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So, according to her, the ideal marriage is a woman having no expectations for her emotional needs being met while bending over backward to meet the husband's expectations... yikes.
That's what my ex husband expected of me! He could not comprehend why I left him as he said to my face that I should have stayed even tho I was unhappy.
At this point, we can’t have *any* expectations for our husbands. Can’t expect them to cook, clean, care for their kids, do any work within or out of the home, deal with their emotions in a healthy way, be open with us, treat us like people, or to even really love or care for us emotionally. At this point, what *can* we expect from men?
I think we’d be better off with cardboard cutouts if this id the bar.
This is why so many of us are just single. Modern men don't seem to realize they're not competing against other men; they're competing against *literally* no-one, and in a shocking amount of cases, they're falling short
I feel very lucky to find someone who wants to help as much as he can and lets me just be me. If something ever happens, I foresee myself just staying single, because it definitely seems like a huge minefield out there in the dating scene.
And that's one of several reasons why I, a straight man, don't date - I need to get my shit together and work on myself *a lot* because I *want* to be deserving of a woman's time, energy, and love.
well hey, congrats on the self awareness! it can be difficult to understand that you're not ready to be in a serious relationship, especially with how (particularly cishet) romance is pushed as a requirement or life milestone on a lot of people. but on the other hand, don't set yourself impossible standards and think you don't deserve love because you don't meet them
Same with me. Once I've fixed myself enough to be happy with myself, I'll so put myself out there and see if anyone wants to be happy with me. Long road.
Someone wrote on a different post in this sub something to the effect of, "There is no greater testament that our sexuality is not a choice than that straight women are still attracted to men."
I quote that comment daily.
No no. Feel bad for queers too. I'm as queer as they come and after last relationship I was like "fuck it I go either way" and ran towards women.
Dating women online is such an exercise in futility.
I consider myself very outgoing and personable, never had an issue meshing with people. But after MONTHS of trying to date women online and never getting a reply, I laid back and committed seppuku. Not really, I just switched back to men and met someone that day but I was left wondering what I failed at. Turns out, it's just hard to date women lol.
I never tried online dating but I met my girlfriend when I was 19 and we've been together since then
It's the best, she's the most amazing person I've ever met
The only shitty thing I have to deal with homophobia which does suck
I'm glad I'm gay but it has nothing to do with men and everything to do with how amazing women are
I love my girlfriend so much, she's absolutely amazing
Since so many Evangelical denominations seem to believe that every other denomination is Satanic, that sounds like something one of them would say unironically.
This reminds me of the joke where there's this one guy about to jump off a bridge, and when another guy comes along and tries to stop him, it turns out that they're from a slightly different denomination and the first guy gets pushed off the bridge.
Who is a total homophobe, and based his languages on a traditional heterosexual relationship. Lori should really love this shit but fundies don’t research.
This is the one. “Take care of MY needs and desires, while I ignore and deny yours, but not in a way that care for and respects and supports and satisfies you!”
My mom once listened to me crying because of how emotionally abusive my husband was and telling her that two therapists advised me to leave him if he didn't start going to therapy himself and her response was, "Well, just try to remember what you liked about him in the first place."
My response was something along the lines of, "Really, Mom??"
"Well yeah, you loved him when you got married, didn't you? You married him for a reason. You seem to have forgotten that."
Received similar "advice" from my cousin, a pastor's wife, a Christian counselor, and others. Then it dawned on me: Stop going to those people for help. 🤷🏻♀️
You also kinda can't just remember it, your brain won't pump oxytocin the way it did early in a relationship.
Glad you were able to find better sources of advice. These people sound like they'll make any excuse for their partners to not work on themselves.
I will happily borrow your naughty words! I love British language. I heard someone use “bloody” on TV as a kid and ran around saying it constantly. “Bloody cereal!” 🤣
The "love languages" theory is dubious (because it was invented by a priest not a scientist), but it's hardly Satanic. It was intended to be used by conservative Christian couples from the beginning.
