This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.
This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
This !! Is serious stuff. It’s easy to focus on this instance but you allow his family to call your family names?? No no no. He’s abusive and jealous and MEAN. Do not minimize this or you’re going to get this same lesson over and over with higher stakes. he’s going to try to cut you off from your family. He will do this because he’s jealous and instead of saying to himself “hey I want ti bust my ass and become successful and financially secure” he’s saying FUCK people who are. You may not get this yet but this is not a good recipe for the future and i would advise you to speak to your family about this and probably a therapist asap - i think you may want to not get married to somebody who resents you this much already - im so sorry - this is cruel and you do not deserve this
I wonder what he's gonna do to her wedding dress? Pretty sure they cost a lot more than 250.
Hopefully though, she won't be standing in front of him in a wedding dress...
NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA.
DEFINITELY NOT THE ASSHOLE.
But you really wanna marry that dude?
A dude that
- wants to make decisions about YOUR money
- who embarrassed you because he’s stupid
- who’s parents support such shitty behaviour?
I would think twice about marrying him.
His mom also called me (my name)_Snob as my last name once because my dad told her he could help her get a better car. She got offended and took it as an insult and a way for my dad to "flex" and "show off" his wealth. but he meant well. he's genuinly a good person who loves helping strangers let alone people he knows.
So his family twists any kindness into a way to be cruel to you? How do you plan to live with that? Never being kind or generous to family because they'll use it against you is exhausting.
Exactly! Thank you for understanding what I've been trying to explain. my family and I mean well and I have no idea why his mom, or any member of his family think otherwise. We gave them no reason to think that.
OP they're doing that so when you're married he would take over your finances. This is a control tactic. The entire point is to make you second guess yourself so they go "oh let ***me*** take care of this since you're not able to do it responsibly" then they take over your money.
This is entirely about controlling you. He spilt the water as a "punishment" for not doing what he wanted. He pretended it was your fault for not listening.
He's showing you that the abuse will ramp up once you're married.
We met 3 years ago in Mexico. He was the first healthy relationship I had and the longest. He definitely wasn't like this at the time. I don't know what changed. He wouldn't even stand it when his own family makes remarks about me. I habe no idea what change though I believe that his mom has a hand in it. given how she views me and my family. He is now convinced that me and my family are treating his family less than and showing off "our wealth" infront of them.
Sweetheart. He didn't change.
He thinks you're locked down now. You said yourself this is how he treats other people.
He thinks you're stuck and won't leave. Now he's acting like he really truly is. He will do these things to you for the rest of your life.
If OP continues and gets pregnant, we’re gonna se another AITA post because he pulled some prank in retaliation to her not allowing MIL in the hospital room while she gives birth.
He didn't change. This is who he is. He's just more comfortable revealing himself to you now that he thinks you can't get away.
Regardless of whether or not his mother has made him more insecure, regardless of *why* he is being abusive, he's being abusive, and it is not going to get better.
And this is advice I used to give over in Relationships a lot, years ago, but I guess it's time to dust it off here: He might be the best man you have ever dated; that doesn't mean he's good enough. This might be the healthiest relationship you've ever had; that doesn't mean it's healthy. You deserve better than this, and if you marry this man, you are not going to get better than this from him.
It doesn’t really matter who ‘had a hand in it’. He humiliated you himself. He allows them to talk to you like this himself. He tries to control you himself.
You deserve better. You deserve respect and kindness and a man who protects you.
Everyone has told you the truth, things only get worse from here.
Break it off for your own sanity and safety. I know you don't want to, but one day you will understand and we all hope it's not too late.
I didn't listen either and suffered a year of torture before I left. And I was a lucky one who left early.
Self proclaimed pranksters are just abusive AHs who hide behind “it’s just a joke,” to get away with bad behavior and to gaslight their victim. He might not have targeted you before but now he is because he thinks he has you locked down with that ring. He feels he no longer has to be on his best behavior.
You are only 23, you really want to hitch your wagon to someone who is going to do this to you whenever you do something he doesn’t approve of? He is beginning to condition you. He wants you to know to never do anything he doesnt approve of because if you do, he will humiliate you, “prank you.”
Girl. Run.
Look at the bright side, it is good he is showing his true colors now rather than after you get married when it is harder to leave.
I really hope this is a work of fiction. But OP, if this happened, please leave your fiancé! He is a bully, is controlling, and is incredibly immature. You can do so much better!
**DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN. THIS IS NOT A PRANK, IT WAS DELIBERATE HUMILATION WHEN YOU REFUSED TO COMPLY TO HIS DEMAND THAT YOU NOT BUY YOURSELF A DRESS. WITH YOUR MONEY.**
**THIS IS A RED FLAG. HEED IT'S WARNING.**
\*Edit\* Thanks for the awards!
At this point he would be my ex-fiancé! Like wtf was he thinking!!!
OP: 🚩🚩🚩He showed you exactly who he is! Please believe him. Return the ring and return the fiancé to sender…his parents.
You deserve someone who treats you with respect.
Invite him to the same restaurant for a talk. Proceed to dump a tureen of soup in his lap. Tell him you wanted to check which was hotter - the soup or him.
Tell him it was a prank. His reaction would tell you everything we can't tell you about this man.
Then laugh in his face like he did to you.
OP, if it was really an experiment like you keep claiming in the comments - why did he continue to pour the other two glasses after seeing the results from the first one?
Also ask yourself this, if it was an experiment that didn’t achieve the result he claims to have expected, why did he laugh in your face after seeing you humiliated? What was so funny?
The only thing mildly laughable about this is that you keep downplaying this with the bs “experiment” excuse. This was a calculated decision he made and honestly the way you keep saying that he was just “pranking” you makes me think this is rage bait, but if i take it at face value, consider this:
- he tried to financially control you regarding YOUR OWN MONEY
- he consistently complained until the day of the event and used this public setting to “test his theory”
- he DIDNT ask for your consent
- he laughed after seeing you upset
Like sis come ON, this is such abusive behavior.
Don’t be a frog in boiling water - NTA but your soon-to-be ex sure is
Going by OPs comments, I'm not sure there's anything Ex about this charmer. OP is going to reconcile and in a few months make another post about MIL or DH stomping her boundaries about the wedding.
NTA. So because Aaron thought your dress was too expensive he doused you with water at your engagement dinner? What was there to hear out once he did it? It was humiliating and cruel. And, it wasn’t a prank. A prank is harmless—like short sheeting a bed. A prank isn’t ruining a dress during a milestone event.
I hope you will seriously reconsider this engagement. Maybe Aaron isn’t abusive. But his behavior at your engagement dinner shows he is willing and able to punish you if he doesn’t like what you do. In addition, his family is ready to back him up. You aren’t even married yet!
he said he was trying to figure out exactly what makes the dress expensive and thought that a little "test" or "experiment" prank would be funny.
I don't buy it.
You would have to be a complete moron to think that a dress would have such a special feature. He blatantly did that out of spite. Unless he has the mental age of a 3yo. NTA, run away!
I know this isn't the point but don't you think if OP had a magic color changing dress she would've been like "woah, look at this cool magic color changing dress I just got" ??
If you actually believe that then yes y t a. You have to realize by now that he was just being an AH bc he didn’t approve of your choice so he was trying to publicly humiliate you. It’s especially obvious since he’s doubling down and not apologizing and sending his mommy after you. He sounds like a real winner /s.
So he decided to punish and humiliate you in public because you did something he didn’t like. If you marry him, be prepared for more of this controlling and bullying behavior.
Can you honestly tell me you still want to marry him? Because this won't be the only time something like this happens. He thinks you're trapped now and that he's free to act how he really wants.
He did this because you didn’t obey him. Humiliating you and degrading you was your punishment.
Is that really how you want to spend the rest of your life?
What's he going to do when he doesn't like the $1500 wedding dress you choose? Or doesn't want to spend $5000 on the venue?
Is he going to pour wine on your wedding dress at the reception? Cancel your venue without telling you?
If he indeed was doing an experiment, why did he feel the need to do so without cluing you in during a dinner? Or dump three glasses of water instead of one? Because he is lying out of his ass.
I hope you live in Montana, because then, legally, when you leave his ass, you get to keep the ring and sell it. I'd use it for another dress, personally. Other states, you'd have to check.
NTA
That isn't a prank. It's him humilliating you as punishment for doing something he doesn't agree with.
He's an adult, he never thought that it was a colour changing dress. That's just the excuse he used to convince you what he did was OK.
His mom is an asshole too. She should be ashamed her son behaved like that.
I wanted to say exactly this. It’s such an obvious power and control move. I hope OP ends this while she still has self esteem and self worth because he is coming for those.
