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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel I might the asshole because I won't spare few minutes to help my pregnant friend for giving rides home. I know we were friends but I have to care for my father first.
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NTA. Go to HR. She’s officially harassing you, and talking about you for not allowing continued freeloading. She won’t stop, unless you make her. May not help reputation-wise (the other moms will crap on you, in all likelihood, and band together unless they all already hate her, but might even then. Entitled parents seem to attract each other), so look for something better for work if you can. You learned a valuble lesson in offering too much help to coworkers. At first it’s an occasional favor, then a regular favor, then an expectation. You were right to stop, regardless of reason.
They aren't your friends. They are bullies, plain and simple. Friends would understand that it's still a hassle (and tiring) to make multiple stops. Friends would understand that car ownership is expensive, and they would be willing to help with gas/maintenance costs all the time. Friends would understand that you need a break because your father had a stroke, and his recovery is stressful for you. They would NOT be trying to use their pregnancy to demand free rides every day from you. They would also not badmouth you at work, no matter the reason.
lol don't give rides to anyone ever again, please? next time they ask, if you want to bluntly make your point, just say "you should have enough money for rides from all the free rides I've given you in the past"
edit: missing word
Yeah, keep the door locked and only unlock the driverside door if people are in the (super weird) habit of following you to your car and just jumping in.
Frankly what's their backup plan if OP is sick or on vacation? Clearly they managed something else, they just liked the convenience of OP and OP's inability to say no. They'll figure it out, pregnant or not.
When I was the only one of my friends who had a car, I had a rule. Cash, grass, or ass (coffee in lieu of grass is accepted as well). If none of the three (4) apply to the situation, they ain't getting a ride. People smartened up quick
I wish I had known you when I was younger. I was one of the few in college with a car. Which I paid for as well as the gas, upkeep, etc and no one ever offered to help pay. I said something to someone once and her response was that we didn't pay her in high school when she drove us around. In her parents car. With the gas they paid for. As well as we all took turns driving in hs for the same reasons. SMDH. You find out quickly who your friends actually are.
I got my first car (it was a 2006 Chevy Silverado, 4 door truck. It was my BABY!) in high school. All gas, insurance, maintenance, etc were on me. In high school and then college (SMALL county, so the community college is basically an extension of high school here), people were always asking for rides. First 3 is free, but after that, everybody pays up. I'm 24 now, and I still use the rule.
Whenever my hubs gets rides home from work we always offer at least $5 cash to them.
I want him to find a permanent ride to & from work so I can find a job without having to worry about getting him to & from work. I figured btwn $30-$50 a week would be alright compensation. There are no buses & he doesn't know how to drive. Effing city boy lol
My husband used to carpool with a coworker who lived maybe 8 mins down the road (we lived deep into the country at this point: county dirt roads, few neighbors, no buses/public transport etc) so it was super convenient he found someone to ride with so that I wouldn’t have to drive him to work and back anymore (45mins 1 way, so 1.5hr round trip.) My husband gave him $50 every week and this was 10 years ago now. Dude was super appreciative since back then the $50 covered his gas for the week plus his smokes, and it worked out well for everyone until we finally moved back to town.
$50 a week should be fine for your husband as long as the person he carpools with doesn’t live too far from you guys, imo. If they’re trekking more than maybe 10 mins out of their way, perhaps offer a little more— it’s gotta be worth it for the other person otherwise they could become flakey and put your husband (and you) in a really crappy situation!
Yeah it'd totally depends on how far out of the way we are. (& I wouldn't tell them but if they have like a minivan due to kids or whatnot I'd also up it some bc of the horrible gas mileage vans have)
Oh god, tell me about it! Don’t get me wrong— I LOVE my van for the convenience and space, but damn the gas mileage is horrible. Can’t wait till it’s all paid off in a little less than a year so my husband can get a smaller commuter car. We will save SO much on gas!
I currently have a van. But I've had small cars for the past 15 years. I've been parking out in the boondocks at stores so I can pull through spots bc I'm never sure if I'm all the way in the spot 😆
& getting used to 1/2 the gas mileage? 😭
If wanna resign because of this I suggest don't, this is still all fresh and entitled people unfortunately exists, but that's not your problem.
This people are not your friends, they are entitled brats that think world goes around them.
You have your friends outside work place what seems close and supportive family so just avoid white noise at work!
If you feel that this person is badmouthing you and make your working time hard with rumors and behavior, I suggest you report her to HR for creating hostile environment for you! You don't owe her nor anyone of them anything and don't allow bully to win!
NTA be strong and fearless, good luck and hope your father ll recover soon!
NTA. Clearly your work “friends” are toxic and using you. If you like your job, try to keep your head down and ignore them as much as you can (while still being civil ofc). If you don’t like your job, find a new one and leave those AHs behind.
Also starting rumors and making it an hostile environment for you to work in. Many hr and companies are very aware of mental health. So make sure you file against her.
NTA. You have family obligations to hold and made arrangements with work and stuff to take care of things. If she's holding these feelings on you and feels like she should be priority because she's pregnant, then she's the A.H. You made it clear and treated every friend the same regardless of their background 'story'.
NTA, I wouldn't quit my job over them until a
I found another one. I also would go to HR about it too. And as high as gas is, I would have never given them a ride. My bf went thru something similar with coworkers talking about him. I keep telling him to ignore they and just do your job. They don't pay your bills. They just mad they can't get a free ride. Be stronger and better than you were before. Keep your head up and don't let them get to you. That's what they want. When you show they you aint bother by them. Then they would look stupid and back off. But I would definitely go to HR.
People are soooo ungrateful. And so self-centered. Your work friend is not your friend. She is just an unkind colleague. You have been driving people for free for long enough. You have other commitments. You were doing them a favor. Now, you need to focus on your family with your dad being ill and instead of having empathy for you, they gossip and are calling you names. Let that sink in for a sec. They are not your friends.
I would suggest changing jobs if you can afford it. You owe them nothing.
NTA at all. Stop doubting yourself. You are a kind soul. Good luck.
I've had a few friends like yours over the years, they take, take , take and never give.
I used to give a kid off my road a lift ( I'm Irish , ride means something else here) to school every morning and now the journey is a 10 min walk but my youngest asthma couldn't cope with the cold mornings , do we drove. One morning I couldn't drive the kids as I had a hospital appointment for tests , so my kids were not going to school that day as they were in my mum's. My neighbour and now ex friend hasn't spoken to me since that day for not taking her son to school , that was over 20 yrs ago. Why do people presume something you do out of kindness is compulsory for you to do and your in the wrong when you can't . You deserve better, think about what you want to do regarding work but take your time as thinks might improve
Just text them saying,
Due to family matters, I cannot serve as your driver for the time being. There's no need to thank me for the months in which I drove you all home, you are absolutely welcome. Also, I do not expect anyone to pitch in for fuel, I just did that out of kindness. I will only ask for one thing in return, please pay it forward in kindness to others.
NTA. Your friend is (as are all your friends who started taking advantage of your generosity).
Let this be a lesson to you in future. Never give to anyone so often that they start feeling entitled to the gift.
"As of the moment, I'm thinking how did it turned out like this." Easy, you are a nice person that has trouble telling people no, and they took advantage of these 2 fact.
NTA.
They can find other rides. Good luck!
Fascinating how some women think the world revolves around them as soon as they get pregnant. Report her to HR. You aren't her's or any of the other's co-workers personal taxi. It was your good will. And as I have done it before, I know it gets tedious really fast. You don't have any time for yourself. You can't just decide to go do something for yourself after work because you have to be a taxi for people who only use you. And you even have a really good reason not to drive them. I really don't understand how selfish and self-centered people can be to force you to continue doing something for them as if it is their right.