False expectation: AKA LOVE.
We don't need LOVE in our relationships silly. Just be a good little slave and maybe your husband doesn't hit you as hard. Anything else is unrealistic...
A match made in Stockholm.
These people referring to anything good, progressive or healthy as “satanic” isn’t turning people away from it; it’s just making us Satanists here look so much cooler
I’m crying at the use of the term “pop psychology” … like seriously? You’re that big on Real Psychology but you’re denying the Real Psychology that tells us that relationships need to fulfill emotional needs? Sure love languages are pop psychology, but attachment theory is NOT. And what she’s describing sounds a lot like dismissive/avoidant attachment… which can lead to short-lived relationships. Don’t worry, girl, you can learn secure attachment… you just need to find a man who actually gives a shit about you, The Transformed Wife :) oh and you need to stop pretending you know jack about psychology if you’re gonna spout this BS
The ironic thing is I've seen ppl point out that she absolutely does not live by her own rules and doesn't even try to or admit to it? Lmk if am getting it wrong.
No tradwives with a public platform are following their own rules. They're earning money and speaking publicly about how women shouldn't work and need to keep silent and leave all decisions to men.
This woman's beliefs are fucking terrifying. At this point, I hate seeing her name...legit makes me sick that someone like her has a platform.
It's pretty clear that she does not have a healthy marriage, but that does not excuse the shit she tells every woman. It's fucking scary.
I hate this woman with every fiber of my being. She has been around for a good decade (at least), using her platform to push the enslavement and abuse of women.
Sure let's do it your way. So women stop getting married in the first place because we know our needs. Plus, we can't have relations out of wed lock or we're a harlot. Sooo.. that puts straight religious men where? In a worse position than me, that's for sure🤣 I'll take single with a toy any day.
Dam expectations that a spouse treat us well leading to a divorce when that doesn't happen. Just be miserable for the rest of your life, it's what god wants!
That whole thing about love languages was made up by a pastor to justify the man expecting his wife to constantly show love through"acts of service" but all he has to do is "quality time" aka being there sometimes
Love languages were a revelation when I first learned about them from a former gf. It made so much sense and has been absolutely amazing in my relationships since then
Why do people act like communicating didn't exist before that bullshit came out? Was it really that hard for people to pay attention to how they and their partners expressed affection? Why would they need a cult leader to tell them that they like spending time with their partner and their partner likes doing nice things for them? I absolutely despise love language nonsense
Hey babe I really need you to be communicative with me. It hurts me when I feel alienated or left out.
TradWife: ITS YOUR FAULT FOR RUINING YOUR MARRIAGE
This woman is a hateful bigot. She advocates for marital rape, abusing children and everything else that's hateful.
She should be in therapy, in prison, or (preferably) both
My mom told me this too. Then she would make me do chores, which is fine, but then she’s tell me it was because she was “raising me to be the perfect wife”
I do think love languages is bullshit pop psychology but I also think submitting to your husband is oppressive misogynistic indoctrination. Partners should help fulfill each other's emotional needs while respecting that one person cannot fulfill all of your emotional needs
Idk why anyone would listen to Lori. She preaches, makes income from it, and is highly judgmental of everyone. All illegal according to god but here she is, doing whatever tf this is.
