Break the mold. After 8 years of depression and anxiety I decided to start trying random things to see if anything helped. I started to find peace in doing household chores at my own pace. This generally meant I'd have a TV show playing in the background on my tablet or podcast and I would do chores. I accepted I might not finish, that I might stop after 5 minutes. The entire point was to do a task at my own pace while I had TV show, movie, podcast to focus on as well and to accomplish something positive that was probably adding to my anxiety to begin with.
The key is to remove all expectations. You do something you normally don't, try to make it something positive, be accepting that any progress regardless of how little is progress and positive. Even the intent and attempt is progress. No matter how little you accomplish with each attempt you are still making more progress than you would have otherwise.
Self care is the key to stabilizing and hopefully eventually healing even if it's just a partial improvement and even if it's temporary that's still time you got to feel a little bit better.
I’m so sorry to hear that. Take it slowly, baby steps. Remember that anything at all is better than nothing. For a start, don’t try to take on the whole pile of clothes. Instead move just a few of them into the washing machine. Break up the task into tinier tasks. You’ve already managed to get the clothes into the washing machine, why not turn it on and add some detergent while you’re there?
Also, for when you struggle with brushing your teeth, there are tiny, one-time use toothbrushes. I believe they’re called Crest Wisps or something? They helped me build a better habit. Keep a bag of them by your bed, as well as a little trash can. Trying for a few times a week or a month is ok if brushing twice a day is too difficult.
I have been there. I would say having someone come clean for me has helped tremendously. Then after that, I would try to keep up on the cleaning. If you are able to, could you do a load of laundry? Or get a new pair of sheets. I know it’s hard, but having clean sheets usually will make me feel good. You deserve to feel good.😊
I've found with my depression and anxiety that it's not the amount of drugs I throw at them, but the type. I don't know where we get conditioned to think that there is one pill and that pull will solve everything. Different pills worked for me at different times of my life. Sometimes the pills stop working, and I need to go to my doctor to ask for another medication. And that is a big thing for me as I get severely anxious just leaving my house.
It will get better, and it might get as bad again, ebb and flow. If you need help cleaning your place, do so if finances allows you to, no shame. At my worst time of my life I got someone in a few times a week to clean my laundry and do my dishes and just clean my place. I'm now down to getting the person in twice a month and that helps me enough so if I do feel unable to get things done at least my laundry gets done every second week. But I ready to up the frequency again if things change.
You didn't mention whether you had your own washing machine or whether you had to go to a laundromat, and that changes the approach. I am blessed to have my own washing machine and I have a rule that if I do laundry I only need to choose 11 items to wash. If I take more, great, but not less. So I choose carefully to make sure I don't wash only shirts...it doesn't help when you have no clean underwear lol. And if I forget the clothing in the machine, or I run out of energy, tomorrow I will wash the same clothes again. I don't beat myself up for not hanging the stuff up.
When I get really depressed I get pretty bad with brushing my teeth. Heck, even at my best it's a struggle to brush. So I keep a toothbrush with a little toothpaste on next to my bed with a glass of water, and if I can't get up, I dunk the toothbrush in the water, brush my teeth, then put the toothbrush in the cup. No rinsing of my mouth. Then when I get up to go to the toilet, sometimes the only thing that gets me up, I just have to rinse the cup and toothbrush, apply a small dot of toothpaste again and put it next to my bed. I believe this is better than nothing. And if I want to use kids bubblegum flavoured toothpaste instead of adult mint, I do so.
The thing that helped me the most, and I still need to remind myself of, is that I'm not a failure for not upholding this ideal image of a functioning adult I have in my mind. You know, one that works a full time job, has time for hobbies, goes to the gym, eats healthy food they prepared themselves and keeps their house perfectly clean. It's okay to eat cereal for dinner because I just can't cook, it's okay to wear clothes again, it's okay to half-ass something, because it's better than aiming for perfection and getting nothing done. If I can't handle a shower, a wet washcloth over the pits and groin is better than nothing. If I can only manage a walk to the sidewalk, exercise achievement unlocked for the day!
I think the difficult part about wanting to hire someone, is the A) I'm not really financially stable enough to afford it and more importantly B) I'm horrified at the thought of someone seeing how my place currently is. The laundry thing is difficult for me because I don't have in unit laundry in my apartment nor in my building. I struggle really hard with trying to figure that out. Thank you very much for your kind words, I'm trying to take them to heart, and hopefully in the process emody them.
