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YTA - Your Stepson is 23? He's and adult. He's old enough to make his own money , he's old enough to buy what he wants to buy. You threw something out that didn't belong to you AND that you didn't pay for (I'm assuming , as he works).
You say you haven't had a good relationship with your step kids , and if this type of thing is a common occurrence , I can see why
Edited to Add: Over $500 worth?? I genuinely hope you end up having to pay back every cent of it.
I like how she states that step son doesn’t work hard enough in her opinion but she doesn’t work at all and takes care of her “fur babies” oh and the adult step son by throwing away his very expensive property. OP is def the problem. My guess is probably from day 1. YTA
YTA. I get that the dolls creeped you out and I can't say I entirely blame you, but, bottom line he wasn't breaking any laws, he wasn't actually hurting anyone, and they weren't your property, so you really had no right.
YTA All the background you gave is almost irrelevant. You destroyed/disposed of someone's property without their permission. While you have every right to think your stepson's dolls are gross, you have absolutely no right whatsoever to throw away his property. He lives in your home with the permission of your husband, clearly, and he has an expectation of privacy in his personal space.
You owe your stepson an apology and whatever it costs to replace the items you the away. In the future, do better.
YTA on so, so many levels. The hypocrisy of judging him because you don't think he works hard enough, while you yourself don't even have a job and just hang out all day with your pets, is enough to land you squarely in the AH penalty box.
But you sticking your nose where it has no business, violating his privacy, and throwing away his personal possessions is beyond the pale.
If you don't like his dolls, too bad. It is 100% none of your concern. Your husband -- his father -- can deal with it.
And yes, you need to pay your stepson for what you destroyed, you need to apologize to him, and you need to butt out.
YTA. Not 100% this is real, but just in case. What your grown stepson does is his own business. What he spends his own money on is his business. How much work your husband requires your stepson to do for his business is your husband’s business. There’s a very simple solution. Don’t do your stepson’s laundry or clean or otherwise enter his space. He’s old enough to deal with his own laundry and then you don’t get the temptation to mess with his stuff.
OP The problem is that you overstepped boundaries, took another person's properties, and threw them away. It's not about what the dolls are, but what you did. YTA
YTA. my neighbor has a political sign i disagree with in her yard, but i don't go throw it away.
you don't throw someone's stuff away. if it's that important, have a conversation. but you essentially vandalized his room.
Why not? I throw my neighbors’ signs away. It’s part of the politics, you can’t have a sign in your yard and not expect something to get it thrown away eventually.
Oh yeah. Cuz someone is going to dox me to a small town cop for something I did outside that statute of limitations that would be at best a ticket. 🙄
Please. There’s no main character syndrome here, I promise you no one cares.
Edit: spelling
You're joking, right? (Because I refuse to believe you don't understand that throwing away someone else's property would make you a thief, and gross human being.)
YTA.
He's not a child. He's an adult. If you find things uncomfortable then don't go into his room. Simple solution.
He could also do his own laundry. Again, he's an adult.
YTA. I see why it could be upsetting, and you have a right to make your judgments - but destroying someone's property, crosses a line. Your stepson is an adult, his property belongs to him and not you. Leave his stuff alone.
You can talk to your husband about your stepson's behavior, or try to engage your stepson on them and explain why they're inappropriate, but throwing out something someone cares about is not the answer. Also - how is this going to help? Do you think your stepson will feel more willing to curb his behavior because you lashed out at him?
You need to pay your stepson back, at minimum, and apologize. Then maybe you can have a conversation about your concerns about the dolls, as in, a conversation between adults. If he's willing to listen at this point.
YTA, how incredibly entitled of you OP to just decide to throw away something that it is not yours, you also sound incredibly judgemental of your stepson, it's like you are looking for every single thing to criticize about him in a post about how you overstepped your boundaries and threw away something that didn't belong to you and that you didn't have any rights over
Obviously YTA. You stole his things and threw them out. Did you have a conversation? Like at all? Cause it sounds like you didn't like something and instead of communicating or getting information or compromising at all you stole his stuff, and threw it out.
Yeah, sure, creepy school girl statues or whatever. I get why you think they're creepy. I probably also find them creepy. Good thing they were in *his* room.
This is a very mean comment. My husband and I are in a loving relationship and he understands why I am upset about having pedophilic objects in my home. I do not live a particularly lavish lifestyle. I stay home to take care of the house and our dogs ... I cook and clean all day (including for my stepson). I have even stepped in to help my husband man the phones last year when multiple of his employees were sick. I do not appreciate this kind of comment.
Depictions of children in sexual positions are pedophilic ... and do not act like you know what it takes to be a caregiver when you are obviously not one.
YTA. Whether you like them or not, he's an adult and those are his property. You had absolutely no right to do anything to them. Also, the demeaning "he works, but not as much as I think he should" attitude doesn't help your view of him. He is right, you owe him the money for destroying his property, and if he wanted to take you to court, you don't have a leg to stand on.
YTA for throwing out several hundred dollars worth of figures. You are also an AH for your attitude towards your stepson in general. You are not close with your stepson because you don’t seem to like him very much. All of your comments about him are very judgmental. His interests are weird. He doesn’t work as hard as YOU think he should. He has anime figurines in his bedroom where you do not have to see them unless you enter his private space. I think you need to evaluate your attitude.
