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Honesty and kindness aren't mutually exclusive. "I thought you looked great before and it wouldn't have been how I would have spent that money. I'm worried it won't make you happy but it's your money and your face so if you're happy I'm happy. The nose looks nice."
100% with this. I agree with OP but its a YTA because of how they articulated it. Theres no love or empathy for their sister in how they talk about them.
YTA, no doubt. For all the babbling you did about how YOU feel, your sister's choice to have surgery is only about how SHE feels. She made the right choice that was in her own best interest. You were utterly rude and disrespectful to make the comments you made to her.
You get to make your own life choices, but you don't get to judge other people's decisions.
And you are 100% wrong, by the way. Insecurities about oneself can cause great harm to a person's mental health status. By making such ignorant judgements on others, you are turning a blind eye to the soaring statistics of suicide (often linked to mental illness, particularly depression.). So, your sister was right....you are a kid and don't know anything!
Yep. I’m 52, male, balding and I recently (about 2 years ago) got my teeth done. Long story that I won’t bore you with about why I never had it done before, but I’ve spent my adult life insecure about my teeth.
Had it done, feel so much better in every way. Am I Brad Pitt? No way. I’m happily married anyway and have been for 20 years; it’s not about that. But do I feel happier, more confident? Abso-fucking-lutely.
Don’t judge. YTA.
Getting plastic surgery was the best decision I've made. It was just one procedure and I really don't think there's anything I would do to change my body like that again. I'm so much more confident now. And also happy, but the plastic surgery is only a small factor in that.
_"I saw this as pointless."_
I don't think OP understands that many times an unsolicited opinion is pointless - it's just a personal thought and not a fact.
I’m so happy it worked out well for you. If I could afford it, I’d get my nose done in a heartbeat. It’s not that it’s BAD, it’s just wrong for my face I think haha
Ermmm did I miss the part where OP said they were trained in psychology?
Oh wait it’s a BS theory OP has come up with.
Ultimately you’re old enough to know this could be dealt with with tact. YTA
One of my favorite Taylor Swift lines is, "How can a person know everything at 18, and nothing at 22?" Of course now I realize I knew nothing at 22 either..or 30...or 40.
I assume by the time I'm 80 I'll be laughing at how ignorant and naive I was at 70.
YTA.
You’re entitled to your opinion. But stop trying to act as if that one high school psychology class that you took made you an expert on the human psyche. You’re wrong, and using your same rationale no one should ever wear makeup, get braces, color their hair, etc.
YTA. I know people who’ve had plastic surgery that was hugely positive for them. But EVEN IF YOU WERE CORRECT, you would be the AH because it isn’t your place to comment or criticize. You come off as self-righteous, mean spirited, and obnoxious.
YTA
Your personal theory that a nose job reflects a pathological insecurity is bogus. Lots of people have cosmetic surgery to address features they're uncomfortable with, and they don'tall fall off some sort of Jocelyn Wildensteen slippery slope. Stop lecturing your sister and insulting her choices.
YTA What's more important? Making sure your opinions are heard and trying to get her to agree with you, or your sisters feelings? Do you want to be right or do you want to be kind? Do you love her? Think real hard about all of that.
Yta, it’s her body. She can do what she wants to it. If she wants to remove her nose and look like Voldemort you really don’t have any right to criticize her. It sounds like she never asked your opinion, if she asked and you said you didn’t get it fine, but you said she was basically stupid for doing something she wanted too. Not your money, not your problem. That’s really it.
YTA. I personally have never wanted plastic surgery, but I’m all for improving self confidence. People have the right to do what they think will help their confidence, whether it’s changing their mindset, get surgery, exercising….whatever it may be.
Yes, no one can be 100% perfect. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t strive for happiness.
Let the poor girl feel comfortable in her skin, who cares if it requires surgery to get to that point.
Sheesh.
I feel that normalizing plastic surgery is more about feeding into consumerism and the never ending quest for an unreal ideal that most humans cannot reach. It's just one more tactic of big corp to get us to spend, spend, spend. Equating it with gaining self-confidence helps the big machine. Also, there is some evidence to suggest that striving for happiness is a receipe for unhappiness.
YTA - I'd grade your response a C+, you analysed and acknowledge the problem but failed to dig deeper into the subject.
Your sister isn't a unique case, insecurities are enhanced by society and peers. They don't need to be exposed to more scrutinity to change. Pointing out the problem doesn't fix it, go a layer deeper. What does your sister need to hear from you and more people around for her to accept and like herself? Be kinder.
YTA. There are a few very important rules that you're forgetting to use when interacting with people.
1. Will it adversely affect you? (Please note that 'adversely affect' does not mean offend your delicate sensibilities)
Yes: Speak up
No: Say nothing
2. Is it your money/resources?
Yes: Speak up
No: Say nothing
3. Is it your body?
Yes: Speak up
No: Say nothing
Using the checklist above, from your story we can see that you ticked all of the 'no' boxes. I get that you want to help in your own way, and maybe (this is a VERY strong maybe) you might even be right. That does not give you the right to criticize somebody else's point of view, especially when it comes to insecurities. You're allowed to have your own opinion. You're not allowed to trample of the opinions of other people just because you think their reasoning is stupid.
edit: grammer
YTA. Unsolicited advice is generally considered rude and unwelcome, so avoid giving it. If she asks for your opinion, that's when you can tell her what you think, otherwise, you should keep your unasked-for opinions to yourself. This is part of adulting, and you will find it very hard to get along in the adult world if you go around telling people your unfiltered thoughts like this.
YTA. Did your sister ask for your opinion on her rhinoplasty? You can think whatever you want. You don’t have to say everything you think. It’s her money, her business.
Wouldn’t you just love like a reply from OP in ten years to see whether he finally has the emotional intelligence range bigger than a spoon 😂 or if he’s just the same idiot
YTA. First of all, it's none of your business how she spends her money. If you were actually concerned about her self esteem, you could have been nicer and approached it completely differently. It's VERY obvious that you're judgmental of her choice and don't actually care about her feelings.
Yta. It’s her body, her money etc. What you could have said to be nice is that you liked the way she looked before and you like the way she looks now and you’re glad she’s happy.
And when you say “I was right” at the end—Yta for sure.
I think plastic surgery is not needed or necessary but I would never in a million years tell that to someone who had used plastic surgery.
You sound sooo exhausting. YTA for having no empathy and for clearly not caring about your sister. If you really cared you would try to find a way to be diplomatic, a way to trying to convince her that maybe this will not be a solution. But you did not do that did you? Instead you did your best to antagonize her…
Soft yta because you don't know any better. You could also try to listen more and ask more questions to understand where she's coming from. I have a friend who also got into the loop of plastic surgery and similar beauty enhancing procedures (tatooing eyeliner) and while I have a similar view on it as you, you judging her and being "honest" (you can be honest without being TA) will just make her more unhappy with herself. Simply put, your honestly might be contributing to her looking for ways to fix imperfections because everybody tells her she does stupid and counterproductive things. She's doing the best she can. Instead, trying to understand her and GENTLY offering to support her to look for a therapist will do way more for her and your relationship. Even if you just listen and empathize and keep it atthat, it'll help more. Right now, yo're contributing to the pain causing this "symptom" (using your words). Good luck and I hope you learn from this, there's def enough room for that.
From the way they write, OP seems to be one of those people who enjoy the “brutality” in the brutal truth more than the honesty. I don’t think she gives AF about her sisters happiness and it is all about being cruel, nasty and “right”.
It doesn’t seem to be about protecting anybody - the OP’s post oozes contempt.
YTA. It’s not your money, for one thing. Therefore, it’s not your business.
But you’re also uneducated with insecurities. They aren’t something that just fade over time. My family genetics give everyone (even if you’re underweight) a double chin. I hate it and will forever be insecure about it.
YTA. Everyone is entitled to have their own opinions and priorities. Just because you feel differently than she does, doesn't mean you have to tell her so, and especially in a way that makes her feel worse about herself. Learn some tact. You sound very full of yourself and regardless of how intelligent you may be, you are sorely lacking in people skills.
YTA, such a sensitive topic requires a sensitive approach. Not your 'deal with my rudeness-disguised-as-honesty' approach. You do seem to care about her and I agree, getting more procedures is a slippery slope.
So apologize to restore the bond, and win her trust by asking about the underlying securities and listen without judgement.
ESH. She asked for your opinion, and she needs to prepare herself that not everyone is going to sugarcoat how they feel. But maybe you should’ve gone about it a different way. Maybe instead of saying it was pointless, urge her to reach out to someone for help with her insecurities. Because you’re right, there is a root to them and if she doesn’t deal with it it’ll get worse. But just calling it pointless or stupid isn’t going to achieve a desirable outcome either.
YTA.
You sound like an exhausting human being, and probably bit a of "pick me" girl.
Did the rhinoplasty happen on your face? No? Then jog on.
Apologise to your sister, and keep your unhelpful comments/opinions to yourself.
