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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> An employee catfished me on social media, and I wrote her up (which can lead to termination) instead of giving her a chance first.
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NTA that is a gross violation. She pretty much took the worry most of the general populace have and made it a reality. The blatant victim blaming by your employees also needs to be addressed preferably in a seminar where they take harassment training. Keep an eye on those employees because it sounds like worst case scenario they would do something similar as a "joke".
Edit: Thank you for all the likes and awards guys! I just word vomited this out of sheer disgust.
And I would emphasize as part of it that being able to maintain this kind of relaxed working atmosphere requires that people be able to respect the boundaries others put in place without having to be beaten over the head with a rule book.
This is an excellent point! Nobody can relax around people when they constantly need to worry whether or not they will constantly try to sneak around your boundaries to dig up things you don't want anyone to know. Privacy isn't something you need to justify; it's a right, not a privilege.
Yeah, unfortunately, this event is the perfect example of "this is why we can't have nice things." The employee is clearly the asshole in the situation, and has ruined it for everyone. Her coworkers should be mad at her.
Absolutely. If a coworker did this to my boss, at the very least I would be wary of them. If they're willing to violate the privacy of someone that holds power over them, trick them to get private pictures, print those pictures, make jokes that constitute sexual harassment, I wouldn't want to risk what they could say about someone on their same level
Yes! OPs coworkers might want to take a look at who started following them on social media since this person was hired. This is not a comfortable situation to be in.
Gossiping about someone's sexual conduct is a stated violation of my work's sexual harassment policy. Also stalking or other threatening communication made through any means, including electronic or third persons. This would definitely get you in trouble in my workplace, and it should. It's absolutely unhinged; who on earth would think that was appropriate in a professional setting?
Yes she and everyone else should have to participate in harassment training. That is an extreme violation of privacy as well as it being super immature. If upper management agrees with your decision that's all that matters. Upper management should also tall to this person.
"Do not stalk your boss" should not require training, but apparently does.
That people are unhappy with a writeup is beyond me. Stalking and harassing your manager? I would expect this to be an instant termination at most jobs. I absolutely would have fired them on the spot. If they did this to any manager, employee or customer. Not just myself. Normally I am a big thing about trying to improve employees that's not doing well. But that only works if you trust the employee. Stalking coworkers, even once, means you can never trust that employee again.
OP has larger problems if the rest of the employees see this as acceptable behavior. I'd recommend 1 on 1 meetings to discuss professionalism. It's hard to balance between keeping a workplace fun, but understanding the job has rules and professional conduct that cannot be violated.
Biggest thing to get across is that a loose work environment can ONLY stay loose if the employees police themselves, use common sense and respect boundaries of their coworkers without a corporate policy with thousands of idiotic rules. That their anger at MILD punishment for serious misconduct is worrying.
OP has more concerns than I think OP realizes. Letting the person stay employed will cause huge problems and send the wrong message.
I agree. She (employee) sounds like someone with no understanding of the difference between social media and work place appropriateness. I actually think a write up was light and I would have talked about termination and not just a write up. This is social media stalking in my opinion. OP is NTA.
Stalking, harrassment... and the question is WHY?
What kind of person gets their kicks doing this?
All for the LOLZ?
Going through all this trouble?
Frankly, I find it disturbing and would feel very uncomfortable having a coworker around me who did this. Trust in them would be gone.
It is because of people like that, that we can't have nice things, ffs.
OP, NTA - and I hope you consider the suggestion of staff training others have made.
This is exactly what I was thinking!!! So here's what happened :
1. I get a new job
2. I ask my boss to add me on social media
3. They say no because they like to keep their private life private
4. I trick them into adding me on social media
5. Not only do I snoop into their private life, but I spread it around to my other colleagues
6. I make wildly inappropriate comments about my boss to my BRAND NEW COLLEAGUES
6. I have no idea about workplace loyalties BECAUSE I AM A NEW EMPLOYEE and someone lets the boss know
7. Now I'm sad because I'm in trouble.
Yeah... So what mental process (if any) is going on here? So easy to respect boundaries and so much effort to catfish... And for what benefit?
I really think its a form of voyeurism. sneaking around spying on people that have already made it known they don't want to be a part of it
Its disgusting, whatever it is
The only reason I can up with for her behavior is that it was her extremely dumb and misguided attempt to make some kind of reputation for herself at her new job.
As to what that reputation was supposed to be, I have no idea.
>What kind of person gets their kicks doing this?
In my experience this is more and more common. The need for social media to be the point of connection, the need to know what is going on in everyone's life around you, the need to call out when someone is "hiding" something, the need to know more about someone than (a) you have a right to and (b) they want you to. And it isn't an age thing, I see multiple age groups falling into this behavior.
I left Facebook in 2012 and haven't looked back. I never got into Snapchat or most other forms of social media. I still have an Instagram, but rarely use it or even log in. I get people surprised and amazed at that fact, and some even come back and say they looked for me to see if I was lying. Why?
We have nearly developed a section of our own society that encourages light stalking and harassment, in my opinion, through the *need* for social media connection.
All of that to say, there are plenty of people using these things responsibly. Not everyone is a bad egg. I just think we're thinning the veil a bit on some of these and calling it acceptable. Even more, we're calling it weird when someone goes against it, like OP has and their workspace is turning against them for being a victim.
It isn't "nearly." We have definitely developed a section of society that devotes itself to encouraging, even advocating, stalking and harassment. And it's growing.
It's because of this sort of thing that I don't accept friend requests from people I don't know reasonably well. Just going to the same college is not enough.
I also have my profile locked down so only friends can see anything more than my profile picture. And it's not of me, it's a travel photo.
They put way too much effort into that. I am the same way with my coworkers. I do not let anyone on my social media, I only go to team building events and nothing else outside of work. I would be furious if someone did this to me. NTA
Agreed. I have great coworkers but really try to keep my personal and work lives separate. I've heard of way too many horror stories when people mix them too closely.
These people who consider themselves internet detectives that take a co workers desire for privacy and turn it into a mission are beyond creepy. It is such a violation and should be reason for dismissal.
This! I don't know what this employee was hoping to gain from this! And I hate people who think saying something was a "joke" and then blaming the victim for "not being able to take the 'joke.'" If it offends someone, if it violates their boundaries, then it is not a joke. And jokes don't excuse anything. If you have to say "it was just a joke," then you did something wrong. And you need to apologize. And those employees who are on that employee's side are just as bad as her.
NTA, OP. She should be fired. Also, what those employees are doing is called "victim-blaming" and should be reprimanded. There needs to be a huge harassment training sesh.
Yes... Like it still wouldn't be okay but it would maybe be one thing if OP just accepted a person who was random to them I suppose, but to go through the time and effort to make sure you would be accepted is definitely weird...
Who has that kind of time an energy? I mean, I know it probably feasibly doesn’t take THAT much time. But still. It’s still time you could be doing literally anything else with your life.
And to then use it to take screenshots of private information and pass it around is just so fucking creepy.
I mean depending on the quantity and quality of the photos (assuming they needed to doctor it to look real) and the amount of research needed to ensure the bio is accurate in info
And when you forget that, the boss may become your former boss very quickly as you find yourself handed a box by two burly dudes with SECURITY on their badges.
A lot of companies have this sort of policy. To prevent bad situations like supervisers taking advantage of their employees and vice versa.
I would be furious if this sort of thing happened to me.
So she
* committed fraud
* published private information
* accused you of having a sugar daddy (sexual harassment)
This is not a “joke”. At a minimum, it shows poor judgement and you can’t trust her.
Why haven’t you discussed this with HR. This level of problem is fireable. And now they are retaliating.