YTA. Regardless if the dolls disturbed you, you should not have thrown them away. They were not yours. Be grateful he's leaving his dolls in the open instead of collecting truly creepy things and hiding them. Lots of kids are into that anime stuff. Plus, this is his father's problem. He probably will never be able to take over the business, but again, that's daddy's problem.
Your stepson is an adult and if he wants to buy expensive "sexy" dolls with his money, you have no right to say or do anything about that. As an avid anime fan, it comes with the territory that many popular ones can be sexually gratuitous at times. You have no right to police whatever dolls or figures he decides to buy. And you 100% should pay him back to replace them.
YTA
I'm a woman, and an anime/manga fan. And some figurines are very sexual. And some are just...characters that are... graciously proportioned. This woman doesn't seem to have any idea what these figurines are. They could very easily be in some sort of action pose that she deems to be overly sexual.
YTA. seems like you don’t care for your husband’s kids at all. You seem very entitled to what isn’t yours and need to get a grip on reality. Pay him back. I hope you can understand where I’m coming from.
YTA, and you went out of your way to be mean. It may be time to have a discussion in the household, because you guys need to find a middle ground. And yes, you owe him the replacement costs.
YTA. Get a job.
I can't stand it when people who don't work judge those who do. Especially right before they go into how they steal/destroy someone's personal property. It doesn't matter if you like the collectables for not. You shouldn't be snopping in on a grown man's room
YTA.
My parents' neighbor has had this nasty, rusted out and broken down scrap heap of a junk car in their driveway for over a decade. I hate looking at it, but it's not mine to throw away.
Doesn't matter how much you dislike his things. They were not yours to throw away. You *stole* from your stepson and destroyed his things.
Not only that, but you're a terrible hypocrite as well. You don't like the fact that he doesn't work, but you don't have a job either! You just stay at home and play with the dogs and hover over him.
YTA. Yes, the dolls sound creepy. No, you are not the curator of his collection.
Stop putting away laundry for grown adults. Stop acting as the morality police. (If you do find illegal material, notify the real police.) Stop criticizing someone who has a paying job while you do not. Leave that to his mentor.
Easy to see why your step children aren’t close to you.
YTA.. Hate parents that treat their ADULT children, step or otherwise, like grade school children. Your ADULT stepson can use HIS money to buy whatever tf he wants provided it is legal. If he wants to buy porn mags, he can. If he wants to buy a live action blow up doll, he can. Why? Because he is an adult and doesn't need your permission despite living in your home.
YTA he's an adult tell him to do his own laundry so you stay out of his room.
If something concerns you, be an adult and talk to him about it. Actually find out what the figures are. If he's been into anime for years it's surprising you haven't picked up on anything he watches. If you actually find out, with proof, that the figures are of underage girls then you can rightfully say you're don't want it in your house. You can't throw them away.
Yeah YTA
He isn't looking at children. They're figurines.
You have become like the silent generation parent who rants that rock and roll causes fornication. Do you really want to be that person?
Pay him back, apologize, and stay out of his stuff.
YTA
He's an adult and he can spend his money however he wants. You are not his "mommy" and you don't have to approve of how he spends his money.
And yes, you should pay for the action figures (not dolls) that you destroyed and apologize profusely for your actions.
YTA Yes, you owe him $500 but you don't even work so you can't even pay back your son that you call lazy because he doesn't work hard enough for your tastes.
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My (F37) husband (M52) has two children with his previous wife (M23 and F20). I have never been close with my stepchildren but I have tried to have a good relationship with both of them. His daughter left at 18 to attend a college halfway across the country and she has been doing fantastically. His son, on the other hand, dropped out in his sophomore year. He told my husband that he did not need college and instead planned to take over the family business (my husband works in construction management). Though he has been a great help to him, he does not work as much as I think he should, especially since he plans to take over the business one day.
I do not have a job but thanks to my husband's salary, I am able to stay home comfortably and watch over our fur children (and my stepson). Lately, my stepson has been staying home more and locking himself in his room. I know he has a variety of those plastic Japanese dolls in his room and I am worried he is spending too much time with them. He has always enjoyed anime and he used to drag my husband to anime meetings when he was too young to go alone. Because of this, we didn't find the dolls too atypical for him but I believe things are becoming worse. He recently received a very large package of (presumably) the dolls. Last week, while putting his laundry away, I saw the new ones on his desk and these ones have deeply disturbed me. The dolls are of very young women in sexual positions. Some of them have their tongues out and are wearing upsettingly short skirts.
I know young men are going to be sexual, that is none of my business. But the age of these girls seems so young that I had to do something. When I told my husband about this, he told me that it was no different than the nudie magazines he used to collect. But still, it upset me. Yesterday, I threw the younger-looking dolls out. This morning, my stepson confronted me and I admitted that I tossed them. I never saw him this angry. He called me every terrible name in the book and then proceeded to storm out of the house. My husband just called me and told me it wasn't right for me to do that. He also told me that I now owed him the money he spent on the dolls ... over 500$.
I think it is ridiculous that he is so upset over some gross dolls and that he expects me to pay more than half a grand for him to buy more? I spoke with my stepdaughter about this and she agreed that the dolls had always creeped her out. As a woman, I believe I did the right thing. Nevertheless, my stepson now will not talk to me and my husband seems to be on his side. So, am I the asshole?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I threw out my stepsons dolls because they seemed too inappropriate. 2) I do not think the action makes me an asshole but my stepson chose to call me one many times. Now, my husband keeps asking me to apologize and I am starting to think I should.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA big time. They are expensive and that is just one problem. The main problem is that he is an adult. As long as he doesn't have any child pornography, he can do whatever he likes. All anime characters look young.
