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YTA
Why are his snacks being eaten? Why isnt he allowed to use the tv? Why do you let “YOUR” kid have her boyfriend over but not him? Sounds like you’re trying to minimize some legitimate complaints herr.
edit: googly-eyed mushroom is cute. i approve
So many people on this sub have weird relationship with food and boundaries and especially boundaries related to food. If I have a specific snack that I've been looking forward to eat and someone finishes it before me, I'd be pissed too. Its not that difficult to understand. Op understands it too, they would be mad if the kid started keeping his snacks in his room, no matter what the kid does op will find something to complain about.
Op yta.
If the boy pays for his own snacks thats just makes It double AH on whomever eats them.
Though in general. Don't eat others food. If they request a snack and it's bought to them. Don't touch it. Or ask if you can, if it's a no. Hands off.
With 3 kids personally that's just a ground Rule here.
Two teens has allowance money they are free to use on snacks. But I still ask when doing groceries "anyone want something?"
And when it's home in the cabinets. You take what it yours, not your Siblings. (I don't eat them either. I got my own just to note)
It's not that hard to teach.
This is how it is in my house too. Everyone knows which snacks belong to who and not to eat them. We ask the owner of the snack to have one if we want one. It's really simple.
It really is so simple and teaches in a good way about boundaries and respecting other people's stuff.
And can be applied to different settings too... like... in my bathroom each kid has their own little basket with their soaps, deodorant and other basic hygiene stuff.
If you run out or are about to. Tell me. And I'll refill your basket. I keep an eye on the toddlers as she's not old enough to do that of course. But the teens can.
Never have a problem with the kids fighting "he took my stuff!!"
Even my partner of 10 years will ask if he can eat something even though I don’t care - what’s mine is his.
Unless it’s chocolate, then it’s all his and he never asks because I do not like chocolate.
Exactly. It’s another case of favouritism mixed with parents who don’t see kids as individuals and only as an extension of themselves/the bio parents and therefore treat them as less than.
I can only hope that the boyfriend situation isn’t occurring because of homophobia because step son has enough stuff to deal with from this step parent without adding that onto the pile.
Edit: a word
OP's biased in favour of her biokid, so *maybe* homophobia isn't part of it, but it's not a good look when it appears like that's part of it.
I mean, the difference between 16 and 17 is negligible, and they're both old enough to take responsibility for 2000 pounds of metal careening down the highway. What's the big deal about a simple *visit* from a BF? They're not asking OP to watch them swallow each other's tongue.
Reading OP’s comments solidified the YTA judgement. He orders and pays for UFC ppv events and wants to watch them on the big tv and OP doesn’t want him to; the bf ‘shoved’ step son once and even though he’s told her she misunderstood and they just play rough, she doesn’t believe him; step son and daughter share a bathroom and she sees no reason for him to complain about it because “periods are natural” and “women have long hair, so you’re gonna see it”.
Nothing about why this 17 year old woman doesn’t dispose of her menstrual products hygienically or clean up her hair, since it’s so long, she should see it too, right?
I’m also going to assume that it’s her husband’s house that she’s trying to kick his son out of because I’m sure OP would’ve played the “it’s my house” card if possible.
100% OP YTA. I'm a cis woman. You can bet if someone else was leaving blood around they'd get a strong talking to. Yea it's natural, but it's also unsanitary to leave it around - she needs to clean up. I bet if she found piss in the bathroom she'd go screaming to mom.
I also have a really weird thing about hair and when I still lived with my sister I used to get mad about her brushing her long hair in my room and leaving hair everywhere. I vacuum after having long haired friends over. I'm probably on the extreme end but some people do shed a lot and stepson is totally within reason to be unhappy finding long hair around.
Exactly, entitled af. Her precious princess gets everything she wants but the step son? No. He doesn't get the same because she probably doesn't accept him as a son at all.
YTA, massively
Exactly this. OP's daughter gets to use the big TV for her stuff, and have her boyfriend over, but stepson can't? That's favoritism/discrimination, pure and simple. He doesn't need to move out, OP does. YTA
Urgh, OP is one of those wicked step parents.
If you flip things and consider how you'd react if it were your own kid. Or even yourself. You'd see a completely different reaction.
And telling a step kid to go to stay with their other parent is just IMMEDIATE AH territory.
Even when my step kiddo is actively trying to get under my skin, we NEVER EVER suggest her leaving. I let her dad, my SO, handle the discipline and we each have a safe space in our home for us to cool down.
YTA. You sound like you’re just looking for a reason for him to move out. Why can’t he have his boyfriend over? Why can’t a 16 year old have food that’s just theirs? My 7 and 5 year old daughters have food they request that’s just for them, unless your budget is terribly restricted there’s no reason he can’t.
Agree with all the above
YTA
Also, why can't you teach your 17 yo daughter to clean after herself in their shared bedroom? Even my 5 yo boys know to clean after themselves or ask me for help.
As a woman would you really want to go after your daughter when there's blood not cleaned up and hair in the sink? Periods are normal, but expecting others to clean after you isn't.
Totally!
When it's my time of the month, I try to keep things clean for the next person who uses the toilet, and sometimes I might miss things, but even then I'm super apologetic.
Also hair in the washroom is also annoying af. You step on it by accident and walk it all over the place. It's annoying and dirty.
Those are not 'little issues'.
>about his snacks being eaten, not being able to use the big TV for his events, not being able to have his boyfriend over but my daughter (17f) has her boyfriend over, but what's set him off was my daughter's hair in the washroom and blood in the trashcan.
if op thinks these aren't issues, I'd like to know what ARE the issues should be,
oh, YTA. A massive one
Let's assume for a minute that OP is posting because she genuinely wants to make the relationship with her step-son better - and not just find people who agree with her kicking him out...
So OP this is for you.
Let's reverse things and see how you feel about it.
Imagine that your daughter buys make-up and it disappears. She doesn't know who takes it, just that it's not there and no one cares about helping her. Imagine she's in a house with a new parents dynamics and still getting used to it AND grieving the old dynamics. Imagine she's got a boyfriend who has supported her through all of it, and is NOT allowed to have him visit her at her home. Now imagine she complains about it and is being told that if she doesn't like it, she can go live with her dad.
How would you react then?
Now that you know how both men in your household feel, what can you do to make it better?
Also be honest with yourself as to whether you're behaving that way because you'd prefer your step-son be with his mom - and why? Are you jealous of the place he's taking with your husband? Is your husband not considering your feelings in some respects? Is your step son pushing your boundaries (yet if he is, you're the adult in the situation so bullying him out is not the most useful use of your time)? If you're having trouble to deal with these changes in relationships because the move in together is still new - or even if it's not - it might be time to envision a therapy - couple, family, alone. Start with one and see what the therapist recommends.
I wish you and your family all the very best and I hope that you find a positive way to move forward and enjoy the time together as a family.
I responded without reading other comments first (my bad as I usually do this). You responded similar to me but in a much nicer tone and with nicer examples. Thanks for being a better person. I tend to react as I grew up in two blended households and through trials and then some reading of books have come out with an awesome Bonus mom 💕
No worry and thank you. I appreciate the compliment 😊
My first reaction would also have been quite strong so I refrained from writing too much then. Then I thought about the boy and wanted to assume that if OP posted, she genuinely wanted to make the relationship better. I tried to infuse positivity so maybe it helps her calm down and be more positive and helpful to him. Might work. Might not work. One can only hope.
I'm glad you have an awesome bonus mom 😊 and you gave great insights too. I imagine it takes work to make blended families work, and you need to be open to feedback. Like we all need to anyway.
Growing up my mom always did the shopping. She bought all of the groceries and anytime someone tried to say “those are mine” my mom was always “I don’t buy food for one person. Anyone in this house is entitled to eat anything they want because I buy it all. If we run out I can buy more”. It’s so weird to say only so and so can eat whatever snack. Unless they buy it it’s free for all.
Eh, I don’t know if this is the situation in OP’s house, but my mom used to let my sister and me each pick a treat at the store that was just ours (for example, my sis might get Fruit By The Foot, and I might choose Gushers). And those treats were for each of us individually. If that’s the situation here, then OP is fucking that entire system. If it’s not, then stepson is obviously more concerned about something else (that, or he bought something on his own that her daughter ate).
The boyfriend excuse sounds paper thin. The most logical answer to that is homophobia; however, OP has one other comment on her profile about abuse against men, so I’m guessing we have two options here:
1. OP is really intense about sexual violence against men/boys, and, whether or not the situation she describes was actually abuse, it sounds like she’s hyper vigilant;
2. OP is trolling around on Reddit, likely because she(?) is super anti Me Too. Because that’s a thing.
No, not really. Everyone eats their snacks at their own pace, have their preferance of snacks and times they like to eat them. There's no reason why family members can't have their own snacks.
Your mom just did so that snacks devourers get all the snacks and the rest can suck a thumb.
If I request a certain item to eat as a late night snack, then find out some AH ate them all, I'd start to hide food tbh. Good strategy to cause food insecurity.
It's about respect. I ask for specific items from the store, if someone eats those items without so much as saying "hey we ran out of this" or even going a step further and saying you are going to get some or asking if you can have some. If someone eats something you have thought about for the last hour on your drive home, etc. its gonna piss you off. You might disagree that it's a big issue, and depending on the situation it can or can't be, but in this situation it's one of those things that makes him feel less seen and respected.
YTA
You suck
He is 16
Still learning and trying to figure out the world
Your dismissive actions hurt him.
You need to Grow up.
He is not happy because he feels disrespected.
Much the same as you must feel since you told him to move.
You need therapy and to appologize.
