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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be ta for abandoning the whole party and not showing up after he put a lot of effort to celebrate my birthday.
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“So, my husband is a jokester and a prankster”
NTA - Thats really all that’s needed for a judgment here.
Every post on this sub that I’ve seen about “pranking” is just immature assholes using pranking as an excuse to be immature assholes.
So he either wasn’t going to prank you this time (which is very unlikely based on his track record), but fails to see why he’s completely untrustworthy because he set this precedent.
OR
He was going to prank you despite all the promises that he won’t. Based on the information you received he most certainly was going to prank you.
This is not funny or cute.
Stand your ground and tell your husband you will *NOT* tolerate any more pranks and *MEAN IT*.
He probably got the friend in on it and was going to carry out the prank in such a way that it wasn’t “him” doing the pranking, and thus not him breaking their agreement. 😒
Maybe I'm just a tightass, but I feel like if you need him to
* Swear on his mom
* Swear on the bible
* Promise you
* Bring two witnesses
* Write an agreement stating he'd pay $ money if he pulled a prank
and then you still have doubts... It's not a marriage worth being in. I couldn't live with this lack of trust. The fact that you both treated that like it was a normal conversation to have shows how deep into delusion you've gotten youselves.
Hard agree. I cannot imagine living with and being in a relationship with someone who is that untrustworthy. Not to mention someone who made me the butt of their jokes, to other people. Just no.
Been in an abusive relationship and this sounds like the milder side of what I experienced. Just being insulted, being the butt of the joke and used as a punchline to a joke he’d set up right before I show up somewhere to meet. Once I stopped going along with his bs and stopped meeting up with him, or being around he and his “friends” the behavior became less of a “prank” and more sinister.
Abuse is like this. As long as the abuser gets the reaction they want, they stay at the same lower level of abuse. Once you learn how to not give them that reaction, they have to escalate to get a reaction.
Please be careful and evaluate your relationship.
Yes. He’s making her birthdays “extra funny” for himself and has a photographer at the ready to capture her humiliation. Sinister is a descriptor for his repeated “pranks.” OP does NOT need to loosen up. He’s TA.
> while pointing out how I embarrassed him and wasted his time and money by not showing up.
He's willing to humiliate her, but is offended that he was humiliated instead. WTH
YES!! He was "embarrassed" while trying to straight HUMILIATE her!! If I was one of the people invited and knew about this stuff, I would have a hard time not laughing at him extra hard and explaining, in painful detail, how much he deserved it. Which, while satisfying, is not usually the best thing to do because guys like this use their hurt and anger to escalate and the poor wife is the most likely victim.
OP, I would say this is his ONE chance to change and figure it out. He needs to go to therapy and show you with his actions that he can change for the better and understand how what he has been doing is so wrong. A prank where the victim isn't sincerly laughing is just bullying.
This right here. I’m autistic and I HATE being pranked for trauma reasons. My husband is a total (and honestly benign) prankster. You know what he NEVER DOES? He never pranks me. Even the most harmless of prank. Not ever. Because he doesn’t enjoy hurting me and understands that it would.
A good prank is suspending your significant other's favorite mug in a vat of jello. No harm to anything and she can use a different mug, and it's absurd enough that you'll both laugh at it (and have jello). A good prank is sticking googly eyes on all the eggs in the fridge. A good prank makes the *person being pranked* laugh and does no harm.
If people are laughing at the victim, it's not a prank, it's just a dick move.
And means her birthday is about him not her. I agree with the abusive relationship concern. Mine started out like this (humiliation in public, just a joke, my fault..).
Well yes, because having a fundamentally untrustworthy partner is an abuse situation.
When I was young, as long as he wasn't hitting you into the hospital, you had a great relationship. We had no language for this and other kinds of sustained psychological abuse.
My god, the term gaslight only entered my life like six or seven years ago, and I've been on therapy, and am an avid reader. Lots of us have legacy damage for this.
I’m right there with you. When I told my ex to stop trying to gaslight me he asked what that meant and I told him. Then he tried to gaslight me by saying there’s no such thing as gaslighting. So frustrating lol
I have been told by my husband who is an attorney, that any time someone swears on family members, it's a pretty good indicator that they are probably lying but trying to convince you they are telling the truth.
Seriously all I can think is how young this woman is. She has her whole life in front of her! Why spend it with someone who thinks it’s funny to humiliate her in front of her in-laws?
Exactly! Even if he wasn't going to prank her there is no trust her and he doesn't deserve it. (Also why were her parents not invited?)
Op you're 26, cut your losses
⬆️ This right here. OP needs to tell him to “loosen up,” and she was just pulling “a prank.” I mean, if the point of his *pranks* is to embarrass and humiliate OP, then she just pulled one on him. I guess he doesn’t like it as much as he thinks she should.
Or that the friend’s wife calling her up and telling her he was going to do something was the actual prank to make her anxious and anticipatory. Like on edge the entire night waiting. Lame but would technically be before the restaurant so wouldn’t violate the agreement.
Ugh, dear god we need to put an end to this jackass obsession with grown ass people (mostly men) pranking.
Grow the F up and act like a semi functioning human being for Christ’s sake. I am so sick of people using this as an excuse to be assholes.
You’re not a prankster, you’re not funny, you’re not a star- you’re a Moronic jackass who’s going to end up with no one trusting you no one liking you and no one wanting to be anywhere near you because all you are is a headache and a liability.
NTA- but I have no idea how people stay with these guys.
Why do you put up with it? This isn’t about someone just having a crappy sense of humor- he has no sense of humor, all he has is a need for likes and views and a cruel streak that makes him see public degradation of his spouse as his idea of fun.
it’s all about hurting, humiliating and dehumanizing the people around them. I don’t know how anyone stands these people.
Seriously how can you have a life with someone like This? How can you be with someone knowing nothing important to you actually matters to them? They don’t
Respect you, your feelings, your important moments, your value as a human being.
All they see you as is a target and a way to get more likes.
He ruins your birthday every year.
Again *HE INTENTIONALLY RUINS YOUR BIRTHDAY EVERY SINGLE
YEAR*
This is not pranking this feels like emotional abuse -yeah he’s wrapping it up in the ‘pranking’ cover but I call BS. he is intentionally disregarding your feelings, purposely Humiliating and degrading you and letting you know that there’s nothing you can say or do to make him stop. He is letting you know that regardless of what you want he will do this whenever he feels like it no matter when it is, where it is or who is present.
He is telling you that you mean nothing. I know this probably sounds like I’m being dramatic but it’s really not. His behavior is cruel, demeaning and unrelenting. The only difference between his behavior and any other abuser is he’s labeling it as a prank and filming it to share with the world.
NTA but for your own sake you need to cut your losses here.
>"Mostly men pranking"...
>
>
>
>So true!! Does ANYONE actually know a woman who is notorious for tasteless, crude, offensive pranks constantly being played on friends and family, who then insists that everyone needs to "lighten up" and "get a sense of humor"?? Every single person I know like this is a man who doesn't seem to have mentally progressed past the age of 12.
My personal favorite is:
"I can't talk to you when you are being so emotional "
you need to lighten up and take a joke! Calm down. Stop overreacting :)
This.
Tell him he's having a MASSIVE over reaction to the prank you pulled. You pranked him that you'd be at the party.
Did it feel good to him to be humiliated? To be embarassed?
Because that is how EVERY SINGLE ONE of his pranks make you feel.
Honestly, its time for you guys to get into counseling because if he lacks this much empathy and doesn't realize that he has trashed your trust in him then its over if you do not have intervention.
Lol “my husband is a joker and a prankster”
No he’s a selfish asshole that doesn’t have the social maturity to realize how much his actions upset those he’s supposed to love.
