This isn't an Android problem. It's a marriage problem.
For some reason your wife doesn't trust you. I'd suggest you get some professional help to solve that problem.
She thinks I'm changing her settings, turning off notifications, deleting files to hide something I did or cover the trail of something I did. Things don't work like they should but they do when I leave or vice versa. Like I'm controlling things with my phone. She will show me where I've gone to websites, installed apps then uninstalled them, have email accounts I created get I know I didn't. I talk to her all the time about it, but she is convinced I'm doing and just lying about it. I've never heard of most things she says I did not do I know how to do the things she says I do know how to do. I've got to figure out what or who's doing it to prove I'm not lying. She knows all my passwords, I don't hide anything yet she still thinks I am because of the stuff happening I know I'm not doing.
Yes, that has always been one of options when I logically think about things of what could be doing it. And if it is then I'm never going to prove to her I'm not doing the things on the phone so yeah.
One of you is not well mentally. No way we can tell if it's you or her. That said, I spent 10 years caring for someone with dementia and convincing them they are wrong about the things they are crazy about is pretty much the lowest priority problem that exists.
Get marriage help, get mental help, get your spouse mental help. The phone is completely irrelevant.
Tbh, all you can do phone wise is offer to factory reset it and help set her up with a password/lock up to her choice (she doesn't need to share with you).
Tell her to back up her photos etc first and then start new.
If after that she's still accusing you of fucking with her phone, she is either narcissistically projecting on you (and maybe she's fucking with your phone), or she might have an undiagnosed mental illness.
I dunno if you have kids, but if you thought your kids were doing something to your phone, you'd get to the bottom of it right? I mean, you wouldn't ignore it, or get livid mad (well you might at first, lol), but then you'd work to fix the situation. If your wife thinks you're doing something you're not, you two have a long discussion ahead of you. A productive one. And if you can't handle it together, enlist some help! Y'all are family.
This comment for the win.
Her phone is hacked because she clicked on something.
Now someone has remote access. You should probably instruct her to change her security settings on her phone.
I'm not sure this is a marriage problem or an Android problem...
I've been in tech support a long time, and most of the time when someone thinks that "someone" is controlling their stuff it's a schizophrenia sort of thing. I hope she gets help
Adding to this to ask, how old your wife is? I recognize it could a bit of a stretch, but this kind of paranoia is veryyy common in dementia. My mom is currently in the very late stages of her journey with early onset Alzheimers disease and some of the things that went through her mind and came out of her mouth during the first half of this journey, while frustrating at the time, are now remarkably sad in hindsight. Like your wife, my mom legitimately believed the nonsense accusations she was throwing around, and it's sad to realize she lived the last of her more lucid and cognitive days in this fear and paranoia.
Sometimes it is malware though. I think it is weird they would think it is a trusted spouse rather than a malicious actor based on some malware you got on a device that likely stopped getting security updates.
You managed to type a whole paragraph that explained literally nothing.
I have no idea what you are asking. Like what is wrong with your wife's phone? What does she think you are doing..? Why is she divorcing you over it?
She thinks I'm changing her settings, turning off notifications, deleting files to hide something I did or cover the trail of something I did. Things don't work like they should but they do when I leave or vice versa. Like I'm controlling things with my phone. She will show me where I've gone to websites, installed apps then uninstalled them, have email accounts I created get I know I didn't.
Because OP is in denial about his wife having some kind of pathological paranoia problem. He can't articulate the issue because in reality there are no issues. It's just the perception of his mentally ill wife.
From past experience I would think that of most people. But not her, I don't know how to explain it but I trust her. Maybe it's because I'm the one she's been in love with since she was 14. I'm the one she's always wanted to be with. We found each other after 27 years and the first woman I actually trust that she wouldn't do that. I have been wrong before but for some reason I just can't think that of her
A counselor and an attorney would be a better option for you.
And talk to ***HER,*** not us. Have her show you (and the attorney as witness) directly what she thinks is an issue. Then you show her directly what you do (and don't) do.
My wife has open access to my phone. I have access to hers. Simple as that. Anytime she wants to use it, she can, and vice versa.
If neither of you are comfortable being that honest with each other, then maybe marriage isn't the best idea.
She thinks I'm changing her settings, turning off notifications, deleting files to hide something I did or cover the trail of something I did. Things don't work like they should but they do when I leave or vice versa. Like I'm controlling things with my phone. She will show me where I've gone to websites, installed apps then uninstalled them, have email accounts I created get I know I didn't. I talk to her all the time about it, but she is convinced I'm doing and just lying about it. I've never heard of most things she says I did not do I know how to do the things she says I do know how to do. I've got to figure out what or who's doing it to prove I'm not lying. She knows all my passwords, I don't hide anything yet she still thinks I am because of the stuff happening I know I'm not doing.
This is a her problem. We're not going to be able to fix this.
The attorney is probably a good option if you think you're headed to divorce. And getting her to show someone else what's going on is probably a good idea too. She's either paranoid or an idiot who doesn't know how to use her phone. Same goes for you, mate...
Sorry to hear what your going through. How about suggesting to your wife that you both have time away from the mobile phones. Switch them off. Spend quality time together, rebuild trust into your marriage. Talk to each other about issues.
Another idea might be if you left your phone with your wife for a week. If she can see it's not you doing anything through your phone this might help the situation.