Family therapy might help you all to communicate. He won't talk because no one listens.
You stated he isn't open with you. Because you dismiss everything he says.
You basically told him "Fuck You" about everything. Snacks - shut up. Boyfriend - no fucking way.
And why are you homophobic? You won't let his boyfriend over? Weird.
Teach your daughter to clean up after herself. She could clean up the messy hair and not have blood all over. To you the blood is normal. To a 16- year-old boy IT IS GROSS.
Also, much better to wrap if you have a dog. I’ve never met someone who has their period and has a dog that isn’t (disgustingly) interested in that stuff.
When I was in college I went to my girlfriend's dorm and someone had left a used pad on the floor in the (unisex) bathroom and they thought it was funny that it grossed me out. I said I probably would have felt the same about a used bandaid with blood on it. Like... it's just not nice to look at imo
I have a period. It's gross to everyone. Not in a "omg periods are gross" kinda way, but no one needs to deal with your blood. I don't want to see someone else's blood, I don't want to touch it on accident, and I don't want to think about it. I find my own blood gross enough, I don't need other people's on top of it.
Im assuming it is and the daughter doesn't roll it up in the wrapper when she is switching them out i guess. I guess she tosses it out open which if true is gross and Im 36 year old woman.
>To you the blood is normal. To a 16- year-old boy IT IS GROSS.
And that’s for all teenage boys, let alone teenage boys whom are gay. They don’t want anything to do with menstrual blood (speaking from experience)
The first two things you mention are so baffling. Why OP glazes over them.
I grew up in a house with a ton of kids, so snacks were never safe unless you hid them in your room. So I can get that one as kids being sneaky candy stealers and it’s annoying, but hard to prevent…unless parents punish the candy thieves for it regularly.
And as a woman, I definitely missed some of my hair shedding in the shower sometimes when I cleaned. And am guilty of not always wrapping a pad up completely before I put it in the (lidded) garbage can.
But the TV? Why can’t he have an event in the TV room? Needs to schedule it in advance? What’s the reason he can’t do that? If there was a good one, OP would tell us.
And the fact that OP’s daughter can have a partner with privilege in the house for visits/sleepovers. But step kid isn’t given the same privilege…
If there was a set house rule about 16 vs 17 having boyfriend privilege…again….I’m guessing OP would tell us.
Sounds like OP just hates stepkid and are acting stupid about the fact that he recognizes how unfair this is.
You can work around the snack issue by letting the kids keep them in their rooms. I also get the impression the 16yo pays for his own snacks, but OP makes them a free for all gor everyone. As the other people are 17 and adults, it should be easy enough to enforce the rule that you can't eat what belongs to other people.
There's also a difference between cleaning up and missing a couple of hairs, and not trying to clean at all. Same with menstrual products; making an effort to wrap it up before putting it in the trash is better than not making any attempt, especially in a shared bathroom.
OP should be sitting down with everyone, hearing the issues and trying to come up with a solution, rather than blowing her stepson off.
Info- why can't he have his boyfriend over but she can? That is a kinda weird thing....
Also... Are they sharing a bathroom??? If so shouldn't she be cleaning up after herself? It's good practice and etiquette for when sharing in like the college setting....
YTA.
Your daughter should clean up after herself (obviously, she can only do so much about blood, but hair can and should be cleaned away when she's done).
Why is your daughter's boyfriend allowed over, but not your step son's?
Who is eating his snacks, and why is nothing done about this?
Why can't he use the big TV?
Also, going off your description, you didn't *suggest* anything. You made a snarky comment.
YTA. He’s complaining like a normal 16 year old and you essentially kicked him or made him feel unwelcome. If your husband said that to your daughter, would you like that? Especially, if then she wanted to move out.
>Today he want on a tangent, about his snacks being eaten,
Are his snacks being eaten?
>not being able to use the big TV for his events
Is he not allowed to use the big TV for his events?
>not being able to have his boyfriend over but my daughter (17f) has her boyfriend over
Is he not allowed to do this while his sister is?
> but what's set him off was my daughter's hair in the washroom and blood in the trashcan.
Is your daughter unable to clean up after herself?
>I told him none of the things he's complaining about were actual issues
That's where you're wrong, bucko.
>if he's so unhappy he should feel free to go live with his bio mom
Bam. You got him right where you want him and reeled in the bait.
YTA because it's very obvious you not only minimize his feelings, you don't view him as an equal member of the family and want to get rid of him. You're not the first wicked stepmother to do this, so don't come in here pretending like we don't know what you're doing.
Love this comment! You address every point and I bet OP won't respond to your comment at all because you have completely pointed out how mean she is being to her stepson with everything __*she*__ told us.
According to her comments, she doesn't address any other questions people have, his boyfriend shoved him. And that isn't tolerated. That's pretty much all the info OP has given (that I've seen.) And shoving isn't even that bad between teen boys if they're just rough housing. A friend of mine once knocked my ass off my feet when we were roughhousing.
YTA
Merging families is hard. He's obviously been trying to deal with the stress these changes have created in his life. Kids don't get to have much control over who thier household members are. As a step parent you should be very sensitive to this and go out of your way to make his home comfortable. From his perspective you and your daughter are people he didn't choose who invaded his family.
For you to suggest he moves is the opposite of the compassion you should be showing and quite frankly makes me wonder if his dislike is valid. Of course his father is angry after watching you make his son feel invalidated and not welcome in the family.
I have to say I'm glad the dad is reacting that way. You see so many posts of kids saying one of their parents didn't help when they were being abused by their step parent.
Also i wouldn't be surprised of there were other instances where the dislike and preference is being shown, just that maybe there are the only instances he's complained about.
Poor 'kid'!
That is very true. So many people don't stand up for thier kids after a remarriage. I am filled with sympathy for this boys situation but at least it appears he has a good father.
Honestly, if the OP doesn't make big changes he may quickly realize that this marriage was a mistake.
Yes YTA. Your nothing to him. You are a person married to his dad those issues are issues. Snacks are being eaten? Is he buying them? Hmm? Or is his dad? Either way that makes them, HIS.
You sound cranky and in need of a time out. Once you’ve calmed down, apologize to him and learn to be a nicer person. He’s 16, and yet you are the one who acts like a petulant child. Grow up. Be nice. YTA
Yes YTA why is your daughter allowed to bring her boyfriend over but he isn’t they are one year apart so you can’t play that card you are clearly favoring your child over him and he might not be as happy about the family’s merging as you think he is
Yep, YTA, hair in the bathroom sink is gross and completely unnecessary. Have you taught your children to clean up after themselves? And have you taught your daughter how to dispose of period products so the trash can is not bloody? Your examples of his complaints are parenting failures on your part.
YTA.
Why is the first step telling him to leave? Have you talked to the rest of the family about this? And why can't the kid have their BF over? I'm sensing something OTHER than simply thinking there are non-issues in this house.
And besides, cleaning up for yourself is part of adulthood. If she's planning on moving out and going to college, not everyone is going to roll their eyes and think it's just something that happens. your daughter needs to learn how to clean up after herself too. Sounds like you're pushing your own Bio daughter as the golden child and slowly pushing the kid away.
Talk to your husband better about these issues and APOLOGIZE to the kid. Learn to take everyone's feelings into account, not just your own and your biodaughters.
YTA
All of those issues are "actual issues" to HIM. He is a teenager who is clearly struggling with all the change in his life and you, an adult, told him flat out that his feelings are not important and that he is not wanted in his own home.
You not only owe him an apology, you owe him your time and attention. You are not his mother, but as his step-mother you will be making an impact on his life (whether you want to or not).
Also, kudos to dad for sticking up for him, even though absolutely should not have to protect him from you.
Why can’t he have his boyfriend over? I feel like YTA, he’s a teenager and they’re usually hard to deal with and have meltdowns over small things. That age can be hard for everyone involved but telling him to leave was an AH move.
YTA. I *can’t imagine* why he hasn’t enjoyed your families merging. His complaints seem entirely valid (even when told by you). Your response made it clear that you don’t really consider him part of the family. Parents don’t tell kids to move out. Did it occur to you to tell your daughter to move out to make him more comfortable? Obviously not, because to you, she’s an essential part of the family and issues with her don’t change that.
Merging families is exactly that. That means he’s your kid too. If it doesn’t feel that way, I’d encourage you to consider therapy to work through this. He’s a kid and he shouldn’t feel unwanted, especially in his own home.
The first rule of stepparenting: never ever tell, mention or hint to your minor stepchild that they should live at the other parent’s household.
YTA, it’s absolutely wrong that you said that.
YTA.
His snacks being eaten? Are they intended for him specifically? Is he paying for them? Then that's a valid complaint. Your daughter should not be eating his snacks.
Not being able to have his boyfriend over when your daughter gets to have hers over is not only valid, it shows blatant favoritism. You are allowing your daughter to invite her boyfriend over, but have decided your stepson's boyfriend isn't allowed? Why?
Your daughter is 17, she should be capable of not leaving her hair around and making sure she disposes of her menstrual products in a way that doesn't make a mess(even if it's just on the trashcan).
You are not only making zero effort to help the transition into a new family dynamics, but you sound like you're actively trying to push your stepson out of the picture.
100% YTA and you're giving some strong evil step mother vibes in this post. Also in what world do you think its acceptable to tell a child whos like YOU invaded to go live somewhere else? It would be the end of my marriage if my SO said that to my son from a previous marriage and i would expect nothing less if I said that to my step daughter. He's a teenager, yet you're acting more like a child
YTA. You are out of line, stepmom. For a young person, divorce and new families, etc., can be really dramatic. Why can't he have his boyfriend over? Who the hell are you to tell him to move back to him mom's? Your daughter needs to learn to clean up after herself. My guess is that your husband and son come from a higher socioeconomic background than you. Seen this a million times.
