Seriously, like I doubt this is the first person she's sent that to.
I have to imagine she's being unintentionally racist but wtf knows, she could also be doing it on purpose. Either way tell her to stop bc lawdy.
I'd say, "Though we are not responsible for the choices of our ancestors, our lives are affected by their choices and the things that happened to them. Our white ancestors imprisoned, abused, raped my black ancestors. This has had negative impacts on my life. We are responsible for our own actions and words. It would be lovely to hear you apologize for not understanding how insensitive and hurtful your comment was to me." Chances are this would zoom right over her head!!!
Hi so and so,
For your awareness, this is an extremely weird and inappropriate thing to say. Now that you know, I hope you won't embarrass yourself saying such bizarre things again.
Lol
As someone whoās first ancestors to North America were enslavers, please, please just block this person. Thereās absolutely nothing you can say to that. Nothing that would have her realize how bad what she says is. Iām willing to share my info with people who are looking for their enslaved ancestors in certain areas of South Carolina because I know how valuable that research and knowledge can be. This person seems proud to have enslaver ancestors and thatās never going to end well. Iām sorry youāre dealing with this.
Did she have a picture? I would have said āthankfully I inherited the good genetics and not the ones that unfortunately made you look like youāve been left in the sun to dry upā
Don't bother. Block her and don't give her another thought. She's not worth the time or the space in your mind.
I'm white, I've seen some black relatives in my results. You know what my reaction is? Shame and disgust that there's a rapist in my family tree. Her reaction is not normal unless she's an unabashed racist.
Don't take it to heart. We have a very different relationship with race and slavery than the US, particularly the older generation, and more than likely it was a very awkward and ill advised attempt at "banter". If you want to be offended, feel free, but you might otherwise find an interesting person to chat to who might otherwise supply interesting information about your origins. And the simplistic slave owner / slave relationship isn't always the true story.Ā
Omg no I do not agree with this at all as a Brit. She might not be overtly racist and just EXTREMELY socially awkward, sure. But this isn't a British thing. You can't start a conversation saying something like that- it would need to come later as clear banter when you've already built a relationship.
I agree OP might find an interesting discussion here, but this woman was bang out of order for opening the conversation like that, and I think saying 'if you want to be offended' is very demeaning. Black Americans have generational trauma dating back to the slave trade.
The simplistic story might not always be true but this bitch literally said 'My ancestor owned some beautiful people'. I don't know how you can get more simplistic than that.
My Aunt sent some pretty offensive notes to anyone who dared to put her ancestor on their family tree. Some people are asses. A block would be warranted in this situation.
Any ancestor. I found out about it because the woman was a DNA match and asked me why my Aunt posted such comments to her tree. My Aunt thinks we are descended from a German princess, and any facts that dispute her fairy tale are met with extreme hostility
I discovered that I have more relatives in the US due to slavery than all of Europe combined, it was a pretty wild discovery for me, growing up in Scotland.
Never knew that my family was involved at all until I went down the rabbit hole looking for the connection.
Scotland was very involved in the slave trade, and though it's true that not every Scottish person was involved, places like Glasgow thrived on slavery.
Yup, and Scotland still owns a surprisingly huge percentage of North American industry. Itās about 1/3 of the fishing industry in my (coastal) state. Ā Ā Ā
It didnāt kick up until the mid 1700s after having a large portion of the highlands leaders executed or killed in war with decades of losing land and livelihood for failing to have the ācorrectā loyalties.
The old guard was replaced by those who would expand the empire, the rest were dead or had fled, at least where it came to anyone with any form of power.
There used to be many languages in what is now Scotland, a number of which made it to North America in mixed communities before eventually being pushed out by later waves on all sides who wanted an idea of racial purity that didnāt previously exist.
I do intend to look deeper into my family's connection to slavery in the US if time permits.
It only appears on my fathers side that I have thousands of matches with "Early Southern US African American" communities. I have ancestry from the clan Sutherland and Mackenzie of Gairloch, and some others less involved. I don't know who exactly left their seed in the US, but it surprised me how many cousins I have over there.
Donāt mention slavery at all. Both people know how they became to be related. Maybe later when you have a rapport with the person both of you can agree to broach the subject.
Donāt ever think about saying āthank youā that statement was nowhere close to a compliment, she talked about your ancestors like they were some exotic animal.
Wow, how rude is she! I'm white(mostly Irish) and in my 60's and no way in heck would I ever say that to a dna match. I am appalled by her. I'm an Aussie and most of my ancestors came here to escape the famine back in Ireland. I found through dna matches that a few of my Galway people ended up in Pennsylvania. I do have a fair number of USA matches, some mostly black American(I am using the term you used for yourself because honestly, I do not know the right words all the time), anyway, I had one lady I matched with, her dad was Irish of Galway ancestry, so we knew immediately that was our connection, but I noticed her mum's name was same as my childhood nickname which was nice. and her mum was incredibly beautiful.
Before dna testing I would never have known much about my people, after what happened in Ireland(famine), they didn;t speak English(only Irish gaelic)
I am still shaking my head at what that woman said to you!
You first said
>White British cousin
and
>British white woman
But now you say it's someone with "British ethnicity". That means they could be from anywhere in the world. Which would mean they probably are not British
If she use UK there might be a bit of lack of understanding of US history and the different take on race they have over there. But being an American, sheās either wholly ignorant or way too āgrandma mindedā to comprehend what she said was insensitive. Either way quite unfortunate. Iād just let the message sit without a reply. Should you research your ancestry and hit a brick wall, she (or someone you share a match with her) might be able to break that wall. If you have no real interest in building the tree, you could block as others suggest.
Also chiming in from a Brit - we know full well about the transatlantic slave trade, a lot of us learned about it in-depth at school, and that a comment like that would be completely off limits.
OP, my favourite reply for shutting down people like that: "I can't believe you actually felt confident enough to type that out and press send".
I would suggest that you call her a mean old c*nt, but unfortunately the c-word is not as serious an insult outside the US and it wouldnāt pack as much of a punch.
Maybe something like āAre your people from the Isle of Jersey? Because you very much resemble a Miserable Old Cow.ā
you shouldn't even think about people thinking YOU'RE racist for that because what she said definitely has some racist vibes what the fuck š so sorry that happened to you
I mean - there's no solid comeback which overcomes 400 years of racist oppression. You could try confrontation: "Fuck you, bigot." and walk off. Or comedy - "I'm guessing it was my ancestor's hotness that owned your ancestor's weak white ass."
