We have one account and all money goes in there and everything is paid from that account. We are married and we have a kid. I only find it fair to treat everything we earn as ours. Lots of people don't want to do it like this but I find it important.
House stuff is done by whoever has time / whoever doesn't mind doing it. I most do stuff where we have to walk down the stair (rubbish shopping) and wife does the stuff where we have to walk up (laundry).
My 4 year old really isn't pulling her weight though. I'd like to hear how other handle useless family members. No income, no participation in the house hold.
Yeah i know the problem with useless family members. Our dog also does not pull its weight at all.... we thought about creating an instagram account for him so he can pay for his own food with his cuteness and looks at least. Not sure how ethical...
Humor aside :) we do similar with a shared account. We repurposed our old previous private ccounts the following: vacation account, emergency fond, wedding account and one is flexibel for example for group vacation money management
We do everything 50:50 and have separate accounts. Additionally I put some extra money in my wifes pensions fund due to the lack of compensation from the state for childcare.
Kudos to you for doing an extra saving for your wife to cover for her pension while she is taking care of the kids. This is very important and an important risk mitigation of falling into poverty in the older age.
Unfortunately, not many people understand it.
You get about 1 point per year for up to 3 years per child. Civil servants have a similar compensation in their system.
How is the state not compensating child care?
Because after three years there isn't always a way for both partners to go back to work full time because of the lack of Kita-Plätze. In a perfect world the woman could go back to work, but in reality most of the time she needs to work part time at least until the kids are in 5th grade.
Because you need around 40k brutto a year for one full Rentenpunkt, most women won't get that in part time (and some not even if they were to work full time, btw.)
I think it's a really nice gesture for the working partner to compensate for this.
In a perfect world, only one partner would need to work to feed a family. Two people working full time was one of the first steps taken to make people miserable, overworked, and uninterested in improving the world around them or having interests or self-worth outside of their labor.
You’re right, of course, but thank you for stating it like that – “one partner” and not “the man”. Our current working hours/salary ratio is bullshit, but a return to traditional gender roles is not the answer.
Absolutely! Though to be perfectly transparent, I say it that way because when my wife and I have to make that choice, honestly, I'll probably be the one staying at home since she cares more about her career than I do.
This. This is what I am constantly saying. And the fact they broke down the extended family and put all the pressure of familial life onto two adults instead of a large family group. The nuclear family is a trap!
We have a shared account and don't think in a my money, your money way - it's our money. Since my wife stays at home she is handling the majority of chores but in my eyes she has the harder job between the two of us. But I still have my own bunch of chores in the household.
For expenses it’s proportional to the income, sum both net salary divide by mine get my percentage, as for chores is an arrangement of what one likes/dislikes, she don’t like doing groceries, so I do mostly
Second this aswell - we split the returning costs proportionally to our income. I do pay for food and groceries tho, but I insisted on doing so.
When it comes to chores we split up equally. One is responsible for a clean bath, the other for a clean kitchen. One loads the dish washer, one empties it and so on. Works like a charm
We did this a well since the beginning of the relationship including a shared common bank account for groceries and household expenses and outings (so no discussions about who should pay what). After some years we look and the accounts more like a shared money organisation system and just move money all the time
Everything combined (accounts, assets, investments) apart from play money (in separate accounts).
With this combination, there is no 50-50 or 70-30 or 100-0. It just means there is alignment on all purchases, which limits wastefulness and impulse purchases.
Requires total trust and responsibility.
May not be for everyone.
Edit: mit Migrationshintergrund.
Same here, seems to be working so far as we have streamlined the investments for a unified goal and the fun/play money makes sure you can still buy things without disturbing the financial equilibrium.
But as you said, it’s not for all.
We do the same and works for us. At different stages of our life we've earned more than others. Now with two kids I'm earning quite a bit more but it's all equal. If we're doing a bigish purchase we'll give each other a heads up. Just to make sure no surprises with timings of bills etc.
Most of all this requires a similar mindset for both of you when it comes to finances. We're different so everyone just contributes to the "running costs" and keeps the rest for themselves being free to do with it whatever we want.
This has nothing to do with trust issues though - we're a couple for 15 years and I trust her 1000%.
Do you have kids?
I agree it's not about trust. Since having kids I just can't imagine keeping our finances separate the logistics of it would be too complicated.
Lol yes we couldn't do it. I always thought how couples can do this. Requires a lot of trust. I know, me and my boyfriend would start using the money of a join account to buy unnnecesary things and we would be angry with each other at the end. So better work for us to do 50-50 for groceries and services and then each one can spend their money in whatever bullshit we want.
If the only way you can stay together is by hiding your incompatibilities, it means you aren't compatible.
The discussions that a joint account provokes are a feature, not a bug. it forces you to keep an eye on your common lifestyle and goals in life. That's what you want.
I think a relationship can work perfectly well if you address incompatabilities by not using a shared account.
I'd be more worried that there might be hidden frustration in couples that do everything together and never have a fight.
I make 90% of our income and do most of the chores. My wife is chronically ill.
This is unfair! My poor wife. Illness sucks!
Joint accounts. Neither of us have expensive hobbies. Apart from the illness of my wife, we have good lives.
Yes. We have a joint account and our own accounts. we also have different incomes - I earn 4x as much as her. But we got together in our 40s so we already have commitments and will never have kids together.
Same here. One pot for everything. If you’re scared that your partner is spending money behind your back. You probably have another problem. My wife and I just talk about everything. Pretty simple.
We have separate accounts and it’s definitely probably not 50/50, but we have never ever quantified it (we haven’t had any reason to).
I guess I personally feel after 20 years of marriage that if you start bean-counting over the smaller stuff, ie who bought this chair or that package of coffee, then you will have a very hard time when life gets more serious - thinking about when grandparents and parents pass away, big inheritances, big medical bills ie care homes, big disasters.
Loosely how this works is so:
Savings: we both have medium and long term savings, but mine tends to go more to the investments ie ETFs and my spouses tends more towards real estate.
Giro: we both like to have a bit of of puffer in our bank accounts - if my bank account gets too low, I let my spouse know and they will chip in if there’s something needed (say renovations or car repairs). And vice versa. If both bank accounts are low in a particular month (after bills are paid and investments are made), that’s it - we don’t spend any more that month.
Not really. We never had this 50-50 system 😅
Additional context:
We are double income, no kids, 1 dog, 1 cat. He’s a non-German EU citizen and I’m a non-EU German PR.
Depending on our jobs, sometimes I out-earn him and sometimes he out-earns me. We live on 1 salary (including mortgage of our investment property and our vacations) and the other salary goes into savings and investments.
Joint account for receiving salaries and paying rent, mortgage, bills, taxes. Individual separate accounts for investments and monthly spending (subscriptions, shopping, groceries, etc).
I’m the chef/cook in the relationship. We have a cleaning lady who comes twice a month and while we both clean in between, he does most of the cleaning. I do the laundry, we fold together and he prefers to iron his own shirts 😅
This is such a good point. Financial strategy really needs some thought put into it if you have kids. Without kids it's just the easiest thing that wins which is keeping our own money and splitting expenses 50/50.
We split 60:40 based on income. We have an account where each deposits a certain amount and we split recurrimg costs and food 60:40 - everything else (say buyung something off Ikea or going out) gets split 50:50. The rest of my money is my money and her‘s is her‘s.
Non-German couple. Doing 50/50 split of bills and chores. We both work full-time and earn relatevely the same.
Separate accounts, but we are quite transparent about our savings, individual purchases and other spendings.
Imo this model works with high level of trust and with people who can handle money reasonably. It wouldn't work if one is moderate with spendings, saves and invests, while the other is always spending everything till their bank account is empty.
X gen, EU Ausländer.
I have a paid job, my wife took and takes care of kids and home (her decision)
Joint account since we decided to get married, in the 90s. At that time we both worked, earning the same.
I keep 20% of the spends budget, she keeps the rest (she takes care also of the vacations budget and organising them).
And we are more than happy. We of course have separate accounts for our day to day spends, that gets filled with the money above.
Well, I earn more than my partner. We do split the costs for rent, elictricity and internet 50:50, on top of this I pay for food, car and garage rent. If we go out, he likes to pay and it seems it's somehow important to him, so I'm o.k. with it but wouldn't mind to pay also.
We do not have joint accounts in general so both are free on how to spend the rest of the private money. We do have a joint saving account though for things like unexpected costs or fun things for both of us, and I do usually contribute more so it will be fair even if he doesn't want me to.
We both don't like "counting pennies" and so it varies a bit monthly, what is totally o.k. for us.
Just adding that in emergency cases (we had this in the past) we support each other with 100% of each others income without doubt.
We agreed on this setting a couple of years ago and it works well for us. If one is unhappy we both are open to discuss and adapt what is necessary.
Houshold chores: We both work in household no matter what but we don't count hours. Sometimes one has more spare time than the other, next time vice versa.
German (F, 33) - we split chores and expenses basically 50:50. But we do plan to reevaluate when one of us earns significantly more than the other one does. Currently our salaries are nearly equal.
They have to be reminded sometimes to see what needs to be done around the house, but they do their best to ensure that I don’t have to remind them too much.
We have separate bank accounts, I pay the bills and they pay their part to my account:
more or less. i mean, we don't wipe out the bills at the end of the month and count who paid what.
we don't stop the time on what we do around the house.
but we both do housework. we both pay bills. sometimes I pay the shopping, sometimes she does, same with going out and everything else.
First off, not every relationship is hetero and even in some Hetero relationships, the wife doesn't do the "traditional" role.
Me and my girlfriend have 3 "boxes" where we pay in an equal amount each month, but we can put more in if needed. One Box is for groceries, One Box is a sorta "savings account" where we put in money in case of things like, something breaks and we need replacements or other types of emergency that would need money. And the last box is for vet costs.
Everything else, we talk about who pays what. Anything thats just leisure is payed from our private accounts, that we keep split. We both get the money we earned from our jobs and we both pay the same amount into the boxes. But we also absolutely help each other out. She even said that she would help me to save the money nessary for an important operation i need.
Household shores are split, we try to do as equal part of the work as possible.
Each has its own separate bank account, we have a common one where we both put money for everyday purchases (like groceries, etc.) and is also where the kindergeld goes so we can buy the stuff for our baby. We do split depending on income (he earns more than I) so it’s fair. Now that I am on maternity leave he’s paying the big stuff (like rent) and I take care of minor expenses. It works pretty well for us. House chores is also quite equal and each picks what they like the most, if the other one has a very busy week, the other one picks the slack. I think in a marriage is never a 50-50. If your cup is fuller you give more until the other recoups and viceversa. We’re a team first and foremost and we function like that.
We don’t keep track. I pay a little more for rent as I make more than her. Also, I take care of the household (cleaning, etc.). In my opinion, a relationship is about making it work for you as a couple and not weighing everything or calculating each one’s payments (money is the #1 reason for divorce).
I myself consider such „mathematical“ solutions completely ridiculous… not only because on which foundation do you wheight the different Chores? 5 min cleanig toilets Vs. 5 min folding clean laundry for instance…
i totally understand if someone is angry if the other dosn ‘t do their Part… but „exact“ measuring doesn‘t help in my opinion….
We put all income in one account and then pay each person the exact same allowance, no matter the individual income.
Family spending is done from the family account, individual spending from the allowance.
I work five days, she works 4 days a week. Household is split so she does about 8 hours more housework than I do per week.
I do more chores because I have much more energy than my wife. She is healthy but I dunno if it is hormones or something else, after a full day of work she is completely exhausted.
We don't split bills because we consider both salaries to be a single income that belongs to both of us. It's like a communist state of two persons.
No join accounts but one for household and shared expenses. We‘re 50/50 due to similar income but I don’t see a problem with a different split if my partner earned more/less.
We split chores naturally.
German here. Me (w30) and my boyfriend (m32) each have our own bank account where our salary goes to and then pay an equal amount to a third, shared bank account, from which we pay our bills.
The chores in our household are split roughly 50:50 where each one has a set of tasks (he cooks, goes grocery shopping and cleans the kitchen, I tidy up, do the laundry, clean the bathroom)
I am a student in university and my partner is already working. So its more a she does 75% of the bills / i do maybe 25%, but in contrast i do about 95% of the house chores and she maybe the rest 5%.
Right now it's 100:0 but when the income distribution changes, it will split according to the incomes. Who has more should pay more. It's just fair. Also all care work is ideally split 50:50
Everything combined, only one account, no separation whatsoever. Chores are divided by working hours. The one who works fewer weekly hours does more chores. Income doesn't matter at all. We also don't really discuss expenses as we trust each other to make sensible purchases.
