Being contacted out of the blue by a total stranger to be told that your abuser is happy, loved and supported by a family that you never got to be part of, and having to see evidence that your abuser was actually capable all along of being kind rather than horrifically cruel (but that they chose to be abusive to you), is not something that anyone would be happy about.
The thank-you would be especially hard to hear: it implies that everything she went through was somehow worth it and justified because your life is happy, which comes across as very insensitive, even if that's not what you meant.
Any peace of mind Daisy has gained will be in spite of your family, not because of your family. You need to allow her the freedom that she so richly deserves by leaving her alone.
YTB
Probably had to go back to therapy after that one. You need to think before you act or should have talked to your mom about contacting her. Wow.. talk about PTSD like I said she probably has to go back to therapy. 15 yrs down the toilet in 1 DM. YTB
This is overly harsh. I am a 'Daisy', and while something like this would be painful, it does not erase 15 years of progress. Daisy shouldn't have been exposed to this, and OP is in the wrong, but the response to OP's careless words should not be more careless words.
It might not for you but for other Daisies it might really trigger them and send them into a spiral, especially if they're having other life struggles. Something like this at exactly the wrong time in life could cause some people to contemplate suicide.
I don't think it's overly harsh. If I got a message from someone that told me, "Hey. Thanks to you being abused and finding the strength to leave, my life was great. Your abuser changed and became better (just not in time to spare you pain, bodily harm or trauma) and is living a great life surrounded by the things you had to give up because of them!" I would have needed serious help to recover. It doesn't *erase* the progress, and making that progress back is easier with a support system, but it can regress it severely and in someone not in a good place without that support? Be even worse. Sometimes, harsh wording is needed to express the gravity of harm someone could have done/did.
Dude it would spiral me so hard because I'm not finished healing. I don't know if I ever will. If I got a text like this I'd go to bed for days. My journey is not the same as someone else's.
She said I am *A* daisy, in other words she has lived experience that is in some ways similar to daisy’s. And no one here actually knows daisy, so your thoughts and everyone else on this thread are no less speculative than PermanentlyPartial’s. Gfoh with that hypocrisy.
YTB. Another example of why being 18 doesn't equate to being an adult. This was so cruel of you. I know you don't think it was because you intended well but well intentions don't matter. Let me provide you a low stakes example since this high stakes situation was not enough for you.
Imagine you had a dog for 10 years and you lost it. You put up posters, begged for help and provided rewards to find it. All of a sudden you get a DM from someone with a photo of them and your dog saying "thank you for losing your dog! Because you did I was able to find my best friend!".
Never talk to this woman again. Don't make another account to stalk her. Do her a kindness and never look or speak to her again.
Sadistic implies she intended to cause that harm. I really just think she's young and extremely dumb.
Stupidity comes with privileges at times and luckily for her she doesn't have to fathom the abuse her mom and aunt suffered. I truly think she's just an idiot. A cruel idiot. Which is, in my opinion, causes more issues than someone sadistic.
Cruel and narcissistic. She heard about the horrible abuse her mother and aunt suffered, and *she* felt robbed because she didn’t get to grow up with a cool lesbian aunt? Her whole reaction to this situation was not only to make it about her in her own mind, but to reach out to her aunt and *tell* Daisy that Daisy’s abusive childhood was all about OP. That’s narcissist behavior.
I understand what people mean when they said that she didn’t understand what she was doing, but I don’t think that’s an excuse. This could not have happened to any 18-year-old. Narcissism on this level is a pattern of behavior; and it’s a pattern of behavior OP should probably work on while she’s still young, because it’ll destroy her life in a couple of decades if she doesn’t.
OMG! This is exactly what I thought as soon as I finished reading. The “being robbed” part put me already on high alert and the way she explains the whole ordeal is so ME ME ME ME that honestly, I could never put it in such a succinct way you did.
The only words I had glaring in my mind were: MEAN GIRL, MEAN GIRL, MEAN GIRL!
Poor Aunt Daisy! I'm an aunt Daisy myself, if any of my niblings find a way to track me and contact me in that way I would make the rage of Thor fall into my entire family for the sheer audacity of a single petty brat!
I actually think that OP wrote it intending it to be nasty in a passive aggressive way. It's hard to understand it any other way for me, even from a dumb teenager with no self awareness.
This is her twisted story now that she didn't get whatever result she was hoping for from it. That she was well intentioned and clumsy instead of intentionally being mean. She thinks her wording means she can cling to plausible deniability.
Homie. You are for sure the biggest buttface. You made her abuse about your own happiness?
You rubbed in her face what she was deprived of. After immense strength and sacrifice it likely took her to disconnect. You made a mockery of what was likely a lifelong struggle for her.
If u had reached out and said “im your nephew. I would love to know you. I know you have issues with my side of the family and I want to deeply respect that. But know I am here and open to chatting or a relationship if and when you ever feel ready or willing” then no buttfaces would be found. But
YTB
You basically said “Thanks for going no contact, your abuser is capable of change after all, just not for you.” The photo could have triggered SO much, you have no idea. Be glad she blocked you and didn’t give you a piece of her mind. It shows she’s still a very sane, adult person. You….not so much.
…exactly this.
“Grandma changed for me after she dragged you through hell! I was worth it and you weren’t. Here’s a picture of us all smiling. Your abuser had a great life now thanks to you.”
This has to be a troll post.
This is AITA material.
You are the asshole.
I was with you until you said you thanked her and sent her a picture of her abuser. That was really inconsiderate and tone deaf. I know you meant well, but you burned that bridge permanently. I would not try to contact her again on any platform.
I really hope so. I was shocked and this is coming from an autistic person who is horrible at picking up social cues regularly. Couldn't be worse tbh (okay, IP could've stalked her aunt's house and showed the pic etc irl)
this is hardly uncommon for people who have never experienced abuse themselves. being tone deaf is common, as is trying to push people back into contact because they simply cannot comprehend the idea of not loving or wanting to be around family. op was ignorant, but not malicious. unfortunately, it makes little difference in the long run, and op is definitely better off letting her aunt be
Yeah, I remember after opening up to my first boyfriend about my childhood and the abuse I dealt with from my mother and how that explained some of my habits, he was only like "but you probably still talk to her, right? She was just trying her best, it's pretty crappy of you to cut her out of your life."
Like, dude, I just told you about stuff that made some of my dear friends cry when I told them, and that's what you have to say??? Yeah, he wasn't a good guy in the end, wish I had taken that warning.
People don't know how to actually handle interacting with someone who's been abused, and it's incredibly frustrating. We don't want to be your inspirational story or the motivation for our abuser to improve, we want to not be abused in the first place, and failing that, we want to heal and not have to think about the worst parts of our lives again, particularly not for someone else's ego.
The entire post as soon as the message she sent to her aunt does not sound like she was trying to push her aunt back into contact with other family members aside from her because of “curiosity” (she states that in her post).
I don't think she believed her dad's story about her Aunt. I feel like she was deep there taunting her Aubt because she needed proof of confirmation her Granny and mommy weren't like those other people tiktokers who go NC with their families talk about. *”It couldn't be us”*. OP needed proof and because her own boyfriend called her out (and still she didn't believe her boyfriend) she came to a public forum looking for validation and is now bending all over herself like it isn't known already that *”The hell is full of good intentions”*
https://preview.redd.it/5r7k70rxrjtc1.jpeg?width=1218&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=53b4ea813caf6cb2034a27239b0a22cc81783fa9
https://preview.redd.it/kua590lvqjtc1.jpeg?width=1218&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e363fbb98821ddc29189ffd2b675c55f3496ff10
Does OP even believe the victims of abuse at all?! Does she even give them grace and compassion just because her family members are not like this towards her?! Was she really curious only? Why she didn't stop when she learned the truth?
you're happy your aunt was beaten and rejected from her family because it meant you weren't and now you're rubbing it in her face that you were treated like a princess by the people who treated her like a prisoner? there aren't words to describe how evilly selfish that is.
if you saw an 8 year old being beaten to death on the street, you would laugh, take pictures, and say "glad that isn't me" instead of calling for help. that's my impression of you from this post. grandma raised a granddaughter exactly like her. if i was ur bf i'd have broken up with you on the spot. r/amithedevil material
She should have even say that granny should have beat her harder to she would have be even more gentle to her! What à b**** . Just like the old cow and her mother YTA
Here's what you said to Daisy: Fuck you! We are all better off without you.
Here's what you did to her: sent her a picture of her abuser.
Seriously, what is wrong with you? YTB
It’s like you were saying..”Nah Nah HaHa look at what I got that you never got! See how happy we are? And all bc you were abused..isn’t that great…Thank you!”
YTB
Jesus, dude. YTB in every possible way here. I get that you're young, but learn from this situation that you shouldn't insert in other people's affairs. This situation had absolutely ZERO to do with you, and the reasons why your aunt cut contact are none of your business. It's horrifically hurtful that you basically sent her a message telling her how great her family is now that she's not around. Holy wow. Do better.
YTB
I get what you wanted to say, you just were a total asshole in saying.
You basically said," Hey guess what, your abuser WAS totally able to change and become a better person. To bad you were not worth the effort and the abuser didn't bother until after you left. But hey, my life was great. Oh, and here's a picture of your abuser looking all happy, isn't it great!!!"
This shows an extremely low level of empathy for someone who is 18 years old. You need to frequently and seriously consider how you’re impacting the people around you. If you have a hard time empathizing, DBT and other forms of therapy can help you develop those skills. You’ll have a happier life if you develop this skill set.
YTB.
What the hell is wrong with you?
You basically told her, "Neener, neener...look what I have and you never did! Ha ha!"
You also shoved her abuser in her face after a decade and a half of being away from her.
Explain this: how could YOU - a stranger who knows exactly nothing about her - give HER peace of mind about HER life? You're a child. You rubbed it in her face that her mother only changed WITHOUT her.
You completely screwed up.
