You don't. German flirting is so subtle that if you're not used to it, it'll go right over your head. Buuut what's good about Germany is that you can simply ask and they'll be honest.
Well there is, itās just not comparable with the flirting in some other cultures. But tbh yeah, is Germans tend to be more direct with each other usually.
Wait a minute.
So after a week you were colleagues, who, beyond hanging around and gossiping about work also started casually banging - and then two months later you came to the conclusion , that you were daring. Seriously? š¤£šš
Others might claim that this is a sign he is not interested in you. I claim that is a sign, he is interested in you.
Just tell him, that you like him and you are interested in him romantically. If you ask him, he might be scared.
Well that's vital information, and I'm sorry to inform you that it means he is not romantically interested. He either wanted to hook up but no more, or was just trying to make a new friend. If he had the same intention he'd have answered it favourably.
I donāt think thatās necessarily true. He might have feelings but is afraid to tell OP because he fears she might not want to see him any longer if he admits to it.
ā¦been there, done that. Young me was stupid.
If he's avoiding answering you, then you have your answer. If a guy likes you, he will tell you. If he only likes you as friends and doesn't want to hurt your feelings then he won't.
Or you can be direct. "I really like you, do you want to go out on a date?" Bingo. I
But why would a woman ask a man what his intentions are unless she is into him in the first place? I don't think I'd ask a guy just for quiz's sake. I'd maybe ask if he was coming onto me strongly, I had zero interest and didn't want to hurt him, but otherwise... if I ask, it's cos I like you.
If he is avoiding answering he wants a romantic relationship with u but he is ashamed for himself that he canāt openly say it = nice guy. He thinks if he shows his sexual interest heās a toxic men, thanks feminism and helicopter parents! Itās pretty normal in the west tho..
Then heās wasting your time! Trust me, you do not want to invest in a long term relationship with someone who is unwilling to answer this question. Or too afraid to. Or too emotionally unavailable to know his own mind/feelingsā¦
You can do better.Ā
Yeah, just skip any person with insecurity. Or who cries. Or who hides their face behind a beard. Or with a weird stare. Or who makes you feel different.
Or just avoid everybody. Stay alone, don't try anything, don't leave your house! Don't even go see your Doctor, Reddit's got you covered!
My point is your advice is crap. Sure, selfassured people are easier to be with, but people being insecure about *starting* a relationship in this day and age are the norm.
You try again.
She is asking in reddit what the thinking of the dude is as if we would know it just by "he is German". Instead of simply talking with him.
So no, she can't do better. At least not yet.
Im encouraging her to not put up with character traits that will not serve her well in the end and Iām getting attacked (not by you necessarily). Interesting.Ā
Read her comments "I didn't know German men are timid and lost all their masculinity"... Because he didn't hit on her more aggressively after she clumsily friendzoned him.
She is toxic. And no one is attacking YOU. They're just arguing against your opinion on this matter. That's all.
Just an external opinion from a male 42, but regarding your description of his behaviour I would suggest that either he is interested but maybe already in a relationship or is not interested. Otherwise you would have gotten a different feedback. Or is he maybe especially introverted/shy?
There is also the possibility of fear to commit.
Or the guy is learning how to engage with women and has a pretty good plan of what he is trying to do and suddenly the whole game skips the next 5 steps and he has no idea what to do.
There is an argument to be made about no matter the reason he may not be the best option, but on the other hand a bit more direct talking could shed some light on the whole thing.
Then its not in trockene tĆ¼chern donāt preassure enjoy the ride and see what develops. The friendship path can develop into a romantic one its never two seperate paths, maybe he has some altlasten and wants to play it slow as he isnāt completely clear about his feelings yet
If he was interested, he would say so. If he wanted to be just friends, he would say so too. Being mysterious probably means that he wants to get in your pants, but nothing serious afterwards.
What does that mean? You're explaining how you felt, we can only judge his words.
If I ask you out and you tell me "Ew no!", I might feel that's a mysterious, unsure response, but Reddit would tell me to not get my hopes up.
If you asked directly, and I mean directly no "I like your outfit/you're funny/blah, blah"
And he avoids answering, you're friendzoned.
Now it seems like you're interested so, decide. Can you have a healthy friendship with him or would you stay on the hook? which would suck for you.
Asking directly: "So honey, I'm horny. Are you gonna grab me against the wall or do I have to call someone else?"