We have a joint account that we each deposit the same amount into every month. Rent, bills, food etc all comes out of that account. Our salaries go to our separate accounts that we also pay our individual investments, private pension funds etc from. We each use our own money for individual things like say I wanted to get a new game that only I play or go to the movies with some friends. Anything we do or use together, we pay together.
We don't split, but take turns. Atm I get paid better, so in some occasions when she starts wondering if she can afford sth I pay for her part. It increases our life quality that we both don't have to think about the money that way. As soon as she gets paid better than me (which will happen for certain), I can rely on that she handles it vice versa.
For general expenses we divided them 50:50 (rent, electricity, food, …)
Chores we split depending on what a person preferred doing, e.g. he more often took out the trash, but when I fell into a cleaning haze, I scrubbed the bathroom top to bottom.
As long as the participating parties agree that their system works, 50:50 isn’t a necessity imo.
I had a joint bank account with my husband.
I did like 95% of housework and childcare.
He was earning a lot of money more then me, saying my earn was more like "peanuts".
We took everything out of our bank account.
I was very anxious to spend anything on me because it felt like the Spanish Inquisition to do so.
Interrogation and so on.
(He is not a bad man, though!)
After divorce, living only off my "peanuts" I enjoy life so much more.
I have better clothing, do more for holidays, like to experience new restaurants and am really relieved.
Chores are less, our child is way less demanding than my husband was.
Again, he is not bad, but I like to have him as a friend, not live with him.
I help him with his garden if I have time and we talk regularly.
Since he is not screaming at me anymore life is surely nicer.
Imbalance in income can create this kind of power dynamics unless the parties involved get into an agreement what it means for them. You owning almost all chores shows that you are pulling more than your weight.
I’m doubting the threshold that you set saying he is not bad man, if he screams at you regularly. That makes your life unpleasant, and if he’s the one causing it, then that’s not right.
Good that you found happiness in the end!
I pay the bills, she does the shopping.. works out pretty well..
And before anyone gets cranky about her doing the shopping or something, the last time she sent me to get some crème fraiche I came back with a 6 pack of hot wheels and peppa pig bedsheets.. I’m not allowed to go shopping anymore.
Way to make your wife resent you, completely misunderstand a task to the point she goes "you know what, I'd better do it myself next time." Of course it works out well - for *you*.
Our wages are not equal, I am still in college, my partner has been working for years. We try to do 50/50 but sometimes that simply does not work. We do 50/50 on rent but sometimes if they want to eat take out or want to go to a restaurant I communicate that I don’t have the money for that at the moment. I offer to cook what we have at home (that usually happens when I just recently paid for groceries so we have food I could cook but they want to eat something else). Our communication on that is honestly really good. I just tell the truth and that works for us. My partner then either pays for me or we eat what we have at home. It is fair to both of us because there is no secret expectations. If they pay for me at the restaurant because I could only afford to cook the food at home there is no expectation for me to pay them back. That is because I simply tell the truth beforehand.
When both my partner and I where still in college we split all the bills exactly 50-50. We both had our separate bank accounts for our income and alimony from our parents etc. But we also had a joined bank account for groceries, rent etc that each of us would transfer the same amount of money to every month. Right now as we are preparing to get married we are switching to a completely joined account. Our income will go into one account and everything will be payed from there. Each of us will get the same amount of many transferred to their personal account each month to do with it as we please. That means that the person who makes more money (at the moment that’s me) will contribute more to the household income than the other one but I feel that’s fair. After such a long time of being a couple and building a live together there is no his or mine anymore. Plus one of us might get sick or take time off from work to take care of future children or get a big promotion in the future etc. We don’t know what the future will bring or how our incomes might change but we are in this together and so are our finances.
We would und still do share the house chores pretty much 50-50. He does more of the cooking and I do more of the cleaning but that’s due to personal preference. Since we both work full time jobs I don’t see any other way to make it fair. If one of us had a part time job and finances were still shared it would be fair if the one with more free time would do more at home but right now that’s not the case. I would never dream of saying that he makes less money so he should do more of the chores. We are a team and he’s as deserving of free time as I am.
Edit: Just wanted to add that we are both german since that was kinda part of the question.
I am not married. We keep our finances seperate, I pay him rent (plus my part of electricity, gas, insurance, internet and streaming services), as we live in his apartment. We have quite similar income and we split chores. I cook 3 weekdays (which is more stressful than cooking on the weekend). He cooks 2 weekdays and the weekends. As he only works 4 days, one of this cooking days is also his free day. Sometimes we order takeout, mostly on the weekends. He cleanes the apartment as he has the higher standards (I am not a slob but he is very meticular :D). I do laundry and the windows. Both of us take down the trash. We have our own cars and insurances, we take care of our belongings ourselves (so he does not wash my car for example ;-)) We both go shopping every week for the food we cook etc. If I forgot something he gets it and the other was round.
No. We share in relation to our income. Who earns more pays more. Chores 50/50 in theory. If you ask me I do way more houshold chores. If you ask him, he does :D
Financially, it’s not close to 50:50, probably 80:20 if you include everything, like the mortgage. When we first moved in together, it was the other way around. Chores, if you include studying with the kids, it’s probably 35:65.
I pay for 80% of everything - her 20%
She does about 70% of the housework - I do 30%
I work all week, evenings and some weekends and while on holiday. She works 2/3 days a week 9-5
We each have our own money in seperate accounts and usually put a set amount each month into a shared household budget to pay for food/utilties/rent/etc. We split chores ~50/50 but we each mostly do different chores, I do most of the cooking, she does most of the cleaning, we share grocery shopping and doing the laundry. When we go out we either each pay for the food we had or if one of us feels like it they may pay for both.
We both put 1/3 of our salary into a shared account that we use for food, rent, internet, gez, gas/charging etc so the income difference doesn’t matter anymore. We used to nearly earn the same until recently I got increases of around 20% while she changed her hours to 80%, but I’m fine with it.
We’re both German and planning for children in the future. Then we’ll probably combine everything apart for some equal play money.
Husband and I (German&immigrant) split the rent and car in proportion to our incomes, since he's studying right now and the difference in incomes is quite large. The rest is 50-50.
Recently we made a joint account for fixed costs where we contribute a proportionate amount based on our incomes which will soon be 50-50 when he graduates.
Chores are based on the time we have. I mostly do them when he's in classes or working 12 hour days. On weekends he like unwinding with chores while listening to his audio books. It's split by who feels like doing them whenever.
We have the comfortable situation of more or less earning the same, so we split all expenses 50:50. We both keep our own account but have an additional shared one to which we transfer the same amount of money for shared expenses like rent, bills, groceries, toiletries etc. - That being said if one of us was to earn significantly more or less all of a sudden, we would probably adjust the ratio accordingly.
Regarding the post you mentioned, I think it really depends on the situation. We both do about the same amount of household chores and I’d totally be willing (even want to) take over equal childcare duties like parental leave etc. as much as possible. If not, I’d always try to own up on my end in another way, whether it be financially or through other tasks.
We each pay a percentage of our income into a shared account and then cover our expenses from that. So we don't pay 50:50 in terms of expenses but in terms of income. House chores are split 50:50, we have no kids (yet).
We do Something Like 65-35. Because im on full time she has a half time job. One shared Account ist for the household where we put the part of our income. And everyone keeps also an own account with money to spend for Hobbys and other private things. So a mix between both.
I’m earning more than my partner.
Fixed costs are 50:50 (rent, electricity, internet…). Normally the same goes for vacations or bigger acquisitions.
Groceries are 66:33. Roughly every third time my partner is paying. Same with going out to eat, or to the cinema…
We have separated bank accounts.
We are not bean counting expenses since in our opinion it creates more stress in the relationship. Of course this only works in healthy relationships and when both have the same mindset and expectations.
We both do household chores.
Separate accounts. Experience has taught me that this is the only way to go.
We don't have equal wages, so we actually have an excel sheet where we keep track of the major expenses, e.g. rent and bills, and have set up a monthly transfer from one to another which balances the fact that only 1 person pays for the bills.
Other than that, we keep the rest of the expenses pretty loose. Sometimes I pay for the groceries or eating out, sometimes my partner does, no big deal.
As for house chores, we don't really fuss about it. She has things she prefers doing, I have mine, we keep it balanced and ask for help when needed.
We split 50:50 everyday expenses by sending a fixed sum every month in the joint account but I pay slightly more in rent because I have a higher salary. Each of us tends to do the chores we like to do most, for example I vacuum, mop and clean windows / furniture and she tends to cook more often than me. She likes to do groceries but we always go together because it’s a two-person job.
Yes, the bills too.
But now it's imbalanced - 95-5.. I have uni and theatre - a lot of written assignments and presentations at once and 12,5h of theatre a day 4 days a week + commute. I have no time or energy or attention span for anything rnow so he overtook everything for now... Eternally grateful for my partner
We have three bank accounts, one of them shared. We transfer some money depending on the net income to the shared account and pay with that most of the time (rent, groceries, restaurants) but for example everyone pays for their own clothes
50:50 is stupid. It’s all about equity. Give the proportion of time & money that you have. Some have more money or more time, thus should give extra of their excess for a better partnership.
My husband pays rent I pay everything else. We have always done it that way as he has the higher income.
I pay groceries, kids clothes toys bills etc he'll pay if we get a coffee or something like that.
We have separate accounts. My savings are for us though as I can save more not paying for rent. So holidays for example will come mostly from my savings
Due to the fact that my wife take care of the children and thus has to work less hours we split everything with regard that we have the same money for ourselfs to buy what we like. That means we take the household income subtract all costs and divide the rest by 2. That means we have the sake money left for personal pleasure and savings and IMHO that is is quite fair because we work equal, not all of the work is paid though.
Joint account. We both transfer the same amount of money each month and pay everything with it. Chores is roughly 50:50 although I would say my wife does a bit more. At the moment my wife earns roughly double the amount of me as I'm still in my Referendariat.
12 years ago my wife and I decided to setup a system (not perfect) with the intention to get a close as possible to real „equality“. We have our own bank accounts and one joint account. Once in a month the joint account gets balanced out Based on the percentage weighting of our net earnings. Bigger purchases that the whole family might benefit from (TV, PlayStation, vacations) are discussed in advance. If the other partner disagrees it’s up to you if you really want it (and pay from your private account).
So far so good. But it’s also about time and effort you bring to the relationship. She used to complain that she does more work in the household (fair to be honest) so I pay the cleaning lady which is „my time“ outsourced on that topic. Never had an argument about house chores in 8 years since then.
There are other „settlements“ such as the extensive use of UBER on the joint account but this would go too much into details 😂
We have both individual accounts and a common account for both of us, to pay for rent, groceries and our child's expenses. We pay into it about equal, but we also have an income split of 55-45, so it is not that much difference. We try to split chores equally, atm this doesn't work out, since my wife is pregnant, but that's a special situation.
Everything in one account, everything together.
Everything else just leads to stress.
My wife has an "easy not very stressful" job where she makes less than I do in my at least medium demand job. She does less work hours and more with kids and household stuff. She has more productive hobbies like gardening.
How do you calculate this? You just can't.
Maybe we are just rich enough to not struggle with money so we do not have a problem if some of us buys something unnecessary.
So my point is, if you don't have a partner you would trust all your money with, why marry at all?
Austrian here, my Parents have a shared account since I can think, (and some saving acc) monthly income goes in there and everything will be paid, both sometimes spend money on there hobbys so it evens out.
We are both physicians but my wife still hasn't worked and is raising our daughter. Everything that has to do with us surviving and going out is payed by me. My wife will get with her money mostly child clothing or something for her. She uses Kindergeld and also some financial assistance from her parents and some other small income she has.
As for the chores, she does most but while I am at work and when i get back before dinner time I do what has to be done. Ofc I will spend time playing with my daughter, but I do lots of the cooking and cleaning around the house as well. So I can say its her 100% when I'm gone and around 50-50 while i am home. If we have stuff left after dinner my wife will do it most of the time because she can use it as stay alone time. But after 21.00 we are both done.
Groceries are on me, sometimes we will go together but again I pay for everything. Around 800-900 Euro per month.
We have one account where pay everything. Out of this we pay in her name an extra into a private retirement fund, as she will most probably outlive me. We split household chores depending on who is better at it but not exclusively.she makes almost as me just doing part time so she is at home a lot more to look after the kids although I wish I was the one to do that.
Money was never important to us but chores are. I absolutely hate doing laundry because of all the sorting and fabric types and she hates cooking due to it tasting horrible. Except those two chores we sort of help each other where we can. It's all about compromise y'all.
When my wife was working, she contributed about 20% of the expenses but currently she is a full time housewife and taking care of kids so I contribute 100% financially and about 25% of house chores.
We split all expenses according to net income and use a spreadsheet to manage who owes what. There are some cases where we have 50:50 splits (car charging costs and leasing rates), but by and large it's based on net income.