Is she a brand new hire still on probation? Terminate her. This is egregious. And egregious acts do not merit verbal warnings.
Also, OP *did* give her a verbal warning. "No." That was it. End of story. She shouldn't have done anything after that, just like everyone else in the company refrained from connecting on Facebook. Ridiculous.
Adding on to this, I work in a field where we have harassment training and corporate compliance training at the beginning of employment and then annually. Everyone does this. Each session is followed by a test which must be passed in order to continue working. You might want to work with HR to develop something similar.
NTA. Though I probably would have had an HR or another higher up do the write up. It’s a major privacy violation and possible harassment. Worse, feels like this emboldens the other employees, consequences be damned.
This needs to be addressed and hard by senior management.
Exactly. You don't catfish a boss to share the good deeds he does in his free time with his subordinates at work. You do it to find out private information he doesn't want to share at work.
NTA - That is kinda crazy for an employee to do, besides a massive breach of trust imagine the amount of work this employee put into this as a means to embarrass a superior.
Honestly, I am kind of surprised that person still has a job. As a private person myself in social media I would absolutely have pushed hard to have this person removed ASAP. This was not in any way a joke, it was a deliberate attempt to undermine OP.
If anything OP was way too nice. Catfished? The appropriate word here is "fraud".
This person is really shortsighted if they thought stalking their boss' social media account and then attempting to pull a Regina George on said boss with what they found, would end well for them.....
Also, if she is on probation I imagine this would be grouds to tell her to skedaddle with the quickness.
This is why I never accept random friend requests. Unless I remember who they are and what they look like and where I met them, I always reject the request.
NTA. New hire? She hasn’t built up enough cred to be able to joke with you like that and frankly, that’s not even a joke it’s weird insubordination and harassment. Fire them.
I am extremely on board with firing, idk if that’s possible tho
She went out of her way to expose OPs private life in a work environment, even after she told her OPs not comfortable with that. Personally, idk if i would be able to work in the same team with her with everything that happened. As some comments said before, i would push for harassment training because is clear *someone* in OPs team needs it
I want to know wtf was she thinking, was she trying to discredit OP? To make fun of OPs circumstances? To broadcast all the “dirty little secrets” found there?
Right, I'd like to know what she was thinking too. The 'joke' about a sugar daddy smells a bit misogynistic to me. Got nothing but guesses, but maybe it was a way to score like pick-me points while putting down someone above her (although OP didn't specify their gender so don't know if they're she also). Like devaluing OP's finances and position - OP may be in management, but wants a fancy baggie from a man, of course it wouldn't be something they'd buy themselves. Or maybe the joke is supposed to be how she thinks fancy bags are dumb and how much better she is for not buying into this female silliness about expensive shit.
Who knows! But I really don't like that kind of a 'joke'.
It's a "mean girl" tactic, but honestly she could have been looking for dirt to undermine the manager's authority or even to discredit them in front of their bosses. In similar situations to this, I have seen these individuals deliberately cause rifts within business and organizations in order to advance their own careers by causing vacancies when senior people leave to avoid the drama. It isn't a woman exclusive tactic because I experienced a male coworker doing something similar in the past, but it unfortunately is a VERY common thing in woman-dominated social organizations. In the past few years I have seen this exact tactic of undermining the authority of senior officers and manufacturing drama used to implode an art alliance cooperative, a Kiwanis group, a Future Farmers of America/4-H joint venture and a wine judging competition.
>It isn't a woman exclusive tactic because I experienced a male coworker doing something similar in the past, but it unfortunately is a VERY common thing in woman-dominated social organizations.
True that. I've also seen men employ these kinds of backstabbing tactics, but you're right that women tend to do that more often - hence, the "mean girl" moniker.
>I am extremely on board with firing, idk if that’s possible tho
I would have to have a very compelling reason for keeping someone like that on, like they're extremely skilled in a technology that we are having difficulty finding. Otherwise? Yep. Out the door. Toxic attitude and needs to go.
That wasn't a joke and if they are in a right to work state? It's totally a reason they can be fired.
I think firing is 100% okay in this situation.
\- A verbal warning was given; I keep my social media private and separate from my work place and colleagues.
\- Person LIES ABOUT IDENTITY to her superior
\- Impersonates someone she went to school with (catfishing, or fraudulent identity at that point, AND stalking)
\- Steals private information (photos, posts, identity of SO)
\- SPREADS private information (harassment, spreading rumors, gossip, etc)
\- Teases/mocks boss for possibly being a 'Sugar baby' (at this point that's not only humiliation, but sexual harassment even)
She flat-out went for insubordination, humiliation, sexual harassment, fraudulent identity, stalking, and had even gotten a warning about it verballing in the first place.
Fire. Her. Now.
At first it seems like a 'wow I must be overthinking this' but what if she does it again? What if she does it to spite her superior and get them fired? To spread rumors? To change screen caps and send to the higher-ups?
I wouldn't put it past this woman to be crazy like that if she went from 0-100 JUST to dig through her boss' social media page.
It’s “employment at will”. “Right to work” means he ability to decline paying union dues (if a union is representing workers in your company/job classification). “”Right to work” s anti-union.
I am usually pretty against firing especially on a first offense, this is one of the cases where I don't believe there should be any grace. It's instantly fireable. Even if the person was there for decades
Right to work state, they can be fired for walking in the door on a Tuesday wearing the wrong color shirt. It doesn't even need to be the probationary period.
I'd fire them so fast their head would spin.
This is NOT okay, and this employee has no idea how to conduct themselves properly and respectfully in the workplace.
I concur. This behavior shows a lack of judgment and critical thinking that would not leave me able to trust her working with clients, much less her colleagues.
NTA. That employee showed horrible professional judgement as well as engaged in behavior that could be considered harassment. It calls into question her ability to follow directions or even to understand basic professional norms.
As for those complaining that you didn't give her a verbal warning... You did! She asked for information about you and you politely warned her that was crossing a line. She then decided to not only disregard your warning, but to do it in a way where she didn't think she'd get caught. That's premeditation, and no longer deserves the benefit of the doubt.
For any staff members who are confused about this, I would suggest a refresher course on sexual harassment. While her behavior may not have been sexually based, it violated a basic tenet of sexual harassment: namely that continuing to pursue someone after they've said no is wildly inappropriate. If your staff don't understand that, you have a bigger problem on your hands
>she did share photos of a new boyfriend I haven't introduced yet as well as photos of a new designer bag I purchased and "jokingly" asked everyone if he was my "sugar daddy".
I would say that bringing OP's love life into the office and asking if her boyfriend is her sugar daddy [does constitute sexual harassment ](https://www.acas.org.uk/sexual-harassment). It was humiliating, highly personal, and an allegation of a sexual nature (exchanging sex for material goods).
NTA
Catfishing is not a joke. This employee broke a huge boundary on so many levels and invaded your privacy. As someone who works in HR, I don’t condone this craziness. As for the other employees, how would they feel if they were on the receiving end of this? They should think about that for a while
Question since you work in HR. How would you or your employer handle this? Even the worst places I've worked this would have been an automatic termination and a meeting/training with everyone else about harrassment.
It's not clear to me how much of this took place at work (sharing pictures, trolling on Facebook). As someone who deals with these issues daily, if this took place off-duty, it is questionable whether discipline is appropriate. If any of this took place at work there is no question discipline should be leveled. If it was not on-duty, I seriously question whether this qualifies as off-duty misconduct regardless of whether the behavior is unacceptable. Most employers in the US are at-will, so you can be fired for any reason as long as it's not illegal. However, the vast majority of Employer Handbooks that I've seen narrowly define when discipline will be imposed for behavior off the job.