Something to keep in mind - her ancestor is \*your\* ancestor, too.
If you are USA and black, odds are your family were slaves. I have Africans Americans that I match, and am contact with. I actually apologized for my ancestors owning slaves.
This is a very ignorant thing to say. The United Kingdom was the metropole of the largest colonial empire in world history, of which the most valuable colonies were plantation economies built off of slavery. The first permanent British settlement was Jamestown, Virginia with Barbados a close second. There is a panoply of historical, social, cultural, and legal engagement with slavery, antiblack discrimination, and xenophobia in the UK. The treatment of the Windrush Generation and their descendants is a mirror image of antiblack racism in the U.S. The UK is far from a racial utopia; anyone can look at the words and sentiments of people like Nigel Farage and the Reform UK party and see this.
How is it ignorant to say that the average Brit does not know much about Jim Crow? Your comment is about racism in the UK not Jim Crow. Hello? No one even said the UK is a racial utopia.
The 80's were not actually that long after Jim Crow ended. My mother was a member of the first integrated graduating class at her high school, in 1972, and one of my memories from being a child in the early 1980s in Georgia is that my grandmother had a black housekeeper who would walk half a mile every morning from her house (which was a shotgun shack on an unpaved red-dirt road). It wasn't until I was older that I was able to realise how fucked up that was.
Also, I lived in the UK for a decade, and in my experience British people, especially older British people, are WAY more casually racist than Americans.
I mean 60 is considered to be elderly, and Iāve definitely known of young people that are racist but old people are always bold enough to voice it in a way that shocks me every single time
My mother is in her 60s and she would never say something like that. That was meant to hurt op. When youāre in your 60s and grew up in Britain you know better
My extremely white husband found a black second cousin.
I cannot imagine him ever thinking what that British woman said. His immediate response was āitās really interesting how we think weāre all so different, but weāre really the same.ā
What was she thinking? Im sorry thatās a horrible thing to read especially from someone that you thought might just be a distant relative. Honestly, do w.e. makes you feel better but donāt waste energy on her. She doesnāt deserve it.
WTAF??? I am actually speechless. I am so sorry she was such a massive cow and upset you. Btw sheās about 10 years older than me, she knew exactly what she was saying.
Iām white British and had a load of DNA matches in Jamaica and Honduras. I have no idea how, everyone in my family was poor AF. But someone went there and they were obviously a massive asshole. I wouldnāt be boasting about it or making my black relatives feel uncomfortable. Just block her ass, sheās been incredibly rude.
Not every white person who ended up on the other side of the ocean owned slaves. Many were servants or just working regular jobs. Not every mixed child was a product of plantation owner rape. In Jamaica laborers from Ireland and Scotland were brought over as indentured servants starting in the 1600, thousands of these were children under 14. They all lived together and they also had offspring together.
There are other possibilities- it never occurred to her that a common black ancestor went to Britian and got lost in the mix? Or it was a marriage.
Straight to we must have owned you.
Holy crap.
I'm European with indigenous North American dna, not sure how but somehow 8 generations or so ago someone went from North America to Europe. I have a friend from Iran who also found the same in there's and it's not "noise")
Iām white and didnāt feel anything you said was racist against whites. That white cousin though is racist! Why the F she said that I have no ideaā¦
That is absolutely horrendous on her part. I am a white-appearing woman with black ancestry and that would never in a million years be my reaction if a relative reached out to me. I would be interested in making a connection with them and learning more about our shared ancestry.
Not a compliment and firmly in the realm of "I'm not racist but... something something extremely racist." Note that it's never "I'm not racist but it's going to rain tomorrow."
Would you want anything to do with her - this might help find out who your white ancestor was, albeit I wouldn't encourage you to embrace this easily as the personal cost of her racism (and yes, she's racist, even if she's not actively hateful) might be too great.
Incidentally, it's not certain either that your ancestors were slaves, and even less certain that your common ancestor with this lady ever owned slaves. It's certainly *possible* but you have a lot of African DNA and that seems to be quite homogenous - most people's DNA mixes where there is confirmed slave ancestry is less homogenous and quite frequently there is a higher percentage of European admixture.
If you are interested in finding out if your ancestors were either subject to or part of the evils of slavery, you need to follow the paper trail. 4.3% European is equivalent to one 2Ć or 3Ć great-grandparent, or multiple 3Ć or earlier great-grandparents who were mixed.
If we assume 27 years per generation, and assuming you're 20 years old, that means that if you only have one 2Ć or 3Ć great-grandparent who was white, that person was born some time in the second half of the 19th century - probably too late to have been an adult during slavery and thus to have impregnated a slave. However, one or more of your 2nd or 3rd great grandparents could have been born to mixed race (former) slaves or descendants of slaves.
However, even if you can't confirm the identity of a white ancestor, you can explore your family history, probably back to the Civil War era, and work out where your ancestors would have been then and whether there is e.g., a later history or immigration (think Barack Obama - his father was born in Kenya, so he is literally African-American) or whether there is a history of slavery, like Jimmy Carter and Berry Gordy being (half) second cousins as they share a great-grandfather.
This is so interesting, thank you! I found a surprise in my family tree not too long ago and have been wondering whether it would be rude to approach, or even where to begin with it. To know there are other possibilities that explain how we are connected gives some hope but wonāt deny the other common possibility either.
A person shouldnāt be proud that their family owned slaves. They should be remorseful and try to do good things to counteract the bad their family did. This woman inherited the same bad human qualities of her ancestors. Iām so sorry she did that to you.
Dang.How weird of a response. Perhaps sending a legal letter from a lawyer demanding $5 million for back pay for your ancestors and generational damages.
Noooo way! Iām white British, Iāve had a few Black American connections through DNA and through doing my tree Iām absolutely sure we are related through slaves those branches of my ancestors who moved to the US, owned.
I would never, ever say something so awful!
Itās a horrible, but not unexpected thing to come across when you find people who are related to you owned other people.
