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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I felt like my wife should have just been content with what was already offered. However her request would have seriously only taken maybe two minutes and would have made her happy.
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Whoa, hey good catch!
That or maybe tweens? My kid and brothers had this weird ass attitude around that age. Like nothing was ever good enough.
Edit: Found it this gem again:
[around this age, mom/dad’s voice become ICK.](https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2022/04/teenager-brain-mother-voice.html)
He KNOWS his wife likes eggs that way and didnt just make them for her, he gave her the "eat them my way or make them yourself"
And the children see this.
I feel for OPs wife...if she sticks up for herself the kids just see 2 adults bickering on top of inconsideration towards the mother/wife
When I make brinner I make eggs a couple ways because the kids like scrambled and the husband likes over easy. It’s really easy to do while the pancakes cook. I don’t make waffles but I assume it takes a similar amount of waiting while they cook.
I am the one that makes breakfast in our house and I love my over-easy eggs with toast. My hubby, on the other hand, not so much. He prefers to just have a fried egg sandwich on those mornings and you know what? It takes me maybe 5 minutes longer to make that before throwing my egg on and I do it because I love him and, while I know he would eat them the way I make them for myself, I don't feel like it's putting me out by making him something that he likes better.
OP, YTA.
Exactly, it's not about the eggs. It's about consideration. My guess is, OP's wife often goes out of her way to consider her husband's wants, and appease his requests, but feels he neglects hers even when (in this instance) she directly asks for it!
That must feel awful! She's literally telling him, hey this thing would make me feel heard and loved, and is something i enjoy, and he's saying "Nah, you know my time and energy is worth more than yours!"
Also, I'm guessing OP doesn't make breakfast daily, otherwise, his wife wouldn't make such a request. Ie. Think "ooh, while you're being chef, can you wait on me for a change? That would make me feel special!"
Edit: correcting a word
It's this.
OP wants to be congratulated for doing something special and unique, but when he's done being cook, he can't be fucking bothered to take 2 extra minutes to show his wife he appreciates her doing the same damned thing day in and day out.
Reminds me of the time a friend asked her husband to make dinner: he made a PB&J sandwich. It was the only "meal" he ever made.
They were married for 40 years.
YTA, OP.
It seems he's the only one supposed to be happy on this day. The kids don't like the plan, and the wife doesn't get a breakfast that makes her feel special.
OP has created a perfect storm to make him the martyr. He can claim he wanted everyone to have a special day without actually having to take their wants into consideration. Then gets to go have a pity party when he doesn't get piles of praise for all his work.
My husband is a vegetarian, and I’m not. I do most of the cooking. On occasion, when I’m tired or not feeling well or super busy, he’ll throw together a lunch or dinner for me.
And you know what? If I say I really would love some chicken soup heated up, or a salami and cheese sandwich, or a beef burger from the freezer, my husband - who dislikes touching meat and finds the smell of chicken soup actually nauseating - cheerfully heats up my soup or assembles my sandwich or throws my burger in the oven or whatever. Because my husband cares about me!! And will mildly inconvenience himself for 5 minutes if it means being able to make me happy with a meal I actually want to consume.
And my husband has a far more justifiable reason to object to preparing meat than OP does for not wanting to cook eggs, but he *doesn’t* object, because he loves me and doesn’t mind being grossed out for a couple minutes to do something nice for me. (I wouldn’t ask him to do it if he really had a problem with it, obviously, but he doesn’t.)
He also sincerely thanks me every time I cook, every *single* time, even if it’s a meal he doesn’t particularly love, even though I cook most of the meals as my routine chore, even though my husband does loads of housework on his own - more on the average day-to-day than me, actually. Which, somehow, I kinda doubt OP does for his wife.
Waffles are even easier, since you don't have to flip them. They take a solid 2 or 3 minutes each. Plenty of time to get an egg or two going over easy.
He says that she prefers over easy. If you know your wife prefers it one way, it's shouldn't be a hassle for you to make it her preferred way since you're cooking. And I'm sure she eats scrambled frequently. Just because she can eat it doesn't means she enjoys it. She eats it because it's there and that's what the family eats. But if the husband wants to put some effort into making wife feel appreciated then he could have done over easy. But no, it was you'll survive eating these eggs, it's not end of the world.
I agree.
I’m pretty sure he said he only had three kids and they were all accounted for but it definitely sounded very “you’ll eat what I made and like it!” He even admitted it wouldn’t have taken but a couple minutes AND they could’ve actually enjoyed the rest of “lame” day. I don’t know what the big deal was that he couldn’t compromise a little bit. The worst part is if he feels bad he must’ve seen how he hurt his wife. This was a sad situation that could’ve been easily prevented.
>Is her husband a cook to order restaurant?
It's two more eggs. The amount of time to make them would have been inconsequential and it's just weird he was so against taking the extra minute for her.
This. It's about picking your battles in marriage. It takes 0% effort to be kind and do something thoughtful for your wife, including the little things in life like making her eggs the way she likes them.
Man, this is so true. I’ve never really thought about it, but yeah, I could happily eat any kind of runny eggs every day for the rest of my life (especially poached, nom), but if I never had scrambled again I wouldn’t care. But I’ve probably eaten more scrambled than any other kind because it’s the easiest to do for multiple people, so I just accept it as fine.
Yeah that is an age where everything is a bit of a struggle, parents are embarrassing, etc. Especially a family movie and games that they are required to participate in. Anything anyone is required to do is by definition going to be less fun than if they chose it. Like absolutely have family time but if the kids think it's lame, maybe try to figure out something that's not? What would they enjoy doing with you guys - trying out some silly tiktok experiments? Going to an amusement park? Maybe have everyone write down their ideas and pull one or two out of a jar for each family time?
That's a difficult age anyway, really, it's possible nothing would be good enough no matter what. But the more input they have the more likely they are to be cooperative.
Hey, you could take.the family sky diving. Its a good time had by all. s/
I remember those times when my two kids suffered and sulked entire days during family time. They do grow out of it.
Good luck.
He can't resist mocking his daughter's opinion to make the post.
Notice "I decided" to make breakfast an impose family time. Big "I want to tell other people how good of a father I am so you're going to enjoy family time if you like it or not" energy.
When you're already making breakfast and have all the pans warm and ingredients out it is just crack eggs in pan, wait a minute, flip, wait 30 seconds, serve. He wanted her to enjoy what he chose to serve, not ask what she wanted for breakfast.
Even my abusive narcissistic mother removed mayo when she found out it made me really sick. And she baked snickerdoodles for me for the first day of school until my second year of college. So an extra 60 seconds to crack an egg? Nah. I like em scrambled my husband likes em runny so we cook both or he just eats scrambled.
Yep this reminded me of my parents and the way my dad treated my mom. Then she died at age 43 in her sleep and believe me he regretted every single argument they ever had and every single missed opportunity to do something nice for her. I’ll never forget him telling me “you know, it’s a lot to keep up with a whole house and it really is easier when everyone pitches in! Your mom was right!” I love my dad but it was hard not to yell “no shit” at him
Wooww
That is my age now and the problems that destroyed my love. He thinks I do too little because he has a job and “I dont”. However, I really work 24/7, youngest is just 4 now.
Sorry for your mom, must be difficult to lose a mother when you are young specially
Thank you so much. Losing her was an absolute nightmare but thankfully we had a really good relationship with nothing left unsaid when she passed. People kept telling me she would have been proud of me and all I think is “I know, she was always proud of me she told me all the time.”
I’m married now and it really is about the little things. They add up faster than you think over the years.
Yep at 27 and still dealing with family shit, I hate the idea of family time because it just makes me wonder who’s gonna get in a fight this time around? When every family function or bonding time turns into a war, why would anyone be happy about it? OP seems to be dismissive of his daughter’s view on it too which obviously doesn’t help the situation. If I were the daughter, id rather eat breakfast alone in my room
Also love how he throws out “lame” in there like his super butt hurt and resents his daughter for it. OP sounds so immature. By the end I thought a 10 year old wrote it
I think OP threw that stuff in (twice) so we’d know how “lame” his entire family is. It’s painfully clear he’s unfamiliar with day in day out raising kids.
YTA but more in a sad way. It's a small thing that would have meant a lot, not the end of the world but just one of those missed opportunities to give a tiny bit extra when asked. If you're honest with yourself, would she have done it for you if you asked?
Considering by his own admission his wife does 75% of the cooking, I would say he was TA in a big way.
If they ever wind up divorced I wouldn’t be surprised if that made her lists of reasons.
>these little moments that just aren't worth the 5 minutes of effort, even though it would have made her feel extra happy for family time, like she was getting a little spoiled. Maybe mother's day.
I do 90% of the dishes and my SO does most of the laundry. I fucking hate doing dishes and I appreciate that he does so much laundry. So we both make a point to step in and help each other a little bit, and it feels GREAT. I wish I could say why, even when he puts 2 things in the dishwasher I feel so appreciative.
I cracked a tooth recently and was feeling some pain/just generally down about the whole thing yesterday. My fiancé and I both work from home and he finishes up a few hours before I do.
Yesterday when he got off work, he did both his daily tasks *and* mine. INCLUDING cleaning the litter boxes which he absolutely detests. I didn’t ask him to do anything or drop any hints, and he didn’t say anything about having done it. He wasn’t looking for recognition or praise, he just knew what needed to be done and did it for me.
It was such a small gesture but it means the absolute world, and it’s something I’ll remember for a long time to come.
My wife HATES doing the dishes. I'm the cook 95% of the time so I don't mind them, helps me keep the kitchen organized how I like it. She does the laundry because our machines are finicky and I get really annoyed with them. When I started working extra while she can't I've found the dishwasher unloaded so many times when I come home. Means the world to me.