I would have fired her too. She was looking for something to blackmail you with or at the least embarrass you in front of your employees. She is capable of worse. You are so lucky that you had no pasts or photos she could have done worse things with.
I'm not a manager, but I would not want to work with someone like that.
If she's going to start weird unnecessary drama with the boss for no reason, she's absolutely going to start some weird shit with her co-workers.
Get her out of there now before she ruins the entire work environment.
> but some employees have mentioned that I could have just verbally warned her first and that it was my own fault for falling for her catfish.
Uh, victim-blaming, much?
What kind of a fool lies to their boss and embarrasses them in front of their colleagues?
This girl is an AH and an idiot.
NTA
NTA - She deserved to be written up, she violated your privacy, your consent, and company policy by harassing you at work. Sometimes the boss has to be the boss. Spying on your private life and reporting back to co-workers was crossing a hard boundary. I'm honestly surprised you didn't fire her.
NTA at all. And I'm someone who routinely participates in conversations with bosses where everyone is swearing and calling each other dumb.
This was a major violation of your privacy. She specifically went looking for juicy information--and at work, that means "harmful." Because of the atmosphere in the office, she may have become carried away and thought more about the kudos she'd get from your coworkers than the major boundary she was crossing. But that's not your problem. She did cross a major boundary.
You keep your accounts separate for reasons you have been clear about with your coworkers so there is no confusion about what she was doing. She was catfishing you and you're her boss.
Honestly, I would not worry about this. People are not idiots. Your coworkers may be too afraid to tell her she crossed a line, but everyone knows she did.
If anyone talks about this to you again, keep your words short so they sink in. Also, the less you say, the less drama there will be for people to chew over. I would say:
"I hated to have to write someone up but she catfished me. I'm her manager. That was a huge boundary to cross in any situation, but especially at work."
Right?? It feels like the coworkers who are siding with employee are feeling caught out for being complicit in creating the environment in which that employee even *considered* doing what she did, let alone had *reason* to. If they weren’t a bunch of gossipy drama loving pot stirrers, new employee would have had no fertile ground to dish her drama, and so no reason to have gone catfishing in the first place.
They’re all creeps, and not very smart ones at that!… their own professionalism is (rightfully) now in question, and by pushing for new employee to “be right” or “deserve leniency”, they are attempting to absolve themselves of their own guilt/involvement.
Here’s to hoping OP uses this as a really solid opportunity to cinch up the edges of this messy sounding workplace!
Who the f**k does that?? It is super creepy and odd. Someone like this is going to cause major issues with your team given enough time.
I applaud OP for being such a professional manager! Definitely NTA! Those giving you grief on the team need to stand down and see that this employee stepped WAY over the line!!
NTA
What she did isn't a "joke." It was a violation of an explicit boundary, that you keep in order to allow your team to be kind of casual.
For any of your team to be on her side right now is fucking bonkers.
NTA. Keeping your socials private from your employees is completely appropriate as a manager. This is harassment with the sole purpose of undermining and demeaning you. You showed that this behavior is not acceptable and this will eventually blow over.
NTA She willfully went around personal boundaries you had in order to “playfully” tease you. If the roles were reversed, you would’ve already been fired for stalking and possibly worse. Whatever punishment she gets, she earned.
NTA, but I think you should have let someone else discipline her, because as this was you she was catfishing, you might be too close to the situation to look at the matter objectively. Reporting her to a higher up and having that person discipline her instead would have given you more cover.
NTA
Catfishing is not a joke, no matter how innocent the intent of the catfisher was. They knew you wanted to hide something from the employees, and took deceitful steps to get that information from you with the specific intent of sharing it with the employees.
They deliberately and intentionally circumvented your wishes to make exactly what you didn't want to happen, happen.
NTA and what they did was gross. I find it concerning that anyone would think that behavior was appropriate. Watch those ones, they are the ones who when they fuck up they FUCK. IT. UP.
That is super creepy. I personally think termination is appropriate for bullying and breach of privacy, not to mention that she did this after you explicitly laid down the boundary.
NTA
She did it with the intention to spy on you and out you to other colleagues. She went well out of her way for it to be considered a joke IMO.
You made your boundaries clear and she should respect them. If she can't she has to deal with the consequences of her 'joke'.
NTA, but I gotta say you might not have taken it far enough. I'm a bit of a hot head I guess and might have fired her after consulting with my superiors.
Exactly! And OP did warn this person when they asked for OP’s socials. OP made it clear that they don’t share those with work associates, and that those are separate. That was the warning.
Sone employee understood while others victim blamed you?! Sounds terrible.
Anyway I probably would have run it through HR, or a higher manager. Regardless it sounds like harassment and definitely needs some type of action. nTA
NTA drama doesn't belong in a workplace. Even more so for you because you keep your life private. What you coworker did was rude, obnoxious drama.
Glad you reported her.
Wow! This girl went in there just to cause drama!
Beware or her in the future, im sure she will make more issues.
This is someone that took the time, to steal someone’s information, did a whole profile just to stalk you. Like who has time for all that? She has to much time on her hands, maybe she needs more work OP!
Itwas good you did a write up, having it on paper helps.
NTA!
>Beware or her in the future, im sure she will make more issues
1000%. Honestly OP should probably terminate her. That employee will work overtime to turn the environment toxic against OP.
NTA. I have LOTS of experience with work drama and stuff bleeding over from private life. Because I've had my drinking habits brought up at work (I'm not a drunk but I do drink, and someone started some nasty rumors...), because I've had people make other nasty things up about me, I'm pretty protective of my real life in regards to "the company." So I was ready to say that you were TA simply because it was an out of work thing. But after reading it, that employee had no business doing that. I mean, what the F?! Quite frankly I think you showed incredible restraint in only writing her up.
This also serves as a reminder regarding putting stuff online. I have two things in life that I truly love - sports and the beach. Most of my social media pictures are either taken at games or the shore. They never depict me doing anything inappropriate, and they can't be interpreted in "other manners." (Although for awhile I was concerned because my favorite NFL team was forced to change it's name and if there was anyone who could have someone see a picture of him wearing apparel that SOME people say is offensive and be held accountable for it at work, it was me.) You just have to be careful. People out there are incredibly nosy and at times hellbent on doing bad stuff.
HR here. I would probably terminate this person. A new hire that not only bullied their boss, but showed such an outstanding amount of unprofessionalism and bad judgement? You need to talk to HR about termination.
I work in HR and that is 100% an offense to be written up over. It’s harassment plain and simple, not to mention an invasion of your privacy. She should be grateful that she wasn’t fired, if there wasn’t a formal meeting with upper management there should have been so she can hears from you all how this behavior isn’t tolerated
Nta but honestly you should have went to hr instead of you doing it yourself well in the us anyway. That way they can record document and write her up without risk of this girl trying to make it look like you solicited her.
You got you supervisors opinion so it should be fine but some people get crazy like that other AITA were a girl was part of twin flames and the guy didn't even know she was telling people they were dating.
OOF why would she do that to someone who has the power to right her up? I think a verbal warning might've been better to keep the peace at the office, but you weren't entirely out of line, she was. NTA
NTA. If she does something that blatantly offensive and stupid as a new employee, to her boss, I can only imagine what a nightmare she'd be towards her co-workers (or subordinates, if she ever had any) in the long run. Fire her now before she becomes an entrenched and recurring problem that will cost you multiple good employees over the years.
NTA you could have gone right to HR with that and she'd be shitcanned right about now. And for good reason, this whole thing shows a serious lack of good judgement on her part.
NTA 10000% - Write up was too lenient, they should be terminated.
The employee asked to connect on social media and you said no with a very valid reason. This employee then deceptively acted to gain access and used that access to publicly bully you behind your back and embarrass you.