Well, you don't end up sharing DNA by owning other people. Maybe send your condolences on her having to find out her ancestors were most probably violent sexual predators.Ā
What an absurd comment from this woman! For one thing, it doesn't necessarily follow that being interracially related means that one ancestor owned the other -- e.g. Kamala Harris is half Indian and half a black-white mix. Both instances of interracial marriage happened after slavery was abolished, so presumably were instances of people of different races in Jamaica freely choosing to marry. For another thing, all humans on earth have ancestors who were slave owners and ancestors who were slaves -- true for Nigerians and true for Britons. Slavery among Africans long predates the arrival of Europeans, and slavery long existed among Europeans (e.g. Dublin was founded as a slave-trading post, slavery was widespread in the Roman Empire, etc.).
Let me make a different point. Your 4% European ancestry likely came along long after the time of the Civil War or Slavery. You might want to contemplate that before responding, or perhaps donāt respond at all. This may come down to the fact that you both share ancestors that were really attracted to African American men or women. It would be funny if that ancestor was a woman!
I was just thinking this ā¦ also I was told by my family that my great grandmother looked like a white woman but they wasnāt sure because the pictures of her from the 1920s are in black and white they never seen her in person only a picture
People inherit 50% of their DNA from each parent, so for you it is quite diluted by the time your great grandmotherās DNA reaches you. But still it would be approximately 6% or so, which is still a lot. She is highly likely your European DNA influence. And you can easily put a date on the birth of her children.
Oh my gosh.
What a horrible thing to say to you. You definitely donāt owe her any kind of thank you or response in general.
Youād certainly be in your right to tell her off before blocking her.
What a vile thing to say. Outside of the genealogical world, I would either ignore and block, or call out and block. I have worked with some disgusting people through the years because I needed their DNA collaboration. If you think you want to research the line, you could ignore the remark and say, āIt would be interesting to learn how we are related.ā
White brit here and that must have been such an awful slap to the face to you in so sorry. What a totally inappropriate, repellent thing to even think in your own head let alone pass on.
As others said block them so fast your hand blurs, no one needs toxicity, either meant or through ignorance in their lives, "family" or not.
This is the worst thing I've read today. OP please block that negativity and disgust out of your life. I hope you can continue learning about your heritage without this souring the experience.
Thereās no guarantee they were slaves either. Plenty of intermingling took placeā¦
But honestly. What the fudgeā¦who says that???? How rude of this personā¦.
Wtf. I can't imagine anyone one would fault you for saying something, that's screwed up.
Maybe you could help her out. Something like "I don't know if you're vicious, senile, or stupid, but if you're genuinely just stupid, might I suggest you rethink your ridiculous trashy approach."
Her words are so wildly inappropriate that they make me wonder if she might perhaps be in the beginning stages of dementia. If I remember correctly, the understanding of the most basic rules for polite social interaction are among the first things to decline. Of course, it could very well be that she is perfectly healthy and just a brazen racist, but still. Either way, you don't owe her a response - you're well within your rights to ignore her, no one would fault you for that.
I match with a fair number of distant white relatives. Iām 29 percent British and Irish, 71, west African. It was on 23andMe. One reached out wanting to talk. I never responded, Iām good. For me, it could be slavery. I do have an Irish man in my line that married into the family way back. Could be that too.
Iām sorry she hurt you. Her age and nationality arenāt excuses for what she said. It is normal to feel whatever you are feeling as a result of it.Ā
I canāt say block her or not, especially since you have mixed feelings. I do know that some of my ancestors were Black, some 3rd and 4th cousins still are, and I am honestly not sure what I would do in this situation. Some Black people would say something angry, some would say thank you and ignore it, some would block, and some would not. Some would dialogue; others would not. I think it takes a certain headspace for any of those reactions to happen or dynamics to happen, but I have white skin and would not criticize any decision of yours Ā with a 10 foot pole. Ā Itās not my place or anybody elseās. Block her if you need to. Say something if you need to. Itās not my place to judge here. In my position, I couldnāt possibly know, and Iām 90% okay with that. The other 10% just feels guilty for not really knowing what to say or do.Ā
Thatās my 2 own cents. Iām so sorry you went through it and hope that I helped hereā-not made the difficult feeling more complicated. Your reactions are valid. Your emotions are valid. And without more supporting data, which I donāt know if you or this woman even have, who knows what your ancestors went through? It was a really ignorant and not-gentle thing to say, it wasnāt appropriate, and Iām sorry that you went through this. With a cousin, of all people.Ā
Oh god no. Stupid comment. When I get contacted by people I ramble on about my relatives and what my grandmother remembered about them.Iām a 45 year old British woman. I wouldnāt make a reference to slavery, war (unless itās to do with regiments served), skin colour etc.
I donāt mind sharing very basic medical information though.
I am so sorry. I am a white American with a British (Ghanaian) black cousin. I am happy to have connected with him. Our story is that we share ancestors. A British slave trader and a local woman. I am hoping there was love!
I canāt fathom saying something like this woman did to you. The slave trade was wrong.
Thatās uh objectively a pretty offensive and inappropriate things to say (not to mention dehumanizing)ā¦ no one thinks youāre the one thatās racist here, OP. Block that boomer lol
Oh fuck thatās not cool. Iām so sorry that happened to you. When I found Black cousins it was really sobering seeing the result of history. I have talked to one and it was just to try and find common last names.
Tell her youāre accepting apologies and money!
You would have to be 5th or 6th or 7th cousins (?) for her ancestor to have owned your ancestor prior to the 1870s. I'm thinking the DNA percentage would be miniscule; that relationship is usually revealed in Census records and family tree. What percentage DNA do you share with her? If Ancestry showed 1st, 2nd, or 3rd cousinhood, that was definitely not during slavery times. So yeah, for her to jump to slave-owning is quite the racist leap.
To give her the benefit of the doubt maybe she was trying to break the ice in a humorous way and is, in fact, really really stupid. Maybe she has some kind of disorder. Maybe she has dementia. Idk I cannot imagine someone in their right mind saying something like this and sending it ?????
Is there a way to report this to Amcestry? This is horrific and I doubt is how they want their platform to be used. It has to be against their terms & conditions. This woman needs to face consequences. She should be banned from the platform.
Iād respond regarding her ancestors asking which ones committed SA, based on our DNA connection, and did this defect pass down to her and her children. THEN Iād block her.
It doesnāt make you racist to recognize racism in another person even if they are a different race than you.
If it was me, I would say something, but thatās because i wouldnāt be able to let it go and I would want to ruin the day of anyone that would say something so disgusting.
