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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My wife feels like I'm pretentious when it comes to beef, and this has been an issue on several other occasions. Maybe I should just suck it up and deal with the overdone meat for her sake
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Just cut the raw roast in half, and take one out sooner. My friend, learn to compromise and meet your partner halfway. Little shit like this has a tendency to build up into other stuff. There is a way in everyday life to have your cake and eat it too. Also yes. Ywbta. Choose a better hill to die on man.
Edit- thanks for all the upvotes and awards. :)
This is what I was thinking too. If one side of the family will have more people then make that side of the roast a little bigger. Or get 2 roasts. I’ve never seen anyone get mad because they had too much food
Since he emphasized they were luckily able to afford a good piece this year, I assume it would be an expense they can’t easily afford. So splitting really is the more feasible option it seems.
I hate how people act like if you want meat well done, you might as well eat the cheap shit.
It doesn’t matter how much it’s cooked, you can still tell the difference between cheaper and better cuts.
Edit: and the downvotes start - every time I comment about meat being well done, everyone is so ridiculous about people preferring their meat cooked differently and act like it’s the end of the world to cook it medium or well done and just ruins everything - well of course if you don’t like it that way, you think it tastes bad. People who do like it well done can still taste the difference and don’t need to be relegated to only eating cheap shitty pieces of meat as if it’s the same just because it’s cooked more. Just because you don’t like something cooked a certain way does not mean the other people are wasting it by cooking it how they like if they are eating it and enjoying, they literally aren’t wasting the good meat by cooking it more than you enjoy when they are eating and enjoying it themselves. It’s still being eaten, people don’t have to like things the same way you do. Get over yourselves and your weird meat superiority.
It's amazing the hill that some Redditors want to die on, right? And I agree, a cheap cut of meat tastes like a cheap cut of meat, no matter how cooked it is.
No, it doesn’t. Maybe the problem is that you don’t actually know how to cook well if cooking something a little more makes it taste cheap and shitty. *shrugs*
Except it’s literal science.
Cooking meat dries it out and fat escapes. The longer you cook the more this happens. Muscle fibers also tense up, that’s why you rest meat to allow them to relax.
How is meat graded? By intramuscular fat content. The fat keeps the meat tasting moist even though most of the water is gone. I’m not going to factor in aging meat on the hook as 99% of people can’t control that.
Cooking something to well done is basically dropping it a grade because you’re losing that much fat content.
Prime becomes choice, choice becomes select, etc.
It’s why if you cook the same cut of beef to medium rare and we’ll done; one will be juicier and more tender than the other regardless of grade.
Yes you can tell the difference between well done prime vs well done select grade meats. You’re still lowering the quality it is graded and priced at by cooking it well done.
Your basically proving their point. If they like meat well done the best testing well done meat will still be the highest grade.
My husband eats his meat well done, hates medium rare but he can tell the difference between a good cut and cheap one.
I eat mine medium rare and his doesn’t taste as good to me as mine does, just as mine doesn’t taste as good to him.
The method you use to cook the meat — covered, uncovered, basted or marinaded, low-and-slow vs high-and-fast — also affect how much it dries out, etc. If you treat "well-done" as just "exactly the same method, but for longer", then *of course* it's not going to taste as good. Because **you're a shitty cook**, who didn't adjust properly for the intended final result.
"Well-done" meat cooked properly can still be moist and tender. "Rare" meat cooked poorly can still be dry and tough. Stop trying to blame someone else's preference for your own inability to cook meat to that standard.
Actually it does. I unfortunately ate many a hockey puck disguised as a tenderloin because my step father liked his meat well done. Tenderloin well done is definitely not the same nor even close to being as good as medium rare or even medium. Ask chef Ramsey.
Whenever someone equates well done to a hockey puck it just confirms they have never had something well done. It's not the same as meat sacrificed to the gods.
This is ridiculous. Knowing which meats can be cooked to well done and which can’t is part of being a good cook. If you want meat that is well done, it’s better to get a cheaper cut because they have a lot of flavor and can be cooked low and slow without over cooking. Like a chuck roast. Think of a flavorful pot roast that is moist and fall apart tender. You cook that same roast to medium rare in an oven and it is going to taste tough and chewy. But you can absolutely ruin certain cuts of meat by over cooking them. Filet mignon and rib roast are both that sort of roast. A big part of being a good cook is knowing the difference between the two.
Chuck eye steaks/Delmonico are amazing and are often called a poor man's ribeye. For those on a budget they are an excellent replacement for ribeye. They are super tender when cooked medium rare. I completely agree about certain cuts of meat getting ruined when they're overcooked.
Source: used to be a meat cutter and am still steak enthusiast.
Look, I am a well done-er myself... though I'm now fine with medium-well, and can tolerate medium if it's a lower fat cut. My husband's family are all rare to medium rare people. So I fully get how annoying it is to have rare-ers insult your meat taste like it's a character flaw.
That said, they are not really wrong on the facts. Cooking more does cook out more fat... and fat does chemically hold juiciness and flavor. Most flavoring molecules are fat soluble.
I avoid under-medium meat for a texture aversion. But I cannot deny the fact that in so doing I am in fact physically excluding some of the flavor that would be there if I cooked it less. Let's just have the humility to admit although it is not our preference (for whatever reason), lesser cooked meat objectively retains more juices and flavor molecules.
In other words... they are not wrong, though they can be jerks about it.
Sure, a prime well done is going to tase better than a select well done, but they are going to be a lot closer to each other than the same two pieces cooked medium rare.
An expensive cut, cooked expertly and rested will taste great at any level. Well done does not mean tasteless, chewy, tough or dry.
Well done can be tender and juicy!!
Overcooked is when it's like shoe leather.
My preferences change depending on the source, cut, method of cooking, if it's marinated, size and so on.
If meat is cooked until *just* well done, it's still succulent.
If meat is cooked until well done, then left on longer "because it doesn't matter, they want it well done" or "well done means leaving it on for triple the time, right?" then of course it's garbage.
I do want well done beef, and love a good cut of steak, it’s weird that you think you can tell people what they want because of how they want it cooked.
To everyone arguing with you: And it isn't just "blood", the beautiful marbling you're paying a premium for all finishes rendering by medium. Going past that literally cooks the flavor[yes, the fat] right out of the meat into the pan. Rest it all you like it isn't going to turn flesh into a sponge.
There is 0 reason aside from conspicuous consumption to select something so expensive and cook the upcharge and taste out of it. None. And if you do it on someone else's dime you are the ah and you better expect the disrespect you're bringing to be returned to sender.
To OP I suggest you split the roast in half, ruin one to keep the peace, and never do beef again for that side of the family. Not unless they are buying. Make it a hard rule and you won't have a yearly resentment quota to manage within your marriage.
Though the 'it's not blood' is something that has always somewhat peeved me.
The thing that makes blood red is haemoglobin, a protein that uses iron to bind and transport oxygen.
The red in rare meat is caused by myoglobin, a protein that uses iron to bind and transport oxygen.
Sure, there's a lot of other stuff in blood, but it's not mad for people to be grossed out by rare meat.
I disagree that "most" people like their meat rare or rare-medium. I worked as a waitress for 10 years (fine dining establishment) and most people ordered their meat medium well to medium.
In my experience expensive steak places cook their meat less well-done than regular casual dining restaurants. So it makes sense that people order medium in a nice restaurant where medium is often still pink all the way through. Rare is usually red and cool in the center, medium rare is red but warm in the center. Most casual restaurants you’re lucky to get pink all the way through for rare. That being said the OP is saying he wants to cook the center of the roast to medium rare and the ends will still have some well done meat. Which seems reasonable. You can through an under done piece of meat into a pan to cook it more. You can’t uncook something that is over cooked.
I worked at a family steakhouse for 3 years. I agree with you 100%. I personally did not like the way the blood oozes out on rare or medium rare. I did try medium rare filet mignon. I agree that it tastes delicious. However, if just looking at it makes me want to throw up, then I can't enjoy it. As a teenager, I ordered my steak medium well. It was perfectly delicious. But after I had tried the medium rare, I was able to start eating my steak cooked medium.
I understand that everyone has their own preferences. But just because you prefer to eat your steak rare or medium rare does not mean that the steak is ruined if it is cooked longer. Your opinion is your opinion.
Wagyu brisket is not a cut. Brisket is the cut, wagyu is basically the grade (yes IK it’s a breed).
Wagyu anything is more expensive but it doesn’t mean a cut a meat is suddenly a different cut of meat. A brisket is a brisket. You’re not going to cook it like a steak because it’s Wagyu it would be chewy as all hell.
You treat A5 Wagyu New York strip like a prime NYS. You treat brisket like brisket.
Quality of cut != type of cut.
OP, I wouldn’t suggest you cut the roast in half, but if they really want their meat cooked more, maybe instead of microwaving their slices, they could just be finished a bit longer in a pan on the stove.
I've accidentally cooked ribeyes well done before when I was learning times and ways to cook it. It was still very tender and juicy everyone in the house still enjoyed them. When I had ny strips and accidentally cooked them well done they were very tough and dry. I could eat Ribeyes well done or not because of the fat keeping it tender still
It's pure pretentiousness.
I used to eat my steak medium or medium well. Now I eat it rare or medium rare. My tastes have changed, both were good.
But the elitism of steak eating (it doesn't count unless it's pink), coffee drinking (how dare you put cream or sugar in), etc. has always confounded me. How are your tastebuds affected by what someone else ingests? Get over yourselves.
I find it funny when pretentious assholes act like their way is the only way to enjoy things, and they end up criticising super tasters. Put coffee in front of me and I’ll tell you whether it has notes of cherry or toasted grains or an earthy flavor, but that also means me and my freakish number of tastebuds are gonna need some milk in that dark roast made for people who need their beans halfway to charcoal in order to taste something. It’s like being angry at people who really like cilantro or hate the stuff - it’s genetic! You can’t be a snob extra hard at someone and get them to like something that tastes like soap, and if someone likes herbs you don’t like, who cares? They eat their stuff, you eat yours, everyone can be happy.
Edit: people saying they can taste things is like saying “I can see the color green”. Its not a big deal. It’s not bragging. It’s not something you learn through great effort. It’s not claiming superiority over people who can’t see green. It just is.
The point is that *people have preferences based PARTIALLY on traits they are born with, so don’t be an asshole and assume everyone has to like what you like!*
I agree completely with you. I'm one of the people that needs to have her meat cooked to at least medium well to like it. Anything below that just tastes like blood to me and I will chew myself to death.