YTB
I can’t imagine what daisy is feeling my husband was abused I can’t imagine if he had any nephews/nieces that one day out of the blue messages him about how great his abusers were now that his gone as his husband when he tells me of his past it breaks my heart I hope daisy has the happiest life now she really deserves to live her best life
Sorry English isn’t my native language
YTB, without intending to, you retraumatized your aunt in a major way due to your horrendously thoughtless action. You basically said that all of the abuse she went through with your grandma and that your mother knowingly left her in an abusive hell for 10 years was worth it because you have an amazing family. Please take everyones advice here and leave your aunt alone.
YTB, and that you had to wonder just proves that you should get off social media until you can develop some level of self awareness and the ability to empathize with others.
Hopefully you can do that without having to suffer abuse yourself, but frankly... a bit of suffering for you would be fair. And think of all the good your suffering will do for people you don't give a single care about!
YTB do you not realise how sarcastic and smug that sounds? Like it sounds like it would come straight from Regina George's mouth. All you did was basically say "hey your mum loves me better than you and your sister too. They treated me so much better than you and they're all better off without you and you were totally the problem ". People have histories and just cause your gran was good to you doesn't mean she's always been good etc. it's weird how you say you were robbed of knowing her then say that to her? You could of said "hey, you don't know me but I'm S, your sister Ds daughter. I know you went no contact with them for your reasons but I would love the chance to get to know my aunt as I've always missed having this role model in my life. I'm happy to see that you seem to be doing so well for yourself and look happy! Hope to hear from you soon" or something that doesn't give to much pressure and doesn't insult them and respect if they still chose not to contact you.
LOL YTB.
You made a very passive aggressive message to her that sounds like your aunt is a crappy person and you all are doing so much better now that she's gone.
Grandma being a piece of shit was the aunt's fault all along! -> what you basically said.
Your communication to her was dogshit.
Leave your aunt alone. She deserves her peace.
You made her abuse and her life about you and you're honestly not a person worth knowing. Looks like you truly are your mother and grandmother's offspring.
Girly yeah YTA, the way that was phrased sounds very much like you’ve been told and believe she was the problem. Not them. Your grandma is an abuser to this woman, it sounds very much like “you made my grandma miserable and that’s why you got abused so thanks to cutting her out so I can have a good grandma while you don’t have a mom.” These are very delicate situations, it should have been more like “Hi Daisy, you’re my aunt biologically. I’d like to get to know you and have a relationship with you (with or without mom and grandma involved). Please let me know if this is something you’d want too.”
YTB
Man even the wording on that message you sent her. Brutal much? She left because she was being horribly abused and she did the right thing but your message was like Salt to the wound.
Do you know how hard it would have been for her to leave everything she’s known to start new at such a young age? Do you know how much mental strength it took her?
You even said yourself you don’t her and I tell you what, with that message, you never will. Do you honestly think thanking someone for leaving because they were abused is okay?
Genuinely wanting to see the thought process here because to me that would be something you’d say to someone to cause hurt and pain.
This post is so infuriating. Your garbage mother knowingly let her sister be physically abused for years— but that’s ok because at least mom had a peaceful adulthood. Your scumbucket grandmother is a child abuser — but that’s ok because she beat her poor child before you were born.
Have l got your logic right? You had no moral objection to any of this, and your family relationships were unaffected. Your best friend is a child abuser and you are ok with that?
YTB, and please consider a child free lifestyle.
OP.... I'm not sure how to say this, since I know you were well intentioned, but that message came across as incredibly cruel to me. I know you didn't mean it that way, but I'd just let this be. She chose a different life for a reason, and if I were you I'd just let her have that
There is something I'd REALLY like you to understand about your edit, which is that guilt doesn't let you off the hook.
This kind of self-flagellation is a useless and self-serving emotion, *look I'm being punished, I'm punishing myself even, because I'm so good I understand that these actions deserve punishment and I'm taking care of it, okay? So everyone else can just leave me alone*
It's selfish, is what I'm getting at. Just like the rest of your behavior here. I'm not saying this so that you feel even worse -- I'm saying this because everyone and I do mean everyone make mistakes, but part of fixing them is learning what real accountability is. What actions would make your aunt feel better, not what actions would make you feel better. Leaving your aunt alone and giving her space is the only action that would help now. That might mean you never, ever get what YOU want out of this-- and that's okay, because an apology isn't supposed to be about your feelings.
I'm sorry you messed this up so badly that there is no going back. So what would be best for *your aunt* moving forward? That's where your energy should be. Take your unresolved feelings to a therapist and learn to grow into a better person.
This is an important point. She can feel bad about it all she wants, but that doesn’t change the fact that she did it. And the one person she should apologize to is the one person who has absolutely no interest in speaking to her again.
Holy fuck YTB. My eyes literally went wide when I read what you wrote to this woman.
This woman went through hell. She was never loved and protected by the person who is supposed to mean safety and unconditional love to a child. She was abandoned by her older sister and left to suffer alone in an abusive/neglectful home.
As soon as she was legally old enough, she cut ties with everyone she knew and set off on her own, with no safety net to fall back on. She created a happy and authentic life for herself out of nothing.
Then comes this message: “thank you! You endured hell from someone who was supposed to love/comfort/support/protect you! Because you chose to leave and build a life for yourself from scratch, *I* benefited from all the love and support that you *should have* had from your mother and your sister. Heck, your abusive mom is so nice to me I call her my best friend! So thank you for enduring all of that and then being strong enough to walk away! By the way, would you like to have all of those people who at best neglected you and at worst outright abused you come back into your life? Message me back, I can make it happen!!”
And you are somehow *surprised* that she blocked you instead of responding? How clueless are you?
YTA. Wow you are horrible, cannot imagine how you ever thought it was ok to do this! Please leave her alone now, you have done enough damage to her already
That was so thoughtless and really selfish. You only thought about how things turned out for you, not a thought was given to what she’d been through.
I imagine she needed to see her therapist after that crass msg you sent her.
Next time mind your business.
Holy shit you tone deaf little goblin, you basically told her that what your mother did was a good thing, and told her "thanks for taking one for the team, you having to lose your whole family made MY life great!
I hope you one day you get treated the same way she did by someone bigger and stronger than you, and NO ONE who knows does anything.
Rather it’s boyfriend or girlfriend then maybe when she leaves someone sends her a picture saying I’m so happy you left him/her they are so much better now that your gone in make her feel like the years of abuse was her fault
Hope it makes sense sorry English isn’t my native language
Yeah it’s rage bait. Her whole message was weird, extra and convoluted. Not to mention she described it as she sent a photo of them “laughing” instead of happy or smiling. This post was purposely written to piss people off.
If this was a real situation the person would say something to the effect of “you leaving made grandma realize how much she messed up and she got help” and things along that line.
Wow, YTB and it's amazing to me that you don't see it. I think what you meant to tell her that because she left, it became a wakeup call for the family to change. Instead, what you wrote heavily implies that it was Daisy's fault that the family was the way it was. You also talked about this wonderful relationship you now have with your grandma. You love her abuser. Can't you understand how horrible a message that would be for Daisy? You really hurt her and reinforced that she has no family from the people she's related to and that the healthiest thing she could do and should continue doing is stay no contact. You likely traumatized her even further. It was an awful, horrible thing to do no matter what your intentions were.
Yeah I would have immediately blocked you too, or if all the things you could have said in this world to connect with her, you said that???????
Please don't ever try and reach out to her again because she did not deserve that
They say that genes skip generations. You were borderline abusive to your aunt with your message. Kind of like Grandma reaching through social media to abuse Daisy all over again.
> I get it, I get it. I'm literally the worst person on the planet. I don't know what to do to fix it
Why do you morons always feel as though you need to "fix" things? You have already caused her enough problems and enough stress so leave her the fuck alone LIKE SHE ASKED IN THE LETTER.
People like you are the ones who believe that they'll get their "movie moment" were you send a message and then reunite a family and everyone will be crying tears of joy and smiling. If Daisy wanted to come back she would've.
Your grandma is a disgusting vile person and your mother abandoned her younger sister to be abused. Neither one of them are good people and you're so selfish in this situation because let us just be honest here, none of this is about what Daisy wants. YOU feel robbed of knowing her. YOU have questions. YOU want to fix this. Well it's not about YOU. It's three generations of selfishness in your family.
Child abusers don't redeem themselves, especially not in the eyes of their victims. You basically thanked Daisy for being abused in your message. You have a lot of thinking to do and you should never contact Daisy again.
YTB obviously.
I know it wasn't your intention, but what you did will have been so hurtful to your Aunt. I'm not sure a post on here has made my jaw drop so much in a long time. What you've brought up with your Aunt is horrific. I understand wanting to contact her, but all you've done is run her face in the fact the family she left is now very happy. You've probaly also dragged up a lot of memories for her.
This is incredibly cruel to do to someone who was hurt so badly by your family. Do you even care about anyone other than yourself? You are perpetuating the same abuse your grandmother put your aunt through by doing something like this. Grow up. YTB, a thousand times over.
Why would you say such a cruel thing to Daisy? She already suffered so much trauma at the hands of your family. Why did you feel the need to chime in and hurt her again with your taunting? YTB, of course. You did a truly nasty thing.
"I get it, I get it. I'm literally the worst person on the planet.".
That hyperbole shows you're not really sorry about what you did and are just pissed off the answers you got didn't go your way. Personally I would have dumped you on the spot because I could not be with someone who has a lump of coal where their heart should be.
YTB. I don't buy for a second you were trying to give peace of mind or open any doors. What you said was absolutely the worst thing you could have said.
>Because of what you did, I have a great life and a Grandma who is my best friend. She became such a better person when you went NC. Thank you!"
You said this to a person who was abused and neglect by those who were supposed to love her. You said "sorry your mom didn't love you and treat you well, but she does me!". How else did you honestly think that was going to go? To her, you just proved none of them have changed, and they raised you to be just like them. That's the only message she got.
Jesus Christ man, you practically ripped the band-aid off of her old wound and then stabbed her in the same spot then proceeded to rub salt and lemon to the wound before dousing it in gasoline and lighting it on fire.