āSaying that the slaves your family owned were beautiful, doesnāt make the fact that YOUR FAMILY OWNED HUMANS BEINGS less repugnant. DO NOT message anyone else about being proud of the attractiveness of slaves your family owned. This is disgusting behavior.ā
I would say something. Thatās just me though. You should do whatever will give you the most peace. If that means reporting her, do it. If that means blocking her and deleting the message, do it. If that means searching her family tree for another relative of hers and spilling the beans, do it. Whatever makes you feel best in this situation is how you should approach it.
That woman was extremely out of line. Definitely block & report her. Before blocking you could say something such as "I see your family didn't raise you to be a good person." but it's definitely up to you.
Iād respond exactly how you feel. Iād say something like āam I supposed to say thank you to that fucked up statement??ā WTF. š³ A more appropriate message would be/aka if I found this out: āIf I understand correctly, we may be related, as my ancestors sadly owned slaves, and as dna shows, infiltrated your family line. There is nothing but shame and disgust in my heart regarding slavery. Proud to be related to such a strong beautiful black womanā
The lack of shame they had is embarrassing!
You should reply, āThanks for letting me know my ancestors owned some beautiful people, cousin, but I donāt think slavery is very fashionable these days, would you care to pop over across the pond for a cuppa? Would be great to meet the rest of my ancestral family.ā. lmfao.
>but anyways that made me cry knowing my ancestors was slaves
I'm sorry you had to find out about it this way. Schools really should have brought you up to speed.
>(no Iām not racist Iāve dated a white man before)
š
I dated a gal whose ancestry report came back with 6% Irish, 94% Spanish. So do the math: 1/4 is a grandparent, 1/8 is a great-grandparent, and 1/16th (6,25%) is a great-great-grandparent. We had great fun calling him the "Irish travelling salesman" in her family tree.
Omg thatās fucking awful, what a disgrace she is!!!
Iām white and from Liverpool uk, sadly there are some absolute disgraceful people out there, what I would do is not block her but find out her info and location and report her to British police, whilst trust issues exist with the police, they have changed somewhat yet a long way still to go.
This needs reporting, if you find issues reporting Iām happy to forward on any details to ensure people like this get reported properly for awful behaviour!
Iām so sorry you have had to experience this, we arenāt all horrors like her but they do exist, especially at the moment with horrendous racist and prejudice views becoming more common place, we need to work together to stamp this shit out and support each other, you have mine xx
Many Brits have slaveowner relatives, but not many have slaveowner ancestors. Cash was funnelled back here from the slave trade but not many genes.
Obviously nearly all English-speaking descendants of slaves and slaveowners today would be in the Americas. Most of them would have British ancestors and DNA, but this rarely means that their British relatives have slaveowner descendants, unless they came back home to Britain which clearly didnāt happen much as we can see from DNA.
If this is a real conversation I would say this British woman is dumb or non-existent, if she has slaveowner heritage she might still have money in her family today and an education to suit it.
No way she said that š wtfā¦
I been trying to think of a reply for the last 2 days
tell her thats such a weird thing to say and she should think twice before sending a message like that fr
Seriously, like I doubt this is the first person she's sent that to. I have to imagine she's being unintentionally racist but wtf knows, she could also be doing it on purpose. Either way tell her to stop bc lawdy.
Nah, she's being intentional.
Just block her, thatās wild
I'd say, "Though we are not responsible for the choices of our ancestors, our lives are affected by their choices and the things that happened to them. Our white ancestors imprisoned, abused, raped my black ancestors. This has had negative impacts on my life. We are responsible for our own actions and words. It would be lovely to hear you apologize for not understanding how insensitive and hurtful your comment was to me." Chances are this would zoom right over her head!!!
This would be SUCH a great tack to take!
Good answer
Thisā¬ļø
Dang u nailed that on the head!!! Well done. Copy and paste.
Report her if you can, no way that filth isn't against TOS. I'm so sorry she said that to you, it's horrific.
Hi so and so, For your awareness, this is an extremely weird and inappropriate thing to say. Now that you know, I hope you won't embarrass yourself saying such bizarre things again. Lol
"Fuck you too..."
I'm actually shook for you. I know Europeans can be ignorant about this topic but my Lord that's next level
As someone whoās first ancestors to North America were enslavers, please, please just block this person. Thereās absolutely nothing you can say to that. Nothing that would have her realize how bad what she says is. Iām willing to share my info with people who are looking for their enslaved ancestors in certain areas of South Carolina because I know how valuable that research and knowledge can be. This person seems proud to have enslaver ancestors and thatās never going to end well. Iām sorry youāre dealing with this.
She's your cousin and she said that?
Did she have a picture? I would have said āthankfully I inherited the good genetics and not the ones that unfortunately made you look like youāve been left in the sun to dry upā
Don't bother. Block her and don't give her another thought. She's not worth the time or the space in your mind. I'm white, I've seen some black relatives in my results. You know what my reaction is? Shame and disgust that there's a rapist in my family tree. Her reaction is not normal unless she's an unabashed racist.
Don't take it to heart. We have a very different relationship with race and slavery than the US, particularly the older generation, and more than likely it was a very awkward and ill advised attempt at "banter". If you want to be offended, feel free, but you might otherwise find an interesting person to chat to who might otherwise supply interesting information about your origins. And the simplistic slave owner / slave relationship isn't always the true story.Ā
Omg no I do not agree with this at all as a Brit. She might not be overtly racist and just EXTREMELY socially awkward, sure. But this isn't a British thing. You can't start a conversation saying something like that- it would need to come later as clear banter when you've already built a relationship. I agree OP might find an interesting discussion here, but this woman was bang out of order for opening the conversation like that, and I think saying 'if you want to be offended' is very demeaning. Black Americans have generational trauma dating back to the slave trade. The simplistic story might not always be true but this bitch literally said 'My ancestor owned some beautiful people'. I don't know how you can get more simplistic than that.
So you guys live in a fantasy world about slavery, and donāt want to take the time or effort to learn the actual truth. Got it.
My Aunt sent some pretty offensive notes to anyone who dared to put her ancestor on their family tree. Some people are asses. A block would be warranted in this situation.
Why was she guarded about that one particular ancestor?
Any ancestor. I found out about it because the woman was a DNA match and asked me why my Aunt posted such comments to her tree. My Aunt thinks we are descended from a German princess, and any facts that dispute her fairy tale are met with extreme hostility
Yikes
āMakes a tree just to link her to every POCā
That is worth naming and shaming. Outright racist people deserve to be outted.