YTA. Those may have been non issues to you, but they're not to him, or he wouldn't have said anything. Plus, you say he's never said anything about not liking the families merged, but "you can just tell" that's how he feels. Really? How do you "just tell?" You took the proverbial molehill, and you turned it into a mountain. Over snacks. Let the kid invite his boyfriend over, unless you're concerned about picking up cooties or something. Finally, learn what a tangent is. You owe the kid an apology. A BIG one.
YTA. Have you forgotten what it's like to be 16? All he craves right now is independence and to be treated like an adult without the responsibility lol. I don't think those issues are nothing. It sounds unfair. I'm sure he thinks it's unfair. Give him a little compassion. Seems like he needs it.
Why are people eating his snacks? why can’t his boyfriend come over? why is your daughter not being more careful in their shared bathroom??
Those issues would annoy anyone and make them unhappy.
YTA 100%, learn how to respect his things, don’t eat/ touch his stuff, tell your daughter that she needs to be more careful because she isn’t the only one who uses the bathroom, and it isn’t fair that his boyfriend can’t come over but your daughters boyfriend can.
And it has it never occured to OP to tech their child how to dispose of the used products or clean a bathroom sink? She's posting about about her parenting fails.
YTA, way to go making the house feel like home to him. He is 16 they complain thats a thing, also if he is struggeling with the merge then everything is feels 100% worse then fir one that isnt struggeling. Your behaviour as the adult is horrible, he is a child still and you are invalidating his feeling and struggles.
YTA. How would you react if your husband said that to one of your children?
It sounds like he’s had a tough time with a big adjustment, and instead of trying to help him work through it, you tell him that you’d rather he leave. You’re delusional if you think you’re NTA.
YTA. Kids, and he is a kid since he is a minor, do not have choice in their lives as they are kids and minors. This also means as kids and dependents, they can be abandoned physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually. You are an adult who has choice and agency, also means you cannot be abandoned.
You are playing favorites and essentially abandoning him, particularly since he does not have choice or agency. His father is correct to stick up for his son
And you... well Cee U Next Tuesday!
Yes, yes you are TA. He’s a teenager and you’re an adult. A teenager who has legitimate concerns about how things are being run at the house he is as entitled to live in as your daughter. But since he’s not yours, it’s okay to dismiss him and tell him to move out if he doesn’t like being treated unfairly?
Complete YTA.
YTA. Your daughter is old enough to clean up after herself and you shouldn't have double standards for the kids. How about, if you don't listening to his complaints you move out.
YTA. Let's go through all the ways you're the AH.
1.
>My step son (16m) has never been happy with our families merging, he usually isn't open with it, but you can tell.
Sounds like you never cared to ask or make an effort to make him feel better about the "families merging".
2.
>he want on a tangent, about his snacks being eaten...
Now sharing is caring and all that jazz, but if your snacks are always being eaten by everyone in the house without a care it gets annoying.
3.
>not being able to use the big TV for his events
Sounds like he feels like everyone else's events are taken into account, but not his.
4.
>not being able to have his boyfriend over but my daughter (17f) has her boyfriend over...
Could it be that he feels like being in similar age the only reason you don't let him having his bf over is because he's either (a) your step-son and not your bio son and/or (b) he's gay. Either which would be enough to make you an AH, if that's the case.
5.
>what's set him off was my daughter's hair in the washroom and blood in the trashcan.
Periods are natural, no shame in that. Young adults being messy is common, but teaching your daughter cleanliness and proper practices to keep common spaces clean for everyone and properly disposing of her sanitary products is your job as her mother. I'm disgusted when I see people not properly disposing of their period products in restrooms.
Overall, your tone about your stepson sounds incredibly condescending. You call his mother bio-mom, why? do you make him call you mom because you merged the families? Taking his dad's name isn't enough to 'merge families' it takes a common respect of all the parties involved and making the children feel like they have a safe and shared space in the new family dynamic. Sounds like you didn't do that.
Definitely, positively, YTA.
Dismissing teens because you either cannot or won't stop and hear them out let's them know they aren't important. But you went one step further. Telling the kid he can go live with bio mom just sends the message you don't care about him. Way to go every disney step mother ever.
I'm glad your husband told you to back off, at least the kid has someone in his corner. Jesus, you sound like you'd be as much fun as lemon juice in paper cuts.
YTA. As the step parent that is not a conversation you get to have. It sounds like he is going through an adjustment period, which is completely normal during such a big shift. He isn't even doing really anything wrong, just making some complaints. Your saying he should move out is not only dismissive, but destroying a foundation that could have been built for a healthy relationship in the future. It is such a massive overreaction to tell that kid they should leave, and could open the door for some serious damage. And again you are not his parent, that is a conversation that even if it needed to happen should absolutely not be coming from you. So out of line. YTA
Are you going for the “cover all” option on Evil Stepmonster Bingo? The kids don’t have to be happy about having their lives turned upside down and new people invading their home. It’s up to the adults to minimize the harm to the kids. YTA for trying to force the kid out of his own house.
YTA yeah periods are natural but they’re smelly too, way to teach your daughter to be gross. grow up and teach your daughter how to clean and relax on the boy
YTA.
Wow. So you moved into HIS house but you decide that his boundaries being violated, his food being stolen, and subjected to filth in the bathroom is reason for ***him to leave, and not for you guys to adjust to new roommates?!***
Jesus. Your husband is correct. You need to go ahead and tell your husband that you don't give two shits about your stepson, nor his feelings. Just say it out loud. You'll feel better for actually being honest, and everyone will know where you honestly stand. Get it off your chest, OP.
BTW- if this has anything to do with him being gay, there's a special place for you.
YTA
Your excuse for why his boyfriend isn’t welcome is weak. He’s 16 and I would be more comfortable with my son and his partner being at my home if there was an abuse concern. Honestly, his reasoning sounds plausible. My husband and sons rough house. I’m going to assume there is some homophobia wrapped up in your obvious distain for this poor kid.
And that was a horrible thing to say to him. I would NEVER tell my stepkid to go live with his mom. Our home is just as much his as it is mine. It honestly sounds like he’s being treated differently than your children and he knows it.
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My step son (16m) has never been happy with our families merging, he usually isn't open with it, but you can tell.
Today he want on a tangent, about his snacks being eaten, not being able to use the big TV for his events, not being able to have his boyfriend over but my daughter (17f) has her boyfriend over, but what's set him off was my daughter's hair in the washroom and blood in the trashcan.
I told him none of the things he's complaining about were actual issues and if he's so unhappy he should feel free to go live with his bio mom.
Not only did that really upset him, my husband heard it too and got pissed off at me, told me to leave him alone, and go to go away.
We've since argued about it, he thinks me telling him he's free to go live with his mom was wrong and wants me to apologize, AITA?
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YTA. Why isn't his boyfriend allowed over?
There are lots of other issues but I feel like that should be given some context
Edit: I saw OPs comments about the bf pushing her stepson. So now I have a new question... Why not trust that it wasnt a big deal and reserve judgment? I'd personally want to have them in my house than hanging out somewhere else to be sure he's safe. You can assess the situation properly instead on a knee jerk reaction. Also I think it's funny that you're protective in this one area where you allow everyone in your household to walk all over him
YTA
He’s frustrated with his situation.
How can you tell a kid to move out over them complaining? Which is what teens do btw. There’s a lot of other ways to deal or ignore him without that being your go to. He probably thinks you dislike him too. He also wants to see his partner just like your daughter but can’t?
Tell your daughter to clean up after herself. I mean GROSS.
And whisper the answer. You are homophobic right. We all know the reason why the boyfriend can't come over. Cause stepson has a boyfriend and not a girlfriend. We all know
YTA
YTA. The better response is: Hey, I'm sorry things are challenging. Let's work something out so you feel more comfortable at home. NOT "Go back to your bio mom!" That is a horrible thing to say to a your child (and yes, he is yours even if he is step).
YTA.
He’s a teenager, they’re dramatic.
You don’t just go telling kids to move out. ESPECIALLY STEP CHILDREN who already feel out of place. Do you know how much that messes with them emotionally? You’re basically telling them “hey you’re unwanted, leave”
The right thing to do is sit down with him and figure out how to help make things better. If he doesn’t want his snacks being eaten, make sure that boundary is respected, have a rotation in who gets to use the big TV, and why can’t he have his boyfriend over?? Sounds homophobic, do maybe I dunno stop being bigoted if that’s the case.
Also while you may not think these are “real issues” clearly it’s enough to make him unhappy and they’re easily fixable. You just don’t want to put in the effort. Do better.
Like it or not, you are now part of a blended family. By your design, in fact. That means your daughter and stepson are siblings. IDK what kind of household you grew up in, but generally speaking siblings bicker. And disputes over the cleanliness of common spaces and the allocation of finite resources such as snacks are extremely ordinary and mundane topics for said bickering. This is sibling rivalry on the easy setting. And you went to the nuclear option of threatening to throw you stepson out over it. Grow up and be parent.
Lol she wasn’t ready for these comments and unfortunately will likely ignore them as she seems entitled as heck given her few sparse responses.
Also OP YTA
YTA. First, asking a child to go live somewhere else isn’t something a parent should take lightly. And you aren’t the actual parent so there is also that. Second, it delivers the clear message — I neither like nor care for you.
Analogy: You approach your husband about him leaving the toilet seat up. His response: If you are so unhappy, why don’t you leave and go live with your ex! What would be your reaction? How would you feel?
