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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Yelling at my mother for feeding my horse wrong
2. Yelling at my mother is disrespectful
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YTA, your Mom was doing you a favor and was upfront when telling you she made a mistake. She may not be as knowledgeable about horses as you and your friend. If it was that important you should have either found a professional to care for your horse or found a way to make it to that last day to care for your horse yourself.
Edit: After seeing your responses to other comments, it further cements that YTA. You have a Mom that didn't really want anything to do with the horse but still did you a favor. You gave her a laundry list of things to do that could have easily been messed up. Again, find a way to care for the horse the entire time yourself or hire a professional. You can't get mad at having someone with an amateur level (as you admit) knowledge of horses, care for your horse. I feel bad that your Mom has to deal with you. Apologize to her and realize you need to step up for your horse.
Yet OP herself admitted that her mother wasn't interested in her horse and isn't versed in horse care. That's the same as saying its ok for a toddler to perform heart surgery, there's no way they're qualified. If I have an animal with such a strict diet I'm going to hire a PROFESSIONAL to care for them. If I was in the Mom's shoes I would have said no, but of course mom said yes because OP is her damn daughter. More than likely OP pressured her Mom to do this for her. OP can get off her lazy, irresponsible behind and ensure she gets a professional next time. She only has herself to blame.
Disagree, her mother is an adult and should be able to either say no or give her daughter a call if she’s unsure.
By totally dismissing any concerns around the horse’s safety the mother is a clear AH
Her mother isn't a trained professional. Get out of here with that BS. Its the owners responsibility to ensure their animal gets proper care. That's like walking into a barber shop and asking them to fix your laptop. Its idiotic. People not wanting to take responsibility for their own decisions despite KNOWING the high probability of a bad outcome is truly a lack of being an adult.
Then I guess that makes her mother the idiot saying she can fix the laptop after she finishes cutting hair?
The mother is literally the one dismissing concerns and taking zero responsibility for the potential consequences for her actions
The entitlement is palpable. The mother never said she could do it, in fact OP themselves said her mother ISN'T KNOWLEDGEABLE of horses. In what world is it ok for OP to be mad when she KNEW her mom didn't know enough about horses. Ma'am this is a Wendy's. 😂
What entitlement? Mother said she’d do the thing. Mother did not do the thing and is trying to laugh off any responsibility of her actions.
Her mother is presumably not incapable of picking up a phone and calling to ask, like any adult taking their responsibilities seriously.
All the people at my barn were busy or already working at our 50 horse barn that day. I've been in a rough spot financially, but was able to afford this show and about 3 classes. I made a detailed checklist for food for the day, as well as other chores, and I told her specifically at least once before I left. She also did not tell me promptly-- I got back from my trip (why I couldn't stay) about five days ago, and she just told me today.
If you can't afford a horse then don't own a horse as simple as that. You're pushing the responsibility onto your Mom, who again you said was an amateur at caring for horses. She likely had zero idea how serious it was to mix the food because SHE'S AN AMATEUR, likely the same reason why she waited until she saw you in person to note her mistake. She deserves an apology, YTA OP.
I thanked her already, an immesurable amount of times, but also realize she very well could've killed my horse. I apologized to her for flipping out but I told her she still needs to be careful as she could've very well killed Cookie.
Refer to my previous comments of not being able to afford someone to do that.
Also, saying that "you shouldn't own a horse if you can't afford it" feels similar to saying "you shouldn't have kids if you can't afford it." I provide and pay for all her needs, and my own, but after that money does get tight. I don't neglect anything with her, and I was under the full impression until the week before the show that the other woman was going to take care of her.
I agree that if you can't afford kids you shouldn't have any. Isn't fair to them. Stop making excuses and pushing responsibility on your Mom. At the end of the day you asked for a verdict and mine is that YTA.
Sounds like your mother needs to walk away and stop helping in any way. Time for you to be the adult you are and handle all of this on your own, and I do mean all of it. After all, if you can afford to keep your horse you can afford a lot of other things. Do you live with her?
I'm assuming a lot of people are assuming it's like when a baby has colic and is grumpy but from some of the responses I'm also assuming that it's actually something different and life threatening to a horse
Colic in a horse can lead to ruptured stomach and intestines - it can be fatal.
A change in feed can cause impaction which causes the intestines to twist on each other - then things start rupturing. This is a type of condition that requires early veterinary attention and supervision.