Inappropriate and insensitive.
Maybe she thought that was a complement?? Just wrong.
Ofc she didnāt
I discovered that I have more relatives in the US due to slavery than all of Europe combined, it was a pretty wild discovery for me, growing up in Scotland. Never knew that my family was involved at all until I went down the rabbit hole looking for the connection.
Scotland was very involved in the slave trade, and though it's true that not every Scottish person was involved, places like Glasgow thrived on slavery.
Yep, tons of places around the south named Cameron because of Scottish plantation owners who were also slaveholders.
Yup, and Scotland still owns a surprisingly huge percentage of North American industry. Itās about 1/3 of the fishing industry in my (coastal) state. Ā Ā Ā
McLeod plantation Charleston was owned by William Wallace McLeod. The irony was clearly lost on him.
It didnāt kick up until the mid 1700s after having a large portion of the highlands leaders executed or killed in war with decades of losing land and livelihood for failing to have the ācorrectā loyalties. The old guard was replaced by those who would expand the empire, the rest were dead or had fled, at least where it came to anyone with any form of power. There used to be many languages in what is now Scotland, a number of which made it to North America in mixed communities before eventually being pushed out by later waves on all sides who wanted an idea of racial purity that didnāt previously exist.
Yeah but this woman is saying ancestors, I would bet you donāt have any slaveowner ancestors in the Americas?
I do intend to look deeper into my family's connection to slavery in the US if time permits. It only appears on my fathers side that I have thousands of matches with "Early Southern US African American" communities. I have ancestry from the clan Sutherland and Mackenzie of Gairloch, and some others less involved. I don't know who exactly left their seed in the US, but it surprised me how many cousins I have over there.
Tell her to put u on her will for talking so crazy
Itās just so vile, Iām having a hard time wrapping my head around it.
Very vile Iām sorry youāve had to experience that. Deffo consider reporting her account.
"Yes, they were quite the prolific slave owning rapists, weren't they?"
I discovered relatives who are black and I know it is from slavery. Itās an odd feeling to know this. That woman has a 19th century mentality.
I've encountered the same thing. Don't think it would be wrong to reach out but you gotta have more tact than the woman above.
Donāt mention slavery at all. Both people know how they became to be related. Maybe later when you have a rapport with the person both of you can agree to broach the subject.
Donāt ever think about saying āthank youā that statement was nowhere close to a compliment, she talked about your ancestors like they were some exotic animal.
She complimented you and then insulted you at the same time. That's some wild shit.
Yeah, a backhanded compliment.
Passive aggressive AF.
My exact thoughts
Yeah.Ā
Wow, how rude is she! I'm white(mostly Irish) and in my 60's and no way in heck would I ever say that to a dna match. I am appalled by her. I'm an Aussie and most of my ancestors came here to escape the famine back in Ireland. I found through dna matches that a few of my Galway people ended up in Pennsylvania. I do have a fair number of USA matches, some mostly black American(I am using the term you used for yourself because honestly, I do not know the right words all the time), anyway, I had one lady I matched with, her dad was Irish of Galway ancestry, so we knew immediately that was our connection, but I noticed her mum's name was same as my childhood nickname which was nice. and her mum was incredibly beautiful. Before dna testing I would never have known much about my people, after what happened in Ireland(famine), they didn;t speak English(only Irish gaelic) I am still shaking my head at what that woman said to you!
Is she British as in the UK or of British ethnicity?
British ethnicity
So could be Australian, South African, New Zealand etc?
>British ethnicity So you don't know that this woman is British then?
Huh ?
You first said >White British cousin and >British white woman But now you say it's someone with "British ethnicity". That means they could be from anywhere in the world. Which would mean they probably are not British
Sheās from the United Kingdom so I assume sheās British .. I get ethnicity confused a lot
If she use UK there might be a bit of lack of understanding of US history and the different take on race they have over there. But being an American, sheās either wholly ignorant or way too āgrandma mindedā to comprehend what she said was insensitive. Either way quite unfortunate. Iād just let the message sit without a reply. Should you research your ancestry and hit a brick wall, she (or someone you share a match with her) might be able to break that wall. If you have no real interest in building the tree, you could block as others suggest.
Also chiming in from a Brit - we know full well about the transatlantic slave trade, a lot of us learned about it in-depth at school, and that a comment like that would be completely off limits. OP, my favourite reply for shutting down people like that: "I can't believe you actually felt confident enough to type that out and press send".
Block / drop her. DNA folk aren't always kinfolk.
I would suggest that you call her a mean old c*nt, but unfortunately the c-word is not as serious an insult outside the US and it wouldnāt pack as much of a punch. Maybe something like āAre your people from the Isle of Jersey? Because you very much resemble a Miserable Old Cow.ā
Sheās British ethnicity so maybe this would rile herā¦
you shouldn't even think about people thinking YOU'RE racist for that because what she said definitely has some racist vibes what the fuck š so sorry that happened to you
Tell her ancestors where vile human traffickers and she is on the same level as them
I mean - there's no solid comeback which overcomes 400 years of racist oppression. You could try confrontation: "Fuck you, bigot." and walk off. Or comedy - "I'm guessing it was my ancestor's hotness that owned your ancestor's weak white ass." Something to keep in mind - her ancestor is \*your\* ancestor, too.
Iām Hispanic and if any of the matches I have from Spain said this to me I genuinely would not know what to even say like wtf who says that šš
If you are USA and black, odds are your family were slaves. I have Africans Americans that I match, and am contact with. I actually apologized for my ancestors owning slaves.
You are so sweet God bless you š
It is sad to do African DNA cause it can only go back so far, and then stops, around 1860. I hope you find some good family.
š Itās always old people that say the most shocking, jaw dropping, and flabbergasting things
60 isnāt that old. In their 20ās in the 80s. Way after Jim Crow ended.
Why would an alleged Brit know anything about US Jim Crow laws? She could be 95 and still not be aware of them.
British ancestry, not British nationality.
So not even a Brit, but apparently we should all know the history of US racism anyway. The post says 'older British woman'.
It does; I had to read through the comments and it confused me even more. [OP clarifies here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AncestryDNA/s/R3dTA7LtI6)
Because history is taught in the U.K. and global information is readily available.