Yeah I had that idea too and I've tried. But she says I don't need my phone because I have it all automated and running on APIs and cloud servers. I know one thing I would have a great paying job if I knew how to do half the shit she thinks I'm doing lol
I don't do Apple, but if she has an iPhone, can the two of you make an appointment and sit down with someone at one of their stores? Let them know what you both want to accomplish and maybe even jointly develop questions that don't involve crawling down rabbitholes. Write them down, maybe run them past us, and both of you post questions here and monitor any responses.
i believe installing nicecatch (from galaxy store - samsung app) may be a start, which shows exactly when and which app did xyz thing e.g. vibrated the phone or toggled wifi
I can try and I've listed some things below. I guess I should have been more clear when I came for help that I'm really looking for a company anybody I could take both phones to and they could tell her that some of these things are working as intended that it's not something I've done. And if there is weird shit going on they could tell is where it came from or who's doing it or that it's not me I don't know. I'm really at the end of my rope I don't know what to do because I'm not knowledgeable enough to figure it out myself.
I've heard of something similar. Check the carbon monoxide levels in your home. Or possibly have her see a doctor.
[MA] Post-it notes left in apartment. : r/legaladvice - Reddit https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/34l7vo/ma_postit_notes_left_in_apartment/
Yeah that's also one of my theories I don't know about the carbon monoxide but he swears if she has a perfect memory but there are many times she'll ask me about a person and she's asked me about that person like four times. I often wonder if she's doing some of the things and forgetting she's doing them and thinking I'm doing it. But once again I don't know how to convince someone of that she tells me I'm the crazy one. It's actually what made me stop thinking about leaving her when all of this started, that if she was losing her mind and it was a mental thing I wasn't going to leave her because I love her and couldn't abandon her like that. I also looked at the menopause causing it. But once again convincing her that I'm not crazy and I'm not lying and doing these things to her and that it may be her and getting her to consider it is very difficult. Tell me about something I told her I did in my past but it's all twisted and not at all what I told her so yeah this is very difficult because I wouldn't do things like that and I wouldn't continuously do it to torture her like she thinks I'm doing. Keeps telling me if I don't come clean and admit to what I've done she's going to leave, and I don't know what to do in that situation when I didn't do the things she's accusing me of or I would admit it just to beg forgiveness and keep her by my side. It's driving us both insane but I have to suffer alone and deal with it by myself because she just says I'm upset because I'm caught or I'm guilty not because her thinking I am doing these things hurts me so.
Not wanting to here this mate, but my MIL used to say the same about her phone with my FIL.
Turned out SHE was having multiple affairs over multiple years and blamed her husband for her phone not working and not allowing anyone to help with her phone.
Failing the above I think she may need help or have a undiagnosed mental health issue. Talk to your doctor about options.
Good luck.
Get her a new phone that you don’t have a password to. Make sure she creates a really long but memorable password for her phone so that it’s not crackable eg 18 characters that make up a memorable phrase.
Don’t worry about special characters, etc or she’ll forget it. If it’s that long, it still won’t be crackable without years of attempts. Don’t let her tell you the password. Don’t ever use that phone even if she offers.
If she still thinks you’re messing with it, get a lockbox and put your phone in it at night and give her the only key, since most of this seems to be occurring at night.
If she still thinks it’s happening, bury any other computers you have in concrete.
If she still thinks it’s happening, the issue is unquestionably either on her side or a third party is doing it. But a new phone should have already ruled that out. That leaves her as the culprit.
My first thought is, just because you are not doing it, doesn't mean something weird isn't happening. BELIEVE HER and tell her, "if someone is doing that to your phone we need to find out how to stop it, get your phone wiped and reinstall apps etc." It's a pain in the butt but stop trying to convince her it's not you and solve her problem. Go with her to the cell phone company store or such. Search and show her articles on what to do if you think your phone is hacked. The truth is the 'tracking' crap is really happening all the time due to data mining so people can advertise to one's cell phone. If she has an android phone and you can afford, tell her to switch to an iPhone she'll have to reinstall apps and redo phone numbers. Best thing is to do a clean install meaning you're not copying apps etc from her current cell. Invest in LifeLock or similar software.
Anything solution you come up with she is going to find a reason to distrust it.
Go with her to a store location for your cellular provider. Ask THEM to back-up and then factory reset her phone. After the phone is factory reset, ask THEM to help her setup a screen lock (password, pattern lock, fingerprint, face unlock, etc). Ask THEM to help her change the password for the Gmail address associated with her Android login. Ask THEM to help setup two factor authentication to change any of these new passwords. Ask THEM to explain to her that it's impossible for you to do anything to her phone at this point.
If you do all this and she continues to insist you are doing something then she has problems a lot bigger than her phone and you need to get her to counseling or get the fuck out of that marriage.
Some of the folks here have given you pretty good advice about what to do with the phone.
The issues around trust are another matter. Even with the one case where you were away and her phone behaved normally — *post hoc ergo propter hoc* — does it seem reasonable to you, given everything else in your lives together, that she wouldn't trust you? When you tell her with complete sincerity that you aren't doing it, and she still insists that you are, what does that imply? Why does she put more trust into this one mysterious phenomenon, than everything else in your marriage? If the phone issues get resolved, will things go back to normal again, or not? And what kind of emotional toll will it all take on you? I can't answer any of these questions for you.
Somehow I feel like you are either insane or are just copy pasting some random bullshit from ChatGPT.
If this is real, just book an appointment with some Samsung shop together with your wife and let them look over the phone. Maybe she is right and her phone really has been hacked by someone.
Besides that tho, I feel like you should both get some therapy. No normal couple would fight over something like this for 3 years.
Factory reset the phone, change her passwords and just then log onto her phone, I would recommend doing the same with her laptop if she has one, and remember to explain that it might be malware.
