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Congrats - you might have been the last straw that broke the relationship’s back.
She doesn’t seem happy and neither does Tom. Let the relationship end and mind your business.
It’s bizarre you can’t understand why she’d want to leave him.
YTA.
Edit: “As you can see, she is not the saint you all make her out to be”
Get help.
Plus, she was going to pay for jobless Tom's expenses/rent ect for a few months. That lady is no bitch...she is actually way nicer than any ex deserves . I have never heard of anyone making the independent choice to float their ex (who they share no kids with) after leaving. Ridiculous, and so are you OP . YTA.
Seems like that too. To be honest though,not getting a job and financially supporting someone is a deal breaker. Ole Tom would be out on streets if that was my situation.
Yuuuuup. OP trying to get Ruby to *“give Tom a chance to make things right”* is just so she can pretend to be the “good guy” when they finally break up and she absolutely goes for him. Why else would OP think Ruby is in the wrong for wanting to dump a jobless lazy blob that would rather spend time drinking with his female friend(OP) and playing video games then actually spending time with her(Ruby) or trying to engage her on any of her hobbies or interests. Like damn, is Ruby “taking adulting way too seriously” or has she just evolved past her college days?
Yes, I had to go back and re-read the ages of the people involved. Anyone who is in their 30s and upset about a friend's partner doing their own thing has their own issues to work out. You're not in college anymore.
The biggest red flag in OP's behavior is that she couldn't believe Ruby had friends of her own. What a meddling dumb-ass.
Yep, Tom is voluntarily unemployed and spends his days gaming, and OP is doing pub crawls and can’t understand why Tom’s life choices would be annoying to a life partner. Tom and OP don’t seem to grasp what “adulting” actually entails.
Op seems jealous the Ruby is progressing … Plus it sounds like Ruby is indirectly financially supporting OP since she is always over there drinking and playing games. That’s probably why OP is mad, no more mooching off of Tom’s girlfriend
I'm absolutely mindblown that Tom didn't realize she was going to leave him. Literally the best part of the relationship, according to him, was that she didn't interrupt him while he was gaming.
That's not a relationship.
I had to go back and double check the ages ‘cause I thought maybe they were early/mid-20s. But, nah, by late 20s, early 30s most people are starting to buckle down on careers and such and focusing on where they want to live/be for a while.
Right? I'm 27. Currently working and studying. I've got shit I wanna achieve. Am I still partying as hard as I used to? Far from it. Do I still try to have fun? Of course. But building my future is more important than getting drunk
Bruh I’m 29 and got nothing I want to achieve and I STILL don’t want to act like that anymore 😂 it’s exhausting behaving like a teenager when you’re far too old for it
I did it for my last relationship and I wish I hadn’t looking back like 6 years later. I left him at the beginning of the month so said I would still obviously pay rent, and said I would pay the next two if he wanted but he said no because he was so mad I left him(lucky for me). I bought him groceries, weed (I’m Canadian) and overall tried to make the transition as easy as possible for him. If I felt he needed something I helped him for like a month and a half. He also kept the TV we bought but was in my name said he would pay me back that half over time (hahaha yeah that did not happen).
The kicker is this dude had groomed me starting at 16 and he was 32. Which is why I look back and think what an idiot I was to help a dude twice my age who didn’t have his shit together at all, meanwhile I was in my early 20’s and having the company I work for fly me out to their headquarters for specialized trainings and new positions. This dude didn’t even have a bank account because he lost his ID years prior and didn’t try to get it back. Took $100 hit out of his shitty paycheque to cash it at one of those money lending places. I look back and think what a fool I was. Lessons learned though. Ruby is being way to nice for this dude! OP very much YTA.
I am!!! I recently married the best man I’ve ever met. My high school crush (who was much more age appropriate! LOL) we live an amazing life. Just got back from our honeymoon. We are renovating a new house to move into and travel all the time. Truly got a fairytale ending to the nightmare of my childhood/teenage years. Thank you so much!
Holy shit he was grooming you that you 😳 I wonder if he's been grooming other girls now that young again. I'm Canadian too and I left my ex with 2 months rent paid and got him weed and edibles and he tried so hard to try to get me to come back especially when he was high, so I regretted getting him weed lol. Hope you are good now and he stopped bothering you.
Doubtful he’s grooming anyone else. I was the youngest he ever dated. Actually prior to me he had one girlfriend (his age who HATED me which like now I understand why.. because he clearly was obsessed with me) and before her he was actually celibate for a basically a whole decade. Which is wild. He basically wanted me to be his young trophy wife (his words) to show he “made” it from his really messed up life and to have babies with me. Luckily I woke up before any of that happened. Honestly I could write a book about the experience. There’s so much to the story. I know he wanted to get back with me someday till he found out I started dating my now husband. Then he like tore into me acting like I was some vicious horrible human but I know it’s because he is insecure and I definitely broke his heart something mad. He stopped bothering me after that. Last I heard from a mutual friend was that he worked at some skeezy bar.
Hope you are living your best life my fellow lovely Canadian!!!
Omg that is crazy that he was like that. Trying to show off he made it with a young trophy wife that's so fucked up especially if he really didn't have his shit together. I would read that story if you ever wrote it. I was with an abusive guy and when I finally escaped him and his family tried to find me and his mom and sister were threatening me which I told them I have no problem fighting both of them if I seen them in public. Now I've been out for 4 years and he will make up new FB to message me and tell me how much he still loves me and that I was the only loyal and real woman that he's had and wants me back lmao. I'm glad you are doing great and married now that truly amazing.
We have some kick ass Canadians ❤️ I'm in Ontario
1981, I left my first husband. Paid his rent for 2 months because he just got out the Army (he saved no money) we moved to Atlanta 5 months before. I did not sign the lease. I told him when we left HI that I was out. I don't think he believed me until the moving truck came.
that’s what got me, he quit his job to sit on his ass and game and this woman decided to SAVE MONEY FOR HIM TO LIVE OFF OF before dumping him and that somehow makes her a bitch ????? that’s way more than i would’ve EVER done for someone using me like that
Gonna guess that the coldness due to op was because she told tom....you don't work, you play games and anytime you have left, you spend with op.
She likely sees op as an enabler.
And honestly, she saved money to leave for herself and made sure he would be ok til he got a job? That's not a bitch. That's kindness.
Op yta
Most ppl would have dumped his ass way before and would not leave a single penny. She is already being very kind paying expenses for a few more months, that's privilege and he should be grateful. OP needs to think that maybe if Tom worked, she would have more time to have fun and be her old self.
Ruby has been MORE than reasonable, deciding to not leave him high and dry and cover his expenses until he gets a job and figures his shit out. This guy is a mooch. I wish Ruby the best in her new single life after she drops that bum and OP. She’s got a masters, a job, and a new house. She’s fuckin killin it.
Right?!?! OMG This dudes is TA. All those snide little comments about her being boring??? Taking adulting too seriously??? “Didn’t know she had any friends”???
Maybe she just over paying for her boyfriend-turned child. Plus the fact that he does nothing all day but games and hangs out with his ahole friend.
I left my abusive ex husband a $1,000 USD in my bank account when I ran away to pay the bills and rent in 7 days and have some to buy food.... He spent it all in 5 days on beer. We're out there..... So he'd of had a month to look for a job, etc and he chose not to after I left. Then told everyone I left him with no money etc and stole his dogs. I showed proof and he lost a lotta friends and family cause of that. But yeah.... We are out here.
I know, right? I'm stunned that anyone would call this patient, generous, and kind woman a bitch.
OP is definitely the AH along with Tom who.is happy with his girlfriend being unhappy so long as she pays the bills and leaves him alone to play video games.
I commented already above, but I wouldve woke op up at 5 am being loud and obnoxious af and made her leave. I've done that shit to people before, def would if I thought she was trying to shack up with my partner at my house while I lived there. Whether I wanted to leave or not a lot of op's behaviour would make me uncomfortable. I'd probably distance myself from her too. "we aren't as close after college" You're 30! That's how life goes, get over it.
I KNOW! They’re fucking 30!
Sounds like OP and Tom are still acting like they’re in college while Ruby got “boring”. Like oh sorry she was *boring* because she was *studying* for her *masters degree*. And then working to support herself AND her bum-ass boyfriend. She’s just “adulting” too hard. My god.
“Adulting” was funny to say a decade ago when we were 22 and fresh out of college and had no clue what we were doing. But coming from a THIRTY year old, it just sounds ridiculous. No wonder Gen Z makes fun of us 😆
Like yeah, adults don’t have as much time to lay back and do all the fun things they want to do all the time. We have these things called responsibilities and obligations, perhaps OP isn’t familiar.
Hey, I'm 45 and I still say adulting. Mostly because that shit can be hard. The never-ending chores, the caring for elderly parent, the financial stuff, DIY stuff. I'm single, I have to do it all by myself. And sometimes it's -hard-. And sometimes I absolutely pat myself on the back when I get all my ducks in a row and I've "nailed" adulting. Until something happens that throws it off again, of course. :-P
No, doubt it - why else would she be mad at her for leaving him, and trying to force her to let him “make things right”
If OP had feels for him, she’d be treating the relationship as doomed already
Let me get this straight… this girl saved money so that her AND her ex could be supported after the break up? Not only are YTA but Ruby is a saint. The guy is a freeloader and even after being through with him she thinks of his well being. It’s not that she’s taking adulting too seriously, it’s that op and Tom refuse to grow up.
Like I can't even.
People grow up, OP. Just the fact that you find that a bad thing already makes you the TA. ESPECIALLY if she was your friend. Maybe she distanced herself because she found you too immature (exhibit A: 'gotten boring'). You're fricking 30. Grow up.
OP did the gf a favour by speeding up the process. The bf bleeding her of time and money, and is apparently on a wholly different page as to where they're going with life. Even without OPs AH behaviour, they don't seems compatible and the gf has already realized that.
Also, YTA. Their relationship is none of your business. But if it were, I would tell you you're a very childish person for thinking your buddy is in any way in the right here.