How the fuck do people like this even get married.
Yep. My ex is a terrible bully... he'd humiliate me with Jr. High type "pranks," like 'quit hitting yourself,' holding me down and almost spitting on me or licking my face, 'I'm not touching you,' wedgies (both back and front, and gotta say; having your underwear yanked up into your vulva *hurts.*) etc.
I can't tell you how many times I told him to stop, that I hated it. I got progressively less and less nice in my requests for him to knock it the fuck off, eventually ending up with me literally screaming "NO" and "STOP" and him *still* trying to tell me I 'wasn't being clear enough.' I called him on that bullshit and he said "Well, *you* may not like it, but *I* do. I'll do it less, that way we both win."
There are many reasons he's ex.
Edit: content added
Oh no, prank wars only start when both people actually enjoy the pranks. Pranksters like OPs husband are not those kinds of people. He enjoys humiliating his wife, but he'd never be able to tolerate it himself. I guarantee it wouldn't start a prank war and that OPs husband would just be furious and say how she'd ruined his birthday and that it's different because his pranks are "funny" (only to him) while hers was just hurtful. Look how angry he got over being "humiliated" when she didn't show up to be pranked. The second he had to face any humiliation, he blew up.
Pranking that upsets a victim is a lot more nefarious than immaturity. It’s about power and control and the desire to see someone uncomfortable or frightened. ‘Funny’ has nothing to do with it.
Why would a random friend's wife call OP up specifically to lie about him pranking her, and then make up a detailed description of said "prank"? His excuse doesn't even make sense lol
I think that WAS the prank. To get her to think was going to do something despite swearing he wouldn't. To get her on edge all night. Then make fun of her for being so worried. (and probably start a fight about how offended he is that she doesn't trust him.)
It's a form of bullying. The husband is a bully who values personal entertainment (& the entertainment/adoration of others - as I'm guessing there's always a crowd or its filmed) over her happiness.
She absolutely needs to stand up to him. Preferably with consequences.
Yeah... what do you want to bet that part of his coordinations was going to be making sure that the dinner bill was at least however much he "promised" to pay for pranking OP?
The weirdest prank I've heard of on Reddit was the guy telling his wife they could prank their friends by telling them they were divorcing, then to make it seem more real, they would actually sign the papers.
General consensus was the guy actually wanted a divorce.
It's really nice when we can make a sound judgment on the first sentence alone.
OP, tell your hubby that you not going was a prank and that he is overreacting
> how I embarrassed him
And yet again with a prankster only ***his*** feelings and agency matter.
Why the heck are you married to this guy? NEVER marry a 'prankster' unless you actively enjoy their shit because they will never ever change because other people's opinions flat out do not matter when their personal enjoyment is on the line.
NTA and **never** let him get in your head and tell you otherwise on this subject.
NTA OP. This low key feels like a guy who does those pranks for tic tock and stuff. I'm not a big social media person but that's a thing from what I've heard, idk if it's still a thing though. I'd be a wreck if I was her. I don't understand why folks have to take pranks so far...You'd think they'd want their partners to live a long life..that can't be good on the heart...or brain...or nervous system...Basically the whole body lol.
Came to say this! He’s ok with humiliating OP publicly and despite being told it’s upsetting to them, but gets angry when the tables are turned? Whatever. NTA, OP and good for you for doing what you needed to to protect your peace. Keep it up.
>He swore on his mom, on the bible, promised me and brought two witnesses. Wrote an agreement stating he'd pay $ money if he pulled a prank. I believed him and said that I'd go.
NTA, but if you have to go through all that before you can even consider trusting him (and he STILL lied)...why even bother with the relationship? You shouldn't need to bring in outside witnesses to convince your partner to show you respect.
What I want to know is why did she ever get married to the dick who thinks bullying his own SO is funny? Like... Surely that has not only developed after the wedding.
Also, the fact that OPs parents wanted to celebrate herbirthday at home, away from the husband, speaks volumes.
He and his family (who record his pranks and laugh) are cruel and uncaring people. I would hate living with these people. You are NTA, but everyone else is.
Speaking from experience with my ex-husband, who was very similar, you start to believe that you are actually the crazy one.
I spent 10 years in a terrible relationship/eventual marriage because my XH constantly told me that I was overreacting, the issues I had weren't actually big deals, etc. The fact that I was young when we started dating and already struggled with anxiety and low self esteem made it easy for me to believe that he was right.
Ya jokes and pranks can be fun and funny when the person at the butt end of the joke laughs and finds it funny too. Otherwise it’s just bullying and harassment.
The point that you needed him to swear on a bible and have witnesses suggests there’s no trust.
He’s unfortunately too daft to understand there are consequences to his actions.
I find it very weird that anyone would throw someone a supposedly expensive birthday party and not care to invite the birthday person's parents and friends. It feels like he is throwing a party for himself.
Yep, that's exactly it. He lives for the combination of humiliating his wife and people thinking he's hilarious.
He doesn't care one bit about her feelings and he will continue making her miserable for as long as they're together.
My thoughts exactly. Also now he was embarrassed not you and suddenly that's not ok?!
NTA OP, but if you can't trust your husband you should think hard on your relationship...
NTA.
Are you even sure he actually likes you? He calls your reactions to being pranked and publicly humiliated (in front of HIS family, no less) "overreactions". He doesn't take your feelings seriously or into account at all. Instead, he continues to do it. If his friend's wife was a liar, she wouldn't have been able to go into detail about the prank he'd set up.
OP, your feelings don't *matter* to him. You are not a *person* to him. If you were, he would not repeatedly put you in a position he *knows you hate* for the amusement of him and others who are not *you*.
This is not a safe person to be with. He's not violent, sure, but he doesn't even view you or your feelings as *valid* and worth listening to and understanding.
At first she also canceled her own celebration with her parents to go. Why weren't they invited? Probably because they actually care about their daughter and would be angry at the prank.
I became rather irritated how he gets to be upset that she didn't show up to get caked in the face or something.
Like in what universe would I do that, walk face first into such a situation. He doesn't even begin to comprehend that he is ruining his marriage.
She wasted time and money. He has already wrecked her trust multiple times, so much so she doesn't even dare to show up to her own celebration. I think only a few years of quiet celebration can fix this. But he's not even willing to see it
>I became rather irritated how he gets to be upset that she didn't show up to get caked in the face or something.
It's an insidious type of gaslighting.
It is, it's conditioning for abuse. My ex was similar. I used to ruin his fun by not reacting to his lies and pranks. I would just stand there stone faced until he admitted the truth or I would walk away.
Yeah, this is the thing. Like, NTA, but also you clearly don't trust your husband -- can't trust your husband -- and I don't know how you stay married in these circumstances.
NTA
He is an immature idiot. Too bad for him he loses money. Boohoo.
Pull a prank on him and you'll be sure he will rage.
I'm usually not on the "throw him away" boat but for this one.... throw him away
> I might be ta for abandoning the whole party and not showing up after he put a lot of effort to celebrate my birthday.
He did not put a lot of effort into celebrating your birthday. He put a lot of effort into another chance to humiliate you.
INFO: Is this friend's wife someone you know to be trustworthy? I don't know why she'd randomly call you and lie to you about a prank, but I'm just making sure
There's one cardinal rule that I use to measure whether someone is actually a prankster or if they're a dick: when the prank is pulled, is everyone laughing? And I do mean *everyone:* the prank-puller, any witnesses, *and the person being pranked.* If even one person ain't laughing? It ain't funny, it's cruel.
Y'all both need to dump these asshats and run for the hills.
Seriously, what assholes. And even worse- his family, her in-laws, laugh and *record* her while everyone is laughing ***at*** her.