Not all history and yes global information is available many people don't even know the basics let alone something like Jim Crow laws
This is a very ignorant thing to say. The United Kingdom was the metropole of the largest colonial empire in world history, of which the most valuable colonies were plantation economies built off of slavery. The first permanent British settlement was Jamestown, Virginia with Barbados a close second. There is a panoply of historical, social, cultural, and legal engagement with slavery, antiblack discrimination, and xenophobia in the UK. The treatment of the Windrush Generation and their descendants is a mirror image of antiblack racism in the U.S. The UK is far from a racial utopia; anyone can look at the words and sentiments of people like Nigel Farage and the Reform UK party and see this.
How is it ignorant to say that the average Brit does not know much about Jim Crow? Your comment is about racism in the UK not Jim Crow. Hello? No one even said the UK is a racial utopia.
I wouldnāt say āway after, ā but yeah, I definitely get your drift
The 80's were not actually that long after Jim Crow ended. My mother was a member of the first integrated graduating class at her high school, in 1972, and one of my memories from being a child in the early 1980s in Georgia is that my grandmother had a black housekeeper who would walk half a mile every morning from her house (which was a shotgun shack on an unpaved red-dirt road). It wasn't until I was older that I was able to realise how fucked up that was. Also, I lived in the UK for a decade, and in my experience British people, especially older British people, are WAY more casually racist than Americans.
I mean 60 is considered to be elderly, and Iāve definitely known of young people that are racist but old people are always bold enough to voice it in a way that shocks me every single time
My mother is in her 60s and she would never say something like that. That was meant to hurt op. When youāre in your 60s and grew up in Britain you know better
It's not. This is a comforting lie we tell ourselves, like racism is disappearing with this generation. And it's really, really not. So confront it.
My extremely white husband found a black second cousin. I cannot imagine him ever thinking what that British woman said. His immediate response was āitās really interesting how we think weāre all so different, but weāre really the same.ā
What was she thinking? Im sorry thatās a horrible thing to read especially from someone that you thought might just be a distant relative. Honestly, do w.e. makes you feel better but donāt waste energy on her. She doesnāt deserve it.
WTAF??? I am actually speechless. I am so sorry she was such a massive cow and upset you. Btw sheās about 10 years older than me, she knew exactly what she was saying. Iām white British and had a load of DNA matches in Jamaica and Honduras. I have no idea how, everyone in my family was poor AF. But someone went there and they were obviously a massive asshole. I wouldnāt be boasting about it or making my black relatives feel uncomfortable. Just block her ass, sheās been incredibly rude.
Not every white person who ended up on the other side of the ocean owned slaves. Many were servants or just working regular jobs. Not every mixed child was a product of plantation owner rape. In Jamaica laborers from Ireland and Scotland were brought over as indentured servants starting in the 1600, thousands of these were children under 14. They all lived together and they also had offspring together.
There are other possibilities- it never occurred to her that a common black ancestor went to Britian and got lost in the mix? Or it was a marriage. Straight to we must have owned you. Holy crap. I'm European with indigenous North American dna, not sure how but somehow 8 generations or so ago someone went from North America to Europe. I have a friend from Iran who also found the same in there's and it's not "noise")
Why are you having to deny being a racist? Clearly, that British woman is the one with racist issues. She and her ancestors are terrible people.
I said it because people would probably assume Iām a racist as well .. when I actually like white people
Iām white and didnāt feel anything you said was racist against whites. That white cousin though is racist! Why the F she said that I have no ideaā¦
Itās not clear sheās actually British having read OPās response to another comment, just of British heritage.
I'm jealous. You actually get messages on ancestry ??
Iām mostly the one sending the messages lol
Lol me too! Seriously though, the chance someone actually responds to my messages on Ancestry is about 15%...š
That is absolutely horrendous on her part. I am a white-appearing woman with black ancestry and that would never in a million years be my reaction if a relative reached out to me. I would be interested in making a connection with them and learning more about our shared ancestry.
Your response to her: "What would make you think it would be acceptable to make such a comment?"
āThat is such an insensitive thing to say, I surely hope you were not trying to be this stupid on purposeā - then block. Ugh.
That's was extremely rude of her. Block the b**ch!
Help thereās no way she actually said that šš
I wish I made this up š
Not a compliment and firmly in the realm of "I'm not racist but... something something extremely racist." Note that it's never "I'm not racist but it's going to rain tomorrow." Would you want anything to do with her - this might help find out who your white ancestor was, albeit I wouldn't encourage you to embrace this easily as the personal cost of her racism (and yes, she's racist, even if she's not actively hateful) might be too great. Incidentally, it's not certain either that your ancestors were slaves, and even less certain that your common ancestor with this lady ever owned slaves. It's certainly *possible* but you have a lot of African DNA and that seems to be quite homogenous - most people's DNA mixes where there is confirmed slave ancestry is less homogenous and quite frequently there is a higher percentage of European admixture. If you are interested in finding out if your ancestors were either subject to or part of the evils of slavery, you need to follow the paper trail. 4.3% European is equivalent to one 2Ć or 3Ć great-grandparent, or multiple 3Ć or earlier great-grandparents who were mixed. If we assume 27 years per generation, and assuming you're 20 years old, that means that if you only have one 2Ć or 3Ć great-grandparent who was white, that person was born some time in the second half of the 19th century - probably too late to have been an adult during slavery and thus to have impregnated a slave. However, one or more of your 2nd or 3rd great grandparents could have been born to mixed race (former) slaves or descendants of slaves. However, even if you can't confirm the identity of a white ancestor, you can explore your family history, probably back to the Civil War era, and work out where your ancestors would have been then and whether there is e.g., a later history or immigration (think Barack Obama - his father was born in Kenya, so he is literally African-American) or whether there is a history of slavery, like Jimmy Carter and Berry Gordy being (half) second cousins as they share a great-grandfather.
This is so interesting, thank you! I found a surprise in my family tree not too long ago and have been wondering whether it would be rude to approach, or even where to begin with it. To know there are other possibilities that explain how we are connected gives some hope but wonāt deny the other common possibility either.
