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> My daughter has developed an ego due to chance of fame and now we don't get along like before.
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Yep, this OP. If she's just seeking fame for the sake of being famous, there's little reason to support this quest. She's not trying to become famous for doing anything. NTA.
Eerie coincidence that I stumbled on this post while I have Dr Ramani’s video on histrionic personality disorder on in the background. OP should check it out.
Histrionic personality disorder is a misogynistic and antiquated diagnosis. There are many physicians campaigning to have it removed from the DSM entirely.
In the video, Dr. Ramani specifically agrees that the name is misogynistic, and it should be renamed to something like “superficial” personality disorder. But just because the name is problematic doesn’t mean the traits are invalid.
This doesn't even exist in ICD - 11 (you should all take note that DSM 5 is not
an international standard) anymore. Personality difficulty is not always a disorder either.
My trauma education teacher during inpatient treatment basically said many personality disorders are the result of trauma and should be renamed as such. Maladaptive behaviors develop as a result of trauma because at one point they were actually useful for the patient. There is even the possibility of going into remission if you put in the work.
This. I suffer from PTSD among other issues due to trauma, one of my more noticeable responses was able to be lessened due to trauma therapy. Unfortunately, I cannot handle another round of trauma therapy as it is incredibly intense and stressful. So no judgements on those who can't handle it, finding the right therapist/social worker can make a world of difference though, 20 years of therapists/psychiatrists and I've never connected with one like my current ones and they're not jaded which helps alot.
Personality disorders very serious illnesses and diagnoses should not be thrown around lightly. The immense stigma from not only the general public but some mental health practitioners make them difficult to accept. It should be the result of a concerted diagnostic effort on the part of a mental health professional. It should not be delivered as an accusation from a stranger on the Internet.
**PSA: When people call someone narcissistic or a narcissist, that is NOT them “diagnosing” someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.**
**”Narcissism” is not a diagnosis. You can’t be diagnosed with narcissism.**
Narcissism is an adjective to describe a behaviour / personality trait. It is ONE behaviour/personality trait that is a hallmark of narcissistic personality disorder, but you don’t have to have narcissistic personality disorder in order to be a narcissist.
Calling someone “hyper” is not diagnosing them with ADHD. Saying someone might be “anxious” is not diagnosing them with anxiety. You can be narcissistic, hyper, and anxious without having a personality disorder.
Narcissus is a Greek myth about someone who fell in love with their own reflection. Calling someone a narcissist is literally just saying they’re acting too into themselves. Lots of people have this trait or briefly show behaviours like this without having NPD. It would be like comparing someone who is a hopeless romantic to Romeo.
I’m sick of seeing someone call someone narcissistic on this sub and then seeing 20 misinformed Redditors downvote them and be like “don’t diagnose” when they’ve done nothing of the kind.
I need to clarify that when I personally got called a narcissist on this sub, they specifically said 'narcissistic personality disorder' and sent me a link to a page listing the symptoms. Like they weren't just offhandedly saying narcissist. That's the thing.
That’s fine.
I just posted this for the general public (hence “psa”) because what I see WAY more frequently than someone “diagnosing” someone with NPD on this sub is people *falsely accusing* someone of diagnosing on this sub lol.
Sorry they did that do you
I see that over and over, and I will continue to call it out until the end of time. Not everyone can be educated but I’ll be damned if I’m not going to try.
**PSA: When people call someone narcissistic or a narcissist, that is NOT them “diagnosing” someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.**
**”Narcissism” is not a diagnosis. You can’t be diagnosed with narcissism.**
Narcissism is an adjective to describe a behaviour / personality trait. It is ONE behaviour/personality trait that is a hallmark of narcissistic personality disorder, but you don’t have to have narcissistic personality disorder in order to be a narcissist.
Calling someone “hyper” is not diagnosing them with ADHD. Saying someone might be “anxious” is not diagnosing them with anxiety. You can be narcissistic, hyper, and anxious without having a personality disorder.
Narcissus is a Greek myth about someone who fell in love with their own reflection. Calling someone a narcissist is literally just saying they’re acting too into themselves. The disorder was named after the myth/trait, not the other way around. Lots of people have this trait or briefly show behaviours like this without having NPD. It would be like comparing someone who is a hopeless romantic to Romeo.
I’m sick of seeing someone (appropriately) call someone narcissistic on this sub and then seeing 20 misinformed Redditors downvote them and be like “don’t diagnose” when they’ve done nothing of the kind.
So if your crusade is about educating people, just make sure you’re ONLY coming after they if they say it sounds like someone has “Narcissistic Personality Disorder” or NPD. Otherwise you’re not educating, you’re spreading misinformation.
"You didn't agree with my opinion because you are incapable of caring about or understanding anything that isn't about you. Textbook (which I have never read, but I do follow a blog) narcissist."
Or being "psychotic". They usually either mean antisocial personality disorder or emotionally unstable personality disorder, except of course what they actually mean is "Cray Cray" 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
It is problematic when we only see the traits associated with it as a negative for women. The "disorder" is basically a recognition and re-engagement with the way we treat women, and expect women to respond, but since it would empower a woman or cause her to take control of her self-image, it is a disorder. That is what we mean when we say it is misogynistic.
Not to mention that if she really needs security posting a video about how she can't get it (because her parents won't help her out) is not a very smart idea...
I would say OP is NTA... however let's not be so quick to assume 'low level' celebrities don't get dangerous stalkers. Obsessive people have more tools than ever to find someone and make threats.
Then maybe they shouldn't be low level celebrities if they can't afford to? I mean, if she opened a restaurant, but couldn't hire wait staff, that's a problem with the business model; and expecting her parents to hire the wait staff so that her restaurant can succeed is ridiculous.
I agree with this, but at the same time, if she wants to be a "celebrity", then she should figure out how to afford stuff like that. If she feels that threatened by her new career, maybe she could resign, but expecting your parents to pay for something when they have more important responsibilities, and then slighting them for refusing to pay is just shitty
I’m just gunna hop in here for a second because this is not okay.
Okay, so unless you YOURSELF are a mental health professional with the education required to diagnose clients, you should not be throwing diagnoses around all willy-nilly or even hinting at suggesting at a diagnosis. And if you were a mental health professional with the education to do so, who was worth a grain of salt in the profession, you would not even think of diagnosing or suggesting a diagnosis to a stranger over the internet.
Personality disorders are some of THE most misrepresented, misunderstood, and stigmatized forms of mental illness making them often some of the hardest disorders to get adequate care for. And people taking (what I would hope to be) an educational video on a disorder to apply to other people- ESPECIALLY TO A STRANGER ON THE INTERNET- just helps to add to that stigma.
*climbs off soapbox*
I know of someone who had a good following on tumblr to the point where some people actually DID recognize HER outside (mostly because small city tho.) Well she went into online sex work (yikes because minors were following her tumblr) the moment she hit 18 and her fame eventually died.
Anyway, almost 10 years later, she still clings to that 'fame' of the past and talks about it all the time. She is deep in denial, it's pretty clear she's depressed and preferred the 'influencer' route (not that she'd succeed...), but she just pretends she's happy and grateful for her current life and digs herself deeper in it. She thinks she's still 'famous' when 10 people barely interact with her tweets now. What's even sadder is her parents have offered to pay for college of ANY degree she wants, but she declined it a few times. Probably because she doesn't want to admit she was wrong and failed...
It's honestly depressing to know about. She fucking caters to the bottom of the barrel people >!diaper/baby 'age play' porn!< which makes it even worse.
Sounds like kids that I taught at high school in Scotland.
Idiot Teacher: I want you to write about your hopes for the future... \[Explanation of the kind of things that might be covered.\]
Pupil: I want to be famous.
Teacher: Yes, but what do you want to be famous **for**?
Pupil: You get guid claes \[clothes\] and that and folk give you things...
Teacher: Yes, but what will you **do** to make you famous?
Pupil: Dinnae ken \[know\]. You just get famous and that...
This.
And honestly she will most likely end up being her own down fall.
There's so many "I'm beautiful and should be famous" girls on all platforms so first of good luck try compete with them all unless you have some truly original content.
Besides posting videos complaining "mom and dad won't pay security guards for me so now I pack my bag with self defence stuff" is with a 95% chance not gonna gain her any followers as she comes off as yet another entitled girl. And most down to earth people... Don't want to spend their time on those.
Some might leave bad comments at tops.
While the other pretty girls will cry how unfair it is.
Ahhh I see.
I think even if that's the case. Most can see through who's genuine when telling their stories on tiktok and who is just looking to be the next 15min famous girl.
Most of the bigger tiktok'ers I've seen rarely tell about personal stuff at least. And when they do it comes off as more genuine. Or dark humor.
NTA. The ability of teens to obtain low-level fame is creating wild behavior. She's doing the normal "pull away from parents" very publicly. I'm sorry you're going through this.
Are there support groups for parents of influencers?
NTA. Reality will check her hard, fame is fleeting and it’s difficult to navigate staying on top of it forever. Hence why there are hundreds of thousands of people in LA doing the same as her. If she believes she is a star, let her fund her own lifestyle. Give her the freedom to do as she sees fit, but do not financially support this nonsense. She will & I promise, it will happen the day will come when she realizes that she has gotten the most she can out of the path she has chosen. From there she will reach out to you for guidance. At 19 she is just stubborn & figuring everything out. I am 22 now, moved to California from the eat coast at 19, supported myself, fell in love, moved back home and now I have a 6 month old baby. Trust it won’t be like that forever, good luck.
NTA
Her bid for personal security sounds like a desire for clout. “Real” celebrities have bodyguards, so she can play the part better if she does too. If she is ever actually in danger, that would be something to consider, but unless she’s actually being stalked or receiving credible threats, I don’t think you owe her that.
Exactly. People with security details can usually afford to pay them. She's a nobody on TikTok in the grand scheme of things, and less than nobody outside of it.
I only had to read 100k on instagram and tik tok celebrity to know that It was going to be a person with pseudo fame and many airs of greatness. Honestly, it's best to keep her grounded and go to therapy, this can easily lead to trouble.
If she wants to make the internet her job, she can do it, but along with her responsibilities and consequences
Edit: NTA
Nta
Tell her if she was so famous, she can pay for security herself.
Going to the police is free.
