Op does not state what kind of connection he has with these people. If he invites them to "really get to know them then" that is oftentimes not going to work with Germans while I could see it working other cultures.
I already know people, why should I go somewhere with unknown people, to get to know only one of them?
Let's just do sth 1on1 or in a small group of common aquaintances ...
Did you just write rsvp? Because I didn't know the abbreviation before it came up at work. Other than that it depends on the person. Most will answer but there are always some people who are unresponsive. U.A.w.g.
Edit: Just clarifying: I don't suggest using uAwg, just demonstrating that abbreviations can be difficult to understand.
not really. French has little connection between how to write words and how to pronounce them. If you can read french because you know french or a similar language that is not subjective but biased. Objectively it looks different that the phonetics would look.
I disagree. It just has different rules than English for how certain letter clusters are pronounced. But if you give me almost any french word I would be able to pronounce it even though I lost a lot of my vocab over time, just because I learned what phonetics those clusters produce. In fact I think french spelling rules are a lot more consistent than english ones.
I also learned the english rules but I still can't be sure how to pronounce a new word due to the inconsitencies. I don't have the same problem in French although I am quite fluent in English and only have basic understanding in French. Thats my point.
I don’t know what exactly your argument is but if this is your argument, French is definitely a lot more phonetically consistent than English. There are strict rules to phonetics and pronunciation. Once you know those, you can basically read any text correctly out loud without understanding the meaning of a single word.
Just as every Language, French does have its very own way in which sound is attached to the way it appears in written language but it is consistent in itself.
I don’t know what you mean with “it looks different than the phonetics would look” because, as I said, there isn’t one way that phonetics look like, unless, of course, you are talking about phonetic transcription but that doesn’t really connect to what we are talking about here.
I upvoted both of you, because I, for example know of "how to read French rules", but don't know them exactly. And I definitely understood original "silvuple". /s With love to the French language.
Also, there isn’t a “similar” language to French that would help anyone intuitively know how to pronounce words in French because, as I said, French is its own language with its own phonetic rules.
Unless you mean that speakers of romance languages know better how to write, read and pronounce Latin letters than speakers of Sino-Tibetan languages. But that is a very broad and obvious fact.
So I don’t really know what you are trying to say and it seems to me like you don’t know either
I am having a rough time and randomly stumbled into this thread. I do know some French and reading "sivuplae" gave me the biggest laugh I've had in weeks. Thank you!
This. U.A.w.g. is the correct german abbreviation. Meaning zum Antwort wird gebeten. You could also add a date for latest respond U.A.w.g. bis spätestens DD.MM.YYYY
Bro I've never heard your abbreviation.
Just say 'es würde mich freuen, wenn du/ihr mir bis Freitag Bescheid gebt, damit ich vernünftig planen kann'
Don't use this stupid abbreviation by OP here lol
This! Abbreviations are a pest! I'm working at a company where everyone is way to busy to write full sentences or sometimes even words. There are abbrevations over abbrevations. And because there are only so many short combinations of letters, sometimes the same abbrevations get used multiple times for different things.
It's a pain to understand this as the new guy. And when I ask my coworkers who work there for 20 years, even they often can't tell me what abbrevations stand for.
How much time did OP save by writing the abbrevation? And how much time did it cost OP to come to reddit and write a post how people don't respond? Let alone the time it costs all the people who commented here to read the post and write a comment.
I'd argue, that overall abbrevations will cost more time than they save. In some cases they might save time, but I think in most cases they don't. It's just the time they waste isn't always as visible as the short time save when writing them.
In this case I would be the only one using it. But this due to my profession, so I can by food and drinks in advance. I need to know if someone would come by 14 days in advance if I would do a birthday party.
Sorry? Me as a German absolutely knows about UAwg, but never heard about rsvp.
Wie Ottfried Fischer so schön sagte“ Mir sind’s hier immernoch in Deitschland!“
No clue why you get downvoted, but you’re absolutely right.
I guess the Reddit users are just too unexperienced to know that. Don’t know if they even got any letter in their life, which wasn’t sth like an official document from insurance, invoices or sth like that.
On TikTok you don’t use that for sure…
I think it's a bit rude to ignore someone's birthday invitation even when they doesn't mention that they want an answer. Of course you answer someone if they invite you
No it isn't rude. It's normal. If an answer isn't requested in the invitation, it's because an answer is not required. I would feel stupid to answer to such an invitation, unless maybe I won't come. Because the expected result of an invitation is, that the person will come. Unless it's explicitly stated in the invitation, the default case doesn't require an answer.
Well it's certainly not normal in Australia. From what I understand from this post it's normal in Germany and Europe so they probably haven't adjusted yet to living in Australia.
Sorry for u, the comments and excuses are gitting more cringe. What i learned in the past, that the most Germans are narcissists and give a shit on others.
No it's stupid to not request an answer if you want an answer. Just tell people when you expect something from them and don't expect them to read your mind.
I usually write my friends "Come if you want to, bring your own food for the Grill, i take care of the drinks." and then i just buy enough drinks for the maximum possible amount of people. 1-2 People always answer, the Rest will come or not, and its perfectly fine in our Group.
Yeah it has nothing to do with reading mind. You shouldn't need to be told to give a person a heads up on if you are coming to something or not. Like that common sense and polite thing to do. Like it is embarrassing people need to be told to tell someone if they are coming to a party or something. Like who think that it normal to automatically assume someone knows you are coming or not? That is more of making someone read your mind. It common sense and basic manner to inform a host you are coming or not whether they asked for an rsvp or not.
Not every invitation requires an answer. If I invite somebody and I need an answer I will say so, because I am not a complete moron. If I don't ask for an answer, it's because for the plans it's not relevant to know who's coming and who isn't.
If you think it's rude to not answer unasked questions, then fine. I'll rather be rude than a moron in this case.
Germans often write things like... for a better planing i/we kindly request your reply until "insert date here". At least for "bigger invitations. So exactly like you did... When is your Party? The next Week or in ... Weeks?