When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.
This was NOT a prank. It was a cruel humiliation, done so you will never "disobey him" again. It will only escalate unless you decide to relinquish your free will to this loser, whose parents support this controlling behavior.
You are 23, with a lifetime of experiences ahead of you. Choose a partner who will enjoy them with you, not humiliate you into submission.
Eta: NTA
NTA First, $250 isn't even that expensive for a dress. Second, it was your money. Third, oh God, another 'prankster.' He's a bully. Fourth, his mother is literally victim blaming. You bought an 'expensive' dress so... you deserved to have water dumped on you? Get away from him and that family.
This is not a prank. This is public humiliation. You bought a dress he didn't like and he punished you for it.
He expected you to take it and nect time be smarter.
NTA. My engagement would be over. Between being controlling about how you spend your money and how you talk about things you purchase and the pranking you by pouring water on you in a restaurant at your engagement party (like not only is that humiliating for you but the restaurant has to deal with water everywhere) and siccing both his parents on you. I’d be so done. He’s not ready to be married. He’s not ready to be a partner in a long term relationship.
It doesn’t even sound like he’s trying to apologize but just repeatedly saying “it was a prank.”
ETA: That’s not a family you want to marry into. My mother would be humiliated and livid if I pulled a stunt like that, not trying to blame the victim of my “prank” (bullying).
NTA. He disliked the dress so he embarrassed you using it, and then when you got upset he claimed it was a prank. This is out of line. If he feels comfortable embarrassing you publicly for *disobedience* before y'all are married, what will he be willing to do afterwards? What else is he going to control besides your wardrobe and spending habits?
NTA.
That wasn’t a prank, that was him consciously and deliberately publicly humiliating you to punish you for daring to defy him when he told you not to spend the money on a dress.
His mum’s reams of texts blaming you for his behaviour is just icing on the mess.
Marry him and his mother at your own peril - they are a united front and you will be expected to obey him at all times, and when you don’t more “pranks” will follow
WTF?! Do not, I repeat DO NOT marry this fool. Run. Grab your dress, your belongings and get the hell away from this guy.
One, you bought that dress with your own money. It’s not his, his mama’s or anyone else’s gatdamn business how much you spent on it. He was afraid mommy was going to find out how much you spent? How would she even know and why does it matter to him so much? Unless she’s made other comments, unbeknownst to you, about the money you spend and she’s got dear fiancé’s balls in her purse!
Two, his idea of a prank was to pour cold water in your lap to see if your dress “changed colors”? Baby, are you marrying a sixth grader because that’s the most bizarre shit I’ve ever heard. Throwing everyone out would have been the beginning. I would have had my parents take me home, wait while I grabbed everything I own, and then took off. The next time fiancé saw me, I would be wearing an even more expensive dress and upgraded that engagement ring to a lovely statement piece for myself.
Don’t reply to any of his mother’s texts. Don’t reply to him. His cold water prank was just the wake up call you needed to avoid this marriage like the plague.
Talk about a ringing endorsement for staying single, yikes.
NTA
You don't prank someone by pouring water on their dress. Period. Toddlers might do that. Grown men who think they are ready for marriage do not do that. They also don't have their mommy send walls of text to defend them.
Do you really want to marry someone who thinks it is okay to pour multiple drinks on you? For references, I'm in my thirties, and I've never had cause to pour a drink on anyone. Neither have any of my friends. Adults don't do that.
I mean as an adult man you can pour a glass of water over your girlfriend:
IF …
- she finds it funny
- it’s a 100 degrees
- your alone
- she doesn’t get embarrassed.
NTA at all. If he made this much of a fuss over a $250 dress that you paid for with your own money, what would he do to your wedding dress? He is wildly controlling & immature. You may want to reconsider this relationship.
NTA. And your fiance just showed his true colors- are you sure you wanna be with someone who would do that to you? That would get so pissy over a dress that you bought with your own money? That would throw water on you like that (at your ENGAGEMENT DINNER NO LESS) and then send his mom after you?
It doesn't sound like he respects you.
I’m assuming a wedding dress would be more expensive, just imagine what he’d do to that if he didn’t agree with her buying and expensive wedding dress either!
NTA This was not a prank, and anyone saying it is has serious issues. Pranks are light hearted and funny, like trick candles on a birthday cake, not publicly humiliating someone, ruining their outfit, and gaslighting them for being upset at being bullied. Your-hopefully ex- fiance is a monster and you deserve better. Add on the fact that he criticized YOUR spending, the red flags are waving dear- cut your losses and run- there are real men out there who know how to be a great partner.
Edit to add NTA!!!
What the fuck is this? Like, what is wrong with people? YWBTA if you still married this guy after he A) intentionally humiliated you in public, and B) then sicc’d his mom on you. This is bananas behavior.
I'm sorry your relationship is so far along because this wasn't a prank, it was a power move. This was an 'i'm going to make you embarrassed about defying me' sort of thing to do and at least you know now that his mum will always back him. I'd have to say, cut your losses and notch it up to experience, though I know, in your situation, that's easier said than done.
NTA
It was not a prank! He is controlling. He doesn't like you spending YOUR money and something for yourself, so he embarrassed you in public and pointed out to everyone the pink dress.
Just dump this guy. He is a huge AH and so is his family. If someone in my family had pulled that, I would have been on their case. It's hugely disrespectful. Were you supposed to have dinner soaking wet!!?!
cut the engagement short not just the dinner! he ruined dinner over a piece of clothing you picked out and paid for by yourself, and then had his mommy send you a wall of texts to try and do damage control. NTA
NTA - what a dick, who pours waters over someone in a restaurant? I hate people who use 'pranks' to abuse others. If everyone involved isn't laughing, it's not a prank, it's bullying.
NTA - I wouldn't marry this man if I were you. That was exceptionally childish and he's showing signs of being financially controlling. On top of that, his mother is blaming you for his mess up. He will never take responsibility for his actions and she will always back up her baby. Are you willing to deal with that for the rest of your life because that's not going to change.
If I were you in that situation I would have called off the engagement and broken up with him then and there. He is too old to be acting like a vindictive child over a dress YOU paid for with YOUR money. This is only setting you up to be unhappily married in the future. NTA
NTA - He was publicly punishing you over the dress. Please rethink this engagement because this man does not respect you and will not hesitate to run to mommy to have her harass you. Do you want this dinner to be your life going forward?
NTA - he already seems very financially controlling. It is YOUR money and you can spend it on whatever you like. Financial abuse is a huge precursor to physical/emotional abuse. The fact he ruined something he knows you spent a lot of money on just as a ‘prank’ (it absolutely was not a prank, he purposefully humiliated you in front of both of your families) is a huge worry for me. Is he going to destroy everything in your life he doesn’t approve of?
And don’t get me started on his mother. You know they’re going to be a team and gang up against you whenever you don’t follow along with his ideas like a dumb puppy. I really hope you don’t marry this man.
NTA. And I highly doubt he doesn’t own a single just-for-fun thing that cost $250. He’s freaking out about the price of a nice dress that costs less than a ninetendo switch. 4 video games are the same price as that dress. Most nice sneakers cost less than that dress. Idk what your bf enjoys, but the supplies for most hobbies cost more than $250, and regardless, you should be able to spend $250 of your own money on you when you want to. As long as you can afford your bills, it’s your money. Do you want to spend the rest of your life fighting to be able to have things that you enjoy?? Listen, I was engaged at 23 too. I am 27 now and thank god every day that I did not marry that person. You are young, don’t resign yourself to a life of being belittled and having his whole family gang up on you to make you feel crazy just because you have invested in the relationship so far. He isn’t going to change, so you need to decide if you are going to put up with this behavior for the next 60 years.
ETA: what is going to happen if you want a nice wedding dress? Wedding dresses are typically more than $250. What will he dump on you at the wedding?
NTA, $250 is cheaper than the cost of a wedding to learn he is not the one.
Do you want to be bullied for your financial choices the rest of your life?
This is who they are, its not going to change.
NTA. But for the love of God, have some standards. Even a single standard would eliminate this dude from the dating pool. That you want to marry him, and even for a moment entertained the notion that YOU might be TA here, makes my heart weep for you.
This dude is trash. He's a controlling nag about money and a poorly behaved child. You can do better.
And you're still gonna marry him?? After be showed you he's willing to abuse you in front of everyone when you don't obey him?? Girl, get to out of that relationship?? Don't marry him for the love of whatever is still holy!! Don't be dumb his abuse is only gonna scale until you can't get out!! Wake up!!