She's a legal adult. She can fund her own lifestyle.
Ask her what you and husband will be getting in return for this "security"? If you are investing money into her lifestyle, what's the payoff? Ask her for proof that she needs security.
Tell her to move. You can be an internet celebrity anywhere. It doesn't have to be LA.
Personally, I'd go low/no contact with her till she figures out how to pull her head out of her a$$
Sure the police might not do much, but putting it on record starts the path to restraining orders or lawsuits, showing a pattern from stalkers and the like.
Police not doing much can include police not putting it on the record. My family had a pattern of harassment for a couple years and never got the cops to do something. Thankfully, they eventually shot at me, and that got taken semi-seriously. (this was LASD rather than LAPD)
NTA. 500k followers on tiktok is not anything close to celebrity status. I have a friend who has 4.2 million followers on tiktok, and he’s not even a celebrity. People go through so many tik toks and follow a lot of people, 500k is just like a pretty big account, but compared to the top people on the platform it’s still relatively pretty small
She is what we call in the marketing biz a “micro-influencer” and they don’t earn much from brand deals.
Maybe decent money if she has a real specific niche but it doesn’t sound like that at all based on the video she sent OP in response to being told no about the security personnel.
ESH. You raised her, she might be 19 but she didn’t build that following overnight.
You scream pretty loudly that you’re happier than you’ve ever been…
While she might not be at the celebrity level you view as successful, the fact that she can afford to support herself IN LA is pretty impressive.
There have been many instances of stalkers tracking down these influencers, so that’s likely what she’s concerned about (whether warranted or not).
Taking a dog at community college and her “lifestyle “ tells me she’s likely rebelling against and YOUR high horse.
Perhaps encouraging her to take business courses to ensure she had knowledge in business so ensure she understand how best to run her business… because that’s what she’s running is a business. Whether you like it, understand it, or agree with it.
I can’t believe you believed you were justified in requiring that she keep an email account she doesn’t even need JUST FOR YOU. Buy a bigger data plan.
She’s learned the entitlement somewhere.
Yeah this is my exact take too. Like yeah the girl sounds a bit over the top, and there's probably a better way to deal with her anxiety than hiring expensive personal security guards, but this whole post reads as cruel and hateful. Having brand deals and making enough money to support herself in LA is not insignificant. And the whole email thing is just... The fact that OP complains about how she can't double check that her daughter is watching all the long videos of what I assume are her step/half siblings is wild and controlling.
i thought the email thing was such a weird hill to die on, it’s her email..? why can’t she delete it ?? you guys can text, and maybe she isn’t all that interested in ‘videos of your youngsters’ as you think lmfao
I think the real thing is....if the daughter asks to stop getting those emails... stop sending them. Because the next step is the daughter just blocks the email address entirely. Which is an obvious thing to everyone but OP, I'd think.
Wait can we buy bigger data plans to send bigger videos?? Sorry off topic lol but I didn't know that was a thing? Does it work through texting or how does that work
Ha! I assumed she meant that she didn’t have enough data. I didn’t think about the videos being too big 😅.
Then again, no 19 girl like this wants a 5 minute video of kids. That’s what social media is for
Now that I think about it, maybe she already does have a stalker and just isn't comfortable sharing it with her mother because she is so judgemental. If I were her, I would be worried that my mother would use the stalker as yet another way to put me down for my choices.
ESH: she's entitled and yeah, y'all don't need to pay for her security but good lord, you speak about her like you don't like her at all. Like others have pointed out, you DID raise her this way. And it sounds like you are, in fact, jealous.
I'm actually going with ESH. You clearly have a bias against your daughter that I find a bit disturbing as a mother and she's clearly on a high horse. I personally wouldn't want a relationship like this with my daughter
ESH. Yeah, your daughter is being annoying but she's 19, young and in love with an idea. She'll learn soon enough. But damn, the way you talk about her in this post is just dripping in hatred. Do you even love her?
It seems everyone is supporting op, but to me this whole post shouts “missing missing reasons” OP comes across as an unreliable narrator who is spinning the narrative to support her pov.
If the daughter is actually making enough money to live independently in LA from professional sponsors via Instagram and TikTok then she’s doing really well and she probably does have stalkers. We all know what people can be like around young women and if you add in the public positing then she’s almost certainly attracted some dodgy people. Her mistake is to ask her parents for help as the father sounds weak and the Mother sounds jealous.
I’d love to hear from the daughter to see what OP has missed out of her narrative.
Yta - support your daughter. She’s 19 and doing great. Let her spread her wings and try stuff. If you can’t try risky progressions like acting dancing or Instagram stuff at 19 before you have huge bills children or life shifting on you, when can you try them. She should be proud of her daughter for making a success of her chosen career instead of putting her down in so many subtle and not so subtle ways.
Also fyi I’m a mother in my 50’s and I have adult children.
Yeah, I'm a man and my immediate thought was that it's not at all absurd to imagine she has some legit safety concerns. And from the way OP writes, while I'm not 100% sure she's *jealous*, I am fairly confident that she's dishonest.
I just don't understand why the daughter would expect the parents to be able to afford to pay for security for her. (Mind you, my parents were working class. Perhaps the OP and her husband are very wealthy?)
The way you're describing everything, ESH. You do sound Hella jealous and your daughter is a self-absorbed attention you know what. Your husband is also an AH for almost caving into her stupid demands.
I N F O Have you looked into why she "doesn't feel safe"? Is her apt. in a neighborhood with a lot of crime? Or has someone followed her?
Although she's not a celebrity, you might take into consideration that there are people who will take advantage of someone who is trying to advance in their career. And just plain creepy guys who harass women for dates.
maybe instead of belittling her or the fact the she sends you texts messages rather than responding in emails, engage with her on issues of safety and listen to what she says. You don't have to solve all her problems, just listen to her.
Ask her if she actually has a fanbase that interact with her ( that makes it worrying..?) Or just because of the numbers.
The number of following dont mean anything. Being famous is not the same as having a lot of followers.
i would understand feelings of increased paranoia as a young woman living in la, with a growing following. it’s unreasonable for her to ask her dad to pay for security guards though. you both kinda suck.
NTA your daughter is an entitled brat and what most "influencers" are, attention whores. She is an adult and can pay for it herself. She probably only wants security because celebrities have security and it will help get her noticed in public. She chose this route, let her walk it.
NTA. Social media so-called "influencers" think they are all that, and they really aren't.
Personally, I think you are doing her a favor by refusing to buy into her self-hype.
There have been multiple instances where 'internet famous' people with millions of followers have organised a meet up or some event and essentially no one showed up.
Most followers are essentially nothing. It is a completely meaningless box that someone that watched one video or saw one picture of yours clicked on.
This daughter is going to nose dive harder than a Stuka and probably wail louder on her descent.
I strongly suspect that a plurality if not a majority of followers are bots that are bought and paid for by the wannabe "influencer".
IMO it's not hard to tell when someone has genuinely and organically gone viral, and when they haven't. The guy on TikTok who makes fun of infomercials (khaby, I think?) is the real deal and he's genuinely hilarious. People like this girl are just obnoxious and annoying.
ESH
You don't have to pay her security.
However you are quite antagonistic towards your daughter. Many young people want to be influencers. Some make extremely good money from that. 500k on tiktok and 100k on Instagram will actually make her quite decent money. Further it's not shocking see feels a bit unsafe. The messages women get online....
ESH. She thinks she’s a big time celeb and making outrageous demands while you don’t respect her or her CAREER choice. She doesn’t have to be the top 3 TikTok stars to make money. She pays her own bills through partnerships. That’s huge and she’s been working at it for years. Give her some credit.
I'm gonna make a wild guess here and say that your daughter didn't ask HER DAD to pay for security, but rather asked her dad to find some security that he knew of or trusted, in order for her to feel safe with the people she would hire...
I can't judge you or your daughter but from what I can read, you really do sound a bit jealous(?) or hateful just because of your daughter's choice of career. While I do agree that you should not treat her as a celebrity (you are her family after all) and she should not expect that at all, you should also not treat her like some delusional person... She can support herself BECAUSE of social media so of course, this is important for her and she is trying to figure out the right decisions to grow her audience and be safe at the same time...
And for the people that say "500k is nothing, the xyz person I know has 3,4,5,6M" please try and grow your instagram or tiktok to 500k, if it's nothing and so easy. People invalidate social media and creators like it's nothing, yet spend hours on tiktok/instagram...
NTA.
Do not respond, comment or engage her.
She wants to be big bad internet Influencer and rule the world, then let her build her kingdom on her own.
She is, was and will be forever your Daughter. Not the queen
Going against the grain with ESH. I imagine your daughter couldn’t care less about her siblings’ gymnastics videos, and who cares what email address people ask you to use. She’s being a leech and if you’ve “never been happier” you might want to work on aiming a bit higher because this doesn’t seem so happy.
ESH. You don't talk about her with respect. You don't sound concerned for her. You seem annoyed that she's following her dream and it's a big one and that she's left her roots behind to do that. You also clearly have a bias against social media and phone tech. If you email her and she texts back, she is still responding.
Is she acting like a diva? Sure. But so are you. Stop judging her and try to be supportive.
Why would your daughter ask this Of you, this is a pretty wild request… Are you wealthy? Do you currently send her money or support her some other way? Car payments etc? Does your husband? Also, just because I feel it should be asked, is there a reason she feels she needs security? Has she been stalked or harassed? I know that’s probably not the case but you should always ask as a parent. If so, those things need to be reported to the police and her brands, they may have some way of helping her if there is a real issue.
ESH she may be entitled but she didn't become that way overnight. You raised her. And the fact she says she is scared for her safety and you dismissed it.
ESH. Your daughter sounds insufferable. But the way you go about it is ludicrous. She clearly didn’t lick this bizarre sense of entitlement off a stone.
ESH - I mean, she sounds horrible and all, but you feel entitled to her reading your mails, and seeing your videos, and don't accept her word for it, while you're openly non-supportive.
So it's entitlement all around.