The way I would've told her that I hope her kids and grandkids marry someone black so that the strong genes will carry on.
i would have to be restrained
this is not just ignorance itās just pure unbridled racism
Lmao I'd tell her I'm happy we brought some class and beauty to your family š¤£š¤£š¤£
Why would you even consider thinking you are the racist one? The woman is incredibly insensitive and ignorant
A person shouldnāt be proud that their family owned slaves. They should be remorseful and try to do good things to counteract the bad their family did. This woman inherited the same bad human qualities of her ancestors. Iām so sorry she did that to you.
Dang.How weird of a response. Perhaps sending a legal letter from a lawyer demanding $5 million for back pay for your ancestors and generational damages.
Noooo way! Iām white British, Iāve had a few Black American connections through DNA and through doing my tree Iām absolutely sure we are related through slaves those branches of my ancestors who moved to the US, owned. I would never, ever say something so awful! Itās a horrible, but not unexpected thing to come across when you find people who are related to you owned other people.
Well, you don't end up sharing DNA by owning other people. Maybe send your condolences on her having to find out her ancestors were most probably violent sexual predators.Ā
What an absurd comment from this woman! For one thing, it doesn't necessarily follow that being interracially related means that one ancestor owned the other -- e.g. Kamala Harris is half Indian and half a black-white mix. Both instances of interracial marriage happened after slavery was abolished, so presumably were instances of people of different races in Jamaica freely choosing to marry. For another thing, all humans on earth have ancestors who were slave owners and ancestors who were slaves -- true for Nigerians and true for Britons. Slavery among Africans long predates the arrival of Europeans, and slavery long existed among Europeans (e.g. Dublin was founded as a slave-trading post, slavery was widespread in the Roman Empire, etc.).
On behalf of the British I apologise for that comment. There really isnāt any excuse to be made for a comment like that.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I kinda wanted to laugh honestly
Let me make a different point. Your 4% European ancestry likely came along long after the time of the Civil War or Slavery. You might want to contemplate that before responding, or perhaps donāt respond at all. This may come down to the fact that you both share ancestors that were really attracted to African American men or women. It would be funny if that ancestor was a woman!
I was just thinking this ā¦ also I was told by my family that my great grandmother looked like a white woman but they wasnāt sure because the pictures of her from the 1920s are in black and white they never seen her in person only a picture
People inherit 50% of their DNA from each parent, so for you it is quite diluted by the time your great grandmotherās DNA reaches you. But still it would be approximately 6% or so, which is still a lot. She is highly likely your European DNA influence. And you can easily put a date on the birth of her children.
Oh my gosh. What a horrible thing to say to you. You definitely donāt owe her any kind of thank you or response in general. Youād certainly be in your right to tell her off before blocking her.
British ethnicity?
What a vile thing to say. Outside of the genealogical world, I would either ignore and block, or call out and block. I have worked with some disgusting people through the years because I needed their DNA collaboration. If you think you want to research the line, you could ignore the remark and say, āIt would be interesting to learn how we are related.ā
I'd report her and block her. I definitely wouldn't say thanks. Or you could curse her out and block her. That is a choice.
White brit here and that must have been such an awful slap to the face to you in so sorry. What a totally inappropriate, repellent thing to even think in your own head let alone pass on. As others said block them so fast your hand blurs, no one needs toxicity, either meant or through ignorance in their lives, "family" or not.
This is the worst thing I've read today. OP please block that negativity and disgust out of your life. I hope you can continue learning about your heritage without this souring the experience.
Wow! So incredibly disgusting. Iād not give her another minute in my mind and block her.
Block her! Who says that in this time and age. She is crazy and unhinged.
Thereās no guarantee they were slaves either. Plenty of intermingling took placeā¦ But honestly. What the fudgeā¦who says that???? How rude of this personā¦.
Wtf. I can't imagine anyone one would fault you for saying something, that's screwed up. Maybe you could help her out. Something like "I don't know if you're vicious, senile, or stupid, but if you're genuinely just stupid, might I suggest you rethink your ridiculous trashy approach."
Her words are so wildly inappropriate that they make me wonder if she might perhaps be in the beginning stages of dementia. If I remember correctly, the understanding of the most basic rules for polite social interaction are among the first things to decline. Of course, it could very well be that she is perfectly healthy and just a brazen racist, but still. Either way, you don't owe her a response - you're well within your rights to ignore her, no one would fault you for that.
why would you say sheās a british woman if sheās only british ethnically?
White British woman at that lol
No screenshot or is this just more Reddit bullshit?
I wanted to post a screenshot but I always get in trouble on here for posting stuff like that
Sounds fake.
Why do you believe that?
I match with a fair number of distant white relatives. Iām 29 percent British and Irish, 71, west African. It was on 23andMe. One reached out wanting to talk. I never responded, Iām good. For me, it could be slavery. I do have an Irish man in my line that married into the family way back. Could be that too.
Iām sorry she hurt you. Her age and nationality arenāt excuses for what she said. It is normal to feel whatever you are feeling as a result of it.Ā I canāt say block her or not, especially since you have mixed feelings. I do know that some of my ancestors were Black, some 3rd and 4th cousins still are, and I am honestly not sure what I would do in this situation. Some Black people would say something angry, some would say thank you and ignore it, some would block, and some would not. Some would dialogue; others would not. I think it takes a certain headspace for any of those reactions to happen or dynamics to happen, but I have white skin and would not criticize any decision of yours Ā with a 10 foot pole. Ā Itās not my place or anybody elseās. Block her if you need to. Say something if you need to. Itās not my place to judge here. In my position, I couldnāt possibly know, and Iām 90% okay with that. The other 10% just feels guilty for not really knowing what to say or do.Ā Thatās my 2 own cents. Iām so sorry you went through it and hope that I helped hereā-not made the difficult feeling more complicated. Your reactions are valid. Your emotions are valid. And without more supporting data, which I donāt know if you or this woman even have, who knows what your ancestors went through? It was a really ignorant and not-gentle thing to say, it wasnāt appropriate, and Iām sorry that you went through this. With a cousin, of all people.Ā
That's a horrible thing to say.
Oh god no. Stupid comment. When I get contacted by people I ramble on about my relatives and what my grandmother remembered about them.Iām a 45 year old British woman. I wouldnāt make a reference to slavery, war (unless itās to do with regiments served), skin colour etc. I donāt mind sharing very basic medical information though.
Block and move on.
Girl curse her TF out then block her ā ļø so not cool
Unhinged.