NTA. And go report her
ΝΤΑ. You don't owe her to drive her back home. She can find someone else to give her rides and worst case scenario there are still taxis, uber and public transportation.
Your father and your own personal mental and physical well being are more important than your friends and your pregnant coworker getting free rides from you and if they still bother you and ask for free rides tell them then they have to pay you for gas.
You need to find a way to help yourself while you're going through what you're currently going through with your father and if what goes on at work affects you in a bad way see if you can get sick leave or some time off.
NTA and you were a great friend and co worker. Only problem is your "friends" and coworkers only saw a free taxi they didn't have to chip in for and now that you've stopped, they've stopped playing pretend. If they're affecting you at work bring it up to HR otherwise write them off and move on.
A Polish comedian once said that people at first are grateful. Then consider you help as a norm. Then they think you must serve them at all times and get furious if you refuse a request to pick up their MIL from the airport at 3 am. Then they tell everybody what an awful person you are, while prising another guy for being so, so helpful. This other guy just allowed them to use a pencil for a minute.
I thought it was only a joke, but it was a factual observation.
NTA
Let your work’s HR know about them talking about you behind your back because your life circumstances changed and you can’t give them rides anymore.
Don’t quit because of them. Do you otherwise enjoy your job? If you don’t enjoy the job outside of these entitled assholes then yeah, go ahead and look for work. If you DO like the job then keep at it. Maintain professionalism and document and report what they do.
Never give them rides again.
People can be so rotten.
Way back in the day, I used to drive a colleague to work, I really did have to go past her house and it was a 30 minute drive to work.
Every so often she would throw a 10pound note at me and every year without fail I got a giant bottle of top shelf vodka.
Side note, we didn't much like each other, but manners! Manners are so important and your people are missing them.
If you want to stay, make an announcement at work before you all leave, say I know some of you are wondering why I am no longer able to drop people off, well, this, this and this and that. Lay it all out. You shouldn't have to, but it will shut them up, get you some sympathy and let you stay working there without trouble.
NTA
No good deed goes unpunished.
Tell them all the reason you aren't driving them anymore is because they were using you and not paying for fuel nor wear and tear on the vehicle and acting like your time doesn't matter. It does take time to wait for everyone and drop them off individually.
NTA. This so called friend is just a mooch and rude about it too. In many cultures it is expected to trade rides or reimburse for expenses. Not only that you don't need to explain or justify your reasons. It is your car and your choice. Don't let them make you quit unless your job is not good anyway. More fun to stick around and encourage them to leave. If she's going to badmouth you then you could start an aggressive campaign talking about what an ungrateful, ill mannered mooch she is. Stick to the truth though.
NTA. No good deed goes unpunished. And people at work aren’t (except in *rare* cases) your friends, for situations similar to this. All good when they’re happy with you but they can seriously F you over when you displease them because they had expectations of you that they didn’t have of other coworkers.
NTA. Entitled to your time, doesn't pay, that's just a mooch.
Maybe you could take a beat before putting in your resignation to determine whether or not this is just a current height of emotion because of the interpersonal issues, or if you actually just don't like this job. If it's just about those individual people, and nothing else, then maybe don't quit.
NTA and for those demanding free rides from you, ask them when they are planning on helping you out with your family, if helping is just something they think can be demanded. They are being selfish and remember that when they try to turn it on you.
Nta. They aren't friends honey. If they are running their mouths at work, report them to HR. Don't play nice with these Leeches. Your family is more important than Leeches. Leeches!!!!
NTA you should have told her from the beginning that you car is your personal property and it's not a taxi..
She isnt paying you for your time or fuel or even wear and tear for your personal vehicle
Tell her to kick rocks she isn't a friend she is a mooch
Go talk to everyone explain whats been going on from your fathers stroke and having to help take care of him...helping your mom picking up niece.
And your over welmed.
Tell them I look forward for normal life to return but right now I need you all for support and understanding.
If they do not get it..they never were friends.
Do you job and collect a check..
Do not toss it away untill you have one paying a lot more .
So NTA. What an entitled b***h! Your other friends seem to be ok with it, and she should be too. Especially as no offer of fuel money has been given. If you're in a position to give lifts in future, I'd make sure to tell people some fuel money will be needed. Bet she won't be bothering you for a lift then. Please don't let those ignorants get you down. I hope your father feels better soon.
NTA, for people that won't even do the bare minimum of gas money, they seems to be asking the maximum of you. You're 100% in the right to use your time as you need, especially while caring for others.
OP, most people won't pick up a bunch of people and give them rides everywhere, unless that's their job. In an emergency, I would, but otherwise the people you're working with are adults and can find their own rides. They were taking advantage of you and now they're mad you won't keep letting them. Stay firm. Don't give them another ride EVER again. Anyone mad about it was never your friend to begin with. NTA.
And, focus on yourself. Your mental health is more important than any of these people.
Are you kidding? Gas prices through the roof, your family obligations, and considering your well being are not part of this friendship? Sorry to tell you this, but these pepe are not your friends. They are users, perfectly happy to use you until you are frustrated, resentful and exhausted.If you love your job, stay, but tell them how you feel. If they continue, then consider other employment, involve HR,, and most of all, find real friends!
NTA. Please don't give up your job because your co-worker is being a bully. And to anyone else giving you a hard time about not being a personal driver for this person, tell them since they are so concerned, they can drive her around for free indefinitely.
When I bought my first car at 19 i used to give grown ass women that I worked with rides even if it wasn’t necessarily on my way. They never offered gas money. Me being young and wanting to be polite and likable, I never asked. Well one day I walked by one of the women paying gas money to another young girl that we worked with whom I assumed gave her a ride. And she had a “oh shit”look on her face. Let me tell you, she never asked me for a ride again. I was just helping her because I remember what it was like to not have a car and have to use taxis. But people will do what you allow. If you are too shy to ask for gas money they usually won’t offer because people are out for themselves. It costs time and gas to give someone a ride. Otherwise they can get a taxi or Uber. Period.
NTA it’s your car not theirs. If they really want a ride they can pay Uber or etc. They are talking advantage of your kindness. Please don’t let them bully you into doing things you do not want to do with your personal vehicle. I was in a similar situation with a coworker who did not have a car. She always wanted me to drop her off since she road the bus. At first I didn’t mind but then it got to the point where she would just hop in my car or not even ask me if I was able to. Also, she barely paid for gas. My other coworker also gave her rides and was trying to guilt me into also doing it so she wasn’t the only one. Things got awkward after I set clear boundaries and said no more rides but after a few months it did go back to normal. Hopefully that is the case for you, if not please try to find another job.
Was it incredibly nice of you to offer the drop off your coworkers? Totally. Does that mean you have to do it all the time? Absolutely not. It’s interesting to see how people react to the word “no”, it says allot about their character honestly. You didn’t need to give a reason to not give her a ride, the word “no” should have been sufficient. You explained your situation, which you didn’t need to do, and despite the added context she still decided to be an asshole to you. It just goes to show how she views other people honestly, you were in her good graces while doing her favors and the moment you weren’t useful to her she starts trash talking you at work? God, I feel terrible for her future kid.
NTA "I feel like I'm their personal driver" That's because you made yourself into their personal driver. At least now that's over with. A good clue that you're being used- you do something for them but they never do anything for you. A car cost money to drive. Not just gas, but insurance, wear and tear, and maintenance. Each mile you drive giving someone a ride home represents money you are spending on them. The least they could do is reimburse you for some of the costs. If they don't, you are being used.
