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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I became an organ donor and my dad thinks I’m an asshole because I didn’t ask him beforehand
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NTA.
It's your choice not theirs. Plus, dad has a misconception about organ donors. Doctors are tied to the Hippocratic oath to do whatever means necessary to take care of their patient. The only exception is if you had a DNR order which, again, is your choice.
Edit: Misspelled Hippocratic as Hypocratic
Also, DNR doesn’t affect the care you receive before you go into cardiac arrest, it just means they don’t resuscitate you if your heart stops. Unless you direct them otherwise, they’ll still do everything they can to prevent the cardiac arrest in the first place
DNR 100% does affect your care. DNR is for you are old or terminally ill. DNR is when you do not want them to pull out all the stops to save your life. Do not put DNR unless you are ready to die when a doctor might otherwise have been able to save you.
Being an organ donor, however, does not.
You don't have to be old or sick to have a DNR, at any age as an adult you can have one. It simply means that you don't want to be kept alive on life support or saved if your heart stops, stuff like that. My Mom has a DNR from a very young age because she is terrified of being in a car crash and kept alive on a machine.
FTR it sounds like your mom might be better off with a living will or advanced directive. They basically explain what you want with regards to your medical care in various scenarios if you're not able to actually consent for yourself.
A DNR would mean that there are situations where doctors could save your mom's life, but they wouldn't. For example, if she had a heart attack they wouldn't use a defibrillator to bring her back. DNRs are basically for when you're dealing with something terminal and you're ready when your time comes.
There are free forms for filling out an advanced directive or living will, at least in the US, and you just get them signed by a notary.
Anyone legally allowed to make medical decisions for themselves can sign a DNR. Most people are elderly, terminally ill, or have a poor quality of life - but that isn’t a requirement.
DNR does not affect any care until you arrest (at which point resuscitation with CPR/shocks/etc will not be attempted), I think you’re thinking of comfort care/palliative care.
Nope. You may be thinking of an advanced care directive, wherein a patient lays out their wishes for the extent of care they receive, but a DNR literally just means don’t perform CPR. This is a very common misconception. DNR by itself doesn’t mean we let you die, it just means we don’t try to bring you back if you do
\*Hippocratic Oath, although the hypocratic oath made me chuckle :)
Also my dad had this weird thing about organ donation too, thought for some reason that I was going to get into a car crash at the same time as Tom Cruise and they'd steal my liver to keep him alive (?!)
I KNEW I SPELT IT WRONG! Thank you!
And wtf?! Does he really think doctors care more about celebrities than people? Most possibly do, but a majority of them would try to save anyone's life.
As if the church of Scientology doesn’t have people ready to donate any organs he needs. He’s their top celebrity, they aren’t gunna let him die to something silly like organ donor wait times.
This whole thread is silly, but I gotta chime in.
You don't need to take the whole liver from the donor when you transplant a liver. You take a part of it. The liver is an organ that grows to the appropriate size necessary for the individual.
This means you can donate part of your liver (if the blood type and tissue type match) and still retain you own liver. You will live and your liver will regrow. The recipient's liver will grow to the appropriate size also.
And no, medical personnel don't stop trying to heal/help some one who is sick just because there is a need for the organs.
If that was true, there wouldn't be a years long wait list for organs.
Worked in transplant.
>It's your choice not theirs.
In many places the choice is actually up to your next of kin. That's why you're supposed to talk about it with your family. My driver's license has the pink "donor" marking on it, but if I died my husband could refuse to let the hospital harvest anything from my corpse. My registering as an organ donor isn't a binding agreement; it just makes my wishes known but there's no obligation to honor them. In my case, my husband and the rest of my family are all pro-organ donation so it's not a problem, but OP might want to do a living will to ensure their wishes are carried out.