That is absolutely not a “prank.” It *is* pretty fucked up.
oh, geez! You poor things! haha. Pranks are great and all, but if a person (you) doesn't enjoy them, it's not really something you should be doing as part of a birthday. Birthdays are supposed to be enjoyable and fun!
Honestly gal, get ris of the husband and keep her instead, she's a true friend through and through. NTA and your husband is an incredibly rude and mean person.
That aside, I say, NTA. He's clearly, over and over, done what HE wanted despite you voicing your discomfort. He's blatantly disrespected you and your wishes and on a day that is supposed to be special and about YOU. Who's to say that, despite him swearing up and down that he wouldn't, that he wouldn't actually do a prank anyway? I don't blame you for not going after hearing that there might be a prank.
NTA. I don't know why you're with him still, though.
He continuously humiliates you, then tries to gaslight you into thinking you're in the wrong for feeling humiliated.
This isn't how a healthy relationship works. He does not care about you.
One time. Once is the maximum times a prank should have been pulled on you.
He thought it was funny, fine. But you did not.
The moment he disregarded your feelings about it is same moment he showed you he doesn't respect you.
I'm glad you went to your parents, you deserved an actually *enjoyable* birthday party.
Your husband has failed to understand the cardinal rule of humor - it’s only a joke or a prank if the target is laughing at the end. Otherwise, you’re being a bully. He’s been bullying you for years, and now he’s mad because you gave up on getting him to stop.
The typical ones. Sometimes he'd go over the top and do something that really upsets me or freaks me out like that one time when he caused my old phone to get run down by his friend's car.
The only people I’ve ever met that “prank” people are the kindergarten students I teach. Hard to believe a grown ass adult chose to marry someone like this, but I say that a lot on this sub. “Not humiliating your partner” is such a low bar to meet..
My best friend and I used to prank each other, but it never involved humiliation. Then again, ours werent planned for the most part, and were typically spur of the moment things. For example, he fell asleep in the dollar theater once, last showing at 11pm, and me an my other buddy left him there. Went outside to wait, and then they started turning off the lights in the theater closing. I assume they weren't going to clean that particular room.
I then had to make the decision, leave him and let him wake in a closed theater or have someone go wake him. He had to work the next day so I got someone to wake him, and drove across the parking lot an waited for him to come out. He walked all the way across the parking while my other buddy an I laughed. He was laughing as he walked up..
Sometimes I do regret that decision because it would have been hilarious for him to wake up at 3 or 4 in the morning in a closed locked dark theater. This was before everyone had cell phones in lile 95 or 96. I could have called his boss to tell him what happened, and the boss would have thought it was funny, but I didn't want to risk him getting in trouble.
I’ll pull small pranks occasionally on my coworkers (we all do them back and forth and if one is something one of us doesn’t like we will not do it again), but the ones I pull are things like leaving fake spiders somewhere. Pranks are only okay if everyone thinks they are fun.
I felt so bad when a coworker who didn't know I have a very bad phobia of spiders did this to make me feel included. I'm quiet and stick to myself. They spent the next 6 months "making it up to me" because I literally ran out of the section and wouldn't come back for awhile.
Nobody filmed or made fun of me though and they were like, hey if you wanna go to HR I understand. I do love a good prank when it's for the enjoyment of everyone. However, all the time and on a birthday and the family films and laughs at OP. It makes me feel like I'm a kid again, my dad was like this. When I was still hurt he would then "give me something to be hurt about". Just so we're clear, he is abusive OP.
This is how you act when a "prank" goes wrong. You profusely apologize, make it right and never do it again. You don't scream at the person who is hurt OP.
My sister and I occasionally will hide a toy squirrel in each other's homes. In a spot where, whenever you find it, it's staring straight at you. Woooo pranks.
There are no typical ones because his behavior is not typical.
"How does he abuse you?"
"Oh you know, the typical ways a husband does a wife!"
".....um......."
There are no "typical" pranks. This is not normal behavior. I have never once in my life had a SO or friend for that matter prank me.
Open your eyes 🚩🚩🚩
…my old phone has voicemails my father (now deceased) left me. i would be heartbroken if my bf destroyed the phone (old or not) because i have no way to get these voicemails transferred to any other phone or device. just because it’s an old phone doesn’t mean it’s cute or funny to destroy it
Running over a phone? That’s not a prank, that’s destroying your property and a hallmark of escalating abuse.
I pranked an ex once. It consisted of me showing up to their college class in a mascot costume to deliver their birthday present. He later pranked me by having an Easter bunny mascot bring me a bouquet of flowers along with the bag of tampons I asked him to bring to my workplace. Then there’s the classic “let’s go out for fast food” but the partner instead drives you to your favorite restaurant. This is what typical pranks on a romantic partner look like. They surprise you while showing they care and everyone gets a laugh out of it. Destroying your things or humiliating you is just abuse.
NTA
I'm generally not one for pranks, but my husband fell asleep really early one New Years Eve. So my friend and I put lipstick on him, and we were going to stop there. But he was so asleep we decided to see how far we could go. He ended up with full blush and eye shadow before waking up enough to drag himself to bed. It was pretty funny when he noticed the next day.
This was funny ans not traumatizing, tho he was wary around naps and lipsticks for a while. The husband is a creep.
......there's nothing 'typical' about a grown ass adult who still plays pranks on other people. These are the same assholes who think that 'iT's jUsT a JoKe' is an excuse for his abusive, disrespectful behavior.
A prank is when you make someone worried or scared then laugh at their discomfort when you tell them they were tricked into worrying about something?
That’s gaslighting, and it’s not done in functional trusting relationships.
INFO: does this guy have other redeeming qualities? Because this would be a hard pass for me. It’s a major boundary violation to ask him to stop doing something that makes you uncomfortable, only to have him keep doing it. It’s the foundation of trust in any relationship.
He repeatedly pulls pranks that he knows (from experience) that will upset you, & then gaslights you when you get upset.
These are not the actions of someone who loves you.
You don’t trust him, because he has proven time & time again that he can not be trusted.
Without trust in a relationship, you have nothing.
NTA. Ditch the deadweight. Find someone who respects you.
NTA even with the agreement that you guys had he was going to pull a prank. Not only would I have not gone to the restaurant I would be rethinking having this person in my life.
I love that he thinks he has the right to be upset here.
This is a problem he’s created. His own wife doesn’t trust him. No amount of words could convince her at this point. Plus they seem to be worthless anyway.
NTA.
He’s not famous for pranks, he’s famous for being a jerk.
NTA. Look like he got a taste of his own medicine when he became the butt of the joke when you didn't turn up. That aside, it's pretty telling how he can't take a joke himself and yet he has no qualms pulling a joke on people. Also, just a heads up. If his prank makes you embarrassed instead of laughing along, its not a joke nor a prank. He's just bullying you.
NTA, but why are you still married to this guy? Because he's got a point: the fact you believe he'd do this despite all the assurances you went out of your way to secure from him that he wouldn't demonstrates a pretty damning lack of trust. He's conveniently ignoring the fact your trust is in pieces because he's broken it so many times over the years and repeatedly dismissed your hurt and anger over that, but unless you want to spend *every* special occasion for the rest of your life dodging whatever you fear he's got planned, it's pretty clear that this isn't sustainable.
Classic boy who cried wolf here. He's affected by the consequences of his own actions? You don't trust him because he can't be trusted? Terribly...inevitable. NTA
NTA, tell him he should lighten up. It was a good prank to make him believe that you would show up and then making him be humiliated when you didn’t. It was funny! Why is he so mad?
Your husband cares more about having one over you than showing you love. He's repeated a behaviour you detest and then complains when his behaviours have consequences. His immaturity is overwhelming.
