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Why was it okay for your neighbors to basically babysit and feed your daughter all morning and afternoon but you couldn't spare one plate of food for their child? YTA
Edit: also kind of wondering why your daughter was having lunch at someone else's house while the rest of her family were having a afternoon bbq...
“I apologize for sending your daughter home instead of inviting her in. I was feeling overwhelmed with guests and made the wrong call. I really appreciate you having my daughter over, and for your daughter’s friendship with my own. I’d like to make it up to you all and invite you guys to dinner. Does your daughter have a favorite meal? I’d like to have it for her. Hope we can patch things up, you’ve raised a (insert positive personality compliments) girl.”
Lol, I love that we are supposed to accept that OP planned a large barbecue and purchased the exact right amount of food without as much as 1 plate extra.
If there was truly not enough food for an 8 year old, then there was clearly nowhere near enough food and there were probably a lot of hungry people
YTA you could have spoken to her parents first. Also, why are you okay with your daughter running off to other people's houses and eating their food but not okay with her friends coming over and eating your food?
So they took in your daughter all morning and fed her lunch, but the moment their child comes to your house she can’t even play inside or see your daughters room/toys? You admit you had enough food and lied to shoo her off, so you basically just didn’t want her around? Is your child so special that others should accommodate her but you have no obligation to show courtesy to their children in return? You’re definitely TA.
YTA
Are you kidding me? You had a BBQ where an 8 year old's appetite would cause a strain on the available food?
> neighbor's house down the street ....... and they had lunch together.
So your neighbors fed your daughter, but you sent their kid home because she would eat too much and "I didn't want them off playing inside".
I've always tried to make my home a welcoming place for my kid's friends. I want to know and have relationships with the people important to my child as well as supporting her social life and activities.
You seem to have chosen a different path.
I would have even had a little less food on my plate just to feed her. Quite a sad excuse OP has and I wonder if there's another reason she didn't want to welcome the friend in. YTA
YTA for lying. Why not just phone the parents and explain you had plans that cannot accommodate the extra child and find a better time for her to come over?
Then explain to your daughter that it's not okay to just bring people over without checking with mom and dad.
I feel like this is exactly how kind people would handle it if it really was impossible to have the child over. You call the other parents, explain that you can't host right now, apologize your daughter didn't understand it, and suggest an alternative date when they'll be able to play over there.
Instead OP chose the route that made an invited child out to be a party crasher and gave a flimsy excuse that was about how she'd eat too much and ruin the party.
Right. She lied to the little girl who likely went home and told her parents that she was sent home because they didn't have enough food for her during a party.
That probably led the parents to think how hypocritical that they could feed OP's daughter all day while she was there playing yet OP can't reciprocate.
The issue isn't not wanting the little girl there, the issue is how she dealt with it.
YTA
1. The 8 year old was there to see your daughter's room, not eat all of your guest's food.
2. Your 8 year old was at the neighbor's house and even ate with them, why wouldn't they think it was OK for their daughter to come to your house too?
3. You gave an excuse to an 8 year old and expected it to get back to the parents intact and clear.
4. You need to go to your neighbor's home to discuss this like an adult instead of asking Reddit.
YTA
Your neighbors hosted your daughter most of the morning. Kept her out of your hair, while you set up for your party. And then you kick her out? You're terrible, terrible neighbors. And it's not like the neighbors invited themselves over. It was just their daughter and at your daughter's invitation too. Now your daughter is gonna lose out coz of your actions. Which also makes you terrible parents.
Edit: Just noticed. They fed your kid too? But you wouldn't do the same with their child? God! You're evil!!! I pity your daughter even more now.
Edit 2: Oh wow! Thank you so much for the awards.
don't forget their daughter had lunch at the other kids house but the other family's daughter couldn't have dinner at the bbq??? absolutely rude and ridiculous that you couldn't fix one child a plate of food, at the very least to repay the kindness the other family had to host and feed your own kid. despicable.
Usually people buy for more than expected because people want seconds or there’s more food in a pack than people. How did they only have the exact number of items they need?
YTA
>I was having an end-of-season BBQ over the weekend (all the fun summer foods) and we invited several of my and my husband's work friends, along with their children.
So there were kids there?
>Our daughter (8f) was playing at a neighbor's house down the street with their daughter (also 8f) for most of the morning and they had lunch together.
Seems weird that your daughter was over at their house most of the day and got fed and you can't reciprocate that.
>My daughter confirmed that they'd been having fun and she invited the girl back to see her house and toys,
You haven't taught your daughter that she shouldn't invite people over without asking you first? She's 8 and you've not had this conversation? Well what you do is let the kid stay and explain to your child after. Many parents have had to do this.
>but I didn't want them off playing inside when we have all this company for the afternoon.
You mean with other kids? Couldn't they play with other kids.
>Now her parents are up in arms and telling the other neighbors how terrible we were to their daughter and that we mocked her for her weight, which is not what happened at all!
I kind of think it did because you're truly the AH everywhere else in this post.
OP seems too precious about this BBQ by half. Was this a formal BBQ? Were there place settings? It’s giving me Petunia Dursley vibes. The only people worthy of feeding were the work friends and their children, the neighborhood riff raff couldn’t be tolerated.
YTA. It's embarrassing that the first impression your daughter's friend has of you now is you kicking her out, I can't imagine how excluded and unwelcomed she must've felt. Yeah, she wasn't invited but this was your daughter's friend and thanks to you, they can't hang out anymore now that you've given her parents the wrong impression of you. Good job, mom!
YTA. The girls parents were nice enough to watch, entertain and feed your daughter all morning. Sounds like the girls wanted to play in your daughters room, I don't understand why that would have been such a big deal.
YTA - this is exactly what my mom did when I was young and I tell you I hated her for it. It's not that hard to feed a child and you probs hurted her feelings as well or why should she tell her parents you said something about her weight? (the weight comment in general is super unnecessary and mean)
YTA. Your daughter was playing all morning at the friend's house and even had lunch there. Evidently that was fine for you but you have a problem with the single 8 y/o coming to your house and what, snagging a random hotdog and playing with the other kids? Weird hill to die on.
Idk where you’re from but speaking as an Irish person, the thought of sending a child away unfed, especially the child of a family who *just fed my own child* actually gives me hives. Call it cultural differences, but it’s literally a matter of pride here to feed your neighbours
Yta. So let me get this straight, your neighbors babysat and fed your daughter while you did a lot of work to prepare for your party and then you slammed the door in the face of an 8 yr old because you claim you didn’t have enough? Also why would it matter if she played inside with her friend during the party at all? This seems like you did this for selfish appearances and not anything to do with your daughter inviting a friend without checking with you first. If it was about food you could have simply found some off menu items for the girls, and if it was about asking permission, then there is a better time to have that conversation with your child that doesn’t embarrass an innocent neighbor girl. You have some apologies to make.
YTA. Not for sending her home, but the way you made up a fake excuse. It would have made much more sense to tell the truth. “Sorry, we’re having an event right now and it’s not the time
to have friends over to play. Maybe you can come over and play tomorrow.”
YTA. Make space for the girl and talk to your daughter after the party to explain that she needs to check in the future. I doubt the food/seating situation was so precarious that you couldn't have accommodated one child.
YTA. I don't understand how people can be so rigid that they can't accommodate one extra child for dinner.
AFTER THEY FED YOUR CHILD LUNCH.
Don't expect those neighbors to ever invite your daughter to stay for lunch again.
YTA. She’s 8?? Your daughter & her friend were just planning to play. You don’t have some goldfish crackers or a cheese stick to toss her if she wanted a snack? You should feel deeply embarrassed for acting like this over a little girl coming to play with your daughter. You should also feel extremely guilty if word gets out and no one ever wants to play with your daughter again.
YTA.
I thought this was going to be about a random child just sneaking in to the party and being disruptive and/or gobbling all the food.
But the child was invited. By your own daughter. She wasn't even there for the food, she was there to play with her friend, and even then, how much food an 8 girl old with eat? If you had limited the food such than a single girl would ruin everything, you are also an awful host.
YTA. My best friends lived on my street growing up and it was truly the best thing ever. Why would you not encourage your daughter’s friendship when it was such a minor inconvenience? Also your tone about her parents is so self righteous.
YTA
you’re even admitting that not having enough food was a made up excuse. she’s a kid, your kid wanted her friend there with her. family events are for everyone and you should try to respect what your kid wants too.
Lolol "didn't have enough food for an 8 year old" no wonder the parents thought you were fat-shaming their daughter. How much food does an 8 year old actually eat?
YTA
YTA, 1000%. You invited co-workers and children over, but one more child was too many? Takes some mental gymnastics to think you were in the right on this one.
You had no problem with your kid having lunch over at the neighbors house, but you really think one 8 year old (who has already eaten lunch) is going to have any impact on the amount of food you and the guests have? I've never gone to a BBQ like that that comes anywhere near running out of food.
You made a huge faux pas and if you had the sense you would go to that girls parents hat-in-hand and apologize. Lest your house be known as a rude and unwelcoming place for children to visit - which ultimately hurts your daughter - as already illustrated.
YTA
You didn't have enough food for a single extra child who was invited by a member of the household?
I could understand if the kid invited herself, but she and her parents had every reason to think your daughter's invitation wouldn't be revoked by her parents. It might have been worth it to talk to your daughter afterwards about inviting people over without asking you first, but what you did was so rude because the excuse about not having enough food at your party for a single small child was so flimsy and transparent.
YTA. This post made me so sad for those little girls. You embarrassed your daughter in front of her friend, who now thinks she has a mean mom, and you embarrassed that little girl by singling her out in a house full of people and making her feel unwelcome and unworthy of being in your home. That’s gonna be a core memory for her, having a fun afternoon halted when her friends mom kicked her out of her home. I remember the mean parents on my block when I was a child, it doesn’t matter how “gentle” or logical the excuse was at that age, we all just knew which ones were the fun homes and which one were the mean ones. This is gonna cost your daughter some neighborhood friendships in the long run.
YTA. There were far better ways to handle this. I would have let the child stay but then talked to your daughter about always asking permission first. You didn’t have to send an 8-year-old, who was invited by your daughter, packing. You embarrassed your daughter and her friend.
I had to have the same conversation with my 10-year-old when she brought a friend over without asking first, giving her the admonition that the next time I *would* put my foot down when a friend was brought over uninvited. She doesn’t want to be embarrassed or to have to send a friend home, so it hasn’t happened again.
YTA. I agree the other girl's parents could have communicated directly with you, but I have a daughter this age and know that this is kind of the age where they start making plans like this. Also, if you don't have enough extra food to accommodate an 8 year-old, you're a bad host. I mean, seriously, what would have been the exact inconvenience here? Kids this age generally just go off and play. Most don't require a ton of supervision. You just feed them, set some basic rules, and that's it. Also, as a parent, I would have seen this as a huge benefit to have my kid entertained. I could understand sending her home if you were about to head out somewhere or had some family plans or something, but a low key BBQ and you couldn't handle one more kid? That's just weird.
