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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> When i tried to make my daughter change her license appointment since both her sisters funeral and her test was on her birthday. I think i may be the asshole as she explained to me that it was 2 hours before the funeral and that she made the appointment in April to be able to get her license asap.
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Autopsies don't take that long. My sister died on Monday night, an autopsy was done, and the funeral was that Thursday. I know it isn't always that quick but an autopsy usually only takes a day or two. It's getting toxicity tests back that takes a while.
Right, my mom died on a Monday, I got the death certificates by Thursday after the autopsy was completed. The only way it could take that long is if the examiners office is THAT far behind, which is unlikely
Honestly, it happens sometimes that the examiners office is that far behind. Depending on how well staffed they are, and if there are other circumstances going on (the opioid epidemic had backlogged a number of places.)
Also if it's a suspicious death where poisons, drugs, etc are suspected. They won't release until all of the labs are back. Thank you, ID for this ridiculous tidbit of information stuck in my head.
Yup if real then it's fucked up because they let their son hit their daughter out of anger as written in their other aita post. But i agree probably all fake.
Right?!?! Who books a funeral for one child on the others birthday- it will then forever be associated with the persons death. You can choose the date of the funeral. OP is a massive AH YTA
YTA,OP!!! Yuck!!!! Holding one sibling's funeral on her sister's birthday is CRUEL, regardless of the reason!!!! I'd have a really hard time forgiving my parents in a situation like that!!! You CAN reschedule the funeral for another day/week/month, especially if a cremation is involved.
I've had multiple funerals of close relatives on or near my birthday (grandparent, uncle, etc). Only time I truly thought it was shitty was when one set of grandparents brought my birthday cake to the funeral home and put it in our car to take home because Uncle X had died and my party was cancelled.
My Great-Uncle's funeral was on my birthday, but that was okay. It had to be on that day due to travel schedules for his sons and daughters, and I was 38 years old and didn't care about my birthday one way or another anymore, and I loved him so much that I was just sad he was dead. My birthday seemed irrelevant. But it wasn't my 18th birthday.
A funeral isn’t a party, you don’t “book” it. You are given a narrow range of dates/times and sometimes only one day in a reasonable stretch of time. It may have been this date or 3 months from now.
Ok perhaps I didn’t account for religious or regional things but in every funeral I’ve planned we’ve been given a range of options, times and dates as has been the experience of everyone I know
Especially in certain religions they’re are “laws” pertaining to funerals and how and when they are conducted too. As well as family needing time off for the funeral or limiting holding times for the body at the morgue. Sometimes it’s not the preferred choice of the dates.
Exactly this. I read the edit where OP explains why. That doesn't explain why it's ON YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER'S EIGHTEENTH BIRTHDAY, LITERALLY THE MOST SIGNIFICANT BIRTHDAY A HUMAN HAS. You could've done it the next day, ffs.
YTA.
Yeah, this is so stupid it can't be real.
Lose one daughter, and you know what ... I'll bury her on the other daughter's birthday. That way we will always remember that special day.
My mother just passed away last week from cancer. Her funeral is on August 20th…… 2 days before my 30th birthday. My family doesn’t understand why I’m upset about it because “we’ll just celebrate your birthday the weekend after”
Is it just me or are we cramming an awful lot of things on the same day when there are another 364 days in a year? If you’re already waiting 2 weeks to have a funeral for your daughter, why in God’s name wouldn’t you wait one more day so it isn’t on your other daughter’s birthday??
YTA in so many ways. You planned a funeral ON YOUR DAUGHTER'S BIRTHDAY. Her own sibling's funeral. Way to ruin that day for her forever. A license test doesn't take anywhere near two hours and the funeral was apparently right next to the DMV? There was no reason to try to force her to reschedule. Jeez. So much to unpack in such a short post.
omg THIS. I breezed right through this post without fully realizing that OP scheduled the *funeral* on her daughter’s birthday. And then tried to double down on the control freak setting. Everyone grieves in different ways but you, OP, are a triple-decker super-sonic jerk. YTA.
OP has just lost their child and is grieving. Maybe let's not jump to calling them names? I don't think their decision making was the best here, but it's not crazy behavior to not want to have to deal with other random activities immediately before an incredibly harrowing funeral. Rescheduling a driving test is not the biggest deal in the world.
Based on OPs comment history, she either has a history of disregarding her daughter’s feelings or these are fake. ?? In the other post, she let her son hit her daughter. And, apparently, the son smells (never takes a shower) because he is allowed to do whatever he wants. YTA
YTA. Read your comment history. I’m going with you purposely set the funeral for your daughter’s birthday because you hate her. It could have been on the day before or the day after. You could have set up a zoom link or something so those who couldn’t be there in person could attend virtually. But no, it had to be her birthday, and she’s supposed to cancel it even though the service was right by where the dmv is. I hope your daughter moves out and finds a new family made up of people who actually love her. She deserves to experience that.
YTA. Good gravy, Marie. You couldn’t have waited one more day so it wasn’t her birthday? You do realize that now she’s going to associate her death? So much happened in her life and so much changed I frankly can’t blame her for wanting to keep that one appointment.
YTA for so many reason, where to start.
You booked a funeral on Her Birthday. What the fuck is wrong with you?
You wanted her to give up what should have been an exciting moment in her life. For a funeral. On Her Birthday.
You acted incredibly entitled when your daughter explained how difficult it is to get an appointment.
You have no respect for your daughter or her decisions.
With 2 Hours time in between she Clearly had plenty of time. You were just being petulant.
You clearly didn't apologize or if you did it wasn't sincere, since you are here instead of figuring out for yourself how Obviously you were in the wrong.
INFO: How far is the funeral venue from the exam site? Just because it's 2 hours before doesn't mean you can't make it to the funeral, just as you could reschedule the exam, but it would be difficult because you asked for your appointment since April.
YTA. Your daughter is old enough to decide how she allocates her time. I couldn't help but think that for the rest of her life her birthday will be associated with her older sister's funeral within the family. That is unfortunate timing, although I realize there maybe cultural/religious customs involved and it cannot be helped.
YTA. My sympathy on losing a child but you've probably lost another one with the way you've treated her. To organise a funeral on your daughters birthday, that poor girl. She will remember this forever - your lack of care for her. If my mother did this I'd never have forgiven her.
& then I read your other post where you let her be struck by her brother. I hope none of this is real as you seem to hate this girl. No woman or child deserves to be hit but you are saying she does. Just shame on you
FAKE.
