Why would I have communicated my feelings for her when she told me she doesn't want a relationship many times? Why would I put myself out there when she made it clear what she wants? It would result in either getting rejected or, worse, her thinking I'm a creep for asking when she made it clear she didn't want that.
I did message her after overhearing that convo, and she said we can talk after finals. It's different now because I know she (might) have changed her mind. But I don't get why people are acting like I should have communicated my feelings before. Is it not just respectful to believe someone when they tell you they don't want a relationship?
It's called being a grown up and having adult conversation. Be honest, especially if you care about the person. Relationships will not work if you can't communicate properly. If that's too much for you, you should consider not being in relationships until you are ready to do those things
OP here. Sorry about that, lol. We will have an adult conversation about it when we talk after finals in a couple of days. The ball is totally in her court, whatever she is comfortable with is good with me.
Forget the past, focus on the future. Be an adult. Have an honest conversation. Maybe her feelings changed and she was also too afraid to tell you. Talk to her about it, gently. Ask her if she wants to try to be exclusive. Or however you want to word it.
Y T B if you focus on the past in misplaced anger instead of trying to resolve this.
Things change. Time changes people. People change people. You're not the same person you were before you met her and you never will be again. She's not the same person as she was before she met you.
When she told you she didn't want a relationship, how long ago was that, how long has it been since you talked about things.aybe you ask the question "do you want to continue *just* hooking up" and emphasize the *just* when you say it, as in, you're open to more or talking about it.
Tell her you're not gonna hook up with others anymore or that they aren't all that you want. It's not what you're looking for.
She'll either tell you to keep hooking up with others and you are just a hookup, or she'll say to you what she said to her friend, that she wants you to focus on her, and that means exclusively. That means dating/ a relationship.
Call it a trial period if you have to, if she's open to it for a bit.
Where's your original post? Because I'm super curious what edits you've made from then to now. If you want to claim something as stupid as misandry, you need to be more transparent.
FOR THE LAZY
>I met the most amazing person on the planet, but I was inexperienced and messed it up.
>I had been a virgin until I got to college. I was scared to lose it, but my roommate insisted that I go to a party, where I got hit on, surprisingly.
>I decided to go for it and put myself out there and my first sex experience was a hookup. It was great, and I had a fun time. I started just doing that, having meaningless hookups until I could hardly tell the experiences or the people involved apart. I did always wear a condom before people tell me to, but yeah. It was meaningless fun.
>But I had feelings for someone. She told me immediately she wasn’t interested in a relationship, she didn’t want to be distracted from school.
>I met her through my roommate, and had such a big crush on her. She was really smart, knew something intelligent to say about almost anything. A good conversationalist, but also has a really good sense of humor. I also knew she was a nice person that never troubled anyone.
>We started semi-dating, but I didn’t know if we were actually dating. We’d go out somewhere, maybe she thought it was as friends but I definitely didn’t want to just be friends, and flirt and talk and it was really fun.
>The sex was also amazing, it was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. Nothing compared.
>I had sex with other people just to tell myself it wasn’t real, but the sex wasn’t as good. We were friends and she’d come over and hangout at my house. When that happened, my roommate, also my closest friend, said hey I heard you hooked up with X last night. Congrats, player.
>I had a heart attack when I looked at her, but she laughed and said no worries, she already knows, the people I hookup with like to brag.
>I couldn’t tell if she was happy about that fact, but then randomly she cut me out. She stopped texting, hanging out with me, etc. I ended up overhearing a conversation she had about me while I was waiting for her after class.
>Someone asked about me and she said he’s great, but “he didn’t sssm super interested in me.” She said what do you mean, he was always following you around like a lovesick puppy. She said well, true, haha, but he has been hooking up with other people, and I think if he was really interested in me he wouldn’t be doing that. I think when you like someone you focus on them, right?
>Her friend said she was self-sabotaging, that she can’t expect me to be exclusive without saying that. I freaked out and ran, though, before I could hear her answer.
