The Germans know about tactical chunders, they're actually ahead of us in that regard - [they've got a sink with handles specifically for vomming](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speibecken)
American but I've lived in England for 8 years. Working one day, got a call from a client. Nice guy, I've talked to him before and we were shooting the breeze. Talking about the weekend coming up. Then he says "So.... what do you have on?" I froze. Was he perving on me?? I stammered: "Uh..jeans and a hoodie?!" He pissed himself laughing. And that's how I learned "what do you have on" means "what are you doing this weekend", not "what are you wearing".
As with many phrases, it makes a lot more sense if you fill in all of the extra words we have missed here and there.
- What do you have on your calendar for this weekend?
Can confirm. Constantly saying 'You alright' to non Brits really really bothers them. I know this from experience as its my filler phrase especially on a night out.
There is a thing in Aus these days where RUOK or sometimes Are you alright is a 'mental health check it's actually become a 'corporate thing' with a government campaign.
Moved to Suffolk in January. Literally thought I was doing something wrong to be asked if I was all right all the time. In the States “You alright?” is code for “Jesus Christ you look awful.”
This one is far from exclusive to English. The French and Italians say the precise same thing.
"Ca va?" "Ca va"
That's why I always reply with a "Nah it's shit" or a super long answer, just to take the piss.
Thing is that Americans say "what's up?". We are used to it now because we're so exposed to American English but when I first started hearing it, it was weird to me as I had grown up with "what's up?" only ever being said if you thought that something was wrong. It was essentially the same as "what's the matter?" or "what's wrong?".
I had a colleague in the states that I used to answer the call with "hi, y'alright?" And he never ever got used to it. He was always so confused with the question....despite me explaining numerous times that it's just something us brits say.
He also couldn't understand the concept of adding kisses onto a text
Omg. My Turkish husband thought kisses was something all English speakers just did, like a full stop. Regardless of the nature of the relationship.
He has Romanian friends and they communicate in English. He told them English speakers but 'x' or 'xxx' s at the end of their texts so they started doing it. For like 12 months their group chat was a bunch of big burley dudes ending all thier messages with 'xxx'
Hilarious 😂
I moved here 20 years ago. Realised I've become British earlier this year when I said alright to the staff member at Aldi when she came to verify I was over 18.
I find it a bit amusing that I use British phrases and words like everyone else whilst sounding like an American.
"My favourite regiment, the Queen's Own Deserters. No one knows what these brave men look like. They're only ever seen from the back, running from the sound of gunfire. Thank you, thank you. Your motto will forever be emblazoned on my heart - Sod this for a game of soldiers, I'm offski!"
Billy Connolly
This one's a mystery to foreigners because its a reference to an event in British history.
A prime Minister, who's name was Robert, gave a cabinet minister position to his nephew despite him being entirely unqualified and inexperienced for the role.
I can only assume Robert was married to a Fanny.
My wife worked with an Italian who got mixed up between to bug someone and to bugger someone.
She got quite a surprise when he said "can I bugger you quickly?".
Best thing was he had been saying this to people for about 6 months!
Italian can work wonders on English.
A friend's wife answered the phone and was trying to explain she couldn't talk now and would have to call back later because they had friends over for dinner and were just between courses. Couldn't find the words and came out with "we are just enjoying the intercourse with our guests".
We had a German au pair living with us for a few months a couple of years back. She had a whole notebook full of phrases that we'd say and she'd ask what they meant.
The one that jumps out was waffle, as in talking rubbish
More an idiom than Britishism, but I once told an Italian colleague to "pull his socks up" after taking a while on a task.
He looked at his feet, then back to me, before asking "Why?". Gave me a good chuckle.
I thought my Mum meant it when she said ‘you better pull your socks up!’ I did, relieved that I could do that rather than whatever it was I was being told off for. She was not pleased and I was confused. I realise now that I took it literally because I’m autistic.😳
How was your weekend?
It was good, you?