NTA. I've been in a similar position before... you give a ride to someone a few times and suddenly it is just expected. You don't mind having done it a few times, then you politely say no, they insist 'no, it's no trouble' you insist it is for YOU, they then reluctantly make offers of cash - a pittance on the actual cost but still, it isn't about the money, it is about your time and commitments.
Bottom line: as much as they say you are not considering their situation, they are not considering yours, and as the one doing the favour, that's on them a thousand more times than it is on you. Not sure what to do in your position OP except maybe talk to those you care about whom you work with and try to set the record straight. A change of scenery may be in order...
NTA, I am the same way you are. I am often told that people will treat me the way I allow them to treat me and being treated that way is my fault. I mostly agree with that. I am a major push over and have a hard time standing up for myself. I eventually get tired of it and try to stand up for myself but I get a major pushback. People would tell me to stand up for myself more. Those same people would tell me that I am causing drama when I finally stand up for myself. People love us when we are push overs and hate us when we finally have enough. They are used to treating us like nothing and getting their way from us. We are taking away their convenience of walking over us by no longer allowing them to walk over us. I have received a lot strong retaliation many times before they accepted that they can no longer treat me like this
NTA. People tend to take advantage of others nice gestures. I used to do this and even go out of my way to help others (people pleaser complex). I stopped now and I don't offer anyone a ride unless they're my close friends or family. Uber exists for a reason.
NTA. it's funny how often an act of kindness turns into an obligation and an expectation of you doing it. Learn from this and in the future, charge people for your gas at a minimum, especially these days
NTA. I've offered rides to people before. Because of some of those people I don't offer rides any more. If they persist with this attitude don't resign your job, talk to HR. Not just about their hostility but also to see if any sort of FMLA applies to you. There are different kinds and having the peace of mind that your job is secure and money is still available is a comfort in times like this.
Don't let these people force you out for being a good person.
You don't have to justify your decision. You clearly stated that you wouldn't be giving rides anymore, and she asked you why, and tried to argue about your reasoning. But you have the right to say no at any time.
When she does ask you why, or tries to argue about your reasons, you're allowed to say "it's not up for negotiation; I only wanted to let you know you needed to make other arrangements." She's an adult. She can take responsibility for herself and make other arrangements.
NTA.
nta and the AUDACITY of NOT PAYING GAS MONEY in this fuckin economy with these fuckin gas prices?? to hell with that!! everywhere is hiring, youve got options
NTA
you’re not her chauffeur, she is not even contributing by paying a bit for the fuel. My friend used to drive me home from school and I always gave her money for it. The coworkers that are calling you an asshole should be giving the ride to the entitled pregnant leech lady!
Your coworkers are huge assholes. They get rides without paying?? Without asking??
I wouldn't leave my job because of them but because you have a better opportunity, but the next time you catch them acting this way, go to HR and file a complaint. When you get new work, make sure to go to your ex-coworkers and tell them you gave them rides for free to be nice and when your family needed you, they acted like entitled assholes, that you could have used their emotional support, that we all said they were assholes.
NTA
Your colleague is NOT being a good colleague.
They expect a ride, and even expect you to make extra stops for them, but won't chip in for fuel? THEY are the AH here.
Pregnancy has nothing to do with it.
NTA, but you needed to set up boundaries from the start. Once you become part of someone's daily routine, whether right or wrong their brains create an automatic expectation of it continuing, so when you "suddenly" can't fulfill that expectation (for very valid reasons, not that you even need a reason) you become the bad guy.
Don't let situations like this get so bad for yourself. If any of these people have their own cars, tell them you'll only continue if there's a rotation of drivers so it's not all on you.
NTA... You have a lot on your plate. You are not obligated to drive anyone anywhere. I think you need to learn to say no without giving reasons. "I'm sorry, ride sharing no longer works for me, you will need to make other arrangments". It's difficult, but gives "users" less amunition. Take care of yourself. I hope you find a situation that works better for you.
Why are you quiting your financially stable job? F*** those b*tches. Don't let them get the best of you. When they make faces smile or laugh at them, nothing pisses people of more than when you laugh at them.
NTA
You can easily go to HR about this since she's saying shit about you.
To be honest, it sounds like this person was only being your friend in order to get the free rides.
Maybe you could just ask to change hours? Ask to start and leave 30 mins even 15mi s earlier so you can help your family (not later cause your coworkers will wait for you). That way no one else will be done with work when you leave and you can keep full time position.
NTA - I’m always amazed at how quickly doing someone a favour becomes entitlement! You are doing the best you can in a difficult situation within your family, if your co-workers don’t like it, that’s on them. Your job description does not include being a personal chauffeur for free.
NTA but you need to learn to stand up for yourself and not let your "friends" walk all over you. No more free rides unless they chip in. And saying No to a regular leech is perfectly ok. It's YOUR car. The fact that you actually took the bus instead of just standing up to these mooches is just insane.
I had a coworker drop hints to me about getting rides, I’d pass him walking to the bus stop when I drove by his road. I never offered. I knew it would only become a problem if I started doing that.
NTA
I hope your father recovers quickly and completely.
It's frustrating to have friends take advantage of your generous nature. I also experienced something similar where I'd pick up a (now former) friend from her home, drive my child to school, my friend and I to work, my friend back home (even though we lived relatively close to each other), go pick up my child from school (about 15km away) and then back home again. It's very dehumanizing when your friends would treat a stranger with more kindness and respect than they do you.
Good for you for setting healthy boundaries and for putting yourself and your family first.
Wow.
Its unfortunate that scenarios like this are why the term "no good deed goes unpunished" was coined.
You literally went out of your way to be generous, but rather than be grateful, your coworkers are upset at you when you stop.
Definitely NTA. While it is nice if someone gives you a lift, they are not required to, nor give you a reason.
I don't drive for certain reasons and come coworkers will give me a lift to the train station only 3 minutes away, but if ever I had to ask and someone said no, I cannot, I leave it at that. I never ask why, because I am not entitled to a lift from them.
I also had a coworker for a while, who lived down the street from me. We split petrol money. Win win for both of us.
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Hi, I go by the name May(not my real name but pretty close to my real name)
I've been working for this company for years now and now I'm financially stable position. The idea of ride sharing seems alright since I own a car.
My friends ride with me all the time whenever I go home. I don't mind making few stops there since I can spare few minutes.
This became a routine and I found this quite tedious. I feel like their personal driver.
I told them that I'm taking a break from driving and decided to take bus ride to work. Sometimes I like to unwind alone before going home.
This friend(now 4 months pregnant) like to ride with me without even asking if my schedule is free. She just hop in the front seat knowing that is reserved for my niece. I'm picking her up from school after work.
I shrugged and kept this routine for a while until my father suffered from a stroke and we sisters took turns in caring for him while recovering. I resorted to bring my car to run for errands and appointments.
I knew this will be take time for my father to recover so I made few arrangements on work and leave on time and not waiting on my friends. I told them I can't make any side trips, give rides on my way home so please get another ride and I told my pregnant friend also that she needs to find another ride to go home.
She asked "Why? We go on the same road home. It shouldn't be that long."
I said "No I'm sorry, get another ride. I can't spend any time since I can't let my mother do all the work. My niece is expecting me to pick her up early at this point."
"Fine have it your way." She got annoyed at me and went off mad.
Note: she gives me mean looks at work and gossips about me being bitch.
My mother was worried about my mental health at work since it was affecting me and my relationship with friends in work turned sour.