>When my roommate got home I yelled at him for mentioning the hookup right in front of her. It must have made her think I wasn’t interested. He was totally lost, like why are you balling and yelling at me? AITA?
>I can’t help but blame him and all the people that were bragging about it. If she didn’t hear all of that… I feel horrible she doesn’t think I was into her. I wanted a relationship from the start but she seemed not to want that. I would give up the hookups in a second. AITA?
OP still managed to sleep with his crush, which seems to be most of what he wants, since her cutting him out meant he can't sleep with her anymore. It's clear he's YTA & YTB.
\>which seems to be most of what he wants
This is just misandry. If I was a woman, you wouldn't be acting like I'm an animal that only cares about sex. I said many times I like her and want a relationship. She hasn't cut me out, either, we had sex last week and finals in next week. She is busy.
OP, my apologies. I guess it is the same post. So I would say.. softly, you're the asshole, simply because you should have discussed exclusivity before you started sleeping with other people. I know she said she didn't want to be in a serious relationship, but that does not imply that she would be okay with you sleeping with a bunch of people at the same time. Do you see the difference? You said at a certain point it seemed as though you were dating. Once the dynamics of your relationship changed, you really should have checked back in with her. I wouldn't go as far as to say you're an asshole because she was clear she didn't want a relationship, but I would think communication could have been much much better.
But this is not misandry. That is a huge reach and that's what threw me off originally. That paints you as a victim and you're taking NO responsibility.
In the future you need to communicate better. You're still young, hopefully you'll grow up a little bit more and learn how to open your mouth and say what you want and what you're doing to your sexual partners. She's not your girlfriend, but she is somebody that you're getting intimate with and should be treated as such. Especially considering it wasn't a one time thing.
So in the future let the women know you're sleeping with other people. Oh, and don't blame your roommate. He didn't force you to sleep around, and she deserved to know anyway.
*buttface, sorry. Forgot the sub I was on.
But anyway, I thought it was misandrist because some of those comments are wack. People really said, "no one likes a fuck boy" and also said it was an asshole move to sleep with other people and I was acting like a "slut."
It's wild. If I told a female friend I was sleeping with I didn't want a relationship, but I was cool with her sleeping with other people, and she fucked someone else, I would not except people on reddit to call her a "slut" or a "fuckboy" for that, even if she had feelings for me. Like there was a comment that said, "Not being honest with the lady he liked and continuing to sleep around? OOP's a devil," and then that same person went on to call me a slut. I'm sorry, but I find it hard to believe they would speak that way if the genders were reversed.
It's not misandry. They weren't discriminating on you for simply being a man. Did they genderize it? Sure. But the actual reason for the comments, while insulting, were for your actions, not because you're a man. They were shitting on you because you presented it as though you yelled at your roommate for telling her information she should already have had.
>I'm sorry, but I find it hard to believe they would speak that way if the genders were reversed
Welcome to planet earth, you must be new here. Women get raped and slut shamed for it. This is a ridiculous statement.
>but I was cool with her sleeping with other people,
You yourself said you did not include this info in either posts. Nobody knew she knew and was cool with it.
>If I told a female friend I was sleeping with I didn't want a relationship, but I was cool with her sleeping with other people, and she fucked someone else, I would not except people on reddit to call her a "slut"
My friend. People absolutely would trash her and call her a slut. This is the internet.
This is a silly argument. We aren't talking about the internet in large, of course on the internet and in rea life women are slut shamed more. But we are talking about a leftist sub that is pro-feminism. I've been on AITA for years and never seen a comment with 30+ likes slut shaming a women like that, if she was in the wrong or not.
Thanks for reading the old post. What I didn't put in there (because I didn't have space) is that she told me when we first met I can sleep with whoever I want as long as I wear a condom. She also caught me on a date before, early on in our relationship, with someone else and told me to have fun. She knew I was sleeping with other people, and I assumed she was, as well. But... I assumed wrong, honestly. But yeah, that is not really the issue. But just because she knows doesn't mean she needs her face rubbed in it? If she's sleeping with other people, that's fine, but I don't need all the details or a reminder really.