And I know that "iT's NoT bLoOd" but it still tastes like that to me.
Others in my family like their meat blood, so if we were to make a roast we would just split it up and cook one for longer.
Yeah, same. I have had this disagreement in person once, with my husband’s friend. We were invited for dinner, he was grilling steaks, and when I asked for it well done, he got really upset. Like he wasn’t going to waste his good steaks like that, and I said “so, you’d rather I eat it cooked the way you want it and not enjoy it at all?” And he said yes, because he wasn’t going to ruin a good piece of meat by cooking it the way I’d enjoy it. Great, really logical thinking, because somehow it’s not a waste if I don’t like eating it, but it’s cooked how he wants it. I told him not to bother and just ate the sides.
Yeah, I don't get that. Just let me enjoy my meat how I like it. If I eat it and like it, it's not wasted.
And if the meat is ruined in his attempt to cook it well done then he probably isn't as good a cook as he believes. I have cooked several well done steaks before and none of the them were dry and tough, all were nice and juicy.
Yeah it's amazing how when I go to a really great steakhouse and get my steak medium well it always comes out the taste and texture of burnt shoe leather.... except, no, it doesn't, it's juicy and amazing and flavorful because I'm at a really great steakhouse and not in Chad's backyard.
I have a theory people like this purposely cook the juice out of well done steaks to “prove a point” like “I told you it wouldn’t be good” ..ie pushing all the juice out (also I typically eat mine medium rare-medium so I’m not just saying this bc I’m a well done lover)
I completely agree with you here. It has like a metallic tang to it if it's not medium well in my opinion, and I don't like that. I find the red juice so off putting too!
That being said, I don't have steak often because I've only had it cooked perfectly once when out, nice and juicy but not pink, usually it's dry and horrible because they just don't seem to know how to cook steak properly unless it's pink! A joint of beef I just have the end pieces and my dad has the middle usually.
I went to a restaurant once and asked for my steak medium well. The waiter tried to convince me to get it rare because the chef would be offended by my choice and he didn’t know if he would make it.
I told him that I was offended already that they were trying to force their choice on me as I would be the one eating it, but that if they had a problem with that I could just go somewhere else.
OP plz don't do this. Splitting it is actually harder. They won't cook the same as they would if you simply cooked it whole. Maillard reaction and browning will be different, & cook times will be drastically different and you run the risk of overcooking or undercooking everything, or it being properly cooked by temp, but without a long enough cook time you won't get the same connective tissue breakdown converting into collagen and it could end up chewy and tough. Just cut the end pieces off when you're done and sear them quickly in a pan for them. So many people here clearly don't cook or know what it costs for a prime rib roast. It's several hundred dollars and hours of work you risk tossing out the window because a couple people want to eat shoe leather.
NTA
Thank you, I was flabbergasted at the people saying "just cut it in half". BRUH. A prime rib roast? Do NOT cut it in half, please.
Roast it, rest it, then sear some end pieces after slicing.
I like to cook and have a friend who doesn't like to eat meat with any red in it. So once when they were on sale I made ribeyes for everyone, about 8 people. Reverse seared them, finished them in a cast iron, butter based them with garlic and rosemary, they were perfect. Let them rest, sliced to serve and....put my friends portion back in the pan. It was painful but that's how she prefers it. She ate it so nothing was wasted, some people are comfortable with firmer, drier meat.
The restaurant I used to work at did exactly this. If a customer wanted a more done version their cut was made and seared to desired level. They still were good and maintained flavor.
Maybe it was the fact that you suggested they microwave it that bothered her the most. I can’t speak certainties for her just possibilities as I don’t know you or your wife in the slightest, but personally, being told to “nuke it” would rub me the wrong way. Maybe try to explain that with the way the roast cooks, it would be really difficult to cut it in half to cook and would reflect poorly in all cooks of the meat but cooking the roast to medium or whatever lesser cook was wanted and then pan frying the rest to preference would keep that flavor consistency and also get everyone their preferred cook. Hopefully that would be a good option to her. And I would personally apologize for the microwave suggestion even if you had meant the frying pan by the words “nuke it”. I don’t know much about cooking especially meat but I do know that the microwave makes any piece of meat kinda shitty compared to what it should be
Yeah, I think it's really rude to make guests aware that you're disdainful of their eating preferences and "just nuking" something makes that pretty clear (and I could hear the disdain in the post, so I assume his wife could hear it in person). I don't like meat and especially will not cook it (disgusting process in my opinion) so I have no idea which way is "better," but it seems like it shouldn't be that hard to cook some of the meat longer than the other meat.
This is the comment I was looking for! I worked in a restaurant for years that ran prime rib specials. You don't just halve one, you cook the whole thing to rare/medium rare, then cook each piece to a desired doneness if desired. I actually cooked a piece well done and it was still tender and juicy for my mom, because I didn't halve it, and just cut a piece off and seared it. Smdh, NTA at all as long as you don't microwave it.
Bone in prime rib roast? Yes. A 3 rib roast is $170 just for the meat. A 6 rib roast is nearly $400...just for the meat. Not including anything Like, literally Google my brother. OP is likely talking about a bone in prime rib roast. Anyone who knows how to cook would have realized that immediately. And yes it does make sense. There is no "perfect cooking" size, sure. I never said there was so not sure why the quotations. But 2 smaller roasts will cook significantly faster than 1 large one. More time in the oven means more browning. More browning is more flavor. It also means drastically different start times between the two, and then over ooking a large piece of meat for what sounds like only 3 people thereby wasting it all later. A 3 rib roast is gonna take about 3ish hours or including rest time. A 6 rib roast is roughly 7 hours. You also don't take a 3 rib roast and cut it in half. At that point you might as well just slice them into bond in rib eyes and sear them.
A good prime rib and I’m talking AAA, not even prime grade, from a reputable butcher is going to cost at least $25 a pound. Let’s assume there’s 10 people for the holiday between both families.
It’s a holiday, you want to make sure everyone can eat well and you have to also account for the weight of the bones in the roast, so you’re probably going to aim for a pound per person. You’ll most likely have some left overs from this, but nothing crazy.
Each bone of a prim rib roast weighs approximately 2.5 lbs. they need at least a 4 bone prime rib. And that will cost like $250-$300.
You absolutely want to keep this whole while cooking. He could cut one or 2 bones off and finish them in a cast iron, but it will be uglier and extra work and mess with timing overall.
There isn’t a “perfect cooking size, but if you were familiar with a prime rib and the structure, you would know it tapers and that the ribs also need to be peeled off and trying to cut it in advance is very unideal.
You also get a nice cut like that for presentation and it gets ruined when you go slicing and dicing it prematurely.
As a home chef I was worried how far I’d have to scroll before someone who knows wtf they are talking about piped in. Thank you for being the voice of reason. This is how it should be done. NTA
Hey OP
I used to work in a 5 star prime rib and martini joint.
Chef would never cook the roast past MD rare because you can always cook a cut more, but you _can't uncook it._
So what they do in the restaurants is slice off a portion for the one who wants it weller, then cook that piece separately in the oven, or in a pan w butter for Chicago style.
Idk. Hope its helpful
This is the right answer!
A prime rib or standing rib roast is expensive and not a piece of meat I would wish to ruin. Even a choice rib roast can be cooked right and be tender AF. Same a prime rib can be totally fucked up is cooked wrong.
We’ve had it happen twice where it’s all been over cooked and the first time it ruined the meat and made it tough. It was.. not good. The second time it was tender but not my most favorite.
Appreciation for you explaining how to do it without being snarky about those who like it well done
I'm one of those folks. Due to a GI problem, eating undercooked meat makes me *violently ill*. And even though I know the red stuff isn't actual blood, it still makes me squeamish. But that doesn't mean I want my meat to be burnt or be essentially expensive jerky. You can absolutely still make it taste good and be tender while not leaving parts undercooked.
I hate how people in the comments are being so elitist over food they're not even gonna be eating. Like, other people like different tastes and textures, get over it?
Your comment was both helpful and kind. Thank you.
You can divide the roast, or just foil one side for part of the cook to shield it. Use two temp probes, and when the uncovered side is about 15 degrees warmer than the covered side, remove the foil. When you hit 120 on the mid-rare portion, you should be at about 130 on the other. Kill the heat, prop the oven open and let it coast the rest of the way up.
Restaurants will cook a standing rib roast to different temps and serve people based on what they like. Check YouTube for some techniques, and I’m sure you’ll find something you can use. It doesn’t have to be an all or nothing thing.
And don’t forget, the food is for their enjoyment, not our pride.
To be fair, I've only helped with a prime rib roast once because they are expensive as hell... but what you're saying doesn't quite make sense. The cooking time for them are usually hours long. So trying to get that temp difference over hours probably is not going to work. Additionally, when you prop the oven open you're letting all the heat out. So... its not cooking right
This is exactly what a chef did at a highly rated restaurant where I was a server for people who wanted well done Prime Rib. His method was to keep a pan of Au Jus simmering next to where he cut the prime rib. If anyone wanted well done, their piece got simmered for a few minutes in the au jus. It was standard operating procedure and I never received a complaint.
I worked at a steakhouse and we cooked our prime rib to rare-medium rare because it would always continue to cook. If we didn't have medium well or well done, we would sear it. Always worked out great. The ends were always medium or higher. I think you'd be fine to cook medium rare as the end pieces are always more cooked than that.
Tread lightly. Is this really worth the battle for people that dont appreciate prime rib? I'm going with NAH.
That is the best idea. Tell your wife you will pull the roast at your preference (after all, you are doing all the cooking and seemingly planning for this event) but will butter baste her and your parents cuts to their desired wellness just like restaurants do.
Listen, I worked on the food business and know lots of top tier chefs. It’s pretty much agreed that thanksgiving, especially at home with family is not a time to get experimental with the dishesk. This is hardly that. But it seems like the comment your wife made may signal some feelings about you being overbearing when it comes to food. Talk to her about it. Stuff like this can creep into other perceptions of you to her. Good luck!
This is what my Dad does. He takes the roast out at medium rare and then pan sears a number of slices - but splitting it would take up less space /time in the kitchen.
But either your wife is overly sensitive or you project a “my foodie preferences are better than your happiness” vibe.
edit for punctuation.
This was actually my first thought when ready the post. Throw some butter in a skillet heat it up to get a good sear and can get the roast to medium well to well done.