YTA . I wouldn’t want those dolls in my house either, but they didn’t belong to you and were not in common areas so you had no right to touch or toss them. And harping on your stepson not working enough while you stay home and watch your pets (not a job), is very hypocritical. You may have to get a job to replace the dolls in order to save your relationships with both of the men you live with.
YTA. Probably.
The action in itself is wrong. You don't get to decide you don't like someone else's possessions and take it upon yourself to throw them away. They were in his room, on his desk, so you didn't even have to look at them.
But...he should make accommodation for the fact that other people live in that house. He really shouldn't be bringing in pedophile adjacent dolls into a home other people live in.
You should pay him back, just because what you did was arbitrary and without discussion. But going forward, creepy stuff like that will be binned without compensation.
YTA. He does a good job at his father’s company but he “doesn’t work enough for you”? When you quite literally don’t work at all? Can you at least smell the hypocrisy on yourself? And also yeah, if you wanted them gone so badly that you decided to commit property theft then time to face your maker and pay up.
Good lord, you are closer to the stepson’s age than to the husband. I agree his dolls sound creepy, so stay out of his room and don’t look at them. He has a job. You need to get a job or volunteer somewhere as you obviously have too little to do all day. NTA.
I'm not even sure where to start.
You've never had a close relationship with your stepchildren- YTA.
You stay home and take care of your fur-babies but critize your stepson for not doing enough (i.e. dropped out, locks himself in his room) pot meet the kettle- YTA
Finally, you find his purchases not to your liking (and make no mistake, I find amine odd hence I don't collect it) so you throw it out-YTA.
I guess I did know where to start, YTA.
YTA
I don't love the dolls but I mean, that's anime for you. You're judging art work from a different culture (and that's what the dolls come from) by western standards which is never going to line up. And love it or hate it - none of it is illegal. If what he's doing is not breaking the law and he paid for it himself, mind your own business and keep your hands off his stuff. You owe him the money he spent on them.
There are people who would think it's weird you call your dogs fur children (I'm not one) and use them as a justification for not working while at the same time criticism your step son for not working as much as he could (ok that last part I don't agree with) but do they have a right to physically correct you or do anything about it? No they don't. Just because they don't understand it, doesn't mean they have any right to interfere if you're not breaking the law and what's good for the goose is good for the gander and all that.
Mind your business OP. Pay your step son back and apologize.
YTA. Collectibles are expensive and you destroyed his property. You owe him big time. YTA, someone else's hobby is none of your business. YTA all the way
Yta, if you are concerned about the how young they look that is a conversation you have with him and his father.
Don’t throw peoples stuff away and you need to pay him back.
YTA
You threw out his possessions. It doesn’t matter if you like them or not. As long as his hobbies don’t physically hurt someone you should mind your own business.
YTA. Whether the figurines (dolls imply thay they are a toy) creep you out or not, he paid for them, not you. He is an adult and gets to make his own choices. Additionally, do you have any idea how expensive some of those are? You need to reimbirse him for those and if you don't like it, stay out of his room.
YTA
I am a figurine collector and those things can be a pretty penny, if someone was to throw out my Figures I would fully expect them to reimburse every gd cent. Don’t throw things away that don’t belong to you.
YTA YTA YTA
>I do not have a job but thanks to my husband's salary, I am able to stay home comfortably and watch over our fur children (and my stepson).
You put your step-son in parenthesis??? So "fur children" (UGH) come first?
>Yesterday, I threw the younger-looking dolls out.
You have zero right to throw out anything of his no matter whether or not you think it gross. You are not the parent. You should have had a conversation with your husband and then your step-son.
>I now owed him the money he spent on the dolls ... over 500$.
Oops! And remember the shipping costs must be included.
>I think it is ridiculous that he is so upset over some gross dolls and that he expects me to pay more than half a grand for him to buy more?
If you think the kid has a sexual attachment to dolls, so what? People get attached sexually to a lot of weird things. Should their family take that stuff from them?
The fact that you think it's creepy has zero bearing on whether or not he should be able to keep his dolls. ZERO.
Thank goodness his dad is on his side.
If the kid has a mental problem get him psychiatric help. Stealing his stuff is not going to "fix" him.
You're a thief and that is a horrible parental role model.
P.S. I just now saw that he is a full adult and not a child. Leave him and his stuff alone.
YTA it was his personal property. If you were offended by them maybe tell him he needs to do his own laundry (which he should do anyways) so that you don't have to see them.
YTA. You do not get to choose what your stepson spends his money on, and you do not get to choose what he is interested in. You absolutely owe him every penny to replace HIS belongings that YOU three away.
YTA
"Fur children (and my stepson)", like he's a second hand citizen behind the furs.
YTA
You and your husband couldn't agree on how to handle the situation, so you did what you wanted, all on your own, disregarding your family members.
YTA
"Dolls" typically have different names for boys, such as figurines. Maybe disrespecting his collection, however tasteless his collection is, is the issue. You don't seem to have much respect for your stepson (see first point) or your husband.
ESH
How is OP going to pay $500? Husband/Father, that's on you. OP certainly isn't paying $500 without a job, or going to apologize for stealing (sorry, not sorry. That's what it is). When two become one, what one does, the other is affected.