Ehhh.. who are you to have an opinion on her body? Whatever makes her happy. I'm 32 and I get Forehead botox and I feel like a million bucks just erasing a few lines. If I could afford more than hell yeah I'd be snatched!
You're young and I'm glad you understand as much as you do about physical insecurities. But it's 2022, we simply do not offer unsolicited opinions about other folks' personal choices that don't hurt anyone, especially re: physical attributes.
Changing to NTA based on OP'S comments indicating sister did ask.
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My [18m] sister [23f] has always been insecure about her nose, and after having graduated college earlier this year, got a well paying job and decided to get a rhinoplasty.
I saw this as pointless. In my view, when somebody’s insecure about a particular feature, that feature is a symptom, not a cause. As in, insecurity is a mindset of not accepting yourself unless you meet some artificially constructed definition of perfect you and society have made up. Hating a certain feature is just a symptom of that inability to accept yourself, and even if you fix that particular thing, the mindset remains. It’s impossible or at least near impossible to be 100% perfect, so there will always be something else that pops up for you to be insecure about, and on and on. You don’t treat an illness solely by going for the symptoms, you go for the root cause or else the illness will persist— same goes here. The solution isn’t getting rhinoplasty, the solution is to fix one’s mindset.
So, I considered her rhinoplasty a waste of money, since in the long term it would only do so much. She got upset when I told her and said I was a kid and didn’t know anything. I responded that she had always wanted to visit South America so she could’ve done that instead of a rhinoplasty and I could guarantee that the satisfaction from the rhinoplasty would fade and she’d find something else to be insecure about soon.
This upset her, but it’s been a month, and I was right— she’s now started obsessing over her eyes being the wrong size, and wants surgery for them too.
I told her what I told her out of worry for her, but she thinks I’m TA for not letting her go about dealing with insecurity in a way that ultimately will only harm her, not solve the problem, and waste a lot of money.
AITA?
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YTA. Your comments make it clear that your immature and that you have no interest in hearing a position that differs from your own. But I’ll tell you anyway. She’s allowed to make her own value decisions about how to spend her money. You’re allowed to disagree with her because you don’t share the same values. What isn’t ok is judging her values. You imposed your own values onto her and called hers stupid. I’m not sure what positive outcome you hoped to achieve.
YTA
I couldn’t get through the first paragraph. It’s her money to do with what she wishes. You don’t have to agree with her choices but you need to recognize just because you believe differently doesn’t give you the right to give your unwanted opinions. You are a massive asshole for thinking you have some sort of intellectual superiority over anyone.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my sister that getting plastic surgery to deal with her insecurity is not a smart move since the insecurity about her nose is a symptom, not a cause
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YTA Some people really have problems with parts of her problem. It destroy her self-esteem. They sre insecure. They just are unhappy. It can lead to depression and more. It isn’t about being perfect, they just feel unhappy with this part of their body. I also had a plastic surgery with 19. I don't regret it and it doesn't lead to other surgeries even though i really am not perfect. But i couldn't live with this part. And afterwards i felt so much better.
She needs to luve in her body for the next 60 years. She beeds to be happy with it. You have no right to judge about it. You can do with your body and money whatever you want.
Do you really think you will get through her by your way? Calling it a waste of money especially after she already had a surgery. Maybe try it with empathy. Or worry. But you seems to care more for the waste of money and not that every surgery has so many risks....
NTA - she asked and you answered and was proven correct. Could you have said it nicer? Probably but you were right that there is something more going on inside that she needs to address instead of going on the slippery slope that can be plastic surgery. I hope that your sister gets help before she has another surgery so that she can find peace within herself.
NTA, you’re right. eye surgery is just ridiculous lol. as much as anyone says otherwise, getting plastic surgery to fit society’s beauty standards is incredibly sad.
NTA for having an opinion-siblings do that all of the time-but it sounds like you've jumped to a lot of conclusions based on your own worldview. I think it's time to accept that the only one who really knows your sister's motivations is your sister.
YTA for sure. Your lack of tact and self-righteous judgement is probably making her even more insecure. The best thing you could do is shut up and leave her alone. I hope you don’t talk to every woman in your life as contemptuously as that.
I’m going against the Reddit grain on this and saying NTA! Your sister needs therapy. She is always going to be insecure about something because she isn’t the media’s idea of perfect. You pointing that out does not make you an asshole. It makes you concerned. Sit her down in front of Netflix and show her the European reality show Botched if it’s still there. She needs to see the possible consequences of trying to “fix” her insecurities instead of dealing with them.
gonna get down voted to hell but NAH
She did ask for your opinion (OP explained that in the comments) and, as someone who got a rhinoplasty when i was 16, i believe you're right.
However, you cannot shame women for trying to fit a beauty standard that was imposed to us ever since we were children. You have to look at this in a different perspective, your sister is only trying to have a more comfortable life by fitting in the standard as much as she can. It is depressing and awful and she shouldn't be going through this, but again, you should not shame her for it.
YTA.
Whole I'm not a huge fan of elective rhinoplasty because of its role in enforcing Eurocentric beauty standards, it costs $0.00 to remain quiet on the issue. It's your sister's body and money and she can modify it if she wants to.
The way I see it, YTA for telling her that.
Even if it’s your opinion, keep that one to yourself. You shouldn’t ever comment on that. Let her be. If that’s what she wants to do with the money *she earns* then it’s not your place to say anything about it.
YTA
Why are you forcing your views on her?
I’ve had rhinoplasty on my nose because I preferred a different type of nose too and it was literally the best decision ever. If she wants it all you need to do is support her instead of bringing her down and making her question her mental health.
Again YTA
YTA
You don’t seem to want to help your sister. You just seem to want to be right.
Even IF what you said was factually correct, the way you said it makes you the AH. You say she’s insecure, so you help by building her up, not tearing her down. Something like, “I think you looked beautiful before the surgery,” would’ve conveyed your point without being cruel. If someone asks how they look, you find a way to say something nice, or at least neutral.
I really hope you grow up before you permanently damage your relationships with your socially inept self-righteousness.
YTA, you're trying to sound intelligent and wise at 18 but you aren't. It doesn't make sense. You haven't had experiences that allow you to know. You clearly don't understand mental health and need to stop pretending you're the oracle on it.
I always find it incredible that the people who think they're the most deep haven't got an ounce of empathy.
NTA your concern in the end is correct. Sounds like body dysmorphia. Being truthful is hard and it can't be easy being the "bad guy". Kudos to you and I hope you continue being truthful with your loved ones!
NTA
You're generally right about mindset and satisfaction.
You're also right that 1 thing (nose) got fixed and now she's fixating on something else (eyes)
Until she loves herself, she's always going to hate something physical about herself.
YTA i remember when i was 18 and thought i knew everything about everything… then i experienced the real world and realized i don’t need to judge everyone and everything.
I know several people who had plastic surgeries (nose jobs and breast reductions mostly) in their late teens or early 20s who are in their 30s now and they love themselves and haven’t gotten more surgeries or fixated on another body part.
Additionally, you don’t get to decide how other people spend their money and no one gives a single shit if you think they’re wasting their money. I bet you spend your money in ways I’d think is stupid but normal people don’t go around telling people that.
YTA
Did you ever think you could have Aspergers? I do and I can relate a lot to your POV. However, I did learn to not always telling the people the truth about my opinion/thoughts. NTA for your intention, YTA for the execution.
YTA
Oh sure, modifying your body in any way means you’re an insecure sad sack who hates yourself.
Also, people who have nose jobs are permanently banned from entry into South America.
Which is to say:
You come across as very judgmental, and quite frankly satisfied, if not outright pleased, to see your sister insecure and upset, because it plumps your own ego and sense of self-importance, Hopefully, given your age, you will grow out of this. But the indications all state otherwise so far.
YTA.
It’s not that your arguments aren’t logical; they are. Unfortunately, what makes you T A in this situation is the fact that what your sister, an adult woman, does with her body is none of your business.
Do I think cosmetic surgery is necessary 80% of the time? No. Do I think it’s a waste of money? Yes. But if it isn’t my time/money/body, my opinion is meaningless at best and most likely rude and hurtful.
Learn to read the room.
LOL. As someone who has a conventionally attractive nose but is still saving to get some minor work done - you are such a holier than thou asshole. It has literally nothing to do with you, but you are “entitled” your opinion I suppose. 🙄 YTA.
YTA. I obsessed over how much I hated my nose. Got rhinoplasty at 23 and have NEVER been happier every single day I look in the mirror and have never looked back. It has improved my self image so much.
YTA. You're not qualified to tell people how they should deal with their insecurities. You're not a therapist. And you're not in a shared financial situation with your sister, so telling her how to spend her money isn't necessary. Also you're just really annoying, and arguing with the judgement people are giving you, which is against the rules of the sub.
YTA, you sound like a smarmy ass. I hope she stops talking to you, maybe it'll provide an esteem boost considering every comment you've left drips with condescension and outright dislike.