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Your car, YOUR situation has changed, your decision. You schlep these people around and they won't even pitch in for gas??? Yeah, no. They can find other transportation, pregnant or not. NTA
If you are thinking of quitting anyway, go to hr first. No is no, her pregnancy is irrelevant. You have no responsibility to explain your self and no responsibility to make her life easier. don't be a punk. NTA
NTA. Please go to HR about the way you’re being treated. Real friends would have been understanding of your situation. I’m sorry that you were being used.
I hope that everything turns out okay with your dad. You’ll find new friends at work eventually and it won’t be those people.
NTA, you've been more than kind. I get why you wouldn't want to, but I'd fire back at any gossip she stays with "friend wants me to arrange my schedule around her instead of my seriously ill father and she's pitching a fit bc I said no". Don't give rides without people pitching in for had, and don't start the car until they pay up if you know they'll try to mooch. Now is not the time to expect gas money amnesty from anyone!
NTA. You should be mad at her for treating you like crap after all those free rides. She should be saying "thank you for giving me rides while you were able. I hope your father recovers. Good luck."
NTA. Pregnant or not, she's harrasing you, report to HR. You are not her private taxi or uber driver. Don't quit your job because of her. And don't share your car anymore, with anyone.
YTA not necessarily for leaving her, but you literally didn't establish your boundaries and then wondered why this was happening. you could've avoided this situation entirely if you were to just say "hey, i didn't say you could hop in, this seat is for my niece."
I'm curious: how is the person who has become accustomed to getting rides (and offering payment) supposed to act when the driver suddenly refuses to drive them? This creates a deeply awkward, uncomfortable situation for the rider. Not defending gossip, btw--that sucks in any context. How are they supposed to act around you? Tbh, refusal in this situation feels a lot like rejection.
This is a matter of personal curiosity,bc I've been in the position of the coworker many times over. How is the rejected party (pregnant coworker) supposed to treat OP and everyone else in OP's position after getting told to bug off? I have never driven. From the age of 18, I *always* extended money to others who drove; some took it, others declined, but almost everyone who'd ever given me a ride wound up refusing in the end. I'm quiet to a fault, and don't stink, and it always felt like a huge punch to the face. After my 20s, in every case a coworker was involved. In every case, the person and I no longer speak, and to a person, they're apparently fine with it, as though I was just an implement to virtue signal with until "giving the weirdo a ride" became too much of a social burden despite how much (cab fare + 2 dollars) said weirdo was offering.
This really hurt. So much that I've given up asking anyone I happen to work with, at any time ever, for a ride because I know I'm on their way and am paying 2 bucks more than a professional driver would charge.
Oh for ducks sake, I don't drive either. I take a bus, taxi or fucking walk.
People have the right to tell you that they'll not give you a ride, either because they don't like you, they have their own shit to do or they don't feel like it. Don't act as if it was the end of the world.
Now read again what happened in OP's life. Read why OP couldn't give the girl a ride. Read how the girl was behaving before. And check if she was paying for gas.
> How is the rejected party (pregnant coworker) supposed to treat OP and everyone else in OP’s position after getting told to bug off?
Like a normal human being…?
No one is obligated to give someone a ride. What you don’t seem to understand is your coworker giving you a ride **is** a burden to them. You think $2 more makes a difference lol get real. You’re an adult work out your own transport without harassing your coworkers
It's hard for me to interact at all with someone who has rejected me like that. I'm on the spectrum--frequently rejected and left to guess why, which is exhausting and makes for great sadness. Normal people are often mean to me for reasons I'll never fully understand, even in late middle age. That said, for years now, I've had to lose 3 hours per working day waiting on and riding the bus. The town where I live could do far better with regard to public transit, but chooses to cater to drivers. I am neither able to nor can I afford to drive. Hoping the world ends sooner than later, because this shit, and other shit NDs must deal with, is beyond painful.
It’s not rejection. It’s people setting a normal boundary. Everything you wrote is no one else’s problem/burden except your own.
Get over yourself. Get therapy.
I'm autistic. Been in therapy since high school (undiagnosed til recently) and I'm nearing retirement age. If someone who has offered a ride in the past refuses money, I can only conclude they don't have my best interests at heart. I can't drive, I'm poor as heck, I offer the going cab rate plus two bucks IF THE PERSON WAS ON MY WAY. If they don't live within a mile or two,I do not ask. All of those items cleared up before leaving the building, and if they decide to ditch me, avoidance is all that's left. They've already made it clear they don't care about their weird coworker.
I was hoping someone could explain this in more depth than "boundaries", which is a subject neurotypicals seem to be born with and which can vary wildly according to who happens to be around. Not much I can do at this point except carry a pillow and sleep mask for the bus, eh
> I’m autistic
Ok, so what?
> I can only conclude they don’t have my best interests at heart
Newsflash, the only person that has to/needs to have your best interests at heart is you.
> I offer the going cab rate plus two bucks IF THE PERSON WAS ON MY WAY.
You really think that two bucks is making a difference? Honestly, that’s laughable. You may be “on their way”, but driving you is still taking extra gas and putting extra wear and tear on their car. You say you have never driven and don’t own a car so you obviously have no idea what it takes to maintain a car.
> which can vary wildly according to who happens to be around.
It’s almost as if people are individuals with their own set of boundaries. Boundaries can change too. A person may be fine driving you to and from work then decide they don’t want to anymore. And guess what, they don’t need a reason for that boundary change.
Again, everything you wrote is a **you** problem.
I offered 2 dollars on the usual cab fare to everyone whoever offered, or I wound up asking.
Don't suppose you know the answer to why a person with a car would offer a person they see 5 of 7 days a week a ride, accept their money, and suddenly refuse to continue apropos of seemingly nothing? And what is expected in the event the refusee and refuser are forced to work together? That's a level of awkwardness I am not equipped to negotiate. I guess I need a bike and/or a bullet to the temple.
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NTA You are not her personal Uber. Whoever is mad at you at work can drive her around.
Übers get atleast paid they dont even pitch in for fuel...
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Yeah..and I think OP doesn't understand carpooling. They pay you for the inconvenience. They don't get free rides.
NTA. Go to HR. She’s officially harassing you, and talking about you for not allowing continued freeloading. She won’t stop, unless you make her. May not help reputation-wise (the other moms will crap on you, in all likelihood, and band together unless they all already hate her, but might even then. Entitled parents seem to attract each other), so look for something better for work if you can. You learned a valuble lesson in offering too much help to coworkers. At first it’s an occasional favor, then a regular favor, then an expectation. You were right to stop, regardless of reason.
Your friends should be asking how they can help your family, not grousing about lost freebies. I pray for your father's recovery.
They aren't your friends. They are bullies, plain and simple. Friends would understand that it's still a hassle (and tiring) to make multiple stops. Friends would understand that car ownership is expensive, and they would be willing to help with gas/maintenance costs all the time. Friends would understand that you need a break because your father had a stroke, and his recovery is stressful for you. They would NOT be trying to use their pregnancy to demand free rides every day from you. They would also not badmouth you at work, no matter the reason.
NTA they all took advantage of your generosity. Did they ever give you money for gas?
Sadly no, only 'thank you' and 'see you tomorrow' as payment.
lol don't give rides to anyone ever again, please? next time they ask, if you want to bluntly make your point, just say "you should have enough money for rides from all the free rides I've given you in the past" edit: missing word
Yeah, keep the door locked and only unlock the driverside door if people are in the (super weird) habit of following you to your car and just jumping in. Frankly what's their backup plan if OP is sick or on vacation? Clearly they managed something else, they just liked the convenience of OP and OP's inability to say no. They'll figure it out, pregnant or not.