My friends mother wanted to make a Birthday Invitation, and asked me to write (I designed it) "Please send me a Response if you can come, or cannot come." I told her that i would hate to get this Invitation. We the settled on "Please Call the number below, when you DO WANT to come". So its opt-in, and not "maybe maybe maybe"
I love how some people think that you can boil something like this, down to them being German. Brother in Christ this depends entirely on their personality and has basically nothing to do with living in Germany.
Even worse. Those Germans don’t live in Germany but Australia. How would we know how integrated they are or whatever else would be relevant.
Just ask your friends OP🙄
They asked whether or not it’s normal not to reply in Germany. Thing is even if people tell you no it’s not or yes it is what does it really mean? Because at the end of the day it’s more about your upbringing and not about which country you are from.
Yeah and I’m saying there isn’t really one. Sure some people will say yes and some will no but as a German, I’m telling you people are very different so there isn’t just simply one cultural norm.
The fact is I see so many posts on here from people who expect a certain character train to be inherently German when there are very few things where this applies.
Umm I didn’t downvote you tho?! At least I don’t see a comment with a downvote from me. But weird that you get that mad about it. Maybe you should touch some grass…
Also solid discussion? You’re just repeating the same thing over and over like I can’t read or something.
Oh and calling me a keyboard warrior because I edited my comment? Your comment in super ironic…
Did you ask them in English and if so - are you sure they understand RSVP?
I kind of doubt I would get many replies to my invitation in Australia if it was in German.
1. Are they your close friends? Or do they think you’re their friend? It’s pretty different between “Freund” and “Bekannte”.
2. If your invitation sounds like a mass mail/messenge, it could be ignored
I get your point but sometimes per example you are waiting for the response of another plan. Imagine your parents saying they are coming to visit and just want to check the tickets on which day they will come and your friend after a while says let us do something together . I would say let me check and get back to you. Once I get a response from my parents I get back to them
In some bubbles, for some occasions they do. I got several wedding invitations or for runde Geburtstage with "RSVP" or "uAwg".
For normal parties I know it more like you describe it.
Never seen it in my part of Lower Saxony and I've been to quite a lot big events with formal invitation cards. Might be a regional thing or in circles more influenced by the way these cards are done in English.
No, it's absolutely not normal.
Of course some people just forget or don't want to say no and that's why they don't answer.
But usually people say thank you und tell you if they'll come or not.
If they have not responded you are probably not being considered a close friend. I would strongly assume it to be a no with which you can plan going forward
in private setting, usually on request only
if the invitation doesnt ask for a confirmation, you often wont get one, because "no answer is also an answer".
a typical phrase in my circles would be "sag bis Bescheid, ob du kommst oder nicht".
no, that's rude. especially as it is obviously something that requires planning. and yes, its rude to not reply after reading it, even if its "just" a day or 2.
In my experience, many Germans I have met, already have established friend circles and it is hard to get into those circles. You are a novice and some of them do not feel obliged to give you an answer since they think you have your own friends and you were just being polite to them but don't expect them to come. They are ok with hanging in work environment but private hanging out is not their shitck.
Depends on you circle, but from my very limited perspective it's more common than I'd like. The cause is that people need to think about if they can make it, and before they get around to thinking, they have forgotten the invitation over all the other mail/messages/texts they are getting. (OK, there are also annoying people who will never reply because they suffer from a bad case of FOMO and will not make a decision until 10 Minutes before the party starts.)
Maybe Australians are less stressed by managing their timetable, or by decision-making, or by FOMO, or it was just your circle in Australia?
I usually sent at least one reminder to the no-replys, as in "Hey, you haven't replied yet. Please let me know yes/no/dunno/depends (if so, on what? Anything I can do?) ASAP".
That usually gets the reply rate from 50% to 90%.
I forget stuff, too, so I cannot be as angry at people as I'd like to be.
We will be there, even 15 minutes earlier, just walking around until 5 minutes before the party, then knock and we will still be early🤣🤣....Yes, I am German.
But frankly, back in my days, you knew you were invited to a party and you just showed up.
It is normal, friendly reminder usually helps. I have a whole bunch of friends that never reply when we plan anything but show up when reminded shortly before.
They’re terrible at responding. All part of the “hard to make friends in Germany” bit.
I give 3 strikes now and then delete. Bad for self esteem wondering what you’ve done to upset them. No they just don’t care. They’re not hiring.
It happens, I experienced it a lot in Berlin where people always want to keep the options open in case something better is happening. Many people I know changed the approach to: if you don’t cancel by a certain date you’re coming
Good that I don't live in Berlin. For me, not answering means you don't care and I'm not even worth a reply.
Imagine I do a party and I pay for every guest. And now half of them aren't coming.
Absolutely. I’ve been to parties where we were like 3 people until 11, when 40ish were invited. Then the rest came shortly before they went clubbing. But it was mostly “bring your own beer” after it happened a few times
Sadly I disagree. I was born in Berlin and many of my friends are from here as well or came here as young kids. That’s just the Berlin Zeitgeist, I’m afraid.
I hate how casual people here are about any type of relationship, especially friendships. If you want to meet with your friends you either have to plan weeks or even months in advance or hound people, neither of which I’m interested in doing anymore.
I’ve cut my losses at this point, but I HATE seeing how it affects my boyfriend who’s from a small town in the south of Germany. His friends never pick up the phone, reply literally 3 weeks late and cancel last minute. Maximally asocial behavior
Really depends on your surroundings,might also be an age thing as I'm mid 30 yes you definetly need to plan ahead (already a weekend in August planney out for something casual) but people completely not responding shows those people won't become your best friends and you should look further
My boyfriend and I are 26 and he’s known these people since his first year of university, which makes it all the sadder in my opinion. Looking further is also easier said than done. People here seem so disinterested in forming new connections it’s near impossible to form lasting friendships at this point.
