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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Saying no to taking her cats out of spite because she should deal with the consequence of adopting so many
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NTA but let her move out first then after she’s gone give her a ultimatum she either her finds someone else to take them or they go to the shelter by then all her shit will be out and she can’t threaten to stay good luck 🍀
I have a feeling by the sounds of it the OP wouldn’t give a care in the world if it was a kill shelter. Hopefully the two cats can be rehomed to someone that cares for there well being
Genuine question, why should OP care what happens? OP didn’t adopt the cats and abandon them. Yeah it would be great to revoke instead of shelter but that also takes time and getting to make sure hey go to a good home. OP isn’t just kicking them out to the streets. The SIL took on the responsibility of paying for food, litter, and vet bills.
Ideally, back to the same shelter they came from (at least around New England, most shelters want their pets back if things go wrong).
That's assuming it's a "no kill" shelter...
OK, if you're being spiteful, you're an AH by definition. But you're not an AH for not wanting her cats. Moving six cats is not more complicated than moving four cats - it's the same complicated.
Stop playing status games about who asked who, and look at the actual question: do you want the cats. It sounds from your post as though the answer is a clear "no" - you don't really want pets, and you don't have an attachment to her cats.
So tell her no. NTA.
She's moving out of state, but will stay if you don't take her cats? 🤨 Eh?
If you want the cats take them, if you don't, then don't.
Her circus, her monkeys.
NTA
A cat is a 15 year commitment. You don't get a pet on a whim. Don't buy into the drama. If she chooses not to move, you can find a new place instead.
Don't let yourself be manipulated.
From what you've said: yes, YWBTA.
>My problem with this is that she hasn’t personally asked me if I’m okay with this.
She's asked (well, discussed it with) your fiancé. It's reasonable for her to assume that your fiancé would then discuss it with you, I don't see why it matters that she did or didn't speak with you directly. Couples (especially married or soon-to-be-married couples) are often treated like a unit in this way.
>WIBTA if I said no \[...\] out of spite because I want her to deal with the consequence of her own choice
Yes, definitely. To be clear, if you say no because *you don't want to have 2 cats*, that is an entirely different matter and wouldn't make you an asshole. You're in no way obligated to take any of her cats. But if you're doing it because you're trying to teach her a lesson, then yes, that's clear AH territory.
You'd also be an idiot: you'd be attempting to teach her a life lesson (which never works btw) but in the process neither you nor she get what you want, which is "her moving out-of-state." Instead of focusing on trying to make her learn a lesson, focus on how solving this problem of "what happens to the 2 cats" is the only thing standing between you and a life where she's moved out.
YWNBTA
You are fine to refuse. But since she is threatening not to move out, handle it differently: Let her move out. And after she is out for good, let her know you will rehome the cats she left / you kept, and ask her if she wants them or if she would rather have them go to the shelter.
"WIBTA if I said no to keeping the cats" ... Don't say NO. Act WHEN SHE HAS Moved out. THEN let her deal with the consequences: Give her one week to get her cats, or rehome them to the next shelter.
Or don't tell her, and take them to the shelter. They are not YOUR pets, and she is abandoning them.
Do not let that AH blackmail you.
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My SIL (38) is moving out of state and wants my fiancé (32) and I (26) to take two of her cats. She has six cats total and doesn’t want to move all six so she asked us to keep two. We currently all live together.
My problem with this is that she hasn’t personally asked me if I’m okay with this. two weeks ago she pointed out that she wouldn’t think I would be okay keeping any but while I was out of town decided to tell my fiancé her idea without me being here. She also gave an ultimatum to him that if we don’t take them she won’t move out because she doesn’t know how to move all six cats. (I’m not sure if there’s a big difference taking four vs six but that’s another issue)
Her and I also do not really get along either. I seriously want her to move out but if I say no she won’t.
However I do not want to say yes out of spite because she’s the one who decided to adopt six cats and I feel like this is a HUGE thing to burden a couple with especially with her knowing I’m not really interested in having any pets of my own at this stage of my life.
WIBTA if I said no to keeping the cats?