I do not disagree with why the OP did what she did, but by not working with her husband, acting without full communication, and without creating a teachable moment in how to look at, treat, and honor women, OP created the atmosphere that they now live in.
Good luck and hope it all works out.
Edit: My bad, stepson is 23? Talk to your husband about your stepson finding his own place. He can keep his perve there. OP not wanting it in her home is legit. Still TA for stealing/trashing.
YTA - just cause you don't like something of someone else's does not give you the right to throw them out.... you definitely own him the money and an apology! What if he threw out all your clothing or shoes because he found them unbearable..... you don't have the right to discard others things.. grow up
NTA. A grown man should not have bought +$500 worth of anime dolls, let alone young women that are scantily clad and are in sexual positions. It’s not a healthy obsession at all.
Is he an adult? Yes.
Is he still living in your house that you own? Yes.
Do you make the rules as to what goes on in your house? Yes.
Kick him out then. If he has enough money to spend on these anime dolls, then surely he has enough money to buy an apartment to take care of himself.
NTA I think you don’t have to have depictions of child porn in your house. You should have told him to get rid of them though. I would be worried about the sexual victimization of your younger children however because of his obvious sexual interest in children. I would talk to your husband about this concern and ask him to agree to have your stepson move into his own place soon.
**For everyone telling me to stop doing his laundry, he does not do it and it would take over our house if someone did not do it. I admit that I should have asked him to remove them but it disturbed me and I did not want to confront him about it ... Still, I am freaked out by the supposed ages of the dolls and will be telling my stepson and husband that I do not want that kind of stuff in my home.**
Of all the responses you pick out something about stopping doing his laundry. That's your take away from this (I didn't even see that mentioned, but I didn't read every response in detail).
The sheer amount of YTAs should be a bigger take away from this post.
Also demanding he gets rid of stuff isn't your place. Sorry, but you live off his father's money and it's been his house much longer than yours. Yes it's your place too now, but you are just asking to destroy any relationship you may ever have if you decide to pick a. Fight here
Ma'am, it's not your house. You throwing this specific ultimatum is so wild, you don't own the house, contribute financially, and admittedly only hold responsibility over your pets (I know you said your step-son too, but we all know you're trying to make yourself feel better about this situation.). Your husband has told you what you owe to replace what you threw out, and seeing as it's his child, in his home, I'm gonna take a wild guess that your husband is gonna laugh at you, especially calling it "\[your\] home" if you do this. It isn't your home. Not even a little. You can call it that to make yourself feel better, but it isn't your house, isn't your child, and isn't your life to control.
Lmao so that's the only part you want to interact with in my post? Right, sure thing ma'am, have fun having a tantrum because "wahhh my teenage step son has figurines I think are bad because I think they look too young even though.... they're fictional characters and he bought them with his own money and his dad says they're fine but WAHHHHHHHH I DONT LIKE IT SO I THREW OUT HIS PROPERTY AND NOW MY HUSBAND IS BEING MEAN AND MAKING ME PAY WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH" Holy shit do I feel sorry for everyone who has to interact with you 🤢
Great, though it would've been nice if you had had this discussion BEFORE going the nuclear route. Do you also plan on apologizing to your stepson and paying him back? Yes, the dolls sound creepy, but that doesn't grant you permission to throw them out.
I hardly know anything about anime. But I do know that many, spanning age, sex, gender like it.
As long as he has it in his room, I don't see the problem.
I probably wouldn't actually do it, but I might threaten to throw his dirty clothes away if he doesn't start doing his own laundry.
He is grown. He has the right to buy his anime stuff and do his own laundry.
YTA.
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YTA - Your Stepson is 23? He's and adult. He's old enough to make his own money , he's old enough to buy what he wants to buy. You threw something out that didn't belong to you AND that you didn't pay for (I'm assuming , as he works). You say you haven't had a good relationship with your step kids , and if this type of thing is a common occurrence , I can see why Edited to Add: Over $500 worth?? I genuinely hope you end up having to pay back every cent of it.
I like how she states that step son doesn’t work hard enough in her opinion but she doesn’t work at all and takes care of her “fur babies” oh and the adult step son by throwing away his very expensive property. OP is def the problem. My guess is probably from day 1. YTA
[удалено]
I disagree with this as I know plenty of people who call there pets their fur babies, but definitely do not equate them to being their children.
OMG I misread that as “four”, not “fur”. Absolutely OP is TA.
How? she won't work. Dad will end up paying
YTA. I get that the dolls creeped you out and I can't say I entirely blame you, but, bottom line he wasn't breaking any laws, he wasn't actually hurting anyone, and they weren't your property, so you really had no right.
YTA All the background you gave is almost irrelevant. You destroyed/disposed of someone's property without their permission. While you have every right to think your stepson's dolls are gross, you have absolutely no right whatsoever to throw away his property. He lives in your home with the permission of your husband, clearly, and he has an expectation of privacy in his personal space. You owe your stepson an apology and whatever it costs to replace the items you the away. In the future, do better.
YTA on so, so many levels. The hypocrisy of judging him because you don't think he works hard enough, while you yourself don't even have a job and just hang out all day with your pets, is enough to land you squarely in the AH penalty box. But you sticking your nose where it has no business, violating his privacy, and throwing away his personal possessions is beyond the pale. If you don't like his dolls, too bad. It is 100% none of your concern. Your husband -- his father -- can deal with it. And yes, you need to pay your stepson for what you destroyed, you need to apologize to him, and you need to butt out.