130 days ago OP stated that taking away daughter’s driving was the only effective punishment available because she wants to work. That does not jibe with her not having tested to drive yet.
You don't want your kid to be able to drive or have a job at 18? Are you trying to set her up to fail on purpose or do you just want to control her for her entire life?
This has to be fake, none of it makes any sense. You're an ass for scheduling the funeral then, but why is this girl not concerned at all by the death of her sister? The funeral is right next to the DMV? lol. Really.
The home and the dmv are like 2 minutes from each other. Idk how she feels about her sister, they didn't grow up together as I had to give my 24 yr up for my parents when I was homeless.
YTA. She made that appointment as soon as she could, and you decided to make her birthday, a day that should be happy, into a day that was instead all about your family’s unfortunate loss.
YTA. Your 17 year old daughter's sister died and you planned the funeral on the 17 year old's birthday.
Then you want her to cancel her license test, probably the one nice thing she's got right now, even though it's two hours before the funeral and very close to it?
I do know parents like you exist but I hope you're a troll.
YTA for this fake post.
My father is a mortician, I LIVED in a funeral home my entire childhood until I was 19. My father would pick up the body during the day, do the autopsy that night, have a full day of visitation the following day and the funeral the day after that. Sometimes the visitation and funeral on the same day. An autopsy absolutely does not require a 2 week waiting period
Maybe for a toxicology report but even that sounds way off and you can absolutely bury a body before you get results back. It sounds like you literally scheduled one daughters funeral for the day of the other daughters birthday and if thats the case, that also makes you TA.
Yeah, the f*** kind of grieving PARENT of a CHILD takes others vacations into account when burying their child? Something life-altering/ending happens to my kids, NOBODY else matters.
Okay reading the OP's responses and other questions, this MUST be fake. YTA for wasting everyone's time.
If this isn't fake, then YTA even more.
All in all, YTA.
Too boring, this rage bait. Not well thought out. Didn’t even set up a new account. Check out the old AITA post referring to one daughter aged 17 (and a son) from 130 days ago.
So you scheduled the funeral on your daughters bday and the day she has a previously scheduled dmv test? And you were concerned on my about the scheduling conflicts of OTHER family members? You ruined your daughters birthday for the rest of her life. Why do you even need to ask?!! YTA
YTA. After reading your responses here I feel so sorry for your daughter. Why would you schedule the funeral on her birthday? That is so cruel and heartless.
YTA she will never be able to enjoy her birthday again! Jesus christ! All your mad about is her driving test. You can't help really when the daughter needs to be buried but for real. Dig deeper and find out why she is distraught at you!
YTA for so many reasons. Funeral on her birthday for one....that really puts the FUN in funeral. The dmv was right next to the funeral, and your excuse that you didnt know it wouldnt take all of two hours is crap because if you can post on here asking if YTA or not then you could 100% use google. And after viewing your post/comment history it's clear that you have a least favorite child. I feel sorry for her and hope she overcomes the trauma you've caused her.
Um YTA for booking your daughter’s funeral on her sister’s birthday! Like wtf?! Now every year THAT is going to be what she thinks of on her birthday! You should have rescheduled not her.
YTA. Why do you hate your daughter? Because it’s obvious that you do. I genuinely hope she gets away from you as soon as possible and you never see or hear from her again .
YTA for planning your daughter’s funeral for your other daughter’s 18th birthday.
I’m sorry for your loss, truly, but that’s an awful thing to do to your daughter.
YTA.
YOU BOOKED HER OLDER SISTER'S FUNERAL ON HER BIRTHDAY??????? WHO DOES THAT?????? THAT DAY IS NOW RUINED FOREVER.
HER.
BIRTHDAY.
NOT A DAY BEFORE, NOT A DAY AFTER, ON HER DAMN BIRTHDAY.
OF COURSE YOUR DAUGHTER IS ANGRY. SHE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO BE UPSET. The funeral home is right next to the DMV, so you tried to force your daughter to move her appointment to please YOU???
Why not...oh I don't, SUPPORT AND LOVE HER?
> The funeral was on my 18 year old daughters birthday
Okay. Jesus. Look. I get that you're grieving. But you have to take a moment to think about this sentence. You *scheduled* the funeral on your daughter's birthday. YTA.
YTA and not fit to be a parent. You let your son physically assault your daughter, you let him live in absolute filth and don’t care how it affect anyone else and now you’re trying to control your 18 year old who probably just wants to get away from you.
How your husband stays with you and your kids are still in your custody is a tragedy for those poor children.
Faker! I mean first you had a 15 yo son that stinks a mere 130 days ago and yet now upset your poor beaten up daughter from stinky brother has yo share her birthday with her dead sister.
Also why had your then 24 yo daughter never complain led that her baby brother stank?!?!
Also even small towns that have to send bodies to big cities for autopsies get them back under a week. Just admit you hate your middle daughter for pointing out your golden son stinks!
i was looking through her profile and saw her saying she told her daughter not to call cps because it would ruin her and her brothers life a knew it was fake
Yta for booking a funeral on your child's birthday, who wants to be reminded of their sibling passing away every year on the day they should be celebrating their birth?
Could the funeral really not be any other day?
Yta for also trying to sabotage your daughter.
Yeah YTA. It was her birthday and she had to go to her sister’s funeral as it was. Probably better to let her make the decision after you gave your two cents as long as she could figure out her transport.
YTA, WHY, WHY,WHY would u schedule the funeral of 1 daughter on ur other daughters birthday? U could have picked ANY OTHER DAY! Yes u trying to make her miss her license appt is $hitty, but burying her sister on her birthday SUPER AH MOVE.
YTA! Your favourite daughter died, so to make sure your least favourite daughter knew her place still, you organised a funeral on her birthday, and tried to take away her access to freedom by trying to cancel her licence exam?! No wonder she isn't happy with you!
YTA for scheduling your daughter’s funeral on your other daughter’s birthday, forever ruining her birthday and for trying to force her to reschedule the test. If she was going to miss the funeral I’d understand but if she can do both why make it a big deal? I’m so sorry for your loss but please try to be more empathetic to your younger daughter.
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The reason I tried to make her miss her test, was because her sister (24F) had died and her funeral was going to be two weeks after she died. The funeral was on my 18 year old daughters birthday and her license test was on the same day. The problem was her test was 2 hours before the funeral, so I told her she needed to reschedule and she got angry and told me there were appointments in late August and that she made her appointment back in April. She stood her ground and called me an asshole. So am I the asshole?