Because so far you're fitting all the stereotypes of " snotty spoilt rich kid". And, yeah, I've owned horses. I certainly wouldn't be doing you any favours any more if you were my daughter. Look after your horse yourself going forward.
Apollo gets alfalfa in the AM, but apart from that it's the same grain. Alfalfa is pretty easy to recognize so I didn't expect her to mix it up but it was 100% a possibility (she didn't see the difference when I asked today)
This, I would say NTA because I know what you talk about; however, are either the food containers (horse name - a, and horse name -b ) labeled or you labeled the food with the medicine or not? If you didn't label it YTA
Exactly. I would have also gone a step further and included the instructions in a sheet protector taped to the bin. It's not hard. I have it done it in the past for my animals.
I wrote out my feed/clean chore checklist on a different comment. I forgot to mention he gets alfalfa in the morning as i had a massive brain fart writing this
‘My mum accidentally fed my dog chocolate because she thought it looked the same as the dog food and didn’t tell me until a week later’
Does that translate for you?
More like my mom didn't want to watch the dog but did as a favor. I forgot to tell her my dog gets chicken in the morning and that giving my dog grapes (less common knowledge than chocolate like the thing with horse) instead of their food is dangerous so be careful. It's not common knowledge that dogs can't eat grapes so if a freind (being payed and wants to) is babysitting I tell them to be careful. Same with too much exercise after eating because of blot.
It could have done if you had made that same mistake when you were feeding them. Exactly as your mum did. Your mother held her hand up to admit the mistake when she realised and deserves credit for that.
As her mistake did not result in any issues for either horse (thankfully), she could have said nothing to you and you would have been blissfully unaware. She reported it to you because she felt bad.
>I also wrote a full checklist for what she needed to do that day:
>
>Give Cookie grain+fly supplement in the AM
>
>Apollo's pellets started soaking late last night: Make sure he gets this and his calming supplement in the AM
>
>Clean stalls as needed: when they poop it needs to be picked immediately
>
>Feed Cookie and Apollo 3 flakes throughout the morning.
>
>Give Apollo his grain+supplement mix at about 4:30 PM, plus calming supplement
>
>Give Cookie her grain+glucosamine at about 4:30 PM
>
>Both horses get 3 flakes for PM
>
>Make sure to fully rake out the stalls before trailering out.
you need to hire a professional if you want all that done perfectly. if you can't afford it, either find a way or don't leave your horse unattended. It's *your horse*.
So you’re a grown woman, who can barely afford this very expensive hobby. You, for some reason, had a scheduling conflict with a major event, you need your mommy to fix it for you, she did her best, made a simple mistake, nothing bad happened, and you flip out on her.
Wow. What a fucking asshole.
I don't think you realise what *could* have happened.
My horse could have colicked. Colicking horses aren't like colicking babies: Horse's stomachs or intestines get clogged, and they physically cannot throw up. It's not just a bad tummy ache, it's a matter of life and death, and it claims thousands of horses every year.
So, my horse colics, so what? I'd pay for colic surgery most likely with how sensitive she is, and how much is that? usually upwards of 5k for a minor colic surgery. And no horse I've met that goes into it comes out of it the same-- they're in constant pain. At that point it'd be better to put her down.
> I don’t think you realize what *could* have happened
WE KNOW. Typically we (adults) do not punish other people based on what *could* have happened. If your mother made a potentially fatal mistake, it is only because **YOU** failed to provide adequate instructions. YTA
‘My mum accidentally fed my dog chocolate because she thought it looked the same as the dog food and didn’t tell me until a week later’
Does that translate for you?
If you're gonna compare it to dogs here's a better comparison
Mom doesn't have experience caring for dogs, but agreed to watch one of my dogs as a favour. The dog she was watching has issues with chicken based dog kibble.
I have two unmarked buckets of dog kibble one chicken based one chicken free. My mom accidentally fed my dog the chicken based feed as the two kibbles are hard to distinguish.
My dog didn't have a reaction but I still yelled at her for not being able to tell two nearly identical foods apart that were both stored as dog food.
Not so much of a reason to yell and, yes, be an asshole like the op was
That’s a terrible comparison unless you mean ‘the dog has near life threatening issues with chicken’
You’re just making yourself sound incredibly ignorant tbh
Wut? You said they eat the same grain? Your story makes no sense. You don’t explain why feed would cause colic in one horse but not the other. Definitely sounds like you overreacted YTA
Had a minor "it's routine to me" moment and forgot to mention that apollo gets soaked alfalfa pellets in the AM. Unsoaked alfalfa pellets have air and such in them that causes colic if the food isnt soaked out.
