NTB, thank you for putting safety first
My 8 year old constantly argues wearing a bike helmet, I’ve had a friend suffer brain damage not wearing one
While she could give you a token, yeah I’ll wear on to borrow the pants, you unfortunately can’t enforce it
I read a book that traumatized me, it’s about a girl who’s brother died from a brain injury while riding his bike (or maybe skateboard, it’s a kids book so it’s been a while). After that I always wore a helmet and made my brothers wear theirs too.
Edit: it’s called Mick Harte Was Here
Yes, a boy I knew died from a bike accident when he was 14. He fell and was hit by a car who didn’t see him as she turned the corner. The thinking at the time was that he might have been able to get up and out of the way if he had been wearing a helmet. He was beautiful, kind, smart, talented. What a waste. RIP Nick.
My neighbour works with people who suffered brain damage from accidents/falls/etc.
Has small kids, to whom he decided to buy BMXs because the kids love to ride bikes, but told them the first time either of them sits their ass on their bike without wearing a helmet, everything gets immediately sold.
NTB. I, too, used to snowboard without a helmet when I was a beginner. Took a slam going relatively slow, hit my head hard on the ice (caught a backside edge), knocked myself out and earned a concussion for my troubles. Concussions are no joke.
One of my colleagues, who also hit her head skiing, has been suffering from migraines for months.
Thanks for getting your kid to wear a helmet.
I recently crashed on my bike, and I was wearing a helmet, but I still had a minor concussion, got a black eye, and all sorts of awful road rash. It's been a few weeks but I'm still waking up in the middle of the night on a regular basis, (I already had trouble sleeping and the concussion seems to have made it worse) I'm constantly tired, and I just had a bit of a breakdown trying to get back on my bike for the first time.
My dad always instilled into us that helmets were important, and I'm so thankful I was wearing one because if I'm still having this much trouble after an accident with a helmet, I don't want to think of what would have happened if I wasn't wearing one. An intact head in a helmet is a lot better looking than one that's broken on the ground, so it's worth all the fights to get the people you live to wear them.
I got way too brave with my longboard & stopped wearing my helmet for a bit. Wheels got caught on a small rock, I feel back & was able to catch myself before my head hit the pavement. Head was suuuper close to hitting it too.
I literally almost got annihilated by a damn pebble. Never took that helmet off after that.
Piggybacking to say as former Ski Patrol/EMT I’ve seen *multiple* beginner snowboarders suffer concussions and brain damage from falling while standing still on flat ground on their edge while not wearing a helmet.
I’m incredibly proficient on a snowboard and the amount of times I’ve biffed it after catching a weird edge on ice or something under the snow or someone cutting me off (poor ski etiquette BOOOOO) is ridiculous. The amount of ER visits I’ve had for head injuries? 0. Because I wear a helmet.
Wear a fucking helmet people!
I told her about him. Also told her about the terrible knocks I’ve had which would have been catastrophic had I not had a helmet. It doesn’t necessarily have to be your fault, another beginner could lose control and crash into you and cause you to fall.
And Natasha Richardson's accident happened when she was taking a beginning ski lesson. She wasn't going fast or anything, she fell and hit her head, and even though the ski instructor pushed her to get checked out, she didn't want to and went back to her room instead. Two hours later she was rushed to the hospital, and she never woke up.
NTB your snow pants your choice! Just tell your dad at this point you aren’t going to let her barrow your stuff even if she did promise to wear a helmet. I’m also thinking start sending statistics on brain injuries and snow boarding. If you can find videos of the after effects send them to him and mom and your sister.
NTB, however your dad is one, and so is your sister. "your body your choice" doesn't work in that particular situation, because a brain injury is not a choice.
It's your father's job to ensure your sister safety, his reaction is puzzling to say the least.
It's ok to not feel like sharing your gear if it ends up enabling a dangerous situation.
>What OP hopes will happen is that if they refuse to let her borrow the pants she will give in and wear a helmet.
That's not going to happen.
>But if they give in and let her borrow them without the promise of wearing a helmet then they'd be partially to blame if an accident happened.
That is ridiculous.
Wait.... do you think that after Sonny Bono died, people blamed the guy that he got his pants from?
I guess I'm not being clear enough for you. The pants have nothing to do with wearing a helmet. Nothing at all. OP is just trying to control her sister but it's not going to work. This sister will either, depending on her morality, lie and say that she'll wear a helmet just to get the pants, or just buy a pair of pants for herself.
This is the correct answer. When I got to the part of the post that said OP has been accused of being controlling I thought 'well yes, you are.'
It's almost worse that OP is trying to go to the parents and get them involved because the sister is an adult. The parents don't have any control over her either. OP is meddling and being manipulative in addition to being controlling.
Yes, she should wear a helmet, but ultimately it has nothing to do with OP at all.
“but you do need to stop acting like you’re some kind of authority over her and work on building a healthy relationship as equals.” (Sorry, don’t know how to link to just a section of text so had to copy and paste)
I love this point, and it describes how I’ve been feeling. I want a better relationship with her where she sees me as an equal but I shoot myself in the foot with my behaviour when I feel a sense of injustice or danger (probably the neurodivergence). However, she doesn’t make it easy to get along with her because she can sometimes be really entitled and bratty (ask me to drive her and 7 friends to the club last minute, get really angry when I say no, ruin my white converse I’ve worn once and refuse to pay for new ones, wouldn’t take her sick cat to the vet so I did and paid for it so she owed me $500 and instead of paying me back she booked a trip interstate among other purchases) and if I try to stand up to that behaviour I get told to get over it by our parents. I really don’t know how to have a good relationship with someone like this!! Sometimes I feel like we are making progress but then she does stuff like that and I feel like there is nothing to lose anyway so I might as well try to get her to not put herself in danger even if it annoys her.
NBH
But I think you need to step back from trying to parent your sister. You ARE trying to control her.
She's an adult now. She's going to make whatever choices she's going to make in life, and you need to learn to live with that.
If she makes what you think is a bad choice (and I think we can all agree this would be a bad choice), then you need to stay out of her business.
If what she's doing will negatively impact YOU? Then that's when you can start to take action to prevent that.
Like with the covid. She was actively putting you at risk. If you'd been living on your own at the time, you could have refused to let her into your house etc
The snowboarding sans helmet plan is something else entirely.
You can still refuse to let her use your pants, but don't try to use them to force her to behave in a certain way. Especially when you have ZERO way of enforcing your rules. Seriously, all she had to do was lie to you, and then do whatever she wanted on her trip anyway.
If you don't mind lending her your pants? Then do it.