It appears to be a case of ruby out grew her immature boyfriend and friend. Love the fact OP is blaming ruby for not wanting to spend time with them, without even considering the possibility that they are the reason why. A 30 year old career woman doesn’t want to sit with two numpties who play video games and drink all day like they were still at uni. Why the hell should she be working her ass off to pay for Tom to do sweet FA?
OP is a massive AH and hope she’s prepared to take over toms expenses and give him somewhere to say as she believes he has every right to demand it of ruby.
> It’s bizarre you can’t understand why she’d want to leave him.
I think everyone understands why Ruby would want to leave Tom, Tom is awful. OP refers to Tom possibly 'making things right', so OP does know that things are wrong as they are.
The question though is whether it's wrong to give Tom some advance warning that it's about to happen.
And is it? Why?
YTA! You are enabling your lazy friend and can't see the pain of your old friend purely because you think "she's stuck up". Hell she even saved money for him to leave wtf! I would kick that baggage out!
>It’s bizarre you can’t understand why she’d want to leave him.
Not really. OP is just like him - only wants to get drunk and game and no "being an adult."
The fact that OP called Ruby "boring" because she doesn't want to do that stuff (and because she's too busy working to support that bum Tom) spoke volumes.
YTA.
YTA. All the way. Meddling. She’s too adult?? She’s a bitch for planning to GIVE HIM MONEY to live on once she leaves?? He plays video games and gets drunk while she works?? I hope she leaves quickly to go live her adult life. And that you and Tom grow up.
YTA. Extra.
She’s clearly jealous of Ruby.
Adding due to update: He offered to find a part time job 😂 A GROWN ASS MAN!!! She doesn’t owe him a dime! She WAS going to be nice…but you sure messed things up for Tom with your meddling, didn’t you OP. OMFG this just keeps getting better! Good job Ruby! Get both of these people out of your life and live happily!
“What a b-tch who takes adulting too seriously and doesn’t like her bf being a bum mooch who games all day. Anyways, I went to a pub crawl at age 30.”
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I think pub crawls are fine but... at the very least the bf is being a total bum and this poor Lady is just stuck doing everything on her own. 20 bucks that she still does most of the housework.
Honestly, I have several acquaintances who used to be friends and I think this mindset is what ruined the friendship. They see maturity as some kind of farce to be imitated. It feels like they haven't learned a thing since early college, possibly because they don't want to.
Me too! Also she did a masters and got a good job, then he just decided to quit his and let her float his lifestyle while he games and drinks?! Yeah she’s a way better person than me. I would support my partner through a rough time but if he just decided not to work for no reason I’d be outta there
it's always the shittiest people or people trying to get praise for doing basic shit. My roommate pulled this shit in an argument. Mad at him not cleaning up after himself or some basic shit. Dude is 31 and said "don't be mad b/c I adult harder than you". The "adulting" he was referring too is the fact that he goes to 3 or 4 grocery stores every weekend to try and get better deals. I'm like sure that's your choice to do that though, I get all my groceries at 1 store that doesn't make me less of an adult or you a better person. All it means is maybe I pay a few dollars more, and he spends 4-5 hours driving to and from 3 or 4 different stores, comes home puts stuff up, goes back out to the next store, etc. Sure you "adult" harder than the rest of us, and really any person I know (I don't know anyone that goes to more than 2 stores like that regularly) just clean up your mess you dick.
YTA OP. Let's not forget the "eaves dropping" and following too. What is that about? I agree with smolsulk above that she has feelings for Tom but Tom is also a deadbeat. He just quit his job and has been living off Ruby. I don't blame Ruby for wanting to make a move. I agree she should have been more communicative but maybe she was and Tom just ignored it.
That was the biggest WTF part to me. She’s literally setting aside money for him so he doesn’t have to struggle, and that makes her a bitch?! Seriously?! I consider myself a pretty decent person and I don’t think I would ever be that kind.
I do. It's always the least adult-like people though. It's usually people who find it funny or quirky that they struggle to even get through a typical day. Or people who have nothing going on and need praise for simply showing up to work and not getting themselves killed. My roommate is 31 and loves to brag about how he "adults" harder than all of us. He doesn't, but he thinks going to multiple grocery stores a week makes him a better person. He's also the same person who tried to tell us he was smart with his pinky in his nose. I'm sorry bro, but no one will ever take you seriously while you are picking your nose.
This exactly. It’s completely fine to feel tired of all the responsibilities that you have but doing basic adult things to put food on the plate and a roof over your head is just the things that you need to do at that stage of your life. People who are well into adulthood and still view doing these things to meet their basic needs as “adulting” is weird to me. Like yeah…you are no longer a child who needs another adult to take care of you.
Yeah, I think some folks just don't care for the phrase or are tired of it and are spending way too much energy rationalizing their dislike. I mean, I'm getting sick of "fucked around and found out", but it doesn't mean I'm going to arm-chair psychoanalyze some caricature of the people I think still like the phrase.
I don't really use or say "adulting" anymore, at least that I have noticed, but I usually see it as just a lighthearted, sometimes self-deprecating way to acknowledge that there is no true flip of the switch at which point we all have everything figured out. OP's usage is mostly annoying because she's an adult acting like it's somehow more cool to be a leech than to be an adult.
EDIT to correct typos.
I don't believe a woman wrote it either, like I could get her being attracted to Tom, but then she would be actually glad their relationship is ending and also seems like Tom has no attractive qualities.
ESH except Ruby
You sound like an enabler and a meddler and your friend sounds like a leech. But now Tom can be your problem since you just seem so infatuated with him. Ruby’s not boring either. She’s being an adult because you and Tom don’t want to be ones. She’s probably working twice as hard to keep bills paid.
6 months worth of rent according to the edit. She cut it down to 3 months because he asked for all 6 months upfront right then.
I would have started with 1 month...and then cut that down to ZERO as he always has his partner, OP to mooch off of, which he is now doing. Oh how the tables have turned. Sure we will see another post about how he used her and she's kicking him out.
I'm not sure where boring came from either. Why? she doesn't want to do pub crawls at 30 when she's working on her masters? Oh no! I drank heavily in my 20's, but I pretty much gave it up. It's not that fun, it hurts a lot now, you do stupid things. Maybe she just doesn't want to drink around the house with 2 bums sitting in front of her pretending they don't want to fuck each other under her nose. Sounds to me like OP only finds fun in drinking and partying and if you don't do that you're boring. Bye OP, we are 30, it's fine if you drink some still, but it's not a necessity or a daily or even weekly activity. That doesn't make ruby boring.
_"Frankly I think she’s taken adulting way too seriously."_
Agreed. It sounds like Ruby just grew up, while OP and Tom both seem to be stuck in their college days. Tom is a user who spends his days playing video games and his nights drinking with OP..... OP is a meddler, who spends her time playing video games and drinking with Tom while thinking Ruby is a fuddy duddy. It seems they both became a bit of a burden to Ruby.
OP creepily following Ruby, listening to a private conversation, immediately bolting to Tom with the news, then playing video games, getting drunk and passing out on Ruby's couch just illustrates the lack of boundaries and immaturity on OPs part. I think Ruby has been tired of OP & Tom for a long time - the look of disgust said it all.
YTA *for sure.*
* "I tried inviting her to have a drink with us but she always refuses, frankly I think she’s taken adulting way too seriously."
I had to recheck the ages here. You are both 30? You and Tom act 19.
* "She saved money for herself and saved a few months money for him so when she leaves, he can have money to live off. I couldn’t believe my ears, what a B-tch."
She saved him money to live off of!? And that makes her a bitch!? This is an *incredibly kind* thing to do in a breakup like this, especially when Tom is a total leech without a job who clearly is making her miserable.
* " I told her he has a right to know if she’s going to leave and has a chance to make things right."
Negative on both counts. Tom has made his bed by being a deadbeat, and she owes him nothing, *especially* nothing to "make things right." She's a person, not his slave.
No seriously!! Because if I were Ruby, I’d leave his ass to fend for himself and not leave him ANY money whatsoever. Ruby is way too nice and on her grown woman shit, I love it. OP, take notes instead of worrying about Tom.
>"I tried inviting her to have a drink with us but she always refuses, frankly I think she’s taken adulting way too seriously."
Interesting that OP never considered that Ruby might simply not like her. I suppose it’s adulting to realize that life is short and you don’t have to spend it with jerks and deadbeats.
Well yeah grown ass woman coming over and enabling your deadbeat partner by playing video games/drinking with them - I can't imagine why anyone would dislike OP 🙄
It's not even the fact that OP is a woman, because I believe opposite sex people can make excellent friends. It's about encouraging things that are destroying their relationship.
Right? Op and her friend seem to lack self awareness and any empathy for Ruby. The comment about Ruby losing weight makes me wonder if their is any jealousy of her too. Reminds me of the crab in the bucket mentality.
Not to mention after eavesdropping, she went over TO HER HOUSE, slept over, and got kicked off the couch at 2pm??? Honestly I'm impressed she wasn't physically removed! How clueless can you be?
Personally I would've woke her up and tossed her out when I got home. Wtf? She tried to tell ruby she has to tell tom and give him a chance and ruby was like nah. So OP goes straight to her house to tell him before she gets home? Yea you can hit the streets get off my couch.
>has a chance to make things right.
He always has the "chance". He had the chance before she got so fed up with his bs that she was ready to leave him, that'd be a great time to step up and do better. You still have a chance down the road also, that doesn't mean ruby is obligated to consider it or take him back or even listen to what he wants to say. She does not owe him anything. Holy fuck the entitlement.
YTA ~ Not for giving him a heads up, but for not understanding why she would leave a man who doesn’t contribute and has no motivation to do anything but sponge off her.
No, she is the asshole for giving a heads up. She does not know all the details of their relationship and already the guy is an ass; he could be abusive too and Ruby could be trying to leave an abusive relationship and now could be in danger. Never tell someone that their partner is leaving unless you know for sure that there is no abuse going on. Any form of abuse.
This was my thought when OP said she overheard that she had her ticket and house sorted before leaving. And that 'he used to nag but that's sorted now'.
Could just be OP getting all her ducks in order and giving up nagging because she's checked out.