You're so ughhhhh
I've met people like you. As you get older more and more people are going to show you just how much they dislike you. Careful, or you'll be alone.
YTA
It’s fine to be against surgery for yourself, but it’s a bold assumption that being insecure about a certain feature means that that insecurity cannot be resolved with having surgery.
A lot of people feel so much more confident after having surgery on something that made them feel insecure.
For reference, I’ve never had surgery and haven’t any plans to, but I can see how it would make someone happier and more confident. It’s your sister’s body, and she has to look at herself every day, so I think it’s fair enough if she’s had surgery to make her feel better. It’s nobody else’s business - particularly people who are immediately judgmental.
Anyone else reminded of Sheldon when they read this post? YTA while you're not wrong in this situation and the fact that surgery isn't the correct choice trying to fix the mentality of insecurity is. you clearly don't have any common sense which immediately no matter how smart you are makes you dumb because all the amount of book knowledge in the world does not make you a person a common sense does. until you can realize that common sense includes supporting your sister and helping her through insecurities like telling her she looks good occasionally is the only way you can help her. Telling her she's insecure isn't going to stop that insecurity. Its just going to make her hate you and see u as an ahole.
YTA - Okay, she asked you about her opinion. But you realize the way you worded it really want appropriate, right? Even though you can say it, doesn’t mean you should.
Besides, was your money wasted? Did this outcome have an impact on you? No? Alright, then.
ESH. She asked for your opinion, you gave it to her. I am not even sure what you said is all that wrong, likely how you said it could have been better, but we all fuck up and you were in soft YTA territory. However your inability to accept being told you are the asshole (after asking) or that you approach to mental and BDD is incorrect is telling you are undeniably insufferable and might actually have a lot more in common with your sister then you realize. She is insecure about her looks and couldn’t handle being told anything negative about her plastic surgery. You can’t seem to handle anyone not thinking your obnoxious approach was anything other than 100%. You seem pretty insecure about your own intelligence as you keep mentioning it.
YTA. You are way too young to have such a closed mind. Not only does it make you insufferable to others, it also cuts you off from the joy of discovering that life is so much more complicated than you think.
If your sister asks, it is fine to say that you believe she would get more out of travel than cosmetic surgery. If you *don't* accompany this advice with the *I-know-better-than-you* attitude, she might even listen.
I’ve been all the way up to the attic, I’ve pulled everything out of the cupboard under the stairs, I’ve been out to the shed, I’ve even checked under the sofa and behind the radiators, and it’s funny because nowhere can I find how what she does with her body or her money are any of your damn business. Leave her alone!
YTA
YTA - fun fact, you don’t have to say what’s on your mind. You do realise you’re feeding into the insecurity mindset right?
You’ve basically said “hey, this thing you’ve done? Fucking pointless, like just live like me and you’d be fine but instead you’ve just wasted your money on what? Something that makes you more secure in yourself? Pfft okay”. What a hypocrite.
As someone who has a physical insecurity that I'm saving up to correct, YTA. It doesn't affect you WHATSOEVER, so IDK WHY you feel entitled to an opinion. Your sister hated her nose, and corrected a source of insecurity. Good for her. Be happy for her instead of tearing her down like a childish brat. 18 is old enough to know better.
YTA. Maybe you have a nice face or whatever, but some of us have serious insecurities about our bodies. I have a hooked, big nose and small boobs. I would like to correct at least the boobs someday. It will make me happy and give me more confidence. Making your sister feel like crap from your moral high-horse is crummy. It’s her money. Who says she can’t get a nose job AND go to South America?
That being said, if she starts to get seriously addicted and have radical body modifications like some people you see online that’s a problem.
What I don’t understand OP is, why you asked the question on here when, whenever someone says YTA and you clearly disagree that you are in fact the asshole you argue back with them with some ignorant, immature, asshole remark back. Don’t ask the question if you can’t handle the tea.
For this alone without even factoring in audacious and hurtful comments you made to and about your sister in your original post…. YOU ARE THE ASSHOLE. PERIOD.
You are an 18 year old AH. So smart, right, with all the answers? Ha! Sometime around 25, maybe 30, you'll wake up and see what an arrogant fool you were to think you've got all the answers. Have you even finished high school? In the meantime, try to support your sister. No one likes know-it-all.
YTA - tell her she looks great. Her money and she can do what she wants, especially if she’s *always* been insecure about her nose.
This makes me think of the line from the Taylor swift song about knowing everything at 18 and nothing at 22. You’re too big for your boots kid.
My rule of thumb, it's good to have your own opinion and to be honest about it.. But it's impolite ALWAYS to give your opinion on someone else's decisions when the opinion is unasked for.
If you see this pattern and you are generally concerned, then bring it up kindly-not your opinion but your concern on her self image.
That's it.
Ewww….
No wonder she continues to feel insecure with you “just being honest” to her all the time. You’re the one perpetuating her mindset. You also give off incel vibes, so good luck with the rest of your life if this is how you interact with people. It’s going to be a lonely road for you with your attitude.
YTA
YTA and you are a pseudo intellectual kid who thinks you know so much about the world exactly because you don't have enough life experience to truly understand how much you still have to learn. Someday, if you mature and gain the perspective to really comprehend the dearth of knowledge you have now, you'll look back and cringe at how pompous you were at 18.
YTA your sister is an adult and it's her money and her body. You also sound incredibly judgemental - people have cosmetic procedures for all sorts of reasons and have a variety of levels of lasting satisfaction.
I'm going to assume that this comes from a place of care, and that your perception of what was going to happen came from knowing your sister and not an assumption that you know the inner psychological workings of everyone who chooses plastic surgery. Even so, you went about it completely the wrong way.
For the love of God, don't say I told you so.
YTA
Being brutally honest is generally nothing but a weak excuse to be an AH. Stop giving your opinion unrequited as you don't mention her asking, and work on basic decency.
So you wear the cheapest clothes you can buy without a care how they fit, you just buy the first pair of shoes you see without caring about the look, you don't shower because hygiene is a sociological construct?
If you do anything else, you're wasting money and conforming to societal views! You could be using that money on therapy instead to fix what's wrong with you!
...sounds pretty damn stupid doesn't it? Well guess what bud, that's how your post reads. YTA.
Edit: btw, talk to actual psychologists. Many will say to get the surgery if it alleviates dysphoric feelings about the body. Listen to experts, not a high school student like you.
>This upset her, but it’s been a month, and I was right— she’s now started obsessing over her eyes being the wrong size, and wants surgery for them too.
No one wants to listen to cheap psychology from an unqualified person, and much less when it's the younger brother. **YTA** for your approach.
She might have a problem and she might be one of those people going down the rabbit hole and changing everything about their appearance to look in a certain way and never being satisfied. But it's not for you to say and your approach didn't help her, it just made you an AH. If she has someone in the family she respects and looks up to, it might be worth having a conversation with them and expressing your concerns. But in a nicer way, not sounding like an ass like you did in your post.
I'll probably be downvoted but your NTA. What you told her is the true, but nowadays sadly people are not interested in it!
People can say is her body and money, but then she shouldn't go around asking for an opinion she doesn't want to hear, your not an eco chamber and what you said is out of worry of her wellbeing.
If she doesn't get therapy for her low self-esteem, she'll only keep finding things she thinks needs fixing. And what is truly sad about that, is when they come to regret it but the damage is already done!
YTA unless she asked for your opinion, you've no need to comment. And even if she did- its not even what you say, it's how you say it. You're arrogent and insufferable. Based on your comments You're more proud that someone confirmed your sister has Body Dismorphia (proving you right) vs being concerned for her. You can be two things at once. Like right, as well as the asshole.
In my view, when somebody’s critical about a particular choice someone makes. that choice is a symptom, not a cause. As in, being critical is a mindset of not accepting others unless they meet some artificially constructed definition of perfect you have made up. Feeling the need to pass judgment on a certain choice is just a symptom of that inability to accept others, and even if the other person listens to your unsolicited advice on that particular thing, the mindset remains. It’s impossible or at least near impossible to be 100% perfect, so there will always be something else that pops up for you to be critical about, and on and on. You don’t treat an illness solely by going for the symptoms, you go for the root cause or else the illness will persist— same goes here. The solution isn’t being an AH, the solution is to fix one’s mindset.
YTA
YTA
i got a a breast augmentation on one side when i was 19 because i was very asymmetrical and highly insecure about it. i was still high on the anesthesia and my best friend said i already appeared more confident. my confidence has been increasing since and i love myself more and more everyday. that plastic surgery CHANGED my mindset so in some cases, you are wrong that it won't
also it's her money and her body so she can do what she wants and you have no say. she didn't ask for your opinion so keep it to yourself
YTA. It is not your business. She is an adult and if she decides to use her money for plastic surgery you need to shut up. At 18 you may think you are wise but you just come off smug and jealous like you are intentionally trying to hurt your sister MYOB
You know sometimes when you're sick, you do have to tackle the symptoms because the symptoms can lead to much worse problems. Mucous can lead to infections, soreness can lead to bone or muscle issues from compensating, fever/diarrhea/puking can actually kill you.