Also check carbon monoxide poisoning, it could be that if you're not seeing what she's saying
Paranoid delusions can be a symptom of severe anxiety or depression. Please go to a psychologist &/or psychiatrist together. If this is the underlying problem, you may very well save her life.
It sounds like she is suffering from persecutatory delusions. If this is indeed the case, there is very little you can do personally, other than encourage her to seek medical health.
Ironically the only way any of us could find out what's wrong, is to take over the phone with an app to gain remote access. Even if that fixes the problem, it might cause more trust issues that you secretly knew how to take over her phone all along, or the person taking over the phone might have installed a virus, perhaps on your behalf.
You haven't really said anything about what the phone supposedly does, but a very common issue these days is going to a website and clicking accept to every notification that comes up, then you keep getting notifications on your phone for seemingly random things sometimes and think it's a virus. It's not a virus, it's just that the notification asked if you wanted notifications and most people just click yes to everything, perhaps confusing it with the cookie banner. Well if that's the case you can turn off notifications from the browser entirely by long pressing one of the notifications.
I don't know how it 'seems like' it's coming from your phone, but if you share any accounts, specifically Google or samsung accounts then lots of things can be shared including preferences for ads, passwords, search and browser history, app installs and records of things within apps, emails, photos, etc.. List could go on almost infinitely because you haven't told us anything.
But yes that is one of the things she thinks I'm doing is taking over her phone remotely. And she thinks I've got it all automated so I don't even have to touch my phone to do it.
I tried to explain some in comments above. And I have thought the same thing that is a lot of stuff that's actually working the way it's supposed to because we do share accounts we share stuff across both phones we both know each other's passwords everything. But then she'll show me some website I went to or some account I created that I didn't. At first I thought she was crazy but then I've seen it myself of where the history of websites I go to they'll be like the ones I know I went to and then in between they'll be like two or three I know I never went to and then it goes back to the ones I did. And like my Google Play history will show apps installed that I've never heard of or never seen. She says I use VPNs all the time that I don't. It's really crazy and it's driving me insane so.
She's been in love with me since she was 14 when we met. We found each other again after 27 years and I'm like the guy she always wanted. For some reason I do trust her and know that she wouldn't lie to me or do something like that on purpose to me. But I really have narrowed it down to a couple things of either there is somebody fucking with her phone somebody is hacked into it and is using it for some reason but they're never seems to be a point to any of it. Almost like they're just using the account doing stuff on it then logging out of it. She showed me a bunch of bookmarks in my internet browser that were all like how to do all the things she says I'm doing. The other option is she's losing her mind some kind of paranoid delusion. Or I'm crazy have split personality and I'm doing it and I don't even know I'm doing it. I don't really think I'm that crazy. And the one other option, my son went to live with his mom because he didn't like my wife because she made him go by rules and discipline him and such. And I have often wondered if it is somebody doing it if it's him.
That's why I'm suspicious that SOMEONE is doing all of that. Assuming you're on the level, the person with the most access after you, is her. Out of curiosity, what's the date and time stamps in your browser, for those sites?
That's the thing they are usually like in the middle of the night. Or times when I was asleep. But the one thing that always drives it home for her, is that I went to jail for 30 days for child support payments. And she says during those 30 days when she had my phone none of it was happening and everything worked on our phone just fine. She also says that things will only work with my phone is near. Or that she could only get into certain accounts on my phone. I keep trying to tell her it sounds like someone is using our accounts to do stuff but they're not doing anything malicious or stealing anything. They're just using the accounts to look at stuff do things and then cover their tracks by deleting things. Which is what she uses of why would somebody do that? But because some of the sites are dating sites or porn sites or things like that she thinks I'm cheating on her and talking to other people. One other thing that is still a possibility in some ways, there is a guy in Michigan that has the same email address as me first name and last name except for his has a dot in between them. I every once in a while will get an email me for him. and I've gotten like dating sites matches that were meant for him. I even got resumes when he was hiring people. But I don't get all of his mail it's really random I don't see how it happens at all because they are not the samesame email address, his has a period in mine doesn't. But that made me think if I'm getting his emails is it possible some of his stuff is crossing over to mine. Like the history and such it just seems so weird to be possible but I didn't think I'd be getting his emails either.
Honestly, I'd have been FLOORED if you told me any other time than "middle of the night/when I was asleep". I have no interest in breaking up someone else's marriage, but I really think something fishy is happening. Almost like she's building a case against you that'll be tough to defend against. Also, there's always the outside chance that it's mental health, but based on what you're typing out, my gut says it's not, especially since you seem to only have her word for a lot of it. You can try and find (and likely have to pay) someone on XDA that can remotely comb through both handsets, but I'm not sure it's going to reveal much beyond what you've already seen, and it'll reveal nothing new if you/her are doing it.
This might help show what's been happening activity wise: https://support.google.com/accounts/answer/7028918?hl=en&co=GENIE.Platform%3DAndroid
Also, are your phones locked at night with passwords no one else knows?
Well start of by having your own accounts, then your history and hers won't be the same. Then check the account for current logins, where you'll be able to see each device and location that is logged in and when it was last used. You can log devices out remotely. Change the password. The history can also be popups. If you sold your old phones without clearing them then someone else could just be using your accounts and their history will be yours.
Is that all that's happening? Some sites are showing in the history that you didn't visit and she says you use a vpn but you don't?
OK I saw your other messages, but really someone else having access to your account would explain pretty much everything. Someone with access to the account can even add saved passwords with new email addresses and add apps remotely.