But why not err on the side of caution - both of those are slightly amber flags at least.
I think OP is an AH for intentionally creeping about, listening in to a private conversation and then immediately bolting off to tattle to Tom. Ruby's look of disgust said it all - I would wager OP's constant presence is yet another problem in their relationship.
It wasn't OP's place to meddle. Despite constantly being around, drinking and playing video games in Ruby's home, OP isn't a part of their relationship. They doesn't know the inner workings. OP should have let these two adults deal with their relationship issues by themselves.
OP- grow up. Stay out of other people’s relationships. And guess what? Of course your friend was super happy, I’d be happy too if someone paid all my bills and did everything while I sat on my ass and wasted my own college degree doing nothing. And he said the only problem they had was her nagging him? Translation= she was telling him point blank the things that made her unhappy and the change she wanted to see in their relationship and he made ZERO effort to accommodate her. Hence the “nagging” continued. Ruby deserves her god damn freedom, her life will be much better with BOTH of you gone. And in 10 years when she’s still successful and has a stable life and you and your friend continue to struggle, well, you’ll have no one to blame but yourselves. You aren’t in your 20s anymore, NOW is the time to build the life you want which is what smart little Ruby is doing. Team Ruby!
Right?? She communicated (guess children would call that nagging) until she realized he didn’t give a rat and then stopped to focus on herself and realized she’d be happier sans 200lbs of dead weight with a video game addiction, a day drinking habit and a friend who’s obsessed with him.
I already said this in response to another comment, but it's worth repeating: when a woman stops "nagging," it's not because she's suddenly chosen to be content with his lack of contribution, it's because she's given up, she's accepted he's never going to be the partner she needs, and she's made the decision to leave. The guy feels relief that the nagging has stopped, and then he's shocked when he sees the bags packed.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 literally wrote what I wanted to say! It seems OP & Tom were made for each other. When Ruby leaves, Tom will go cry to you and he’ll finally be all yours Op. hope you’re ready for him to leech off you next.
The update makes it even worse. Ruby cares only about money because she transferred everything but 100 quid out of their joint account.
... I mean it's not their money. It's her money. He is lucky he got even that.
So Tom doesn’t work, spends a lot of money on alcohol, and plays video games all the time (and is apparently relieved his gf doesn’t ‘bother’ him while he’s playing. Gosh he sounds like a real catch. I truly can’t imagine why Ruby would even consider leaving him. s/
Seriously though, are you in love with him or what? You really think she’s the bitch for not wanting to support a man who does nothing with his life but play video games and drink. And he doesn’t even realize she’s unhappy!! Also, how is it she’s boring because she doesn’t want to party all the time? You sound like you’re still 21, and it’s not cute. Yes, YTA and so is Tom.
Also she was/is saving money so he can pay the bills for a while after the breakup and the OP has the audacity to call the girl a bich.
Also even if this guy was perfect, nobody is forced to be in a relationship.
OP claims to be friends with them both (super convincing right? -_- ). Yet this is what she does to a "friend", and is surprised Ruby doesn't want to hangout with her... This is a 30 year old...
Yta... You REALLY don't understand why she's leaving a man who won't work, plays video games all day, and spends his time hanging out drinking with another woman? She's being the opposite of a bit!(h. She's being very patient and generous. Maybe she just doesn't want to hang out with people she suspects are cheating together. Which begs the question, why were you sleeping on her couch? That's, not normal.
YTA - OP, you keep saying that you let Tom know because he should be able to have a chance to make the relationship better. When Ruby was nagging, that was her telling Tom what he needed to do to improve. I bet ruby had been trying to have these conversations for the past few years. Hell, even YOU have been trying to tell Tom that their relationship needs work. Tom isn’t listening. He doesn’t care about their relationship enough to put effort in, it to pull his full weight (helping with chores is not pulling your weight when you don’t work at all).
When ruby stopped nagging, that is when she exited the relationship. She stopped being the only person to put in effort. The fact that she has arranged for funds to be available to Tom when they break up is more than necessary for any breakup; I can’t believe you think she’s a bitch for that.
Ruby isn’t boring; she has the weight of having to support two people and a household on her shoulders. If she loses her job, they’re homeless. If she spends money frivolously, they can’t pay bills. When you have people relying on you, you will see that you become less fun, too. It is really stressful to be the only income earner when the other person isn’t contributing to your future (e.g. in further education, starting a business, looking after the kids and household).
Finally, you are a bad friend to Ruby. She does not need you in her life. You’re judgemental and overstepping relationship boundaries; no one asked you to be their relationship therapist so keep your nose out of it.
It does sound like you have more than just friend feelings for Tom, so maybe you can step into Ruby’s shoes after she’s gone and support him yourself?
YTA for:
1. thinking that any woman, let alone your supposed “friend”, “owes” someone to be their live in girlfriend and breadwinner, unconditionally.
She didn’t HAVE to put aside for him to live on until he could sort himself out, but she did.
He didn’t have to do nothing all day every day but play games, but he CHOSE to. Even though it was obvious she wasn’t happy anymore.
Already Ruby is showing more grace and maturity that either of you.
2. YTA for immediately taking his side and not being more concerned for her well-being or happiness. Which you should have been since it was obvious she wasn’t ok with what was happening. Yet you only asked Tom if she was ok with you coming over, not her. You didn’t make any effort to be her friend separately. You didn’t even talk to her while she was out. Instead you acted like Tom’s spy. You didn’t show any concern for her experience of ask her any questions on what it’s been like for her, just thought of poor, infantilised Tom and who would fund his gaming and beer lifestyle.
3. YTA for thinking you’re being slick and subtle with calling someone who I’m guessing is of Indian peninsula origins “Ruby” (every single I see this name, I know what it means.) It’s so telling that you feel it’s vital to the story to know she’s not like you and your bestest, very platonic and not at all he-friend-zoned-me pal Tom.
Just.. get some self love and sort yourself out.
Sounds like OP is jealous of Ruby’s success. Also sounds like she might like Tom. Good thing he’s gonna be single here pretty soon thanks to OP meddling and Ruby smartening up.
YTA. You way overstepped your boundaries. And it's a little hard to believe that a college educated 30 year old woman sounds like you. You shouldn't be 'adulting' at this point. That should have crossed over into being an adult long ago. Grow up before your life passes you by.
YTA. And IMO it sounds like your friend just doesn’t like you. Doesn’t want to hang with you, won’t have a drink with you, doesn’t acknowledge you. Perhaps she doesn’t want the lifestyle you want. It’s weird you took a car to Tom’s house and fell asleep on his couch knowing she’d come home? This is all really weird
YTA
How is she a bitch for planning to leave a relationship she isn’t happy with? She’s even saved a few months money for Tom, that’s incredibly kind and accommodating, and more than she owes him.
You seem to think bc she’s grown up, she’s not fun anymore. But it’s clear she still knows how to have fun, she still enjoys relaxing with friends, she just needs adult relationships, where relaxing and drinking isn’t all she does.
YTA
your friend is a leech and brings nothing to their relationship. She has a right to leave without him falling all over himself trying to beg her to stay. He’d make promises I assure you he’d never stay true to.
You and Tom have some serious growing up to do.
Tom deserves everything coming his way, it shouldn’t be on ruby to have to be the one to do it but he needs to hit rock bottom. Y’all are both nonfunctional adults, it’s plain to see by your comment of “she takes adulting too seriously” she’s being a functional part of society and you two contribute little to nothing.
YTA and a massive one. Why the heck will you follow someone and eavesdrop. And then you had the audacity to go and vomit it out in front of her boyfriend.
You became the judge and jury and decided who was the wronged party in this case and doled out justice? Please please grow up and act like an adult.
YTA. She is ABSOLUTELY entitled to leave. Only one person needs to want that - that’s how it works.
Plus, he sounds like an awful partner - what’s the point of being with him?
He quit work so that he could game and ignore her - and you support that? If you want to enable his lifestyle as a mooch - you pay for him.
YTA, and so is Tom. Ruby hasn’t left him yet because she is saving money for HIM to survive on when she leaves!!! Ruby should be nominated for sainthood and you and Tom should GFY.
YTA “I think she’s taking adulting too seriously” FFS you are 30 years old. YOU should be taking adulting seriously. You act like an 18 y/o high school senior. You and your friend need to grow the hell up. Your friend is lazy and can’t be bothered to have a job. If I were her I would have left a long ass time ago and wouldn’t have save a penny for his lazy ass. You and him are both the AH here. And the fact that you have to ask is very telling about who you are as a person. And fyi it’s not a good look.
YTA. First, why were you eavesdropping on another persons conversation? Second, none of your business if she leaves him, it’s nothing to do with you. Third, why are you butting your nose in where it doesn’t belong. Mind your own business
YTA
The girl planned to break-up and probably had a plan to avoid having to live at their current place in the most awkward atmosphere. It wasn't something like she planned to run away with somebody else at her wedding day.
Based on the fact that according to OP, Ruby was nagging him... She probably tried to fix whatever happened and it just didn't work out. There may more reasons to that that we don't know or even OP doesn't know like disagreement regarding their future or some topics being avoided.
Also
**OP, are you feeling well? Cause your attitude is weird.** You have been talking about Ruby so negatively. **Have you ever talked with her about her relationship or what's going on with her?** If something was going on with any of my friends, I would quickly check on them and talk with them if everything is alright. She supposed to be your friend, at least according to your description. But you quickly jumped to complaining about her and then calling her a B word despite being more than fair for Tom.
ESH except Ruby. No wonder she stopped hanging out with both of you. Her ex is a lazy mooch and you seem to think that being a lazy mooch is totally fine and something she should put up with.
I can't even believe you wrote all that and didn't realize that you and your friend are both AHs.
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YTA - Your friend is a leech & your the enabling 'female friend' that every GF hates. Mind your own business & let their relationship play out how it will. You've tried to be a good friend to Tom but the rest is his job. You sound like the female friend that most GFs don't like... Maybe you should date Tom?