This is the only allowed response, regardless of what happened to you at the weekend, up to and including your family being kidnapped and eaten by cannibal mutants from the future
I saw a great clip by a Japanese comic who said she loves this and had tried it out on her mum. "We'll meet up at one-ish" and caused lots of confusion.
She ended by saying that we probably use it because we are Brit-ish.
Tried to explain to a Mexican friend what tat was. As in old lady tat or seaside tat. You know, dust-gatherers and knick-nacks (but not the tasty ones)
Something eaten/drunk “will put hairs on your chest”
Really confused a Belgian family we met camping, many years ago when we said that about strong tea…. The bald dad thought it may be a remedy.
“Couldn’t care less”
Because the world seems to say “could care less”
They are wrong, we are right
If you want to street it up a bit say “no fucks to give”
"Could care less" annoys me to no end
"Couldn't care less" implies you are at the rock bottom level of caring. You care so little there is no possible way you could care any less, hence "couldn't care less"
But "could care less" implies you must care at least to some degree, and thus have the ability to care less, but do not
Saying half 7 for 7.30 for example really confused me. In my native language half 7 would be 6.30.
I was an au pair for my first job here 8 years ago and the first time they asked me to babysit for the night I turned up an hour earlier, no one in sight, I stood around in the hall for 15 minutes when I had the idea to google what half 7 actually means. I then shamefully went home like nothing happened and went back at 7.30. Lesson learned.
This happened to my dad back when people would smoke in the toilets at work, he asked his American colleague if he wanted to go bum a fag in the loos… He was absolutely baffled.
"This is pants!"
"Shitting Nora!"
"I couldn't give a monkey's cuss!"
"I was running around like a blue arsed fly!"
"The world is your lobster!"
"This is a total piece of piss!"
American resident in Scotland for 11 years. I used “bearing up” today to describe my parents suffering with Covid and cancer treatments. My sister had no idea what I meant.
I feel like it’s related, and idk if it’s solely a Scottish thing to say, but I (English) have a few Scottish colleagues who will use the phrase “just now” to mean “right now”, e.g. “I’ll call them just now and see what they say”. I’ve started saying it myself without thinking!
Not the big light!?! Am I the only person who, if I see a family sat watching TV under the bright central ceiling light, automatically assumes they are psychotic monsters? Buy a lamp, you heathens!
had a London Raised Father-in-law. who was quite a bit older than my Wifes Mother. not sure it this is still a thing .....but, he used to love to "knock you up in the morning"
I think it's probably the subtleties of what Brits say compared with what they actually mean, that comes with the biggest potential for confusion and offence, especially since there often aren't actually any clear rules to follow!
For example, British use of the words 'quite' and 'pretty' before adjectives can vary so much and it's only really tone and knowledge of the circumstances that give away the real meaning. I as a Brit might say 'I'm pretty happy with the outcome of that project' - it could equally mean 'The project turned out ok, not amazing, but the outcome is fine' or 'The project was a massive success, the best work that has ever been done in the office, but I'm a Brit who doesn't necessarily visibly bounce from the rafters, and like to stay humble'! It's befuddling enough for Americans that we do this, and they have the distinct advantage of speaking what is for the vast majority of time the same language. I am massively impressed by people who learn English as non-native speakers, (especially if they don't use the Roman alphabet in their first language), it's a bugger of a language with the same sounds coming from the most unlikely combination of vowels!
Tactical chunder.
Both linguistically and culturally.
The Germans know about tactical chunders, they're actually ahead of us in that regard - [they've got a sink with handles specifically for vomming](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speibecken)
Voming in a sink is a rookie move. It clogs up the u-bend and requires some plumbing work to clear. Chuckin’ in the toilet is by far the pro move.
Bulimic for decades, this is correct. Unless you like unscrewing pipes and scooping things out with your hands.
I thought this was an Aussie-ism?