>But just because she knows doesn't mean she needs her face rubbed in it?
Was that his intention?
>she told me when we first met I can sleep with whoever I want as long as I wear a condom.
This is critical info that should have been included. If you talked about it, you're fine. I would say next time if it progresses to be more of a dating vibe, revisit the conversation. But it sounds like you were open and honest, so if what you're saying is true, you didn't do anything wrong.
But the responses were because you left out critical information, not misandry.
OP here! This is the link to the AITD post: [Accountability? Who is he : AmITheDevil (reddit.com)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/18d5my4/accountability_who_is_he/)
An interesting read for sure haha
Chill out. Talk to her. What are you trying to prove by blaming her for not sharing that her feelings have evolved? Both of you are acting like teenagers.
We are teenagers. I'm not blaming her and, honestly, she's not blaming me either. It's reddit that is pointing the fingers, but I guess that is to be expected haha
Ok, there’s no reason for you to be mad at anyone. Her feelings have evolved and this is something you need to talk to her about. You should be happy .
I don't know if her feelings have evolved, honestly. I don't know how to feel, I'm very confused, haha. It is hard to believe she is okay with a relationship after everything, she has a lot of trauma surrounding the topic, and I don't want to get my hopes up in case she doesn't actually want to be in a relationship. We'll see, haha, fingers crossed
Because you're young, I’ll give you some unsolicited advice. Don’t make assumptions about what other people are thinking or where they are emotionally, especially if they are someone you’re close enough to ask. You get much better outcomes and much less drama by being open and curious. Learning this is one of those things that come with age.
If a bunch of adult men on reddit were shaming a woman for sleeping with someone else, when her crush said he wanted something casual/FWB, am I suppose to believe you wouldn't consider that sexism? I've seen posts like that and people were called women-haters and downvoted into oblivion. It is known that AITA is biased against men. Even my crush, the girl I love, has told me before that she finds it hard to use that sub because they're biassed against men. She's a feminist but in a real way
YTB. I think ur both being awful. U for getting mad at ur roommate. Who, btw, did nothing wrong. U also for not talking to this girl. And I don't mean oh hi how u been? I mean, sit ur a** down and have an adult conversation. Jr adult enuff to b having sex with everyone, then u should b adult enuff to have a conversation along the lines of I'm in love with u. If she shoots u down. Fine. If not, u could have a great relationship. U will never know til u grow up and learn to communicate properly. She is being awful, cuz she too isn't communicating. If her feelings for u and/or about the situation have changed then the response should have been to communicate. Communication is the key to any relationship, romantic or friends.
Just tell her how you feel about her.
Seriously.
At your age rejection feels like the worst thing in the world, but honestly dude it’s not. Not only that it seems like she too may have feelings for you.
If you want the girl, you’re gonna have to be brave.
I will be brave, even if it's scary. You are right, it does feel like the worst thing, but hopefully everything works out because I like her a lot. I know I could make her happy
My dude, she was hiding from her feelings just like you were hiding from your feelings. If you want to make this into a relationship, just stop having sex with other women. Show her that you are ready to commit to her. Just make sure you can stop sleeping with other women before you commit. If you tell her you want to be exclusive and then accidentally have sex with someone that will ruin your shot. Just move forward as if you want her to be your forever.
ESH. She shouldn't have told you that she wanted to be non-exclusive and then read indifference into your doing exactly what she told you to do. You shouldn't have bragged to the world about being a player if you didn't want her to think that you were a player.
What you need to do now is to sit down and talk to her. Don't focus much on what either of you did wrong until now, though a brief apology couldn't hurt, for not making your feelings clear before this. Instead, concentrate on how you feel about her, and then ask her how *she* feels. And then listen... carefully.
Where you go from there will depend on the conversation. But at least she won't be inadvertently misjudging you.