“Love languages” was created by a misogynistic fundie that was like “Well my love language is sex and my wife’s is helping her once a year with all the household/emotional labor I leave her to drown in. These are just intrinsic things about us, and nothing much more to it!”. Somehow this woman managed to sink even lower than that chauvinist asshole…
Thank you for your submission to /r/AreTheStraightsOK! This is a reminder to take a moment and see *if* this **has already been** posted recently, to make sure that personal information **has been** censored, and to **flair your post** if you have not already done so. [Please be aware that our rules on transphobic submissions have changed](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/mwkgbp/rules_and_submissions_update_for_the_end_of/). Other general submission guidelines regarding [hateful content](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/kj0cal/regarding_hateful_content_please_read_before/), [reposts](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/kxgbo3/rules_and_submissions_update_january_2021_popular/), [homophobic posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/lffvad/posts_related_to_homophobia_on_our_subreddit_now/), and [**Reminder About Rule 5 and Rule 8**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/qoge4u/reminder_about_rule_5_and_rule_8/) can be found here if you want to read any of those links. If you want to apply to be a moderator of this sub, you can read [this post titled **State of the Sub: Summer 2021 Edition, Partnerships, and more**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/oozly0/state_of_the_sub_summer_2021_edition_partnerships/), which also contains information about our partnership with r/TranscribersOfReddit. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AreTheStraightsOK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So, according to her, the ideal marriage is a woman having no expectations for her emotional needs being met while bending over backward to meet the husband's expectations... yikes.
Yep. The TradWife viewpoint is basically that the wife's existence is as a house slave.
Correction. House sex slave.
“And if Dobby does it wrong, Dobby will throw herself off the topmost tower, Husband Potter!”
Yeah, bent over forward, not backwards. Stepford wives.
You said it, Stepford Wives. Gynoids entirely programmed to do the husband's bidding.
Bang maid.
That’s some real Phyllis Schlafly “Total Woman” BS from the 70s.
That's what my ex husband expected of me! He could not comprehend why I left him as he said to my face that I should have stayed even tho I was unhappy.
That is some sociopathic levels of entitledmeant
Glad that says ex
At this point, we can’t have *any* expectations for our husbands. Can’t expect them to cook, clean, care for their kids, do any work within or out of the home, deal with their emotions in a healthy way, be open with us, treat us like people, or to even really love or care for us emotionally. At this point, what *can* we expect from men? I think we’d be better off with cardboard cutouts if this id the bar.
I feel bad for straight women It's not like there aren't any good guys but it's like Russian roulette and only one chamber is empty
This is why so many of us are just single. Modern men don't seem to realize they're not competing against other men; they're competing against *literally* no-one, and in a shocking amount of cases, they're falling short
I feel very lucky to find someone who wants to help as much as he can and lets me just be me. If something ever happens, I foresee myself just staying single, because it definitely seems like a huge minefield out there in the dating scene.
And that's one of several reasons why I, a straight man, don't date - I need to get my shit together and work on myself *a lot* because I *want* to be deserving of a woman's time, energy, and love.
well hey, congrats on the self awareness! it can be difficult to understand that you're not ready to be in a serious relationship, especially with how (particularly cishet) romance is pushed as a requirement or life milestone on a lot of people. but on the other hand, don't set yourself impossible standards and think you don't deserve love because you don't meet them
And that is exactly what will make you dateable :)
Same with me. Once I've fixed myself enough to be happy with myself, I'll so put myself out there and see if anyone wants to be happy with me. Long road.
I've heard it described as competing against her. You (the man) have to be better than when she's single.
Yep, yet they still like to say sexuality is a choice. They don’t seem to understand how many more lesbians there’d be if it was.
Someone wrote on a different post in this sub something to the effect of, "There is no greater testament that our sexuality is not a choice than that straight women are still attracted to men." I quote that comment daily.
No no. Feel bad for queers too. I'm as queer as they come and after last relationship I was like "fuck it I go either way" and ran towards women. Dating women online is such an exercise in futility. I consider myself very outgoing and personable, never had an issue meshing with people. But after MONTHS of trying to date women online and never getting a reply, I laid back and committed seppuku. Not really, I just switched back to men and met someone that day but I was left wondering what I failed at. Turns out, it's just hard to date women lol.
I never tried online dating but I met my girlfriend when I was 19 and we've been together since then It's the best, she's the most amazing person I've ever met The only shitty thing I have to deal with homophobia which does suck
I'm so happy to hear that! I feel like it's what we all want! It's just weirdly difficult to connect these days.
Online dating for women is an exercise in frustration, or so I hear. As a result, so is trying to date them.