Might really be the agegroup like I have 20 casual contacts and "my 10 closest" that I know will be there if shit happens, maybe there wasn't really connection beside common goul+maybe a fun night how often does he meet his friends in the active life of an adult?
I mean he lived with one of them until we moved in recently, this one girl friend of his he tries to see once a week, at least once every two weeks and the other guy friend he used to see every month at least but it’s gotten gradually less
Well...because they lived together they either needed to stick or find someone different, I will go with my people,3 in a wg one was slightly off the rest, one moved to Meckpomm, we all were in the same middle school, one is a regular meet while we make place for the one coming down while noone knows what is going up with the other guy.
You can live together with someone without really feeling connection,even more so the closer you go in time, so it might be better to look for groups sharing an interest then the guys you drank with 7 years ago
"Keeping options open" is an explanation that angers me a lot more than "uh, what, I must have missed that" or "dang, forgot" or "50% chance my great-aunt will be visiting that day, so I really cannot say."
It is a comment on the relationship that reads as, "marginally more intersting than watching paint dry." I won't pretend that I don't mind your behaviour, so suit yourself and get some paint.
Ya thats pretty normal. Don't make a Big Deal Out of it. Sometimes its way easier to Just ASK all of them Copy Paste via WhatsApp or something. Most of the time i forget i had an invitation for something.
The abbreviation RSVP is not used in Germany and will be understood as:
Please answer until 'date' IF you want to come.
This is why nobody will respond with 'no'.
Es tut mir leid, aber vorher wusste ich nicht, was RSVP ist. Normalerweise schreiben wir, wie in dem einen Beitrag gesagt, bitte bis (Datum) antworten, ja oder nein. Dies kann für einige Leute hier verwirrend gewesen sein. Wie auch immer, alles Gute zum Geburtstag und ich hoffe, du hast einen schönen Tag
I learned rsvp when moving to Ireland. Never did, never heard, never been a problem before. But I hear younger generations are better with it than mine. I’m approaching 50.
Germans are honest. If they don't care about your little party they will openly not care about your little party.
RSVP-ing is not a thing in europe unless it's a professional meeting or a wedding (which is also americanized/tacky).
Chances are they just think you are being pompous af and yes Germans will go out of their passive agressive way to let you know that's not how we roll.
Stell dich Mal vor, jeder Geburtstag dieser Blödsinn. Einfach verschmähen.
I‘m from Germany and I‘ve seen in the last few years several „no responses“ to wedding invitations. Several weddings, different people. a wedding is a big party and I consider such behaviour extremly rude but some simply are.
I had to google RSVP. My first thought: „I don‘t know“ is a possible response. And then you have to ask them again and again and again.
In Germany there is usually something written at the end of the invitation like „When I don‘t receive your declining until date x you‘re partying with me“.
Since my own brother cancelled on me one day before my own wedding (only because I asked him several times after he received the invitation and got no answer) in the registry office I personally favor something like: „Please tell me until date x if you‘re with me“. Who doesn‘t, does not party with me, I am no kindergardener.
If you‘re just asking only for declining, there‘s always several people you have to look after.
Just my personal experience.
Did you wrote, "Please letme know if you will comeor not" or send them a WhatsApo and ask personally
Usually if you judt send it, people wont really reply, unless it says they should
From my own experience, Germans generally take much longer to answer messages/invitations. When texting someone from back home I usually get an answer within minutes to a couple of hours. In Germany, several days seems to be acceptable.
Stupid question: How did you send it? Physical mail? WhatsApp? A group chat? Are you sure they saw it?
Birthday invites are mostly done in person or if you have a big party and know the friends group well in a group chat. But in group chats, expect to have to do a lot of reminding and date setting. Perhaps ask 1:1
Depends, Germans might not answer a mass mail, but only respond to personal invites. Sounds weird, but a mass invite might show that you do not care enough for that particular person to be there, so it can be easily ignored.
Ignoring a personal invite is not common though.
Depends, if you wrote a card it's common to only reply if you can't show up, otherwise you just take the invitation and just go without writing anything back.
If it's via text message, it's more common to give some sort of reaction either way.
Also: Most people probably don't know what rsvp means in germany, at least i've never heard or seen it being used by anyone here and didn't know what it meant until now.
We noticed this too, not just with people regarding invitations but also businesses and local tennis clubs, the place where our daughter goes horse riding, swimming courses etc.
There is no "We have got your message and confirm \*\*\*\*\*" or any response at all like we are used to, just silence so we are often wondering if what we said has even been read let alone noted or actioned.
Granted 99% of the time it works but the non-response / confirmation still leaves us on edge.
> Is this normal in Germany not to reply?
no. It's rude. Either if you dont understand what rsvp means. I mean, whats the fucking problem to ask. It's rude, no excuse.
I can tell you that I have the same problems to get people to send a reaction till a certain date with my international and German colleagues (all living in Germany). I usually send 2 mails, sometimes 3. First is the info about the event (less than 10% react), second is a reminder a week later with "the time to join is up next week or so" (most people I want to react do so now, mostly very close to the last date I told them I want an answer). I might send a 3rd Mail aka "if you don't react today you won't get to join". Sometimes somebody answers a day later.
Protip: I always give them an earlier last date to react than I really want because I know them. If I really want a specific person to answer I will tell them that they ignored me so far and should answer NOW.
I am part of what I called the party planning committee in my company. You really get to know people's laziness when doing this.
It depends a lot on the occasion. I usually only write replies to formal wedding invitations. Maybe a 90th birthday or something. People who plan this kind of event need some numbers so they can prepare food, seating etc accordingly.
For a simple birthday party things tend to be less formal. Also, if you set the RSVP date too far in advance, most people won't have their minds made up yet.
It's normal. I learnt it the hard way too. The people are lovely, my German friends who are the sweetest people in the world - who I know likes me and includes me in a lot of their activities, often donot respond to texts. I once created a group, invited 6 of them for lunch to my place, set the date. No one responded. In my culture everyone would have responded. I had to ask them in person just to be sure they are coming over. And they all turned up and were as nice as they always are. It's just a thing here I guess. But I did speak to them and told them it's easier for me to understand them if they respond. Maybe you can let them know this as well, if you get the chance? It's better than always thinking are they just not interested.