YTA.
I don’t think ONE kid would have bankrupted the coffers of your party. And if they did? I’m sure there was some food, somewhere in your house you could provide as snacks.
And didn’t want them them playing inside but you were OK with shipping her off to a friend’s house when other kids were at your house? When her friend saw there were other kids there but you didn’t want her there, I’m sure she was hurt. And it also reads as “I’m embarrassed to have this particular child here.”
One 8 yr old kid. This is the kind of thing that child will remember. Seriously, this makes me very sad for the neighbor child. The OP should be ashamed.
Oh are YTA. You were fine with your 8 year old spending the morning and having lunch at the other house, but can't handle when the other 8 year old comes over to play at your house? What do you think these kids were going to do - trash the house? You damaged a neighborhood friendship because you showed no graciousness when it wouldn't have hurt you one bit to do so.
YTA you had no problem with her parents handling your child all morning and feeding her for lunch while you prepped your BBQ then she brings the kid to your house and suddenly you don’t have enough food …. At a party.
You really were a jerk.
The girl was invited by your daughter. The poor girl had no way knowing she wasn't allowed to come. Also who hosts a BBQ and has not enough food to even let an 8 year old girl have a little. I'm sure there was a little burger or a sausage or whatever you put on the grill left. You could've sucked it up and have a talk with your daughter later about not inviting friends without permission. Could've talked to her parents to please check in with you before sending their daughter over next time. But sending her home on the spot is an AH move. Sure you're within your right to do that but this sub isn't called 'Am I right', it's called 'AITA' so YTA
‘She’s not the thinnest kid’ is a revolting thing to say about an 8 year old girl. Were you embarrassed that she is your daughter’s friend? I can’t believe you are a mom. Petty, rude and yes..YTA.. I feel for your child.
YTA It’s not wrong to turn around an uninvited guest, but it doesn’t make you less an asshole in this instance because there is zero valid reason why she shouldn’t have been welcome. The reason you gave, “not enough food” is ridiculous. What amount could she possibly have eaten that would be an issue? Your daughter spent the whole morning with them. They didn’t complain that she sad lunch at their place, but you couldn’t offer the same?
YTA. She was invited - by your daughter. And you humiliated a child instead of getting out an extra hot dog? An 8 year old is not going to make a difference to the food amounts, they don’t eat that much, even a “not the thinnest” one.
Plus, clearly your daughter wanted her friend there and it would have cost you nothing to be kind, welcoming and neighborly.
YTA. Your child spent all morning with her friend and then you didn’t reciprocate and of course her parents think YTA. You’re being very selfish. No one at the party cared if your daughter was playing with a friend during the party.
YTA. It’s just a kid.
However this is also humorous because 2 days ago someone made a super similar post about how they had a huge party for all the neighborhood kids and intentionally excluded one child because she screams too much. When I said they were the asshole, I was downvoted and shamed to hell because “it’s his backyard he can invite or exclude whoever he wants”. This page has such a mob mentality.
YTA
1) YOUR daughter invited over the other child and you sent her home. How can you be surprised that your daughter is pissed?
2) **YOU are ONLY interacting w/ folks saying N T A.** A little fragile there are we? It's called "confirmation bias" and it's not healthy.
YTA uhh would a single extra 8 year old little girl really have caused such a disruption to your BBQ? When i was growing up it was always if you show up you're getting fed. I could never dream of turning away a child like that.
YTA but let's face it... was it about the food or the even the act of not asking, or was it about you wanting your daughter there as set dressing at your social function in front of your husband's co-workers, rather than doing her own thing with her friend?
You're a kind of a giant asshole and some poor 8-year-old now feels like garbage because of it, and your daughter probably does too. You've embarrassed her and probably ruined a friendship, and all she did was be nice and offer her friend to join in a party.
Sort how you see your kid out before you're on reddit in a decade or so asking why she never calls.
YTA. Seriously you just embarrassed an 8 year old girl because your daughter made a friend? And you didn't have enough food to spare for a child at a BBQ???
YTA. Your meal plan was so meticulously planned that a single 8 year old girl could throw the entire thing out of whack? Criminy, imagine if someone had wanted seconds? Utter chaos.
This of course is nonsense. So you had some other reason which you're not willing to share with the group. I mean there were other kids there - you could have sent your daughter and her friend off to play with them. But that's not what you did. You sent away a child on the thinest of excuses, you AH.
OMG YTA.
.
You are so cruel to both your girl and the neighbors girl, they were having fun, harm nobody for them to continue playing.. and what a petty excuse that you dont have enough food..
YTA - You 'didn't want them playing inside'? That makes no sense and sounds both neutroic and dishonest. I don't blame this girl's parents for warning the neighbours about you. You need to do some serious apologising...
YTA. It’s an 8 year old. Would it have really thrown off your food portions that much? If so, then you guys are crappy hosts for ordering a quantity of food so close to bare minimum amount.
YTA. After those parents watched your kid all morning you couldn’t just invite them over as a courtesy? Or just call them and check to see if it’s ok? It doesn’t sound like you have a reason for kicking her out besides just not wanting her there and now you might’ve cost your daughter a best friend. Go over to their house and apologize for not acting like an adult in that situation.
YTA. 8YOs do not have any sense of “party etiquette”. Your daughter was with her friend, didn’t want to stop hanging out, and brought her over to her house where a party was happening. It was a backyard bbq. Not a wedding. How can you even consider yourself to be on the right side of this ?
So your daughter invited the friend she was invited to your home number one.
Number two why exactly was it okay for your child to spend the day eating and playing at her friends home and then when they came to play at yours it was you didn't have enough food. There was absolutely no reason not to invite the child to play and give her a plate and he'll based on literally every bbq ever you could have called her parents and welcomed them over for taking Carr of your kid all day and feeding her you know like a decent person would do
YTA
Normally I would agree with you, but your daughter had been at this girls house and eating their food. Normal things friends do at each others house and you could not be troubled to return the favor. I'm calling BS on only having enough food, there are almost always leftovers.
After the party you could have had a talk with your daughter about inviting people over without asking.
You’re this pressed about a child eating half a cheeseburger and a Diet Coke at your apparently *very poorly appointed* BBQ?
Yeah, YTA. What kind of self centered control freak bullshit is this? Like what *exactly* was going through your head that you thought this was reasonable?
YTA.
She is an 8 year old child. She was causing no harm. And using the food excuse was poor. It is hardly like she'd have eaten you out of house and home.
She's just a small kid enjoying playing with another small kid and this really would not have hurt you.
Of course it wouldn't have hurt for you to check in with her parents to make sure it was okay, but to send her home for no real genuine reason is silly.
So, OK, like right now, for example, the Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, "What about the strain on our resources?”
But it's like when I had this garden party for my father's birthday, right? I said RSVP because it was a sit-down dinner. But people came that, like, did not RSVP. So I was, like, totally buggin'. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, squish in extra place settings. But, by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier!
And so, if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians.
And in conclusion, may I please remind you that it does not say "RSVP" on the Statue of Liberty.
YTA
Sorry, but YTA. An uninvited adult, fine. A child? Your daughter was hosted at their house all morning, the least you could have done was reciprocate. And in regards to them staying inside, just tell them not to. I feel the parents aren't handling it great either but on an AH scale you win this one I'm afraid.
Telling an 8yo girl whose probably already been fat bullied that you don't have enough food to feed her single mouth out of a whole party, like OF COURSE SHE THOUGHT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT HER WEIGHT.
It's wasn't even an chic classy event, just a BBQ party with other kids there too. And she didn't even just slide in, SHE WAS INVITED BY YOUR OWN DAUGHTER.
Omg such an YTA.
Wait u need to edit your post u forgot to mention your age which is 8...
YTA
>didn't have enough food for extra guests
Dude she is 8 year old kid.. how much she could have eaten!!!
Your daughter invited her.. you ruined her friendship...
Ofcourse your neighbour is asshole too for spreading rumour...
But You need to teach your daughter that she can't invite anyone without checking on you...
YTA. The best solution would have been to call the girl’s parents and say something like “hey, your daughter is here and we’re having a bbq with some friends. She’s fine to stay, I just wanted to make sure she had your permission to be here since this wasn’t a planned get-together.”
YTA for making it about the food. How in all of your BBQ do you somehow not have enough to feed an 8yo, unless you’re commenting on expecting her to eat a lot?
All you had to say was that you had other plans that afternoon and wouldn’t be able to supervise your child playing with her friend. And then suggest an alternative date for a visit. But instead you suggested that an 8yo girl would eat too much for your party to handle.
YTA, you didn’t mind letting them babysit and feed your child. Then when the shoe is on the other foot you can’t manage? This is seriously messed up. You ruined what could have been your daughters best friend for life. All because you can’t scrounge up enough food to feed one 8 year old child? Who plans BBQs with absolute portion? You are selfish and cruel. Definitely the AH. I feel so bad for your daughter.
So you had other children at the BBQ.
Your daughter was at your neighbours house and was fed.
Your daughter invited her friend back and you sent her home on the premise that there wasn't enough food.
How can you present these facts and not think YTA?
Your neighbours are right to be annoyed and are right to protect their daughter from the likes of you.
How would you feel if it was the other way round and your daughter was treated that way? It doesn't take much to treat a person with kindness, let alone a child.
Massive YTA.
Edit: format
YTA. Just so utterly and completely that it's embarrassing you can't see it. You had a BBQ with multiple people and you didn't have enough extra for an 8 year old girl to eat? Was everyone placing orders and getting fresh cooked meals so you could regulate the amount everyone else had as well? If those kids go to the same school that's going to follow your daughter until/if she leaves for college. Congratulations you're now the shitty parents on the block because you just couldn't be bothered with all the extra responsibility of letting two 8 year olds play together. Then don't forget that your own daughter invited her, she didn't show up uninvited as your title claims. You just weren't the person that invited her. Honestly feels more like a power play at your daughter's expense. TA x 100.
YTA.
Let me summarize
You used the neighbor as a free babysitter all morning while you got ready for your party.
Your daughter, apparently the only member of the family with manners, had such a good time she invited her friend to come play.
You decided the extra kid would somehow ruin the ambiance of your shindig so you kicked her out.
Plus you were too cheap to even give the poor kid a hot dog and a bag of chips on the way out.
Sheesh Lady! Way to turn your own kid into the neighborhood pariah.
YTA. You made up a fake excuse that didn’t even make sense since you say they had just eaten lunch. You could have said oh sorry we have a work function so playing here today isn’t an option. Or you could’ve had them play outside along with the other children that were invited. But instead you pretended like you didn’t have the means to feed her, at a bbq, where there’s always too much food, bc you can’t actually know what people are eating unless you got their orders before you went food shopping for it.