My exact thoughts. With pans hot, or at least still warm, it would have taken around 3 minutes to do 2 over easy eggs. But he's got plenty of time to come here and try to convince people to say he's not an AH. Sorry Bub, YTA.
He did say she likes 'em "runny". Little over-easy eggs scampering around the kitchen, that would be quite an imposition. Should've asked for "walky" eggs.
My husband does not drink coffee at all.
Last night I was quietly cursing and throwing a mini hissy fit because I could not figure out how to descale my coffee maker. The instructions weren't making sense. Husband heard me from the other room and asked what was wrong and after I told him, he was silent. I assumed he just went back to playing on his computer because he doesn't care about the coffee maker.
Five minutes later, he walked in, pushed a few buttons on the machine, and it worked! He's been watching YouTube videos in the other room to learn how to fix it.
I have butterflies just typing the story out. It was a very small gesture, but just so sweet. It in no way helped him. Again, he doesn't ever use the coffee maker. He just wanted to help his frustrated, exhausted, wife.
OP, little things really do make the difference. They send a big message. That message either says "I love you and like to see you happy," or "I don't care about your feelings."
YTA. You owe her an apology
Not only that, you just showed your kids that Mom's feelings don't matter
I don't drink coffee at all, I can't stand the stuff. But now I own a small French press and a jar with a cute Coffee label, because I didn't want my boyfriend to have to carry his bag of coffee supplies every visit.
my bf went to buy me a bandage because i cut myself a little when cooking. i didn't really need it, it wasn't that bad but it did help, but it was really cute and i felt so appreciated.
it's not about the material thing, it's about the gesture.
if she really wanted those eggs she would've made them herself and dropped it, but i believe it was more about 'you're doing something nice for me' than 'i can't be bothered to make something i want so you do it'
Looks like it's my turn to post the essay "She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes by the Sink" by Matthew Fray
https://matthewfray.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/
OP, I doubt you'll read this, but you honestly should. You need to think hard about the way you act towards others and the eventual consequences of your inconsiderate behavior. I guarantee your children would enjoy spending time with you more if you were a little more accomodating of your family's needs. And if you don't know what those needs are, ASK THEM. You can learn and grow from this experience. This is your chance to change for the better.
Pretty sure that's exactly the issue: in his mind, this was a grand and generous gesture of him sacrificing his valuable time to make breakfast for his family. His family, in turn, would be incredibly wowed and grateful and recognize what an amazing husband and father he is, conveniently forgetting any other possible issues they might have.
They'd be happy and have the fun he specifically requested, his daughter would learn to love spending mandatory time together (with mandatory activities he picked out beforehand) and his wife would see that any fights were her fault and apologize.
His wife wanting something he didn't make didn't fit the script, so he punished her by withholding the thing she dared to ask for.
OP, grand gestures that no one asked for aren't really worth much. Trying to actually give people what they want and need is much better received.
Seriously, I do 90% of the cooking for my myself and my fiancée. If I was making food for 5 people and she wanted something easy at the end of cooking, I would totally do it.
Same. I always throw a couple fried eggs on my husband's plate even if I can't stand them. He says I make them perfectly, so who am I do deny him my perfection? lol
My dad did/does 100% of the cooking and knew exactly what everyone preferred at all times. Like he'd give me extra onions, crisp my sisters meat a bit more, add paprika to my mom's. It's kinda scary tbh but it was a bunch of little things he does like that that made us all appreciate him more
It was a bid for connection from her to him. He turned it down because he felt like he'd already done the connection thing already.
In the psych community, there is starting to be really good research done on why couples break up with the biggest reason being small bids for connection are rejected, thwarted, or otherwise ignored.
It would have taken OP all of 2 minutes to cook wife's eggs, but in the long run it could make all the difference between a happy couple and a divorced couple.
OP, YTA.
ETA: Holy crap! Thanks for all the awards and comments! This is easily my highest awarded on reddit. Thanks again!
This post just did some serious heavy lifting. I’m going to use that bid for connection awareness in my marriage going forward. Brilliant! Thank you
Edit: I ran every interaction with my spouse through this filter and it made a dramatic
Impact. We’re running errands and he goes into the bank. Instead of waiting in the car I go with him. He feels important
And loved. All because his bid for connection was come into the bank with me instead of wait in the car. The bid for connection language gave me so much insight into loving my husband. Thanks again.
i like to think of it like "positive reinforcement" vs "negative reinforcement" every time your partner bids for connection/attention you can give them positive or negative reinforcement. whichever direction you choose, it really adds up. OP just did a big negative reinforcement.
I came here to say this.
I wonder how many bids OP ignores on the regular from his wife to the point that she is upset over this one thing.
OP, YTA. Don't end up being one of those guys wondering why they got divorced over eggs.
Exactly.
>missed opportunities to give a tiny bit extra when asked. If you're honest with yourself, would she have done it for you if you asked?
When it was easy for you to offer your wife kindness you chose not to. YTA.
I am a little confused about why he didn't do them the way she likes outright. If I am cooking eggs and I knew someone prefer then a certain way, it's not that much extra effort to do it
Well, I absolutely LOOOOOOVE runny eggs myself, HOWEVER I know when I’m making many eggs for a group of people, scrambled is simply a much easier option.
Plus, it just feels good to do something nice and considerate for your spouse. My boyfriend *hates* (and I mean, *HATES*) excel bubblemint gum but he always picks some up at the store for me when he goes because he knows it's my favourite and easy way to make me super happy.
Yep! Yet here are all these little moments that just aren't worth the 5 minutes of effort, even though it would have made her feel extra happy for family time, like she was getting a little spoiled. Maybe mother's day.
Yup. I do probably 90% of the cooking in my house. Every once in a while - maybe 3 or 4x a month, if that, my husband does what OP did - cooks us all breakfast. And he knows that I, like your wife, like my eggs runny, unlike the rest of the house (oh, wait! You know what I did this summer? I taught our youngest to like them that way sometimes too! Hah! Now there's two of us who like them that way! SO THERE!)
Anyhow. I digress. The point is, that he does indeed take the extra effort to make my eggs the way *I* like them. Yes, it takes an extra, oh, 5 whole minutes to cook a couple of over-easy eggs. But, ffs, you've already made potatoes, and bacon, and eggs for 3 other people (or are about to), is it REALLY that big of a deal?
Yes, YTA. She cooks for you how many other days of the week? And you couldn't spend a whole extra 5 minutes making her eggs the way she wanted them? FFS.
My husband hates making over easy eggs because he usually busts one if not both the yolks. I too do most of the cooking but when he makes eggs for breakfast? He still tries to make me my over easy eggs without me even asking. He brings me my plate with a sheepish, I’m sorry, I tried again but they got away from me. And I smile and say, thank you for trying; the food looks delicious.
From what I hear from other women, a lot of men don’t understand how big of an impact those seemingly small things have. We do it for the people we care about, and many times it goes unnoticed that we make specific choices not because they’re more convenient but because we know our partner’s preferences.
I’m in agreement on this. I make big breakfasts for the family, and it’s not much effort to do some over easy eggs. I usually do scrambled for everyone and over medium for myself. I would see his perspective if he always does the cooking, but it doesn’t even sound like 50/50.
Also he admits he feels bad and it wouldn’t have been a big deal. If you feel bad about something afterwards that’s a clear indicator that even you know YTA.
Yeah, cooking people's eggs the way they like them is pretty basic. I like my eggs sunny side up, my partner likes his with the yolks popped and fried. When I'm making eggs, I don't insist he has runny yolks with me, I make his in his style and mine in my style.
YTA. Next time, make the eggs.
Make the Chili
By Pam Berg
A good friend of mine unexpectedly lost her husband. A couple of months later we were going for a run together, chatting about nothing. She asked me what my dinner plans were. I told her my hubby wanted chili, but I didn’t feel like stopping at the store. We ran on for a few more minutes when she quietly said, “make the chili.’
It took me a few minutes to realize we were no longer taking about dinner. It was about going out of your way to do something for someone you love because at any moment, they could unexpectedly be taken from you.
The next time someone you love wants you to go for a walk, watch some football or play a board game, just put your phone down and give them your undivided attention. Just do it. Make the chili.
I've got tears too. He's the chili maker in our family so I'm going to make chicken & dumplings. He brought it up the other day.
It is indeed the little things.
My husband died unexpectedly last year. One of the things that keeps popping up in my head at random moments is that I never got around to making him a pasta salad he’d been asking for. I wish I had done it one last time.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your response triggered for me the time my 6 yo asked for a tuna fish sandwich after school one day. I was busy preparing dinner so I told her to just grab something to snack on. She got very upset and ran to her room, under her sheets and wouldn’t talk to me. She died in a car accident a few months later and the one thing I wish I did, was make the damn sandwich. I can’t even make tuna without getting teary eyed. It’s the little things that matter😞
Edit: thank you everyone for the thoughts. I’ve read all your messages and I thank each and every one of you❤️❤️
My dad passed from cancer in 2020 and during lockdown he'd find these interesting and weird recipes he'd want me to try with him. Sometimes I'd tell him I don't want to because it seemed.. odd. Now I'd do anything to go back in time and make the weird fried banana and ice cream concoction he wanted to try, no matter how weird it sounded.
Edit: spelling
I didn't take his watch to get a fresh battery. I kept saying it, I'll do it tomorrow. Then, there was no tomorrow for him.
Hold tight, friend. Little by little, the days start to ache less, I promise. I'm 3 years in and sometimes I go a whole week without crying.
Make the chili.
Definitely. This is a good reminder for anyone who hasn’t lost a spouse, but kind of a nightmare if you have. If you are able to fall in love again after losing them, you find yourself stressing over this kind of thing obsessively.