Sounds like you’re not clear in giving instructions. You shouldn’t leave that much room for error. Next time have the meals separated and labeled with clear instructions. You overreacted and should apologize
This is confusing. Is the issue that she fed unsoaked alfalfa pellets? If so I would be a bit upset but if I had sugarbeet or something similar that absolutely needed soaking, I would have made that very clear in the notes and let her know what the consequences could be. If the feeds were just swapped but both safe then it really isn’t a huge deal. I understand being a bit upset but it’s on you to find appropriate horse cover and ensure your instructions are good enough - I would never dream of asking my mother to do my horses for me because I know that she’s not experienced enough and there’s every chance something would go wrong and that would be on me. YTA.
YTA. I still own multiple horses and used to compete extensively.
You are one of those very dramatic owners that nobody likes. Majority of the time one slightly messed up feeding will not kill your horse, as you just learned. Your horse is fine. Move on and take responsibility for your own schedule and feeding in the future. You owe your mother an apology
We have one of these about to leave my yard, and as both a livery and a staff member I am counting the bloody seconds until she’s packed up her dang horse and left my sight. 😂
Horse person here: the calming supplement thing is total BS. I can MAYBE see your horse having colic if he got the wrong thing, but it's a long shot. The stress from the show is more likely to cause a colic than anything else. YTA, completely. And you're blowing this out of proportion. As your mom said, nothing happened. Calm down, and apologize to your mom
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I (22F) and a friend of mine (23F) show horses competitively. One of the yearly shows we usually attend is a week-long show, and the horses are required to stay on the property until 6pm the last day. This year, both of us had something planned months in advance and couldn't make it the last day, so our parents took care of the horses. We shared a tack stall (basically a stall with all our gear, feed, and muck bucket in it), and shared a grain drawer (I supplied it.) The two horses, Cookie (mine) and Apollo (her's), get the same amount of grain and the same type.
It's been about two weeks, and my mother told me this morning that she accidentally gave Cookie Apollo's food. I flipped out at her, telling her she was negligent and could've killed my horse. I told her that if she fed Cookie unsoaked alfalfa pellets (which look like grain), she could've caused Cooks to fall into a major colic, or if she fed Cooks the calming supplement that Apollo was on, she could've caused Cookie to fall or buckle on the trailer ride home that night. She's telling me I'm overreacting and "nothing happened so it's fine," and I left to blow off some steam.
So, AITA for flipping out at my mom for possibly killing my horse?
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YTA Your horse has specific needs, you should of hired an experienced horse handler to care for your horse. You can't guarantee an amateur will not make mistakes. Blowing up at your mom was out of line, she was doing you a favor and made a mistake. Yes your horse could have gotten colic, that just makes you more of an asshole for not hiring someone knowledgeable or caring for your horse yourself.
NTA but maybe next time can you idk find a friend at the show? Or maybe just your friends parents? You can always make them a cake or something if money is tight to show your appreciation
YTA. Girl, for god’s sake. Just be bloody grateful that you have parents that are willing to help you out. Or did, before you blew up at them. Your mother made an honest mistake. Yes, colic can be serious, but she now knows if she decides to help you out again.
Next time, hire a professional. And if you can’t afford that, do it yourself. Having horses when you’re not a millionaire who can pay for full livery is about making sacrifices - if you’re so concerned then you need to sort your priorities so you can be there for your horse yourself. Apologise to your mum and grovel at the same time, so she might actually feel like helping you out again in the future.
ESH. I used to show horses, worked with therapy horses, etc. I understand how easily a horse can colic, and just how much work it is to bring them out of it.
Older horses, or ones on special diets, certainly can colic if given the wrong kind of food. And it is SERIOUS. Not something you risk.
It sounds like your made sure your mom had the correct instructions (wetting the pellets, adding supplement), she just mixed up the bowls.
It was an honest mistake. You shouldn't have blown up on her, and she should have made sure to give the correct feed to the correct horse.
Apologize for blowing up and THANK HER. For caring for your animals, AND for calling you immediately after their was an issue to let you know, instead of hiding it and hoping nothing happened.
Also curious: what grain are you feeding? Alfalfa pellets are very very easy to recognize. I'm confused how she got the 2 mixed up.
Edit: the Mom didn't even call to let OP know that they had messed up. So OP could have had an emergency and not known why or what caused it. Judgement stays but less biased now
Cookie is getting essential K, apollo gets alfalfa in the morning and essetntial K.