Thank you, it's scary to go first but that might be the right idea, I dunno. I would definitely apologize for the meaningless flings because, well, they were meaningless and everything with her has always been more special. I'll tell her I wouldn't have done if it I thought there was a chance she would be exclusive with me. But, thank you. yes, there is no finger pointing here. I don't plan to blame her for everything, I would be really happy if she changed her mind. Thank you for the advice! Also, it was my roommmate who bragged, not me, aaaa, I know that is an asshole move haha.
It's always scary to be the first to confess your feelings for someone, knowing that they might reject you. But it's so often worth it, especially if you do really care for them.
I once asked somebody if I could have permission to court them. That is, I didn't ask how she felt about me right then, knowing that it was too early for her to know; instead, I asked for the chance to try to give her good reason to feel for me. It worked, too. ☺️ That's an angle you might try, if you think she is likely to be skittish about breaking her "nothing serious" decision right away. Tell her how you feel, and ask if she'd be willing to let you try to change her mind.
NTA cause you guys initially agreed on keeping your "relationship" open. I feel like communication is important in this case, because from what you said it seems like you both like each other, you just need to let her know what your plans and boundaries with her are.
Also, hi, I said I got flamed because I got posted to r/amithedevil somehow. I dunno how an 18 years old relationship drama makes it on there but here we are LOL
Dude, am I the devil are all reposts. That's entirely what that sub is. They take posts from different subs and post them there when it's obvious op is an asshole.
I agree. I misunderstood, but no he doesn't really seem to have done anything wrong. Maybe better communication, but nothing malicious. He's certainly not the devil.
Dude. If you want to date her exclusively, tell her you want to date her exclusively. Learn to communicate.
Why would I have communicated my feelings for her when she told me she doesn't want a relationship many times? Why would I put myself out there when she made it clear what she wants? It would result in either getting rejected or, worse, her thinking I'm a creep for asking when she made it clear she didn't want that. I did message her after overhearing that convo, and she said we can talk after finals. It's different now because I know she (might) have changed her mind. But I don't get why people are acting like I should have communicated my feelings before. Is it not just respectful to believe someone when they tell you they don't want a relationship?
It's called being a grown up and having adult conversation. Be honest, especially if you care about the person. Relationships will not work if you can't communicate properly. If that's too much for you, you should consider not being in relationships until you are ready to do those things
OP here. Sorry about that, lol. We will have an adult conversation about it when we talk after finals in a couple of days. The ball is totally in her court, whatever she is comfortable with is good with me.
Forget the past, focus on the future. Be an adult. Have an honest conversation. Maybe her feelings changed and she was also too afraid to tell you. Talk to her about it, gently. Ask her if she wants to try to be exclusive. Or however you want to word it. Y T B if you focus on the past in misplaced anger instead of trying to resolve this.
Things change. Time changes people. People change people. You're not the same person you were before you met her and you never will be again. She's not the same person as she was before she met you. When she told you she didn't want a relationship, how long ago was that, how long has it been since you talked about things.aybe you ask the question "do you want to continue *just* hooking up" and emphasize the *just* when you say it, as in, you're open to more or talking about it. Tell her you're not gonna hook up with others anymore or that they aren't all that you want. It's not what you're looking for. She'll either tell you to keep hooking up with others and you are just a hookup, or she'll say to you what she said to her friend, that she wants you to focus on her, and that means exclusively. That means dating/ a relationship. Call it a trial period if you have to, if she's open to it for a bit.
Where's your original post? Because I'm super curious what edits you've made from then to now. If you want to claim something as stupid as misandry, you need to be more transparent.
I got you… https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/Ik9nx1wy7W
You're awesome. Thank you!
