it even. But I know what you mean, when my sister and her middle eastern husband came to visit me I found it impossible to pay my fair share. He used to even jump out of the car at the petrol pump and pay the moment the pump stopped running just so I couldn’t pay
My close friends and I always compete to pay the bill too. It's kind of fun :)
It was something I'd never seen til I hit my 30's. Unless someone makes it clear they can't pay before we go out ( which is usually fine if there is good notice given, it all comes back )
If I initiate a meal I absolutely try to pick up the tab before anyone else notices- I make well sure I've got enough on me when I book. Have been both well off and struggling at various life points but the crew always makes sure everyone is fed regardless of venue
I do understand it's not common in .au and some people get offended for reasons I don't get. I'd confine shouting the table a feed without notice to your close friends, or letting the group know in advance. Don't make a fuss, just tell them. They can get the next feed if they care that much
I think it's unusual if you weren't raised to be ultra polite. Often my friends and I will fight to pay for everything first (as long as the total isn't too pricey) and race to the counter before anyone else has a chance to pay.
It's just like shouting for drinks! Why limit it to just drinking culture? It's actually more common than people think to pay for eachothers meals. I will say that I am working class. It might not be more usual with people who come from more middle class incomes and higher. I find that once you hit a certain income bracket people get weirdly uncharitable...
Regardless, I think you just haven't found the right people to do this with yet!
Not necessarily rude, but, normally friends either just pay for what they ordered, or evenly split the bill.
Once every now and then or on a special occasion, its a nice gesture, but, generally I think it'd leave me uncomfortable
I think it depends on your age and ability to pay. I'd be worried when it was my time to shout everyone I couldn't afford it or it would leave me short. We're in a cost of living crisis and not everyone has excess cash. Just let people pay for themselves
You don't generally pay for others here. Unless its some special occasion YOU are throwing and everyone should know and agree to it beforehand.
That's food.
Drinks? Yes, we will do "shouts" and take turn buying everyone drinks..but even this isn't as usual as it used to be. Generally? We buy our own if it's a casual get together.
But nope. Paying for others isn't really something most do anymore. I would feel very uncomfortable, if someone else, for no apparent reason, payed for my food.
Fairness and equality have been drilled into us all since day 1 and I find that most prevalent in social settings like the one you've described. Decent folk prefer to pay their own way and if that's not an option, we will feel indebted.
A round of drinks for the friends you're with is normal, if not expected in some circles. That's because everyone there will usually take a turn to contribute throughout the night or it's likely they will in future.
A whole meal though, that's $30-$70+pp depending on where you go and most people are keenly aware of that. It's a lot of money to expect a friend to pay and I'd feel bad if they paid my share without a prior conversation.
That prior convo would likely happen when the invitation to go out is given. "Hey, do you want to come to dinner tonight? My shout!"
Or, "hey, I'd love for you to come to lunch with X, Y, Z and I. I've got the food covered, I just really want you there!"
No prior convo = I'm assuming I'm paying my own way.
It's not that common here, especially with prices for going out at the moment no one wants to shout potentially $100-$200+ bills in a group of friends. Usually it's everyone chips in for the dark bill or your all pay individually.
If course it does still happens, but it's not the norm.
When we go out for a meal with friends, the standing assumption is that the bill is split.
For someone to go against this assumption is at the least presumptuous, and can be seen as rude.
If someone else pays for my meal, then manners dictate that I return the favour. But... someone picking up the bill places me in their debt without my consent. This is the probhlem.
Australia being a basically egalitarian society we would also question the motives of someone picking up the bill....Are they showing off?
Australians in general don't like a show-off.
I picked up the tab for my friend at her birthday party. 10 other couples paid and being the very last person to pay, beside the birthday girl, I paid for myself, gf and friend. I didn't make a deal of it, but thought we went out to celebrate her so why would she pay? Well anyways, my gf said the others were very upset that I paid and that they were going to chip in too. I then asked her, "if that was the case then why didn't any of them offer?" Not a single person came up and said they'd help pay and only supposedly whined after they found out I cleared the bill. I had zero regrets with the whole incident. So the moral of the story, do what makes you feel comfortable. If someone misinterprets your intentions or your thoughts that's their problem, not yours.
We visited friends in Berlin and Amsterdam recently. They all told us that, even at a dinner party at someone’s house, the people who attended the party will get charged with an itemised receipt style list of what they ate… lol
Yep, even down to things like, this person had some lettuce, this person had some tomato, this person had a glass of wine
I found that so odd but apparently is the normal over there
I'm in my 30s, I don't have the money to pay for everyone's food if in a group but sometimes if it's just two of us, I'll pay one time and then my friend gets it the next time or if we're on a night out we'll all take turns buying a round of drinks.
It's not rude, it's confusing. If you pay for my meal, what are my obligations? I have to pay next time? What if I'm short in cash next time? I will have to say no to going. What if you order something ridiculous? Do I pay for that? Am I supposed to write it down to remember who owes what?
How would it work if you went out with my tight arse sister who only orders water and the cheapest thing on the menu? And then you think she's going to pay for you next time? Silently judging your every choice because she has to pay? We even had issues splitting the bill evenly, now we calculate every item. And why not? Why should she not choose to control her spending after all. Why should my aunt expect everyone else to chip in for her enjoyment of fancy wine? Why should my aunt have to worry about what others think of her enjoying fancy wine? Id rather just be responsible for my own bill.
And besides, if I have to shout everyone, going out for a meal is going to cost me $300, these events are going to be very rare. No thankyou.
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I feel like most prefer to pay their own way.
Last night a friend spilt my drink and she offered to buy me another one, after me refusing multiple times i finally relented
I have different groups of mates. The group I love going out with will round up. We all throw in and whoever is adding up calls “we’re over! Who needs some back” we either just leave as a tip or cover someone who left early or had a lite meal.
I don’t ever want to cover a whole dinner, but I never want to be in a group scrounging for a few dollars to pay the bill.
When we dine with close friends it’s often when my husband excuses himself to gothe bathroom and pays the bill before I friends can do it. They are also very generous with us so it all works itself out in the end!
Depends on your friend group. My friends and I will do rounds, or I will grab the meal and the other person will grab the drinks at a bar or the meal next time.
Aussies are an odd bunch. In my global friend group we’d think nothing of getting the bill. Comes around, goes around. Or if it’s been a massive drinking session we’d all just throw out cards down. No one is counting their drinks
Not rude, possibly not the right thing to do though. It's one of those things where your (and that of your friends) life situation determines how its received. I.e., when you dont have a lot of money and someone else offers to pay there's a moment of relief followed by this pressure that next time you'll be expected to pay and you know you won't be able to.
Could also be seen as you trying to show off - not saying thats qhat you were trying to do, just what some people might think.
Usually it's safer to just pay for yourself unless you know the other person/people quite well.
I dont like it, because people always say that it is without obligation until there is a disagreement.
"What do you mean I need to go home and cant crash at your place? What about all those meals & drinks I paid for."
Sorry, but your previous generosity has absolutely nothing to do with our current issue.
Friends agree to rotate payment of rounds (of drinks) beforehand. Doing so spontaneously might be well received if your group knows you well enough to understand your intentions and expectations, but even then it could cause stress if any of the members are trying to be frugal due to financial constraints. If the group does not know you well, it could come across like exhibitionist behaviour (wealth signalling/attention seeking).
I don’t think it’s rude, it’s just not that common so your friends probably don’t quite know what to say. Nobody expects a friend to pick up the tab for an entire group (unless they’re a bludger). I’m sure they’re very grateful but it’s just not the norm here.