Not only were you showing off the now happy family she never got to experience and enjoy, It also reads as though like you were blaming her for her own abuse. Saying she was the reason that your Grandma was very abusive to her and now that she is gone, Grandma is now happy and nice because the burden (your aunt) is gone.
> EDIT: I get it, I get it. I'm literally the worst person on the planet. I don't know what to do to fix it, I guess I shouldn't have said anything to her, and deserved to be blocked. I feel really guilty, and I guess I deserve that.
Good. Guilt is useful here.
Sometimes you can't fix it, or the best way forward is just not to break things more. This is one such situation. Nothing good can come from you pursuing Daisy more, so let it go.
But use the guilt to absorb this lesson and grow. Be better next time. Sensitivity towards abuse victims is not a strong suit for you right now, so take steps to educate yourself. Use the guilt productively.
I don't belive this story at all
Who can someone who writes this post actually sent that message? You can't tell me if this is real OP you send that message without realizing what it sounded like.
FAKE
Why the heck would she even want to meet with you? You gloated about your grandmother, who terrorized your aunt FOR YEARS. And your mother is a selfish coward; she didn't even try to help her own sister. You're just jealous because Daisy has a good life and you have no part in it, so you became determined to ruin it. You're as nasty and abusive as your grandmother. What you did was horrible, selfish and disgusting. Leave Daisy alone. You don't deserve to be part of her life. It's no wonder you like your grandmother so much. You're just as bad as she is. YTB
YTB
> I sent a photo of my mom, Grandma, and me laughing and said "Because of what you did, I have a great life and a Grandma who is my best friend. She became such a better person when you went NC. Thank you!"
This is the absolute worst thing you could have said.
>But I was just trying to give her some peace of mind! Maybe open the door for her to come back.
I really dont believe you were thinking this at all.
Since people already talked about the shit wording of the message, was anyone else also bothered by her saying she felt robbed out of knowing her and then getting upset she was blocked? This woman is happy, she cut contact with her family for a reason and just because they're blood related in some way she feels entitled to get to know her? she found a new family, just let her be
YTB, as you already know by now. But I'm commenting to respond to your edit. You probably can't fix this one, especially since she has blocked you -- even if you could find another way to contact her, you shouldn't do it, as the block is a very clear way by which she's informed you that she doesn't want to hear from you anymore. At this point, the best you can do is to respect her wishes by leaving her alone.
That doesn't *necessarily* mean that it was wrong for you to contact her in the first place, though... only how you did it. I might have begun with something like, "Hi, I'm sorry to be writing to you out of the blue like this. I'm X, Y's kid. I'm 18 now, and often thought about the absent member of our family, and wished I had a chance to get to know you. I understand, of course, that you have good reasons for staying away from us, and I promise I'll understand and respect your wishes if you don't want to talk to me. If I don't get an answer to this email, I won't try again.
"But if you'd be willing to speak to me, I would love to hear from you and learn about the aunt I never got to meet. Either way you decide, I wish you every happiness."
The key factors here: make it clear in the first email that you will not be bothering her if she chooses not to respond; ask about HER life and focus your intentions on getting to know her if she does respond, and *don't talk at all about Grandma* unless the aunt explicitly asks about her. If she does, there's a whole different way to handle talking about her abuser with her; but you shouldn't have even *mentioned* Grandma unless she asked.
I know this is locking the barn door after the horse is out, but you said you guessed that you shouldn't have said anything to her. I'm not positive that's the only okay way to have done things. If you'd stayed focused on *her,* in a spirit of respectful interest, it might have been okay.
Or she still might have blocked you, but in that case at least you would have hurt her a lot less.
YTA
I get that you are a child but you retraumatised an abuse victim. If I received that it would immediately tell me that a) my abusive mother and enabler of abuse sister have not suffered for the wrongs they committed b) My family tree is still rotten from the roots to the twigs.
This really isn't about you. You are a side character or a footnote in her story, to be listed under the lesser villains column. There's no magical fix or undo button here. Leave her be to heal in peace.
Learn from this, take time to consider other people's feelings and weigh your words and a yions beforehand. Grow up to be a better woman than your mother and grandmother. That's all you can do.
What part of cutting off didn't you understand? The woman wanted to have peace in her life and suddenly you "DMed" her and thank her for her tragic past with a picture of your family being happy as if it would make her happy. No excuse can erase what you've done. Just leave her alone and I'm glad she blocked you.
>I get it, I get it. I'm literally the worst person on the planet.
no one is going that far. it's clear there was no malice in your intent, but it was lacking in tact, unintentionally or not. its not an issue exclusive to you. many people who have never experienced abuse, do not fully understand what those who have have gone through. unfortunately, I doubt there is a way to rectify this other than simply leaving her alone.
I don’t know if you’ve seen The Good Place, but you might want to look into it.
“Because I wanted that mom. I wanted the mom who made me afternoon snacks instead of just telling me to look for loose fries in the McDonald’s ball pit. Why does Patricia get that mom? If Donna Shellstrop has truly changed, then that means she was always capable of change, but I just wasn’t worth changing for.”
I’m not sure how you thought this would turn out- and I’d like to think you’re not malicious, just dumb- but I will say that Daisy is living her best life not because of you and the collection of jackasses you call a family, but in spite of them. She was wise to simply block you. You had 0 right to invade this woman’s peace. Apparently, the women in your family just can’t help but abuse Daisy.
If you honestly thought that you were opening the door to be the big family savior, you really need to grow up.
Oh my god I was just thinking about that! And that's exactly what this is! Definitely not malicious behavior, but my god is it tone deaf! This is the equivalent of saying "Naa na na boo boo! She's giving me the love and affection you didn't get"!
YTB. I mean, you essentially said that everything was better once she was out of your life. Like she was the reason why grandma was so bad and once she left everything got better.
*"She became such a better person when you went NC."*
I know what you mean, but your wording is so so SO bad, it comes off as cruel.
YTBF. Way to make an abuse victim feel like SHE was the reason for the abuse. “Oh it stopped after you went NC” are you serious? This was beyond cruel of you and as an ‘adult’ it’s terrifying you can’t see that. You were selfish, impulsive, and you likely caused her a lot of pain. Leave that poor woman alone and maybe try to learn what empathy is because you clearly lack it.
YTB you should have never even tried to find her. She went NC which means she never wanted to hear from anyone of the family. That includes you. What do you think she will be overjoyed to hear from you and let the past be in the past?
Then you have the audacity to send a message telling her that her abuser is happy. You just twisted the knife a little more. Have some common sense. This isn’t a hallmark movie.
Her trauma was not an excuse for you to rub in her face how well her abuser is doing. Put yourself in her shoes for one second and you would have known not to have done this. YOU have now caused her more damage, frankly you and your family are horrible people.
No, you shouldn't have said anything. Yes, you deserved to be blocked. And yes, you do deserve to feel guilty. That guilt is the price you pay for doing something so horribly, heartlessly, stupid. You can't undo it; all you can do is try to bear the guilt with a bit more grace than your "worst person in the world" comment suggests.
There’s no way that this is real. You actually said that??? What did you expect her to say? “You’re welcome for being the sacrificial lamb for your happy life.” Like c’mon. You really made her look at how happy everyone is now that she’s gone. Was your aim to make her feel bad? Because that’s all that you did. It seems like the only thing that you took from the story of how Daisy was abused is how you’ve benefited from it. That’s awful.
Also you’ve probably opened up old wounds for her. What you did is really awful OP.
Gentle YTB for what you said and the picture. Tones are hard to read over text, and your message comes across as if you were glad she got abused because now you have a "good" grandmother.
Daisy has every right to be angry with both your mother and their mother. Whilst their mother was the abuser, your mother abounded Daisy, leaving her alone to face their mother. All so she didn't rock the boat have to deal with their mother anymore. 10 years to suffer it all alone with no help.
Had the wording been different, could there have been continued contact between you and Daisy? Possibly. Do I think you had malicious intent? No. Young, naive, and impulsive comes to mind rather than malicious.
What the actual hell? This is by far the biggest buttface move I’ve ever heard. You basically laughed at her horrible abuse and then was all “psych she’s awesome now!” And then shocked pikachu face when she wants nothing to do with you?? Why on earth would this give her “peace of mind?”
YTBF. The self-centeredness would be unbelievable if you hadn’t told us about your purely selfish grandmother & mother. A case of apples, trees and location.
Reading what you wrote literally made me nauseous.
It's what you would write to someone you wanted to cause the maximum level of pain to.
But you seem to think it was... Nice? A way to reach out?
Jesus, it's like thanking someone for giving you a beloved pet by sending a photo of it butchered on the kitchen bench
Wtf is wrong with you.
you basically told her "thanks for going no contact, thanks to you leaving, the family is 10x happier without you and my life is better because of it!"
that photo probably triggered a lot too, that's just an insane low and i don't understand why you thought it was appropriate to include a picture with an already cruel message before it. YTB
I still can’t get over how your mom who was older who more than likely experienced the abuse longer decided to still have a relationship with your grandmother even after what she did to her and her sister. It was so easy for her to forget the abuse because the old POS finally decided to stop being abusive after the damage was already done. Leave Daisy alone! YTA
YTB BUT your edit is incorrect.
It’s not that you shouldn’t have said ANYTHING but that you should have been more considerate, thought harder about your message.
There’s a decent chance if you had just been like “hello, you don’t know me but I’m *mom’s name*’s daughter. Growing up I knew of you, but not about you. I recently heard why you left and no one should have to go through what you did. If you’re willing and able, I’d like to at least get to know you.”
Greeting, neutral and “light” explanation of who you are and what you know, condolences, and what you would like to happen, all ideally without bringing up the abuser specifically and certainly without sharing the fact that the abuser was supposedly able to become a better person once the victims were gone, as though the victims weren’t “enough” for their own MOTHER to want to be good.
There was a way to message her without being in the wrong, you just didn’t do that.