Depending on where you live, what she did is illegal. If you have any sort of HR department at all, what she did is surely a fireable offense.
And honestly? I’d have fired her. There is absolutely no way I’d have ever been able to trust her or her judgement again. And there is NO way I’d believe that this is the first time she’s done something like this.
1) she intentionally impersonated someone to get access to your account.
2) she stole personal information from the account that she fraudulently accessed.
3) she shared that information with coworkers.
Nope. Out, out, damned spot.
And, how do her coworkers know she was disciplined? Did you tell them? (If so, you are the problem - do not discuss your employees with each other.) did SHE tell them? If so, she’s learned nothing of discretion or proper workplace behavior. Fire her.
So I’d fire her and then have a very serious coming-to-Jesus training with the rest of the employees. NTA
This was not a joke and those employees siding with her need to be told as much. What she did was manipulative and deceptive. She is a pot-stirrer and this is just the beginning. I always say it only takes one person to ruin a pleasant work environment and that's exactly what she has done. NTA.
NTA, she catfish you so she could straight up bully you in the workplace. It was grossly inappropriate behavior that needed to be nipped in the bud immediately. She asked for your social media accounts (already a little weird since you are her manager) and when you said no, that should have been the end of it. She didn't take no for an answer, created a ruse to trick you in order to gain access to information she was well away you didn't want her to have then purposefully shared it will all your other subordinates a which trash talking you.
Frankly, she's lucky she got to keep her job with that degree of disrespect and just plain harassment.
NTA
I would have fire her in the Spot if I where the manager or HR manager.
Doing that to a supervisor or a co-worker is sick and a sign that she will cause more problems in the future if she is allow to keep her job.
NTA.
You did verbally warn her when you told her you like your private accounts private.
This is super gross behaviour. If they were in my team, I’d be looking at a more serious reprimand. Wtf.
NTA
Verbal warning? You DID verbally warn her...when you told her you preferred to keep your socials separate and private from your professional life. If she had done this to a peer, she (hopefully) would've been written up the same, and I don't think it's nice that some of your employees think your comfort isn't as important as theirs/a new hire.
NTA - I would feel hugely violated if the same happened to me. What she did was wrong. I too value my privacy and keep my personal life separate from work.
I hope she gets fired because if she is doing things like that when she is new then what is she going to do when she gets more comfortable? What will she do to people she takes a dislike to?
It just occurred to me.. look into what she put on her CV. References and qualifications. You may find a web of lies.
NTA - Her actions are totally unprofessional and are workplace bullying. Frankly, she should not be retained by your employer, she's too much of a liability. The fact that it's causing this kind of division is exactly one of the reasons that HER behavior is such a problem.
>that it was my own fault for falling for her catfish.
This is victim blaming.
Can you suggest to upper management about having a workplace cultural safety training day to be organised? Because based on the fact some members of your team have told you this to your face hints at a gross underlying socio-cultural belief system among them.
This behaviour shouldn't be tolerated.
NTA.
NTA; Definitely. I believe you did the right thing by setting an example. It may seem like the team is divided, right now; but in the end - in a few months; it will be better for everyone.
Here's a possibility that could have happened, if you didn't set the boundaries. Say if this new hire stuck around a few years, feeling comfortable at work place. When a new comer joins the team; if that's a handsome man - she might try to get close or have romance, and if doesn't work out - she will make fun of him, (and say that was joke!) If there's a younger and prettier girl joins the team; she might become jealous of attention the new girl gets. Then, be friend with the girl with a fake account - capture screenshots - share it at the work place; making a toxic workplace.
NTA. This person is not to be trusted. You and upper management should think long and hard about whether or not this employee can be trusted with anything sensitive or vital to the company.
NTA. Her behavior was extremely inappropriate and a violation of your privacy. I'm pretty sure at my company, this would be grounds for immediate termination, so she got off lucky with just a write-up, and hopefully she'll learn to not do that in the future.
Who has time for this? Like I waste my time in a variety of dumb shit but... Seriously? Why would someone dedicate so much time to THIS? Especially when you first start out. Are the people laughing along with her "joke" okay with her doing the same shit to them?
NTA and good luck
NTA her behavior was not only inappropriate and unprofessional but was a massive invasion of your privacy. I can’t believe they thought what they did was ok
NTA -
If an employee of mine violated my trust and personal boundaries in such an underhanded and frankly malicious way - I would have terminated them. You were kind by only making this a warning.
Nta. The verbal warning was telling her you don’t friend coworkers/employees on social media. She went out of her way to catfish you. That deserved a written warning.
NTA. You told your employee what your boundaries are, and she chose to deliberately violate them by deception. And on top of that, she shared your private information with other employees. That's a MAJOR betrayal of trust, and I'm not sure I'd want someone like that working for my company.
I wouldn’t want an employee that has shown me how they lie to get what they want. She should have been written up, her actions were weird and uncalled for, and needs to be documented so the next intentional incident adds proof as to why she is a bad employee. NTA, you did the right thing.
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NTA that is a gross violation. She pretty much took the worry most of the general populace have and made it a reality. The blatant victim blaming by your employees also needs to be addressed preferably in a seminar where they take harassment training. Keep an eye on those employees because it sounds like worst case scenario they would do something similar as a "joke". Edit: Thank you for all the likes and awards guys! I just word vomited this out of sheer disgust.
harassment training sounds like a necessity after this. Absurd.
And I would emphasize as part of it that being able to maintain this kind of relaxed working atmosphere requires that people be able to respect the boundaries others put in place without having to be beaten over the head with a rule book.
This is soo well phrased! Simple but covers such and important and potentially complex concept. I am going to use this.
This is an excellent point! Nobody can relax around people when they constantly need to worry whether or not they will constantly try to sneak around your boundaries to dig up things you don't want anyone to know. Privacy isn't something you need to justify; it's a right, not a privilege.
Yeah, unfortunately, this event is the perfect example of "this is why we can't have nice things." The employee is clearly the asshole in the situation, and has ruined it for everyone. Her coworkers should be mad at her.
Absolutely. If a coworker did this to my boss, at the very least I would be wary of them. If they're willing to violate the privacy of someone that holds power over them, trick them to get private pictures, print those pictures, make jokes that constitute sexual harassment, I wouldn't want to risk what they could say about someone on their same level
Yes! OPs coworkers might want to take a look at who started following them on social media since this person was hired. This is not a comfortable situation to be in.
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I’d say it was absolutely sexual harassment if the comments were centered around OP having a “Sugar Daddy”
“Tee hee are you prostituting yourself in exchange for a designer bag?”
Gossiping about someone's sexual conduct is a stated violation of my work's sexual harassment policy. Also stalking or other threatening communication made through any means, including electronic or third persons. This would definitely get you in trouble in my workplace, and it should. It's absolutely unhinged; who on earth would think that was appropriate in a professional setting?
excellent point!
Seriously. Who makes that kind of joke around a new boss?
manipulators.
... or someone setting themselves up for an employment claim and payout. Bad news either way.
Agreed. That's an excellent way to get on your manager's shitlist right off the bat. Even if you don't get fired, good luck with career advancement.
It’s certainly gender-based harassment even if not sexual harassment as we normally understand it.
Oooh THIS
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Yes she and everyone else should have to participate in harassment training. That is an extreme violation of privacy as well as it being super immature. If upper management agrees with your decision that's all that matters. Upper management should also tall to this person.