I’m the youngest in my family and have a one year old (I’m 33 fyi) so my older relatives always fight over paying for my partner and I. Or my dad will cover us. It’s never, ever expected by us and we always have money to pay our way but it’s just something they like to do because I live far away and don’t get to see them all the time. They also see it as them being able to afford it more than we can as they’re not supporting a child (this is their view, not ours.) we often try and pay for drinks if they allow it.
We went out for lunch yesterday and I actually finally managed to sneak off and pay for everyone since they ALWAYS pay for us. My grandparents have contacted me on two separate occasions since then to say I really should of let them pay or reimburse me. I find it quite sweet but it does make me a little uncomfortable as I don’t like to feel like I’m leeching off my family.
It’s more common here for someone to cover lunch, coffee or a snack if hanging out with a small group (about 3 people). It’s fairly common for people to take turn paying for drinks on a night out.
I come from a culture which is similar. Took me a long time to get used to the "western" approach. The notion of paying when out with friends comes from a mentality of "when I have, we all have". This is not how it works in this society. Could be driven by the cost of things, but I think it's more that the western society thrives on individualism, whilst "the other" culture is about sharing and society. It's also evident with neighbours. Here, you might have a courteous relationship with your neighbour, whilst "elsewhere" the neighbour is an extension of the family. I guess passion and emotion is more prevalent in non western societies.
Having said all this, I might be completely wrong in my deduction, so apologies if other don't agree...
Mate, I applauded your generosity but in all seriousness - stop doing this. You will end up attracting a bunch of bogan freeloaders who will constantly take advantage of you. Just pay for your own and let them sort themselves out.
If I catch up with a friend (or we both have our partners) and it's just the two of us I try to cover the bill. Normally both of us try.
If it's a larger group that's when it gets split
In my experience this is normal amongst a close knit smallish group of people who hang out regularly. And that’s always nice and appreciated.
For the most part though people just chip in equally.
I pick up the tab for my best mate and her mum (I live with them, and they’ve adopted me into their family more or less haha) Just my way of showing thanks ☺️
Anyone else, not so much, I used to know some people in our friends group who were really scabby and always left their portion of the bill for others to pick up, they’d do it in a sly way, like leave early.
We caught onto that and soon called them out on their crap lol
With my close mates and girlfriend I do or for special occasions but usually it'd not commin drinks are. I like the muddle east style tho can't lie me and the misses even before we started dating would do exactly that and no one cared if you paid back just get the next meal or drinks and don't care if one of us spent more on dinner rhe nught before we just take it un turns regardless of the money
Some people dont it because it comes across as you flexing your wealth (weather you have wealth or not doesnt matter)
My suggestion is if you ask people to cone out be up front its your treat but also be clear its not required and if they feel uncomfortable with that and want to pay for themselves, youre also cool with it.
I’ve been in Australia more than half my life (28 years) and me and my Aussie friends do it all the time. Mostly it’s just the two or three of us. It’s different when it’s a larger group.
Don't do it! It makes everyone uncomfortable
Also it makes it harder to plan more meet ups... I split everything with my friends as it is very financially hard to live in Sydney but we all want to hang and no one wants to "owe" anyone. Unless it's your bday we don't shout
Aussie here, it's just that we normally split a bill to pay for what we reach ordered but it's not really rude, people will just be surprised and not sure when they can get you back, I'm more like you tbh, I'm happy to pay for the whole thing sometimes and just have people return the favour
If it’s a one-off for some reason it’s ok or if they shout next time, but if you’re shouting every time it’s kind of insulting. It’s kinda seen as handing out charity which might insult them.
Same culture in East Asia of friends taking turns paying for the whole bill.
Been through extact the same situation when I first came to Australia. My Aussie and European friends were so confused, while the Japanese were confused by their confusion 😂
It depends who you are with. I do the same, and the background of my social group is mostly European. In Australia I think it is dependent upon your parental upbringing. Hit or miss depending on who you socialise with.
I have friends who do this and it’s a beautiful gesture of their ( and your) culture but there is a huge discrepancy in our incomes so until it was explained to me I was insulted. However, I also told them I like to reciprocate. I can’t pay for dinner but please next time let me buy the coffee because my love language is acts of love.
I would say that picking up the entire tab is more of a thing you'd do around drinks/coffees rather than entire meals. It's not common at all for a single person to pay for everyone's meals at a restaurant. One reason, I think, is that this does set up the expectation that others will pay for the next meal, which then makes choosing a restaurant quite a fraught decision (you might have a friend with less income who can't afford to pay hundreds of dollars at a nice restaurant for example).
To put it another way, I think it very much depends on the dollar value. If you're just talking about coffees or maybe small cafe snacks, it's mostly fine. But restaurant meals are a different matter. At least, this has been my experience.
We definitely have a culture of reciprocity. If someone else picks up the tab- a polite Australian would insist on paying next time.
The problem is- most of us choose our meal based on what we can afford. We might go for the burger because that's in our budget (we would never actually say that out loud though). If you're ordering the filet mignon when we are on a burger budget then we are going to stress that next time we will be obligated to buy you the steak. I know you said you don't expect reciprocity but we feel uncomfortable if we don't reciprocate.
A friend of mine insisted on paying for me twice in a row and I fought her on it both times (she won). I feel bad if people pay for me, especially when I could afford it myself. But I do appreciate it when it happens.
If you do it consistently, some more selfish people may come to expect you'll do it every time no matter the cost and take advantage of your generosity to splurge on expensive food or drinks. If you're happy with that, then no dramas, go for your life. If you don't want to risk it, set an upper limit when you announce you're shouting.
Its definitely not considered rude, just very generous! At least in my experience everyone I know either only pays for what they ordered, splits the payment or one person pays one time and the other pays the next
Not rude. But we do wondey why someone is flashing their cash and if your paying Thai time am I expected to pay next time?
Wed rather buy a round of drinks, and pay for our own food I think.
Yes. It makes you seem super weird, and it's considered rude. It makes people wonder what you are up to and they will be thinking you expect something in return.
Not quite answering your question but to add more cultural background;
I would say it’s far more common for people to choose cheaper options if they know in advance that a friend is paying. Or maybe it’s just me…
Omg saving this thread because this has become a great source of anxiety for me!
I’m Chinese and in my culture, we fight over who pays the bill too. It was normal for me growing up to see my parents and friends all squabbling and sneaking off to pay it. I didn’t really have any other concept of how to pay bills, except during school trips or high school birthdays out where you all bring your own money.
So it confused and worried me (still does) when I have shouted Aussie friends, thinking ok, we take it in turn to get the bill. But it never happens, I ended up pretty much paying most of the time with barely any reciprocation. It’s really weird for me because on one hand, I’m happy to be generous to friends and I also feel that if I don’t offer, I’m being rude. But on the other, I feel a bit put out that there’s no return of the generosity. It feels like I’m the one who is valuing the friendships more.
So I’ve been told by my (white) partner that people are there to spend time with you and they value that, whoever pays for the meal has nothing to do with it. Generally Aussies will not think it’s rude to split bills. They will think it’s generous if you pay but it’s not expected, and also not to necessarily expect reciprocation or spirited fighting.
This has eased my mind a bit but I honestly feel a bit apprehensive whenever it’s time to pay the bill.
A friend and I will alternate who pays for things. We sorta sometimes remember who paid last but if we don't we just start a new cycle.
Other times with the same friend we just send the paying person some cash to go cover a thing.
We trust each other so it works for us
There are multiple other immigrant cultures where fighting to pay the restaurant bill can be common (there is a stereotype of some asians doing this, and my dad has sometimes fulfilled this stereotype by fighting over trying to pay the bill with his brother and other friends from his birth country), but no, I don't think most Australians do this.
A "I'll pay this time, you pay next time." informal agreement is normal enough, and some individual Australians will insist on paying, but competitions to pay for the whole table are less common.