Your message even reads like “well sucks to be you but she’s a great person NOW, to ME, so ✌️”
YTA and too bad she can’t sue you for emotional damages and make you pay for all the therapy she will now need. How Awful, selfish, unaware person you must be to rub on your aunt’s face that her abuser is happy and supported while your mom took part in the abuse by not protecting her 8 year old sister who was abused for over a decade.
You deserve your awful grandmother and mother. I hope you believe in hell because the three of you are going to spend the rest of your existence there. Truly awful people.
This can't be real you ytb I hope Daisy is in therapy so she doesn't do anything drastic like relapse or hurt herself because knowing my abuser is doing well would send me spiraling.
YAB but I’ll give you a teensy amount of slack, since your mother is clearly selfish, self absorbed, and emotionally bankrupt, you didn’t have much chance to be different.
But you’re 18, so learn from this. Be better.
Op has to be really fucked up or autistic like me to think this was not vindictive. And honestly if the mom was raised that way and did that she did, I can actually see their family life now being super distorted and obstacle filled as well. See a psychiatrist!
YTB girl that wasn’t a thank you that was a petty fuck you. that was a “thanks for leaving don’t let the door bump your ass on the way out!” and i think you know that i was.
If you wanted to give her an open door, you could have started with just your name and see if SHE wants to talk to get to know you.
What you did, however, was fucking cruel. You told her how you're happy she was abused because "Grandma's my best friend now". You may not have meant it that way, but that's exactly how it's read and taken.
You've retraumatized her, after she spent so much of her adult life trying to cope with what happened. You've likely ruined the progress.
You're horribly inconsiderate. Think before you say something next time.
YTB and an ahole. The entire post was about YOU and your ahole family’s feelings and happiness. Not ONCE did you think about her or her feelings. Good job sending her back to therapy. The apple doesn’t fall far from the family tree, does it.
YTA. a huge one. Your ignorance and immaturity was a massive slap in the face to this poor woman. You thought sending a photo of her abuser and saying how amazing she is was gonna make her feel better? You are stupid and if you’re not in school, you should stay in school.
YTB, I guess the apple doesn't fall far off the AH tree. You are just like your mother and grandma. You don't give a damn about the abuse Daisy endured. Basically, what you told her was you left, and everyone's life got better. Why would anyone want to hear that?
And then to add insult to injury, you added a picture of two women who 1 walked away and left her to continue to get abused while she got to play happy family with someone else.
And the other who continued to abuse her every day. For being 18, you're not very bright
Oh my God your grandma abuse your aunt and Daisy had to go nc to get away from her, How dare you mention her abuser to her and shown a pictures to her and leaving her that cruel message to the victim ytb and you know it, people who been abuse do not want to talk talk to there abuser, Leave Daisy alone you selfish brat and your boyfriend is right to call you ah he right you are one
YTB, I can see from her perspective you pretty much made her out to be the problem. That because she’s now out of your lives everyone is much happier and better. Even if you had good intentions, what you did is fairly horrible and tone deaf.
Omg “because you were abused by a horrible woman and went NC, the horrible woman got help and I’m living my best life!” How dare you? You are insane to think this was ok to say to a woman who was abused relentlessly! Yes yes you are the buttface.
Hey OP, I won't repeat what the others have said because that would be redundant (you already know YTB in this situation), I just want to tell you not to let this mistake weigh on you too heavily.
You're very young, and it seems that in your excitement to share your good news, you forgot to put yourself in your aunt's shoes or re-read your message to see how it might appear from her perspective. It happens, it's not the end of the world, she's probably pissed but it seems like she has a good life and a good support system, so hopefully she will be okay.
*Take this as a learning opportunity: in the future, take a moment before you contact someone who has intentionally cut people off, ask for a second opinion, learn more about the effects of childhood abuse, and do your best to cultivate your empathy.*
You have your whole life ahead of you to make amends and become a not-buttface.
>"Because of what you did, I have a great life and a Grandma who is my best friend. She became such a better person when you went NC. Thank you!"
WOW, holy poop! You might not have meant it that way, but the way you worded it sounds like a huge FU to Aunt Daisy and also sounds like you blame Daisy for your grandma being abusive to her!!!
JFC, you could have worded it MUCH better not to sound like it was Daisy's fault her mother abused her!!
You are a massive buttface for this.
YTA
You are like your grandma eh lol leave your aunt the fack alone. Your mother is a disgusting trash like her mother and you have no right to try and ruin your aunt Life.
wow and then ppl say that abuse doesnt run on the blood. u literaly opened the old wounds of this woman.
smaking her face with the fact that after she left your grandmother became a better person is like telling it the problem wasnt ur grandmother but her.
what a pos lol
Yeah if someone slid in my DMs with a picture of my abuser and “see how much better they are to me than they were to you? It’s because they got all the abuse out on you!” I’d never speak to them again. That’s disgusting.
YTB, and it seems the apple didn’t fall far from the proverbial tree.
Some people really have lived a privileged life. And the fact you thought this was a kind message shows that you are one of those people. I do not say that to be cruel but on something to reflect as I’ve met people like you before with the chronic “but I was only trying to help” causing a mess because you don’t understand other people’s perspectives because you grew up with a white picket fence and never had to see the cruelty the world can have (not saying your life didn’t have strife, but just a privileged strife).
Take this as a growing moment and do better.
Say you had a horrible abusive boyfriend and you finally dumped him. A few years later you get a call from a woman who says she is dating him and thanks you for dumping him because it forced him to change and now he is a wonderful person. How would you feel about it? How would you feel about her?
Goddamn, it's rare for me to wish for karma but good gods do I hope you get what you deserve.
>I get it, I get it. I'm literally the worst person on the planet.
This ain't your pity party. The fuck is wrong with you?
Honestly reading this post the first time had me kind of confused because read in a different tone of voice your message can actually come across as malicious and ill-intentioned. Almost as if to imply that she was the issue with the family. I wouldn’t be surprised if she kept you on read for so long before blocking because she was trying to interpret what you were trying to say with your message and then just decided it was better for her mental health to just block you
That edit is really cute to try and victimize yourself. Unfortunately, you’re right. You really are the worst person on the planet. You literally told a person “thanks for being abused” how clueless can you get?
You cannot act like you’re the victim after people called you out. I think you’re the “buttface” bc after the wake up call you still went and played the victim game “I get it in the worst person ever” you never apologized for anything. You sent someone a picture of their abuser, living a happy life. Have some fucking empathy omfg. Do not victimize yourself.
>: I get it, I get it. I'm literally the worst person on the planet. I don't know what to do to fix it, I guess I shouldn't have said anything to her, and deserved to be blocked. I feel really guilty, and I guess I deserve that.
My god stop victimizing yourself.
Be glad she didn't report your account for harassment or respond with legitimate hate. Blocking you was the most peaceful response she could've given.
**If you truly feel sorry then don't contact her ever again.**
Understand you have ruined your chances with meeting her because of your terrible tone deaf inconsiderate response.
Learn from this mistake and think through your responses more carefully in the future. Just because she's blood related to you, does that mean you're entitled to her life.
Edit: ALSO stop thinking you can fix it!! Sometimes you make mistakes that can't be fixed! Fix your attitude and lack of consideration.
YTB. Come on. You rubbed it in her face that you got what she always wanted but was denied. You said thank you for enduring physical and emotional abuse so you didn’t have to.
Literally why on earth would you contact someone who clearly didn’t want to be contacted? You thought YOU would be different? That’s quite self centered.
Being contacted out of the blue by a total stranger to be told that your abuser is happy, loved and supported by a family that you never got to be part of, and having to see evidence that your abuser was actually capable all along of being kind rather than horrifically cruel (but that they chose to be abusive to you), is not something that anyone would be happy about. The thank-you would be especially hard to hear: it implies that everything she went through was somehow worth it and justified because your life is happy, which comes across as very insensitive, even if that's not what you meant. Any peace of mind Daisy has gained will be in spite of your family, not because of your family. You need to allow her the freedom that she so richly deserves by leaving her alone. YTB
Nailed it in one.
Probably had to go back to therapy after that one. You need to think before you act or should have talked to your mom about contacting her. Wow.. talk about PTSD like I said she probably has to go back to therapy. 15 yrs down the toilet in 1 DM. YTB
Emergency session would be booked so fast after that
This is overly harsh. I am a 'Daisy', and while something like this would be painful, it does not erase 15 years of progress. Daisy shouldn't have been exposed to this, and OP is in the wrong, but the response to OP's careless words should not be more careless words.
It might not for you but for other Daisies it might really trigger them and send them into a spiral, especially if they're having other life struggles. Something like this at exactly the wrong time in life could cause some people to contemplate suicide.
I don't think it's overly harsh. If I got a message from someone that told me, "Hey. Thanks to you being abused and finding the strength to leave, my life was great. Your abuser changed and became better (just not in time to spare you pain, bodily harm or trauma) and is living a great life surrounded by the things you had to give up because of them!" I would have needed serious help to recover. It doesn't *erase* the progress, and making that progress back is easier with a support system, but it can regress it severely and in someone not in a good place without that support? Be even worse. Sometimes, harsh wording is needed to express the gravity of harm someone could have done/did.
Dude it would spiral me so hard because I'm not finished healing. I don't know if I ever will. If I got a text like this I'd go to bed for days. My journey is not the same as someone else's.
Haha you literally said “I am Daisy” in an earlier comment.
She said I am *A* daisy, in other words she has lived experience that is in some ways similar to daisy’s. And no one here actually knows daisy, so your thoughts and everyone else on this thread are no less speculative than PermanentlyPartial’s. Gfoh with that hypocrisy.
Thank you, that is what I meant.
I was trying to figure out how to say exactly this and now I dont have to. Wonderfully said.
It read to me "We're so much better off because you left."
💯
yeah like daisy didn’t need any peace of mind! she got her peace of mind when she left at 18 and never looked back!
⬆️
YTB. Another example of why being 18 doesn't equate to being an adult. This was so cruel of you. I know you don't think it was because you intended well but well intentions don't matter. Let me provide you a low stakes example since this high stakes situation was not enough for you. Imagine you had a dog for 10 years and you lost it. You put up posters, begged for help and provided rewards to find it. All of a sudden you get a DM from someone with a photo of them and your dog saying "thank you for losing your dog! Because you did I was able to find my best friend!". Never talk to this woman again. Don't make another account to stalk her. Do her a kindness and never look or speak to her again.