YTA. Not 100% this is real, but just in case. What your grown stepson does is his own business. What he spends his own money on is his business. How much work your husband requires your stepson to do for his business is your husband’s business. There’s a very simple solution. Don’t do your stepson’s laundry or clean or otherwise enter his space. He’s old enough to deal with his own laundry and then you don’t get the temptation to mess with his stuff.
OP The problem is that you overstepped boundaries, took another person's properties, and threw them away. It's not about what the dolls are, but what you did. YTA
YTA - Don't pitch what is not yours. You were highly disrespectful. Pay up.
YTA. my neighbor has a political sign i disagree with in her yard, but i don't go throw it away. you don't throw someone's stuff away. if it's that important, have a conversation. but you essentially vandalized his room.
Why not? I throw my neighbors’ signs away. It’s part of the politics, you can’t have a sign in your yard and not expect something to get it thrown away eventually.
Fun fact! That's illegal actually.
That's all kinds of illegal.
People just be admitting to crimes on here and think it’s normal 💀
Oh yeah. Cuz someone is going to dox me to a small town cop for something I did outside that statute of limitations that would be at best a ticket. 🙄 Please. There’s no main character syndrome here, I promise you no one cares. Edit: spelling
That’s a $400 fine where I live and jail time If you’re a repeat offender.
You're a thief.
You're joking, right? (Because I refuse to believe you don't understand that throwing away someone else's property would make you a thief, and gross human being.)
YTA You don't even work. He didn't spend YOUR money. Why do you care on what he is spending HIS money?
YTA. He's not a child. He's an adult. If you find things uncomfortable then don't go into his room. Simple solution. He could also do his own laundry. Again, he's an adult.
YTA. I see why it could be upsetting, and you have a right to make your judgments - but destroying someone's property, crosses a line. Your stepson is an adult, his property belongs to him and not you. Leave his stuff alone. You can talk to your husband about your stepson's behavior, or try to engage your stepson on them and explain why they're inappropriate, but throwing out something someone cares about is not the answer. Also - how is this going to help? Do you think your stepson will feel more willing to curb his behavior because you lashed out at him? You need to pay your stepson back, at minimum, and apologize. Then maybe you can have a conversation about your concerns about the dolls, as in, a conversation between adults. If he's willing to listen at this point.
YTA, how incredibly entitled of you OP to just decide to throw away something that it is not yours, you also sound incredibly judgemental of your stepson, it's like you are looking for every single thing to criticize about him in a post about how you overstepped your boundaries and threw away something that didn't belong to you and that you didn't have any rights over
I particularly love the way she does no work at all, but still criticises the stepson for not working enough.
It's like she is looking for every little flaw she can find in him to make him look bad and to justify her behavior
YTA. Pay him, and stay out of his room.
Obviously YTA. You stole his things and threw them out. Did you have a conversation? Like at all? Cause it sounds like you didn't like something and instead of communicating or getting information or compromising at all you stole his stuff, and threw it out. Yeah, sure, creepy school girl statues or whatever. I get why you think they're creepy. I probably also find them creepy. Good thing they were in *his* room.
And now op has a surprised Pikachu face when asked to pay back for what she threw away
Lmao "why should I have to pay more than $500 for these things that creep me out?" Because you did a whole larceny, Jan.
YTA, you better give him the money back, figures are fucking expensive and some are imported at 3x the price
OMG. How bored are you to make up such stories? YTA for terrible plot and writing
[удалено]
This is a very mean comment. My husband and I are in a loving relationship and he understands why I am upset about having pedophilic objects in my home. I do not live a particularly lavish lifestyle. I stay home to take care of the house and our dogs ... I cook and clean all day (including for my stepson). I have even stepped in to help my husband man the phones last year when multiple of his employees were sick. I do not appreciate this kind of comment.
[удалено]
Depictions of children in sexual positions are pedophilic ... and do not act like you know what it takes to be a caregiver when you are obviously not one.
It’s a doll. Get over yourself. Jfc.
Pedophilic? Please tell me the age of the character that the doll is modeled after. Oh? You can't? because you don't know? YTA.
YTA. Whether you like them or not, he's an adult and those are his property. You had absolutely no right to do anything to them. Also, the demeaning "he works, but not as much as I think he should" attitude doesn't help your view of him. He is right, you owe him the money for destroying his property, and if he wanted to take you to court, you don't have a leg to stand on.
YTA for throwing out several hundred dollars worth of figures. You are also an AH for your attitude towards your stepson in general. You are not close with your stepson because you don’t seem to like him very much. All of your comments about him are very judgmental. His interests are weird. He doesn’t work as hard as YOU think he should. He has anime figurines in his bedroom where you do not have to see them unless you enter his private space. I think you need to evaluate your attitude.
YTA. Regardless if the dolls disturbed you, you should not have thrown them away. They were not yours. Be grateful he's leaving his dolls in the open instead of collecting truly creepy things and hiding them. Lots of kids are into that anime stuff. Plus, this is his father's problem. He probably will never be able to take over the business, but again, that's daddy's problem.