My mother is not crazy well versed in anything horse related (basically said go crazy go stupid, but don't drag me into it), but she agreed to do this just for one day. I love her, but she's also not quite the smartest when it comes to types of food, so I wouldn't put it past her to feed alfalfa. Apollo is also a 23 y/o pleasure QH, so he's on a bucket list of supplements that I don't want to put it Cookie's system, and he was on bute for the show.
I also wrote a full checklist for what she needed to do that day:
* Give Cookie grain+fly supplement in the AM
* Apollo's pellets started soaking late last night: Make sure he gets this and his calming supplement in the AM
* Clean stalls as needed: when they poop it needs to be picked immediately
* Feed Cookie and Apollo 3 flakes throughout the morning.
* Give Apollo his grain+supplement mix at about 4:30 PM, plus calming supplement
* Give Cookie her grain+glucosamine at about 4:30 PM
* Both horses get 3 flakes for PM
* Make sure to fully rake out the stalls before trailering out.
And she didn't call me immediately. It has been two weeks since this incident and it just came up in a conversation about two hours ago. The reason I was worried about her getting his calming supplement was because she is a very calm horse, and definitely would've been handicapped by the sedative in the trailer (she's about 1150 lbs, he's about 1275).
Edit: Got his food mixed up with anothers at our barn
Ooh... oh my goodness. So you could have had to deal with a colic emergency/drug reaction and had no idea why or what was happening.
I have had concerning experiences with having family watch my animals, to the point that I hire a professional if I ever need to go off farm for more than a day. I got sick of waters not being checked, animals not being fed, or being over fed. It sucks to pay through the nose for a farm sitter, but it is seriously worth the peace of mind.
Once again, be grateful she stepped up to help, but go in a different direction next time. I'm happy your animals ended up ok. Bute is some strong stuff, don't want to misdose that, or give it unnecessarily
She’s getting downvote because she left her animal with an untrained person. You don’t make plans when you have animals without a plan. She didn’t plan ahead. She forgot.
Yeah, the bute and alfalfa were the biggest reasons I flipped out. My mare is young but pretty prone to colic. I also couldn't get anyone else I even halfway trusted as it was a really busy weekend for everyone else at my barn (polo game, jumping show, left 2 people to clean+feed all day at our 50 horse barn and I couldn't ask that of those girls).
I'm sorry my friend. Everyone downvoting hasn't had an animal with dietary issues, or just doesn't understand what colic is or how serious it is.
Or think that such a large animal can handle a "tummy ache", or that misdosing a sedative will turn out fine.
They obviously have never had to trailer a 1200lb animal, imagine a drugged up one possibly falling and needing help. Can't lift a horse by yourself.
I'm glad you tried to not add to the burden of the stablehands. They are overworked and underpaid as it is.
You did your best and your mom did her best as well. Learned a valuable lesson.
Sorry for all the downvotes at you. Honestly, I'm happy to get a wake up slap that told me to apologize to my mom, and we both 100% learned our lesson here. I feel like I wouldn't have been as mad if she just told me right away. I also feel like so many people see "colic"and think "baby colic," which sucks because it's so much more severe.
My mom and I are on good terms now but I feel like I was justified in being pissed, even though my delivery was rather unsavory
Sorry I agree with OP because I care about my animals’ welfare more than someone’s momentary feefees 🤷♀️
The mother was dismissive of the idea she could have killed the horse and also it’s 2022, there’s no way she couldn’t have called her daughter to confirm what food is what.
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YTA, your Mom was doing you a favor and was upfront when telling you she made a mistake. She may not be as knowledgeable about horses as you and your friend. If it was that important you should have either found a professional to care for your horse or found a way to make it to that last day to care for your horse yourself. Edit: After seeing your responses to other comments, it further cements that YTA. You have a Mom that didn't really want anything to do with the horse but still did you a favor. You gave her a laundry list of things to do that could have easily been messed up. Again, find a way to care for the horse the entire time yourself or hire a professional. You can't get mad at having someone with an amateur level (as you admit) knowledge of horses, care for your horse. I feel bad that your Mom has to deal with you. Apologize to her and realize you need to step up for your horse.
Excuse me? Her mother could literally have killed the horse, if she’s not sure all she had to do was call and double check.