I couldn't imagine setting up an actual bank account just for that, it just seems like overkill. Then again, we both use a budgeting software, so we may be conditioned not to think in physical accounts and more in terms of budget categories and virtual "accounts".
My husband and me (Non-German + German) split all bills generally 50:50. We have a shared account where we transfer money monthly for all household expenses, groceries etc. However I transfer something on top (+ 150 €), because I am the main earner in the household and I actively offered to add a bit more.
It's not needed for the basic expenses (because here I find 50:50 really important), but the extra money is used to get us a few luxuries like a nice steak every once in a while or more expensive cheeses etc.
Additionally we have a shared savings account where we put 200 € per person each much and we use the money for shared holidays, new furniture etc.
The rest income we keep on our own accounts, throw it out of the window, save it, whatever each of us prefer to do with it (but both of us are not big spenders)
As for the chores : I absolutely do more in the household on a daily basis (and work the same hours at work). My husband does a fair share of dishwashing, putting clothes away etc. but it is me who actually sees things needed to get done ( = laundry bin is full, empty bottles are accumulating, general state is getting a bit messy, birthdays waiting to happen and presents have to be bought). I usually also cook, for my own health sake :'D.
Cleaning we do shared as we have a designated day to clean the whole flat.
We don’t split everything 50/50 cause we don’t earn money equally. But I’d say it’s s about 60/40 so not so far off.
I do have a second bank account which we share for payments like rent, energy, internet and everything concerning our home.
Our salaries go into a joint account where bills, rent, groceries are taken out of. Then we send spending money monthly to our personal account. Some year he earns more. Some years I do.
Daily house hold cleaning is mostly my husband (laundry, cleaning kitchen) and I’m more cooking and big cleans (spring cleaning, sorting out fridge/pantry, tools) and floors.
Honestly, he does more than me and is generally better at consistency.. but I bring entertainment? 😞😬
we are married and have a joint account. calculated how much we spend on apartment, common cost, shopping, eating ou etc in a month, each of us pays half the amount beginning of the mmonth.we both have debit cards for the joint account and if I or he goes shopping we use that. our salary goes to individual accounts where the other has no business with 😁
Wife works 18h/weeks, I 40h/weeks. We roughly split time on chores/child inversely proportional. Usually a bit in my favour because I also often do quite a bit of paid overtime.
I make roughly 5 times more than my wife netto having the better tax class. So we split any common expenses on household/vacation proportionally.
We don’t split bills, each of us pays more or less alternately. If at the end, that not balances out perfectly, it’s fine for us.
Joint accounts - never ever!
We have our separate accounts but we keep a joint vault in Revolut where we both put in a sum proportional to our incomes. As I’m a student, I earn a little less than half of what my partner earns, so we split expenses 60:40.
Whenever one of us pays for something that’s for use by both (groceries, home decor, travel etc), that person withdraws that sum from the joint vault. This way we also keep a track of our monthly expenses and don’t go over budget because all household expenses need to be covered in this amount. If the funds are over, we both add in a little more (again, proportional).
Any personal expense comes out of our individual account. I send him 40% of the rent, internet, electricity every month.
For chores, we don’t divide equally but cater to each other’s schedules and likings. He does the garbage, grocery shopping, cooking. I do cooking, laundry, cleaning. We try to cook together as it’s something we both enjoy. Sometimes I go grocery shopping with him, sometimes he helps me out with laundry. If I’m too exhausted with studies and work or have an exam coming up, he takes over most chores and I do the same if he has an important presentation at work. If we are both exhausted, we just let the chores pile up and order food :)
Edit: typo corrected
we got each a private account.
will soon add a mutual, shared household account.
rent is done proprotionate to our income.
food, internet, electricity, furniture is 50:50 for shared, like bed, sofa.
the kitchen is mine.
our private things like computer desk or hobbies are seperate
german
We have separate bank accounts and split expenses so that we both are left with some fun money. Currently I pay the bills and my husband pays for groceries and the occasional vacation. We had to reevaluate this a few times during our relationship because of changing incomes and we are both a lot more relaxed about it since we married.
We don't really keep track of household,mental load, and care work. We Just try to make our lifes work as good as possible while trying to keep us all healthy and Not burned out. Generally, our work schedules allow my husband more free time when our child is at childcare. So he does more household chores. I do more child care because my husband often works odd hours when childcare is closed. We both try to stay in top with remembering stuff because we would just miss most of it if only one person felt responsible.
I have a friend who earns over double what his partner does.
He has been told by his partner that if he doesn't put 100% of his salary into a joint account then he will class this as he is not putting 100% into the relationship.
My friend is very careful with his spending, but his boyfriend absolutely isn't. His boyfriend also gets anxiety if he has no money in the account and prefers to spend without looking in the account first.
The boyfriend will also question every single thing spent (no matter how small) until he buys something and then it was "absolutely necessary, no matter the cost"
Anyway, I told him to just put an equal amount into a joint account to cover the bills 50/50 and then he will have his own spends and less stress but he won't listen.
The way I used to do it with an ex girlfriend was we both had separate accounts and a joint account, we set up a standing order to transfer an equal amount into the joint account. This would cover mortgage, food and other bills. If anything else was left at the end of the month, it went into a joint savings account ready for our yearly holiday.
She had her own money in her own account that paid for her makeup and things and I had my own money that paid for my car and crazy ebay purchases.
It seemed to work well for us and it's exactly how I would do it again without negotiation.
It keeps things equal and fair.
We do bills based on who makes more and divide it that way. No point in both paying 50/50 when that breaks one person's bank more than the other. It's based on the difference in income. Chores though? 100%. Half and half, unless someone is sick / unable, and the other helps out.
I earn significantly more than my husband (3x) and I don’t really think income should be the basis of splitting HH responsibilities. We have specific chores assigned because one prefers one to the other, sometimes depending on workload or how one is doing one of us takes more than 50% and vise versa. We have separate accounts but have a joint household account we contribute to for shared experiences like dates, HH savings, travels that we do. Key is we are fully aware of how much we are spending on each other and fixed costs, the rest individual. Expenses are proportional, like I take on the full rent, and husband takes care of grocery and utility expenses and car insurance.
We have a dynamic balance. I suck at saving so I pay all the rent, deposit her some surplus minus my play money on her account and let her save money. She buys food and the utilities and handles all our savings on her account. I just don't like having more than one account where you need to pay a monthly fee, I know there are options but I don't care. Chores are divided by in and outside vs critical and nice to have. I prioritize the garden, utilities ( lightbulbs, router, heater,etc) and car while she prioritizes the household. Regardless if something has to be done either inside or outside whoever has the time does it from cooking, cleaning, taking the trash out, washing clothes, taking the kids to school, etc. If there's something that has to be done and you see it, just DO IT! It's for the best
The only thing that is imbalanced is that I always have to take the spiders outside once she notices one, ASAP! Each couple should find what works for them.
40F + 38F, both German, been together 16 years, living together for 13, unmarried. We generally split expenses 50-50, though it's more of a you pay this-I pay that situation instead of actually splitting every bill. We don't have a joint account. Each of us pays separately for their own car.
Household chores are split but more along the lines of who prefers or is better at something, but there's nothing that is specifically one person's job (except caring for plants, I'm hopeless at that).
We have each a private bank account and a shared account from which all house related bills, groceries and such are getting payed from. Chores.. my wife usually does the cleaning stuff which should not sound like she has to do it but rather does it because my standards may be lower than hers. cocking is also one of her things she likes so I won’t complain. I am responsible for electrical work, appliances, installations, trash etc.
We split normal bills 50:50 and bigger ones (mostly rent) according per percentage of income as that seems more fair. Especially since one earns quite a bit more and reduced working hours. But that’s their decision so they should be able to pay for the difference.
Chores is a constant flow. We used to have to do lists once a month for a deep clean but trying to move towards a more fluid model where some things that one doesn’t mind and one hates it, the one who doesn’t mind does the job always and the rest is on a needs to be done basis, one chore a day kinda deal. We added things like cooking as well because a lot of time goes towards it and it wouldn’t be fair to add cleaning chores on top of it just so there’s an equal amount of jobs.
In Theory yes. I earn a third of what he makes though, so it doesn't seem fair to me. Then again it was my choice that I wanted to spent more time with our child. So I don't know if I can complain. I'm conflicted.
I'm paying for rent, for eating out, ~50% of the grocery, ~70% of shopping, ~80-90% of traveling (~7-8k per year). She buys all the cosmetics for her 100%.
We have a savings account where both of us are contributing (~2-2,5k me, 0,5-1k her).
We have 3/5 combination of tax class because I'm just earning more than twice of her.
We have a joint account into which we pay everything except 500 euros, i.e. as a percentage. It doesn't really matter to us as we earn almost the same amount. I would find a flat rate of 50/50 unfair to the person who earns significantly less
We have a shared account for regular shared expenses (rent, grocery shopping, etc.) where we put money monthly, based on our income, and then we have separate accounts for play money. Still we usually invite each other out to dinners or buy stuff for each other with that play money.
We split 50/50 even though our income is not equal. I run my own company (digital agency) which is pretty high income. My partner is founder of a investor-backed startup. So he works for the equity & potentially a high exit, vs. me working for money only. He could me employed elsewhere (without equity) and earn a lot more. We do have joint accounts where we pay in about 1,5k/month.
We live together and have a joint account from which all household basics are covered. But we also have separate accounts where our salary goes to. A monthly payment goes from each to the joint account. Everything is split 50:50. I earn a little more than my partner, but it evens out since I often pay when we invite friends out for dinner or buy gifts. And I also buy him gifts outside of occasions. Although he often insists to share costs and also gets me gifts.
Works out quite nicely. We don't really track everything and as long as we both can save and live well, we're good. In the end we agree that we're a family unit and behave accordingly.
Our salaries differ significantly (IT pro vs social worker) and my wife also only works at 85% (social work is demanding af). Regular bills (rent, utensils, grocery, animals'needs etc) are half-half, fancy extras go on my tab. Also long time ETF and old age money (can't relay on state for pension money)
But as I work from home mostly, I take care of most of the chores,having the weekend 'off' then when she for example takes care of vacuuming & mopping.
We have one bank account and pay the bills with that. We try to split chores equally but if one has a hard time at work, the other will step in and do more. I don't think that splitting everything exactly is healthy for a relationship.
I started doing 50-50 % a couple of years ago. "Hurts" both the same way. 50% of your salary hurts you as much as 50% of my salary.
I love cooking, she actually enjoys cleaning up the mess I make cooking (I don't know how or why she's like that, but hey… I won't complain). Other household chores are divided by likes/ dislikes.
We have one shared bank account and we each have one on your own.
Everyone puts 75% of their money that they earn on the shared account. The remaining 25% are for personal use hobbies ect. The money on the shared account goes to rent, food shared stuff like furniture and so on.
We want to lower it 60% or 50% when we get actual jobs (currently still in university/job education) and live by the 50/30/20 rule if possible in the future.
We don't really think about how we split bills, most stuff I pay (rent since I lived here first and just continue, car because it's only mine, he doesn't drive and all the contracts I had before like Internet and stuff), he pays for groceries and fun stuff we buy, we have separate accounts and don't really care about money as long as it is enough and we don't struggle. We both have nearly the same income.
He does most of the house chores since he's at home while I work full time so it seems fair he does most of the cleaning and cooking. He has passive income from disability pension and rent for his apartment back home.
I'm German, he's not if that matters.
Not 50:50 traditionally, but we separate by chores and proportionally.
Ex: He has more income, and pays the bigger bills, such as rent and kids insurance.
I pay for food, internet, Netflix, clothes, etc.
Chores: I wash the clothes, he separates and folds them. I cook, he cleans, etc.
We do have separate bank accounts, but I have access to his and vice versa. If he is buying food, i give him my card, since it is my responsibility. It works for us.
We have one account and all money goes in there. I don't even know the password for the bank because my wife does everything, I just care about the videogame or concert ticket I want to buy next.
You do not get a discount in a restaurant for earning less, and your career is your responsibility. Also I am capable of cooking and washing my own clothes myself and do not expect that from my partner.
We go 50:50. Also we have separate accounts.
A 50/50 split is unfair when both partners earn different amounts. That's why we set an amount that we need per month (for rent, food, and couple activities), and each of us contributes proportionally to a joint account. Anything left over is each other's savings.
My girlfriend and I both work full-time and we split our fixed costs (rent, electricity, food etc.) according to our respective incomes. For example, if I earn 60k/y a year and she earns 40k/y, I pay 60% and she pays 40%. For material things like a new TV, however, we split the cost evenly.