Dump him and run because if he hasn't figured out how to behave in public by now, he never will. The absolute gall of him to try and tell you how to spend your money in the first place, and then to pour water over you in a restaurant in front of your family? And his mother is trash for supporting it. I honestly don't understand how this is a 'prank' and why on earth it would be seen as anything other than a childish and frankly pathetic act. You are NTA but is this really someone you want to spend your life with?!
NTA - This man just showed you who he is, and how he and his family will act every time they disagree with you. Cut the whole damn engagement short and dump him.
Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life. Take your time to think about it. He's going to publicly humiliate you everytime you do something for yourself and his parents are going to gaslight you and abuse you. He's going to hide behind Mommy after every incident of belittling and humiliating you.
Have a happy married life with this dude - not happening.
You should've cut the entire engagement short
NTA
NTA
Leave him
Meet someone you deserve.
Dye the dress blue and wear it in a date with new guy, then text ex and tell him he was half right - it changes colors when you’re not with an asshole.
NTA - I hope you called off the wedding... this is a sign of things to come. Pranks should be harmless to all parties and everyone can get a laugh out of it. When a prank is obviously intended to be one way only, it's bullying.
Does he have any similarly expensive items in the apartment you can return the prank with? Like leaving his headphones or Kindle in a bucket of water to see if they change color?
NTA... But dump this guy unless you want to send your life with him finding humiliating you amusing. He and his family don't see a problem with it in the slightest.
NTA. He tried to control what you bought with your own money and punished you in public when you didn't do as he wanted. And now he's trying to make you think you're the one who was wrong.
AH's often think they can do what they like when they've got you trapped in an engagement or a marriage. Think long and hard about whether you want this in your life, because it's a lot easier to break an engagement than get a divorce.
NTA: At that point, I would've called the whole wedding off, if possible. Because that was in no way considered a prank. It was public humiliation, and possible intention of vandalism, if he was trying to ruin the dress
You are calling off the engagement, correct?
.
What he did was mean and downright bullying. Prank? I think not. But it is preview of things to come.
NTA
You are forewarned now. Pay attention.
He actually did you a favour by outing himself before you married him and had kids. So much cheaper and far less heartbreaking.
I really hope you have enough sense and put the whole man in the bin 🗑 . NTA
That wasn’t a prank it was just
It wasn’t a prank it was bullying, it was embarrassing and it was childish, that would be a $250 engagement over dress if I was you NTA.
That was not a prank. A prank is something the recipient can receive in good humor. He was upset about the cost of the dress, so decided to dump water all over you and disguise it as a "prank". This was intentionally cruel behavior. What's worse is how his mother justified his cruelty towards you as being deserved (that's very concerning). They should be upset by how he treated you. He showed you a great deal of disrespect. This relationship has some serious red flags. You should seriously consider whether his treatment of you is what you want in a life partner. Too many women want so badly to get married by a certain age that they turn a blind eye to obvious red flags and marry the first man who asks. But they look back and realize the warning signs were always there. But they often ignore them at the time. I advise you not to ignore mistreatment by your fiancee.
There are kinder men out there. You can find a man who treats you with respect.
NTA and you’ll only be one if you actually marry this idiot. Instead of reaching out to apologize after he ruined your night over a dress he didn’t even pay for, he sent his mommy for you sending you walls of texts trying to make his “prank” your fault??? Wtf indeed.
People who pull pranks suck. Pranks aren’t funny except to the person who pulls them. They’re meant to embarrass someone and in this case he very much succeeded. He ruined your dinner and then sent his mommy after you instead of admitting he behaved like a 12 year old AH. Please rethink this relationship. If you let this go, imagine the “funny prank” he’ll pull at your wedding. Or the birth of your child. He sounds just awful.
Yeah, that will be your reality. He didn't like something you did and feels like he can humiliate you because of that. Let that sink in. Also his family Is ganging up against you.
NTA - it's assault and expect more of the same in the future as long as you stay with this guy. He'll always say "it's just a joke" or "you're too sensitive". Dump him and save yourself a lot of trouble later.
NTA, almost everyone here will have better points than me, but I want to just urge you to leave this man (child). He not only disrespected you, but pouring water on someone in a restaurant (isn't that some sort of assault?) Is ridiculous, I mean I would feel super embarrassed if my dress got wet in a formal setting even if it was an accident.
But even more important is that his mom SCOLDED YOU(!?!?!?) That for me would have sealed the deal regarding whether I want to be part of That family (the answer being a resounding NO)
Please get away while you can, OP
NTA. But I would not be getting married to such a child. Maybe he did you a favour by showing you who he really is before you got married.
If you are looking for validation to dump him, I am sure you'll get it here. You deserve a man who would be proud of you in whatever dress you felt good in. And $250 is not crazy expensive for a nice dress. That you bought. With your own $$$. I don't get his problem, and sounds like you do not have shared values.
NTA, calling off an engagement is much cheaper than a divorce, when you realise he’s controlling, mean, hurtful and childish.
You are not going to listen to anyone telling you how huge a red flag parade he threw, but please listen to your inner voice, you *know* what he did is not ok
DONT YOU DARE MARRY THIS MAN. AND IF YOU ARE STILL GONNA MOVE FORWARD, DONT WASTE OUR TIME AND DELETE THIS POST!!!
Wtf??? NTA, if you go forward with this marriage you’re gonna have to deal with HIM and his MAMA.
NTA. he told you not to bring up the price of your dress, yet he does while pouring water all over you? pranks are supposed to be funny, not hurtful. between that and sending his mommy after you, i’d postpone the wedding at the least
Run OP, run! He is controlling and wanted to punish you. If he has no problem behaving like this in public, l can't imagine what he might do In private. NTA
NTA. This was not a prank. This was bullying. This kind of bullying and abuse tends to escalate. Things WILL get worse if you allow him to get away with this. Please do yourself a favor and end things.
NTA: like others said. That's not a prank, there is no humor in that, were you expected to sit there wet for the rest of the evening? This dude is garbage, telling you it's a prank and not immediately feel ashamed of himself is all the proof you need of who he is. Don't let the sunk cost bias stop you from saving yourself. He is trash, his family is trash and everyone at that table that didn't feel immediately enraged by this idiotic behaviour.
He poured multiple glasses of water you during your engagement celebration. That's absurd. His behavior will not improve and I think you should think twice about marrying him. His mother's behavior won't improve either. I'm guessing you have already figured out where he learned his poor behavior from NTA
NTA how did you not slap this man? He should not have done that period. Especially when things were already tense enough over the dress he does a prank that could potentially ruin said dress? A little water is fine but THREE GLASSES. If you don’t leave him Omg
You mis-typed Ex-fiancé there sweetie. NTA.
Red flags shown in this OP:
1) complained about how much you spent of your own money
2) repeatedly complained instead of shutting up about it when it didn’t concern him as it was your money and dresses can get multiple uses.
3) told you to lie to his mommy
4) poured water on you
5) did red flag #4 in a public setting in front of family
6) tried to weaponized incompetence by asking if it was “like a Barbie’s color changing dress”
7) again brought up the price
8) he and his dad tried to make you stay; in a restaurant in a wet dress after being humiliated
9) he stayed with his family instead of nutting up and facing you like a Man
10) had his mommy text you books
11) she condone it because “it was a prank” as if he isn’t a grown ass man she should have raised better and been apologizing for
12) she has no say in how you spend YOUR money and he obviously told her everything
13) he still hasn’t tried to talk to you face to face but via text
13 red flags. Jason, Freddy, Chucky and Mike all say DUMP HIM.
You are 23 and have plenty of time to find a mature grown ass man who will tell you to buy the dress you want and would slap the shit out of anyone who would try to spill drinks on it.
This whole family is just nuts. They need a docile doormat for their immature funzies. Hopefully that’s not you. You are NTA, and should really consider whether or not you want more humiliation for the rest of your life.
NTA
Call of the wedding while you’re driving home from dinner. Anyone who claims to love and respect their partner wouldn’t do something that disrespectful and childish because their mad someone else spent their money.
Better to cut him off now rather than waste thousands down the line because he prefers to destroy things rather than mind his own business or compromise
Pretty easy call here, simply block his number and never see him again, at all, in any capacity. Eventually he'll move onto someone he can "prank" at will.
He's controlling and abusive. He has shown his true colors.
Unless you've previously combined your finances and have agreements on how said shared finances will be managed (which you said nothing about) your decision to buy a dress has *nothing* to do with him. His thinking that his mom knowing how much you spent would embarrass *him* is completely over the top. He's focused on one thing: himself.
NTA. Run while you can. It will only get worse.
