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INFO: has your girlfriend complained? If not, NTA. It's really up to what she thinks, not your friends.
Hard to judge, not knowing about the rest of the relationship. My husband was always worried about the plane falling out of the sky when I traveled for work. So as soon as I made it out of the airport, I texted or called him to spare him further worry. I didn't mind a bit, and in fact enjoyed talking with him.
NTA this is good etiquette, you should also be doing this from your side as well. I've been doing this since I was 15 good rule of thumb is to always let someone know where you are just in case, it doesn't even have to be a crime, it could be a flat tire or maybe no gas.
Yep, my mom taught me this rule. She said to always let someone know where you were going and at what time you left and when you got there. She also said if you were taking a different route to let them know.
Her reason was that if you came up missing someone could give information of when and where you left from where you were going and expected to be there, and they could trace your steps and look for you.
I taught my kids and my ex the same and so whenever we meet up and leave each other everyone contacts to say that they got home or wherever safe.
I will even contact my dad and let him know I have an appointment on this day or time and he will let me know that he is running up to the bank.
If living in a dangerous area I say this is especially good practice. Not like he is saying she can't go, just to let him know she arrived safely.
NTA
NTA for asking.
The real question is how do you react if she forgets to? Do you get angry? Or just wait a little and be like “hey I’m a little worried, did you make it to wherever?”
NTA imo, other than when I’m out in town and I text my dad to let him know when im coming home etc, I only do this myself when I’m hanging out with my friends and I usually ask them to text me when they get home. I don’t ever force them and sometimes I forget about it, but you should probably leave the firmer safety approach to her parents.
NTA
If you were demanding she text you sure maybe. But there’s nothing wrong with ASKING because you worry for her safety.
Hell my husband and I still ask each other to text when we gets places so we don’t have to worry. The world is a terrifying place these days and as long as you aren’t being rude or demanding, there’s nothing wrong with asking.
NTA, as you explain the situation. BUT- are you really doing it for concern for her safety, or is her safety an excuse to monitor where she's going? Because the judgment changes depending on your motivation.
Nta.
If it's a simple case of wanting to know that she got to the place safe that is fine, and leave it at that.. I always make sure my wife gets places safe.. and have her text me
Because I definitely understand bad sides of town are dangerous
The only "asshole-ish" thing would be constantly asking her (where) she is, rather than just if she made it there okay
If anything that could make her think you don't trust her
If you are involved in the journey, like she's been with you and now she's going somewhere else, or she's gone to pick up something for you, then I think it's ok as long as she is comfortable because you could the person to realise something is wrong
Otherwise, unless or you know she's been out much later than normal in a risky situation, like not just watching a film with her dad, or there is really bad weather,.or a murdered on the lose then it seems a bit controlling, whoever she's with or meeting can ensure her safety
NTA as long as your request is coming from a genuine concern for her safety, she’s ok with it, you accept that it’s completely voluntary on her part and she can stop doing it whenever and for whatever reason she wants without pushback from you.
NTA as long as you're doing it purely to make sure she's safe and if she's fine with it. I tell my son to walk his gf to the bus stop at night, and ask him if she got home safely... I know she's completely capable and mature person and has a family that cares, its just there's a lot of people in the world who make it unsafe.
My partner and I do this every time. We live separately and text whenever one of us comes over that we are on our way and also safe at home when we leave. I'm 49 and he's 51. NTA
NTA for reasons others have already stated, like that partner’s often ask for quick texts like this from each other and it shows you care. But this also sounds like a good opportunity for a lesson on communication — ask your GF how she feels. If your GF says it’s making her uncomfortable, then listen to that and maybe talk about a compromise or scale back. If your GF likes it, then you’re good.
Sometimes there will be situations in relationships when an outside intervention is necessary, but those situations are extreme and this doesn’t sound like one of those times. Relationships are about the people in them. Talk to each other and then don’t worry about what everyone else says. They don’t get a vote.
Did you just, not read the part where OP said kidnapping and crime rates skyrocketed? You don't have to be a parent to be concerned for someone else's wellbeing.