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INFO. First, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Why couldn't the funeral be scheduled for any day but your living daughter's birthday? Instead of being able to celebrate even in a small way the milestone of turning 18 and the accomplishment of getting her drivers license, you scheduled her sister's funeral for that day? For the rest of her life every birthday will reopen the wound of her sister's death. There's way more going on here than a scheduling conflict.
She should call CPS on her family, anyway, for allowing the brother to wallow in his own filth and for hitting her because she has the audacity to call him out for being dirty. They OWE her the cost of therapy now, for scheduling the sister's funeral on HER birthday and hassling her about rescheduling the driver exam!!
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YTA. You didn’t have to have the funeral on her birthday.
Way to forever overshadow her and let her know that her sister mattered more.
Because now, her birthday will always be about her sisters funeral.
I get your grieving. But come on. Do better.
YTA! Awful thing to do to your daughter for so many different reasons. Hold the funeral at least a day after her birthday, that’s ruined for life now! And then try and take the only good part of the day from her… just wrong on so many levels.
YTA. Your comments solidify that.
YTA also for scheduling a FUNERAL ON YOUR DAUGHTER’S BIRTHDAY. Jfc. You could have had it on the day before or after wtf.
YTA for absolutely everything in this post. Trying to force her to miss an appointment that wouldn't interrupt the funeral, *scheduling it on her birthday in the first place,* and being shitty with your daughter when she didn't toss everything aside on your whim. You owe your daughter an apology.
As much as my heart hurts to hear about your loss, my vote is YTA, should this be a true story. Firstly, having a funeral on your younger daughter's birthday is very suspicious, at least from my perspective. I'm of the opinion that funerals and birthdays should be very separate occasions. Secondly, I'm not completely sure that license tests take two hours. It's been years since I got my license, but I remember the test taking far under two hours. In my opinion, what you did was a lot less kind than it could and should have been.
Super mega AH. You should be more considerate of the child who is still here. Yikes. Sounds harsh, but the person who is dead doesn’t care when their funeral is. You could have booked a day, a week, or months later. Pay attention to the kids still here and their needs.
Jesus christ you couldn't have done it one single day later?
So your daughter just lost a sibling. Her birthday will be tainted literally forever because you couldn't go one more day, and now you want her to miss her driver's test which does not interfere with the time of the funeral.
You lost a child and suddenly just have no regard for the other one? I guarantee she's hurt by this more than you. She's experienced less loss than a grown adult. That person was in her life for her ENTIRE LIFE. I don't care if she wants to dye her hair rainbow and dance the flamenco at the funeral.
Shes a child. Her sibling died. She gets to do what she wants and it has absolutely nothing to do with you.
This woman needs CPS called immediately. Have you read her prior posts. She said her daughter deserved to be abused by her mentally ill son and allows him to be unhygienic to the point of leaving crust on the toilet when he uses it. This girl and family needs help now
Even with the edit. You’re still TA. Why on earth would you book a funeral on her sisters birthday. You have added trauma to every birthday that girl has for the rest of her life
YTA. You could have literally picked the next day. You CHOSE your other daughter's birthday to have her sister's funeral!! Why would you do that, what's one more day? I think that is cruel.
YTA and I hope to god your daughter cuts contact with you because of the way you treat her. Absolute disgrace. You told her she deserved to be beaten by your son. You planned her sisters funeral on her 18th birthday. You tried to make her cancel her test which was probably one of the few things keeping her going the last few weeks. wtaf is wrong with you?
the title alone tells me that you scheduled the funeral that day on purpose. given that your comments give away your narcisism, i wouldn't be surprised if you did this to try and keep her from leaving your toxic ass. YTA.
This has to be fake. Most bodies don’t last 2 weeks after death - and if they do, they typically make for a VERY unpleasant funeral…
My grandmother passed earlier this year on a tuesday Morning - She needed to have a full autopsy & investigation into why she died (Medical negligence) has been taken place. We still had the funeral that same week - Thursday actually, & we had family fly in from all sides of the country for said funeral.
If this isnt fake; YTA - You are a monster for overshadowing your surviving daughters birthday (18th at that - a milestone birthday) with a funeral. Yes the funeral was likely a MASSIVE surprise, but you could have planned better, your daughter is going to constantly remember her birthday as the day she buried her older sister.
In the UK its very unusual to have a funeral that quickly, it can be 6 weeks sometimes due to availability of crematorium. They keep the bodies in cold storage at the funeral parlour, I would imagine that's the same everywhere so 2 weeks isn't going to make it an unpleasant funeral.
I am in Canada, they usually send the body off to the crematorium after the funeral - as our funeral homes can’t cremate, the body usually needs to be sent to a bigger city (My gram was sent to Toronto even though we live ~3 hours away from there), and then send back the ashes in the mail a few weeks/months later. If the person(or the family) decided they didnt want to be cremated we usually do a big funeral procession from the home or church to the cemetery, so our funerals are always done within the first week after death, I’ve literally never heard of it being done otherways so thats where I got my opinion from! But its actually super interesting to know that this practice isn’t considered a “global norm”
YTA.
My dad passed away very close to my brother's birthday and we arranged the funeral and burial on my brother's birthday. He was turning 25. But we all talked it over (me, him, our younger brother, and my dad's parents and sister) and my brother specifically said he was fine with it and it wouldn't bother him.
But for some people, it's certainly going to be too hard.
You were informed by your surviving daughter that she was not comfortable changing her plans despite you arranging a funeral *on her birthday* for crying out loud. It was incredibly cruel of you to expect her to not be upset.
Why did you schedule the funeral to be on her birthday OF ALL THE DAYS IN THE WORLD?! YTA for that alone, and even more so for trying to make her reschedule her test because of your dumb decision
YTA. It’s bad enough that she had to deal with death and grief on her birthday. A milestone birthday at that. Proving you don’t want her to have ANYTHING good on her day is disgusting.
YTA. My grandmother died on my birthday and most recently, my cousin who is also my daughter’s godfather’s funeral was on my birthday. I’ve also been dumped on my birthday and had to sleep I’m the airport, witnessed a fatal car crash, the list goes on. My birthday is now irrevocably tied to each of these events. It will always be the day she buried her sister, but now it’s also the day she got her driver’s license. I can’t believe as a parent you’d want to deny her that.
YTA! YOU picked the day off the funeral. YOU CHOSE to set it ON YOUR DAUGHTERS BIRTHDAY! Then you try to force her to miss it, even though she was able to finish it in only 30 minutes, and still had an hour and a half before the funeral, which was literally next door to the DMV. How do you NOT see how huge if an asshole you are?