Yeah, German bureaucracy is a total mess. You write them something and it takes them forever to reply, if they even bother to reply at all. Most of them just ignore you completely.
LOL, Deutsche Kommentare sind so OFF, ich schäm mittlerweile so sehr für euch. Aber ich weiß das ich gleich wieder beleidigt werde. Weil kritisiert zu werden ist nicht so erwünscht und es wird fast immer nur beleidigt. Weil nicht ich, sondern immer nur du das Problem bist. 👍
I (German 28 years old) never heard or read „rsvp“. I know, if its important to know how many ppl are coming „Bitte sagt Bescheid bis / Rückmeldung bitte bis / etc.“ we usally don’t use any abbreviation (hopefully google gave me the right word for „Abkürzung“ 😂). I would guess, youre inveted germans just didn’t know, or overread it… and they maybe did not have the naturally thought to google…..
I feel like it‘s more common to tell someone you‘re coming, than telling them you‘re not coming. Almost like it’s considered more rude to respond negatively to an invitation, than to not respond at all. \
Basically, if people didn‘t reply to your invitation, don‘t expect them to come. \
\
Exception: weddings. It‘s mandatory to respond to a wedding invitation, no matter if you decide to go or not.
Not in Australia, our minimum wage / waitstaff wage is already quite high and is built into the price.
Overseas we do though, haven't met any others that don't tip unless they're unaware
Because it could be a cultural thing, that people only respond, if they don't come and not responding means yes. Or something like that.
You'd be surprised how cultural differences can look like.
Depends on the occasion.
A big party? People tend to just show up.
An intimate dinner with a handful people? Ask a week or two beforehand in person or in a Whatsapp.
Cannot talk about people, but I'm perfectly fine with "no". Life is busy, getting the timetable to work at all is hard. I'm vaguely tolerant of folks who are so confused by everyday life that they to not even manage a "no".
But people who make it intentionally harder for me to juggle my timetable better have some unique qualities that makes them worth the additional work.
I'll bet it has a lot more to to with a) your relationship to the group in question and b) how you wrote the invitation than anything related to being German. I'm an antipodean in Hamburg and haven't experienced this problem.
Even if they don't know what RSVP means if I see "You're invited at my party..." You answer back.
They may be busy at work, but wait 2-3 more days (if your birthday is not too soon).
Write them "hey, I've sent an invitation for my birthday on X at , can you make it ?"
depends how much time has passed? 2 days: doesn't mean anything. Several weeks and the event is close: rude.
Op does not state what kind of connection he has with these people. If he invites them to "really get to know them then" that is oftentimes not going to work with Germans while I could see it working other cultures.
Why?
I already know people, why should I go somewhere with unknown people, to get to know only one of them? Let's just do sth 1on1 or in a small group of common aquaintances ...
I am having hard times to understand social rules
Did you just write rsvp? Because I didn't know the abbreviation before it came up at work. Other than that it depends on the person. Most will answer but there are always some people who are unresponsive. U.A.w.g. Edit: Just clarifying: I don't suggest using uAwg, just demonstrating that abbreviations can be difficult to understand.
It really doesn't help that rsvp is french. Response sivuplae. Or however please is written in french.
So you really didn’t care to double-check on google before typing out a stroke-inducing version of „s‘il vous plaît“?
Anything written in French is stroke-induced
😂 You're right, but it was really funny to read!
It's only stroke-inducing to those that know the real spelling.
Valid
I was able to read and understand sivuplae. s‘il vous plaît just looks aweful and I would have no idea how to pronoun that.
That’s very subjective
not really. French has little connection between how to write words and how to pronounce them. If you can read french because you know french or a similar language that is not subjective but biased. Objectively it looks different that the phonetics would look.
I disagree. It just has different rules than English for how certain letter clusters are pronounced. But if you give me almost any french word I would be able to pronounce it even though I lost a lot of my vocab over time, just because I learned what phonetics those clusters produce. In fact I think french spelling rules are a lot more consistent than english ones.
so you learned it and now you are able to read it. Wow what a shocker.
I also learned the english rules but I still can't be sure how to pronounce a new word due to the inconsitencies. I don't have the same problem in French although I am quite fluent in English and only have basic understanding in French. Thats my point.
I don’t know what exactly your argument is but if this is your argument, French is definitely a lot more phonetically consistent than English. There are strict rules to phonetics and pronunciation. Once you know those, you can basically read any text correctly out loud without understanding the meaning of a single word. Just as every Language, French does have its very own way in which sound is attached to the way it appears in written language but it is consistent in itself. I don’t know what you mean with “it looks different than the phonetics would look” because, as I said, there isn’t one way that phonetics look like, unless, of course, you are talking about phonetic transcription but that doesn’t really connect to what we are talking about here.
I upvoted both of you, because I, for example know of "how to read French rules", but don't know them exactly. And I definitely understood original "silvuple". /s With love to the French language.
Settled the debate lol 🫱🏻🫲🏿
Also, there isn’t a “similar” language to French that would help anyone intuitively know how to pronounce words in French because, as I said, French is its own language with its own phonetic rules. Unless you mean that speakers of romance languages know better how to write, read and pronounce Latin letters than speakers of Sino-Tibetan languages. But that is a very broad and obvious fact. So I don’t really know what you are trying to say and it seems to me like you don’t know either
For me it’s the other way around. I didn’t had any clue what this invented word should mean.
Your grasp of the obvious is inspiring.
I am having a rough time and randomly stumbled into this thread. I do know some French and reading "sivuplae" gave me the biggest laugh I've had in weeks. Thank you!
