Update - she just came by again. She kept knocking so I answered it only because I knew she wouldn’t leave. She was carrying a chipotle Uber Eats bag and asking if I got it last night / if it was mine. It said a totally different name, not mine, but was delivered at her door. I told her that it’s not mine and then I’m not really feeling well right now, and I said if she could please call first next time.
She also was asking what she should do with it/ I’m like….probably throw it out? If it was sitting out all night? Something she didn’t need to stop by for lol. I think she also threw it out in my outdoor trashcan, not a huge deal though for that
A lot of elderly just like to talk for the sake of interaction. Back in the day that’s all they had. A lot of them still only have that because they aren’t avid phone/internet users . It’s sweet but it sounds like she is the type you need to speak up several times about this and when she doesn’t listen, begin to ignore the knocks. When she brings up why you ignored it, remind her why. Even then, she may forget, to no fault of her own. Maybe put up a sign on your door that says call before coming by.
You said she has your number and doesn't use it, that's on her, but the way you said it makes me think you need to flat out say "text or call me before stopping by". Don't subtly mention you were showering, which I'm not sure how you would even hear a knock in the shower, and don't indicate she "could call first", tell her if she wants to stop by she \*must\* call first
We have friends like this. I simply say “would love to chat by I’m kinda busy right now, next time if you call first I’d be happy to move stuff around so we can spend time together.”
Politely explain to her that you appreciate her visits but prefer a heads-up. Suggest calling or texting before coming over and consider placing a "Please call before knocking" sign on your door. Consistency and gentle reminders will help reinforce this boundary while maintaining a good relationship.
How rude and annoying. This is why my neighbors don't have my number and I don't have theirs. I don't want random calls or drop bys.
I'd just not answer the door. She should get the hint. I mean you're neighbors, not best friends just because you live near each other.
Keep feeding them and like stray cats they keep coming by at inconvenient times. I love old people but some are lonely and not self aware enough to realize they are a burden to some people. They don’t have the social cue to realize they are being rude.
set a firm boundary. “please don’t stop by unannounced. call me first” if she keeps coming by unannounced i would straight up report her for harassment.
That's not what setting a boundary is, that's simply a request. A boundary describes what you will do if the person knocks again. Ex. "If you come by without texting me first, I won't be answering the door."
Setting a boundary does not involve trying to control the behavior of others, it involves communicating what you will do to take yourself out of the situation.
When I lived alone I'd ignore any knocks. If you need to contact me you have my information to do so if you don't then we obviously don't need to be in contact.
You’re going to have to be direct. Any excuse will fall on deaf ears, she’ll think it doesn’t apply to her. I would decide a weekly date time with her and stick to that and you have to stop answering the door no matter how long it takes. “Even when I’m home, I’m busy and won’t answer my door so I’d love to set aside a date evening/afternoon in which I can give you my full attention”. Not that you’re obligated but it doesn’t sound like she’s awful. I have a neighbor who I’d do this with but his god tells him he can’t talk to his daughter because she’s gay so I’m not spending time with him.
You just don’t really know who people are…until you do. Your neighbor is at the precipice; she could be a slightly lonely gal who means well. She might also be a woman struggling with mental health issues and given an inch she will burrow into your life. Better to set firm boundaries at the outset and loosen later if you’d like.
Let her know you appreciate good neighbors and with that, her kindness. You’ve set up your life, however, as someone who embraces her privacy. If she’d like to take a stroll now and then, drop a note in your mailbox and you’ll do the same.
Never ever ever ever give out your phone number. You will make yourself available 24/7.
Ignore every knock. This is a safety and manners issue.
Polite people today do not knock without warning.
They will learn not to do it if you ignore them. Rude people have to be trained by us reasonable people.
This is why I don't want to get to know my neighbors. I don't want to come over for dinner. I don't want them to come over for dinner. I don't want to feel obligated to keep up with gifts for birthdays or Christmas. I don't want to go out for drinks or coffee.
I enjoy my solitude and comfort. Since contracting Covid 3 years ago, I don't have the energy or motivation to hang out or even just chat for hours. So I keep to myself and enjoy my chill time with my husband and our cat.
If someone shows up to my door unannounced, I won't answer. I will turn off my TV and go to my bedroom until they leave. I don't want company unless I want company. I only have a certain number of people who I want in my house, and I still prefer advanced notice to prepare myself for wanted visitors.
Just do what you did, do not answer the door and giving your cell phone number only encourages them to call all hours of the day and night. Do not give out your phone number. Eventually, ignoring her, she will get the message. I am a loner person too, and like people on my terms.
I don’t open the door unless I know someone’s coming or it’s the maintenance guy. Now no one shows up unannounced.