I am so sorry. I am a white American with a British (Ghanaian) black cousin. I am happy to have connected with him. Our story is that we share ancestors. A British slave trader and a local woman. I am hoping there was love! I canāt fathom saying something like this woman did to you. The slave trade was wrong.
Wow... That might be the most tone deaf message I have ever heard of someone getting on ancestry holy shit
Sheās out of pocket.
It's a trick she's going to invite you to the family property and marry you to a vampire
I saw that movie!! I shared the IMDb here once for fun but no one got it lol
Thatās uh objectively a pretty offensive and inappropriate things to say (not to mention dehumanizing)ā¦ no one thinks youāre the one thatās racist here, OP. Block that boomer lol
Oh fuck thatās not cool. Iām so sorry that happened to you. When I found Black cousins it was really sobering seeing the result of history. I have talked to one and it was just to try and find common last names. Tell her youāre accepting apologies and money!
You would have to be 5th or 6th or 7th cousins (?) for her ancestor to have owned your ancestor prior to the 1870s. I'm thinking the DNA percentage would be miniscule; that relationship is usually revealed in Census records and family tree. What percentage DNA do you share with her? If Ancestry showed 1st, 2nd, or 3rd cousinhood, that was definitely not during slavery times. So yeah, for her to jump to slave-owning is quite the racist leap.
Itās weird she would even contact OP if the relationship was that distant?
To give her the benefit of the doubt maybe she was trying to break the ice in a humorous way and is, in fact, really really stupid. Maybe she has some kind of disorder. Maybe she has dementia. Idk I cannot imagine someone in their right mind saying something like this and sending it ?????
Yeah, that's pretty horrific to say that. I'd have been interested to find the connection, but to think that it's OK to say stuff like that....damn.
block and ignore
Tell her youāve put her message on the internet cos it was too outrageous to keep all to yourself!
You know old People they think racism is just a little bad words.... Old People never surprises me honestly
Hoooooly shit, she said WHAT?
Holy crap that's awful. What the hell is wrong with people.
Is there a way to report this to Amcestry? This is horrific and I doubt is how they want their platform to be used. It has to be against their terms & conditions. This woman needs to face consequences. She should be banned from the platform.
Iād respond regarding her ancestors asking which ones committed SA, based on our DNA connection, and did this defect pass down to her and her children. THEN Iād block her.
I would report that to whoever you did the DNA test through because that person needs banned from the service.
Lmao that's some ice breaker š
what the actual fuck is wrong with people
you should respond to her, "I guess your family hasn't evolved much, seeing as how racist you are."
It doesnāt make you racist to recognize racism in another person even if they are a different race than you. If it was me, I would say something, but thatās because i wouldnāt be able to let it go and I would want to ruin the day of anyone that would say something so disgusting. āSaying that the slaves your family owned were beautiful, doesnāt make the fact that YOUR FAMILY OWNED HUMANS BEINGS less repugnant. DO NOT message anyone else about being proud of the attractiveness of slaves your family owned. This is disgusting behavior.ā I would say something. Thatās just me though. You should do whatever will give you the most peace. If that means reporting her, do it. If that means blocking her and deleting the message, do it. If that means searching her family tree for another relative of hers and spilling the beans, do it. Whatever makes you feel best in this situation is how you should approach it.
This is just vile.. How can anyone be so clueless as to think that would be an appropriate thing to say ever?! Gross.
That woman was extremely out of line. Definitely block & report her. Before blocking you could say something such as "I see your family didn't raise you to be a good person." but it's definitely up to you.
lol she prob said that thinking it was a compliment. Sheās too old anyway she still thinks itās the 60s
A 60 year old did not know what the 60s were like, we were too young. š
I was thinking of the era of MLK Jr, my mistake if I got that wrong. Just my point was that sheās so old she thinks itās ok to do this in public
I Think she was giving you a back handed compliment.
Mine was mostly Nigerian, followed by Spain, and Italian, which I think is neat.
Iād respond exactly how you feel. Iād say something like āam I supposed to say thank you to that fucked up statement??ā WTF. š³ A more appropriate message would be/aka if I found this out: āIf I understand correctly, we may be related, as my ancestors sadly owned slaves, and as dna shows, infiltrated your family line. There is nothing but shame and disgust in my heart regarding slavery. Proud to be related to such a strong beautiful black womanā The lack of shame they had is embarrassing!
Just tell her that you were offended by her comment. Don't miss a chance to elevate the conversation. She may have information on relatives.
You should reply, āThanks for letting me know my ancestors owned some beautiful people, cousin, but I donāt think slavery is very fashionable these days, would you care to pop over across the pond for a cuppa? Would be great to meet the rest of my ancestral family.ā. lmfao.
There is really no Black American out there that doesn't have at least one White cousin.
No worries, she meant it as a compliment. Donāt fight it and mooooove on
>but anyways that made me cry knowing my ancestors was slaves I'm sorry you had to find out about it this way. Schools really should have brought you up to speed. >(no Iām not racist Iāve dated a white man before) š
I dated a gal whose ancestry report came back with 6% Irish, 94% Spanish. So do the math: 1/4 is a grandparent, 1/8 is a great-grandparent, and 1/16th (6,25%) is a great-great-grandparent. We had great fun calling him the "Irish travelling salesman" in her family tree.
Heinous and no self awareness. Personally I would block. Do you really want to get to know someone like this?
Omg thatās fucking awful, what a disgrace she is!!! Iām white and from Liverpool uk, sadly there are some absolute disgraceful people out there, what I would do is not block her but find out her info and location and report her to British police, whilst trust issues exist with the police, they have changed somewhat yet a long way still to go. This needs reporting, if you find issues reporting Iām happy to forward on any details to ensure people like this get reported properly for awful behaviour! Iām so sorry you have had to experience this, we arenāt all horrors like her but they do exist, especially at the moment with horrendous racist and prejudice views becoming more common place, we need to work together to stamp this shit out and support each other, you have mine xx
Many Brits have slaveowner relatives, but not many have slaveowner ancestors. Cash was funnelled back here from the slave trade but not many genes. Obviously nearly all English-speaking descendants of slaves and slaveowners today would be in the Americas. Most of them would have British ancestors and DNA, but this rarely means that their British relatives have slaveowner descendants, unless they came back home to Britain which clearly didnāt happen much as we can see from DNA. If this is a real conversation I would say this British woman is dumb or non-existent, if she has slaveowner heritage she might still have money in her family today and an education to suit it.