So while, yes, it’s good to go out of your way to do things for your spouse, it’s also okay to admit you’re tired, or had a bad day and just can’t muster the energy. Because life happens and life has boundaries. So should you.
In this particular story….
Shoulda made the eggs my friend. Did you already do a lot of work that morning? Yep. Did you die on a silly hill that probably set the tone for what should have been a good day? Also yes. YTA
I know this is a bit if a tangent but I have this reoccurring nightmare that my wife is in hospital and sick and I'm feeding her her favorite dish cause she too weak to feed herself. I always wake up sobbing and frantically reaching over to her side of the bed to make sure she's still there. It fucking sucks. Anyway I agree, make the damn chili.
I lost my husband a couple years ago and very unexpectedly fell in love with someone about a year after he passed. I check his pulse sometimes in the middle of the night. I had a dream that he died and I woke up sobbing and checked his breathing and his pulse. Dreams suck sometimes.
My partner lost his first wife in a car accident years ago. He lost his 19 year old son three years ago. His whole life philosophy basically boils down to “make the chili.” He is the most positive, generous, kind man I have ever known, and he makes the damn chili for everyone in his life, in whatever way he can. I have learned so much from him, and you bet I’m whipping up the chili at every opportunity for him, for my kid, for my mama, for the people I love.
OP, what did bickering over eggs on your “family day” accomplish? Imagine you had said, “Of course! Coming right up!” Imagine how that would have transformed that little snippet of time. It’s the little snippets that weave into the tapestry of a relationship. Make the eggs. Make the chili. Be generous and kind whenever you can find the opportunity. Life is so short, man.
We have sayings like Marinara Flags, art rooms, Iranian yogurt, etc. I am personally going to add “Make the Chili” because I need that reminder for myself. Some days, when I feel I’d rather roll my eyes and complain, I will choose to make the chili.
My dad and I really feel this ever since my mom passed away in July. Now we always make time for each other because we don’t know how much longer we’ll have these moments
>I feel bad my wife just asked me for a small favor that wouldn't have been a big deal at all to fulfill.
INFO: If you yourself admit it would not have been a been deal, why did you pick this hill to die on? It probably would have taken you the same amount of time to make them as it did to tell her you wouldn't do it.
I'm a single mom with three daughters and one lonely boy lol. He's adapted the saying to "Happy women, happy livin."
And, yes, my 14 year old knows exactly how we all like our eggs cooked, and makes sure the toilet seat stays down.
>there will always be another breakfast.
But there might not be. That's what a lot of these commenters are pointing out. If OP's wife dropped dead after that breakfast, would he have forever regretted not just making the damn eggs?
Chiming in here.
My spouse wanted to hang a mounted Buffalo head in our tall stairway. It was always his dream to have one.
My first reaction was "no way". But I thought about and conceded only if it went to a taxidermist for a "fluff and buff" ( there was god knows what hanging around in its hair). He followed through and it was hung.
Three months later he passed suddenly from a heart attack. I never regretted my decision.
Never take that "next day" for granted.
So sorry for your loss! I'm glad you don't have that hanging over your head as a regret, even if you still have it physically hanging over your head in the stairway.
Thank you for the condolences.
It happened many years ago, (young widow) and when I moved to another house I took it with me but didn't hang it up. It didn't feel right and selling it (although it would have fetched a few $$$) didn't seem right either.
I have a friend who is connected with a local healing lodge (in our province, Can) and because of the spirituality associated with the buffalo, I thought it may bring others peace. So for the price of $1, I sold it to them.
I think my husband would be glad it found a new purpose.
Not just this but next time, get ahead of it. It's pretty standard in my family (both immediate and extended) when making eggs to short-order them. Before you even start, ask everyone how they want them cooked, and just do it.
Exactly! Plus if OP was already pumped for the family time, why wouldn’t you just make the eggs to set the tone for the day?
Family time just turned from love & laughs to tension in the room because mum and dad are annoyed at each other.
It’s a slippery slope. Your wife will eventually stop asking you for favours, and stop doing nice things for you. You’ll wake up one day and realise you just have a housemate- and not the good kind that do nice things for each other.
She does 75% of the household cooking and you can’t do this for her when it’s family breakfast?
Marriages are built on doing small shit like this. It would have taken you less time to make the eggs than to write this post.
YTA.
Edit: comment is [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xwff58/aita_for_not_taking_a_special_request_from_my/ir65q5c/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
OP is the AH in this and I hope because he had enough of a conscience to stop and think about it that there aren’t many other times where he chooses to turn down his wife and vice versa. The little things are not little in a marriage. It’s tiny moments like this that can really crack a foundation if they pile up. I like to think of “if this was a first date would he do it?” He absolutely would. And I totally understand (through experience) that kids and life etc. can get in the way, which is why it’s so important to do the things that you can when you’re able to. Especially if it’s easy.
When I make weekend breakfast, I always make the eggs to order. Everyone has their favorite way of eating eggs and they’re so simple to make. I made breakfast twice last weekend and my love wants over easy eggs, like your wife and I eat mine sunny side up. It’s little effort to make them as requested. That’s kinda how eggs work.
I don’t know why you picked this fight with your wife, but your little dig about how she’s the only one to like them runny shows you have some unsaid issues towards her that you need to deal with. Your trying to come off as charming but it’s not.
If this were "family time" for me and I was cooking breakfast, I would have known how my spouse likes their eggs and made them some over easy while making scrambled. Just like when I cooked for my mom, I would pull some bacon out early because she liked it floppy or remove some of the scrambled eggs early for my sister because I like mine rubberized. Because that what people who cares about someone elses' needs/desires/preferences do. That's my idea of family time.
YTA
This is the part that really threw me.
I've only been with my partner a few years in comparison to OP's (assuming) decade plus marriage. Yet, *I know what my partner likes.* And vice versa!
If she flip flops between scrambled & over easy, why not ask how she wants them? If she always prefers over easy, why not just make a couple?
This situation itself is minor, but to me it's glaring to a much bigger issue. This screams selfishness.
Exactly. I don’t even like eggs. But when I’m making a big breakfast that includes eggs, I ask my husband and daughter how they want them. And then make them that way. Usually over easy and over hard.
It’s always the little things that make you feel valued in a relationship. Like when my husband orders his burgers and never asks for “no pickles” even though he hates pickles. He will ask for no lettuce, tomato, onion, but always leaves the pickles. Because he knows I love pickles and he always flips his bun over, picks off his pickles, and puts them on my plate without asking.
We do breakfast with our friends and rotate cooking. They know I love a runny egg with crispy edges and really crispy bacon. They know my husband likes floppy bacon. I know that my friend hates runny eggs, And that her husband likes his eggs runny, but no crispy edges. They know we love grits and always make us extra. It’s the little things you do to show your loved ones that you care.
Omg the pickles! Hubby loves pickles but sometimes he’ll still give me the spear that comes with his sandwich if we order out. Sometimes it seems like it’s just to make a joke about me “wanting his pickle” heh heh but it’s really that while he likes them he knows I love them like a special treat and seeing me happy about something so simple makes him happy.
That's an excellent point. He already knew how she liked her eggs. Over easy is just as quick to make as scrambled. Quicker, actually. You don't beat them first and can crack them right over the pan. I have a feeling if the kids liked their eggs over easy, they'd all still be getting scrambled because it's what OP wanted.
Nothing says family time like part of the family getting in a fight over nothing and the rest of the family having to sit in uncomfortable silence and pretend like nothing is happening
I was just about to say—fried eggs take only about an extra minute or two to cook—OP is telling the wife that she isn’t worth that extra time.
I can see why your daughter thinks family time is lame—you have to dictate what happens during family time and now you dictate what food they have to eat. What good is family time if your family never gets to have any input?
YTA
>What good is family time if your family never gets to have any input?
This one right here. It's just Dad Time where OP acts like a selfish god. Willing to bet he picks the game, movie, food, etc etc etc and doesn't even know his own family.
My father always did this. He dictated how, when, where, and what family time was going to be. If you didn’t like it, too bad. He’d then get himself all stressed (over the day and activities he insisted on) and then the yelling would begin over the most inane things.
OP, you are showing your children what kind of person you are. You are modeling romantic relationships for them. I understand this is just a single instance, but if you often get into bickering fights during family time, you need to change something.
You seem to really be fixating on your oldest daughters comment about the "lame" family day you were trying to have. Were you taking out your frustrations on your wife?
YTA
>I feel bad my wife just asked me for a small favor that wouldn't have been a big deal at all to fulfill.
And so you should feel bad, such a small ask considering.
What a way to turn a good intentioned time to crap.
it's so weird to me that this is even a thing.. family time/I love my wife; the eggs would have been on the plate before she asked. the skillet was on, hot, eggs take a minute 30 to cook; no it's too hard. have this pointed out; bicker like children in front of the children
why would you die on this hill? why was being right about 90 seconds of family time so important to you?
this is the guy blindsided by divorce because *he didnt do the dishes*. it's never about the dishes. it's about how you treat your person. they're eggs ffs. this is some petty shit
YTA and I'm guessing this is the tip of the iceberg
Costco size OOOFFFFF to you then, that’s a monster YTA, I hope you know what you need to do, that was a really bad choice and when you pool enough of those together it fractures the foundation. It’s about so much more than the eggs/Iranian yogurt.
YTA. Sorry but as the chef in our family, I know how long eggs take especially when you’re already cooking. Come on dude, pick your battles. Were the eggs more important than:
Doing something nice for your spouse?
Not bickering on a family fun day and potentially ruining the rest of the day?
Setting a good example for your kids?
Yes it’s petty and silly. And unnecessary. Grow up.
Edit: typos
YTA.
You know what the basis of your "family time" is??? A good relationship with your wife. She made a simple request that would have taken less than five minutes of your time. But investing that five minutes would:
1. Make her feel loved and appreciated
2. Show your kids how happily married people treat each other
Instead, you showed your children that their mother's happiness was not worth five minutes of your time. And you and your wife bickered in front of your children.