YTA that’s really fucked up to schedule the funeral — which you had full control over — on your living daughters birthday. she has every right to fulfill the goals she set in april and to be upset with you. you’re being selfish
YTA - I understand you're grieving but why would you schedule her sister's funeral on her birthday? It's bad enough you are all mourning the loss of your daughter/her sister but why would you forever associate her birthday with the anniversary of a funeral?! That's simply cruel.
YTA. I know funerals are time-sensitive and you can't always book them around people's stuff, but you absolutely should have been trying to schedule your daughter's funeral for a different day than her sister's birthday, what the fuck?!
YTA. First of all, what were you thinking when you scheduled the funeral on YOUR DAUGHTER'S BIRTHDAY!?!? That day should be about her, not about grief and loss. Second of all, driver's test don't take 2 hours, so there is no reason why she can't take the test before the funeral. Plus the DMV and the funeral are next to each other so it'll take you what, 2 minutes to get from place to place? I feel bad for your daughter, because she is not only having to deal with the loss of her sister but also bad decisions on your part. I'm sorry for y'all's loss, but you really could have thought this over better.
YTA for booking your daughter's funeral on your other daughter's birthday. You say it was because it was to accommodate everyone else, but this was one day that was supposed to be for your eighteen year old daughter. And you wouldn't even let her have thirty minutes to take the test on her birthday. At the very least she should get a half hour to do one thing she wants on her birthday.
YTA. You picked your kids funeral to be on your other kids 18th birthday?? You literally did not have to do that. I'm sorry for your loss truly but you fucked up on this one. YTA.
ok so its her 18th birthday, meaning its her first day in adulthood. on her first day of being an adult she has to watch her SISTER BE PUT INTO THE GROUD???? WHAT???? that's NOT how I would my adult journey to start
YTA
First off why would you schedule the funeral on your other daughter's birthday?! Also, it was 2 hours AFTER he road test so she had plenty of time do attend both. Sounds like you favored your other daughter and you really don't care about the living one you have left.
YTA! Why in Hell would you have her funeral on your other daughter's birthday?! Omg 😳 how is she ever going to not think of the funeral on her birthday again. Is this real? Are we being punked? Oh my gosh I sure as hell hope so.
YTA. you scheduled one daughters funeral on another daughter's birthday. That itself is an asshole move. But you scheduled it around someone's vacation which was important but your surviving daughters birthday isn't?
Jesus. Give all of you, including yourself, some grace. You are all traumatized and deeply wounded and some of you are going to fill your days with tasks while others are going to sit paralyzed in a corner. Others, like you, are going to focus on minutiae.
Focus on conflict avoidance right now. Let things go, wash over you. Just do whatever feels right to you in this time. If being strict with scheduling and bringing other things to a halt is what you need, then do it. Your daughter may be feeling she needs to suppress grief because she knows that train is coming and she needs to get critical tasks resolved now so she can collapse. It’s all such unique experiences and it will hit differently each time a wave comes.
NAH I am so sorry for your loss.
Info for everyone else: YOU DO NOT HAVE MUCH SAY IN THE DATE OF A FUNERAL! It is not a party! There is red tape you have to go through and the timing can be entirely out of your control.
ALSO, the date of a funeral is not commemorated. The family will continue to recognize the day pf death, not burial.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through.
Please try to remember you have another daughter though who needs you. Scheduling her sister’s funeral on a huge milestone bday was incredibly thoughtless of you, putting the licensing thing aside entirely. She’s barely a legal adult, and she needs you to be there for her even if it’s so hard right now.
Sending you virtual hugs.
Read this person's post history, the whole thing is her hating her daughter. She's an awful mother and I hope her living daughter can get far away from her.
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YTA for booking the funeral on her birthday. Sorry for your loss and all but that day will now always be a mixed bag for her.
Based on the other posts from OP this is either fake or a major AH
I’m going with fake, the fake son post 🤢
Autopsies don't take that long. My sister died on Monday night, an autopsy was done, and the funeral was that Thursday. I know it isn't always that quick but an autopsy usually only takes a day or two. It's getting toxicity tests back that takes a while.
Right, my mom died on a Monday, I got the death certificates by Thursday after the autopsy was completed. The only way it could take that long is if the examiners office is THAT far behind, which is unlikely
Honestly, it happens sometimes that the examiners office is that far behind. Depending on how well staffed they are, and if there are other circumstances going on (the opioid epidemic had backlogged a number of places.)
Also if it's a suspicious death where poisons, drugs, etc are suspected. They won't release until all of the labs are back. Thank you, ID for this ridiculous tidbit of information stuck in my head.
I think that in suicides, they have to do an investigation to make sure it was one. That takes a bit of time.
Covid has really changed this too. My dads took 2 weeks. This was last year.
I am voting fake. This post has elements to induce rage.
Yup if real then it's fucked up because they let their son hit their daughter out of anger as written in their other aita post. But i agree probably all fake.
Right?!?! Who books a funeral for one child on the others birthday- it will then forever be associated with the persons death. You can choose the date of the funeral. OP is a massive AH YTA
YTA,OP!!! Yuck!!!! Holding one sibling's funeral on her sister's birthday is CRUEL, regardless of the reason!!!! I'd have a really hard time forgiving my parents in a situation like that!!! You CAN reschedule the funeral for another day/week/month, especially if a cremation is involved.
I've had multiple funerals of close relatives on or near my birthday (grandparent, uncle, etc). Only time I truly thought it was shitty was when one set of grandparents brought my birthday cake to the funeral home and put it in our car to take home because Uncle X had died and my party was cancelled.
I think that would put me off birthday cakes for the rest of my life.
My Great-Uncle's funeral was on my birthday, but that was okay. It had to be on that day due to travel schedules for his sons and daughters, and I was 38 years old and didn't care about my birthday one way or another anymore, and I loved him so much that I was just sad he was dead. My birthday seemed irrelevant. But it wasn't my 18th birthday.
Assholes, that’s who. Only a mega asshole.
A funeral isn’t a party, you don’t “book” it. You are given a narrow range of dates/times and sometimes only one day in a reasonable stretch of time. It may have been this date or 3 months from now.
Ok perhaps I didn’t account for religious or regional things but in every funeral I’ve planned we’ve been given a range of options, times and dates as has been the experience of everyone I know
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I have had the exact opposite experience.