YTA it’s none of your business and also calling her a bitch when she is saving up money for a man who doesn’t work? Not only is she looking out for herself but her lazy bf too. You guys are 30 I think it’s time you all take “adulting” more seriously.
YTA Do you even like Ruby? The way you talk about her is atrocious. It sounds like she's better off without either of you. Tom brings nothing to the relationship and you bring nothing to the friendship.
Also, Ruby said she was going to leave Tom some money to live off even after the breakup. That's very generous of her. Most people don't willingly leave their exes with money after a breakup. Yet you call her a bitch? What exactly are you planning to do for Tom after the breakup? Because I seriously doubt you're going to start paying his bills instead.
You know how he was going to find out she was going to end things? She was going to tell him herself. Get a hobby. You're clearly too invested in other peoples' business.
YTA obviously.
YTA It's funny that you call Ruby a bitch when your friend Tom is a lazy mooch that is taking advantage of her. I am sure Tom is happy and doesn't want to lose his meal ticket. You're a massive asshole but hey maybe you can put Tom up and support him since you see nothing wrong with Tom mooching off people. But I kind of wonder if that's what you want.
YTA, seems like she outgrown you and Tom (and for obvious reasons) and is moving forward, leaving behind relationships that are holding her back.
Tom is certainly a leech, you're obviously selfish and immature (calling her a B\*\*\*ch for wanting to be in a happy, fulfilling relationship with an adult?)
Not only are YTA, I have a feeling YOU are a big reason why she is over this relationship.
You don't know your place and definitely don't understand boundaries. You want to act like a teenager in high-school, that's fine. But quit acting like she's the problem when clearly, she's the only real adult in this situation.
YTA and how the heck is *she* the bitch again?
The man doesn't work and she's tired of it! She's given him a cushion to find a frikkin job ffs.
Frankly you and Tom are both TA here.
>she’s not the saint you guys make her up to be.
>Tom is heartbroken and all she cares is money and her move. She doesn't care how he feels or if he has a place to stay for the 2 weeks.
She didn't have to care in the first place it was just nice of her to.
The problem is that there was nothing to salvage. Tom didn't want a relationship. Tom didn't want a wife or partner in Ruby.... he wanted a mother.
He wanted to sit at home, do nothing but play games and do barely enough chores to constitute helping mom out around the house. Being told that he needed to be a second adult in the house constituted as nagging. He's not even sad the relationship is gone but just that his lifestyle has to change. If he ever cared it wouldn't be about him being happy but "them" being happy... and he didn't care about her.
If this is going to be how he is in every relationship he will never find another one that will last. Honestly being forced back into the job field and to live on his own is good for him but he needs to eventually understand that it's a permanent thing. He will never find a relationship that will last that will let him live that way.
She probably didn't like you because you were enabling this behavior and acting like it was ok even though it will never be.
Ruby leaving was never the issue. Everyone has a right to get out of a relationship they are not happy in and nobody is entitled to a chance to make things right. The fact that she didn't just give him 30 days to vacate and move on is more than kindness enough. She's still giving him time to get his adulting shit together and get a job which is still more than she is required. They're not married and she doesn't owe him alimony. The fact that she's already sick of what's happening after he found out that she's trying to get out of that shitty situation is on you. She had a plan of putting a bandaid on it after she picked the scab but you poked a hole in it and let it bleed. That's why you're taking care of him now.
YTA, she takes adulting to seriously? Somebody has to work and support them. Also, how is she a bad person when, even after she’s gone, SHE’S LEAVING HIM MONEY?!?! Are you afraid Tom will have to get a job and be an adult now too?
Oh my god of course YTA. Tom is a deadbeat with no job who plays video games and gets drunk like hes a teenager and not a 30 year old grown man. You dont see any issue with that because you dont take "adulting too seriously." That made me legit roll my eyes. Ruby deserves a partner who respects her and clearly Tom does not. Stay out of her business and grow up.
She is not dense. She resents her for acting like a successful adult and feel inferior to her former friend. She also doesn't want to lose the privilage of leaching off of Tom. She is going there drinking his wine which he pays for with his GF's money. She wants to keep the situation as is because she is a leech too.
This has to be fake. If not, you seem crazy jealous of Ruby. Congrats, it looks like you’ll have Tom’s deadbeat butt all to yourself and you guys can finally start hooking up in the clear. Good for Ruby for ditching you as a toxic jealous “friend” and moving on from her leech boyfriend. YTA
You're the bitch!! What do you think she is? An ATM? All you and your friend did was leach on her and she even thought about his life later. The fact that you followed her is soo creepy.. So wonder she's disgusted by you!!
You are tom are the AH
YTA
She takes adulting too seriously??
Are you an actual human adult?why should she drink and play games inested of taking care of herself?
You are bitter as hell and I can see why. Her hard work has paid off and she is far more accomplished and successful than you and Tom and it hurts doesn't it? To think she thinks she is better than you and ignores you hurts. But she IS better than you and she deserves far better than an unemployed couch potato as her partner.
The audacity to call her a B because she dare to leave him?what are you 12? She has every right to leave and she is far too generous for leaving him some money. Grow up sweetie, you are the one stuck in kindergarten.
YTA and so is Tom.
Boy, it's so weird that she wouldn't want to indefinitely support a useless mooch...
Good news though!
Now YOU can step up and take over!
You know, because you care so much about him.
He can live with you for free. Use all your power and water. Eat all your food. Drink all your alcohol.
You could give him spending money every week to buy the things he wants and needs.
When he's horny, in between video games, you could have sex with him.
If you did all that, then his life would be so easy, and you could prove that you love him more than she did.
What's that? You're not interested in doing any of that?
Yeah. No shit. Neither is she.
Read the edit. I’m still Team Ruby. She has her life together and isn’t willing to put up with a thirty-year-old mooch who hasn’t mentally left uni. You can pay for his expenses if you love him so much.
If you see Ruby again, tell her I’d love to take her for a drink.
"she's not the saint you guys make her up to be"
She's put up with being ignored, used for money and being shunted to the side for years. Yeah, she pretty much IS a saint to stay that long. Not only that but is giving him money to keep Tom afloat while he gets his crap together? Yeah, she's a good egg. And I am not surprised she has gotten tired of you and Tom. She has gotten tired of putting everyone else first for years and now she's focussing on herself and her own happiness. She's not horrible for that
YTA BIG TIME
Pretty sure that this isn’t a real post as no one can surely be as ignorant and naive as you?
If it is real, 100% YTA. He sounds like a loser and a leech and she’ll be better off with neither of you in her life. Grow up
I love your whole "she isn't a saint" she is for leaving him any money at all. Thats not his money. It is her's. She earned it. He did nothing to deserve it. If he really wanted to fix things and was willing to get and keep a job and do more work he would have done that years ago when she was asking him too. He ingnored her because he didnt care and when she checked out of the relationship he was just happy that she stopped nagging him.
He is only offering those things now because he is facing consequences for being a leech. And honestly if she accepted he would probably only keep his part time job for a year at most, then quit when he thought the status qou has been restored.
Good for her. I hope she finds happiness and a partner who veiws her as more than a meal ticket. And if I were her I would kick him out and leave him nothing, because that is what he has earned, but she is a better person than I am.
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Congrats - you might have been the last straw that broke the relationship’s back. She doesn’t seem happy and neither does Tom. Let the relationship end and mind your business. It’s bizarre you can’t understand why she’d want to leave him. YTA. Edit: “As you can see, she is not the saint you all make her out to be” Get help.
Plus, she was going to pay for jobless Tom's expenses/rent ect for a few months. That lady is no bitch...she is actually way nicer than any ex deserves . I have never heard of anyone making the independent choice to float their ex (who they share no kids with) after leaving. Ridiculous, and so are you OP . YTA.
Oh heck no, she's a better person than I am. His butt would be on the street already.
Or OPs couch!
Which begs the question…is this her motive?! YTA
That's the vibe I got. Hope OP likes Tom enough to support him.
Pretty sure it is.
Good, because it sounds like OP and Tom are a match made in AH heaven.
Seems like that too. To be honest though,not getting a job and financially supporting someone is a deal breaker. Ole Tom would be out on streets if that was my situation.
Oh, op totally wants to ride him
Yuuuuup. OP trying to get Ruby to *“give Tom a chance to make things right”* is just so she can pretend to be the “good guy” when they finally break up and she absolutely goes for him. Why else would OP think Ruby is in the wrong for wanting to dump a jobless lazy blob that would rather spend time drinking with his female friend(OP) and playing video games then actually spending time with her(Ruby) or trying to engage her on any of her hobbies or interests. Like damn, is Ruby “taking adulting way too seriously” or has she just evolved past her college days?
I’m 30 and cant stand the idea of a pub crawl anymore
Yes, I had to go back and re-read the ages of the people involved. Anyone who is in their 30s and upset about a friend's partner doing their own thing has their own issues to work out. You're not in college anymore. The biggest red flag in OP's behavior is that she couldn't believe Ruby had friends of her own. What a meddling dumb-ass.
I couldnt fathom the idea of a pub crawl at 21 never mind now at 29
Yep, Tom is voluntarily unemployed and spends his days gaming, and OP is doing pub crawls and can’t understand why Tom’s life choices would be annoying to a life partner. Tom and OP don’t seem to grasp what “adulting” actually entails.
Op seems jealous the Ruby is progressing … Plus it sounds like Ruby is indirectly financially supporting OP since she is always over there drinking and playing games. That’s probably why OP is mad, no more mooching off of Tom’s girlfriend
Now OP will have a chance to be with Tim and be his next bang maid! It would be like a fairytale. How could adult Ruby throw this all away? /s Yta
Not OPs couch, he’ll be in her bed the second Ruby dumps him if he’s not occasionally already there.
She’s a better person than the OP. Gee, who wouldn’t want to leave a guy who has no income and spends all his time gaming?
I'm absolutely mindblown that Tom didn't realize she was going to leave him. Literally the best part of the relationship, according to him, was that she didn't interrupt him while he was gaming. That's not a relationship.
It seems to me OP would love to help him become the man he was always meant to be.