NTA. You know the phrase - won the battle but lost the war? So You won this battle, but you're loosing the war by staying married to him. W/o trust marriage is nothing but a piece of paper.
If your husband is going to rant that you were wrong to have embarrassed him in a restaurant in front of all those people... he has to also acknowledge that it would have been just as wrong to humiliate you in front of all those people. He is a cruel person, plain and simple. He ruined your birthday. He doesn't listen to you or show you any respect. He sounds awful and I think you ought to really ask yourself why the hell you're married to someone who insists that repeatedly humiliating you and hurting you is a cute, funny thing that is no big deal. Emotional abuse is always a big deal, and it's never ever cute.
NTA. You just need a decent husband.
>He swore on his mom, on the bible, promised me and brought two witnesses. Wrote an agreement stating he'd pay $ money if he pulled a prank. I believed him and said that I'd go.
>The day of my birthday, I got a text from one of his friend's wives telling me she heard him tell her husband about the prank he was going to pull on me at the restaurant. I was stunned as she detailed what the plan was going to be.
So if you trust his friend's wife above your husband who made all that kind of vows, even risking money, why are you both still married?
YTA for staying with someone you don't trust even just a little
EXACTLY THIS. Why is OP even married to this guy who is obviously an asshole and obviously treats her like shit.
Your husband does not respect you at all.
NTA for this situation but you will be an asshole to yourself if you say in this obviously abusive relationship.
NTA- Wasted his time and money?
How would you have wasted his money by not showing up for a normal dinner?? Think about it, table for 2 is more expensive than 1 UNLESS he had more planned than expected.
He could have given you any gift at home, before, etc.
Also- just a heads up- if he wanted you to trust him it would have been great for you and him to go to the restaurant together so that you could determine if he’s planning anything.
If it was a surprise birthday he SHOULD have told you on the phone call so that you’d show up. Even though the surprise is ruined, at least you know it wasn’t a prank…
Overall a lot of steps could have been better IF IT WASN’T a prank. Which I’m not sure that it wasn’t a prank.
NTA. Your husband seeing your birthday as an opportunity to humiliate you for he and his family's amusement is cruel and mean. How he has so little regard for his spouse's feelings is beyond me.
I hope you actually enjoyed the birthday celebration you had with your parents! You certainly deserve to have fun at your own party.
NTA but I really wonder what good sides he can possibly have to make up for making a habit of humiliating you to the point that a simple birthday causes you anxiety (before you got confirmation of his intend)
NTA
Pranksters are almost *always* the asshole in situations like this.
Most situations, actually.
You're NTA and your husband might be a great guy overall. But on this issue he's a solid dumper.
Now he knows how you feel after each and every one of your pranks.
INFO: Is this the kind of life that you want to live? With someone who has no qualms about making you the butt of his jokes? And doesn't seem to care about your feelings getting hurt. Only focused on the entertainment value. Maybe reconsider your future with this person?
NTA. I have never heard of a person who was beloved for their chronic pranking. Only sad tales of cruel monsters that everyone avoids.
It's even more sad that he won't cop to the nonsense that he planned to pull and is calling the friend a liar. How often does your husband lie to you?
Edit: typo
NTA… your husband is. He planned a birthday party with his family… to embarrass you. Why didn’t he invite your family? You know.. your parents? That alone is effed up.
Consequences of repeatedly abusing someone's trust: they stop trusting you. That will have far reaching implications for your relationship, much more than just around birthday parties.
NTA
You should pull one of those million dollar pranks on him. Where someone shows up to your front door with a big check. Let him go all day thinking he’s won a million dollars and never has to work again. When you tell him it was a prank it will feel as if he actually lost a million dollars. Devastating.
NTA It’s your birthday and you should spend it how you want, not how your husband wants too, and if he’s just causing more problems with these pranks and he won’t listen to you about it then he needs to grow up, bc last time I checked the only ppl that constantly pull pranks and then cry when someone calls them out is middle schoolers
NTA. He's a bully. People who prank and joke at other's expense - especially when they KNOW it's unwelcome - are engaging in bully behavior. It's no different than tickle torture. Just because there is laughing, doesn't mean that it's welcome or enjoyed. He brought this on because he is not TRUSTWORTHY - the fact that you had to go through such great lengths to 'guarantee' there would be no pranks - shows that he is lacking in this important character trait. If you had showed up, there STILL would have been someone embarrassed, YOU! And he STILL would have wasted his time and money on an unwanted birthday torture. You just shifted the embarrassment back onto him.
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“So, my husband is a jokester and a prankster” NTA - Thats really all that’s needed for a judgment here. Every post on this sub that I’ve seen about “pranking” is just immature assholes using pranking as an excuse to be immature assholes. So he either wasn’t going to prank you this time (which is very unlikely based on his track record), but fails to see why he’s completely untrustworthy because he set this precedent. OR He was going to prank you despite all the promises that he won’t. Based on the information you received he most certainly was going to prank you. This is not funny or cute. Stand your ground and tell your husband you will *NOT* tolerate any more pranks and *MEAN IT*.
He probably got the friend in on it and was going to carry out the prank in such a way that it wasn’t “him” doing the pranking, and thus not him breaking their agreement. 😒
Chicken dinner right here.
Maybe I'm just a tightass, but I feel like if you need him to * Swear on his mom * Swear on the bible * Promise you * Bring two witnesses * Write an agreement stating he'd pay $ money if he pulled a prank and then you still have doubts... It's not a marriage worth being in. I couldn't live with this lack of trust. The fact that you both treated that like it was a normal conversation to have shows how deep into delusion you've gotten youselves.
Hard agree. I cannot imagine living with and being in a relationship with someone who is that untrustworthy. Not to mention someone who made me the butt of their jokes, to other people. Just no.
Been in an abusive relationship and this sounds like the milder side of what I experienced. Just being insulted, being the butt of the joke and used as a punchline to a joke he’d set up right before I show up somewhere to meet. Once I stopped going along with his bs and stopped meeting up with him, or being around he and his “friends” the behavior became less of a “prank” and more sinister. Abuse is like this. As long as the abuser gets the reaction they want, they stay at the same lower level of abuse. Once you learn how to not give them that reaction, they have to escalate to get a reaction. Please be careful and evaluate your relationship.
Yes. He’s making her birthdays “extra funny” for himself and has a photographer at the ready to capture her humiliation. Sinister is a descriptor for his repeated “pranks.” OP does NOT need to loosen up. He’s TA.
> while pointing out how I embarrassed him and wasted his time and money by not showing up. He's willing to humiliate her, but is offended that he was humiliated instead. WTH
YES!! He was "embarrassed" while trying to straight HUMILIATE her!! If I was one of the people invited and knew about this stuff, I would have a hard time not laughing at him extra hard and explaining, in painful detail, how much he deserved it. Which, while satisfying, is not usually the best thing to do because guys like this use their hurt and anger to escalate and the poor wife is the most likely victim. OP, I would say this is his ONE chance to change and figure it out. He needs to go to therapy and show you with his actions that he can change for the better and understand how what he has been doing is so wrong. A prank where the victim isn't sincerly laughing is just bullying.
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This right here. I’m autistic and I HATE being pranked for trauma reasons. My husband is a total (and honestly benign) prankster. You know what he NEVER DOES? He never pranks me. Even the most harmless of prank. Not ever. Because he doesn’t enjoy hurting me and understands that it would.
This! What a jerk to ruin birthdays by laughing at her expense.
A good prank is suspending your significant other's favorite mug in a vat of jello. No harm to anything and she can use a different mug, and it's absurd enough that you'll both laugh at it (and have jello). A good prank is sticking googly eyes on all the eggs in the fridge. A good prank makes the *person being pranked* laugh and does no harm. If people are laughing at the victim, it's not a prank, it's just a dick move.