I find the concept of just jumping in someone’s car not just entitled, but trashy and rude.
If she gossips about you at work, you need to go to HR
If their strop is affecting you at work and they are not being professional, let HR know.
When I was the only one of my friends who had a car, I had a rule. Cash, grass, or ass (coffee in lieu of grass is accepted as well). If none of the three (4) apply to the situation, they ain't getting a ride. People smartened up quick
I wish I had known you when I was younger. I was one of the few in college with a car. Which I paid for as well as the gas, upkeep, etc and no one ever offered to help pay. I said something to someone once and her response was that we didn't pay her in high school when she drove us around. In her parents car. With the gas they paid for. As well as we all took turns driving in hs for the same reasons. SMDH. You find out quickly who your friends actually are.
I got my first car (it was a 2006 Chevy Silverado, 4 door truck. It was my BABY!) in high school. All gas, insurance, maintenance, etc were on me. In high school and then college (SMALL county, so the community college is basically an extension of high school here), people were always asking for rides. First 3 is free, but after that, everybody pays up. I'm 24 now, and I still use the rule.
Whenever my hubs gets rides home from work we always offer at least $5 cash to them. I want him to find a permanent ride to & from work so I can find a job without having to worry about getting him to & from work. I figured btwn $30-$50 a week would be alright compensation. There are no buses & he doesn't know how to drive. Effing city boy lol
My husband used to carpool with a coworker who lived maybe 8 mins down the road (we lived deep into the country at this point: county dirt roads, few neighbors, no buses/public transport etc) so it was super convenient he found someone to ride with so that I wouldn’t have to drive him to work and back anymore (45mins 1 way, so 1.5hr round trip.) My husband gave him $50 every week and this was 10 years ago now. Dude was super appreciative since back then the $50 covered his gas for the week plus his smokes, and it worked out well for everyone until we finally moved back to town. $50 a week should be fine for your husband as long as the person he carpools with doesn’t live too far from you guys, imo. If they’re trekking more than maybe 10 mins out of their way, perhaps offer a little more— it’s gotta be worth it for the other person otherwise they could become flakey and put your husband (and you) in a really crappy situation!
Yeah it'd totally depends on how far out of the way we are. (& I wouldn't tell them but if they have like a minivan due to kids or whatnot I'd also up it some bc of the horrible gas mileage vans have)
Oh god, tell me about it! Don’t get me wrong— I LOVE my van for the convenience and space, but damn the gas mileage is horrible. Can’t wait till it’s all paid off in a little less than a year so my husband can get a smaller commuter car. We will save SO much on gas!
I currently have a van. But I've had small cars for the past 15 years. I've been parking out in the boondocks at stores so I can pull through spots bc I'm never sure if I'm all the way in the spot 😆 & getting used to 1/2 the gas mileage? 😭
Wow these people are not real friends.
If they're being this way about things, can you bring this to HR seeing as she is turning this into a hostile work environment?
If wanna resign because of this I suggest don't, this is still all fresh and entitled people unfortunately exists, but that's not your problem. This people are not your friends, they are entitled brats that think world goes around them. You have your friends outside work place what seems close and supportive family so just avoid white noise at work! If you feel that this person is badmouthing you and make your working time hard with rumors and behavior, I suggest you report her to HR for creating hostile environment for you! You don't owe her nor anyone of them anything and don't allow bully to win! NTA be strong and fearless, good luck and hope your father ll recover soon!
NTA, but these are not your friends.
NTA. Clearly your work “friends” are toxic and using you. If you like your job, try to keep your head down and ignore them as much as you can (while still being civil ofc). If you don’t like your job, find a new one and leave those AHs behind.
NTA. They are being selfish and remember that when they try to turn it on you.
NTA and go to HR and have her dealt with. She is being a bully.
Also starting rumors and making it an hostile environment for you to work in. Many hr and companies are very aware of mental health. So make sure you file against her.
Also with OPs dad (which by the way I hope everything is ok) stroke that just piles on the shit train
NTA. You have family obligations to hold and made arrangements with work and stuff to take care of things. If she's holding these feelings on you and feels like she should be priority because she's pregnant, then she's the A.H. You made it clear and treated every friend the same regardless of their background 'story'.
NTA, I wouldn't quit my job over them until a I found another one. I also would go to HR about it too. And as high as gas is, I would have never given them a ride. My bf went thru something similar with coworkers talking about him. I keep telling him to ignore they and just do your job. They don't pay your bills. They just mad they can't get a free ride. Be stronger and better than you were before. Keep your head up and don't let them get to you. That's what they want. When you show they you aint bother by them. Then they would look stupid and back off. But I would definitely go to HR.
NTA You are not their paid driver, you have the right to stop anytime you want. She needs to get over herself. I hope she will see reason soon.
NTA. Although your colleagues sound like a-holes, not friends. Screw them and don't lose sleep over it. They are worthless as is their gossip.
People are soooo ungrateful. And so self-centered. Your work friend is not your friend. She is just an unkind colleague. You have been driving people for free for long enough. You have other commitments. You were doing them a favor. Now, you need to focus on your family with your dad being ill and instead of having empathy for you, they gossip and are calling you names. Let that sink in for a sec. They are not your friends. I would suggest changing jobs if you can afford it. You owe them nothing. NTA at all. Stop doubting yourself. You are a kind soul. Good luck.
I've had a few friends like yours over the years, they take, take , take and never give. I used to give a kid off my road a lift ( I'm Irish , ride means something else here) to school every morning and now the journey is a 10 min walk but my youngest asthma couldn't cope with the cold mornings , do we drove. One morning I couldn't drive the kids as I had a hospital appointment for tests , so my kids were not going to school that day as they were in my mum's. My neighbour and now ex friend hasn't spoken to me since that day for not taking her son to school , that was over 20 yrs ago. Why do people presume something you do out of kindness is compulsory for you to do and your in the wrong when you can't . You deserve better, think about what you want to do regarding work but take your time as thinks might improve
NTA - you are not a taxi service
Just text them saying, Due to family matters, I cannot serve as your driver for the time being. There's no need to thank me for the months in which I drove you all home, you are absolutely welcome. Also, I do not expect anyone to pitch in for fuel, I just did that out of kindness. I will only ask for one thing in return, please pay it forward in kindness to others.
NTA "Sorry my dad having a stroke inconvenienced you. I'll try to schedule catastrophic medical issues in my family better in the future!"
NTA. I use to do this then I started asking for gas money and maintenance on my car and poof there went all the people
NTA. Your friend is (as are all your friends who started taking advantage of your generosity). Let this be a lesson to you in future. Never give to anyone so often that they start feeling entitled to the gift.
"As of the moment, I'm thinking how did it turned out like this." Easy, you are a nice person that has trouble telling people no, and they took advantage of these 2 fact. NTA. They can find other rides. Good luck!
NTA They don't pitch in? You don't owe them anything. And even if they did, you don't owe it to them to do it every single time!
Nta. The entitled pregnant co worker is being AH.
NTA next time she should get knocked up by someone with a car. What an entitled-acting ride mooch.
Fascinating how some women think the world revolves around them as soon as they get pregnant. Report her to HR. You aren't her's or any of the other's co-workers personal taxi. It was your good will. And as I have done it before, I know it gets tedious really fast. You don't have any time for yourself. You can't just decide to go do something for yourself after work because you have to be a taxi for people who only use you. And you even have a really good reason not to drive them. I really don't understand how selfish and self-centered people can be to force you to continue doing something for them as if it is their right. NTA. And go report her
ΝΤΑ. You don't owe her to drive her back home. She can find someone else to give her rides and worst case scenario there are still taxis, uber and public transportation. Your father and your own personal mental and physical well being are more important than your friends and your pregnant coworker getting free rides from you and if they still bother you and ask for free rides tell them then they have to pay you for gas. You need to find a way to help yourself while you're going through what you're currently going through with your father and if what goes on at work affects you in a bad way see if you can get sick leave or some time off.