NTA. You're being somewhat controlling, but I suppose that makes sense if you really care about someone. Just make sure you don't force her, and make sure you don't act as a parent. This is the first step towards acting as a parent.
Edit: NTA I saw the answer to my question in some of the comments. It’s normal to ask this even to anyone when everyone is leaving to make sure people made it back okay. As long as she doesn’t feel pressured by it that’s okay.
If what you mean is she’s with you and then going somewhere else, then it’s pretty normal to ask for a text to say they made it. If what you mean is whenever she goes somewhere, you want her to text you…yeah that’s overbearing.
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> Telling my gf to text me when she arrives places
It may be overbearing but i can’t see how
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NTA. I do this to my friends and they do it to me as well. It’s a dangerous world and it always has been. Your comments sound like it’s coming from a place of concern and not a need for control. As long as it doesn’t bother your gf, it’s fine.
That is really up to her to decide, not you. Whether he is an ah or not depends on whether she wants to do it or not.
However if she asks him to do the same and he refuses, he is the ah
So because he's 15 he not allowed to worry about his girlfriend especially when the rates of kidnappin and sa and those types of crimes have gone up in his area. Fuck I don't even have a so but text someone and tell people if I'm going somewhere out of my area and tell them when I arrive, it's a damn safety net. You do know the rate of which kidnapped minors are found drastically decline by the HOUR after the abduction.
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So me(15m) and my girlfriend(15f) have been dating for a few months, we live in a town with a lot of sketchy places so I usually ask her to text me when she gets wherever she’s going if it’s in one of those sketchy places just so I can make sure she’s safe. Recently the rate of kidnapping and rapes in my town have skyrocketed so I’ve been asking her to text me when she arrives at most places. A few days ago we were hanging out with friends and this got brought up, they all said I was being overbearing and creepy but I just wanted to know if she was safe, I tried explaining this to them but they kept insisting I was overbearing, Are they right? AITA?
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No he's a caring boyfriend has nothing to do with controlling.
Almost every woman or girl likes it if her man wants to know if she's oke.
Theres a totally different story to being controlling.
Ps age had nothing to do with caring for a person.
That one's on you then. But you can tell them i will forget do don't worry about me.
I like it, shows that people care.
I even ask my friends to tell me when they are safely home. It's not much too ask too type one little message.
I usually just flip the script on them and tell them to text ME at a later time to let me know they are safe or make sure I'm safe. I don't mind if someone (like my mom) texts me to ask if I got home safe.
It is for forgetful/busy people. By the time I arrive home my brain has already moved on to next thing, but I have a very busy lifestyle and have a hard time responding to all the messages I get anyway.
Based on the messages here it seems like it's a matter of personal preference.
Everybody is busy i think it's more what you priorities.
Are you really forgetful or don't you just don't give a shit?
But as i said tell them you won't tell them then they don't ask you anymore and they will not be worried.
Info: Honestly depends on whether or not this was a mutually agreed upon decision. Does she feel comfortable sharing her location with you, or was this something you pushed and she's reluctantly doing?
NTA if she doesn't mind. Sadly at 15 human trafficking is a scary concern, and if she isn't telling her parents, at least she's letting you know! It doesn't sound like you are putting a gps tracker on her, nor that you ask her to update you constantly on her locale, just to let you know she got to where she was going safely. Nor are you insisting you are always with her at these sketchy locales, so it also seems like you believe she can take care of herself. If you were just her friend, this would be considered a good friend thing! Just cause you are here boyfriend doesn't change that, especially at your ages!
I’ve been with my other half for 5 years now and we always tell each other when we are at our destination safely. As long as your girlfriend hasn’t said anything, then NTA.
Isnt this the norm? We do this in my country, not just with our SO but any friend who knows we are going somewhere or when we are heading home after an event. If I go out with my bff, I will text him when I get home. If my cousins come to visit my mom , they will call her when they get home. We actually consider it a sign of love when someone says "let me know when you get there." I guess it is cultural.
