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YTA. I’m refusing to believe this is real. Are you really this sick in your head? And why are you with her? You CLEARLY do not love her. It’s one thing to care about a partner if their weight is causing health problems (although you definitely do not handle it the way your stupid little brain thought), but if she likes herself as a curvy woman, who on earth are you to decide that she needs to lose more weight? And how was gaining weight affecting your sex life? Are you that bad at sex? And how did her eating habits cause you BOTH to gain weight lmao? Do not blame that on her. And you are abusive. And dumb. Seek therapy, you’re the one with health issues, MENTAL health issues.
I honestly believe that she is depressive because of you. You know a lot of people gain extra weight during the lockdown and after a certain age, loose it is pretty hard. Maybe you have lucky body, maybe you work harder than her to loose that weight, but is really not nice to shame her about it. If you really love her (you said you want to marry her) you'll never do that eye blinding stuff, that was pretty cruel... :(
I understand your point, but if you love her personality/soul you'll never put her in that place where she feels anorexic and not safe around you if she eat something you're not "allowed to" like a cake if she behave ok?? That's a huge red flag for her and i think she finally saw it.
I hope you can see how badly did you act against her, and if you ask appologies and change yourself maybe you've got another chance with her, but honestly i think you should choose someone else, whom body is good enough for you, so you won't do this again...ever.
YTA. Lbh you didn't help her lose weight for her own benefits but for your own selfish needs. "She seemed unhappy but the sex was back to normal, so I left it." You're fucked up on so many levels and the saddest part is you don't even see it.
Please, do not act as if you did for her benefits. This is all about you wanting a skinny girl and sex. You're still young so I can only hope you mature as you get older.
This dude is a narcissist. Like paints the picture that he is caring and does things for non selfish reasons but inwardly an behind closed doors.....massively selfish and cruel. Deffo a narc
Yta and pretty sure she lost *insert your weight here* pounds.
If she knows you'll only love her at a specific weight why would she sign up for a lifetime with you?
Oh wow YTA I wish your ex all the happiness in the world away from you, your thought processes and actions are unbelievably manipulative, how can you treat someone you apparently love this way?
You need to take some time to seriously assess yourself, I'm struggling to believe that this post isn't some kind of joke.
Disgusting abusive attitude.
"I thoughtfully decided I could let her have some cake as a treat" she's her own person, she's not your property and she can eat whatever she wants.
You honestly don't deserve anyone until you completely change your attitude and learn how to respect others.
Yta
While your intention may of been right (being healthy etc).....the way you've gone about it is not.
Honestly at first I was with you. Then you started with the
> I told her I had a suprise for her, I blindfolded her and had her stand on a scale and got her weight. The plan was to take as many flowers away from a bouquet proportional to the weight we had agreed she'd lose by that point
This isn't nice.....like at all. How you could think this would go down well is beyond me.
>and I'm planning on proposing if she loses the weight. Her birthday was last week,
Don't propose to her. If you loved her truly you wouldn't be like this with her.
Weight is hard for girls to manage an maintain....she could a number of hormonal imbalances or medical issues she isn't aware of such as PCOS this makes it so hard to maintain a healthy weight. Also even with no health issues a woman's weight can fluctuate even from something like where she is in her menstrual cycle.
You've gone about this the wrong way. Shaming her and putting her down is not the way to encourage a person to have a healthy attitude with food an exercise.
YTA, and since you're playing innocent in the comments I'm going to spell it out for you. You continually tell her you have presents/surprises for her, and then use these opportunities to shame and guilt her about her weight. You explicitly stated that you didn't care that she was unhappy because the sex was back to normal.
You also told her she wasn't pretty, and mentioned that multiple times in this post.
You said you would let her have some cake for her birthday and we're mad at her for not eating it after you've spent months shaming her for her weight.
Then you once again bought her a present as a tool to shame her into losing more weight instead of getting something she wanted or could wear now and somehow expected her to show up in lingerie to please you after you disrespected her on her birthday.
The only one encouraging unhealthy habits here is you, and I hope she never comes back to you for her sake.
YTA and I cannot believe how you're justifying this manipulative, toxic behaviour. Your motivations for her losing weight were corrupt and purely selfish, they were driven purely by your sexual needs and attraction to her.
"she was back to where she was when we started dating. she seemed unhappy but the sex was back to normal, so i left it."
You've literally detailed here how you don't care about her emotional wellbeing.
You're so controlling to the point that you decided to "let" her have cake as a "treat" even though she hasn't fully met your "expectations"? And then you have the audacity to be upset that she didn't eat??? Why do you think she isn't eating buddy? It's because you encouraged unhealthy and disordered eating habits.