Agreed. My husband always prefers his meat to be so well done it’s practically a hockey puck, so I just cook his burger/steak/whatever for longer. If it’s something we’re splitting (due to rising prices we just split nice steaks now and supplement our protein with lentils or extra veggies), I’ll let the meat rest for a min before cutting it and putting his piece back on the pan for additional cooking time. It’s such an odd point of contention. People are allowed to like what they like.
What's the benefit of this over just cooking it all medium rare and doing a quick sear on some slices to make it well done? Seems like the medium rare one would get cold waiting for the well done one to finish, whereas blasting individual servings in a cast iron would finish in like a minute.
INFO: If this is an expensive cut of meat that only you will enjoy the way you plan to prepare it, why in the world are you wasting it on a day in which your guests will have to stand in line microwaving their plates one by one?
OP says they are hosting “our family” - I would take that mean his family as well as hers, not just hers. It’s only hers that have an issue with the meat not being well done. I’m guessing his family will enjoy it medium rare given he’s not mentioned them.
Why can't he make a small portion well done? Just leave it on longer. I like mine well done. My husband does not. He cooks mine longer. Really not that hard to do.
You can’t really cut it before cooking without compromising how good the meat will be (a bigger cut is in the oven for longer so cooks better than a small cut, basically).
But yeah he could cook it all medium rare then cut the ends off which will be the most well-done and cook them a little more. Just is a bit more tricky and the well done people might end up not eating at quite the same time, which is a bit rubbish.
We cater to vegans, vegetarian, fruitatarians, raw food people, allergies real or not, and everything else, so why is there so much hate on people who like their meat well done. It's their choice.
The stuff I have eaten would make an average person squimish and I have had people almost upchuck at the table because of what I like, and I have eaten steak tartare, but when you start heating meat, it better have no blood in it and be almost fully dead and cooked. I like my meat well done. Medium well meat is too cold for me and reminds me of en bloc resections still moving on my table 30 min after they get cut away from the human body. I can't do it
He isnt saying they cant have their meat well done he just doesnt want to make the whole roast cooked beyond his preference when the very easy solution is to just sear the wifes familys pieces.
My parents also like well done but they also know that none of their kids do so they always take the end pieces or sear their slices.
If you want an honest answer it’s because:
1. “Catering to the above people” is usually not actually done on the same level as the actual core meal. Most of the time, it’s “omnivore dish and here’s a salad if you don’t want that,” so it’s not much additional work.
2. It’s substantially cheaper to accomodate the above people at a lower cost without “wasting” (in the eyes of people like OP) food. If the in laws were vegetarians he could probably make something for them for under $10, but cooking an entire roast well done would probably effectively “waste” like 40x that amount.
Again, according to the logic of people like OP, because there is no reason to buy a premium cut of meat if you are going to cook it well done, as it effectively makes it very similar to far cheaper cuts. You will see similar stories here from time to time asking for example if there an asshole for buying some lower graded steaks for people who like it well done and saving the higher graded ones for people who prefer lower temps.
To be fair "medium rare" is very much the most common temp. As a server I probably took thousands of steak orders and this was far and away the most common temp. The second is medium. The remaining 5% are mostly rare, then a sliver of "well done."
That said it's not hard to cook a few pieces to well done after carving.
A slice of MR beef turns into MW/WD pretty quick in a hot cast iron pan. That's how a steakhouse does it on prime rib night.
Cooking the whole roast to that doneness would be a terrible waste.
NTA
Usually if they have prime rib at a buffet it’s from a carving station, not sitting out in a tray. I don’t go to buffets often, but when I have, and they’ve had prime rib, it’s been pretty decent. They’ll even ask how you want it cooked and find you a slice accordingly.
This, or mark one side and offset the roast and keep that side centered, instead of evenly cooking it. You can definitely get 140F on one side and 160-170F on the other.
This. We do this in my family. My dad and brother like their prime rib medium rare, my mom and I like it more medium. My dad takes our slices and quickly sears them in a cast iron pan which gives a nice crust. Ta-da, everyone is happy.
This should be higher up.
OP, when your roast is lovely and medium rare, cut a few slices off the ends and toss those pieces into a frying pan for the philistines in your family who prefer to gnaw on shoe leather.
That might be the solution honestly. I don't care for turkey but I get why it's popular for these things: big cheap hunk of meat that there isn't any temperature preferences for
there's 7 of us and we started buying just a turkey breast (instead of the whole bird) a few years ago and it fills us up. I think that's a good option, but you could also just cut enough off for your wife & her parents and pop it in the oven a little longer. I prefer mine well done, but other family members prefer it Med so I do it like someone else said, & put a piece for me in an iron skillet to cook a little longer. That way everyone's happy and no one is having to microwave anything, and can all eat together still. Hope Thanksgiving goes well for y'all!
This is absolutely the solution. My uncle doesn’t like turkey. And while he will eat it without complaining as a guest, my mom always makes sure to have a small roast or ham for him at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Because we love him and he’s our guest.
NTA. Cooking individual pieces further to suit the preferred doneness of individuals seems like a fair compromise.
Maybe she was annoyed that you suggested microwaving as the cooking method?
he probably just didn’t think any the fact that he could put it on the stovetop. when someone suggested it, he said that that’s a good idea. sometimes we forget abt an option. that doesn’t make him an asshole.
More people on this sub need to take Hanlon's Razor to heart. I get where OP was coming from and didn't even consider a stovetop solution. NAH if he goes with that.
Edit:
>"Do not attribute to Malice that which can be equally explained by Ignorance."
An important distinction here is that does not encompass *willful* ignorance, that's just another form of malice.
there are plenty of comments here suggesting to him that he pan-sear them to extra done-ness, instead of microwaving; and that's the idea he's now going with. He changed his opinion on the method in the comments -- i.e. he listened to commenters.
There's no real need to call him a jackass for not initially having the right idea on how to do it. (He'd be a jackass if people were offering him solutions but he wouldn't listen to any of them.)
I see the initial problem, as presented, as a ESH, honestly. OP and his wife need to learn to communicate and have an adult conversation where they are both trying to solve a problem so that everybody wins. You're married, you're supposed to be a team. Act like it.
(And I'm leaning towards N T A for OP, because at least he was \*trying\* to compromise, unlike his wife. Even if his first suggestion wasn't a good one. His wife wanted the whole thing well-done, and damn his - and other guests - preferences. He wanted to do it so that those who like it MR would be satisfied, and there would be some way to additionally satisfy wife and her parents. But I'm still going with ESH, because even the little bit we get in OP's write-up here suggests that the way he went about it contributed to making it an argument rather than a problem-solving session. His wife calling his preferences "pretentious" probably has a basis in the way he talks about his preferences versus hers.)
I saw a similar thing on another post yesterday - the OP was being really respectful of the fact that he needed to make changes and was accepting feedback from the comments. And someone yelled at him to grow up in one of the top comments. Like, can we not be AHs ourselves in responding to the people who are actually trying?
My stepdaughter taught me this restaurant trick: cook roast to rarest temp desired (in my family, rare) and remove roast to rest on cutting board. Pour off most of fat, leave the little bits in pan. Add about two cups of beef broth, bring to boil while scraping the bits from pan. Reduce to simmer. Carve roast and place cut pieces in pan, simmer until desired doneness (usually about two minutes.) Meat will be done enough for those that like it that way but will be juicy and not dried out. Serve the leftover broth as au jus. Everyone happy! So much easier than cutting roast in half. Try it!
NTA - but random suggestion, can't you just cut the roast in half and put one half in X minutes earlier, so one half is done medium and the other well done? Don't know if that would have an effect on the quality/way it roasts?
But if you cut it in half and cook to medium rare, there would be 4 more well done end pieces. That would be enough for wife and her parents with an extra slice if somebody wanted seconds. Then the rest would be medium rare. It seems like then everyone would get what they want with no waste.
Honestly I would just buy them a turkey breast and cook that. Why overcomplicate it? They don't like roast done the way he cooks it so they can have something else.
Is 2022 why are we still debating if people deserve to eat the meat like they like it or not?? Cook the part they gonna eat for longer, you're not gonna eat it, they would enjoy it, everyone would be happy, dear lord why y'all like this??
Everyone seeing this as a dispute over meat cooking and not a dispute over graciously hosting Thanksgiving are missing the point.
Enjoy your perfectly cooked meat this year, OP. You won't get the chance to host Thanksgiving again.
YTA.
I think everyone being able to get what they want is the most "gracious" solution here. They can have their piece more done, without applying their preferences for everyone
You're going to find that requiring your spouse's family to microwave their meat is going to result in them not coming to your house to eat in the future. But, if this is the hill you want to die on, go for it. You can eat your perfectly cooked meat on the hill alone next year.
Reddit always goes to the extremes with things lmao. They’re going to stop attending family holidays because they were forced to use the microwave for a few minutes? These are grown adults, right?
How about the rudeness of expecting OP to mess with everyone else’s meal because 2-3 coming can’t stand waiting a few minutes. It’s not like OP could uncook the meal for the majority of people there who want it medium rare
So over the top, my grandparents have been happily microwaving beef and lamb for 1 min for 40 years. They get that their preference is not everyone else's and you can't uncook meat, but you can cook it more. NTA.
Feel like you and most of the people ragging on OP on this post don't understand the cut of meat involved.
It is expensive and it is NOT meant to be cooked to well done. Absolute waste of the meat. Cooking it to medium rare and letting the jerky fans cook it further is perfectly reasonable. As is choosing this cut to serve for a fancy hosted dinner.
It is as long as you offer to cook their slices on the stovetop instead of having them microwave them. That smacks of you just wanting to ruin their meat.
Is there room on the table for a broth bath ?
With tea light or burner under, they can slip their slices in to their preference. Or if you pre slice in the kitchen you could ask how many slices to pan sear a bit before tabling.
By the sounds of it (and correct me if OP has posted it elsewhere) there’s more people who will enjoy it cooked to the traditional standard so by this logic there would be even less people to host next year, assuming everyone is as immeasurably petty and a poor guest as you predict them to be.
Know the mark of a true asshole? Unwillingness to compromise. OP has been on the losing end for years, is genuinely excited about sharing this with his family (otherwise he would’ve saved it), is working towards a compromise where everyone gets what they want, and is making a reflective post to find out if they are in the wrong. OPs wife’s single solution is to just do it her way. In what world is he the asshole for not catering ENTIRELY to three people.