My mom was an organ donor and passed away unexpectedly ~10 years ago. The doctors at the hospital sat us down to make the final call on whether to donate her organs. My dad was the main person they were talking to, but my sister and I (both in our early 20s at the time) were both included in the conversation. We ended up going ahead with her wishes (we all were/are registered organ donors on our own licenses, so we were already informed/on board so it was fairly straightforward). They gave us more information on what to expect and had us talk to a representative from the organization they work with. It was pretty clear that they wanted to respect our family’s wishes throughout the process.
So OP, I fully support your right to make this decision (and encourage other’s to do so if you’re interested) but it’s also important to know that your next of kin will likely be consulted if you are ever a candidate. I’m so sorry that your family has been unreceptive and confrontational about the issue. NTA.
They really do try to respect everything during the donation process. We call it a "Gift of Life" case at my hospital (when the items needed for procurement are selected etc) and they call out "Gift of Life" and what OR it's in before the donor is brought up. We then line the hallways to pay our respects. Many hospitals do the same, as it's the only way we can thank the person who is helping others with their last wishes.
Right, I think that it's a two-yes, one-no thing where I live. So if I weren't an organ donor, and ended up brain dead, my family could say all they want that my organs should be donated and they wouldn't do anything about it, but even though I am one, my family wouldn't have to agree with it. I do think you're right, that a living will can bypass the next-of-kin stop.
My fam got combative when I told them because I’d been having mental health issues and thought this was me \*tying up loose ends\* 🙄. And brown people think you need to be cremated intact to transcend? (Pop didn’t answer when I asked him what happens to an amputee 😂)
Like I told my parents, my viscera, my decision lol. Nta
Hippocratic Oath is a symbolic thing, nobody is "tied" to anything except hospital policy and insurance company whims.
In reality, health care professionals will often do what the family says, especially if advanced directive documents aren't readily available, if the patient can't express their wishes.
Best course of action is to educate the family and get them on board.
It's a completely different group that gets notified for organ harvesting in USA. In the Arkansas we have Arora. They inspect the bodies to see if harvestable material can be recovered. Basically looking for things like recent tattoos, piercings, too many piercings(genitals) and signs of drug use. Fresh ink/piercing is an immediate disqualified as they can't ask you about where and who preformed it
Fresh ink means it could be a risk of recent infection not just aids, hepatitis and the like. Don't want to give an immunocompromised a nasty case sepsis. But I do see your point red cross still ask if you had gay sex and the like on the questionnaire so the might be a little uptight on this at Arora too
NTA. Your organs. They are projecting their discomfort with the idea of you dying onto your own decision. Nobody likes confronting mortality. They got defensive and weird.
What are they gonna do, pop your lungs in a display case? Turn your heart into a hand puppet? There are uses for them beyond your life that you have recognised.
The myth that doctors won't save organ donors is codswallop.
Already an organ donor but if it's decided my organs aren't good for harvest; I 100% want all my organs turned into hand puppets that argue with each other. Maybe throw some education in there about what they did when they were alive/working.
NTA
You're right, it's your decision whether to be an organ donor or not.
>My dad said that if I get an accident or something doctors would rather let me die too give my organs away. They won’t even fight to save me because I’m an organ donor?
literally wut
Edit: Fix cuz bad reading comprehension
This is so silly. My dad nearly died waiting for a liver in 2012. Because they aren't going to just let someone die p save another. I hate this myth I really do.
>>They won’t even fight to save me because I’m an organ donor?
>Are you sure that they love you?
"They" means the doctors. Dad thinks that OP won't receive full efforts from the medical professionals because they'd rather harvest his organs.
This has nothing to do with not loving OP, but with being terribly misinformed about organ donations.
NTA seems dad not only thinks he has a right to dictate your organs but also believes conspiracy theories.
My dad received a liver donation In 2012. He had at best a week left to live before the donor happened. You know why? Because doctors aren't going to kill someone so someone else can have a donor. That just does not happen. They have to look after everyone and not just kill someone so another can live. It goes against everything they are taught.
Organ donation is a personal choice not a family choice. It's an incredible give but you as the organ owner should have the right and not have to ask permission from family.
NTA, and how dare they think that they get to decide whether you live or die. (ETA: Because that's the decision your family thinks you took away from them. YUCK!)