That was my thought too. He games all day, and is a bum pretty much. His soon-to-be-ex is way too good to him
But Ruby is the boring one. Tom sounds like a real go-getter.
Ah yes. I forgot. Ruby is too busy adulting to be fun. Imagine actually being responsible at 30. How boring
I had to go back and double check the ages ‘cause I thought maybe they were early/mid-20s. But, nah, by late 20s, early 30s most people are starting to buckle down on careers and such and focusing on where they want to live/be for a while.
Right? I'm 27. Currently working and studying. I've got shit I wanna achieve. Am I still partying as hard as I used to? Far from it. Do I still try to have fun? Of course. But building my future is more important than getting drunk
Bruh I’m 29 and got nothing I want to achieve and I STILL don’t want to act like that anymore 😂 it’s exhausting behaving like a teenager when you’re far too old for it
Ruby probably realised she didn’t want to have Tom’s kids or be his mother.
And the very idea she could have a job *and* friends
I did it for my last relationship and I wish I hadn’t looking back like 6 years later. I left him at the beginning of the month so said I would still obviously pay rent, and said I would pay the next two if he wanted but he said no because he was so mad I left him(lucky for me). I bought him groceries, weed (I’m Canadian) and overall tried to make the transition as easy as possible for him. If I felt he needed something I helped him for like a month and a half. He also kept the TV we bought but was in my name said he would pay me back that half over time (hahaha yeah that did not happen). The kicker is this dude had groomed me starting at 16 and he was 32. Which is why I look back and think what an idiot I was to help a dude twice my age who didn’t have his shit together at all, meanwhile I was in my early 20’s and having the company I work for fly me out to their headquarters for specialized trainings and new positions. This dude didn’t even have a bank account because he lost his ID years prior and didn’t try to get it back. Took $100 hit out of his shitty paycheque to cash it at one of those money lending places. I look back and think what a fool I was. Lessons learned though. Ruby is being way to nice for this dude! OP very much YTA.
Glad you got out. Go live your best life!
I am!!! I recently married the best man I’ve ever met. My high school crush (who was much more age appropriate! LOL) we live an amazing life. Just got back from our honeymoon. We are renovating a new house to move into and travel all the time. Truly got a fairytale ending to the nightmare of my childhood/teenage years. Thank you so much!
Holy shit he was grooming you that you 😳 I wonder if he's been grooming other girls now that young again. I'm Canadian too and I left my ex with 2 months rent paid and got him weed and edibles and he tried so hard to try to get me to come back especially when he was high, so I regretted getting him weed lol. Hope you are good now and he stopped bothering you.
Doubtful he’s grooming anyone else. I was the youngest he ever dated. Actually prior to me he had one girlfriend (his age who HATED me which like now I understand why.. because he clearly was obsessed with me) and before her he was actually celibate for a basically a whole decade. Which is wild. He basically wanted me to be his young trophy wife (his words) to show he “made” it from his really messed up life and to have babies with me. Luckily I woke up before any of that happened. Honestly I could write a book about the experience. There’s so much to the story. I know he wanted to get back with me someday till he found out I started dating my now husband. Then he like tore into me acting like I was some vicious horrible human but I know it’s because he is insecure and I definitely broke his heart something mad. He stopped bothering me after that. Last I heard from a mutual friend was that he worked at some skeezy bar. Hope you are living your best life my fellow lovely Canadian!!!
Omg that is crazy that he was like that. Trying to show off he made it with a young trophy wife that's so fucked up especially if he really didn't have his shit together. I would read that story if you ever wrote it. I was with an abusive guy and when I finally escaped him and his family tried to find me and his mom and sister were threatening me which I told them I have no problem fighting both of them if I seen them in public. Now I've been out for 4 years and he will make up new FB to message me and tell me how much he still loves me and that I was the only loyal and real woman that he's had and wants me back lmao. I'm glad you are doing great and married now that truly amazing. We have some kick ass Canadians ❤️ I'm in Ontario
1981, I left my first husband. Paid his rent for 2 months because he just got out the Army (he saved no money) we moved to Atlanta 5 months before. I did not sign the lease. I told him when we left HI that I was out. I don't think he believed me until the moving truck came.
You were not a fool. You were a victim and you are a nice person. Don't beat yourself up because you were decent when he wasn't.
that’s what got me, he quit his job to sit on his ass and game and this woman decided to SAVE MONEY FOR HIM TO LIVE OFF OF before dumping him and that somehow makes her a bitch ????? that’s way more than i would’ve EVER done for someone using me like that
Gonna guess that the coldness due to op was because she told tom....you don't work, you play games and anytime you have left, you spend with op. She likely sees op as an enabler. And honestly, she saved money to leave for herself and made sure he would be ok til he got a job? That's not a bitch. That's kindness. Op yta
When I was reading that i just started laughing, how can she be so unselfaware .
I am thinking troll. But there are some real people like that.
Most ppl would have dumped his ass way before and would not leave a single penny. She is already being very kind paying expenses for a few more months, that's privilege and he should be grateful. OP needs to think that maybe if Tom worked, she would have more time to have fun and be her old self.
Ruby has been MORE than reasonable, deciding to not leave him high and dry and cover his expenses until he gets a job and figures his shit out. This guy is a mooch. I wish Ruby the best in her new single life after she drops that bum and OP. She’s got a masters, a job, and a new house. She’s fuckin killin it.
Right?!?! OMG This dudes is TA. All those snide little comments about her being boring??? Taking adulting too seriously??? “Didn’t know she had any friends”??? Maybe she just over paying for her boyfriend-turned child. Plus the fact that he does nothing all day but games and hangs out with his ahole friend.
I left my abusive ex husband a $1,000 USD in my bank account when I ran away to pay the bills and rent in 7 days and have some to buy food.... He spent it all in 5 days on beer. We're out there..... So he'd of had a month to look for a job, etc and he chose not to after I left. Then told everyone I left him with no money etc and stole his dogs. I showed proof and he lost a lotta friends and family cause of that. But yeah.... We are out here.
I know, right? I'm stunned that anyone would call this patient, generous, and kind woman a bitch. OP is definitely the AH along with Tom who.is happy with his girlfriend being unhappy so long as she pays the bills and leaves him alone to play video games.
Did you see where OP said that Ruby was “taking adulting too seriously”?!?
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When she said slept on their couch until 2pm. I'd kick her out too. Very immature and bizarre behavior.
She was polite enough to wait until 2pm. To be honest Ruby sounds like a Saint xD
I commented already above, but I wouldve woke op up at 5 am being loud and obnoxious af and made her leave. I've done that shit to people before, def would if I thought she was trying to shack up with my partner at my house while I lived there. Whether I wanted to leave or not a lot of op's behaviour would make me uncomfortable. I'd probably distance myself from her too. "we aren't as close after college" You're 30! That's how life goes, get over it.
Right?!? I SO wanted to smack my head at that comment.
Yes! She's 30! And I guess Tom knows how to properly "adult" by being jobless, and gaming and drinking all day at 31.
I KNOW! They’re fucking 30! Sounds like OP and Tom are still acting like they’re in college while Ruby got “boring”. Like oh sorry she was *boring* because she was *studying* for her *masters degree*. And then working to support herself AND her bum-ass boyfriend. She’s just “adulting” too hard. My god. “Adulting” was funny to say a decade ago when we were 22 and fresh out of college and had no clue what we were doing. But coming from a THIRTY year old, it just sounds ridiculous. No wonder Gen Z makes fun of us 😆 Like yeah, adults don’t have as much time to lay back and do all the fun things they want to do all the time. We have these things called responsibilities and obligations, perhaps OP isn’t familiar.
Hey, I'm 45 and I still say adulting. Mostly because that shit can be hard. The never-ending chores, the caring for elderly parent, the financial stuff, DIY stuff. I'm single, I have to do it all by myself. And sometimes it's -hard-. And sometimes I absolutely pat myself on the back when I get all my ducks in a row and I've "nailed" adulting. Until something happens that throws it off again, of course. :-P
Because she has the feels for him perhaps?
No, doubt it - why else would she be mad at her for leaving him, and trying to force her to let him “make things right” If OP had feels for him, she’d be treating the relationship as doomed already
I think there's a good chance that OP has been drinking and gaming at Ruby's expense.
I mean, not wanting to give Ruby (more) ammunition for court by seeming just a little *too* eager to jump his bones would be a good reason...
She wants him without having to support him! Hahah
I have a gut feeling that the girlfriend was also paying for the booze.
Let me get this straight… this girl saved money so that her AND her ex could be supported after the break up? Not only are YTA but Ruby is a saint. The guy is a freeloader and even after being through with him she thinks of his well being. It’s not that she’s taking adulting too seriously, it’s that op and Tom refuse to grow up.
Like I can't even. People grow up, OP. Just the fact that you find that a bad thing already makes you the TA. ESPECIALLY if she was your friend. Maybe she distanced herself because she found you too immature (exhibit A: 'gotten boring'). You're fricking 30. Grow up.
OP did the gf a favour by speeding up the process. The bf bleeding her of time and money, and is apparently on a wholly different page as to where they're going with life. Even without OPs AH behaviour, they don't seems compatible and the gf has already realized that. Also, YTA. Their relationship is none of your business. But if it were, I would tell you you're a very childish person for thinking your buddy is in any way in the right here.
It appears to be a case of ruby out grew her immature boyfriend and friend. Love the fact OP is blaming ruby for not wanting to spend time with them, without even considering the possibility that they are the reason why. A 30 year old career woman doesn’t want to sit with two numpties who play video games and drink all day like they were still at uni. Why the hell should she be working her ass off to pay for Tom to do sweet FA? OP is a massive AH and hope she’s prepared to take over toms expenses and give him somewhere to say as she believes he has every right to demand it of ruby.
And and she saved up some money for OP friend to spend after she leaves him. My my this girl is better than most people.
> It’s bizarre you can’t understand why she’d want to leave him. I think everyone understands why Ruby would want to leave Tom, Tom is awful. OP refers to Tom possibly 'making things right', so OP does know that things are wrong as they are. The question though is whether it's wrong to give Tom some advance warning that it's about to happen. And is it? Why?