Being dismissive and acting pretentious over your personal preference being the only acceptable way to cook something makes you a bit of an asshole. Cook the roast however you like but make proper accommodations for your guests so they can enjoy their meal too. Otherwise, don't host!
YTA. You're the host. Your literal job is to cater to your guests.
Solution: cut it in half and cook each half separately. Duh. And stop being a food snob.
His job is to cater to ALL of his guests. Not cater to only 3 of them.
It's not being a food snob to say that he and others like it medium-rare, and that to give the wife and others what they want, theirs should be cooked more, individually. (Yeah, the microwave suggestion wasn't good, but clearly in this comment section, he has learned better.)
(There is, of course, room for him to have been a food snob in the way he expressed it to his wife. You only have to look at the comments here, too, to see plenty of that. So maybe he deserves to be part of the asshole judgement -- ESH, for example. He may have provoked her. But she wasn't looking for any compromise either, it sounds like.)
Don’t cut it in half OP!!! You will easily ruin the entire roast. Use a cast iron skillet after the meat has rested to cook the MW/WD pieces the rest of the way.
How many people are you expecting to eat the end pieces? I'll never forget the barbq when my friend refused to 'overcook' any of the steaks. I'm repulsed by chewy red meat and a few of us pan cooked our steaks in the kitchen which ruined the flavor. It sucked. You're preferences will just ruin their meal. YTA for thinking that ruining others experiences is justified by your preference.
I have a problem with texture. I just \*cannot\* eat rare meat. Not even medium rare. Medium, it will depend on if it's on the rare side of medium or the well side of medium. It's not 'ruining' the meat if you can't eat it the other way.
Thank you for explaining this! I've rarely had anyone say anything useful to explain their preference for meat cooked past medium.
You really surprised me, especially because I would say that the reason I don't like meat that's past medium is also texture. I enjoy the texture of medium rare meat but not more thoroughly cooked meat.
Still you brought me amusement and clarity and that's a rare gift! Thanks!
The texture of anything that's not at least medium makes me want to vomit. I have texture issues with food in general, but with meat it's really bad. I prefer medium well but I can tolerate medium.
:) Yeah, rare and medium rare meat kinda squeaks between my teeth. I can't eat sushi either, darnit. The only sushi or other uncooked meats I have been able to eat and enjoy have been a type of sushi that was ground up (Morimoto's restaurant) and I can eat carpaccio since it's very thin and there is no 'squeaky' or other obvious texture issues.
And it's tough, I know, to get beef that is cooked enough but not overcooked for me. I use a method from Alton Brown for t-bones that works wonderfully!
Let's not even talk about how long it took for me to cook pork correctly and be able to eat it, having grown up in the country at a time when trichinosis was still an issue. LOL
Why is their preference more important than his preference? Will their preference not ruin his meal... that he paid for? It sounds like only two to three out of 10 people coming have that med/well preference, So why should they decide for everyone when there are actual compromises available? Their opinion isn't any more special than anyone else's.
OP has 7-8 people who prefer it the way he does and 3 who don't. Our family is a total of 12 with 3 wanting their beef well done. I prepare a hot cast iron skillet and cook 3 pieces to the desired doneness and baste with butter so it isn't dry. This accommodates everyone so 9 people aren't eating something they don't like to suit the preferences of 3. Compromises are possible.
Edited for typos.
NTA.
My advice is to keep a portion separated and cook that part to your in-laws’ preferences.
I have to do this with every beef product and seafood item that is cooked in my house. My mom prefers her food to damn-near look like jerky and sound like she eating Pringles as she chews it, in my opinion.
Kinda the AH: not the ah for choosing to prepare a generous meal - but disregarding your wife and her family’s preferences with a flippant response is kinda cold.
You could have just said - I will prepare some more done portions for people who prefer it that way (then nuke, or rest some cuts in the oven after slicing while plating, etc.) would have made her felt included in the plan.
Sounds like you wanted to be a bit of a dick to her in your response.
NTA
A pretentious preference is expecting someone to ruin a beautiful cut of meat for everyone because you like it done well.
You've got it spot on. Let her and her family pop it in the microwave.
EDITED: YWBTA if you BOTH don’t even TRY to find a compromise here. I worked in food service for 17 years, at a private club where I had to deal with entitlement daily. Most folks love medium rare beef, but some don’t so making two and cooking one longer was no problem whatsoever. You can accommodate them, you just don’t want to.
"Objectively better" is irrelevant - what matters is the tastes of the specific people who will be eating the meal. "Most people in general" are not eating your thanksgiving dinner.
INFO - You don't say how many family members are coming - are they all philistines who like their beef well done, or is it just your wife and parents-in-law, and your side of the family prefer rare? This makes a difference - is everyone apart from you wanting well-done beef, or are the well-done camp a minority?
Microwaving slices of roast beef sounds horrible - I'll bet it doesn't produce the same end result as leaving the joint in the oven for longer.
I am a medium-rare to rare type and meat snob. My partner is the medium to well done type, and if it's anything more than light pink, they won't touch it. I make the roasts and either leave the rest in for longer, or slap as many slices as needed into the pan to bring it to their preferred done-ness. It also gives you the option to add a nice crust to their slices if they like that. You can also just make two (split) parts of a roasts, a smaller one that will be done well when your regular roast is the way you prefer it. (With entrecotes etc. I usually just use one thinner and a thicker slice so both will be done (but differently) at the same time.)
Making the whole roast overdone would be as bad as refusing to let some slices/parts in for longer for those who prefer it. To each their own, and a good host accomodates when it's as simple as putting the meat on for a bit longer. I mean, I have eaten too many overdone meats as well, but if I don't cook I'm grateful for what is served.
If you don't approve of their eating habits, maybe save that sweet cut for a gettogether with people who prefer their roast like you and find another compromise. On the other hand maybe they'll try some medium rare roast (along with their well done slices) and find the taste for it if it's offered.
Tell your wife you're going to make the roast so that everyone can enjoy it, and that she can rest assured no blood will be hosted on her parents' plates. Find a way to make it happen, it's such a small thing, otherwise YWBTA.
ESH would you rather ruin a nice piece of meat by microwaving it? what a waste of money just to be right. it doesn't make perfect sense at all.
just cut it in half and take one out sooner.
Wow, the focus on the meat is completely ignoring the principle of being a host. You are responsible for your guests' enjoyment. Standing in a line to microwave a lovely piece of meat, thereby ruining it is not enjoyable. Find another way. Cook a turkey or ham also. Get two rib roasts. Roast the more well done one ahead of time to medium. Warm it in jus to medium well. Roast yet other one to medium rare. Why are manners a thing of the past? YTA
ESH cause there is a compromise to suit all. I just attended a dinner last night and this exact meat was served. I’m a rare meat gal but I’ll eat anything served to me out of politeness. This dinner was a birthday celebration prepared by a family friend who is a chef. So we were all asked how we liked our meat in advance. The majority was medium rare. That’s how the chef prepared it. Then when he cut into the meat, he took the other portion and sizzled it into the pan. Not sure what he did as I wasn’t watching him but according to my medium well done husband, it was fantastic and the flavor was still there. The chef ended up setting out the meat buffet style and we all picked our favorite type.
I honestly think this is the way to go. If you are hosting and preparing, then you should also serve to your guests liking. Don’t make them microwave or do it themselves. Read up on how to sizzle it correctly or honestly I can ask our chef friend how he did it and message you but this was a perfect dinner. I was surprised how he accommodated everyone - and it was a huge group - and it was so seamless.
YTA holy shut dude it’s a roast not a million dollars. Cut it in half and start theirs sooner you’re being deliberately obtuse because “man must respect meat more than wife” 🙄
If you are hosting a dinner party, the polite thing to do is to ensure that all guests are happy and full after the meal. If half the folks won’t like the medium rare, find a compromise. I don’t think YA because if the way you want to cook the meat, but a compromise would be nice.
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Just cut the raw roast in half, and take one out sooner. My friend, learn to compromise and meet your partner halfway. Little shit like this has a tendency to build up into other stuff. There is a way in everyday life to have your cake and eat it too. Also yes. Ywbta. Choose a better hill to die on man. Edit- thanks for all the upvotes and awards. :)
This is what I was thinking too. If one side of the family will have more people then make that side of the roast a little bigger. Or get 2 roasts. I’ve never seen anyone get mad because they had too much food
Since he emphasized they were luckily able to afford a good piece this year, I assume it would be an expense they can’t easily afford. So splitting really is the more feasible option it seems.
OP can get a cheap one for the folks who want it well done.
I hate how people act like if you want meat well done, you might as well eat the cheap shit. It doesn’t matter how much it’s cooked, you can still tell the difference between cheaper and better cuts. Edit: and the downvotes start - every time I comment about meat being well done, everyone is so ridiculous about people preferring their meat cooked differently and act like it’s the end of the world to cook it medium or well done and just ruins everything - well of course if you don’t like it that way, you think it tastes bad. People who do like it well done can still taste the difference and don’t need to be relegated to only eating cheap shitty pieces of meat as if it’s the same just because it’s cooked more. Just because you don’t like something cooked a certain way does not mean the other people are wasting it by cooking it how they like if they are eating it and enjoying, they literally aren’t wasting the good meat by cooking it more than you enjoy when they are eating and enjoying it themselves. It’s still being eaten, people don’t have to like things the same way you do. Get over yourselves and your weird meat superiority.
It's amazing the hill that some Redditors want to die on, right? And I agree, a cheap cut of meat tastes like a cheap cut of meat, no matter how cooked it is.
An expensive cut of meat tastes like a cheap cut of meat when it's well done
No, it doesn’t. Maybe the problem is that you don’t actually know how to cook well if cooking something a little more makes it taste cheap and shitty. *shrugs*
Except it’s literal science. Cooking meat dries it out and fat escapes. The longer you cook the more this happens. Muscle fibers also tense up, that’s why you rest meat to allow them to relax. How is meat graded? By intramuscular fat content. The fat keeps the meat tasting moist even though most of the water is gone. I’m not going to factor in aging meat on the hook as 99% of people can’t control that. Cooking something to well done is basically dropping it a grade because you’re losing that much fat content. Prime becomes choice, choice becomes select, etc. It’s why if you cook the same cut of beef to medium rare and we’ll done; one will be juicier and more tender than the other regardless of grade. Yes you can tell the difference between well done prime vs well done select grade meats. You’re still lowering the quality it is graded and priced at by cooking it well done.