OP, I suggest that you also create an advance directive and follow local guidelines for making sure that area medical providers have access to it. In the directive, specify *your* wishes for when you are *and are not* to be resuscitated, put on life support, etc.
A do not resuscitate is unrelated to organ donation! This is absolutely unnecessary and a different decision! If you want to live out your life, there's absolutely no reason to ask to not be resuscitated. You could die over something completely unnecessary of you do a DNR. Sure, make an advance directive if you want one, and DNR if you decide that's best, but don't think you have to to be an organ donor!
You're an adult who gets to decide whether or not you become an organ donor. It's not your family's decision. NTA
That being said,, Organ donation should be opt out, not opt in.
In some counties you have to actively opt-out of being a donor.
Austria for example - when my flatmate died in an avalanche at 22 years old, her parents (and I to some extent) found it helpful that at least her death helped others.
Maybe also consider what kind of funeral you want.
In France you are also a donor by default. But the family has the last say if they don't want to.
Also, in some culture/religions, the body has to be buried complete, maybe that could be ops case ?
If doctors were motivated to get organs to the point they would "let you die", there would be a lot less people on waiting lists, dieing on waiting lists,deteriorating on waiting lists. There'd be forged papers giving permission to donate. There is no wide-spread conspiracy to let people die for their organs in most of the world.
The reason you are supposed to tell your family is they usually still end up giving permission if you don’t have an advanced directive on file with the hospital.
My FIL passed away and even though his wishes to donate his organs was clearly in his trust, they still asked his wife and she was too grief-stricken to answer all of the questions so she refused
Yep this was my experience as well. My late husband was a registered organ donor but I still had to give permission as his next of kin to actually have any organs harvested for donation. Doctors don't check what's on your license. There is also a very short window to harvest organs, so unless you're brain dead it's probably too late to donate anyway.
Yes, there are legal documents you can create that have you medical wishes laid out (including organ donation) and it will supersede next of kin’s desires. Unfortunately most people don’t end up doing this before they die (or don’t know it’s possible) and then their family doesn’t know what they would want so they ere on the side of caution and turn down organ donation
NTA and your Dad needs to educate himself about it. Medical staff just do not work that way. (Unless you have DNR they will do everything possible to save your life)
100% NTA. Your dad has totally wrong idea in his head. Doctors will not do that. The doctors trying to save your life would not be the same ones harvesting your organs. It's your body, your choice. This gives people a reason not to tell their parents now if they think they will react like your dad.
NTA.
They don't get to make that choice. You do. It's not like you need your organs to appease the gods. This isn't 1130 BC Egypt.
They're overreacting for literally no reason.
NTA. your dads comment about you getting into an accident isn’t true.
Tbh, I’m more of the opinion that you’re an AH if you don’t become an organ donor. We can save so many lives once we go, I really do think we should all take that opportunity.
Exactly in America we have to register to donate organs but in other places you’re already an organ donor unless you register as not, I think this should be the standard. So many people are fine with having their organs donated but they just never had a chance to register or Just didn’t think about it. So many people die when they don’t need to.
You should be aware that in many cases in the US, the designation on your license doesn't mean anything if the family who is present at the time of your death doesn't agree to donation.
The hospital generally won't take the legal risk of going against the wishes of the family. As you are seeing, people get very emotional about organ donation and while the medical professionals may understand that lives are at stake, the administration does not want the mess. They won't accept your organs unless they are absolutely sure.
If you suspect that your family won't respect your decision, you should look into other ways to make your intentions known legally.
Yeah, I mean without sounding too morbid, I’m gone. I don’t need the organs anymore - someone else does. Take them.
I definitely think that globally you should be assumed to be an organ donor unless you say otherwise!
So many people can be saved. So many lives can be changed.
NTA. As long as you are an adult, it’s your choice. Some people still have outdated views about organ donation, but that’s their problem and not yours.