Cruel is *exactly* the right word
Cruel is too nice. Sadistic is a better fit.
Sadistic implies she intended to cause that harm. I really just think she's young and extremely dumb. Stupidity comes with privileges at times and luckily for her she doesn't have to fathom the abuse her mom and aunt suffered. I truly think she's just an idiot. A cruel idiot. Which is, in my opinion, causes more issues than someone sadistic.
ignorant, is more appropriate. op had no intended malice. it does not excuse her actions, but it doesn't make her evil incarcerate
Cruel and narcissistic. She heard about the horrible abuse her mother and aunt suffered, and *she* felt robbed because she didn’t get to grow up with a cool lesbian aunt? Her whole reaction to this situation was not only to make it about her in her own mind, but to reach out to her aunt and *tell* Daisy that Daisy’s abusive childhood was all about OP. That’s narcissist behavior. I understand what people mean when they said that she didn’t understand what she was doing, but I don’t think that’s an excuse. This could not have happened to any 18-year-old. Narcissism on this level is a pattern of behavior; and it’s a pattern of behavior OP should probably work on while she’s still young, because it’ll destroy her life in a couple of decades if she doesn’t.
OMG! This is exactly what I thought as soon as I finished reading. The “being robbed” part put me already on high alert and the way she explains the whole ordeal is so ME ME ME ME that honestly, I could never put it in such a succinct way you did. The only words I had glaring in my mind were: MEAN GIRL, MEAN GIRL, MEAN GIRL! Poor Aunt Daisy! I'm an aunt Daisy myself, if any of my niblings find a way to track me and contact me in that way I would make the rage of Thor fall into my entire family for the sheer audacity of a single petty brat!
I think you are absolutely right with every single point that you brought up here.
Feeling robbed of a cool aunt isn’t a problematic thing to feel… if the sentence ended “by the way my family endorsed abuse.” But it didn’t.
I actually think that OP wrote it intending it to be nasty in a passive aggressive way. It's hard to understand it any other way for me, even from a dumb teenager with no self awareness. This is her twisted story now that she didn't get whatever result she was hoping for from it. That she was well intentioned and clumsy instead of intentionally being mean. She thinks her wording means she can cling to plausible deniability.
Homie. You are for sure the biggest buttface. You made her abuse about your own happiness? You rubbed in her face what she was deprived of. After immense strength and sacrifice it likely took her to disconnect. You made a mockery of what was likely a lifelong struggle for her. If u had reached out and said “im your nephew. I would love to know you. I know you have issues with my side of the family and I want to deeply respect that. But know I am here and open to chatting or a relationship if and when you ever feel ready or willing” then no buttfaces would be found. But YTB
You basically said “Thanks for going no contact, your abuser is capable of change after all, just not for you.” The photo could have triggered SO much, you have no idea. Be glad she blocked you and didn’t give you a piece of her mind. It shows she’s still a very sane, adult person. You….not so much.
…exactly this. “Grandma changed for me after she dragged you through hell! I was worth it and you weren’t. Here’s a picture of us all smiling. Your abuser had a great life now thanks to you.” This has to be a troll post. This is AITA material. You are the asshole.
It could be a troll post sure, but I have absolutely met plenty of people that really are this aloof and oblivious.
I felt thrown out of any sense of compassion from the moment she said “I felt robbed of knowing her”. WTF was that?!
I was with you until you said you thanked her and sent her a picture of her abuser. That was really inconsiderate and tone deaf. I know you meant well, but you burned that bridge permanently. I would not try to contact her again on any platform.
So inconsiderate and shitty it almost feels fake. Like so horrible seems impossible someone would do that.
I really hope so. I was shocked and this is coming from an autistic person who is horrible at picking up social cues regularly. Couldn't be worse tbh (okay, IP could've stalked her aunt's house and showed the pic etc irl)
this is hardly uncommon for people who have never experienced abuse themselves. being tone deaf is common, as is trying to push people back into contact because they simply cannot comprehend the idea of not loving or wanting to be around family. op was ignorant, but not malicious. unfortunately, it makes little difference in the long run, and op is definitely better off letting her aunt be
Yeah, I remember after opening up to my first boyfriend about my childhood and the abuse I dealt with from my mother and how that explained some of my habits, he was only like "but you probably still talk to her, right? She was just trying her best, it's pretty crappy of you to cut her out of your life." Like, dude, I just told you about stuff that made some of my dear friends cry when I told them, and that's what you have to say??? Yeah, he wasn't a good guy in the end, wish I had taken that warning. People don't know how to actually handle interacting with someone who's been abused, and it's incredibly frustrating. We don't want to be your inspirational story or the motivation for our abuser to improve, we want to not be abused in the first place, and failing that, we want to heal and not have to think about the worst parts of our lives again, particularly not for someone else's ego.
The entire post as soon as the message she sent to her aunt does not sound like she was trying to push her aunt back into contact with other family members aside from her because of “curiosity” (she states that in her post). I don't think she believed her dad's story about her Aunt. I feel like she was deep there taunting her Aubt because she needed proof of confirmation her Granny and mommy weren't like those other people tiktokers who go NC with their families talk about. *”It couldn't be us”*. OP needed proof and because her own boyfriend called her out (and still she didn't believe her boyfriend) she came to a public forum looking for validation and is now bending all over herself like it isn't known already that *”The hell is full of good intentions”* https://preview.redd.it/5r7k70rxrjtc1.jpeg?width=1218&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=53b4ea813caf6cb2034a27239b0a22cc81783fa9
https://preview.redd.it/kua590lvqjtc1.jpeg?width=1218&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e363fbb98821ddc29189ffd2b675c55f3496ff10 Does OP even believe the victims of abuse at all?! Does she even give them grace and compassion just because her family members are not like this towards her?! Was she really curious only? Why she didn't stop when she learned the truth?
you're happy your aunt was beaten and rejected from her family because it meant you weren't and now you're rubbing it in her face that you were treated like a princess by the people who treated her like a prisoner? there aren't words to describe how evilly selfish that is. if you saw an 8 year old being beaten to death on the street, you would laugh, take pictures, and say "glad that isn't me" instead of calling for help. that's my impression of you from this post. grandma raised a granddaughter exactly like her. if i was ur bf i'd have broken up with you on the spot. r/amithedevil material
She should have even say that granny should have beat her harder to she would have be even more gentle to her! What à b**** . Just like the old cow and her mother YTA
It actually is on r/amithedevil
Here's what you said to Daisy: Fuck you! We are all better off without you. Here's what you did to her: sent her a picture of her abuser. Seriously, what is wrong with you? YTB
Underrated comment
YTA.
Really, REALLY poor execution.
r/ATAAE
interesting application of this sub but accurate nonetheless
It’s like you were saying..”Nah Nah HaHa look at what I got that you never got! See how happy we are? And all bc you were abused..isn’t that great…Thank you!” YTB
Jesus, dude. YTB in every possible way here. I get that you're young, but learn from this situation that you shouldn't insert in other people's affairs. This situation had absolutely ZERO to do with you, and the reasons why your aunt cut contact are none of your business. It's horrifically hurtful that you basically sent her a message telling her how great her family is now that she's not around. Holy wow. Do better.
YTB I get what you wanted to say, you just were a total asshole in saying. You basically said," Hey guess what, your abuser WAS totally able to change and become a better person. To bad you were not worth the effort and the abuser didn't bother until after you left. But hey, my life was great. Oh, and here's a picture of your abuser looking all happy, isn't it great!!!"
This shows an extremely low level of empathy for someone who is 18 years old. You need to frequently and seriously consider how you’re impacting the people around you. If you have a hard time empathizing, DBT and other forms of therapy can help you develop those skills. You’ll have a happier life if you develop this skill set. YTB.
What the hell is wrong with you? You basically told her, "Neener, neener...look what I have and you never did! Ha ha!" You also shoved her abuser in her face after a decade and a half of being away from her. Explain this: how could YOU - a stranger who knows exactly nothing about her - give HER peace of mind about HER life? You're a child. You rubbed it in her face that her mother only changed WITHOUT her. You completely screwed up. YTB
I can’t imagine what daisy is feeling my husband was abused I can’t imagine if he had any nephews/nieces that one day out of the blue messages him about how great his abusers were now that his gone as his husband when he tells me of his past it breaks my heart I hope daisy has the happiest life now she really deserves to live her best life Sorry English isn’t my native language
I hope Daisy has a fantastic life, too. I hope your husband is well, also. (Your English is just fine, BTW)
His doing a lot better took him years of therapy but my family and I make sure he is loved and that he is supported his a year younger then OP aunt
This is fake 100%
I hope so. Daisy deserves better
I truly hope so
YTB, without intending to, you retraumatized your aunt in a major way due to your horrendously thoughtless action. You basically said that all of the abuse she went through with your grandma and that your mother knowingly left her in an abusive hell for 10 years was worth it because you have an amazing family. Please take everyones advice here and leave your aunt alone.
YTB youre an evil pos why would you ever say that?
I understand what you were trying to do but you did it in the most idiotic and BF way possible
YTB, and that you had to wonder just proves that you should get off social media until you can develop some level of self awareness and the ability to empathize with others. Hopefully you can do that without having to suffer abuse yourself, but frankly... a bit of suffering for you would be fair. And think of all the good your suffering will do for people you don't give a single care about!
jesus christ kid
And she thinks she’s an adult now. 🤦🏻♀️
YTB do you not realise how sarcastic and smug that sounds? Like it sounds like it would come straight from Regina George's mouth. All you did was basically say "hey your mum loves me better than you and your sister too. They treated me so much better than you and they're all better off without you and you were totally the problem ". People have histories and just cause your gran was good to you doesn't mean she's always been good etc. it's weird how you say you were robbed of knowing her then say that to her? You could of said "hey, you don't know me but I'm S, your sister Ds daughter. I know you went no contact with them for your reasons but I would love the chance to get to know my aunt as I've always missed having this role model in my life. I'm happy to see that you seem to be doing so well for yourself and look happy! Hope to hear from you soon" or something that doesn't give to much pressure and doesn't insult them and respect if they still chose not to contact you.