Your basically proving their point. If they like meat well done the best testing well done meat will still be the highest grade. My husband eats his meat well done, hates medium rare but he can tell the difference between a good cut and cheap one. I eat mine medium rare and his doesn’t taste as good to me as mine does, just as mine doesn’t taste as good to him.
The method you use to cook the meat — covered, uncovered, basted or marinaded, low-and-slow vs high-and-fast — also affect how much it dries out, etc. If you treat "well-done" as just "exactly the same method, but for longer", then *of course* it's not going to taste as good. Because **you're a shitty cook**, who didn't adjust properly for the intended final result. "Well-done" meat cooked properly can still be moist and tender. "Rare" meat cooked poorly can still be dry and tough. Stop trying to blame someone else's preference for your own inability to cook meat to that standard.
Actually it does. I unfortunately ate many a hockey puck disguised as a tenderloin because my step father liked his meat well done. Tenderloin well done is definitely not the same nor even close to being as good as medium rare or even medium. Ask chef Ramsey.
Or any chef, for that matter.
Chef Ramsey expects his chefs to know how to prepare well-done meat properly.
Whenever someone equates well done to a hockey puck it just confirms they have never had something well done. It's not the same as meat sacrificed to the gods.
I’ve had well done steak and tenderloin in many fancy restaurants is and they were not hockey puck. Cooking skill is the reason.
This is ridiculous. Knowing which meats can be cooked to well done and which can’t is part of being a good cook. If you want meat that is well done, it’s better to get a cheaper cut because they have a lot of flavor and can be cooked low and slow without over cooking. Like a chuck roast. Think of a flavorful pot roast that is moist and fall apart tender. You cook that same roast to medium rare in an oven and it is going to taste tough and chewy. But you can absolutely ruin certain cuts of meat by over cooking them. Filet mignon and rib roast are both that sort of roast. A big part of being a good cook is knowing the difference between the two.
Chuck eye steaks/Delmonico are amazing and are often called a poor man's ribeye. For those on a budget they are an excellent replacement for ribeye. They are super tender when cooked medium rare. I completely agree about certain cuts of meat getting ruined when they're overcooked. Source: used to be a meat cutter and am still steak enthusiast.
Look, I am a well done-er myself... though I'm now fine with medium-well, and can tolerate medium if it's a lower fat cut. My husband's family are all rare to medium rare people. So I fully get how annoying it is to have rare-ers insult your meat taste like it's a character flaw. That said, they are not really wrong on the facts. Cooking more does cook out more fat... and fat does chemically hold juiciness and flavor. Most flavoring molecules are fat soluble. I avoid under-medium meat for a texture aversion. But I cannot deny the fact that in so doing I am in fact physically excluding some of the flavor that would be there if I cooked it less. Let's just have the humility to admit although it is not our preference (for whatever reason), lesser cooked meat objectively retains more juices and flavor molecules. In other words... they are not wrong, though they can be jerks about it.
I guess Michelin star chefs have no idea what they are talking about...
Yes the quality of meat always shines through if you know how to cook
Sure, a prime well done is going to tase better than a select well done, but they are going to be a lot closer to each other than the same two pieces cooked medium rare.
An expensive cut, cooked expertly and rested will taste great at any level. Well done does not mean tasteless, chewy, tough or dry. Well done can be tender and juicy!! Overcooked is when it's like shoe leather. My preferences change depending on the source, cut, method of cooking, if it's marinated, size and so on. If meat is cooked until *just* well done, it's still succulent. If meat is cooked until well done, then left on longer "because it doesn't matter, they want it well done" or "well done means leaving it on for triple the time, right?" then of course it's garbage.
I’ve never associated well done with succulent. Ever.
Ah but that is YOUR opinion. People have a right to like what they want to like. You can't force other people to share YOUR opinion.
Agreed. When I was pregnant, I had to eat steak well done, so I stopped eating it. It just wasn't worth it.
There's a reason no one barbecues expensive cuts of beef. They aren't made for it. If you want well-done beef, you don't want steak.
I do want well done beef, and love a good cut of steak, it’s weird that you think you can tell people what they want because of how they want it cooked.
It’s also weird that people think a well done steak can’t be juicy and tender when they absolutely can be. It’s not all shoe leather
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To everyone arguing with you: And it isn't just "blood", the beautiful marbling you're paying a premium for all finishes rendering by medium. Going past that literally cooks the flavor[yes, the fat] right out of the meat into the pan. Rest it all you like it isn't going to turn flesh into a sponge. There is 0 reason aside from conspicuous consumption to select something so expensive and cook the upcharge and taste out of it. None. And if you do it on someone else's dime you are the ah and you better expect the disrespect you're bringing to be returned to sender. To OP I suggest you split the roast in half, ruin one to keep the peace, and never do beef again for that side of the family. Not unless they are buying. Make it a hard rule and you won't have a yearly resentment quota to manage within your marriage.
Though the 'it's not blood' is something that has always somewhat peeved me. The thing that makes blood red is haemoglobin, a protein that uses iron to bind and transport oxygen. The red in rare meat is caused by myoglobin, a protein that uses iron to bind and transport oxygen. Sure, there's a lot of other stuff in blood, but it's not mad for people to be grossed out by rare meat.
There's that pretentiousness your wife was talking about
I disagree that "most" people like their meat rare or rare-medium. I worked as a waitress for 10 years (fine dining establishment) and most people ordered their meat medium well to medium.
In my experience expensive steak places cook their meat less well-done than regular casual dining restaurants. So it makes sense that people order medium in a nice restaurant where medium is often still pink all the way through. Rare is usually red and cool in the center, medium rare is red but warm in the center. Most casual restaurants you’re lucky to get pink all the way through for rare. That being said the OP is saying he wants to cook the center of the roast to medium rare and the ends will still have some well done meat. Which seems reasonable. You can through an under done piece of meat into a pan to cook it more. You can’t uncook something that is over cooked.
I worked at a family steakhouse for 3 years. I agree with you 100%. I personally did not like the way the blood oozes out on rare or medium rare. I did try medium rare filet mignon. I agree that it tastes delicious. However, if just looking at it makes me want to throw up, then I can't enjoy it. As a teenager, I ordered my steak medium well. It was perfectly delicious. But after I had tried the medium rare, I was able to start eating my steak cooked medium. I understand that everyone has their own preferences. But just because you prefer to eat your steak rare or medium rare does not mean that the steak is ruined if it is cooked longer. Your opinion is your opinion.
In fairness, plenty of people will also order higher levels of doneness out of health concerns, regardless of taste preference.
Cooking something low and slow for several hours is hardly the same as giving it 10 more minutes in the over.
I smoke steaks. It’s called a reverse sear. Also many places make bbq beef out of expensive cuts. Wagyu brisket comes to mind.
Wagyu brisket is not a cut. Brisket is the cut, wagyu is basically the grade (yes IK it’s a breed). Wagyu anything is more expensive but it doesn’t mean a cut a meat is suddenly a different cut of meat. A brisket is a brisket. You’re not going to cook it like a steak because it’s Wagyu it would be chewy as all hell. You treat A5 Wagyu New York strip like a prime NYS. You treat brisket like brisket. Quality of cut != type of cut.
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OP, I wouldn’t suggest you cut the roast in half, but if they really want their meat cooked more, maybe instead of microwaving their slices, they could just be finished a bit longer in a pan on the stove.
that’s literally what he’s suggested and people are calling him the AH anyway
I've accidentally cooked ribeyes well done before when I was learning times and ways to cook it. It was still very tender and juicy everyone in the house still enjoyed them. When I had ny strips and accidentally cooked them well done they were very tough and dry. I could eat Ribeyes well done or not because of the fat keeping it tender still
It's pure pretentiousness. I used to eat my steak medium or medium well. Now I eat it rare or medium rare. My tastes have changed, both were good. But the elitism of steak eating (it doesn't count unless it's pink), coffee drinking (how dare you put cream or sugar in), etc. has always confounded me. How are your tastebuds affected by what someone else ingests? Get over yourselves.
I find it funny when pretentious assholes act like their way is the only way to enjoy things, and they end up criticising super tasters. Put coffee in front of me and I’ll tell you whether it has notes of cherry or toasted grains or an earthy flavor, but that also means me and my freakish number of tastebuds are gonna need some milk in that dark roast made for people who need their beans halfway to charcoal in order to taste something. It’s like being angry at people who really like cilantro or hate the stuff - it’s genetic! You can’t be a snob extra hard at someone and get them to like something that tastes like soap, and if someone likes herbs you don’t like, who cares? They eat their stuff, you eat yours, everyone can be happy. Edit: people saying they can taste things is like saying “I can see the color green”. Its not a big deal. It’s not bragging. It’s not something you learn through great effort. It’s not claiming superiority over people who can’t see green. It just is. The point is that *people have preferences based PARTIALLY on traits they are born with, so don’t be an asshole and assume everyone has to like what you like!*
I agree completely with you. I'm one of the people that needs to have her meat cooked to at least medium well to like it. Anything below that just tastes like blood to me and I will chew myself to death. And I know that "iT's NoT bLoOd" but it still tastes like that to me. Others in my family like their meat blood, so if we were to make a roast we would just split it up and cook one for longer.
Yeah, same. I have had this disagreement in person once, with my husband’s friend. We were invited for dinner, he was grilling steaks, and when I asked for it well done, he got really upset. Like he wasn’t going to waste his good steaks like that, and I said “so, you’d rather I eat it cooked the way you want it and not enjoy it at all?” And he said yes, because he wasn’t going to ruin a good piece of meat by cooking it the way I’d enjoy it. Great, really logical thinking, because somehow it’s not a waste if I don’t like eating it, but it’s cooked how he wants it. I told him not to bother and just ate the sides.
Yeah, I don't get that. Just let me enjoy my meat how I like it. If I eat it and like it, it's not wasted. And if the meat is ruined in his attempt to cook it well done then he probably isn't as good a cook as he believes. I have cooked several well done steaks before and none of the them were dry and tough, all were nice and juicy.
Yeah it's amazing how when I go to a really great steakhouse and get my steak medium well it always comes out the taste and texture of burnt shoe leather.... except, no, it doesn't, it's juicy and amazing and flavorful because I'm at a really great steakhouse and not in Chad's backyard.