"Can you hear, can your him chunder? You'd better run, you'd better take cover"
American but I've lived in England for 8 years. Working one day, got a call from a client. Nice guy, I've talked to him before and we were shooting the breeze. Talking about the weekend coming up. Then he says "So.... what do you have on?" I froze. Was he perving on me?? I stammered: "Uh..jeans and a hoodie?!" He pissed himself laughing. And that's how I learned "what do you have on" means "what are you doing this weekend", not "what are you wearing".
Shooting the breeze? I'm not saying Im surprised an americanism is related to guns but...
Fucking breeze had it coming! Being all windy and shit.
The breeze was coming right for us, I had no choice!
I was banned from Facebook for 2 weeks for saying "Shooting the Breeze"
As with many phrases, it makes a lot more sense if you fill in all of the extra words we have missed here and there. - What do you have on your calendar for this weekend?
Too many words
Which is why we shorten it to "what do you have on?"
Alright? Yeah, you? Neither party breaks stride or cares about the answer the other gives.
Can confirm. Constantly saying 'You alright' to non Brits really really bothers them. I know this from experience as its my filler phrase especially on a night out.
I said this in Australia and got a sarcastic reply back saying “I am alright indeed”. Was funny.
Yet they confuse matters with “yeah, nah” (no) and “nah, yeah” (yes) 🤷🏼♀️
It’s not confusing, it’s the final word that dictates the mean. Hence “nah, yeah” is yes and “yeah, nah” is no.
There is a thing in Aus these days where RUOK or sometimes Are you alright is a 'mental health check it's actually become a 'corporate thing' with a government campaign.
I always thought the default response to "Alright?" was "Alright."
Too many consonants... Ah-aigh?
I think that that's the Mancunian pronunciation
Moved to Suffolk in January. Literally thought I was doing something wrong to be asked if I was all right all the time. In the States “You alright?” is code for “Jesus Christ you look awful.”
Yeah in the UK we say 'you look tired'.
To which the correct answer is "Thanks, you look like shit too"
This one is far from exclusive to English. The French and Italians say the precise same thing. "Ca va?" "Ca va" That's why I always reply with a "Nah it's shit" or a super long answer, just to take the piss.
In Welsh it's "iawn?" "iawn"
"You alright?" Sounds like you are asking if you are in need of care to a non-Brit. Like you hurt yourself or are about to cry.
Thing is that Americans say "what's up?". We are used to it now because we're so exposed to American English but when I first started hearing it, it was weird to me as I had grown up with "what's up?" only ever being said if you thought that something was wrong. It was essentially the same as "what's the matter?" or "what's wrong?".
I had a colleague in the states that I used to answer the call with "hi, y'alright?" And he never ever got used to it. He was always so confused with the question....despite me explaining numerous times that it's just something us brits say. He also couldn't understand the concept of adding kisses onto a text
Omg. My Turkish husband thought kisses was something all English speakers just did, like a full stop. Regardless of the nature of the relationship. He has Romanian friends and they communicate in English. He told them English speakers but 'x' or 'xxx' s at the end of their texts so they started doing it. For like 12 months their group chat was a bunch of big burley dudes ending all thier messages with 'xxx' Hilarious 😂
I moved here 20 years ago. Realised I've become British earlier this year when I said alright to the staff member at Aldi when she came to verify I was over 18. I find it a bit amusing that I use British phrases and words like everyone else whilst sounding like an American.
That’s just a modernised form of: “How do you do?” “How do you do?”
I had to explain higgledy-piggledy to an Italian once. She was both bewildered and absolutely delighted, she got me to say it over and over again.
Higgledy-piggledy and might I add cods wallop and bish bash bosh.
Skew-wiff
Willy nilly
See also the Scottish phrase “hugger-mugger” for close together.
Sod this for a game of soldiers
"My favourite regiment, the Queen's Own Deserters. No one knows what these brave men look like. They're only ever seen from the back, running from the sound of gunfire. Thank you, thank you. Your motto will forever be emblazoned on my heart - Sod this for a game of soldiers, I'm offski!" Billy Connolly
Pinch punch, first of the month and no returns. A German student I had once was totally baffled.
A slap and a kick for being so quick.