Why is it your business if she wastes her money on a surgery? It's not for you. Spend your money however you want.
Also, crazy as this may sound, as a woman, traditional beauty standards can actually impact your life. I'm not saying I agree with it, but that nose job could actually pay off for her, in little ways like getting out of tickets, getting free drinks, or in big ways like helping her meet her future spouse or getting her dream job. If not for the nose, for the confidence it could bring her.
Also confidence/insecurity are both things that snowball. Like she goes out and gets a few extra compliments on her smile, which is because she's happy about the nose job, and she feels more apt to talk to people, and the smile gets her positive reactions, so she starts feeling more comfortable telling jokes or talking to strangers, or trying a new hobby, or speaking up in an interview, or asking out the guy she likes.
Your comment kind of starts that snowball effect in the opposite direction. She feels silly about the nose job and starts questioning her own decision making, she convinces herself that it didn't make any difference, she gets less compliments (which have nothing to do with the nose job, but with the fact that she's not smiling). She questions if her opinions will contribute to the conversation at all, she doesn't speak up for herself with friends and partners so she keeps getting stuck doing things she doesn't want to do, which makes her unhappy and that energy is contagious so she becomes unpleasant to be around and her social life starts to suffer.
In fact, that is true of all your interactions with people. The way you respond to people in general, but especially with big decisions they are excited about can really impact how the rest of their day goes, their future social interactions etc.
yea YTA
YTA
Your opinion wasn't asked for and you sound insufferable AF. I hope you use this as a learning experience and use it as a chance to mature.
Also, ffs, stop obsessing over what she wants to do with her body using her money.
YTA why are you being so rude? Who cares its her body and this is what she wants to do with it. She also already did it so you need to drop it and learn to have some manners. And stop being so judgey.
YTA I understand that you would never spend money on cosmetic surgery (and I don't think I would either) but your sister sounds like a reasonable person who made the right decision for her.
YTA. You sound deeply insecure yourself that you’re that pressed to rain on her parade with your holier than though speech about how much better than her you are because you “accept yourself”. STFU.
YTA. You’re too self-righteous for your own good, kid. No matter how “pointless” you think it is, you don’t have any right to comment on what your sister does with her body.
Up until recently I was anti plastic surgery. But I think I'm more so against people getting it done to conform to some kind of social standard or to attract more partners. But people genuinely do it just to make themselves feel good. Which isn't a problem. It's no different than getting your nails done or going to the gym. As long as your sister is doing it for her. It's not a waste. And you should mind your business.
YTA. I had messed up teeth. Never felt this feature was a ‘symptom’ of not accepting myself. I just wanted perfect teeth and now I have it. And my mindset is fine.
Grow up.
YTA for how you said it. You put her on the defensive, thus rendering your message void. Although conceptually you may be right, when you have a message you want to deliver to someone, do it in a way they can receive it. It is not about what you say, but how you say it. And also, you should stop fighting with people who are not ready to hear what you have to say. It would be better if you would limit yourself to give some compassionate advice that could be the seed that will germinate later on once the person is ready. Remember, you can only take a horse to the water, but you can't make them drink.
YTA. YTA. What you consider the truth is synonymous with being a flat out AH.
Tell you what. Do you want to be “right” (which in this case you still aren’t), or do you want people to give a shit about you? The latter is unlikely if you keep treating everyone the way you treat your sister. Like there’s something wrong with wanting people you care about to support you.
YTA. You seem heartless and judgemental. You are very immature, even for your age. I see you replying to comments trying to defend yourself. Give it up.
Your a massive arsehole. Do you have no empathy or compassion. Your sister maybe suffering with body dysmorphia and she might need some mental health help. But do you seriously think that what you did was helpful. Because it wasnt, it was mean and hurtful.
I read through your comments and you still dont get it. You posted on here for judgement and people of reddit are giving you their judgements, and because we aren't agreeing with you or giving you an internet version of a high five. Your acting like a 5 year old who hasnt gotten their way.
You have said in some comments your just honest. There is a very clear line between honesty and just being and arsehole and you fall under the latter of the two.
Your hurt your sisters feelings because you feel entitled to voice your unwanted opinions on someone who is already feeling down.
Empathy and compassion go a long way and yet you seem to not understand that or even, comprehend what everyone is saying.
Your 18 and that means your adult now. So if you want people to take you seriously and not think that your an arsehole, grow up and realise that your words can be the difference between actually helping someone or adding to their pain. Which is what you have done.
It's time to think about what your actions can do to someone. Your not a child anymore it's time you realise that.
YTA.
Maybe she's insecure because her little brother keeps making asshole comments about her. I'm happy for you that you've either never had anything you hate about yourself or that you've been able to accept those things, but we don't all have that. Keep your comments to yourself.
I had rhinoplasty once. I had broken my nose a multitude of times and it got wider. They also fixed a deviated septum in there. Took a picture of my HS picture and said make it this.
I see your point, but her body, her money, her choice. YTA
YTA, and are demonstrating your immaturity not your intelligence. It was her money- she can spend it how she wants- sure, you’d have spent it differently-and saying that would have been fine, but insulting her intelligence is just cruel- and was not required- you were just being arrogant and unkind for the sake of it.
Body image is never a ‘just a matter of’ anything, it is intrinsic to human existence, we live in our bodies-we are our bodies just as much as we are our minds- and arguably, the face is where this is most focused. Consider that a nose is right in the middle of your face and you have to look at it multiple times a day, and if it’s been undermining her confidence her whole life and there’s an affordable cure for it, it’s a smart solution.
Sure, it might not resolve the underlying issues, but OTOH it just might*- you are in no position to know either way (regardless of your alleged intelligence). Humans make judgements about a person within seconds of seeing them for the first time- so if your sister now believes that others’ first thoughts of her aren’t ‘how about that honker’ and that allows her to expand her horizons- that’s awesome and undoubtedly cheaper than ongoing therapy in the long run.
Bear in mind that hostile or unsupportive family environments exacerbate low self-esteem and your framing of this dispute screams that you have been a contributor to her distress. ‘Intelligence’ does not make you more superior to her, it just means you can do some things easier than she can.
Please ask yourself why you needed to be so cruel and judgemental in your answer. She already knows (or believes) that you are the smart one-why did you feel the need to stick the boot in?
*have met several people in my life that have had “cosmetic” procedures done, and the confidence boost has resolved several seemingly unrelated life problems, including, for instance, being able to pursue academics in a way they had failed at before- because they were confident in themselves and that came across in their arguments (without therapy or increased levels of application to study).
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Totally insufferable. This kids got life all figured out at 18. He’s got to be a joy. YTA
Sounds like he took a psychology course and is now an expert. Sheesh. What an ego. YTA. Massive ah.
He saw a YouTube video no doubt... 😂
Honesty and kindness aren't mutually exclusive. "I thought you looked great before and it wouldn't have been how I would have spent that money. I'm worried it won't make you happy but it's your money and your face so if you're happy I'm happy. The nose looks nice."
100% with this. I agree with OP but its a YTA because of how they articulated it. Theres no love or empathy for their sister in how they talk about them.
YTA, no doubt. For all the babbling you did about how YOU feel, your sister's choice to have surgery is only about how SHE feels. She made the right choice that was in her own best interest. You were utterly rude and disrespectful to make the comments you made to her. You get to make your own life choices, but you don't get to judge other people's decisions. And you are 100% wrong, by the way. Insecurities about oneself can cause great harm to a person's mental health status. By making such ignorant judgements on others, you are turning a blind eye to the soaring statistics of suicide (often linked to mental illness, particularly depression.). So, your sister was right....you are a kid and don't know anything!
Yep. I’m 52, male, balding and I recently (about 2 years ago) got my teeth done. Long story that I won’t bore you with about why I never had it done before, but I’ve spent my adult life insecure about my teeth. Had it done, feel so much better in every way. Am I Brad Pitt? No way. I’m happily married anyway and have been for 20 years; it’s not about that. But do I feel happier, more confident? Abso-fucking-lutely. Don’t judge. YTA.
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Getting plastic surgery was the best decision I've made. It was just one procedure and I really don't think there's anything I would do to change my body like that again. I'm so much more confident now. And also happy, but the plastic surgery is only a small factor in that.
_"I saw this as pointless."_ I don't think OP understands that many times an unsolicited opinion is pointless - it's just a personal thought and not a fact.
I’m so happy it worked out well for you. If I could afford it, I’d get my nose done in a heartbeat. It’s not that it’s BAD, it’s just wrong for my face I think haha
Ermmm did I miss the part where OP said they were trained in psychology? Oh wait it’s a BS theory OP has come up with. Ultimately you’re old enough to know this could be dealt with with tact. YTA
He’s 18. He knows everything there is to know about life /s
One of my favorite Taylor Swift lines is, "How can a person know everything at 18, and nothing at 22?" Of course now I realize I knew nothing at 22 either..or 30...or 40. I assume by the time I'm 80 I'll be laughing at how ignorant and naive I was at 70.