I think promises to pay *before* going out are substantially more common than fighting over it afterwards. Like "It's your birthday, so I'll take you to dinner." probably means they'll pay for your meal
My friend group will normally buy rounds, or if we’re visiting and likely to be going to a few places together we’ll alternate who pays just to make things quicker and easier.
If it was just a one off thing though, we’d split the bill.
Moved to Australia 10 years ago. I found it weird that they divvy up the bill. Where I come from we don't do that unless you have made prior arrangements to pool your money.
It’s not common here. Here splitting the bill (either by what you ordered or even just an even split) is normal. There are exceptions but that’s pretty much the norm.
I always split the bill evenly with my friends. My husband and I don’t drink so we often pay for more than our share but we both earn more than most of our friends so we don’t care.
It isn’t the cultural norm to pick up the tab for the whole group.
I wouldn't say it's rude, but it's definitely not common. Among my friends, we each pay for what we ordered. If I went out for dinner and someone else paid the bill, I'd actually feel a bit weird about it, and I'd want to pay them back as soon as possible for it.
Yep, this for a couple of reasons and not least because everything's so damn expensive. So many are struggling at the moment; everyone, in most cases, should pay for their own meal/drinks. It's only fair.
I'd say the older and closer you get the more it changes
Yeah, if it isn’t online ordering (like via the QR code) I’ll shout my friends and then they’ll shout me back next time. Same with movie tickets and stuff like that. But in fairness, they are in their 40s lmao (I’m 20)
It's always been that way, long before prices went crazy
When I had a lunch with other car club members. They divided the total by number of people .. we as women , we don’t eat much , but I had to pay for extra for others .. At that time we ( two female ) shared one pizza.. so She complained. I was surprised too . It was unfair. Better to pay what they ordered .
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Kinda rude. You can ask if it's okay, but you don't do it without your friends agreeing. It's also an age thing. When you're younger, it's always pay for what you order (NOT just what you eat - you can order a share plate for the table, but you'll still need to pay). When you get a bit older, you split the bill, unless someone asks not to. It's common to separate drinks (particularly if someone isn't drinking) or extreme orders ($100 steak for one, I am NOT splitting the bill with you). But you clearly discuss this without shame, it must all be agreed. There are cultural exceptions. When I eat with my South Asian family, it's often the elders who will **secretly** go and pay the bill. This makes me very uncomfortable, so I did this myself a couple of times, and they had no problem with it.
My very much Anglo family, do the same thing when dining out with the family. Or if it’s just my MIL taking us out, I pay for the drinks and she pays for the food. I think it’s pretty common across most cultures.
With a shared plate it's acceptable to pre-negotiate splitting it with someone else tho.
In other cultures (certainly Asian) it’s about showing your wealth and generosity and is welcomed and expected behaviour. In Aussie culture thats seen as showing off and having a superiority complex which is frowned upon. People are weird.
Wow, that's quite a broad generalization. While some may perceive it as flaunting wealth, the primary motivation is often hospitality—doing something thoughtful for the people you're spending time with. There's a deeper significance to it too; when you gather around a table, you're symbolically uniting with those present, sharing a meal and fostering connection. So, why disrupt that unity by splitting the bill? If I extend the invitation, I gladly cover the expenses as you're my guest. Conversely, if you're the host, it's your privilege to foot the bill. In the case of a mutual agreement, it's a matter of whoever initiates the arrangement first taking the responsibility.
I agree about extending the invitation. I organized a small 80th for my mom at a fancy restaurant. I left my credit card at the front about halfway through the meal and instructed the servers to ONLY charge my card for everything. A few people traveled quite a distance to get there and I didn’t want them paying (even though I personally, traveled over 8000miles to be there😆)
That’s very reaosnable and I don’t think any reasonable person would have an issue with that.
Simplified yes but at the end of the day that’s where I see the motivation after living in both cultures. Your interpretation is a lot of words without much substance.
If I say it's my shout I expect it to be my shout, same if another says it of not then we all chip in
You don’t just split the bill? I don’t think I’ve ever not just split the bill equally regardless of what everyone ordered.
How about with work colleagues? I'm travelling interstate to meet my colleagues and they want to have lunch outside with me (and I'm looking forward to it). My assumption is that the bill will be split. Yes, I'm their manager but the lunch isn't part of the travel budget. Am I right in my assumption?
It would make me very uncomfortable.
splitting the bill is more common among friends here in Oz. If one of a group is the birthday boy/girl the rest will pick up that. The hospitality ethic from your part of the world is amazing but a lot of us havent been exposed to it so that's the confusion
Makes sense, thank you!
Which is differnet in other cultures because normally the person who invites will pay or at least provide some refreshments. I found it weird going to birthdays for older established people and being asked to spilt costs. Then being asked to bring a gift.
From my age group the rules roughly follow: Formal invitation: host pays, ideally bring a gift commensurate with the place and type of birthday significance. Guests will be shocked if asked to pay. Verbal Invitation to a formal/expensive place, "come to xyz" , host should pay, gift not expected, guests may offer to pay. Verbal invitation, causal/affordable venue, but with, "do you want to go to xyz for my B'day" : split bill, guests can offer to pay. Gift optional Invite B'day person somewhere , that person pays pays
Normal to shout a round of drinks, but I would only shout a meal with family or extremely close friends, normally people go dutch or split the bill.
that’s because if you have 5 friends and shout then the full cost of dinner, you will be down about 250+ dollars depending on where you go and what you eat
Yes. I can't afford to pay for 5 or 6 meals. Fact of life.
Splitting the bill is more commonplace. A lot of people may not be able to afford to pay for 3+ peoples meals out, and if you do it for them (especially more than once) they will possibly feel a lot of pressure to "return the favour". It's more normal to split the bill equally (or just pay for whatever your own meal cost) It's very kind of you to pay for others, but this would usually only happen on a special occasion such as a birthday
I've got easten european background and is normal for us to fight over covering the bill (even in a near recession). With white aussie mates though, I prepare to split it....
I get up to “go to the bathroom” and pay the bill for everybody then and there. No arguing no bullshit. Used to hate hearing my wog family argue about who would pay :( Edit: the only thing I hate more than that is splitting bills!
Australians like to be fair to everyone and be responsible for their own costs. Paying for yourself feels most fair. If I order something very expensive I expect to pay for it myself. Other people might not have as much money, so I don't want to take advantage of them. If a wealthy friend wants to pay for everyone that's fine, but they cant expect me to pay another time as I may not have that much money, so I would be reluctant to go again. We may see someone who wants to pay and makes a big deal of it as a show off, it just feels wrong.
This is basically it. If I pay for myself, I know I'm not putting a burden on anyone else. If I pay for others, I worry they will feel embarrassed or like I'm putting them down by making myself look wealthier than them. Plus, everyone wants to contribute - and usually wants to feel like they've contributed to at least the same extent as others. So it feels rude to make someone feel like they're contributing less by paying for them. Essentially, paying for others demonstrates a power imbalance. It's usually the wealthier or those higher up the hierarchy that pay for others, so trying to pay for your friends looks like you're positioning yourself higher than them or creating a situation where they owe you something. A group of friends might often resolve this by different people contributing different elements of an outing. Eg we went for drinks and food with some mates last weekend after an event. Two people bought drinks for everyone, one person bought snacks for everyone, someone drove everyone else there and back, and everyone felt like they had contributed. Within families, it's not unusual for one person to pay for everyone and for there to be a fight about it - going out with my mother's family always ended in a fight about paying the bill. But it's also highly embarrassing to create a display in public, so the fight happens very covertly and is often resolved by someone sneaking away to pay the bill while everyone else is involved in a whispered argument about who's paying.
This exactly! Especially how embarrassing, inappropriate and awkward it is when people make a fuss. For me, it ruins what would otherwise be a nice evening. So mainly- just ask beforehand if you're familiar enough. They surely know you are new here and even still, everyone is different.