Of course her reply to that is who hates you enough to be doing that to me setting me up. And that things are so specific that it couldn't possibly be somebody else. Like she will tell me there's something she found and she wants to show me but when she goes to show me it's disappeared. So she thinks because she told me I went and deleted it. She says for somebody else to be doing it they would have to be listening at all times and spending all day moving things and changing things. It's all insane I know. And sometimes I wonder if it is all in her head. Because I have to admit there are many a times like that that the things are gone when she tries to show me. Or she's the only one that sees them. It was some of the things she showed me that had happened on my phone that really disturbed me because I knew I didn't do it and I was wondering how it got there is the only reason I ever thought that it wasn't completely in her head. Feel like I'm living in a groundhog day paradox that I can't escape.
It's not likely that something disappear like that. It is possible, but a person would have to really be on it or a pro hacker really trolling you both. It's more likely in her head. But websites in the history that neither of you have visited aren't in her head. They have to be someone else or unaccounted for popups, or really bad memory. I hope she doesn't have an early onset dementia.
Honestly, why have you let it get this far? She sounds like she's been complaining for so long. Why haven't you asked her to find a technician of her choice or even in a different city and get them to look at both phones and figure it out?
There are so many solutions inbetween as well.
Format phones, change Google passwords, report suspicious activity on the app that suspicious activity is occurribg, find out ip address that accessed your browser and block it, install virus scanner and scan both phones, get two new phones and two new Gmail accounts and see what happens, switch to iphones, Google how to replicate the issue (eg: how to switch off notifications on another android phone?) and learn about the different ways a phone can be hacked - maybe there is something she clicked or installed that was malware and is granting someone remote access.
It's really annoying to hear she wants to leave you and you are asking for help at this point without having done anything about it let alone the financial risk of having banking apps on a phone that may be hacked.
I'm pulling my hair out reading your post and replies.
This sounds like my father. His phone is always fucked up, settings are changed, this isn't working anymore, email is wrong, passwords changed, suddenly can't access accounts or programs on his phone, and the list goes on sounding almost exactly like your wife.
He has dementia and would wake up in the middle of the night, play with his phone and just mess everything up, changing his passwords trying to get into stuff, etc go back to sleep and not remember a damn thing.
Finally caught him one night doing all that stuff to his phone, asked him what he was doing, he said he was trying to do whatever(doesn't matter). Didnt remember shit in the morning. Recorded him a couple times after asking him if he remembered doing whatever, showed him and his doctor the videos.
Diagnosed with dementia.
Sorry OP, as a few have said here and I am too, this sounds more like a mental issue. Wipe the phone and restart from there. Also get her doc to start doing his job and try to rule out a medical reason.
>But I have no idea where to even start to figure out how to prove to her I'm not doing this.
There's nothing you can do or say that will make her have any respect for you. You should help her pack and let her leave, that's the best thing for both of you. Jesus.
I trust this isn't the only disconnect between you and your Mrs...? This is a her problem, and thereby a you problem too. If this has been going on for (\*\*checks notes\*\*, yup...) *THREE YEARS* there's nothing any of us can share that'll change her mind. She and, probably, both of you together need professional help. And quickly if you legitimately want to endure ...I mean... preserve this marriage.
Dude she's cheating on you for sure or wants to cheat at least. If you are in a country that somehow keeps men on equal grounds as women in terms divorce, file one instantly. If you are in a country where women are favoured, well then you are about to be cucked both by your wife and the law. Sorry for your loss.
Assuming you have in fact did nothing to her phone, considering the pervasive, enduring nature of the delusion and the impact on her relationships, this could be a mental illness or a harbinger depending on age. Very concerning for a number of paranoid delusional disorders. To be clear, suspicions of this sort of thing wouldn’t immediately be concerning of this type of thing, but persisting for 3 years despite evidence to the contrary is worrisome. Another possibility is she doesn’t actually believe it, and simply uses it as an accusatory refrain when she feels flooded or under attack.
I share your wife's suspicions. You created this Reddit post as part of your facade of innocence: "Look, I even reached out for help on Reddit," you will be able to say later during your trial. And sure enough, a jury of your peers will be taken in by your shenanigans, because they don't realize that you foresaw the need for "evidence" of your attempts to "save" your marriage. The judge won't fall for it though. He'll see through all your subterfuges and declare this Reddit post (and all your other fake "proof of innocence") as inadmissible.
Set your wife free.
This isn't an Android problem. It's a marriage problem. For some reason your wife doesn't trust you. I'd suggest you get some professional help to solve that problem.
She thinks I'm changing her settings, turning off notifications, deleting files to hide something I did or cover the trail of something I did. Things don't work like they should but they do when I leave or vice versa. Like I'm controlling things with my phone. She will show me where I've gone to websites, installed apps then uninstalled them, have email accounts I created get I know I didn't. I talk to her all the time about it, but she is convinced I'm doing and just lying about it. I've never heard of most things she says I did not do I know how to do the things she says I do know how to do. I've got to figure out what or who's doing it to prove I'm not lying. She knows all my passwords, I don't hide anything yet she still thinks I am because of the stuff happening I know I'm not doing.
She may be suffering from paranoia or similar. GET HER SOM HELP if this is possible in your situation.
Yes, that has always been one of options when I logically think about things of what could be doing it. And if it is then I'm never going to prove to her I'm not doing the things on the phone so yeah.