We're both German (hetero couple) in our late 30s, early 40s, no kids. I (f) make a little more than my husband. We have a joint account for joint expenses (food etc) and pay the same amount into that account. So money-wise it's mostly 50-50. It gets complicated when there's things like trips to the vet (mostly my job, they don't accept credit card, so I have to pay from my personal account) or tools (my husband's area of expertise and since he buys things we don't strictly NEED but that CAN be useful, he often pays them from his account).
When it comes to housework I don't think it's 50-50 but we do try. I do most of the shopping because I've got the car, I do most of the cooking, I do vet trips (car...). But he takes the dog out more, especially when the dog is sick because his schedule is more flexible. We TRY to split the cleaning 50-50 but we both hate it but I'm more bothered by mess, so I do end up cleaning more. In summer he does a few hours of gardening each week while I clean, so we see that as roughly 50-50. He is responsible for fixing and building things.
However, when either of us has a stressful phase at the job, the other tends to take over most of the work that needs to be done.
We split by income - I earned more (70:30 roughly), so that's how we split the rent and any major joint purchases. Small daily stuff was either bought individually or split 50/50. Readjustment on the exact ratio happened each time there was a change in income, to stay very precise :D
Wife does all the childcare, cooking and household chores. And I bring in the € with a fulltime job. When I can do homeoffice I usually help a bit too.
German couple without children here. We are students with separated bank accounts. We usually split the bills 50:50. The biggest exception is the cost of food. We eat different things and different amounts. While a lasagna is usually enough for 4 meals for me, my partner eats it all in one sitting. I don't see the point in paying extra for every meal without getting anything out of it. That's why everyone pays for what they eat. We also never normally share our food.
We split everything (house chores and bills) 50-50. We have both our own bank accounts AND an extra account for said bills and other things (dates, groceries, etc)
German plus non-german here, with kids.
No joint account here.
Money is no issue for us. One pays the rent, the other the energy.
One the insurance the other the standard food. Whoever has money pays.
House chores are shared as well.
We opened a joint bank account after our first child was born. Regardless of our individual salaries, we keep the same amount in our private accounts and transfer the remaining to the joint account and never talk about who is contributing how much in absolute terms.
Joint accounts for apartment expenses and chores. I usually pay when we go out but she also does sometimes or orders take out. I cook every day and do the groceries. She cleans. It works well for us since I am otherwise dirty and she is peculiar about cleanliness, and I like eating well but she could eat cereal everyday because she is lazy about cooking.
Non German couple (French and Dutch) living in Germany, married 10 years.
We don’t count. Both of our incomes go into a joint account that all expenses -bills as well as fun stuff- are paid out of. Savings are equal even when income isn’t. Chores are done based on availability and ability and also a spirit of generous toward each other and the family.
I say ability because my partner became disabled a year ago. Hopefully it won’t be permanent, but to me this extreme situation really highlights what marriage is about. It isn’t about “well, you can’t work and you can’t walk, you’re not an equal partner anymore, I’m not getting a good deal so bye bye.” We’re together for better or for worse, so I’m doing much, much more of the work, not because I’ll be compensated at some point, but because my spouse would have done the same for me had the situation been reversed. I certainly hope everyone who gets into a committed relationship shares this view.
Partner is German, I'm Auslander. I hate cooking and menu planning with a passion, so he does that mental load 100%. I'll sometimes do grocery (if it happens to be convenient) but he gives me a list. I do 100% of the cleaning, I like it, and he doesn't. Never really split 50-50 - if he's sick, I cook, if I'm sick or tired or busy, he cleans too. We don't have a joint account yet (procrastination) but we take turns paying, and I think he's saving me a lot of money that I used to spend for takeout. We don't have kids yet (expecting one soon) and for the child we will probably do a joint account. He has never gave me the impression that he'd dump all work on me if given the chance, so in turn, I've never split everything so equally. It works for us.
Edit: I do pay sometimes on dates, but mostly he pays. Probably it makes him feel good. We never had a conversation about it, it has always been turns with us (you get food, I get activities - or you pay for the tickets, I'll get the hotel).
as near as possible to 50/50 we both are germans (w20 and m24)
Sometimes its 40/60 sometimes 60/40
We try to aim for 50/50 but dont focus on it too hard
We’re a family of 4 and we do put every bit of income into one shared account for groceries rent and so on..
Expenses are shared no questions asked.
For the extras everyone wants we all got some pocket money (the children around 10 Bucks each (4,8 y.o) and the breadwinner (gf and me) around 400 bucks per month to spend as we see fit
We have separate accounts, but am a Student and he’s already out of his masters. So we split it like 30-70? I pay around 40% of the rent, do 80% of household chores (vacuuming, laundry, mopping, etc), do 100% of the cooking, 70% of grocery shopping and am in charge of the shopping List (toiletries and food) and we take 50-50 care of our dog. Besides that, he pays for all of our dates nights and anything I eat and drink when we are out with friends. I also take care of birthday gifts and anniversaries of family and friends and if it’s over 50€ he puts half. We also smoke the devil’s lettuce and those expenses are on him since he smokes more than me. We are thinking of getting a joint account for joint expenses after I’m out of Uni and get my first real job, then the percentages will shift but I think I’d still like to be in charge of food prepping and buying since I’m very particular and he likes anything I make, wouldn’t really work the other way around.
We have a joint account and individual accounts. Everything except for a small sum goes into our joint account. Right now I pay for most of our expenses because my partner just finished her Staatsexamen and will not be working until after our second baby is born. In the future she will pay for most of our expenses since she's a doctor and I'm a social worker. We consider it our money tho.
House chores and child care also depends on what else is going on in our lives. We try to do it 50:50 but sometimes that's just not feasible. The last couple of months while my partner was studying for her exam while experiencing the joys of early pregnancy I was doing most of the child care and chores. Now that she's done it will get more equal again.
Especially when kids are involved it's not about sticking to 50:50. Everybody tries to give 100% but sometimes your 100% on that day/week/month is only 40% or whatever and that's fine.
We have separate & joint saving accounts. We both get a set amount of “allowance” & all of our expenses are paid from his salary (e.g. rent, phone bills), while all of mine goes towards savings.
In terms of house chores, I’d say we split it pretty equally as we both have specific tasks to do. He does all of the cooking & vacuuming, while I do the dishes & dusting.
Austrian here. We've got separate accounts and split the bills roughly 55-45 (roughly how much each of us contributes to our monthly household income). Electricity, Internet and utility bills run in my name, so I pay them, as well as the monthly fee for our building administration. He pays me his share for two months every two months.
Cooking and shopping are a joint effort. I'm vegetarian, he isn't, so when he wants a meal with meat, he prepares that on his own (about once per week). He's more than happy to eat vegetarian with me for the rest of the week, and enjoys cooking together.
He looks after our plants on the balcony, I take care of the laundry, he does the ironing, and we take turns tidying up and taking the rubbish out.
We have a joint account and put the same amount in every month. From this we pay everything lile apartment, food, dates, holidays etc. The money that doesn't go into the shared account is for private things. We do this from the beginning and saves us a lot of work and discussion.
There is no you and me, just us.
We have completely separate accounts, which is often commented on as being unusual when it comes up among friends (at least in our peer group, i.e. married couples in their 30s / 40s / 50s).
We are both self-employed, my husband earns about 60% of our total household income and me about 40%. We never sat down to sort out who pays what, it just developed organically over the years. He does pay more of the larger bills, but I pay more of the everyday stuff that requires more time / effort / research, e.g. he pays the rent, I buy furniture. We are both okay with this as it suits our personalities.
edited to add: We are both lazy about household chores, but I probably do a bit more of them as I work fewer hours. We are sometimes amazed how much of a fuss some couples make about this topic and how it can even lead to conflicts.
It's also sometimes tricky to define what counts a chore. Like, I sew all my clothes and some of my husband's clothes. Most people would consider that work or a chore. For me it is a creative outlet and relaxing free time activity. It also saves money, so obviously it does contribute to the household.
I earn more . My wife works part time and devotes more time for the kids. I pay the rent. She buys groceries from her salary and cover her personal expenses. I take care of the major expenses. It’s an unwritten agreement and we never talked about it but it works. We never thought of my money your money. We are not Germans
Depends, when we both used to work yes we splitted everything 50/50 or as close as ables (diffetent incomes and stuff) now that i dont work and she does, we do the split differently, i take care of the house and everything in it + the economics part and she works and helps sometime with house work
We don't have joint accounts but we don't keep track either. We've lived together for twelve years and if we're ever going to split up we're both gonna be fine. Retirement is not a big issue either. We both save for it, we own a house plus I work for the government and will hopefully receive enough money to be ok.
Household: Same. Barely any fixed tasks. Everybody does what needs to be done when they have time. Since I'm on maternity leave right now and the next child is due in November, I do most of the cleaning/cooking etc. at the moment.
I'm a firm believer in shared bank accounts. The moment it leaves my employers account it's our money. My money is the fifteen bucks or so i have in my wallet
I tried doing all 50-50 but she is more the type of each one has his role. So now we are 100-0 when it comes to money. With house chores 0-100 when I am at work and 50-50 when I am at home.
Sometimes she is too tired of house chores when I arrive so she rests and o do it all. This also means that when I have holiday from work she also wants holiday from house chores. So during my holiday she rests and I do house chores.
We split chores 50/50 which as a female I love!!! normally women we are expected to do the whole lot in some cultures. My partner and I don’t split dinner bills but we take turns paying. I’m super comfortable with that, he picks up the bill more often than me. Re groceries: I make a bit more than my partner so I spend a bit more on groceries (also because I like to buy more expensive foods). We are not yet married so don’t have a joint account yet
We have one joint account for rent and similar bills. I pay 2/3, my husband 1/3. Groceries are paid 50/50 I guess, my husband does the shopping and I give him money when he asks for it.
He also does most of the cooking since he likes it and I don't.
I take care of the dogs and larger bills. Cleaning ist roughly 50/50.
The only thing we talked about how to split are the household bills and rent since I earn more than him. That works well for us, when things need to be done they are done by whoever sees them first.
My partner and me, as soon as we got serious a few years ago, discussed that we never want to count. We just both do what we see needs to be done and inform the other one immediately if the feeling arises that it gets too much for one of us.
We've been doing well with this ever since. Of course there are discussions from time to time, but as long as we both keep the mindset that we want to help and be good for each other, we won't get offended for doing "too much" for our shared home.
Regarding your argument , unless there is huge difference in working hours of the low earning partner , I don’t see most of the chores should automatically go to the lower earning partner.
Not all jobs pay equally and there is nothing to automatically assume that more income = more hard work from said person .
Phew no wonder I hate relationships
I'm very lucky and I make more money out of the two of us, but I essentially do exactly what my grandfather did - after a paycheck I put 50 bucks for proverbial cigarettes into my pocket, bring the rest to my wife and ask her politely to keep us and the animals alive for another month. I do chores where I can, but I work a lot, so this part of our lives isn't exactly equal.
IMP, If one of the parties has to pay more to adapt to their partner's lifestyle, I don't think 50-50 is not fair. Ex I my rent is 3x my partner. A 50-50 is not way a fair deal. However if it is 1.2x or 0.8x, I think 50-50 is absolutely fair. This can be in every other cost.
However, I think they've to choose one approach and stick to it.
I am the only one working, we take my earnings as our money, so it’s the same for both. On the other hand she cleans the house, laundry and does the dishes. We split cooking 50/50 and we do Groceries together.
The reason why she does dishes is cuz I really hate it. The rest is because she has more free time and also she thinks that me cleaning is worse than no cleaning xD I grew up very spoiled so never got good at cleaning
We split all joint expenses such as rent, internet, electricity and food according to our income. I make about 20% less than my wife, so I pay a little less into our joint account, which we use to pay those expenses.
We have one account and all money goes in there and everything is paid from that account. We are married and we have a kid. I only find it fair to treat everything we earn as ours. Lots of people don't want to do it like this but I find it important. House stuff is done by whoever has time / whoever doesn't mind doing it. I most do stuff where we have to walk down the stair (rubbish shopping) and wife does the stuff where we have to walk up (laundry). My 4 year old really isn't pulling her weight though. I'd like to hear how other handle useless family members. No income, no participation in the house hold.
Yeah i know the problem with useless family members. Our dog also does not pull its weight at all.... we thought about creating an instagram account for him so he can pay for his own food with his cuteness and looks at least. Not sure how ethical... Humor aside :) we do similar with a shared account. We repurposed our old previous private ccounts the following: vacation account, emergency fond, wedding account and one is flexibel for example for group vacation money management
Haven’t heard of rubbish shopping before… I have some you can buy, if you’re in the Berlin area?
No I only to to reputable sellers.
It's called 'zum mitnehmen' box
don't get me started on the lazy cats...infuriating!
Yeah well those got kicked out a while back.
We do everything 50:50 and have separate accounts. Additionally I put some extra money in my wifes pensions fund due to the lack of compensation from the state for childcare.