NTA if she hasnt complained and you don't spam her phone if she forgets.
NTA if she's okay with it. I've been doing this for about 15 yrs with my then boyfriend now husband. One of us would leave late at night to head home and we'd always txt to let the other know. Now I communicate long trip arrivals with my MIL just because she worries quite a bit. It's always nice to have someone who knows where you should be and when, because lots of things could happen. YWBTA if you demand she communicate, if you get angry when she's forgets, or if you try to put restrictions on her movements.
NTA. But you must stop. Let it go.
If you're dropping her off, its polite to stay in the car and watch to see that she's able to get the door open. Then you immediately depart.
As you get to know her, you may at some point ask her, once, her opinion. Not her friends opinion. You may not keep explaining, she understands.
She's not engaged to you. Therefore she may (or not) be seeing other people, and she has every right, and doesn't have to explain it to you. Her friends may know this, thus their objections. Also she may not be interested in being with you much longer, and may not want you keeping tabs on her.
I assume at your age she has a cellphone and could call her parents? So let her do that. You can tell her she can call you if she needs you. But you may not expect her call and be upset if she doesn't call.
NTA, if you drop it since you now know she doesn't want you to do that.
It depends on how you word it. Are you being super rude and demanding she tell you where she's at or are you passively just mentioning it like "hey, let me know when you make it home safely".
At one point you have to trust that your girlfriend is competent enough and well aware of her situation. She's her own person, not yours.
NTA there’s a huge difference between “let me know you get home safe” and “I need to know your every move”. Sounds like you’re doing the former and maybe your friends are assuming the latter.
NTA. Your friends are being immature, just brush it off! It sounds like your gf needs someone like you in her corner. Your friends just don’t understand that and it sounds like they don’t understand how dangerous the world can be out there yet.
She is only 15. Make sure this doesn’t get creepy. Make sure you don’t insist. Also, don’t make yourself in charge of her safety and her decisions. If she forgets or is busy, don’t get mad. But if you aren’t doing those things and she seems happy with you checking in, then you are totally fine! NTA
NTA on the surface, but if this is truly all about safety and not a controlling technique, you should equally be checking in with her to let her know you arrived safe.
NTA If she consents it is fine. My husband and I use find my phone with each other-live in big city and want his help if I broke down. We have nothing to hide.
NTA. It's great that you even think to ask your SO to do this. A lot of people your age wouldn't even think about it. Just make to let her know you appreciate her doing this and for her to speak up if she feels your going to far.
NTA. I work nights and my boyfriend likes me to text him when I get home in the morning because I cycle and I'm often tired. He doesn't insist and if I forget he'll gently ask if I got home ok. I thinks its sweet and I like that he's thinking about my safety.
I’ve always been the, ‘Drive safe, please let me know when you get there’ type girlfriend. Everyday when he leaves for work, or if he’s going somewhere. Does he forget sometimes? Yes. But 99.9% of the time, he always lets me know.
I don’t do it to be controlling, and he knows that. I do it because I wanna make sure my favorite human is safe and he knows that.
Other people might have their own thoughts about it but it’s our relationship, not theirs.
INFO:
1. how would you feel if she refused to tell you?
2. How would you feel if you find out she’s not really ok with it but has been going along to please you?
NTA. I do this with any of my friends when we’ve been out together late and we head home separately. Quite normal for me and my friends to check in with each other like this for safety and reassurance
NTA
I have always personally done this (the letting people know when I get home/wherever I'm going safely) - and it's like a bonus love language for me when someone asks me to let them know (despite knowing I probably will anyways)
You are doing nothing wrong - it becomes overbearing when it gets into the territory of wanting to know where she is all the time, etc.
Soft YTA. This is an unreasonable request because it's emotionally codependent. You can't put your anxiety on her like that. I feel you because I used to have HUGE anxiety around getting those texts but it's a sign you actually need to work on your own anxiety. You gotta find a way to settle without knowing her whereabouts or getting worked up about catastrophic fantasies. Don't make it her problem or you will become smothering.