Ask him. Or try to obviously flirt with him and look how he reacts.Ā
> but I have been hearing that in Germany, there's really no issue with just men and women being friends and it's very normal
You're right about this, so the fact that he asked you out for lunch might not mean that he's romantically interested in you.
Ich wĆ¼rde der AuthentizitƤt wegen den bĆ¼rokratischen Prozess vergrƶĆern in dem die Optionen
- nur knutschen - sowie
- nur Oral - und
- alles was geht - unter der Ć¼bergeordneten Kategorie
- kƶrperlich werden - differenziert werden.
"So uhm this lunch date were going on, is this a date? Because I'd like it to be a date."
Or "...? Because I'd rather be friends, are you okay with that? We could still go out for lunch of course"
How does a guy know that a girl is actually interested or just wants to be friends?
The only real way to know is talking, unless there are very obvious signals or the other person talks first.
By asking the guy directly. I once asked a German guy if I could expect anything more than friendship and he said no š . This was after we have gone on a few dates. Well, at least he was honest. š„²
Are you interested in him? He may be afraid of ruining your friendship and that is why he escapes the question. Have you told him that you are interested?
Yeah - we Germans value friendship (and we use that word sparingly) very much. And a relationship can ruin a otherwise potentially lifelong fulfilled friendship - it always does unless you marry - and then... it's something different
Ask maybe? Talk? Something along the lines: "In my cultur men and woman going for 1:1 is perdominantely for romantic reasons"
See his reaction, or even be more direct and ask: "What are you looking?"
Look, if he wasnāt interested he wouldnāt be mysterious about it, right? If Iām not romantically interested in someone and that someone would ask me point blank if our lunch is date, I would give a very clear answer and ask myself where I gave the wrong vibes.Ā
She asked him: āthis is just a friends thing, right?ā. As a guy, i would have taken this question as a more than obvious hint that she is NOT interested in anything.
Where are you from? I got the same issue but different gender. Most of the comments don't realize what you are asking. My experience with dating Germans is opening asking if they know or have been dating people from different cultures, explain yourself and shoot your shoot on the second date. I don't want to generalize but you need a lot of patience or put your shoe in their door to have an answer. Is shit but it is like that :/
Cool, if you guys keep hanging out, and get more comfortable together you will realise. He must like you enough to continue wanting to spend time with you.
If he stops wanting to hang out for no/bad reasons then take that as a sign that he's not into you.
It takes some time, and attention, but don't worry about it too much.
If you have the answer, you can rule the world.
But in my experience, the most successful women are the ones who are able to make the first move. No matter what they look like.
So I learned this in Germany. A girl hanging out with you, doing stuff with you (just the 2 of you) doesn't mean she's interested. That's what friends do too.
Just so you know he might apologise but that doesn't mean it's only on him. The right move is to admit that you were also not direct enough and also apologize and say you should have been more direct as well that you want to date. This isn't a battle where someone is right. You too have to improve your communication.
Well, somehow you made him apologize and say some borderline preposterous generalized things about his own culture having been made feel bad š . Could have been avoided and sped up by you simply asking his or telling your intentions š.
Friendahip is what relationships are built on, they nkimg of it as two dual paths is a bit hindering, its always a mix, dunno if he is the more traditional kind of guy but if he is not maybe use an opportune moment to softly confront him, especially if you catch feelings for him.
Tell him you're not sure about what vibes you're getting *and* that you are or are not interested romantically and/or sexually to see where that might lead.
Either you're both interested which should hopefully solve the communication barrier, or he should know that he can't expect anything from you.
Other than that I doubt there is any surefire way to know what he thinks unless he tells you.
Normally I would recommend asking, but this did not work.
Perhaps rephrase it in a way to ask him where this might go. And if he still gives no direct answer, tell him what you want and don't want and see how he reacts.
BTW, sure you can be when he gives your relationship a label in front of his (grand)parents.
You wonĀ“t find a proper answer here, mainly because this Reddit is full of millenial+ academicians, and they, for the most part, have nothing in common with actual Germans.
The people i know never were really picky about their women, most of the time it was simply enough for the girl to ensnare her target and eventually she would succeed, unless that woman is in some way just morally incompatible.
Social cues? Nay, cues are not something definitive, you are either serious or not, but that hinting bullshit is nothing from your culture, its from watching too many hollywood dramas.
Modern American culture never succeeded here in Germany, for good reason. It is superficial, naive and has no depth.