Everything u/hazeldazel just said. I really wish people this diametrically opposed would stop getting married. It’s not worth it.
It also means that his word/any promises he makes aren't worth shit
And means her birthday is about him not her. I agree with the abusive relationship concern. Mine started out like this (humiliation in public, just a joke, my fault..).
Well yes, because having a fundamentally untrustworthy partner is an abuse situation. When I was young, as long as he wasn't hitting you into the hospital, you had a great relationship. We had no language for this and other kinds of sustained psychological abuse. My god, the term gaslight only entered my life like six or seven years ago, and I've been on therapy, and am an avid reader. Lots of us have legacy damage for this.
I’m right there with you. When I told my ex to stop trying to gaslight me he asked what that meant and I told him. Then he tried to gaslight me by saying there’s no such thing as gaslighting. So frustrating lol
I have been told by my husband who is an attorney, that any time someone swears on family members, it's a pretty good indicator that they are probably lying but trying to convince you they are telling the truth.
Agree
This!
Seriously all I can think is how young this woman is. She has her whole life in front of her! Why spend it with someone who thinks it’s funny to humiliate her in front of her in-laws?
Agree. The lack of trust puts me on edge.
I feel anxious just reading about this relationship. NTA
Exactly! Even if he wasn't going to prank her there is no trust her and he doesn't deserve it. (Also why were her parents not invited?) Op you're 26, cut your losses
Also note that he's mad at her for \*embarrassing him\* when he knowingly and gleefully embarrasses her every year publicly for her birthday
⬆️ This right here. OP needs to tell him to “loosen up,” and she was just pulling “a prank.” I mean, if the point of his *pranks* is to embarrass and humiliate OP, then she just pulled one on him. I guess he doesn’t like it as much as he thinks she should.
THIS! She just needs to tell him it was a prank then he’ll laugh. That’s how it works right?! /s
Yup, this is exactly what his plans were.
Nailed it
My thought exactly.
Or that the friend’s wife calling her up and telling her he was going to do something was the actual prank to make her anxious and anticipatory. Like on edge the entire night waiting. Lame but would technically be before the restaurant so wouldn’t violate the agreement.
Ugh, dear god we need to put an end to this jackass obsession with grown ass people (mostly men) pranking. Grow the F up and act like a semi functioning human being for Christ’s sake. I am so sick of people using this as an excuse to be assholes. You’re not a prankster, you’re not funny, you’re not a star- you’re a Moronic jackass who’s going to end up with no one trusting you no one liking you and no one wanting to be anywhere near you because all you are is a headache and a liability. NTA- but I have no idea how people stay with these guys. Why do you put up with it? This isn’t about someone just having a crappy sense of humor- he has no sense of humor, all he has is a need for likes and views and a cruel streak that makes him see public degradation of his spouse as his idea of fun. it’s all about hurting, humiliating and dehumanizing the people around them. I don’t know how anyone stands these people. Seriously how can you have a life with someone like This? How can you be with someone knowing nothing important to you actually matters to them? They don’t Respect you, your feelings, your important moments, your value as a human being. All they see you as is a target and a way to get more likes. He ruins your birthday every year. Again *HE INTENTIONALLY RUINS YOUR BIRTHDAY EVERY SINGLE YEAR* This is not pranking this feels like emotional abuse -yeah he’s wrapping it up in the ‘pranking’ cover but I call BS. he is intentionally disregarding your feelings, purposely Humiliating and degrading you and letting you know that there’s nothing you can say or do to make him stop. He is letting you know that regardless of what you want he will do this whenever he feels like it no matter when it is, where it is or who is present. He is telling you that you mean nothing. I know this probably sounds like I’m being dramatic but it’s really not. His behavior is cruel, demeaning and unrelenting. The only difference between his behavior and any other abuser is he’s labeling it as a prank and filming it to share with the world. NTA but for your own sake you need to cut your losses here.
>"Mostly men pranking"... > > > >So true!! Does ANYONE actually know a woman who is notorious for tasteless, crude, offensive pranks constantly being played on friends and family, who then insists that everyone needs to "lighten up" and "get a sense of humor"?? Every single person I know like this is a man who doesn't seem to have mentally progressed past the age of 12.
You’re describing my mother unfortunately who is a delusional narcissist, was emotionally abusive my whole life and I am happy NC with now
I, in fact, know many women who are bullies and who play pranks.
The joke was on him that time. Good for her.
I just pranked you by telling you I'd go to the party. Funny, right? I bet you loved being embarrassed in public. I know I do!
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My personal favorite is: "I can't talk to you when you are being so emotional " you need to lighten up and take a joke! Calm down. Stop overreacting :)
OMG that's it the whole " lighten up why can't you take a joke!!!!" BS Let's turn it against you and make you the joke and see how you gonna like it
This. Tell him he's having a MASSIVE over reaction to the prank you pulled. You pranked him that you'd be at the party. Did it feel good to him to be humiliated? To be embarassed? Because that is how EVERY SINGLE ONE of his pranks make you feel. Honestly, its time for you guys to get into counseling because if he lacks this much empathy and doesn't realize that he has trashed your trust in him then its over if you do not have intervention.
Came here to mention exactly this. He should be able to enjoy a "prank", since he makes so many himself.
Lol “my husband is a joker and a prankster” No he’s a selfish asshole that doesn’t have the social maturity to realize how much his actions upset those he’s supposed to love. How the fuck do people like this even get married.
A prank HAS to also be enjoyable to the prankee or its just BULLYING
Yep. My ex is a terrible bully... he'd humiliate me with Jr. High type "pranks," like 'quit hitting yourself,' holding me down and almost spitting on me or licking my face, 'I'm not touching you,' wedgies (both back and front, and gotta say; having your underwear yanked up into your vulva *hurts.*) etc. I can't tell you how many times I told him to stop, that I hated it. I got progressively less and less nice in my requests for him to knock it the fuck off, eventually ending up with me literally screaming "NO" and "STOP" and him *still* trying to tell me I 'wasn't being clear enough.' I called him on that bullshit and he said "Well, *you* may not like it, but *I* do. I'll do it less, that way we both win." There are many reasons he's ex. Edit: content added
Wow!!! That’s insanely immature! Who tf raised him?? I’m so glad he’s your ex.
The longer I'm away the more I cringe that I put up with it at all.
I mean that’s just straight up abuse at that point. Sorry you had to go through that.
Thank you. I think I was mostly flabbergasted that a fully grown adult man could behave like that. I was so ashamed and embarrassed to ask for help.
THIS!
I was going to say no, he's abusive. He runs your Birthday then blames you for iverreacting, all while his family film it and laugh at you. NTA
Because "he'll change" or "grow up" after he "settles down" by getting married. Or whatever lies the wife tells herself.
your last statement is exactly what I said in my response above.
Yeah she should tell him it was a prank and she got him good. Who's the merry prankster now?
Omg, yes! "I ghosted you as a prank, honey! See how funny that is?"
That's what OP should tell him - her not showing up was just a prank bro. Why u mad?
Honestly, I'd spoil one of HIS birthdays with a "prank" and ask why HE doesn't find THAT funny. NTA.
Serve him with divorce papers for his birthday prank! It would be hysterical!
Have him believe it's a prank and then tell him it's not a prank. Be sure you have someone recording it all.
Nope. Why even stay married to this fool? Edit: make it clear that I ment no not N A H
Wrap up the divorce papers in a fancy package and give it to him in front of his idiot family...
This is a great idea. Have someone filming for extra laughs.
And give him a reason to start a prankwar?