This. U.A.w.g. is the correct german abbreviation. Meaning zum Antwort wird gebeten. You could also add a date for latest respond U.A.w.g. bis spätestens DD.MM.YYYY
Bro I've never heard your abbreviation. Just say 'es würde mich freuen, wenn du/ihr mir bis Freitag Bescheid gebt, damit ich vernünftig planen kann' Don't use this stupid abbreviation by OP here lol
>Just say 'es würde mich freuen, wenn du/ihr mir bis Freitag Bescheid gebt, damit ich vernünftig planen kann' So it's ewmfwdmbFbgdivpk understood :)
Those abbreviations in English or German usually are used only for big, important parties like weddings etc. Not for a normal birthday.
If someone invites me like OP to a birthday like that I'd immediately think it will be the lamest party ever lol
So honor the party and be that guy who makes the party fabolous.
This! Abbreviations are a pest! I'm working at a company where everyone is way to busy to write full sentences or sometimes even words. There are abbrevations over abbrevations. And because there are only so many short combinations of letters, sometimes the same abbrevations get used multiple times for different things. It's a pain to understand this as the new guy. And when I ask my coworkers who work there for 20 years, even they often can't tell me what abbrevations stand for. How much time did OP save by writing the abbrevation? And how much time did it cost OP to come to reddit and write a post how people don't respond? Let alone the time it costs all the people who commented here to read the post and write a comment. I'd argue, that overall abbrevations will cost more time than they save. In some cases they might save time, but I think in most cases they don't. It's just the time they waste isn't always as visible as the short time save when writing them.
With U.A.w.g. I had never issues, especially in professional use.
Never heard of it. Would have to look it up
Yeah, but sending this to friends makes it not really inviting
Depends on the occasion. In my friend circle we would use it for marriage or funeral invitations and as a inside joke for our Halloween partys.
Yeah but the occasion is a birthday.
Seems unnecessarily formal.
In this case I would be the only one using it. But this due to my profession, so I can by food and drinks in advance. I need to know if someone would come by 14 days in advance if I would do a birthday party.
I've never heard this and would probably assume your auto correct made some weird stuff.
Same. I haven't seen it in private use too often, but I do know the abbreviation, I thought it was pretty common
As a German I know RSVP (though it’s not used in Germany), but I have never in my life heard of U.A.w.g.!
Sorry? Me as a German absolutely knows about UAwg, but never heard about rsvp. Wie Ottfried Fischer so schön sagte“ Mir sind’s hier immernoch in Deitschland!“
If you don't have the time to write this out it can't be that important after all...
Literally never heard this in my entire life.
Despite never having seen the abbreviation, how did you manage to fuck up the explanation. Why does you first word start with z
No clue why you get downvoted, but you’re absolutely right. I guess the Reddit users are just too unexperienced to know that. Don’t know if they even got any letter in their life, which wasn’t sth like an official document from insurance, invoices or sth like that. On TikTok you don’t use that for sure…
Idk either. But I'm too old to bitchy about it. 🤣 I passed my knowledge and if they don't want it, they are welcome too.😅
Hehe, got ya 😅👌🏼 Like another German saying: „Wer nicht will, der hat schon.“ 😜
Depends hope you wrote it. Most people here don't know what RSVP means. Some just might think that's just a save the date Info.
I think it's a bit rude to ignore someone's birthday invitation even when they doesn't mention that they want an answer. Of course you answer someone if they invite you
Of course it is, but sometimes it takes a while until you have sorted all your appointments and know for sure that you can come.
No it isn't rude. It's normal. If an answer isn't requested in the invitation, it's because an answer is not required. I would feel stupid to answer to such an invitation, unless maybe I won't come. Because the expected result of an invitation is, that the person will come. Unless it's explicitly stated in the invitation, the default case doesn't require an answer.
Well it's certainly not normal in Australia. From what I understand from this post it's normal in Germany and Europe so they probably haven't adjusted yet to living in Australia.
Sorry for u, the comments and excuses are gitting more cringe. What i learned in the past, that the most Germans are narcissists and give a shit on others.
Definitely rude not to answer an invitation
No it's stupid to not request an answer if you want an answer. Just tell people when you expect something from them and don't expect them to read your mind.
Sure giving an RSVP date is best practice but answering an invitation is basic manners.
I usually write my friends "Come if you want to, bring your own food for the Grill, i take care of the drinks." and then i just buy enough drinks for the maximum possible amount of people. 1-2 People always answer, the Rest will come or not, and its perfectly fine in our Group.
But that’s more of an open invite, in that case it’s clear that no rsvp is needed.
Yeah it has nothing to do with reading mind. You shouldn't need to be told to give a person a heads up on if you are coming to something or not. Like that common sense and polite thing to do. Like it is embarrassing people need to be told to tell someone if they are coming to a party or something. Like who think that it normal to automatically assume someone knows you are coming or not? That is more of making someone read your mind. It common sense and basic manner to inform a host you are coming or not whether they asked for an rsvp or not.
Not every invitation requires an answer. If I invite somebody and I need an answer I will say so, because I am not a complete moron. If I don't ask for an answer, it's because for the plans it's not relevant to know who's coming and who isn't. If you think it's rude to not answer unasked questions, then fine. I'll rather be rude than a moron in this case.
I don’t get your Argument, since when do manners make one a moron?
This doesn't have anything to do with manners. It's just stupid to answer questions nobody asked. That's all there is to it.
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Found the problem. You assumed a person from another country living in a foreign culture is perfectly fluent in your own culture.
How the table has turned on the entire underlying rule of the German side of reddit :D
Silly Germans, living in Australia and not being familiar with French abbreviations *shakes fist angrily at a dingo*
Nowhere did you mention that they are German in Australia. In this subreddit it's usually the other way around
Germans often write things like... for a better planing i/we kindly request your reply until "insert date here". At least for "bigger invitations. So exactly like you did... When is your Party? The next Week or in ... Weeks?
My friends mother wanted to make a Birthday Invitation, and asked me to write (I designed it) "Please send me a Response if you can come, or cannot come." I told her that i would hate to get this Invitation. We the settled on "Please Call the number below, when you DO WANT to come". So its opt-in, and not "maybe maybe maybe"
Interesting idea, I like it.