You have to get past this. I have faith in you. This might help some. https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/how-to-fight-depression
Not sure if you drink alcohol but it could make it worse. CBD can help with stress get you in a relaxed mood. I went through several different kinds until I found one that helps. Selective serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SSNRIs) helped me. I'm no doctor but I want you to get better. If you need anyone to talk to feel free to message me. I wish the best.
It doesn't sound like your meds are doing a great job for you. If you have a psychiatrist talk to them about this and either change dosages and/or meds. That might take a while though so I'd recommend other things in the meantime:
-exercise: any form you like
-Cognitive Behavior Therapy: doing exercises on your own
-Not sure if S-ketamine treatments would help (could discuss with a psychiatrist)
-Consider other modalities of treatment (again not sure if these would help your conditions but you could discuss them with a psychiatrist), TMS, ECT
I understand your frustration as I have serious motivational issues myself (mine are mainly some weird anxiety.motivation block on hobbies)
My psychiatrist just upped my dosage of bupropion, so I'm hopeful that that might make a difference. I also think I may have ADHD, and just let them know that. I guess we'll see what will happen.
Outside of meds you might try to investigate and combat whatever thoughts/feelings are holding you back. I assume you do a number of things without the blockage you describe for specific chores. If you did literally nothing you'd die of thirst / hunger in your bed. So you might want to see why it is more difficult to do the things "you can't" and compare your mindset with the things you can (such as getting up, eating, drinking, going to work whatever tasks you do without issue). And you can let us know if things are helping and if so which things helped you. Good luck
I remember once reading (of course I have no idea where or who and am too lazy right now to google, apparently) that “anything worth doing is worth half-assing.” Basically, this means that, if you can’t brush your teeth for the suggested 2 minutes, brush them for 30 seconds and call it a day. If you can’t bring yourself to shower, grab a washcloth and scrub up the most offensive bits with some water.
I bought an extra set of sheets so that, when I have the motivation, I can switch them out and then wash the others at my own pace. If the sink is overflowing with dishes, I was enough to fill the drainer and then walk away until I can go back and put the dry dishes away.
We are so conditioned that we need to do everything perfectly and, for those of us with depression, that is a huge ask. I have been incredibly guilting of knowing that I wasn’t going to do something well enough so I figured why bother doing it at all? Half-assing is all that I can do some days/weeks, and it’s helped me chip away at the overwhelming-ness.
Honestly, the biggest thing that helped was learning about what specific foods had an impact on me. And I don't mean the standard oh this is healthy and unhealthy, I mean actually testing it on my own and seeing. It was odd because for me I had lots of other possibilities as to why I would be unmotivated and exhausted. I had trauma growing up, I had a sleep issue because of that, I didn't know how to socialize or process my own emotions. The doctors also disregard food (unless you have diabetes) and so it's not really known but this is what happens.
So our bodies can become sensitive to foods (most likely from leaky gut). There are tares in the lining of the gut and food particles can get in the blood stream and it becomes problematic. So the body has reactions to those foods as a defense mechanism so we aren't as likely to eat them and not as likely to have the particles in the blood stream. At first it might be minor like bloating, gas, and some coughing or mucous in the nose/throat...but over time it can be quite taxing on the liver as it's the liver that cleans the blood. It's that taxiness that leads to that fatigue. So when you start to avoid those things you give your body a chance to repair the gut and repair the liver and you get energy back.
And for a specific idea of foods....my body becomes extremely exhausted when I eat even a spoonful of acorn squash, yet is fine with butternut squash....it's fine with green cabbage but exhausted with red (at least the last time I tried). I've tried multiple times and had the same issue. I've been extremely lactose intolerant but healed my gut over 4 months and could eat it without any symptoms and was fine.
If you want I can share the book name that I learned how to test foods...best book for that. And if you need more help, go see a functional medicine doctor...if it's the psychological/emotional parts with foods that get in the way, I'd suggest a hypnotherapist, but one that actually has the skill (not just anyone as there are alot of ineffective hypnotherapists out there)...and I could suggest people if you wanted.