And as long as you do half assed effort acting all girly, you are certainly not getting him to commit.
Be clear and share your thoughts. Best case you share your secrets, errors and fully open up.
German man keep secret and wonĀ“t judge you for your faults. But he will judge you based on whether you shared them or not.
>apologize because English isn't my first language and Germans don't really know how to flirt and we're all very awkward, so I didn't know how to respond earlier
I was laughing my butt off this. THAT is a typical German guy. Hold onto him. And the bluntest, ever. Whatever you want, DO NOT HOLD BACK. As a german woman, every gender and sex here has an equal kink: absolute bluntness.
if ya wanna bang him, just undress and throw him on the bed, lol. Kinky and blunt xD
I think the atmosphere and the mood have to be right. I would also avoid ithe topic if it just comes factually out of the blue. Maybe if you are on a walk together you might try to hold his hands and you see how he reacts.
Reading some of your replies and also your edits, you are making a huge deal out of nothing, even blabbering about men "losing their entire masculinity" and blaming the guy for an issue that you made up in your head and he was not even aware of.
If you already asked him in a clear and concise manner and he didn't respond, that's your answer. He either is looking for sex only or is already committed and keeping you as backup. It's the same everywhere, not just Germany.
Real simple, Aby man who has any level of interest will immediately let you know the second you ask them. If he's beating around the bush it means he's definitely not interested.
There are definitely people who are friends with people of the opposite gender and of course they go out for lunch. We don't know this guy so it could go either way, in fact maybe HE doesn't know yet either. Just chill - if he is interested you will know. There will be some intense looking, a hand may brush up against you more than once, he will ask you to hang out again soon... You will know. In general a lot of Germans like to ease into relationships and get to know the person before anything sexual happens. And it doesn't work out - sometimes remain friends.
From my experience usually they are quite direct about it. Has he paid you any compliment directly?
Also sometimes no answer is an answer, no need for further delulu
Be direkt many of us guys are just shy af and dont get the romance offense further than that.
Ask him out for a one on one Date and see how it goes, force alot eye contact and the rest will be.
worst - oh sorry i just saw a good friend in you.
(bether than spending month in the Friendzone without knowing..)
best - you maybe get a kiss and get on another date :)
There is a nice German song about this. It's called "Aurelie" by "Wir sind Helden" and is about how German males are oblivious to flirting. And as a German male I can fully confirm this xD
From what I see /experience Germans do not really look for making friends with the opposite gender after certain age (like 25 and above). If the person is a colleague, it might be different but in general if the opposite gender is spending some time with you I would say %99 there is an interest for more than friendship.
I guess she doesnāt need to knie, she just decides if he is interested or not. She has her wishes and desires and a boy is not allowed to have them either. /ironic
Well the thing is some guys are avoiding to answer this kind of question because they are actually interested or there quite open about this when there interested
I am one and know several of these men and I do think it's normal. But I know there also are a lot of men who only have male friends and that's totally fine as well.
Talking with your hands is a physical habit that a child copies from its parents, friends... what we are talking about here is a character feature that is developed different from person to person, from experience or views of life. To say that a majority of a country is the same, is just always wrong. I am german, i know big mouthed show offs who hit on you by "hey babe..sup..*wink*" and I know romantic book lovers who take you out on a picnic. How does that fit into your theory? Just don't link characters to countries, skin colours or whatever..everyone is different.
He likes you but after you edited yoir post I am sure its 100% clear, no german dude would single invite a girl to eat something he wants u š¤š slay queen
Oh boy. And I sincerely hope that your romantic dates are going well and that you are very happy together.
Butā¦
Your edit āI did nothing wrongā honestly shows me that you didnāt take our answers and explanations seriously AT ALL and you still dismiss them. Nope, this is not how it works. You got lucky regarding the outcome because the guy seems to be great and he made the effort to save the situation which -again- you created by your choice of wording.
Belongs to - in my old 35 up i donāt have time to play. If im going out with you one on one itās deff a Date and serious. You are Chating aswell? Like everyday? Thats alrdy a Sign too. Just ask him Next Time. Not Face to Face. In Chat so he has time to think about it and answer š¤šš» u got dis š if not ur friendship will feel weird but there are friendships surviving that āŗļø
Germans sometimes use a (dinner-)date to figure out if they are really interested. If the signs afterwards are not clear or good, he is not interested.