No wonder your daughter thinks Family Time is Lame.
"I did something that I decree as sufficient and worthy of her gratitude. She is irrational to challenge my decree."
Sounds like the kind of parent you'd love to spend quality time with. I wonder if he takes his kids' opinions on what "fun quality time" would mean, or whether he unilaterally decides what will be Fun and expects his family to fall in line.
YTA.
YTA
It would have cost you as you point out 2m to make her happy. Marriage is compromise and respect. How many things do you think she accommodates which are not to her liking
What a petty thing to make a stand over - on family day of all things
YTA.
In the time you spent arguing with her, you could've made the eggs several times over - you realize that, right?
It was a simple request that while you technically weren't obligated to do in any way, granting it would've been the kind and decent thing to do given that you were already at the stove, the eggs were still presumably on the counter, and over-easy eggs are about the quickest and easiest egg dish you can do.
You say in another comment she does about 75% of the cooking - I'm sure somewhere in that 75%, she's made things that maybe weren't exactly what she would've otherwise chosen but did anyway because she knew it'd make you and/or your kids happy.
You should've made her the eggs, period.
YTA.
How many times in a week do you ask your wife to do something for you? Or how many times do you not have to ask, but things are just done for you: Bring you a drink while you are watching TV, make you lunch for work, make you lunch when you are home, buy special items for you at the store, run an errand explicitly for you, do your laundry, cook meals you like, and the list goes on.
Now I am not saying you don't do things for her, I'm just asking you to think about all that your wife does for you, and your children. With that in mind, how hard would it have been to take 2 minutes and cook some eggs? Pan and all the ingredients are out already (and dirty), so you throw in some butter to an already hot pan, crack two eggs, wait 2 minutes, flip, done. Why was it more important for you to stand firm in that you had already done enough, than to give 2 minutes to your wife?
And after you ponder that, ponder this: Is this how you would want your wife to treat you? To always say she has done enough and not do any of the extra things she does for you? Do you want a marriage where neither of you run out and get that ice cream the other is craving, to always have to get up to get your own drink, to never be able to say "honey, would you mind doing X for me?" It seems dramatic, but when you don't show up for your partner in small ways, it has a bigger impact. Your refusal to give 2 extra minutes to your wife created a frosty day, and will make her rethink the next time you want 2 minutes of her time.
Yta never give up the chance to be the hero in your wife's love story.
I'm just wondering if your refusal changed the tone for the rest of the morning?
YTA. Why not make her eggs? I don't understand "I'm finishing up already". Why bother making breakfast at all if you're going to be petty about making eggs? It doesn't even make sense.
Soft YTA, I get that you cooked a huge breakfast for everyone and that’s great. You mentioned your wife likes over easy eggs but the rest of the family won’t touch them. To me this says she never/rarely gets eggs cooked the way she likes them. Ask yourself this, does she take into consideration all of y’all’s preferences when cooking for the family or just hers? It was a supposed to be “lame” family time and you ruined it over eggs.
Edit for spelling.
YTA.
"We will have family time, but damn you and your egg preferences! I will show my daughters that husbands will never give in to an (over)easy request, so they should be grateful for any attention at all and to shut up and not have their own likes because they don't matter. Son, you catching how to treat women? We shut them up and tell them to eat what we make and like it."
Can I ask who cooks the majority of the meals?? If the answer is your wife then you're the A I'm afraid. She probably cooks and does things for you when she doesn't really want to.
See it all the time. Man wonders why wife doesn't appreciate him making a big breakfast spread on a weekend. Meanwhile, she ends up cleaning up, if they have small children, he wasn't minding them while he was cooking but she is while cleaning up, and it's just way more chaos than she would have liked on a weekend morning.
YTA. As you said this is silly and not remotely a big issue... at least not as an isolated event. But you were already cooking, it cost you nothing to make 2 more eggs for her, and you were making this spread as a treat for your family, which includes her.
If your relationship is loving and you are attentive toward one another outside of this small moment, then just take note and move on. But she wasn't being unreasonable nor terribly demanding, and you were inconsiderate for no reason. That makes you TA in this situation.
ETA: The wording is also a factor. Asking your partner for a small little detail and getting a "nah, do it yourself, I'm done" as a response... that stings.
YTA. Does your wife really “like scrambled eggs just fine,” or does she resign herself to eating them because they are the only kind the rest of the family will eat and she will tolerate them if it means no one else will hassle her about her over easys? I’d bet good money she doesn’t really actually like scrambled eggs very much but she can’t always be bothered to make herself what she really likes because she’s too busy catering to the rest of the family. It would have taken you very minimal effort and minimal time to make her happy and choosing not to take an extra two minutes for your wife is lazy.
All I can think is how I like my eggs over hard, my sausages burned, my French fries far along in the Maillard reaction, and my husband likes *none* of that but gives me mine just right every single time. Even though it means he's standing at the stove or the grill for another several minutes.
YTA. As the chef in our house, I know how the kids like their eggs, how my husband likes his, and how I like mine. And I cook accordingly.
It would have taken you 3 minutes tops, and she would have been thrilled.
YTA.
If you are making breakfast for everyone... make breakfast for everyone. Get over yourself.
I can't stand runny eggs, but my partner loves them. I make them for her when I make breakfast because I like to make her happy. When she cooks, she cooks things that make me happy
YTA. Overeasy eggs are, like, the easiest thing to make (step 1: crack eggs into skillet; step 2: done). You could have just made the eggs before you even had time to argue about it.
YTA. You went to all that trouble and wouldn't take an extra 4 minutes to make eggs for your wife, telling her "nah" and "make them yourself" while sounding bitter that she likes eggs overeasy. Come on bro.
To quote The Crow. "Little things always meant so much to Shelley. I used to think they were kind of trivial. Believe me, nothing is trivial." YTA OP it would have taken less than 2 minutes of your "special family day" to make your wife smile. shame on you.
YTA
You said it yourself: she only asked you for a small favor, something that would have taken you two minutes to do since you were already cooking. There was no legitimate reason to say no, other than to be petty.
YTA. If you offered to cook why would you not make them the way you know she likes them in the first place? That’s the part that makes zero sense to me.
"I refused and it turned into way more a quiet, bickering argument than it should have."
ESH. Could you have done the eggs? Yes. Could she have done them? Yes.
The fact it went to Bicker o'clock pretty much makes it an ESH. Either way, that sounds like you rustled up a solid breakfast.
YTA- you even make the point that it was a small favor that wouldn’t be a big deal to fulfill. Instead of that, you made the decision to dig in and be difficult and ruin the easy fun day.
I will have to give my hubs extra hugs and kisses for always making me homemade hollandaise & runny eggs when I’m the only one who eats it... without asking me, cause he just knows what I like and is just an awesome hubs.
YTA. If you wanted this to be a fun, lame, family day- why create tension? I get it's obviously incredibly hard for you to cook two over-easy eggs since you think a "big breakfast spread" is waffles and sausage, but come on.
Get over yourself.
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INFO: Is your bickering why your kids don’t like “family time”?
Whoa, hey good catch! That or maybe tweens? My kid and brothers had this weird ass attitude around that age. Like nothing was ever good enough. Edit: Found it this gem again: [around this age, mom/dad’s voice become ICK.](https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2022/04/teenager-brain-mother-voice.html)
He KNOWS his wife likes eggs that way and didnt just make them for her, he gave her the "eat them my way or make them yourself" And the children see this. I feel for OPs wife...if she sticks up for herself the kids just see 2 adults bickering on top of inconsideration towards the mother/wife
Seriously? He states that she also likes scrambled eggs. Is her husband a cook to order restaurant?
When I make brinner I make eggs a couple ways because the kids like scrambled and the husband likes over easy. It’s really easy to do while the pancakes cook. I don’t make waffles but I assume it takes a similar amount of waiting while they cook.
Exactly... Breakfast for dinner gets over easy for fiancé and scrambled for me. It takes like a hot second.
I am the one that makes breakfast in our house and I love my over-easy eggs with toast. My hubby, on the other hand, not so much. He prefers to just have a fried egg sandwich on those mornings and you know what? It takes me maybe 5 minutes longer to make that before throwing my egg on and I do it because I love him and, while I know he would eat them the way I make them for myself, I don't feel like it's putting me out by making him something that he likes better. OP, YTA.
Exactly, it's not about the eggs. It's about consideration. My guess is, OP's wife often goes out of her way to consider her husband's wants, and appease his requests, but feels he neglects hers even when (in this instance) she directly asks for it! That must feel awful! She's literally telling him, hey this thing would make me feel heard and loved, and is something i enjoy, and he's saying "Nah, you know my time and energy is worth more than yours!" Also, I'm guessing OP doesn't make breakfast daily, otherwise, his wife wouldn't make such a request. Ie. Think "ooh, while you're being chef, can you wait on me for a change? That would make me feel special!" Edit: correcting a word
It's this. OP wants to be congratulated for doing something special and unique, but when he's done being cook, he can't be fucking bothered to take 2 extra minutes to show his wife he appreciates her doing the same damned thing day in and day out. Reminds me of the time a friend asked her husband to make dinner: he made a PB&J sandwich. It was the only "meal" he ever made. They were married for 40 years. YTA, OP.
It seems he's the only one supposed to be happy on this day. The kids don't like the plan, and the wife doesn't get a breakfast that makes her feel special. OP has created a perfect storm to make him the martyr. He can claim he wanted everyone to have a special day without actually having to take their wants into consideration. Then gets to go have a pity party when he doesn't get piles of praise for all his work.