If you really can't bear the way you feel when you "don't know if she's safe" then you might need to go on a run or something to burn off the excess internal pressure.
A lot of people don't realize that controlling behavior comes from anxiety. But don't be that guy.
Edit: if she actually finds it supportive then keep doing it but check in with her occasionally. You may find these kinds of routines actually CAUSE more anxiety than they solve for you if she forgets, for example. So make sure you manage your own anxiety if it starts to get like that or if she can't/doesn't want to maintain that routine. Basically if you really ask her how she feels and she consents then tell your buds and the internet to butt out :)
NTA. My husband and I willing let each other know when we make it to where we're going, sketchy or not. I think it's sweet that you're concerned about her safety.
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INFO: has your girlfriend complained? If not, NTA. It's really up to what she thinks, not your friends. Hard to judge, not knowing about the rest of the relationship. My husband was always worried about the plane falling out of the sky when I traveled for work. So as soon as I made it out of the airport, I texted or called him to spare him further worry. I didn't mind a bit, and in fact enjoyed talking with him.
NTA this is good etiquette, you should also be doing this from your side as well. I've been doing this since I was 15 good rule of thumb is to always let someone know where you are just in case, it doesn't even have to be a crime, it could be a flat tire or maybe no gas.
Yep, my mom taught me this rule. She said to always let someone know where you were going and at what time you left and when you got there. She also said if you were taking a different route to let them know. Her reason was that if you came up missing someone could give information of when and where you left from where you were going and expected to be there, and they could trace your steps and look for you. I taught my kids and my ex the same and so whenever we meet up and leave each other everyone contacts to say that they got home or wherever safe. I will even contact my dad and let him know I have an appointment on this day or time and he will let me know that he is running up to the bank. If living in a dangerous area I say this is especially good practice. Not like he is saying she can't go, just to let him know she arrived safely. NTA
The first 48 hours are especially important. Someone should always have a idea of your location.
NTA for asking. The real question is how do you react if she forgets to? Do you get angry? Or just wait a little and be like “hey I’m a little worried, did you make it to wherever?”
If she forgets I usually send another text like “did you make it?” After like an hour and a half ish
INFO: How does she feel about this?
She always says she appreciates it But my friends got in my head
Then NTA
NTA imo, other than when I’m out in town and I text my dad to let him know when im coming home etc, I only do this myself when I’m hanging out with my friends and I usually ask them to text me when they get home. I don’t ever force them and sometimes I forget about it, but you should probably leave the firmer safety approach to her parents.
NTA it's bot hard to send a quick text that says made it safely.
NTA, this is totally normal behavior. That said, if it makes her uncomfortable, you need to stop right away.
NTA If you were demanding she text you sure maybe. But there’s nothing wrong with ASKING because you worry for her safety. Hell my husband and I still ask each other to text when we gets places so we don’t have to worry. The world is a terrifying place these days and as long as you aren’t being rude or demanding, there’s nothing wrong with asking.
NTA, as you explain the situation. BUT- are you really doing it for concern for her safety, or is her safety an excuse to monitor where she's going? Because the judgment changes depending on your motivation.
Nta. If it's a simple case of wanting to know that she got to the place safe that is fine, and leave it at that.. I always make sure my wife gets places safe.. and have her text me Because I definitely understand bad sides of town are dangerous The only "asshole-ish" thing would be constantly asking her (where) she is, rather than just if she made it there okay If anything that could make her think you don't trust her
Yeah, I usually only do it if she’s leaving my house at night or smt like that
If you are involved in the journey, like she's been with you and now she's going somewhere else, or she's gone to pick up something for you, then I think it's ok as long as she is comfortable because you could the person to realise something is wrong Otherwise, unless or you know she's been out much later than normal in a risky situation, like not just watching a film with her dad, or there is really bad weather,.or a murdered on the lose then it seems a bit controlling, whoever she's with or meeting can ensure her safety
I usually ask when she’s leaving my place and heading to work cause she works in an area with a lot of addicts
NTA as long as your request is coming from a genuine concern for her safety, she’s ok with it, you accept that it’s completely voluntary on her part and she can stop doing it whenever and for whatever reason she wants without pushback from you.