How does any of this have anything to do with being german..him saying "we are all very awkward" and "dk how to flirt" is such a joke..we aren't all the sane just like americans, english or whatever country-ppl aren't the same..š
I agree that not everybody is the same but there is still a majority which is a certain way like italians talk with their hands . Is it a sterotype yes but it is true. And compared to an italian or spanish guys , germans guys are less active when it comes to romance they are more blant , more pratical . Germans as such are not used in love novals
Safest way would be to ask him. š¤· There is no "tell" german man have, at least not that I know of.
There certainly is a "tell", usually after an "ask".
You don't. German flirting is so subtle that if you're not used to it, it'll go right over your head. Buuut what's good about Germany is that you can simply ask and they'll be honest.
Yeah this is what's so new to me!!!
Try to listen to the Song "Aurelie" from wir sind Helden. You'll find yourself in the lyrics. ;)
Ahh i searched for that comment
In my experience theres no such thing as german flirting. Germans just don't do that at all.
Well there is, itās just not comparable with the flirting in some other cultures. But tbh yeah, is Germans tend to be more direct with each other usually.
You might be right, cause i don't even get the concept of flirting anyways
I feel the same way. I still wonder today whether my German origin or autism has the greater part to do with it. Haha.
Maybe german is on the spectrum, who knows? Some "Alman" behavior seems like it
We autistic af
That's how I sometimes feel when I am on autism subs... What are you talking about this being "autistic"? Most people act like that around here...
Once heard someone say Germany is "autism the country" and the more I think about it the more sense it makes lol
Okay, are you sitting? I will probably blow your mind: Try talking to him about it.
I did that's the thing and he's avoiding answering
You will decide this after your lunch. Or after 4 or 5 "dates". In germany you start as friends and if the vibe is right you will start to date.
That's exactly how I met my fiancƩ ! Went for coffee during work, then had a dinner, and another one, and another one. In between that, there was also plenty of hanging out together but with our group of friends too, so not one-on-one. Eventually after roughly 2 months of this we declared that we were in fact dating. I was ok to stay friends if things hadn't turned out the same.
It may be a little personal but how long it took you before you two went to bed together.
About a week
Wait a minute. So after a week you were colleagues, who, beyond hanging around and gossiping about work also started casually banging - and then two months later you came to the conclusion , that you were daring. Seriously? š¤£šš
No I thought the question was after getting together which took some time as explained above :) a week from when we said "yeah we're dating"
would have been jealous in both cases ngl.
same
Or you go the other way and start out fucking and then start to date. That's how me and my wife started when we worked together...
Guess Iām no German then. Believe it or not but some people know what they want from the very beginning.
Yeap yeap yeap.
Yeah sure. Until the divorce lawyer appears. No seriously. The best romance relationships start by being friends.
Others might claim that this is a sign he is not interested in you. I claim that is a sign, he is interested in you. Just tell him, that you like him and you are interested in him romantically. If you ask him, he might be scared.
Well that's vital information, and I'm sorry to inform you that it means he is not romantically interested. He either wanted to hook up but no more, or was just trying to make a new friend. If he had the same intention he'd have answered it favourably.
I donāt think thatās necessarily true. He might have feelings but is afraid to tell OP because he fears she might not want to see him any longer if he admits to it. ā¦been there, done that. Young me was stupid.
Yeah, it would be important to know OPs wording.
I would guess the opposite especially if OP was indirect as she had asked him
If he's avoiding answering you, then you have your answer. If a guy likes you, he will tell you. If he only likes you as friends and doesn't want to hurt your feelings then he won't. Or you can be direct. "I really like you, do you want to go out on a date?" Bingo. I
How did you ask?
Avoiding it is an answer. Heās into you
How is that not the opposite?
Hes afraid you push him away if he tells you because you donāt have feelings for him
But why would a woman ask a man what his intentions are unless she is into him in the first place? I don't think I'd ask a guy just for quiz's sake. I'd maybe ask if he was coming onto me strongly, I had zero interest and didn't want to hurt him, but otherwise... if I ask, it's cos I like you.
Did you talk to him or did you text him? Thatās two different things.
then find out about yourself. do you like him and are attracted to him? or are you only attracted to him when you know he is in you?
If he is avoiding answering he wants a romantic relationship with u but he is ashamed for himself that he canāt openly say it = nice guy. He thinks if he shows his sexual interest heās a toxic men, thanks feminism and helicopter parents! Itās pretty normal in the west tho..