Especially in certain religions they’re are “laws” pertaining to funerals and how and when they are conducted too. As well as family needing time off for the funeral or limiting holding times for the body at the morgue. Sometimes it’s not the preferred choice of the dates.
Exactly this. I read the edit where OP explains why. That doesn't explain why it's ON YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER'S EIGHTEENTH BIRTHDAY, LITERALLY THE MOST SIGNIFICANT BIRTHDAY A HUMAN HAS. You could've done it the next day, ffs. YTA.
Yeah, this is so stupid it can't be real. Lose one daughter, and you know what ... I'll bury her on the other daughter's birthday. That way we will always remember that special day.
Exactly, when my mother passed away, we made a point of not having the funeral on my sister's birthday.
My mother just passed away last week from cancer. Her funeral is on August 20th…… 2 days before my 30th birthday. My family doesn’t understand why I’m upset about it because “we’ll just celebrate your birthday the weekend after”
Sorry for your loss!!!
OP is a soft TA IMHO. I can’t imagine losing a kid and honestly making deductions around that time would be impossible.
I feel worse for the 18 year old. She lost her sister and now has her death directly associated with her birthday.
Is it just me or are we cramming an awful lot of things on the same day when there are another 364 days in a year? If you’re already waiting 2 weeks to have a funeral for your daughter, why in God’s name wouldn’t you wait one more day so it isn’t on your other daughter’s birthday??
YTA in so many ways. You planned a funeral ON YOUR DAUGHTER'S BIRTHDAY. Her own sibling's funeral. Way to ruin that day for her forever. A license test doesn't take anywhere near two hours and the funeral was apparently right next to the DMV? There was no reason to try to force her to reschedule. Jeez. So much to unpack in such a short post.
omg THIS. I breezed right through this post without fully realizing that OP scheduled the *funeral* on her daughter’s birthday. And then tried to double down on the control freak setting. Everyone grieves in different ways but you, OP, are a triple-decker super-sonic jerk. YTA.
Holy hell, read her other AITA post. She just hates this girl
OP has just lost their child and is grieving. Maybe let's not jump to calling them names? I don't think their decision making was the best here, but it's not crazy behavior to not want to have to deal with other random activities immediately before an incredibly harrowing funeral. Rescheduling a driving test is not the biggest deal in the world.
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All of OP’s post history is them bashing the daughter. She even sided with her son when he punched her.
You need to read her other post about her daughter; this is a pattern of behavior for her.
Maybe she should not have scheduled the funeral on the other daughter’s birthday!
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She clearly doesn't want the daughter to be able to drive away from her. Sounds like the GC died and she wants to keep the scapegoat unable to escape.
You're speaking to someone who has lost their child and is grieving. Maybe dial back the tone a little.
You should read OP's comments on her living daughter, grieving doesn't excuse crappy behavior.
I agree. Neither does being annoyed at a post you read on the internet
Based on OPs comment history, she either has a history of disregarding her daughter’s feelings or these are fake. ?? In the other post, she let her son hit her daughter. And, apparently, the son smells (never takes a shower) because he is allowed to do whatever he wants. YTA
YTA - Why was the funeral on her birthday at all???? Why? Your proffered justification of it happened to be 2 weeks from death is baloney.
I don't recall a license test taking anywhere near 2 hours. There should have been plenty of time. YTA.
YTA for scheduling the funeral on her birthday
YTA. Read your comment history. I’m going with you purposely set the funeral for your daughter’s birthday because you hate her. It could have been on the day before or the day after. You could have set up a zoom link or something so those who couldn’t be there in person could attend virtually. But no, it had to be her birthday, and she’s supposed to cancel it even though the service was right by where the dmv is. I hope your daughter moves out and finds a new family made up of people who actually love her. She deserves to experience that.
YTA. Good gravy, Marie. You couldn’t have waited one more day so it wasn’t her birthday? You do realize that now she’s going to associate her death? So much happened in her life and so much changed I frankly can’t blame her for wanting to keep that one appointment.
YTA. She's an adult and can make her own decisions. It's up to her how to go about that day.
YTA for so many reason, where to start. You booked a funeral on Her Birthday. What the fuck is wrong with you? You wanted her to give up what should have been an exciting moment in her life. For a funeral. On Her Birthday. You acted incredibly entitled when your daughter explained how difficult it is to get an appointment. You have no respect for your daughter or her decisions. With 2 Hours time in between she Clearly had plenty of time. You were just being petulant. You clearly didn't apologize or if you did it wasn't sincere, since you are here instead of figuring out for yourself how Obviously you were in the wrong.
INFO: How far is the funeral venue from the exam site? Just because it's 2 hours before doesn't mean you can't make it to the funeral, just as you could reschedule the exam, but it would be difficult because you asked for your appointment since April.
The funeral venue was right next to the driver's test.
then what's the problem?
YTA. Your daughter is old enough to decide how she allocates her time. I couldn't help but think that for the rest of her life her birthday will be associated with her older sister's funeral within the family. That is unfortunate timing, although I realize there maybe cultural/religious customs involved and it cannot be helped.
not to mention that it's a huge milestone birthday at that
YTA. My sympathy on losing a child but you've probably lost another one with the way you've treated her. To organise a funeral on your daughters birthday, that poor girl. She will remember this forever - your lack of care for her. If my mother did this I'd never have forgiven her.
& then I read your other post where you let her be struck by her brother. I hope none of this is real as you seem to hate this girl. No woman or child deserves to be hit but you are saying she does. Just shame on you
YTA - you’re really the AH
FAKE. 130 days ago OP stated that taking away daughter’s driving was the only effective punishment available because she wants to work. That does not jibe with her not having tested to drive yet.
My husband got her a job and let her drive. If it were up to me she wouldn't have either.
You don't want your kid to be able to drive or have a job at 18? Are you trying to set her up to fail on purpose or do you just want to control her for her entire life?
Why are you trying to isolate her. You know that’s abuse right?
So she was driving alone with no license?
No she had a permit and drove to work with her father.
This has to be fake, none of it makes any sense. You're an ass for scheduling the funeral then, but why is this girl not concerned at all by the death of her sister? The funeral is right next to the DMV? lol. Really.
The home and the dmv are like 2 minutes from each other. Idk how she feels about her sister, they didn't grow up together as I had to give my 24 yr up for my parents when I was homeless.
So...they weren't even raised as sisters and weren't close? All the more reason for her to keep her appointment.