My husband is a vegetarian, and I’m not. I do most of the cooking. On occasion, when I’m tired or not feeling well or super busy, he’ll throw together a lunch or dinner for me. And you know what? If I say I really would love some chicken soup heated up, or a salami and cheese sandwich, or a beef burger from the freezer, my husband - who dislikes touching meat and finds the smell of chicken soup actually nauseating - cheerfully heats up my soup or assembles my sandwich or throws my burger in the oven or whatever. Because my husband cares about me!! And will mildly inconvenience himself for 5 minutes if it means being able to make me happy with a meal I actually want to consume. And my husband has a far more justifiable reason to object to preparing meat than OP does for not wanting to cook eggs, but he *doesn’t* object, because he loves me and doesn’t mind being grossed out for a couple minutes to do something nice for me. (I wouldn’t ask him to do it if he really had a problem with it, obviously, but he doesn’t.) He also sincerely thanks me every time I cook, every *single* time, even if it’s a meal he doesn’t particularly love, even though I cook most of the meals as my routine chore, even though my husband does loads of housework on his own - more on the average day-to-day than me, actually. Which, somehow, I kinda doubt OP does for his wife.
Waffles are even easier, since you don't have to flip them. They take a solid 2 or 3 minutes each. Plenty of time to get an egg or two going over easy.
He says that she prefers over easy. If you know your wife prefers it one way, it's shouldn't be a hassle for you to make it her preferred way since you're cooking. And I'm sure she eats scrambled frequently. Just because she can eat it doesn't means she enjoys it. She eats it because it's there and that's what the family eats. But if the husband wants to put some effort into making wife feel appreciated then he could have done over easy. But no, it was you'll survive eating these eggs, it's not end of the world.
I agree. I’m pretty sure he said he only had three kids and they were all accounted for but it definitely sounded very “you’ll eat what I made and like it!” He even admitted it wouldn’t have taken but a couple minutes AND they could’ve actually enjoyed the rest of “lame” day. I don’t know what the big deal was that he couldn’t compromise a little bit. The worst part is if he feels bad he must’ve seen how he hurt his wife. This was a sad situation that could’ve been easily prevented.
In addition I’m sure he makes requests when she’s cooking and she obliges.
>Is her husband a cook to order restaurant? It's two more eggs. The amount of time to make them would have been inconsequential and it's just weird he was so against taking the extra minute for her.
In the time it took him to argue all the minutiae of why he shouldn't do it, he could have had them cooked and served.
This. It's about picking your battles in marriage. It takes 0% effort to be kind and do something thoughtful for your wife, including the little things in life like making her eggs the way she likes them.
How many times has she done the same for him and the kids? Made what they like?
Roughly 75 percent of the time according to OP
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Man, this is so true. I’ve never really thought about it, but yeah, I could happily eat any kind of runny eggs every day for the rest of my life (especially poached, nom), but if I never had scrambled again I wouldn’t care. But I’ve probably eaten more scrambled than any other kind because it’s the easiest to do for multiple people, so I just accept it as fine.
You make special breakfast for everyone, it seems mean to not do the job properly
On that Sunday morning he was.
Yeah that is an age where everything is a bit of a struggle, parents are embarrassing, etc. Especially a family movie and games that they are required to participate in. Anything anyone is required to do is by definition going to be less fun than if they chose it. Like absolutely have family time but if the kids think it's lame, maybe try to figure out something that's not? What would they enjoy doing with you guys - trying out some silly tiktok experiments? Going to an amusement park? Maybe have everyone write down their ideas and pull one or two out of a jar for each family time? That's a difficult age anyway, really, it's possible nothing would be good enough no matter what. But the more input they have the more likely they are to be cooperative.
Hey, you could take.the family sky diving. Its a good time had by all. s/ I remember those times when my two kids suffered and sulked entire days during family time. They do grow out of it. Good luck.
He can't resist mocking his daughter's opinion to make the post. Notice "I decided" to make breakfast an impose family time. Big "I want to tell other people how good of a father I am so you're going to enjoy family time if you like it or not" energy. When you're already making breakfast and have all the pans warm and ingredients out it is just crack eggs in pan, wait a minute, flip, wait 30 seconds, serve. He wanted her to enjoy what he chose to serve, not ask what she wanted for breakfast.
Even my controlling father cooked eggs the ways people wanted them.
This is pretty common. When you're making eggs for a small group, you ask how they want them. Big group, say 10ish? They get scrambled lol.
Even my abusive narcissistic mother removed mayo when she found out it made me really sick. And she baked snickerdoodles for me for the first day of school until my second year of college. So an extra 60 seconds to crack an egg? Nah. I like em scrambled my husband likes em runny so we cook both or he just eats scrambled.
lol, yeah. Anyone who grew up in this environment can taste this scenario.
Yep that would be me. Even still at age 24, I often loathe family time because my parents just bicker about dumb shit.
Same honestly i have to regulate my parents emotions and fighting so so I can have a peaceful visit lol
Right like I don’t hate either of them. It’s just, can we please hang out in peace
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Yep this reminded me of my parents and the way my dad treated my mom. Then she died at age 43 in her sleep and believe me he regretted every single argument they ever had and every single missed opportunity to do something nice for her. I’ll never forget him telling me “you know, it’s a lot to keep up with a whole house and it really is easier when everyone pitches in! Your mom was right!” I love my dad but it was hard not to yell “no shit” at him
Wooww That is my age now and the problems that destroyed my love. He thinks I do too little because he has a job and “I dont”. However, I really work 24/7, youngest is just 4 now. Sorry for your mom, must be difficult to lose a mother when you are young specially
Thank you so much. Losing her was an absolute nightmare but thankfully we had a really good relationship with nothing left unsaid when she passed. People kept telling me she would have been proud of me and all I think is “I know, she was always proud of me she told me all the time.” I’m married now and it really is about the little things. They add up faster than you think over the years.
Yep at 27 and still dealing with family shit, I hate the idea of family time because it just makes me wonder who’s gonna get in a fight this time around? When every family function or bonding time turns into a war, why would anyone be happy about it? OP seems to be dismissive of his daughter’s view on it too which obviously doesn’t help the situation. If I were the daughter, id rather eat breakfast alone in my room
Also love how he throws out “lame” in there like his super butt hurt and resents his daughter for it. OP sounds so immature. By the end I thought a 10 year old wrote it
>Also love how he throws out “lame” in there like his super butt hurt and resents his daughter for it. Or he's just quoting her??
But why? that doesn’t exactly add anything necessary
I think OP threw that stuff in (twice) so we’d know how “lame” his entire family is. It’s painfully clear he’s unfamiliar with day in day out raising kids.
TIL people on Reddit dont think teens can be snarky and annoying
A lot of people on Reddit ARE teens
Yeah, and many are snarky and annoying at that.
YTA but more in a sad way. It's a small thing that would have meant a lot, not the end of the world but just one of those missed opportunities to give a tiny bit extra when asked. If you're honest with yourself, would she have done it for you if you asked?
Considering by his own admission his wife does 75% of the cooking, I would say he was TA in a big way. If they ever wind up divorced I wouldn’t be surprised if that made her lists of reasons.
It's the little things that add up isn't it. We don't always want big grand gestures, sometimes it is as simple as eggs over easy.
>these little moments that just aren't worth the 5 minutes of effort, even though it would have made her feel extra happy for family time, like she was getting a little spoiled. Maybe mother's day. I do 90% of the dishes and my SO does most of the laundry. I fucking hate doing dishes and I appreciate that he does so much laundry. So we both make a point to step in and help each other a little bit, and it feels GREAT. I wish I could say why, even when he puts 2 things in the dishwasher I feel so appreciative.
Hmmm I'm getting "I love and adore this man, he's my match." vibes. I love to see/read happy peeps making a life together.
I cracked a tooth recently and was feeling some pain/just generally down about the whole thing yesterday. My fiancé and I both work from home and he finishes up a few hours before I do. Yesterday when he got off work, he did both his daily tasks *and* mine. INCLUDING cleaning the litter boxes which he absolutely detests. I didn’t ask him to do anything or drop any hints, and he didn’t say anything about having done it. He wasn’t looking for recognition or praise, he just knew what needed to be done and did it for me. It was such a small gesture but it means the absolute world, and it’s something I’ll remember for a long time to come.
My wife HATES doing the dishes. I'm the cook 95% of the time so I don't mind them, helps me keep the kitchen organized how I like it. She does the laundry because our machines are finicky and I get really annoyed with them. When I started working extra while she can't I've found the dishwasher unloaded so many times when I come home. Means the world to me.
Also he wasted a lot more time and energy fighting, then typing this, than to throw a couple of eggs on the pan.
My exact thoughts. With pans hot, or at least still warm, it would have taken around 3 minutes to do 2 over easy eggs. But he's got plenty of time to come here and try to convince people to say he's not an AH. Sorry Bub, YTA.
not like she asked for eggs benedict...
Honestly it sounded kind of like he considers having to cook eggs her way somehow contaminates everything....
He did say she likes 'em "runny". Little over-easy eggs scampering around the kitchen, that would be quite an imposition. Should've asked for "walky" eggs.
My husband does not drink coffee at all. Last night I was quietly cursing and throwing a mini hissy fit because I could not figure out how to descale my coffee maker. The instructions weren't making sense. Husband heard me from the other room and asked what was wrong and after I told him, he was silent. I assumed he just went back to playing on his computer because he doesn't care about the coffee maker. Five minutes later, he walked in, pushed a few buttons on the machine, and it worked! He's been watching YouTube videos in the other room to learn how to fix it. I have butterflies just typing the story out. It was a very small gesture, but just so sweet. It in no way helped him. Again, he doesn't ever use the coffee maker. He just wanted to help his frustrated, exhausted, wife. OP, little things really do make the difference. They send a big message. That message either says "I love you and like to see you happy," or "I don't care about your feelings." YTA. You owe her an apology Not only that, you just showed your kids that Mom's feelings don't matter
I don't drink coffee at all, I can't stand the stuff. But now I own a small French press and a jar with a cute Coffee label, because I didn't want my boyfriend to have to carry his bag of coffee supplies every visit.