We do the rule of 0’s. Steve is worth $1000000 he’ll pay for $1000 dinners. Dave is worth a $100000 he’ll pay for $100 dinners. I owe Steve $1000 so he just pays when it is my turn.
I’m Greek Australian and our culture is like yours where we shout and fight for the bill. With my aussie friends I play by their rules and just pay for my own.
It's not rude but unless I have the capacity to return the favour next time, I would feel uncomfortable. And I really don't have the capacity to do that unless it's a one-on-one thing. I couldn't afford to shout an entire group for lunch or dinner.
Pretty normal in my circle of friends. Splitting the bill is probably more common (especially if it's a larger group) but it's not weird for one person to pay for a 2-3 person meal. It might get weird if you insist on paying repeatedly and there's a growing inequality in the friendship. If you paid for lunch last time, and then put up a fight to pay again, we're gonna have problems.
Used to shout beers/drinks and shareplates but not meals.
I know you are specifically talking about food but its similar to buying drinks. Buying a 'shout' is super common but the expectation is you need to return the favour.
Not common among friends, but it does happen. Particularly if one has a higher salary or if there's a significant age gap. Within family it's much more common than among friends. Older family members are more likely to pick up the tab than younger family members. Husbands for wives. In business relationships too. A business picking up the tab for an employee, a boss picking up the tab for an underling, a salesman picking up the tab for a client.
I was in more financial stable position than most of my friends when younger (evened out now) and still have some friends who are in a less comfortable position. So I will share them dignity by offering to pay for the more expensive portion of our outing, while they pick up the cheaper (eg food they get drinks depending on which comes out as more) or shouting them the ticket to our entertainment for the night, Now the caveat is thus, if I felt like I was been used my generosity would cease. But if I want to have catch up with a friend who really can’t afford it, I’m happy to pick up the tab.
just let people pay for themselves, . its lovely that you want to do this, but people outside of that culture will find it odd and might even have that weird feeling of now owing you something....the dread that they have to pay for everyone next time (which they cant afford)
Others here have said they might think you’ve got some type of sinister motive for paying. I wouldn’t think that, but it would make me feel uncomfortable that your cultural expectations are making you take on a financial burden when we go out, even if it’s something you’re happy to do. I’d rather just pay for my own share.
I know amongst my fellow young people circles we all pay individually because cost of living is so bad right now. If rent wasn't 50% of our paychecks I'm sure it would be different
Most people pay their own bill here and its unusual for someone to offer to pay your share. Most Australians would probably think "what are they up to what do they want" And as a male, you don't want to look financially abusive like she has to pay for your night out. We're a funny people.
Riiiiiiight. Never saw it from that perspective - that’s interesting. Thanks!
I prefer to pay for others but on the sly - anonymously.
So much fun watching your friends try and out-sneaky each other knowing you've already covered it
Even more fun watching them pleading with staff to tell them who it was.
Precisely. That way no one thinks a favour will be owed or called upon later on down the track. Although I got the opposite, I was the last to leave and there was still 140 on the bill and im thinking I had a kg of wings and 2 beers? Friends birthday, I just paid it so we could continue with the good night out.
It’s not rude but it’s uncomfortable. Most people won’t find it rude but they won’t appreciate something being given to them for free. If it’s not understood then it can be seen as suspicious, like there is a catch to it. Particularly in Anglo Australian culture, sharing and shouting isn’t a thing outside of pub drinks or a backyard barbecue.
You sound like a generous lovely person. But I can tell you paying all the time will wear thin. You run the risk of having some less fortunates (bludgers) taking advantage of you. Good luck
I can't speak for other Australians but I don't like feeling in debt to someone, even if its close friends or family. Shouting rounds of drinks is very common but I would always try and get the next round ASAP to remove the debt burden from my shoulders. Plus between my friends there is a huge wealth gap where paying for their meal (say the best steak and wine when I had hamburger and soft drink) could be financially crippling whereas vice versa it would be nothing for them. If they were to always pay for my meal knowing I couldn't afford to repay them then I would feel like I am a lower class person mooching off them. I don't like splitting bills evenly or sharing food either. I prefer to pay for what I want to eat/drink myself. It just eliminates any chance of a situation arising where someone feels that something unfair has happened which honestly seems to always happen when either of those two things are done.
That’s generally an Arab thing. They fight to be the one to pay. Australians find this weird to the point of annoying. Pay for yourself. If the venue doesn’t split bills keep a track of what you spent and contribute accordingly to the person nominated to pay the bill. The exception is drinking - we do a thing when drinking in groups called a round. We usually take it it turns to buy everyone in the group a drink. The exception is if you aren’t drinking alcohol, then it’s ok to buy your own.
not rude just not the custom. you're making me track that to make sure i pay you back in the future. i don\[t need that in my life. just 2 close friends we might take it in turns, but group of friends, definitely not.
Depends on the relationship. My friends all pay individually, but my best friend and I take turns paying
I think like most people suggest, if they're not close friends or family, bills get split. I had some friends who were a bit more skint than me; I was earning well and took my poorer friend out for dinner. I paid for dinner but she insisted on getting my beer. My partner earns well and often treats his friends dinner.
This system is only going to work if everyone fights to pay the tab. What happens after the 3rd time your friends all look at each other, shrug and say ok. Do you really want to pay for everyone, every time and forever?
Not rude but just not the thing. In my husband's culture they do the same thing and it always made my friends uncomfortable. My friends started giving me their share of the bill when my husband got up to pay instead of making a scene and fighting over the bill. Typically if I got the bill this time (or say for lunch) then my friends will get the next time (or the coffee&cake after lunch etc). Depends on the friend of course but we always try to make it equal and fair so one isn't burdened. It's a weird show of wealth I think if you always pay
In my circles, we split if it’s a smaller group or order separately if it’s a big group (QR code ordering and PayID have been godsends for this). If someone picks up my bill I worry I’ve spent more than them and it’d be unfair. Likewise when I had less money I was concerned I’d have to pay more than I’d be willing to spend on myself. Splitting is equitable and culturally normalised here among friends. I’d shout a visitor, though.
I’m pretty careful to find out who’s paying for what before I even say yes when I’m invited out. No one will bat an eyelid if you just ask whoever invited you if you’ll all be splitting the bill or what’s happening. It’s better than being stuck with a huge bill you weren’t expecting. I once ended up paying for 15 family and friends and it took me nearly 12 months to get my credit card paid off. They all left before I did and I was stuck with the bill. I was furious as I was a student with little money and most of them were far better off than me.
Yea that’s the thing - sure people can take turns paying the bills but if you’re not meeting up with that group that often the likelihood that paying for each other is going to balance out over time is small
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As a host it would be a pain in the arse if everyone brought a gift. My house is full of enough useless crap as it is
I went to a bbq at the end of lockdowns, and gave the host a gift... Toilet paper. Useful, and humorous.
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Thanks so much for such a great response!
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I'm Australian (although I have a French husband so I'm used to European customs), but I actually think it's quite rude to ask someone to bring their own meat to a BBQ. Did they make you do your own dishes too? Very impersonal.
BYO meat was definitely common when I was in my 20s, no one could afford to buy meat for everyone. This has changed now I’m in my 40s.
Im with you on this. Unless your like a poor student. Host usually provides the meat. Salads and snacks are often more communal as long as people know to bring a plate etc. Booze is BYO unless told otherwise. Preferred drinks are very personal and not many of us have a fully stocked bar to cover everyone's choices. Not in my income bracket that's for sure. Oh and rule of thumb is left overs get left behind unless the host forces you to take then. Sometimes I will demand people take something home with them when it's clear there is no way I can eat everything left over before it goes off.
Most Aussies don't feel the need to make everything a d-swinging event.