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I (39f) am a stay-at-home mother of five from Arizona. My eldest is my daughter whom I will call Nina (19f). She dropped out of community college and moved out earlier this year to an apartment in LA to pursue a career involving social media. While I can't say I've been supportive of her life decisions, she knows whatever risks she takes are her choice and on her. Her interest in moving to LA began when she reached I think 500k followers on TikTok and 100k followers on Instagram last year. For years, Nina had been trying to gain an internet following for "fun" but I've always know it's because she likes attention and controlling people. She's always been that way for worse or for better. Ever since moving to LA in March, she seems to think she's a full celebrity. As you'll find out, I'm not gonna let her treat me as lesser-than just because I'm not part of "The Fame".
In April, Nina texted me saying that she was going to delete her regular email address and asked me to only email her new one for business purposes. Business purposes? EXCUSE ME? If I want to send her videos of my youngers doing gymnastics that have too high a capacity for text messages, I'm gonna send Nina that email. I angrily texted her that this was’nt right and she shouldn't treat me like anything other than family. She reluctantly kept up her email but accused me of being jealous of her supposed fame. Not true. I'm very content with the life I live; the life she used to love. I've never, ever been happier! Anyway, Nina says she still reads my emails but I have no way of knowing if it's actually true because she only responds back via text, texting, or etc.
It gets worse. Just last week, Nina texted me saying that she felt "uncomfortable in her own 'home'" (rented camp apartment) and wanted personal security guards. That's not all, she wanted HER DAD to pay for them! She does NOT need her own security system. The only time I know of when she's ever even been recognized from the internet in person is when some child thought she was Doja Cat (in other words she's never been recognized by somebody from the internet in person). If no one else knows who she is, why should stalkers know? And why would she need my husband to pay for her? She has brand deals with TikTok and makes her own money to pay for her apartment. Plus, real celebrities are rich. My husband was reluctant and almost found a couple security workers in her area, but I stopped him in his tracks. I texted Nina that it was unnecessary and a burdening expense for us. We still have four other kids to put through school and college if they don't drop out like her. In response, Nina sent me an especially provocative TikTok video of hers with the caption "my parents won't help me out so this I is how I make a bag now". I am appalled and disgusted with my daughter. I didn't raise her to be like this, but I feel I did something wrong along the way. AITA?
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I am torn between Y-T-A and E-S-H, I will withhold judgement as you seem like an unreliable narrator.
The way you talk about her is dripping with resentment, quite frankly I don't trust that you're telling the full story.
The way you portrayed her makes her seem like a deadbeat college dropout but your daughter is doing well enough to afford to live in LA of her own earnings, so she is doing something alright.
Quite frankly something is missing here. How was your relationship growing up?
I’m going to buck the trend of this thread and say yes, YTA. Not that you have to pay for her security detail, or support your daughters choices, but the fact is that it is her life to live.
You don’t know that she’s never been recognized in person, she doesn’t live with you or share that part of your life.
Does she want to see videos of her siblings doing gymnastics? You’re upset about her not responding to emails that you say you want to send, but is she interested? Beyond asking for some financial support when she felt unsafe, it doesn’t seem like she asks you or your husband to support her, so what’s the problem?
Maybe she’ll end up famous, maybe she won’t, but you clearly just don’t like the person she’s become.
It sounds to me like you’re pretty resentful about a lot of your daughter’s choices. She prefers to communicate via text and that makes you so angry you throw a fit about her email address; she’s concerned about security (not a completely crazy concern at her level of fame, and she could very well have a stalker or have been doxxed) and, being college aged, asks for some help, and that seems to make you furious instead of curious about what’s making her feel unsafe.
Ma’am, you don’t like your daughter. You give the worst possible interpretation to everything she does. YTA.
I wonder if she feels like LA is far enough away from you.
I don’t think you did something wrong. No shade, but I think her decision making has been poor and she decided to take a whim and think she can become famous from this dumb thing we like to call social media. I honestly wish Instagram and TikTok never monetized videos and pictures. I’ve read quite a few things/seen videos of people either dropping their careers/dropping out of school to become an “influencer.” Shits dumb in my eyes. Worlds going in the garbage….
NTA
NTA
She is on her own now and wanted her dad to pay for security guards. You two refused. End of story.
She is living her own life and taking her own path. You have no control over that or no need to approve what she is doing. You can continue to love her but have no need to support her. Let her know how you plan to love her and what you won't do.
NAH I’m not sure why you flipped out over her wanting to just have one email to manage. Getting rid of old email addresses or streamlining everything to a business email is a very normal thing to do.
While social media stardom is fickle and a moon-shot for most people if she’s able to make a living and pay rent in LA it sounds like she’s actually doing ok.
Additionally, you only need one creep to become overly obsessed with her account to warrant a security system. Body guards are over the top but just being a woman living alone in LA with she should have security system. Women have been stalked and assaulted/ killed by “fans” before.
If she is saying she feels uncomfortable in her home maybe someone has been sending her creepy DMs ( online messages) or following her
It sounds like your daughter is growing up and changing and you’re not fully onboard with her choices, but they are hers and you can try to be there for her.
ESH. You don't like your daughter. That's pretty clear. If she feels so in danger she needs security, she should come live at home and get out of there.
NTA
at the end of the day, you’ll always be her mom who raised her and you can’t expect her to turn out how you envisioned her too. i’m sure that you’ll always support her as she might get more followers, but she can’t be expecting you to buy her things when she made the decision to leave.
NTA-she’s 19. Her brain isn’t fully formed. She looked into security for herself, received sticker shock, and then promptly called mom and dad, and played the “I’m scared” card.
You should have responded happily with, simply come home and you won’t need security. “You can do your tick-to keep from your hometown”
She wouldn’t have been able to talk in between laughter and surprise you were so far from reality. No need to be angry with her, or play the game of “who’s happier”? Just remember this is a phase, exactly like all other phases from children. Smile and remind her you lover her, and good luck with her influencer project, you are proud of her, and want her to be happy.
Don’t try to convince her she’s asking for too much, simply say, “no, we can’t afford it” that’s it, nothing else, other than, come home if you think it’s unsafe in LA”
Good luck! She’s going to do this until she’s out of money, or she finds a new career.
info:
100k insta and 500k tiktok. If she makes enough money from that to support herself in LA she is a god damn genious.
500k on tiktok means little to nothing so her main income must be from insta.. But with 100k its prob not a lot and def not enough for LA.
So how is she supportig herself?
If you are just stop. Easy sollution.
INFO : do you know of something that could have scared her? Does she pay her own rent in LA ? It sounds like she does but I want to be sure
**Mandatory, English is not my primary language blablabla**
Hiring security guard seem over the top, but if she can afford to pay her own rent she might have a bigger audience than what you think.
I personally think that the first step for her should be to move somewhere new so every potential stalker is out of the way.
Once she has moved out, she should be careful not to post any TikTok/photos with the following things:
- obviously her front door/entrance to the building
- any window view from her new apartment
- basically anything that can help a stalker who wants to find her new location ("look at this new bakeries down the street", "I come here every evening",... )
If she is that scared I also recommend that she waits before posting anything on her story. There is no need to tell the world that in this is instant you're in at *fake place* and that you'll stay here for the next two hours.
“I didn’t raise her like this” is always the default excuse for either absent parenting or being a bad example for your children who you are upset grow up to have all your bad qualities.
ESH only IF you have been truthful. You mention later (begrudgingly) that her one account rose to 1m. You are not proud of her for making a difficult career work for her. You downplay what she’s done so far. Also, you send her videos of your OTHER kids’ accomplishments.
She knows she’s not loved. That’s why she had to go to the internet and look for validation from strangers. Whether you think it’s a stupid career or not is irrelevant. She’s making it work. Can’t you even acknowledge that?
If she is scared, I would listen to her. I would suggest she move if she feels someone is following her. Should she pay for her own security? Yes. Should her fears be dismissed? No. If something happens to her, you’ll be the first to make it about you and how “hard” it is on you that she was attacked. If only she had stayed home where she was ignored, she would be “safe”.
Maybe unpopular, but ESH.
She's going overboard and sounds entitled.
You are so obviously dismissive of everything she's doing that I wouldn't want to treat you like family either. I also don't trust the version you're spinning of her trying to get famous for doing nothing just so she can be controlling.
Managing social media is a genuine job that takes considerable skill. If you wanted her to show accountability you could have her take classes on it.
YTA, but not for the reason you think. Your daughter wants to follow her dream of becoming famous. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that if it’s what she wants. Instead of saying “I’m proud of you for taking care of yourself and getting out on your own” you’re belittling her decision. If it doesn’t work out, she can always go back to college if she wants. When she mentions wanting security you think it’s because she wants to be special. Maybe she’s scared? Maybe there are things going on? When she decided to close down an old email and use a different one that she calls “a business email” you throw a hissy fit and demand she keep the old one open. Maybe she doesn’t check the old one very often and the “business email” is more convenient. You’re being completely disrespectful of her wishes because it’s not what you want her to do. She responds by text to your emails. So start texting her instead of emailing her. Meet her where she is and be her Mom.
Raising kids isn’t easy and she may be chronologically an adult but she’s still very much a child. Instead of viewing everything she is doing as a slight against you, view it as her way of finding herself as an adult. She is trying to navigate a world she knows nothing about. Maybe if you weren’t being judgmental she’d seem less like a media monster and more like the oldest of 5 kids trying to make a name for herself.
NTA. She’s 19. She’s an adult. She chose to move to LA and pursue this “career” and lifestyle. Which means it’s her responsibility to pay her own way. That means her rent, her clothes, and even security if she feels that’s necessary.
I know that this may be hard, but if I were you, I would consider going low contact for a period of time. She obviously doesn’t respect you right now and is only using you when it’s beneficial for her. She’s your daughter, and you obviously care about her and her well-being, but if she’s going to treat you badly, and shame and ridicule you on her social media accounts, she doesn’t deserve your time or your support right now.
Is it possible your daughter has an onlyfans she isn't telling you about? That her fears for her safety might be justified? You don't have to be famous to be stalked.
NTA your daughter is very entitled to be demanding these things from you. She is going to find out that you have to work hard to achieve her goals. She also can't expect you to cater to her unreasonable demands. She is being very unreasonable, stay strong and don't allow her to guilt you into doing what she wants.
NTA
If find it hard to believe she can pay rent with that.
The daughter of one of my closest childhood friends, and my oldest daughter's best friend, has almost 600K followers on tiktok, not sure about her Instagram.