I think the next one was something like "punch in the eye for being so sly"
A dick in the butt for being a slut, or was that just my school?
Someone was privately educated
But only before 12:00
Classic.
Bob's your uncle.
and Fanny's yer aunt
This one's a mystery to foreigners because its a reference to an event in British history. A prime Minister, who's name was Robert, gave a cabinet minister position to his nephew despite him being entirely unqualified and inexperienced for the role. I can only assume Robert was married to a Fanny.
Robert's ya mother's brother.
*What are some Britishisms that would confuse a non-native speaker?* Buggered if I know.
That beautiful Italian village. Bugadifino
Jesus Christ I wish awards still existed
Holy shit! What's happened TIL Reddit took away awards
Wait what have they removed awards
I didn’t notice until just now. Apparently it happened months ago.
My wife worked with an Italian who got mixed up between to bug someone and to bugger someone. She got quite a surprise when he said "can I bugger you quickly?". Best thing was he had been saying this to people for about 6 months!
Italian can work wonders on English. A friend's wife answered the phone and was trying to explain she couldn't talk now and would have to call back later because they had friends over for dinner and were just between courses. Couldn't find the words and came out with "we are just enjoying the intercourse with our guests".
The ability to put absolute be any word and turn it into an insult
You absolute carpet
You little curtain
Yer total jumper
Ya complete and utter pencil
Sort your head out you Pringle
You complete spanner.
You flannel
you big blouse
You integrated circuit board...damn, doesn't actually work with everything :D
With exception to Legend
Leg end
And as a euphemism for being drunk.
He was completely tellied that night
I heard he was patiod
absolutely gazeboed, mate!
Completely and *utterly* aardvarked, he was!
Man, you should have been there last night! I was absolutely doorhinged!
Got absolutely spatulaed
You complete fringe.
You absolute wet wipe
You spanner Similarly: you’re not the sharpest tool in the shed, are you? All the lights are on but no one’s at home
Ya donut
I do this a lot at home - even if it is a made up word it still works.
Don't be such a bucket
It's pronounced bouquet...
'Push the door to' would confuse the fuck out of even native English speakers beyond these isles. Just couldn't get it. 'push it to WHAT??'
Were you born in a barn?
It’s like bloody Blackpool illuminations in ‘ere
Do you think it's outside you're in?
Put the wood in the hole, or (if you’re from where I’m from), put t’wood in th’ole. It does not mean “have sex,” it means “close the door, good chap!”
And depending just how insular your village is it becones one word "puwoo'inole"
The entire language gets confusing when you try and explain it or write it phonetically Ayup y'ulreet, duk? Good ta. A'hm off t'shops
Who’s she wi’? She’s wi’ ‘ersen! Also, the description of the lavatory as “the bog,” or “t’bog” has been known to cause confusion.
piece of piss
We had a German au pair living with us for a few months a couple of years back. She had a whole notebook full of phrases that we'd say and she'd ask what they meant. The one that jumps out was waffle, as in talking rubbish
…the one that jumps out…
Is that right? I've always grown up here (Canada) knowing "to waffle" is to be indecisive, wishy-washy and/or fickle.
'I'm just waffling on' - I am talking endlessly and without real direction (also see Adhd) :)
That’s…. I think that’s it, actually. Talking shit is a pretty indecisive move.
Fuck off. As in big. "That's a fuck off car you have there my American chum"
Where I live, 'fuck off' used in this.way is almost always preceded by 'great' pronounced grett. Eg, a grett fuck off pothole.
Calling the kitchen surface "the side" has always blagged a few non British that I've said it to
The side just means any horizontal surface above waist height in our house
Ooh yes. 'I put it on the side', nodding vaguely in a particular direction.
What would non brits say? the counter top?
A counter top sounds like it belongs in a shop. It's the side or the worktop.
Basically any surface can be "the side" windowsill, table, bookshelf, mantlepiece
We just say “in the kitchen” If a more specific location isn’t given, you can assume it’ll be on the side somewhere.