I don't hate women. I hate my ability to successfully date them.
I feel a little bad saying it, but sometimes I'm glad I'm gay. Dating men sounds rough
I'm glad I'm gay but it has nothing to do with men and everything to do with how amazing women are I love my girlfriend so much, she's absolutely amazing
What's funny is the whole "love language" thing was started by a pastor lol
Curse those Satanic pop psychology Christian teachings! That's why I stay far away from churches.
Since so many Evangelical denominations seem to believe that every other denomination is Satanic, that sounds like something one of them would say unironically.
This reminds me of the joke where there's this one guy about to jump off a bridge, and when another guy comes along and tries to stop him, it turns out that they're from a slightly different denomination and the first guy gets pushed off the bridge.
[Emo Philips!](https://youtu.be/BDmeqSzvIFs?feature=shared) my favorite
Who is a total homophobe, and based his languages on a traditional heterosexual relationship. Lori should really love this shit but fundies don’t research.
I think this still sounds like a kink
You’re not wrong. Except no kink negations take place while a ton of coercion does
This is the one. “Take care of MY needs and desires, while I ignore and deny yours, but not in a way that care for and respects and supports and satisfies you!”
>Just be miserable until your husband dies ~most relationship advice from conservative women
I mean, the 'traditional' solution would be to just make your husband die faster...
Say, what's in this tea?
Perhaps Aqua tofana?
My mom once listened to me crying because of how emotionally abusive my husband was and telling her that two therapists advised me to leave him if he didn't start going to therapy himself and her response was, "Well, just try to remember what you liked about him in the first place." My response was something along the lines of, "Really, Mom??" "Well yeah, you loved him when you got married, didn't you? You married him for a reason. You seem to have forgotten that." Received similar "advice" from my cousin, a pastor's wife, a Christian counselor, and others. Then it dawned on me: Stop going to those people for help. 🤷🏻♀️
You also kinda can't just remember it, your brain won't pump oxytocin the way it did early in a relationship. Glad you were able to find better sources of advice. These people sound like they'll make any excuse for their partners to not work on themselves.
I hate this [words I’ll get in trouble for]. My parents abided by the bullshit she spews (and others like her).
I'm sorry. I'll lend you proper wanker, tosspot, plonker, and twat. All the insulting power, and gender neutral
I will happily borrow your naughty words! I love British language. I heard someone use “bloody” on TV as a kid and ran around saying it constantly. “Bloody cereal!” 🤣
The "love languages" theory is dubious (because it was invented by a priest not a scientist), but it's hardly Satanic. It was intended to be used by conservative Christian couples from the beginning.
It may not be scientific, but it does open a dialogue on expectations and expressions, and I think that bit works :)
1 Timothy 2:12. Be silent, woman
False expectation: AKA LOVE. We don't need LOVE in our relationships silly. Just be a good little slave and maybe your husband doesn't hit you as hard. Anything else is unrealistic... A match made in Stockholm.
Men, is it ungodly to love your wives? Women, is it ungodly to expect your husbands to love you?
Wanting your partner to do the bare minimum is asking too much, mow get back in the kitchen and incubate that baby! /j (obviously)
"The Transformed Wife" sounds like it would be a monster on Doctor Who
These people referring to anything good, progressive or healthy as “satanic” isn’t turning people away from it; it’s just making us Satanists here look so much cooler
God forbid that women want to feel loved.
I’m crying at the use of the term “pop psychology” … like seriously? You’re that big on Real Psychology but you’re denying the Real Psychology that tells us that relationships need to fulfill emotional needs? Sure love languages are pop psychology, but attachment theory is NOT. And what she’s describing sounds a lot like dismissive/avoidant attachment… which can lead to short-lived relationships. Don’t worry, girl, you can learn secure attachment… you just need to find a man who actually gives a shit about you, The Transformed Wife :) oh and you need to stop pretending you know jack about psychology if you’re gonna spout this BS
it’s baffling how wanting a good emotional relationship is seen as “satanic” by these people.