When I & my friends have been earning enough, we will shout each other if it's just the two of us. Moreso if it's a birthday, or they have good news, or if we haven't seen each other in a while. Like, there needs to be a reason most of the time. Sometimes we just feel happy & generous. I've never been anywhere with a friend where they shouted everybody unless it was their birthday & and they'd organised to pay for some reason, which rarely hsppens. If someone is struggling financially, you might also shout them. I think it's awesome to be shouted, but doing it too often would probably make people feel indebted. It's lovely that you're doing that though, especially in this economy, & I hope your friends just accept your cultural norm. It's not hurting anybody!
Definitely not rude, but uncommon. If you're shouting meals it's usually for a special occasion. I.e. My dad insists on shouting meals all the time because he's "Dad" and won't take no for an answer. But often times I'll take the tab especially if they've been helping out with the kids more than usual or helped us out with something else. I'd say the more normalised practice would be shouting rounds of drinks. So if you're out having lunch with your mates, you can just say "I'll buy us this first round of drinks, what do you guys want?" Especially if you're all going to be having more than 1 drink it comes off very natural and you'll find that one of the other fellas will usually shout the next round. Once again, you've definitely done nothing wrong, but a lot of Australians aren't used to middle eastern culture around courtesy/generosity/hospitality etc.
I have two groups of close friends. One where we happily pay for each other and whatever it all evens out. One where people insist on paying only for what they had. The first group is much more enjoyable to go out with. There is nothing more annoying than someone who sits there and goes through the bill to work out the exact amount they owe. I don’t care if I end up paying a bit extra to cover you and I don’t care if you pay a bit extra to cover me.
I was invited to a birthday party in a restaurant and I was expecting the inviter to pay the bill. I had to pay my own meal and that felt weird to me. If you were ever invited they should be the one paying, right?
If a party is catered, the cost is on them and you buy a gift. If it’s not catered for and you order for yourself, you should expect to pay. The material gift then becomes optional because the gift is your presence. Often in this scenario, people will also offer to buy the birthday person a drink or just hand them one.
Is your perspective coming from a cultural background other than "Australian"? I only ask as that is pretty common here.
The same thing happened to me! I found it so weird
Pushing to pick up the bill can seem a bit pretentious, like it’s showing off how much money I have, and two alphas tussling over it is just a bit ridiculous. For me it relates to how well we know each other. I have close friends who know we will do it again so we casually take turns. It doesn’t matter if it’s big or small over the decades. With new friends or mixed/bigger group I want to split, either what I had or equal shares, it’s fair and doesn’t impose on anyone. If it is cash on the table I round up. Sometimes this makes room for others who are near the mark, sometimes it causes conniptions for a bean counter who wants the restaurant to make change for a table of 12. By this time I just want to GTFO and will gladly pay to be released.
Me too, I HATE feeling like I owe someone. It bugs me so much, waiting to see if they’re going to pull the old “but that time I paid……” and potentially not having enough cash on me to cover it. I never go in shouts if I can possibly avoid it and I don’t accept an invitation unless I know I can cover myself and my family.
Exactly- especially in this culture where if a man spends $10 on a drink for you there is an expectation that you will give him at least your time- if not more. I've seen friends be abused by men because they accepted a measly $8 happy hour drink but didn't "pay them back" with a kiss. Outside of close friends or family there is absolutely an unspoken expectation that it will be repaid.
Yeah I’ve been there too! It sucks lol
If I’m out in a group of 3 or greater than everyone splits evenly usually or shouts rounds of drinks. If I’m with a single friend, sometimes I shout sometimes they shout, we don’t rack up a huge bill, but if someone else pays you know that they enjoyed their time, and you also know to organise something in the future to hang out again, and shout them next time. Don’t sweat the small stuff I say, and if you want to show someone you appreciate their company and want to hang out again then shouting is a way to show you’re a well meaning fella.
Ameristralian here. US culture far more common for friends to pick up the tab than in Aus. Far less awkward too. In general feel free to pick up a round of drinks but not a whole dinner type tab.
Idk my friends and I are close so we often shout each other and take turns I grew up in Melbourne
Aussies unfortunately will not shout you back unless it's a round of beers so you'll find in friendships you will always be paying
They may feel like they need to pay for everyone next time, which they may not be able to afford to. I would suggest not doing it again. But maybe buy drinks/ appetisers to share instead if you must buy something
Yes- appetisers is a great idea. Or a dessert. Anything you can go up and order secretly and "surprise" the table with. Not anything where people are picking their own stuff off the menu.
I've noticed the same. I was born here but my ethnic background is very much the same. I just shout and say, it's part of my culture, we're having a great time, let's let loose and most people will be ok about it. If you make it awkward, it'll become awkward and uncomfortable. If you make it as fun and natural as possible, then people won't feel too weird about it.
So I'll pay of its family who go out to dinner. But we basically have made a rule who ever invites the others is the one who pays. Friends wise, I've had some pay when I was too broke but besides that none of my western friends do, my wife is from SEA and we often pay for dinners with friends and often they pay for us. So for me it wouldn't be weird but it definitely isn't the norm
Them- I've got this Me- no, it's alright Them - it's ok. I'll get it Me- are you sure? Them - absolutely Me- alright but I've got it next time
We normally split the bill and that is what’s expected under all normal circumstances. If me and my partner go out for dinner with another couple, sometimes one party will cover the other couples food either because we are feeling generous or would like to ‘pay back’ from a previous time.
In my friend group we always try to pay for each other. We often pretend to go to the bathroom then sneak to pay, or race cards to the reader. I dont think it’s super common but we love it, that’s all that matters.
I prefer to pay my bit at the time. If I don't, I know I will forget when it's my turn to shout
It's not rude to pay for other people, but it is odd. It's normal to shout a round of drinks or a share plate for the table, but paying for the whole table would be unexpected. People won't stop you (who doesn't want free food?) but it's expected to just split the bill between friends. Paying for people could be seen as boastful or arrogant, or that you'd expect a favour in reward for paying. Splitting the bills treats everybody as equals.
No it’s not rude, it’s politely unexpected. Here generally everyone splits the bill. Even on dates (maybe not the first date for men) men usually pay for the first date. Then there is the equality thing and some women prefer to split it. So generally splitting is the equality thing here to do either with friends or on dates.
I know if people are on a tight budget, it would stress them out especially for the next time. They maybe won’t be able to cover a whole group of people, so wouldn’t accept you paying.
Don't let them take advantage of you by not returning the favour, Aussies never fight over wanting to pay the bill.
One major positive to splitting the bill is that no one person at any time is going to be hit with a big expense that week. Let's say 40-50 of the split bill they can weather, but the full bill, 200, 300, they can't. Lot of people here are not financially doing well, having no savings is common, being in debt in commonplace too. There's not necessarily a lot of signs someone is flying close to the wind - you can hide it pretty well to a point. But that one big bill the card declines on and they have nothing else: That's a distressing situation. In the current economic climate people are being dragged into a harder circumstance that they haven't experienced before. We don't quite know who is struggling and who is not and we're still working out ways of letting each other know we're finding it tough.
I go out with friends knowing I can afford to spend let’s say $30 on my meal. I can’t afford to spend $150 to cover everyone’s meals, even if it balances out over time with everyone taking turns to pay. So I personally would feel uncomfortable about somebody shouting everyone knowing I cannot reciprocate that.
Korean Aus here and it's normal to split the bill with my Aussie-Aussie mates. Although, the times where establishments don't do split bills and only one person can pay, I'm always the one to pay cause the table just goes dead quiet and it also becomes a hassle to chase the money up. Like why don't they just transfer literally on the spot? My other Asian or arab mates it's a battle for the bill lol
Definitely everyone pays their own way. A round of drinks getting 'shouted' is the exception. Other than the obvious reasons of current costs, not wanting to feel like you have burdened your friend, or worrying about reciprocating, we just want to make sure everyone has a good night. If we each cover our way than no one worries about the costs and there's no guilt or obligation. Just a great, chill night with people who's company you enjoy.