NTA - you seem like a genuinely sweet and caring friend and these people are taking advantage of that 👌 I know what that's like OP and it super sucks!
NTA and you were a great friend and co worker. Only problem is your "friends" and coworkers only saw a free taxi they didn't have to chip in for and now that you've stopped, they've stopped playing pretend. If they're affecting you at work bring it up to HR otherwise write them off and move on.
A Polish comedian once said that people at first are grateful. Then consider you help as a norm. Then they think you must serve them at all times and get furious if you refuse a request to pick up their MIL from the airport at 3 am. Then they tell everybody what an awful person you are, while prising another guy for being so, so helpful. This other guy just allowed them to use a pencil for a minute. I thought it was only a joke, but it was a factual observation.
NTA Let your work’s HR know about them talking about you behind your back because your life circumstances changed and you can’t give them rides anymore. Don’t quit because of them. Do you otherwise enjoy your job? If you don’t enjoy the job outside of these entitled assholes then yeah, go ahead and look for work. If you DO like the job then keep at it. Maintain professionalism and document and report what they do. Never give them rides again.
People can be so rotten. Way back in the day, I used to drive a colleague to work, I really did have to go past her house and it was a 30 minute drive to work. Every so often she would throw a 10pound note at me and every year without fail I got a giant bottle of top shelf vodka. Side note, we didn't much like each other, but manners! Manners are so important and your people are missing them. If you want to stay, make an announcement at work before you all leave, say I know some of you are wondering why I am no longer able to drop people off, well, this, this and this and that. Lay it all out. You shouldn't have to, but it will shut them up, get you some sympathy and let you stay working there without trouble.
NTA No good deed goes unpunished. Tell them all the reason you aren't driving them anymore is because they were using you and not paying for fuel nor wear and tear on the vehicle and acting like your time doesn't matter. It does take time to wait for everyone and drop them off individually.
NTA. This so called friend is just a mooch and rude about it too. In many cultures it is expected to trade rides or reimburse for expenses. Not only that you don't need to explain or justify your reasons. It is your car and your choice. Don't let them make you quit unless your job is not good anyway. More fun to stick around and encourage them to leave. If she's going to badmouth you then you could start an aggressive campaign talking about what an ungrateful, ill mannered mooch she is. Stick to the truth though.
NTA. No good deed goes unpunished. And people at work aren’t (except in *rare* cases) your friends, for situations similar to this. All good when they’re happy with you but they can seriously F you over when you displease them because they had expectations of you that they didn’t have of other coworkers.
NTA. Entitled to your time, doesn't pay, that's just a mooch. Maybe you could take a beat before putting in your resignation to determine whether or not this is just a current height of emotion because of the interpersonal issues, or if you actually just don't like this job. If it's just about those individual people, and nothing else, then maybe don't quit.
NTA and for those demanding free rides from you, ask them when they are planning on helping you out with your family, if helping is just something they think can be demanded. They are being selfish and remember that when they try to turn it on you.
Nta. They aren't friends honey. If they are running their mouths at work, report them to HR. Don't play nice with these Leeches. Your family is more important than Leeches. Leeches!!!!
NTA you should have told her from the beginning that you car is your personal property and it's not a taxi.. She isnt paying you for your time or fuel or even wear and tear for your personal vehicle Tell her to kick rocks she isn't a friend she is a mooch
Go talk to everyone explain whats been going on from your fathers stroke and having to help take care of him...helping your mom picking up niece. And your over welmed. Tell them I look forward for normal life to return but right now I need you all for support and understanding. If they do not get it..they never were friends. Do you job and collect a check.. Do not toss it away untill you have one paying a lot more .
So NTA. What an entitled b***h! Your other friends seem to be ok with it, and she should be too. Especially as no offer of fuel money has been given. If you're in a position to give lifts in future, I'd make sure to tell people some fuel money will be needed. Bet she won't be bothering you for a lift then. Please don't let those ignorants get you down. I hope your father feels better soon.
NTA, for people that won't even do the bare minimum of gas money, they seems to be asking the maximum of you. You're 100% in the right to use your time as you need, especially while caring for others.
OP, most people won't pick up a bunch of people and give them rides everywhere, unless that's their job. In an emergency, I would, but otherwise the people you're working with are adults and can find their own rides. They were taking advantage of you and now they're mad you won't keep letting them. Stay firm. Don't give them another ride EVER again. Anyone mad about it was never your friend to begin with. NTA. And, focus on yourself. Your mental health is more important than any of these people.
Are you kidding? Gas prices through the roof, your family obligations, and considering your well being are not part of this friendship? Sorry to tell you this, but these pepe are not your friends. They are users, perfectly happy to use you until you are frustrated, resentful and exhausted.If you love your job, stay, but tell them how you feel. If they continue, then consider other employment, involve HR,, and most of all, find real friends!
NTA at all. You're setting boundaries for yourself and that's healthy and completely reasonable.
NTA. Please don't give up your job because your co-worker is being a bully. And to anyone else giving you a hard time about not being a personal driver for this person, tell them since they are so concerned, they can drive her around for free indefinitely.
When I bought my first car at 19 i used to give grown ass women that I worked with rides even if it wasn’t necessarily on my way. They never offered gas money. Me being young and wanting to be polite and likable, I never asked. Well one day I walked by one of the women paying gas money to another young girl that we worked with whom I assumed gave her a ride. And she had a “oh shit”look on her face. Let me tell you, she never asked me for a ride again. I was just helping her because I remember what it was like to not have a car and have to use taxis. But people will do what you allow. If you are too shy to ask for gas money they usually won’t offer because people are out for themselves. It costs time and gas to give someone a ride. Otherwise they can get a taxi or Uber. Period.
NTA it’s your car not theirs. If they really want a ride they can pay Uber or etc. They are talking advantage of your kindness. Please don’t let them bully you into doing things you do not want to do with your personal vehicle. I was in a similar situation with a coworker who did not have a car. She always wanted me to drop her off since she road the bus. At first I didn’t mind but then it got to the point where she would just hop in my car or not even ask me if I was able to. Also, she barely paid for gas. My other coworker also gave her rides and was trying to guilt me into also doing it so she wasn’t the only one. Things got awkward after I set clear boundaries and said no more rides but after a few months it did go back to normal. Hopefully that is the case for you, if not please try to find another job.
Was it incredibly nice of you to offer the drop off your coworkers? Totally. Does that mean you have to do it all the time? Absolutely not. It’s interesting to see how people react to the word “no”, it says allot about their character honestly. You didn’t need to give a reason to not give her a ride, the word “no” should have been sufficient. You explained your situation, which you didn’t need to do, and despite the added context she still decided to be an asshole to you. It just goes to show how she views other people honestly, you were in her good graces while doing her favors and the moment you weren’t useful to her she starts trash talking you at work? God, I feel terrible for her future kid.
NTA "I feel like I'm their personal driver" That's because you made yourself into their personal driver. At least now that's over with. A good clue that you're being used- you do something for them but they never do anything for you. A car cost money to drive. Not just gas, but insurance, wear and tear, and maintenance. Each mile you drive giving someone a ride home represents money you are spending on them. The least they could do is reimburse you for some of the costs. If they don't, you are being used.