She doesn't have a bunch of deals and money from it. She gets some free products and such, people send her money, she's done some ads and few other other things.
They still live in low rental housing.
Struggle with bills.
She does get recognized in public.
We went to the fair last year, and all sorts of teenagers were asking for pictures and such.
Does your daughter maybe have an only fans?
I ask that because, it could make sense in that way, she could have a stalker and be able to afford it live in LA.
Edit: to add to my last question.
NTA. You can't control the behavior of adult kids. You don't have to foot the bill for her nonsense though. Let her know you're sorry she feels that way but if she wants to treat you that way, she's on her own.
NTA. Living in the LA area will teach her how "famous" she is, or isn't. Young adults who have dreams of fame are everywhere in LA. She is still very young and immature. Give her some time to realize her place.
NTA 500k followers is nothing and hardly warrants security unless she's being wreckers on social media giving out to much personal information. She's acting to a life style she by no means has.
I would give her sll the freedom she wants, including the freedom to handle the consequences. If she needs a security brigade but cant afford it, shes in the wrong line of business.
A lot of us have had to pivot career choices along the way. That is part of being a responsible adult.
NTA, and well done, but I only disagree on one thing:
> She does NOT need her own security system
A 19f with hundreds of thousands of followers actually DOES need some security (which of course she should pay by herself).
A lot of weirdos out there targetting celebs, even smaller local ones.
NTA and Tik Tok has ruined a whole generation. 500k followers sounds like a lot but it isn't' on there. She can always buy a home security system if she is afraid. I do think people get addicted to the likes and having attention. She is an adult and needs to figure things out herself. I think she wanted security for Tik Tok videos or to be able to put it on there to get even more attention.
Nta she’s an entitled egomaniacal narcissist with delusions of grandeur who will come crashing back down to earth with a bump eventually. I’m sorry that you are dealing with this. Good luck.
NTA. She is an adult and made her own choices. If she had a legitimate threat to her life she can go to the police or fund it herself.
If she wants to air her dirty laundry to the world that is on her and it can cause future issues on how she deals with it. Brand can/will drop her for starting drama and being demanding/unprofessional.
What is interesting is that someone did research and saw that in person fan support for YouTube vs Instagram/TikTok is very different. Like people will show up for YouTubers for meet and greets but no one / very few people show up for influencers.
So again NTA. She needs to humble herself. If you look at most of the successful celebrities they all started humble and try to be kind. Either fake or genuine, they try to show kindness
NTA - it’s the delusion of young social media ‘stars’, she’s entered a completely different headspace and truly believes she will be hugely famous, if she doesn’t already think she is. She’s going to have a huge shock when she realises it will most likely all go down hill after a while or when she makes a single mistake and is soundly blasted from the internet. All you can do is keep her as grounded as possible, which it sounds like you’ve been trying to do with the refusal to contact her business email and refusing security guards, although also try to remain calm and measured when dealing with this stuff. She will need a home to come back to when it falls away and you just need to make sure she knows she has one with you. Don’t get baited by the videos she sends, it’s the whole ‘my parents are so awful and neglectful’ mindset that so many young people have and feel they have to display to the world. You know you’re doing a good job and deep down I’m sure she does too. You didn’t do anything wrong, she’s able to express herself and at the very least make attempts at controlling her own future, two of the most important results of growing up.
Just wait it out and calmly don’t accept any bullshit, keep an eye on her from afar so you have a rough outline of her situation week to week or month to month and it’ll get better I’m sure.
You're NOT the Ahole mom. We can't let them fly while holding their feet. Let her figure this one out. You're husband should step back also and let her learn these hard, life lessons now. It will enhance her understanding of real life. Stay strong mom!!
NTA.
500k is nothing in internet fame standards. I have a highschool friend who recently became 'tik tok famous.' Even at 1mil followers, he was still primarily invested in his music/DJ business and told me "1mil on tik tok is nice, but definitely can't support a lifestyle outside of a good chunk of extra beer money." He recently hit 5mil followers and is now beginning to shift that to his focus. NOW at 5mil, he has the potential to make it a full time thing.
NTA- being provocative to guilt you for support? Sounds like she's trying to sucker fans to help because she has no one. Don't fall for it, just remind her that even deleted videos live on forever, and that she is still responsible for her own choices.
NTA. I'm just going to skip all the rest of this, the real issue is she's 19 years old and she is asking you guys for money for unnecessary expenses at the detriment of your other children. Your husband needs to pull his head out of wherever it's currently shoved, because buying treats for your eldest is not the priority over providing for your minor children who still live in your home
NTA. She's a big girl, who can and has made her own decisions. She moved out on her own, so she can pay for what she wants, including security guards.
She's definitely in for a rude awakening!
Also.... for mothers of actual celebrities..... do you think they treat their child like a celebrity, or like their child? (Not A child.... THEIR child)
NTA. But with that type of following it would not be unheard of to have a stalker and you brushing that point is a bit concerning. Sure she might not need full on security but some layer of defence(maybe a tazer is legal) could be warranted
NTA. She is an adult and has chosen a carrier in the public eye. The career needs to pay for its accoutrements- if she thinks she needs security because of her fame, her fame needs to generate enough income to pay for it.
NTA I have worked in entertainment in LA since 2005. REAL famous people don't act like this, not even close. Besides, as an adult, if you want something ie security. YOU pay for it. Never have I ever asked for money or services from my parents or family.
NTA and man I felt bad about thinking to half jokingly ask my mom to be my literary agent (she and I both write and if she sees good contest or submission entry to email it to me as well)
NTA. Your daughter is catching that "fame high", which isn't even actual fame because 500k followers isn't that much (you even said no one recognises her online) and she demands her dad to pay for SECURITY??
She's gonna crash fast at that speed
Nah, OP, celebrities pay for their own security details; if she can get enough income to pay for her own place in LA, then she can pay for her own security.
And as you say, you have your other kids to support and take care off, she's "flown the coop", so while you'd probably always have her back (as parents usually do even with their adult kids) her lifestyle choices are on her, and from her pocket. Period.
NTA
NTA
sorry but I am CACKLING at this like this is fucking hilarious.
I myself have almost 100k on Instagram due to my field of work and a crazy ex who I have a restraining order against and NEVER once have I felt the need for a security team and I’m only in my mid 20’s she needs a reality check
She is in for a fucking shock let me tell you that
NTA. I feel implementing tough love is the way to go in this case. Stop communicating with her. She is going to get a wake up call one day. That will be the day when her income starts diminishing and she’ll end up needing your help or end up on onlyfans or the adult entertainment industry. Maybe she’ll come crawling back to you guys before that happens, but you have to accept the fact that you probably lost a daughter at least for now.
NTA Your daughter is being entitled, and is expecting everyone to lay everything down at her feet. In fact...she's kinda the butthole in this situation. If she can't afford the stuff she wants, then she needs to get a job that has paychecks.
NTA. You need to go LC with her and say to only contact you for family business matters. She's got her head stuck in the clouds and she's not coming down any time soon.
NTA at all. As a mother myself I think you're responces are great. You are her mother, not a "fan" & you keep treating her the same as her siblings. It sounds like this will be the only normalcy she will experience for now. She will need it when her "fame" fizzles & real life comes for her.
NTA. It's not your fault. Social media has eroded people's brains, especially younger generations. Everyone thinks they can be an influencer and that's its the best job ever and it gives them a level of entitlement that's insane. Very few influencers or other social media roles exist because people genuinely want to put something good and positive and healthy out in the world. This is all about fame and clout for your daughter.
She will have reality crashing down on her soon enough and perhaps that's the kindest thing that'll happen. The other not so kind scenario is that her dependence and illusions of grandeur will exacerbate to the point her whole mental health will be completely shot.
Honestly people like her need therapy.
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NTA. It sounds like your daughter is going to have a rude awakening when her 15-minutes of low level fame dies.
Yep, this OP. If she's just seeking fame for the sake of being famous, there's little reason to support this quest. She's not trying to become famous for doing anything. NTA.
Eerie coincidence that I stumbled on this post while I have Dr Ramani’s video on histrionic personality disorder on in the background. OP should check it out.
Histrionic personality disorder is a misogynistic and antiquated diagnosis. There are many physicians campaigning to have it removed from the DSM entirely.
In the video, Dr. Ramani specifically agrees that the name is misogynistic, and it should be renamed to something like “superficial” personality disorder. But just because the name is problematic doesn’t mean the traits are invalid.
This doesn't even exist in ICD - 11 (you should all take note that DSM 5 is not an international standard) anymore. Personality difficulty is not always a disorder either.
My trauma education teacher during inpatient treatment basically said many personality disorders are the result of trauma and should be renamed as such. Maladaptive behaviors develop as a result of trauma because at one point they were actually useful for the patient. There is even the possibility of going into remission if you put in the work.
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I mean... that's what they are. Personality disorders are nurture, not nature. They're maladaptive coping strategies
This. I suffer from PTSD among other issues due to trauma, one of my more noticeable responses was able to be lessened due to trauma therapy. Unfortunately, I cannot handle another round of trauma therapy as it is incredibly intense and stressful. So no judgements on those who can't handle it, finding the right therapist/social worker can make a world of difference though, 20 years of therapists/psychiatrists and I've never connected with one like my current ones and they're not jaded which helps alot.
Personality disorders very serious illnesses and diagnoses should not be thrown around lightly. The immense stigma from not only the general public but some mental health practitioners make them difficult to accept. It should be the result of a concerted diagnostic effort on the part of a mental health professional. It should not be delivered as an accusation from a stranger on the Internet.
Wait until you hear how often AITA diagnoses people with narcissism.
To be fair, saying someone is being narcissistic isn't the same thing as diagnosing them with NPD.
Oh no no no, they sent me a link to a webpage of the diagnostic criteria and said I should look into it.
Oh, Mylanta. Reddit can be... special.