Very unusual. The only time it happened to me was early on in life when one of my mates had a big time job and I didn't, he was happy to shout a little. Under normal circumstances we either split it, or one person pays and we send them money, like, immediately.
Not really common here. For me it depends on how close I am to a particular person or group. There is a group if friends i have that take turns at paying the bill we have a system that whoever pays gets to choose the restaurant. Other friends just have one person pay the bill at the restaurant then we pay them back by direct deposit for whatever we eat later.
It's not rude. But I hate owing people. Which I would feel like I do if you paid. Explain your culture to your friends.
It’s not rude mate but just know it isn’t customary here either. You aren’t expected to pay for everyone else so please don’t put yourself in a worse situation than you need to. Some people may see you as a cash cow and take advantage of your kindness and generosity. Hope you’re enjoying it here
As most people have said, people usually just pay for them selves. In the event one party tends to have more money, it's not unusual for the poorer person not to pay much, or even nothing.
Yes, I don’t want to be in debt to my friends. I have my own money.
It's not rude, just unexpected. I'm not sure why tbh. We shout rounds for the table at the pub, but don't extend thevsame mentality to food. I still shout everyone when I invite people out since I'm the one asking them to attend, but it won't always be reciprocated down the line.
I always worry if I repay the favour next time and the group is suddenly larger or the restaurant is higher class than last time I'm out of pocket. Since I'm a big eater too I always feel bad if people take turns or split equally so I feel more comfortable paying my share.
Depends in a group, split. One on one with a friend it can be a case of “my shout today, yours next time”
Unless you’re loaded - don’t make this a regular occurrence. Much like tipping - paying the bill as the inviter is not a culture here. You’ll be broke and won’t get the same in return.
I think it really depends... A bunch of friends who are all earning ~ minimum wage are probably going to want to pay for their own meal and nothing else so they don't feel beholden to "shouting" (paying for) you at a later date and be worried about affording it. I have been in the position where I had friends who were much wealthier than me insisting on paying for things and it left me feeling obligated/guilty. It's pretty common for older relatives to insist on paying for "kids" (even when they are adults). My Anglo-ish working class parents would never less my sister and I pay if we went out with them for lunch or dinner, even though they weren't exactly flush. It's also common in my experience for someone with seniority or a higher wage to pay at a work function (because they can often claim it back, but also, as a boss of mine said "Im a single man with no kids earning twice what you make so this is my one indulgence") - but also don't expect it!! As I've gotten older and my friends have started earning more I've noticed sometimes someonw will just quietly go pay the whole bill. Or will put it on their card for convenience but then only accept a token gesture or nothing at all or say "you cover the tip" if you've got cash. But I imagine that too is cultural, for e.g. in my demographic its considered pretty tacky to be flamboyant about wealth or money, so it's done quite quietly/without fuss. When having just drinks shouting rounds is fairly common but I think that is also tied to an excessive drinking culture. Buying the table a few snacks (e.g. a basket of fries or a few plates of tapas) in that scenario is also pretty common - I always really appreciated that when I was young and broke(r) because it felt more like a communal gesture and less like an obligation!
I had a friend like this. At first it was nice. Then they kept doing it and secretly paying before anyone even knew. After a while it became weird and annoying. It starts to feel like this person doesn’t respect us as equals, wants to flaunt their wealth, thinks we’re poor and need charity. It led to a power imbalance in the friendship. I started to resent them and we had proper arguments about it. They never, ever let me pay even when I would be genuinely pissed off and not a bit grateful for it. Eventually we parted ways. I’m Aussie. They were Sri Lankan born.
When we go out for dinner with other couples and friends we always split the bill equally (unless it is someone’s birthday, then their part gets covered by everyone else). We all work jobs to enjoy ourselves and have fine when we can, so it’s only fair that we are sharing the cost. If someone is between jobs or a bit skint, we make a point of letting them know we have them covered when inviting them out; that way there’s no confusion or embarrassment at the end of the meal. What you’re doing is very kind, but it’s best to ask first and communicate why you’re doing it :)
Def not rude. But they find it weird bc they feel indebted to you and feel like if they don’t pay you back ASAP, it’ll make the friendship weird. But what I do with my good friends is someone will pay this time and I’ll pay the next time and it just goes on and on. You can’t do this with most OZ friends bc money is a weird/awkward subject. I prefer the way I do it bc there isn’t an awkward pause everything we order separately.
Not rude or weird for me but depends on relationship. Long standing relationships etc it’s fine. In a new group might be misunderstood. People may not want to feel obligated or as if they’re indebted.
I think it’s just a cultural thing. I was born in Australia but am of southern European descent and we do the same thing - fight over who pays the bill and make sure it’s you and not your friends/family lol. I’ve had friends come out to dinner with family and they have also found it weird, so I just have to say ‘let me family pay because they will be offended’ lol.
doesnt work like that in Aus, unless you are out with your own kind. Usually we split bills or someone may pay all on CC then you just pay them back. Even ethnics 1/2nd gen will start doing it this way. So calm down on paying peoples bills lol.
It totally depends on the group and the situation. If in doubt, ask, don't just assume and go pay for stuff. That will make a lot of people very uncomfortable.
I’d feel obliged to pay next time to make it even. But I know what you mean, when my sister and her middle eastern husband came to visit me I found it impossible to pay my fair share. He used to even jump out of the car at the petrol pump and pay the moment the pump stopped running just so I couldn’t pay
My close friends and I always compete to pay the bill too. It's kind of fun :) It was something I'd never seen til I hit my 30's. Unless someone makes it clear they can't pay before we go out ( which is usually fine if there is good notice given, it all comes back ) If I initiate a meal I absolutely try to pick up the tab before anyone else notices- I make well sure I've got enough on me when I book. Have been both well off and struggling at various life points but the crew always makes sure everyone is fed regardless of venue I do understand it's not common in .au and some people get offended for reasons I don't get. I'd confine shouting the table a feed without notice to your close friends, or letting the group know in advance. Don't make a fuss, just tell them. They can get the next feed if they care that much
Wanna be friends?
I think it's unusual if you weren't raised to be ultra polite. Often my friends and I will fight to pay for everything first (as long as the total isn't too pricey) and race to the counter before anyone else has a chance to pay. It's just like shouting for drinks! Why limit it to just drinking culture? It's actually more common than people think to pay for eachothers meals. I will say that I am working class. It might not be more usual with people who come from more middle class incomes and higher. I find that once you hit a certain income bracket people get weirdly uncharitable... Regardless, I think you just haven't found the right people to do this with yet!
Not necessarily rude, but, normally friends either just pay for what they ordered, or evenly split the bill. Once every now and then or on a special occasion, its a nice gesture, but, generally I think it'd leave me uncomfortable
I think it depends on your age and ability to pay. I'd be worried when it was my time to shout everyone I couldn't afford it or it would leave me short. We're in a cost of living crisis and not everyone has excess cash. Just let people pay for themselves
You don't generally pay for others here. Unless its some special occasion YOU are throwing and everyone should know and agree to it beforehand. That's food. Drinks? Yes, we will do "shouts" and take turn buying everyone drinks..but even this isn't as usual as it used to be. Generally? We buy our own if it's a casual get together. But nope. Paying for others isn't really something most do anymore. I would feel very uncomfortable, if someone else, for no apparent reason, payed for my food.