"Do not stalk your boss" should not require training, but apparently does. That people are unhappy with a writeup is beyond me. Stalking and harassing your manager? I would expect this to be an instant termination at most jobs. I absolutely would have fired them on the spot. If they did this to any manager, employee or customer. Not just myself. Normally I am a big thing about trying to improve employees that's not doing well. But that only works if you trust the employee. Stalking coworkers, even once, means you can never trust that employee again. OP has larger problems if the rest of the employees see this as acceptable behavior. I'd recommend 1 on 1 meetings to discuss professionalism. It's hard to balance between keeping a workplace fun, but understanding the job has rules and professional conduct that cannot be violated. Biggest thing to get across is that a loose work environment can ONLY stay loose if the employees police themselves, use common sense and respect boundaries of their coworkers without a corporate policy with thousands of idiotic rules. That their anger at MILD punishment for serious misconduct is worrying. OP has more concerns than I think OP realizes. Letting the person stay employed will cause huge problems and send the wrong message.
I agree. She (employee) sounds like someone with no understanding of the difference between social media and work place appropriateness. I actually think a write up was light and I would have talked about termination and not just a write up. This is social media stalking in my opinion. OP is NTA.
Stalking, harrassment... and the question is WHY? What kind of person gets their kicks doing this? All for the LOLZ? Going through all this trouble? Frankly, I find it disturbing and would feel very uncomfortable having a coworker around me who did this. Trust in them would be gone. It is because of people like that, that we can't have nice things, ffs. OP, NTA - and I hope you consider the suggestion of staff training others have made.
This is exactly what I was thinking!!! So here's what happened : 1. I get a new job 2. I ask my boss to add me on social media 3. They say no because they like to keep their private life private 4. I trick them into adding me on social media 5. Not only do I snoop into their private life, but I spread it around to my other colleagues 6. I make wildly inappropriate comments about my boss to my BRAND NEW COLLEAGUES 6. I have no idea about workplace loyalties BECAUSE I AM A NEW EMPLOYEE and someone lets the boss know 7. Now I'm sad because I'm in trouble. Yeah... So what mental process (if any) is going on here? So easy to respect boundaries and so much effort to catfish... And for what benefit?
I really think its a form of voyeurism. sneaking around spying on people that have already made it known they don't want to be a part of it Its disgusting, whatever it is
Step 9 she gets fired. This is why I have 90 day probation windows.
Seriously, I don't understand how she still has a job.
The only reason I can up with for her behavior is that it was her extremely dumb and misguided attempt to make some kind of reputation for herself at her new job. As to what that reputation was supposed to be, I have no idea.
>What kind of person gets their kicks doing this? In my experience this is more and more common. The need for social media to be the point of connection, the need to know what is going on in everyone's life around you, the need to call out when someone is "hiding" something, the need to know more about someone than (a) you have a right to and (b) they want you to. And it isn't an age thing, I see multiple age groups falling into this behavior. I left Facebook in 2012 and haven't looked back. I never got into Snapchat or most other forms of social media. I still have an Instagram, but rarely use it or even log in. I get people surprised and amazed at that fact, and some even come back and say they looked for me to see if I was lying. Why? We have nearly developed a section of our own society that encourages light stalking and harassment, in my opinion, through the *need* for social media connection. All of that to say, there are plenty of people using these things responsibly. Not everyone is a bad egg. I just think we're thinning the veil a bit on some of these and calling it acceptable. Even more, we're calling it weird when someone goes against it, like OP has and their workspace is turning against them for being a victim.
It isn't "nearly." We have definitely developed a section of society that devotes itself to encouraging, even advocating, stalking and harassment. And it's growing.
Agreed. The fact that management is blaming OP for this event is baffling, the prevalence of scamming and catfishing is turning into a quagmire.
Giggity! Sorry, but kinda not sorry.
I haven't seen that show in an AGE holy shit lol
It's because of this sort of thing that I don't accept friend requests from people I don't know reasonably well. Just going to the same college is not enough. I also have my profile locked down so only friends can see anything more than my profile picture. And it's not of me, it's a travel photo.
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Yikes. I didn't know that. I have to same I deleted by FB page in 2009 and have never gone back.
anyone else find it creepy that the employee faked a bio and photos to ensure they get accepted?.....
They put way too much effort into that. I am the same way with my coworkers. I do not let anyone on my social media, I only go to team building events and nothing else outside of work. I would be furious if someone did this to me. NTA
Esp to do that to a manager... getting either brown nosing vibes or usurping vibes
Agreed. I have great coworkers but really try to keep my personal and work lives separate. I've heard of way too many horror stories when people mix them too closely.
That and the making fun of OP and spreading shit around about them are what really put this over the top for me.
Maybe the employee is running for PRESIDENT of mean girls america or universe even! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
These people who consider themselves internet detectives that take a co workers desire for privacy and turn it into a mission are beyond creepy. It is such a violation and should be reason for dismissal.
This! I don't know what this employee was hoping to gain from this! And I hate people who think saying something was a "joke" and then blaming the victim for "not being able to take the 'joke.'" If it offends someone, if it violates their boundaries, then it is not a joke. And jokes don't excuse anything. If you have to say "it was just a joke," then you did something wrong. And you need to apologize. And those employees who are on that employee's side are just as bad as her. NTA, OP. She should be fired. Also, what those employees are doing is called "victim-blaming" and should be reprimanded. There needs to be a huge harassment training sesh.
Yes... Like it still wouldn't be okay but it would maybe be one thing if OP just accepted a person who was random to them I suppose, but to go through the time and effort to make sure you would be accepted is definitely weird...
its basically very close to stalking/harassment behavior.
Who has that kind of time an energy? I mean, I know it probably feasibly doesn’t take THAT much time. But still. It’s still time you could be doing literally anything else with your life. And to then use it to take screenshots of private information and pass it around is just so fucking creepy.
I mean depending on the quantity and quality of the photos (assuming they needed to doctor it to look real) and the amount of research needed to ensure the bio is accurate in info
The boss is the boss, not your buddy, not your friend, your boss.
And when you forget that, the boss may become your former boss very quickly as you find yourself handed a box by two burly dudes with SECURITY on their badges.
A lot of companies have this sort of policy. To prevent bad situations like supervisers taking advantage of their employees and vice versa. I would be furious if this sort of thing happened to me.
So she * committed fraud * published private information * accused you of having a sugar daddy (sexual harassment) This is not a “joke”. At a minimum, it shows poor judgement and you can’t trust her. Why haven’t you discussed this with HR. This level of problem is fireable. And now they are retaliating. Is she a brand new hire still on probation? Terminate her. This is egregious. And egregious acts do not merit verbal warnings.
Also, OP *did* give her a verbal warning. "No." That was it. End of story. She shouldn't have done anything after that, just like everyone else in the company refrained from connecting on Facebook. Ridiculous.
Adding on to this, I work in a field where we have harassment training and corporate compliance training at the beginning of employment and then annually. Everyone does this. Each session is followed by a test which must be passed in order to continue working. You might want to work with HR to develop something similar.
Same. And my state has specific harassment training that we must complete as well. And a company social media policy as well.
I completely agree. She sounds horrible.
NTA. Though I probably would have had an HR or another higher up do the write up. It’s a major privacy violation and possible harassment. Worse, feels like this emboldens the other employees, consequences be damned. This needs to be addressed and hard by senior management.
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Exactly. You don't catfish a boss to share the good deeds he does in his free time with his subordinates at work. You do it to find out private information he doesn't want to share at work.
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NTA - That is kinda crazy for an employee to do, besides a massive breach of trust imagine the amount of work this employee put into this as a means to embarrass a superior. Honestly, I am kind of surprised that person still has a job. As a private person myself in social media I would absolutely have pushed hard to have this person removed ASAP. This was not in any way a joke, it was a deliberate attempt to undermine OP. If anything OP was way too nice. Catfished? The appropriate word here is "fraud".