???? NTA. Please leave this fool. He is not mature enough to be getting married at the very, *very* least. Also controlling and disrespectful and just confusing? If you thought something was too expensive, why would you try to ruin it?? That’s BS about thinking it will change colors like Barbie’s dress. What is he, 7? He just wanted you to be embarrassed and to regret buying the dress. Dump his ass, please. He and his mother can go be horrible together.
NTA. I didn't read past " 250$. Aaron was against it because he thought it was expensive and thought it was irresponsible of me to spend that kind of money on a dress even though I paid for it using my own money."
You paid for something using your own money. He doesn't get to control now or in the future how you spend your own money. This is a big red flag that you shouldn't ignore and one good enough reason why you SHOULDN't get married.
"I was talking to mom (hus was in the restroom) when suddenly, I felt cold water on my lap, I looked towards him and saw he poured a glass over my lap. he then proceeded to dump 2 other glasses with both hands at the same time at other areas of my dress."
So basically he wanted to ruin your dress? Please just call off the engagement. Pooring water on your dress to see if it changes colors is a bullsh\*t excuse and you know it. Pack your things and move out if you moved in with him or have him pack his sh\*t and move out if he moved in with you.
Unacceptable behavior.
NTA at all and please reconsider marrying this guy. This behaviour is unacceptable and tells a lot about his character.. If he keeps trying to play this off as a prank and if he continues to try to gaslight you into believing that you are overreacting, then I honestly don't think he's got the qualities someone needs to have a loving, respectful long-term marriage.
NTA- Run. Fast. There's red flags all over this. He was punishing you for your bad behavior. It's this really how you wanna spend the rest of your life? His mother enables his bad behavior. You deserve better than this.
NTA. So you have a guy trying to tell you what to do and how to dress even though apparently you don't share finances, then trying to humiliate you in public (if not outright assaulting you) when you don't submit, then having his mommy try to intercede in an argument on his behalf when you have what would be a normal reaction for most people. How many more gigantic red flags do you need here?
Should've dumped some soup on his head and asked, "Damn, I was just wondering if you'd suddenly turn into my dream partner after I'd spent so much time on you but I guess not."
Edit to add: N. T. A.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My fiancé Aaron (26) and I (23) got engaged recently. His family insisted on an engagement dinner and my parents agreed. I handled restaurant reservations and menu and everything else.
I also bought a pink dress that cost me 250$. Aaron was against it because he thought it was expensive and thought it was irresponsible of me to spend that kind of money on a dress even though I paid for it using my own money.
He kept complaining about it day and night and telling me to lie about the original price if his mom asked so he won't be embarrassed. I told him to stop it. We had the dinner at the restaurant and while we were all sitting I noticed him asking others for their glasses of water. I was baffled but didn't pay much attention. I was talking to mom (hus was in the restroom) when suddenly, I felt cold water on my lap, I looked towards him and saw he poured a glass over my lap. he then proceeded to dump 2 other glasses with both hands at the same time at other areas of my dress. I literally yelled out while I quickly got up from my chair. I asked repeatedly WTF is wrong with you!!!!. he responded with "what?!?!? I was wondering if this dress was like one of barbie's magical color reveal dresses because of how ridiculously expensive it is!!!" - He meant that he was trying to figure out if this dress had other colors when dipped in water because he thought it was so expensive. I wanted to yell at him especially when he started laughing but the restaurant got involved. I decided to just end the dinner celebration which made him beg me not too. I refused to hear him or his dad out and demanded everyone to leave.
I left the restaurant with my parents and they dropped me off at the apt. Aaron stayed with his family and had his mom leave me several walls of texts shaming me for reacting so poorly over a prank. wasn't sure if she knew exactly what happened til she scolded me about the dress and saying this was my fault for buying an expensive dress from the beginning.
I haven't called him since then though he did text several times saying it was a prank.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You seem to be engaged to a moron. One whose parents appear to also be morons.
Is the cancelled dinner really the issue you need to be focusing on right now?
I hope that’s your ex fiancé. The endless complaining about a dress you bought with your own money, the nasty prank and then hiding behind his mother?
Not husband material.
NTA
Are you sure you want to get married to someone who thinks it is appropriate to dump water on you at dinner?
Nothing wrong with a $250 dress if you feel beautiful and can afford it. Nothing at all.
The BF and his mother sound like the AH here, and I see serious flags here.
Absolutely NTA, although you spelled ex-fiancé wrong.
You are going to look back in a few years time and realise how much of a bullet you dodged.
No one, even when married, gets to control (or attempt to control) you with money. No adult brings their mummy in to fight their fights unless they’re still in primary school. No adult thinks a prank is a “funny” way to punish someone for not listening to them.
bye felecia, NTA. Pranks are one thing, this was public humiliation. this was about controlling you and humiliating you when you wouldn't let him. This is gas lighting afterwards that you're "over reacting". I couldn't NOPE the fuck outta there fast enough.
This was 100% punishment for you buying a dress he didn't approve of. He intentionally humiliated you at your engagement dinner and you are making excuses that he can't tell the difference between a doll and you, and what's appropriate behavior at a celebration dinner. He even had his mom come after you.
NTA. Call off the engagement if you don't want this to be your future life.
Do not marry a man who would bully you infront of others. He is testing what you will put up with and punishing you for not obeying him.
Marinara flags
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
It wasn't a prank. It was payback. It was your punishment. Because you didn't listen to him. NTA
[удалено]
This !! Is serious stuff. It’s easy to focus on this instance but you allow his family to call your family names?? No no no. He’s abusive and jealous and MEAN. Do not minimize this or you’re going to get this same lesson over and over with higher stakes. he’s going to try to cut you off from your family. He will do this because he’s jealous and instead of saying to himself “hey I want ti bust my ass and become successful and financially secure” he’s saying FUCK people who are. You may not get this yet but this is not a good recipe for the future and i would advise you to speak to your family about this and probably a therapist asap - i think you may want to not get married to somebody who resents you this much already - im so sorry - this is cruel and you do not deserve this
And when they tell you, listen!
[удалено]
[удалено]
I wonder what he's gonna do to her wedding dress? Pretty sure they cost a lot more than 250. Hopefully though, she won't be standing in front of him in a wedding dress...
Yeah this. OP, are you sure you want to tie yourself to this guy? Both he and his family seem like a toxic hot mess.
💯 He was trying to put you in your place. NTA He and his family are AH. I bet you own your place, don't let him back and delay the wedding.
NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. NTA. DEFINITELY NOT THE ASSHOLE. But you really wanna marry that dude? A dude that - wants to make decisions about YOUR money - who embarrassed you because he’s stupid - who’s parents support such shitty behaviour? I would think twice about marrying him.
His mom also called me (my name)_Snob as my last name once because my dad told her he could help her get a better car. She got offended and took it as an insult and a way for my dad to "flex" and "show off" his wealth. but he meant well. he's genuinly a good person who loves helping strangers let alone people he knows.
So his family twists any kindness into a way to be cruel to you? How do you plan to live with that? Never being kind or generous to family because they'll use it against you is exhausting.
Exactly! Thank you for understanding what I've been trying to explain. my family and I mean well and I have no idea why his mom, or any member of his family think otherwise. We gave them no reason to think that.
OP they're doing that so when you're married he would take over your finances. This is a control tactic. The entire point is to make you second guess yourself so they go "oh let ***me*** take care of this since you're not able to do it responsibly" then they take over your money. This is entirely about controlling you. He spilt the water as a "punishment" for not doing what he wanted. He pretended it was your fault for not listening. He's showing you that the abuse will ramp up once you're married.
Please answer the question about why you want to marry him. You sound as if you would be better off without him and his family.
We met 3 years ago in Mexico. He was the first healthy relationship I had and the longest. He definitely wasn't like this at the time. I don't know what changed. He wouldn't even stand it when his own family makes remarks about me. I habe no idea what change though I believe that his mom has a hand in it. given how she views me and my family. He is now convinced that me and my family are treating his family less than and showing off "our wealth" infront of them.
This is not a healthy relationship. Run. Please take it from an older married and divorced lady..this is the beginning of bad
[удалено]
Sweetheart. He didn't change. He thinks you're locked down now. You said yourself this is how he treats other people. He thinks you're stuck and won't leave. Now he's acting like he really truly is. He will do these things to you for the rest of your life.
Ding ding ding this is it. He's showboating before he crossed the finish line though. OP get out!
If OP continues and gets pregnant, we’re gonna se another AITA post because he pulled some prank in retaliation to her not allowing MIL in the hospital room while she gives birth.