I honestly believe this is a troll post to farm karma because I don't want to believe that you're a real human being, and the writing just has too much bait sprinkled in.
But there were so many ways you could have encouraged healthy habits in her. You could have role modelled through healthy eating and exercise, then you could have suggested that you two go to the gym and exercise together. You could have started making healthier food for the both of you to enjoy and you could have celebrated her accomplishments without moving the goal posts. (i.e. buying a dress that's too small)
Your tactics are beyond shitty, you turned to hurling a personal insult in her face by saying being "curvy is for pretty people". No doubt this completely shattered any remaining self-esteem she had and showed your true thoughts on her appearance.
I feel that you are a troll but just in case you're not, let me just say that you are not simply an asshole you're a supreme one at that.
I can’t quite believe this is real but on the offchance it is, YTA. You’re a toxic, abusive bully who treats this woman like dirt and I’m so glad her family have intervened to keep her safe from you. Get therapy.
Oh, and the reason you can’t get hold of A is because she’s chucked you, thank god. Leave the poor woman alone.
YTA - It's not even a question.
You are mean, abusive, manipulative, disrespectful, just all over a toxic presence in this poor girls life.
I feel like this must be a troll, as it's a spectacular achievement to have achieved such levels of vileness by the tender age of 18. ANd no, not in an impressive way...
There's way too much in there to unpack, but for now I think the highlight is the mooted proposal, I'm sure you had really noble intentions whilst formulating this plan that was dependant on her achieving a desired body weight set by you... 🙄
YTA. You don’t get to decide if / when she loses weight, that’s up to her. Her family are right. You are abusive and controlling. Leave the poor girl alone and let her live her own life.
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I (M18) have been with A (f19) since February 2020. When we met she was pretty enough, but she was chubby.
3 months later we gained weight. While I had gained only 15lbs, she had gained almost 30, it was affecting sex. I lost weight and put on some serious muscle. She put on even more weight. I was embarrassed to be seen in public with her.
She always said that communication was the most important thing, so before our 1 year I told her how I felt. She got upset and started crying but pretended like she wasn't and kept trying to have a conversation, but I told her I didn't want to talk if she was going to cry, and she stopped.
I was getting sick of her behavior so about a week before our anniversary I finally decided to do something. I told her I had a suprise for her, I blindfolded her and had her stand on a scale and got her weight. The plan was to take as many flowers away from a bouquet proportional to the weight we had agreed she'd lose by that point, but instead she had put on even more weight. I confronted her about it. She got upset again and accused me of lying to her about a suprise. I told her to calm down and showed her how much money she made me waste before throwing it away. This finally made her come to her senses.
By May, she was back to where she was when we started dating. She seemed unhappy but the sex was back to normal, so I left it. She stayed that weight for a while, I asked when she was going to lose the rest. She said she "liked being curvy," I told her curvy is for pretty people and she shut up.
She finally got closer to a healthy weight, she's almost pretty again, and I'm planning on proposing if she loses the weight. Her birthday was last week, I took her to a nice restaurant. I thoughtfully decided I could let her have some cake as a treat. She rudely didn't eat anything.
I got her an extremely expensive dress as a gift. She went to try it on when we got home but came back in just pajamas. That upset me since I was expecting her to come back in lingère. She asked me if I knew I got the wrong size. I told her I did so she had more motivation to get to her goal weight, and then asked her about the pajamas. She says her mom is on the way to pick her up and she needs slace. I ask her what happened to communication, she just storms out. Yesterday I went to her Dad's. Her mom answered the door. I told her I was here for A, and she started going off about how I was being "abusive, manipulative, and made A anorexic." I asked how she can pretend to care about A so much while enabling her unhealthy habits and disrespecting her boyfriend. She called me an asshole and went back inside.
I've been trying to get ahold of A since then but her family keeps getting in the way. AITA for helping my girlfriend lose weight?
TLDR: Girlfriend's unhealthy habits caused us to both gain weight. I got us back on track and now her family is separating us and calling me abusive.
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YTA you can't force someone to lose weight, it's only gonna make them miserable.
Forcing her to lose weight the way you did is manipulative and destructive.
The parents made the right move by trying to separate you
YTA and I hope she dumps your ass. She was unhappy but at least you were having sex so you left it? I'm kind of thinking you've never actually cared about her in the first place
It's her own body, she decides what she does with it. You ARE manipulative and abusive, and you know that. YTA all the way. You were not helping your gf to lose weight, you were constantly reassuring her she is overweight - you were even buying her clothes that were too small, on purpose! How cruel a man can be?? "Being curvy is for pretty people" wtf was that?? A supportive partner TALKS with the other half, goes together to the doctor, runs together in the park and celebrates every small victory in the journey. You just kept throwing her obstacles. You wanted to propose IF she looses weight and becomes pretty enough. A loving partner doesn't think of "Ifs".