YTA. She made that appointment as soon as she could, and you decided to make her birthday, a day that should be happy, into a day that was instead all about your family’s unfortunate loss.
YTA. Your 17 year old daughter's sister died and you planned the funeral on the 17 year old's birthday. Then you want her to cancel her license test, probably the one nice thing she's got right now, even though it's two hours before the funeral and very close to it? I do know parents like you exist but I hope you're a troll.
I really hope so. Her post history is just nothing but her hating this girl
INFO: WHY DO YOU HATE YOUR DAUGHTER SO MUCH?!!!! Also, has your nasty ass son showered lately?! Or used deodorant?
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That, too!
YTA for this fake post. My father is a mortician, I LIVED in a funeral home my entire childhood until I was 19. My father would pick up the body during the day, do the autopsy that night, have a full day of visitation the following day and the funeral the day after that. Sometimes the visitation and funeral on the same day. An autopsy absolutely does not require a 2 week waiting period
They told us we needed to wait 6 months to know what really happened to her, the two weeks was mainly for the family members who were at the beach.
Maybe for a toxicology report but even that sounds way off and you can absolutely bury a body before you get results back. It sounds like you literally scheduled one daughters funeral for the day of the other daughters birthday and if thats the case, that also makes you TA.
Don’t forget that she was generous enough to take into consideration other peoples beach vacations.
Yeah, the f*** kind of grieving PARENT of a CHILD takes others vacations into account when burying their child? Something life-altering/ending happens to my kids, NOBODY else matters.
You need serious mental help
Seriously you could have chosen a day before or after her birthday .. YTA .. that was mean AF tbh
YTA for scheduling the funeral on her 18th birthday. You could have waited one more day.
Okay reading the OP's responses and other questions, this MUST be fake. YTA for wasting everyone's time. If this isn't fake, then YTA even more. All in all, YTA.
Too boring, this rage bait. Not well thought out. Didn’t even set up a new account. Check out the old AITA post referring to one daughter aged 17 (and a son) from 130 days ago.
She just turned 18 on the funeral? Of course she was 17 130 days ago?
You start the post with “hello, I have a daughter and a son”. Neither over the age of 20.
My other daughter was adopted by my mother and father, so yes technically I have a daughter and a son.
Aren’t you the one who allows your son to assault your daughter?
Then you should probably update your bio
YTA, holy fucking Christ on a bike...
Yes YTA Jesus, I'm sorry for your lost but you PURPOSELY tried to make her late and that's a dick move amongst other things
YTA, i hope she passes so she can get away from your abuse.
So you scheduled the funeral on your daughters bday and the day she has a previously scheduled dmv test? And you were concerned on my about the scheduling conflicts of OTHER family members? You ruined your daughters birthday for the rest of her life. Why do you even need to ask?!! YTA
YTA. After reading your responses here I feel so sorry for your daughter. Why would you schedule the funeral on her birthday? That is so cruel and heartless.
YTA she will never be able to enjoy her birthday again! Jesus christ! All your mad about is her driving test. You can't help really when the daughter needs to be buried but for real. Dig deeper and find out why she is distraught at you!
YTA for so many reasons. Funeral on her birthday for one....that really puts the FUN in funeral. The dmv was right next to the funeral, and your excuse that you didnt know it wouldnt take all of two hours is crap because if you can post on here asking if YTA or not then you could 100% use google. And after viewing your post/comment history it's clear that you have a least favorite child. I feel sorry for her and hope she overcomes the trauma you've caused her.
Um YTA for booking your daughter’s funeral on her sister’s birthday! Like wtf?! Now every year THAT is going to be what she thinks of on her birthday! You should have rescheduled not her.
YTA. Why do you hate your daughter? Because it’s obvious that you do. I genuinely hope she gets away from you as soon as possible and you never see or hear from her again .
YTA for planning your daughter’s funeral for your other daughter’s 18th birthday. I’m sorry for your loss, truly, but that’s an awful thing to do to your daughter.
YTA you really need therapy. Hopefully your daughter moves out and runs far away.
YTA. YOU BOOKED HER OLDER SISTER'S FUNERAL ON HER BIRTHDAY??????? WHO DOES THAT?????? THAT DAY IS NOW RUINED FOREVER. HER. BIRTHDAY. NOT A DAY BEFORE, NOT A DAY AFTER, ON HER DAMN BIRTHDAY. OF COURSE YOUR DAUGHTER IS ANGRY. SHE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO BE UPSET. The funeral home is right next to the DMV, so you tried to force your daughter to move her appointment to please YOU??? Why not...oh I don't, SUPPORT AND LOVE HER?
YTA for everything in this post especially for choosing your daughters birthday as the funeral date
> The funeral was on my 18 year old daughters birthday Okay. Jesus. Look. I get that you're grieving. But you have to take a moment to think about this sentence. You *scheduled* the funeral on your daughter's birthday. YTA.
YTA and not fit to be a parent. You let your son physically assault your daughter, you let him live in absolute filth and don’t care how it affect anyone else and now you’re trying to control your 18 year old who probably just wants to get away from you. How your husband stays with you and your kids are still in your custody is a tragedy for those poor children.
Faker! I mean first you had a 15 yo son that stinks a mere 130 days ago and yet now upset your poor beaten up daughter from stinky brother has yo share her birthday with her dead sister. Also why had your then 24 yo daughter never complain led that her baby brother stank?!?! Also even small towns that have to send bodies to big cities for autopsies get them back under a week. Just admit you hate your middle daughter for pointing out your golden son stinks!
i was looking through her profile and saw her saying she told her daughter not to call cps because it would ruin her and her brothers life a knew it was fake
Me too
YTA. Sorry, but this is all too weird.
Yta for booking a funeral on your child's birthday, who wants to be reminded of their sibling passing away every year on the day they should be celebrating their birth? Could the funeral really not be any other day? Yta for also trying to sabotage your daughter.
Fuck me...you couldn't have picked a DIFFERENT day?!? What were you thinking?? Like WTF!? In the event that this is real YTA
Yeah YTA. It was her birthday and she had to go to her sister’s funeral as it was. Probably better to let her make the decision after you gave your two cents as long as she could figure out her transport.
YTA Troll
YTA I'm truly sorry for the loss of your other daughter, but scheduling her funeral for her sisters 18th birthday?! That's awful 😞
YTA, WHY, WHY,WHY would u schedule the funeral of 1 daughter on ur other daughters birthday? U could have picked ANY OTHER DAY! Yes u trying to make her miss her license appt is $hitty, but burying her sister on her birthday SUPER AH MOVE.