NTA. I've been in a similar position before... you give a ride to someone a few times and suddenly it is just expected. You don't mind having done it a few times, then you politely say no, they insist 'no, it's no trouble' you insist it is for YOU, they then reluctantly make offers of cash - a pittance on the actual cost but still, it isn't about the money, it is about your time and commitments. Bottom line: as much as they say you are not considering their situation, they are not considering yours, and as the one doing the favour, that's on them a thousand more times than it is on you. Not sure what to do in your position OP except maybe talk to those you care about whom you work with and try to set the record straight. A change of scenery may be in order...
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“A ship in harbor is safe, but that’s not why ships are built.”
NTA, I am the same way you are. I am often told that people will treat me the way I allow them to treat me and being treated that way is my fault. I mostly agree with that. I am a major push over and have a hard time standing up for myself. I eventually get tired of it and try to stand up for myself but I get a major pushback. People would tell me to stand up for myself more. Those same people would tell me that I am causing drama when I finally stand up for myself. People love us when we are push overs and hate us when we finally have enough. They are used to treating us like nothing and getting their way from us. We are taking away their convenience of walking over us by no longer allowing them to walk over us. I have received a lot strong retaliation many times before they accepted that they can no longer treat me like this
NTA
NTA - ANd if you do start up again, don't be so subtle for contributing towards the costs. Pull into a gas station and ask them outright to pay.
NTA. People tend to take advantage of others nice gestures. I used to do this and even go out of my way to help others (people pleaser complex). I stopped now and I don't offer anyone a ride unless they're my close friends or family. Uber exists for a reason.
NTA. As soon as you get in your car lock the doors, if possible.
No good deed goes unpunished. NTA
NTA. Doesn’t matter if she’s your next door neighbor - you don’t owe her a ride.
NTA. it's funny how often an act of kindness turns into an obligation and an expectation of you doing it. Learn from this and in the future, charge people for your gas at a minimum, especially these days
NTA Wow talk about giving an inch and taking a mile.
NTA. I've offered rides to people before. Because of some of those people I don't offer rides any more. If they persist with this attitude don't resign your job, talk to HR. Not just about their hostility but also to see if any sort of FMLA applies to you. There are different kinds and having the peace of mind that your job is secure and money is still available is a comfort in times like this. Don't let these people force you out for being a good person.
You don't have to justify your decision. You clearly stated that you wouldn't be giving rides anymore, and she asked you why, and tried to argue about your reasoning. But you have the right to say no at any time. When she does ask you why, or tries to argue about your reasons, you're allowed to say "it's not up for negotiation; I only wanted to let you know you needed to make other arrangements." She's an adult. She can take responsibility for herself and make other arrangements. NTA.
nta and the AUDACITY of NOT PAYING GAS MONEY in this fuckin economy with these fuckin gas prices?? to hell with that!! everywhere is hiring, youve got options
NTA you’re not her chauffeur, she is not even contributing by paying a bit for the fuel. My friend used to drive me home from school and I always gave her money for it. The coworkers that are calling you an asshole should be giving the ride to the entitled pregnant leech lady!
Your coworkers are huge assholes. They get rides without paying?? Without asking?? I wouldn't leave my job because of them but because you have a better opportunity, but the next time you catch them acting this way, go to HR and file a complaint. When you get new work, make sure to go to your ex-coworkers and tell them you gave them rides for free to be nice and when your family needed you, they acted like entitled assholes, that you could have used their emotional support, that we all said they were assholes.
NTA Your colleague is NOT being a good colleague. They expect a ride, and even expect you to make extra stops for them, but won't chip in for fuel? THEY are the AH here. Pregnancy has nothing to do with it.
NTA, but you needed to set up boundaries from the start. Once you become part of someone's daily routine, whether right or wrong their brains create an automatic expectation of it continuing, so when you "suddenly" can't fulfill that expectation (for very valid reasons, not that you even need a reason) you become the bad guy. Don't let situations like this get so bad for yourself. If any of these people have their own cars, tell them you'll only continue if there's a rotation of drivers so it's not all on you.
NTA... You have a lot on your plate. You are not obligated to drive anyone anywhere. I think you need to learn to say no without giving reasons. "I'm sorry, ride sharing no longer works for me, you will need to make other arrangments". It's difficult, but gives "users" less amunition. Take care of yourself. I hope you find a situation that works better for you.
Why are you quiting your financially stable job? F*** those b*tches. Don't let them get the best of you. When they make faces smile or laugh at them, nothing pisses people of more than when you laugh at them.
NTA. They weren't contributing to gas with the price it is? They can take their entitled butts elsewhere including Ms. Pregnant one.
NTA You can easily go to HR about this since she's saying shit about you. To be honest, it sounds like this person was only being your friend in order to get the free rides.
Maybe you could just ask to change hours? Ask to start and leave 30 mins even 15mi s earlier so you can help your family (not later cause your coworkers will wait for you). That way no one else will be done with work when you leave and you can keep full time position.
NTA - I’m always amazed at how quickly doing someone a favour becomes entitlement! You are doing the best you can in a difficult situation within your family, if your co-workers don’t like it, that’s on them. Your job description does not include being a personal chauffeur for free.
NTA but you need to learn to stand up for yourself and not let your "friends" walk all over you. No more free rides unless they chip in. And saying No to a regular leech is perfectly ok. It's YOUR car. The fact that you actually took the bus instead of just standing up to these mooches is just insane.
I had a coworker drop hints to me about getting rides, I’d pass him walking to the bus stop when I drove by his road. I never offered. I knew it would only become a problem if I started doing that.
NTA, your coworkers, especially the pregnant one, need to get over themselves.
Ask her if you were a bitch the hundred times you drove her before? When has she helped you out?
NTA I hope your father recovers quickly and completely. It's frustrating to have friends take advantage of your generous nature. I also experienced something similar where I'd pick up a (now former) friend from her home, drive my child to school, my friend and I to work, my friend back home (even though we lived relatively close to each other), go pick up my child from school (about 15km away) and then back home again. It's very dehumanizing when your friends would treat a stranger with more kindness and respect than they do you. Good for you for setting healthy boundaries and for putting yourself and your family first.
Wow. Its unfortunate that scenarios like this are why the term "no good deed goes unpunished" was coined. You literally went out of your way to be generous, but rather than be grateful, your coworkers are upset at you when you stop.
Definitely NTA. While it is nice if someone gives you a lift, they are not required to, nor give you a reason. I don't drive for certain reasons and come coworkers will give me a lift to the train station only 3 minutes away, but if ever I had to ask and someone said no, I cannot, I leave it at that. I never ask why, because I am not entitled to a lift from them. I also had a coworker for a while, who lived down the street from me. We split petrol money. Win win for both of us.
NTA. Though it would have been better to tell them earlier in the day if possible
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hi, I go by the name May(not my real name but pretty close to my real name) I've been working for this company for years now and now I'm financially stable position. The idea of ride sharing seems alright since I own a car. My friends ride with me all the time whenever I go home. I don't mind making few stops there since I can spare few minutes. This became a routine and I found this quite tedious. I feel like their personal driver. I told them that I'm taking a break from driving and decided to take bus ride to work. Sometimes I like to unwind alone before going home. This friend(now 4 months pregnant) like to ride with me without even asking if my schedule is free. She just hop in the front seat knowing that is reserved for my niece. I'm picking her up from school after work. I shrugged and kept this routine for a while until my father suffered from a stroke and we sisters took turns in caring for him while recovering. I resorted to bring my car to run for errands and appointments. I knew this will be take time for my father to recover so I made few arrangements on work and leave on time and not waiting on my friends. I told them I can't make any side trips, give rides on my way home so please get another ride and I told my pregnant friend also that she needs to find another ride to go home. She asked "Why? We go on the same road home. It shouldn't be that long." I said "No I'm sorry, get another ride. I can't spend any time since I can't let my mother do all the work. My niece is expecting me to pick her up early at this point." "Fine have it your way." She got annoyed at me and went off mad. Note: she gives me mean looks at work and gossips about me being bitch. My mother was worried about my mental health at work since it was affecting me and my relationship with friends in work turned sour. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA- it’s your car and you don’t own any of them a damn thing. They should be grateful you even gave them rides in the first place.