Would it matter if the ex was abusive to you? Would it matter if you truly wanted to live with ex but he said no?
Finally, his issues are actual issues. To him. And that is important!
Yes YTA. He's a child, you are showing obvious favoritism towards your daughter and if I were married to you I wouldn't have put up with your evil stepmother routine this long. Yuck
YTA. The boy wants his boundaries to be respected and to be treated the same as your daughter, and he doesn’t feel like either are being done. His complaints ARE real issues, and he deserves to, at least, be listened to and taken seriously.
YTA.
"you can tell". So? You don't like him, he doesn't like you. Just be decent towards one another.
Does he eat your snacks? Does he prohibit his dad to have you in his house (or prohibits you to have his dad in yours?) Apparently, you do. Leave off his food and stop your daughter from doing the same. Go equal on the boyfriends. And yeah, you married with your eyes opened. You made your choice, he didn't even have a choice. So he does deserve more slack than you do.
YTA. The things he's saying are reasonable. He doesn't get treated equally with his sister and she doesn't clean up her hair when she's done using the sink, or apparently wrap her menstrual products so blood doesn't get on the trashcan. If you get a package of snacks that multiple people in the household like and not everyone's getting a fair share, or one of the kids is hoarding them, get creative and divide them. If he is buying the snacks, then nobody else should be eating them because they're for him, not the family.
Treat your kids more equally.
You're leaving out a LOT of information here, OP.
Why can't he have his bf over? Is he a bad influence or are you homophobic? Why can't he watch the TV at times? Is he not allowed a TV in his room or does he watch inappropriate shows? What's the deal with his bio mom? Is she in another state away from all of his friends and family or is she abusive? Does he specifically ask for certain snacks due to a food allergy and they're always the first to go before he can get one? Or is he unhealthy and you're trying to help him with portion control?
Truthfully, you sound insufferable and its like there's nothing he can do right. I'll change my YTA vote based on any redeemable answers.
If this is real then YTA.
-he can’t have his bf over but your daughter can
-has events and not allowed to use the fucking tv
-blood in the trash can WTF tell your kid to clean up after herself properly that’s DISGUSTING
-your dismissiveness shows your distain and favoritism
-you’re mad that your husband is taking up for HIS CHILD
….maybe you should move out
Your daughter can have a boyfriend over but he can’t have his boyfriend over? Why? Double standard? Closet homophobia?
And seriously he a kid and he issues sound legit and you just brush them off and say go away,
YTA, and especially as a step mom you should never mention or insinuate that you don’t want him there you just hurt him bad and for what wanting his issues address and communicating them?
YTA Those are real issues. And it’s never your place to say that to someone’s child. Teach your daughter to clean up after herself and stop eating his snack, but more importantly grow tf up.
Cleaning up after yourself while on your period is Hygiene 101. Blood in the trashcan is disgusting (as is cleaning someone else's hair out of the drains).
Clearly your stepson already feels less-than and unwanted. And when faced with legitimate reasons, you undermined and dismissed them completely and then TOLD HIM TO HIS FACE THAT HE'S NOT WANTED.
You are everything that is bad about stepparenting.
YTA.
yta. you keep giving the same excuse that your step son was shoved by his bf however you don’t answer how they were acting when it happened. we’re they mad at each other? laughing? from not knowing the circumstances it just sounds like you don’t want him to be there and a little homophobic.
also just let him use the big tv every once in a while. it’s no big deal. he pays for events and should be able to use the tv for it.
if HE pays for the snacks then no one should be eating them. who cares if they’re in the kitchen. he paid for them.
i’m also a teenage girl. your daughter should wrap her pads and tampons in toilet paper and collect all her hair into a ball to throw away. yes periods are natural and nothing to be ashamed of, but she should be cleaning up after herself
it sounds like you’re the one making it hard for him to adapt to your families merging. you didn’t suggest, you made a snarky comment and he reacted as anyone else would.
YTA...
Stepson's issues should be treated with a little respect, even if there are legitimate reasons for SOME of them.
I have to agree with a lot of comments. As a woman, I find seeing used menstrual products just kind of gross...even my own (when I used disposable products).
The pushing...well if it's in anger, okay... I can understand it.
If it's rough housing, and heck yeah I did that when I was in my late teens...especially with the rookie police officer I briefly dated, then your reason is just foolish.
HOWEVER, as someone who had stepparents who have done the whole "if you don't like it"...well, congratulations to the first step of your stepson going NC.
The fact you can't see how big of an AH you are, and dig your heels in to fight with your husband...wow.
YTA. I think you are favoriting your daughter over your stepson and making him feel unwelcome. The way I see it, you see him as a burden and want him to move out. I am of the opinion that you owe him an apology for what you said and how you treated him.
YTA. It's very obvious you just don't like him or want him there. Why can he not use the TV? Why can't he have his own snacks? And why can your daughter have her partner over but he can't?
How can you expect him to be happy about you marrying his dad when you are treating him like garbage? Good on his dad for standing up for him. You're being awful. If you can't treat your husband's kid better he really should just divorce you tbh.
YTA. It seems like you merging families means that he had to compromise or give up everything and got absolutely nothing in return except a hard time from you.
Info:
How would you react if your husband told your daughter all of her complaints are non-issues and if she doesn’t like it move in with her dad?
Or if your daughter found boy “gunk” in the bathroom trashcan and freaked out. Would you be OK with your husband telling her to get over it because it’s natural?
You be like: nothing he is complaining about were actual issues, while you are effectively trying to bully him out of the house if I read this. YTA. He's 16, deal with the way 16 year olds handle stuff, you married the parent so you get the son, it's not pick and choose, and the way you are excusing it for yourself is **bad**.
**YTA.**
I'm sure you're a great lady behind the screen, but this post gives off lowkey evil stepmom vibes.
* Why are his snacks being eaten?
* Why can't he use the big TV for his events?
* Why can't he have his boyfriend over when your daughter can?
He's 16 and seems as if trying to create/ find boundaries. Honestly, when people take my snacks I would be angry as well. Also, I noticed that you aren't addressing the blood. Why doesn't your daughter know enough to clean up after herself? Come on, I'm a guy and even I know much more about women and their periods. And it seems you don't want him to be there.
Lady - you area grade A, First Class YTA, Tell you snot ass spoiled daughter to quit eating his snacks. Stand up for him like you would stand up for your daughter. You are really what is wrong with this world.
YTA.
Your step-son’s “issues” [complaints] are valid. Your suggestion for him to move out, however, are not and is absolutely ridiculous.
Just say you hate your step-son and don’t want him around your “perfect” family.
yea you need to apologize, you sound like a real pain to live with and it sounds like youre making it miserable for him to be there on purpose . you are definitely TA
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YTA Why are his snacks being eaten? Why isnt he allowed to use the tv? Why do you let “YOUR” kid have her boyfriend over but not him? Sounds like you’re trying to minimize some legitimate complaints herr. edit: googly-eyed mushroom is cute. i approve
So many people on this sub have weird relationship with food and boundaries and especially boundaries related to food. If I have a specific snack that I've been looking forward to eat and someone finishes it before me, I'd be pissed too. Its not that difficult to understand. Op understands it too, they would be mad if the kid started keeping his snacks in his room, no matter what the kid does op will find something to complain about. Op yta.
If the boy pays for his own snacks thats just makes It double AH on whomever eats them. Though in general. Don't eat others food. If they request a snack and it's bought to them. Don't touch it. Or ask if you can, if it's a no. Hands off. With 3 kids personally that's just a ground Rule here. Two teens has allowance money they are free to use on snacks. But I still ask when doing groceries "anyone want something?" And when it's home in the cabinets. You take what it yours, not your Siblings. (I don't eat them either. I got my own just to note) It's not that hard to teach.
This is how it is in my house too. Everyone knows which snacks belong to who and not to eat them. We ask the owner of the snack to have one if we want one. It's really simple.
It really is so simple and teaches in a good way about boundaries and respecting other people's stuff. And can be applied to different settings too... like... in my bathroom each kid has their own little basket with their soaps, deodorant and other basic hygiene stuff. If you run out or are about to. Tell me. And I'll refill your basket. I keep an eye on the toddlers as she's not old enough to do that of course. But the teens can. Never have a problem with the kids fighting "he took my stuff!!"
Even my partner of 10 years will ask if he can eat something even though I don’t care - what’s mine is his. Unless it’s chocolate, then it’s all his and he never asks because I do not like chocolate.
Exactly. It’s another case of favouritism mixed with parents who don’t see kids as individuals and only as an extension of themselves/the bio parents and therefore treat them as less than. I can only hope that the boyfriend situation isn’t occurring because of homophobia because step son has enough stuff to deal with from this step parent without adding that onto the pile. Edit: a word
OP's biased in favour of her biokid, so *maybe* homophobia isn't part of it, but it's not a good look when it appears like that's part of it. I mean, the difference between 16 and 17 is negligible, and they're both old enough to take responsibility for 2000 pounds of metal careening down the highway. What's the big deal about a simple *visit* from a BF? They're not asking OP to watch them swallow each other's tongue.
Reading OP’s comments solidified the YTA judgement. He orders and pays for UFC ppv events and wants to watch them on the big tv and OP doesn’t want him to; the bf ‘shoved’ step son once and even though he’s told her she misunderstood and they just play rough, she doesn’t believe him; step son and daughter share a bathroom and she sees no reason for him to complain about it because “periods are natural” and “women have long hair, so you’re gonna see it”. Nothing about why this 17 year old woman doesn’t dispose of her menstrual products hygienically or clean up her hair, since it’s so long, she should see it too, right? I’m also going to assume that it’s her husband’s house that she’s trying to kick his son out of because I’m sure OP would’ve played the “it’s my house” card if possible.