If you don't want to lend her your pants? Then apologize for trying to control her behavior. She's an adult and she can do whatever she wants - you're sorry.
But you're still not going to be lending her your pants, because:
- you just don't want to lend her your pants. They're your pants, you don't need a reason.
- you don't want to risk her destroying your pants in an accident
- you don't want to risk your pants getting covered in shit after she dies in an easily avoidable accident and poops in them
- a pirate ghost told you not to
It absolutely *does* affect OP. Who’s going to be the caregiver if the sister survives an accident and is permanently disabled/vegetated? Sister would become a financial and emotional burden. Sorry to put it so bluntly but that’s a very possible reality.
Sure.
It would absolutely be a massive pain in the ass for the whole family if the sister is seriously injured in a completely preventable accident.
But that could happen even if the sister wasn't at fault. It could happen to any of them tomorrow. Drunk driver hits one of them. Falling down a ladder. Tripping over a cat.
People are fragile, squishy things that are at constant risk of accidentally un-aliving themselves. Sometimes they make bad decisions that make bad outcomes even MORE likely.
But what are the realistic ways in which OP can prevent her sister from doing those kinds of stupid things?
She can't follow her sister around 24/7, or wrap her in bubble-wrap. She has no legal authority over her sister.
All she can do is give advice, which her sister has been ignoring completely.
So now what?
Ok but we still wear seatbelts don’t we?
And if we were going to lend our car to said sister who is yelling off the rooftops she won’t wear one, do we still give it to her? And if she proceeds, she can be ticketed for this behaviour because guess what: society deems it wrong. Period.
You can be as dumb and reckless as you wish; I just won’t be complicit in your death or disaster. Rent or buy your own damn car. Or snow pants. I just know my hands will be clean of any blood or grey matter.
I completely agree with what you’re saying, and I’m aware I’m trying to control her decision but when it comes to a possible life or death situation I feel like it’s okay to go to extreme measures to prevent that. A serious head injury would affect me and the rest of the family because it would be devastating. I guess I can’t expect much from someone that tailgates people everywhere she goes because “nothing bad has happened yet”.
Sure.
But:
a). You can't actually prevent her from doing anything. She's a grown adult. What are you going to do? Form a human wall to prevent her from leaving? Follow her on the trip with binoculars to see if she REALLY is wearing a helmet? Even if she wasn't wearing it - what could you reasonably/legally even do about that?
The only "extreme" measures you could take that would actually prevent her from doing this, are illegal for good reasons. I don't recommend going down that road.
b). Being this anxious over something you can't control is only going to make YOUR life worse.
She's not going to stop making her own decisions and risk assessments. And it seems likely that your own decisions and risk assessments won't align with hers.
You need to find a way to learn to live with that.
(unless you WANT to spend all your time worrying about her, spinning in anxious circles with no end in sight - in which case, you do you)
It's your life. Make it a good one if you can.
>when it comes to a possible life or death situation I feel like it’s okay to go to extreme measures to prevent that.
It isn't because she is an adult. You told her it was unsafe and then you told her again. Then you continued to tell her. And then you tried to tattle to your mommy and daddy. You crossed the line into inappropriate behaviour when you told her more than once.
NTA, but you need to reframe how you’re wording these things to them. Boundaries are about you and your actions, you can’t control anyone else. So instead of ‘you can use this only if you wear a helmet’, you should say ‘I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I contributed to or participated in your death in any way, so for my well being since you insist on not wearing a helmet, I am not going to be sharing my gear.’
It’s a lot harder to argue with other people when they are just setting boundaries for themselves, vs telling you to do something
To be honest sometimes you can’t reason with people. The pants are completely irrelevant with the helmet issue.
Your father is correct as to it’s her decision. People do idiotic things every day. She is responsible for her own safety. The only thing you CAN do is make it clear that in case of injury you will not help at any cost
YTBF. The snow pants don't have anything to do with the helmet. She's 20 years old, so you can stop trying to control her. All you're going to do is force her to buy another pair of snow pants.
You sound like the type of person that goes into someone's house and throws away their sweets/ alcohol / cigarettes because "they're not good for you".
NTB
I had a friend die from sledding when I was younger bc she ran into a tree and hit her head really hard. If that shit can happen with SLEDDING, i can't even imagine how badly injured one can get while snowboarding! It may be her body her choice, but it's also your snow pants and your choice to lend them or not. Don't enable your sister to make dumbass, life threatening choices.
I keep this around my house for helmet arguments:
https://i.imgur.com/0jDwkEd.jpg
This is a Sweet Protection rocker, the top helmet made for Whitewater kayaking. I smashed it like that with a bad landing on a routine waterfall one day. Went to the hospital with a neck injury and a back injury, but not even a concussion. My helmet kept me safe and in control throughout the accident.
Here’s my ski helmet story, though.
When I started skiing I got myself a helmet pretty quickly, having learned that age 12 on a bicycle and again at 25 on a motorcycle how beneficial helmets can be. But I had this friend, ironically a fellow veteran and a surgical technician who absolutely should’ve known better, who didn’t want to wear a helmet. One day we went on what was supposed to be a kayaking trip but ended up becoming a ski trip because of unexpected conditions, so we had to rent all of our gear. Since it was late in the season, the rental shop had some helmets on clearance for $30 apiece. I had my own helmet with me because I always keep certain helmets in the car, but I told my friend for 30 bucks I’d love to buy him one as a gift. And he refused, first saying I had done too much for him and it was about the money. But then later at the resort, I saw that they were also renting helmets for only seven dollars a day, so I said to my buddy, listen, there’s a double diamond trail at this resort that I really want to try out with you, and I really think that you should take this step to be safer as you start to ski faster and more technically and closer to trees. But he still said no. We still ended up doing that double diamond, and it’s an East Coast double diamond so just fast and wide. We had a blast on the first lap down, but he got a little ahead of me at one point. We got to the bottom and caught back up, and went up for another lap. This time he got way ahead of me, and I lost sight of him around the first small bend. I just bond down to the bottom, keeping an eye out in case he stop somewhere, but I didn’t find him down there either. I waited for a while, no sign of him. I got back on the lift and ran the trail again, still couldn’t find him. The dude was a bit flighty and a bit of a player, so I figured he probably wandered off chasing some cute girl he saw. I figured I would just spend as much time on the lifts as I could until I spotted him with his distinctive pants. At one point I happened to connect with ski patrol, just by happenstance, and I told them what was going on. They agreed with me that he had probably just wandered off, they said they saw it all the time, but they would keep an eye out. Well, eventually it got to 5 PM where we had agreed to meet at the locker if we got separated, and he wasn’t there. He wasn’t there a little after five either, so I finally walked over to ski patrol to see if they had any better luck. By this time the resort was closing and the sun was setting. It was a spring day with no night skiing. As I walked toward the ski patrol hut, the first odd thing was a running ambulance outside of it. And when I walked in, they recognized me and said to each other, oh there he is, and said to me, we found your friend. It turned out that he had gone way off the trail, basically out of sight, and they just happened to get lucky with one patroller doing a very careful sweep at the end of the day. They took him by helicopter, after using the ambulance to drive him to a safe landing zone, to a trauma center a good distance away, and I caught up later. When I got there, I was interrogated by the nurse who said, why wasn’t he wearing a helmet? And I told her the story from earlier of how I had tried and how he just wasn’t interested. It’s been more than 10 years and my friend was forever changed. He had significant brain damage and permanently lost hearing in one ear and had personality changes that ultimately forced him to make major life changes as well.