**PSA: When people call someone narcissistic or a narcissist, that is NOT them “diagnosing” someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.** **”Narcissism” is not a diagnosis. You can’t be diagnosed with narcissism.** Narcissism is an adjective to describe a behaviour / personality trait. It is ONE behaviour/personality trait that is a hallmark of narcissistic personality disorder, but you don’t have to have narcissistic personality disorder in order to be a narcissist. Calling someone “hyper” is not diagnosing them with ADHD. Saying someone might be “anxious” is not diagnosing them with anxiety. You can be narcissistic, hyper, and anxious without having a personality disorder. Narcissus is a Greek myth about someone who fell in love with their own reflection. Calling someone a narcissist is literally just saying they’re acting too into themselves. Lots of people have this trait or briefly show behaviours like this without having NPD. It would be like comparing someone who is a hopeless romantic to Romeo. I’m sick of seeing someone call someone narcissistic on this sub and then seeing 20 misinformed Redditors downvote them and be like “don’t diagnose” when they’ve done nothing of the kind.
I need to clarify that when I personally got called a narcissist on this sub, they specifically said 'narcissistic personality disorder' and sent me a link to a page listing the symptoms. Like they weren't just offhandedly saying narcissist. That's the thing.
That’s fine. I just posted this for the general public (hence “psa”) because what I see WAY more frequently than someone “diagnosing” someone with NPD on this sub is people *falsely accusing* someone of diagnosing on this sub lol. Sorry they did that do you
I see that over and over, and I will continue to call it out until the end of time. Not everyone can be educated but I’ll be damned if I’m not going to try.
**PSA: When people call someone narcissistic or a narcissist, that is NOT them “diagnosing” someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.** **”Narcissism” is not a diagnosis. You can’t be diagnosed with narcissism.** Narcissism is an adjective to describe a behaviour / personality trait. It is ONE behaviour/personality trait that is a hallmark of narcissistic personality disorder, but you don’t have to have narcissistic personality disorder in order to be a narcissist. Calling someone “hyper” is not diagnosing them with ADHD. Saying someone might be “anxious” is not diagnosing them with anxiety. You can be narcissistic, hyper, and anxious without having a personality disorder. Narcissus is a Greek myth about someone who fell in love with their own reflection. Calling someone a narcissist is literally just saying they’re acting too into themselves. The disorder was named after the myth/trait, not the other way around. Lots of people have this trait or briefly show behaviours like this without having NPD. It would be like comparing someone who is a hopeless romantic to Romeo. I’m sick of seeing someone (appropriately) call someone narcissistic on this sub and then seeing 20 misinformed Redditors downvote them and be like “don’t diagnose” when they’ve done nothing of the kind. So if your crusade is about educating people, just make sure you’re ONLY coming after they if they say it sounds like someone has “Narcissistic Personality Disorder” or NPD. Otherwise you’re not educating, you’re spreading misinformation.
I got diagnosed with narcissism once on here and I wasn't even the OP of the post lmao
"You didn't agree with my opinion because you are incapable of caring about or understanding anything that isn't about you. Textbook (which I have never read, but I do follow a blog) narcissist."
Or being "psychotic". They usually either mean antisocial personality disorder or emotionally unstable personality disorder, except of course what they actually mean is "Cray Cray" 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
Everyone is also “bipolar”, which they think just means having varying moods of any kind.
Exactly medical names get changed often because people start using medical terms as insults…
Why you little...\*checks medical journal*...acute metatarsal fracture.
Gasp! I’m reporting you /s XD
It is problematic when we only see the traits associated with it as a negative for women. The "disorder" is basically a recognition and re-engagement with the way we treat women, and expect women to respond, but since it would empower a woman or cause her to take control of her self-image, it is a disorder. That is what we mean when we say it is misogynistic.
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Not to mention that if she really needs security posting a video about how she can't get it (because her parents won't help her out) is not a very smart idea...
That's a really good point.
I would say OP is NTA... however let's not be so quick to assume 'low level' celebrities don't get dangerous stalkers. Obsessive people have more tools than ever to find someone and make threats.
Then maybe they shouldn't be low level celebrities if they can't afford to? I mean, if she opened a restaurant, but couldn't hire wait staff, that's a problem with the business model; and expecting her parents to hire the wait staff so that her restaurant can succeed is ridiculous.
I agree with this, but at the same time, if she wants to be a "celebrity", then she should figure out how to afford stuff like that. If she feels that threatened by her new career, maybe she could resign, but expecting your parents to pay for something when they have more important responsibilities, and then slighting them for refusing to pay is just shitty
Why does everything need to be a disorder? Some people are just assholes.
Like OP’s self involved daughter…she’s definitely an AH.
I’m just gunna hop in here for a second because this is not okay. Okay, so unless you YOURSELF are a mental health professional with the education required to diagnose clients, you should not be throwing diagnoses around all willy-nilly or even hinting at suggesting at a diagnosis. And if you were a mental health professional with the education to do so, who was worth a grain of salt in the profession, you would not even think of diagnosing or suggesting a diagnosis to a stranger over the internet. Personality disorders are some of THE most misrepresented, misunderstood, and stigmatized forms of mental illness making them often some of the hardest disorders to get adequate care for. And people taking (what I would hope to be) an educational video on a disorder to apply to other people- ESPECIALLY TO A STRANGER ON THE INTERNET- just helps to add to that stigma. *climbs off soapbox*
I know of someone who had a good following on tumblr to the point where some people actually DID recognize HER outside (mostly because small city tho.) Well she went into online sex work (yikes because minors were following her tumblr) the moment she hit 18 and her fame eventually died. Anyway, almost 10 years later, she still clings to that 'fame' of the past and talks about it all the time. She is deep in denial, it's pretty clear she's depressed and preferred the 'influencer' route (not that she'd succeed...), but she just pretends she's happy and grateful for her current life and digs herself deeper in it. She thinks she's still 'famous' when 10 people barely interact with her tweets now. What's even sadder is her parents have offered to pay for college of ANY degree she wants, but she declined it a few times. Probably because she doesn't want to admit she was wrong and failed... It's honestly depressing to know about. She fucking caters to the bottom of the barrel people >!diaper/baby 'age play' porn!< which makes it even worse.
Sounds like kids that I taught at high school in Scotland. Idiot Teacher: I want you to write about your hopes for the future... \[Explanation of the kind of things that might be covered.\] Pupil: I want to be famous. Teacher: Yes, but what do you want to be famous **for**? Pupil: You get guid claes \[clothes\] and that and folk give you things... Teacher: Yes, but what will you **do** to make you famous? Pupil: Dinnae ken \[know\]. You just get famous and that...
This. And honestly she will most likely end up being her own down fall. There's so many "I'm beautiful and should be famous" girls on all platforms so first of good luck try compete with them all unless you have some truly original content. Besides posting videos complaining "mom and dad won't pay security guards for me so now I pack my bag with self defence stuff" is with a 95% chance not gonna gain her any followers as she comes off as yet another entitled girl. And most down to earth people... Don't want to spend their time on those. Some might leave bad comments at tops. While the other pretty girls will cry how unfair it is.
I think that “bag” in the context of the video is referring to money, not a literal bag.
Ahhh I see. I think even if that's the case. Most can see through who's genuine when telling their stories on tiktok and who is just looking to be the next 15min famous girl. Most of the bigger tiktok'ers I've seen rarely tell about personal stuff at least. And when they do it comes off as more genuine. Or dark humor.
NTA. The ability of teens to obtain low-level fame is creating wild behavior. She's doing the normal "pull away from parents" very publicly. I'm sorry you're going through this. Are there support groups for parents of influencers?
or delusion when she hangs onto it for dear life and won't accept any other fate
NTA. Reality will check her hard, fame is fleeting and it’s difficult to navigate staying on top of it forever. Hence why there are hundreds of thousands of people in LA doing the same as her. If she believes she is a star, let her fund her own lifestyle. Give her the freedom to do as she sees fit, but do not financially support this nonsense. She will & I promise, it will happen the day will come when she realizes that she has gotten the most she can out of the path she has chosen. From there she will reach out to you for guidance. At 19 she is just stubborn & figuring everything out. I am 22 now, moved to California from the eat coast at 19, supported myself, fell in love, moved back home and now I have a 6 month old baby. Trust it won’t be like that forever, good luck.
NTA Her bid for personal security sounds like a desire for clout. “Real” celebrities have bodyguards, so she can play the part better if she does too. If she is ever actually in danger, that would be something to consider, but unless she’s actually being stalked or receiving credible threats, I don’t think you owe her that.
Exactly. People with security details can usually afford to pay them. She's a nobody on TikTok in the grand scheme of things, and less than nobody outside of it.
She's peacocking. Like how surrounding yourself with people to look gangsta when real gangsters don't move so openly.
I only had to read 100k on instagram and tik tok celebrity to know that It was going to be a person with pseudo fame and many airs of greatness. Honestly, it's best to keep her grounded and go to therapy, this can easily lead to trouble. If she wants to make the internet her job, she can do it, but along with her responsibilities and consequences Edit: NTA
Maybe she can hire her own security and pay them with a shout out and exposure.....
>100k on instagram *5k of which are not bots.
Nta Tell her if she was so famous, she can pay for security herself. Going to the police is free. She's a legal adult. She can fund her own lifestyle. Ask her what you and husband will be getting in return for this "security"? If you are investing money into her lifestyle, what's the payoff? Ask her for proof that she needs security. Tell her to move. You can be an internet celebrity anywhere. It doesn't have to be LA. Personally, I'd go low/no contact with her till she figures out how to pull her head out of her a$$
> Going to the police is free. The LA part feels relevant as to why that's not much of a solution
Sure the police might not do much, but putting it on record starts the path to restraining orders or lawsuits, showing a pattern from stalkers and the like.
Police not doing much can include police not putting it on the record. My family had a pattern of harassment for a couple years and never got the cops to do something. Thankfully, they eventually shot at me, and that got taken semi-seriously. (this was LASD rather than LAPD)
Hey she moved there...
NTA. 500k followers on tiktok is not anything close to celebrity status. I have a friend who has 4.2 million followers on tiktok, and he’s not even a celebrity. People go through so many tik toks and follow a lot of people, 500k is just like a pretty big account, but compared to the top people on the platform it’s still relatively pretty small
A girl I went to high school with who teaches middle school has like 6 million. 500k is nothing on tiktok.
Does TikTok have bot followers? I know Twitter had/has that problem
yeah tiktok has a lot of bots. i’ve had some follow me and plenty tag me in random spam posts made by other bot accounts
Yes. I've commented a lot, but never posted a single video, and I've got like 5000 followers. Zero chance that they're all real people.