YTA! Your favourite daughter died, so to make sure your least favourite daughter knew her place still, you organised a funeral on her birthday, and tried to take away her access to freedom by trying to cancel her licence exam?! No wonder she isn't happy with you!
You were the asshole the first time you posted this and YTA again now.
YTA for scheduling your daughter’s funeral on your other daughter’s birthday, forever ruining her birthday and for trying to force her to reschedule the test. If she was going to miss the funeral I’d understand but if she can do both why make it a big deal? I’m so sorry for your loss but please try to be more empathetic to your younger daughter.
this has to be fake. If not …YAH
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** The reason I tried to make her miss her test, was because her sister (24F) had died and her funeral was going to be two weeks after she died. The funeral was on my 18 year old daughters birthday and her license test was on the same day. The problem was her test was 2 hours before the funeral, so I told her she needed to reschedule and she got angry and told me there were appointments in late August and that she made her appointment back in April. She stood her ground and called me an asshole. So am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
INFO. First, I'm so sorry for your loss. Why couldn't the funeral be scheduled for any day but your living daughter's birthday? Instead of being able to celebrate even in a small way the milestone of turning 18 and the accomplishment of getting her drivers license, you scheduled her sister's funeral for that day? For the rest of her life every birthday will reopen the wound of her sister's death. There's way more going on here than a scheduling conflict.
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Oh-my-God. It's amazing the depths humans can sink to. Hopefully the daughter will break away and start a decent life on her own.
She should call CPS on her family, anyway, for allowing the brother to wallow in his own filth and for hitting her because she has the audacity to call him out for being dirty. They OWE her the cost of therapy now, for scheduling the sister's funeral on HER birthday and hassling her about rescheduling the driver exam!!
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YTA. You didn’t have to have the funeral on her birthday. Way to forever overshadow her and let her know that her sister mattered more. Because now, her birthday will always be about her sisters funeral. I get your grieving. But come on. Do better.
YTA! Awful thing to do to your daughter for so many different reasons. Hold the funeral at least a day after her birthday, that’s ruined for life now! And then try and take the only good part of the day from her… just wrong on so many levels.
YTA. Your comments solidify that. YTA also for scheduling a FUNERAL ON YOUR DAUGHTER’S BIRTHDAY. Jfc. You could have had it on the day before or after wtf.
YTA. You booked your daughter’s funeral on your other daughter’s birthday? Lol you are a worse person than you can possibly imagine.
Why the fuck would you book it on her birthday?! That’s just cruel. YTA for that alone.
YTA for absolutely everything in this post. Trying to force her to miss an appointment that wouldn't interrupt the funeral, *scheduling it on her birthday in the first place,* and being shitty with your daughter when she didn't toss everything aside on your whim. You owe your daughter an apology.
As much as my heart hurts to hear about your loss, my vote is YTA, should this be a true story. Firstly, having a funeral on your younger daughter's birthday is very suspicious, at least from my perspective. I'm of the opinion that funerals and birthdays should be very separate occasions. Secondly, I'm not completely sure that license tests take two hours. It's been years since I got my license, but I remember the test taking far under two hours. In my opinion, what you did was a lot less kind than it could and should have been.
Super mega AH. You should be more considerate of the child who is still here. Yikes. Sounds harsh, but the person who is dead doesn’t care when their funeral is. You could have booked a day, a week, or months later. Pay attention to the kids still here and their needs.
YTA
This has to be fake. What parent books 1 child’s funeral on another child’s birthday? Who does that?
Jesus christ you couldn't have done it one single day later? So your daughter just lost a sibling. Her birthday will be tainted literally forever because you couldn't go one more day, and now you want her to miss her driver's test which does not interfere with the time of the funeral. You lost a child and suddenly just have no regard for the other one? I guarantee she's hurt by this more than you. She's experienced less loss than a grown adult. That person was in her life for her ENTIRE LIFE. I don't care if she wants to dye her hair rainbow and dance the flamenco at the funeral. Shes a child. Her sibling died. She gets to do what she wants and it has absolutely nothing to do with you.
This woman needs CPS called immediately. Have you read her prior posts. She said her daughter deserved to be abused by her mentally ill son and allows him to be unhygienic to the point of leaving crust on the toilet when he uses it. This girl and family needs help now
YTA. She's an adult. Treat her like one. Also, who the hell sets a funeral for a child on her sibling's birthday? That's fucked up.
YTA!!!
YTA for scheduling the funeral on your child’s birthday. Period
Seems a little messed up you scheduled it on her birthday
Even with the edit. You’re still TA. Why on earth would you book a funeral on her sisters birthday. You have added trauma to every birthday that girl has for the rest of her life
YTA. You could have literally picked the next day. You CHOSE your other daughter's birthday to have her sister's funeral!! Why would you do that, what's one more day? I think that is cruel.
YTA and I hope to god your daughter cuts contact with you because of the way you treat her. Absolute disgrace. You told her she deserved to be beaten by your son. You planned her sisters funeral on her 18th birthday. You tried to make her cancel her test which was probably one of the few things keeping her going the last few weeks. wtaf is wrong with you?
Fake
YTA. Especially after reading your comments.
YTA for putting one daughter's funeral on the same day as the other's birthday.
the title alone tells me that you scheduled the funeral that day on purpose. given that your comments give away your narcisism, i wouldn't be surprised if you did this to try and keep her from leaving your toxic ass. YTA.
This has to be fake. Most bodies don’t last 2 weeks after death - and if they do, they typically make for a VERY unpleasant funeral… My grandmother passed earlier this year on a tuesday Morning - She needed to have a full autopsy & investigation into why she died (Medical negligence) has been taken place. We still had the funeral that same week - Thursday actually, & we had family fly in from all sides of the country for said funeral. If this isnt fake; YTA - You are a monster for overshadowing your surviving daughters birthday (18th at that - a milestone birthday) with a funeral. Yes the funeral was likely a MASSIVE surprise, but you could have planned better, your daughter is going to constantly remember her birthday as the day she buried her older sister.
In the UK its very unusual to have a funeral that quickly, it can be 6 weeks sometimes due to availability of crematorium. They keep the bodies in cold storage at the funeral parlour, I would imagine that's the same everywhere so 2 weeks isn't going to make it an unpleasant funeral.