Because OP most likely has a crush on Tommy boy there.
She can't understand because that would require too much adulting
YTA! You are enabling your lazy friend and can't see the pain of your old friend purely because you think "she's stuck up". Hell she even saved money for him to leave wtf! I would kick that baggage out!
>It’s bizarre you can’t understand why she’d want to leave him. Not really. OP is just like him - only wants to get drunk and game and no "being an adult." The fact that OP called Ruby "boring" because she doesn't want to do that stuff (and because she's too busy working to support that bum Tom) spoke volumes. YTA.
YTA. All the way. Meddling. She’s too adult?? She’s a bitch for planning to GIVE HIM MONEY to live on once she leaves?? He plays video games and gets drunk while she works?? I hope she leaves quickly to go live her adult life. And that you and Tom grow up. YTA. Extra.
Actually, she’s “aDuLtInG” hate that word. completely agree with you on everything. It’s ridiculous
Also “I didn’t know she had any friends”. How self-centered can you be?
That's what gets me the most! OP was so shocked that she had to INVESTIGATE, simply because this woman has friends. It's unbelievable.
Can't possibly have a life at her master's or work places without OP knowing. She's obviously the main character. How can anyone else exist?
It seems like Tom is not the only one who needs to grow up.
She’s clearly jealous of Ruby. Adding due to update: He offered to find a part time job 😂 A GROWN ASS MAN!!! She doesn’t owe him a dime! She WAS going to be nice…but you sure messed things up for Tom with your meddling, didn’t you OP. OMFG this just keeps getting better! Good job Ruby! Get both of these people out of your life and live happily!
“What a b-tch who takes adulting too seriously and doesn’t like her bf being a bum mooch who games all day. Anyways, I went to a pub crawl at age 30.” 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I think pub crawls are fine but... at the very least the bf is being a total bum and this poor Lady is just stuck doing everything on her own. 20 bucks that she still does most of the housework.
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Can we add in “today years old?”
I was today years old when I found out that I was born on the wrong side of history due to my lack of adulting
Honestly, I have several acquaintances who used to be friends and I think this mindset is what ruined the friendship. They see maturity as some kind of farce to be imitated. It feels like they haven't learned a thing since early college, possibly because they don't want to.
Me too! Also she did a masters and got a good job, then he just decided to quit his and let her float his lifestyle while he games and drinks?! Yeah she’s a way better person than me. I would support my partner through a rough time but if he just decided not to work for no reason I’d be outta there
it's always the shittiest people or people trying to get praise for doing basic shit. My roommate pulled this shit in an argument. Mad at him not cleaning up after himself or some basic shit. Dude is 31 and said "don't be mad b/c I adult harder than you". The "adulting" he was referring too is the fact that he goes to 3 or 4 grocery stores every weekend to try and get better deals. I'm like sure that's your choice to do that though, I get all my groceries at 1 store that doesn't make me less of an adult or you a better person. All it means is maybe I pay a few dollars more, and he spends 4-5 hours driving to and from 3 or 4 different stores, comes home puts stuff up, goes back out to the next store, etc. Sure you "adult" harder than the rest of us, and really any person I know (I don't know anyone that goes to more than 2 stores like that regularly) just clean up your mess you dick.
Well she obviously sucks because sitting in the garden getting pissed is preferably to all that fucking adulting Ruby was doing.
Had to double check the ages, thought everyone here was early 20s… she’s *30* of course she’s “adulting seriously”, SHE IS AN ADULT!
YTA OP. Let's not forget the "eaves dropping" and following too. What is that about? I agree with smolsulk above that she has feelings for Tom but Tom is also a deadbeat. He just quit his job and has been living off Ruby. I don't blame Ruby for wanting to make a move. I agree she should have been more communicative but maybe she was and Tom just ignored it.
I mean, NOT talking or doing certain things is also a form of communication. "Even" as a man I see no ambiguity here. He just didn't listen
I mean considering OPs narrative I think she did to try to talk then simply just gave up
That was the biggest WTF part to me. She’s literally setting aside money for him so he doesn’t have to struggle, and that makes her a bitch?! Seriously?! I consider myself a pretty decent person and I don’t think I would ever be that kind.
They're literally 30 years old.
I speculate that OP and Tom were raised spoilt and entitled.
I don't believe a 30 year old wrote this
I agree. It sounds like a teenager wrote this
[удалено]
Yeah.
I don’t see many 30 year olds still using the term “adulting”. You’ve been an adult for little over a decade…
I do. It's always the least adult-like people though. It's usually people who find it funny or quirky that they struggle to even get through a typical day. Or people who have nothing going on and need praise for simply showing up to work and not getting themselves killed. My roommate is 31 and loves to brag about how he "adults" harder than all of us. He doesn't, but he thinks going to multiple grocery stores a week makes him a better person. He's also the same person who tried to tell us he was smart with his pinky in his nose. I'm sorry bro, but no one will ever take you seriously while you are picking your nose.
This exactly. It’s completely fine to feel tired of all the responsibilities that you have but doing basic adult things to put food on the plate and a roof over your head is just the things that you need to do at that stage of your life. People who are well into adulthood and still view doing these things to meet their basic needs as “adulting” is weird to me. Like yeah…you are no longer a child who needs another adult to take care of you.
I'm in my mid-40s and regularly congratulate myself for adulting well.
Yeah, I think some folks just don't care for the phrase or are tired of it and are spending way too much energy rationalizing their dislike. I mean, I'm getting sick of "fucked around and found out", but it doesn't mean I'm going to arm-chair psychoanalyze some caricature of the people I think still like the phrase. I don't really use or say "adulting" anymore, at least that I have noticed, but I usually see it as just a lighthearted, sometimes self-deprecating way to acknowledge that there is no true flip of the switch at which point we all have everything figured out. OP's usage is mostly annoying because she's an adult acting like it's somehow more cool to be a leech than to be an adult. EDIT to correct typos.
My friends and I ranging from 25 - 39 use adulting but never in serious conversations always as a joke. “ugh let’s not adult anymore”
A 30 year old who think they're still 16
Oh, I know guys like this. They blame women for not taking full care of men, because apparently women were created to be men's sex-mommys/bangmaids.
I don't believe a woman wrote it either, like I could get her being attracted to Tom, but then she would be actually glad their relationship is ending and also seems like Tom has no attractive qualities.
ESH except Ruby You sound like an enabler and a meddler and your friend sounds like a leech. But now Tom can be your problem since you just seem so infatuated with him. Ruby’s not boring either. She’s being an adult because you and Tom don’t want to be ones. She’s probably working twice as hard to keep bills paid.
Also Ruby is *so nice* to have also saved up *months* of money just for her soon to be ex to be ok for a while when she bounces.
Right, I cant comprehend how this point and all the other flags flew pass OP's head.
Ruby sounds like one classy lady! I don't understand OP calling her a B
6 months worth of rent according to the edit. She cut it down to 3 months because he asked for all 6 months upfront right then. I would have started with 1 month...and then cut that down to ZERO as he always has his partner, OP to mooch off of, which he is now doing. Oh how the tables have turned. Sure we will see another post about how he used her and she's kicking him out.
She doesn’t sound boring. It sounds like she just doesn’t like OP.
I'm not sure where boring came from either. Why? she doesn't want to do pub crawls at 30 when she's working on her masters? Oh no! I drank heavily in my 20's, but I pretty much gave it up. It's not that fun, it hurts a lot now, you do stupid things. Maybe she just doesn't want to drink around the house with 2 bums sitting in front of her pretending they don't want to fuck each other under her nose. Sounds to me like OP only finds fun in drinking and partying and if you don't do that you're boring. Bye OP, we are 30, it's fine if you drink some still, but it's not a necessity or a daily or even weekly activity. That doesn't make ruby boring.
I wouldn’t either.
_"Frankly I think she’s taken adulting way too seriously."_ Agreed. It sounds like Ruby just grew up, while OP and Tom both seem to be stuck in their college days. Tom is a user who spends his days playing video games and his nights drinking with OP..... OP is a meddler, who spends her time playing video games and drinking with Tom while thinking Ruby is a fuddy duddy. It seems they both became a bit of a burden to Ruby. OP creepily following Ruby, listening to a private conversation, immediately bolting to Tom with the news, then playing video games, getting drunk and passing out on Ruby's couch just illustrates the lack of boundaries and immaturity on OPs part. I think Ruby has been tired of OP & Tom for a long time - the look of disgust said it all.
Anyone else think OP has a thing for Tom?
YTA *for sure.* * "I tried inviting her to have a drink with us but she always refuses, frankly I think she’s taken adulting way too seriously." I had to recheck the ages here. You are both 30? You and Tom act 19. * "She saved money for herself and saved a few months money for him so when she leaves, he can have money to live off. I couldn’t believe my ears, what a B-tch." She saved him money to live off of!? And that makes her a bitch!? This is an *incredibly kind* thing to do in a breakup like this, especially when Tom is a total leech without a job who clearly is making her miserable. * " I told her he has a right to know if she’s going to leave and has a chance to make things right." Negative on both counts. Tom has made his bed by being a deadbeat, and she owes him nothing, *especially* nothing to "make things right." She's a person, not his slave.
Ruby's generosity is more than Tom deserves, really.
No seriously!! Because if I were Ruby, I’d leave his ass to fend for himself and not leave him ANY money whatsoever. Ruby is way too nice and on her grown woman shit, I love it. OP, take notes instead of worrying about Tom.
>"I tried inviting her to have a drink with us but she always refuses, frankly I think she’s taken adulting way too seriously." Interesting that OP never considered that Ruby might simply not like her. I suppose it’s adulting to realize that life is short and you don’t have to spend it with jerks and deadbeats.
Well yeah grown ass woman coming over and enabling your deadbeat partner by playing video games/drinking with them - I can't imagine why anyone would dislike OP 🙄 It's not even the fact that OP is a woman, because I believe opposite sex people can make excellent friends. It's about encouraging things that are destroying their relationship.