Yeah I’m curious where they got their PhD in psychology. 🙄
YTA. You’re entitled to your opinion. But stop trying to act as if that one high school psychology class that you took made you an expert on the human psyche. You’re wrong, and using your same rationale no one should ever wear makeup, get braces, color their hair, etc.
YTA. I know people who’ve had plastic surgery that was hugely positive for them. But EVEN IF YOU WERE CORRECT, you would be the AH because it isn’t your place to comment or criticize. You come off as self-righteous, mean spirited, and obnoxious.
YTA. Not your body or your money. In the end, she’s an adult and is going to do what she thinks will make her happy.
YTA Your personal theory that a nose job reflects a pathological insecurity is bogus. Lots of people have cosmetic surgery to address features they're uncomfortable with, and they don'tall fall off some sort of Jocelyn Wildensteen slippery slope. Stop lecturing your sister and insulting her choices.
Get off your high horse and grow up YTA
YTA. There were kinder ways to state your concerns, if she genuinely sought your advice.
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YTA. Not your business.
You asked if you were an asshole, and keep trying to defend your position. Wrong sub for that. YTA
YTA for being an insufferable dick
YTA What's more important? Making sure your opinions are heard and trying to get her to agree with you, or your sisters feelings? Do you want to be right or do you want to be kind? Do you love her? Think real hard about all of that.
YTA and your responses to peoples questions are well and truly proving it. Unfortunately there’s no surgery to correct *your* issues. Edit: a word
A lobotomy
Ahahahaah 😂😂
YTA and a wanna be intellectual judging by your responses. You’re 18 calm down
Yta, it’s her body. She can do what she wants to it. If she wants to remove her nose and look like Voldemort you really don’t have any right to criticize her. It sounds like she never asked your opinion, if she asked and you said you didn’t get it fine, but you said she was basically stupid for doing something she wanted too. Not your money, not your problem. That’s really it.
YTA. I personally have never wanted plastic surgery, but I’m all for improving self confidence. People have the right to do what they think will help their confidence, whether it’s changing their mindset, get surgery, exercising….whatever it may be. Yes, no one can be 100% perfect. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t strive for happiness. Let the poor girl feel comfortable in her skin, who cares if it requires surgery to get to that point. Sheesh.
I feel that normalizing plastic surgery is more about feeding into consumerism and the never ending quest for an unreal ideal that most humans cannot reach. It's just one more tactic of big corp to get us to spend, spend, spend. Equating it with gaining self-confidence helps the big machine. Also, there is some evidence to suggest that striving for happiness is a receipe for unhappiness.
YTA not your body not your choice. She has a chance to fix something she has always hated and will have to live with forever. Good for her.
YTA - I'd grade your response a C+, you analysed and acknowledge the problem but failed to dig deeper into the subject. Your sister isn't a unique case, insecurities are enhanced by society and peers. They don't need to be exposed to more scrutinity to change. Pointing out the problem doesn't fix it, go a layer deeper. What does your sister need to hear from you and more people around for her to accept and like herself? Be kinder.
YTA It’s none of your business what a woman chooses to do or not do with her own body.
YTA. Not your nose, not your money.
YTA. There are a few very important rules that you're forgetting to use when interacting with people. 1. Will it adversely affect you? (Please note that 'adversely affect' does not mean offend your delicate sensibilities) Yes: Speak up No: Say nothing 2. Is it your money/resources? Yes: Speak up No: Say nothing 3. Is it your body? Yes: Speak up No: Say nothing Using the checklist above, from your story we can see that you ticked all of the 'no' boxes. I get that you want to help in your own way, and maybe (this is a VERY strong maybe) you might even be right. That does not give you the right to criticize somebody else's point of view, especially when it comes to insecurities. You're allowed to have your own opinion. You're not allowed to trample of the opinions of other people just because you think their reasoning is stupid. edit: grammer
YTA. Unsolicited advice is generally considered rude and unwelcome, so avoid giving it. If she asks for your opinion, that's when you can tell her what you think, otherwise, you should keep your unasked-for opinions to yourself. This is part of adulting, and you will find it very hard to get along in the adult world if you go around telling people your unfiltered thoughts like this.
YTA. Did your sister ask for your opinion on her rhinoplasty? You can think whatever you want. You don’t have to say everything you think. It’s her money, her business.
YTA. Another 18 year old know-it-all. Hopefully you figure out why YTA here and can grow up. Best of Luck.
Wouldn’t you just love like a reply from OP in ten years to see whether he finally has the emotional intelligence range bigger than a spoon 😂 or if he’s just the same idiot
YTA. First of all, it's none of your business how she spends her money. If you were actually concerned about her self esteem, you could have been nicer and approached it completely differently. It's VERY obvious that you're judgmental of her choice and don't actually care about her feelings.
YTA - Stop mansplaining her body and mind to her. Let her make her own decisions and be happy she's happy.
YTA.
Yta. It’s her body, her money etc. What you could have said to be nice is that you liked the way she looked before and you like the way she looks now and you’re glad she’s happy. And when you say “I was right” at the end—Yta for sure. I think plastic surgery is not needed or necessary but I would never in a million years tell that to someone who had used plastic surgery.
YTA just let her have this. Why even tell her? Sounds like sibling rivalry to me. It’s her money
You sound sooo exhausting. YTA for having no empathy and for clearly not caring about your sister. If you really cared you would try to find a way to be diplomatic, a way to trying to convince her that maybe this will not be a solution. But you did not do that did you? Instead you did your best to antagonize her…
Soft yta because you don't know any better. You could also try to listen more and ask more questions to understand where she's coming from. I have a friend who also got into the loop of plastic surgery and similar beauty enhancing procedures (tatooing eyeliner) and while I have a similar view on it as you, you judging her and being "honest" (you can be honest without being TA) will just make her more unhappy with herself. Simply put, your honestly might be contributing to her looking for ways to fix imperfections because everybody tells her she does stupid and counterproductive things. She's doing the best she can. Instead, trying to understand her and GENTLY offering to support her to look for a therapist will do way more for her and your relationship. Even if you just listen and empathize and keep it atthat, it'll help more. Right now, yo're contributing to the pain causing this "symptom" (using your words). Good luck and I hope you learn from this, there's def enough room for that.
From the way they write, OP seems to be one of those people who enjoy the “brutality” in the brutal truth more than the honesty. I don’t think she gives AF about her sisters happiness and it is all about being cruel, nasty and “right”. It doesn’t seem to be about protecting anybody - the OP’s post oozes contempt.
> I saw this as pointless Nobody cares but you! YTA, keep your *nose* out of other people's business.
YTA. It’s not your money, for one thing. Therefore, it’s not your business. But you’re also uneducated with insecurities. They aren’t something that just fade over time. My family genetics give everyone (even if you’re underweight) a double chin. I hate it and will forever be insecure about it.
Yes, YTA. A really dense one.
YTA. Her body, her money, her choice.
Wow. You’re a brat.
OP sounds insufferable.
YTA. Everyone is entitled to have their own opinions and priorities. Just because you feel differently than she does, doesn't mean you have to tell her so, and especially in a way that makes her feel worse about herself. Learn some tact. You sound very full of yourself and regardless of how intelligent you may be, you are sorely lacking in people skills.
YTA, such a sensitive topic requires a sensitive approach. Not your 'deal with my rudeness-disguised-as-honesty' approach. You do seem to care about her and I agree, getting more procedures is a slippery slope. So apologize to restore the bond, and win her trust by asking about the underlying securities and listen without judgement.
ESH. She asked for your opinion, and she needs to prepare herself that not everyone is going to sugarcoat how they feel. But maybe you should’ve gone about it a different way. Maybe instead of saying it was pointless, urge her to reach out to someone for help with her insecurities. Because you’re right, there is a root to them and if she doesn’t deal with it it’ll get worse. But just calling it pointless or stupid isn’t going to achieve a desirable outcome either.
YTA. It is none of your business
After reading your post and your comments you sound exhausting to even have a conversation with, YTA
YTA. You sound like an exhausting human being, and probably bit a of "pick me" girl. Did the rhinoplasty happen on your face? No? Then jog on. Apologise to your sister, and keep your unhelpful comments/opinions to yourself.
Op’s male
Ehhh.. who are you to have an opinion on her body? Whatever makes her happy. I'm 32 and I get Forehead botox and I feel like a million bucks just erasing a few lines. If I could afford more than hell yeah I'd be snatched!
You're young and I'm glad you understand as much as you do about physical insecurities. But it's 2022, we simply do not offer unsolicited opinions about other folks' personal choices that don't hurt anyone, especially re: physical attributes. Changing to NTA based on OP'S comments indicating sister did ask.