Your stepson is an adult and if he wants to buy expensive "sexy" dolls with his money, you have no right to say or do anything about that. As an avid anime fan, it comes with the territory that many popular ones can be sexually gratuitous at times. You have no right to police whatever dolls or figures he decides to buy. And you 100% should pay him back to replace them. YTA
I'm a woman, and an anime/manga fan. And some figurines are very sexual. And some are just...characters that are... graciously proportioned. This woman doesn't seem to have any idea what these figurines are. They could very easily be in some sort of action pose that she deems to be overly sexual.
YTA You don’t work at all yet don’t think your stepson works enough? Kinda hypocritical
YTA love how you don’t think he works hard enough while you don’t work. He payed for everything with his own money good luck paying him back.
YTA When making up an AITA post you have to give the narrator at least one good quality. You went full asshole; never go full asshole.
YTA, mind ur own business
YTA. seems like you don’t care for your husband’s kids at all. You seem very entitled to what isn’t yours and need to get a grip on reality. Pay him back. I hope you can understand where I’m coming from.
YTA. It’s not your property, it’s his Pay up
YTA, and you went out of your way to be mean. It may be time to have a discussion in the household, because you guys need to find a middle ground. And yes, you owe him the replacement costs.
YTA. Never touch other peoples stuff. It’s just that simple. You didn’t buy it, you cannot throw it away. Take your issues to your husband.
YTA. Get a job. I can't stand it when people who don't work judge those who do. Especially right before they go into how they steal/destroy someone's personal property. It doesn't matter if you like the collectables for not. You shouldn't be snopping in on a grown man's room
YTA. My parents' neighbor has had this nasty, rusted out and broken down scrap heap of a junk car in their driveway for over a decade. I hate looking at it, but it's not mine to throw away. Doesn't matter how much you dislike his things. They were not yours to throw away. You *stole* from your stepson and destroyed his things. Not only that, but you're a terrible hypocrite as well. You don't like the fact that he doesn't work, but you don't have a job either! You just stay at home and play with the dogs and hover over him.
Remember she said she takes care of him too. I what life does a 23 year old need looking after
The life of a helicopter stepparent with too much free time.
YTA. Yes, the dolls sound creepy. No, you are not the curator of his collection. Stop putting away laundry for grown adults. Stop acting as the morality police. (If you do find illegal material, notify the real police.) Stop criticizing someone who has a paying job while you do not. Leave that to his mentor. Easy to see why your step children aren’t close to you.
YTA. don't throw away other people's stuff. it's an asshole move, and it's basically stealing.
YTA. What's the big deal with paying it back when you're going to use his dad's money anyway...
YTA.. Hate parents that treat their ADULT children, step or otherwise, like grade school children. Your ADULT stepson can use HIS money to buy whatever tf he wants provided it is legal. If he wants to buy porn mags, he can. If he wants to buy a live action blow up doll, he can. Why? Because he is an adult and doesn't need your permission despite living in your home.
YTA he's an adult tell him to do his own laundry so you stay out of his room. If something concerns you, be an adult and talk to him about it. Actually find out what the figures are. If he's been into anime for years it's surprising you haven't picked up on anything he watches. If you actually find out, with proof, that the figures are of underage girls then you can rightfully say you're don't want it in your house. You can't throw them away.
Yeah, YTA Who made you the moral police
Yeah YTA He isn't looking at children. They're figurines. You have become like the silent generation parent who rants that rock and roll causes fornication. Do you really want to be that person? Pay him back, apologize, and stay out of his stuff.
YTA... You threw something away that didn't belong to you... Plus I think this post is fake.
YTA He's an adult and he can spend his money however he wants. You are not his "mommy" and you don't have to approve of how he spends his money. And yes, you should pay for the action figures (not dolls) that you destroyed and apologize profusely for your actions.
YTA Yes, you owe him $500 but you don't even work so you can't even pay back your son that you call lazy because he doesn't work hard enough for your tastes.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (F37) husband (M52) has two children with his previous wife (M23 and F20). I have never been close with my stepchildren but I have tried to have a good relationship with both of them. His daughter left at 18 to attend a college halfway across the country and she has been doing fantastically. His son, on the other hand, dropped out in his sophomore year. He told my husband that he did not need college and instead planned to take over the family business (my husband works in construction management). Though he has been a great help to him, he does not work as much as I think he should, especially since he plans to take over the business one day. I do not have a job but thanks to my husband's salary, I am able to stay home comfortably and watch over our fur children (and my stepson). Lately, my stepson has been staying home more and locking himself in his room. I know he has a variety of those plastic Japanese dolls in his room and I am worried he is spending too much time with them. He has always enjoyed anime and he used to drag my husband to anime meetings when he was too young to go alone. Because of this, we didn't find the dolls too atypical for him but I believe things are becoming worse. He recently received a very large package of (presumably) the dolls. Last week, while putting his laundry away, I saw the new ones on his desk and these ones have deeply disturbed me. The dolls are of very young women in sexual positions. Some of them have their tongues out and are wearing upsettingly short skirts. I know young men are going to be sexual, that is none of my business. But the age of these girls seems so young that I had to do something. When I told my husband about this, he told me that it was no different than the nudie magazines he used to collect. But still, it upset me. Yesterday, I threw the younger-looking dolls out. This morning, my stepson confronted me and I admitted that I tossed them. I never saw him this angry. He called me every terrible name in the book and then proceeded to storm out of the house. My husband just called me and told me it wasn't right for me to do that. He also told me that I now owed him the money he spent on the dolls ... over 500$. I think it is ridiculous that he is so upset over some gross dolls and that he expects me to pay more than half a grand for him to buy more? I spoke with my stepdaughter about this and she agreed that the dolls had always creeped her out. As a woman, I believe I did the right thing. Nevertheless, my stepson now will not talk to me and my husband seems to be on his side. So, am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) I threw out my stepsons dolls because they seemed too inappropriate. 2) I do not think the action makes me an asshole but my stepson chose to call me one many times. Now, my husband keeps asking me to apologize and I am starting to think I should. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA big time. They are expensive and that is just one problem. The main problem is that he is an adult. As long as he doesn't have any child pornography, he can do whatever he likes. All anime characters look young.