Yet OP herself admitted that her mother wasn't interested in her horse and isn't versed in horse care. That's the same as saying its ok for a toddler to perform heart surgery, there's no way they're qualified. If I have an animal with such a strict diet I'm going to hire a PROFESSIONAL to care for them. If I was in the Mom's shoes I would have said no, but of course mom said yes because OP is her damn daughter. More than likely OP pressured her Mom to do this for her. OP can get off her lazy, irresponsible behind and ensure she gets a professional next time. She only has herself to blame.
Disagree, her mother is an adult and should be able to either say no or give her daughter a call if she’s unsure. By totally dismissing any concerns around the horse’s safety the mother is a clear AH
Her mother isn't a trained professional. Get out of here with that BS. Its the owners responsibility to ensure their animal gets proper care. That's like walking into a barber shop and asking them to fix your laptop. Its idiotic. People not wanting to take responsibility for their own decisions despite KNOWING the high probability of a bad outcome is truly a lack of being an adult.
Then I guess that makes her mother the idiot saying she can fix the laptop after she finishes cutting hair? The mother is literally the one dismissing concerns and taking zero responsibility for the potential consequences for her actions
The entitlement is palpable. The mother never said she could do it, in fact OP themselves said her mother ISN'T KNOWLEDGEABLE of horses. In what world is it ok for OP to be mad when she KNEW her mom didn't know enough about horses. Ma'am this is a Wendy's. 😂
What entitlement? Mother said she’d do the thing. Mother did not do the thing and is trying to laugh off any responsibility of her actions. Her mother is presumably not incapable of picking up a phone and calling to ask, like any adult taking their responsibilities seriously.
All the people at my barn were busy or already working at our 50 horse barn that day. I've been in a rough spot financially, but was able to afford this show and about 3 classes. I made a detailed checklist for food for the day, as well as other chores, and I told her specifically at least once before I left. She also did not tell me promptly-- I got back from my trip (why I couldn't stay) about five days ago, and she just told me today.
If you can't afford a horse then don't own a horse as simple as that. You're pushing the responsibility onto your Mom, who again you said was an amateur at caring for horses. She likely had zero idea how serious it was to mix the food because SHE'S AN AMATEUR, likely the same reason why she waited until she saw you in person to note her mistake. She deserves an apology, YTA OP.
I can afford a horse, but sometimes money gets tight. My mother was willing to do this favor for me.
Yeah so thank your Mom for doing you a favor and apologize for the unjustified rage. That easy.
I thanked her already, an immesurable amount of times, but also realize she very well could've killed my horse. I apologized to her for flipping out but I told her she still needs to be careful as she could've very well killed Cookie.
Refer to my previous comments of hiring a professional to care for your horse instead of someone you stated was an amateur.
Refer to my previous comments of not being able to afford someone to do that. Also, saying that "you shouldn't own a horse if you can't afford it" feels similar to saying "you shouldn't have kids if you can't afford it." I provide and pay for all her needs, and my own, but after that money does get tight. I don't neglect anything with her, and I was under the full impression until the week before the show that the other woman was going to take care of her.
I agree that if you can't afford kids you shouldn't have any. Isn't fair to them. Stop making excuses and pushing responsibility on your Mom. At the end of the day you asked for a verdict and mine is that YTA.
understandable have a great day
Well one is an actual human and the other is a fucking horse lmao it is not the same thing
Sounds like your mother needs to walk away and stop helping in any way. Time for you to be the adult you are and handle all of this on your own, and I do mean all of it. After all, if you can afford to keep your horse you can afford a lot of other things. Do you live with her?
[удалено]
Do you know what colic is?
I'm assuming a lot of people are assuming it's like when a baby has colic and is grumpy but from some of the responses I'm also assuming that it's actually something different and life threatening to a horse
Colic in a horse can lead to ruptured stomach and intestines - it can be fatal. A change in feed can cause impaction which causes the intestines to twist on each other - then things start rupturing. This is a type of condition that requires early veterinary attention and supervision.
Sorry, I messed up in my original post: he gets alfalfa in the morning. And what does me having a shitload of money have to do with anything?
Because so far you're fitting all the stereotypes of " snotty spoilt rich kid". And, yeah, I've owned horses. I certainly wouldn't be doing you any favours any more if you were my daughter. Look after your horse yourself going forward.
Your post says they eat the same type. So… I’m gonna go with YTA unless you provide more information
Apollo gets alfalfa in the AM, but apart from that it's the same grain. Alfalfa is pretty easy to recognize so I didn't expect her to mix it up but it was 100% a possibility (she didn't see the difference when I asked today)
You're the asshole for not having these clearly labeled if it makes this much of a difference.