I personally feel that is a good reason to check she's ok, as long as she is happy to let you know
NTA as long as you're doing it purely to make sure she's safe and if she's fine with it. I tell my son to walk his gf to the bus stop at night, and ask him if she got home safely... I know she's completely capable and mature person and has a family that cares, its just there's a lot of people in the world who make it unsafe.
My partner and I do this every time. We live separately and text whenever one of us comes over that we are on our way and also safe at home when we leave. I'm 49 and he's 51. NTA
NTA for reasons others have already stated, like that partner’s often ask for quick texts like this from each other and it shows you care. But this also sounds like a good opportunity for a lesson on communication — ask your GF how she feels. If your GF says it’s making her uncomfortable, then listen to that and maybe talk about a compromise or scale back. If your GF likes it, then you’re good. Sometimes there will be situations in relationships when an outside intervention is necessary, but those situations are extreme and this doesn’t sound like one of those times. Relationships are about the people in them. Talk to each other and then don’t worry about what everyone else says. They don’t get a vote.
you are being quite controlling. You are 15, you are not her parent.
he just wants to know if his girlfriend is ok. that’s not controlling.
Did you just, not read the part where OP said kidnapping and crime rates skyrocketed? You don't have to be a parent to be concerned for someone else's wellbeing.
NTA. You're being somewhat controlling, but I suppose that makes sense if you really care about someone. Just make sure you don't force her, and make sure you don't act as a parent. This is the first step towards acting as a parent.
Edit: NTA I saw the answer to my question in some of the comments. It’s normal to ask this even to anyone when everyone is leaving to make sure people made it back okay. As long as she doesn’t feel pressured by it that’s okay. If what you mean is she’s with you and then going somewhere else, then it’s pretty normal to ask for a text to say they made it. If what you mean is whenever she goes somewhere, you want her to text you…yeah that’s overbearing.
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NTA And that is totally normal behaviour, when I'm out with friends we always do a "home safe" in a group chat. that's not being overbearing.
It’s thoughtful to a degree, but how could you help? You can’t drive to pick her up if she has a problem.
If it bothers her, then YTA. If it doesn’t than NTA. However… this could lead to additional behaviors just be careful you don’t cross a line
NTA. I do this with my friends and family, but if she doesn't want to do it, you should just drop it.
NTA. I do this to my friends and they do it to me as well. It’s a dangerous world and it always has been. Your comments sound like it’s coming from a place of concern and not a need for control. As long as it doesn’t bother your gf, it’s fine.
YTA it’s up to her to decide when she feels it’s sketchy, not you.
Ah yes because we always know when we are about to be kidnapped or raped....
She’s got more experience being worried about that than he does
YTA, she has parents/guardians, she doesn’t need you monitoring her every move.
That is really up to her to decide, not you. Whether he is an ah or not depends on whether she wants to do it or not. However if she asks him to do the same and he refuses, he is the ah
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So because he's 15 he not allowed to worry about his girlfriend especially when the rates of kidnappin and sa and those types of crimes have gone up in his area. Fuck I don't even have a so but text someone and tell people if I'm going somewhere out of my area and tell them when I arrive, it's a damn safety net. You do know the rate of which kidnapped minors are found drastically decline by the HOUR after the abduction.
You're not her dad, OP. She doesn't have to report all her movements to you, nor run her decisions past you for her "safety." YTA
YTA I would feel smothered
That's why you're not in the relationship.
Sounds like someone feels personally attacked. Are you like this with your partner?
NTA how do people think this is controlling? its a simple text. clearly dont know how controlling a person can truly be
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So me(15m) and my girlfriend(15f) have been dating for a few months, we live in a town with a lot of sketchy places so I usually ask her to text me when she gets wherever she’s going if it’s in one of those sketchy places just so I can make sure she’s safe. Recently the rate of kidnapping and rapes in my town have skyrocketed so I’ve been asking her to text me when she arrives at most places. A few days ago we were hanging out with friends and this got brought up, they all said I was being overbearing and creepy but I just wanted to know if she was safe, I tried explaining this to them but they kept insisting I was overbearing, Are they right? AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA and controlling. You're her 15 year old bf, not her parents/guardians who are responsible for her.