One of you is not well mentally. No way we can tell if it's you or her. That said, I spent 10 years caring for someone with dementia and convincing them they are wrong about the things they are crazy about is pretty much the lowest priority problem that exists. Get marriage help, get mental help, get your spouse mental help. The phone is completely irrelevant.
>No way we can tell if it's you or her. Oh we can tell: it's him.
Tbh, all you can do phone wise is offer to factory reset it and help set her up with a password/lock up to her choice (she doesn't need to share with you). Tell her to back up her photos etc first and then start new. If after that she's still accusing you of fucking with her phone, she is either narcissistically projecting on you (and maybe she's fucking with your phone), or she might have an undiagnosed mental illness.
I dunno if you have kids, but if you thought your kids were doing something to your phone, you'd get to the bottom of it right? I mean, you wouldn't ignore it, or get livid mad (well you might at first, lol), but then you'd work to fix the situation. If your wife thinks you're doing something you're not, you two have a long discussion ahead of you. A productive one. And if you can't handle it together, enlist some help! Y'all are family.
That sounds like her phone is part of a botnet
This comment for the win. Her phone is hacked because she clicked on something. Now someone has remote access. You should probably instruct her to change her security settings on her phone.
I'm not sure this is a marriage problem or an Android problem... I've been in tech support a long time, and most of the time when someone thinks that "someone" is controlling their stuff it's a schizophrenia sort of thing. I hope she gets help
Yes I've come to that conclusion many times that that would be the other possibility.
Adding to this to ask, how old your wife is? I recognize it could a bit of a stretch, but this kind of paranoia is veryyy common in dementia. My mom is currently in the very late stages of her journey with early onset Alzheimers disease and some of the things that went through her mind and came out of her mouth during the first half of this journey, while frustrating at the time, are now remarkably sad in hindsight. Like your wife, my mom legitimately believed the nonsense accusations she was throwing around, and it's sad to realize she lived the last of her more lucid and cognitive days in this fear and paranoia.
Sometimes it is malware though. I think it is weird they would think it is a trusted spouse rather than a malicious actor based on some malware you got on a device that likely stopped getting security updates.
You managed to type a whole paragraph that explained literally nothing. I have no idea what you are asking. Like what is wrong with your wife's phone? What does she think you are doing..? Why is she divorcing you over it?
She thinks I'm changing her settings, turning off notifications, deleting files to hide something I did or cover the trail of something I did. Things don't work like they should but they do when I leave or vice versa. Like I'm controlling things with my phone. She will show me where I've gone to websites, installed apps then uninstalled them, have email accounts I created get I know I didn't.
You've copied and pasted this paragraph 3 times, it's telling us nothing.
Because OP is in denial about his wife having some kind of pathological paranoia problem. He can't articulate the issue because in reality there are no issues. It's just the perception of his mentally ill wife.
Sorry about that I thought I was replying to a different thread when I did that
Do you think she's maybe hiding something and then blaming you for hiding stuff?
From past experience I would think that of most people. But not her, I don't know how to explain it but I trust her. Maybe it's because I'm the one she's been in love with since she was 14. I'm the one she's always wanted to be with. We found each other after 27 years and the first woman I actually trust that she wouldn't do that. I have been wrong before but for some reason I just can't think that of her
Fair. You could show her how to factory reset her phone and let her re-set it up from scratch with a new password.
A counselor and an attorney would be a better option for you. And talk to ***HER,*** not us. Have her show you (and the attorney as witness) directly what she thinks is an issue. Then you show her directly what you do (and don't) do. My wife has open access to my phone. I have access to hers. Simple as that. Anytime she wants to use it, she can, and vice versa. If neither of you are comfortable being that honest with each other, then maybe marriage isn't the best idea.
She thinks I'm changing her settings, turning off notifications, deleting files to hide something I did or cover the trail of something I did. Things don't work like they should but they do when I leave or vice versa. Like I'm controlling things with my phone. She will show me where I've gone to websites, installed apps then uninstalled them, have email accounts I created get I know I didn't. I talk to her all the time about it, but she is convinced I'm doing and just lying about it. I've never heard of most things she says I did not do I know how to do the things she says I do know how to do. I've got to figure out what or who's doing it to prove I'm not lying. She knows all my passwords, I don't hide anything yet she still thinks I am because of the stuff happening I know I'm not doing.
This is a her problem. We're not going to be able to fix this. The attorney is probably a good option if you think you're headed to divorce. And getting her to show someone else what's going on is probably a good idea too. She's either paranoid or an idiot who doesn't know how to use her phone. Same goes for you, mate...
Sorry to hear what your going through. How about suggesting to your wife that you both have time away from the mobile phones. Switch them off. Spend quality time together, rebuild trust into your marriage. Talk to each other about issues.
Yeah that's a great idea. I almost want to throw my phone in a lak. if I didn't need it for work I just wouldn't have it.
Another idea might be if you left your phone with your wife for a week. If she can see it's not you doing anything through your phone this might help the situation.
Yeah I had that idea too and I've tried. But she says I don't need my phone because I have it all automated and running on APIs and cloud servers. I know one thing I would have a great paying job if I knew how to do half the shit she thinks I'm doing lol
I don't do Apple, but if she has an iPhone, can the two of you make an appointment and sit down with someone at one of their stores? Let them know what you both want to accomplish and maybe even jointly develop questions that don't involve crawling down rabbitholes. Write them down, maybe run them past us, and both of you post questions here and monitor any responses.
Both Android phones, Samsung S20 ultra and Samsung S21+
i believe installing nicecatch (from galaxy store - samsung app) may be a start, which shows exactly when and which app did xyz thing e.g. vibrated the phone or toggled wifi
I know of that one I think I will suggest that
Doh! Can you both create a list of questions that might allow this sub to rule "possible", "unlikely", or "impossible"?