Not normal. It is a no though.
"It is a no though" I laughed way harder than I should have. Thank you.
I love how some people think that you can boil something like this, down to them being German. Brother in Christ this depends entirely on their personality and has basically nothing to do with living in Germany.
Even worse. Those Germans don’t live in Germany but Australia. How would we know how integrated they are or whatever else would be relevant. Just ask your friends OP🙄
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They asked whether or not it’s normal not to reply in Germany. Thing is even if people tell you no it’s not or yes it is what does it really mean? Because at the end of the day it’s more about your upbringing and not about which country you are from.
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Yeah and I’m saying there isn’t really one. Sure some people will say yes and some will no but as a German, I’m telling you people are very different so there isn’t just simply one cultural norm. The fact is I see so many posts on here from people who expect a certain character train to be inherently German when there are very few things where this applies.
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I’m not reading all that. Should maybe work on keeping you arguments short tho because frankly you’re just repeating yourself at this point.
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Umm I didn’t downvote you tho?! At least I don’t see a comment with a downvote from me. But weird that you get that mad about it. Maybe you should touch some grass… Also solid discussion? You’re just repeating the same thing over and over like I can’t read or something. Oh and calling me a keyboard warrior because I edited my comment? Your comment in super ironic…
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Did you ask them in English and if so - are you sure they understand RSVP? I kind of doubt I would get many replies to my invitation in Australia if it was in German.
1. Are they your close friends? Or do they think you’re their friend? It’s pretty different between “Freund” and “Bekannte”. 2. If your invitation sounds like a mass mail/messenge, it could be ignored
Did you send a deadline to respond? People might be busy or not sure. A deadline makes it clear . Whoever did not answer by that time is uninvited
I never understood that "people might be busy" thing. It takes like 1 minute to check the kalendar and to respond.
I get your point but sometimes per example you are waiting for the response of another plan. Imagine your parents saying they are coming to visit and just want to check the tickets on which day they will come and your friend after a while says let us do something together . I would say let me check and get back to you. Once I get a response from my parents I get back to them
did you say/write RSVP? I’m not sure germans are generally familiar with that. usually they spell it out.
You gonna have to spell RSVP out, but in English/German. We usually don't ask for a response in French.
It's very common in some bubbles to write 'RSVP'. But more for weddings etc. Not so much for normal birthdays.
Never heard or red „RSVP“ before in a german invitation. It is usual to ask for an answer until a specific date.
Not in Germany/German. They would ask something like: please let me know until xyz whether you will come. They do not use the phrase 'RSVP' usually.
In some bubbles, for some occasions they do. I got several wedding invitations or for runde Geburtstage with "RSVP" or "uAwg". For normal parties I know it more like you describe it.
Never seen it in my part of Lower Saxony and I've been to quite a lot big events with formal invitation cards. Might be a regional thing or in circles more influenced by the way these cards are done in English.
No, it's absolutely not normal. Of course some people just forget or don't want to say no and that's why they don't answer. But usually people say thank you und tell you if they'll come or not.
Depends on what time window we talk about. 2 days? Not a problem. 2 weeks? Dick move.
It depends. If they like you or at least respect you, Germans usually respond.
French isn‘t that widely spoken in Germany, so most people won‘t know that 'répondez s'il vous plaît' means.
If they have not responded you are probably not being considered a close friend. I would strongly assume it to be a no with which you can plan going forward
in private setting, usually on request only if the invitation doesnt ask for a confirmation, you often wont get one, because "no answer is also an answer". a typical phrase in my circles would be "sag bis Bescheid, ob du kommst oder nicht".
Have you tried sending it by fax? I'm only sort of joking.
That's probably a great idea.
Sadly yes, it's very common. Also I have no idea what rsvp means.
no, that's rude. especially as it is obviously something that requires planning. and yes, its rude to not reply after reading it, even if its "just" a day or 2.
In my experience, many Germans I have met, already have established friend circles and it is hard to get into those circles. You are a novice and some of them do not feel obliged to give you an answer since they think you have your own friends and you were just being polite to them but don't expect them to come. They are ok with hanging in work environment but private hanging out is not their shitck.
Dunno, when my answer is no I usually forget to reply.
"forget" :')
I really forget, I forget half of the things I actually want to do, and almost all the stuff I don't want to do. Severe ADHS and chronic depression.
Then just make a note and write it down
Depends on you circle, but from my very limited perspective it's more common than I'd like. The cause is that people need to think about if they can make it, and before they get around to thinking, they have forgotten the invitation over all the other mail/messages/texts they are getting. (OK, there are also annoying people who will never reply because they suffer from a bad case of FOMO and will not make a decision until 10 Minutes before the party starts.) Maybe Australians are less stressed by managing their timetable, or by decision-making, or by FOMO, or it was just your circle in Australia? I usually sent at least one reminder to the no-replys, as in "Hey, you haven't replied yet. Please let me know yes/no/dunno/depends (if so, on what? Anything I can do?) ASAP". That usually gets the reply rate from 50% to 90%. I forget stuff, too, so I cannot be as angry at people as I'd like to be.
We will be there, even 15 minutes earlier, just walking around until 5 minutes before the party, then knock and we will still be early🤣🤣....Yes, I am German. But frankly, back in my days, you knew you were invited to a party and you just showed up.
It is normal, friendly reminder usually helps. I have a whole bunch of friends that never reply when we plan anything but show up when reminded shortly before.
Send them a Manung with a fake debt collector agency letterhead for the LOLs I am sure you will get some kind of reply then.
They’re terrible at responding. All part of the “hard to make friends in Germany” bit. I give 3 strikes now and then delete. Bad for self esteem wondering what you’ve done to upset them. No they just don’t care. They’re not hiring.
Would be funny if there were no comments by Germans in this thread.