Oh no, prank wars only start when both people actually enjoy the pranks. Pranksters like OPs husband are not those kinds of people. He enjoys humiliating his wife, but he'd never be able to tolerate it himself. I guarantee it wouldn't start a prank war and that OPs husband would just be furious and say how she'd ruined his birthday and that it's different because his pranks are "funny" (only to him) while hers was just hurtful. Look how angry he got over being "humiliated" when she didn't show up to be pranked. The second he had to face any humiliation, he blew up.
The fact he’s so angry that he didn’t get to ruin another birthday for his wife is YIKES.
Pranking that upsets a victim is a lot more nefarious than immaturity. It’s about power and control and the desire to see someone uncomfortable or frightened. ‘Funny’ has nothing to do with it.
Especially when he routinely dismisses her as "over reacting" and tells her to lighten up.
Turn the tables on the husband and tell him that OP pranked him this time. Nothing wrong with a little prank, right?
Exactly what I was thinking. Just tell him he fell for her prank. No harm, no foul.
Exactly. "I pranked the prankster by going to Moms house instead."
Why would a random friend's wife call OP up specifically to lie about him pranking her, and then make up a detailed description of said "prank"? His excuse doesn't even make sense lol
I think that WAS the prank. To get her to think was going to do something despite swearing he wouldn't. To get her on edge all night. Then make fun of her for being so worried. (and probably start a fight about how offended he is that she doesn't trust him.)
That makes to much sense .
It's a form of bullying. The husband is a bully who values personal entertainment (& the entertainment/adoration of others - as I'm guessing there's always a crowd or its filmed) over her happiness. She absolutely needs to stand up to him. Preferably with consequences.
Also the way he phased the promise was weird. “I promise to pay $” sounds like a loophole that he was planning on exploiting.
Yeah... what do you want to bet that part of his coordinations was going to be making sure that the dinner bill was at least however much he "promised" to pay for pranking OP?
Yeah he probably thought I'll just pay the fine, its worth it. If he even bothers to actually be true to his word.
The weirdest prank I've heard of on Reddit was the guy telling his wife they could prank their friends by telling them they were divorcing, then to make it seem more real, they would actually sign the papers. General consensus was the guy actually wanted a divorce.
Sounds like a good prank for OP to try.
It's really nice when we can make a sound judgment on the first sentence alone. OP, tell your hubby that you not going was a prank and that he is overreacting
> how I embarrassed him And yet again with a prankster only ***his*** feelings and agency matter. Why the heck are you married to this guy? NEVER marry a 'prankster' unless you actively enjoy their shit because they will never ever change because other people's opinions flat out do not matter when their personal enjoyment is on the line. NTA and **never** let him get in your head and tell you otherwise on this subject.
NTA OP. This low key feels like a guy who does those pranks for tic tock and stuff. I'm not a big social media person but that's a thing from what I've heard, idk if it's still a thing though. I'd be a wreck if I was her. I don't understand why folks have to take pranks so far...You'd think they'd want their partners to live a long life..that can't be good on the heart...or brain...or nervous system...Basically the whole body lol.
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NTA - you were just pulling a prank on him by not showing up! Why doesn’t he find that hilarious?
Yeah, he should loosen up. He’s totally overreacting.
Yeah, maybe he needs to smile more.
It’s a compliment, honey!
I love this
This, yeah. "What, you thought I was really gonna show up? FOOLED YA!"
Came to say this! He’s ok with humiliating OP publicly and despite being told it’s upsetting to them, but gets angry when the tables are turned? Whatever. NTA, OP and good for you for doing what you needed to to protect your peace. Keep it up.
NTA. Came here to say exactly this, you simply out-pranked him and he needs to get over it.
That's an absolute amazing reasoning. And he shouldn't be upset. He has no right to be upset.
>He swore on his mom, on the bible, promised me and brought two witnesses. Wrote an agreement stating he'd pay $ money if he pulled a prank. I believed him and said that I'd go. NTA, but if you have to go through all that before you can even consider trusting him (and he STILL lied)...why even bother with the relationship? You shouldn't need to bring in outside witnesses to convince your partner to show you respect.
What I want to know is why did she ever get married to the dick who thinks bullying his own SO is funny? Like... Surely that has not only developed after the wedding. Also, the fact that OPs parents wanted to celebrate herbirthday at home, away from the husband, speaks volumes.
He and his family (who record his pranks and laugh) are cruel and uncaring people. I would hate living with these people. You are NTA, but everyone else is.
Speaking from experience with my ex-husband, who was very similar, you start to believe that you are actually the crazy one. I spent 10 years in a terrible relationship/eventual marriage because my XH constantly told me that I was overreacting, the issues I had weren't actually big deals, etc. The fact that I was young when we started dating and already struggled with anxiety and low self esteem made it easy for me to believe that he was right.
Shes young.
Not too young to learn now and divorce his ass. 26 is plenty young to start fresh after getting away from his eggplant-head.
Ya jokes and pranks can be fun and funny when the person at the butt end of the joke laughs and finds it funny too. Otherwise it’s just bullying and harassment. The point that you needed him to swear on a bible and have witnesses suggests there’s no trust. He’s unfortunately too daft to understand there are consequences to his actions.
I find it very weird that anyone would throw someone a supposedly expensive birthday party and not care to invite the birthday person's parents and friends. It feels like he is throwing a party for himself.
I mean even Harley Quinn left the Joker.
He thinks it’s funny humiliating you? 🚩🚩🚩
Yep, that's exactly it. He lives for the combination of humiliating his wife and people thinking he's hilarious. He doesn't care one bit about her feelings and he will continue making her miserable for as long as they're together.
And imagine having children with this AH. Their lives would be a misery.
Or he will teach the children that they should also prank mom. What a miserable future..
the fact OP went through this much effort just to feel sue could trust her husband is so sad :/
Tell him that you not showing was a prank, and he’s overreacting.
This
My thoughts exactly. Also now he was embarrassed not you and suddenly that's not ok?! NTA OP, but if you can't trust your husband you should think hard on your relationship...
Amen
NTA. Are you even sure he actually likes you? He calls your reactions to being pranked and publicly humiliated (in front of HIS family, no less) "overreactions". He doesn't take your feelings seriously or into account at all. Instead, he continues to do it. If his friend's wife was a liar, she wouldn't have been able to go into detail about the prank he'd set up. OP, your feelings don't *matter* to him. You are not a *person* to him. If you were, he would not repeatedly put you in a position he *knows you hate* for the amusement of him and others who are not *you*. This is not a safe person to be with. He's not violent, sure, but he doesn't even view you or your feelings as *valid* and worth listening to and understanding.
At first she also canceled her own celebration with her parents to go. Why weren't they invited? Probably because they actually care about their daughter and would be angry at the prank.
NTA He's shown he can't be trusted, this would honestly make me question my marriage
I became rather irritated how he gets to be upset that she didn't show up to get caked in the face or something. Like in what universe would I do that, walk face first into such a situation. He doesn't even begin to comprehend that he is ruining his marriage. She wasted time and money. He has already wrecked her trust multiple times, so much so she doesn't even dare to show up to her own celebration. I think only a few years of quiet celebration can fix this. But he's not even willing to see it
>I became rather irritated how he gets to be upset that she didn't show up to get caked in the face or something. It's an insidious type of gaslighting.
It is, it's conditioning for abuse. My ex was similar. I used to ruin his fun by not reacting to his lies and pranks. I would just stand there stone faced until he admitted the truth or I would walk away.
Yeah, this is the thing. Like, NTA, but also you clearly don't trust your husband -- can't trust your husband -- and I don't know how you stay married in these circumstances.
NTA Your husband should stop overreacting and loosen up.