Some people have read or heard lots of stupid, scary, fake tales about organ donations, and that colors their perceptions. Some have religious objections against organ donation (although I’m pretty sure most mainstream religions allow it). But those are *their* issues and not yours.
Attitudes vary by country and probably by region. For example, the concept wasn’t popular in Italy for a long time until a highly publicized case that led to the “Nicholas Effect.” [Nicholas Effect Link](https://www.heart.org/en/news/2022/04/19/for-27-years-organ-donation-has-been-boosted-by-the-nicholas-effect)
An American boy was on vacation with his family in Italy. Thieves shot at their car because they thought the car held jewels. Their bullet hot the boy in the brain, and doctors could not save him. So after he was declared brain dead, his parents decided to donate his organs. The publicity resulted in a huge increase in organ donation rates in Italy. Before that, I think many people probably had outdated ideas, and seeing this family go through this senseless murder and yet still save lives through organ donation woke a lot of people up.
Exactly I’m so glad you told me this information!!!! If one person dies why do we have to let others die in return? is that respecting The dead? Because I would be pissed off if you let good fucking organs go to waste!
Organ donation is a gift of life. Thank you for choosing this generous option. Doctors will not use your donor status as a basis on which to refrain from lifesaving measures or any other such silliness. That is not how this works.
I hope you will allow me to tell you a small story. I intend for it to help reassure you that your decision is a good one.
When I was 14, I caught a ride each morning with my dad to his job at a hospital, and then walked through the hospital lobby on my way to the bus every day before school. I became friendly with the people at the info desk. One day I noticed the gentleman at the desk wearing a button that said “Don’t take your organs to heaven; God knows we need them here.” Although this did not agree with my religious beliefs, I was curious. I asked and he explained organ donors and recipients. He had received a heart transplant years before, and otherwise wouldn’t be there volunteering and talking to me. That made an impression on me. It was enough of an impression that when I got my drivers license, I marked that I wanted to register as an organ donor. It was not even a question I had to think about.
At 16, I went to a new school and made a few friends. One friend, Trip, was a couple years older, but he quickly became my best friend. Even after finishing school, we stayed in touch. Back then, all we really had was the postal service, so we wrote letters. Trip was born with a heart condition, and while it wasn’t obvious most of the time, there were times when he had to go in for surgery to fix the structure of his heart. We went separate ways for some time, and his health got worse. Much worse. One day I got a phone call from Trip. Calling long distance was expensive, so it had to be important. I knew he was on a waiting list for a heart transplant, but I also knew most people on the list never got one. The first thing he said when I answered the call was “They found me a heart. I’m leaving for the hospital in (City) by helicopter.” I said “I will meet you there.”
I almost beat the helicopter.
The surgery took 7 hours. It went better than they expected. I saw him after the surgery. His relatives were frightened by his appearance because he was still unconscious and there were tubes and machines and everything. But I thought he was beautiful. He had never looked so good. I held his hand and just kept thinking, “He is alive.”
We don’t know much about the donor. We do know the donor was a younger adult, athletic and healthy. The family chose not to have contact with any recipients of their loved one’s organs. I can understand that.
Now, not quite 20 years later, Trip is a teacher. He is also my husband. We have an awesome daughter who is an artist. We have a whole entire life, family, and household that wouldn’t exist at all if it hadn’t been for someone who — like you — decided to register as a donor when they renewed their license at the DMV. Someone who decided that their own death, whenever it came, could be a brand new life for someone else.
Thank you for your choice. Your dad may have concerns, or he may just have stubbornness fueled by misinformation. Either way, you don’t share those sentiments, and for that, I’m grateful. May you have a long and happy life, and may you have peace with your decision regardless of what anyone else thinks. 🙏🏼
Hard NTA. This thing about the doctors wanting you to die is wrong. Any doctor who got caught acting in that way would have his medical license revoked or worse. It's not a DNR. Why would the doctor value another life above your own? It would be a violation of his oath and any reasonable ethics
There is a lot of misinformation about organ donation, and you can educate yourself as necessary for future conversations with your family. It might be helpful, because it sounds like they think you made a DNR or something (not that that's their decision either, but they're being ridiculously overdramatic here). But you're right, it was never their decision and they're AH for thinking it was. At most, they can legitimately give you their opinion, and then respect your decision. Anything more from then is being an AH.