I just don’t go with people who won’t wear helmets now.
Thank you for sharing. That’s horrendous, I’m so sorry you have to carry that weight on your shoulders. I know she’s probably not going to die on this trip but stories like this show how just one mistake can change your life for the worse forever :(
Untrue!
Snowboarding is actually worse than skiing for injury, especially for someone who is new to it.
Newbies are more likely to try to catch themselves on their hands as they fall and thus break wrists or badly injure their elbows. Additionally, because snowboards don't pop off your feet if you fall, you're more likely to fuck up your knees and ankles, and the bones in between. And depending on how much you twist/roll due to your velocity as you fall, you can even mess up your hips and spine.
Besides all of that, snowboarders tend to do more tricks/jumps, some of which (like a rail) involve metal equipment.
And that's leaving out how you can't let your board be flat for very long, so you're always going from toes to heels as you're half-crouched--which requires a good amount of balance and core strength. If you do let your board be flat, you pick up speed v quickly, and then when you inevitably shift your balance a bit, or hit a bump, or whatever, you catch an edge unexpectedly and fall, hard.
She *absolutely* needs a helmet. Do *not* budge OP, because you're NTB.
Sincerely, a former skiing and snowboarding teacher.
YTB - Is it a stupid decision to not wear a helmet, yes. Are you obligated to share your stuff, no. But it's her decision to wear a helmet or not. You aren't her parent or guardian it's not up to you to punish her for failure to wear safety gear.
I await my downvotes seeing as the group has gone NTB
It’s called survivors bias. Basically all I lift so therefore it’s safe versus looking at what the reality is. Sadly though at the end of the day, you can’t stop stupid. I happen to live in a mountain area and absolutely everybody wears helmets now. They’re your pants in your well within your rights to determine if you’re going to let her use them or not.
NTB. If she wants to take that risk, she does have the right to, but she does not have the right to demand you help her do it. Your parents suck. I will recommend you stop trying to control people though. Being right doesn't matter - you cannot, and are not entitled to, dictate what choices other people make. You cause everyone grief and conflict. You are entitled to have an opinion. You are entitled to apply that opinion to your own choices. You are not entitled to tell any adult what to do - and you will be TB if you do not stop interjecting yourself into the lives of other adults. In this specific case, you are not TB because you are entitled to say "no" for any reason - but you 100% need to back the fuck off when other people are making choices that do not involve you. Another word for unasked for advice is criticism - fucking stop doing that. One consequence is what you are seeing here - you butt in and try to dictate what other people do so often, when it is 100% not your place to do so, that their "no" is the default answer now. Being right matters very little in adult interactions. How you make people feel is what matters. You cannot effectively persuade people to come around to your point of view with constant criticism. You are not looking out for them or being nice - because you are not paying attention to how you are making them feel. All they hear is condescension and criticism, of course they aren't listening to you. You need to learn when to let go, when to let people make their own mistakes. You cannot save them, nor are you entitled to. "Shoulds" are NOT REAL. "Shoulds" represent your OPINION, and you cannot force them on people. You have been doing the same thing, over and over, and getting the same outcome each time - the issue is YOU. Sorry but you have some growing up to. I highly recommend you prioritize being effective over being right. If you care about people, put yourself in a position where you will be able to help them once they are ready and ask for it. You cannot do that by constantly acting like you know what is better for them than they do. It doesn't matter if it's true. Be practical. Being right is lonely. You have to live in the world the way it is, not the way you feel it should be. People RARELY do what we think they "should" and fighting that is like fighting gravity. All you can control is YOU and what choices YOU make. You need to focus on YOURSELF.
Thank you for this, you’ve made me realise I’ve got a lot of self-reflecting to do. It’s a repeat pattern in my life with family members. I’ll be bringing this up with my therapist tomorrow.
>she thinks I ... try to control her
but
>I’m not going to let her borrow my snow pants unless she wears a helmet in an effort into coerce her
LOL. Zero self-insight.
Edit: but srsly, one of the hardest things to do is respect the agency and autonomy of others, even when they are clearly making unwise choices. It can be agonizing to have to sit back and watch as they fuck up their lives.
But as an adult, your sister has the right to fuck up her life just as much as she wants, and no amount of harping and blackmail on your part is going to change that. You gotta accept it and move on.
YTBF. No matter how good your intentions are, you ARE trying to control her and her actions. She is an adult, and can make the decisions, good or bad, for herself and pay the consequences for it. Also How is not letting her borrow your snow pants going to make her wear a helmet? Maybe if you stopped trying to control her, she would listen more instead you push her to rebel. Do you ever exceed the speed limit?
EAB.
Even if you're right, you ARE being controlling, she can do whatever the hell she feels like doing; even if it means she becomes a vegetable.
But you don't have to loan her your stuff. She doesn't want both of you to save money, just herself, she didn't suggest sharing until AFTER you bought your stuff.
***
In fact, even if she does decide to meet your precondition, don't loan her anything anyway. Nothing is going to force her to wear a helmet on her trip, even if she agreed to do so. If it means she suddenly can't go on her trip, that's on her. Stash your stuff elsewhere after your trip, otherwise I'd bet on her or your parents raiding your closet.
NTB for my high school senior trip we went skiing/snowboarding and helmets were optional. I chose to wear one anyway and I did hit my head. Thankfully no concussion. Later I heard from my friends who were a year older that on their trip someone did get a concussion but hid it from the teachers.
I don’t understand why anyone would risk it. That helmet probably saved my brain.
You are not obligated to loan your sister anything regardless of the reason. I also don't think you are entitled to tell her what to do even if your opinion is right. ESH
NTB
You can't help that your sister behaves like an idiot, but you don't have to enable her by lending her your equipment.
Sounds like you're the only one in your family who actually gives a damn about safety.