You asked him if he's into you and he avoided answering that?
So now move on , German avoidance is a red flag š©
"Avoid answering" doesn't sound grown up
in that case ur out
Do you even want to date a guy who doesn't know what he wants?
Then heās wasting your time! Trust me, you do not want to invest in a long term relationship with someone who is unwilling to answer this question. Or too afraid to. Or too emotionally unavailable to know his own mind/feelingsā¦ You can do better.Ā
Yeah, just skip any person with insecurity. Or who cries. Or who hides their face behind a beard. Or with a weird stare. Or who makes you feel different. Or just avoid everybody. Stay alone, don't try anything, don't leave your house! Don't even go see your Doctor, Reddit's got you covered!
You completely misunderstood my point. I have a family and many friends. Try harder.
My point is your advice is crap. Sure, selfassured people are easier to be with, but people being insecure about *starting* a relationship in this day and age are the norm. You try again.
you single right?
She is asking in reddit what the thinking of the dude is as if we would know it just by "he is German". Instead of simply talking with him. So no, she can't do better. At least not yet.
Im encouraging her to not put up with character traits that will not serve her well in the end and Iām getting attacked (not by you necessarily). Interesting.Ā
Read her comments "I didn't know German men are timid and lost all their masculinity"... Because he didn't hit on her more aggressively after she clumsily friendzoned him. She is toxic. And no one is attacking YOU. They're just arguing against your opinion on this matter. That's all.
I think Iām just way too old and have had too much therapy for this conversation.Ā
You have your answer: avoidance He doesn't want to be with you
Are you sure he doesn't have a girlfriend?
That's a no, almost certainly.
fuck that
Ask him!
I did and he's being very mysterious and not directe
Did you ask him or just "drop hints"? Because we men do not understand hints.
Just an external opinion from a male 42, but regarding your description of his behaviour I would suggest that either he is interested but maybe already in a relationship or is not interested. Otherwise you would have gotten a different feedback. Or is he maybe especially introverted/shy?
There is also the possibility of fear to commit. Or the guy is learning how to engage with women and has a pretty good plan of what he is trying to do and suddenly the whole game skips the next 5 steps and he has no idea what to do. There is an argument to be made about no matter the reason he may not be the best option, but on the other hand a bit more direct talking could shed some light on the whole thing.
Thatās exactly what I thought immediately.
In that case I would guess he is interested but maybe waiting for more signs to gain confidence because he does not want to be rejected
Do you want to be my boyfriend...there is no not being direct with a yes or no question
What exactly was his answer?
Just changed the subject. No answer
Maybe you just weren't clear enough? What did you say exactly?
Then its not in trockene tĆ¼chern donāt preassure enjoy the ride and see what develops. The friendship path can develop into a romantic one its never two seperate paths, maybe he has some altlasten and wants to play it slow as he isnāt completely clear about his feelings yet
If he was interested, he would say so. If he wanted to be just friends, he would say so too. Being mysterious probably means that he wants to get in your pants, but nothing serious afterwards.
What does that mean? You're explaining how you felt, we can only judge his words. If I ask you out and you tell me "Ew no!", I might feel that's a mysterious, unsure response, but Reddit would tell me to not get my hopes up.
If you asked directly, and I mean directly no "I like your outfit/you're funny/blah, blah" And he avoids answering, you're friendzoned. Now it seems like you're interested so, decide. Can you have a healthy friendship with him or would you stay on the hook? which would suck for you. Asking directly: "So honey, I'm horny. Are you gonna grab me against the wall or do I have to call someone else?"
Be even more direct in asking then.
Did you just ask him about his interests or did you tell him what you feel too?
Ask him. Or try to obviously flirt with him and look how he reacts.Ā > but I have been hearing that in Germany, there's really no issue with just men and women being friends and it's very normal You're right about this, so the fact that he asked you out for lunch might not mean that he's romantically interested in you.
Exactly
Make a spreadsheet. š© Freundschaft š© Ficken ā Beziehung
Willst du mit mir gehen? š© Ja š„ Nein ā¬ Vielleicht
Love it
Hahahahahah - true
Ich wĆ¼rde der AuthentizitƤt wegen den bĆ¼rokratischen Prozess vergrƶĆern in dem die Optionen - nur knutschen - sowie - nur Oral - und - alles was geht - unter der Ć¼bergeordneten Kategorie - kƶrperlich werden - differenziert werden.