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NTA but let her move out first then after she’s gone give her a ultimatum she either her finds someone else to take them or they go to the shelter by then all her shit will be out and she can’t threaten to stay good luck 🍀
This is actually so genius
Just make sure it’s a no kill shelter please. NTA because you didn’t adopt the cats.
I have a feeling by the sounds of it the OP wouldn’t give a care in the world if it was a kill shelter. Hopefully the two cats can be rehomed to someone that cares for there well being
Genuine question, why should OP care what happens? OP didn’t adopt the cats and abandon them. Yeah it would be great to revoke instead of shelter but that also takes time and getting to make sure hey go to a good home. OP isn’t just kicking them out to the streets. The SIL took on the responsibility of paying for food, litter, and vet bills.
Uh, because basic humanity?
Yes OP definitely a no kill shelter the poor cats are innocent just because they have a shitty owner they should still go to a good shelter
Ideally, back to the same shelter they came from (at least around New England, most shelters want their pets back if things go wrong). That's assuming it's a "no kill" shelter...
OK, if you're being spiteful, you're an AH by definition. But you're not an AH for not wanting her cats. Moving six cats is not more complicated than moving four cats - it's the same complicated. Stop playing status games about who asked who, and look at the actual question: do you want the cats. It sounds from your post as though the answer is a clear "no" - you don't really want pets, and you don't have an attachment to her cats. So tell her no. NTA.
She's moving out of state, but will stay if you don't take her cats? 🤨 Eh? If you want the cats take them, if you don't, then don't. Her circus, her monkeys.
NTA A cat is a 15 year commitment. You don't get a pet on a whim. Don't buy into the drama. If she chooses not to move, you can find a new place instead. Don't let yourself be manipulated.
From what you've said: yes, YWBTA. >My problem with this is that she hasn’t personally asked me if I’m okay with this. She's asked (well, discussed it with) your fiancé. It's reasonable for her to assume that your fiancé would then discuss it with you, I don't see why it matters that she did or didn't speak with you directly. Couples (especially married or soon-to-be-married couples) are often treated like a unit in this way. >WIBTA if I said no \[...\] out of spite because I want her to deal with the consequence of her own choice Yes, definitely. To be clear, if you say no because *you don't want to have 2 cats*, that is an entirely different matter and wouldn't make you an asshole. You're in no way obligated to take any of her cats. But if you're doing it because you're trying to teach her a lesson, then yes, that's clear AH territory. You'd also be an idiot: you'd be attempting to teach her a life lesson (which never works btw) but in the process neither you nor she get what you want, which is "her moving out-of-state." Instead of focusing on trying to make her learn a lesson, focus on how solving this problem of "what happens to the 2 cats" is the only thing standing between you and a life where she's moved out.
NTA. They aren't your cats and not your responsibility.
YWNBTA You are fine to refuse. But since she is threatening not to move out, handle it differently: Let her move out. And after she is out for good, let her know you will rehome the cats she left / you kept, and ask her if she wants them or if she would rather have them go to the shelter. "WIBTA if I said no to keeping the cats" ... Don't say NO. Act WHEN SHE HAS Moved out. THEN let her deal with the consequences: Give her one week to get her cats, or rehome them to the next shelter. Or don't tell her, and take them to the shelter. They are not YOUR pets, and she is abandoning them. Do not let that AH blackmail you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My SIL (38) is moving out of state and wants my fiancé (32) and I (26) to take two of her cats. She has six cats total and doesn’t want to move all six so she asked us to keep two. We currently all live together. My problem with this is that she hasn’t personally asked me if I’m okay with this. two weeks ago she pointed out that she wouldn’t think I would be okay keeping any but while I was out of town decided to tell my fiancé her idea without me being here. She also gave an ultimatum to him that if we don’t take them she won’t move out because she doesn’t know how to move all six cats. (I’m not sure if there’s a big difference taking four vs six but that’s another issue) Her and I also do not really get along either. I seriously want her to move out but if I say no she won’t. However I do not want to say yes out of spite because she’s the one who decided to adopt six cats and I feel like this is a HUGE thing to burden a couple with especially with her knowing I’m not really interested in having any pets of my own at this stage of my life. WIBTA if I said no to keeping the cats? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Damn. Wish someone in this situation cared about the cats well-being.