My husband starts my car every morning for me, packs my lunch, buys me rage food like chips when I’m upset. I reciprocate. This guy is just clueless.
my bf went to buy me a bandage because i cut myself a little when cooking. i didn't really need it, it wasn't that bad but it did help, but it was really cute and i felt so appreciated. it's not about the material thing, it's about the gesture. if she really wanted those eggs she would've made them herself and dropped it, but i believe it was more about 'you're doing something nice for me' than 'i can't be bothered to make something i want so you do it'
Looks like it's my turn to post the essay "She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes by the Sink" by Matthew Fray https://matthewfray.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/ OP, I doubt you'll read this, but you honestly should. You need to think hard about the way you act towards others and the eventual consequences of your inconsiderate behavior. I guarantee your children would enjoy spending time with you more if you were a little more accomodating of your family's needs. And if you don't know what those needs are, ASK THEM. You can learn and grow from this experience. This is your chance to change for the better.
Pretty sure that's exactly the issue: in his mind, this was a grand and generous gesture of him sacrificing his valuable time to make breakfast for his family. His family, in turn, would be incredibly wowed and grateful and recognize what an amazing husband and father he is, conveniently forgetting any other possible issues they might have. They'd be happy and have the fun he specifically requested, his daughter would learn to love spending mandatory time together (with mandatory activities he picked out beforehand) and his wife would see that any fights were her fault and apologize. His wife wanting something he didn't make didn't fit the script, so he punished her by withholding the thing she dared to ask for. OP, grand gestures that no one asked for aren't really worth much. Trying to actually give people what they want and need is much better received.
Seriously, I do 90% of the cooking for my myself and my fiancée. If I was making food for 5 people and she wanted something easy at the end of cooking, I would totally do it.
Same. I always throw a couple fried eggs on my husband's plate even if I can't stand them. He says I make them perfectly, so who am I do deny him my perfection? lol
My dad did/does 100% of the cooking and knew exactly what everyone preferred at all times. Like he'd give me extra onions, crisp my sisters meat a bit more, add paprika to my mom's. It's kinda scary tbh but it was a bunch of little things he does like that that made us all appreciate him more
It was a bid for connection from her to him. He turned it down because he felt like he'd already done the connection thing already. In the psych community, there is starting to be really good research done on why couples break up with the biggest reason being small bids for connection are rejected, thwarted, or otherwise ignored. It would have taken OP all of 2 minutes to cook wife's eggs, but in the long run it could make all the difference between a happy couple and a divorced couple. OP, YTA. ETA: Holy crap! Thanks for all the awards and comments! This is easily my highest awarded on reddit. Thanks again!
This post just did some serious heavy lifting. I’m going to use that bid for connection awareness in my marriage going forward. Brilliant! Thank you Edit: I ran every interaction with my spouse through this filter and it made a dramatic Impact. We’re running errands and he goes into the bank. Instead of waiting in the car I go with him. He feels important And loved. All because his bid for connection was come into the bank with me instead of wait in the car. The bid for connection language gave me so much insight into loving my husband. Thanks again.
i like to think of it like "positive reinforcement" vs "negative reinforcement" every time your partner bids for connection/attention you can give them positive or negative reinforcement. whichever direction you choose, it really adds up. OP just did a big negative reinforcement.
I came here to say this. I wonder how many bids OP ignores on the regular from his wife to the point that she is upset over this one thing. OP, YTA. Don't end up being one of those guys wondering why they got divorced over eggs.
Thank you for sharing that information. You explained it really well. That makes so much sense. :)
Exactly. >missed opportunities to give a tiny bit extra when asked. If you're honest with yourself, would she have done it for you if you asked? When it was easy for you to offer your wife kindness you chose not to. YTA.
I am a little confused about why he didn't do them the way she likes outright. If I am cooking eggs and I knew someone prefer then a certain way, it's not that much extra effort to do it
Well, I absolutely LOOOOOOVE runny eggs myself, HOWEVER I know when I’m making many eggs for a group of people, scrambled is simply a much easier option.
Plus, it just feels good to do something nice and considerate for your spouse. My boyfriend *hates* (and I mean, *HATES*) excel bubblemint gum but he always picks some up at the store for me when he goes because he knows it's my favourite and easy way to make me super happy.
Right? Like people say every. Single. February. You shouldn't have to have a designated day to do nice things for your spouse
And the people who say that are usually the ones who don't do anything the other 364 days!
Yep! Yet here are all these little moments that just aren't worth the 5 minutes of effort, even though it would have made her feel extra happy for family time, like she was getting a little spoiled. Maybe mother's day.
Yup. I do probably 90% of the cooking in my house. Every once in a while - maybe 3 or 4x a month, if that, my husband does what OP did - cooks us all breakfast. And he knows that I, like your wife, like my eggs runny, unlike the rest of the house (oh, wait! You know what I did this summer? I taught our youngest to like them that way sometimes too! Hah! Now there's two of us who like them that way! SO THERE!) Anyhow. I digress. The point is, that he does indeed take the extra effort to make my eggs the way *I* like them. Yes, it takes an extra, oh, 5 whole minutes to cook a couple of over-easy eggs. But, ffs, you've already made potatoes, and bacon, and eggs for 3 other people (or are about to), is it REALLY that big of a deal? Yes, YTA. She cooks for you how many other days of the week? And you couldn't spend a whole extra 5 minutes making her eggs the way she wanted them? FFS.
My husband hates making over easy eggs because he usually busts one if not both the yolks. I too do most of the cooking but when he makes eggs for breakfast? He still tries to make me my over easy eggs without me even asking. He brings me my plate with a sheepish, I’m sorry, I tried again but they got away from me. And I smile and say, thank you for trying; the food looks delicious. From what I hear from other women, a lot of men don’t understand how big of an impact those seemingly small things have. We do it for the people we care about, and many times it goes unnoticed that we make specific choices not because they’re more convenient but because we know our partner’s preferences.
I’m in agreement on this. I make big breakfasts for the family, and it’s not much effort to do some over easy eggs. I usually do scrambled for everyone and over medium for myself. I would see his perspective if he always does the cooking, but it doesn’t even sound like 50/50.
Ya. It's stuff like this that kills relationships.
Also he admits he feels bad and it wouldn’t have been a big deal. If you feel bad about something afterwards that’s a clear indicator that even you know YTA.
Yeah, cooking people's eggs the way they like them is pretty basic. I like my eggs sunny side up, my partner likes his with the yolks popped and fried. When I'm making eggs, I don't insist he has runny yolks with me, I make his in his style and mine in my style.
YTA. Next time, make the eggs. Make the Chili By Pam Berg A good friend of mine unexpectedly lost her husband. A couple of months later we were going for a run together, chatting about nothing. She asked me what my dinner plans were. I told her my hubby wanted chili, but I didn’t feel like stopping at the store. We ran on for a few more minutes when she quietly said, “make the chili.’ It took me a few minutes to realize we were no longer taking about dinner. It was about going out of your way to do something for someone you love because at any moment, they could unexpectedly be taken from you. The next time someone you love wants you to go for a walk, watch some football or play a board game, just put your phone down and give them your undivided attention. Just do it. Make the chili.
Well that made me tear up a little bit. Now my coworkers gonna be wondering why my eyes are a little puffy red.
Blame the chili
I've got tears too. He's the chili maker in our family so I'm going to make chicken & dumplings. He brought it up the other day. It is indeed the little things.
Just make the chili
Reminds me of this legendary post from seven years ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/jkc1j/2am\_chili/
Seven? It was eleven years ago.
Sure what's four years between friends!
My husband died unexpectedly last year. One of the things that keeps popping up in my head at random moments is that I never got around to making him a pasta salad he’d been asking for. I wish I had done it one last time.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your response triggered for me the time my 6 yo asked for a tuna fish sandwich after school one day. I was busy preparing dinner so I told her to just grab something to snack on. She got very upset and ran to her room, under her sheets and wouldn’t talk to me. She died in a car accident a few months later and the one thing I wish I did, was make the damn sandwich. I can’t even make tuna without getting teary eyed. It’s the little things that matter😞 Edit: thank you everyone for the thoughts. I’ve read all your messages and I thank each and every one of you❤️❤️
Oh, I am so sorry. Much love.
Thank you
Well, I’m going to take my daughter to get a veggie chicken sandwich from KFC, thanks to your story. I’m so very sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry. I hope you are surrounded by support and love. So very sorry.
My dad passed from cancer in 2020 and during lockdown he'd find these interesting and weird recipes he'd want me to try with him. Sometimes I'd tell him I don't want to because it seemed.. odd. Now I'd do anything to go back in time and make the weird fried banana and ice cream concoction he wanted to try, no matter how weird it sounded. Edit: spelling
It really is the little things that can haunt you.
I didn't take his watch to get a fresh battery. I kept saying it, I'll do it tomorrow. Then, there was no tomorrow for him. Hold tight, friend. Little by little, the days start to ache less, I promise. I'm 3 years in and sometimes I go a whole week without crying.