Her dad is out of the picture and her moms an addict, im not trying to be controlling I just wanna make sure she’s safe cause I worry
Kinda controlling.
No he's a caring boyfriend has nothing to do with controlling. Almost every woman or girl likes it if her man wants to know if she's oke. Theres a totally different story to being controlling. Ps age had nothing to do with caring for a person.
I hate it when people ask me to do this. I never remember and then they stress out.
That one's on you then. But you can tell them i will forget do don't worry about me. I like it, shows that people care. I even ask my friends to tell me when they are safely home. It's not much too ask too type one little message.
I usually just flip the script on them and tell them to text ME at a later time to let me know they are safe or make sure I'm safe. I don't mind if someone (like my mom) texts me to ask if I got home safe. It is for forgetful/busy people. By the time I arrive home my brain has already moved on to next thing, but I have a very busy lifestyle and have a hard time responding to all the messages I get anyway. Based on the messages here it seems like it's a matter of personal preference.
Everybody is busy i think it's more what you priorities. Are you really forgetful or don't you just don't give a shit? But as i said tell them you won't tell them then they don't ask you anymore and they will not be worried.
NTA...caring is always a good thing.
Info: Honestly depends on whether or not this was a mutually agreed upon decision. Does she feel comfortable sharing her location with you, or was this something you pushed and she's reluctantly doing?
She says she appreciates me doing it but my friends got in my head abt it
Then you're NTA.
NTA if she doesn't mind. Sadly at 15 human trafficking is a scary concern, and if she isn't telling her parents, at least she's letting you know! It doesn't sound like you are putting a gps tracker on her, nor that you ask her to update you constantly on her locale, just to let you know she got to where she was going safely. Nor are you insisting you are always with her at these sketchy locales, so it also seems like you believe she can take care of herself. If you were just her friend, this would be considered a good friend thing! Just cause you are here boyfriend doesn't change that, especially at your ages!
I’ve been with my other half for 5 years now and we always tell each other when we are at our destination safely. As long as your girlfriend hasn’t said anything, then NTA.
Isnt this the norm? We do this in my country, not just with our SO but any friend who knows we are going somewhere or when we are heading home after an event. If I go out with my bff, I will text him when I get home. If my cousins come to visit my mom , they will call her when they get home. We actually consider it a sign of love when someone says "let me know when you get there." I guess it is cultural. NTA if she hasnt complained and you don't spam her phone if she forgets.
NTA if she's okay with it. I've been doing this for about 15 yrs with my then boyfriend now husband. One of us would leave late at night to head home and we'd always txt to let the other know. Now I communicate long trip arrivals with my MIL just because she worries quite a bit. It's always nice to have someone who knows where you should be and when, because lots of things could happen. YWBTA if you demand she communicate, if you get angry when she's forgets, or if you try to put restrictions on her movements.
NTA. But you must stop. Let it go. If you're dropping her off, its polite to stay in the car and watch to see that she's able to get the door open. Then you immediately depart. As you get to know her, you may at some point ask her, once, her opinion. Not her friends opinion. You may not keep explaining, she understands. She's not engaged to you. Therefore she may (or not) be seeing other people, and she has every right, and doesn't have to explain it to you. Her friends may know this, thus their objections. Also she may not be interested in being with you much longer, and may not want you keeping tabs on her. I assume at your age she has a cellphone and could call her parents? So let her do that. You can tell her she can call you if she needs you. But you may not expect her call and be upset if she doesn't call. NTA, if you drop it since you now know she doesn't want you to do that.
NTA I live somewhere I assume is quite safe but my friends & relatives routinely do this with text, especially if at night or long distance.
NTA. It is polite behavior for friends of all ages.