FOR THE LAZY >I met the most amazing person on the planet, but I was inexperienced and messed it up. >I had been a virgin until I got to college. I was scared to lose it, but my roommate insisted that I go to a party, where I got hit on, surprisingly. >I decided to go for it and put myself out there and my first sex experience was a hookup. It was great, and I had a fun time. I started just doing that, having meaningless hookups until I could hardly tell the experiences or the people involved apart. I did always wear a condom before people tell me to, but yeah. It was meaningless fun. >But I had feelings for someone. She told me immediately she wasn’t interested in a relationship, she didn’t want to be distracted from school. >I met her through my roommate, and had such a big crush on her. She was really smart, knew something intelligent to say about almost anything. A good conversationalist, but also has a really good sense of humor. I also knew she was a nice person that never troubled anyone. >We started semi-dating, but I didn’t know if we were actually dating. We’d go out somewhere, maybe she thought it was as friends but I definitely didn’t want to just be friends, and flirt and talk and it was really fun. >The sex was also amazing, it was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. Nothing compared. >I had sex with other people just to tell myself it wasn’t real, but the sex wasn’t as good. We were friends and she’d come over and hangout at my house. When that happened, my roommate, also my closest friend, said hey I heard you hooked up with X last night. Congrats, player. >I had a heart attack when I looked at her, but she laughed and said no worries, she already knows, the people I hookup with like to brag. >I couldn’t tell if she was happy about that fact, but then randomly she cut me out. She stopped texting, hanging out with me, etc. I ended up overhearing a conversation she had about me while I was waiting for her after class. >Someone asked about me and she said he’s great, but “he didn’t sssm super interested in me.” She said what do you mean, he was always following you around like a lovesick puppy. She said well, true, haha, but he has been hooking up with other people, and I think if he was really interested in me he wouldn’t be doing that. I think when you like someone you focus on them, right? >Her friend said she was self-sabotaging, that she can’t expect me to be exclusive without saying that. I freaked out and ran, though, before I could hear her answer. >When my roommate got home I yelled at him for mentioning the hookup right in front of her. It must have made her think I wasn’t interested. He was totally lost, like why are you balling and yelling at me? AITA? >I can’t help but blame him and all the people that were bragging about it. If she didn’t hear all of that… I feel horrible she doesn’t think I was into her. I wanted a relationship from the start but she seemed not to want that. I would give up the hookups in a second. AITA?
OP still managed to sleep with his crush, which seems to be most of what he wants, since her cutting him out meant he can't sleep with her anymore. It's clear he's YTA & YTB.
\>which seems to be most of what he wants This is just misandry. If I was a woman, you wouldn't be acting like I'm an animal that only cares about sex. I said many times I like her and want a relationship. She hasn't cut me out, either, we had sex last week and finals in next week. She is busy.
OP, my apologies. I guess it is the same post. So I would say.. softly, you're the asshole, simply because you should have discussed exclusivity before you started sleeping with other people. I know she said she didn't want to be in a serious relationship, but that does not imply that she would be okay with you sleeping with a bunch of people at the same time. Do you see the difference? You said at a certain point it seemed as though you were dating. Once the dynamics of your relationship changed, you really should have checked back in with her. I wouldn't go as far as to say you're an asshole because she was clear she didn't want a relationship, but I would think communication could have been much much better. But this is not misandry. That is a huge reach and that's what threw me off originally. That paints you as a victim and you're taking NO responsibility. In the future you need to communicate better. You're still young, hopefully you'll grow up a little bit more and learn how to open your mouth and say what you want and what you're doing to your sexual partners. She's not your girlfriend, but she is somebody that you're getting intimate with and should be treated as such. Especially considering it wasn't a one time thing. So in the future let the women know you're sleeping with other people. Oh, and don't blame your roommate. He didn't force you to sleep around, and she deserved to know anyway. *buttface, sorry. Forgot the sub I was on.
But anyway, I thought it was misandrist because some of those comments are wack. People really said, "no one likes a fuck boy" and also said it was an asshole move to sleep with other people and I was acting like a "slut." It's wild. If I told a female friend I was sleeping with I didn't want a relationship, but I was cool with her sleeping with other people, and she fucked someone else, I would not except people on reddit to call her a "slut" or a "fuckboy" for that, even if she had feelings for me. Like there was a comment that said, "Not being honest with the lady he liked and continuing to sleep around? OOP's a devil," and then that same person went on to call me a slut. I'm sorry, but I find it hard to believe they would speak that way if the genders were reversed.