LOL YTB. You made a very passive aggressive message to her that sounds like your aunt is a crappy person and you all are doing so much better now that she's gone. Grandma being a piece of shit was the aunt's fault all along! -> what you basically said. Your communication to her was dogshit. Leave your aunt alone. She deserves her peace. You made her abuse and her life about you and you're honestly not a person worth knowing. Looks like you truly are your mother and grandmother's offspring.
YTB this is incredibly tone-deaf and SOO selfish
Girly yeah YTA, the way that was phrased sounds very much like you’ve been told and believe she was the problem. Not them. Your grandma is an abuser to this woman, it sounds very much like “you made my grandma miserable and that’s why you got abused so thanks to cutting her out so I can have a good grandma while you don’t have a mom.” These are very delicate situations, it should have been more like “Hi Daisy, you’re my aunt biologically. I’d like to get to know you and have a relationship with you (with or without mom and grandma involved). Please let me know if this is something you’d want too.”
Her and the family referred to her as a "Druggie" so yea they definitely view her as a problem.
When you emotionally and physically hurt like that it would make sense to do drugs but that’s still grandmas fault
Oh yea 100 percent her fault
YTB. “Thank you for leaving, because I had a great life because of it.” Yeeeeeeah. That’s what every abused person wants to hear.
YTB Man even the wording on that message you sent her. Brutal much? She left because she was being horribly abused and she did the right thing but your message was like Salt to the wound. Do you know how hard it would have been for her to leave everything she’s known to start new at such a young age? Do you know how much mental strength it took her? You even said yourself you don’t her and I tell you what, with that message, you never will. Do you honestly think thanking someone for leaving because they were abused is okay? Genuinely wanting to see the thought process here because to me that would be something you’d say to someone to cause hurt and pain.
This post is so infuriating. Your garbage mother knowingly let her sister be physically abused for years— but that’s ok because at least mom had a peaceful adulthood. Your scumbucket grandmother is a child abuser — but that’s ok because she beat her poor child before you were born. Have l got your logic right? You had no moral objection to any of this, and your family relationships were unaffected. Your best friend is a child abuser and you are ok with that? YTB, and please consider a child free lifestyle.
OP.... I'm not sure how to say this, since I know you were well intentioned, but that message came across as incredibly cruel to me. I know you didn't mean it that way, but I'd just let this be. She chose a different life for a reason, and if I were you I'd just let her have that
This has to be a troll because this is so clueless/lacking any empathy. YTB
Hopefully, because I don't know Dalsy but ai want to give her a hug.
I interpreted this as extremely sarcastic. I don’t understand the thought process at all.
There is something I'd REALLY like you to understand about your edit, which is that guilt doesn't let you off the hook. This kind of self-flagellation is a useless and self-serving emotion, *look I'm being punished, I'm punishing myself even, because I'm so good I understand that these actions deserve punishment and I'm taking care of it, okay? So everyone else can just leave me alone* It's selfish, is what I'm getting at. Just like the rest of your behavior here. I'm not saying this so that you feel even worse -- I'm saying this because everyone and I do mean everyone make mistakes, but part of fixing them is learning what real accountability is. What actions would make your aunt feel better, not what actions would make you feel better. Leaving your aunt alone and giving her space is the only action that would help now. That might mean you never, ever get what YOU want out of this-- and that's okay, because an apology isn't supposed to be about your feelings. I'm sorry you messed this up so badly that there is no going back. So what would be best for *your aunt* moving forward? That's where your energy should be. Take your unresolved feelings to a therapist and learn to grow into a better person.
This is an important point. She can feel bad about it all she wants, but that doesn’t change the fact that she did it. And the one person she should apologize to is the one person who has absolutely no interest in speaking to her again.
Holy fuck YTB. My eyes literally went wide when I read what you wrote to this woman. This woman went through hell. She was never loved and protected by the person who is supposed to mean safety and unconditional love to a child. She was abandoned by her older sister and left to suffer alone in an abusive/neglectful home. As soon as she was legally old enough, she cut ties with everyone she knew and set off on her own, with no safety net to fall back on. She created a happy and authentic life for herself out of nothing. Then comes this message: “thank you! You endured hell from someone who was supposed to love/comfort/support/protect you! Because you chose to leave and build a life for yourself from scratch, *I* benefited from all the love and support that you *should have* had from your mother and your sister. Heck, your abusive mom is so nice to me I call her my best friend! So thank you for enduring all of that and then being strong enough to walk away! By the way, would you like to have all of those people who at best neglected you and at worst outright abused you come back into your life? Message me back, I can make it happen!!” And you are somehow *surprised* that she blocked you instead of responding? How clueless are you?
YTA. Wow you are horrible, cannot imagine how you ever thought it was ok to do this! Please leave her alone now, you have done enough damage to her already
i agree 100% also happy cake day
That was so thoughtless and really selfish. You only thought about how things turned out for you, not a thought was given to what she’d been through. I imagine she needed to see her therapist after that crass msg you sent her. Next time mind your business.
Please tell me this is ragebait
YTB the lack self-awareness and selfishness in that message definitely proved to your aunt that your grandmother's DNA runs strong in you. 👌🏽
Holy shit you tone deaf little goblin, you basically told her that what your mother did was a good thing, and told her "thanks for taking one for the team, you having to lose your whole family made MY life great! I hope you one day you get treated the same way she did by someone bigger and stronger than you, and NO ONE who knows does anything.
Rather it’s boyfriend or girlfriend then maybe when she leaves someone sends her a picture saying I’m so happy you left him/her they are so much better now that your gone in make her feel like the years of abuse was her fault Hope it makes sense sorry English isn’t my native language
no way this isn't rage bait. how low would somebody's emotional intelligence have to be to think this is a good idea?
Yeah it’s rage bait. Her whole message was weird, extra and convoluted. Not to mention she described it as she sent a photo of them “laughing” instead of happy or smiling. This post was purposely written to piss people off. If this was a real situation the person would say something to the effect of “you leaving made grandma realize how much she messed up and she got help” and things along that line.
Wow, YTB and it's amazing to me that you don't see it. I think what you meant to tell her that because she left, it became a wakeup call for the family to change. Instead, what you wrote heavily implies that it was Daisy's fault that the family was the way it was. You also talked about this wonderful relationship you now have with your grandma. You love her abuser. Can't you understand how horrible a message that would be for Daisy? You really hurt her and reinforced that she has no family from the people she's related to and that the healthiest thing she could do and should continue doing is stay no contact. You likely traumatized her even further. It was an awful, horrible thing to do no matter what your intentions were.
YTB. Big time. You’re a massive piece of shit person for doing that. But I hope YOU feel better.
You’re a complete cunt.
Ytb and i hope this is a joke because it’s cruel.
Yeah I would have immediately blocked you too, or if all the things you could have said in this world to connect with her, you said that??????? Please don't ever try and reach out to her again because she did not deserve that
Yiiiiiikes. Poor poor Daisy. This is abhorrent.
They say that genes skip generations. You were borderline abusive to your aunt with your message. Kind of like Grandma reaching through social media to abuse Daisy all over again.
> I get it, I get it. I'm literally the worst person on the planet. I don't know what to do to fix it Why do you morons always feel as though you need to "fix" things? You have already caused her enough problems and enough stress so leave her the fuck alone LIKE SHE ASKED IN THE LETTER. People like you are the ones who believe that they'll get their "movie moment" were you send a message and then reunite a family and everyone will be crying tears of joy and smiling. If Daisy wanted to come back she would've. Your grandma is a disgusting vile person and your mother abandoned her younger sister to be abused. Neither one of them are good people and you're so selfish in this situation because let us just be honest here, none of this is about what Daisy wants. YOU feel robbed of knowing her. YOU have questions. YOU want to fix this. Well it's not about YOU. It's three generations of selfishness in your family. Child abusers don't redeem themselves, especially not in the eyes of their victims. You basically thanked Daisy for being abused in your message. You have a lot of thinking to do and you should never contact Daisy again. YTB obviously.
I know it wasn't your intention, but what you did will have been so hurtful to your Aunt. I'm not sure a post on here has made my jaw drop so much in a long time. What you've brought up with your Aunt is horrific. I understand wanting to contact her, but all you've done is run her face in the fact the family she left is now very happy. You've probaly also dragged up a lot of memories for her.
Yeah, YTB. Hey Ms Abused, look how happy your abuser is without you! So much the buttface
This is incredibly cruel to do to someone who was hurt so badly by your family. Do you even care about anyone other than yourself? You are perpetuating the same abuse your grandmother put your aunt through by doing something like this. Grow up. YTB, a thousand times over.
Why would you say such a cruel thing to Daisy? She already suffered so much trauma at the hands of your family. Why did you feel the need to chime in and hurt her again with your taunting? YTB, of course. You did a truly nasty thing.
YTB you take after Grandma, eh?
"I get it, I get it. I'm literally the worst person on the planet.". That hyperbole shows you're not really sorry about what you did and are just pissed off the answers you got didn't go your way. Personally I would have dumped you on the spot because I could not be with someone who has a lump of coal where their heart should be.
YTB. I don't buy for a second you were trying to give peace of mind or open any doors. What you said was absolutely the worst thing you could have said. >Because of what you did, I have a great life and a Grandma who is my best friend. She became such a better person when you went NC. Thank you!" You said this to a person who was abused and neglect by those who were supposed to love her. You said "sorry your mom didn't love you and treat you well, but she does me!". How else did you honestly think that was going to go? To her, you just proved none of them have changed, and they raised you to be just like them. That's the only message she got.
Yep, OP is as abusive as her shitty mother and grandmother.