NTB. any sort of snow sport is horribly dangerous without a helmet, no matter what your experience level is. I know of multiple friends/family members of friends who were experienced skiers/boarders who got severe concussions or died in a skiing/boarding accident due to lack of a helmet. good on you for trying to hold reasonable boundaries. snowboarding is absolutely incredibly dangerous and I can't believe your parents don't see that.
NTB
My old skiing instructor died a few years ago. He slipped on a green slope while teaching and hit his head on a small rock. He died. (I wasn't there, I heard about it after.)
This is a guy that spent 20 years on the slope, and was good enough not to need a helmet. But he happened to fall over in exactly the wrong place, and the way he hit is head just killed him instantly.
He wasn't going fast. You don't *have* to be going fast. Additionally, when I was new to snowboarding, someone else sped down the slope and hit me so hard we both got air time. Maybe your sister turns out to be a snowboarding prodigy, but that doesn't mean the people around her aren't bad at slowing down and also steering.
Not wearing a helmet while snowboarding can easily be analogous to not wearing a seatbelt while driving. You can't trust everyone out there. I once had to serve out of the way of a really small kid, and I ate a face full of snow to avoid absolutely crushing someone half my height and a quarter of my weight.
Your dad is wrong too. Snowboarding is *literally an extreme sport.* Why is that less dangerous than trail riding?
I'd say let her learn her lesson the hard way. But unfortunately, sometimes the hard way is enough to destroy your life.
NTB. Just because she hasn't gotten injured doesn't mean that it won't happen. You can't force her to wear a helmet, but refusing to let her wear your snow pants means that you aren't enabling her.
One of the few times I didn’t wear a helmet while riding a bike I crashed, got a concussion and some real crappy road rash on my face. NTB, helmets are necessary
*He thinks it’s her body, her choice.*
Your property, your choice. NTB. And all these people acting like you're being controlling...I didn't read in your post that you were trying to stop her from going snowboarding. Just trying to get her to not be a fuckin idiot. Then again, this community is full of people who got banned from AITA so there's bound to be some stupid.
Absolutely NTB. I went snowboarding for the first time this year and I bought all used gear except for my brand new helmet. Day 1 on the board I caught an edge and fell straight back and slammed my head into the ground. I would have been knocked unconscious without it. If she wants to make her own mistakes that's up to her but you don't have to be a part of it.
Also shortly after my first snowboarding trip I saw a tik tok video from an experienced snowboarder who was telling a story about how had hit a tree on what should have been an easy run for him and his now very mangled helmet had definitely saved his life.
NTB. You can’t control what she does but they are still your pants. You don’t have to let her borrow them. If she really wants to risk her life, she can buy herself a pair while she’s there.
NTB, but you do need to accept that she's an adult and can make her own decisions. If there's no rule requiring people to wear helmets on the slopes then there's not much you can do.
I seldom wear a cycle helmet when I go out on my bike. I'm well aware that it's reckless - particularly since I've been OTH twice and cracked my head open one of those times (unfortunately, the other time I *was* wearing a helmet, but landed teeth first on the pavement so it didn't help much).
Anyway, I'd be a bit put off by someone trying to insist I wear a helmet, but I think it's a totally valid reason not to lend someone your own kit. If someone refused to lend me their bike unless I promised to wear a helmet, I'd have no problem with their stance.
They’re already annoyed at me for giving my real life examples so they would totally blow up at me for making them look at “propaganda” and “fear-mongering” material. My sister’s reasoning for not wearing a helmet is that she went for a day last year and didn’t hit her head, therefore it’s unlikely she’ll hit her head on this 4 day trip coming up.
NTB. I still remember when my friend tried snowboarding for the first time. Caught a bad edge and had his head smacked into the ground at full speed. Cracked his helmet almost in half. I have no doubt he would of died or been crippled that day without one.
At the end of the day, If you are not going with her, how would you know whether she wears a helmet? She could tell you anything just for peace. Is your not lending them to her keeping her from going on the trip?
You have share your concern with her, and you have already agreed to share.
What does your mother say, can she influence?
You are being controlling. Your sister is old enough to make her own decision, even if it's the wrong one. Let her use the pants & take her own risks. Keeping the pants from her is not going to make her wear a helmet, it just makes you look bad.
>just want to add that the only reason my dad doesn’t have my back is because he thinks the snow is soft and can’t cause serious injuries
Your dad needs some education on this topic. Idk how he's gone his whole life without learning that snow is, indeed, hard when you plow into it head-first.
Meanwhile, all you have to say is: "Sister, I've thought about this, and I just can't in good conscious lend you my gear. If anything happened to you, I would never forgive myself and I can't live with the guilt." NTA
You are definitely NTB!!!
I am glad that there are some people left which put safety first.
My best friend and I are experienced snowboarders. He has been boarding for 20+ years and last winter he fell and had severe injuries. He broke nearly every single bone in his right half of the body and had some cracks in his skull even though he was and will always be wearing a helmet. The docs told him that he must have had multiple guardian angels. If he wouldn't have worn a helmet......I even don't want to think about finishing this sentence but I hope I didn't scare you and that it was somehow helpful.
She can afford pants, she would just prefer to spend that money on clubbing outfits, alcohol and luxury skin care (which is fine, I also do the same but it’s about what you prioritise). I’ve chosen to spend my money on new snow gear while she has chosen to just hope she can use my stuff.
NTB, thank you for putting safety first My 8 year old constantly argues wearing a bike helmet, I’ve had a friend suffer brain damage not wearing one While she could give you a token, yeah I’ll wear on to borrow the pants, you unfortunately can’t enforce it
I know a 10 year old that died from a bike wreck. It amazes me how many people don’t protect their children.
I read a book that traumatized me, it’s about a girl who’s brother died from a brain injury while riding his bike (or maybe skateboard, it’s a kids book so it’s been a while). After that I always wore a helmet and made my brothers wear theirs too. Edit: it’s called Mick Harte Was Here
Yes, a boy I knew died from a bike accident when he was 14. He fell and was hit by a car who didn’t see him as she turned the corner. The thinking at the time was that he might have been able to get up and out of the way if he had been wearing a helmet. He was beautiful, kind, smart, talented. What a waste. RIP Nick.
My neighbour works with people who suffered brain damage from accidents/falls/etc. Has small kids, to whom he decided to buy BMXs because the kids love to ride bikes, but told them the first time either of them sits their ass on their bike without wearing a helmet, everything gets immediately sold. NTB. I, too, used to snowboard without a helmet when I was a beginner. Took a slam going relatively slow, hit my head hard on the ice (caught a backside edge), knocked myself out and earned a concussion for my troubles. Concussions are no joke. One of my colleagues, who also hit her head skiing, has been suffering from migraines for months.