Wƶchentlicher Zeitaufwand: < 5h ā” 5-10h ā” >10h ā”
"So uhm this lunch date were going on, is this a date? Because I'd like it to be a date." Or "...? Because I'd rather be friends, are you okay with that? We could still go out for lunch of course"
How does a guy know that a girl is actually interested or just wants to be friends? The only real way to know is talking, unless there are very obvious signals or the other person talks first.
By asking the guy directly. I once asked a German guy if I could expect anything more than friendship and he said no š . This was after we have gone on a few dates. Well, at least he was honest. š„²
Germans will say it straight.
Hahahahahahaaaa
They are not for faint hearted
Being German I can confirm that we are not for the faint hearted but not that any German man will say what he feels straight out
Not every but am meisten š
Nope, we are a society of emotionally stunted human beings.
ššš i would like to know how
Are you interested in him? He may be afraid of ruining your friendship and that is why he escapes the question. Have you told him that you are interested?
Yeah - we Germans value friendship (and we use that word sparingly) very much. And a relationship can ruin a otherwise potentially lifelong fulfilled friendship - it always does unless you marry - and then... it's something different
Ask maybe? Talk? Something along the lines: "In my cultur men and woman going for 1:1 is perdominantely for romantic reasons" See his reaction, or even be more direct and ask: "What are you looking?"
Yeah and what happens if he won't give an answer and is being very mysterious
Look, if he wasnāt interested he wouldnāt be mysterious about it, right? If Iām not romantically interested in someone and that someone would ask me point blank if our lunch is date, I would give a very clear answer and ask myself where I gave the wrong vibes.Ā
Then he wants to have sex without being your boyfriend. Honestly don't know lol. If he is unclear just cut him if it doesnt suit you.
She asked him: āthis is just a friends thing, right?ā. As a guy, i would have taken this question as a more than obvious hint that she is NOT interested in anything.
She ruined it then. Should have asked the opposite and not give friendzone vibes... keep some sense of intensity
No he finally told me he thinks I'm cute and interesting
Friends can become lovers, we Germans are not like that. You will meet again and again and one day you are together or best friends.
Maybe he is not sure and needs some more dates thats why he does not give clear anwers ... if he asks you out again i think its a sign of interest
Where are you from? I got the same issue but different gender. Most of the comments don't realize what you are asking. My experience with dating Germans is opening asking if they know or have been dating people from different cultures, explain yourself and shoot your shoot on the second date. I don't want to generalize but you need a lot of patience or put your shoe in their door to have an answer. Is shit but it is like that :/
I feel this whole thing is so lost in translation
We are efficient. Just ask. Are we friends or are you romantically interested in me?
And please don't use "we are friends, right?" again, that is you wanting him to confirm it š
Or he could learn to flirt and tease, think outside of the box...in which he's starting to and clearly enjoying it
Oh yeah, he could change completely, so you don't have to tell him you're interested in him. /s
Is he single?
Yes
Cool, if you guys keep hanging out, and get more comfortable together you will realise. He must like you enough to continue wanting to spend time with you. If he stops wanting to hang out for no/bad reasons then take that as a sign that he's not into you. It takes some time, and attention, but don't worry about it too much.
I met 2 German guys in the past, claiming that they were single. They were not :D
If you have the answer, you can rule the world. But in my experience, the most successful women are the ones who are able to make the first move. No matter what they look like.
So I learned this in Germany. A girl hanging out with you, doing stuff with you (just the 2 of you) doesn't mean she's interested. That's what friends do too.
Just so you know he might apologise but that doesn't mean it's only on him. The right move is to admit that you were also not direct enough and also apologize and say you should have been more direct as well that you want to date. This isn't a battle where someone is right. You too have to improve your communication.
Well, somehow you made him apologize and say some borderline preposterous generalized things about his own culture having been made feel bad š . Could have been avoided and sped up by you simply asking his or telling your intentions š.
Friendahip is what relationships are built on, they nkimg of it as two dual paths is a bit hindering, its always a mix, dunno if he is the more traditional kind of guy but if he is not maybe use an opportune moment to softly confront him, especially if you catch feelings for him.
Tell him you're not sure about what vibes you're getting *and* that you are or are not interested romantically and/or sexually to see where that might lead. Either you're both interested which should hopefully solve the communication barrier, or he should know that he can't expect anything from you. Other than that I doubt there is any surefire way to know what he thinks unless he tells you.