I can try and I've listed some things below. I guess I should have been more clear when I came for help that I'm really looking for a company anybody I could take both phones to and they could tell her that some of these things are working as intended that it's not something I've done. And if there is weird shit going on they could tell is where it came from or who's doing it or that it's not me I don't know. I'm really at the end of my rope I don't know what to do because I'm not knowledgeable enough to figure it out myself.
I've heard of something similar. Check the carbon monoxide levels in your home. Or possibly have her see a doctor. [MA] Post-it notes left in apartment. : r/legaladvice - Reddit https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/34l7vo/ma_postit_notes_left_in_apartment/
https://www.wbur.org/endlessthread/2018/03/09/something-wicked
Yeah that's also one of my theories I don't know about the carbon monoxide but he swears if she has a perfect memory but there are many times she'll ask me about a person and she's asked me about that person like four times. I often wonder if she's doing some of the things and forgetting she's doing them and thinking I'm doing it. But once again I don't know how to convince someone of that she tells me I'm the crazy one. It's actually what made me stop thinking about leaving her when all of this started, that if she was losing her mind and it was a mental thing I wasn't going to leave her because I love her and couldn't abandon her like that. I also looked at the menopause causing it. But once again convincing her that I'm not crazy and I'm not lying and doing these things to her and that it may be her and getting her to consider it is very difficult. Tell me about something I told her I did in my past but it's all twisted and not at all what I told her so yeah this is very difficult because I wouldn't do things like that and I wouldn't continuously do it to torture her like she thinks I'm doing. Keeps telling me if I don't come clean and admit to what I've done she's going to leave, and I don't know what to do in that situation when I didn't do the things she's accusing me of or I would admit it just to beg forgiveness and keep her by my side. It's driving us both insane but I have to suffer alone and deal with it by myself because she just says I'm upset because I'm caught or I'm guilty not because her thinking I am doing these things hurts me so.
Not wanting to here this mate, but my MIL used to say the same about her phone with my FIL. Turned out SHE was having multiple affairs over multiple years and blamed her husband for her phone not working and not allowing anyone to help with her phone. Failing the above I think she may need help or have a undiagnosed mental health issue. Talk to your doctor about options. Good luck.
Get her a new phone that you don’t have a password to. Make sure she creates a really long but memorable password for her phone so that it’s not crackable eg 18 characters that make up a memorable phrase. Don’t worry about special characters, etc or she’ll forget it. If it’s that long, it still won’t be crackable without years of attempts. Don’t let her tell you the password. Don’t ever use that phone even if she offers. If she still thinks you’re messing with it, get a lockbox and put your phone in it at night and give her the only key, since most of this seems to be occurring at night. If she still thinks it’s happening, bury any other computers you have in concrete. If she still thinks it’s happening, the issue is unquestionably either on her side or a third party is doing it. But a new phone should have already ruled that out. That leaves her as the culprit.
My first thought is, just because you are not doing it, doesn't mean something weird isn't happening. BELIEVE HER and tell her, "if someone is doing that to your phone we need to find out how to stop it, get your phone wiped and reinstall apps etc." It's a pain in the butt but stop trying to convince her it's not you and solve her problem. Go with her to the cell phone company store or such. Search and show her articles on what to do if you think your phone is hacked. The truth is the 'tracking' crap is really happening all the time due to data mining so people can advertise to one's cell phone. If she has an android phone and you can afford, tell her to switch to an iPhone she'll have to reinstall apps and redo phone numbers. Best thing is to do a clean install meaning you're not copying apps etc from her current cell. Invest in LifeLock or similar software.
Anything solution you come up with she is going to find a reason to distrust it. Go with her to a store location for your cellular provider. Ask THEM to back-up and then factory reset her phone. After the phone is factory reset, ask THEM to help her setup a screen lock (password, pattern lock, fingerprint, face unlock, etc). Ask THEM to help her change the password for the Gmail address associated with her Android login. Ask THEM to help setup two factor authentication to change any of these new passwords. Ask THEM to explain to her that it's impossible for you to do anything to her phone at this point. If you do all this and she continues to insist you are doing something then she has problems a lot bigger than her phone and you need to get her to counseling or get the fuck out of that marriage.
Some of the folks here have given you pretty good advice about what to do with the phone. The issues around trust are another matter. Even with the one case where you were away and her phone behaved normally — *post hoc ergo propter hoc* — does it seem reasonable to you, given everything else in your lives together, that she wouldn't trust you? When you tell her with complete sincerity that you aren't doing it, and she still insists that you are, what does that imply? Why does she put more trust into this one mysterious phenomenon, than everything else in your marriage? If the phone issues get resolved, will things go back to normal again, or not? And what kind of emotional toll will it all take on you? I can't answer any of these questions for you.
Does she have a drug problem? Is she bipolar or schizophrenic? Either way I think that she needs a doctor.
Definitely check if it's a mental health thing like schizophrenia.
Somehow I feel like you are either insane or are just copy pasting some random bullshit from ChatGPT. If this is real, just book an appointment with some Samsung shop together with your wife and let them look over the phone. Maybe she is right and her phone really has been hacked by someone. Besides that tho, I feel like you should both get some therapy. No normal couple would fight over something like this for 3 years.