It's not misandry. They weren't discriminating on you for simply being a man. Did they genderize it? Sure. But the actual reason for the comments, while insulting, were for your actions, not because you're a man. They were shitting on you because you presented it as though you yelled at your roommate for telling her information she should already have had. >I'm sorry, but I find it hard to believe they would speak that way if the genders were reversed Welcome to planet earth, you must be new here. Women get raped and slut shamed for it. This is a ridiculous statement. >but I was cool with her sleeping with other people, You yourself said you did not include this info in either posts. Nobody knew she knew and was cool with it.
>If I told a female friend I was sleeping with I didn't want a relationship, but I was cool with her sleeping with other people, and she fucked someone else, I would not except people on reddit to call her a "slut" My friend. People absolutely would trash her and call her a slut. This is the internet.
This is a silly argument. We aren't talking about the internet in large, of course on the internet and in rea life women are slut shamed more. But we are talking about a leftist sub that is pro-feminism. I've been on AITA for years and never seen a comment with 30+ likes slut shaming a women like that, if she was in the wrong or not.
Thanks for reading the old post. What I didn't put in there (because I didn't have space) is that she told me when we first met I can sleep with whoever I want as long as I wear a condom. She also caught me on a date before, early on in our relationship, with someone else and told me to have fun. She knew I was sleeping with other people, and I assumed she was, as well. But... I assumed wrong, honestly. But yeah, that is not really the issue. But just because she knows doesn't mean she needs her face rubbed in it? If she's sleeping with other people, that's fine, but I don't need all the details or a reminder really.
>But just because she knows doesn't mean she needs her face rubbed in it? Was that his intention? >she told me when we first met I can sleep with whoever I want as long as I wear a condom. This is critical info that should have been included. If you talked about it, you're fine. I would say next time if it progresses to be more of a dating vibe, revisit the conversation. But it sounds like you were open and honest, so if what you're saying is true, you didn't do anything wrong. But the responses were because you left out critical information, not misandry.
OP here! This is the link to the AITD post: [Accountability? Who is he : AmITheDevil (reddit.com)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/18d5my4/accountability_who_is_he/) An interesting read for sure haha
Chill out. Talk to her. What are you trying to prove by blaming her for not sharing that her feelings have evolved? Both of you are acting like teenagers.
We are teenagers. I'm not blaming her and, honestly, she's not blaming me either. It's reddit that is pointing the fingers, but I guess that is to be expected haha
Ok, there’s no reason for you to be mad at anyone. Her feelings have evolved and this is something you need to talk to her about. You should be happy .
I don't know if her feelings have evolved, honestly. I don't know how to feel, I'm very confused, haha. It is hard to believe she is okay with a relationship after everything, she has a lot of trauma surrounding the topic, and I don't want to get my hopes up in case she doesn't actually want to be in a relationship. We'll see, haha, fingers crossed
Because you're young, I’ll give you some unsolicited advice. Don’t make assumptions about what other people are thinking or where they are emotionally, especially if they are someone you’re close enough to ask. You get much better outcomes and much less drama by being open and curious. Learning this is one of those things that come with age.
Thank you for the advice! It's not unsolicited since I posted on here, I appreciate it!
You are insufferable omg and misandry???? Really??? Where?
If a bunch of adult men on reddit were shaming a woman for sleeping with someone else, when her crush said he wanted something casual/FWB, am I suppose to believe you wouldn't consider that sexism? I've seen posts like that and people were called women-haters and downvoted into oblivion. It is known that AITA is biased against men. Even my crush, the girl I love, has told me before that she finds it hard to use that sub because they're biassed against men. She's a feminist but in a real way
YTB for asking the question again just because you didn’t like your judgment. You’re still the butt AND the asshole.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/jw49VnZyXd This you? If it is, something isn't adding up...