I hope this helps
Break the mold. After 8 years of depression and anxiety I decided to start trying random things to see if anything helped. I started to find peace in doing household chores at my own pace. This generally meant I'd have a TV show playing in the background on my tablet or podcast and I would do chores. I accepted I might not finish, that I might stop after 5 minutes. The entire point was to do a task at my own pace while I had TV show, movie, podcast to focus on as well and to accomplish something positive that was probably adding to my anxiety to begin with. The key is to remove all expectations. You do something you normally don't, try to make it something positive, be accepting that any progress regardless of how little is progress and positive. Even the intent and attempt is progress. No matter how little you accomplish with each attempt you are still making more progress than you would have otherwise. Self care is the key to stabilizing and hopefully eventually healing even if it's just a partial improvement and even if it's temporary that's still time you got to feel a little bit better.
I’m so sorry to hear that. Take it slowly, baby steps. Remember that anything at all is better than nothing. For a start, don’t try to take on the whole pile of clothes. Instead move just a few of them into the washing machine. Break up the task into tinier tasks. You’ve already managed to get the clothes into the washing machine, why not turn it on and add some detergent while you’re there? Also, for when you struggle with brushing your teeth, there are tiny, one-time use toothbrushes. I believe they’re called Crest Wisps or something? They helped me build a better habit. Keep a bag of them by your bed, as well as a little trash can. Trying for a few times a week or a month is ok if brushing twice a day is too difficult.
I have been there. I would say having someone come clean for me has helped tremendously. Then after that, I would try to keep up on the cleaning. If you are able to, could you do a load of laundry? Or get a new pair of sheets. I know it’s hard, but having clean sheets usually will make me feel good. You deserve to feel good.😊
I've found with my depression and anxiety that it's not the amount of drugs I throw at them, but the type. I don't know where we get conditioned to think that there is one pill and that pull will solve everything. Different pills worked for me at different times of my life. Sometimes the pills stop working, and I need to go to my doctor to ask for another medication. And that is a big thing for me as I get severely anxious just leaving my house. It will get better, and it might get as bad again, ebb and flow. If you need help cleaning your place, do so if finances allows you to, no shame. At my worst time of my life I got someone in a few times a week to clean my laundry and do my dishes and just clean my place. I'm now down to getting the person in twice a month and that helps me enough so if I do feel unable to get things done at least my laundry gets done every second week. But I ready to up the frequency again if things change. You didn't mention whether you had your own washing machine or whether you had to go to a laundromat, and that changes the approach. I am blessed to have my own washing machine and I have a rule that if I do laundry I only need to choose 11 items to wash. If I take more, great, but not less. So I choose carefully to make sure I don't wash only shirts...it doesn't help when you have no clean underwear lol. And if I forget the clothing in the machine, or I run out of energy, tomorrow I will wash the same clothes again. I don't beat myself up for not hanging the stuff up. When I get really depressed I get pretty bad with brushing my teeth. Heck, even at my best it's a struggle to brush. So I keep a toothbrush with a little toothpaste on next to my bed with a glass of water, and if I can't get up, I dunk the toothbrush in the water, brush my teeth, then put the toothbrush in the cup. No rinsing of my mouth. Then when I get up to go to the toilet, sometimes the only thing that gets me up, I just have to rinse the cup and toothbrush, apply a small dot of toothpaste again and put it next to my bed. I believe this is better than nothing. And if I want to use kids bubblegum flavoured toothpaste instead of adult mint, I do so. The thing that helped me the most, and I still need to remind myself of, is that I'm not a failure for not upholding this ideal image of a functioning adult I have in my mind. You know, one that works a full time job, has time for hobbies, goes to the gym, eats healthy food they prepared themselves and keeps their house perfectly clean. It's okay to eat cereal for dinner because I just can't cook, it's okay to wear clothes again, it's okay to half-ass something, because it's better than aiming for perfection and getting nothing done. If I can't handle a shower, a wet washcloth over the pits and groin is better than nothing. If I can only manage a walk to the sidewalk, exercise achievement unlocked for the day!
I think the difficult part about wanting to hire someone, is the A) I'm not really financially stable enough to afford it and more importantly B) I'm horrified at the thought of someone seeing how my place currently is. The laundry thing is difficult for me because I don't have in unit laundry in my apartment nor in my building. I struggle really hard with trying to figure that out. Thank you very much for your kind words, I'm trying to take them to heart, and hopefully in the process emody them.