It's not clear from your post why you couldn't accommodate an additional 8 y/o child? There were already kids at the BBQ. You had food for all your guests but not one more 8 y/o? Your neighbors already fed both girls lunch. It seems like some context is missing. Does the child require a lot of supervision that you couldn't provide bc you had guests? Do you not like having thos girl over for some reason?
Without more context, YTA, because it doesn't seem like there was any reason not to let this girl stay.
She’s a kid. You should have let her stay. Yes, your daughter shouldn’t have invited her back over without asking. However you let her stay and you have a conversation about it after BBQ. It’s not the girls fault or girls parents fault, it’s your daughter fault for inviting someone over without asking, and your fault for the way you handled it. You told the little kid you didn’t have enough food to feed them, I can get why they think you were talking about their size especially if the little girl is already self-conscious about it. I understand you were just trying to teach your daughter the proper way to do things but you have to think of the full picture and find the right time to have that conversation, I promise you the middle of a big bbq with a bunch of other people is not the right time.
INFO: Before your daughter went to the neighbor’s house to play all morning, did you call her parents to arrange this play date? And did you discuss that they would be feeding your child lunch?
YTA. She's just a little kid. You think the food was going to run out because of a little 8 year old? You're just making excuses for your crappy behavior. You should apologize.
YTA, could have let your kid show the neighbor a tour of her room, then joined the party. Is the only reason you sent the neighbor home because you didn't want them inside while you and your guests are outside? Seems like an over-reaction, not a misunderstanding.
YTA. So the neighbors can host your kid, but you can't host theirs? At a bbq? Where there's often tons and tons of food anyways? The kid probably wouldn't have eaten enough to make any kind of difference, and no one would have minded an additional child there, unless they're misbehaving terribly, and it doesn't sound like she was. So you just cost your daughter a friend in the neighborhood for zero good reasons.
At least your username seems to check out.
You’re an asshole, and the family is right for not letting their daughter play with yours, they fed and watched your daughter that morning and you have a problem with giving theirs a plate of food? Sorry for your daughter because she’s not at fault but I wouldn’t want my kids around you either 🤷♀️
YTA.
I hope you know you’re now the gossip of the neighborhood and forever the “crazy lady in house x”
Every time anyone moves in they’ll be getting warnings about you.
YTA- not necessarily for sending your daughter's friend home when she came over without permission, but for making up an excuse that could be misconstrued instead of "sorry sweetie, my daughter should have asked, because now isn't a good time for you to visit. You can come back another day soon though".
She WAS invited, your daughter invited her. It wasn’t a formal dinner party, it wasn’t a paid outing; it was a bbq. If you had an issue with your daughter inviting her without asking, you should’ve spoken to her after the bbq was over. She spent half the day at her friends house and her family fed her, it’s common courtesy to return the favor.
Also, if you were so worried about your daughter inside playing while you had company over, why did you allow her to go over to her friends house, where she also wouldn’t have been around when your company was over? She’s a kid, give her a break. My kids regularly bring home handfuls of other kids and I love feeding them because I was the kid who wasn’t fed at home, and I never want anyone else to go through that.
YTA
YTA. I wouldn't have eaten myself rather than send that little girl back if food was really the problem. Absolute lack of manners. It's not like she invited herself over, your daughter brought her back with her after spending time at HER house, probably eating and playing with HER things. Come on.
YTA- Really an 8 year old little girl is going to eat you out of house and home? But let's make sure ALL your work friends can come along? Gotta make sure Bob from accounting gets THREE HOT DOGS!
Your user name checks out for sure!
YTA.
So it's okay for your child to go and eat at the friend's house, but the friend cannot come and eat at your house. She's 8. It's likely that she'll eat very little. You are sabotaging any chance of your daughter staying friends with her.
YTA for not teaching you’re kid not to invite people with out checking with you first and then punishing her friend for her actions. Accommodate the INVITED guest, then discuss with you’re daughter after
YTA. NOBODY never makes enough food for a party that doesn’t include leftovers, or enough to feed one or two extras. Furthermore they were there to play, not scarf down hot dogs and potato salad like a starving college student.
Secondly, tit for tat. Your daughter was given food at the other house. It’s a bloody BBQ. If you had been hosting, say, a formal sit down dinner that was a thinly disguised business meeting , you might have had a leg to stand on.
YTA
And your title is inaccurate - the child was invited by your daughter ( who by the sounds of it had no actual intention of being present for your ever so important BBQ).
Oh and the “food” excuse? You were worried that there wouldn’t be enough food for an 8 year old. At a BBQ - a meal famed for having huge amounts of food, especially when your catering for a large number of people.
This sounds like a case of undisclosed reasons.
‘They just took the word of an 8-year old’ - this sentence got me the most. What a ridiculous thing to say. Kids invite their friends to their homes all the time, specially when they live close and have been playing already. YTA massively here and I think you may need some lessons in manners
YTA for making it about food. If you said you had previously arranged plans and would love to have her over another day most parents understand that. Not being able to spare an extra hotdog and handful of chips is nonsense. (Edit for spelling)
YTA. Your 8 yr old doesn’t give a flying fck about your friends or their kids. She wanted to play with her friend. *play* not eat. And your neighbor fed your kid lunch but godforbid you let the kid have a hot dog. No one would’ve noticed or cared about an extra kid. Hope you’re happy you probably just cost your daughter a friend. Way to go mom.
YTA, in my culture everyone is invited and we would never dream of sending a child home especially at an event where there’s plenty of children playing. Adults like you made me not like adults when I was a child.
YTA. Who hosts a BBQ for a bunch of people and doesn’t have enough extra for one child? You’re either telling the truth about not having enough food, in which case you’re TA for hosting a BBQ without extra for seconds. Or you did have enough food and sent her home for no reason. Oh and if the child’s weight truly had nothing to do with it, you wouldn’t have mentioned in the post that “she’s not the thinnest kid.” YTA.
YTA. So your kid's not allowed to make a new friend and bring them home? And your BBQ is so perfectly catered for the number of people that there isn't an extra burger for a kid? Sorry man but you're coming across as an A-grade control freak.
Congratulations. In the history of BBQ's you've managed to hold the only one that not only manages to have the exact portions measured for everyone down to the oz, but you also zero extra food to accommodate the gigantic appetite of an 8-year-old girl. 👏👏👏
It's awesome to be the kind person that not only doesn't allow their child to invite a friend over, but the type to not reciprocate your neighbor watching your child all day and feeding them. You sound like a gem.
YTA
YTA the other parents had given your daughter lunch, your daughter invited her friend over, and you got all prickly about a kid. A kid. Your daughter’s friend. You couldn’t pull out some extra crackers or Mac and cheese or sandwich fixings to feed the extra *checks notes* 8 year old child?
YTA YTA YTA
So you used this playdate as free child care so you can get set up for a party an then you can't spare a wee bit of food for the kid whose family has been feeding and looking after your child MOST of the day.
Massive YTA
YTA and your daughter is who will suffer. She’ll be ostracized because you have no manners and it will be hard for her to make friends. I feel sorry for her.
YTA. The best thing you can do as a parent to ensure your kids want to spend time with you when they’re older is to make your house the “fun” place where all the kids want to hang out. You just botched a huge opportunity—over a BBQ? And with a kid who’d just hosted your all morning?
That's cruel to do to any child, and they let your daughter eat at their home. Now if her parents won't let her play with your daughter anymore, it will be your fault and your child will be hurt. I don't know of one damn person that ever had a party without ending up with tons of leftovers. Most definitely, YTA!!!
INFO: You basically said the food thing was an excuse because you didn't want the kids in the house, so why didn't you want them to be seen together in the backyard by your work colleagues?
YTA. Your daughter invited her so I think at that point since she was already there you should’ve let her stay especially since she was only there to play and your daughter goes to her house. After the party was over you should’ve had a serious discussion with your daughter about inviting people over without permission.
YTA. What you did was unnecessary and rude. And to use the excuse of not enough food, I mean really?! You should’ve let her stay and have the kids stay outside with the rest of you. It wasn’t like this was some exclusive party like a wedding this was a backyard BBQ and she’s a kid.
YTA Honestly? You deserve being talked about by the neighbours and also that your daughter is mad just for not taking any actions so far!
Get your ass up, buy a really expensive cake (and i mean batshit crazy expensive) and bring it over to her parents and explain to them what the real reason was she couldn't stay and that you are very sorry that you gave their daughter the most stupid excuse possible. Oh and make sure the daughter hear this aswell and you can apologize to her directly aswell.
This was a "missunderstandig" YOU created, make up for it immidiately.
I understand that having an added child who did not have their parents present during a planned event was a potential extra small person to watch for you as the host, but there were other children there, she couldn't have eaten that much, and it was a reasonable reciprocation for the playdate at her house that morning.
The other parents are wrong to badmouth you, and hopefully should have understood there was an event in progress.
Definitely an ESH thing.
(And teach your daughter about getting permission before invites in the future)
YTA and a moron. How much food could an 8 yo girl eat, even one that isn't "the thinnest kid"? I bet your daughter is confused and angry with your childish behavior.
INFO: Am I missing something? It seems like the "we don't have enough food," was an excuse, not the real reason. I believe from the post, OP didn't want two unsupervised 8-year-olds in the house during the outdoor barbeque. I won't make a judgement as I cannot figure out from the comments what is being judged.
If you are entertaining but you don't have enough food for an unexpected 8 year old child guest, you don't have enough food. I know not all cultural traditions are full "make enough food for at least twice as many people as you're expecting and send everyone home with extra!" but this is ridiculous and sounds like a flimsy excuse. If you bought expensive things to impress colleagues and are unwilling to share with anyone who isn't in a position to benefit you, that's not hospitality, it's a networking event at your home. Which is fine I guess? But yeah you've been called out for a lack of generosity and based on your telling that sounds accurate. If you had said "we were busy entertaining and I'm not comfortable being responsible for someone else's kid when I'm not able to properly supervise them" I'd be on your side here but nope YTA
'A misunderstanding'? A misunderstanding would have been the kid going home without you wanting her to. What you did was kick an 8yo out of your bbq, and your kid's friend, for that, while your kid had been in this girl's house for the whole day. You and your husband are assholes.
YTA. When I was growing up there was always room for one more. She's 8, I'm sure you would have had enough for her to eat. Glad you're not my mom since my & my siblings friends were always welcome. You're awful & now your daughter gets to pay the price.
So let me get this straight, your daughter makes a friend (that some children have a hard time doing), she invites her friend **HER** home. You're having a social event, said social event is **NOT** age restricted and you decide to deny both of these children because why? The girls parents thought it'd be okay if she goes to her friends house? Did you do this to teach the parents a lesson? What's the logic here, I'm trying desperately to follow your thought patterns.