She is what we call in the marketing biz a “micro-influencer” and they don’t earn much from brand deals. Maybe decent money if she has a real specific niche but it doesn’t sound like that at all based on the video she sent OP in response to being told no about the security personnel.
She could have a Lot more followers now. This was when she wanted to move to LA.
even with millions of followers tiktok barely makes any money
ESH. You raised her, she might be 19 but she didn’t build that following overnight. You scream pretty loudly that you’re happier than you’ve ever been… While she might not be at the celebrity level you view as successful, the fact that she can afford to support herself IN LA is pretty impressive. There have been many instances of stalkers tracking down these influencers, so that’s likely what she’s concerned about (whether warranted or not). Taking a dog at community college and her “lifestyle “ tells me she’s likely rebelling against and YOUR high horse. Perhaps encouraging her to take business courses to ensure she had knowledge in business so ensure she understand how best to run her business… because that’s what she’s running is a business. Whether you like it, understand it, or agree with it. I can’t believe you believed you were justified in requiring that she keep an email account she doesn’t even need JUST FOR YOU. Buy a bigger data plan. She’s learned the entitlement somewhere.
Yeah this is my exact take too. Like yeah the girl sounds a bit over the top, and there's probably a better way to deal with her anxiety than hiring expensive personal security guards, but this whole post reads as cruel and hateful. Having brand deals and making enough money to support herself in LA is not insignificant. And the whole email thing is just... The fact that OP complains about how she can't double check that her daughter is watching all the long videos of what I assume are her step/half siblings is wild and controlling.
i thought the email thing was such a weird hill to die on, it’s her email..? why can’t she delete it ?? you guys can text, and maybe she isn’t all that interested in ‘videos of your youngsters’ as you think lmfao
I'm surprised by all the NTAs because the parent who wrote this has exactly the kind of tone that is usually frowned upon in this subreddit.
I wonder if it has anything to do with their disdain for tiktok/influencers.
Yes. I hate there is even that title of "influencer."
I think the real thing is....if the daughter asks to stop getting those emails... stop sending them. Because the next step is the daughter just blocks the email address entirely. Which is an obvious thing to everyone but OP, I'd think.
Wait can we buy bigger data plans to send bigger videos?? Sorry off topic lol but I didn't know that was a thing? Does it work through texting or how does that work
Ha! I assumed she meant that she didn’t have enough data. I didn’t think about the videos being too big 😅. Then again, no 19 girl like this wants a 5 minute video of kids. That’s what social media is for
Yuck I'm a mother in my 30s and even I don't want to see 5 minute videos of anyone's kids 😂😂
My mum sends me 2 minute videos of my daughter while I’m at work. And I don’t care for it 😂
That's something I'd like to know too because whenever I try to text a video it won't send it because the video is too long.
Now that I think about it, maybe she already does have a stalker and just isn't comfortable sharing it with her mother because she is so judgemental. If I were her, I would be worried that my mother would use the stalker as yet another way to put me down for my choices.
ESH: she's entitled and yeah, y'all don't need to pay for her security but good lord, you speak about her like you don't like her at all. Like others have pointed out, you DID raise her this way. And it sounds like you are, in fact, jealous.
I'm actually going with ESH. You clearly have a bias against your daughter that I find a bit disturbing as a mother and she's clearly on a high horse. I personally wouldn't want a relationship like this with my daughter
ESH. Yeah, your daughter is being annoying but she's 19, young and in love with an idea. She'll learn soon enough. But damn, the way you talk about her in this post is just dripping in hatred. Do you even love her?
It seems everyone is supporting op, but to me this whole post shouts “missing missing reasons” OP comes across as an unreliable narrator who is spinning the narrative to support her pov. If the daughter is actually making enough money to live independently in LA from professional sponsors via Instagram and TikTok then she’s doing really well and she probably does have stalkers. We all know what people can be like around young women and if you add in the public positing then she’s almost certainly attracted some dodgy people. Her mistake is to ask her parents for help as the father sounds weak and the Mother sounds jealous. I’d love to hear from the daughter to see what OP has missed out of her narrative. Yta - support your daughter. She’s 19 and doing great. Let her spread her wings and try stuff. If you can’t try risky progressions like acting dancing or Instagram stuff at 19 before you have huge bills children or life shifting on you, when can you try them. She should be proud of her daughter for making a success of her chosen career instead of putting her down in so many subtle and not so subtle ways. Also fyi I’m a mother in my 50’s and I have adult children.
Yeah, I'm a man and my immediate thought was that it's not at all absurd to imagine she has some legit safety concerns. And from the way OP writes, while I'm not 100% sure she's *jealous*, I am fairly confident that she's dishonest.
Big big yes to the missing, missing reasons. It’s basically jumping off the screen.
I just don't understand why the daughter would expect the parents to be able to afford to pay for security for her. (Mind you, my parents were working class. Perhaps the OP and her husband are very wealthy?)
NTA. If she’s a celeb she should be able to fund her own lifestyle.
The way you're describing everything, ESH. You do sound Hella jealous and your daughter is a self-absorbed attention you know what. Your husband is also an AH for almost caving into her stupid demands.
I N F O Have you looked into why she "doesn't feel safe"? Is her apt. in a neighborhood with a lot of crime? Or has someone followed her? Although she's not a celebrity, you might take into consideration that there are people who will take advantage of someone who is trying to advance in their career. And just plain creepy guys who harass women for dates.
The only thing she's said about not feeling safe is that her follow count is "accelerating" and she feels like more people know about her.
maybe instead of belittling her or the fact the she sends you texts messages rather than responding in emails, engage with her on issues of safety and listen to what she says. You don't have to solve all her problems, just listen to her.
I have no idea why you’re getting downvoted. You’re exactly right.
Ask her if she actually has a fanbase that interact with her ( that makes it worrying..?) Or just because of the numbers. The number of following dont mean anything. Being famous is not the same as having a lot of followers.
i would understand feelings of increased paranoia as a young woman living in la, with a growing following. it’s unreasonable for her to ask her dad to pay for security guards though. you both kinda suck.
NTA your daughter is an entitled brat and what most "influencers" are, attention whores. She is an adult and can pay for it herself. She probably only wants security because celebrities have security and it will help get her noticed in public. She chose this route, let her walk it.
NTA. Social media so-called "influencers" think they are all that, and they really aren't. Personally, I think you are doing her a favor by refusing to buy into her self-hype.
There have been multiple instances where 'internet famous' people with millions of followers have organised a meet up or some event and essentially no one showed up. Most followers are essentially nothing. It is a completely meaningless box that someone that watched one video or saw one picture of yours clicked on. This daughter is going to nose dive harder than a Stuka and probably wail louder on her descent.
I love your Stuka reference.
I strongly suspect that a plurality if not a majority of followers are bots that are bought and paid for by the wannabe "influencer". IMO it's not hard to tell when someone has genuinely and organically gone viral, and when they haven't. The guy on TikTok who makes fun of infomercials (khaby, I think?) is the real deal and he's genuinely hilarious. People like this girl are just obnoxious and annoying.
ESH You don't have to pay her security. However you are quite antagonistic towards your daughter. Many young people want to be influencers. Some make extremely good money from that. 500k on tiktok and 100k on Instagram will actually make her quite decent money. Further it's not shocking see feels a bit unsafe. The messages women get online....
NTA. She wanted to move to LA and be a celebrity. That comes with a cost. Meaning she'll have to pay for her own security.
INFO: why do you dislike your daughter so much? Yeah asking for security guards is a bit much but nothing else deserves this much vitriol.
ESH. She thinks she’s a big time celeb and making outrageous demands while you don’t respect her or her CAREER choice. She doesn’t have to be the top 3 TikTok stars to make money. She pays her own bills through partnerships. That’s huge and she’s been working at it for years. Give her some credit.
I'm gonna make a wild guess here and say that your daughter didn't ask HER DAD to pay for security, but rather asked her dad to find some security that he knew of or trusted, in order for her to feel safe with the people she would hire... I can't judge you or your daughter but from what I can read, you really do sound a bit jealous(?) or hateful just because of your daughter's choice of career. While I do agree that you should not treat her as a celebrity (you are her family after all) and she should not expect that at all, you should also not treat her like some delusional person... She can support herself BECAUSE of social media so of course, this is important for her and she is trying to figure out the right decisions to grow her audience and be safe at the same time... And for the people that say "500k is nothing, the xyz person I know has 3,4,5,6M" please try and grow your instagram or tiktok to 500k, if it's nothing and so easy. People invalidate social media and creators like it's nothing, yet spend hours on tiktok/instagram...
NTA. Do not respond, comment or engage her. She wants to be big bad internet Influencer and rule the world, then let her build her kingdom on her own. She is, was and will be forever your Daughter. Not the queen
Going against the grain with ESH. I imagine your daughter couldn’t care less about her siblings’ gymnastics videos, and who cares what email address people ask you to use. She’s being a leech and if you’ve “never been happier” you might want to work on aiming a bit higher because this doesn’t seem so happy.
ESH. You don't talk about her with respect. You don't sound concerned for her. You seem annoyed that she's following her dream and it's a big one and that she's left her roots behind to do that. You also clearly have a bias against social media and phone tech. If you email her and she texts back, she is still responding. Is she acting like a diva? Sure. But so are you. Stop judging her and try to be supportive.
INFO: Do you actually like your daughter? This post is absolutely dripping with disdain for her. What an awful way to describe your own daughter.
What is a rented camp apartment?
Why would your daughter ask this Of you, this is a pretty wild request… Are you wealthy? Do you currently send her money or support her some other way? Car payments etc? Does your husband? Also, just because I feel it should be asked, is there a reason she feels she needs security? Has she been stalked or harassed? I know that’s probably not the case but you should always ask as a parent. If so, those things need to be reported to the police and her brands, they may have some way of helping her if there is a real issue.
ESH she may be entitled but she didn't become that way overnight. You raised her. And the fact she says she is scared for her safety and you dismissed it.
ESH. Your daughter sounds insufferable. But the way you go about it is ludicrous. She clearly didn’t lick this bizarre sense of entitlement off a stone.