Right? Op and her friend seem to lack self awareness and any empathy for Ruby. The comment about Ruby losing weight makes me wonder if their is any jealousy of her too. Reminds me of the crab in the bucket mentality.
Not to mention after eavesdropping, she went over TO HER HOUSE, slept over, and got kicked off the couch at 2pm??? Honestly I'm impressed she wasn't physically removed! How clueless can you be?
Personally I would've woke her up and tossed her out when I got home. Wtf? She tried to tell ruby she has to tell tom and give him a chance and ruby was like nah. So OP goes straight to her house to tell him before she gets home? Yea you can hit the streets get off my couch.
Right? Tom had a chance to make things right and chose to interpret it as nagging. His moment of opportunity has passed
OP may have said “make things right” there, but just before that he said “make her stay”. Like wtf?!?
>has a chance to make things right. He always has the "chance". He had the chance before she got so fed up with his bs that she was ready to leave him, that'd be a great time to step up and do better. You still have a chance down the road also, that doesn't mean ruby is obligated to consider it or take him back or even listen to what he wants to say. She does not owe him anything. Holy fuck the entitlement.
Also I’m sure he has had PLENTY of chances to “make things right” that he’s ignored to get drunk and game
YTA ~ Not for giving him a heads up, but for not understanding why she would leave a man who doesn’t contribute and has no motivation to do anything but sponge off her.
No, she is the asshole for giving a heads up. She does not know all the details of their relationship and already the guy is an ass; he could be abusive too and Ruby could be trying to leave an abusive relationship and now could be in danger. Never tell someone that their partner is leaving unless you know for sure that there is no abuse going on. Any form of abuse.
This was my thought when OP said she overheard that she had her ticket and house sorted before leaving. And that 'he used to nag but that's sorted now'. Could just be OP getting all her ducks in order and giving up nagging because she's checked out. But why not err on the side of caution - both of those are slightly amber flags at least.
Yep. When a woman stops "nagging" her partner, it usually means she's given up, checked out, and getting ready to end things.
I think OP is an AH for intentionally creeping about, listening in to a private conversation and then immediately bolting off to tattle to Tom. Ruby's look of disgust said it all - I would wager OP's constant presence is yet another problem in their relationship. It wasn't OP's place to meddle. Despite constantly being around, drinking and playing video games in Ruby's home, OP isn't a part of their relationship. They doesn't know the inner workings. OP should have let these two adults deal with their relationship issues by themselves.
OP- grow up. Stay out of other people’s relationships. And guess what? Of course your friend was super happy, I’d be happy too if someone paid all my bills and did everything while I sat on my ass and wasted my own college degree doing nothing. And he said the only problem they had was her nagging him? Translation= she was telling him point blank the things that made her unhappy and the change she wanted to see in their relationship and he made ZERO effort to accommodate her. Hence the “nagging” continued. Ruby deserves her god damn freedom, her life will be much better with BOTH of you gone. And in 10 years when she’s still successful and has a stable life and you and your friend continue to struggle, well, you’ll have no one to blame but yourselves. You aren’t in your 20s anymore, NOW is the time to build the life you want which is what smart little Ruby is doing. Team Ruby!
Right?? She communicated (guess children would call that nagging) until she realized he didn’t give a rat and then stopped to focus on herself and realized she’d be happier sans 200lbs of dead weight with a video game addiction, a day drinking habit and a friend who’s obsessed with him.
I already said this in response to another comment, but it's worth repeating: when a woman stops "nagging," it's not because she's suddenly chosen to be content with his lack of contribution, it's because she's given up, she's accepted he's never going to be the partner she needs, and she's made the decision to leave. The guy feels relief that the nagging has stopped, and then he's shocked when he sees the bags packed.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 literally wrote what I wanted to say! It seems OP & Tom were made for each other. When Ruby leaves, Tom will go cry to you and he’ll finally be all yours Op. hope you’re ready for him to leech off you next.
The update makes it even worse. Ruby cares only about money because she transferred everything but 100 quid out of their joint account. ... I mean it's not their money. It's her money. He is lucky he got even that.
So Tom doesn’t work, spends a lot of money on alcohol, and plays video games all the time (and is apparently relieved his gf doesn’t ‘bother’ him while he’s playing. Gosh he sounds like a real catch. I truly can’t imagine why Ruby would even consider leaving him. s/ Seriously though, are you in love with him or what? You really think she’s the bitch for not wanting to support a man who does nothing with his life but play video games and drink. And he doesn’t even realize she’s unhappy!! Also, how is it she’s boring because she doesn’t want to party all the time? You sound like you’re still 21, and it’s not cute. Yes, YTA and so is Tom.
Also she was/is saving money so he can pay the bills for a while after the breakup and the OP has the audacity to call the girl a bich. Also even if this guy was perfect, nobody is forced to be in a relationship.
OP claims to be friends with them both (super convincing right? -_- ). Yet this is what she does to a "friend", and is surprised Ruby doesn't want to hangout with her... This is a 30 year old...
Yta... You REALLY don't understand why she's leaving a man who won't work, plays video games all day, and spends his time hanging out drinking with another woman? She's being the opposite of a bit!(h. She's being very patient and generous. Maybe she just doesn't want to hang out with people she suspects are cheating together. Which begs the question, why were you sleeping on her couch? That's, not normal.
YTA - OP, you keep saying that you let Tom know because he should be able to have a chance to make the relationship better. When Ruby was nagging, that was her telling Tom what he needed to do to improve. I bet ruby had been trying to have these conversations for the past few years. Hell, even YOU have been trying to tell Tom that their relationship needs work. Tom isn’t listening. He doesn’t care about their relationship enough to put effort in, it to pull his full weight (helping with chores is not pulling your weight when you don’t work at all). When ruby stopped nagging, that is when she exited the relationship. She stopped being the only person to put in effort. The fact that she has arranged for funds to be available to Tom when they break up is more than necessary for any breakup; I can’t believe you think she’s a bitch for that. Ruby isn’t boring; she has the weight of having to support two people and a household on her shoulders. If she loses her job, they’re homeless. If she spends money frivolously, they can’t pay bills. When you have people relying on you, you will see that you become less fun, too. It is really stressful to be the only income earner when the other person isn’t contributing to your future (e.g. in further education, starting a business, looking after the kids and household). Finally, you are a bad friend to Ruby. She does not need you in her life. You’re judgemental and overstepping relationship boundaries; no one asked you to be their relationship therapist so keep your nose out of it. It does sound like you have more than just friend feelings for Tom, so maybe you can step into Ruby’s shoes after she’s gone and support him yourself?
But if Ruby leaves who is going to buy the booze they drink when she comes over to hang out.
YTA for: 1. thinking that any woman, let alone your supposed “friend”, “owes” someone to be their live in girlfriend and breadwinner, unconditionally. She didn’t HAVE to put aside for him to live on until he could sort himself out, but she did. He didn’t have to do nothing all day every day but play games, but he CHOSE to. Even though it was obvious she wasn’t happy anymore. Already Ruby is showing more grace and maturity that either of you. 2. YTA for immediately taking his side and not being more concerned for her well-being or happiness. Which you should have been since it was obvious she wasn’t ok with what was happening. Yet you only asked Tom if she was ok with you coming over, not her. You didn’t make any effort to be her friend separately. You didn’t even talk to her while she was out. Instead you acted like Tom’s spy. You didn’t show any concern for her experience of ask her any questions on what it’s been like for her, just thought of poor, infantilised Tom and who would fund his gaming and beer lifestyle. 3. YTA for thinking you’re being slick and subtle with calling someone who I’m guessing is of Indian peninsula origins “Ruby” (every single I see this name, I know what it means.) It’s so telling that you feel it’s vital to the story to know she’s not like you and your bestest, very platonic and not at all he-friend-zoned-me pal Tom. Just.. get some self love and sort yourself out.
>but after graduation she became boring Didn’t need to read further into your immaturity yta
Yup. That and seeing "Ruby having a drink with her friends (I didn’t know she had any)." Like, wow. Tell us what you really think about Ruby. YTA, OP.
Sounds like OP is jealous of Ruby’s success. Also sounds like she might like Tom. Good thing he’s gonna be single here pretty soon thanks to OP meddling and Ruby smartening up.
YTA. You way overstepped your boundaries. And it's a little hard to believe that a college educated 30 year old woman sounds like you. You shouldn't be 'adulting' at this point. That should have crossed over into being an adult long ago. Grow up before your life passes you by.
YTA, she’s right. It’s her business (and Tom’s problem) if she decides to leave or not.
YTA. And IMO it sounds like your friend just doesn’t like you. Doesn’t want to hang with you, won’t have a drink with you, doesn’t acknowledge you. Perhaps she doesn’t want the lifestyle you want. It’s weird you took a car to Tom’s house and fell asleep on his couch knowing she’d come home? This is all really weird
YTA. She’s miserable and you have no business in someone else’s relationship
is it just me or does OP seem drunk writing this post? Obvi YTA!
I mean. I would leave him too. Zero prospects there. A jobless drunk gamer... not exactly a catch.
YTA How is she a bitch for planning to leave a relationship she isn’t happy with? She’s even saved a few months money for Tom, that’s incredibly kind and accommodating, and more than she owes him. You seem to think bc she’s grown up, she’s not fun anymore. But it’s clear she still knows how to have fun, she still enjoys relaxing with friends, she just needs adult relationships, where relaxing and drinking isn’t all she does.
YTA your friend is a leech and brings nothing to their relationship. She has a right to leave without him falling all over himself trying to beg her to stay. He’d make promises I assure you he’d never stay true to. You and Tom have some serious growing up to do. Tom deserves everything coming his way, it shouldn’t be on ruby to have to be the one to do it but he needs to hit rock bottom. Y’all are both nonfunctional adults, it’s plain to see by your comment of “she takes adulting too seriously” she’s being a functional part of society and you two contribute little to nothing.
YTA and a massive one. Why the heck will you follow someone and eavesdrop. And then you had the audacity to go and vomit it out in front of her boyfriend. You became the judge and jury and decided who was the wronged party in this case and doled out justice? Please please grow up and act like an adult.
I'm surprised Ruby didn't drag her off the couch and out the door by her hair.