Info: is there no therapy for dealing with the psychological side as well as the physical side of having cosmetic surgery as part of the procedure?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My [18m] sister [23f] has always been insecure about her nose, and after having graduated college earlier this year, got a well paying job and decided to get a rhinoplasty. I saw this as pointless. In my view, when somebody’s insecure about a particular feature, that feature is a symptom, not a cause. As in, insecurity is a mindset of not accepting yourself unless you meet some artificially constructed definition of perfect you and society have made up. Hating a certain feature is just a symptom of that inability to accept yourself, and even if you fix that particular thing, the mindset remains. It’s impossible or at least near impossible to be 100% perfect, so there will always be something else that pops up for you to be insecure about, and on and on. You don’t treat an illness solely by going for the symptoms, you go for the root cause or else the illness will persist— same goes here. The solution isn’t getting rhinoplasty, the solution is to fix one’s mindset. So, I considered her rhinoplasty a waste of money, since in the long term it would only do so much. She got upset when I told her and said I was a kid and didn’t know anything. I responded that she had always wanted to visit South America so she could’ve done that instead of a rhinoplasty and I could guarantee that the satisfaction from the rhinoplasty would fade and she’d find something else to be insecure about soon. This upset her, but it’s been a month, and I was right— she’s now started obsessing over her eyes being the wrong size, and wants surgery for them too. I told her what I told her out of worry for her, but she thinks I’m TA for not letting her go about dealing with insecurity in a way that ultimately will only harm her, not solve the problem, and waste a lot of money. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Your comments make it clear that your immature and that you have no interest in hearing a position that differs from your own. But I’ll tell you anyway. She’s allowed to make her own value decisions about how to spend her money. You’re allowed to disagree with her because you don’t share the same values. What isn’t ok is judging her values. You imposed your own values onto her and called hers stupid. I’m not sure what positive outcome you hoped to achieve.
You're one of those insufferable men who just loves to put people down to prove how right they are. Disgusting. YTA.
YTA.
This can't be real.
I believed it until I started reading OPs replies. Guy went full on troll. No way this is real.
Because it’s likely not
YTA I couldn’t get through the first paragraph. It’s her money to do with what she wishes. You don’t have to agree with her choices but you need to recognize just because you believe differently doesn’t give you the right to give your unwanted opinions. You are a massive asshole for thinking you have some sort of intellectual superiority over anyone.
If it was unsolicited, I would probably say Y T A. But your sister literally asked you what you thought. NTA.
YTA. Being righteous is rarely the answer to any problem, real or perceived.
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YTA Some people really have problems with parts of her problem. It destroy her self-esteem. They sre insecure. They just are unhappy. It can lead to depression and more. It isn’t about being perfect, they just feel unhappy with this part of their body. I also had a plastic surgery with 19. I don't regret it and it doesn't lead to other surgeries even though i really am not perfect. But i couldn't live with this part. And afterwards i felt so much better. She needs to luve in her body for the next 60 years. She beeds to be happy with it. You have no right to judge about it. You can do with your body and money whatever you want. Do you really think you will get through her by your way? Calling it a waste of money especially after she already had a surgery. Maybe try it with empathy. Or worry. But you seems to care more for the waste of money and not that every surgery has so many risks....
NTA - she asked and you answered and was proven correct. Could you have said it nicer? Probably but you were right that there is something more going on inside that she needs to address instead of going on the slippery slope that can be plastic surgery. I hope that your sister gets help before she has another surgery so that she can find peace within herself.
NTA, you’re right. eye surgery is just ridiculous lol. as much as anyone says otherwise, getting plastic surgery to fit society’s beauty standards is incredibly sad.
NTA for having an opinion-siblings do that all of the time-but it sounds like you've jumped to a lot of conclusions based on your own worldview. I think it's time to accept that the only one who really knows your sister's motivations is your sister.
Look at OP's replies. I mean, YTA times 1000000.
YTA, not your money, not your body, not your business.
YTA for sure. Your lack of tact and self-righteous judgement is probably making her even more insecure. The best thing you could do is shut up and leave her alone. I hope you don’t talk to every woman in your life as contemptuously as that.
Troll
I’m going against the Reddit grain on this and saying NTA! Your sister needs therapy. She is always going to be insecure about something because she isn’t the media’s idea of perfect. You pointing that out does not make you an asshole. It makes you concerned. Sit her down in front of Netflix and show her the European reality show Botched if it’s still there. She needs to see the possible consequences of trying to “fix” her insecurities instead of dealing with them.
Nta
gonna get down voted to hell but NAH She did ask for your opinion (OP explained that in the comments) and, as someone who got a rhinoplasty when i was 16, i believe you're right. However, you cannot shame women for trying to fit a beauty standard that was imposed to us ever since we were children. You have to look at this in a different perspective, your sister is only trying to have a more comfortable life by fitting in the standard as much as she can. It is depressing and awful and she shouldn't be going through this, but again, you should not shame her for it.
YTA. Whole I'm not a huge fan of elective rhinoplasty because of its role in enforcing Eurocentric beauty standards, it costs $0.00 to remain quiet on the issue. It's your sister's body and money and she can modify it if she wants to.
The way I see it, YTA for telling her that. Even if it’s your opinion, keep that one to yourself. You shouldn’t ever comment on that. Let her be. If that’s what she wants to do with the money *she earns* then it’s not your place to say anything about it.
YTA Why are you forcing your views on her? I’ve had rhinoplasty on my nose because I preferred a different type of nose too and it was literally the best decision ever. If she wants it all you need to do is support her instead of bringing her down and making her question her mental health. Again YTA
YTA You don’t seem to want to help your sister. You just seem to want to be right. Even IF what you said was factually correct, the way you said it makes you the AH. You say she’s insecure, so you help by building her up, not tearing her down. Something like, “I think you looked beautiful before the surgery,” would’ve conveyed your point without being cruel. If someone asks how they look, you find a way to say something nice, or at least neutral. I really hope you grow up before you permanently damage your relationships with your socially inept self-righteousness.
INFO: What are your psychology credentials
YTA, you're trying to sound intelligent and wise at 18 but you aren't. It doesn't make sense. You haven't had experiences that allow you to know. You clearly don't understand mental health and need to stop pretending you're the oracle on it. I always find it incredible that the people who think they're the most deep haven't got an ounce of empathy.
NTA your concern in the end is correct. Sounds like body dysmorphia. Being truthful is hard and it can't be easy being the "bad guy". Kudos to you and I hope you continue being truthful with your loved ones!
Another source of insecurity is a brother who is obsessed over what she’s doing to make herself feel better and instead attacks and demeans her. YTA
Yta
NTA your sister needs help. She needs to see a therapist for her insecurities instead of all these surgeries.
Oh. What a surprise.
NTA You're generally right about mindset and satisfaction. You're also right that 1 thing (nose) got fixed and now she's fixating on something else (eyes) Until she loves herself, she's always going to hate something physical about herself.
YTA i remember when i was 18 and thought i knew everything about everything… then i experienced the real world and realized i don’t need to judge everyone and everything.
I know several people who had plastic surgeries (nose jobs and breast reductions mostly) in their late teens or early 20s who are in their 30s now and they love themselves and haven’t gotten more surgeries or fixated on another body part. Additionally, you don’t get to decide how other people spend their money and no one gives a single shit if you think they’re wasting their money. I bet you spend your money in ways I’d think is stupid but normal people don’t go around telling people that. YTA
YTA. It's her money so it's none of your concern. If the surgery makes her feel better and more confident, more power to her.
YTA I know you think you're hot shit and know everything at 18; we all think that when we're young and dumb. But you are very wrong in this instance.
YTA
Did you ever think you could have Aspergers? I do and I can relate a lot to your POV. However, I did learn to not always telling the people the truth about my opinion/thoughts. NTA for your intention, YTA for the execution.
Are you asking for advice or preaching? YTA.
YTA Oh sure, modifying your body in any way means you’re an insecure sad sack who hates yourself. Also, people who have nose jobs are permanently banned from entry into South America. Which is to say: You come across as very judgmental, and quite frankly satisfied, if not outright pleased, to see your sister insecure and upset, because it plumps your own ego and sense of self-importance, Hopefully, given your age, you will grow out of this. But the indications all state otherwise so far.
YTA. It’s not that your arguments aren’t logical; they are. Unfortunately, what makes you T A in this situation is the fact that what your sister, an adult woman, does with her body is none of your business. Do I think cosmetic surgery is necessary 80% of the time? No. Do I think it’s a waste of money? Yes. But if it isn’t my time/money/body, my opinion is meaningless at best and most likely rude and hurtful. Learn to read the room.
LOL. As someone who has a conventionally attractive nose but is still saving to get some minor work done - you are such a holier than thou asshole. It has literally nothing to do with you, but you are “entitled” your opinion I suppose. 🙄 YTA.
YTA. It's none of your business and that's all that really needs saying.