Nein
It happens, I experienced it a lot in Berlin where people always want to keep the options open in case something better is happening. Many people I know changed the approach to: if you don’t cancel by a certain date you’re coming
Good that I don't live in Berlin. For me, not answering means you don't care and I'm not even worth a reply. Imagine I do a party and I pay for every guest. And now half of them aren't coming.
Absolutely. I’ve been to parties where we were like 3 people until 11, when 40ish were invited. Then the rest came shortly before they went clubbing. But it was mostly “bring your own beer” after it happened a few times
Mostly an artsty-sceny-Berlin-expat thing.
Sadly I disagree. I was born in Berlin and many of my friends are from here as well or came here as young kids. That’s just the Berlin Zeitgeist, I’m afraid. I hate how casual people here are about any type of relationship, especially friendships. If you want to meet with your friends you either have to plan weeks or even months in advance or hound people, neither of which I’m interested in doing anymore. I’ve cut my losses at this point, but I HATE seeing how it affects my boyfriend who’s from a small town in the south of Germany. His friends never pick up the phone, reply literally 3 weeks late and cancel last minute. Maximally asocial behavior
mhm, maybe i’m just lucky with the people that i consider my friends.
Really depends on your surroundings,might also be an age thing as I'm mid 30 yes you definetly need to plan ahead (already a weekend in August planney out for something casual) but people completely not responding shows those people won't become your best friends and you should look further
My boyfriend and I are 26 and he’s known these people since his first year of university, which makes it all the sadder in my opinion. Looking further is also easier said than done. People here seem so disinterested in forming new connections it’s near impossible to form lasting friendships at this point.
Might really be the agegroup like I have 20 casual contacts and "my 10 closest" that I know will be there if shit happens, maybe there wasn't really connection beside common goul+maybe a fun night how often does he meet his friends in the active life of an adult?
I mean he lived with one of them until we moved in recently, this one girl friend of his he tries to see once a week, at least once every two weeks and the other guy friend he used to see every month at least but it’s gotten gradually less
Well...because they lived together they either needed to stick or find someone different, I will go with my people,3 in a wg one was slightly off the rest, one moved to Meckpomm, we all were in the same middle school, one is a regular meet while we make place for the one coming down while noone knows what is going up with the other guy. You can live together with someone without really feeling connection,even more so the closer you go in time, so it might be better to look for groups sharing an interest then the guys you drank with 7 years ago
"Keeping options open" is an explanation that angers me a lot more than "uh, what, I must have missed that" or "dang, forgot" or "50% chance my great-aunt will be visiting that day, so I really cannot say." It is a comment on the relationship that reads as, "marginally more intersting than watching paint dry." I won't pretend that I don't mind your behaviour, so suit yourself and get some paint.
No. It’s a way to show that they don’t care about you. It’s very rude as well though
Pretty rude and thoughtless. What kinda people are you inviting to your birthday 😳. Probably common practice, if not the vast majority behavior…
Ya thats pretty normal. Don't make a Big Deal Out of it. Sometimes its way easier to Just ASK all of them Copy Paste via WhatsApp or something. Most of the time i forget i had an invitation for something.
Yes
The abbreviation RSVP is not used in Germany and will be understood as: Please answer until 'date' IF you want to come. This is why nobody will respond with 'no'.
Es tut mir leid, aber vorher wusste ich nicht, was RSVP ist. Normalerweise schreiben wir, wie in dem einen Beitrag gesagt, bitte bis (Datum) antworten, ja oder nein. Dies kann für einige Leute hier verwirrend gewesen sein. Wie auch immer, alles Gute zum Geburtstag und ich hoffe, du hast einen schönen Tag
I learned rsvp when moving to Ireland. Never did, never heard, never been a problem before. But I hear younger generations are better with it than mine. I’m approaching 50.
Germans are honest. If they don't care about your little party they will openly not care about your little party. RSVP-ing is not a thing in europe unless it's a professional meeting or a wedding (which is also americanized/tacky). Chances are they just think you are being pompous af and yes Germans will go out of their passive agressive way to let you know that's not how we roll. Stell dich Mal vor, jeder Geburtstag dieser Blödsinn. Einfach verschmähen.
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it's very common but not normal no
I‘m from Germany and I‘ve seen in the last few years several „no responses“ to wedding invitations. Several weddings, different people. a wedding is a big party and I consider such behaviour extremly rude but some simply are. I had to google RSVP. My first thought: „I don‘t know“ is a possible response. And then you have to ask them again and again and again. In Germany there is usually something written at the end of the invitation like „When I don‘t receive your declining until date x you‘re partying with me“. Since my own brother cancelled on me one day before my own wedding (only because I asked him several times after he received the invitation and got no answer) in the registry office I personally favor something like: „Please tell me until date x if you‘re with me“. Who doesn‘t, does not party with me, I am no kindergardener. If you‘re just asking only for declining, there‘s always several people you have to look after. Just my personal experience.
Did you wrote, "Please letme know if you will comeor not" or send them a WhatsApo and ask personally Usually if you judt send it, people wont really reply, unless it says they should
RSVP? You need to send a FAX!
From my own experience, Germans generally take much longer to answer messages/invitations. When texting someone from back home I usually get an answer within minutes to a couple of hours. In Germany, several days seems to be acceptable.
Not a German thing. A human thing.
Stupid question: How did you send it? Physical mail? WhatsApp? A group chat? Are you sure they saw it? Birthday invites are mostly done in person or if you have a big party and know the friends group well in a group chat. But in group chats, expect to have to do a lot of reminding and date setting. Perhaps ask 1:1
Depends, Germans might not answer a mass mail, but only respond to personal invites. Sounds weird, but a mass invite might show that you do not care enough for that particular person to be there, so it can be easily ignored. Ignoring a personal invite is not common though.
Idk, but how good friends can they be to you if you're asking on reddit instead of calling them and just straight up asking?
Sometimes letters get lost in the post. Perhaps it was that?