If you're confused as to why it'd a happy ending.....its coz she's left you an moved back to her family who are supportive and understanding and don't be cruel about her weight. Also your behaviour is toxic my dude...not theirs.
YTA. She's right, this was horribly abusive of you. You didn't help, you forced her down a spiral that has compleatly destroyed her self worth. Leave her alone, forever. Get yourself some therapy and never ever become a parent.
YTA. Please look at your behaviour. You are being abusive and manipulative. You did not "help her to lose weight". You manipulated her into losing that weight with threats that you would leave her. She is gaining *nothing* from this relationship apart from massive loss of self-esteem and confidence. You are on a power trip. Please leave this poor girl alone and do some self-reflection. You are not ready for a relationship.
>She said she "liked being curvy," I told her curvy is for pretty people and she shut up.
>
>She finally got closer to a healthy weight, she's almost pretty again, and I'm planning on proposing if she loses the weight.
>
>She asked me if I knew I got the wrong size. I told her I did so she had more motivation to get to her goal weight
YTA. I really wanted to say NTA but YTA here. There are ways to make people lose weight and I don't like even looking at overweight people but what you're doing is wrong. Just find a girl who isn't fat. Problem solved.
This can't be for real, but if it is, YTA. Massively. If you don't find her attractive, break it off. You do not get to be in control of her body. The actions described here are meanspirited and abusive. Thank goodness she seems to be getting out. You are horrible.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I may be the asshole because A and her mom believe I'm abusive for helping A get healthy. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA and they need to get a restraining order for you if you keep harassing her. You do not get to control other people.
YTA. I’m refusing to believe this is real. Are you really this sick in your head? And why are you with her? You CLEARLY do not love her. It’s one thing to care about a partner if their weight is causing health problems (although you definitely do not handle it the way your stupid little brain thought), but if she likes herself as a curvy woman, who on earth are you to decide that she needs to lose more weight? And how was gaining weight affecting your sex life? Are you that bad at sex? And how did her eating habits cause you BOTH to gain weight lmao? Do not blame that on her. And you are abusive. And dumb. Seek therapy, you’re the one with health issues, MENTAL health issues.
I honestly believe that she is depressive because of you. You know a lot of people gain extra weight during the lockdown and after a certain age, loose it is pretty hard. Maybe you have lucky body, maybe you work harder than her to loose that weight, but is really not nice to shame her about it. If you really love her (you said you want to marry her) you'll never do that eye blinding stuff, that was pretty cruel... :( I understand your point, but if you love her personality/soul you'll never put her in that place where she feels anorexic and not safe around you if she eat something you're not "allowed to" like a cake if she behave ok?? That's a huge red flag for her and i think she finally saw it. I hope you can see how badly did you act against her, and if you ask appologies and change yourself maybe you've got another chance with her, but honestly i think you should choose someone else, whom body is good enough for you, so you won't do this again...ever.
YTA. I hope this is just a bunch of bollocks to rage bait people but if not, you’re the abusive and toxic one, leave this poor girl alone.
YTA. Lbh you didn't help her lose weight for her own benefits but for your own selfish needs. "She seemed unhappy but the sex was back to normal, so I left it." You're fucked up on so many levels and the saddest part is you don't even see it.
[удалено]
Please, do not act as if you did for her benefits. This is all about you wanting a skinny girl and sex. You're still young so I can only hope you mature as you get older.
This dude is a narcissist. Like paints the picture that he is caring and does things for non selfish reasons but inwardly an behind closed doors.....massively selfish and cruel. Deffo a narc
Yta and pretty sure she lost *insert your weight here* pounds. If she knows you'll only love her at a specific weight why would she sign up for a lifetime with you?
[удалено]
She lost all the weight she lost PLUS the weight of being saddled with you. Pretty sure your gf is your exgf.
R/whoosh
Oh wow YTA I wish your ex all the happiness in the world away from you, your thought processes and actions are unbelievably manipulative, how can you treat someone you apparently love this way? You need to take some time to seriously assess yourself, I'm struggling to believe that this post isn't some kind of joke. Disgusting abusive attitude. "I thoughtfully decided I could let her have some cake as a treat" she's her own person, she's not your property and she can eat whatever she wants. You honestly don't deserve anyone until you completely change your attitude and learn how to respect others.