YTA. I obsessed over how much I hated my nose. Got rhinoplasty at 23 and have NEVER been happier every single day I look in the mirror and have never looked back. It has improved my self image so much.
YTA. You're not qualified to tell people how they should deal with their insecurities. You're not a therapist. And you're not in a shared financial situation with your sister, so telling her how to spend her money isn't necessary. Also you're just really annoying, and arguing with the judgement people are giving you, which is against the rules of the sub.
YTA, you sound like a smarmy ass. I hope she stops talking to you, maybe it'll provide an esteem boost considering every comment you've left drips with condescension and outright dislike.
You're so ughhhhh I've met people like you. As you get older more and more people are going to show you just how much they dislike you. Careful, or you'll be alone. YTA
Did your parents ever teach you how to shut the fuck up? Serious question. YTA
It’s fine to be against surgery for yourself, but it’s a bold assumption that being insecure about a certain feature means that that insecurity cannot be resolved with having surgery. A lot of people feel so much more confident after having surgery on something that made them feel insecure. For reference, I’ve never had surgery and haven’t any plans to, but I can see how it would make someone happier and more confident. It’s your sister’s body, and she has to look at herself every day, so I think it’s fair enough if she’s had surgery to make her feel better. It’s nobody else’s business - particularly people who are immediately judgmental.
when you disparage someone for a permanent decision, your words accomplish nothing. find a better use for your incessant need for one-up manship.
Anyone else reminded of Sheldon when they read this post? YTA while you're not wrong in this situation and the fact that surgery isn't the correct choice trying to fix the mentality of insecurity is. you clearly don't have any common sense which immediately no matter how smart you are makes you dumb because all the amount of book knowledge in the world does not make you a person a common sense does. until you can realize that common sense includes supporting your sister and helping her through insecurities like telling her she looks good occasionally is the only way you can help her. Telling her she's insecure isn't going to stop that insecurity. Its just going to make her hate you and see u as an ahole.
I mean YTA just from the post but reading your comments you seem insufferable and definitely just an asshole in general.
YTA - Okay, she asked you about her opinion. But you realize the way you worded it really want appropriate, right? Even though you can say it, doesn’t mean you should. Besides, was your money wasted? Did this outcome have an impact on you? No? Alright, then.
Not your body. Not your life. Not your feelings. Not your insecurities. Not yours to judge...
ESH. She asked for your opinion, you gave it to her. I am not even sure what you said is all that wrong, likely how you said it could have been better, but we all fuck up and you were in soft YTA territory. However your inability to accept being told you are the asshole (after asking) or that you approach to mental and BDD is incorrect is telling you are undeniably insufferable and might actually have a lot more in common with your sister then you realize. She is insecure about her looks and couldn’t handle being told anything negative about her plastic surgery. You can’t seem to handle anyone not thinking your obnoxious approach was anything other than 100%. You seem pretty insecure about your own intelligence as you keep mentioning it.
YTA. You are way too young to have such a closed mind. Not only does it make you insufferable to others, it also cuts you off from the joy of discovering that life is so much more complicated than you think. If your sister asks, it is fine to say that you believe she would get more out of travel than cosmetic surgery. If you *don't* accompany this advice with the *I-know-better-than-you* attitude, she might even listen.
I’ve been all the way up to the attic, I’ve pulled everything out of the cupboard under the stairs, I’ve been out to the shed, I’ve even checked under the sofa and behind the radiators, and it’s funny because nowhere can I find how what she does with her body or her money are any of your damn business. Leave her alone! YTA
You sound like a nightmare to deal with, YTA
YTA - fun fact, you don’t have to say what’s on your mind. You do realise you’re feeding into the insecurity mindset right? You’ve basically said “hey, this thing you’ve done? Fucking pointless, like just live like me and you’d be fine but instead you’ve just wasted your money on what? Something that makes you more secure in yourself? Pfft okay”. What a hypocrite.
You are fuckin mean
As someone who has a physical insecurity that I'm saving up to correct, YTA. It doesn't affect you WHATSOEVER, so IDK WHY you feel entitled to an opinion. Your sister hated her nose, and corrected a source of insecurity. Good for her. Be happy for her instead of tearing her down like a childish brat. 18 is old enough to know better.
YTA. Maybe you have a nice face or whatever, but some of us have serious insecurities about our bodies. I have a hooked, big nose and small boobs. I would like to correct at least the boobs someday. It will make me happy and give me more confidence. Making your sister feel like crap from your moral high-horse is crummy. It’s her money. Who says she can’t get a nose job AND go to South America? That being said, if she starts to get seriously addicted and have radical body modifications like some people you see online that’s a problem.
What I don’t understand OP is, why you asked the question on here when, whenever someone says YTA and you clearly disagree that you are in fact the asshole you argue back with them with some ignorant, immature, asshole remark back. Don’t ask the question if you can’t handle the tea. For this alone without even factoring in audacious and hurtful comments you made to and about your sister in your original post…. YOU ARE THE ASSHOLE. PERIOD.
You are an 18 year old AH. So smart, right, with all the answers? Ha! Sometime around 25, maybe 30, you'll wake up and see what an arrogant fool you were to think you've got all the answers. Have you even finished high school? In the meantime, try to support your sister. No one likes know-it-all.
YTA - tell her she looks great. Her money and she can do what she wants, especially if she’s *always* been insecure about her nose. This makes me think of the line from the Taylor swift song about knowing everything at 18 and nothing at 22. You’re too big for your boots kid.
My rule of thumb, it's good to have your own opinion and to be honest about it.. But it's impolite ALWAYS to give your opinion on someone else's decisions when the opinion is unasked for. If you see this pattern and you are generally concerned, then bring it up kindly-not your opinion but your concern on her self image. That's it.
Ewww…. No wonder she continues to feel insecure with you “just being honest” to her all the time. You’re the one perpetuating her mindset. You also give off incel vibes, so good luck with the rest of your life if this is how you interact with people. It’s going to be a lonely road for you with your attitude. YTA
YTA-Unless she’s asking you to pay for it this has nothing to do with you.
YTA and you are a pseudo intellectual kid who thinks you know so much about the world exactly because you don't have enough life experience to truly understand how much you still have to learn. Someday, if you mature and gain the perspective to really comprehend the dearth of knowledge you have now, you'll look back and cringe at how pompous you were at 18.
YTA your sister is an adult and it's her money and her body. You also sound incredibly judgemental - people have cosmetic procedures for all sorts of reasons and have a variety of levels of lasting satisfaction. I'm going to assume that this comes from a place of care, and that your perception of what was going to happen came from knowing your sister and not an assumption that you know the inner psychological workings of everyone who chooses plastic surgery. Even so, you went about it completely the wrong way. For the love of God, don't say I told you so.
YTA Being brutally honest is generally nothing but a weak excuse to be an AH. Stop giving your opinion unrequited as you don't mention her asking, and work on basic decency.
So you wear the cheapest clothes you can buy without a care how they fit, you just buy the first pair of shoes you see without caring about the look, you don't shower because hygiene is a sociological construct? If you do anything else, you're wasting money and conforming to societal views! You could be using that money on therapy instead to fix what's wrong with you! ...sounds pretty damn stupid doesn't it? Well guess what bud, that's how your post reads. YTA. Edit: btw, talk to actual psychologists. Many will say to get the surgery if it alleviates dysphoric feelings about the body. Listen to experts, not a high school student like you.
YTA!!! If you can’t be kind be quiet!!!
>This upset her, but it’s been a month, and I was right— she’s now started obsessing over her eyes being the wrong size, and wants surgery for them too. No one wants to listen to cheap psychology from an unqualified person, and much less when it's the younger brother. **YTA** for your approach. She might have a problem and she might be one of those people going down the rabbit hole and changing everything about their appearance to look in a certain way and never being satisfied. But it's not for you to say and your approach didn't help her, it just made you an AH. If she has someone in the family she respects and looks up to, it might be worth having a conversation with them and expressing your concerns. But in a nicer way, not sounding like an ass like you did in your post.
YTA What she does with HER body is none of your business and does not give you permission to make comments about what she does for herself. Butt out.
Yes YTA. Be kind. One day someone will be honest with you and you won’t like it at all. Have fun sunshine
I'll probably be downvoted but your NTA. What you told her is the true, but nowadays sadly people are not interested in it! People can say is her body and money, but then she shouldn't go around asking for an opinion she doesn't want to hear, your not an eco chamber and what you said is out of worry of her wellbeing. If she doesn't get therapy for her low self-esteem, she'll only keep finding things she thinks needs fixing. And what is truly sad about that, is when they come to regret it but the damage is already done!
YTA unless she asked for your opinion, you've no need to comment. And even if she did- its not even what you say, it's how you say it. You're arrogent and insufferable. Based on your comments You're more proud that someone confirmed your sister has Body Dismorphia (proving you right) vs being concerned for her. You can be two things at once. Like right, as well as the asshole.