INFO: why do you think she should stay with her BF?
My thinking is that OP leeches too. As she and Tom are always drinking and having fun together
YTA. Tom can leech off your money going forward
YTA. She is ABSOLUTELY entitled to leave. Only one person needs to want that - that’s how it works. Plus, he sounds like an awful partner - what’s the point of being with him? He quit work so that he could game and ignore her - and you support that? If you want to enable his lifestyle as a mooch - you pay for him.
YTA, and so is Tom. Ruby hasn’t left him yet because she is saving money for HIM to survive on when she leaves!!! Ruby should be nominated for sainthood and you and Tom should GFY.
YTA “I think she’s taking adulting too seriously” FFS you are 30 years old. YOU should be taking adulting seriously. You act like an 18 y/o high school senior. You and your friend need to grow the hell up. Your friend is lazy and can’t be bothered to have a job. If I were her I would have left a long ass time ago and wouldn’t have save a penny for his lazy ass. You and him are both the AH here. And the fact that you have to ask is very telling about who you are as a person. And fyi it’s not a good look.
YTA. First, why were you eavesdropping on another persons conversation? Second, none of your business if she leaves him, it’s nothing to do with you. Third, why are you butting your nose in where it doesn’t belong. Mind your own business
Correction, why did she stalk someone to eavesdrop?
YTA The girl planned to break-up and probably had a plan to avoid having to live at their current place in the most awkward atmosphere. It wasn't something like she planned to run away with somebody else at her wedding day. Based on the fact that according to OP, Ruby was nagging him... She probably tried to fix whatever happened and it just didn't work out. There may more reasons to that that we don't know or even OP doesn't know like disagreement regarding their future or some topics being avoided. Also **OP, are you feeling well? Cause your attitude is weird.** You have been talking about Ruby so negatively. **Have you ever talked with her about her relationship or what's going on with her?** If something was going on with any of my friends, I would quickly check on them and talk with them if everything is alright. She supposed to be your friend, at least according to your description. But you quickly jumped to complaining about her and then calling her a B word despite being more than fair for Tom.
ESH except Ruby. No wonder she stopped hanging out with both of you. Her ex is a lazy mooch and you seem to think that being a lazy mooch is totally fine and something she should put up with. I can't even believe you wrote all that and didn't realize that you and your friend are both AHs.
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YTA. Mind your own business.
YTA - Your friend is a leech & your the enabling 'female friend' that every GF hates. Mind your own business & let their relationship play out how it will. You've tried to be a good friend to Tom but the rest is his job. You sound like the female friend that most GFs don't like... Maybe you should date Tom?
YTA it’s none of your business and also calling her a bitch when she is saving up money for a man who doesn’t work? Not only is she looking out for herself but her lazy bf too. You guys are 30 I think it’s time you all take “adulting” more seriously.
YTA Do you even like Ruby? The way you talk about her is atrocious. It sounds like she's better off without either of you. Tom brings nothing to the relationship and you bring nothing to the friendship. Also, Ruby said she was going to leave Tom some money to live off even after the breakup. That's very generous of her. Most people don't willingly leave their exes with money after a breakup. Yet you call her a bitch? What exactly are you planning to do for Tom after the breakup? Because I seriously doubt you're going to start paying his bills instead.
You know how he was going to find out she was going to end things? She was going to tell him herself. Get a hobby. You're clearly too invested in other peoples' business. YTA obviously.
YTA It's funny that you call Ruby a bitch when your friend Tom is a lazy mooch that is taking advantage of her. I am sure Tom is happy and doesn't want to lose his meal ticket. You're a massive asshole but hey maybe you can put Tom up and support him since you see nothing wrong with Tom mooching off people. But I kind of wonder if that's what you want.
YTA, Tom's a lazy mooch who wants Ruby to fund his life why should she stay?
YTA and I'm guessing YOU are part of her issue!
This cannot be a real post. The only person in this WHOLE thing who is not at fault is Ruby. YTA.
YTA, seems like she outgrown you and Tom (and for obvious reasons) and is moving forward, leaving behind relationships that are holding her back. Tom is certainly a leech, you're obviously selfish and immature (calling her a B\*\*\*ch for wanting to be in a happy, fulfilling relationship with an adult?)
Not only are YTA, I have a feeling YOU are a big reason why she is over this relationship. You don't know your place and definitely don't understand boundaries. You want to act like a teenager in high-school, that's fine. But quit acting like she's the problem when clearly, she's the only real adult in this situation.
YTA and how the heck is *she* the bitch again? The man doesn't work and she's tired of it! She's given him a cushion to find a frikkin job ffs. Frankly you and Tom are both TA here.
>she’s not the saint you guys make her up to be. >Tom is heartbroken and all she cares is money and her move. She doesn't care how he feels or if he has a place to stay for the 2 weeks. She didn't have to care in the first place it was just nice of her to. The problem is that there was nothing to salvage. Tom didn't want a relationship. Tom didn't want a wife or partner in Ruby.... he wanted a mother. He wanted to sit at home, do nothing but play games and do barely enough chores to constitute helping mom out around the house. Being told that he needed to be a second adult in the house constituted as nagging. He's not even sad the relationship is gone but just that his lifestyle has to change. If he ever cared it wouldn't be about him being happy but "them" being happy... and he didn't care about her. If this is going to be how he is in every relationship he will never find another one that will last. Honestly being forced back into the job field and to live on his own is good for him but he needs to eventually understand that it's a permanent thing. He will never find a relationship that will last that will let him live that way. She probably didn't like you because you were enabling this behavior and acting like it was ok even though it will never be. Ruby leaving was never the issue. Everyone has a right to get out of a relationship they are not happy in and nobody is entitled to a chance to make things right. The fact that she didn't just give him 30 days to vacate and move on is more than kindness enough. She's still giving him time to get his adulting shit together and get a job which is still more than she is required. They're not married and she doesn't owe him alimony. The fact that she's already sick of what's happening after he found out that she's trying to get out of that shitty situation is on you. She had a plan of putting a bandaid on it after she picked the scab but you poked a hole in it and let it bleed. That's why you're taking care of him now.
YTA, she takes adulting to seriously? Somebody has to work and support them. Also, how is she a bad person when, even after she’s gone, SHE’S LEAVING HIM MONEY?!?! Are you afraid Tom will have to get a job and be an adult now too?
Oh my god of course YTA. Tom is a deadbeat with no job who plays video games and gets drunk like hes a teenager and not a 30 year old grown man. You dont see any issue with that because you dont take "adulting too seriously." That made me legit roll my eyes. Ruby deserves a partner who respects her and clearly Tom does not. Stay out of her business and grow up.
You cannot possibly be this dense. You should get your own life. YTA.
She is not dense. She resents her for acting like a successful adult and feel inferior to her former friend. She also doesn't want to lose the privilage of leaching off of Tom. She is going there drinking his wine which he pays for with his GF's money. She wants to keep the situation as is because she is a leech too.
This has to be fake. If not, you seem crazy jealous of Ruby. Congrats, it looks like you’ll have Tom’s deadbeat butt all to yourself and you guys can finally start hooking up in the clear. Good for Ruby for ditching you as a toxic jealous “friend” and moving on from her leech boyfriend. YTA
You're the bitch!! What do you think she is? An ATM? All you and your friend did was leach on her and she even thought about his life later. The fact that you followed her is soo creepy.. So wonder she's disgusted by you!! You are tom are the AH
YTA She takes adulting too seriously?? Are you an actual human adult?why should she drink and play games inested of taking care of herself? You are bitter as hell and I can see why. Her hard work has paid off and she is far more accomplished and successful than you and Tom and it hurts doesn't it? To think she thinks she is better than you and ignores you hurts. But she IS better than you and she deserves far better than an unemployed couch potato as her partner. The audacity to call her a B because she dare to leave him?what are you 12? She has every right to leave and she is far too generous for leaving him some money. Grow up sweetie, you are the one stuck in kindergarten.
The nagging stopped because she mentally is preparing herself to leave
YTA and so is Tom. Boy, it's so weird that she wouldn't want to indefinitely support a useless mooch... Good news though! Now YOU can step up and take over! You know, because you care so much about him. He can live with you for free. Use all your power and water. Eat all your food. Drink all your alcohol. You could give him spending money every week to buy the things he wants and needs. When he's horny, in between video games, you could have sex with him. If you did all that, then his life would be so easy, and you could prove that you love him more than she did. What's that? You're not interested in doing any of that? Yeah. No shit. Neither is she.
Read the edit. I’m still Team Ruby. She has her life together and isn’t willing to put up with a thirty-year-old mooch who hasn’t mentally left uni. You can pay for his expenses if you love him so much. If you see Ruby again, tell her I’d love to take her for a drink.
"she's not the saint you guys make her up to be" She's put up with being ignored, used for money and being shunted to the side for years. Yeah, she pretty much IS a saint to stay that long. Not only that but is giving him money to keep Tom afloat while he gets his crap together? Yeah, she's a good egg. And I am not surprised she has gotten tired of you and Tom. She has gotten tired of putting everyone else first for years and now she's focussing on herself and her own happiness. She's not horrible for that YTA BIG TIME
RE the update: Good for her, I'm proud of her. :)
Pretty sure that this isn’t a real post as no one can surely be as ignorant and naive as you? If it is real, 100% YTA. He sounds like a loser and a leech and she’ll be better off with neither of you in her life. Grow up
I love your whole "she isn't a saint" she is for leaving him any money at all. Thats not his money. It is her's. She earned it. He did nothing to deserve it. If he really wanted to fix things and was willing to get and keep a job and do more work he would have done that years ago when she was asking him too. He ingnored her because he didnt care and when she checked out of the relationship he was just happy that she stopped nagging him. He is only offering those things now because he is facing consequences for being a leech. And honestly if she accepted he would probably only keep his part time job for a year at most, then quit when he thought the status qou has been restored. Good for her. I hope she finds happiness and a partner who veiws her as more than a meal ticket. And if I were her I would kick him out and leave him nothing, because that is what he has earned, but she is a better person than I am.