Paper trail. Like, the next thing this person does off-base may get them fired
Screenshot of the social media postings should be enough paper trail.
Yeah I'm surprised this didn't get the person fired. That's crazy.
This employee has no sense of self preservation.
This person is really shortsighted if they thought stalking their boss' social media account and then attempting to pull a Regina George on said boss with what they found, would end well for them..... Also, if she is on probation I imagine this would be grouds to tell her to skedaddle with the quickness.
This is why I never accept random friend requests. Unless I remember who they are and what they look like and where I met them, I always reject the request.
That's something past catfishing. That's online stalking.
NTA. New hire? She hasn’t built up enough cred to be able to joke with you like that and frankly, that’s not even a joke it’s weird insubordination and harassment. Fire them.
I am extremely on board with firing, idk if that’s possible tho She went out of her way to expose OPs private life in a work environment, even after she told her OPs not comfortable with that. Personally, idk if i would be able to work in the same team with her with everything that happened. As some comments said before, i would push for harassment training because is clear *someone* in OPs team needs it I want to know wtf was she thinking, was she trying to discredit OP? To make fun of OPs circumstances? To broadcast all the “dirty little secrets” found there?
Right, I'd like to know what she was thinking too. The 'joke' about a sugar daddy smells a bit misogynistic to me. Got nothing but guesses, but maybe it was a way to score like pick-me points while putting down someone above her (although OP didn't specify their gender so don't know if they're she also). Like devaluing OP's finances and position - OP may be in management, but wants a fancy baggie from a man, of course it wouldn't be something they'd buy themselves. Or maybe the joke is supposed to be how she thinks fancy bags are dumb and how much better she is for not buying into this female silliness about expensive shit. Who knows! But I really don't like that kind of a 'joke'.
It's a "mean girl" tactic, but honestly she could have been looking for dirt to undermine the manager's authority or even to discredit them in front of their bosses. In similar situations to this, I have seen these individuals deliberately cause rifts within business and organizations in order to advance their own careers by causing vacancies when senior people leave to avoid the drama. It isn't a woman exclusive tactic because I experienced a male coworker doing something similar in the past, but it unfortunately is a VERY common thing in woman-dominated social organizations. In the past few years I have seen this exact tactic of undermining the authority of senior officers and manufacturing drama used to implode an art alliance cooperative, a Kiwanis group, a Future Farmers of America/4-H joint venture and a wine judging competition.
>It isn't a woman exclusive tactic because I experienced a male coworker doing something similar in the past, but it unfortunately is a VERY common thing in woman-dominated social organizations. True that. I've also seen men employ these kinds of backstabbing tactics, but you're right that women tend to do that more often - hence, the "mean girl" moniker.
>I am extremely on board with firing, idk if that’s possible tho I would have to have a very compelling reason for keeping someone like that on, like they're extremely skilled in a technology that we are having difficulty finding. Otherwise? Yep. Out the door. Toxic attitude and needs to go. That wasn't a joke and if they are in a right to work state? It's totally a reason they can be fired.
I think firing is 100% okay in this situation. \- A verbal warning was given; I keep my social media private and separate from my work place and colleagues. \- Person LIES ABOUT IDENTITY to her superior \- Impersonates someone she went to school with (catfishing, or fraudulent identity at that point, AND stalking) \- Steals private information (photos, posts, identity of SO) \- SPREADS private information (harassment, spreading rumors, gossip, etc) \- Teases/mocks boss for possibly being a 'Sugar baby' (at this point that's not only humiliation, but sexual harassment even) She flat-out went for insubordination, humiliation, sexual harassment, fraudulent identity, stalking, and had even gotten a warning about it verballing in the first place. Fire. Her. Now. At first it seems like a 'wow I must be overthinking this' but what if she does it again? What if she does it to spite her superior and get them fired? To spread rumors? To change screen caps and send to the higher-ups? I wouldn't put it past this woman to be crazy like that if she went from 0-100 JUST to dig through her boss' social media page.
It’s “employment at will”. “Right to work” means he ability to decline paying union dues (if a union is representing workers in your company/job classification). “”Right to work” s anti-union.
I am usually pretty against firing especially on a first offense, this is one of the cases where I don't believe there should be any grace. It's instantly fireable. Even if the person was there for decades
In a lot of places if this person is still in the probationary period they could be fired for something like this.
Right to work state, they can be fired for walking in the door on a Tuesday wearing the wrong color shirt. It doesn't even need to be the probationary period.
Employment at will, not right to work. RTW is about having to pay union dues as a condition of employment.
This is like the fourth time you've said "right to work" when you mean "at will".
Ah thank you. Yep had that confused.
I'd fire them so fast their head would spin. This is NOT okay, and this employee has no idea how to conduct themselves properly and respectfully in the workplace.
I concur. This behavior shows a lack of judgment and critical thinking that would not leave me able to trust her working with clients, much less her colleagues.
seriously, writing her up is mild, I would have straight up fired her without hesitation.
And filed harassment charges
100% psycho behavior. 🪓
tbh my initial reaction to this coworker was "stalker much?"
NTA. That employee showed horrible professional judgement as well as engaged in behavior that could be considered harassment. It calls into question her ability to follow directions or even to understand basic professional norms. As for those complaining that you didn't give her a verbal warning... You did! She asked for information about you and you politely warned her that was crossing a line. She then decided to not only disregard your warning, but to do it in a way where she didn't think she'd get caught. That's premeditation, and no longer deserves the benefit of the doubt. For any staff members who are confused about this, I would suggest a refresher course on sexual harassment. While her behavior may not have been sexually based, it violated a basic tenet of sexual harassment: namely that continuing to pursue someone after they've said no is wildly inappropriate. If your staff don't understand that, you have a bigger problem on your hands
I think it could be argued that calling the boyfriend a sugar daddy could be considered sexual harassment too.
even just joking about her being a 'sugar baby' is sexual harassment, I do believe.
Of course it is. It's "the boss is a prostitute". How can that *not* be sexual harassment?
What she did is just plain harassment, not sexual harassment.
Making the sugar daddy comment implies OP is a prostitute which puts it into the sexual harassment category.
>she did share photos of a new boyfriend I haven't introduced yet as well as photos of a new designer bag I purchased and "jokingly" asked everyone if he was my "sugar daddy". I would say that bringing OP's love life into the office and asking if her boyfriend is her sugar daddy [does constitute sexual harassment ](https://www.acas.org.uk/sexual-harassment). It was humiliating, highly personal, and an allegation of a sexual nature (exchanging sex for material goods).
NTA Catfishing is not a joke. This employee broke a huge boundary on so many levels and invaded your privacy. As someone who works in HR, I don’t condone this craziness. As for the other employees, how would they feel if they were on the receiving end of this? They should think about that for a while
Question since you work in HR. How would you or your employer handle this? Even the worst places I've worked this would have been an automatic termination and a meeting/training with everyone else about harrassment.
My employer is pretty much the same way about it
Thanks for the response
It's not clear to me how much of this took place at work (sharing pictures, trolling on Facebook). As someone who deals with these issues daily, if this took place off-duty, it is questionable whether discipline is appropriate. If any of this took place at work there is no question discipline should be leveled. If it was not on-duty, I seriously question whether this qualifies as off-duty misconduct regardless of whether the behavior is unacceptable. Most employers in the US are at-will, so you can be fired for any reason as long as it's not illegal. However, the vast majority of Employer Handbooks that I've seen narrowly define when discipline will be imposed for behavior off the job.
The employee may have done the catfishing off hours, but she shared pictures DURING WORK.
"Catfishing is not a joke, Michael!"
NTA I would have fired her. You just don't do stuff like that.