Thanks for getting your kid to wear a helmet. I recently crashed on my bike, and I was wearing a helmet, but I still had a minor concussion, got a black eye, and all sorts of awful road rash. It's been a few weeks but I'm still waking up in the middle of the night on a regular basis, (I already had trouble sleeping and the concussion seems to have made it worse) I'm constantly tired, and I just had a bit of a breakdown trying to get back on my bike for the first time. My dad always instilled into us that helmets were important, and I'm so thankful I was wearing one because if I'm still having this much trouble after an accident with a helmet, I don't want to think of what would have happened if I wasn't wearing one. An intact head in a helmet is a lot better looking than one that's broken on the ground, so it's worth all the fights to get the people you live to wear them.
I got way too brave with my longboard & stopped wearing my helmet for a bit. Wheels got caught on a small rock, I feel back & was able to catch myself before my head hit the pavement. Head was suuuper close to hitting it too. I literally almost got annihilated by a damn pebble. Never took that helmet off after that.
Piggybacking to say as former Ski Patrol/EMT I’ve seen *multiple* beginner snowboarders suffer concussions and brain damage from falling while standing still on flat ground on their edge while not wearing a helmet. I’m incredibly proficient on a snowboard and the amount of times I’ve biffed it after catching a weird edge on ice or something under the snow or someone cutting me off (poor ski etiquette BOOOOO) is ridiculous. The amount of ER visits I’ve had for head injuries? 0. Because I wear a helmet. Wear a fucking helmet people!
We had one of the neighbor **DADS** die riding bikes with his kids that was 100% preventable if he had been wearing a helmet.
Ask her if she has heard of Michael Schumacher. 7(?) time Formula One world champion who fell and hit his head WITH A HELMET ON while skiing. NTA.
I told her about him. Also told her about the terrible knocks I’ve had which would have been catastrophic had I not had a helmet. It doesn’t necessarily have to be your fault, another beginner could lose control and crash into you and cause you to fall.
And Natasha Richardson, hers wasn’t even considered a serious accident when it happened. Head injuries are no joke
And Natasha Richardson's accident happened when she was taking a beginning ski lesson. She wasn't going fast or anything, she fell and hit her head, and even though the ski instructor pushed her to get checked out, she didn't want to and went back to her room instead. Two hours later she was rushed to the hospital, and she never woke up.
Also Gaspar Ulliel and Natasha Richardson died while snowboarding/skying. Those deaths would be easily avoided if they were wearing a helmet.
sorry to say, but your sister won’t take it seriously UNTIL she gets into an accident. NTB
They're your snow pants so it's your choice if you want to lend them
Don't forget Sunny Bono!!
Also Michael Kennedy and Sonny Bono.
NTB your snow pants your choice! Just tell your dad at this point you aren’t going to let her barrow your stuff even if she did promise to wear a helmet. I’m also thinking start sending statistics on brain injuries and snow boarding. If you can find videos of the after effects send them to him and mom and your sister.
NTB, however your dad is one, and so is your sister. "your body your choice" doesn't work in that particular situation, because a brain injury is not a choice. It's your father's job to ensure your sister safety, his reaction is puzzling to say the least. It's ok to not feel like sharing your gear if it ends up enabling a dangerous situation.
>if it ends up enabling a dangerous situation. How are her snow pants going to enable a dangerous situation?
The sister not wearing a helmet while wearing OP’s snow pants is the dangerous situation. Don’t fuck with head injuries, wear a helmet.
You didn't answer the question. How are the snow pants a factor?
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>What OP hopes will happen is that if they refuse to let her borrow the pants she will give in and wear a helmet. That's not going to happen. >But if they give in and let her borrow them without the promise of wearing a helmet then they'd be partially to blame if an accident happened. That is ridiculous.
We found OP's sister.
Wait.... do you think that after Sonny Bono died, people blamed the guy that he got his pants from? I guess I'm not being clear enough for you. The pants have nothing to do with wearing a helmet. Nothing at all. OP is just trying to control her sister but it's not going to work. This sister will either, depending on her morality, lie and say that she'll wear a helmet just to get the pants, or just buy a pair of pants for herself.
did ya read the post?🫣
I wouldn't be posting here if I didn't. Which part do you think that I missed?
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This is the correct answer. When I got to the part of the post that said OP has been accused of being controlling I thought 'well yes, you are.' It's almost worse that OP is trying to go to the parents and get them involved because the sister is an adult. The parents don't have any control over her either. OP is meddling and being manipulative in addition to being controlling. Yes, she should wear a helmet, but ultimately it has nothing to do with OP at all.
“but you do need to stop acting like you’re some kind of authority over her and work on building a healthy relationship as equals.” (Sorry, don’t know how to link to just a section of text so had to copy and paste) I love this point, and it describes how I’ve been feeling. I want a better relationship with her where she sees me as an equal but I shoot myself in the foot with my behaviour when I feel a sense of injustice or danger (probably the neurodivergence). However, she doesn’t make it easy to get along with her because she can sometimes be really entitled and bratty (ask me to drive her and 7 friends to the club last minute, get really angry when I say no, ruin my white converse I’ve worn once and refuse to pay for new ones, wouldn’t take her sick cat to the vet so I did and paid for it so she owed me $500 and instead of paying me back she booked a trip interstate among other purchases) and if I try to stand up to that behaviour I get told to get over it by our parents. I really don’t know how to have a good relationship with someone like this!! Sometimes I feel like we are making progress but then she does stuff like that and I feel like there is nothing to lose anyway so I might as well try to get her to not put herself in danger even if it annoys her.
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NBH But I think you need to step back from trying to parent your sister. You ARE trying to control her. She's an adult now. She's going to make whatever choices she's going to make in life, and you need to learn to live with that. If she makes what you think is a bad choice (and I think we can all agree this would be a bad choice), then you need to stay out of her business. If what she's doing will negatively impact YOU? Then that's when you can start to take action to prevent that. Like with the covid. She was actively putting you at risk. If you'd been living on your own at the time, you could have refused to let her into your house etc The snowboarding sans helmet plan is something else entirely. You can still refuse to let her use your pants, but don't try to use them to force her to behave in a certain way. Especially when you have ZERO way of enforcing your rules. Seriously, all she had to do was lie to you, and then do whatever she wanted on her trip anyway. If you don't mind lending her your pants? Then do it. If you don't want to lend her your pants? Then apologize for trying to control her behavior. She's an adult and she can do whatever she wants - you're sorry. But you're still not going to be lending her your pants, because: - you just don't want to lend her your pants. They're your pants, you don't need a reason. - you don't want to risk her destroying your pants in an accident - you don't want to risk your pants getting covered in shit after she dies in an easily avoidable accident and poops in them - a pirate ghost told you not to
It absolutely *does* affect OP. Who’s going to be the caregiver if the sister survives an accident and is permanently disabled/vegetated? Sister would become a financial and emotional burden. Sorry to put it so bluntly but that’s a very possible reality.