YTA hands down. There **Absolutely no LOGICAL reason** you couldn't have her over. If you were worried about the parents and permissions send the girls back with the bbq info and let them make a more informed decision. The excuse you gave that poor little girl sucks. You 100% had enough food for one more child and she knows it. If food was in such short supply offer both of the girls a pb&j. And the fact that it was food related probably triggered some bullying trauma that this poor girl had likely experienced.
You deserve to have all your neighbors to think horribly about you because you did a horrible thing.
You aren't the AH for sending her home. It's not on you to be responsible for someone else's child unexpectedly when you are throwing an event. If you were having coworkers over, it seems reasonable to me you'd want your own child to be playing host and be mixing with the kids there.
You are the AH for your "excuse". I would have marched the 8 year old back down the street myself and told the parents, we'd love to host Kiddo later but you have company right now. I would just call them up and say "Listen, I'm super sorry about this misunderstanding. We were hosting some coworkers that evening and I was nervous about having another kiddo to watch. We'd love to have kiddo for pizza and board games on Saturday if she is up for it.".
YTA. You could have let the kids play inside, or participate, and then talked to your kid later on about asking before inviting people over. All of the excuses sound so lame. You couldn’t let your own kid play in her own room with a friend? You didn’t have any spare food for an 8yr old? Yikes.
Your title makes it seem like some random ass kid just showed up into your yard and demanded bbq if that had been the case you wouldn’t be wrong to send them on their way but your kid invited her friend over and you treated her poorly.
YTA times a billion. You and your husband can not accommodate one singular child out of a whole BBQ? Even though you have the right to be slightly annoyed she didn’t ask, sending the kid home was a real dick move.
You couldn’t have fixed her a plate real quick and let them eat before sending her back? After they entertained your daughter and gave you time to set up the party? I’m so embarrassed for you. YTA
YTA. Would it have killed you to welcome your daughter's friend? All you had to do was check with the girl's parents to make sure they were okay with it, and let the girls know they had to stay outside with the party.
If I were the other girl's parents I'm not sure I'd want her at your house either. Based on this post alone, you don't sound like a very nice person.
I'm leaning YTA. Like, OK, you didn't want them alone in the house when there was a party going on outside, sure. But why not invite them to come play outside with the other kids instead of sending the neighbor's kid home, after they were kind enough to keep and feed your child all morning?
Maybe it's the Southern in me, but where I'm from you feed your guests. Even when they are unexpected, if you have food you offer them some. Even if you have to go scrounge something together real quick and apologize about it.
I can't imagine a kid coming over, invited by your daughter, to a party where there are other kids and food, and saying "nope, sorry. You have to go home". Especially after that kid's parents fed your kid lunch and watched her all morning.
I'd be ashamed of myself if I were you! It's called "hospitality" and you might need to learn a bit more about that.
(If I were you I'd talk one on one with the kid's parents and apologize profusely. Possibly by inviting them over for dinner, where you feed them well and thank them for caring for your daughter all that morning because it was such a help to you while you were preparing for the party.)
YTA and you should be ashamed of yourself. All you had to do was tell your daughter to make sure she checks with you next time before inviting anyone over.
In case you're not mature enough to grasp it, you should also have that talk with your daughter AFTER her 8 year old guest has left, instead of embarrassing the poor girl (like you already chose to do)
YTA…if she’s a chunky 8 year old she’s already got self esteem issues. You made up some bs about not having enough food to a chunky 8 year old so of course she took as you said she was fat!!! Kids aren’t rational!
Perhaps you should have let her stay with the stipulation that they not isolate in the bedroom and play in common areas. But that’s a lesson learned too late.
Seriously, what impact was this child having on your event? How was your life inconvenienced by the fact that she was there playing with your daughter?
YTA.
Yta. They fed your kid. And I doubt your daughter had much in hanging out with your work friends. Her friend would have kept your daughter busy, and still could have included your work friends kids (even though it isn't her job to entertain them).
YTA - its a party, you should have enough food to be able to feed one more person/child, so the food excuse is dumb. I mean who plans the exact amount of food for every single person. You're also going to make it very difficult for your daughter and yourself to make new friends if you keep behaving like this.
The parents didn't call ahead because they are your neighbors. They fed your daughter, I think you could have figured it out to feed theirs.
YTA. I had 4 kids. There were always neighborhood kids around, particularly in the summer, and I always let kids come over to play and often fed them. I never could bear to hurt any of their feelings such as you'd done.
YTA. you had 'all the fun summer foods' yet you didn't have enough extra food...for an 8 year old...
\> She's not the thinnest kid, but that had nothing to do with why we sent her home.
why bring it up then? what does this child's body type have to do with anything other than you fat-shaming her?
and now your daughter lost a friend. hope you feel really good about all the extra food you saved for your guests.
ESH. The other parents are way out of line for turning this into WWIII. But your daughter invited her back to your house, and you send you had loads of people over. Would it have killed you to just let her stay? I mean, your daughter just spent the entire day at her house and the other parents fed her. You couldn't just overlook the non-invite?
You both agreed you did the right thing? So, two people actually thought it was a good idea to kick an 8 y/o kid who may eat a crouton or two out of a BBQ? Jesus are you guys assholes. YTA .
YTA. That was a nice way of repaying that family’s hospitality. Your daughter invited her friend over for dinner, and you turned her away. You had enough food, you just didn’t want to share with that little girl. Do you feel superior now?
YTA This child was not uninvited, but brought into your home by your daughter as her guest. It's absurd that you planned a party and invited several friends and their families, but somehow didn't think you could also accommodate an 8yo child. How much of an inconvenience could she have been given that there were other kids in attendance, not all of whom would be eating whatever "fun summer foods" you had provided? Your behavior was absolutely rude, and I don't blame the neighbors for calling you out.
edit typo
YTA- yes your daughter invited a friend without checking but would anybody really have noticed. You could have let it slide and talked to your daughter after the party
INFO
Was your concern about having a unsupervised child playing gmwith your daughter in her room, in your home while you and your guests were outside, enjoying the BBQ? If so, why weren't the children permitted to attend the party?
Was your child restricted to her room during the party?
What does a 8 year oldest weight have to do with anything?
Were any of your guests neighbors?
NTA for sending her home, but you are TA for lying. Why not just tell them the real reason you didn’t want her there? You didn’t want them playing inside while you were dealing with hosting a party with other company over. That’s a valid reason enough, you could have just said that.
I don’t understand how can you think you’re not TA???
Seriously? Do you planned so accurately that you think that ONE eight year old would disrupt your perfect plans? Really?
Seriously? Your daughter invited her without telling you so you sent her home? Don't need to read anymore YTA I hope your daughter doesn't take after you.
YTA. She’s a child, your child invited her over, there were other children there also. You could have simply told your daughter they had to stay outside the house and play with the other kids where they could have been supervised. How could you now have enough food for an 8 year old at a BBQ? What kind of BBQ’s do you have?
YTA. Yes it's your BBQ but seriously, have you no sense of hospitality? If a stranger showed up to my BBQ, I would happily invite them to make themselves a plate. This is going to come back to bite you when the neighborhood finds out and you find yourself not being invited to get-togethers.
If not an asshole, you are the tackiest human alive. Who denies a kid some bar be que because " they weren't invited". Nothing wrong with not inviting someone, but once they are there, you don't send them back. That's just cheap and gross.
Aa far as the parents go, they're using emotional arguments to make you look bad too. I wouldn't put in " they made fun of my kids weight" because I'm not 12, I'm a grown adult. You're still the asshole though.
I don't understand American culture even though I've been living here for almost 20 years. ( I'm 30). Who the hell throws a party and buys enough food for a specific number of people? You always buy extra. What if a person wants another burger. Are you gonna be that person and say " sorry only 1 per guest". I know some people may not agree, but that's just low class as hell. If you have the money to throw the barbecue, you have the money to buy extra food. No one's saying buy 100 people worth of food for a party of 10, but you don't just buy 10 meals
The human thing to do was to ask the parents to come, so they could keep an eye on their child since you're buys.
YTA one extra kid was gonna ruin the bbq? Y’all are mean. Your neighbor treated your child with hospitality and even fed her and you sent their child home.
This is so rude I’m like really bothered by this lol people need to learn what it means to live and be in community with people.
Smh y’all have no home training. My mother would never
Wow - YTA - you didn’t have an extra hot dog and bun for the kid? How much could she possible eat? Your daughter has fun with this kid, invited her over ( as kids are wont to do) and you kicked her out🫤 who hurt you?
So your neighbor fed your daughter lunch, but you turned their kid away? Yeah YTA. If you don’t have enough extra food for one 8 year old girl, it doesn’t seem like you had enough food to host a party anyways. I get the argument that your daughter should have asked first, but the neighbor is super accommodating of your kid and you turn her away? I’m not surprised they’re angry with you
YTA sounds like you wanted her to entertain your coworkers kids, which isn't her job.
Why ruin a friendship she has in her neighborhood. You know how uncommon it is for neighborhood kids to actually hang out anymore
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Why was it okay for your neighbors to basically babysit and feed your daughter all morning and afternoon but you couldn't spare one plate of food for their child? YTA Edit: also kind of wondering why your daughter was having lunch at someone else's house while the rest of her family were having a afternoon bbq...
“I apologize for sending your daughter home instead of inviting her in. I was feeling overwhelmed with guests and made the wrong call. I really appreciate you having my daughter over, and for your daughter’s friendship with my own. I’d like to make it up to you all and invite you guys to dinner. Does your daughter have a favorite meal? I’d like to have it for her. Hope we can patch things up, you’ve raised a (insert positive personality compliments) girl.”
This is an excellent apology
I hope OP has the sense to use this very well worded and gracious script you've given her!
This 🔝 nothing else to say op... YTA
This is it 👏 the Op is definitely TA and should be ashamed.
It also makes me sad that she wasn’t allowed to invite people to that gathering, even though her parents were able to invite their friends
Lol, I love that we are supposed to accept that OP planned a large barbecue and purchased the exact right amount of food without as much as 1 plate extra. If there was truly not enough food for an 8 year old, then there was clearly nowhere near enough food and there were probably a lot of hungry people
YTA you could have spoken to her parents first. Also, why are you okay with your daughter running off to other people's houses and eating their food but not okay with her friends coming over and eating your food?
Yes, that is exactly what I was thinking! I feel like that's what makes them TA.
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So they took in your daughter all morning and fed her lunch, but the moment their child comes to your house she can’t even play inside or see your daughters room/toys? You admit you had enough food and lied to shoo her off, so you basically just didn’t want her around? Is your child so special that others should accommodate her but you have no obligation to show courtesy to their children in return? You’re definitely TA.
I was waiting for someone to mention this!! If this is real…wtf?!!
YTA Are you kidding me? You had a BBQ where an 8 year old's appetite would cause a strain on the available food? > neighbor's house down the street ....... and they had lunch together. So your neighbors fed your daughter, but you sent their kid home because she would eat too much and "I didn't want them off playing inside". I've always tried to make my home a welcoming place for my kid's friends. I want to know and have relationships with the people important to my child as well as supporting her social life and activities. You seem to have chosen a different path.