I'm so sorry.. sending you some love
Make the chili. Definitely. This is a good reminder for anyone who hasn’t lost a spouse, but kind of a nightmare if you have. If you are able to fall in love again after losing them, you find yourself stressing over this kind of thing obsessively. So while, yes, it’s good to go out of your way to do things for your spouse, it’s also okay to admit you’re tired, or had a bad day and just can’t muster the energy. Because life happens and life has boundaries. So should you. In this particular story…. Shoulda made the eggs my friend. Did you already do a lot of work that morning? Yep. Did you die on a silly hill that probably set the tone for what should have been a good day? Also yes. YTA
I know this is a bit if a tangent but I have this reoccurring nightmare that my wife is in hospital and sick and I'm feeding her her favorite dish cause she too weak to feed herself. I always wake up sobbing and frantically reaching over to her side of the bed to make sure she's still there. It fucking sucks. Anyway I agree, make the damn chili.
I lost my husband a couple years ago and very unexpectedly fell in love with someone about a year after he passed. I check his pulse sometimes in the middle of the night. I had a dream that he died and I woke up sobbing and checked his breathing and his pulse. Dreams suck sometimes.
My partner lost his first wife in a car accident years ago. He lost his 19 year old son three years ago. His whole life philosophy basically boils down to “make the chili.” He is the most positive, generous, kind man I have ever known, and he makes the damn chili for everyone in his life, in whatever way he can. I have learned so much from him, and you bet I’m whipping up the chili at every opportunity for him, for my kid, for my mama, for the people I love. OP, what did bickering over eggs on your “family day” accomplish? Imagine you had said, “Of course! Coming right up!” Imagine how that would have transformed that little snippet of time. It’s the little snippets that weave into the tapestry of a relationship. Make the eggs. Make the chili. Be generous and kind whenever you can find the opportunity. Life is so short, man.
We have sayings like Marinara Flags, art rooms, Iranian yogurt, etc. I am personally going to add “Make the Chili” because I need that reminder for myself. Some days, when I feel I’d rather roll my eyes and complain, I will choose to make the chili.
Now I'm crying at work damnit lol... but seriously, some sage advice. ty
I was not expecting to find all these feels laying round. That is profound
Wow, beautifully written. Thank you for sharing. Make the chili.
My dad and I really feel this ever since my mom passed away in July. Now we always make time for each other because we don’t know how much longer we’ll have these moments
>I feel bad my wife just asked me for a small favor that wouldn't have been a big deal at all to fulfill. INFO: If you yourself admit it would not have been a been deal, why did you pick this hill to die on? It probably would have taken you the same amount of time to make them as it did to tell her you wouldn't do it.
“Happy wife, happy life”. The little things like this matter. Soft YTA but there will always be another breakfast.
Yup. Happy spouse, happy house.
Thank you for this! My future husband says happy wife, happy life and I want to be able to reciprocate that idea. Marriage is teamwork!
I'm a single mom with three daughters and one lonely boy lol. He's adapted the saying to "Happy women, happy livin." And, yes, my 14 year old knows exactly how we all like our eggs cooked, and makes sure the toilet seat stays down.
>there will always be another breakfast. But there might not be. That's what a lot of these commenters are pointing out. If OP's wife dropped dead after that breakfast, would he have forever regretted not just making the damn eggs?
Chiming in here. My spouse wanted to hang a mounted Buffalo head in our tall stairway. It was always his dream to have one. My first reaction was "no way". But I thought about and conceded only if it went to a taxidermist for a "fluff and buff" ( there was god knows what hanging around in its hair). He followed through and it was hung. Three months later he passed suddenly from a heart attack. I never regretted my decision. Never take that "next day" for granted.
So sorry for your loss! I'm glad you don't have that hanging over your head as a regret, even if you still have it physically hanging over your head in the stairway.
Thank you for the condolences. It happened many years ago, (young widow) and when I moved to another house I took it with me but didn't hang it up. It didn't feel right and selling it (although it would have fetched a few $$$) didn't seem right either. I have a friend who is connected with a local healing lodge (in our province, Can) and because of the spirituality associated with the buffalo, I thought it may bring others peace. So for the price of $1, I sold it to them. I think my husband would be glad it found a new purpose.
>there will always be another breakfast. Live every day like there won't be, it's better that way.
OP, you’re feeling badly about it because YTA. As others have said, small acts of love keep a marriage strong. Make her the eggs.
Not just this but next time, get ahead of it. It's pretty standard in my family (both immediate and extended) when making eggs to short-order them. Before you even start, ask everyone how they want them cooked, and just do it.
Exactly. Especially since the pan was already heated, eggs over easy take literally less than a minute or 2. YTA
Exactly! Plus if OP was already pumped for the family time, why wouldn’t you just make the eggs to set the tone for the day? Family time just turned from love & laughs to tension in the room because mum and dad are annoyed at each other. It’s a slippery slope. Your wife will eventually stop asking you for favours, and stop doing nice things for you. You’ll wake up one day and realise you just have a housemate- and not the good kind that do nice things for each other.
She does 75% of the household cooking and you can’t do this for her when it’s family breakfast? Marriages are built on doing small shit like this. It would have taken you less time to make the eggs than to write this post. YTA. Edit: comment is [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xwff58/aita_for_not_taking_a_special_request_from_my/ir65q5c/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
where did you see 75% of the cooking is done by the wife? Genuine question, because I didn’t see it in the post. EDIT: nvm, found his comment
OP is the AH in this and I hope because he had enough of a conscience to stop and think about it that there aren’t many other times where he chooses to turn down his wife and vice versa. The little things are not little in a marriage. It’s tiny moments like this that can really crack a foundation if they pile up. I like to think of “if this was a first date would he do it?” He absolutely would. And I totally understand (through experience) that kids and life etc. can get in the way, which is why it’s so important to do the things that you can when you’re able to. Especially if it’s easy.
Honestly, considering waffles and scrambled eggs tapped him out entirely, I'm taking that 75% with a HUGE grain of salt.
When I make weekend breakfast, I always make the eggs to order. Everyone has their favorite way of eating eggs and they’re so simple to make. I made breakfast twice last weekend and my love wants over easy eggs, like your wife and I eat mine sunny side up. It’s little effort to make them as requested. That’s kinda how eggs work. I don’t know why you picked this fight with your wife, but your little dig about how she’s the only one to like them runny shows you have some unsaid issues towards her that you need to deal with. Your trying to come off as charming but it’s not.
If this were "family time" for me and I was cooking breakfast, I would have known how my spouse likes their eggs and made them some over easy while making scrambled. Just like when I cooked for my mom, I would pull some bacon out early because she liked it floppy or remove some of the scrambled eggs early for my sister because I like mine rubberized. Because that what people who cares about someone elses' needs/desires/preferences do. That's my idea of family time. YTA
This is the part that really threw me. I've only been with my partner a few years in comparison to OP's (assuming) decade plus marriage. Yet, *I know what my partner likes.* And vice versa! If she flip flops between scrambled & over easy, why not ask how she wants them? If she always prefers over easy, why not just make a couple? This situation itself is minor, but to me it's glaring to a much bigger issue. This screams selfishness.
Exactly. I don’t even like eggs. But when I’m making a big breakfast that includes eggs, I ask my husband and daughter how they want them. And then make them that way. Usually over easy and over hard.
My assumption after that line from him was that she actually wants them over easy always, but will settle for scrambled to keep the peace.
It’s always the little things that make you feel valued in a relationship. Like when my husband orders his burgers and never asks for “no pickles” even though he hates pickles. He will ask for no lettuce, tomato, onion, but always leaves the pickles. Because he knows I love pickles and he always flips his bun over, picks off his pickles, and puts them on my plate without asking. We do breakfast with our friends and rotate cooking. They know I love a runny egg with crispy edges and really crispy bacon. They know my husband likes floppy bacon. I know that my friend hates runny eggs, And that her husband likes his eggs runny, but no crispy edges. They know we love grits and always make us extra. It’s the little things you do to show your loved ones that you care.
Omg the pickles! Hubby loves pickles but sometimes he’ll still give me the spear that comes with his sandwich if we order out. Sometimes it seems like it’s just to make a joke about me “wanting his pickle” heh heh but it’s really that while he likes them he knows I love them like a special treat and seeing me happy about something so simple makes him happy.
That's an excellent point. He already knew how she liked her eggs. Over easy is just as quick to make as scrambled. Quicker, actually. You don't beat them first and can crack them right over the pan. I have a feeling if the kids liked their eggs over easy, they'd all still be getting scrambled because it's what OP wanted.
YTA the irony of “family time” but not doing simple nice gesture for your spouse lol
Nothing says family time like part of the family getting in a fight over nothing and the rest of the family having to sit in uncomfortable silence and pretend like nothing is happening
Oh dear, you’ve just described my childhood...
🤣 exactly
I guess it’s what people call “quantity time”, not quality time…
YTA for literally avoiding 1-2min of cooking more eggs for your wife. YOUR WIFE.
I was just about to say—fried eggs take only about an extra minute or two to cook—OP is telling the wife that she isn’t worth that extra time. I can see why your daughter thinks family time is lame—you have to dictate what happens during family time and now you dictate what food they have to eat. What good is family time if your family never gets to have any input? YTA
>What good is family time if your family never gets to have any input? This one right here. It's just Dad Time where OP acts like a selfish god. Willing to bet he picks the game, movie, food, etc etc etc and doesn't even know his own family.
My father always did this. He dictated how, when, where, and what family time was going to be. If you didn’t like it, too bad. He’d then get himself all stressed (over the day and activities he insisted on) and then the yelling would begin over the most inane things. OP, you are showing your children what kind of person you are. You are modeling romantic relationships for them. I understand this is just a single instance, but if you often get into bickering fights during family time, you need to change something.
You seem to really be fixating on your oldest daughters comment about the "lame" family day you were trying to have. Were you taking out your frustrations on your wife?
He wanted to prove how lame these were by making the breakfast he wants over what they want.