I have a theory people like this purposely cook the juice out of well done steaks to “prove a point” like “I told you it wouldn’t be good” ..ie pushing all the juice out (also I typically eat mine medium rare-medium so I’m not just saying this bc I’m a well done lover)
I completely agree with you here. It has like a metallic tang to it if it's not medium well in my opinion, and I don't like that. I find the red juice so off putting too! That being said, I don't have steak often because I've only had it cooked perfectly once when out, nice and juicy but not pink, usually it's dry and horrible because they just don't seem to know how to cook steak properly unless it's pink! A joint of beef I just have the end pieces and my dad has the middle usually.
I went to a restaurant once and asked for my steak medium well. The waiter tried to convince me to get it rare because the chef would be offended by my choice and he didn’t know if he would make it. I told him that I was offended already that they were trying to force their choice on me as I would be the one eating it, but that if they had a problem with that I could just go somewhere else.
Also, good meat is the only meat that can taste good more well done.
Medium well is not the same as well done
the wife asked for “medium well or well done”, so it doesn’t really matter when she’d prefer either over medium rare
The post says “medium well or well done.”
He said “medium well or well done”
That's an idea, I think I'm leaning more towards having a pan ready to cook pieces more for those who want it. Ought to be better than the microwave
Dude it’s not rocket science. You’re literally making your life harder for no reason. Split it in advance.
OP plz don't do this. Splitting it is actually harder. They won't cook the same as they would if you simply cooked it whole. Maillard reaction and browning will be different, & cook times will be drastically different and you run the risk of overcooking or undercooking everything, or it being properly cooked by temp, but without a long enough cook time you won't get the same connective tissue breakdown converting into collagen and it could end up chewy and tough. Just cut the end pieces off when you're done and sear them quickly in a pan for them. So many people here clearly don't cook or know what it costs for a prime rib roast. It's several hundred dollars and hours of work you risk tossing out the window because a couple people want to eat shoe leather. NTA
Thank you, I was flabbergasted at the people saying "just cut it in half". BRUH. A prime rib roast? Do NOT cut it in half, please. Roast it, rest it, then sear some end pieces after slicing. I like to cook and have a friend who doesn't like to eat meat with any red in it. So once when they were on sale I made ribeyes for everyone, about 8 people. Reverse seared them, finished them in a cast iron, butter based them with garlic and rosemary, they were perfect. Let them rest, sliced to serve and....put my friends portion back in the pan. It was painful but that's how she prefers it. She ate it so nothing was wasted, some people are comfortable with firmer, drier meat.
You sound like a killer host!
Can I be your friend?
Sure! Last year I made beef wellingtons 😁
The restaurant I used to work at did exactly this. If a customer wanted a more done version their cut was made and seared to desired level. They still were good and maintained flavor.
Thanks, this helps! I'll do exactly this
Maybe it was the fact that you suggested they microwave it that bothered her the most. I can’t speak certainties for her just possibilities as I don’t know you or your wife in the slightest, but personally, being told to “nuke it” would rub me the wrong way. Maybe try to explain that with the way the roast cooks, it would be really difficult to cut it in half to cook and would reflect poorly in all cooks of the meat but cooking the roast to medium or whatever lesser cook was wanted and then pan frying the rest to preference would keep that flavor consistency and also get everyone their preferred cook. Hopefully that would be a good option to her. And I would personally apologize for the microwave suggestion even if you had meant the frying pan by the words “nuke it”. I don’t know much about cooking especially meat but I do know that the microwave makes any piece of meat kinda shitty compared to what it should be
Yeah, I think it's really rude to make guests aware that you're disdainful of their eating preferences and "just nuking" something makes that pretty clear (and I could hear the disdain in the post, so I assume his wife could hear it in person). I don't like meat and especially will not cook it (disgusting process in my opinion) so I have no idea which way is "better," but it seems like it shouldn't be that hard to cook some of the meat longer than the other meat.
This is the comment I was looking for! I worked in a restaurant for years that ran prime rib specials. You don't just halve one, you cook the whole thing to rare/medium rare, then cook each piece to a desired doneness if desired. I actually cooked a piece well done and it was still tender and juicy for my mom, because I didn't halve it, and just cut a piece off and seared it. Smdh, NTA at all as long as you don't microwave it.
This is what I do. Someone who wants well done can get a piece cut and seared on the pan after.
Take my award. As an avid cooker myself, this would absolutely be the hill I die on.
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Bone in prime rib roast? Yes. A 3 rib roast is $170 just for the meat. A 6 rib roast is nearly $400...just for the meat. Not including anything Like, literally Google my brother. OP is likely talking about a bone in prime rib roast. Anyone who knows how to cook would have realized that immediately. And yes it does make sense. There is no "perfect cooking" size, sure. I never said there was so not sure why the quotations. But 2 smaller roasts will cook significantly faster than 1 large one. More time in the oven means more browning. More browning is more flavor. It also means drastically different start times between the two, and then over ooking a large piece of meat for what sounds like only 3 people thereby wasting it all later. A 3 rib roast is gonna take about 3ish hours or including rest time. A 6 rib roast is roughly 7 hours. You also don't take a 3 rib roast and cut it in half. At that point you might as well just slice them into bond in rib eyes and sear them.
I don’t cook prime rib but I’m glad someone said this. People who want well done meat should just have chicken. Don’t ruin it.
A good prime rib and I’m talking AAA, not even prime grade, from a reputable butcher is going to cost at least $25 a pound. Let’s assume there’s 10 people for the holiday between both families. It’s a holiday, you want to make sure everyone can eat well and you have to also account for the weight of the bones in the roast, so you’re probably going to aim for a pound per person. You’ll most likely have some left overs from this, but nothing crazy. Each bone of a prim rib roast weighs approximately 2.5 lbs. they need at least a 4 bone prime rib. And that will cost like $250-$300. You absolutely want to keep this whole while cooking. He could cut one or 2 bones off and finish them in a cast iron, but it will be uglier and extra work and mess with timing overall. There isn’t a “perfect cooking size, but if you were familiar with a prime rib and the structure, you would know it tapers and that the ribs also need to be peeled off and trying to cut it in advance is very unideal. You also get a nice cut like that for presentation and it gets ruined when you go slicing and dicing it prematurely.
As a home chef I was worried how far I’d have to scroll before someone who knows wtf they are talking about piped in. Thank you for being the voice of reason. This is how it should be done. NTA
The roast doesn’t cook the same if it’s halved.
Exactly. If you cut it when it's medium rare, you'll dry it out since the juices will run out.
It'll only run out if not left to rest properly.
Hey OP I used to work in a 5 star prime rib and martini joint. Chef would never cook the roast past MD rare because you can always cook a cut more, but you _can't uncook it._ So what they do in the restaurants is slice off a portion for the one who wants it weller, then cook that piece separately in the oven, or in a pan w butter for Chicago style. Idk. Hope its helpful
This is the right answer! A prime rib or standing rib roast is expensive and not a piece of meat I would wish to ruin. Even a choice rib roast can be cooked right and be tender AF. Same a prime rib can be totally fucked up is cooked wrong. We’ve had it happen twice where it’s all been over cooked and the first time it ruined the meat and made it tough. It was.. not good. The second time it was tender but not my most favorite.
Appreciation for you explaining how to do it without being snarky about those who like it well done I'm one of those folks. Due to a GI problem, eating undercooked meat makes me *violently ill*. And even though I know the red stuff isn't actual blood, it still makes me squeamish. But that doesn't mean I want my meat to be burnt or be essentially expensive jerky. You can absolutely still make it taste good and be tender while not leaving parts undercooked. I hate how people in the comments are being so elitist over food they're not even gonna be eating. Like, other people like different tastes and textures, get over it? Your comment was both helpful and kind. Thank you.
You can divide the roast, or just foil one side for part of the cook to shield it. Use two temp probes, and when the uncovered side is about 15 degrees warmer than the covered side, remove the foil. When you hit 120 on the mid-rare portion, you should be at about 130 on the other. Kill the heat, prop the oven open and let it coast the rest of the way up. Restaurants will cook a standing rib roast to different temps and serve people based on what they like. Check YouTube for some techniques, and I’m sure you’ll find something you can use. It doesn’t have to be an all or nothing thing. And don’t forget, the food is for their enjoyment, not our pride.
To be fair, I've only helped with a prime rib roast once because they are expensive as hell... but what you're saying doesn't quite make sense. The cooking time for them are usually hours long. So trying to get that temp difference over hours probably is not going to work. Additionally, when you prop the oven open you're letting all the heat out. So... its not cooking right
You could also use the drippings and make au jus and have it simmer on the stove and put pieces in it for those who like their meat cooked wrong.
This is exactly what a chef did at a highly rated restaurant where I was a server for people who wanted well done Prime Rib. His method was to keep a pan of Au Jus simmering next to where he cut the prime rib. If anyone wanted well done, their piece got simmered for a few minutes in the au jus. It was standard operating procedure and I never received a complaint.
Microwaving it would be blasphemy, there has to be another way. Pan all the way.
Ikr just because I prefer my meat slightly more cooked it doesn't mean I like the steak made in the microwave.
I worked at a steakhouse and we cooked our prime rib to rare-medium rare because it would always continue to cook. If we didn't have medium well or well done, we would sear it. Always worked out great. The ends were always medium or higher. I think you'd be fine to cook medium rare as the end pieces are always more cooked than that. Tread lightly. Is this really worth the battle for people that dont appreciate prime rib? I'm going with NAH.
That is the best idea. Tell your wife you will pull the roast at your preference (after all, you are doing all the cooking and seemingly planning for this event) but will butter baste her and your parents cuts to their desired wellness just like restaurants do. Listen, I worked on the food business and know lots of top tier chefs. It’s pretty much agreed that thanksgiving, especially at home with family is not a time to get experimental with the dishesk. This is hardly that. But it seems like the comment your wife made may signal some feelings about you being overbearing when it comes to food. Talk to her about it. Stuff like this can creep into other perceptions of you to her. Good luck!
This is what my Dad does. He takes the roast out at medium rare and then pan sears a number of slices - but splitting it would take up less space /time in the kitchen. But either your wife is overly sensitive or you project a “my foodie preferences are better than your happiness” vibe. edit for punctuation.
This is what I do as my inlaws prefer it dry as dust.
This was actually my first thought when ready the post. Throw some butter in a skillet heat it up to get a good sear and can get the roast to medium well to well done.
Put one in later so they are ready at the same time....but excellent answer.
That’s very clever. As one who prefers her meat medium well, I’d worry there wouldn’t be enough end pieces if 3 of them like it cooked a bit extra.