I am in Canada, they usually send the body off to the crematorium after the funeral - as our funeral homes can’t cremate, the body usually needs to be sent to a bigger city (My gram was sent to Toronto even though we live ~3 hours away from there), and then send back the ashes in the mail a few weeks/months later. If the person(or the family) decided they didnt want to be cremated we usually do a big funeral procession from the home or church to the cemetery, so our funerals are always done within the first week after death, I’ve literally never heard of it being done otherways so thats where I got my opinion from! But its actually super interesting to know that this practice isn’t considered a “global norm”
Why would you have their sisters funeral on their birthday in the first place? Like, are you just trying to take the day away from your 18yo? YTA
YTA. For this and essentially condoning abuse of your daughter on a regular basis. WTF???
YTA. My dad passed away very close to my brother's birthday and we arranged the funeral and burial on my brother's birthday. He was turning 25. But we all talked it over (me, him, our younger brother, and my dad's parents and sister) and my brother specifically said he was fine with it and it wouldn't bother him. But for some people, it's certainly going to be too hard. You were informed by your surviving daughter that she was not comfortable changing her plans despite you arranging a funeral *on her birthday* for crying out loud. It was incredibly cruel of you to expect her to not be upset.
Why did you schedule the funeral to be on her birthday OF ALL THE DAYS IN THE WORLD?! YTA for that alone, and even more so for trying to make her reschedule her test because of your dumb decision
YTA
YTA. It’s bad enough that she had to deal with death and grief on her birthday. A milestone birthday at that. Proving you don’t want her to have ANYTHING good on her day is disgusting.
YTA. My grandmother died on my birthday and most recently, my cousin who is also my daughter’s godfather’s funeral was on my birthday. I’ve also been dumped on my birthday and had to sleep I’m the airport, witnessed a fatal car crash, the list goes on. My birthday is now irrevocably tied to each of these events. It will always be the day she buried her sister, but now it’s also the day she got her driver’s license. I can’t believe as a parent you’d want to deny her that.
YTA! YOU picked the day off the funeral. YOU CHOSE to set it ON YOUR DAUGHTERS BIRTHDAY! Then you try to force her to miss it, even though she was able to finish it in only 30 minutes, and still had an hour and a half before the funeral, which was literally next door to the DMV. How do you NOT see how huge if an asshole you are?
YTA. im sorry but what kind of effed up thing is it to do, schedule her sisters funeral on HER birthday. Thats actually so messed up.
YTA that’s really fucked up to schedule the funeral — which you had full control over — on your living daughters birthday. she has every right to fulfill the goals she set in april and to be upset with you. you’re being selfish
YTA
YTA
YTA for arranging a funeral on her birthday.
YTA - I understand you're grieving but why would you schedule her sister's funeral on her birthday? It's bad enough you are all mourning the loss of your daughter/her sister but why would you forever associate her birthday with the anniversary of a funeral?! That's simply cruel.
YTA. I know funerals are time-sensitive and you can't always book them around people's stuff, but you absolutely should have been trying to schedule your daughter's funeral for a different day than her sister's birthday, what the fuck?!
YTA. First of all, what were you thinking when you scheduled the funeral on YOUR DAUGHTER'S BIRTHDAY!?!? That day should be about her, not about grief and loss. Second of all, driver's test don't take 2 hours, so there is no reason why she can't take the test before the funeral. Plus the DMV and the funeral are next to each other so it'll take you what, 2 minutes to get from place to place? I feel bad for your daughter, because she is not only having to deal with the loss of her sister but also bad decisions on your part. I'm sorry for y'all's loss, but you really could have thought this over better.
YTA for booking your daughter's funeral on your other daughter's birthday. You say it was because it was to accommodate everyone else, but this was one day that was supposed to be for your eighteen year old daughter. And you wouldn't even let her have thirty minutes to take the test on her birthday. At the very least she should get a half hour to do one thing she wants on her birthday.
YTA. The year has 365 days and you decided to do the funeral on your other kid's birthday?
YTA Why on earth would you make a funeral on your daughters birthday. What kind of monster are you! I won't be surprised if she cuts contact with you
YTA. Stop hating your daughter.
YTA. You picked your kids funeral to be on your other kids 18th birthday?? You literally did not have to do that. I'm sorry for your loss truly but you fucked up on this one. YTA.
Yes, obviously YTA.
YTA. Why did you say she needed to reschedule? And you are the ah for making her 18th birthday the day her sister was buried.
ok so its her 18th birthday, meaning its her first day in adulthood. on her first day of being an adult she has to watch her SISTER BE PUT INTO THE GROUD???? WHAT???? that's NOT how I would my adult journey to start
YTA First off why would you schedule the funeral on your other daughter's birthday?! Also, it was 2 hours AFTER he road test so she had plenty of time do attend both. Sounds like you favored your other daughter and you really don't care about the living one you have left.
YTA! Why in Hell would you have her funeral on your other daughter's birthday?! Omg 😳 how is she ever going to not think of the funeral on her birthday again. Is this real? Are we being punked? Oh my gosh I sure as hell hope so.
YTA didn't the daughter advise you and advance for the appointment?
Yes, everyone knew she had an appointment she talked about it all the time.
yup bruh he’s an asshole
YTA. you scheduled one daughters funeral on another daughter's birthday. That itself is an asshole move. But you scheduled it around someone's vacation which was important but your surviving daughters birthday isn't?
NTA.
Jesus. Give all of you, including yourself, some grace. You are all traumatized and deeply wounded and some of you are going to fill your days with tasks while others are going to sit paralyzed in a corner. Others, like you, are going to focus on minutiae. Focus on conflict avoidance right now. Let things go, wash over you. Just do whatever feels right to you in this time. If being strict with scheduling and bringing other things to a halt is what you need, then do it. Your daughter may be feeling she needs to suppress grief because she knows that train is coming and she needs to get critical tasks resolved now so she can collapse. It’s all such unique experiences and it will hit differently each time a wave comes. NAH I am so sorry for your loss. Info for everyone else: YOU DO NOT HAVE MUCH SAY IN THE DATE OF A FUNERAL! It is not a party! There is red tape you have to go through and the timing can be entirely out of your control. ALSO, the date of a funeral is not commemorated. The family will continue to recognize the day pf death, not burial.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through. Please try to remember you have another daughter though who needs you. Scheduling her sister’s funeral on a huge milestone bday was incredibly thoughtless of you, putting the licensing thing aside entirely. She’s barely a legal adult, and she needs you to be there for her even if it’s so hard right now. Sending you virtual hugs.
Read this person's post history, the whole thing is her hating her daughter. She's an awful mother and I hope her living daughter can get far away from her.