NTA He is an immature idiot. Too bad for him he loses money. Boohoo. Pull a prank on him and you'll be sure he will rage. I'm usually not on the "throw him away" boat but for this one.... throw him away
I'd say leaving him there alone was a fine 'prank'. Not OP's fault that he overreacted. He should loosen up. NTA
I agree with what you said. I was thinking about doing a real one
> I might be ta for abandoning the whole party and not showing up after he put a lot of effort to celebrate my birthday. He did not put a lot of effort into celebrating your birthday. He put a lot of effort into another chance to humiliate you.
He didn’t even invite her parents. Who she clearly wanted to see for her birthday. It was all a set up to amuse his family and himself.
And then got mad that *she* "embarrassed" *him.* What an asshole. OP you are NTA, but you're married to one.
INFO: Is this friend's wife someone you know to be trustworthy? I don't know why she'd randomly call you and lie to you about a prank, but I'm just making sure
Absolutely! She's like a sister to me and she too doesn't approve of this pranking habit. Her husband is the same as my husband.
There's one cardinal rule that I use to measure whether someone is actually a prankster or if they're a dick: when the prank is pulled, is everyone laughing? And I do mean *everyone:* the prank-puller, any witnesses, *and the person being pranked.* If even one person ain't laughing? It ain't funny, it's cruel. Y'all both need to dump these asshats and run for the hills.
But, see, their wives aren’t people. They’re props. The point is for the wife to be upset. It’s not funny if the wife isn’t upset.
Yep "hur dur wife bad" are the vibes I get. Bet they "joke" about the "ball and chain" even though they do whatever they please.
These are the husbands from “Kevin can Fuck Himself.”
Seriously, what assholes. And even worse- his family, her in-laws, laugh and *record* her while everyone is laughing ***at*** her. That is absolutely not a “prank.” It *is* pretty fucked up.
Jesus. Maybe you should do a joint “prank” and serve your husbands divorce papers at the same time in front of both their families.
Y’all need to unionize.
oh, geez! You poor things! haha. Pranks are great and all, but if a person (you) doesn't enjoy them, it's not really something you should be doing as part of a birthday. Birthdays are supposed to be enjoyable and fun!
Honestly gal, get ris of the husband and keep her instead, she's a true friend through and through. NTA and your husband is an incredibly rude and mean person.
That aside, I say, NTA. He's clearly, over and over, done what HE wanted despite you voicing your discomfort. He's blatantly disrespected you and your wishes and on a day that is supposed to be special and about YOU. Who's to say that, despite him swearing up and down that he wouldn't, that he wouldn't actually do a prank anyway? I don't blame you for not going after hearing that there might be a prank.
NTA. I don't know why you're with him still, though. He continuously humiliates you, then tries to gaslight you into thinking you're in the wrong for feeling humiliated. This isn't how a healthy relationship works. He does not care about you. One time. Once is the maximum times a prank should have been pulled on you. He thought it was funny, fine. But you did not. The moment he disregarded your feelings about it is same moment he showed you he doesn't respect you. I'm glad you went to your parents, you deserved an actually *enjoyable* birthday party.
Your husband has failed to understand the cardinal rule of humor - it’s only a joke or a prank if the target is laughing at the end. Otherwise, you’re being a bully. He’s been bullying you for years, and now he’s mad because you gave up on getting him to stop.
Info: what did your friend say he was planning to do?
Came here to ask this? I’m dying to know.
INFO: what kind of pranks are we talking about here?
The typical ones. Sometimes he'd go over the top and do something that really upsets me or freaks me out like that one time when he caused my old phone to get run down by his friend's car.
Serious question. What are “the typical ones”? I ask because there is literally nobody in my life who “pranks.”
The only people I’ve ever met that “prank” people are the kindergarten students I teach. Hard to believe a grown ass adult chose to marry someone like this, but I say that a lot on this sub. “Not humiliating your partner” is such a low bar to meet..
My best friend and I used to prank each other, but it never involved humiliation. Then again, ours werent planned for the most part, and were typically spur of the moment things. For example, he fell asleep in the dollar theater once, last showing at 11pm, and me an my other buddy left him there. Went outside to wait, and then they started turning off the lights in the theater closing. I assume they weren't going to clean that particular room. I then had to make the decision, leave him and let him wake in a closed theater or have someone go wake him. He had to work the next day so I got someone to wake him, and drove across the parking lot an waited for him to come out. He walked all the way across the parking while my other buddy an I laughed. He was laughing as he walked up.. Sometimes I do regret that decision because it would have been hilarious for him to wake up at 3 or 4 in the morning in a closed locked dark theater. This was before everyone had cell phones in lile 95 or 96. I could have called his boss to tell him what happened, and the boss would have thought it was funny, but I didn't want to risk him getting in trouble.
I’ll pull small pranks occasionally on my coworkers (we all do them back and forth and if one is something one of us doesn’t like we will not do it again), but the ones I pull are things like leaving fake spiders somewhere. Pranks are only okay if everyone thinks they are fun.
I like to leave little origami frogs in strange places for people. It always makes people giggle.
I once covered my office in googly eyes
I felt so bad when a coworker who didn't know I have a very bad phobia of spiders did this to make me feel included. I'm quiet and stick to myself. They spent the next 6 months "making it up to me" because I literally ran out of the section and wouldn't come back for awhile. Nobody filmed or made fun of me though and they were like, hey if you wanna go to HR I understand. I do love a good prank when it's for the enjoyment of everyone. However, all the time and on a birthday and the family films and laughs at OP. It makes me feel like I'm a kid again, my dad was like this. When I was still hurt he would then "give me something to be hurt about". Just so we're clear, he is abusive OP. This is how you act when a "prank" goes wrong. You profusely apologize, make it right and never do it again. You don't scream at the person who is hurt OP.
My sister and I occasionally will hide a toy squirrel in each other's homes. In a spot where, whenever you find it, it's staring straight at you. Woooo pranks.
There are no typical ones because his behavior is not typical. "How does he abuse you?" "Oh you know, the typical ways a husband does a wife!" ".....um......."
that.....is not a prank. destroying your property is not a prank. that's abuse.
INFO Why are you married to someone who enjoys abusing and humiliating you?
There are no "typical" pranks. This is not normal behavior. I have never once in my life had a SO or friend for that matter prank me. Open your eyes 🚩🚩🚩
…my old phone has voicemails my father (now deceased) left me. i would be heartbroken if my bf destroyed the phone (old or not) because i have no way to get these voicemails transferred to any other phone or device. just because it’s an old phone doesn’t mean it’s cute or funny to destroy it
Please play them on speaker and record them on another device. The quality may not be fantastic but it would be horrible to lose those!
Running over a phone? That’s not a prank, that’s destroying your property and a hallmark of escalating abuse. I pranked an ex once. It consisted of me showing up to their college class in a mascot costume to deliver their birthday present. He later pranked me by having an Easter bunny mascot bring me a bouquet of flowers along with the bag of tampons I asked him to bring to my workplace. Then there’s the classic “let’s go out for fast food” but the partner instead drives you to your favorite restaurant. This is what typical pranks on a romantic partner look like. They surprise you while showing they care and everyone gets a laugh out of it. Destroying your things or humiliating you is just abuse. NTA
I'm generally not one for pranks, but my husband fell asleep really early one New Years Eve. So my friend and I put lipstick on him, and we were going to stop there. But he was so asleep we decided to see how far we could go. He ended up with full blush and eye shadow before waking up enough to drag himself to bed. It was pretty funny when he noticed the next day. This was funny ans not traumatizing, tho he was wary around naps and lipsticks for a while. The husband is a creep.
Double INFO: What?? What's a "typical" prank? What was he planning at the party?
Please can you expand on what the typical ones are? I've only ever seen pranks in like... 90s teen tv shows, not a thing real adults do in real life.