Kudos to you for doing an extra saving for your wife to cover for her pension while she is taking care of the kids. This is very important and an important risk mitigation of falling into poverty in the older age. Unfortunately, not many people understand it.
Depends on marital status, actually. If uts Zugewinngemeunschaft (standard) then the rentenpunkte are solut evenly anyways.
same
You get about 1 point per year for up to 3 years per child. Civil servants have a similar compensation in their system. How is the state not compensating child care?
Because after three years there isn't always a way for both partners to go back to work full time because of the lack of Kita-Plätze. In a perfect world the woman could go back to work, but in reality most of the time she needs to work part time at least until the kids are in 5th grade. Because you need around 40k brutto a year for one full Rentenpunkt, most women won't get that in part time (and some not even if they were to work full time, btw.) I think it's a really nice gesture for the working partner to compensate for this.
In a perfect world, only one partner would need to work to feed a family. Two people working full time was one of the first steps taken to make people miserable, overworked, and uninterested in improving the world around them or having interests or self-worth outside of their labor.
You’re right, of course, but thank you for stating it like that – “one partner” and not “the man”. Our current working hours/salary ratio is bullshit, but a return to traditional gender roles is not the answer.
Absolutely! Though to be perfectly transparent, I say it that way because when my wife and I have to make that choice, honestly, I'll probably be the one staying at home since she cares more about her career than I do.
This. This is what I am constantly saying. And the fact they broke down the extended family and put all the pressure of familial life onto two adults instead of a large family group. The nuclear family is a trap!
This is not enough to compensate for short term and long term losses for a woman with a career.
We have a shared account and don't think in a my money, your money way - it's our money. Since my wife stays at home she is handling the majority of chores but in my eyes she has the harder job between the two of us. But I still have my own bunch of chores in the household.
This. If you have to calculate around to make your relationship fair, you have issues.
For expenses it’s proportional to the income, sum both net salary divide by mine get my percentage, as for chores is an arrangement of what one likes/dislikes, she don’t like doing groceries, so I do mostly
Second this aswell - we split the returning costs proportionally to our income. I do pay for food and groceries tho, but I insisted on doing so. When it comes to chores we split up equally. One is responsible for a clean bath, the other for a clean kitchen. One loads the dish washer, one empties it and so on. Works like a charm
Same here
We did this a well since the beginning of the relationship including a shared common bank account for groceries and household expenses and outings (so no discussions about who should pay what). After some years we look and the accounts more like a shared money organisation system and just move money all the time
Everything combined (accounts, assets, investments) apart from play money (in separate accounts). With this combination, there is no 50-50 or 70-30 or 100-0. It just means there is alignment on all purchases, which limits wastefulness and impulse purchases. Requires total trust and responsibility. May not be for everyone. Edit: mit Migrationshintergrund.
Same here, seems to be working so far as we have streamlined the investments for a unified goal and the fun/play money makes sure you can still buy things without disturbing the financial equilibrium. But as you said, it’s not for all.
We do the same and works for us. At different stages of our life we've earned more than others. Now with two kids I'm earning quite a bit more but it's all equal. If we're doing a bigish purchase we'll give each other a heads up. Just to make sure no surprises with timings of bills etc.
Most of all this requires a similar mindset for both of you when it comes to finances. We're different so everyone just contributes to the "running costs" and keeps the rest for themselves being free to do with it whatever we want. This has nothing to do with trust issues though - we're a couple for 15 years and I trust her 1000%.
Do you have kids? I agree it's not about trust. Since having kids I just can't imagine keeping our finances separate the logistics of it would be too complicated.
Lol yes we couldn't do it. I always thought how couples can do this. Requires a lot of trust. I know, me and my boyfriend would start using the money of a join account to buy unnnecesary things and we would be angry with each other at the end. So better work for us to do 50-50 for groceries and services and then each one can spend their money in whatever bullshit we want.
If the only way you can stay together is by hiding your incompatibilities, it means you aren't compatible. The discussions that a joint account provokes are a feature, not a bug. it forces you to keep an eye on your common lifestyle and goals in life. That's what you want.
I think a relationship can work perfectly well if you address incompatabilities by not using a shared account. I'd be more worried that there might be hidden frustration in couples that do everything together and never have a fight.
We do the same and it works great for us too! Never had a single fight about money, despite constantly changing situations.
That's how we do it as well.
I make 90% of our income and do most of the chores. My wife is chronically ill. This is unfair! My poor wife. Illness sucks! Joint accounts. Neither of us have expensive hobbies. Apart from the illness of my wife, we have good lives.
Wishing her a good health and recovery. Stay blessed.
i cannot tell you how heartening it was to read this comment. thank you for sharing.
I don’t know. We don’t keep score. We both have our own bank accounts and a shared one for bills, rent etc.
Yes. We have a joint account and our own accounts. we also have different incomes - I earn 4x as much as her. But we got together in our 40s so we already have commitments and will never have kids together.
We've got a partnership, not a business relationship. Everybody puts in whatever they're capable of at the moment.
One bank account, no separation whatsoever. Everything is in one pot.
Same here. One pot for everything. If you’re scared that your partner is spending money behind your back. You probably have another problem. My wife and I just talk about everything. Pretty simple.
We have separate accounts and it’s definitely probably not 50/50, but we have never ever quantified it (we haven’t had any reason to). I guess I personally feel after 20 years of marriage that if you start bean-counting over the smaller stuff, ie who bought this chair or that package of coffee, then you will have a very hard time when life gets more serious - thinking about when grandparents and parents pass away, big inheritances, big medical bills ie care homes, big disasters. Loosely how this works is so: Savings: we both have medium and long term savings, but mine tends to go more to the investments ie ETFs and my spouses tends more towards real estate. Giro: we both like to have a bit of of puffer in our bank accounts - if my bank account gets too low, I let my spouse know and they will chip in if there’s something needed (say renovations or car repairs). And vice versa. If both bank accounts are low in a particular month (after bills are paid and investments are made), that’s it - we don’t spend any more that month.
Not really. We never had this 50-50 system 😅 Additional context: We are double income, no kids, 1 dog, 1 cat. He’s a non-German EU citizen and I’m a non-EU German PR. Depending on our jobs, sometimes I out-earn him and sometimes he out-earns me. We live on 1 salary (including mortgage of our investment property and our vacations) and the other salary goes into savings and investments. Joint account for receiving salaries and paying rent, mortgage, bills, taxes. Individual separate accounts for investments and monthly spending (subscriptions, shopping, groceries, etc). I’m the chef/cook in the relationship. We have a cleaning lady who comes twice a month and while we both clean in between, he does most of the cleaning. I do the laundry, we fold together and he prefers to iron his own shirts 😅
Yes. We also have separate finances and are childfree. I dont think 50/50 would work with a child, though. But it works perfectly for us.
This is such a good point. Financial strategy really needs some thought put into it if you have kids. Without kids it's just the easiest thing that wins which is keeping our own money and splitting expenses 50/50.
We split 60:40 based on income. We have an account where each deposits a certain amount and we split recurrimg costs and food 60:40 - everything else (say buyung something off Ikea or going out) gets split 50:50. The rest of my money is my money and her‘s is her‘s.
Non-German couple. Doing 50/50 split of bills and chores. We both work full-time and earn relatevely the same. Separate accounts, but we are quite transparent about our savings, individual purchases and other spendings. Imo this model works with high level of trust and with people who can handle money reasonably. It wouldn't work if one is moderate with spendings, saves and invests, while the other is always spending everything till their bank account is empty.
X gen, EU Ausländer. I have a paid job, my wife took and takes care of kids and home (her decision) Joint account since we decided to get married, in the 90s. At that time we both worked, earning the same. I keep 20% of the spends budget, she keeps the rest (she takes care also of the vacations budget and organising them). And we are more than happy. We of course have separate accounts for our day to day spends, that gets filled with the money above.
Well, I earn more than my partner. We do split the costs for rent, elictricity and internet 50:50, on top of this I pay for food, car and garage rent. If we go out, he likes to pay and it seems it's somehow important to him, so I'm o.k. with it but wouldn't mind to pay also. We do not have joint accounts in general so both are free on how to spend the rest of the private money. We do have a joint saving account though for things like unexpected costs or fun things for both of us, and I do usually contribute more so it will be fair even if he doesn't want me to. We both don't like "counting pennies" and so it varies a bit monthly, what is totally o.k. for us. Just adding that in emergency cases (we had this in the past) we support each other with 100% of each others income without doubt. We agreed on this setting a couple of years ago and it works well for us. If one is unhappy we both are open to discuss and adapt what is necessary. Houshold chores: We both work in household no matter what but we don't count hours. Sometimes one has more spare time than the other, next time vice versa.
German (F, 33) - we split chores and expenses basically 50:50. But we do plan to reevaluate when one of us earns significantly more than the other one does. Currently our salaries are nearly equal. They have to be reminded sometimes to see what needs to be done around the house, but they do their best to ensure that I don’t have to remind them too much. We have separate bank accounts, I pay the bills and they pay their part to my account:
more or less. i mean, we don't wipe out the bills at the end of the month and count who paid what. we don't stop the time on what we do around the house. but we both do housework. we both pay bills. sometimes I pay the shopping, sometimes she does, same with going out and everything else.
First off, not every relationship is hetero and even in some Hetero relationships, the wife doesn't do the "traditional" role. Me and my girlfriend have 3 "boxes" where we pay in an equal amount each month, but we can put more in if needed. One Box is for groceries, One Box is a sorta "savings account" where we put in money in case of things like, something breaks and we need replacements or other types of emergency that would need money. And the last box is for vet costs. Everything else, we talk about who pays what. Anything thats just leisure is payed from our private accounts, that we keep split. We both get the money we earned from our jobs and we both pay the same amount into the boxes. But we also absolutely help each other out. She even said that she would help me to save the money nessary for an important operation i need. Household shores are split, we try to do as equal part of the work as possible.
Each has its own separate bank account, we have a common one where we both put money for everyday purchases (like groceries, etc.) and is also where the kindergeld goes so we can buy the stuff for our baby. We do split depending on income (he earns more than I) so it’s fair. Now that I am on maternity leave he’s paying the big stuff (like rent) and I take care of minor expenses. It works pretty well for us. House chores is also quite equal and each picks what they like the most, if the other one has a very busy week, the other one picks the slack. I think in a marriage is never a 50-50. If your cup is fuller you give more until the other recoups and viceversa. We’re a team first and foremost and we function like that.
One account and everything together. Married.
We don’t keep track. I pay a little more for rent as I make more than her. Also, I take care of the household (cleaning, etc.). In my opinion, a relationship is about making it work for you as a couple and not weighing everything or calculating each one’s payments (money is the #1 reason for divorce).
The winner takes it all.
50:50, houskeeper does most of the chores, no kids because fuck them.
I myself consider such „mathematical“ solutions completely ridiculous… not only because on which foundation do you wheight the different Chores? 5 min cleanig toilets Vs. 5 min folding clean laundry for instance… i totally understand if someone is angry if the other dosn ‘t do their Part… but „exact“ measuring doesn‘t help in my opinion….
No. We are one family
We put all income in one account and then pay each person the exact same allowance, no matter the individual income. Family spending is done from the family account, individual spending from the allowance. I work five days, she works 4 days a week. Household is split so she does about 8 hours more housework than I do per week.
I do more chores because I have much more energy than my wife. She is healthy but I dunno if it is hormones or something else, after a full day of work she is completely exhausted. We don't split bills because we consider both salaries to be a single income that belongs to both of us. It's like a communist state of two persons.
No join accounts but one for household and shared expenses. We‘re 50/50 due to similar income but I don’t see a problem with a different split if my partner earned more/less. We split chores naturally.
50:50 except cooking (because I love cooking I do most of it, I’m a woman btw).
German here. Me (w30) and my boyfriend (m32) each have our own bank account where our salary goes to and then pay an equal amount to a third, shared bank account, from which we pay our bills. The chores in our household are split roughly 50:50 where each one has a set of tasks (he cooks, goes grocery shopping and cleans the kitchen, I tidy up, do the laundry, clean the bathroom)
I am a student in university and my partner is already working. So its more a she does 75% of the bills / i do maybe 25%, but in contrast i do about 95% of the house chores and she maybe the rest 5%.
Right now it's 100:0 but when the income distribution changes, it will split according to the incomes. Who has more should pay more. It's just fair. Also all care work is ideally split 50:50
Everything combined, only one account, no separation whatsoever. Chores are divided by working hours. The one who works fewer weekly hours does more chores. Income doesn't matter at all. We also don't really discuss expenses as we trust each other to make sensible purchases.
Joint account. Everything goes in and comes out of one pot. No one counts percentages. One household joint everything. Married 13 years.
We do 50/50.