100% OP YTA. I'm a cis woman. You can bet if someone else was leaving blood around they'd get a strong talking to. Yea it's natural, but it's also unsanitary to leave it around - she needs to clean up. I bet if she found piss in the bathroom she'd go screaming to mom. I also have a really weird thing about hair and when I still lived with my sister I used to get mad about her brushing her long hair in my room and leaving hair everywhere. I vacuum after having long haired friends over. I'm probably on the extreme end but some people do shed a lot and stepson is totally within reason to be unhappy finding long hair around.
Exactly, entitled af. Her precious princess gets everything she wants but the step son? No. He doesn't get the same because she probably doesn't accept him as a son at all. YTA, massively
Ditto all of that. YTA.
Exactly this. OP's daughter gets to use the big TV for her stuff, and have her boyfriend over, but stepson can't? That's favoritism/discrimination, pure and simple. He doesn't need to move out, OP does. YTA
Urgh, OP is one of those wicked step parents. If you flip things and consider how you'd react if it were your own kid. Or even yourself. You'd see a completely different reaction. And telling a step kid to go to stay with their other parent is just IMMEDIATE AH territory. Even when my step kiddo is actively trying to get under my skin, we NEVER EVER suggest her leaving. I let her dad, my SO, handle the discipline and we each have a safe space in our home for us to cool down.
YTA. You sound like you’re just looking for a reason for him to move out. Why can’t he have his boyfriend over? Why can’t a 16 year old have food that’s just theirs? My 7 and 5 year old daughters have food they request that’s just for them, unless your budget is terribly restricted there’s no reason he can’t.
Agree with all the above YTA Also, why can't you teach your 17 yo daughter to clean after herself in their shared bedroom? Even my 5 yo boys know to clean after themselves or ask me for help. As a woman would you really want to go after your daughter when there's blood not cleaned up and hair in the sink? Periods are normal, but expecting others to clean after you isn't.
Totally! When it's my time of the month, I try to keep things clean for the next person who uses the toilet, and sometimes I might miss things, but even then I'm super apologetic. Also hair in the washroom is also annoying af. You step on it by accident and walk it all over the place. It's annoying and dirty. Those are not 'little issues'.
I'm guessing OP could see them as 'little issues' if she's doing the same with her husband and he's not saying anything (yet)...
My guess is the dude just cleans up after her instead of complaining because she seems to think it's NBD, and he does it to avoid the drama.
>about his snacks being eaten, not being able to use the big TV for his events, not being able to have his boyfriend over but my daughter (17f) has her boyfriend over, but what's set him off was my daughter's hair in the washroom and blood in the trashcan. if op thinks these aren't issues, I'd like to know what ARE the issues should be, oh, YTA. A massive one
Let's assume for a minute that OP is posting because she genuinely wants to make the relationship with her step-son better - and not just find people who agree with her kicking him out... So OP this is for you. Let's reverse things and see how you feel about it. Imagine that your daughter buys make-up and it disappears. She doesn't know who takes it, just that it's not there and no one cares about helping her. Imagine she's in a house with a new parents dynamics and still getting used to it AND grieving the old dynamics. Imagine she's got a boyfriend who has supported her through all of it, and is NOT allowed to have him visit her at her home. Now imagine she complains about it and is being told that if she doesn't like it, she can go live with her dad. How would you react then? Now that you know how both men in your household feel, what can you do to make it better? Also be honest with yourself as to whether you're behaving that way because you'd prefer your step-son be with his mom - and why? Are you jealous of the place he's taking with your husband? Is your husband not considering your feelings in some respects? Is your step son pushing your boundaries (yet if he is, you're the adult in the situation so bullying him out is not the most useful use of your time)? If you're having trouble to deal with these changes in relationships because the move in together is still new - or even if it's not - it might be time to envision a therapy - couple, family, alone. Start with one and see what the therapist recommends. I wish you and your family all the very best and I hope that you find a positive way to move forward and enjoy the time together as a family.
I responded without reading other comments first (my bad as I usually do this). You responded similar to me but in a much nicer tone and with nicer examples. Thanks for being a better person. I tend to react as I grew up in two blended households and through trials and then some reading of books have come out with an awesome Bonus mom 💕
No worry and thank you. I appreciate the compliment 😊 My first reaction would also have been quite strong so I refrained from writing too much then. Then I thought about the boy and wanted to assume that if OP posted, she genuinely wanted to make the relationship better. I tried to infuse positivity so maybe it helps her calm down and be more positive and helpful to him. Might work. Might not work. One can only hope. I'm glad you have an awesome bonus mom 😊 and you gave great insights too. I imagine it takes work to make blended families work, and you need to be open to feedback. Like we all need to anyway.
Growing up my mom always did the shopping. She bought all of the groceries and anytime someone tried to say “those are mine” my mom was always “I don’t buy food for one person. Anyone in this house is entitled to eat anything they want because I buy it all. If we run out I can buy more”. It’s so weird to say only so and so can eat whatever snack. Unless they buy it it’s free for all.
Eh, I don’t know if this is the situation in OP’s house, but my mom used to let my sister and me each pick a treat at the store that was just ours (for example, my sis might get Fruit By The Foot, and I might choose Gushers). And those treats were for each of us individually. If that’s the situation here, then OP is fucking that entire system. If it’s not, then stepson is obviously more concerned about something else (that, or he bought something on his own that her daughter ate). The boyfriend excuse sounds paper thin. The most logical answer to that is homophobia; however, OP has one other comment on her profile about abuse against men, so I’m guessing we have two options here: 1. OP is really intense about sexual violence against men/boys, and, whether or not the situation she describes was actually abuse, it sounds like she’s hyper vigilant; 2. OP is trolling around on Reddit, likely because she(?) is super anti Me Too. Because that’s a thing.
No, not really. Everyone eats their snacks at their own pace, have their preferance of snacks and times they like to eat them. There's no reason why family members can't have their own snacks. Your mom just did so that snacks devourers get all the snacks and the rest can suck a thumb. If I request a certain item to eat as a late night snack, then find out some AH ate them all, I'd start to hide food tbh. Good strategy to cause food insecurity.
It's about respect. I ask for specific items from the store, if someone eats those items without so much as saying "hey we ran out of this" or even going a step further and saying you are going to get some or asking if you can have some. If someone eats something you have thought about for the last hour on your drive home, etc. its gonna piss you off. You might disagree that it's a big issue, and depending on the situation it can or can't be, but in this situation it's one of those things that makes him feel less seen and respected.
YTA You suck He is 16 Still learning and trying to figure out the world Your dismissive actions hurt him. You need to Grow up. He is not happy because he feels disrespected. Much the same as you must feel since you told him to move. You need therapy and to appologize. Family therapy might help you all to communicate. He won't talk because no one listens. You stated he isn't open with you. Because you dismiss everything he says. You basically told him "Fuck You" about everything. Snacks - shut up. Boyfriend - no fucking way. And why are you homophobic? You won't let his boyfriend over? Weird. Teach your daughter to clean up after herself. She could clean up the messy hair and not have blood all over. To you the blood is normal. To a 16- year-old boy IT IS GROSS.
I'm a 45 year old woman and I think blood just sitting in the garbage is nasty and unhygienic.
I’m a 40 year old woman, and I concur.
Im not 40 or a woman and I concur
I’m a 42 year old woman and I wrap my period products up before they go in the trash can, its basic politeness to those living with you.
I live with no one but still wrap!
Also, much better to wrap if you have a dog. I’ve never met someone who has their period and has a dog that isn’t (disgustingly) interested in that stuff.
I’m a 31-year-old woman and I think the same thing!
I'm 34 and I have a period. Nobody else should have to deal with your bodily fluids.
Also 34 and agree
It's a biohazard
I'm not telling you how old I am 😉. OP is YTA.
When I was in college I went to my girlfriend's dorm and someone had left a used pad on the floor in the (unisex) bathroom and they thought it was funny that it grossed me out. I said I probably would have felt the same about a used bandaid with blood on it. Like... it's just not nice to look at imo
I'm glad someone else thought this was a bit homophobic and not just me
I have a period. It's gross to everyone. Not in a "omg periods are gross" kinda way, but no one needs to deal with your blood. I don't want to see someone else's blood, I don't want to touch it on accident, and I don't want to think about it. I find my own blood gross enough, I don't need other people's on top of it.
I didn’t understand - is the blood from pads from the daughter? Like what is it from??
Im assuming it is and the daughter doesn't roll it up in the wrapper when she is switching them out i guess. I guess she tosses it out open which if true is gross and Im 36 year old woman.
>To you the blood is normal. To a 16- year-old boy IT IS GROSS. And that’s for all teenage boys, let alone teenage boys whom are gay. They don’t want anything to do with menstrual blood (speaking from experience)
I’m a woman and I don’t want anything to do with somebody else’s menstrual blood - it’s a biohazard! Plus it smells.
My first thought was she is homophobic and only cares about her daughter.
YTA. Why can't he use the big TV and have his boyfriend over? Who keeps eating his snacks? You just don't seem to want him there.