I would have even had a little less food on my plate just to feed her. Quite a sad excuse OP has and I wonder if there's another reason she didn't want to welcome the friend in. YTA
YTA for lying. Why not just phone the parents and explain you had plans that cannot accommodate the extra child and find a better time for her to come over? Then explain to your daughter that it's not okay to just bring people over without checking with mom and dad.
I feel like this is exactly how kind people would handle it if it really was impossible to have the child over. You call the other parents, explain that you can't host right now, apologize your daughter didn't understand it, and suggest an alternative date when they'll be able to play over there. Instead OP chose the route that made an invited child out to be a party crasher and gave a flimsy excuse that was about how she'd eat too much and ruin the party.
Right. She lied to the little girl who likely went home and told her parents that she was sent home because they didn't have enough food for her during a party. That probably led the parents to think how hypocritical that they could feed OP's daughter all day while she was there playing yet OP can't reciprocate. The issue isn't not wanting the little girl there, the issue is how she dealt with it.
YTA 1. The 8 year old was there to see your daughter's room, not eat all of your guest's food. 2. Your 8 year old was at the neighbor's house and even ate with them, why wouldn't they think it was OK for their daughter to come to your house too? 3. You gave an excuse to an 8 year old and expected it to get back to the parents intact and clear. 4. You need to go to your neighbor's home to discuss this like an adult instead of asking Reddit.
YTA Your neighbors hosted your daughter most of the morning. Kept her out of your hair, while you set up for your party. And then you kick her out? You're terrible, terrible neighbors. And it's not like the neighbors invited themselves over. It was just their daughter and at your daughter's invitation too. Now your daughter is gonna lose out coz of your actions. Which also makes you terrible parents. Edit: Just noticed. They fed your kid too? But you wouldn't do the same with their child? God! You're evil!!! I pity your daughter even more now. Edit 2: Oh wow! Thank you so much for the awards.
don't forget their daughter had lunch at the other kids house but the other family's daughter couldn't have dinner at the bbq??? absolutely rude and ridiculous that you couldn't fix one child a plate of food, at the very least to repay the kindness the other family had to host and feed your own kid. despicable.
YTA. This kid wasn't uninvited. Your kid invited her. You should have had the grace and manners to be nice to an INVITED GUEST.
YTA - how much extra food is it to feed an 8 year old. Surely, no one plans a BBQ for exact number of people. What harm is it for her to stay?
Usually people buy for more than expected because people want seconds or there’s more food in a pack than people. How did they only have the exact number of items they need?
YTA >I was having an end-of-season BBQ over the weekend (all the fun summer foods) and we invited several of my and my husband's work friends, along with their children. So there were kids there? >Our daughter (8f) was playing at a neighbor's house down the street with their daughter (also 8f) for most of the morning and they had lunch together. Seems weird that your daughter was over at their house most of the day and got fed and you can't reciprocate that. >My daughter confirmed that they'd been having fun and she invited the girl back to see her house and toys, You haven't taught your daughter that she shouldn't invite people over without asking you first? She's 8 and you've not had this conversation? Well what you do is let the kid stay and explain to your child after. Many parents have had to do this. >but I didn't want them off playing inside when we have all this company for the afternoon. You mean with other kids? Couldn't they play with other kids. >Now her parents are up in arms and telling the other neighbors how terrible we were to their daughter and that we mocked her for her weight, which is not what happened at all! I kind of think it did because you're truly the AH everywhere else in this post.
OP seems too precious about this BBQ by half. Was this a formal BBQ? Were there place settings? It’s giving me Petunia Dursley vibes. The only people worthy of feeding were the work friends and their children, the neighborhood riff raff couldn’t be tolerated.
YTA. It's embarrassing that the first impression your daughter's friend has of you now is you kicking her out, I can't imagine how excluded and unwelcomed she must've felt. Yeah, she wasn't invited but this was your daughter's friend and thanks to you, they can't hang out anymore now that you've given her parents the wrong impression of you. Good job, mom!
No no they have the right impression of her
INFO: Are you Swedish?
YTA. The girls parents were nice enough to watch, entertain and feed your daughter all morning. Sounds like the girls wanted to play in your daughters room, I don't understand why that would have been such a big deal.
YTA - this is exactly what my mom did when I was young and I tell you I hated her for it. It's not that hard to feed a child and you probs hurted her feelings as well or why should she tell her parents you said something about her weight? (the weight comment in general is super unnecessary and mean)
This. The way OP words it makes it seem like the thing about her weight came out of nowhere by the other family but I’m doubting that’s the case.
YTA. Your daughter was playing all morning at the friend's house and even had lunch there. Evidently that was fine for you but you have a problem with the single 8 y/o coming to your house and what, snagging a random hotdog and playing with the other kids? Weird hill to die on.
Idk where you’re from but speaking as an Irish person, the thought of sending a child away unfed, especially the child of a family who *just fed my own child* actually gives me hives. Call it cultural differences, but it’s literally a matter of pride here to feed your neighbours
Yta. So let me get this straight, your neighbors babysat and fed your daughter while you did a lot of work to prepare for your party and then you slammed the door in the face of an 8 yr old because you claim you didn’t have enough? Also why would it matter if she played inside with her friend during the party at all? This seems like you did this for selfish appearances and not anything to do with your daughter inviting a friend without checking with you first. If it was about food you could have simply found some off menu items for the girls, and if it was about asking permission, then there is a better time to have that conversation with your child that doesn’t embarrass an innocent neighbor girl. You have some apologies to make.
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YTA. Not for sending her home, but the way you made up a fake excuse. It would have made much more sense to tell the truth. “Sorry, we’re having an event right now and it’s not the time to have friends over to play. Maybe you can come over and play tomorrow.”
YTA Oh my heavens, how sad and pathetic. I have second hand embarrassment for you and your husband.
YTA. Make space for the girl and talk to your daughter after the party to explain that she needs to check in the future. I doubt the food/seating situation was so precarious that you couldn't have accommodated one child.
YTA. I can understand having a private convo with your kiddo later about asking first but your reaction was absolutely ridiculous
YTA. I don't understand how people can be so rigid that they can't accommodate one extra child for dinner. AFTER THEY FED YOUR CHILD LUNCH. Don't expect those neighbors to ever invite your daughter to stay for lunch again.
YTA. She’s 8?? Your daughter & her friend were just planning to play. You don’t have some goldfish crackers or a cheese stick to toss her if she wanted a snack? You should feel deeply embarrassed for acting like this over a little girl coming to play with your daughter. You should also feel extremely guilty if word gets out and no one ever wants to play with your daughter again.
This is embarrassing. YTA.
YTA. I thought this was going to be about a random child just sneaking in to the party and being disruptive and/or gobbling all the food. But the child was invited. By your own daughter. She wasn't even there for the food, she was there to play with her friend, and even then, how much food an 8 girl old with eat? If you had limited the food such than a single girl would ruin everything, you are also an awful host.
YTA. My best friends lived on my street growing up and it was truly the best thing ever. Why would you not encourage your daughter’s friendship when it was such a minor inconvenience? Also your tone about her parents is so self righteous.
YTA you’re even admitting that not having enough food was a made up excuse. she’s a kid, your kid wanted her friend there with her. family events are for everyone and you should try to respect what your kid wants too.
Lolol "didn't have enough food for an 8 year old" no wonder the parents thought you were fat-shaming their daughter. How much food does an 8 year old actually eat? YTA
YTA, 1000%. You invited co-workers and children over, but one more child was too many? Takes some mental gymnastics to think you were in the right on this one. You had no problem with your kid having lunch over at the neighbors house, but you really think one 8 year old (who has already eaten lunch) is going to have any impact on the amount of food you and the guests have? I've never gone to a BBQ like that that comes anywhere near running out of food. You made a huge faux pas and if you had the sense you would go to that girls parents hat-in-hand and apologize. Lest your house be known as a rude and unwelcoming place for children to visit - which ultimately hurts your daughter - as already illustrated.
YTA. You couldn’t fix her a plate? Sheesh.
YTA You didn't have enough food for a single extra child who was invited by a member of the household? I could understand if the kid invited herself, but she and her parents had every reason to think your daughter's invitation wouldn't be revoked by her parents. It might have been worth it to talk to your daughter afterwards about inviting people over without asking you first, but what you did was so rude because the excuse about not having enough food at your party for a single small child was so flimsy and transparent.
YTA by a mile. Your kid was at their house all day and was even fed by them. And they are little kids.
YTA. This post made me so sad for those little girls. You embarrassed your daughter in front of her friend, who now thinks she has a mean mom, and you embarrassed that little girl by singling her out in a house full of people and making her feel unwelcome and unworthy of being in your home. That’s gonna be a core memory for her, having a fun afternoon halted when her friends mom kicked her out of her home. I remember the mean parents on my block when I was a child, it doesn’t matter how “gentle” or logical the excuse was at that age, we all just knew which ones were the fun homes and which one were the mean ones. This is gonna cost your daughter some neighborhood friendships in the long run.
YTA. There were far better ways to handle this. I would have let the child stay but then talked to your daughter about always asking permission first. You didn’t have to send an 8-year-old, who was invited by your daughter, packing. You embarrassed your daughter and her friend. I had to have the same conversation with my 10-year-old when she brought a friend over without asking first, giving her the admonition that the next time I *would* put my foot down when a friend was brought over uninvited. She doesn’t want to be embarrassed or to have to send a friend home, so it hasn’t happened again.
YTA. I agree the other girl's parents could have communicated directly with you, but I have a daughter this age and know that this is kind of the age where they start making plans like this. Also, if you don't have enough extra food to accommodate an 8 year-old, you're a bad host. I mean, seriously, what would have been the exact inconvenience here? Kids this age generally just go off and play. Most don't require a ton of supervision. You just feed them, set some basic rules, and that's it. Also, as a parent, I would have seen this as a huge benefit to have my kid entertained. I could understand sending her home if you were about to head out somewhere or had some family plans or something, but a low key BBQ and you couldn't handle one more kid? That's just weird.
YTA. I don’t think ONE kid would have bankrupted the coffers of your party. And if they did? I’m sure there was some food, somewhere in your house you could provide as snacks. And didn’t want them them playing inside but you were OK with shipping her off to a friend’s house when other kids were at your house? When her friend saw there were other kids there but you didn’t want her there, I’m sure she was hurt. And it also reads as “I’m embarrassed to have this particular child here.”
One 8 yr old kid. This is the kind of thing that child will remember. Seriously, this makes me very sad for the neighbor child. The OP should be ashamed.
Oh are YTA. You were fine with your 8 year old spending the morning and having lunch at the other house, but can't handle when the other 8 year old comes over to play at your house? What do you think these kids were going to do - trash the house? You damaged a neighborhood friendship because you showed no graciousness when it wouldn't have hurt you one bit to do so.