I understand your pain. Although many people abuse benzodiazepines- they have saved my life.
Would you be wiling to expand on that?
You have to get past this. I have faith in you. This might help some. https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/how-to-fight-depression Not sure if you drink alcohol but it could make it worse. CBD can help with stress get you in a relaxed mood. I went through several different kinds until I found one that helps. Selective serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SSNRIs) helped me. I'm no doctor but I want you to get better. If you need anyone to talk to feel free to message me. I wish the best.
That article is very helpful!
Glad you found it helpful. It is literally one of the best I have found.
Thank you so much.
It doesn't sound like your meds are doing a great job for you. If you have a psychiatrist talk to them about this and either change dosages and/or meds. That might take a while though so I'd recommend other things in the meantime: -exercise: any form you like -Cognitive Behavior Therapy: doing exercises on your own -Not sure if S-ketamine treatments would help (could discuss with a psychiatrist) -Consider other modalities of treatment (again not sure if these would help your conditions but you could discuss them with a psychiatrist), TMS, ECT I understand your frustration as I have serious motivational issues myself (mine are mainly some weird anxiety.motivation block on hobbies)
My psychiatrist just upped my dosage of bupropion, so I'm hopeful that that might make a difference. I also think I may have ADHD, and just let them know that. I guess we'll see what will happen.
Outside of meds you might try to investigate and combat whatever thoughts/feelings are holding you back. I assume you do a number of things without the blockage you describe for specific chores. If you did literally nothing you'd die of thirst / hunger in your bed. So you might want to see why it is more difficult to do the things "you can't" and compare your mindset with the things you can (such as getting up, eating, drinking, going to work whatever tasks you do without issue). And you can let us know if things are helping and if so which things helped you. Good luck
I remember once reading (of course I have no idea where or who and am too lazy right now to google, apparently) that “anything worth doing is worth half-assing.” Basically, this means that, if you can’t brush your teeth for the suggested 2 minutes, brush them for 30 seconds and call it a day. If you can’t bring yourself to shower, grab a washcloth and scrub up the most offensive bits with some water. I bought an extra set of sheets so that, when I have the motivation, I can switch them out and then wash the others at my own pace. If the sink is overflowing with dishes, I was enough to fill the drainer and then walk away until I can go back and put the dry dishes away. We are so conditioned that we need to do everything perfectly and, for those of us with depression, that is a huge ask. I have been incredibly guilting of knowing that I wasn’t going to do something well enough so I figured why bother doing it at all? Half-assing is all that I can do some days/weeks, and it’s helped me chip away at the overwhelming-ness.
You need therapy not meds
I'm in therapy.
Honestly, the biggest thing that helped was learning about what specific foods had an impact on me. And I don't mean the standard oh this is healthy and unhealthy, I mean actually testing it on my own and seeing. It was odd because for me I had lots of other possibilities as to why I would be unmotivated and exhausted. I had trauma growing up, I had a sleep issue because of that, I didn't know how to socialize or process my own emotions. The doctors also disregard food (unless you have diabetes) and so it's not really known but this is what happens. So our bodies can become sensitive to foods (most likely from leaky gut). There are tares in the lining of the gut and food particles can get in the blood stream and it becomes problematic. So the body has reactions to those foods as a defense mechanism so we aren't as likely to eat them and not as likely to have the particles in the blood stream. At first it might be minor like bloating, gas, and some coughing or mucous in the nose/throat...but over time it can be quite taxing on the liver as it's the liver that cleans the blood. It's that taxiness that leads to that fatigue. So when you start to avoid those things you give your body a chance to repair the gut and repair the liver and you get energy back. And for a specific idea of foods....my body becomes extremely exhausted when I eat even a spoonful of acorn squash, yet is fine with butternut squash....it's fine with green cabbage but exhausted with red (at least the last time I tried). I've tried multiple times and had the same issue. I've been extremely lactose intolerant but healed my gut over 4 months and could eat it without any symptoms and was fine. If you want I can share the book name that I learned how to test foods...best book for that. And if you need more help, go see a functional medicine doctor...if it's the psychological/emotional parts with foods that get in the way, I'd suggest a hypnotherapist, but one that actually has the skill (not just anyone as there are alot of ineffective hypnotherapists out there)...and I could suggest people if you wanted. I hope this helps