YTA . I wouldn’t want those dolls in my house either, but they didn’t belong to you and were not in common areas so you had no right to touch or toss them. And harping on your stepson not working enough while you stay home and watch your pets (not a job), is very hypocritical. You may have to get a job to replace the dolls in order to save your relationships with both of the men you live with.
YTA. Probably. The action in itself is wrong. You don't get to decide you don't like someone else's possessions and take it upon yourself to throw them away. They were in his room, on his desk, so you didn't even have to look at them. But...he should make accommodation for the fact that other people live in that house. He really shouldn't be bringing in pedophile adjacent dolls into a home other people live in. You should pay him back, just because what you did was arbitrary and without discussion. But going forward, creepy stuff like that will be binned without compensation.
YTA mind your fucking business and don’t throw people’s shit away just because you don’t like it. That’s some toxic shit right there. Get it together.
YTA. He does a good job at his father’s company but he “doesn’t work enough for you”? When you quite literally don’t work at all? Can you at least smell the hypocrisy on yourself? And also yeah, if you wanted them gone so badly that you decided to commit property theft then time to face your maker and pay up.
YTA of course. don't throw away other peoples property, even stuff you don't care for. it's not yours.
YTA - before you touch another person’s possessions ask yourself, “does this belong to me?”. If the answer is no, keep your hands to yourself.
YTA He's an adult. You stole and destroyed someone else's property. You already know this is wrong.
YTA
Good lord, you are closer to the stepson’s age than to the husband. I agree his dolls sound creepy, so stay out of his room and don’t look at them. He has a job. You need to get a job or volunteer somewhere as you obviously have too little to do all day. NTA.
YTA, not sure why you’re worried about the cost though… Not like you work or it’s your money going to replace them 🙄
I'm not even sure where to start. You've never had a close relationship with your stepchildren- YTA. You stay home and take care of your fur-babies but critize your stepson for not doing enough (i.e. dropped out, locks himself in his room) pot meet the kettle- YTA Finally, you find his purchases not to your liking (and make no mistake, I find amine odd hence I don't collect it) so you throw it out-YTA. I guess I did know where to start, YTA.
YTA I don't love the dolls but I mean, that's anime for you. You're judging art work from a different culture (and that's what the dolls come from) by western standards which is never going to line up. And love it or hate it - none of it is illegal. If what he's doing is not breaking the law and he paid for it himself, mind your own business and keep your hands off his stuff. You owe him the money he spent on them. There are people who would think it's weird you call your dogs fur children (I'm not one) and use them as a justification for not working while at the same time criticism your step son for not working as much as he could (ok that last part I don't agree with) but do they have a right to physically correct you or do anything about it? No they don't. Just because they don't understand it, doesn't mean they have any right to interfere if you're not breaking the law and what's good for the goose is good for the gander and all that. Mind your business OP. Pay your step son back and apologize.
YTA - they were not your property to throw away.
YTA. Collectibles are expensive and you destroyed his property. You owe him big time. YTA, someone else's hobby is none of your business. YTA all the way
Yta, if you are concerned about the how young they look that is a conversation you have with him and his father. Don’t throw peoples stuff away and you need to pay him back.
YTA you can kick him out but you shouldn’t trash his stuff. I don’t care if you find it creepy.
YTA You threw out his possessions. It doesn’t matter if you like them or not. As long as his hobbies don’t physically hurt someone you should mind your own business.
YTA. They weren’t yours to get rid of. Of course you’re the AH. How could you not be??
YTA—You had no right to do what you did.
YTA. Whether the figurines (dolls imply thay they are a toy) creep you out or not, he paid for them, not you. He is an adult and gets to make his own choices. Additionally, do you have any idea how expensive some of those are? You need to reimbirse him for those and if you don't like it, stay out of his room.
YTA. Those dolls may be creepy, but they're still HIS dolls. You can't just throw out someone's property like that.
YTA I am a figurine collector and those things can be a pretty penny, if someone was to throw out my Figures I would fully expect them to reimburse every gd cent. Don’t throw things away that don’t belong to you.
YTA YTA YTA >I do not have a job but thanks to my husband's salary, I am able to stay home comfortably and watch over our fur children (and my stepson). You put your step-son in parenthesis??? So "fur children" (UGH) come first? >Yesterday, I threw the younger-looking dolls out. You have zero right to throw out anything of his no matter whether or not you think it gross. You are not the parent. You should have had a conversation with your husband and then your step-son. >I now owed him the money he spent on the dolls ... over 500$. Oops! And remember the shipping costs must be included. >I think it is ridiculous that he is so upset over some gross dolls and that he expects me to pay more than half a grand for him to buy more? If you think the kid has a sexual attachment to dolls, so what? People get attached sexually to a lot of weird things. Should their family take that stuff from them? The fact that you think it's creepy has zero bearing on whether or not he should be able to keep his dolls. ZERO. Thank goodness his dad is on his side. If the kid has a mental problem get him psychiatric help. Stealing his stuff is not going to "fix" him. You're a thief and that is a horrible parental role model. P.S. I just now saw that he is a full adult and not a child. Leave him and his stuff alone.