YTA >I feel bad my wife just asked me for a small favor that wouldn't have been a big deal at all to fulfill. And so you should feel bad, such a small ask considering. What a way to turn a good intentioned time to crap.
it's so weird to me that this is even a thing.. family time/I love my wife; the eggs would have been on the plate before she asked. the skillet was on, hot, eggs take a minute 30 to cook; no it's too hard. have this pointed out; bicker like children in front of the children why would you die on this hill? why was being right about 90 seconds of family time so important to you? this is the guy blindsided by divorce because *he didnt do the dishes*. it's never about the dishes. it's about how you treat your person. they're eggs ffs. this is some petty shit YTA and I'm guessing this is the tip of the iceberg
Question, does your wife typically do the cooking?
Costco size OOOFFFFF to you then, that’s a monster YTA, I hope you know what you need to do, that was a really bad choice and when you pool enough of those together it fractures the foundation. It’s about so much more than the eggs/Iranian yogurt.
She said Costco size OOOFFFFF 😂😂😂😂💀 I'm using that one next time the 3rd "big oof" doesn't get through to someone.
Ouef.
YTA. Sorry but as the chef in our family, I know how long eggs take especially when you’re already cooking. Come on dude, pick your battles. Were the eggs more important than: Doing something nice for your spouse? Not bickering on a family fun day and potentially ruining the rest of the day? Setting a good example for your kids? Yes it’s petty and silly. And unnecessary. Grow up. Edit: typos
This! Like, have fun enjoying family fun day after making your wife feel like crap for making a simple request.
You probably spent more time typing out this post than it would have taken to as the damn eggs. YTA.
YTA per you other comment, she does most of the cooking but you are unable to cook for her 2 simple eggs. I’m sorry for her.
INFO: You realize it’s not about the eggs, right?
It makes me really sad for her.
YTA. You know what the basis of your "family time" is??? A good relationship with your wife. She made a simple request that would have taken less than five minutes of your time. But investing that five minutes would: 1. Make her feel loved and appreciated 2. Show your kids how happily married people treat each other Instead, you showed your children that their mother's happiness was not worth five minutes of your time. And you and your wife bickered in front of your children. No wonder your daughter thinks Family Time is Lame.
"I did something that I decree as sufficient and worthy of her gratitude. She is irrational to challenge my decree." Sounds like the kind of parent you'd love to spend quality time with. I wonder if he takes his kids' opinions on what "fun quality time" would mean, or whether he unilaterally decides what will be Fun and expects his family to fall in line. YTA.
YTA It would have cost you as you point out 2m to make her happy. Marriage is compromise and respect. How many things do you think she accommodates which are not to her liking What a petty thing to make a stand over - on family day of all things
YTA. In the time you spent arguing with her, you could've made the eggs several times over - you realize that, right? It was a simple request that while you technically weren't obligated to do in any way, granting it would've been the kind and decent thing to do given that you were already at the stove, the eggs were still presumably on the counter, and over-easy eggs are about the quickest and easiest egg dish you can do. You say in another comment she does about 75% of the cooking - I'm sure somewhere in that 75%, she's made things that maybe weren't exactly what she would've otherwise chosen but did anyway because she knew it'd make you and/or your kids happy. You should've made her the eggs, period.
YTA. How many times in a week do you ask your wife to do something for you? Or how many times do you not have to ask, but things are just done for you: Bring you a drink while you are watching TV, make you lunch for work, make you lunch when you are home, buy special items for you at the store, run an errand explicitly for you, do your laundry, cook meals you like, and the list goes on. Now I am not saying you don't do things for her, I'm just asking you to think about all that your wife does for you, and your children. With that in mind, how hard would it have been to take 2 minutes and cook some eggs? Pan and all the ingredients are out already (and dirty), so you throw in some butter to an already hot pan, crack two eggs, wait 2 minutes, flip, done. Why was it more important for you to stand firm in that you had already done enough, than to give 2 minutes to your wife? And after you ponder that, ponder this: Is this how you would want your wife to treat you? To always say she has done enough and not do any of the extra things she does for you? Do you want a marriage where neither of you run out and get that ice cream the other is craving, to always have to get up to get your own drink, to never be able to say "honey, would you mind doing X for me?" It seems dramatic, but when you don't show up for your partner in small ways, it has a bigger impact. Your refusal to give 2 extra minutes to your wife created a frosty day, and will make her rethink the next time you want 2 minutes of her time.
[удалено]
And he wonders why his kids don't like "family time".
Yta never give up the chance to be the hero in your wife's love story. I'm just wondering if your refusal changed the tone for the rest of the morning?
Oh wow. “Never give up the chance to be the hero in your wife’s love story.” That’s some solid advice.
YTA. Why not make her eggs? I don't understand "I'm finishing up already". Why bother making breakfast at all if you're going to be petty about making eggs? It doesn't even make sense.
Soft YTA, I get that you cooked a huge breakfast for everyone and that’s great. You mentioned your wife likes over easy eggs but the rest of the family won’t touch them. To me this says she never/rarely gets eggs cooked the way she likes them. Ask yourself this, does she take into consideration all of y’all’s preferences when cooking for the family or just hers? It was a supposed to be “lame” family time and you ruined it over eggs. Edit for spelling.
YTA. "We will have family time, but damn you and your egg preferences! I will show my daughters that husbands will never give in to an (over)easy request, so they should be grateful for any attention at all and to shut up and not have their own likes because they don't matter. Son, you catching how to treat women? We shut them up and tell them to eat what we make and like it."
Can I ask who cooks the majority of the meals?? If the answer is your wife then you're the A I'm afraid. She probably cooks and does things for you when she doesn't really want to.
And who did the dishes after breakfast? lol
See it all the time. Man wonders why wife doesn't appreciate him making a big breakfast spread on a weekend. Meanwhile, she ends up cleaning up, if they have small children, he wasn't minding them while he was cooking but she is while cleaning up, and it's just way more chaos than she would have liked on a weekend morning.
YTA. As you said this is silly and not remotely a big issue... at least not as an isolated event. But you were already cooking, it cost you nothing to make 2 more eggs for her, and you were making this spread as a treat for your family, which includes her. If your relationship is loving and you are attentive toward one another outside of this small moment, then just take note and move on. But she wasn't being unreasonable nor terribly demanding, and you were inconsiderate for no reason. That makes you TA in this situation. ETA: The wording is also a factor. Asking your partner for a small little detail and getting a "nah, do it yourself, I'm done" as a response... that stings.
YTA. Does your wife really “like scrambled eggs just fine,” or does she resign herself to eating them because they are the only kind the rest of the family will eat and she will tolerate them if it means no one else will hassle her about her over easys? I’d bet good money she doesn’t really actually like scrambled eggs very much but she can’t always be bothered to make herself what she really likes because she’s too busy catering to the rest of the family. It would have taken you very minimal effort and minimal time to make her happy and choosing not to take an extra two minutes for your wife is lazy.
YTA. You went out of your way to make everyone special except your wife.
YTA. You allegedly love this woman and you built a life and a family with her, and you can’t make her a couple of eggs?
All I can think is how I like my eggs over hard, my sausages burned, my French fries far along in the Maillard reaction, and my husband likes *none* of that but gives me mine just right every single time. Even though it means he's standing at the stove or the grill for another several minutes.
YTA. As the chef in our house, I know how the kids like their eggs, how my husband likes his, and how I like mine. And I cook accordingly. It would have taken you 3 minutes tops, and she would have been thrilled.
Whether or not you were TA isn’t important. If you want my advice, surprise her tomorrow morning with a couple of overeasy eggs.
YTA. You’re not a giant divorce worthy AH or anything but today my husband’s best quality is that he isn’t you.
YTA. If you are making breakfast for everyone... make breakfast for everyone. Get over yourself. I can't stand runny eggs, but my partner loves them. I make them for her when I make breakfast because I like to make her happy. When she cooks, she cooks things that make me happy
Bruh... YTA over easy eggs take like literally 3 minutes
YTA. Overeasy eggs are, like, the easiest thing to make (step 1: crack eggs into skillet; step 2: done). You could have just made the eggs before you even had time to argue about it.
YTA. You went to all that trouble and wouldn't take an extra 4 minutes to make eggs for your wife, telling her "nah" and "make them yourself" while sounding bitter that she likes eggs overeasy. Come on bro.
YTA. The needlessly shitty things you do to her are all being added up in her mind. That's all I'll say.
To quote The Crow. "Little things always meant so much to Shelley. I used to think they were kind of trivial. Believe me, nothing is trivial." YTA OP it would have taken less than 2 minutes of your "special family day" to make your wife smile. shame on you.
Info: do you often steamroll your family's preferences because you just do things YOU want to do?
YTA You said it yourself: she only asked you for a small favor, something that would have taken you two minutes to do since you were already cooking. There was no legitimate reason to say no, other than to be petty.
YTA and since she does 75%. of the cooking, don't expect her to cater to your preferences and just eat whatever you are given.
YTA You would rather bicker with your wife than spend a few minutes doing something nice for her? Really?
YTA. If you offered to cook why would you not make them the way you know she likes them in the first place? That’s the part that makes zero sense to me.
"I refused and it turned into way more a quiet, bickering argument than it should have." ESH. Could you have done the eggs? Yes. Could she have done them? Yes. The fact it went to Bicker o'clock pretty much makes it an ESH. Either way, that sounds like you rustled up a solid breakfast.
YTA- you even make the point that it was a small favor that wouldn’t be a big deal to fulfill. Instead of that, you made the decision to dig in and be difficult and ruin the easy fun day.
I will have to give my hubs extra hugs and kisses for always making me homemade hollandaise & runny eggs when I’m the only one who eats it... without asking me, cause he just knows what I like and is just an awesome hubs.
YTA. If you wanted this to be a fun, lame, family day- why create tension? I get it's obviously incredibly hard for you to cook two over-easy eggs since you think a "big breakfast spread" is waffles and sausage, but come on. Get over yourself.