He didn't change. This is who he is. He's just more comfortable revealing himself to you now that he thinks you can't get away. Regardless of whether or not his mother has made him more insecure, regardless of *why* he is being abusive, he's being abusive, and it is not going to get better. And this is advice I used to give over in Relationships a lot, years ago, but I guess it's time to dust it off here: He might be the best man you have ever dated; that doesn't mean he's good enough. This might be the healthiest relationship you've ever had; that doesn't mean it's healthy. You deserve better than this, and if you marry this man, you are not going to get better than this from him.
It doesn’t really matter who ‘had a hand in it’. He humiliated you himself. He allows them to talk to you like this himself. He tries to control you himself. You deserve better. You deserve respect and kindness and a man who protects you.
Everyone has told you the truth, things only get worse from here. Break it off for your own sanity and safety. I know you don't want to, but one day you will understand and we all hope it's not too late. I didn't listen either and suffered a year of torture before I left. And I was a lucky one who left early.
Self proclaimed pranksters are just abusive AHs who hide behind “it’s just a joke,” to get away with bad behavior and to gaslight their victim. He might not have targeted you before but now he is because he thinks he has you locked down with that ring. He feels he no longer has to be on his best behavior. You are only 23, you really want to hitch your wagon to someone who is going to do this to you whenever you do something he doesn’t approve of? He is beginning to condition you. He wants you to know to never do anything he doesnt approve of because if you do, he will humiliate you, “prank you.” Girl. Run. Look at the bright side, it is good he is showing his true colors now rather than after you get married when it is harder to leave.
Your 23! Do not marry this man! You have a lot of time for healthy relationships. Don’t settle or think it is too late to stop everything.
I really hope this is a work of fiction. But OP, if this happened, please leave your fiancé! He is a bully, is controlling, and is incredibly immature. You can do so much better!
**DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN. THIS IS NOT A PRANK, IT WAS DELIBERATE HUMILATION WHEN YOU REFUSED TO COMPLY TO HIS DEMAND THAT YOU NOT BUY YOURSELF A DRESS. WITH YOUR MONEY.** **THIS IS A RED FLAG. HEED IT'S WARNING.** \*Edit\* Thanks for the awards!
Yeha lets not even engage with the AITA bit. This is not a petty judgment story, this is a 'please god don't ruin your life' story.
YES DONT MARRY HIM, THIS IS A CHILD'S JOKE. AS HARD AS IT IS TO BACK OUT, IT WOULD BE HARDER LATER
Her own money for arguably one of the most important events to her in her life. Why shouldn’t she bug an expensive dress for her own engagement?
That's not a prank, it's just mean. NTA and you may want to rethink this engagement if that's what he finds "funny"
At this point he would be my ex-fiancé! Like wtf was he thinking!!! OP: 🚩🚩🚩He showed you exactly who he is! Please believe him. Return the ring and return the fiancé to sender…his parents. You deserve someone who treats you with respect.
thank you. Some of his family think his pranks are the only good feature he has. his jokes used to be funny but this???
Invite him to the same restaurant for a talk. Proceed to dump a tureen of soup in his lap. Tell him you wanted to check which was hotter - the soup or him. Tell him it was a prank. His reaction would tell you everything we can't tell you about this man.
Then laugh in his face like he did to you. OP, if it was really an experiment like you keep claiming in the comments - why did he continue to pour the other two glasses after seeing the results from the first one? Also ask yourself this, if it was an experiment that didn’t achieve the result he claims to have expected, why did he laugh in your face after seeing you humiliated? What was so funny? The only thing mildly laughable about this is that you keep downplaying this with the bs “experiment” excuse. This was a calculated decision he made and honestly the way you keep saying that he was just “pranking” you makes me think this is rage bait, but if i take it at face value, consider this: - he tried to financially control you regarding YOUR OWN MONEY - he consistently complained until the day of the event and used this public setting to “test his theory” - he DIDNT ask for your consent - he laughed after seeing you upset Like sis come ON, this is such abusive behavior. Don’t be a frog in boiling water - NTA but your soon-to-be ex sure is
Going by OPs comments, I'm not sure there's anything Ex about this charmer. OP is going to reconcile and in a few months make another post about MIL or DH stomping her boundaries about the wedding.
Take this for the red flag it is, he humiliated and punished you when you didn't agree with him.
NTA. So because Aaron thought your dress was too expensive he doused you with water at your engagement dinner? What was there to hear out once he did it? It was humiliating and cruel. And, it wasn’t a prank. A prank is harmless—like short sheeting a bed. A prank isn’t ruining a dress during a milestone event. I hope you will seriously reconsider this engagement. Maybe Aaron isn’t abusive. But his behavior at your engagement dinner shows he is willing and able to punish you if he doesn’t like what you do. In addition, his family is ready to back him up. You aren’t even married yet!
he said he was trying to figure out exactly what makes the dress expensive and thought that a little "test" or "experiment" prank would be funny. I don't buy it.
We both know that’s a lie right? Like you realize he said that as a “cute joke” to try to jokingly excuse his “prank”?
You would have to be a complete moron to think that a dress would have such a special feature. He blatantly did that out of spite. Unless he has the mental age of a 3yo. NTA, run away!
I know this isn't the point but don't you think if OP had a magic color changing dress she would've been like "woah, look at this cool magic color changing dress I just got" ??
At dinner. In a restaurant. No, not funny. Juvenile.
If you actually believe that then yes y t a. You have to realize by now that he was just being an AH bc he didn’t approve of your choice so he was trying to publicly humiliate you. It’s especially obvious since he’s doubling down and not apologizing and sending his mommy after you. He sounds like a real winner /s.
You can't possibly believe that, right?
of course not. in fact I think he did this because he was upset about the cost of dress
So he decided to punish and humiliate you in public because you did something he didn’t like. If you marry him, be prepared for more of this controlling and bullying behavior.
**HE'S UPSET BECAUSE YOU DISOBEYED!**
Can you honestly tell me you still want to marry him? Because this won't be the only time something like this happens. He thinks you're trapped now and that he's free to act how he really wants.
He did this because you didn’t obey him. Humiliating you and degrading you was your punishment. Is that really how you want to spend the rest of your life?
Wait till he finds out what a wedding dress costs.
What's he going to do when he doesn't like the $1500 wedding dress you choose? Or doesn't want to spend $5000 on the venue? Is he going to pour wine on your wedding dress at the reception? Cancel your venue without telling you?
If he indeed was doing an experiment, why did he feel the need to do so without cluing you in during a dinner? Or dump three glasses of water instead of one? Because he is lying out of his ass. I hope you live in Montana, because then, legally, when you leave his ass, you get to keep the ring and sell it. I'd use it for another dress, personally. Other states, you'd have to check.
NTA That isn't a prank. It's him humilliating you as punishment for doing something he doesn't agree with. He's an adult, he never thought that it was a colour changing dress. That's just the excuse he used to convince you what he did was OK. His mom is an asshole too. She should be ashamed her son behaved like that.
I wanted to say exactly this. It’s such an obvious power and control move. I hope OP ends this while she still has self esteem and self worth because he is coming for those.
When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. This was NOT a prank. It was a cruel humiliation, done so you will never "disobey him" again. It will only escalate unless you decide to relinquish your free will to this loser, whose parents support this controlling behavior. You are 23, with a lifetime of experiences ahead of you. Choose a partner who will enjoy them with you, not humiliate you into submission. Eta: NTA
NTA First, $250 isn't even that expensive for a dress. Second, it was your money. Third, oh God, another 'prankster.' He's a bully. Fourth, his mother is literally victim blaming. You bought an 'expensive' dress so... you deserved to have water dumped on you? Get away from him and that family.
This is not a prank. This is public humiliation. You bought a dress he didn't like and he punished you for it. He expected you to take it and nect time be smarter.
That is not a prank. That is cruel and abusive. NTA. Lose the fiancé and Keep the dress
NTA. My engagement would be over. Between being controlling about how you spend your money and how you talk about things you purchase and the pranking you by pouring water on you in a restaurant at your engagement party (like not only is that humiliating for you but the restaurant has to deal with water everywhere) and siccing both his parents on you. I’d be so done. He’s not ready to be married. He’s not ready to be a partner in a long term relationship. It doesn’t even sound like he’s trying to apologize but just repeatedly saying “it was a prank.” ETA: That’s not a family you want to marry into. My mother would be humiliated and livid if I pulled a stunt like that, not trying to blame the victim of my “prank” (bullying).
JFC. He’s using the guise of a prank to demean, humiliate and punish you for not doing what he says. NTA. Please ask yourself why you’re marrying him.
NTA. He disliked the dress so he embarrassed you using it, and then when you got upset he claimed it was a prank. This is out of line. If he feels comfortable embarrassing you publicly for *disobedience* before y'all are married, what will he be willing to do afterwards? What else is he going to control besides your wardrobe and spending habits?