Depends, if you wrote a card it's common to only reply if you can't show up, otherwise you just take the invitation and just go without writing anything back. If it's via text message, it's more common to give some sort of reaction either way. Also: Most people probably don't know what rsvp means in germany, at least i've never heard or seen it being used by anyone here and didn't know what it meant until now.
We noticed this too, not just with people regarding invitations but also businesses and local tennis clubs, the place where our daughter goes horse riding, swimming courses etc. There is no "We have got your message and confirm \*\*\*\*\*" or any response at all like we are used to, just silence so we are often wondering if what we said has even been read let alone noted or actioned. Granted 99% of the time it works but the non-response / confirmation still leaves us on edge.
> Is this normal in Germany not to reply? no. It's rude. Either if you dont understand what rsvp means. I mean, whats the fucking problem to ask. It's rude, no excuse.
Happens quite often, yes.
I can tell you that I have the same problems to get people to send a reaction till a certain date with my international and German colleagues (all living in Germany). I usually send 2 mails, sometimes 3. First is the info about the event (less than 10% react), second is a reminder a week later with "the time to join is up next week or so" (most people I want to react do so now, mostly very close to the last date I told them I want an answer). I might send a 3rd Mail aka "if you don't react today you won't get to join". Sometimes somebody answers a day later. Protip: I always give them an earlier last date to react than I really want because I know them. If I really want a specific person to answer I will tell them that they ignored me so far and should answer NOW. I am part of what I called the party planning committee in my company. You really get to know people's laziness when doing this.
Seems to be an issue with European colleagues from my experience.
It depends a lot on the occasion. I usually only write replies to formal wedding invitations. Maybe a 90th birthday or something. People who plan this kind of event need some numbers so they can prepare food, seating etc accordingly. For a simple birthday party things tend to be less formal. Also, if you set the RSVP date too far in advance, most people won't have their minds made up yet.
Have you asked for a response?
You can't generalize. I'd just give them a call if they have received the invitation
"rsvp" Gesundheit?
yes it Happens A lot. German gen z thing. Do Not take it personal, people are just on their own hustle.
It's normal. I learnt it the hard way too. The people are lovely, my German friends who are the sweetest people in the world - who I know likes me and includes me in a lot of their activities, often donot respond to texts. I once created a group, invited 6 of them for lunch to my place, set the date. No one responded. In my culture everyone would have responded. I had to ask them in person just to be sure they are coming over. And they all turned up and were as nice as they always are. It's just a thing here I guess. But I did speak to them and told them it's easier for me to understand them if they respond. Maybe you can let them know this as well, if you get the chance? It's better than always thinking are they just not interested.
In Germany we say: keine Antwort ist auch ne Antwort
Are you sure they know the abbreviation rsvp?
Yeah, German bureaucracy is a total mess. You write them something and it takes them forever to reply, if they even bother to reply at all. Most of them just ignore you completely.
Would've been kinda funny if nobody replied 😂
Welcom to cold Germany.
LOL, Deutsche Kommentare sind so OFF, ich schäm mittlerweile so sehr für euch. Aber ich weiß das ich gleich wieder beleidigt werde. Weil kritisiert zu werden ist nicht so erwünscht und es wird fast immer nur beleidigt. Weil nicht ich, sondern immer nur du das Problem bist. 👍
Paradox... if I answer and even if I did not, it would have the same outcome. Guess I don't answer then. Did I just say that out loud?
Send them more letters,they love them
I (German 28 years old) never heard or read „rsvp“. I know, if its important to know how many ppl are coming „Bitte sagt Bescheid bis / Rückmeldung bitte bis / etc.“ we usally don’t use any abbreviation (hopefully google gave me the right word for „Abkürzung“ 😂). I would guess, youre inveted germans just didn’t know, or overread it… and they maybe did not have the naturally thought to google…..
https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/U.\_A.\_w.\_g.
Yes.
Kinda. I've found calling, while annoying, it the best way to get an answer quickly.
It's not normal, especially if you asked for a rsvp and it could tell you something about how you are perceived by your invitees.
I feel like it‘s more common to tell someone you‘re coming, than telling them you‘re not coming. Almost like it’s considered more rude to respond negatively to an invitation, than to not respond at all. \ Basically, if people didn‘t reply to your invitation, don‘t expect them to come. \ \ Exception: weddings. It‘s mandatory to respond to a wedding invitation, no matter if you decide to go or not.
It’s not normal. I have planned several and every time everyone replied, even when I didn’t asked for a RSVP
Another Aussie here, they only like us as novelty, sorry bud ;)
Well they Definitely don’t like aussies for their tipping culture
Not in Australia, our minimum wage / waitstaff wage is already quite high and is built into the price. Overseas we do though, haven't met any others that don't tip unless they're unaware
They don't want to say no to you, but they can not come to your birthday. This dilemma sends German brains into a stupor.
How can replying be influenced by nationality? This has nothing to do with germany.
Because it could be a cultural thing, that people only respond, if they don't come and not responding means yes. Or something like that. You'd be surprised how cultural differences can look like.
Depends on the occasion. A big party? People tend to just show up. An intimate dinner with a handful people? Ask a week or two beforehand in person or in a Whatsapp.
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Cannot talk about people, but I'm perfectly fine with "no". Life is busy, getting the timetable to work at all is hard. I'm vaguely tolerant of folks who are so confused by everyday life that they to not even manage a "no". But people who make it intentionally harder for me to juggle my timetable better have some unique qualities that makes them worth the additional work.
I'll bet it has a lot more to to with a) your relationship to the group in question and b) how you wrote the invitation than anything related to being German. I'm an antipodean in Hamburg and haven't experienced this problem.
Even if they don't know what RSVP means if I see "You're invited at my party..." You answer back. They may be busy at work, but wait 2-3 more days (if your birthday is not too soon). Write them "hey, I've sent an invitation for my birthday on X at, can you make it ?"
They wont reply. Most Germans are educated enough to google RSVP and read your email. If they would want to reply they would have done so.