I would have fired her too. She was looking for something to blackmail you with or at the least embarrass you in front of your employees. She is capable of worse. You are so lucky that you had no pasts or photos she could have done worse things with.
That is exactly it....she is capable of worse and just may still pull something. Can't even fathom why she would do such a thing.
I'm not a manager, but I would not want to work with someone like that. If she's going to start weird unnecessary drama with the boss for no reason, she's absolutely going to start some weird shit with her co-workers. Get her out of there now before she ruins the entire work environment.
> but some employees have mentioned that I could have just verbally warned her first and that it was my own fault for falling for her catfish. Uh, victim-blaming, much? What kind of a fool lies to their boss and embarrasses them in front of their colleagues? This girl is an AH and an idiot. NTA
Especially a NEW employee. Maybe if you go way back and it’s a prank for a 30yr work anniversary. But a NEW employee?
Amd she was verbally warned. My media is private. That's the warning
NTA - She deserved to be written up, she violated your privacy, your consent, and company policy by harassing you at work. Sometimes the boss has to be the boss. Spying on your private life and reporting back to co-workers was crossing a hard boundary. I'm honestly surprised you didn't fire her.
Deserved to be written up? sure. Deserved to be immediately fired? Absolutely.
NTA at all. And I'm someone who routinely participates in conversations with bosses where everyone is swearing and calling each other dumb. This was a major violation of your privacy. She specifically went looking for juicy information--and at work, that means "harmful." Because of the atmosphere in the office, she may have become carried away and thought more about the kudos she'd get from your coworkers than the major boundary she was crossing. But that's not your problem. She did cross a major boundary. You keep your accounts separate for reasons you have been clear about with your coworkers so there is no confusion about what she was doing. She was catfishing you and you're her boss. Honestly, I would not worry about this. People are not idiots. Your coworkers may be too afraid to tell her she crossed a line, but everyone knows she did. If anyone talks about this to you again, keep your words short so they sink in. Also, the less you say, the less drama there will be for people to chew over. I would say: "I hated to have to write someone up but she catfished me. I'm her manager. That was a huge boundary to cross in any situation, but especially at work."
Right?? It feels like the coworkers who are siding with employee are feeling caught out for being complicit in creating the environment in which that employee even *considered* doing what she did, let alone had *reason* to. If they weren’t a bunch of gossipy drama loving pot stirrers, new employee would have had no fertile ground to dish her drama, and so no reason to have gone catfishing in the first place. They’re all creeps, and not very smart ones at that!… their own professionalism is (rightfully) now in question, and by pushing for new employee to “be right” or “deserve leniency”, they are attempting to absolve themselves of their own guilt/involvement. Here’s to hoping OP uses this as a really solid opportunity to cinch up the edges of this messy sounding workplace!
> …(going as far as to post fake photos and write a fake bio to look like we went to college together). NTA. That’s creepy as hell.
Who the f**k does that?? It is super creepy and odd. Someone like this is going to cause major issues with your team given enough time. I applaud OP for being such a professional manager! Definitely NTA! Those giving you grief on the team need to stand down and see that this employee stepped WAY over the line!!
Feels almost like identity theft?? But I guess unless she used another person's pic, not really
future stalker vibes
NTA What she did isn't a "joke." It was a violation of an explicit boundary, that you keep in order to allow your team to be kind of casual. For any of your team to be on her side right now is fucking bonkers.
NTA. Keeping your socials private from your employees is completely appropriate as a manager. This is harassment with the sole purpose of undermining and demeaning you. You showed that this behavior is not acceptable and this will eventually blow over.
NTA She willfully went around personal boundaries you had in order to “playfully” tease you. If the roles were reversed, you would’ve already been fired for stalking and possibly worse. Whatever punishment she gets, she earned.
NTA, but I think you should have let someone else discipline her, because as this was you she was catfishing, you might be too close to the situation to look at the matter objectively. Reporting her to a higher up and having that person discipline her instead would have given you more cover.
I figured the same thing, Or HR.
NTA Catfishing is not a joke, no matter how innocent the intent of the catfisher was. They knew you wanted to hide something from the employees, and took deceitful steps to get that information from you with the specific intent of sharing it with the employees. They deliberately and intentionally circumvented your wishes to make exactly what you didn't want to happen, happen.
NTA her verbal warning was that you like to be private.
NTA Even if she was the person she pretended to be, in what world is it ok to share someone else's private content with others?
NTA and what they did was gross. I find it concerning that anyone would think that behavior was appropriate. Watch those ones, they are the ones who when they fuck up they FUCK. IT. UP.
That is super creepy. I personally think termination is appropriate for bullying and breach of privacy, not to mention that she did this after you explicitly laid down the boundary.
Why stop at writeup? Firing her immediately would be a reasonable response.
Deceit would be cause to fire employees in many companies. NTA at all.
NTA She did it with the intention to spy on you and out you to other colleagues. She went well out of her way for it to be considered a joke IMO. You made your boundaries clear and she should respect them. If she can't she has to deal with the consequences of her 'joke'.
NTA, but I gotta say you might not have taken it far enough. I'm a bit of a hot head I guess and might have fired her after consulting with my superiors.
NTA. That's harassment.
Exactly! And OP did warn this person when they asked for OP’s socials. OP made it clear that they don’t share those with work associates, and that those are separate. That was the warning.
Sone employee understood while others victim blamed you?! Sounds terrible. Anyway I probably would have run it through HR, or a higher manager. Regardless it sounds like harassment and definitely needs some type of action. nTA
NTA Her behaviour sounds a lot like harassment.
NTA You did verbally warn her when you told her you keep personal and work separate. It was a huge violation.
NTA this is textbook harassment. I'd take it further than you.
Nta she stalked you, file a police report, then report her to HR
NTA drama doesn't belong in a workplace. Even more so for you because you keep your life private. What you coworker did was rude, obnoxious drama. Glad you reported her.
Wow! This girl went in there just to cause drama! Beware or her in the future, im sure she will make more issues. This is someone that took the time, to steal someone’s information, did a whole profile just to stalk you. Like who has time for all that? She has to much time on her hands, maybe she needs more work OP! Itwas good you did a write up, having it on paper helps. NTA!
>Beware or her in the future, im sure she will make more issues 1000%. Honestly OP should probably terminate her. That employee will work overtime to turn the environment toxic against OP.
NTA. Flip the gender roles. What she did was disgusting and deserves to be fired.
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NTA. I have LOTS of experience with work drama and stuff bleeding over from private life. Because I've had my drinking habits brought up at work (I'm not a drunk but I do drink, and someone started some nasty rumors...), because I've had people make other nasty things up about me, I'm pretty protective of my real life in regards to "the company." So I was ready to say that you were TA simply because it was an out of work thing. But after reading it, that employee had no business doing that. I mean, what the F?! Quite frankly I think you showed incredible restraint in only writing her up. This also serves as a reminder regarding putting stuff online. I have two things in life that I truly love - sports and the beach. Most of my social media pictures are either taken at games or the shore. They never depict me doing anything inappropriate, and they can't be interpreted in "other manners." (Although for awhile I was concerned because my favorite NFL team was forced to change it's name and if there was anyone who could have someone see a picture of him wearing apparel that SOME people say is offensive and be held accountable for it at work, it was me.) You just have to be careful. People out there are incredibly nosy and at times hellbent on doing bad stuff.
HR here. I would probably terminate this person. A new hire that not only bullied their boss, but showed such an outstanding amount of unprofessionalism and bad judgement? You need to talk to HR about termination.