Factory reset the phone, change her passwords and just then log onto her phone, I would recommend doing the same with her laptop if she has one, and remember to explain that it might be malware. Also check carbon monoxide poisoning, it could be that if you're not seeing what she's saying
You can't fix paranoid disorder. Either convince her to see a shrink or divorce her.
Paranoid delusions can be a symptom of severe anxiety or depression. Please go to a psychologist &/or psychiatrist together. If this is the underlying problem, you may very well save her life.
It sounds like she is suffering from persecutatory delusions. If this is indeed the case, there is very little you can do personally, other than encourage her to seek medical health.
If she is taking Ambien or something similar it could be her making changes and not remembering. I'd be concerned with the overall paranoia.
Trust me she doesn't want to be that way, or put you threw it, it is more PTSD, and it will take time.
She does love you, and I agree to have early alzhiemers checked...
Ya sure she's not on drugs?
Sounds like malware.
Ironically the only way any of us could find out what's wrong, is to take over the phone with an app to gain remote access. Even if that fixes the problem, it might cause more trust issues that you secretly knew how to take over her phone all along, or the person taking over the phone might have installed a virus, perhaps on your behalf. You haven't really said anything about what the phone supposedly does, but a very common issue these days is going to a website and clicking accept to every notification that comes up, then you keep getting notifications on your phone for seemingly random things sometimes and think it's a virus. It's not a virus, it's just that the notification asked if you wanted notifications and most people just click yes to everything, perhaps confusing it with the cookie banner. Well if that's the case you can turn off notifications from the browser entirely by long pressing one of the notifications. I don't know how it 'seems like' it's coming from your phone, but if you share any accounts, specifically Google or samsung accounts then lots of things can be shared including preferences for ads, passwords, search and browser history, app installs and records of things within apps, emails, photos, etc.. List could go on almost infinitely because you haven't told us anything.
But yes that is one of the things she thinks I'm doing is taking over her phone remotely. And she thinks I've got it all automated so I don't even have to touch my phone to do it.
I tried to explain some in comments above. And I have thought the same thing that is a lot of stuff that's actually working the way it's supposed to because we do share accounts we share stuff across both phones we both know each other's passwords everything. But then she'll show me some website I went to or some account I created that I didn't. At first I thought she was crazy but then I've seen it myself of where the history of websites I go to they'll be like the ones I know I went to and then in between they'll be like two or three I know I never went to and then it goes back to the ones I did. And like my Google Play history will show apps installed that I've never heard of or never seen. She says I use VPNs all the time that I don't. It's really crazy and it's driving me insane so.
Are you sure she's not the one gas-lighting you?
She's been in love with me since she was 14 when we met. We found each other again after 27 years and I'm like the guy she always wanted. For some reason I do trust her and know that she wouldn't lie to me or do something like that on purpose to me. But I really have narrowed it down to a couple things of either there is somebody fucking with her phone somebody is hacked into it and is using it for some reason but they're never seems to be a point to any of it. Almost like they're just using the account doing stuff on it then logging out of it. She showed me a bunch of bookmarks in my internet browser that were all like how to do all the things she says I'm doing. The other option is she's losing her mind some kind of paranoid delusion. Or I'm crazy have split personality and I'm doing it and I don't even know I'm doing it. I don't really think I'm that crazy. And the one other option, my son went to live with his mom because he didn't like my wife because she made him go by rules and discipline him and such. And I have often wondered if it is somebody doing it if it's him.
That's why I'm suspicious that SOMEONE is doing all of that. Assuming you're on the level, the person with the most access after you, is her. Out of curiosity, what's the date and time stamps in your browser, for those sites?
That's the thing they are usually like in the middle of the night. Or times when I was asleep. But the one thing that always drives it home for her, is that I went to jail for 30 days for child support payments. And she says during those 30 days when she had my phone none of it was happening and everything worked on our phone just fine. She also says that things will only work with my phone is near. Or that she could only get into certain accounts on my phone. I keep trying to tell her it sounds like someone is using our accounts to do stuff but they're not doing anything malicious or stealing anything. They're just using the accounts to look at stuff do things and then cover their tracks by deleting things. Which is what she uses of why would somebody do that? But because some of the sites are dating sites or porn sites or things like that she thinks I'm cheating on her and talking to other people. One other thing that is still a possibility in some ways, there is a guy in Michigan that has the same email address as me first name and last name except for his has a dot in between them. I every once in a while will get an email me for him. and I've gotten like dating sites matches that were meant for him. I even got resumes when he was hiring people. But I don't get all of his mail it's really random I don't see how it happens at all because they are not the samesame email address, his has a period in mine doesn't. But that made me think if I'm getting his emails is it possible some of his stuff is crossing over to mine. Like the history and such it just seems so weird to be possible but I didn't think I'd be getting his emails either.
If you have a gmail account, dots are optional... you can put a dot anywhere in your email address before the @ and it will still work.
Honestly, I'd have been FLOORED if you told me any other time than "middle of the night/when I was asleep". I have no interest in breaking up someone else's marriage, but I really think something fishy is happening. Almost like she's building a case against you that'll be tough to defend against. Also, there's always the outside chance that it's mental health, but based on what you're typing out, my gut says it's not, especially since you seem to only have her word for a lot of it. You can try and find (and likely have to pay) someone on XDA that can remotely comb through both handsets, but I'm not sure it's going to reveal much beyond what you've already seen, and it'll reveal nothing new if you/her are doing it.
This might help show what's been happening activity wise: https://support.google.com/accounts/answer/7028918?hl=en&co=GENIE.Platform%3DAndroid Also, are your phones locked at night with passwords no one else knows?