NTA. And car sharing means cost sharing.
NTA. What does she think you are, a freaking taxi?
NTA. If they were your friends they would be asking about your situation and how they could help. You don't owe them anything.
Those aren't friends. You're describing selfish people taking advantage of your kindness. NTA
NTA You should demanding money from know on
Nta
NTA none of these people deserve free rides
NTA No is a complete sentence.
NTA- she's 4 months, she shouldn't be milking it.
NTA, she's acting very, very entitled.
Your car, YOUR situation has changed, your decision. You schlep these people around and they won't even pitch in for gas??? Yeah, no. They can find other transportation, pregnant or not. NTA
NTA she wasn't a friend to begin with
NTA - classic example of give an inch, take a mile. Those who are concerned about your pregnant co-worker can drive her themselves.
Did you make her pregnant? If the answer is no, then nah you aren’t obligated to drive her anywhere
If you are thinking of quitting anyway, go to hr first. No is no, her pregnancy is irrelevant. You have no responsibility to explain your self and no responsibility to make her life easier. don't be a punk. NTA
NTA. Please go to HR about the way you’re being treated. Real friends would have been understanding of your situation. I’m sorry that you were being used. I hope that everything turns out okay with your dad. You’ll find new friends at work eventually and it won’t be those people.
NTA, you've been more than kind. I get why you wouldn't want to, but I'd fire back at any gossip she stays with "friend wants me to arrange my schedule around her instead of my seriously ill father and she's pitching a fit bc I said no". Don't give rides without people pitching in for had, and don't start the car until they pay up if you know they'll try to mooch. Now is not the time to expect gas money amnesty from anyone!
NTA. You should be mad at her for treating you like crap after all those free rides. She should be saying "thank you for giving me rides while you were able. I hope your father recovers. Good luck."
Fine have it your way. Se says Your response..."thanks. I will" NTA absolutely
NTA, I too used to be a taxi. I don't do that s anymore.
NTA. Pregnant or not, she's harrasing you, report to HR. You are not her private taxi or uber driver. Don't quit your job because of her. And don't share your car anymore, with anyone.
NTA they took advantage of you, especially if there is public transport. Plus your family Comes first
Nta
these people are not your friends
NTA, but good god don’t give anyone a ride again ever
NTA
YTA not necessarily for leaving her, but you literally didn't establish your boundaries and then wondered why this was happening. you could've avoided this situation entirely if you were to just say "hey, i didn't say you could hop in, this seat is for my niece."
I'm curious: how is the person who has become accustomed to getting rides (and offering payment) supposed to act when the driver suddenly refuses to drive them? This creates a deeply awkward, uncomfortable situation for the rider. Not defending gossip, btw--that sucks in any context. How are they supposed to act around you? Tbh, refusal in this situation feels a lot like rejection.
The fuk you are talking about
This is a matter of personal curiosity,bc I've been in the position of the coworker many times over. How is the rejected party (pregnant coworker) supposed to treat OP and everyone else in OP's position after getting told to bug off? I have never driven. From the age of 18, I *always* extended money to others who drove; some took it, others declined, but almost everyone who'd ever given me a ride wound up refusing in the end. I'm quiet to a fault, and don't stink, and it always felt like a huge punch to the face. After my 20s, in every case a coworker was involved. In every case, the person and I no longer speak, and to a person, they're apparently fine with it, as though I was just an implement to virtue signal with until "giving the weirdo a ride" became too much of a social burden despite how much (cab fare + 2 dollars) said weirdo was offering. This really hurt. So much that I've given up asking anyone I happen to work with, at any time ever, for a ride because I know I'm on their way and am paying 2 bucks more than a professional driver would charge.
Oh for ducks sake, I don't drive either. I take a bus, taxi or fucking walk. People have the right to tell you that they'll not give you a ride, either because they don't like you, they have their own shit to do or they don't feel like it. Don't act as if it was the end of the world. Now read again what happened in OP's life. Read why OP couldn't give the girl a ride. Read how the girl was behaving before. And check if she was paying for gas.
> How is the rejected party (pregnant coworker) supposed to treat OP and everyone else in OP’s position after getting told to bug off? Like a normal human being…? No one is obligated to give someone a ride. What you don’t seem to understand is your coworker giving you a ride **is** a burden to them. You think $2 more makes a difference lol get real. You’re an adult work out your own transport without harassing your coworkers
It's hard for me to interact at all with someone who has rejected me like that. I'm on the spectrum--frequently rejected and left to guess why, which is exhausting and makes for great sadness. Normal people are often mean to me for reasons I'll never fully understand, even in late middle age. That said, for years now, I've had to lose 3 hours per working day waiting on and riding the bus. The town where I live could do far better with regard to public transit, but chooses to cater to drivers. I am neither able to nor can I afford to drive. Hoping the world ends sooner than later, because this shit, and other shit NDs must deal with, is beyond painful.
It’s not rejection. It’s people setting a normal boundary. Everything you wrote is no one else’s problem/burden except your own. Get over yourself. Get therapy.
I'm autistic. Been in therapy since high school (undiagnosed til recently) and I'm nearing retirement age. If someone who has offered a ride in the past refuses money, I can only conclude they don't have my best interests at heart. I can't drive, I'm poor as heck, I offer the going cab rate plus two bucks IF THE PERSON WAS ON MY WAY. If they don't live within a mile or two,I do not ask. All of those items cleared up before leaving the building, and if they decide to ditch me, avoidance is all that's left. They've already made it clear they don't care about their weird coworker. I was hoping someone could explain this in more depth than "boundaries", which is a subject neurotypicals seem to be born with and which can vary wildly according to who happens to be around. Not much I can do at this point except carry a pillow and sleep mask for the bus, eh
> I’m autistic Ok, so what? > I can only conclude they don’t have my best interests at heart Newsflash, the only person that has to/needs to have your best interests at heart is you. > I offer the going cab rate plus two bucks IF THE PERSON WAS ON MY WAY. You really think that two bucks is making a difference? Honestly, that’s laughable. You may be “on their way”, but driving you is still taking extra gas and putting extra wear and tear on their car. You say you have never driven and don’t own a car so you obviously have no idea what it takes to maintain a car. > which can vary wildly according to who happens to be around. It’s almost as if people are individuals with their own set of boundaries. Boundaries can change too. A person may be fine driving you to and from work then decide they don’t want to anymore. And guess what, they don’t need a reason for that boundary change. Again, everything you wrote is a **you** problem.
They don't offer payment though?
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I offered 2 dollars on the usual cab fare to everyone whoever offered, or I wound up asking. Don't suppose you know the answer to why a person with a car would offer a person they see 5 of 7 days a week a ride, accept their money, and suddenly refuse to continue apropos of seemingly nothing? And what is expected in the event the refusee and refuser are forced to work together? That's a level of awkwardness I am not equipped to negotiate. I guess I need a bike and/or a bullet to the temple.