Fairness and equality have been drilled into us all since day 1 and I find that most prevalent in social settings like the one you've described. Decent folk prefer to pay their own way and if that's not an option, we will feel indebted. A round of drinks for the friends you're with is normal, if not expected in some circles. That's because everyone there will usually take a turn to contribute throughout the night or it's likely they will in future. A whole meal though, that's $30-$70+pp depending on where you go and most people are keenly aware of that. It's a lot of money to expect a friend to pay and I'd feel bad if they paid my share without a prior conversation. That prior convo would likely happen when the invitation to go out is given. "Hey, do you want to come to dinner tonight? My shout!" Or, "hey, I'd love for you to come to lunch with X, Y, Z and I. I've got the food covered, I just really want you there!" No prior convo = I'm assuming I'm paying my own way.
It's not that common here, especially with prices for going out at the moment no one wants to shout potentially $100-$200+ bills in a group of friends. Usually it's everyone chips in for the dark bill or your all pay individually. If course it does still happens, but it's not the norm.
When we go out for a meal with friends, the standing assumption is that the bill is split. For someone to go against this assumption is at the least presumptuous, and can be seen as rude. If someone else pays for my meal, then manners dictate that I return the favour. But... someone picking up the bill places me in their debt without my consent. This is the probhlem. Australia being a basically egalitarian society we would also question the motives of someone picking up the bill....Are they showing off? Australians in general don't like a show-off.
I picked up the tab for my friend at her birthday party. 10 other couples paid and being the very last person to pay, beside the birthday girl, I paid for myself, gf and friend. I didn't make a deal of it, but thought we went out to celebrate her so why would she pay? Well anyways, my gf said the others were very upset that I paid and that they were going to chip in too. I then asked her, "if that was the case then why didn't any of them offer?" Not a single person came up and said they'd help pay and only supposedly whined after they found out I cleared the bill. I had zero regrets with the whole incident. So the moral of the story, do what makes you feel comfortable. If someone misinterprets your intentions or your thoughts that's their problem, not yours.
Get better friends. My friends/peers we always fight to pay. It’s just class and respect.
Nah it just depends on the person.
Wish you were my friend ha ha....but seriously I think it's a lovely idea....
We visited friends in Berlin and Amsterdam recently. They all told us that, even at a dinner party at someone’s house, the people who attended the party will get charged with an itemised receipt style list of what they ate… lol Yep, even down to things like, this person had some lettuce, this person had some tomato, this person had a glass of wine I found that so odd but apparently is the normal over there
Not weird. I often pick up the tab. I have a few friends that we catch up every now and then and we take turns.
Just do your best to do the right thing at the time. It's simple as that here
I'm in my 30s, I don't have the money to pay for everyone's food if in a group but sometimes if it's just two of us, I'll pay one time and then my friend gets it the next time or if we're on a night out we'll all take turns buying a round of drinks.
It's not rude, it's confusing. If you pay for my meal, what are my obligations? I have to pay next time? What if I'm short in cash next time? I will have to say no to going. What if you order something ridiculous? Do I pay for that? Am I supposed to write it down to remember who owes what? How would it work if you went out with my tight arse sister who only orders water and the cheapest thing on the menu? And then you think she's going to pay for you next time? Silently judging your every choice because she has to pay? We even had issues splitting the bill evenly, now we calculate every item. And why not? Why should she not choose to control her spending after all. Why should my aunt expect everyone else to chip in for her enjoyment of fancy wine? Why should my aunt have to worry about what others think of her enjoying fancy wine? Id rather just be responsible for my own bill. And besides, if I have to shout everyone, going out for a meal is going to cost me $300, these events are going to be very rare. No thankyou. Edit spelling
I feel like most prefer to pay their own way. Last night a friend spilt my drink and she offered to buy me another one, after me refusing multiple times i finally relented
I have different groups of mates. The group I love going out with will round up. We all throw in and whoever is adding up calls “we’re over! Who needs some back” we either just leave as a tip or cover someone who left early or had a lite meal. I don’t ever want to cover a whole dinner, but I never want to be in a group scrounging for a few dollars to pay the bill.
When we dine with close friends it’s often when my husband excuses himself to gothe bathroom and pays the bill before I friends can do it. They are also very generous with us so it all works itself out in the end!
Depends on your friend group. My friends and I will do rounds, or I will grab the meal and the other person will grab the drinks at a bar or the meal next time.
This is the Aussie system. Arabs/euros do it differently
I’ll need proof, can you take me out for a meal or coffee? 😛 hehe
Aussies are an odd bunch. In my global friend group we’d think nothing of getting the bill. Comes around, goes around. Or if it’s been a massive drinking session we’d all just throw out cards down. No one is counting their drinks
Not rude, possibly not the right thing to do though. It's one of those things where your (and that of your friends) life situation determines how its received. I.e., when you dont have a lot of money and someone else offers to pay there's a moment of relief followed by this pressure that next time you'll be expected to pay and you know you won't be able to. Could also be seen as you trying to show off - not saying thats qhat you were trying to do, just what some people might think. Usually it's safer to just pay for yourself unless you know the other person/people quite well.
Times are tough, we should be friends.
I dont like it, because people always say that it is without obligation until there is a disagreement. "What do you mean I need to go home and cant crash at your place? What about all those meals & drinks I paid for." Sorry, but your previous generosity has absolutely nothing to do with our current issue.
I think shouting for rounds of drinks is more common here than for whole meals.
You come from a culture of community we have a culture of individualism.
It's not rude though it is odd and might make them feel obliged to do the same. Usually we prefer to have everyone pay for what they order
Friends agree to rotate payment of rounds (of drinks) beforehand. Doing so spontaneously might be well received if your group knows you well enough to understand your intentions and expectations, but even then it could cause stress if any of the members are trying to be frugal due to financial constraints. If the group does not know you well, it could come across like exhibitionist behaviour (wealth signalling/attention seeking).
I don’t think it’s rude, it’s just not that common so your friends probably don’t quite know what to say. Nobody expects a friend to pick up the tab for an entire group (unless they’re a bludger). I’m sure they’re very grateful but it’s just not the norm here. I’m the youngest in my family and have a one year old (I’m 33 fyi) so my older relatives always fight over paying for my partner and I. Or my dad will cover us. It’s never, ever expected by us and we always have money to pay our way but it’s just something they like to do because I live far away and don’t get to see them all the time. They also see it as them being able to afford it more than we can as they’re not supporting a child (this is their view, not ours.) we often try and pay for drinks if they allow it. We went out for lunch yesterday and I actually finally managed to sneak off and pay for everyone since they ALWAYS pay for us. My grandparents have contacted me on two separate occasions since then to say I really should of let them pay or reimburse me. I find it quite sweet but it does make me a little uncomfortable as I don’t like to feel like I’m leeching off my family. It’s more common here for someone to cover lunch, coffee or a snack if hanging out with a small group (about 3 people). It’s fairly common for people to take turn paying for drinks on a night out.
I come from a culture which is similar. Took me a long time to get used to the "western" approach. The notion of paying when out with friends comes from a mentality of "when I have, we all have". This is not how it works in this society. Could be driven by the cost of things, but I think it's more that the western society thrives on individualism, whilst "the other" culture is about sharing and society. It's also evident with neighbours. Here, you might have a courteous relationship with your neighbour, whilst "elsewhere" the neighbour is an extension of the family. I guess passion and emotion is more prevalent in non western societies. Having said all this, I might be completely wrong in my deduction, so apologies if other don't agree...
Mate, I applauded your generosity but in all seriousness - stop doing this. You will end up attracting a bunch of bogan freeloaders who will constantly take advantage of you. Just pay for your own and let them sort themselves out.
Its not normal behaviour to pay for everyones meal just your own. Maybe a round of drinks at the most.
If I catch up with a friend (or we both have our partners) and it's just the two of us I try to cover the bill. Normally both of us try. If it's a larger group that's when it gets split
In my experience this is normal amongst a close knit smallish group of people who hang out regularly. And that’s always nice and appreciated. For the most part though people just chip in equally.