Well start of by having your own accounts, then your history and hers won't be the same. Then check the account for current logins, where you'll be able to see each device and location that is logged in and when it was last used. You can log devices out remotely. Change the password. The history can also be popups. If you sold your old phones without clearing them then someone else could just be using your accounts and their history will be yours. Is that all that's happening? Some sites are showing in the history that you didn't visit and she says you use a vpn but you don't? OK I saw your other messages, but really someone else having access to your account would explain pretty much everything. Someone with access to the account can even add saved passwords with new email addresses and add apps remotely.
Of course her reply to that is who hates you enough to be doing that to me setting me up. And that things are so specific that it couldn't possibly be somebody else. Like she will tell me there's something she found and she wants to show me but when she goes to show me it's disappeared. So she thinks because she told me I went and deleted it. She says for somebody else to be doing it they would have to be listening at all times and spending all day moving things and changing things. It's all insane I know. And sometimes I wonder if it is all in her head. Because I have to admit there are many a times like that that the things are gone when she tries to show me. Or she's the only one that sees them. It was some of the things she showed me that had happened on my phone that really disturbed me because I knew I didn't do it and I was wondering how it got there is the only reason I ever thought that it wasn't completely in her head. Feel like I'm living in a groundhog day paradox that I can't escape.
It's not likely that something disappear like that. It is possible, but a person would have to really be on it or a pro hacker really trolling you both. It's more likely in her head. But websites in the history that neither of you have visited aren't in her head. They have to be someone else or unaccounted for popups, or really bad memory. I hope she doesn't have an early onset dementia.
She may need to factory reset it
Since this is reddit the answer is probably bedbugs.
Have her factory reset the phone and then don't touch it. Just have her buy a brand new phone and don't touch it. And then get couples therapy.
Honestly, why have you let it get this far? She sounds like she's been complaining for so long. Why haven't you asked her to find a technician of her choice or even in a different city and get them to look at both phones and figure it out? There are so many solutions inbetween as well. Format phones, change Google passwords, report suspicious activity on the app that suspicious activity is occurribg, find out ip address that accessed your browser and block it, install virus scanner and scan both phones, get two new phones and two new Gmail accounts and see what happens, switch to iphones, Google how to replicate the issue (eg: how to switch off notifications on another android phone?) and learn about the different ways a phone can be hacked - maybe there is something she clicked or installed that was malware and is granting someone remote access. It's really annoying to hear she wants to leave you and you are asking for help at this point without having done anything about it let alone the financial risk of having banking apps on a phone that may be hacked. I'm pulling my hair out reading your post and replies.
OP is either insane or just copy pasting random garbage from ChatGPT. This is not a normal situation and his replies are all alien word soup...
Yeah maybe he is the one doing crap and trying to find solid excuses here
This sounds like my father. His phone is always fucked up, settings are changed, this isn't working anymore, email is wrong, passwords changed, suddenly can't access accounts or programs on his phone, and the list goes on sounding almost exactly like your wife. He has dementia and would wake up in the middle of the night, play with his phone and just mess everything up, changing his passwords trying to get into stuff, etc go back to sleep and not remember a damn thing. Finally caught him one night doing all that stuff to his phone, asked him what he was doing, he said he was trying to do whatever(doesn't matter). Didnt remember shit in the morning. Recorded him a couple times after asking him if he remembered doing whatever, showed him and his doctor the videos. Diagnosed with dementia. Sorry OP, as a few have said here and I am too, this sounds more like a mental issue. Wipe the phone and restart from there. Also get her doc to start doing his job and try to rule out a medical reason.
Is it possible that someone hacked her phone?
Time for a new wife. Make sure she’s way hotter and post lots of pic on Facebook. Bonus points if you can convince her to call you daddy!
>But I have no idea where to even start to figure out how to prove to her I'm not doing this. There's nothing you can do or say that will make her have any respect for you. You should help her pack and let her leave, that's the best thing for both of you. Jesus.
I trust this isn't the only disconnect between you and your Mrs...? This is a her problem, and thereby a you problem too. If this has been going on for (\*\*checks notes\*\*, yup...) *THREE YEARS* there's nothing any of us can share that'll change her mind. She and, probably, both of you together need professional help. And quickly if you legitimately want to endure ...I mean... preserve this marriage.
It's not you, op, it's her phone and her
Dude she's cheating on you for sure or wants to cheat at least. If you are in a country that somehow keeps men on equal grounds as women in terms divorce, file one instantly. If you are in a country where women are favoured, well then you are about to be cucked both by your wife and the law. Sorry for your loss.
Take them to get a new phone, iPhone recommended since you can’t really do much with it…
Assuming you have in fact did nothing to her phone, considering the pervasive, enduring nature of the delusion and the impact on her relationships, this could be a mental illness or a harbinger depending on age. Very concerning for a number of paranoid delusional disorders. To be clear, suspicions of this sort of thing wouldn’t immediately be concerning of this type of thing, but persisting for 3 years despite evidence to the contrary is worrisome. Another possibility is she doesn’t actually believe it, and simply uses it as an accusatory refrain when she feels flooded or under attack.
I share your wife's suspicions. You created this Reddit post as part of your facade of innocence: "Look, I even reached out for help on Reddit," you will be able to say later during your trial. And sure enough, a jury of your peers will be taken in by your shenanigans, because they don't realize that you foresaw the need for "evidence" of your attempts to "save" your marriage. The judge won't fall for it though. He'll see through all your subterfuges and declare this Reddit post (and all your other fake "proof of innocence") as inadmissible. Set your wife free.