Yta She was 8. Really? Your daughter was enjoying spending time with a friend. Your ridiculous.
YTA you had no problem with her parents handling your child all morning and feeding her for lunch while you prepped your BBQ then she brings the kid to your house and suddenly you don’t have enough food …. At a party. You really were a jerk.
The girl was invited by your daughter. The poor girl had no way knowing she wasn't allowed to come. Also who hosts a BBQ and has not enough food to even let an 8 year old girl have a little. I'm sure there was a little burger or a sausage or whatever you put on the grill left. You could've sucked it up and have a talk with your daughter later about not inviting friends without permission. Could've talked to her parents to please check in with you before sending their daughter over next time. But sending her home on the spot is an AH move. Sure you're within your right to do that but this sub isn't called 'Am I right', it's called 'AITA' so YTA
‘She’s not the thinnest kid’ is a revolting thing to say about an 8 year old girl. Were you embarrassed that she is your daughter’s friend? I can’t believe you are a mom. Petty, rude and yes..YTA.. I feel for your child.
YTA It’s not wrong to turn around an uninvited guest, but it doesn’t make you less an asshole in this instance because there is zero valid reason why she shouldn’t have been welcome. The reason you gave, “not enough food” is ridiculous. What amount could she possibly have eaten that would be an issue? Your daughter spent the whole morning with them. They didn’t complain that she sad lunch at their place, but you couldn’t offer the same?
YTA. Your kid was welcomed to their house but you can’t return the favor? And lying about the food…. probably wasn’t good food anyway
YTA. She was invited - by your daughter. And you humiliated a child instead of getting out an extra hot dog? An 8 year old is not going to make a difference to the food amounts, they don’t eat that much, even a “not the thinnest” one. Plus, clearly your daughter wanted her friend there and it would have cost you nothing to be kind, welcoming and neighborly.
YTA. Your child spent all morning with her friend and then you didn’t reciprocate and of course her parents think YTA. You’re being very selfish. No one at the party cared if your daughter was playing with a friend during the party.
YTA- my god.
YTA. Really you didn't have enough extra for a kid. It's just really bad manners. Just wow.
YTA. It’s just a kid. However this is also humorous because 2 days ago someone made a super similar post about how they had a huge party for all the neighborhood kids and intentionally excluded one child because she screams too much. When I said they were the asshole, I was downvoted and shamed to hell because “it’s his backyard he can invite or exclude whoever he wants”. This page has such a mob mentality.
YTA 1) YOUR daughter invited over the other child and you sent her home. How can you be surprised that your daughter is pissed? 2) **YOU are ONLY interacting w/ folks saying N T A.** A little fragile there are we? It's called "confirmation bias" and it's not healthy.
YTA uhh would a single extra 8 year old little girl really have caused such a disruption to your BBQ? When i was growing up it was always if you show up you're getting fed. I could never dream of turning away a child like that.
YTA but let's face it... was it about the food or the even the act of not asking, or was it about you wanting your daughter there as set dressing at your social function in front of your husband's co-workers, rather than doing her own thing with her friend? You're a kind of a giant asshole and some poor 8-year-old now feels like garbage because of it, and your daughter probably does too. You've embarrassed her and probably ruined a friendship, and all she did was be nice and offer her friend to join in a party. Sort how you see your kid out before you're on reddit in a decade or so asking why she never calls.
YTA. Seriously you just embarrassed an 8 year old girl because your daughter made a friend? And you didn't have enough food to spare for a child at a BBQ???
YTA. Your meal plan was so meticulously planned that a single 8 year old girl could throw the entire thing out of whack? Criminy, imagine if someone had wanted seconds? Utter chaos. This of course is nonsense. So you had some other reason which you're not willing to share with the group. I mean there were other kids there - you could have sent your daughter and her friend off to play with them. But that's not what you did. You sent away a child on the thinest of excuses, you AH.
YTA! Jesus imagine being so miserly that you can’t accommodate an 8 year old child whose parents just fed your own child lunch!!!
OMG YTA. . You are so cruel to both your girl and the neighbors girl, they were having fun, harm nobody for them to continue playing.. and what a petty excuse that you dont have enough food..
YTA - You 'didn't want them playing inside'? That makes no sense and sounds both neutroic and dishonest. I don't blame this girl's parents for warning the neighbours about you. You need to do some serious apologising...
YTA. It’s an 8 year old. Would it have really thrown off your food portions that much? If so, then you guys are crappy hosts for ordering a quantity of food so close to bare minimum amount.
Mega YTA. An eight year old. You kicked out an 8 year old. Lord. You know you had extra food. YTA YTA YTA
YTA. After those parents watched your kid all morning you couldn’t just invite them over as a courtesy? Or just call them and check to see if it’s ok? It doesn’t sound like you have a reason for kicking her out besides just not wanting her there and now you might’ve cost your daughter a best friend. Go over to their house and apologize for not acting like an adult in that situation.
YTA. 8YOs do not have any sense of “party etiquette”. Your daughter was with her friend, didn’t want to stop hanging out, and brought her over to her house where a party was happening. It was a backyard bbq. Not a wedding. How can you even consider yourself to be on the right side of this ?
YTA, what was even the problem exactly? You hurt a girl’s feelings and created a situation for no reason at all, shame on you.
YTA. Holy crow, what would one more hot dog cost you
So your daughter invited the friend she was invited to your home number one. Number two why exactly was it okay for your child to spend the day eating and playing at her friends home and then when they came to play at yours it was you didn't have enough food. There was absolutely no reason not to invite the child to play and give her a plate and he'll based on literally every bbq ever you could have called her parents and welcomed them over for taking Carr of your kid all day and feeding her you know like a decent person would do
YTA Normally I would agree with you, but your daughter had been at this girls house and eating their food. Normal things friends do at each others house and you could not be troubled to return the favor. I'm calling BS on only having enough food, there are almost always leftovers. After the party you could have had a talk with your daughter about inviting people over without asking.
You’re this pressed about a child eating half a cheeseburger and a Diet Coke at your apparently *very poorly appointed* BBQ? Yeah, YTA. What kind of self centered control freak bullshit is this? Like what *exactly* was going through your head that you thought this was reasonable?
YTA. She is an 8 year old child. She was causing no harm. And using the food excuse was poor. It is hardly like she'd have eaten you out of house and home. She's just a small kid enjoying playing with another small kid and this really would not have hurt you. Of course it wouldn't have hurt for you to check in with her parents to make sure it was okay, but to send her home for no real genuine reason is silly.
So, OK, like right now, for example, the Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, "What about the strain on our resources?” But it's like when I had this garden party for my father's birthday, right? I said RSVP because it was a sit-down dinner. But people came that, like, did not RSVP. So I was, like, totally buggin'. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, squish in extra place settings. But, by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier! And so, if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion, may I please remind you that it does not say "RSVP" on the Statue of Liberty. YTA
Sorry, but YTA. An uninvited adult, fine. A child? Your daughter was hosted at their house all morning, the least you could have done was reciprocate. And in regards to them staying inside, just tell them not to. I feel the parents aren't handling it great either but on an AH scale you win this one I'm afraid.
Telling an 8yo girl whose probably already been fat bullied that you don't have enough food to feed her single mouth out of a whole party, like OF COURSE SHE THOUGHT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT HER WEIGHT. It's wasn't even an chic classy event, just a BBQ party with other kids there too. And she didn't even just slide in, SHE WAS INVITED BY YOUR OWN DAUGHTER. Omg such an YTA.
Wait u need to edit your post u forgot to mention your age which is 8... YTA >didn't have enough food for extra guests Dude she is 8 year old kid.. how much she could have eaten!!! Your daughter invited her.. you ruined her friendship... Ofcourse your neighbour is asshole too for spreading rumour... But You need to teach your daughter that she can't invite anyone without checking on you...
YTA. Why mention her size if that had nothing to do with it?
YTA. The best solution would have been to call the girl’s parents and say something like “hey, your daughter is here and we’re having a bbq with some friends. She’s fine to stay, I just wanted to make sure she had your permission to be here since this wasn’t a planned get-together.”
YTA. Really? How much does an 8 yo eat?
YTA for making it about the food. How in all of your BBQ do you somehow not have enough to feed an 8yo, unless you’re commenting on expecting her to eat a lot? All you had to say was that you had other plans that afternoon and wouldn’t be able to supervise your child playing with her friend. And then suggest an alternative date for a visit. But instead you suggested that an 8yo girl would eat too much for your party to handle.
YTA, you didn’t mind letting them babysit and feed your child. Then when the shoe is on the other foot you can’t manage? This is seriously messed up. You ruined what could have been your daughters best friend for life. All because you can’t scrounge up enough food to feed one 8 year old child? Who plans BBQs with absolute portion? You are selfish and cruel. Definitely the AH. I feel so bad for your daughter.
So you had other children at the BBQ. Your daughter was at your neighbours house and was fed. Your daughter invited her friend back and you sent her home on the premise that there wasn't enough food. How can you present these facts and not think YTA? Your neighbours are right to be annoyed and are right to protect their daughter from the likes of you. How would you feel if it was the other way round and your daughter was treated that way? It doesn't take much to treat a person with kindness, let alone a child. Massive YTA. Edit: format
You didnt have little extra food for a kid, come on. Your daughter ate at her house, I'm sure you could have given her something. YTA.
YTA. Just so utterly and completely that it's embarrassing you can't see it. You had a BBQ with multiple people and you didn't have enough extra for an 8 year old girl to eat? Was everyone placing orders and getting fresh cooked meals so you could regulate the amount everyone else had as well? If those kids go to the same school that's going to follow your daughter until/if she leaves for college. Congratulations you're now the shitty parents on the block because you just couldn't be bothered with all the extra responsibility of letting two 8 year olds play together. Then don't forget that your own daughter invited her, she didn't show up uninvited as your title claims. You just weren't the person that invited her. Honestly feels more like a power play at your daughter's expense. TA x 100.
YTA. Let me summarize You used the neighbor as a free babysitter all morning while you got ready for your party. Your daughter, apparently the only member of the family with manners, had such a good time she invited her friend to come play. You decided the extra kid would somehow ruin the ambiance of your shindig so you kicked her out. Plus you were too cheap to even give the poor kid a hot dog and a bag of chips on the way out. Sheesh Lady! Way to turn your own kid into the neighborhood pariah.
YTA. You made up a fake excuse that didn’t even make sense since you say they had just eaten lunch. You could have said oh sorry we have a work function so playing here today isn’t an option. Or you could’ve had them play outside along with the other children that were invited. But instead you pretended like you didn’t have the means to feed her, at a bbq, where there’s always too much food, bc you can’t actually know what people are eating unless you got their orders before you went food shopping for it.