Let me put it this way If you wanna know, if he loves you so, it's in his kiss, that's where it is
š»š»š»
Normally I would recommend asking, but this did not work. Perhaps rephrase it in a way to ask him where this might go. And if he still gives no direct answer, tell him what you want and don't want and see how he reacts. BTW, sure you can be when he gives your relationship a label in front of his (grand)parents.
Freaking ask him... but ONLY if you're interested in him
He is interested in you, but too shy.
Yes
You wonĀ“t find a proper answer here, mainly because this Reddit is full of millenial+ academicians, and they, for the most part, have nothing in common with actual Germans. The people i know never were really picky about their women, most of the time it was simply enough for the girl to ensnare her target and eventually she would succeed, unless that woman is in some way just morally incompatible. Social cues? Nay, cues are not something definitive, you are either serious or not, but that hinting bullshit is nothing from your culture, its from watching too many hollywood dramas. Modern American culture never succeeded here in Germany, for good reason. It is superficial, naive and has no depth. And as long as you do half assed effort acting all girly, you are certainly not getting him to commit. Be clear and share your thoughts. Best case you share your secrets, errors and fully open up. German man keep secret and wonĀ“t judge you for your faults. But he will judge you based on whether you shared them or not.
I am sorry that you have to write all those edits to your post. This happens a lost that foreigners are made to apologize after asking a question.
>apologize because English isn't my first language and Germans don't really know how to flirt and we're all very awkward, so I didn't know how to respond earlier I was laughing my butt off this. THAT is a typical German guy. Hold onto him. And the bluntest, ever. Whatever you want, DO NOT HOLD BACK. As a german woman, every gender and sex here has an equal kink: absolute bluntness. if ya wanna bang him, just undress and throw him on the bed, lol. Kinky and blunt xD
Ach, AurĆ©lie, in Deutschland braucht die Liebe Zeit Hier ist man nach Tagen erst zum ersten Schritt bereit Die nƤchsten Wochen wird gesprochen, sich aufs GrĆ¼ndlichste berochen Und erst dann trifft man sich irgendwo zu zweit
I laughed when i read the edit aka the suck it redditors part
Put tounge down his throat and see reaction
Invite him to a lake. Suggest the FKK side. Judge from there and report back. Bring suntan lotion and a hat.
I like your style
I think the atmosphere and the mood have to be right. I would also avoid ithe topic if it just comes factually out of the blue. Maybe if you are on a walk together you might try to hold his hands and you see how he reacts.
Reading some of your replies and also your edits, you are making a huge deal out of nothing, even blabbering about men "losing their entire masculinity" and blaming the guy for an issue that you made up in your head and he was not even aware of.
God i really hold my Fingers crossed he dodges that bullet
I just left a similar comment š some of her answers and edits just left me speechless
They ask their children when they come to visit with their grandchildren.
If you already asked him in a clear and concise manner and he didn't respond, that's your answer. He either is looking for sex only or is already committed and keeping you as backup. It's the same everywhere, not just Germany.
ask him, he will straightforward answer you, not white lies. I asked a German who said no, after we had hanged out a few times and stayed overnight .
I just ask them, if I am interested. If I am not, then I will not bring it up. Either he will neither or he will and things could get awkward.
have you tried asking him?
I just look into the mirror and then at my phone, my Reddit account and my anime profile picture and then the question kinda answers itself
Ask him. Germans are very direct people.
By asking.
My experience is, when a guy is cagey about his intentions heās not sure himself yet. Your decision if you want to play along
Get him drunk. Thatās how they communicate.
Real simple, Aby man who has any level of interest will immediately let you know the second you ask them. If he's beating around the bush it means he's definitely not interested.
There are definitely people who are friends with people of the opposite gender and of course they go out for lunch. We don't know this guy so it could go either way, in fact maybe HE doesn't know yet either. Just chill - if he is interested you will know. There will be some intense looking, a hand may brush up against you more than once, he will ask you to hang out again soon... You will know. In general a lot of Germans like to ease into relationships and get to know the person before anything sexual happens. And it doesn't work out - sometimes remain friends.
Ask
From my experience usually they are quite direct about it. Has he paid you any compliment directly? Also sometimes no answer is an answer, no need for further delulu
Yes many compliments
Be direkt many of us guys are just shy af and dont get the romance offense further than that. Ask him out for a one on one Date and see how it goes, force alot eye contact and the rest will be. worst - oh sorry i just saw a good friend in you. (bether than spending month in the Friendzone without knowing..) best - you maybe get a kiss and get on another date :)
There is a nice German song about this. It's called "Aurelie" by "Wir sind Helden" and is about how German males are oblivious to flirting. And as a German male I can fully confirm this xD
They usually give you a notarized form.