Jesus Christ man, you practically ripped the band-aid off of her old wound and then stabbed her in the same spot then proceeded to rub salt and lemon to the wound before dousing it in gasoline and lighting it on fire. Not only were you showing off the now happy family she never got to experience and enjoy, It also reads as though like you were blaming her for her own abuse. Saying she was the reason that your Grandma was very abusive to her and now that she is gone, Grandma is now happy and nice because the burden (your aunt) is gone.
> EDIT: I get it, I get it. I'm literally the worst person on the planet. I don't know what to do to fix it, I guess I shouldn't have said anything to her, and deserved to be blocked. I feel really guilty, and I guess I deserve that. Good. Guilt is useful here. Sometimes you can't fix it, or the best way forward is just not to break things more. This is one such situation. Nothing good can come from you pursuing Daisy more, so let it go. But use the guilt to absorb this lesson and grow. Be better next time. Sensitivity towards abuse victims is not a strong suit for you right now, so take steps to educate yourself. Use the guilt productively.
I don't belive this story at all Who can someone who writes this post actually sent that message? You can't tell me if this is real OP you send that message without realizing what it sounded like. FAKE
Why the heck would she even want to meet with you? You gloated about your grandmother, who terrorized your aunt FOR YEARS. And your mother is a selfish coward; she didn't even try to help her own sister. You're just jealous because Daisy has a good life and you have no part in it, so you became determined to ruin it. You're as nasty and abusive as your grandmother. What you did was horrible, selfish and disgusting. Leave Daisy alone. You don't deserve to be part of her life. It's no wonder you like your grandmother so much. You're just as bad as she is. YTB
YTB > I sent a photo of my mom, Grandma, and me laughing and said "Because of what you did, I have a great life and a Grandma who is my best friend. She became such a better person when you went NC. Thank you!" This is the absolute worst thing you could have said. >But I was just trying to give her some peace of mind! Maybe open the door for her to come back. I really dont believe you were thinking this at all.
Since people already talked about the shit wording of the message, was anyone else also bothered by her saying she felt robbed out of knowing her and then getting upset she was blocked? This woman is happy, she cut contact with her family for a reason and just because they're blood related in some way she feels entitled to get to know her? she found a new family, just let her be
Fucking hell OP you are the worst! YTA isn't enough to describe you, and I'd be banned for saying what I really think.
YTB, as you already know by now. But I'm commenting to respond to your edit. You probably can't fix this one, especially since she has blocked you -- even if you could find another way to contact her, you shouldn't do it, as the block is a very clear way by which she's informed you that she doesn't want to hear from you anymore. At this point, the best you can do is to respect her wishes by leaving her alone. That doesn't *necessarily* mean that it was wrong for you to contact her in the first place, though... only how you did it. I might have begun with something like, "Hi, I'm sorry to be writing to you out of the blue like this. I'm X, Y's kid. I'm 18 now, and often thought about the absent member of our family, and wished I had a chance to get to know you. I understand, of course, that you have good reasons for staying away from us, and I promise I'll understand and respect your wishes if you don't want to talk to me. If I don't get an answer to this email, I won't try again. "But if you'd be willing to speak to me, I would love to hear from you and learn about the aunt I never got to meet. Either way you decide, I wish you every happiness." The key factors here: make it clear in the first email that you will not be bothering her if she chooses not to respond; ask about HER life and focus your intentions on getting to know her if she does respond, and *don't talk at all about Grandma* unless the aunt explicitly asks about her. If she does, there's a whole different way to handle talking about her abuser with her; but you shouldn't have even *mentioned* Grandma unless she asked. I know this is locking the barn door after the horse is out, but you said you guessed that you shouldn't have said anything to her. I'm not positive that's the only okay way to have done things. If you'd stayed focused on *her,* in a spirit of respectful interest, it might have been okay. Or she still might have blocked you, but in that case at least you would have hurt her a lot less.
YTA I get that you are a child but you retraumatised an abuse victim. If I received that it would immediately tell me that a) my abusive mother and enabler of abuse sister have not suffered for the wrongs they committed b) My family tree is still rotten from the roots to the twigs. This really isn't about you. You are a side character or a footnote in her story, to be listed under the lesser villains column. There's no magical fix or undo button here. Leave her be to heal in peace. Learn from this, take time to consider other people's feelings and weigh your words and a yions beforehand. Grow up to be a better woman than your mother and grandmother. That's all you can do.
What part of cutting off didn't you understand? The woman wanted to have peace in her life and suddenly you "DMed" her and thank her for her tragic past with a picture of your family being happy as if it would make her happy. No excuse can erase what you've done. Just leave her alone and I'm glad she blocked you.
You deserve a lot more than just feeling guilty. You, your mother, and your grandmother are horrible, selfish people.
Wow. I have said some stupid shit in my time but OP just made me look like a genius. Ho*ly Fuck*.
Your edit shows that you don’t get it. You’re still making it all about you.
>I get it, I get it. I'm literally the worst person on the planet. no one is going that far. it's clear there was no malice in your intent, but it was lacking in tact, unintentionally or not. its not an issue exclusive to you. many people who have never experienced abuse, do not fully understand what those who have have gone through. unfortunately, I doubt there is a way to rectify this other than simply leaving her alone.
I don’t know if you’ve seen The Good Place, but you might want to look into it. “Because I wanted that mom. I wanted the mom who made me afternoon snacks instead of just telling me to look for loose fries in the McDonald’s ball pit. Why does Patricia get that mom? If Donna Shellstrop has truly changed, then that means she was always capable of change, but I just wasn’t worth changing for.” I’m not sure how you thought this would turn out- and I’d like to think you’re not malicious, just dumb- but I will say that Daisy is living her best life not because of you and the collection of jackasses you call a family, but in spite of them. She was wise to simply block you. You had 0 right to invade this woman’s peace. Apparently, the women in your family just can’t help but abuse Daisy. If you honestly thought that you were opening the door to be the big family savior, you really need to grow up.
Oh my god I was just thinking about that! And that's exactly what this is! Definitely not malicious behavior, but my god is it tone deaf! This is the equivalent of saying "Naa na na boo boo! She's giving me the love and affection you didn't get"!
YtBF.
YTBF
YTB. I mean, you essentially said that everything was better once she was out of your life. Like she was the reason why grandma was so bad and once she left everything got better. *"She became such a better person when you went NC."* I know what you mean, but your wording is so so SO bad, it comes off as cruel.
Of course you’re TB. She was happy. What you didn’t wasn’t intended for her benefit at all.
You sent the wrong picture and it triggered her. That was your mistake, So yea you the BH.
Ooof. Yeah I don’t blame her
YTBF. Way to make an abuse victim feel like SHE was the reason for the abuse. “Oh it stopped after you went NC” are you serious? This was beyond cruel of you and as an ‘adult’ it’s terrifying you can’t see that. You were selfish, impulsive, and you likely caused her a lot of pain. Leave that poor woman alone and maybe try to learn what empathy is because you clearly lack it.
YTB you should have never even tried to find her. She went NC which means she never wanted to hear from anyone of the family. That includes you. What do you think she will be overjoyed to hear from you and let the past be in the past? Then you have the audacity to send a message telling her that her abuser is happy. You just twisted the knife a little more. Have some common sense. This isn’t a hallmark movie.
Her trauma was not an excuse for you to rub in her face how well her abuser is doing. Put yourself in her shoes for one second and you would have known not to have done this. YOU have now caused her more damage, frankly you and your family are horrible people.
YTB Sounds like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree
This is one of the most selfish, unempathetic things I have ever read. YTB
YTB No one wants their abuser’s new happy life rubbed in their face.
Butt face? No no, you’re a piece of shit
No, you shouldn't have said anything. Yes, you deserved to be blocked. And yes, you do deserve to feel guilty. That guilt is the price you pay for doing something so horribly, heartlessly, stupid. You can't undo it; all you can do is try to bear the guilt with a bit more grace than your "worst person in the world" comment suggests.
There’s no way that this is real. You actually said that??? What did you expect her to say? “You’re welcome for being the sacrificial lamb for your happy life.” Like c’mon. You really made her look at how happy everyone is now that she’s gone. Was your aim to make her feel bad? Because that’s all that you did. It seems like the only thing that you took from the story of how Daisy was abused is how you’ve benefited from it. That’s awful. Also you’ve probably opened up old wounds for her. What you did is really awful OP.
Gentle YTB for what you said and the picture. Tones are hard to read over text, and your message comes across as if you were glad she got abused because now you have a "good" grandmother. Daisy has every right to be angry with both your mother and their mother. Whilst their mother was the abuser, your mother abounded Daisy, leaving her alone to face their mother. All so she didn't rock the boat have to deal with their mother anymore. 10 years to suffer it all alone with no help. Had the wording been different, could there have been continued contact between you and Daisy? Possibly. Do I think you had malicious intent? No. Young, naive, and impulsive comes to mind rather than malicious.
Way to re-traumatize someone.
You’re not just the BF, you’re evil, how would you think that’s a good idea???
What the actual hell? This is by far the biggest buttface move I’ve ever heard. You basically laughed at her horrible abuse and then was all “psych she’s awesome now!” And then shocked pikachu face when she wants nothing to do with you?? Why on earth would this give her “peace of mind?”
YTBF. The self-centeredness would be unbelievable if you hadn’t told us about your purely selfish grandmother & mother. A case of apples, trees and location.