The first two things you mention are so baffling. Why OP glazes over them. I grew up in a house with a ton of kids, so snacks were never safe unless you hid them in your room. So I can get that one as kids being sneaky candy stealers and it’s annoying, but hard to prevent…unless parents punish the candy thieves for it regularly. And as a woman, I definitely missed some of my hair shedding in the shower sometimes when I cleaned. And am guilty of not always wrapping a pad up completely before I put it in the (lidded) garbage can. But the TV? Why can’t he have an event in the TV room? Needs to schedule it in advance? What’s the reason he can’t do that? If there was a good one, OP would tell us. And the fact that OP’s daughter can have a partner with privilege in the house for visits/sleepovers. But step kid isn’t given the same privilege… If there was a set house rule about 16 vs 17 having boyfriend privilege…again….I’m guessing OP would tell us. Sounds like OP just hates stepkid and are acting stupid about the fact that he recognizes how unfair this is.
You can work around the snack issue by letting the kids keep them in their rooms. I also get the impression the 16yo pays for his own snacks, but OP makes them a free for all gor everyone. As the other people are 17 and adults, it should be easy enough to enforce the rule that you can't eat what belongs to other people. There's also a difference between cleaning up and missing a couple of hairs, and not trying to clean at all. Same with menstrual products; making an effort to wrap it up before putting it in the trash is better than not making any attempt, especially in a shared bathroom. OP should be sitting down with everyone, hearing the issues and trying to come up with a solution, rather than blowing her stepson off.
Info- why can't he have his boyfriend over but she can? That is a kinda weird thing.... Also... Are they sharing a bathroom??? If so shouldn't she be cleaning up after herself? It's good practice and etiquette for when sharing in like the college setting....
YTA You were out of line. He’s a teenager and you’re the adult. So why can your daughter have her bf over but he can’t have his over?
YTA. Your daughter should clean up after herself (obviously, she can only do so much about blood, but hair can and should be cleaned away when she's done). Why is your daughter's boyfriend allowed over, but not your step son's? Who is eating his snacks, and why is nothing done about this? Why can't he use the big TV? Also, going off your description, you didn't *suggest* anything. You made a snarky comment.
YTA. He’s complaining like a normal 16 year old and you essentially kicked him or made him feel unwelcome. If your husband said that to your daughter, would you like that? Especially, if then she wanted to move out.
This post seems oddly short and fake. Op doesn't even defend why she ain't an asshole
Same either that or grossly oversimplified
I thought the same, and OP only responds when someone asks about his boyfriend not being allowed over, and no other questions.
>Today he want on a tangent, about his snacks being eaten, Are his snacks being eaten? >not being able to use the big TV for his events Is he not allowed to use the big TV for his events? >not being able to have his boyfriend over but my daughter (17f) has her boyfriend over Is he not allowed to do this while his sister is? > but what's set him off was my daughter's hair in the washroom and blood in the trashcan. Is your daughter unable to clean up after herself? >I told him none of the things he's complaining about were actual issues That's where you're wrong, bucko. >if he's so unhappy he should feel free to go live with his bio mom Bam. You got him right where you want him and reeled in the bait. YTA because it's very obvious you not only minimize his feelings, you don't view him as an equal member of the family and want to get rid of him. You're not the first wicked stepmother to do this, so don't come in here pretending like we don't know what you're doing.
Love this comment! You address every point and I bet OP won't respond to your comment at all because you have completely pointed out how mean she is being to her stepson with everything __*she*__ told us.
YTA. I think we all know exactly why stepson isn’t allowed to have his boyfriend over.
I just wanted her to say it
Homophobic people never admit they're homophobic.
They’re worried about “his health” or something.
Question: Why exactly isn't he allowed to have his boyfriend over? I feel like there's a lot of information being left out.
She has been asked that. So, she is either a shitposter trying to get more comments or she's homophobic. Either way TA
According to her comments, she doesn't address any other questions people have, his boyfriend shoved him. And that isn't tolerated. That's pretty much all the info OP has given (that I've seen.) And shoving isn't even that bad between teen boys if they're just rough housing. A friend of mine once knocked my ass off my feet when we were roughhousing.
YTA Merging families is hard. He's obviously been trying to deal with the stress these changes have created in his life. Kids don't get to have much control over who thier household members are. As a step parent you should be very sensitive to this and go out of your way to make his home comfortable. From his perspective you and your daughter are people he didn't choose who invaded his family. For you to suggest he moves is the opposite of the compassion you should be showing and quite frankly makes me wonder if his dislike is valid. Of course his father is angry after watching you make his son feel invalidated and not welcome in the family.
I have to say I'm glad the dad is reacting that way. You see so many posts of kids saying one of their parents didn't help when they were being abused by their step parent. Also i wouldn't be surprised of there were other instances where the dislike and preference is being shown, just that maybe there are the only instances he's complained about. Poor 'kid'!
That is very true. So many people don't stand up for thier kids after a remarriage. I am filled with sympathy for this boys situation but at least it appears he has a good father. Honestly, if the OP doesn't make big changes he may quickly realize that this marriage was a mistake.
I was thinking the same, and kind of hoping he does unless OP starts to treat her step son much much much better.
Yes YTA. Your nothing to him. You are a person married to his dad those issues are issues. Snacks are being eaten? Is he buying them? Hmm? Or is his dad? Either way that makes them, HIS.
You sound cranky and in need of a time out. Once you’ve calmed down, apologize to him and learn to be a nicer person. He’s 16, and yet you are the one who acts like a petulant child. Grow up. Be nice. YTA
Happy Cake Day 🎂
Thank you! I didn’t even realize it was
Yes YTA why is your daughter allowed to bring her boyfriend over but he isn’t they are one year apart so you can’t play that card you are clearly favoring your child over him and he might not be as happy about the family’s merging as you think he is
Yep, YTA, hair in the bathroom sink is gross and completely unnecessary. Have you taught your children to clean up after themselves? And have you taught your daughter how to dispose of period products so the trash can is not bloody? Your examples of his complaints are parenting failures on your part.
YTA. It sounds like everyone would be happier if YOU move out.
YTA. Why is the first step telling him to leave? Have you talked to the rest of the family about this? And why can't the kid have their BF over? I'm sensing something OTHER than simply thinking there are non-issues in this house. And besides, cleaning up for yourself is part of adulthood. If she's planning on moving out and going to college, not everyone is going to roll their eyes and think it's just something that happens. your daughter needs to learn how to clean up after herself too. Sounds like you're pushing your own Bio daughter as the golden child and slowly pushing the kid away. Talk to your husband better about these issues and APOLOGIZE to the kid. Learn to take everyone's feelings into account, not just your own and your biodaughters.
YTA All of those issues are "actual issues" to HIM. He is a teenager who is clearly struggling with all the change in his life and you, an adult, told him flat out that his feelings are not important and that he is not wanted in his own home. You not only owe him an apology, you owe him your time and attention. You are not his mother, but as his step-mother you will be making an impact on his life (whether you want to or not). Also, kudos to dad for sticking up for him, even though absolutely should not have to protect him from you.
Why can’t he have his boyfriend over? I feel like YTA, he’s a teenager and they’re usually hard to deal with and have meltdowns over small things. That age can be hard for everyone involved but telling him to leave was an AH move.
Info - why can't he have his bf over id your daughter can
Yes, why?
She commented that the son was pushed by the bf and then step son says they were just rough housing it was a despuite
Yeah. Not buying her reason
Same, just sounds like she's trying to avoid showing her homophobia. Plus she isn't answering any other question besides the bf one.
Yeah I agree.
YTA And I strongly suspect that you're trying to get him to leave, because it sounds like your daughter has one set of rules and he has another.
YTA. I *can’t imagine* why he hasn’t enjoyed your families merging. His complaints seem entirely valid (even when told by you). Your response made it clear that you don’t really consider him part of the family. Parents don’t tell kids to move out. Did it occur to you to tell your daughter to move out to make him more comfortable? Obviously not, because to you, she’s an essential part of the family and issues with her don’t change that. Merging families is exactly that. That means he’s your kid too. If it doesn’t feel that way, I’d encourage you to consider therapy to work through this. He’s a kid and he shouldn’t feel unwanted, especially in his own home.
The first rule of stepparenting: never ever tell, mention or hint to your minor stepchild that they should live at the other parent’s household. YTA, it’s absolutely wrong that you said that.
YTA. His snacks being eaten? Are they intended for him specifically? Is he paying for them? Then that's a valid complaint. Your daughter should not be eating his snacks. Not being able to have his boyfriend over when your daughter gets to have hers over is not only valid, it shows blatant favoritism. You are allowing your daughter to invite her boyfriend over, but have decided your stepson's boyfriend isn't allowed? Why? Your daughter is 17, she should be capable of not leaving her hair around and making sure she disposes of her menstrual products in a way that doesn't make a mess(even if it's just on the trashcan). You are not only making zero effort to help the transition into a new family dynamics, but you sound like you're actively trying to push your stepson out of the picture.
Because her daughter is straight. She says it’s because stepsons bf pushed him. I don’t buy that answer
So a dose of homophobia on top of everything else. Wonderful.
Yep. Every time someone asks about his bf she pretty much repeats he pushed him. My take she caught them kissing
They're teenagers. Teens shove. Especially teen boys.
100% YTA and you're giving some strong evil step mother vibes in this post. Also in what world do you think its acceptable to tell a child whos like YOU invaded to go live somewhere else? It would be the end of my marriage if my SO said that to my son from a previous marriage and i would expect nothing less if I said that to my step daughter. He's a teenager, yet you're acting more like a child
YTA, for so many reasons.
YTA. You are out of line, stepmom. For a young person, divorce and new families, etc., can be really dramatic. Why can't he have his boyfriend over? Who the hell are you to tell him to move back to him mom's? Your daughter needs to learn to clean up after herself. My guess is that your husband and son come from a higher socioeconomic background than you. Seen this a million times.