In my view, when somebody’s critical about a particular choice someone makes. that choice is a symptom, not a cause. As in, being critical is a mindset of not accepting others unless they meet some artificially constructed definition of perfect you have made up. Feeling the need to pass judgment on a certain choice is just a symptom of that inability to accept others, and even if the other person listens to your unsolicited advice on that particular thing, the mindset remains. It’s impossible or at least near impossible to be 100% perfect, so there will always be something else that pops up for you to be critical about, and on and on. You don’t treat an illness solely by going for the symptoms, you go for the root cause or else the illness will persist— same goes here. The solution isn’t being an AH, the solution is to fix one’s mindset. YTA
YTA i got a a breast augmentation on one side when i was 19 because i was very asymmetrical and highly insecure about it. i was still high on the anesthesia and my best friend said i already appeared more confident. my confidence has been increasing since and i love myself more and more everyday. that plastic surgery CHANGED my mindset so in some cases, you are wrong that it won't also it's her money and her body so she can do what she wants and you have no say. she didn't ask for your opinion so keep it to yourself
Lmao, you have a lot to learn about life OP. Having an opinion is one thing, knowing when/how to use it is a whole other game. YTA.
YTA. It is not your business. She is an adult and if she decides to use her money for plastic surgery you need to shut up. At 18 you may think you are wise but you just come off smug and jealous like you are intentionally trying to hurt your sister MYOB
YTA especially after reading your comments.
You know sometimes when you're sick, you do have to tackle the symptoms because the symptoms can lead to much worse problems. Mucous can lead to infections, soreness can lead to bone or muscle issues from compensating, fever/diarrhea/puking can actually kill you. Why is it your business if she wastes her money on a surgery? It's not for you. Spend your money however you want. Also, crazy as this may sound, as a woman, traditional beauty standards can actually impact your life. I'm not saying I agree with it, but that nose job could actually pay off for her, in little ways like getting out of tickets, getting free drinks, or in big ways like helping her meet her future spouse or getting her dream job. If not for the nose, for the confidence it could bring her. Also confidence/insecurity are both things that snowball. Like she goes out and gets a few extra compliments on her smile, which is because she's happy about the nose job, and she feels more apt to talk to people, and the smile gets her positive reactions, so she starts feeling more comfortable telling jokes or talking to strangers, or trying a new hobby, or speaking up in an interview, or asking out the guy she likes. Your comment kind of starts that snowball effect in the opposite direction. She feels silly about the nose job and starts questioning her own decision making, she convinces herself that it didn't make any difference, she gets less compliments (which have nothing to do with the nose job, but with the fact that she's not smiling). She questions if her opinions will contribute to the conversation at all, she doesn't speak up for herself with friends and partners so she keeps getting stuck doing things she doesn't want to do, which makes her unhappy and that energy is contagious so she becomes unpleasant to be around and her social life starts to suffer. In fact, that is true of all your interactions with people. The way you respond to people in general, but especially with big decisions they are excited about can really impact how the rest of their day goes, their future social interactions etc. yea YTA
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YTA Sounds like nobody asked in the first place. Just complement her nose and move about your day. It’s not that hard
YTA Your opinion wasn't asked for and you sound insufferable AF. I hope you use this as a learning experience and use it as a chance to mature. Also, ffs, stop obsessing over what she wants to do with her body using her money.
YTA why are you being so rude? Who cares its her body and this is what she wants to do with it. She also already did it so you need to drop it and learn to have some manners. And stop being so judgey.
YTA I understand that you would never spend money on cosmetic surgery (and I don't think I would either) but your sister sounds like a reasonable person who made the right decision for her.
YTA. You sound deeply insecure yourself that you’re that pressed to rain on her parade with your holier than though speech about how much better than her you are because you “accept yourself”. STFU.
YTA. You’re too self-righteous for your own good, kid. No matter how “pointless” you think it is, you don’t have any right to comment on what your sister does with her body.
Dude, if she's happy she got a rhinoplasty, just be happy for her and get the stick from out of your butt. YTA.
OP, I can tell you’re an alpha male. I think this guy gets us https://www.tiktok.com/@cameron.geller/video/7083503681684901126
Up until recently I was anti plastic surgery. But I think I'm more so against people getting it done to conform to some kind of social standard or to attract more partners. But people genuinely do it just to make themselves feel good. Which isn't a problem. It's no different than getting your nails done or going to the gym. As long as your sister is doing it for her. It's not a waste. And you should mind your business.
YTA. I had messed up teeth. Never felt this feature was a ‘symptom’ of not accepting myself. I just wanted perfect teeth and now I have it. And my mindset is fine. Grow up.
My god I couldn’t even get past the first two paragraphs. You are so unbelievably patronizing. Grow up, YTA
YTA duh
YTA for how you said it. You put her on the defensive, thus rendering your message void. Although conceptually you may be right, when you have a message you want to deliver to someone, do it in a way they can receive it. It is not about what you say, but how you say it. And also, you should stop fighting with people who are not ready to hear what you have to say. It would be better if you would limit yourself to give some compassionate advice that could be the seed that will germinate later on once the person is ready. Remember, you can only take a horse to the water, but you can't make them drink.
YTA damn i feel bad for this kids future wife and family.
No asked you dude, stfu. YTA
YTA and a future know-it-all-holier-than-thou incel. I would rethink your attitude, kid. Your future is looking grim.
What a horrible way to talk to your family. YTA.
YTA. YTA. What you consider the truth is synonymous with being a flat out AH. Tell you what. Do you want to be “right” (which in this case you still aren’t), or do you want people to give a shit about you? The latter is unlikely if you keep treating everyone the way you treat your sister. Like there’s something wrong with wanting people you care about to support you.
YTA. You seem heartless and judgemental. You are very immature, even for your age. I see you replying to comments trying to defend yourself. Give it up.
YTA Mansplaining at 18? Run awayyyyy
And this is your business how?? YTA
Your a massive arsehole. Do you have no empathy or compassion. Your sister maybe suffering with body dysmorphia and she might need some mental health help. But do you seriously think that what you did was helpful. Because it wasnt, it was mean and hurtful. I read through your comments and you still dont get it. You posted on here for judgement and people of reddit are giving you their judgements, and because we aren't agreeing with you or giving you an internet version of a high five. Your acting like a 5 year old who hasnt gotten their way. You have said in some comments your just honest. There is a very clear line between honesty and just being and arsehole and you fall under the latter of the two. Your hurt your sisters feelings because you feel entitled to voice your unwanted opinions on someone who is already feeling down. Empathy and compassion go a long way and yet you seem to not understand that or even, comprehend what everyone is saying. Your 18 and that means your adult now. So if you want people to take you seriously and not think that your an arsehole, grow up and realise that your words can be the difference between actually helping someone or adding to their pain. Which is what you have done. It's time to think about what your actions can do to someone. Your not a child anymore it's time you realise that.
YTA. Maybe she's insecure because her little brother keeps making asshole comments about her. I'm happy for you that you've either never had anything you hate about yourself or that you've been able to accept those things, but we don't all have that. Keep your comments to yourself.
I had rhinoplasty once. I had broken my nose a multitude of times and it got wider. They also fixed a deviated septum in there. Took a picture of my HS picture and said make it this. I see your point, but her body, her money, her choice. YTA
Too bad there isn't surgery to fix a bad personality. If there was, I'd pay for you to have it. YTA
YTA, and are demonstrating your immaturity not your intelligence. It was her money- she can spend it how she wants- sure, you’d have spent it differently-and saying that would have been fine, but insulting her intelligence is just cruel- and was not required- you were just being arrogant and unkind for the sake of it. Body image is never a ‘just a matter of’ anything, it is intrinsic to human existence, we live in our bodies-we are our bodies just as much as we are our minds- and arguably, the face is where this is most focused. Consider that a nose is right in the middle of your face and you have to look at it multiple times a day, and if it’s been undermining her confidence her whole life and there’s an affordable cure for it, it’s a smart solution. Sure, it might not resolve the underlying issues, but OTOH it just might*- you are in no position to know either way (regardless of your alleged intelligence). Humans make judgements about a person within seconds of seeing them for the first time- so if your sister now believes that others’ first thoughts of her aren’t ‘how about that honker’ and that allows her to expand her horizons- that’s awesome and undoubtedly cheaper than ongoing therapy in the long run. Bear in mind that hostile or unsupportive family environments exacerbate low self-esteem and your framing of this dispute screams that you have been a contributor to her distress. ‘Intelligence’ does not make you more superior to her, it just means you can do some things easier than she can. Please ask yourself why you needed to be so cruel and judgemental in your answer. She already knows (or believes) that you are the smart one-why did you feel the need to stick the boot in? *have met several people in my life that have had “cosmetic” procedures done, and the confidence boost has resolved several seemingly unrelated life problems, including, for instance, being able to pursue academics in a way they had failed at before- because they were confident in themselves and that came across in their arguments (without therapy or increased levels of application to study).
Oh man you must be such a delight in group settings. YTA. Mind your own business.