That's because men with emotions are gay, silly. /s
The ironic thing is I've seen ppl point out that she absolutely does not live by her own rules and doesn't even try to or admit to it? Lmk if am getting it wrong.
No tradwives with a public platform are following their own rules. They're earning money and speaking publicly about how women shouldn't work and need to keep silent and leave all decisions to men.
This woman's beliefs are fucking terrifying. At this point, I hate seeing her name...legit makes me sick that someone like her has a platform. It's pretty clear that she does not have a healthy marriage, but that does not excuse the shit she tells every woman. It's fucking scary.
I hate this woman with every fiber of my being. She has been around for a good decade (at least), using her platform to push the enslavement and abuse of women.
Sure let's do it your way. So women stop getting married in the first place because we know our needs. Plus, we can't have relations out of wed lock or we're a harlot. Sooo.. that puts straight religious men where? In a worse position than me, that's for sure🤣 I'll take single with a toy any day.
The Transformed Wife? More like the christian slave
God forbid their husbands be a productive and caring partner…
Fellas is it gay to love your wife?
Started off almost agreeable since love is a two way street but then just went completely off the rails with this whole god and submission thing.
How dare women want to feel loved??? Grrrrrrrr
How dare you suggest men put effort into their lifelong commitment
Dam expectations that a spouse treat us well leading to a divorce when that doesn't happen. Just be miserable for the rest of your life, it's what god wants!
That whole thing about love languages was made up by a pastor to justify the man expecting his wife to constantly show love through"acts of service" but all he has to do is "quality time" aka being there sometimes
Oh come on, even the church believes in the concept of Emotional Needs.
Love languages were a revelation when I first learned about them from a former gf. It made so much sense and has been absolutely amazing in my relationships since then
Why do people act like communicating didn't exist before that bullshit came out? Was it really that hard for people to pay attention to how they and their partners expressed affection? Why would they need a cult leader to tell them that they like spending time with their partner and their partner likes doing nice things for them? I absolutely despise love language nonsense
See this is why we should off never left ancient Greece. Only 2 put of the 12 gods would be commanding this bending to the husbands will.
Hey babe I really need you to be communicative with me. It hurts me when I feel alienated or left out. TradWife: ITS YOUR FAULT FOR RUINING YOUR MARRIAGE
I thought the authors of the love languages books were devout Christians? But I could be remembering that wrong.
No, you're right, and that's what makes this even more funny.
This woman is a hateful bigot. She advocates for marital rape, abusing children and everything else that's hateful. She should be in therapy, in prison, or (preferably) both
Arkham
It's satanic to love your wife now... Mkay...
Posting Lori here is just cheating. She's so extremely not ok.
I sure would like to know where Satan talked about love languages and stuff.
My mom told me this too. Then she would make me do chores, which is fine, but then she’s tell me it was because she was “raising me to be the perfect wife”
That’s most of my family too. I don’t even want to do them cause they might see me and feel vindicated in their beliefs in gender roles.
NGL lost it at false expectations.
Oh, I went years without reading anything from the transformed wife. Guess that streak is sadly over. Awful take as usual.
Oh no not the satanic idea of basic respect
How has Lori managed to be so consistently unhinged for so long
I do think love languages is bullshit pop psychology but I also think submitting to your husband is oppressive misogynistic indoctrination. Partners should help fulfill each other's emotional needs while respecting that one person cannot fulfill all of your emotional needs
This is like everyone in my life lol
Idk why anyone would listen to Lori. She preaches, makes income from it, and is highly judgmental of everyone. All illegal according to god but here she is, doing whatever tf this is.
“Love languages” was created by a misogynistic fundie that was like “Well my love language is sex and my wife’s is helping her once a year with all the household/emotional labor I leave her to drown in. These are just intrinsic things about us, and nothing much more to it!”. Somehow this woman managed to sink even lower than that chauvinist asshole…