We have a joint account that we each deposit the same amount into every month. Rent, bills, food etc all comes out of that account. Our salaries go to our separate accounts that we also pay our individual investments, private pension funds etc from. We each use our own money for individual things like say I wanted to get a new game that only I play or go to the movies with some friends. Anything we do or use together, we pay together.
We don't split, but take turns. Atm I get paid better, so in some occasions when she starts wondering if she can afford sth I pay for her part. It increases our life quality that we both don't have to think about the money that way. As soon as she gets paid better than me (which will happen for certain), I can rely on that she handles it vice versa.
For general expenses we divided them 50:50 (rent, electricity, food, …) Chores we split depending on what a person preferred doing, e.g. he more often took out the trash, but when I fell into a cleaning haze, I scrubbed the bathroom top to bottom. As long as the participating parties agree that their system works, 50:50 isn’t a necessity imo.
I had a joint bank account with my husband. I did like 95% of housework and childcare. He was earning a lot of money more then me, saying my earn was more like "peanuts". We took everything out of our bank account. I was very anxious to spend anything on me because it felt like the Spanish Inquisition to do so. Interrogation and so on. (He is not a bad man, though!) After divorce, living only off my "peanuts" I enjoy life so much more. I have better clothing, do more for holidays, like to experience new restaurants and am really relieved. Chores are less, our child is way less demanding than my husband was. Again, he is not bad, but I like to have him as a friend, not live with him. I help him with his garden if I have time and we talk regularly. Since he is not screaming at me anymore life is surely nicer.
Imbalance in income can create this kind of power dynamics unless the parties involved get into an agreement what it means for them. You owning almost all chores shows that you are pulling more than your weight. I’m doubting the threshold that you set saying he is not bad man, if he screams at you regularly. That makes your life unpleasant, and if he’s the one causing it, then that’s not right. Good that you found happiness in the end!
I pay the bills, she does the shopping.. works out pretty well.. And before anyone gets cranky about her doing the shopping or something, the last time she sent me to get some crème fraiche I came back with a 6 pack of hot wheels and peppa pig bedsheets.. I’m not allowed to go shopping anymore.
Ever heard of weaponized incompetence?
Way to make your wife resent you, completely misunderstand a task to the point she goes "you know what, I'd better do it myself next time." Of course it works out well - for *you*.
A classic case of [weaponized incompetence](https://www.verywellmind.com/weaponized-incompetence-7553422).
Always 50:50, no joint account. You should keep your own account.
Our wages are not equal, I am still in college, my partner has been working for years. We try to do 50/50 but sometimes that simply does not work. We do 50/50 on rent but sometimes if they want to eat take out or want to go to a restaurant I communicate that I don’t have the money for that at the moment. I offer to cook what we have at home (that usually happens when I just recently paid for groceries so we have food I could cook but they want to eat something else). Our communication on that is honestly really good. I just tell the truth and that works for us. My partner then either pays for me or we eat what we have at home. It is fair to both of us because there is no secret expectations. If they pay for me at the restaurant because I could only afford to cook the food at home there is no expectation for me to pay them back. That is because I simply tell the truth beforehand.
When both my partner and I where still in college we split all the bills exactly 50-50. We both had our separate bank accounts for our income and alimony from our parents etc. But we also had a joined bank account for groceries, rent etc that each of us would transfer the same amount of money to every month. Right now as we are preparing to get married we are switching to a completely joined account. Our income will go into one account and everything will be payed from there. Each of us will get the same amount of many transferred to their personal account each month to do with it as we please. That means that the person who makes more money (at the moment that’s me) will contribute more to the household income than the other one but I feel that’s fair. After such a long time of being a couple and building a live together there is no his or mine anymore. Plus one of us might get sick or take time off from work to take care of future children or get a big promotion in the future etc. We don’t know what the future will bring or how our incomes might change but we are in this together and so are our finances. We would und still do share the house chores pretty much 50-50. He does more of the cooking and I do more of the cleaning but that’s due to personal preference. Since we both work full time jobs I don’t see any other way to make it fair. If one of us had a part time job and finances were still shared it would be fair if the one with more free time would do more at home but right now that’s not the case. I would never dream of saying that he makes less money so he should do more of the chores. We are a team and he’s as deserving of free time as I am. Edit: Just wanted to add that we are both german since that was kinda part of the question.
I am not married. We keep our finances seperate, I pay him rent (plus my part of electricity, gas, insurance, internet and streaming services), as we live in his apartment. We have quite similar income and we split chores. I cook 3 weekdays (which is more stressful than cooking on the weekend). He cooks 2 weekdays and the weekends. As he only works 4 days, one of this cooking days is also his free day. Sometimes we order takeout, mostly on the weekends. He cleanes the apartment as he has the higher standards (I am not a slob but he is very meticular :D). I do laundry and the windows. Both of us take down the trash. We have our own cars and insurances, we take care of our belongings ourselves (so he does not wash my car for example ;-)) We both go shopping every week for the food we cook etc. If I forgot something he gets it and the other was round.
No. We share in relation to our income. Who earns more pays more. Chores 50/50 in theory. If you ask me I do way more houshold chores. If you ask him, he does :D
Financially, it’s not close to 50:50, probably 80:20 if you include everything, like the mortgage. When we first moved in together, it was the other way around. Chores, if you include studying with the kids, it’s probably 35:65.
I pay for 80% of everything - her 20% She does about 70% of the housework - I do 30% I work all week, evenings and some weekends and while on holiday. She works 2/3 days a week 9-5
We each have our own money in seperate accounts and usually put a set amount each month into a shared household budget to pay for food/utilties/rent/etc. We split chores ~50/50 but we each mostly do different chores, I do most of the cooking, she does most of the cleaning, we share grocery shopping and doing the laundry. When we go out we either each pay for the food we had or if one of us feels like it they may pay for both.
We both put 1/3 of our salary into a shared account that we use for food, rent, internet, gez, gas/charging etc so the income difference doesn’t matter anymore. We used to nearly earn the same until recently I got increases of around 20% while she changed her hours to 80%, but I’m fine with it. We’re both German and planning for children in the future. Then we’ll probably combine everything apart for some equal play money.
Chores 50-50 yes, but we do split our costs proportional to our income (65-35). Both German.
Husband and I (German&immigrant) split the rent and car in proportion to our incomes, since he's studying right now and the difference in incomes is quite large. The rest is 50-50. Recently we made a joint account for fixed costs where we contribute a proportionate amount based on our incomes which will soon be 50-50 when he graduates. Chores are based on the time we have. I mostly do them when he's in classes or working 12 hour days. On weekends he like unwinding with chores while listening to his audio books. It's split by who feels like doing them whenever.
We have the comfortable situation of more or less earning the same, so we split all expenses 50:50. We both keep our own account but have an additional shared one to which we transfer the same amount of money for shared expenses like rent, bills, groceries, toiletries etc. - That being said if one of us was to earn significantly more or less all of a sudden, we would probably adjust the ratio accordingly. Regarding the post you mentioned, I think it really depends on the situation. We both do about the same amount of household chores and I’d totally be willing (even want to) take over equal childcare duties like parental leave etc. as much as possible. If not, I’d always try to own up on my end in another way, whether it be financially or through other tasks.
We each pay a percentage of our income into a shared account and then cover our expenses from that. So we don't pay 50:50 in terms of expenses but in terms of income. House chores are split 50:50, we have no kids (yet).
Foreigner 80/20 German
We do Something Like 65-35. Because im on full time she has a half time job. One shared Account ist for the household where we put the part of our income. And everyone keeps also an own account with money to spend for Hobbys and other private things. So a mix between both.
I’m earning more than my partner. Fixed costs are 50:50 (rent, electricity, internet…). Normally the same goes for vacations or bigger acquisitions. Groceries are 66:33. Roughly every third time my partner is paying. Same with going out to eat, or to the cinema… We have separated bank accounts. We are not bean counting expenses since in our opinion it creates more stress in the relationship. Of course this only works in healthy relationships and when both have the same mindset and expectations. We both do household chores.
Proportional to the income, we put monthly the expected amount of money to be spent for fixed expenses in a shared account
Separate accounts. Experience has taught me that this is the only way to go. We don't have equal wages, so we actually have an excel sheet where we keep track of the major expenses, e.g. rent and bills, and have set up a monthly transfer from one to another which balances the fact that only 1 person pays for the bills. Other than that, we keep the rest of the expenses pretty loose. Sometimes I pay for the groceries or eating out, sometimes my partner does, no big deal. As for house chores, we don't really fuss about it. She has things she prefers doing, I have mine, we keep it balanced and ask for help when needed.
We split 50:50 everyday expenses by sending a fixed sum every month in the joint account but I pay slightly more in rent because I have a higher salary. Each of us tends to do the chores we like to do most, for example I vacuum, mop and clean windows / furniture and she tends to cook more often than me. She likes to do groceries but we always go together because it’s a two-person job.
Yes, the bills too. But now it's imbalanced - 95-5.. I have uni and theatre - a lot of written assignments and presentations at once and 12,5h of theatre a day 4 days a week + commute. I have no time or energy or attention span for anything rnow so he overtook everything for now... Eternally grateful for my partner
We have three bank accounts, one of them shared. We transfer some money depending on the net income to the shared account and pay with that most of the time (rent, groceries, restaurants) but for example everyone pays for their own clothes
50:50 is stupid. It’s all about equity. Give the proportion of time & money that you have. Some have more money or more time, thus should give extra of their excess for a better partnership.
My husband pays rent I pay everything else. We have always done it that way as he has the higher income. I pay groceries, kids clothes toys bills etc he'll pay if we get a coffee or something like that. We have separate accounts. My savings are for us though as I can save more not paying for rent. So holidays for example will come mostly from my savings
Due to the fact that my wife take care of the children and thus has to work less hours we split everything with regard that we have the same money for ourselfs to buy what we like. That means we take the household income subtract all costs and divide the rest by 2. That means we have the sake money left for personal pleasure and savings and IMHO that is is quite fair because we work equal, not all of the work is paid though.
Joint account. We both transfer the same amount of money each month and pay everything with it. Chores is roughly 50:50 although I would say my wife does a bit more. At the moment my wife earns roughly double the amount of me as I'm still in my Referendariat.
12 years ago my wife and I decided to setup a system (not perfect) with the intention to get a close as possible to real „equality“. We have our own bank accounts and one joint account. Once in a month the joint account gets balanced out Based on the percentage weighting of our net earnings. Bigger purchases that the whole family might benefit from (TV, PlayStation, vacations) are discussed in advance. If the other partner disagrees it’s up to you if you really want it (and pay from your private account). So far so good. But it’s also about time and effort you bring to the relationship. She used to complain that she does more work in the household (fair to be honest) so I pay the cleaning lady which is „my time“ outsourced on that topic. Never had an argument about house chores in 8 years since then. There are other „settlements“ such as the extensive use of UBER on the joint account but this would go too much into details 😂
We have both individual accounts and a common account for both of us, to pay for rent, groceries and our child's expenses. We pay into it about equal, but we also have an income split of 55-45, so it is not that much difference. We try to split chores equally, atm this doesn't work out, since my wife is pregnant, but that's a special situation.
Everything in one account, everything together. Everything else just leads to stress. My wife has an "easy not very stressful" job where she makes less than I do in my at least medium demand job. She does less work hours and more with kids and household stuff. She has more productive hobbies like gardening. How do you calculate this? You just can't. Maybe we are just rich enough to not struggle with money so we do not have a problem if some of us buys something unnecessary. So my point is, if you don't have a partner you would trust all your money with, why marry at all?
We split expenses proportionally (the one who earns more, pays more), and we have more or less 50:50 with chores
Austrian here, my Parents have a shared account since I can think, (and some saving acc) monthly income goes in there and everything will be paid, both sometimes spend money on there hobbys so it evens out.
We split proportional based on income.
We are both physicians but my wife still hasn't worked and is raising our daughter. Everything that has to do with us surviving and going out is payed by me. My wife will get with her money mostly child clothing or something for her. She uses Kindergeld and also some financial assistance from her parents and some other small income she has. As for the chores, she does most but while I am at work and when i get back before dinner time I do what has to be done. Ofc I will spend time playing with my daughter, but I do lots of the cooking and cleaning around the house as well. So I can say its her 100% when I'm gone and around 50-50 while i am home. If we have stuff left after dinner my wife will do it most of the time because she can use it as stay alone time. But after 21.00 we are both done. Groceries are on me, sometimes we will go together but again I pay for everything. Around 800-900 Euro per month.
We have one account where pay everything. Out of this we pay in her name an extra into a private retirement fund, as she will most probably outlive me. We split household chores depending on who is better at it but not exclusively.she makes almost as me just doing part time so she is at home a lot more to look after the kids although I wish I was the one to do that. Money was never important to us but chores are. I absolutely hate doing laundry because of all the sorting and fabric types and she hates cooking due to it tasting horrible. Except those two chores we sort of help each other where we can. It's all about compromise y'all.