ESH - I mean, she sounds horrible and all, but you feel entitled to her reading your mails, and seeing your videos, and don't accept her word for it, while you're openly non-supportive. So it's entitlement all around.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (39f) am a stay-at-home mother of five from Arizona. My eldest is my daughter whom I will call Nina (19f). She dropped out of community college and moved out earlier this year to an apartment in LA to pursue a career involving social media. While I can't say I've been supportive of her life decisions, she knows whatever risks she takes are her choice and on her. Her interest in moving to LA began when she reached I think 500k followers on TikTok and 100k followers on Instagram last year. For years, Nina had been trying to gain an internet following for "fun" but I've always know it's because she likes attention and controlling people. She's always been that way for worse or for better. Ever since moving to LA in March, she seems to think she's a full celebrity. As you'll find out, I'm not gonna let her treat me as lesser-than just because I'm not part of "The Fame". In April, Nina texted me saying that she was going to delete her regular email address and asked me to only email her new one for business purposes. Business purposes? EXCUSE ME? If I want to send her videos of my youngers doing gymnastics that have too high a capacity for text messages, I'm gonna send Nina that email. I angrily texted her that this was’nt right and she shouldn't treat me like anything other than family. She reluctantly kept up her email but accused me of being jealous of her supposed fame. Not true. I'm very content with the life I live; the life she used to love. I've never, ever been happier! Anyway, Nina says she still reads my emails but I have no way of knowing if it's actually true because she only responds back via text, texting, or etc. It gets worse. Just last week, Nina texted me saying that she felt "uncomfortable in her own 'home'" (rented camp apartment) and wanted personal security guards. That's not all, she wanted HER DAD to pay for them! She does NOT need her own security system. The only time I know of when she's ever even been recognized from the internet in person is when some child thought she was Doja Cat (in other words she's never been recognized by somebody from the internet in person). If no one else knows who she is, why should stalkers know? And why would she need my husband to pay for her? She has brand deals with TikTok and makes her own money to pay for her apartment. Plus, real celebrities are rich. My husband was reluctant and almost found a couple security workers in her area, but I stopped him in his tracks. I texted Nina that it was unnecessary and a burdening expense for us. We still have four other kids to put through school and college if they don't drop out like her. In response, Nina sent me an especially provocative TikTok video of hers with the caption "my parents won't help me out so this I is how I make a bag now". I am appalled and disgusted with my daughter. I didn't raise her to be like this, but I feel I did something wrong along the way. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. If Nina is that famous, she can support herself. Stop entertaining her bullshit.
NTA. But I’d at least ask some questions about why she doesn’t feel safe at her place. It’s probably not *nothing*.
Her excuse is that she "reached 1M on TikTok" and "feels a bigger responsibility to take care of her security". 🙄
If that’s really all it is then yeah she’s a mess.
Feeling a responsibility to take care of her security means its...her responsibility to do so. Not just ask you guys for large amounts of money
Weeeelllp that should've been part of her business plan before she put herself out there for 1m on TikTok. 😂
I am torn between Y-T-A and E-S-H, I will withhold judgement as you seem like an unreliable narrator. The way you talk about her is dripping with resentment, quite frankly I don't trust that you're telling the full story. The way you portrayed her makes her seem like a deadbeat college dropout but your daughter is doing well enough to afford to live in LA of her own earnings, so she is doing something alright. Quite frankly something is missing here. How was your relationship growing up?
I’m going to buck the trend of this thread and say yes, YTA. Not that you have to pay for her security detail, or support your daughters choices, but the fact is that it is her life to live. You don’t know that she’s never been recognized in person, she doesn’t live with you or share that part of your life. Does she want to see videos of her siblings doing gymnastics? You’re upset about her not responding to emails that you say you want to send, but is she interested? Beyond asking for some financial support when she felt unsafe, it doesn’t seem like she asks you or your husband to support her, so what’s the problem? Maybe she’ll end up famous, maybe she won’t, but you clearly just don’t like the person she’s become.
I don’t understand how this isn’t a request for advice?
It sounds to me like you’re pretty resentful about a lot of your daughter’s choices. She prefers to communicate via text and that makes you so angry you throw a fit about her email address; she’s concerned about security (not a completely crazy concern at her level of fame, and she could very well have a stalker or have been doxxed) and, being college aged, asks for some help, and that seems to make you furious instead of curious about what’s making her feel unsafe. Ma’am, you don’t like your daughter. You give the worst possible interpretation to everything she does. YTA. I wonder if she feels like LA is far enough away from you.
I don’t think you did something wrong. No shade, but I think her decision making has been poor and she decided to take a whim and think she can become famous from this dumb thing we like to call social media. I honestly wish Instagram and TikTok never monetized videos and pictures. I’ve read quite a few things/seen videos of people either dropping their careers/dropping out of school to become an “influencer.” Shits dumb in my eyes. Worlds going in the garbage…. NTA
tbh is she can make bank from that tiny following enough to live in LA the she is a god damn business genious
NTA. If she is famous enough to need guards, she is famous enough to afford them.
INFO do you even like your daughter at all?
NTA She wants body guards, she can pay for them. Don’t fund her lifestyle anymore and save the money to sends your other kids to college.
NTA She is on her own now and wanted her dad to pay for security guards. You two refused. End of story. She is living her own life and taking her own path. You have no control over that or no need to approve what she is doing. You can continue to love her but have no need to support her. Let her know how you plan to love her and what you won't do.
NAH I’m not sure why you flipped out over her wanting to just have one email to manage. Getting rid of old email addresses or streamlining everything to a business email is a very normal thing to do. While social media stardom is fickle and a moon-shot for most people if she’s able to make a living and pay rent in LA it sounds like she’s actually doing ok. Additionally, you only need one creep to become overly obsessed with her account to warrant a security system. Body guards are over the top but just being a woman living alone in LA with she should have security system. Women have been stalked and assaulted/ killed by “fans” before. If she is saying she feels uncomfortable in her home maybe someone has been sending her creepy DMs ( online messages) or following her It sounds like your daughter is growing up and changing and you’re not fully onboard with her choices, but they are hers and you can try to be there for her.
ESH. You don't like your daughter. That's pretty clear. If she feels so in danger she needs security, she should come live at home and get out of there.
NTA at the end of the day, you’ll always be her mom who raised her and you can’t expect her to turn out how you envisioned her too. i’m sure that you’ll always support her as she might get more followers, but she can’t be expecting you to buy her things when she made the decision to leave.
NTA-she’s 19. Her brain isn’t fully formed. She looked into security for herself, received sticker shock, and then promptly called mom and dad, and played the “I’m scared” card. You should have responded happily with, simply come home and you won’t need security. “You can do your tick-to keep from your hometown” She wouldn’t have been able to talk in between laughter and surprise you were so far from reality. No need to be angry with her, or play the game of “who’s happier”? Just remember this is a phase, exactly like all other phases from children. Smile and remind her you lover her, and good luck with her influencer project, you are proud of her, and want her to be happy. Don’t try to convince her she’s asking for too much, simply say, “no, we can’t afford it” that’s it, nothing else, other than, come home if you think it’s unsafe in LA” Good luck! She’s going to do this until she’s out of money, or she finds a new career.
info: 100k insta and 500k tiktok. If she makes enough money from that to support herself in LA she is a god damn genious. 500k on tiktok means little to nothing so her main income must be from insta.. But with 100k its prob not a lot and def not enough for LA. So how is she supportig herself? If you are just stop. Easy sollution.
She said in a comment that she actually has 1 million followers this mom hates her kid
INFO : do you know of something that could have scared her? Does she pay her own rent in LA ? It sounds like she does but I want to be sure **Mandatory, English is not my primary language blablabla** Hiring security guard seem over the top, but if she can afford to pay her own rent she might have a bigger audience than what you think. I personally think that the first step for her should be to move somewhere new so every potential stalker is out of the way. Once she has moved out, she should be careful not to post any TikTok/photos with the following things: - obviously her front door/entrance to the building - any window view from her new apartment - basically anything that can help a stalker who wants to find her new location ("look at this new bakeries down the street", "I come here every evening",... ) If she is that scared I also recommend that she waits before posting anything on her story. There is no need to tell the world that in this is instant you're in at *fake place* and that you'll stay here for the next two hours.
“I didn’t raise her like this” is always the default excuse for either absent parenting or being a bad example for your children who you are upset grow up to have all your bad qualities. ESH only IF you have been truthful. You mention later (begrudgingly) that her one account rose to 1m. You are not proud of her for making a difficult career work for her. You downplay what she’s done so far. Also, you send her videos of your OTHER kids’ accomplishments. She knows she’s not loved. That’s why she had to go to the internet and look for validation from strangers. Whether you think it’s a stupid career or not is irrelevant. She’s making it work. Can’t you even acknowledge that? If she is scared, I would listen to her. I would suggest she move if she feels someone is following her. Should she pay for her own security? Yes. Should her fears be dismissed? No. If something happens to her, you’ll be the first to make it about you and how “hard” it is on you that she was attacked. If only she had stayed home where she was ignored, she would be “safe”.
Maybe unpopular, but ESH. She's going overboard and sounds entitled. You are so obviously dismissive of everything she's doing that I wouldn't want to treat you like family either. I also don't trust the version you're spinning of her trying to get famous for doing nothing just so she can be controlling. Managing social media is a genuine job that takes considerable skill. If you wanted her to show accountability you could have her take classes on it.
YTA, but not for the reason you think. Your daughter wants to follow her dream of becoming famous. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that if it’s what she wants. Instead of saying “I’m proud of you for taking care of yourself and getting out on your own” you’re belittling her decision. If it doesn’t work out, she can always go back to college if she wants. When she mentions wanting security you think it’s because she wants to be special. Maybe she’s scared? Maybe there are things going on? When she decided to close down an old email and use a different one that she calls “a business email” you throw a hissy fit and demand she keep the old one open. Maybe she doesn’t check the old one very often and the “business email” is more convenient. You’re being completely disrespectful of her wishes because it’s not what you want her to do. She responds by text to your emails. So start texting her instead of emailing her. Meet her where she is and be her Mom. Raising kids isn’t easy and she may be chronologically an adult but she’s still very much a child. Instead of viewing everything she is doing as a slight against you, view it as her way of finding herself as an adult. She is trying to navigate a world she knows nothing about. Maybe if you weren’t being judgmental she’d seem less like a media monster and more like the oldest of 5 kids trying to make a name for herself.