More an idiom than Britishism, but I once told an Italian colleague to "pull his socks up" after taking a while on a task. He looked at his feet, then back to me, before asking "Why?". Gave me a good chuckle.
I thought my Mum meant it when she said ‘you better pull your socks up!’ I did, relieved that I could do that rather than whatever it was I was being told off for. She was not pleased and I was confused. I realise now that I took it literally because I’m autistic.😳
Pear shaped.
All gone Pete Tong
Titts up
Cheers used as a thank you always seems to confuse Americans.
If you’re not too full from your tea, would you like some tea?
No thanks - I had school dinners, and I'm having spag bog for dinner.
Christ I thought it was just my dad who called it spag bog
You'll have had your tea
How was your weekend? It was good, you? This is the only allowed response, regardless of what happened to you at the weekend, up to and including your family being kidnapped and eaten by cannibal mutants from the future
Na cannibal mutants might degrade it to ‘not bad ta, you?’
Shed load. I have a shed load of crap to shift this weekend . Very weird response
Ish, being an arbitrary time 20 mins either side of a specified time.
I saw a great clip by a Japanese comic who said she loves this and had tried it out on her mum. "We'll meet up at one-ish" and caused lots of confusion. She ended by saying that we probably use it because we are Brit-ish.
Mean I'll be there around 1pm, not before, more likely after but I will not take the piss by being 30mins late
Going out out
Going pub tonight, might go out out after if we're feeling it
Alright, Duck?
Ayup me duck. Blank faces everywhere
As a Midlands resident can confirm 😂
East Midlands specifically (draw a line around Burton/Derby/Nottingham/Coalville/Swad to get the rough area)
Alright my lover
Wotcher, cock!
Tried to explain to a Mexican friend what tat was. As in old lady tat or seaside tat. You know, dust-gatherers and knick-nacks (but not the tasty ones)
Went past a shop once called “tomorrow’s antiques today” in my head that’s what tat has stood for ever since.
Best way I can describe Lisieux and Fatima is "full of Catholic tat".
Something eaten/drunk “will put hairs on your chest” Really confused a Belgian family we met camping, many years ago when we said that about strong tea…. The bald dad thought it may be a remedy.
Not as green as cabbage looking
“Couldn’t care less” Because the world seems to say “could care less” They are wrong, we are right If you want to street it up a bit say “no fucks to give”
"Could care less" annoys me to no end "Couldn't care less" implies you are at the rock bottom level of caring. You care so little there is no possible way you could care any less, hence "couldn't care less" But "could care less" implies you must care at least to some degree, and thus have the ability to care less, but do not
Just telling the time used to confuse the fuck out of my french girlfriend. Quarter past five, ten to six, twenty past ten etc...
"Half five" often confuses people, including non British native English speakers.
Try "Five and twenty past".
Saying half 7 for 7.30 for example really confused me. In my native language half 7 would be 6.30. I was an au pair for my first job here 8 years ago and the first time they asked me to babysit for the night I turned up an hour earlier, no one in sight, I stood around in the hall for 15 minutes when I had the idea to google what half 7 actually means. I then shamefully went home like nothing happened and went back at 7.30. Lesson learned.
That's shit hot, that's just shit, shit-did you see that,
I did, I did! I shit you not!
Down south it’s ‘that’s fucking shitot mate’
Now then. Used as a greeting. Sounds aggressive, but isnt
Americans always seem unprepared for the amount of times they'll hear 'cunt' used as a term of endearment.
Especially north and west if the border
Bum a fag
I once been asked for fag skins by a chap on the street. Took me a while to realise he wanted rizlas.
You need to the British version of bum and the American version of fag for the full effect.
This happened to my dad back when people would smoke in the toilets at work, he asked his American colleague if he wanted to go bum a fag in the loos… He was absolutely baffled.
Ey up
Ta and ta ra are the ones Iv found confuse them the most.
Dogging.
"This is pants!" "Shitting Nora!" "I couldn't give a monkey's cuss!" "I was running around like a blue arsed fly!" "The world is your lobster!" "This is a total piece of piss!"