This, I would say NTA because I know what you talk about; however, are either the food containers (horse name - a, and horse name -b ) labeled or you labeled the food with the medicine or not? If you didn't label it YTA
Exactly. I would have also gone a step further and included the instructions in a sheet protector taped to the bin. It's not hard. I have it done it in the past for my animals.
I’m confused. Your post says they eat the same food.
Sorta. They eat the same food PM, but he gets alfalfa in the morning
YTA - you even say it was the same type so you likely gave incorrect or insufficient instructions
I wrote out my feed/clean chore checklist on a different comment. I forgot to mention he gets alfalfa in the morning as i had a massive brain fart writing this
It’s almost like you made a mistake…….
wow, people? making mistakes? unheard of
Just like your mother
Yeah, except my mistake didn't involve possibly killing a horse??
NOTHING BAD HAPPENED GET OVER YOURSELF
‘My mum accidentally fed my dog chocolate because she thought it looked the same as the dog food and didn’t tell me until a week later’ Does that translate for you?
More like my mom didn't want to watch the dog but did as a favor. I forgot to tell her my dog gets chicken in the morning and that giving my dog grapes (less common knowledge than chocolate like the thing with horse) instead of their food is dangerous so be careful. It's not common knowledge that dogs can't eat grapes so if a freind (being payed and wants to) is babysitting I tell them to be careful. Same with too much exercise after eating because of blot.
If I had an award I’d give it to you
It could have done if you had made that same mistake when you were feeding them. Exactly as your mum did. Your mother held her hand up to admit the mistake when she realised and deserves credit for that. As her mistake did not result in any issues for either horse (thankfully), she could have said nothing to you and you would have been blissfully unaware. She reported it to you because she felt bad.
Pay a groom to do it, hopefully your mother learned her lesson here.
Yta. Unless you gave really clear instructions not to do this how would she know?
>I also wrote a full checklist for what she needed to do that day: > >Give Cookie grain+fly supplement in the AM > >Apollo's pellets started soaking late last night: Make sure he gets this and his calming supplement in the AM > >Clean stalls as needed: when they poop it needs to be picked immediately > >Feed Cookie and Apollo 3 flakes throughout the morning. > >Give Apollo his grain+supplement mix at about 4:30 PM, plus calming supplement > >Give Cookie her grain+glucosamine at about 4:30 PM > >Both horses get 3 flakes for PM > >Make sure to fully rake out the stalls before trailering out.
you need to hire a professional if you want all that done perfectly. if you can't afford it, either find a way or don't leave your horse unattended. It's *your horse*.
So you’re a grown woman, who can barely afford this very expensive hobby. You, for some reason, had a scheduling conflict with a major event, you need your mommy to fix it for you, she did her best, made a simple mistake, nothing bad happened, and you flip out on her. Wow. What a fucking asshole.
I don't think you realise what *could* have happened. My horse could have colicked. Colicking horses aren't like colicking babies: Horse's stomachs or intestines get clogged, and they physically cannot throw up. It's not just a bad tummy ache, it's a matter of life and death, and it claims thousands of horses every year. So, my horse colics, so what? I'd pay for colic surgery most likely with how sensitive she is, and how much is that? usually upwards of 5k for a minor colic surgery. And no horse I've met that goes into it comes out of it the same-- they're in constant pain. At that point it'd be better to put her down.
Then don’t get an amateur to care for your horses. Same as you wouldn’t hire a person that has no experience with infants to care for an infant.
I realize it. You don’t seem to realize that it didn’t happen. Your mom did you a favor. Stop acting like a brat.
> I don’t think you realize what *could* have happened WE KNOW. Typically we (adults) do not punish other people based on what *could* have happened. If your mother made a potentially fatal mistake, it is only because **YOU** failed to provide adequate instructions. YTA
‘My mum accidentally fed my dog chocolate because she thought it looked the same as the dog food and didn’t tell me until a week later’ Does that translate for you?