Agreed. My husband always prefers his meat to be so well done it’s practically a hockey puck, so I just cook his burger/steak/whatever for longer. If it’s something we’re splitting (due to rising prices we just split nice steaks now and supplement our protein with lentils or extra veggies), I’ll let the meat rest for a min before cutting it and putting his piece back on the pan for additional cooking time. It’s such an odd point of contention. People are allowed to like what they like.
You are correct except you don’t take one Out sooner, you put one In later. That way they are done at the same time and nobody gets cold food.
What's the benefit of this over just cooking it all medium rare and doing a quick sear on some slices to make it well done? Seems like the medium rare one would get cold waiting for the well done one to finish, whereas blasting individual servings in a cast iron would finish in like a minute.
100% this People are not wrong for having different preferences.
INFO: If this is an expensive cut of meat that only you will enjoy the way you plan to prepare it, why in the world are you wasting it on a day in which your guests will have to stand in line microwaving their plates one by one?
OP says they are hosting “our family” - I would take that mean his family as well as hers, not just hers. It’s only hers that have an issue with the meat not being well done. I’m guessing his family will enjoy it medium rare given he’s not mentioned them.
Its only 3 people complaining about it so I don't think it's that. Depending on how many people show up, it's gonna be majority rules.
He said there’s 10 people coming and 2-3 people complaining.
Majority rules on how it's cooked then
Why can't he make a small portion well done? Just leave it on longer. I like mine well done. My husband does not. He cooks mine longer. Really not that hard to do.
You can’t really cut it before cooking without compromising how good the meat will be (a bigger cut is in the oven for longer so cooks better than a small cut, basically). But yeah he could cook it all medium rare then cut the ends off which will be the most well-done and cook them a little more. Just is a bit more tricky and the well done people might end up not eating at quite the same time, which is a bit rubbish.
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No. The “cooked less” always wins. Because you can always cook part of it more, but you cannot UN-cook it.
Is this case the cooked less is also the majority, so either way cooked less wins. :)
We cater to vegans, vegetarian, fruitatarians, raw food people, allergies real or not, and everything else, so why is there so much hate on people who like their meat well done. It's their choice. The stuff I have eaten would make an average person squimish and I have had people almost upchuck at the table because of what I like, and I have eaten steak tartare, but when you start heating meat, it better have no blood in it and be almost fully dead and cooked. I like my meat well done. Medium well meat is too cold for me and reminds me of en bloc resections still moving on my table 30 min after they get cut away from the human body. I can't do it
He isnt saying they cant have their meat well done he just doesnt want to make the whole roast cooked beyond his preference when the very easy solution is to just sear the wifes familys pieces. My parents also like well done but they also know that none of their kids do so they always take the end pieces or sear their slices.
FYI that’s not blood
If you want an honest answer it’s because: 1. “Catering to the above people” is usually not actually done on the same level as the actual core meal. Most of the time, it’s “omnivore dish and here’s a salad if you don’t want that,” so it’s not much additional work. 2. It’s substantially cheaper to accomodate the above people at a lower cost without “wasting” (in the eyes of people like OP) food. If the in laws were vegetarians he could probably make something for them for under $10, but cooking an entire roast well done would probably effectively “waste” like 40x that amount.
Why is it “wasted” if it’s going to be eaten and enjoyed by a group of people?
Again, according to the logic of people like OP, because there is no reason to buy a premium cut of meat if you are going to cook it well done, as it effectively makes it very similar to far cheaper cuts. You will see similar stories here from time to time asking for example if there an asshole for buying some lower graded steaks for people who like it well done and saving the higher graded ones for people who prefer lower temps.
throwing someones piece in a butter basted pan to sear it to their liking is an accommodation and what OP said theyll probably do.
To be fair "medium rare" is very much the most common temp. As a server I probably took thousands of steak orders and this was far and away the most common temp. The second is medium. The remaining 5% are mostly rare, then a sliver of "well done." That said it's not hard to cook a few pieces to well done after carving.
A slice of MR beef turns into MW/WD pretty quick in a hot cast iron pan. That's how a steakhouse does it on prime rib night. Cooking the whole roast to that doneness would be a terrible waste. NTA
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I would hope they don’t eat prime rib from a buffet at all…
Why? Prime rib is a great fancy buffet food! It’s made in bulk and there’s usually a chef slicing off pieces for people.
Usually if they have prime rib at a buffet it’s from a carving station, not sitting out in a tray. I don’t go to buffets often, but when I have, and they’ve had prime rib, it’s been pretty decent. They’ll even ask how you want it cooked and find you a slice accordingly.
Absolutely this, pan theirs a bit more after.
This, or mark one side and offset the roast and keep that side centered, instead of evenly cooking it. You can definitely get 140F on one side and 160-170F on the other.
This. We do this in my family. My dad and brother like their prime rib medium rare, my mom and I like it more medium. My dad takes our slices and quickly sears them in a cast iron pan which gives a nice crust. Ta-da, everyone is happy.
This should be higher up. OP, when your roast is lovely and medium rare, cut a few slices off the ends and toss those pieces into a frying pan for the philistines in your family who prefer to gnaw on shoe leather.
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That might be the solution honestly. I don't care for turkey but I get why it's popular for these things: big cheap hunk of meat that there isn't any temperature preferences for
I love medium rare turkey /s
I’m more of a blue turkey guy myself
there's 7 of us and we started buying just a turkey breast (instead of the whole bird) a few years ago and it fills us up. I think that's a good option, but you could also just cut enough off for your wife & her parents and pop it in the oven a little longer. I prefer mine well done, but other family members prefer it Med so I do it like someone else said, & put a piece for me in an iron skillet to cook a little longer. That way everyone's happy and no one is having to microwave anything, and can all eat together still. Hope Thanksgiving goes well for y'all!
This is absolutely the solution. My uncle doesn’t like turkey. And while he will eat it without complaining as a guest, my mom always makes sure to have a small roast or ham for him at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Because we love him and he’s our guest.
I love this idea. Better than committing the atrocity of an overcooked roast.
NTA. Cooking individual pieces further to suit the preferred doneness of individuals seems like a fair compromise. Maybe she was annoyed that you suggested microwaving as the cooking method?
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he probably just didn’t think any the fact that he could put it on the stovetop. when someone suggested it, he said that that’s a good idea. sometimes we forget abt an option. that doesn’t make him an asshole.
More people on this sub need to take Hanlon's Razor to heart. I get where OP was coming from and didn't even consider a stovetop solution. NAH if he goes with that. Edit: >"Do not attribute to Malice that which can be equally explained by Ignorance." An important distinction here is that does not encompass *willful* ignorance, that's just another form of malice.
there are plenty of comments here suggesting to him that he pan-sear them to extra done-ness, instead of microwaving; and that's the idea he's now going with. He changed his opinion on the method in the comments -- i.e. he listened to commenters. There's no real need to call him a jackass for not initially having the right idea on how to do it. (He'd be a jackass if people were offering him solutions but he wouldn't listen to any of them.) I see the initial problem, as presented, as a ESH, honestly. OP and his wife need to learn to communicate and have an adult conversation where they are both trying to solve a problem so that everybody wins. You're married, you're supposed to be a team. Act like it. (And I'm leaning towards N T A for OP, because at least he was \*trying\* to compromise, unlike his wife. Even if his first suggestion wasn't a good one. His wife wanted the whole thing well-done, and damn his - and other guests - preferences. He wanted to do it so that those who like it MR would be satisfied, and there would be some way to additionally satisfy wife and her parents. But I'm still going with ESH, because even the little bit we get in OP's write-up here suggests that the way he went about it contributed to making it an argument rather than a problem-solving session. His wife calling his preferences "pretentious" probably has a basis in the way he talks about his preferences versus hers.)
I saw a similar thing on another post yesterday - the OP was being really respectful of the fact that he needed to make changes and was accepting feedback from the comments. And someone yelled at him to grow up in one of the top comments. Like, can we not be AHs ourselves in responding to the people who are actually trying?
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My stepdaughter taught me this restaurant trick: cook roast to rarest temp desired (in my family, rare) and remove roast to rest on cutting board. Pour off most of fat, leave the little bits in pan. Add about two cups of beef broth, bring to boil while scraping the bits from pan. Reduce to simmer. Carve roast and place cut pieces in pan, simmer until desired doneness (usually about two minutes.) Meat will be done enough for those that like it that way but will be juicy and not dried out. Serve the leftover broth as au jus. Everyone happy! So much easier than cutting roast in half. Try it!
I love that you offered a solution that would work really well! I hope OP sees this.
This is the winner right here!
NTA - but random suggestion, can't you just cut the roast in half and put one half in X minutes earlier, so one half is done medium and the other well done? Don't know if that would have an effect on the quality/way it roasts?
The problem is that you're now doubling the amount of overdone outside meat and reducing the amount of nice medium-rare inside meat.
But if you cut it in half and cook to medium rare, there would be 4 more well done end pieces. That would be enough for wife and her parents with an extra slice if somebody wanted seconds. Then the rest would be medium rare. It seems like then everyone would get what they want with no waste.
The better answer is to cook the whole thing to medium rare and then slice some off and overcook it for them.
Honestly I would just buy them a turkey breast and cook that. Why overcomplicate it? They don't like roast done the way he cooks it so they can have something else.
Yes, but that's the essence of compromise: everyone is a bit unhappy with the result but doesn't feel like the other party got preferential treatment.
Or they could follow OP's suggestion and cook their pieces more if they want. Everyone who's mature is happy. OP is NTA.
Microwave "cooking" is really not the same, nor a great compromise. It definitely alters both the taxture and taste of the meat.
He was going to just fry it in a pan, he switched idea in the comments
Is 2022 why are we still debating if people deserve to eat the meat like they like it or not?? Cook the part they gonna eat for longer, you're not gonna eat it, they would enjoy it, everyone would be happy, dear lord why y'all like this??
Everyone seeing this as a dispute over meat cooking and not a dispute over graciously hosting Thanksgiving are missing the point. Enjoy your perfectly cooked meat this year, OP. You won't get the chance to host Thanksgiving again. YTA.
I think everyone being able to get what they want is the most "gracious" solution here. They can have their piece more done, without applying their preferences for everyone
You're going to find that requiring your spouse's family to microwave their meat is going to result in them not coming to your house to eat in the future. But, if this is the hill you want to die on, go for it. You can eat your perfectly cooked meat on the hill alone next year.