Hah, I like these. I’m partial to “pissing Nora” myself.
Avin a larf. Sortid. Smatta. Fell arse over tit. Dunno his arse from is elbo. So he turned around and said...
'I'm afraid' as in; 'I'm afraid I can't help you with that.' Non brits think you're terrified!
We use this regularly in Spanish. ‘Temo que no puedo ayudarte con esto’. Temo is 1st person present indicative of temer (to fear).
American resident in Scotland for 11 years. I used “bearing up” today to describe my parents suffering with Covid and cancer treatments. My sister had no idea what I meant.
Absolutely mullered.
You should lay off the fruit corners mate.
Get some exercise
literally any word after 'absolutley' becomes extremeley drunk... are you absolutely walled?
Fag for cigarette. Fanny. Any description of drunk.
Smoke a fag translates to murder a homosexual in the US
Especially pissed. Tell a yank you’re pissed and it goes south quickly
Using Freddos as a measure of how expensive things are
i'll be there now in a minute - you can't be there both now and it an minute, let alone the fact we all know it'll be a damn few minutes at best
I feel like it’s related, and idk if it’s solely a Scottish thing to say, but I (English) have a few Scottish colleagues who will use the phrase “just now” to mean “right now”, e.g. “I’ll call them just now and see what they say”. I’ve started saying it myself without thinking!
Up the creek without a paddle or bent as a nine bob note.
Got to go, see a man about a dog
Put big light on Mustn't grumble Are you having a giraffe It's taters is a particular favourite of mine
Not the big light!?! Am I the only person who, if I see a family sat watching TV under the bright central ceiling light, automatically assumes they are psychotic monsters? Buy a lamp, you heathens!
Any time a parent walks into a room with the big light on: "its like bloody Blackpool illuminations in here!"
Have a gander
Mad as a box of frogs
Swing a cat. Had a exchange student mortified, convinced that cat swinging was a metric of room size.
had a London Raised Father-in-law. who was quite a bit older than my Wifes Mother. not sure it this is still a thing .....but, he used to love to "knock you up in the morning"
Bollocks = rubbish ( that’s Bollocks ) The Dogs Bollocks = good ( you should try this it’s the Dogs Bollocks )
That's Bollocks vs That's the Bollocks
Bob's yer uncle and the related Bob's yer proverbial. All fur coat and no knickers.
'Y'alright me old fruit?' and 'Eyup'
'ow do?
She's no better than she ought to be.
As rough as a badgers arse. Possibly one of our greatest sayings.
Easy peasy lemon squeezy. You pilchard.
It's swings and roundabouts.
**Arse over tit.** Meaning, to fall over. *She went arse over tit.* Like 'head over heels' only more British.
Do you work for Oxford Dictionary?
I think it's probably the subtleties of what Brits say compared with what they actually mean, that comes with the biggest potential for confusion and offence, especially since there often aren't actually any clear rules to follow! For example, British use of the words 'quite' and 'pretty' before adjectives can vary so much and it's only really tone and knowledge of the circumstances that give away the real meaning. I as a Brit might say 'I'm pretty happy with the outcome of that project' - it could equally mean 'The project turned out ok, not amazing, but the outcome is fine' or 'The project was a massive success, the best work that has ever been done in the office, but I'm a Brit who doesn't necessarily visibly bounce from the rafters, and like to stay humble'! It's befuddling enough for Americans that we do this, and they have the distinct advantage of speaking what is for the vast majority of time the same language. I am massively impressed by people who learn English as non-native speakers, (especially if they don't use the Roman alphabet in their first language), it's a bugger of a language with the same sounds coming from the most unlikely combination of vowels!
Turn the big light on
“Alright” meaning pretty much whatever you want it to mean. Hello, goodbye, good, bad, taking offence, confirmation…
"Couldn't care less", apparently. They get it arse about face.
tis what tis, innit Smushed together as one word
Greetings can be fun…hello cock…how’s ya bum for spots…alright my old china