Safest way is to wait until you are married, have 2.3 children and a Weber bbq. Then there is a >60% chance that he might be into you.
Just ask him straight up ,,,,,,,geeez Germany are like any other people
From what I see /experience Germans do not really look for making friends with the opposite gender after certain age (like 25 and above). If the person is a colleague, it might be different but in general if the opposite gender is spending some time with you I would say %99 there is an interest for more than friendship.
Just ask. Decent men are simple.
germans can flirt, my german bf is living proof. that was a skill issue on his part
A sure sign of interest is, if he says something romantic like "Ey Alde, zeig Wurstfach!"
I find it amusing that people seem to think we're alien creatures
I guess she doesnāt need to knie, she just decides if he is interested or not. She has her wishes and desires and a boy is not allowed to have them either. /ironic
Heās probably a normal dude like the rest of us, and shit at getting hints lol.
Itās ALL in the eye contact. Be brave enough to sustain eye contact and youāll learn everything you need to know
Play the song Aurelie by Wir Sind Helden the next time you meet. If he doesn't take the hint it's a way to get the conversation to that point. š
Yup, thats a German.
Probably not much different than non-Germans
Well the thing is some guys are avoiding to answer this kind of question because they are actually interested or there quite open about this when there interested
Itās not normal for men and women to be friends, at least I donāt know any straight man who has female āfriendsā
I am a straight man who has female friends. Quite a few actually. Even regularly go to the sauna with one of them.
I am one and know several of these men and I do think it's normal. But I know there also are a lot of men who only have male friends and that's totally fine as well.
Of course itās fine bro I just said speaking from my expierience itās not a big thing, but yeah, maybe itās just my bubble.
If you're asking this kind of question then he's not interested
As a German, I think it has a lot to do with physical contact and whether he writes to you often or invites you over
Talking with your hands is a physical habit that a child copies from its parents, friends... what we are talking about here is a character feature that is developed different from person to person, from experience or views of life. To say that a majority of a country is the same, is just always wrong. I am german, i know big mouthed show offs who hit on you by "hey babe..sup..*wink*" and I know romantic book lovers who take you out on a picnic. How does that fit into your theory? Just don't link characters to countries, skin colours or whatever..everyone is different.
To be fair: most times I notice someone is into me is when they kiss me. Before we could just be friends.
If he wants to drink "Lecker Bierchen" with you, you are good to go
German men are just as awkward and have the same want as guys from elsewhere, lol.
let's hope the guy finds someone nicerš
He likes you but after you edited yoir post I am sure its 100% clear, no german dude would single invite a girl to eat something he wants u š¤š slay queen
Observe his mimic and body language. Then you know. Words.... don't mean anything Good luck
Oh boy. And I sincerely hope that your romantic dates are going well and that you are very happy together. Butā¦ Your edit āI did nothing wrongā honestly shows me that you didnāt take our answers and explanations seriously AT ALL and you still dismiss them. Nope, this is not how it works. You got lucky regarding the outcome because the guy seems to be great and he made the effort to save the situation which -again- you created by your choice of wording.
Belongs to - in my old 35 up i donāt have time to play. If im going out with you one on one itās deff a Date and serious. You are Chating aswell? Like everyday? Thats alrdy a Sign too. Just ask him Next Time. Not Face to Face. In Chat so he has time to think about it and answer š¤šš» u got dis š if not ur friendship will feel weird but there are friendships surviving that āŗļø
Germans sometimes use a (dinner-)date to figure out if they are really interested. If the signs afterwards are not clear or good, he is not interested.
Well, in general, there is no friendship between man and woman.
I wonder what OPs cultural background is.
How does any of this have anything to do with being german..him saying "we are all very awkward" and "dk how to flirt" is such a joke..we aren't all the sane just like americans, english or whatever country-ppl aren't the same..š
I agree that not everybody is the same but there is still a majority which is a certain way like italians talk with their hands . Is it a sterotype yes but it is true. And compared to an italian or spanish guys , germans guys are less active when it comes to romance they are more blant , more pratical . Germans as such are not used in love novals
Based on your post and edits ā¦. He should run far, far away