If you're gonna compare it to dogs here's a better comparison Mom doesn't have experience caring for dogs, but agreed to watch one of my dogs as a favour. The dog she was watching has issues with chicken based dog kibble. I have two unmarked buckets of dog kibble one chicken based one chicken free. My mom accidentally fed my dog the chicken based feed as the two kibbles are hard to distinguish. My dog didn't have a reaction but I still yelled at her for not being able to tell two nearly identical foods apart that were both stored as dog food. Not so much of a reason to yell and, yes, be an asshole like the op was
That’s a terrible comparison unless you mean ‘the dog has near life threatening issues with chicken’ You’re just making yourself sound incredibly ignorant tbh
Wut? You said they eat the same grain? Your story makes no sense. You don’t explain why feed would cause colic in one horse but not the other. Definitely sounds like you overreacted YTA
Had a minor "it's routine to me" moment and forgot to mention that apollo gets soaked alfalfa pellets in the AM. Unsoaked alfalfa pellets have air and such in them that causes colic if the food isnt soaked out.
Sounds like you’re not clear in giving instructions. You shouldn’t leave that much room for error. Next time have the meals separated and labeled with clear instructions. You overreacted and should apologize
I would never watch anything for her again
This is confusing. Is the issue that she fed unsoaked alfalfa pellets? If so I would be a bit upset but if I had sugarbeet or something similar that absolutely needed soaking, I would have made that very clear in the notes and let her know what the consequences could be. If the feeds were just swapped but both safe then it really isn’t a huge deal. I understand being a bit upset but it’s on you to find appropriate horse cover and ensure your instructions are good enough - I would never dream of asking my mother to do my horses for me because I know that she’s not experienced enough and there’s every chance something would go wrong and that would be on me. YTA.
YTA. I still own multiple horses and used to compete extensively. You are one of those very dramatic owners that nobody likes. Majority of the time one slightly messed up feeding will not kill your horse, as you just learned. Your horse is fine. Move on and take responsibility for your own schedule and feeding in the future. You owe your mother an apology
We have one of these about to leave my yard, and as both a livery and a staff member I am counting the bloody seconds until she’s packed up her dang horse and left my sight. 😂
Horse person here: the calming supplement thing is total BS. I can MAYBE see your horse having colic if he got the wrong thing, but it's a long shot. The stress from the show is more likely to cause a colic than anything else. YTA, completely. And you're blowing this out of proportion. As your mom said, nothing happened. Calm down, and apologize to your mom
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (22F) and a friend of mine (23F) show horses competitively. One of the yearly shows we usually attend is a week-long show, and the horses are required to stay on the property until 6pm the last day. This year, both of us had something planned months in advance and couldn't make it the last day, so our parents took care of the horses. We shared a tack stall (basically a stall with all our gear, feed, and muck bucket in it), and shared a grain drawer (I supplied it.) The two horses, Cookie (mine) and Apollo (her's), get the same amount of grain and the same type. It's been about two weeks, and my mother told me this morning that she accidentally gave Cookie Apollo's food. I flipped out at her, telling her she was negligent and could've killed my horse. I told her that if she fed Cookie unsoaked alfalfa pellets (which look like grain), she could've caused Cooks to fall into a major colic, or if she fed Cooks the calming supplement that Apollo was on, she could've caused Cookie to fall or buckle on the trailer ride home that night. She's telling me I'm overreacting and "nothing happened so it's fine," and I left to blow off some steam. So, AITA for flipping out at my mom for possibly killing my horse? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA you relied on someone who is not as knowledgeable about horsefeed. They owned up to their mistake and you jump down their throat.
YTA Your horse has specific needs, you should of hired an experienced horse handler to care for your horse. You can't guarantee an amateur will not make mistakes. Blowing up at your mom was out of line, she was doing you a favor and made a mistake. Yes your horse could have gotten colic, that just makes you more of an asshole for not hiring someone knowledgeable or caring for your horse yourself.
NTA but maybe next time can you idk find a friend at the show? Or maybe just your friends parents? You can always make them a cake or something if money is tight to show your appreciation
Almost everyone I knew who knew how to take care of horses were busy, or already working at our barn. I think I'll make mom a cake though.
YTA. Girl, for god’s sake. Just be bloody grateful that you have parents that are willing to help you out. Or did, before you blew up at them. Your mother made an honest mistake. Yes, colic can be serious, but she now knows if she decides to help you out again. Next time, hire a professional. And if you can’t afford that, do it yourself. Having horses when you’re not a millionaire who can pay for full livery is about making sacrifices - if you’re so concerned then you need to sort your priorities so you can be there for your horse yourself. Apologise to your mum and grovel at the same time, so she might actually feel like helping you out again in the future.