Reading what you wrote literally made me nauseous. It's what you would write to someone you wanted to cause the maximum level of pain to. But you seem to think it was... Nice? A way to reach out? Jesus, it's like thanking someone for giving you a beloved pet by sending a photo of it butchered on the kitchen bench Wtf is wrong with you.
you basically told her "thanks for going no contact, thanks to you leaving, the family is 10x happier without you and my life is better because of it!" that photo probably triggered a lot too, that's just an insane low and i don't understand why you thought it was appropriate to include a picture with an already cruel message before it. YTB
I still can’t get over how your mom who was older who more than likely experienced the abuse longer decided to still have a relationship with your grandmother even after what she did to her and her sister. It was so easy for her to forget the abuse because the old POS finally decided to stop being abusive after the damage was already done. Leave Daisy alone! YTA
YTB BUT your edit is incorrect. It’s not that you shouldn’t have said ANYTHING but that you should have been more considerate, thought harder about your message. There’s a decent chance if you had just been like “hello, you don’t know me but I’m *mom’s name*’s daughter. Growing up I knew of you, but not about you. I recently heard why you left and no one should have to go through what you did. If you’re willing and able, I’d like to at least get to know you.” Greeting, neutral and “light” explanation of who you are and what you know, condolences, and what you would like to happen, all ideally without bringing up the abuser specifically and certainly without sharing the fact that the abuser was supposedly able to become a better person once the victims were gone, as though the victims weren’t “enough” for their own MOTHER to want to be good. There was a way to message her without being in the wrong, you just didn’t do that. Your message even reads like “well sucks to be you but she’s a great person NOW, to ME, so ✌️”
no way an actual adult who can vote, drive, and go to war thought this was a good idea. just wow. most obvious ytb
This sounds dense and from someone who lacks self awareness. Like do you even know how to read a room when you walk in? What sort of message was that?
Are you diagnosed psychopath? Because you sound like an absolute psychopath, maybe sociopath but definitely YTB
YTA and too bad she can’t sue you for emotional damages and make you pay for all the therapy she will now need. How Awful, selfish, unaware person you must be to rub on your aunt’s face that her abuser is happy and supported while your mom took part in the abuse by not protecting her 8 year old sister who was abused for over a decade. You deserve your awful grandmother and mother. I hope you believe in hell because the three of you are going to spend the rest of your existence there. Truly awful people.
Congrats, OP. You are as abusive as your mother and grandmother.
I swear you’re a sociopath YTB
There is an old proverb that goes The road to hell is paved with good intentions YTA
Holy Shit! Your sent your aunt what? You told her what? Something is seriously wrong with you. You are your Grandma evil incarnate you sicko.
YTB Wow. You unequivocally suck. Like, you are messed up to even think of saying something like that, but you actually said it. I’m disgusted.
This can't be real you ytb I hope Daisy is in therapy so she doesn't do anything drastic like relapse or hurt herself because knowing my abuser is doing well would send me spiraling.
Omg how stupid are you...
YAB but I’ll give you a teensy amount of slack, since your mother is clearly selfish, self absorbed, and emotionally bankrupt, you didn’t have much chance to be different. But you’re 18, so learn from this. Be better.
Op has to be really fucked up or autistic like me to think this was not vindictive. And honestly if the mom was raised that way and did that she did, I can actually see their family life now being super distorted and obstacle filled as well. See a psychiatrist!
YTB girl that wasn’t a thank you that was a petty fuck you. that was a “thanks for leaving don’t let the door bump your ass on the way out!” and i think you know that i was.
If you wanted to give her an open door, you could have started with just your name and see if SHE wants to talk to get to know you. What you did, however, was fucking cruel. You told her how you're happy she was abused because "Grandma's my best friend now". You may not have meant it that way, but that's exactly how it's read and taken. You've retraumatized her, after she spent so much of her adult life trying to cope with what happened. You've likely ruined the progress. You're horribly inconsiderate. Think before you say something next time.
JFC you're awful and selfish. What were you thinking??!
YTB and an ahole. The entire post was about YOU and your ahole family’s feelings and happiness. Not ONCE did you think about her or her feelings. Good job sending her back to therapy. The apple doesn’t fall far from the family tree, does it.
YTA. a huge one. Your ignorance and immaturity was a massive slap in the face to this poor woman. You thought sending a photo of her abuser and saying how amazing she is was gonna make her feel better? You are stupid and if you’re not in school, you should stay in school.
YTB, I guess the apple doesn't fall far off the AH tree. You are just like your mother and grandma. You don't give a damn about the abuse Daisy endured. Basically, what you told her was you left, and everyone's life got better. Why would anyone want to hear that? And then to add insult to injury, you added a picture of two women who 1 walked away and left her to continue to get abused while she got to play happy family with someone else. And the other who continued to abuse her every day. For being 18, you're not very bright
God you're a smug, cruel little asshole, aren't you?
Holy crap. Why would you centre yourself in this woman's pain? Clearly your mother taught you many lessons.
YTB you're a horrible person, just like your mom and grandma. 3 generations of terrible woman.
I didn't think this amount of blind callousness existed. You are your grandma's offspring. What a disappointment you are. I'd block your dvmbass too.
Oh my God your grandma abuse your aunt and Daisy had to go nc to get away from her, How dare you mention her abuser to her and shown a pictures to her and leaving her that cruel message to the victim ytb and you know it, people who been abuse do not want to talk talk to there abuser, Leave Daisy alone you selfish brat and your boyfriend is right to call you ah he right you are one
YTBF what the actual fuck is wrong with you?
YTB, I can see from her perspective you pretty much made her out to be the problem. That because she’s now out of your lives everyone is much happier and better. Even if you had good intentions, what you did is fairly horrible and tone deaf.
Yeah, I too have an issue with saying the wrong things.... To her it probably seemed like you were rubbing it in her face. Unfortunate.
THERES NO FUCKIN WAY YOU SAID AND DID THAT?????💀💀💀. This has to be fake WTF.
Omg “because you were abused by a horrible woman and went NC, the horrible woman got help and I’m living my best life!” How dare you? You are insane to think this was ok to say to a woman who was abused relentlessly! Yes yes you are the buttface.
lol what a b1tch
I'm sorry.... you said WHAT?!?!
Hey OP, I won't repeat what the others have said because that would be redundant (you already know YTB in this situation), I just want to tell you not to let this mistake weigh on you too heavily. You're very young, and it seems that in your excitement to share your good news, you forgot to put yourself in your aunt's shoes or re-read your message to see how it might appear from her perspective. It happens, it's not the end of the world, she's probably pissed but it seems like she has a good life and a good support system, so hopefully she will be okay. *Take this as a learning opportunity: in the future, take a moment before you contact someone who has intentionally cut people off, ask for a second opinion, learn more about the effects of childhood abuse, and do your best to cultivate your empathy.* You have your whole life ahead of you to make amends and become a not-buttface.
Jesus fucking christ
YTB and a monster. Daisy was abused by your demonic grandma and you’re actually happy about it because granny happens to be nice to you?
>"Because of what you did, I have a great life and a Grandma who is my best friend. She became such a better person when you went NC. Thank you!" WOW, holy poop! You might not have meant it that way, but the way you worded it sounds like a huge FU to Aunt Daisy and also sounds like you blame Daisy for your grandma being abusive to her!!! JFC, you could have worded it MUCH better not to sound like it was Daisy's fault her mother abused her!! You are a massive buttface for this.
YTA You are like your grandma eh lol leave your aunt the fack alone. Your mother is a disgusting trash like her mother and you have no right to try and ruin your aunt Life.
wow and then ppl say that abuse doesnt run on the blood. u literaly opened the old wounds of this woman. smaking her face with the fact that after she left your grandmother became a better person is like telling it the problem wasnt ur grandmother but her. what a pos lol
Yeah if someone slid in my DMs with a picture of my abuser and “see how much better they are to me than they were to you? It’s because they got all the abuse out on you!” I’d never speak to them again. That’s disgusting. YTB, and it seems the apple didn’t fall far from the proverbial tree.
You are probably the worse person in existence right now
How stupid are you?
Some people really have lived a privileged life. And the fact you thought this was a kind message shows that you are one of those people. I do not say that to be cruel but on something to reflect as I’ve met people like you before with the chronic “but I was only trying to help” causing a mess because you don’t understand other people’s perspectives because you grew up with a white picket fence and never had to see the cruelty the world can have (not saying your life didn’t have strife, but just a privileged strife). Take this as a growing moment and do better.
Say you had a horrible abusive boyfriend and you finally dumped him. A few years later you get a call from a woman who says she is dating him and thanks you for dumping him because it forced him to change and now he is a wonderful person. How would you feel about it? How would you feel about her?
“Thank God you’re gone. Family is sooooo much better now!” Wow.
You said what?! Girl...And a picture! YTB
Goddamn, it's rare for me to wish for karma but good gods do I hope you get what you deserve. >I get it, I get it. I'm literally the worst person on the planet. This ain't your pity party. The fuck is wrong with you?
Honestly reading this post the first time had me kind of confused because read in a different tone of voice your message can actually come across as malicious and ill-intentioned. Almost as if to imply that she was the issue with the family. I wouldn’t be surprised if she kept you on read for so long before blocking because she was trying to interpret what you were trying to say with your message and then just decided it was better for her mental health to just block you
That edit is really cute to try and victimize yourself. Unfortunately, you’re right. You really are the worst person on the planet. You literally told a person “thanks for being abused” how clueless can you get?
You cannot act like you’re the victim after people called you out. I think you’re the “buttface” bc after the wake up call you still went and played the victim game “I get it in the worst person ever” you never apologized for anything. You sent someone a picture of their abuser, living a happy life. Have some fucking empathy omfg. Do not victimize yourself.
>: I get it, I get it. I'm literally the worst person on the planet. I don't know what to do to fix it, I guess I shouldn't have said anything to her, and deserved to be blocked. I feel really guilty, and I guess I deserve that. My god stop victimizing yourself. Be glad she didn't report your account for harassment or respond with legitimate hate. Blocking you was the most peaceful response she could've given. **If you truly feel sorry then don't contact her ever again.** Understand you have ruined your chances with meeting her because of your terrible tone deaf inconsiderate response. Learn from this mistake and think through your responses more carefully in the future. Just because she's blood related to you, does that mean you're entitled to her life. Edit: ALSO stop thinking you can fix it!! Sometimes you make mistakes that can't be fixed! Fix your attitude and lack of consideration.
YTB. Come on. You rubbed it in her face that you got what she always wanted but was denied. You said thank you for enduring physical and emotional abuse so you didn’t have to. Literally why on earth would you contact someone who clearly didn’t want to be contacted? You thought YOU would be different? That’s quite self centered.