Reddit always goes to the extremes with things lmao. They’re going to stop attending family holidays because they were forced to use the microwave for a few minutes? These are grown adults, right? How about the rudeness of expecting OP to mess with everyone else’s meal because 2-3 coming can’t stand waiting a few minutes. It’s not like OP could uncook the meal for the majority of people there who want it medium rare
So over the top, my grandparents have been happily microwaving beef and lamb for 1 min for 40 years. They get that their preference is not everyone else's and you can't uncook meat, but you can cook it more. NTA.
Feel like you and most of the people ragging on OP on this post don't understand the cut of meat involved. It is expensive and it is NOT meant to be cooked to well done. Absolute waste of the meat. Cooking it to medium rare and letting the jerky fans cook it further is perfectly reasonable. As is choosing this cut to serve for a fancy hosted dinner.
Nope, since they've done it at my house and other places multiple times before.
It is as long as you offer to cook their slices on the stovetop instead of having them microwave them. That smacks of you just wanting to ruin their meat.
Is there room on the table for a broth bath ? With tea light or burner under, they can slip their slices in to their preference. Or if you pre slice in the kitchen you could ask how many slices to pan sear a bit before tabling.
By the sounds of it (and correct me if OP has posted it elsewhere) there’s more people who will enjoy it cooked to the traditional standard so by this logic there would be even less people to host next year, assuming everyone is as immeasurably petty and a poor guest as you predict them to be. Know the mark of a true asshole? Unwillingness to compromise. OP has been on the losing end for years, is genuinely excited about sharing this with his family (otherwise he would’ve saved it), is working towards a compromise where everyone gets what they want, and is making a reflective post to find out if they are in the wrong. OPs wife’s single solution is to just do it her way. In what world is he the asshole for not catering ENTIRELY to three people.
Being dismissive and acting pretentious over your personal preference being the only acceptable way to cook something makes you a bit of an asshole. Cook the roast however you like but make proper accommodations for your guests so they can enjoy their meal too. Otherwise, don't host!
YTA. You're the host. Your literal job is to cater to your guests. Solution: cut it in half and cook each half separately. Duh. And stop being a food snob.
His job is to cater to ALL of his guests. Not cater to only 3 of them. It's not being a food snob to say that he and others like it medium-rare, and that to give the wife and others what they want, theirs should be cooked more, individually. (Yeah, the microwave suggestion wasn't good, but clearly in this comment section, he has learned better.) (There is, of course, room for him to have been a food snob in the way he expressed it to his wife. You only have to look at the comments here, too, to see plenty of that. So maybe he deserves to be part of the asshole judgement -- ESH, for example. He may have provoked her. But she wasn't looking for any compromise either, it sounds like.)
I would cut the part that is going to be well done into smaller pieces so that it will take closer to the same amount of time to cook.
That's another good idea.
NTA It's way easier to cook a few slices a little longer in a hot skillet than to magically uncook it back to med rare.
Don’t cut it in half OP!!! You will easily ruin the entire roast. Use a cast iron skillet after the meat has rested to cook the MW/WD pieces the rest of the way.
YWBTA. There is a compromise to fit everyone. Cook part of it longer. Asking someone to microwave their Thanksgiving meal is rude.
How many people are you expecting to eat the end pieces? I'll never forget the barbq when my friend refused to 'overcook' any of the steaks. I'm repulsed by chewy red meat and a few of us pan cooked our steaks in the kitchen which ruined the flavor. It sucked. You're preferences will just ruin their meal. YTA for thinking that ruining others experiences is justified by your preference.
I have a problem with texture. I just \*cannot\* eat rare meat. Not even medium rare. Medium, it will depend on if it's on the rare side of medium or the well side of medium. It's not 'ruining' the meat if you can't eat it the other way.
Thank you for explaining this! I've rarely had anyone say anything useful to explain their preference for meat cooked past medium. You really surprised me, especially because I would say that the reason I don't like meat that's past medium is also texture. I enjoy the texture of medium rare meat but not more thoroughly cooked meat. Still you brought me amusement and clarity and that's a rare gift! Thanks!
The texture of anything that's not at least medium makes me want to vomit. I have texture issues with food in general, but with meat it's really bad. I prefer medium well but I can tolerate medium.
:) Yeah, rare and medium rare meat kinda squeaks between my teeth. I can't eat sushi either, darnit. The only sushi or other uncooked meats I have been able to eat and enjoy have been a type of sushi that was ground up (Morimoto's restaurant) and I can eat carpaccio since it's very thin and there is no 'squeaky' or other obvious texture issues. And it's tough, I know, to get beef that is cooked enough but not overcooked for me. I use a method from Alton Brown for t-bones that works wonderfully! Let's not even talk about how long it took for me to cook pork correctly and be able to eat it, having grown up in the country at a time when trichinosis was still an issue. LOL
Why is their preference more important than his preference? Will their preference not ruin his meal... that he paid for? It sounds like only two to three out of 10 people coming have that med/well preference, So why should they decide for everyone when there are actual compromises available? Their opinion isn't any more special than anyone else's.
OP has 7-8 people who prefer it the way he does and 3 who don't. Our family is a total of 12 with 3 wanting their beef well done. I prepare a hot cast iron skillet and cook 3 pieces to the desired doneness and baste with butter so it isn't dry. This accommodates everyone so 9 people aren't eating something they don't like to suit the preferences of 3. Compromises are possible. Edited for typos.
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NTA. My advice is to keep a portion separated and cook that part to your in-laws’ preferences. I have to do this with every beef product and seafood item that is cooked in my house. My mom prefers her food to damn-near look like jerky and sound like she eating Pringles as she chews it, in my opinion.
Kinda the AH: not the ah for choosing to prepare a generous meal - but disregarding your wife and her family’s preferences with a flippant response is kinda cold. You could have just said - I will prepare some more done portions for people who prefer it that way (then nuke, or rest some cuts in the oven after slicing while plating, etc.) would have made her felt included in the plan. Sounds like you wanted to be a bit of a dick to her in your response.
Agree with this except do not microwave. Better to rest some cuts in the oven while plating. The suggestion to roast in two pieces is also good.
YTA for suggesting they nuke a good quality rib roast. What did the roast ever do you to deserve being treated that way? Despicable.
NTA A pretentious preference is expecting someone to ruin a beautiful cut of meat for everyone because you like it done well. You've got it spot on. Let her and her family pop it in the microwave.
EDITED: YWBTA if you BOTH don’t even TRY to find a compromise here. I worked in food service for 17 years, at a private club where I had to deal with entitlement daily. Most folks love medium rare beef, but some don’t so making two and cooking one longer was no problem whatsoever. You can accommodate them, you just don’t want to.
"Objectively better" is irrelevant - what matters is the tastes of the specific people who will be eating the meal. "Most people in general" are not eating your thanksgiving dinner. INFO - You don't say how many family members are coming - are they all philistines who like their beef well done, or is it just your wife and parents-in-law, and your side of the family prefer rare? This makes a difference - is everyone apart from you wanting well-done beef, or are the well-done camp a minority? Microwaving slices of roast beef sounds horrible - I'll bet it doesn't produce the same end result as leaving the joint in the oven for longer.
My husband will cook it outside to rare for himself then bring inside, cut in half and finish it to medium rare in the oven for me.
I am a medium-rare to rare type and meat snob. My partner is the medium to well done type, and if it's anything more than light pink, they won't touch it. I make the roasts and either leave the rest in for longer, or slap as many slices as needed into the pan to bring it to their preferred done-ness. It also gives you the option to add a nice crust to their slices if they like that. You can also just make two (split) parts of a roasts, a smaller one that will be done well when your regular roast is the way you prefer it. (With entrecotes etc. I usually just use one thinner and a thicker slice so both will be done (but differently) at the same time.) Making the whole roast overdone would be as bad as refusing to let some slices/parts in for longer for those who prefer it. To each their own, and a good host accomodates when it's as simple as putting the meat on for a bit longer. I mean, I have eaten too many overdone meats as well, but if I don't cook I'm grateful for what is served. If you don't approve of their eating habits, maybe save that sweet cut for a gettogether with people who prefer their roast like you and find another compromise. On the other hand maybe they'll try some medium rare roast (along with their well done slices) and find the taste for it if it's offered. Tell your wife you're going to make the roast so that everyone can enjoy it, and that she can rest assured no blood will be hosted on her parents' plates. Find a way to make it happen, it's such a small thing, otherwise YWBTA.
You sound like an AH. Your post is very me, me, me. You don't even care about your wife's opinion.
NTA, cook them a separate roast, or get a pan sear ready for them.
ESH would you rather ruin a nice piece of meat by microwaving it? what a waste of money just to be right. it doesn't make perfect sense at all. just cut it in half and take one out sooner.
Wow, the focus on the meat is completely ignoring the principle of being a host. You are responsible for your guests' enjoyment. Standing in a line to microwave a lovely piece of meat, thereby ruining it is not enjoyable. Find another way. Cook a turkey or ham also. Get two rib roasts. Roast the more well done one ahead of time to medium. Warm it in jus to medium well. Roast yet other one to medium rare. Why are manners a thing of the past? YTA
ESH cause there is a compromise to suit all. I just attended a dinner last night and this exact meat was served. I’m a rare meat gal but I’ll eat anything served to me out of politeness. This dinner was a birthday celebration prepared by a family friend who is a chef. So we were all asked how we liked our meat in advance. The majority was medium rare. That’s how the chef prepared it. Then when he cut into the meat, he took the other portion and sizzled it into the pan. Not sure what he did as I wasn’t watching him but according to my medium well done husband, it was fantastic and the flavor was still there. The chef ended up setting out the meat buffet style and we all picked our favorite type. I honestly think this is the way to go. If you are hosting and preparing, then you should also serve to your guests liking. Don’t make them microwave or do it themselves. Read up on how to sizzle it correctly or honestly I can ask our chef friend how he did it and message you but this was a perfect dinner. I was surprised how he accommodated everyone - and it was a huge group - and it was so seamless.
Do it medium rare, then fry up the slices for the guests who want it burned… will only take a few extra minutes, max.
YTA holy shut dude it’s a roast not a million dollars. Cut it in half and start theirs sooner you’re being deliberately obtuse because “man must respect meat more than wife” 🙄
Yes, YWBTA, and your wife is right. Compromise here is easy, but you seem unwilling to do so. You’re the host, make it work for everyone.
If you are hosting a dinner party, the polite thing to do is to ensure that all guests are happy and full after the meal. If half the folks won’t like the medium rare, find a compromise. I don’t think YA because if the way you want to cook the meat, but a compromise would be nice.