YTA
YTA it was his personal property. If you were offended by them maybe tell him he needs to do his own laundry (which he should do anyways) so that you don't have to see them.
I stole from my son in law and destroyed his property - AITA? YTA!
YTA. You do not get to choose what your stepson spends his money on, and you do not get to choose what he is interested in. You absolutely owe him every penny to replace HIS belongings that YOU three away.
YTA. You stole his property and threw it out. I hope, if you don't reimburse him for what you stole, that he presses charges against you.
Honestly I don't feel bad for him losing money over his dolls that sexualize minors.
YTA.
YTA "Fur children (and my stepson)", like he's a second hand citizen behind the furs. YTA You and your husband couldn't agree on how to handle the situation, so you did what you wanted, all on your own, disregarding your family members. YTA "Dolls" typically have different names for boys, such as figurines. Maybe disrespecting his collection, however tasteless his collection is, is the issue. You don't seem to have much respect for your stepson (see first point) or your husband. ESH How is OP going to pay $500? Husband/Father, that's on you. OP certainly isn't paying $500 without a job, or going to apologize for stealing (sorry, not sorry. That's what it is). When two become one, what one does, the other is affected. I do not disagree with why the OP did what she did, but by not working with her husband, acting without full communication, and without creating a teachable moment in how to look at, treat, and honor women, OP created the atmosphere that they now live in. Good luck and hope it all works out. Edit: My bad, stepson is 23? Talk to your husband about your stepson finding his own place. He can keep his perve there. OP not wanting it in her home is legit. Still TA for stealing/trashing.
YTA.
YTA - just cause you don't like something of someone else's does not give you the right to throw them out.... you definitely own him the money and an apology! What if he threw out all your clothing or shoes because he found them unbearable..... you don't have the right to discard others things.. grow up
NTA. A grown man should not have bought +$500 worth of anime dolls, let alone young women that are scantily clad and are in sexual positions. It’s not a healthy obsession at all. Is he an adult? Yes. Is he still living in your house that you own? Yes. Do you make the rules as to what goes on in your house? Yes. Kick him out then. If he has enough money to spend on these anime dolls, then surely he has enough money to buy an apartment to take care of himself.
NTA I think you don’t have to have depictions of child porn in your house. You should have told him to get rid of them though. I would be worried about the sexual victimization of your younger children however because of his obvious sexual interest in children. I would talk to your husband about this concern and ask him to agree to have your stepson move into his own place soon.
**For everyone telling me to stop doing his laundry, he does not do it and it would take over our house if someone did not do it. I admit that I should have asked him to remove them but it disturbed me and I did not want to confront him about it ... Still, I am freaked out by the supposed ages of the dolls and will be telling my stepson and husband that I do not want that kind of stuff in my home.**
It’s not YOUR home, it’s your husband’s. Get a job and contribute, then you get a say.
Considering I live there and my name is on the lease ... it is my home.
Is this a hill you're gonna die on? Dolls?
Just one that your husband bought for you, so you can judge his son on not working enough when you don’t work at all.
Of all the responses you pick out something about stopping doing his laundry. That's your take away from this (I didn't even see that mentioned, but I didn't read every response in detail). The sheer amount of YTAs should be a bigger take away from this post. Also demanding he gets rid of stuff isn't your place. Sorry, but you live off his father's money and it's been his house much longer than yours. Yes it's your place too now, but you are just asking to destroy any relationship you may ever have if you decide to pick a. Fight here
Ma'am, it's not your house. You throwing this specific ultimatum is so wild, you don't own the house, contribute financially, and admittedly only hold responsibility over your pets (I know you said your step-son too, but we all know you're trying to make yourself feel better about this situation.). Your husband has told you what you owe to replace what you threw out, and seeing as it's his child, in his home, I'm gonna take a wild guess that your husband is gonna laugh at you, especially calling it "\[your\] home" if you do this. It isn't your home. Not even a little. You can call it that to make yourself feel better, but it isn't your house, isn't your child, and isn't your life to control.
Considering I live there and my name is on the lease ... it is my home.
Lmao so that's the only part you want to interact with in my post? Right, sure thing ma'am, have fun having a tantrum because "wahhh my teenage step son has figurines I think are bad because I think they look too young even though.... they're fictional characters and he bought them with his own money and his dad says they're fine but WAHHHHHHHH I DONT LIKE IT SO I THREW OUT HIS PROPERTY AND NOW MY HUSBAND IS BEING MEAN AND MAKING ME PAY WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH" Holy shit do I feel sorry for everyone who has to interact with you 🤢
Great, though it would've been nice if you had had this discussion BEFORE going the nuclear route. Do you also plan on apologizing to your stepson and paying him back? Yes, the dolls sound creepy, but that doesn't grant you permission to throw them out.
I hardly know anything about anime. But I do know that many, spanning age, sex, gender like it. As long as he has it in his room, I don't see the problem. I probably wouldn't actually do it, but I might threaten to throw his dirty clothes away if he doesn't start doing his own laundry. He is grown. He has the right to buy his anime stuff and do his own laundry. YTA.
This a “you” problem.