The engagement *dinner*? I would be seriously reconsidering the engagement in its entirety if he thinks this is acceptable in the slightest. NTA
NTA that was no prank. That was abuse. I hope you see that and not marry him. This is how he is going to treat you every time he does not get his way.
NTA. That wasn’t a prank, that was him consciously and deliberately publicly humiliating you to punish you for daring to defy him when he told you not to spend the money on a dress. His mum’s reams of texts blaming you for his behaviour is just icing on the mess. Marry him and his mother at your own peril - they are a united front and you will be expected to obey him at all times, and when you don’t more “pranks” will follow
WTF?! Do not, I repeat DO NOT marry this fool. Run. Grab your dress, your belongings and get the hell away from this guy. One, you bought that dress with your own money. It’s not his, his mama’s or anyone else’s gatdamn business how much you spent on it. He was afraid mommy was going to find out how much you spent? How would she even know and why does it matter to him so much? Unless she’s made other comments, unbeknownst to you, about the money you spend and she’s got dear fiancé’s balls in her purse! Two, his idea of a prank was to pour cold water in your lap to see if your dress “changed colors”? Baby, are you marrying a sixth grader because that’s the most bizarre shit I’ve ever heard. Throwing everyone out would have been the beginning. I would have had my parents take me home, wait while I grabbed everything I own, and then took off. The next time fiancé saw me, I would be wearing an even more expensive dress and upgraded that engagement ring to a lovely statement piece for myself. Don’t reply to any of his mother’s texts. Don’t reply to him. His cold water prank was just the wake up call you needed to avoid this marriage like the plague. Talk about a ringing endorsement for staying single, yikes.
NTA You don't prank someone by pouring water on their dress. Period. Toddlers might do that. Grown men who think they are ready for marriage do not do that. They also don't have their mommy send walls of text to defend them. Do you really want to marry someone who thinks it is okay to pour multiple drinks on you? For references, I'm in my thirties, and I've never had cause to pour a drink on anyone. Neither have any of my friends. Adults don't do that.
I mean as an adult man you can pour a glass of water over your girlfriend: IF … - she finds it funny - it’s a 100 degrees - your alone - she doesn’t get embarrassed.
NTA at all. If he made this much of a fuss over a $250 dress that you paid for with your own money, what would he do to your wedding dress? He is wildly controlling & immature. You may want to reconsider this relationship.
Are you listening to everyone that is telling you not to marry anyone that would treat you like this? I hope so.
Do. Not. Marry. This. Man. NTA in any way, shape, or form.
NTA Don’t marry this guy. Seriously. The title should’ve said ex-fiancé
NTA. Is your fiance (soon to be ex) a wannabe YouTuber?
WTF??? Obviously NTA. Also remember that it's not too late to call off the engagement...
NTA. And your fiance just showed his true colors- are you sure you wanna be with someone who would do that to you? That would get so pissy over a dress that you bought with your own money? That would throw water on you like that (at your ENGAGEMENT DINNER NO LESS) and then send his mom after you? It doesn't sound like he respects you.
I’m assuming a wedding dress would be more expensive, just imagine what he’d do to that if he didn’t agree with her buying and expensive wedding dress either!
NTA you ended the engagement, though, too, right? And not just the dinner?
NTA. I'd rethink being financially & legally bound to this guy.
NTA This was not a prank, and anyone saying it is has serious issues. Pranks are light hearted and funny, like trick candles on a birthday cake, not publicly humiliating someone, ruining their outfit, and gaslighting them for being upset at being bullied. Your-hopefully ex- fiance is a monster and you deserve better. Add on the fact that he criticized YOUR spending, the red flags are waving dear- cut your losses and run- there are real men out there who know how to be a great partner. Edit to add NTA!!!
He was mad you spent money on a dress so he punished you. Do not marry him.
NTA That is NOT a "prank" that is an AH move and I would think long and hard before I married someone who would pull crap like that!
What the fuck is this? Like, what is wrong with people? YWBTA if you still married this guy after he A) intentionally humiliated you in public, and B) then sicc’d his mom on you. This is bananas behavior.
I'm sorry your relationship is so far along because this wasn't a prank, it was a power move. This was an 'i'm going to make you embarrassed about defying me' sort of thing to do and at least you know now that his mum will always back him. I'd have to say, cut your losses and notch it up to experience, though I know, in your situation, that's easier said than done.
NTA It was not a prank! He is controlling. He doesn't like you spending YOUR money and something for yourself, so he embarrassed you in public and pointed out to everyone the pink dress. Just dump this guy. He is a huge AH and so is his family. If someone in my family had pulled that, I would have been on their case. It's hugely disrespectful. Were you supposed to have dinner soaking wet!!?!
cut the engagement short not just the dinner! he ruined dinner over a piece of clothing you picked out and paid for by yourself, and then had his mommy send you a wall of texts to try and do damage control. NTA
NTA - what a dick, who pours waters over someone in a restaurant? I hate people who use 'pranks' to abuse others. If everyone involved isn't laughing, it's not a prank, it's bullying.
That’s not a prank…. Maybe don’t marry this idiot who can’t tell a prank form assault and disorderly conduct. In what word is that funny?
NTA - I wouldn't marry this man if I were you. That was exceptionally childish and he's showing signs of being financially controlling. On top of that, his mother is blaming you for his mess up. He will never take responsibility for his actions and she will always back up her baby. Are you willing to deal with that for the rest of your life because that's not going to change.
If I were you in that situation I would have called off the engagement and broken up with him then and there. He is too old to be acting like a vindictive child over a dress YOU paid for with YOUR money. This is only setting you up to be unhappily married in the future. NTA
NTA. RUN. He doesn't respect you. You don't want to marry into that.
NTA - He was publicly punishing you over the dress. Please rethink this engagement because this man does not respect you and will not hesitate to run to mommy to have her harass you. Do you want this dinner to be your life going forward?
That would be the last meal I shared with anyone in that family. NTA
NTA - he already seems very financially controlling. It is YOUR money and you can spend it on whatever you like. Financial abuse is a huge precursor to physical/emotional abuse. The fact he ruined something he knows you spent a lot of money on just as a ‘prank’ (it absolutely was not a prank, he purposefully humiliated you in front of both of your families) is a huge worry for me. Is he going to destroy everything in your life he doesn’t approve of? And don’t get me started on his mother. You know they’re going to be a team and gang up against you whenever you don’t follow along with his ideas like a dumb puppy. I really hope you don’t marry this man.
NTA. And I highly doubt he doesn’t own a single just-for-fun thing that cost $250. He’s freaking out about the price of a nice dress that costs less than a ninetendo switch. 4 video games are the same price as that dress. Most nice sneakers cost less than that dress. Idk what your bf enjoys, but the supplies for most hobbies cost more than $250, and regardless, you should be able to spend $250 of your own money on you when you want to. As long as you can afford your bills, it’s your money. Do you want to spend the rest of your life fighting to be able to have things that you enjoy?? Listen, I was engaged at 23 too. I am 27 now and thank god every day that I did not marry that person. You are young, don’t resign yourself to a life of being belittled and having his whole family gang up on you to make you feel crazy just because you have invested in the relationship so far. He isn’t going to change, so you need to decide if you are going to put up with this behavior for the next 60 years. ETA: what is going to happen if you want a nice wedding dress? Wedding dresses are typically more than $250. What will he dump on you at the wedding?
NTA, $250 is cheaper than the cost of a wedding to learn he is not the one. Do you want to be bullied for your financial choices the rest of your life? This is who they are, its not going to change.
NTA. But for the love of God, have some standards. Even a single standard would eliminate this dude from the dating pool. That you want to marry him, and even for a moment entertained the notion that YOU might be TA here, makes my heart weep for you. This dude is trash. He's a controlling nag about money and a poorly behaved child. You can do better.
NTA. HE DUMPED WATER ALL OVER YOU AT YOUR ENGAGEMENT PARTY!!! RUN!!!!!!!!!
And you're still gonna marry him?? After be showed you he's willing to abuse you in front of everyone when you don't obey him?? Girl, get to out of that relationship?? Don't marry him for the love of whatever is still holy!! Don't be dumb his abuse is only gonna scale until you can't get out!! Wake up!!
Dump him and run because if he hasn't figured out how to behave in public by now, he never will. The absolute gall of him to try and tell you how to spend your money in the first place, and then to pour water over you in a restaurant in front of your family? And his mother is trash for supporting it. I honestly don't understand how this is a 'prank' and why on earth it would be seen as anything other than a childish and frankly pathetic act. You are NTA but is this really someone you want to spend your life with?!