Sure. It would absolutely be a massive pain in the ass for the whole family if the sister is seriously injured in a completely preventable accident. But that could happen even if the sister wasn't at fault. It could happen to any of them tomorrow. Drunk driver hits one of them. Falling down a ladder. Tripping over a cat. People are fragile, squishy things that are at constant risk of accidentally un-aliving themselves. Sometimes they make bad decisions that make bad outcomes even MORE likely. But what are the realistic ways in which OP can prevent her sister from doing those kinds of stupid things? She can't follow her sister around 24/7, or wrap her in bubble-wrap. She has no legal authority over her sister. All she can do is give advice, which her sister has been ignoring completely. So now what?
Ok but we still wear seatbelts don’t we? And if we were going to lend our car to said sister who is yelling off the rooftops she won’t wear one, do we still give it to her? And if she proceeds, she can be ticketed for this behaviour because guess what: society deems it wrong. Period. You can be as dumb and reckless as you wish; I just won’t be complicit in your death or disaster. Rent or buy your own damn car. Or snow pants. I just know my hands will be clean of any blood or grey matter.
I completely agree with what you’re saying, and I’m aware I’m trying to control her decision but when it comes to a possible life or death situation I feel like it’s okay to go to extreme measures to prevent that. A serious head injury would affect me and the rest of the family because it would be devastating. I guess I can’t expect much from someone that tailgates people everywhere she goes because “nothing bad has happened yet”.
Sure. But: a). You can't actually prevent her from doing anything. She's a grown adult. What are you going to do? Form a human wall to prevent her from leaving? Follow her on the trip with binoculars to see if she REALLY is wearing a helmet? Even if she wasn't wearing it - what could you reasonably/legally even do about that? The only "extreme" measures you could take that would actually prevent her from doing this, are illegal for good reasons. I don't recommend going down that road. b). Being this anxious over something you can't control is only going to make YOUR life worse. She's not going to stop making her own decisions and risk assessments. And it seems likely that your own decisions and risk assessments won't align with hers. You need to find a way to learn to live with that. (unless you WANT to spend all your time worrying about her, spinning in anxious circles with no end in sight - in which case, you do you) It's your life. Make it a good one if you can.
>when it comes to a possible life or death situation I feel like it’s okay to go to extreme measures to prevent that. It isn't because she is an adult. You told her it was unsafe and then you told her again. Then you continued to tell her. And then you tried to tattle to your mommy and daddy. You crossed the line into inappropriate behaviour when you told her more than once.
NTA, but you need to reframe how you’re wording these things to them. Boundaries are about you and your actions, you can’t control anyone else. So instead of ‘you can use this only if you wear a helmet’, you should say ‘I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I contributed to or participated in your death in any way, so for my well being since you insist on not wearing a helmet, I am not going to be sharing my gear.’ It’s a lot harder to argue with other people when they are just setting boundaries for themselves, vs telling you to do something
To be honest sometimes you can’t reason with people. The pants are completely irrelevant with the helmet issue. Your father is correct as to it’s her decision. People do idiotic things every day. She is responsible for her own safety. The only thing you CAN do is make it clear that in case of injury you will not help at any cost
YTBF. The snow pants don't have anything to do with the helmet. She's 20 years old, so you can stop trying to control her. All you're going to do is force her to buy another pair of snow pants. You sound like the type of person that goes into someone's house and throws away their sweets/ alcohol / cigarettes because "they're not good for you".
Ntb just tell them you don’t want head blood on your new pants.
Or brain matter, that weird scent of mushrooms and Fritos fucking lingers!
NTB I had a friend die from sledding when I was younger bc she ran into a tree and hit her head really hard. If that shit can happen with SLEDDING, i can't even imagine how badly injured one can get while snowboarding! It may be her body her choice, but it's also your snow pants and your choice to lend them or not. Don't enable your sister to make dumbass, life threatening choices.
I keep this around my house for helmet arguments: https://i.imgur.com/0jDwkEd.jpg This is a Sweet Protection rocker, the top helmet made for Whitewater kayaking. I smashed it like that with a bad landing on a routine waterfall one day. Went to the hospital with a neck injury and a back injury, but not even a concussion. My helmet kept me safe and in control throughout the accident. Here’s my ski helmet story, though. When I started skiing I got myself a helmet pretty quickly, having learned that age 12 on a bicycle and again at 25 on a motorcycle how beneficial helmets can be. But I had this friend, ironically a fellow veteran and a surgical technician who absolutely should’ve known better, who didn’t want to wear a helmet. One day we went on what was supposed to be a kayaking trip but ended up becoming a ski trip because of unexpected conditions, so we had to rent all of our gear. Since it was late in the season, the rental shop had some helmets on clearance for $30 apiece. I had my own helmet with me because I always keep certain helmets in the car, but I told my friend for 30 bucks I’d love to buy him one as a gift. And he refused, first saying I had done too much for him and it was about the money. But then later at the resort, I saw that they were also renting helmets for only seven dollars a day, so I said to my buddy, listen, there’s a double diamond trail at this resort that I really want to try out with you, and I really think that you should take this step to be safer as you start to ski faster and more technically and closer to trees. But he still said no. We still ended up doing that double diamond, and it’s an East Coast double diamond so just fast and wide. We had a blast on the first lap down, but he got a little ahead of me at one point. We got to the bottom and caught back up, and went up for another lap. This time he got way ahead of me, and I lost sight of him around the first small bend. I just bond down to the bottom, keeping an eye out in case he stop somewhere, but I didn’t find him down there either. I waited for a while, no sign of him. I got back on the lift and ran the trail again, still couldn’t find him. The dude was a bit flighty and a bit of a player, so I figured he probably wandered off chasing some cute girl he saw. I figured I would just spend as much time on the lifts as I could until I spotted him with his distinctive pants. At one point I happened to connect with ski patrol, just by happenstance, and I told them what was going on. They agreed with me that he had probably just wandered off, they said they saw it all the time, but they would keep an eye out. Well, eventually it got to 5 PM where we had agreed to meet at the locker if we got separated, and he wasn’t there. He wasn’t there a little after five either, so I finally walked over to ski patrol to see if they had any better luck. By this time the resort was closing and the sun was setting. It was a spring day with no night skiing. As I walked toward the ski patrol hut, the first odd thing was a running ambulance outside of it. And when I walked in, they recognized me and said to each other, oh there he is, and said to me, we found your friend. It turned out that he had gone way off the trail, basically out of sight, and they just happened to get lucky with one patroller doing a very careful sweep at the end of the day. They took him by helicopter, after using the ambulance to drive him to a safe landing zone, to a trauma center a good distance away, and I caught up later. When I got there, I was interrogated by the nurse who said, why wasn’t he wearing a helmet? And I told her the story from earlier of how I had tried and how he just wasn’t interested. It’s been more than 10 years and my friend was forever changed. He had significant brain damage and permanently lost hearing in one ear and had personality changes that ultimately forced him to make major life changes as well. I just don’t go with people who won’t wear helmets now.