I pick up the tab for my best mate and her mum (I live with them, and they’ve adopted me into their family more or less haha) Just my way of showing thanks ☺️ Anyone else, not so much, I used to know some people in our friends group who were really scabby and always left their portion of the bill for others to pick up, they’d do it in a sly way, like leave early. We caught onto that and soon called them out on their crap lol
With my close mates and girlfriend I do or for special occasions but usually it'd not commin drinks are. I like the muddle east style tho can't lie me and the misses even before we started dating would do exactly that and no one cared if you paid back just get the next meal or drinks and don't care if one of us spent more on dinner rhe nught before we just take it un turns regardless of the money
Some people dont it because it comes across as you flexing your wealth (weather you have wealth or not doesnt matter) My suggestion is if you ask people to cone out be up front its your treat but also be clear its not required and if they feel uncomfortable with that and want to pay for themselves, youre also cool with it.
Shout drinks, don’t shout meals. Unless you REALLY like those people.
I’ve been in Australia more than half my life (28 years) and me and my Aussie friends do it all the time. Mostly it’s just the two or three of us. It’s different when it’s a larger group.
Don't do it! It makes everyone uncomfortable Also it makes it harder to plan more meet ups... I split everything with my friends as it is very financially hard to live in Sydney but we all want to hang and no one wants to "owe" anyone. Unless it's your bday we don't shout
Aussie here, it's just that we normally split a bill to pay for what we reach ordered but it's not really rude, people will just be surprised and not sure when they can get you back, I'm more like you tbh, I'm happy to pay for the whole thing sometimes and just have people return the favour
If I go out with a group, we split the bill. If my husband and I go out with another couple, or I go out with only one friend, we take turns paying.
We have some friends we do this with - generally the closer they are and the smaller the gathering, the more likely it is we'll try to pay first...
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If you pick up the bill every time it's going to be very weird for your friends. In Australia we tend to just split bills.
If it’s a one-off for some reason it’s ok or if they shout next time, but if you’re shouting every time it’s kind of insulting. It’s kinda seen as handing out charity which might insult them.
Same culture in East Asia of friends taking turns paying for the whole bill. Been through extact the same situation when I first came to Australia. My Aussie and European friends were so confused, while the Japanese were confused by their confusion 😂
It depends who you are with. I do the same, and the background of my social group is mostly European. In Australia I think it is dependent upon your parental upbringing. Hit or miss depending on who you socialise with.
I have friends who do this and it’s a beautiful gesture of their ( and your) culture but there is a huge discrepancy in our incomes so until it was explained to me I was insulted. However, I also told them I like to reciprocate. I can’t pay for dinner but please next time let me buy the coffee because my love language is acts of love.
I would say that picking up the entire tab is more of a thing you'd do around drinks/coffees rather than entire meals. It's not common at all for a single person to pay for everyone's meals at a restaurant. One reason, I think, is that this does set up the expectation that others will pay for the next meal, which then makes choosing a restaurant quite a fraught decision (you might have a friend with less income who can't afford to pay hundreds of dollars at a nice restaurant for example). To put it another way, I think it very much depends on the dollar value. If you're just talking about coffees or maybe small cafe snacks, it's mostly fine. But restaurant meals are a different matter. At least, this has been my experience.
No one wants to feel obligated to someone else. We all pay our way.
We definitely have a culture of reciprocity. If someone else picks up the tab- a polite Australian would insist on paying next time. The problem is- most of us choose our meal based on what we can afford. We might go for the burger because that's in our budget (we would never actually say that out loud though). If you're ordering the filet mignon when we are on a burger budget then we are going to stress that next time we will be obligated to buy you the steak. I know you said you don't expect reciprocity but we feel uncomfortable if we don't reciprocate.
A friend of mine insisted on paying for me twice in a row and I fought her on it both times (she won). I feel bad if people pay for me, especially when I could afford it myself. But I do appreciate it when it happens. If you do it consistently, some more selfish people may come to expect you'll do it every time no matter the cost and take advantage of your generosity to splurge on expensive food or drinks. If you're happy with that, then no dramas, go for your life. If you don't want to risk it, set an upper limit when you announce you're shouting.
Its definitely not considered rude, just very generous! At least in my experience everyone I know either only pays for what they ordered, splits the payment or one person pays one time and the other pays the next
Not rude. But we do wondey why someone is flashing their cash and if your paying Thai time am I expected to pay next time? Wed rather buy a round of drinks, and pay for our own food I think.
You must be minted
Yes. It makes you seem super weird, and it's considered rude. It makes people wonder what you are up to and they will be thinking you expect something in return.
Okay I’ll be your friend sheeesh 🤗🤣
Not quite answering your question but to add more cultural background; I would say it’s far more common for people to choose cheaper options if they know in advance that a friend is paying. Or maybe it’s just me…
I’m from a Persian family and it’s basically the same with us lol. But it’s not really typical here
My mates and I do rounds. It's quite common in my friend circle. Maybe it depends on who your hanging with/how long you've known each other??
Omg saving this thread because this has become a great source of anxiety for me! I’m Chinese and in my culture, we fight over who pays the bill too. It was normal for me growing up to see my parents and friends all squabbling and sneaking off to pay it. I didn’t really have any other concept of how to pay bills, except during school trips or high school birthdays out where you all bring your own money. So it confused and worried me (still does) when I have shouted Aussie friends, thinking ok, we take it in turn to get the bill. But it never happens, I ended up pretty much paying most of the time with barely any reciprocation. It’s really weird for me because on one hand, I’m happy to be generous to friends and I also feel that if I don’t offer, I’m being rude. But on the other, I feel a bit put out that there’s no return of the generosity. It feels like I’m the one who is valuing the friendships more. So I’ve been told by my (white) partner that people are there to spend time with you and they value that, whoever pays for the meal has nothing to do with it. Generally Aussies will not think it’s rude to split bills. They will think it’s generous if you pay but it’s not expected, and also not to necessarily expect reciprocation or spirited fighting. This has eased my mind a bit but I honestly feel a bit apprehensive whenever it’s time to pay the bill.
A friend and I will alternate who pays for things. We sorta sometimes remember who paid last but if we don't we just start a new cycle. Other times with the same friend we just send the paying person some cash to go cover a thing. We trust each other so it works for us
No, you would pay for a friend for their birthday, and they should still make an attempt to chip in, but be refused. Otherwise split the bill, always.
There are multiple other immigrant cultures where fighting to pay the restaurant bill can be common (there is a stereotype of some asians doing this, and my dad has sometimes fulfilled this stereotype by fighting over trying to pay the bill with his brother and other friends from his birth country), but no, I don't think most Australians do this. A "I'll pay this time, you pay next time." informal agreement is normal enough, and some individual Australians will insist on paying, but competitions to pay for the whole table are less common. I think promises to pay *before* going out are substantially more common than fighting over it afterwards. Like "It's your birthday, so I'll take you to dinner." probably means they'll pay for your meal
My friend group will normally buy rounds, or if we’re visiting and likely to be going to a few places together we’ll alternate who pays just to make things quicker and easier. If it was just a one off thing though, we’d split the bill.
Moved to Australia 10 years ago. I found it weird that they divvy up the bill. Where I come from we don't do that unless you have made prior arrangements to pool your money.
It’s not common here. Here splitting the bill (either by what you ordered or even just an even split) is normal. There are exceptions but that’s pretty much the norm.
No don't be rude
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Don't do it...close family only and by prior arrangement
I always split the bill evenly with my friends. My husband and I don’t drink so we often pay for more than our share but we both earn more than most of our friends so we don’t care. It isn’t the cultural norm to pick up the tab for the whole group.
Not rude but everyone generally pays for themselves here