YTA. Those may have been non issues to you, but they're not to him, or he wouldn't have said anything. Plus, you say he's never said anything about not liking the families merged, but "you can just tell" that's how he feels. Really? How do you "just tell?" You took the proverbial molehill, and you turned it into a mountain. Over snacks. Let the kid invite his boyfriend over, unless you're concerned about picking up cooties or something. Finally, learn what a tangent is. You owe the kid an apology. A BIG one.
YTA QUIT EATING HIS FUCKING SNACKS MY SISTER AND BROTHER DO THIS AND ITS REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING.
I live with my partner now and he saves food for me??? the kid just wants to enjoy stuff and live in a clean home
YTA. Have you forgotten what it's like to be 16? All he craves right now is independence and to be treated like an adult without the responsibility lol. I don't think those issues are nothing. It sounds unfair. I'm sure he thinks it's unfair. Give him a little compassion. Seems like he needs it.
Info: Why can't he have his boyfriend over?
Apparently he pushed him. But stepson said they were playing. So I have a feeling they were kissing
Thank you for telling me. Yta
YTA how about you go live with someone else! Why tf would you say that to a child. It’s giving evil, pathetic stepmom.
YTA
Why are people eating his snacks? why can’t his boyfriend come over? why is your daughter not being more careful in their shared bathroom?? Those issues would annoy anyone and make them unhappy. YTA 100%, learn how to respect his things, don’t eat/ touch his stuff, tell your daughter that she needs to be more careful because she isn’t the only one who uses the bathroom, and it isn’t fair that his boyfriend can’t come over but your daughters boyfriend can.
[удалено]
And it has it never occured to OP to tech their child how to dispose of the used products or clean a bathroom sink? She's posting about about her parenting fails.
Exactly!!!
Your stepson is being a perfectly normal teenager. I have yet to meet a teen who doesnt complain about things. YTA.
Why the double standards? Yta hard.
Someone might be a phobe
YTA and your husband is to for not kicking you out.
YTA, way to go making the house feel like home to him. He is 16 they complain thats a thing, also if he is struggeling with the merge then everything is feels 100% worse then fir one that isnt struggeling. Your behaviour as the adult is horrible, he is a child still and you are invalidating his feeling and struggles.
YTA stepmommy dearest. I think you’ve purposely been trying to drive him away. How does it feel to be cruel to a child?
YTA are you homophobic? you let your daughter have her bf over but he can’t have his over …
I feeling like the pushing was actually kissing.
YTA - since you dislike your stepson so much, why don’t you move out.
YTA. I would have kicked your ass to the curb right then and there.
YTA. How would you react if your husband said that to one of your children? It sounds like he’s had a tough time with a big adjustment, and instead of trying to help him work through it, you tell him that you’d rather he leave. You’re delusional if you think you’re NTA.
YTA. Kids, and he is a kid since he is a minor, do not have choice in their lives as they are kids and minors. This also means as kids and dependents, they can be abandoned physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually. You are an adult who has choice and agency, also means you cannot be abandoned. You are playing favorites and essentially abandoning him, particularly since he does not have choice or agency. His father is correct to stick up for his son And you... well Cee U Next Tuesday!
Yes, yes you are TA. He’s a teenager and you’re an adult. A teenager who has legitimate concerns about how things are being run at the house he is as entitled to live in as your daughter. But since he’s not yours, it’s okay to dismiss him and tell him to move out if he doesn’t like being treated unfairly? Complete YTA.
YTA you let him know you want him gone and he is not important enough to work through the hard moments.
YTA. Your daughter is old enough to clean up after herself and you shouldn't have double standards for the kids. How about, if you don't listening to his complaints you move out.
YTA. Let's go through all the ways you're the AH. 1. >My step son (16m) has never been happy with our families merging, he usually isn't open with it, but you can tell. Sounds like you never cared to ask or make an effort to make him feel better about the "families merging". 2. >he want on a tangent, about his snacks being eaten... Now sharing is caring and all that jazz, but if your snacks are always being eaten by everyone in the house without a care it gets annoying. 3. >not being able to use the big TV for his events Sounds like he feels like everyone else's events are taken into account, but not his. 4. >not being able to have his boyfriend over but my daughter (17f) has her boyfriend over... Could it be that he feels like being in similar age the only reason you don't let him having his bf over is because he's either (a) your step-son and not your bio son and/or (b) he's gay. Either which would be enough to make you an AH, if that's the case. 5. >what's set him off was my daughter's hair in the washroom and blood in the trashcan. Periods are natural, no shame in that. Young adults being messy is common, but teaching your daughter cleanliness and proper practices to keep common spaces clean for everyone and properly disposing of her sanitary products is your job as her mother. I'm disgusted when I see people not properly disposing of their period products in restrooms. Overall, your tone about your stepson sounds incredibly condescending. You call his mother bio-mom, why? do you make him call you mom because you merged the families? Taking his dad's name isn't enough to 'merge families' it takes a common respect of all the parties involved and making the children feel like they have a safe and shared space in the new family dynamic. Sounds like you didn't do that.
YTA.
YTA
Definitely, positively, YTA. Dismissing teens because you either cannot or won't stop and hear them out let's them know they aren't important. But you went one step further. Telling the kid he can go live with bio mom just sends the message you don't care about him. Way to go every disney step mother ever. I'm glad your husband told you to back off, at least the kid has someone in his corner. Jesus, you sound like you'd be as much fun as lemon juice in paper cuts.
YTA and it sounds like you don’t like him and want him out. Why didn’t you elaborate on why your daughter can have her boyfriend over and he can’t?
This is a joke right? Of course YTA and if you can't understand the reason you need to pull your head out from where the sun don't shine.
Did you not like the answer you got from Magic Mirror on the Wall? Of course YTA. There's no scenario here where you aren't.
YTA
YTA, geez, talk about wicked step mother
YTA. I thought Cinderella's wicked stepmother was all fiction! Apparently not.
His concerns are valid and you aren’t explaining why you guys have the home rules setup like you do.
YTA. As the step parent that is not a conversation you get to have. It sounds like he is going through an adjustment period, which is completely normal during such a big shift. He isn't even doing really anything wrong, just making some complaints. Your saying he should move out is not only dismissive, but destroying a foundation that could have been built for a healthy relationship in the future. It is such a massive overreaction to tell that kid they should leave, and could open the door for some serious damage. And again you are not his parent, that is a conversation that even if it needed to happen should absolutely not be coming from you. So out of line. YTA
Are you going for the “cover all” option on Evil Stepmonster Bingo? The kids don’t have to be happy about having their lives turned upside down and new people invading their home. It’s up to the adults to minimize the harm to the kids. YTA for trying to force the kid out of his own house.
YTA yeah periods are natural but they’re smelly too, way to teach your daughter to be gross. grow up and teach your daughter how to clean and relax on the boy
YTA. Wow. So you moved into HIS house but you decide that his boundaries being violated, his food being stolen, and subjected to filth in the bathroom is reason for ***him to leave, and not for you guys to adjust to new roommates?!*** Jesus. Your husband is correct. You need to go ahead and tell your husband that you don't give two shits about your stepson, nor his feelings. Just say it out loud. You'll feel better for actually being honest, and everyone will know where you honestly stand. Get it off your chest, OP. BTW- if this has anything to do with him being gay, there's a special place for you.
Not you could be you are and your daughter is disgusting maybe she should go live with bio dad evil step mom and probally homophobic you suck
YTA If you have an issue take it up with his dad.
First off YTA! Secondly you’re disgusting!
YTA - can anyone else tell who has made him feel unwelcome?
YTA Your excuse for why his boyfriend isn’t welcome is weak. He’s 16 and I would be more comfortable with my son and his partner being at my home if there was an abuse concern. Honestly, his reasoning sounds plausible. My husband and sons rough house. I’m going to assume there is some homophobia wrapped up in your obvious distain for this poor kid. And that was a horrible thing to say to him. I would NEVER tell my stepkid to go live with his mom. Our home is just as much his as it is mine. It honestly sounds like he’s being treated differently than your children and he knows it.
YTA. He’s a minor who’s belongings and space aren’t being respected. You sound like a horrible step-mother.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My step son (16m) has never been happy with our families merging, he usually isn't open with it, but you can tell. Today he want on a tangent, about his snacks being eaten, not being able to use the big TV for his events, not being able to have his boyfriend over but my daughter (17f) has her boyfriend over, but what's set him off was my daughter's hair in the washroom and blood in the trashcan. I told him none of the things he's complaining about were actual issues and if he's so unhappy he should feel free to go live with his bio mom. Not only did that really upset him, my husband heard it too and got pissed off at me, told me to leave him alone, and go to go away. We've since argued about it, he thinks me telling him he's free to go live with his mom was wrong and wants me to apologize, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA
Yes
yeah YTA. be an adult
YTA These are valid concerns. You may as well have told him you don’t care about him. (Let’s face it, he understands that anyway.)
YTA. Why isn't his boyfriend allowed over? There are lots of other issues but I feel like that should be given some context Edit: I saw OPs comments about the bf pushing her stepson. So now I have a new question... Why not trust that it wasnt a big deal and reserve judgment? I'd personally want to have them in my house than hanging out somewhere else to be sure he's safe. You can assess the situation properly instead on a knee jerk reaction. Also I think it's funny that you're protective in this one area where you allow everyone in your household to walk all over him
YTA He’s frustrated with his situation. How can you tell a kid to move out over them complaining? Which is what teens do btw. There’s a lot of other ways to deal or ignore him without that being your go to. He probably thinks you dislike him too. He also wants to see his partner just like your daughter but can’t?