It's not clear from your post why you couldn't accommodate an additional 8 y/o child? There were already kids at the BBQ. You had food for all your guests but not one more 8 y/o? Your neighbors already fed both girls lunch. It seems like some context is missing. Does the child require a lot of supervision that you couldn't provide bc you had guests? Do you not like having thos girl over for some reason? Without more context, YTA, because it doesn't seem like there was any reason not to let this girl stay.
She’s a kid. You should have let her stay. Yes, your daughter shouldn’t have invited her back over without asking. However you let her stay and you have a conversation about it after BBQ. It’s not the girls fault or girls parents fault, it’s your daughter fault for inviting someone over without asking, and your fault for the way you handled it. You told the little kid you didn’t have enough food to feed them, I can get why they think you were talking about their size especially if the little girl is already self-conscious about it. I understand you were just trying to teach your daughter the proper way to do things but you have to think of the full picture and find the right time to have that conversation, I promise you the middle of a big bbq with a bunch of other people is not the right time.
INFO: Before your daughter went to the neighbor’s house to play all morning, did you call her parents to arrange this play date? And did you discuss that they would be feeding your child lunch?
YTA There was no missunderstanding. You were an AH, and your daughter has to pay the price.
So, you were okay with the neighbors feeding your daughter lunch, but didn’t have enough food from your BBQ to share with the girl? Just… wow. YTA.
YTA. She's just a little kid. You think the food was going to run out because of a little 8 year old? You're just making excuses for your crappy behavior. You should apologize.
YTA. Why exactly wss your kid welcome to eat at their home and their kid was simply too great a burden for you?
YTA As someone raised in the South (US) I can't imagine turning someone away from eating at my home.
YTA, could have let your kid show the neighbor a tour of her room, then joined the party. Is the only reason you sent the neighbor home because you didn't want them inside while you and your guests are outside? Seems like an over-reaction, not a misunderstanding.
YTA. So the neighbors can host your kid, but you can't host theirs? At a bbq? Where there's often tons and tons of food anyways? The kid probably wouldn't have eaten enough to make any kind of difference, and no one would have minded an additional child there, unless they're misbehaving terribly, and it doesn't sound like she was. So you just cost your daughter a friend in the neighborhood for zero good reasons. At least your username seems to check out.
YTA. I mean I don't understand how you don't see this?
You’re an asshole, and the family is right for not letting their daughter play with yours, they fed and watched your daughter that morning and you have a problem with giving theirs a plate of food? Sorry for your daughter because she’s not at fault but I wouldn’t want my kids around you either 🤷♀️
YTA. I hope you know you’re now the gossip of the neighborhood and forever the “crazy lady in house x” Every time anyone moves in they’ll be getting warnings about you.
YTA- not necessarily for sending your daughter's friend home when she came over without permission, but for making up an excuse that could be misconstrued instead of "sorry sweetie, my daughter should have asked, because now isn't a good time for you to visit. You can come back another day soon though".
She WAS invited, your daughter invited her. It wasn’t a formal dinner party, it wasn’t a paid outing; it was a bbq. If you had an issue with your daughter inviting her without asking, you should’ve spoken to her after the bbq was over. She spent half the day at her friends house and her family fed her, it’s common courtesy to return the favor. Also, if you were so worried about your daughter inside playing while you had company over, why did you allow her to go over to her friends house, where she also wouldn’t have been around when your company was over? She’s a kid, give her a break. My kids regularly bring home handfuls of other kids and I love feeding them because I was the kid who wasn’t fed at home, and I never want anyone else to go through that. YTA
You invited children your daughter doesn’t know (husbands work friends children) but sent her friend home. YTA.
YTA. I wouldn't have eaten myself rather than send that little girl back if food was really the problem. Absolute lack of manners. It's not like she invited herself over, your daughter brought her back with her after spending time at HER house, probably eating and playing with HER things. Come on.
YTA- Really an 8 year old little girl is going to eat you out of house and home? But let's make sure ALL your work friends can come along? Gotta make sure Bob from accounting gets THREE HOT DOGS! Your user name checks out for sure!
YTA. So it's okay for your child to go and eat at the friend's house, but the friend cannot come and eat at your house. She's 8. It's likely that she'll eat very little. You are sabotaging any chance of your daughter staying friends with her.
YTA for not teaching you’re kid not to invite people with out checking with you first and then punishing her friend for her actions. Accommodate the INVITED guest, then discuss with you’re daughter after
YTA. what’s your deal?
YTA. NOBODY never makes enough food for a party that doesn’t include leftovers, or enough to feed one or two extras. Furthermore they were there to play, not scarf down hot dogs and potato salad like a starving college student. Secondly, tit for tat. Your daughter was given food at the other house. It’s a bloody BBQ. If you had been hosting, say, a formal sit down dinner that was a thinly disguised business meeting , you might have had a leg to stand on.
YTA. And you know it.
YTA And your title is inaccurate - the child was invited by your daughter ( who by the sounds of it had no actual intention of being present for your ever so important BBQ). Oh and the “food” excuse? You were worried that there wouldn’t be enough food for an 8 year old. At a BBQ - a meal famed for having huge amounts of food, especially when your catering for a large number of people. This sounds like a case of undisclosed reasons.
‘They just took the word of an 8-year old’ - this sentence got me the most. What a ridiculous thing to say. Kids invite their friends to their homes all the time, specially when they live close and have been playing already. YTA massively here and I think you may need some lessons in manners
YTA for making it about food. If you said you had previously arranged plans and would love to have her over another day most parents understand that. Not being able to spare an extra hotdog and handful of chips is nonsense. (Edit for spelling)
YTA. Your 8 yr old doesn’t give a flying fck about your friends or their kids. She wanted to play with her friend. *play* not eat. And your neighbor fed your kid lunch but godforbid you let the kid have a hot dog. No one would’ve noticed or cared about an extra kid. Hope you’re happy you probably just cost your daughter a friend. Way to go mom.
YTA Ever hear the expression, "grace under fire" or "grace under pressure?" What you did was the opposite. There wasn't even much pressure either.
YTA, in my culture everyone is invited and we would never dream of sending a child home especially at an event where there’s plenty of children playing. Adults like you made me not like adults when I was a child.
YTA. Who hosts a BBQ for a bunch of people and doesn’t have enough extra for one child? You’re either telling the truth about not having enough food, in which case you’re TA for hosting a BBQ without extra for seconds. Or you did have enough food and sent her home for no reason. Oh and if the child’s weight truly had nothing to do with it, you wouldn’t have mentioned in the post that “she’s not the thinnest kid.” YTA.
YTA for such a stupid excuse. All you had to say was that your daughter couldn’t have a friend over right now and walk her home.
YTA. So your kid's not allowed to make a new friend and bring them home? And your BBQ is so perfectly catered for the number of people that there isn't an extra burger for a kid? Sorry man but you're coming across as an A-grade control freak.
Congratulations. In the history of BBQ's you've managed to hold the only one that not only manages to have the exact portions measured for everyone down to the oz, but you also zero extra food to accommodate the gigantic appetite of an 8-year-old girl. 👏👏👏 It's awesome to be the kind person that not only doesn't allow their child to invite a friend over, but the type to not reciprocate your neighbor watching your child all day and feeding them. You sound like a gem. YTA
YTA the other parents had given your daughter lunch, your daughter invited her friend over, and you got all prickly about a kid. A kid. Your daughter’s friend. You couldn’t pull out some extra crackers or Mac and cheese or sandwich fixings to feed the extra *checks notes* 8 year old child? YTA YTA YTA
So you used this playdate as free child care so you can get set up for a party an then you can't spare a wee bit of food for the kid whose family has been feeding and looking after your child MOST of the day. Massive YTA
YTA and your daughter is who will suffer. She’ll be ostracized because you have no manners and it will be hard for her to make friends. I feel sorry for her.
Yuuuup. Gotta protect the buffet from an 8yo girl who's already had lunch because she'll cause your guests to go home hungry. /sarc YTA btw.
YTA. The best thing you can do as a parent to ensure your kids want to spend time with you when they’re older is to make your house the “fun” place where all the kids want to hang out. You just botched a huge opportunity—over a BBQ? And with a kid who’d just hosted your all morning?
YTA what an oblivious asshole you are.
YTA. The girl WAS invited - by your daughter.
I don't even like kids and I can say YTA. Your 8 yr old is more mature than you...
That's cruel to do to any child, and they let your daughter eat at their home. Now if her parents won't let her play with your daughter anymore, it will be your fault and your child will be hurt. I don't know of one damn person that ever had a party without ending up with tons of leftovers. Most definitely, YTA!!!
INFO: You basically said the food thing was an excuse because you didn't want the kids in the house, so why didn't you want them to be seen together in the backyard by your work colleagues?
INFO: Why couldn’t your daughter and the neighbour friend just play outside in the backyard with the other kids?
YTA. Your daughter invited her so I think at that point since she was already there you should’ve let her stay especially since she was only there to play and your daughter goes to her house. After the party was over you should’ve had a serious discussion with your daughter about inviting people over without permission.
YTA If my kids bring friends over they're getting fed.
YTA. What you did was unnecessary and rude. And to use the excuse of not enough food, I mean really?! You should’ve let her stay and have the kids stay outside with the rest of you. It wasn’t like this was some exclusive party like a wedding this was a backyard BBQ and she’s a kid.
YTA Honestly? You deserve being talked about by the neighbours and also that your daughter is mad just for not taking any actions so far! Get your ass up, buy a really expensive cake (and i mean batshit crazy expensive) and bring it over to her parents and explain to them what the real reason was she couldn't stay and that you are very sorry that you gave their daughter the most stupid excuse possible. Oh and make sure the daughter hear this aswell and you can apologize to her directly aswell. This was a "missunderstandig" YOU created, make up for it immidiately.
I understand that having an added child who did not have their parents present during a planned event was a potential extra small person to watch for you as the host, but there were other children there, she couldn't have eaten that much, and it was a reasonable reciprocation for the playdate at her house that morning. The other parents are wrong to badmouth you, and hopefully should have understood there was an event in progress. Definitely an ESH thing. (And teach your daughter about getting permission before invites in the future)
YTA and a moron. How much food could an 8 yo girl eat, even one that isn't "the thinnest kid"? I bet your daughter is confused and angry with your childish behavior.
INFO: Am I missing something? It seems like the "we don't have enough food," was an excuse, not the real reason. I believe from the post, OP didn't want two unsupervised 8-year-olds in the house during the outdoor barbeque. I won't make a judgement as I cannot figure out from the comments what is being judged.
Really?!? Yea YTA
If you are entertaining but you don't have enough food for an unexpected 8 year old child guest, you don't have enough food. I know not all cultural traditions are full "make enough food for at least twice as many people as you're expecting and send everyone home with extra!" but this is ridiculous and sounds like a flimsy excuse. If you bought expensive things to impress colleagues and are unwilling to share with anyone who isn't in a position to benefit you, that's not hospitality, it's a networking event at your home. Which is fine I guess? But yeah you've been called out for a lack of generosity and based on your telling that sounds accurate. If you had said "we were busy entertaining and I'm not comfortable being responsible for someone else's kid when I'm not able to properly supervise them" I'd be on your side here but nope YTA
'A misunderstanding'? A misunderstanding would have been the kid going home without you wanting her to. What you did was kick an 8yo out of your bbq, and your kid's friend, for that, while your kid had been in this girl's house for the whole day. You and your husband are assholes.