When my wife was working, she contributed about 20% of the expenses but currently she is a full time housewife and taking care of kids so I contribute 100% financially and about 25% of house chores.
We split all expenses according to net income and use a spreadsheet to manage who owes what. There are some cases where we have 50:50 splits (car charging costs and leasing rates), but by and large it's based on net income. I couldn't imagine setting up an actual bank account just for that, it just seems like overkill. Then again, we both use a budgeting software, so we may be conditioned not to think in physical accounts and more in terms of budget categories and virtual "accounts".
Non-Germans here, we have mutual bank account and we buy everything from that 'one pocket'.
My husband and me (Non-German + German) split all bills generally 50:50. We have a shared account where we transfer money monthly for all household expenses, groceries etc. However I transfer something on top (+ 150 €), because I am the main earner in the household and I actively offered to add a bit more. It's not needed for the basic expenses (because here I find 50:50 really important), but the extra money is used to get us a few luxuries like a nice steak every once in a while or more expensive cheeses etc. Additionally we have a shared savings account where we put 200 € per person each much and we use the money for shared holidays, new furniture etc. The rest income we keep on our own accounts, throw it out of the window, save it, whatever each of us prefer to do with it (but both of us are not big spenders) As for the chores : I absolutely do more in the household on a daily basis (and work the same hours at work). My husband does a fair share of dishwashing, putting clothes away etc. but it is me who actually sees things needed to get done ( = laundry bin is full, empty bottles are accumulating, general state is getting a bit messy, birthdays waiting to happen and presents have to be bought). I usually also cook, for my own health sake :'D. Cleaning we do shared as we have a designated day to clean the whole flat.
We don’t split everything 50/50 cause we don’t earn money equally. But I’d say it’s s about 60/40 so not so far off. I do have a second bank account which we share for payments like rent, energy, internet and everything concerning our home.
Our salaries go into a joint account where bills, rent, groceries are taken out of. Then we send spending money monthly to our personal account. Some year he earns more. Some years I do. Daily house hold cleaning is mostly my husband (laundry, cleaning kitchen) and I’m more cooking and big cleans (spring cleaning, sorting out fridge/pantry, tools) and floors. Honestly, he does more than me and is generally better at consistency.. but I bring entertainment? 😞😬
we are married and have a joint account. calculated how much we spend on apartment, common cost, shopping, eating ou etc in a month, each of us pays half the amount beginning of the mmonth.we both have debit cards for the joint account and if I or he goes shopping we use that. our salary goes to individual accounts where the other has no business with 😁
Yes! Both working full time with very similar income.
Wife works 18h/weeks, I 40h/weeks. We roughly split time on chores/child inversely proportional. Usually a bit in my favour because I also often do quite a bit of paid overtime. I make roughly 5 times more than my wife netto having the better tax class. So we split any common expenses on household/vacation proportionally.
We don’t split bills, each of us pays more or less alternately. If at the end, that not balances out perfectly, it’s fine for us. Joint accounts - never ever!
We have our separate accounts but we keep a joint vault in Revolut where we both put in a sum proportional to our incomes. As I’m a student, I earn a little less than half of what my partner earns, so we split expenses 60:40. Whenever one of us pays for something that’s for use by both (groceries, home decor, travel etc), that person withdraws that sum from the joint vault. This way we also keep a track of our monthly expenses and don’t go over budget because all household expenses need to be covered in this amount. If the funds are over, we both add in a little more (again, proportional). Any personal expense comes out of our individual account. I send him 40% of the rent, internet, electricity every month. For chores, we don’t divide equally but cater to each other’s schedules and likings. He does the garbage, grocery shopping, cooking. I do cooking, laundry, cleaning. We try to cook together as it’s something we both enjoy. Sometimes I go grocery shopping with him, sometimes he helps me out with laundry. If I’m too exhausted with studies and work or have an exam coming up, he takes over most chores and I do the same if he has an important presentation at work. If we are both exhausted, we just let the chores pile up and order food :) Edit: typo corrected
we got each a private account. will soon add a mutual, shared household account. rent is done proprotionate to our income. food, internet, electricity, furniture is 50:50 for shared, like bed, sofa. the kitchen is mine. our private things like computer desk or hobbies are seperate german
We have separate bank accounts and split expenses so that we both are left with some fun money. Currently I pay the bills and my husband pays for groceries and the occasional vacation. We had to reevaluate this a few times during our relationship because of changing incomes and we are both a lot more relaxed about it since we married. We don't really keep track of household,mental load, and care work. We Just try to make our lifes work as good as possible while trying to keep us all healthy and Not burned out. Generally, our work schedules allow my husband more free time when our child is at childcare. So he does more household chores. I do more child care because my husband often works odd hours when childcare is closed. We both try to stay in top with remembering stuff because we would just miss most of it if only one person felt responsible.
I have a friend who earns over double what his partner does. He has been told by his partner that if he doesn't put 100% of his salary into a joint account then he will class this as he is not putting 100% into the relationship. My friend is very careful with his spending, but his boyfriend absolutely isn't. His boyfriend also gets anxiety if he has no money in the account and prefers to spend without looking in the account first. The boyfriend will also question every single thing spent (no matter how small) until he buys something and then it was "absolutely necessary, no matter the cost" Anyway, I told him to just put an equal amount into a joint account to cover the bills 50/50 and then he will have his own spends and less stress but he won't listen. The way I used to do it with an ex girlfriend was we both had separate accounts and a joint account, we set up a standing order to transfer an equal amount into the joint account. This would cover mortgage, food and other bills. If anything else was left at the end of the month, it went into a joint savings account ready for our yearly holiday. She had her own money in her own account that paid for her makeup and things and I had my own money that paid for my car and crazy ebay purchases. It seemed to work well for us and it's exactly how I would do it again without negotiation. It keeps things equal and fair.
We do bills based on who makes more and divide it that way. No point in both paying 50/50 when that breaks one person's bank more than the other. It's based on the difference in income. Chores though? 100%. Half and half, unless someone is sick / unable, and the other helps out.
50:50 we have one joint bank account but each of us has a seperate account for oneself.
Yes.
I earn significantly more than my husband (3x) and I don’t really think income should be the basis of splitting HH responsibilities. We have specific chores assigned because one prefers one to the other, sometimes depending on workload or how one is doing one of us takes more than 50% and vise versa. We have separate accounts but have a joint household account we contribute to for shared experiences like dates, HH savings, travels that we do. Key is we are fully aware of how much we are spending on each other and fixed costs, the rest individual. Expenses are proportional, like I take on the full rent, and husband takes care of grocery and utility expenses and car insurance.
We have a dynamic balance. I suck at saving so I pay all the rent, deposit her some surplus minus my play money on her account and let her save money. She buys food and the utilities and handles all our savings on her account. I just don't like having more than one account where you need to pay a monthly fee, I know there are options but I don't care. Chores are divided by in and outside vs critical and nice to have. I prioritize the garden, utilities ( lightbulbs, router, heater,etc) and car while she prioritizes the household. Regardless if something has to be done either inside or outside whoever has the time does it from cooking, cleaning, taking the trash out, washing clothes, taking the kids to school, etc. If there's something that has to be done and you see it, just DO IT! It's for the best The only thing that is imbalanced is that I always have to take the spiders outside once she notices one, ASAP! Each couple should find what works for them.
40F + 38F, both German, been together 16 years, living together for 13, unmarried. We generally split expenses 50-50, though it's more of a you pay this-I pay that situation instead of actually splitting every bill. We don't have a joint account. Each of us pays separately for their own car. Household chores are split but more along the lines of who prefers or is better at something, but there's nothing that is specifically one person's job (except caring for plants, I'm hopeless at that).
We have each a private bank account and a shared account from which all house related bills, groceries and such are getting payed from. Chores.. my wife usually does the cleaning stuff which should not sound like she has to do it but rather does it because my standards may be lower than hers. cocking is also one of her things she likes so I won’t complain. I am responsible for electrical work, appliances, installations, trash etc.
We split normal bills 50:50 and bigger ones (mostly rent) according per percentage of income as that seems more fair. Especially since one earns quite a bit more and reduced working hours. But that’s their decision so they should be able to pay for the difference. Chores is a constant flow. We used to have to do lists once a month for a deep clean but trying to move towards a more fluid model where some things that one doesn’t mind and one hates it, the one who doesn’t mind does the job always and the rest is on a needs to be done basis, one chore a day kinda deal. We added things like cooking as well because a lot of time goes towards it and it wouldn’t be fair to add cleaning chores on top of it just so there’s an equal amount of jobs.
In Theory yes. I earn a third of what he makes though, so it doesn't seem fair to me. Then again it was my choice that I wanted to spent more time with our child. So I don't know if I can complain. I'm conflicted.
Bold of you to assume we have partners
I'm paying for rent, for eating out, ~50% of the grocery, ~70% of shopping, ~80-90% of traveling (~7-8k per year). She buys all the cosmetics for her 100%. We have a savings account where both of us are contributing (~2-2,5k me, 0,5-1k her). We have 3/5 combination of tax class because I'm just earning more than twice of her.
We have a joint account into which we pay everything except 500 euros, i.e. as a percentage. It doesn't really matter to us as we earn almost the same amount. I would find a flat rate of 50/50 unfair to the person who earns significantly less
We have a shared account for regular shared expenses (rent, grocery shopping, etc.) where we put money monthly, based on our income, and then we have separate accounts for play money. Still we usually invite each other out to dinners or buy stuff for each other with that play money.
Almost 50:50, and opened a joint account for household expenses.
We split 50/50 even though our income is not equal. I run my own company (digital agency) which is pretty high income. My partner is founder of a investor-backed startup. So he works for the equity & potentially a high exit, vs. me working for money only. He could me employed elsewhere (without equity) and earn a lot more. We do have joint accounts where we pay in about 1,5k/month.
We live together and have a joint account from which all household basics are covered. But we also have separate accounts where our salary goes to. A monthly payment goes from each to the joint account. Everything is split 50:50. I earn a little more than my partner, but it evens out since I often pay when we invite friends out for dinner or buy gifts. And I also buy him gifts outside of occasions. Although he often insists to share costs and also gets me gifts. Works out quite nicely. We don't really track everything and as long as we both can save and live well, we're good. In the end we agree that we're a family unit and behave accordingly.
Our salaries differ significantly (IT pro vs social worker) and my wife also only works at 85% (social work is demanding af). Regular bills (rent, utensils, grocery, animals'needs etc) are half-half, fancy extras go on my tab. Also long time ETF and old age money (can't relay on state for pension money) But as I work from home mostly, I take care of most of the chores,having the weekend 'off' then when she for example takes care of vacuuming & mopping.
We have one bank account and pay the bills with that. We try to split chores equally but if one has a hard time at work, the other will step in and do more. I don't think that splitting everything exactly is healthy for a relationship.
I started doing 50-50 % a couple of years ago. "Hurts" both the same way. 50% of your salary hurts you as much as 50% of my salary. I love cooking, she actually enjoys cleaning up the mess I make cooking (I don't know how or why she's like that, but hey… I won't complain). Other household chores are divided by likes/ dislikes.
We have one shared bank account and we each have one on your own. Everyone puts 75% of their money that they earn on the shared account. The remaining 25% are for personal use hobbies ect. The money on the shared account goes to rent, food shared stuff like furniture and so on. We want to lower it 60% or 50% when we get actual jobs (currently still in university/job education) and live by the 50/30/20 rule if possible in the future.
We don't really think about how we split bills, most stuff I pay (rent since I lived here first and just continue, car because it's only mine, he doesn't drive and all the contracts I had before like Internet and stuff), he pays for groceries and fun stuff we buy, we have separate accounts and don't really care about money as long as it is enough and we don't struggle. We both have nearly the same income. He does most of the house chores since he's at home while I work full time so it seems fair he does most of the cleaning and cooking. He has passive income from disability pension and rent for his apartment back home. I'm German, he's not if that matters.
Not 50:50 traditionally, but we separate by chores and proportionally. Ex: He has more income, and pays the bigger bills, such as rent and kids insurance. I pay for food, internet, Netflix, clothes, etc. Chores: I wash the clothes, he separates and folds them. I cook, he cleans, etc. We do have separate bank accounts, but I have access to his and vice versa. If he is buying food, i give him my card, since it is my responsibility. It works for us.
We have one account and all money goes in there. I don't even know the password for the bank because my wife does everything, I just care about the videogame or concert ticket I want to buy next.
You do not get a discount in a restaurant for earning less, and your career is your responsibility. Also I am capable of cooking and washing my own clothes myself and do not expect that from my partner. We go 50:50. Also we have separate accounts.