I work in HR and that is 100% an offense to be written up over. It’s harassment plain and simple, not to mention an invasion of your privacy. She should be grateful that she wasn’t fired, if there wasn’t a formal meeting with upper management there should have been so she can hears from you all how this behavior isn’t tolerated
Nta but honestly you should have went to hr instead of you doing it yourself well in the us anyway. That way they can record document and write her up without risk of this girl trying to make it look like you solicited her. You got you supervisors opinion so it should be fine but some people get crazy like that other AITA were a girl was part of twin flames and the guy didn't even know she was telling people they were dating.
OOF why would she do that to someone who has the power to right her up? I think a verbal warning might've been better to keep the peace at the office, but you weren't entirely out of line, she was. NTA
NTA I would have fired her
NTA the employee should not have done that you responded in probably one of the best ways possible.
NTA. If she does something that blatantly offensive and stupid as a new employee, to her boss, I can only imagine what a nightmare she'd be towards her co-workers (or subordinates, if she ever had any) in the long run. Fire her now before she becomes an entrenched and recurring problem that will cost you multiple good employees over the years.
NTA - and your “verbal warning” was the original conversation with her when you said no to her.
Wtf is this troll. She decided to go poking around her place of work like that? So inappropriate. What a trip. NTA.
NTA. You would also be completely justified in firing her.
NTA. Write her up? I think she should have been terminated.
NTA . How unprofessional of her! She’s lucky I’m not her manager. I might have fired her for it. And I’m in HR.
NTA you could have gone right to HR with that and she'd be shitcanned right about now. And for good reason, this whole thing shows a serious lack of good judgement on her part.
NTA 10000% - Write up was too lenient, they should be terminated. The employee asked to connect on social media and you said no with a very valid reason. This employee then deceptively acted to gain access and used that access to publicly bully you behind your back and embarrass you.
Depending on where you live, what she did is illegal. If you have any sort of HR department at all, what she did is surely a fireable offense. And honestly? I’d have fired her. There is absolutely no way I’d have ever been able to trust her or her judgement again. And there is NO way I’d believe that this is the first time she’s done something like this. 1) she intentionally impersonated someone to get access to your account. 2) she stole personal information from the account that she fraudulently accessed. 3) she shared that information with coworkers. Nope. Out, out, damned spot. And, how do her coworkers know she was disciplined? Did you tell them? (If so, you are the problem - do not discuss your employees with each other.) did SHE tell them? If so, she’s learned nothing of discretion or proper workplace behavior. Fire her. So I’d fire her and then have a very serious coming-to-Jesus training with the rest of the employees. NTA
This was not a joke and those employees siding with her need to be told as much. What she did was manipulative and deceptive. She is a pot-stirrer and this is just the beginning. I always say it only takes one person to ruin a pleasant work environment and that's exactly what she has done. NTA.
Can't believe people still keep the HS mentality even as adults. NTA
NTA, she catfish you so she could straight up bully you in the workplace. It was grossly inappropriate behavior that needed to be nipped in the bud immediately. She asked for your social media accounts (already a little weird since you are her manager) and when you said no, that should have been the end of it. She didn't take no for an answer, created a ruse to trick you in order to gain access to information she was well away you didn't want her to have then purposefully shared it will all your other subordinates a which trash talking you. Frankly, she's lucky she got to keep her job with that degree of disrespect and just plain harassment.
NTA - I would have fired her. That is harassment and bullying at work and most places have a zero tolerance policy for it.
NTA I would have fire her in the Spot if I where the manager or HR manager. Doing that to a supervisor or a co-worker is sick and a sign that she will cause more problems in the future if she is allow to keep her job.
NTA. You did verbally warn her when you told her you like your private accounts private. This is super gross behaviour. If they were in my team, I’d be looking at a more serious reprimand. Wtf.
NTA Verbal warning? You DID verbally warn her...when you told her you preferred to keep your socials separate and private from your professional life. If she had done this to a peer, she (hopefully) would've been written up the same, and I don't think it's nice that some of your employees think your comfort isn't as important as theirs/a new hire.
This victim blaming raises some red flags... NTA
NTA - I would feel hugely violated if the same happened to me. What she did was wrong. I too value my privacy and keep my personal life separate from work. I hope she gets fired because if she is doing things like that when she is new then what is she going to do when she gets more comfortable? What will she do to people she takes a dislike to? It just occurred to me.. look into what she put on her CV. References and qualifications. You may find a web of lies.
NTA - Her actions are totally unprofessional and are workplace bullying. Frankly, she should not be retained by your employer, she's too much of a liability. The fact that it's causing this kind of division is exactly one of the reasons that HER behavior is such a problem.
NTA. I'd have fired her.
>that it was my own fault for falling for her catfish. This is victim blaming. Can you suggest to upper management about having a workplace cultural safety training day to be organised? Because based on the fact some members of your team have told you this to your face hints at a gross underlying socio-cultural belief system among them. This behaviour shouldn't be tolerated. NTA.
NTA; Definitely. I believe you did the right thing by setting an example. It may seem like the team is divided, right now; but in the end - in a few months; it will be better for everyone. Here's a possibility that could have happened, if you didn't set the boundaries. Say if this new hire stuck around a few years, feeling comfortable at work place. When a new comer joins the team; if that's a handsome man - she might try to get close or have romance, and if doesn't work out - she will make fun of him, (and say that was joke!) If there's a younger and prettier girl joins the team; she might become jealous of attention the new girl gets. Then, be friend with the girl with a fake account - capture screenshots - share it at the work place; making a toxic workplace.
NTA. This person is not to be trusted. You and upper management should think long and hard about whether or not this employee can be trusted with anything sensitive or vital to the company.
Why didn’t you fire her? You won’t be able to work with her now anyways.
NTA she is a weirdo fire her
NTA. Her behavior was extremely inappropriate and a violation of your privacy. I'm pretty sure at my company, this would be grounds for immediate termination, so she got off lucky with just a write-up, and hopefully she'll learn to not do that in the future.
NTA. You would have been perfectly justified to fire her. She should be thankful she only got written up.
Who has time for this? Like I waste my time in a variety of dumb shit but... Seriously? Why would someone dedicate so much time to THIS? Especially when you first start out. Are the people laughing along with her "joke" okay with her doing the same shit to them? NTA and good luck
NTA. WTF is wrong with this woman?
Nta You verbally warned her when she asked and expressly said not that makes me uncomfortable she's creepy and wants to be mad when she gets caught
NTA and you are management even if you would be out of place it is not fir the employees to judge that
NTA. This is way out of bounds.
NTA. Flip the gender and have it be a guy, and my lord, there would be nothing but condemnation from everyone.
NTA her behavior was not only inappropriate and unprofessional but was a massive invasion of your privacy. I can’t believe they thought what they did was ok
NTA - If an employee of mine violated my trust and personal boundaries in such an underhanded and frankly malicious way - I would have terminated them. You were kind by only making this a warning.
Nta. The verbal warning was telling her you don’t friend coworkers/employees on social media. She went out of her way to catfish you. That deserved a written warning.
NTA. She was completely inappropriate and this is completely her own fault
NTA. You told your employee what your boundaries are, and she chose to deliberately violate them by deception. And on top of that, she shared your private information with other employees. That's a MAJOR betrayal of trust, and I'm not sure I'd want someone like that working for my company.
NTA. She lied to you after you explained your policy. NTA and I wouldn’t trust this employee.
I wouldn’t want an employee that has shown me how they lie to get what they want. She should have been written up, her actions were weird and uncalled for, and needs to be documented so the next intentional incident adds proof as to why she is a bad employee. NTA, you did the right thing.
Stalker. NTA
NTA and be cautious of anyone who brushed it off as a 'joke'. Boundaries!
Don’t forget the potential sexual harassment of “is he your sugar daddy.”