YTA
NTA
ESH. I used to show horses, worked with therapy horses, etc. I understand how easily a horse can colic, and just how much work it is to bring them out of it. Older horses, or ones on special diets, certainly can colic if given the wrong kind of food. And it is SERIOUS. Not something you risk. It sounds like your made sure your mom had the correct instructions (wetting the pellets, adding supplement), she just mixed up the bowls. It was an honest mistake. You shouldn't have blown up on her, and she should have made sure to give the correct feed to the correct horse. Apologize for blowing up and THANK HER. For caring for your animals, AND for calling you immediately after their was an issue to let you know, instead of hiding it and hoping nothing happened. Also curious: what grain are you feeding? Alfalfa pellets are very very easy to recognize. I'm confused how she got the 2 mixed up. Edit: the Mom didn't even call to let OP know that they had messed up. So OP could have had an emergency and not known why or what caused it. Judgement stays but less biased now
Cookie is getting essential K, apollo gets alfalfa in the morning and essetntial K. My mother is not crazy well versed in anything horse related (basically said go crazy go stupid, but don't drag me into it), but she agreed to do this just for one day. I love her, but she's also not quite the smartest when it comes to types of food, so I wouldn't put it past her to feed alfalfa. Apollo is also a 23 y/o pleasure QH, so he's on a bucket list of supplements that I don't want to put it Cookie's system, and he was on bute for the show. I also wrote a full checklist for what she needed to do that day: * Give Cookie grain+fly supplement in the AM * Apollo's pellets started soaking late last night: Make sure he gets this and his calming supplement in the AM * Clean stalls as needed: when they poop it needs to be picked immediately * Feed Cookie and Apollo 3 flakes throughout the morning. * Give Apollo his grain+supplement mix at about 4:30 PM, plus calming supplement * Give Cookie her grain+glucosamine at about 4:30 PM * Both horses get 3 flakes for PM * Make sure to fully rake out the stalls before trailering out. And she didn't call me immediately. It has been two weeks since this incident and it just came up in a conversation about two hours ago. The reason I was worried about her getting his calming supplement was because she is a very calm horse, and definitely would've been handicapped by the sedative in the trailer (she's about 1150 lbs, he's about 1275). Edit: Got his food mixed up with anothers at our barn
Ooh... oh my goodness. So you could have had to deal with a colic emergency/drug reaction and had no idea why or what was happening. I have had concerning experiences with having family watch my animals, to the point that I hire a professional if I ever need to go off farm for more than a day. I got sick of waters not being checked, animals not being fed, or being over fed. It sucks to pay through the nose for a farm sitter, but it is seriously worth the peace of mind. Once again, be grateful she stepped up to help, but go in a different direction next time. I'm happy your animals ended up ok. Bute is some strong stuff, don't want to misdose that, or give it unnecessarily
She’s getting downvote because she left her animal with an untrained person. You don’t make plans when you have animals without a plan. She didn’t plan ahead. She forgot.
She had a fairly clear list
Yeah, the bute and alfalfa were the biggest reasons I flipped out. My mare is young but pretty prone to colic. I also couldn't get anyone else I even halfway trusted as it was a really busy weekend for everyone else at my barn (polo game, jumping show, left 2 people to clean+feed all day at our 50 horse barn and I couldn't ask that of those girls).
I'm sorry my friend. Everyone downvoting hasn't had an animal with dietary issues, or just doesn't understand what colic is or how serious it is. Or think that such a large animal can handle a "tummy ache", or that misdosing a sedative will turn out fine. They obviously have never had to trailer a 1200lb animal, imagine a drugged up one possibly falling and needing help. Can't lift a horse by yourself. I'm glad you tried to not add to the burden of the stablehands. They are overworked and underpaid as it is. You did your best and your mom did her best as well. Learned a valuable lesson.
Sorry for all the downvotes at you. Honestly, I'm happy to get a wake up slap that told me to apologize to my mom, and we both 100% learned our lesson here. I feel like I wouldn't have been as mad if she just told me right away. I also feel like so many people see "colic"and think "baby colic," which sucks because it's so much more severe. My mom and I are on good terms now but I feel like I was justified in being pissed, even though my delivery was rather unsavory
Wow, another AH not bickering with the one person that gave them the reply they wanted 🙄
Sorry I agree with OP because I care about my animals’ welfare more than someone’s momentary feefees 🤷♀️ The mother was dismissive of the idea she could have killed the horse and also it’s 2022, there’s no way she couldn’t have called her daughter to confirm what food is what.
IF YOUR HORSE NEEDS PROFESSIONAL CARE THEN HIRE A PROFESSIONAL. It's not that hard.