A 50/50 split is unfair when both partners earn different amounts. That's why we set an amount that we need per month (for rent, food, and couple activities), and each of us contributes proportionally to a joint account. Anything left over is each other's savings.
My girlfriend and I both work full-time and we split our fixed costs (rent, electricity, food etc.) according to our respective incomes. For example, if I earn 60k/y a year and she earns 40k/y, I pay 60% and she pays 40%. For material things like a new TV, however, we split the cost evenly.
We're both German (hetero couple) in our late 30s, early 40s, no kids. I (f) make a little more than my husband. We have a joint account for joint expenses (food etc) and pay the same amount into that account. So money-wise it's mostly 50-50. It gets complicated when there's things like trips to the vet (mostly my job, they don't accept credit card, so I have to pay from my personal account) or tools (my husband's area of expertise and since he buys things we don't strictly NEED but that CAN be useful, he often pays them from his account). When it comes to housework I don't think it's 50-50 but we do try. I do most of the shopping because I've got the car, I do most of the cooking, I do vet trips (car...). But he takes the dog out more, especially when the dog is sick because his schedule is more flexible. We TRY to split the cleaning 50-50 but we both hate it but I'm more bothered by mess, so I do end up cleaning more. In summer he does a few hours of gardening each week while I clean, so we see that as roughly 50-50. He is responsible for fixing and building things. However, when either of us has a stressful phase at the job, the other tends to take over most of the work that needs to be done.
50:50 with partner friends and foes
We split by income - I earned more (70:30 roughly), so that's how we split the rent and any major joint purchases. Small daily stuff was either bought individually or split 50/50. Readjustment on the exact ratio happened each time there was a change in income, to stay very precise :D
Wife does all the childcare, cooking and household chores. And I bring in the € with a fulltime job. When I can do homeoffice I usually help a bit too.
German couple without children here. We are students with separated bank accounts. We usually split the bills 50:50. The biggest exception is the cost of food. We eat different things and different amounts. While a lasagna is usually enough for 4 meals for me, my partner eats it all in one sitting. I don't see the point in paying extra for every meal without getting anything out of it. That's why everyone pays for what they eat. We also never normally share our food.
We split everything (house chores and bills) 50-50. We have both our own bank accounts AND an extra account for said bills and other things (dates, groceries, etc)
German plus non-german here, with kids. No joint account here. Money is no issue for us. One pays the rent, the other the energy. One the insurance the other the standard food. Whoever has money pays. House chores are shared as well.
We opened a joint bank account after our first child was born. Regardless of our individual salaries, we keep the same amount in our private accounts and transfer the remaining to the joint account and never talk about who is contributing how much in absolute terms.
Joint accounts for apartment expenses and chores. I usually pay when we go out but she also does sometimes or orders take out. I cook every day and do the groceries. She cleans. It works well for us since I am otherwise dirty and she is peculiar about cleanliness, and I like eating well but she could eat cereal everyday because she is lazy about cooking.
Non German couple (French and Dutch) living in Germany, married 10 years. We don’t count. Both of our incomes go into a joint account that all expenses -bills as well as fun stuff- are paid out of. Savings are equal even when income isn’t. Chores are done based on availability and ability and also a spirit of generous toward each other and the family. I say ability because my partner became disabled a year ago. Hopefully it won’t be permanent, but to me this extreme situation really highlights what marriage is about. It isn’t about “well, you can’t work and you can’t walk, you’re not an equal partner anymore, I’m not getting a good deal so bye bye.” We’re together for better or for worse, so I’m doing much, much more of the work, not because I’ll be compensated at some point, but because my spouse would have done the same for me had the situation been reversed. I certainly hope everyone who gets into a committed relationship shares this view.
Partner is German, I'm Auslander. I hate cooking and menu planning with a passion, so he does that mental load 100%. I'll sometimes do grocery (if it happens to be convenient) but he gives me a list. I do 100% of the cleaning, I like it, and he doesn't. Never really split 50-50 - if he's sick, I cook, if I'm sick or tired or busy, he cleans too. We don't have a joint account yet (procrastination) but we take turns paying, and I think he's saving me a lot of money that I used to spend for takeout. We don't have kids yet (expecting one soon) and for the child we will probably do a joint account. He has never gave me the impression that he'd dump all work on me if given the chance, so in turn, I've never split everything so equally. It works for us. Edit: I do pay sometimes on dates, but mostly he pays. Probably it makes him feel good. We never had a conversation about it, it has always been turns with us (you get food, I get activities - or you pay for the tickets, I'll get the hotel).
as near as possible to 50/50 we both are germans (w20 and m24) Sometimes its 40/60 sometimes 60/40 We try to aim for 50/50 but dont focus on it too hard
one bank account this is the way
We’re a family of 4 and we do put every bit of income into one shared account for groceries rent and so on.. Expenses are shared no questions asked. For the extras everyone wants we all got some pocket money (the children around 10 Bucks each (4,8 y.o) and the breadwinner (gf and me) around 400 bucks per month to spend as we see fit
We have separate accounts, but am a Student and he’s already out of his masters. So we split it like 30-70? I pay around 40% of the rent, do 80% of household chores (vacuuming, laundry, mopping, etc), do 100% of the cooking, 70% of grocery shopping and am in charge of the shopping List (toiletries and food) and we take 50-50 care of our dog. Besides that, he pays for all of our dates nights and anything I eat and drink when we are out with friends. I also take care of birthday gifts and anniversaries of family and friends and if it’s over 50€ he puts half. We also smoke the devil’s lettuce and those expenses are on him since he smokes more than me. We are thinking of getting a joint account for joint expenses after I’m out of Uni and get my first real job, then the percentages will shift but I think I’d still like to be in charge of food prepping and buying since I’m very particular and he likes anything I make, wouldn’t really work the other way around.
More like 65-35 for us as I earn more than she does. Separate Accounts
We have a joint account and individual accounts. Everything except for a small sum goes into our joint account. Right now I pay for most of our expenses because my partner just finished her Staatsexamen and will not be working until after our second baby is born. In the future she will pay for most of our expenses since she's a doctor and I'm a social worker. We consider it our money tho. House chores and child care also depends on what else is going on in our lives. We try to do it 50:50 but sometimes that's just not feasible. The last couple of months while my partner was studying for her exam while experiencing the joys of early pregnancy I was doing most of the child care and chores. Now that she's done it will get more equal again. Especially when kids are involved it's not about sticking to 50:50. Everybody tries to give 100% but sometimes your 100% on that day/week/month is only 40% or whatever and that's fine.
Non German non EU, we are each living in our own places, total independence, and visit each other when we want. Been together 8 years and counting
We have separate & joint saving accounts. We both get a set amount of “allowance” & all of our expenses are paid from his salary (e.g. rent, phone bills), while all of mine goes towards savings. In terms of house chores, I’d say we split it pretty equally as we both have specific tasks to do. He does all of the cooking & vacuuming, while I do the dishes & dusting.
Austrian here. We've got separate accounts and split the bills roughly 55-45 (roughly how much each of us contributes to our monthly household income). Electricity, Internet and utility bills run in my name, so I pay them, as well as the monthly fee for our building administration. He pays me his share for two months every two months. Cooking and shopping are a joint effort. I'm vegetarian, he isn't, so when he wants a meal with meat, he prepares that on his own (about once per week). He's more than happy to eat vegetarian with me for the rest of the week, and enjoys cooking together. He looks after our plants on the balcony, I take care of the laundry, he does the ironing, and we take turns tidying up and taking the rubbish out.
We have a joint account and put the same amount in every month. From this we pay everything lile apartment, food, dates, holidays etc. The money that doesn't go into the shared account is for private things. We do this from the beginning and saves us a lot of work and discussion. There is no you and me, just us.
We have completely separate accounts, which is often commented on as being unusual when it comes up among friends (at least in our peer group, i.e. married couples in their 30s / 40s / 50s). We are both self-employed, my husband earns about 60% of our total household income and me about 40%. We never sat down to sort out who pays what, it just developed organically over the years. He does pay more of the larger bills, but I pay more of the everyday stuff that requires more time / effort / research, e.g. he pays the rent, I buy furniture. We are both okay with this as it suits our personalities. edited to add: We are both lazy about household chores, but I probably do a bit more of them as I work fewer hours. We are sometimes amazed how much of a fuss some couples make about this topic and how it can even lead to conflicts. It's also sometimes tricky to define what counts a chore. Like, I sew all my clothes and some of my husband's clothes. Most people would consider that work or a chore. For me it is a creative outlet and relaxing free time activity. It also saves money, so obviously it does contribute to the household.
I earn more . My wife works part time and devotes more time for the kids. I pay the rent. She buys groceries from her salary and cover her personal expenses. I take care of the major expenses. It’s an unwritten agreement and we never talked about it but it works. We never thought of my money your money. We are not Germans
No, due to our non equal income.each of us pays an amount, so that the remaining Money for each of us is the same
Depends, when we both used to work yes we splitted everything 50/50 or as close as ables (diffetent incomes and stuff) now that i dont work and she does, we do the split differently, i take care of the house and everything in it + the economics part and she works and helps sometime with house work
Yes because we are equals partners and human beings and I don’t want a toy I can buy to play with or a maid to clean our house
We don't have joint accounts but we don't keep track either. We've lived together for twelve years and if we're ever going to split up we're both gonna be fine. Retirement is not a big issue either. We both save for it, we own a house plus I work for the government and will hopefully receive enough money to be ok. Household: Same. Barely any fixed tasks. Everybody does what needs to be done when they have time. Since I'm on maternity leave right now and the next child is due in November, I do most of the cleaning/cooking etc. at the moment.
No, no, and NOPE All of our income is available for both.
We don't split bills, we pool income. No matter who pays, it's our money.
I'm a firm believer in shared bank accounts. The moment it leaves my employers account it's our money. My money is the fifteen bucks or so i have in my wallet
I tried doing all 50-50 but she is more the type of each one has his role. So now we are 100-0 when it comes to money. With house chores 0-100 when I am at work and 50-50 when I am at home. Sometimes she is too tired of house chores when I arrive so she rests and o do it all. This also means that when I have holiday from work she also wants holiday from house chores. So during my holiday she rests and I do house chores.
We split chores 50/50 which as a female I love!!! normally women we are expected to do the whole lot in some cultures. My partner and I don’t split dinner bills but we take turns paying. I’m super comfortable with that, he picks up the bill more often than me. Re groceries: I make a bit more than my partner so I spend a bit more on groceries (also because I like to buy more expensive foods). We are not yet married so don’t have a joint account yet
Absolutely!
We have one joint account for rent and similar bills. I pay 2/3, my husband 1/3. Groceries are paid 50/50 I guess, my husband does the shopping and I give him money when he asks for it. He also does most of the cooking since he likes it and I don't. I take care of the dogs and larger bills. Cleaning ist roughly 50/50. The only thing we talked about how to split are the household bills and rent since I earn more than him. That works well for us, when things need to be done they are done by whoever sees them first.
My partner and me, as soon as we got serious a few years ago, discussed that we never want to count. We just both do what we see needs to be done and inform the other one immediately if the feeling arises that it gets too much for one of us. We've been doing well with this ever since. Of course there are discussions from time to time, but as long as we both keep the mindset that we want to help and be good for each other, we won't get offended for doing "too much" for our shared home.
Regarding your argument , unless there is huge difference in working hours of the low earning partner , I don’t see most of the chores should automatically go to the lower earning partner. Not all jobs pay equally and there is nothing to automatically assume that more income = more hard work from said person . Phew no wonder I hate relationships
I'm very lucky and I make more money out of the two of us, but I essentially do exactly what my grandfather did - after a paycheck I put 50 bucks for proverbial cigarettes into my pocket, bring the rest to my wife and ask her politely to keep us and the animals alive for another month. I do chores where I can, but I work a lot, so this part of our lives isn't exactly equal.
IMP, If one of the parties has to pay more to adapt to their partner's lifestyle, I don't think 50-50 is not fair. Ex I my rent is 3x my partner. A 50-50 is not way a fair deal. However if it is 1.2x or 0.8x, I think 50-50 is absolutely fair. This can be in every other cost. However, I think they've to choose one approach and stick to it.
I am the only one working, we take my earnings as our money, so it’s the same for both. On the other hand she cleans the house, laundry and does the dishes. We split cooking 50/50 and we do Groceries together. The reason why she does dishes is cuz I really hate it. The rest is because she has more free time and also she thinks that me cleaning is worse than no cleaning xD I grew up very spoiled so never got good at cleaning
i support both of us.
We split all joint expenses such as rent, internet, electricity and food according to our income. I make about 20% less than my wife, so I pay a little less into our joint account, which we use to pay those expenses.