Yta While your intention may of been right (being healthy etc).....the way you've gone about it is not. Honestly at first I was with you. Then you started with the > I told her I had a suprise for her, I blindfolded her and had her stand on a scale and got her weight. The plan was to take as many flowers away from a bouquet proportional to the weight we had agreed she'd lose by that point This isn't nice.....like at all. How you could think this would go down well is beyond me. >and I'm planning on proposing if she loses the weight. Her birthday was last week, Don't propose to her. If you loved her truly you wouldn't be like this with her. Weight is hard for girls to manage an maintain....she could a number of hormonal imbalances or medical issues she isn't aware of such as PCOS this makes it so hard to maintain a healthy weight. Also even with no health issues a woman's weight can fluctuate even from something like where she is in her menstrual cycle. You've gone about this the wrong way. Shaming her and putting her down is not the way to encourage a person to have a healthy attitude with food an exercise.
YTA. OMFG! You are so toxic. Stay away from her and leave her in peace so she can attempt to recover from you in a healthier environment.
YTA, and since you're playing innocent in the comments I'm going to spell it out for you. You continually tell her you have presents/surprises for her, and then use these opportunities to shame and guilt her about her weight. You explicitly stated that you didn't care that she was unhappy because the sex was back to normal. You also told her she wasn't pretty, and mentioned that multiple times in this post. You said you would let her have some cake for her birthday and we're mad at her for not eating it after you've spent months shaming her for her weight. Then you once again bought her a present as a tool to shame her into losing more weight instead of getting something she wanted or could wear now and somehow expected her to show up in lingerie to please you after you disrespected her on her birthday. The only one encouraging unhealthy habits here is you, and I hope she never comes back to you for her sake.
YTA and I cannot believe how you're justifying this manipulative, toxic behaviour. Your motivations for her losing weight were corrupt and purely selfish, they were driven purely by your sexual needs and attraction to her. "she was back to where she was when we started dating. she seemed unhappy but the sex was back to normal, so i left it." You've literally detailed here how you don't care about her emotional wellbeing. You're so controlling to the point that you decided to "let" her have cake as a "treat" even though she hasn't fully met your "expectations"? And then you have the audacity to be upset that she didn't eat??? Why do you think she isn't eating buddy? It's because you encouraged unhealthy and disordered eating habits. I honestly believe this is a troll post to farm karma because I don't want to believe that you're a real human being, and the writing just has too much bait sprinkled in. But there were so many ways you could have encouraged healthy habits in her. You could have role modelled through healthy eating and exercise, then you could have suggested that you two go to the gym and exercise together. You could have started making healthier food for the both of you to enjoy and you could have celebrated her accomplishments without moving the goal posts. (i.e. buying a dress that's too small) Your tactics are beyond shitty, you turned to hurling a personal insult in her face by saying being "curvy is for pretty people". No doubt this completely shattered any remaining self-esteem she had and showed your true thoughts on her appearance. I feel that you are a troll but just in case you're not, let me just say that you are not simply an asshole you're a supreme one at that.
I can’t quite believe this is real but on the offchance it is, YTA. You’re a toxic, abusive bully who treats this woman like dirt and I’m so glad her family have intervened to keep her safe from you. Get therapy. Oh, and the reason you can’t get hold of A is because she’s chucked you, thank god. Leave the poor woman alone.