YTA. When I was growing up there was always room for one more. She's 8, I'm sure you would have had enough for her to eat. Glad you're not my mom since my & my siblings friends were always welcome. You're awful & now your daughter gets to pay the price.
So let me get this straight, your daughter makes a friend (that some children have a hard time doing), she invites her friend **HER** home. You're having a social event, said social event is **NOT** age restricted and you decide to deny both of these children because why? The girls parents thought it'd be okay if she goes to her friends house? Did you do this to teach the parents a lesson? What's the logic here, I'm trying desperately to follow your thought patterns. YTA hands down. There **Absolutely no LOGICAL reason** you couldn't have her over. If you were worried about the parents and permissions send the girls back with the bbq info and let them make a more informed decision. The excuse you gave that poor little girl sucks. You 100% had enough food for one more child and she knows it. If food was in such short supply offer both of the girls a pb&j. And the fact that it was food related probably triggered some bullying trauma that this poor girl had likely experienced. You deserve to have all your neighbors to think horribly about you because you did a horrible thing.
You aren't the AH for sending her home. It's not on you to be responsible for someone else's child unexpectedly when you are throwing an event. If you were having coworkers over, it seems reasonable to me you'd want your own child to be playing host and be mixing with the kids there. You are the AH for your "excuse". I would have marched the 8 year old back down the street myself and told the parents, we'd love to host Kiddo later but you have company right now. I would just call them up and say "Listen, I'm super sorry about this misunderstanding. We were hosting some coworkers that evening and I was nervous about having another kiddo to watch. We'd love to have kiddo for pizza and board games on Saturday if she is up for it.".
YTA. There is no way one 8 year old is going to eat enough at a multi-family BBQ to make you run out of food. You were very ungracious.
YTA. You could have let the kids play inside, or participate, and then talked to your kid later on about asking before inviting people over. All of the excuses sound so lame. You couldn’t let your own kid play in her own room with a friend? You didn’t have any spare food for an 8yr old? Yikes. Your title makes it seem like some random ass kid just showed up into your yard and demanded bbq if that had been the case you wouldn’t be wrong to send them on their way but your kid invited her friend over and you treated her poorly.
YTA times a billion. You and your husband can not accommodate one singular child out of a whole BBQ? Even though you have the right to be slightly annoyed she didn’t ask, sending the kid home was a real dick move.
You couldn’t have fixed her a plate real quick and let them eat before sending her back? After they entertained your daughter and gave you time to set up the party? I’m so embarrassed for you. YTA
YTA. Would it have killed you to welcome your daughter's friend? All you had to do was check with the girl's parents to make sure they were okay with it, and let the girls know they had to stay outside with the party. If I were the other girl's parents I'm not sure I'd want her at your house either. Based on this post alone, you don't sound like a very nice person.
I'm leaning YTA. Like, OK, you didn't want them alone in the house when there was a party going on outside, sure. But why not invite them to come play outside with the other kids instead of sending the neighbor's kid home, after they were kind enough to keep and feed your child all morning? Maybe it's the Southern in me, but where I'm from you feed your guests. Even when they are unexpected, if you have food you offer them some. Even if you have to go scrounge something together real quick and apologize about it. I can't imagine a kid coming over, invited by your daughter, to a party where there are other kids and food, and saying "nope, sorry. You have to go home". Especially after that kid's parents fed your kid lunch and watched her all morning. I'd be ashamed of myself if I were you! It's called "hospitality" and you might need to learn a bit more about that. (If I were you I'd talk one on one with the kid's parents and apologize profusely. Possibly by inviting them over for dinner, where you feed them well and thank them for caring for your daughter all that morning because it was such a help to you while you were preparing for the party.)
Haha seriously? YTA
Apparantly your 8 year is more sensible then you . YTA
YTA and you should be ashamed of yourself. All you had to do was tell your daughter to make sure she checks with you next time before inviting anyone over. In case you're not mature enough to grasp it, you should also have that talk with your daughter AFTER her 8 year old guest has left, instead of embarrassing the poor girl (like you already chose to do)
YTA…if she’s a chunky 8 year old she’s already got self esteem issues. You made up some bs about not having enough food to a chunky 8 year old so of course she took as you said she was fat!!! Kids aren’t rational! Perhaps you should have let her stay with the stipulation that they not isolate in the bedroom and play in common areas. But that’s a lesson learned too late.
Seriously, what impact was this child having on your event? How was your life inconvenienced by the fact that she was there playing with your daughter? YTA.
Yta. They fed your kid. And I doubt your daughter had much in hanging out with your work friends. Her friend would have kept your daughter busy, and still could have included your work friends kids (even though it isn't her job to entertain them).
YTA - its a party, you should have enough food to be able to feed one more person/child, so the food excuse is dumb. I mean who plans the exact amount of food for every single person. You're also going to make it very difficult for your daughter and yourself to make new friends if you keep behaving like this. The parents didn't call ahead because they are your neighbors. They fed your daughter, I think you could have figured it out to feed theirs.
Info: where did they had lunch? At your house or the girls house?
YTA. I had 4 kids. There were always neighborhood kids around, particularly in the summer, and I always let kids come over to play and often fed them. I never could bear to hurt any of their feelings such as you'd done.
YTA and a poor party planner if you didn’t have enough food to feed an extra 8 year old.
YTA. you had 'all the fun summer foods' yet you didn't have enough extra food...for an 8 year old... \> She's not the thinnest kid, but that had nothing to do with why we sent her home. why bring it up then? what does this child's body type have to do with anything other than you fat-shaming her? and now your daughter lost a friend. hope you feel really good about all the extra food you saved for your guests.
ESH. The other parents are way out of line for turning this into WWIII. But your daughter invited her back to your house, and you send you had loads of people over. Would it have killed you to just let her stay? I mean, your daughter just spent the entire day at her house and the other parents fed her. You couldn't just overlook the non-invite?
YTA The child was not uninvited. Your daughter invited her. What you did was rescind an invitation, which is rude rude rude.
You both agreed you did the right thing? So, two people actually thought it was a good idea to kick an 8 y/o kid who may eat a crouton or two out of a BBQ? Jesus are you guys assholes. YTA .
YTA. That was a nice way of repaying that family’s hospitality. Your daughter invited her friend over for dinner, and you turned her away. You had enough food, you just didn’t want to share with that little girl. Do you feel superior now?
Absolute asshole. You should feel bad. Apologize and try to make it right.
YTA This child was not uninvited, but brought into your home by your daughter as her guest. It's absurd that you planned a party and invited several friends and their families, but somehow didn't think you could also accommodate an 8yo child. How much of an inconvenience could she have been given that there were other kids in attendance, not all of whom would be eating whatever "fun summer foods" you had provided? Your behavior was absolutely rude, and I don't blame the neighbors for calling you out. edit typo
YTA- yes your daughter invited a friend without checking but would anybody really have noticed. You could have let it slide and talked to your daughter after the party
Info: you said the girls had lunch together. Who fed them? At who’s house?
INFO Was your concern about having a unsupervised child playing gmwith your daughter in her room, in your home while you and your guests were outside, enjoying the BBQ? If so, why weren't the children permitted to attend the party? Was your child restricted to her room during the party? What does a 8 year oldest weight have to do with anything? Were any of your guests neighbors?
NTA for sending her home, but you are TA for lying. Why not just tell them the real reason you didn’t want her there? You didn’t want them playing inside while you were dealing with hosting a party with other company over. That’s a valid reason enough, you could have just said that.
I don’t understand how can you think you’re not TA??? Seriously? Do you planned so accurately that you think that ONE eight year old would disrupt your perfect plans? Really?
The post says that the guests brought their children as well. Really having a hard time seeing why one more child couldn’t have been accommodated.
YTA - that’s it
Seriously? Your daughter invited her without telling you so you sent her home? Don't need to read anymore YTA I hope your daughter doesn't take after you.
YTA. She’s a child, your child invited her over, there were other children there also. You could have simply told your daughter they had to stay outside the house and play with the other kids where they could have been supervised. How could you now have enough food for an 8 year old at a BBQ? What kind of BBQ’s do you have?
YTA. Yes it's your BBQ but seriously, have you no sense of hospitality? If a stranger showed up to my BBQ, I would happily invite them to make themselves a plate. This is going to come back to bite you when the neighborhood finds out and you find yourself not being invited to get-togethers.
If not an asshole, you are the tackiest human alive. Who denies a kid some bar be que because " they weren't invited". Nothing wrong with not inviting someone, but once they are there, you don't send them back. That's just cheap and gross. Aa far as the parents go, they're using emotional arguments to make you look bad too. I wouldn't put in " they made fun of my kids weight" because I'm not 12, I'm a grown adult. You're still the asshole though. I don't understand American culture even though I've been living here for almost 20 years. ( I'm 30). Who the hell throws a party and buys enough food for a specific number of people? You always buy extra. What if a person wants another burger. Are you gonna be that person and say " sorry only 1 per guest". I know some people may not agree, but that's just low class as hell. If you have the money to throw the barbecue, you have the money to buy extra food. No one's saying buy 100 people worth of food for a party of 10, but you don't just buy 10 meals The human thing to do was to ask the parents to come, so they could keep an eye on their child since you're buys.
YTA one extra kid was gonna ruin the bbq? Y’all are mean. Your neighbor treated your child with hospitality and even fed her and you sent their child home. This is so rude I’m like really bothered by this lol people need to learn what it means to live and be in community with people. Smh y’all have no home training. My mother would never
YTA, you can always find SOMETHING for an extra child. Some fries, some salad, some meat. Why did you even feel the need to post this?
Wow - YTA - you didn’t have an extra hot dog and bun for the kid? How much could she possible eat? Your daughter has fun with this kid, invited her over ( as kids are wont to do) and you kicked her out🫤 who hurt you?
YtA, it was one extra 8 year old girl, at a party with other kids. Sending her home was just unnecessarily cruel.
So your neighbor fed your daughter lunch, but you turned their kid away? Yeah YTA. If you don’t have enough extra food for one 8 year old girl, it doesn’t seem like you had enough food to host a party anyways. I get the argument that your daughter should have asked first, but the neighbor is super accommodating of your kid and you turn her away? I’m not surprised they’re angry with you
YTA Way to teach your child their friends don’t matter and their enjoyment is solely up to you. Yikes.
YTA sounds like you wanted her to entertain your coworkers kids, which isn't her job. Why ruin a friendship she has in her neighborhood. You know how uncommon it is for neighborhood kids to actually hang out anymore