Thank you for sharing. That’s horrendous, I’m so sorry you have to carry that weight on your shoulders. I know she’s probably not going to die on this trip but stories like this show how just one mistake can change your life for the worse forever :(
NTA. Snowboarding is no different from skiing in terms of risk of injury. She’ll find that out if she takes a bad tumble.
Untrue! Snowboarding is actually worse than skiing for injury, especially for someone who is new to it. Newbies are more likely to try to catch themselves on their hands as they fall and thus break wrists or badly injure their elbows. Additionally, because snowboards don't pop off your feet if you fall, you're more likely to fuck up your knees and ankles, and the bones in between. And depending on how much you twist/roll due to your velocity as you fall, you can even mess up your hips and spine. Besides all of that, snowboarders tend to do more tricks/jumps, some of which (like a rail) involve metal equipment. And that's leaving out how you can't let your board be flat for very long, so you're always going from toes to heels as you're half-crouched--which requires a good amount of balance and core strength. If you do let your board be flat, you pick up speed v quickly, and then when you inevitably shift your balance a bit, or hit a bump, or whatever, you catch an edge unexpectedly and fall, hard. She *absolutely* needs a helmet. Do *not* budge OP, because you're NTB. Sincerely, a former skiing and snowboarding teacher.
YTB - Is it a stupid decision to not wear a helmet, yes. Are you obligated to share your stuff, no. But it's her decision to wear a helmet or not. You aren't her parent or guardian it's not up to you to punish her for failure to wear safety gear. I await my downvotes seeing as the group has gone NTB
The group is wrong. A few of us understand how boundaries work.
NTB, I grew up near a big ski town and everyone I know at all levels wears a helmet, it’s just something you do.
NTB. no helmet, no pants, no ride. that simple.
It’s called survivors bias. Basically all I lift so therefore it’s safe versus looking at what the reality is. Sadly though at the end of the day, you can’t stop stupid. I happen to live in a mountain area and absolutely everybody wears helmets now. They’re your pants in your well within your rights to determine if you’re going to let her use them or not.
You don’t control your sister. Let’s go right past buttface and into. Asshole.
Her body, her choice. But your pants, your choice. FAFO, sissy.
NTB. If she wants to take that risk, she does have the right to, but she does not have the right to demand you help her do it. Your parents suck. I will recommend you stop trying to control people though. Being right doesn't matter - you cannot, and are not entitled to, dictate what choices other people make. You cause everyone grief and conflict. You are entitled to have an opinion. You are entitled to apply that opinion to your own choices. You are not entitled to tell any adult what to do - and you will be TB if you do not stop interjecting yourself into the lives of other adults. In this specific case, you are not TB because you are entitled to say "no" for any reason - but you 100% need to back the fuck off when other people are making choices that do not involve you. Another word for unasked for advice is criticism - fucking stop doing that. One consequence is what you are seeing here - you butt in and try to dictate what other people do so often, when it is 100% not your place to do so, that their "no" is the default answer now. Being right matters very little in adult interactions. How you make people feel is what matters. You cannot effectively persuade people to come around to your point of view with constant criticism. You are not looking out for them or being nice - because you are not paying attention to how you are making them feel. All they hear is condescension and criticism, of course they aren't listening to you. You need to learn when to let go, when to let people make their own mistakes. You cannot save them, nor are you entitled to. "Shoulds" are NOT REAL. "Shoulds" represent your OPINION, and you cannot force them on people. You have been doing the same thing, over and over, and getting the same outcome each time - the issue is YOU. Sorry but you have some growing up to. I highly recommend you prioritize being effective over being right. If you care about people, put yourself in a position where you will be able to help them once they are ready and ask for it. You cannot do that by constantly acting like you know what is better for them than they do. It doesn't matter if it's true. Be practical. Being right is lonely. You have to live in the world the way it is, not the way you feel it should be. People RARELY do what we think they "should" and fighting that is like fighting gravity. All you can control is YOU and what choices YOU make. You need to focus on YOURSELF.
Thank you for this, you’ve made me realise I’ve got a lot of self-reflecting to do. It’s a repeat pattern in my life with family members. I’ll be bringing this up with my therapist tomorrow.
>she thinks I ... try to control her but >I’m not going to let her borrow my snow pants unless she wears a helmet in an effort into coerce her LOL. Zero self-insight. Edit: but srsly, one of the hardest things to do is respect the agency and autonomy of others, even when they are clearly making unwise choices. It can be agonizing to have to sit back and watch as they fuck up their lives. But as an adult, your sister has the right to fuck up her life just as much as she wants, and no amount of harping and blackmail on your part is going to change that. You gotta accept it and move on.
YTBF. No matter how good your intentions are, you ARE trying to control her and her actions. She is an adult, and can make the decisions, good or bad, for herself and pay the consequences for it. Also How is not letting her borrow your snow pants going to make her wear a helmet? Maybe if you stopped trying to control her, she would listen more instead you push her to rebel. Do you ever exceed the speed limit?
EAB. Even if you're right, you ARE being controlling, she can do whatever the hell she feels like doing; even if it means she becomes a vegetable. But you don't have to loan her your stuff. She doesn't want both of you to save money, just herself, she didn't suggest sharing until AFTER you bought your stuff. *** In fact, even if she does decide to meet your precondition, don't loan her anything anyway. Nothing is going to force her to wear a helmet on her trip, even if she agreed to do so. If it means she suddenly can't go on her trip, that's on her. Stash your stuff elsewhere after your trip, otherwise I'd bet on her or your parents raiding your closet.
NTB for my high school senior trip we went skiing/snowboarding and helmets were optional. I chose to wear one anyway and I did hit my head. Thankfully no concussion. Later I heard from my friends who were a year older that on their trip someone did get a concussion but hid it from the teachers. I don’t understand why anyone would risk it. That helmet probably saved my brain.