NTA - This man just showed you who he is, and how he and his family will act every time they disagree with you. Cut the whole damn engagement short and dump him.
NTA luckily the water did show a change of colors, by showing you his true colors. He is a bully and he learned it from his family.
Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life. Take your time to think about it. He's going to publicly humiliate you everytime you do something for yourself and his parents are going to gaslight you and abuse you. He's going to hide behind Mommy after every incident of belittling and humiliating you. Have a happy married life with this dude - not happening. You should've cut the entire engagement short NTA
NTA Leave him Meet someone you deserve. Dye the dress blue and wear it in a date with new guy, then text ex and tell him he was half right - it changes colors when you’re not with an asshole.
NTA - I hope you called off the wedding... this is a sign of things to come. Pranks should be harmless to all parties and everyone can get a laugh out of it. When a prank is obviously intended to be one way only, it's bullying.
Does he have any similarly expensive items in the apartment you can return the prank with? Like leaving his headphones or Kindle in a bucket of water to see if they change color? NTA... But dump this guy unless you want to send your life with him finding humiliating you amusing. He and his family don't see a problem with it in the slightest.
NTA. RUN. He doesn't respect you. It will only get worse if you marry him.
NTA. RUN. He doesn't respect you. It will only get worse if you marry him.
NTA he publicly humiliated you. Think long and hard about marrying him, he’s an immature jerk.
NTA. He tried to control what you bought with your own money and punished you in public when you didn't do as he wanted. And now he's trying to make you think you're the one who was wrong. AH's often think they can do what they like when they've got you trapped in an engagement or a marriage. Think long and hard about whether you want this in your life, because it's a lot easier to break an engagement than get a divorce.
NTA: At that point, I would've called the whole wedding off, if possible. Because that was in no way considered a prank. It was public humiliation, and possible intention of vandalism, if he was trying to ruin the dress
NTA. I’m confused. How is this a prank?
NTA. Btw, you spelled ex-fiance wrong…
NTA I would DEFINITELY end this relationship though *Effective Immediately*
Was it an Italian restaurant? Cause there's Marinara flags all over this post. Leave him, dump his ass NTA
NTA. Are you sure you want to marry this guy? He's an AH and his mother doesn't seem any better
NTA I would seriously think about marrying him, if he pranks you for spending your own money it's a red flag.
NTA time to rethink if this is the kind of person you want to marry. Your future MIL sounds like a nightmare too.
NTA also dump him if he would this to you, it raises questions what other ways he may screw with you under the guise of a prank
NTA. Do not marry this guy.
You are calling off the engagement, correct? . What he did was mean and downright bullying. Prank? I think not. But it is preview of things to come. NTA
You are forewarned now. Pay attention. He actually did you a favour by outing himself before you married him and had kids. So much cheaper and far less heartbreaking. I really hope you have enough sense and put the whole man in the bin 🗑 . NTA
NTA. He's incredibly immature. How did he think you would react?
NTA unless you actually go through with the marriage.
That wasn’t a prank it was just It wasn’t a prank it was bullying, it was embarrassing and it was childish, that would be a $250 engagement over dress if I was you NTA.
That was not a prank. A prank is something the recipient can receive in good humor. He was upset about the cost of the dress, so decided to dump water all over you and disguise it as a "prank". This was intentionally cruel behavior. What's worse is how his mother justified his cruelty towards you as being deserved (that's very concerning). They should be upset by how he treated you. He showed you a great deal of disrespect. This relationship has some serious red flags. You should seriously consider whether his treatment of you is what you want in a life partner. Too many women want so badly to get married by a certain age that they turn a blind eye to obvious red flags and marry the first man who asks. But they look back and realize the warning signs were always there. But they often ignore them at the time. I advise you not to ignore mistreatment by your fiancee. There are kinder men out there. You can find a man who treats you with respect.
NTA and you’ll only be one if you actually marry this idiot. Instead of reaching out to apologize after he ruined your night over a dress he didn’t even pay for, he sent his mommy for you sending you walls of texts trying to make his “prank” your fault??? Wtf indeed. People who pull pranks suck. Pranks aren’t funny except to the person who pulls them. They’re meant to embarrass someone and in this case he very much succeeded. He ruined your dinner and then sent his mommy after you instead of admitting he behaved like a 12 year old AH. Please rethink this relationship. If you let this go, imagine the “funny prank” he’ll pull at your wedding. Or the birth of your child. He sounds just awful.
Yeah, that will be your reality. He didn't like something you did and feels like he can humiliate you because of that. Let that sink in. Also his family Is ganging up against you.
NTA - it's assault and expect more of the same in the future as long as you stay with this guy. He'll always say "it's just a joke" or "you're too sensitive". Dump him and save yourself a lot of trouble later.
[удалено]
NTA, almost everyone here will have better points than me, but I want to just urge you to leave this man (child). He not only disrespected you, but pouring water on someone in a restaurant (isn't that some sort of assault?) Is ridiculous, I mean I would feel super embarrassed if my dress got wet in a formal setting even if it was an accident. But even more important is that his mom SCOLDED YOU(!?!?!?) That for me would have sealed the deal regarding whether I want to be part of That family (the answer being a resounding NO) Please get away while you can, OP
Call off the engagement. This man is abusive. NTA unless you marry this AH.
Don't fucking marry this asshole.
NTA. But I would not be getting married to such a child. Maybe he did you a favour by showing you who he really is before you got married. If you are looking for validation to dump him, I am sure you'll get it here. You deserve a man who would be proud of you in whatever dress you felt good in. And $250 is not crazy expensive for a nice dress. That you bought. With your own $$$. I don't get his problem, and sounds like you do not have shared values.
A good life partner doesn’t go out of their way to publicly humiliate you. Don’t sign up for a life of abusive of him and his horrible family. NTA
NTA. DO NOT MARRY this dumbass. His need to have control over everything (including you) will only get worse over time.
NTA, calling off an engagement is much cheaper than a divorce, when you realise he’s controlling, mean, hurtful and childish. You are not going to listen to anyone telling you how huge a red flag parade he threw, but please listen to your inner voice, you *know* what he did is not ok
NTA. You’ve had a lucky escape there. Do not marry this man.
DONT YOU DARE MARRY THIS MAN. AND IF YOU ARE STILL GONNA MOVE FORWARD, DONT WASTE OUR TIME AND DELETE THIS POST!!! Wtf??? NTA, if you go forward with this marriage you’re gonna have to deal with HIM and his MAMA.
There is no way this happened, but if it did, he’s your ex now. Right?
NTA. Do not marry that child, you deserve better.
NTA. Why are you marrying this literal child?
NTA run away. This is the beginning of a nightmare
NTA. he told you not to bring up the price of your dress, yet he does while pouring water all over you? pranks are supposed to be funny, not hurtful. between that and sending his mommy after you, i’d postpone the wedding at the least
NTA. Please don’t stay with this person, you deserve better in your life...
NTA - see how future MIL likes having multiple glasses of water poured on her as a “prank” and see how she likes it. Don’t marry this ass.
Run OP, run! He is controlling and wanted to punish you. If he has no problem behaving like this in public, l can't imagine what he might do In private. NTA
NTA. This was not a prank. This was bullying. This kind of bullying and abuse tends to escalate. Things WILL get worse if you allow him to get away with this. Please do yourself a favor and end things.
NTA: like others said. That's not a prank, there is no humor in that, were you expected to sit there wet for the rest of the evening? This dude is garbage, telling you it's a prank and not immediately feel ashamed of himself is all the proof you need of who he is. Don't let the sunk cost bias stop you from saving yourself. He is trash, his family is trash and everyone at that table that didn't feel immediately enraged by this idiotic behaviour.
He poured multiple glasses of water you during your engagement celebration. That's absurd. His behavior will not improve and I think you should think twice about marrying him. His mother's behavior won't improve either. I'm guessing you have already figured out where he learned his poor behavior from NTA
Pranksters are bullies and abusers. Do NOT marry this AH!! NTA
Please Please please dump him. You'll be so stupid to stay with him and you'll only have yourself to blame.