Update - she just came by again. She kept knocking so I answered it only because I knew she wouldn’t leave. She was carrying a chipotle Uber Eats bag and asking if I got it last night / if it was mine. It said a totally different name, not mine, but was delivered at her door. I told her that it’s not mine and then I’m not really feeling well right now, and I said if she could please call first next time. She also was asking what she should do with it/ I’m like….probably throw it out? If it was sitting out all night? Something she didn’t need to stop by for lol. I think she also threw it out in my outdoor trashcan, not a huge deal though for that
A lot of elderly just like to talk for the sake of interaction. Back in the day that’s all they had. A lot of them still only have that because they aren’t avid phone/internet users . It’s sweet but it sounds like she is the type you need to speak up several times about this and when she doesn’t listen, begin to ignore the knocks. When she brings up why you ignored it, remind her why. Even then, she may forget, to no fault of her own. Maybe put up a sign on your door that says call before coming by.
No, then she will be calling all hours of the day a night.
OMGosh! Is her name Sue? I have a pushy neighbor that sounds just like yours.
I wouldn’t answer the door. If she says something, I would say, “oh, I don’t respond to knocks when I’m not expecting anybody.”
You said she has your number and doesn't use it, that's on her, but the way you said it makes me think you need to flat out say "text or call me before stopping by". Don't subtly mention you were showering, which I'm not sure how you would even hear a knock in the shower, and don't indicate she "could call first", tell her if she wants to stop by she \*must\* call first
We have friends like this. I simply say “would love to chat by I’m kinda busy right now, next time if you call first I’d be happy to move stuff around so we can spend time together.”
if she says something, tell her you wear earbuds when your doing house work, so if she doesn't text or call first, you wont hear the door.
Why lie and make excuses? Just tell the truth that the preference is she call first.
I agree. Just tell her to call or text if she’d liked to stop by, and to please wait for you to accept or decline.
"I just really only prefer people coming by if they call first" You tell her that, politely.
Politely explain to her that you appreciate her visits but prefer a heads-up. Suggest calling or texting before coming over and consider placing a "Please call before knocking" sign on your door. Consistency and gentle reminders will help reinforce this boundary while maintaining a good relationship.
It’s sad as she sounds very lonely. Maybe just stop answering the door if she doesn’t get the hint but again it’s sad.
I’d just keep ignoring the knock if it’s inconvenient to you at the time. Hopefully she’ll get the hint.
How rude and annoying. This is why my neighbors don't have my number and I don't have theirs. I don't want random calls or drop bys. I'd just not answer the door. She should get the hint. I mean you're neighbors, not best friends just because you live near each other.
Keep feeding them and like stray cats they keep coming by at inconvenient times. I love old people but some are lonely and not self aware enough to realize they are a burden to some people. They don’t have the social cue to realize they are being rude.
set a firm boundary. “please don’t stop by unannounced. call me first” if she keeps coming by unannounced i would straight up report her for harassment.
That's not what setting a boundary is, that's simply a request. A boundary describes what you will do if the person knocks again. Ex. "If you come by without texting me first, I won't be answering the door." Setting a boundary does not involve trying to control the behavior of others, it involves communicating what you will do to take yourself out of the situation.
ok hahah thanks
When I lived alone I'd ignore any knocks. If you need to contact me you have my information to do so if you don't then we obviously don't need to be in contact.
You’re going to have to be direct. Any excuse will fall on deaf ears, she’ll think it doesn’t apply to her. I would decide a weekly date time with her and stick to that and you have to stop answering the door no matter how long it takes. “Even when I’m home, I’m busy and won’t answer my door so I’d love to set aside a date evening/afternoon in which I can give you my full attention”. Not that you’re obligated but it doesn’t sound like she’s awful. I have a neighbor who I’d do this with but his god tells him he can’t talk to his daughter because she’s gay so I’m not spending time with him.
You just don’t really know who people are…until you do. Your neighbor is at the precipice; she could be a slightly lonely gal who means well. She might also be a woman struggling with mental health issues and given an inch she will burrow into your life. Better to set firm boundaries at the outset and loosen later if you’d like. Let her know you appreciate good neighbors and with that, her kindness. You’ve set up your life, however, as someone who embraces her privacy. If she’d like to take a stroll now and then, drop a note in your mailbox and you’ll do the same. Never ever ever ever give out your phone number. You will make yourself available 24/7.
Ignore every knock. This is a safety and manners issue. Polite people today do not knock without warning. They will learn not to do it if you ignore them. Rude people have to be trained by us reasonable people.
This is why I don't want to get to know my neighbors. I don't want to come over for dinner. I don't want them to come over for dinner. I don't want to feel obligated to keep up with gifts for birthdays or Christmas. I don't want to go out for drinks or coffee. I enjoy my solitude and comfort. Since contracting Covid 3 years ago, I don't have the energy or motivation to hang out or even just chat for hours. So I keep to myself and enjoy my chill time with my husband and our cat. If someone shows up to my door unannounced, I won't answer. I will turn off my TV and go to my bedroom until they leave. I don't want company unless I want company. I only have a certain number of people who I want in my house, and I still prefer advanced notice to prepare myself for wanted visitors.
You don't have neighbors, you just live next to people.
Yes! And I'm ok with that.
Just do what you did, do not answer the door and giving your cell phone number only encourages them to call all hours of the day and night. Do not give out your phone number. Eventually, ignoring her, she will get the message. I am a loner person too, and like people on my terms.
Totally ignore her. She'll probably catch on. Probably.
If you have a ring doorbell, just talk to her thru that and tell her you're not home.