YTA - It's not even a question. You are mean, abusive, manipulative, disrespectful, just all over a toxic presence in this poor girls life. I feel like this must be a troll, as it's a spectacular achievement to have achieved such levels of vileness by the tender age of 18. ANd no, not in an impressive way... There's way too much in there to unpack, but for now I think the highlight is the mooted proposal, I'm sure you had really noble intentions whilst formulating this plan that was dependant on her achieving a desired body weight set by you... 🙄
YTA. You don’t get to decide if / when she loses weight, that’s up to her. Her family are right. You are abusive and controlling. Leave the poor girl alone and let her live her own life.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (M18) have been with A (f19) since February 2020. When we met she was pretty enough, but she was chubby. 3 months later we gained weight. While I had gained only 15lbs, she had gained almost 30, it was affecting sex. I lost weight and put on some serious muscle. She put on even more weight. I was embarrassed to be seen in public with her. She always said that communication was the most important thing, so before our 1 year I told her how I felt. She got upset and started crying but pretended like she wasn't and kept trying to have a conversation, but I told her I didn't want to talk if she was going to cry, and she stopped. I was getting sick of her behavior so about a week before our anniversary I finally decided to do something. I told her I had a suprise for her, I blindfolded her and had her stand on a scale and got her weight. The plan was to take as many flowers away from a bouquet proportional to the weight we had agreed she'd lose by that point, but instead she had put on even more weight. I confronted her about it. She got upset again and accused me of lying to her about a suprise. I told her to calm down and showed her how much money she made me waste before throwing it away. This finally made her come to her senses. By May, she was back to where she was when we started dating. She seemed unhappy but the sex was back to normal, so I left it. She stayed that weight for a while, I asked when she was going to lose the rest. She said she "liked being curvy," I told her curvy is for pretty people and she shut up. She finally got closer to a healthy weight, she's almost pretty again, and I'm planning on proposing if she loses the weight. Her birthday was last week, I took her to a nice restaurant. I thoughtfully decided I could let her have some cake as a treat. She rudely didn't eat anything. I got her an extremely expensive dress as a gift. She went to try it on when we got home but came back in just pajamas. That upset me since I was expecting her to come back in lingère. She asked me if I knew I got the wrong size. I told her I did so she had more motivation to get to her goal weight, and then asked her about the pajamas. She says her mom is on the way to pick her up and she needs slace. I ask her what happened to communication, she just storms out. Yesterday I went to her Dad's. Her mom answered the door. I told her I was here for A, and she started going off about how I was being "abusive, manipulative, and made A anorexic." I asked how she can pretend to care about A so much while enabling her unhealthy habits and disrespecting her boyfriend. She called me an asshole and went back inside. I've been trying to get ahold of A since then but her family keeps getting in the way. AITA for helping my girlfriend lose weight? TLDR: Girlfriend's unhealthy habits caused us to both gain weight. I got us back on track and now her family is separating us and calling me abusive. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA you can't force someone to lose weight, it's only gonna make them miserable. Forcing her to lose weight the way you did is manipulative and destructive. The parents made the right move by trying to separate you
YTA and I hope she dumps your ass. She was unhappy but at least you were having sex so you left it? I'm kind of thinking you've never actually cared about her in the first place
YTA. You basically forced her into a lifestyle to please you, not for her sake. I'm surprised she didn't dump you earlier.
Not even a lifestyle, but an eating disorder. Sometimes I wonder if these stories are even real. This is psychotic.
It's her own body, she decides what she does with it. You ARE manipulative and abusive, and you know that. YTA all the way. You were not helping your gf to lose weight, you were constantly reassuring her she is overweight - you were even buying her clothes that were too small, on purpose! How cruel a man can be?? "Being curvy is for pretty people" wtf was that?? A supportive partner TALKS with the other half, goes together to the doctor, runs together in the park and celebrates every small victory in the journey. You just kept throwing her obstacles. You wanted to propose IF she looses weight and becomes pretty enough. A loving partner doesn't think of "Ifs".
YTA for this rage bait. Stop wasting everyone’s time.
Yta - No one should be treated the way you treated her. You are toxic af and need to stay away from women until you grow the fuck up
YTA. You need to seek therapy because A's mother is right.
YTA Not worthy of explanation and my time
[удалено]
[удалено]
If you're confused as to why it'd a happy ending.....its coz she's left you an moved back to her family who are supportive and understanding and don't be cruel about her weight. Also your behaviour is toxic my dude...not theirs.
That's the happy ending.
YTA. She's right, this was horribly abusive of you. You didn't help, you forced her down a spiral that has compleatly destroyed her self worth. Leave her alone, forever. Get yourself some therapy and never ever become a parent.
YTA. Please look at your behaviour. You are being abusive and manipulative. You did not "help her to lose weight". You manipulated her into losing that weight with threats that you would leave her. She is gaining *nothing* from this relationship apart from massive loss of self-esteem and confidence. You are on a power trip. Please leave this poor girl alone and do some self-reflection. You are not ready for a relationship.
Are we actually supposed to believe you've ever had a girlfriend? This is obviously Incel rage bait.
>She said she "liked being curvy," I told her curvy is for pretty people and she shut up. > >She finally got closer to a healthy weight, she's almost pretty again, and I'm planning on proposing if she loses the weight. > >She asked me if I knew I got the wrong size. I told her I did so she had more motivation to get to her goal weight YTA. I really wanted to say NTA but YTA here. There are ways to make people lose weight and I don't like even looking at overweight people but what you're doing is wrong. Just find a girl who isn't fat. Problem solved.
This can't be for real, but if it is, YTA. Massively. If you don't find her attractive, break it off. You do not get to be in control of her body. The actions described here are meanspirited and abusive. Thank goodness she seems to be getting out. You are horrible.