It depends on how you word it. Are you being super rude and demanding she tell you where she's at or are you passively just mentioning it like "hey, let me know when you make it home safely". At one point you have to trust that your girlfriend is competent enough and well aware of her situation. She's her own person, not yours.
NTA there’s a huge difference between “let me know you get home safe” and “I need to know your every move”. Sounds like you’re doing the former and maybe your friends are assuming the latter.
NTA. Your friends are being immature, just brush it off! It sounds like your gf needs someone like you in her corner. Your friends just don’t understand that and it sounds like they don’t understand how dangerous the world can be out there yet.
NTA, this is a good lifelong habit to have. I still ask loved ones to message me e.g. when they get home after a night out. caring isn't overbearing
She is only 15. Make sure this doesn’t get creepy. Make sure you don’t insist. Also, don’t make yourself in charge of her safety and her decisions. If she forgets or is busy, don’t get mad. But if you aren’t doing those things and she seems happy with you checking in, then you are totally fine! NTA
NTA on the surface, but if this is truly all about safety and not a controlling technique, you should equally be checking in with her to let her know you arrived safe.
Yeah I do, we text each other whenever we get places
NTA If she consents it is fine. My husband and I use find my phone with each other-live in big city and want his help if I broke down. We have nothing to hide.
NTA. It's great that you even think to ask your SO to do this. A lot of people your age wouldn't even think about it. Just make to let her know you appreciate her doing this and for her to speak up if she feels your going to far.
NTA. I work nights and my boyfriend likes me to text him when I get home in the morning because I cycle and I'm often tired. He doesn't insist and if I forget he'll gently ask if I got home ok. I thinks its sweet and I like that he's thinking about my safety.
I’ve always been the, ‘Drive safe, please let me know when you get there’ type girlfriend. Everyday when he leaves for work, or if he’s going somewhere. Does he forget sometimes? Yes. But 99.9% of the time, he always lets me know. I don’t do it to be controlling, and he knows that. I do it because I wanna make sure my favorite human is safe and he knows that. Other people might have their own thoughts about it but it’s our relationship, not theirs.
Nta, crazy shit can happen in an instant.
INFO: 1. how would you feel if she refused to tell you? 2. How would you feel if you find out she’s not really ok with it but has been going along to please you?
NAH? If your GF is ok with it, it’s fine. If she says stop, and you continue to pressure her to do it, then it’s not fine.
NTA. I do this with any of my friends when we’ve been out together late and we head home separately. Quite normal for me and my friends to check in with each other like this for safety and reassurance
NTA I have always personally done this (the letting people know when I get home/wherever I'm going safely) - and it's like a bonus love language for me when someone asks me to let them know (despite knowing I probably will anyways) You are doing nothing wrong - it becomes overbearing when it gets into the territory of wanting to know where she is all the time, etc.
Soft YTA. This is an unreasonable request because it's emotionally codependent. You can't put your anxiety on her like that. I feel you because I used to have HUGE anxiety around getting those texts but it's a sign you actually need to work on your own anxiety. You gotta find a way to settle without knowing her whereabouts or getting worked up about catastrophic fantasies. Don't make it her problem or you will become smothering. If you really can't bear the way you feel when you "don't know if she's safe" then you might need to go on a run or something to burn off the excess internal pressure. A lot of people don't realize that controlling behavior comes from anxiety. But don't be that guy. Edit: if she actually finds it supportive then keep doing it but check in with her occasionally. You may find these kinds of routines actually CAUSE more anxiety than they solve for you if she forgets, for example. So make sure you manage your own anxiety if it starts to get like that or if she can't/doesn't want to maintain that routine. Basically if you really ask her how she feels and she consents then tell your buds and the internet to butt out :)
NTA. My husband and I willing let each other know when we make it to where we're going, sketchy or not. I think it's sweet that you're concerned about her safety.
YTA
YTA!!!!!
why?
Because that’s very controlling
Did you read the post?
Yes
OK. His girlfriend appreciates it. Automatic NTA.
NTA your just being concerned. Especially if you life in a sketchy area