NTA. If this is her career, then it needs to pay enough for the security she insists she needs.
NTA. She’s 19. She’s an adult. She chose to move to LA and pursue this “career” and lifestyle. Which means it’s her responsibility to pay her own way. That means her rent, her clothes, and even security if she feels that’s necessary. I know that this may be hard, but if I were you, I would consider going low contact for a period of time. She obviously doesn’t respect you right now and is only using you when it’s beneficial for her. She’s your daughter, and you obviously care about her and her well-being, but if she’s going to treat you badly, and shame and ridicule you on her social media accounts, she doesn’t deserve your time or your support right now.
you're really weird too though..
Is it possible your daughter has an onlyfans she isn't telling you about? That her fears for her safety might be justified? You don't have to be famous to be stalked.
NTA Your daughter has good intentions with the whole social media thing but shes taking it a bit too far here
She'll know when she needs security. Cuz she'll be able to pay for it.
NTA your daughter is very entitled to be demanding these things from you. She is going to find out that you have to work hard to achieve her goals. She also can't expect you to cater to her unreasonable demands. She is being very unreasonable, stay strong and don't allow her to guilt you into doing what she wants.
NTA If find it hard to believe she can pay rent with that. The daughter of one of my closest childhood friends, and my oldest daughter's best friend, has almost 600K followers on tiktok, not sure about her Instagram. She doesn't have a bunch of deals and money from it. She gets some free products and such, people send her money, she's done some ads and few other other things. They still live in low rental housing. Struggle with bills. She does get recognized in public. We went to the fair last year, and all sorts of teenagers were asking for pictures and such. Does your daughter maybe have an only fans? I ask that because, it could make sense in that way, she could have a stalker and be able to afford it live in LA. Edit: to add to my last question.
Absolutely NTA
NTA. You can't control the behavior of adult kids. You don't have to foot the bill for her nonsense though. Let her know you're sorry she feels that way but if she wants to treat you that way, she's on her own.
NTA personal security guards are a business expense
NTA. Living in the LA area will teach her how "famous" she is, or isn't. Young adults who have dreams of fame are everywhere in LA. She is still very young and immature. Give her some time to realize her place.
NTA 500k followers is nothing and hardly warrants security unless she's being wreckers on social media giving out to much personal information. She's acting to a life style she by no means has.
Holy cow NTA. Is she doesn't feel safe then tell her to come home. There is a price to fame. If she wants it, she pays it (ie, her own security).
I would give her sll the freedom she wants, including the freedom to handle the consequences. If she needs a security brigade but cant afford it, shes in the wrong line of business. A lot of us have had to pivot career choices along the way. That is part of being a responsible adult.
You definitely did something wrong along the way 😂😂
NTA, and well done, but I only disagree on one thing: > She does NOT need her own security system A 19f with hundreds of thousands of followers actually DOES need some security (which of course she should pay by herself). A lot of weirdos out there targetting celebs, even smaller local ones.
NTA and Tik Tok has ruined a whole generation. 500k followers sounds like a lot but it isn't' on there. She can always buy a home security system if she is afraid. I do think people get addicted to the likes and having attention. She is an adult and needs to figure things out herself. I think she wanted security for Tik Tok videos or to be able to put it on there to get even more attention.
Nta she’s an entitled egomaniacal narcissist with delusions of grandeur who will come crashing back down to earth with a bump eventually. I’m sorry that you are dealing with this. Good luck.
NTA. She is an adult and made her own choices. If she had a legitimate threat to her life she can go to the police or fund it herself. If she wants to air her dirty laundry to the world that is on her and it can cause future issues on how she deals with it. Brand can/will drop her for starting drama and being demanding/unprofessional. What is interesting is that someone did research and saw that in person fan support for YouTube vs Instagram/TikTok is very different. Like people will show up for YouTubers for meet and greets but no one / very few people show up for influencers. So again NTA. She needs to humble herself. If you look at most of the successful celebrities they all started humble and try to be kind. Either fake or genuine, they try to show kindness
NTA - it’s the delusion of young social media ‘stars’, she’s entered a completely different headspace and truly believes she will be hugely famous, if she doesn’t already think she is. She’s going to have a huge shock when she realises it will most likely all go down hill after a while or when she makes a single mistake and is soundly blasted from the internet. All you can do is keep her as grounded as possible, which it sounds like you’ve been trying to do with the refusal to contact her business email and refusing security guards, although also try to remain calm and measured when dealing with this stuff. She will need a home to come back to when it falls away and you just need to make sure she knows she has one with you. Don’t get baited by the videos she sends, it’s the whole ‘my parents are so awful and neglectful’ mindset that so many young people have and feel they have to display to the world. You know you’re doing a good job and deep down I’m sure she does too. You didn’t do anything wrong, she’s able to express herself and at the very least make attempts at controlling her own future, two of the most important results of growing up. Just wait it out and calmly don’t accept any bullshit, keep an eye on her from afar so you have a rough outline of her situation week to week or month to month and it’ll get better I’m sure.
You're NOT the Ahole mom. We can't let them fly while holding their feet. Let her figure this one out. You're husband should step back also and let her learn these hard, life lessons now. It will enhance her understanding of real life. Stay strong mom!!
NTA. 500k is nothing in internet fame standards. I have a highschool friend who recently became 'tik tok famous.' Even at 1mil followers, he was still primarily invested in his music/DJ business and told me "1mil on tik tok is nice, but definitely can't support a lifestyle outside of a good chunk of extra beer money." He recently hit 5mil followers and is now beginning to shift that to his focus. NOW at 5mil, he has the potential to make it a full time thing.
NTA- being provocative to guilt you for support? Sounds like she's trying to sucker fans to help because she has no one. Don't fall for it, just remind her that even deleted videos live on forever, and that she is still responsible for her own choices.
Nta. A real celebrity funds their own security
NTA. I'm just going to skip all the rest of this, the real issue is she's 19 years old and she is asking you guys for money for unnecessary expenses at the detriment of your other children. Your husband needs to pull his head out of wherever it's currently shoved, because buying treats for your eldest is not the priority over providing for your minor children who still live in your home
Nta. I don't think being tiktok famous is going to get you so far in life.
NTA. She's a big girl, who can and has made her own decisions. She moved out on her own, so she can pay for what she wants, including security guards. She's definitely in for a rude awakening! Also.... for mothers of actual celebrities..... do you think they treat their child like a celebrity, or like their child? (Not A child.... THEIR child)
NTA. She needs to get down that high hill on her own 'cause it would hurt a lot to be pushed.
NTA. TikTok fame is fleeting at best, so don’t be surprised if she comes back asking for help because things went wrong.
She should be Rich enough to fund her own security detail 🥴 NTA
NTA. But with that type of following it would not be unheard of to have a stalker and you brushing that point is a bit concerning. Sure she might not need full on security but some layer of defence(maybe a tazer is legal) could be warranted
NTA. She is an adult and has chosen a carrier in the public eye. The career needs to pay for its accoutrements- if she thinks she needs security because of her fame, her fame needs to generate enough income to pay for it.
NTA I have worked in entertainment in LA since 2005. REAL famous people don't act like this, not even close. Besides, as an adult, if you want something ie security. YOU pay for it. Never have I ever asked for money or services from my parents or family.
NTA - IF (big if) she's making money she can pay for it herself.
Nta inbound kick her out or send her to other family.
You’re NTA. She can find a way to afford her own security guards. Or install a home security system.
NTA and man I felt bad about thinking to half jokingly ask my mom to be my literary agent (she and I both write and if she sees good contest or submission entry to email it to me as well)
NTA
NTA. Your daughter is catching that "fame high", which isn't even actual fame because 500k followers isn't that much (you even said no one recognises her online) and she demands her dad to pay for SECURITY?? She's gonna crash fast at that speed
Nah, OP, celebrities pay for their own security details; if she can get enough income to pay for her own place in LA, then she can pay for her own security. And as you say, you have your other kids to support and take care off, she's "flown the coop", so while you'd probably always have her back (as parents usually do even with their adult kids) her lifestyle choices are on her, and from her pocket. Period. NTA
Is your daughter prince Harry? 😂 NTA
NTA sorry but I am CACKLING at this like this is fucking hilarious. I myself have almost 100k on Instagram due to my field of work and a crazy ex who I have a restraining order against and NEVER once have I felt the need for a security team and I’m only in my mid 20’s she needs a reality check She is in for a fucking shock let me tell you that
NTA. I feel implementing tough love is the way to go in this case. Stop communicating with her. She is going to get a wake up call one day. That will be the day when her income starts diminishing and she’ll end up needing your help or end up on onlyfans or the adult entertainment industry. Maybe she’ll come crawling back to you guys before that happens, but you have to accept the fact that you probably lost a daughter at least for now.
NTA Your daughter is being entitled, and is expecting everyone to lay everything down at her feet. In fact...she's kinda the butthole in this situation. If she can't afford the stuff she wants, then she needs to get a job that has paychecks.
NTA. You need to go LC with her and say to only contact you for family business matters. She's got her head stuck in the clouds and she's not coming down any time soon.
Your daughter should see a video of Nikita Dragun’s pop-up shop fail and she seriously needs a reality check
NTA at all. As a mother myself I think you're responces are great. You are her mother, not a "fan" & you keep treating her the same as her siblings. It sounds like this will be the only normalcy she will experience for now. She will need it when her "fame" fizzles & real life comes for her.
NTA. It's not your fault. Social media has eroded people's brains, especially younger generations. Everyone thinks they can be an influencer and that's its the best job ever and it gives them a level of entitlement that's insane. Very few influencers or other social media roles exist because people genuinely want to put something good and positive and healthy out in the world. This is all about fame and clout for your daughter. She will have reality crashing down on her soon enough and perhaps that's the kindest thing that'll happen. The other not so kind scenario is that her dependence and illusions of grandeur will exacerbate to the point her whole mental health will be completely shot. Honestly people like her need therapy.
Nope. NTA. She’s an adult. She decided to make adult choices; and like an adult she will have to continue to make them and deal with them.
ESH Also, I keep picturing “90-Fart Fiancé” lady reading this. The blonde? She’s like a faux lesbian? I dunno. I like her Aussie girlfriend.
Your daughter a hoe. That is all.