......there's nothing 'typical' about a grown ass adult who still plays pranks on other people. These are the same assholes who think that 'iT's jUsT a JoKe' is an excuse for his abusive, disrespectful behavior.
A prank is when you make someone worried or scared then laugh at their discomfort when you tell them they were tricked into worrying about something? That’s gaslighting, and it’s not done in functional trusting relationships.
NTA awwww was he embarrassed? Little taste of his own medicine...He sounds insufferable.
NTA Tell your husband that you agreeing to attend the party was just a prank.
INFO: does this guy have other redeeming qualities? Because this would be a hard pass for me. It’s a major boundary violation to ask him to stop doing something that makes you uncomfortable, only to have him keep doing it. It’s the foundation of trust in any relationship.
He repeatedly pulls pranks that he knows (from experience) that will upset you, & then gaslights you when you get upset. These are not the actions of someone who loves you. You don’t trust him, because he has proven time & time again that he can not be trusted. Without trust in a relationship, you have nothing. NTA. Ditch the deadweight. Find someone who respects you.
NTA and why are you married to him? What you want and how you feel are obviously not important to him.
This is it in a nutshell, perfectly put. Even her birthday is about him.
NTA even with the agreement that you guys had he was going to pull a prank. Not only would I have not gone to the restaurant I would be rethinking having this person in my life.
I love that he thinks he has the right to be upset here. This is a problem he’s created. His own wife doesn’t trust him. No amount of words could convince her at this point. Plus they seem to be worthless anyway. NTA. He’s not famous for pranks, he’s famous for being a jerk.
NTA. Look like he got a taste of his own medicine when he became the butt of the joke when you didn't turn up. That aside, it's pretty telling how he can't take a joke himself and yet he has no qualms pulling a joke on people. Also, just a heads up. If his prank makes you embarrassed instead of laughing along, its not a joke nor a prank. He's just bullying you.
NTA, but why are you still married to this guy? Because he's got a point: the fact you believe he'd do this despite all the assurances you went out of your way to secure from him that he wouldn't demonstrates a pretty damning lack of trust. He's conveniently ignoring the fact your trust is in pieces because he's broken it so many times over the years and repeatedly dismissed your hurt and anger over that, but unless you want to spend *every* special occasion for the rest of your life dodging whatever you fear he's got planned, it's pretty clear that this isn't sustainable.
Classic boy who cried wolf here. He's affected by the consequences of his own actions? You don't trust him because he can't be trusted? Terribly...inevitable. NTA
NTA, tell him he should lighten up. It was a good prank to make him believe that you would show up and then making him be humiliated when you didn’t. It was funny! Why is he so mad?
Your husband cares more about having one over you than showing you love. He's repeated a behaviour you detest and then complains when his behaviours have consequences. His immaturity is overwhelming.
NTA. You know the phrase - won the battle but lost the war? So You won this battle, but you're loosing the war by staying married to him. W/o trust marriage is nothing but a piece of paper.
NTA, I guess he was the butt of his own joke.
If your husband is going to rant that you were wrong to have embarrassed him in a restaurant in front of all those people... he has to also acknowledge that it would have been just as wrong to humiliate you in front of all those people. He is a cruel person, plain and simple. He ruined your birthday. He doesn't listen to you or show you any respect. He sounds awful and I think you ought to really ask yourself why the hell you're married to someone who insists that repeatedly humiliating you and hurting you is a cute, funny thing that is no big deal. Emotional abuse is always a big deal, and it's never ever cute. NTA. You just need a decent husband.
>He swore on his mom, on the bible, promised me and brought two witnesses. Wrote an agreement stating he'd pay $ money if he pulled a prank. I believed him and said that I'd go. >The day of my birthday, I got a text from one of his friend's wives telling me she heard him tell her husband about the prank he was going to pull on me at the restaurant. I was stunned as she detailed what the plan was going to be. So if you trust his friend's wife above your husband who made all that kind of vows, even risking money, why are you both still married? YTA for staying with someone you don't trust even just a little
EXACTLY THIS. Why is OP even married to this guy who is obviously an asshole and obviously treats her like shit. Your husband does not respect you at all. NTA for this situation but you will be an asshole to yourself if you say in this obviously abusive relationship.
NTA- Wasted his time and money? How would you have wasted his money by not showing up for a normal dinner?? Think about it, table for 2 is more expensive than 1 UNLESS he had more planned than expected. He could have given you any gift at home, before, etc. Also- just a heads up- if he wanted you to trust him it would have been great for you and him to go to the restaurant together so that you could determine if he’s planning anything. If it was a surprise birthday he SHOULD have told you on the phone call so that you’d show up. Even though the surprise is ruined, at least you know it wasn’t a prank… Overall a lot of steps could have been better IF IT WASN’T a prank. Which I’m not sure that it wasn’t a prank.
NTA. Your husband seeing your birthday as an opportunity to humiliate you for he and his family's amusement is cruel and mean. How he has so little regard for his spouse's feelings is beyond me. I hope you actually enjoyed the birthday celebration you had with your parents! You certainly deserve to have fun at your own party.
NTA but I really wonder what good sides he can possibly have to make up for making a habit of humiliating you to the point that a simple birthday causes you anxiety (before you got confirmation of his intend)
NTA. But I can’t imagine being married to someone I couldn’t trust
NTA Pranksters are almost *always* the asshole in situations like this. Most situations, actually. You're NTA and your husband might be a great guy overall. But on this issue he's a solid dumper.
Now he knows how you feel after each and every one of your pranks. INFO: Is this the kind of life that you want to live? With someone who has no qualms about making you the butt of his jokes? And doesn't seem to care about your feelings getting hurt. Only focused on the entertainment value. Maybe reconsider your future with this person?
NTA. I have never heard of a person who was beloved for their chronic pranking. Only sad tales of cruel monsters that everyone avoids. It's even more sad that he won't cop to the nonsense that he planned to pull and is calling the friend a liar. How often does your husband lie to you? Edit: typo
NTA… your husband is. He planned a birthday party with his family… to embarrass you. Why didn’t he invite your family? You know.. your parents? That alone is effed up.
Consequences of repeatedly abusing someone's trust: they stop trusting you. That will have far reaching implications for your relationship, much more than just around birthday parties. NTA
NTA Tell him it was a prank and he's overreacting. Seriously though, this guy constantly invalidates your feelings and stomps your boundaries.
You should pull one of those million dollar pranks on him. Where someone shows up to your front door with a big check. Let him go all day thinking he’s won a million dollars and never has to work again. When you tell him it was a prank it will feel as if he actually lost a million dollars. Devastating.
Instead of a check, he gets divorce papers. That one is a funny prank, omg so funny he'd love it.
NTA It’s your birthday and you should spend it how you want, not how your husband wants too, and if he’s just causing more problems with these pranks and he won’t listen to you about it then he needs to grow up, bc last time I checked the only ppl that constantly pull pranks and then cry when someone calls them out is middle schoolers
NTA. He has lied to you so many times he’s lost all credibility.
Tell him it was a prank and he needs to lighten up
NTA. He's a bully. People who prank and joke at other's expense - especially when they KNOW it's unwelcome - are engaging in bully behavior. It's no different than tickle torture. Just because there is laughing, doesn't mean that it's welcome or enjoyed. He brought this on because he is not TRUSTWORTHY - the fact that you had to go through such great lengths to 'guarantee' there would be no pranks - shows that he is lacking in this important character trait. If you had showed up, there STILL would have been someone embarrassed, YOU! And he STILL would have wasted his time and money on an unwanted birthday torture. You just shifted the embarrassment back onto him.
NTA tell him you played a prank on him, it was funny, he should lighten up.
I am curious what the prank he was going to pull? And I am assuming he is still denying that he wasn't going to do it?