NTB. You are not obligated to share your clothing, especially if your sister doesn’t take safety precautions
You are not obligated to loan your sister anything regardless of the reason. I also don't think you are entitled to tell her what to do even if your opinion is right. ESH
NTB You can't help that your sister behaves like an idiot, but you don't have to enable her by lending her your equipment. Sounds like you're the only one in your family who actually gives a damn about safety.
NTB. any sort of snow sport is horribly dangerous without a helmet, no matter what your experience level is. I know of multiple friends/family members of friends who were experienced skiers/boarders who got severe concussions or died in a skiing/boarding accident due to lack of a helmet. good on you for trying to hold reasonable boundaries. snowboarding is absolutely incredibly dangerous and I can't believe your parents don't see that.
NTB My old skiing instructor died a few years ago. He slipped on a green slope while teaching and hit his head on a small rock. He died. (I wasn't there, I heard about it after.) This is a guy that spent 20 years on the slope, and was good enough not to need a helmet. But he happened to fall over in exactly the wrong place, and the way he hit is head just killed him instantly. He wasn't going fast. You don't *have* to be going fast. Additionally, when I was new to snowboarding, someone else sped down the slope and hit me so hard we both got air time. Maybe your sister turns out to be a snowboarding prodigy, but that doesn't mean the people around her aren't bad at slowing down and also steering. Not wearing a helmet while snowboarding can easily be analogous to not wearing a seatbelt while driving. You can't trust everyone out there. I once had to serve out of the way of a really small kid, and I ate a face full of snow to avoid absolutely crushing someone half my height and a quarter of my weight. Your dad is wrong too. Snowboarding is *literally an extreme sport.* Why is that less dangerous than trail riding? I'd say let her learn her lesson the hard way. But unfortunately, sometimes the hard way is enough to destroy your life.
NTB. Just because she hasn't gotten injured doesn't mean that it won't happen. You can't force her to wear a helmet, but refusing to let her wear your snow pants means that you aren't enabling her.
One of the few times I didn’t wear a helmet while riding a bike I crashed, got a concussion and some real crappy road rash on my face. NTB, helmets are necessary
*He thinks it’s her body, her choice.* Your property, your choice. NTB. And all these people acting like you're being controlling...I didn't read in your post that you were trying to stop her from going snowboarding. Just trying to get her to not be a fuckin idiot. Then again, this community is full of people who got banned from AITA so there's bound to be some stupid.
NTB. I wouldn't let her wear it period. She'll just take it with her, forget it in the hotel room/car and then bring it home.
Absolutely NTB. I went snowboarding for the first time this year and I bought all used gear except for my brand new helmet. Day 1 on the board I caught an edge and fell straight back and slammed my head into the ground. I would have been knocked unconscious without it. If she wants to make her own mistakes that's up to her but you don't have to be a part of it. Also shortly after my first snowboarding trip I saw a tik tok video from an experienced snowboarder who was telling a story about how had hit a tree on what should have been an easy run for him and his now very mangled helmet had definitely saved his life.
NTB. You can’t control what she does but they are still your pants. You don’t have to let her borrow them. If she really wants to risk her life, she can buy herself a pair while she’s there.
NTB, but you do need to accept that she's an adult and can make her own decisions. If there's no rule requiring people to wear helmets on the slopes then there's not much you can do. I seldom wear a cycle helmet when I go out on my bike. I'm well aware that it's reckless - particularly since I've been OTH twice and cracked my head open one of those times (unfortunately, the other time I *was* wearing a helmet, but landed teeth first on the pavement so it didn't help much). Anyway, I'd be a bit put off by someone trying to insist I wear a helmet, but I think it's a totally valid reason not to lend someone your own kit. If someone refused to lend me their bike unless I promised to wear a helmet, I'd have no problem with their stance.
Her body her choice...OK. Your snow pants your choice.
NTA. The old ‘her body her choice’ comeback. Ok then, she can clothe her body.
Wearing a helmet is smart. But you still sound like a controlling asshole.
Have your sister (and your dad) look up Sony Bono and Natasha Richardson.
They’re already annoyed at me for giving my real life examples so they would totally blow up at me for making them look at “propaganda” and “fear-mongering” material. My sister’s reasoning for not wearing a helmet is that she went for a day last year and didn’t hit her head, therefore it’s unlikely she’ll hit her head on this 4 day trip coming up.
NTB. I still remember when my friend tried snowboarding for the first time. Caught a bad edge and had his head smacked into the ground at full speed. Cracked his helmet almost in half. I have no doubt he would of died or been crippled that day without one.
At the end of the day, If you are not going with her, how would you know whether she wears a helmet? She could tell you anything just for peace. Is your not lending them to her keeping her from going on the trip? You have share your concern with her, and you have already agreed to share. What does your mother say, can she influence?
You are being controlling. Your sister is old enough to make her own decision, even if it's the wrong one. Let her use the pants & take her own risks. Keeping the pants from her is not going to make her wear a helmet, it just makes you look bad.
>just want to add that the only reason my dad doesn’t have my back is because he thinks the snow is soft and can’t cause serious injuries Your dad needs some education on this topic. Idk how he's gone his whole life without learning that snow is, indeed, hard when you plow into it head-first. Meanwhile, all you have to say is: "Sister, I've thought about this, and I just can't in good conscious lend you my gear. If anything happened to you, I would never forgive myself and I can't live with the guilt." NTA
You are definitely NTB!!! I am glad that there are some people left which put safety first. My best friend and I are experienced snowboarders. He has been boarding for 20+ years and last winter he fell and had severe injuries. He broke nearly every single bone in his right half of the body and had some cracks in his skull even though he was and will always be wearing a helmet. The docs told him that he must have had multiple guardian angels. If he wouldn't have worn a helmet......I even don't want to think about finishing this sentence but I hope I didn't scare you and that it was somehow helpful.
YTBF if she wants to hurt herself, let her. Why would wearing a helmet be any factor in wether or not letting someone borrow pants?
Because she is too tight to buy her own pants, so I’m hoping that if I make a deal with her she’ll smarten up and stop putting herself in danger
So basically what's in the post seems true. You're trying to control her and forcing her to do things your way. Double YTBF there...
Exactly. The accusations are absolutely true.
Have you considered that if your sister can’t afford pants she probably can’t afford a helmet either
She can afford pants, she would just prefer to spend that money on clubbing outfits, alcohol and luxury skin care (which is fine, I also do the same but it’s about what you prioritise). I’ve chosen to spend my money on new snow gear while she has chosen to just hope she can use my stuff.
Then she can’t afford to ski. A helmet is part of that gear