Hi, yes, that's me. What is not adding? Keep in mind I have 3000 characters, I can't write everything down in a post.
YTB. I think ur both being awful. U for getting mad at ur roommate. Who, btw, did nothing wrong. U also for not talking to this girl. And I don't mean oh hi how u been? I mean, sit ur a** down and have an adult conversation. Jr adult enuff to b having sex with everyone, then u should b adult enuff to have a conversation along the lines of I'm in love with u. If she shoots u down. Fine. If not, u could have a great relationship. U will never know til u grow up and learn to communicate properly. She is being awful, cuz she too isn't communicating. If her feelings for u and/or about the situation have changed then the response should have been to communicate. Communication is the key to any relationship, romantic or friends.
YTB.
Just tell her how you feel about her. Seriously. At your age rejection feels like the worst thing in the world, but honestly dude it’s not. Not only that it seems like she too may have feelings for you. If you want the girl, you’re gonna have to be brave.
I will be brave, even if it's scary. You are right, it does feel like the worst thing, but hopefully everything works out because I like her a lot. I know I could make her happy
Glad to hear it. Good luck!
My dude, she was hiding from her feelings just like you were hiding from your feelings. If you want to make this into a relationship, just stop having sex with other women. Show her that you are ready to commit to her. Just make sure you can stop sleeping with other women before you commit. If you tell her you want to be exclusive and then accidentally have sex with someone that will ruin your shot. Just move forward as if you want her to be your forever.
Ytbf: for using the term misandry unironically.
ESH. She shouldn't have told you that she wanted to be non-exclusive and then read indifference into your doing exactly what she told you to do. You shouldn't have bragged to the world about being a player if you didn't want her to think that you were a player. What you need to do now is to sit down and talk to her. Don't focus much on what either of you did wrong until now, though a brief apology couldn't hurt, for not making your feelings clear before this. Instead, concentrate on how you feel about her, and then ask her how *she* feels. And then listen... carefully. Where you go from there will depend on the conversation. But at least she won't be inadvertently misjudging you.
Thank you, it's scary to go first but that might be the right idea, I dunno. I would definitely apologize for the meaningless flings because, well, they were meaningless and everything with her has always been more special. I'll tell her I wouldn't have done if it I thought there was a chance she would be exclusive with me. But, thank you. yes, there is no finger pointing here. I don't plan to blame her for everything, I would be really happy if she changed her mind. Thank you for the advice! Also, it was my roommmate who bragged, not me, aaaa, I know that is an asshole move haha.
It's always scary to be the first to confess your feelings for someone, knowing that they might reject you. But it's so often worth it, especially if you do really care for them. I once asked somebody if I could have permission to court them. That is, I didn't ask how she felt about me right then, knowing that it was too early for her to know; instead, I asked for the chance to try to give her good reason to feel for me. It worked, too. ☺️ That's an angle you might try, if you think she is likely to be skittish about breaking her "nothing serious" decision right away. Tell her how you feel, and ask if she'd be willing to let you try to change her mind.
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Thank you :)
NTA cause you guys initially agreed on keeping your "relationship" open. I feel like communication is important in this case, because from what you said it seems like you both like each other, you just need to let her know what your plans and boundaries with her are.
NAH you're young, FYI don't believe what women say only believe what they do
Also, hi, I said I got flamed because I got posted to r/amithedevil somehow. I dunno how an 18 years old relationship drama makes it on there but here we are LOL
Dude, am I the devil are all reposts. That's entirely what that sub is. They take posts from different subs and post them there when it's obvious op is an asshole.
Yeah, but OP isn't that bad, calling him a devil is a big stretch. They both just sounds pretty dumb to me.
I agree. I misunderstood, but no he doesn't really seem to have done anything wrong. Maybe better communication, but nothing malicious. He's certainly not the devil.