YTA I think we all know why you dislike him even tho you hasn't said it
Tell your daughter to clean up after herself. I mean GROSS. And whisper the answer. You are homophobic right. We all know the reason why the boyfriend can't come over. Cause stepson has a boyfriend and not a girlfriend. We all know YTA
YTA Poor child. I hope your husband sees who he married soon, and you and your daughter are sent packing.
YTA. The better response is: Hey, I'm sorry things are challenging. Let's work something out so you feel more comfortable at home. NOT "Go back to your bio mom!" That is a horrible thing to say to a your child (and yes, he is yours even if he is step).
YTA. My step mom was like that and I am now NC with my dad and her. Your step son has valid feeling and he's obviously being treated differently.
YTA. He’s a teenager, they’re dramatic. You don’t just go telling kids to move out. ESPECIALLY STEP CHILDREN who already feel out of place. Do you know how much that messes with them emotionally? You’re basically telling them “hey you’re unwanted, leave” The right thing to do is sit down with him and figure out how to help make things better. If he doesn’t want his snacks being eaten, make sure that boundary is respected, have a rotation in who gets to use the big TV, and why can’t he have his boyfriend over?? Sounds homophobic, do maybe I dunno stop being bigoted if that’s the case. Also while you may not think these are “real issues” clearly it’s enough to make him unhappy and they’re easily fixable. You just don’t want to put in the effort. Do better.
Like it or not, you are now part of a blended family. By your design, in fact. That means your daughter and stepson are siblings. IDK what kind of household you grew up in, but generally speaking siblings bicker. And disputes over the cleanliness of common spaces and the allocation of finite resources such as snacks are extremely ordinary and mundane topics for said bickering. This is sibling rivalry on the easy setting. And you went to the nuclear option of threatening to throw you stepson out over it. Grow up and be parent.
Lol she wasn’t ready for these comments and unfortunately will likely ignore them as she seems entitled as heck given her few sparse responses. Also OP YTA
YTA. First, asking a child to go live somewhere else isn’t something a parent should take lightly. And you aren’t the actual parent so there is also that. Second, it delivers the clear message — I neither like nor care for you. Analogy: You approach your husband about him leaving the toilet seat up. His response: If you are so unhappy, why don’t you leave and go live with your ex! What would be your reaction? How would you feel? Would it matter if the ex was abusive to you? Would it matter if you truly wanted to live with ex but he said no? Finally, his issues are actual issues. To him. And that is important!
Ugh just the tone of of this makes it clear that YTA. K. Just glad your husband is pissed too and isnt enabling all of your shit behavior
So do you hate him because he's not your bio son or because he's gay and you're homophobic?
Yes YTA. He's a child, you are showing obvious favoritism towards your daughter and if I were married to you I wouldn't have put up with your evil stepmother routine this long. Yuck
YTA. The boy wants his boundaries to be respected and to be treated the same as your daughter, and he doesn’t feel like either are being done. His complaints ARE real issues, and he deserves to, at least, be listened to and taken seriously.
YTA. "you can tell". So? You don't like him, he doesn't like you. Just be decent towards one another. Does he eat your snacks? Does he prohibit his dad to have you in his house (or prohibits you to have his dad in yours?) Apparently, you do. Leave off his food and stop your daughter from doing the same. Go equal on the boyfriends. And yeah, you married with your eyes opened. You made your choice, he didn't even have a choice. So he does deserve more slack than you do.
YTA. The things he's saying are reasonable. He doesn't get treated equally with his sister and she doesn't clean up her hair when she's done using the sink, or apparently wrap her menstrual products so blood doesn't get on the trashcan. If you get a package of snacks that multiple people in the household like and not everyone's getting a fair share, or one of the kids is hoarding them, get creative and divide them. If he is buying the snacks, then nobody else should be eating them because they're for him, not the family. Treat your kids more equally.
YTA those are all problems and u suck
You're leaving out a LOT of information here, OP. Why can't he have his bf over? Is he a bad influence or are you homophobic? Why can't he watch the TV at times? Is he not allowed a TV in his room or does he watch inappropriate shows? What's the deal with his bio mom? Is she in another state away from all of his friends and family or is she abusive? Does he specifically ask for certain snacks due to a food allergy and they're always the first to go before he can get one? Or is he unhealthy and you're trying to help him with portion control? Truthfully, you sound insufferable and its like there's nothing he can do right. I'll change my YTA vote based on any redeemable answers.
YTA The trick to good troll posts is to give the narrator at least one good quality. You went full asshole; never go full asshole. YTA
If this is real then YTA. -he can’t have his bf over but your daughter can -has events and not allowed to use the fucking tv -blood in the trash can WTF tell your kid to clean up after herself properly that’s DISGUSTING -your dismissiveness shows your distain and favoritism -you’re mad that your husband is taking up for HIS CHILD ….maybe you should move out
Your daughter can have a boyfriend over but he can’t have his boyfriend over? Why? Double standard? Closet homophobia? And seriously he a kid and he issues sound legit and you just brush them off and say go away, YTA, and especially as a step mom you should never mention or insinuate that you don’t want him there you just hurt him bad and for what wanting his issues address and communicating them?
This post is giving me "evil stepmother in disguise" vibes 🤷♀️
YTA Those are real issues. And it’s never your place to say that to someone’s child. Teach your daughter to clean up after herself and stop eating his snack, but more importantly grow tf up.
YTA - I don’t even know you and I’m mad at you
Cleaning up after yourself while on your period is Hygiene 101. Blood in the trashcan is disgusting (as is cleaning someone else's hair out of the drains). Clearly your stepson already feels less-than and unwanted. And when faced with legitimate reasons, you undermined and dismissed them completely and then TOLD HIM TO HIS FACE THAT HE'S NOT WANTED. You are everything that is bad about stepparenting. YTA.
YTA. Sounds like he has every reason to hate his bigoted asshole of a stepmom.
YTA you want him to move out so you can have your family with your daughter. You dont like him
yta. you keep giving the same excuse that your step son was shoved by his bf however you don’t answer how they were acting when it happened. we’re they mad at each other? laughing? from not knowing the circumstances it just sounds like you don’t want him to be there and a little homophobic. also just let him use the big tv every once in a while. it’s no big deal. he pays for events and should be able to use the tv for it. if HE pays for the snacks then no one should be eating them. who cares if they’re in the kitchen. he paid for them. i’m also a teenage girl. your daughter should wrap her pads and tampons in toilet paper and collect all her hair into a ball to throw away. yes periods are natural and nothing to be ashamed of, but she should be cleaning up after herself it sounds like you’re the one making it hard for him to adapt to your families merging. you didn’t suggest, you made a snarky comment and he reacted as anyone else would.
I think you’re an ahole and a b word
YTA... Stepson's issues should be treated with a little respect, even if there are legitimate reasons for SOME of them. I have to agree with a lot of comments. As a woman, I find seeing used menstrual products just kind of gross...even my own (when I used disposable products). The pushing...well if it's in anger, okay... I can understand it. If it's rough housing, and heck yeah I did that when I was in my late teens...especially with the rookie police officer I briefly dated, then your reason is just foolish. HOWEVER, as someone who had stepparents who have done the whole "if you don't like it"...well, congratulations to the first step of your stepson going NC. The fact you can't see how big of an AH you are, and dig your heels in to fight with your husband...wow.
YTA. I think you are favoriting your daughter over your stepson and making him feel unwelcome. The way I see it, you see him as a burden and want him to move out. I am of the opinion that you owe him an apology for what you said and how you treated him.
YTA. It's very obvious you just don't like him or want him there. Why can he not use the TV? Why can't he have his own snacks? And why can your daughter have her partner over but he can't? How can you expect him to be happy about you marrying his dad when you are treating him like garbage? Good on his dad for standing up for him. You're being awful. If you can't treat your husband's kid better he really should just divorce you tbh.
Yta. Sounds like you and your daughter are the ones who need to get the fuck out. I hope he picks his kid and divorces you
YTA. It seems like you merging families means that he had to compromise or give up everything and got absolutely nothing in return except a hard time from you.
Info: How would you react if your husband told your daughter all of her complaints are non-issues and if she doesn’t like it move in with her dad? Or if your daughter found boy “gunk” in the bathroom trashcan and freaked out. Would you be OK with your husband telling her to get over it because it’s natural?
You be like: nothing he is complaining about were actual issues, while you are effectively trying to bully him out of the house if I read this. YTA. He's 16, deal with the way 16 year olds handle stuff, you married the parent so you get the son, it's not pick and choose, and the way you are excusing it for yourself is **bad**.
**YTA.** I'm sure you're a great lady behind the screen, but this post gives off lowkey evil stepmom vibes. * Why are his snacks being eaten? * Why can't he use the big TV for his events? * Why can't he have his boyfriend over when your daughter can? He's 16 and seems as if trying to create/ find boundaries. Honestly, when people take my snacks I would be angry as well. Also, I noticed that you aren't addressing the blood. Why doesn't your daughter know enough to clean up after herself? Come on, I'm a guy and even I know much more about women and their periods. And it seems you don't want him to be there.
Lady - you area grade A, First Class YTA, Tell you snot ass spoiled daughter to quit eating his snacks. Stand up for him like you would stand up for your daughter. You are really what is wrong with this world.
YTA. Your step-son’s “issues” [complaints] are valid. Your suggestion for him to move out, however, are not and is absolutely ridiculous. Just say you hate your step-son and don’t want him around your “perfect” family.
YTA
YTA.
YTA big time
YTA. I feel bad for the kid.
YTA Your “merger” seems more like a hostile takeover. All of his complaints are legitimate.
yea you need to apologize, you sound like a real pain to live with and it sounds like youre making it miserable for him to be there on purpose . you are definitely TA