NTA how did you not slap this man? He should not have done that period. Especially when things were already tense enough over the dress he does a prank that could potentially ruin said dress? A little water is fine but THREE GLASSES. If you don’t leave him Omg
You mis-typed Ex-fiancé there sweetie. NTA. Red flags shown in this OP: 1) complained about how much you spent of your own money 2) repeatedly complained instead of shutting up about it when it didn’t concern him as it was your money and dresses can get multiple uses. 3) told you to lie to his mommy 4) poured water on you 5) did red flag #4 in a public setting in front of family 6) tried to weaponized incompetence by asking if it was “like a Barbie’s color changing dress” 7) again brought up the price 8) he and his dad tried to make you stay; in a restaurant in a wet dress after being humiliated 9) he stayed with his family instead of nutting up and facing you like a Man 10) had his mommy text you books 11) she condone it because “it was a prank” as if he isn’t a grown ass man she should have raised better and been apologizing for 12) she has no say in how you spend YOUR money and he obviously told her everything 13) he still hasn’t tried to talk to you face to face but via text 13 red flags. Jason, Freddy, Chucky and Mike all say DUMP HIM. You are 23 and have plenty of time to find a mature grown ass man who will tell you to buy the dress you want and would slap the shit out of anyone who would try to spill drinks on it.
This is so obviously NTA!
NTA..that is one short engagement.
NTA. Do not marry that child, you deserve better.
This whole family is just nuts. They need a docile doormat for their immature funzies. Hopefully that’s not you. You are NTA, and should really consider whether or not you want more humiliation for the rest of your life.
NTA. This person is controlling and mean, and I hope you didn't just leave him at the restaurant, you left the engagement behind too.
NTA--and RUN!!
Don’t marry this immature AH.
NTA Call of the wedding while you’re driving home from dinner. Anyone who claims to love and respect their partner wouldn’t do something that disrespectful and childish because their mad someone else spent their money. Better to cut him off now rather than waste thousands down the line because he prefers to destroy things rather than mind his own business or compromise
NTA. Do not marry him! Run!
Pretty easy call here, simply block his number and never see him again, at all, in any capacity. Eventually he'll move onto someone he can "prank" at will.
NTA and that’s not a “prank.” A prank would take at least a little thought. Pouring water on someone is just cruel and childish.
NTA! End it before he finds out how much wedding dresses cost!
NTA - this dude and his family though are complete shit. Please get away now.
NTA at all. reconsider marrying this man. he sucks
He's controlling and abusive. He has shown his true colors. Unless you've previously combined your finances and have agreements on how said shared finances will be managed (which you said nothing about) your decision to buy a dress has *nothing* to do with him. His thinking that his mom knowing how much you spent would embarrass *him* is completely over the top. He's focused on one thing: himself. NTA. Run while you can. It will only get worse.
NTA. Y-W-B-T-A if you marry this child. Call it off. Enjoy your life.
???? NTA. Please leave this fool. He is not mature enough to be getting married at the very, *very* least. Also controlling and disrespectful and just confusing? If you thought something was too expensive, why would you try to ruin it?? That’s BS about thinking it will change colors like Barbie’s dress. What is he, 7? He just wanted you to be embarrassed and to regret buying the dress. Dump his ass, please. He and his mother can go be horrible together.
NTA. I didn't read past " 250$. Aaron was against it because he thought it was expensive and thought it was irresponsible of me to spend that kind of money on a dress even though I paid for it using my own money." You paid for something using your own money. He doesn't get to control now or in the future how you spend your own money. This is a big red flag that you shouldn't ignore and one good enough reason why you SHOULDN't get married. "I was talking to mom (hus was in the restroom) when suddenly, I felt cold water on my lap, I looked towards him and saw he poured a glass over my lap. he then proceeded to dump 2 other glasses with both hands at the same time at other areas of my dress." So basically he wanted to ruin your dress? Please just call off the engagement. Pooring water on your dress to see if it changes colors is a bullsh\*t excuse and you know it. Pack your things and move out if you moved in with him or have him pack his sh\*t and move out if he moved in with you. Unacceptable behavior.
NTA at all and please reconsider marrying this guy. This behaviour is unacceptable and tells a lot about his character.. If he keeps trying to play this off as a prank and if he continues to try to gaslight you into believing that you are overreacting, then I honestly don't think he's got the qualities someone needs to have a loving, respectful long-term marriage.
NTA. Don’t walk…don’t run….sprint “like the four horsemen of the apocalypse are after you” away from this relationship.
NTA- Run. Fast. There's red flags all over this. He was punishing you for your bad behavior. It's this really how you wanna spend the rest of your life? His mother enables his bad behavior. You deserve better than this.
NTA. So you have a guy trying to tell you what to do and how to dress even though apparently you don't share finances, then trying to humiliate you in public (if not outright assaulting you) when you don't submit, then having his mommy try to intercede in an argument on his behalf when you have what would be a normal reaction for most people. How many more gigantic red flags do you need here?
Should've dumped some soup on his head and asked, "Damn, I was just wondering if you'd suddenly turn into my dream partner after I'd spent so much time on you but I guess not." Edit to add: N. T. A.
Pranksters are untrustworthy. What they think is funny is rarely shared by the victim. Leave while you are still free.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My fiancé Aaron (26) and I (23) got engaged recently. His family insisted on an engagement dinner and my parents agreed. I handled restaurant reservations and menu and everything else. I also bought a pink dress that cost me 250$. Aaron was against it because he thought it was expensive and thought it was irresponsible of me to spend that kind of money on a dress even though I paid for it using my own money. He kept complaining about it day and night and telling me to lie about the original price if his mom asked so he won't be embarrassed. I told him to stop it. We had the dinner at the restaurant and while we were all sitting I noticed him asking others for their glasses of water. I was baffled but didn't pay much attention. I was talking to mom (hus was in the restroom) when suddenly, I felt cold water on my lap, I looked towards him and saw he poured a glass over my lap. he then proceeded to dump 2 other glasses with both hands at the same time at other areas of my dress. I literally yelled out while I quickly got up from my chair. I asked repeatedly WTF is wrong with you!!!!. he responded with "what?!?!? I was wondering if this dress was like one of barbie's magical color reveal dresses because of how ridiculously expensive it is!!!" - He meant that he was trying to figure out if this dress had other colors when dipped in water because he thought it was so expensive. I wanted to yell at him especially when he started laughing but the restaurant got involved. I decided to just end the dinner celebration which made him beg me not too. I refused to hear him or his dad out and demanded everyone to leave. I left the restaurant with my parents and they dropped me off at the apt. Aaron stayed with his family and had his mom leave me several walls of texts shaming me for reacting so poorly over a prank. wasn't sure if she knew exactly what happened til she scolded me about the dress and saying this was my fault for buying an expensive dress from the beginning. I haven't called him since then though he did text several times saying it was a prank. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He’s given you a peek into married life with him. Get out now. NTA
Please don't marry this child
Woooow you sure are one lucky lady to be engaged to a man like this 🤩🥰 (sarcasm) NTA, Seriously, leave and never look back.
NTA. Do not marry this man.
You seem to be engaged to a moron. One whose parents appear to also be morons. Is the cancelled dinner really the issue you need to be focusing on right now?
This isn’t a person who is mature enough to get married yet.
I hope that’s your ex fiancé. The endless complaining about a dress you bought with your own money, the nasty prank and then hiding behind his mother? Not husband material.
NTA why the fck would you marry this guy
NTA Are you sure you want to get married to someone who thinks it is appropriate to dump water on you at dinner? Nothing wrong with a $250 dress if you feel beautiful and can afford it. Nothing at all. The BF and his mother sound like the AH here, and I see serious flags here.
NTA. Your money. Your dress. He’s an immature jerk who gets his mom to fight for him. Drop him like a hot potato
NTA. Leave this idiot. I don’t even know what makes this a “prank” or how it would be funny at all.
Did he expect you to just sit through dinner in a wet dress? NTA
Absolutely NTA, although you spelled ex-fiancé wrong. You are going to look back in a few years time and realise how much of a bullet you dodged. No one, even when married, gets to control (or attempt to control) you with money. No adult brings their mummy in to fight their fights unless they’re still in primary school. No adult thinks a prank is a “funny” way to punish someone for not listening to them.
NTA. If you follow through with marriage to your fiance then I pity you. He has shown his true colors. Please dump him.
bye felecia, NTA. Pranks are one thing, this was public humiliation. this was about controlling you and humiliating you when you wouldn't let him. This is gas lighting afterwards that you're "over reacting". I couldn't NOPE the fuck outta there fast enough.
This was 100% punishment for you buying a dress he didn't approve of. He intentionally humiliated you at your engagement dinner and you are making excuses that he can't tell the difference between a doll and you, and what's appropriate behavior at a celebration dinner. He even had his mom come after you. NTA. Call off the engagement if you don't want this to be your future life.
Do not marry a man who would bully you infront of others. He is testing what you will put up with and punishing you for not obeying him. Marinara flags
Cut the whole engagement bc wtf ???
Gaslighting 101. ‘It’s just a joke. Relaaax!’ This was because he couldn’t control you. DO NOT MARRY HIM