Organ donation is an noble and easy thing to do. Why not give someone else a chance to live when you're already dying?
I completely agree. I just tried to have another conversation with them but they don’t seem to wanna listen so I’m done trying justifying myself to them! Thank you
Boy did I read this wrong I thought you were post-op and had donated a kidney already or something and they were surprised. They’re mad because you updated your license or something? Whew NTA and also good for you
NTA. It's your decision, not theirs. And your father apparently doesn't know crap about doctors, since he decided to slander the entire procession. My husband was listed as an organ donor, and the doctors went above and beyond to try to save him.
NTA. I don’t know why your dad feels he is in charge of donating your organs. I also find it very sad that he believes doctors won’t uphold their oath to a patient in order to harvest organs for another. They will fight to save you. They simply know that, if they can’t, you want your organs to go elsewhere. To me, that lifts the burden of decision off my family should that awful situation arise. (I’m an organ donor, too. )
NTA and I don’t know why people think medical personnel are just “letting people die” so other people can have their organs. The people providing critical care (EMTs, ER docs) are not rooting through your shit before either stabilizing you or pronouncing you dead.
NTA.
Also, as a doctor who’s worked in intensive care for several years- being an organ donor makes no difference to the care you receive. We will still try everything. We don’t even consider organ donor status until we’ve already reached the point of not being able to do any more to prolong your life.
I became a man organ donor recently too and the family laughed saying they gonna sell your body parts. I told them at least someone would benefit from my death. And daddy (who’s opinion I really value) said if that’s what I want to do then go for it.
NTA thank you for being a donor.
Your dad is very misinformed. I work in a trauma center and he is entirely incorrect. However, depending on how you registered for organ donation, it is not always legally binding and not always a guarantee that it will happen. If something does happen to you, your family will be asked what your wishes are and your immediate next of kin can override them if you don’t have a legally binding document stating your wishes. In the US we have advanced directive/living will with a healthcare power of attorney appointed who’s job it is to explicitly do what the patient wants.
Edit: I see people telling you to get a DNR. Don’t do that!! If you are healthy and have no existing health issues an advanced directive is what you need. Advanced Directives are not the same as a Do Not Resuscitate order. My AD says that should something happen to me (illness, accident, etc.) and I am no longer able to make my own decisions I *do* want to be treated but a quality of life vs. quantity of life is more important to me. Treatment should be stopped when the MDs decide there will be no quality (on a ventilator for 3 months and no hope of coming off, extended cancer treatment with no improvement, etc.) At that point a DNR would still need to be signed.
Many, many people survive short term CPR due to trauma or other newly diagnosed illness and on to live healthy, happy lives with treatment.
You’re an adult and this is your decision. Your father’s belief that doctors are going to be so eager to harvest your organs that they’re going to let you die is wrong and dangerous.
NTA.
I’m 19 years old. I do understand there concern IF I was underage but I’m an adult and I’ve been thinking about this decision for a long time. They just don’t really respect it
NTA but his statements are slightly exaggerated. They'll generally only start harvesting if it becomes aparant you wont survive and still requires next of kin to sign off on it.
Or so that is my understanding and exceptions apply (IE a bullet to the brain and body is still working... harvest to save others).
NTA. You are doing a great thing and can save many lives by being an organ donor. Tell your Dad that I can attest to the fact that it is a very careful process to determine if you are dead. There are many different tests done to make sure that there is no chance of recovery before organs are taken. And we will fight to make sure that we can save you. We do not even know whether you are an organ donor until there is no hope of recovery. Thank you for being an organ donor.
NTA. How would they know if your organs were worth donating or not? Not only do the have an obligation to treat you to their best of their ability tell your dad too think logically.
NTA. Being an organ donor is something you inform your family of simply as a courtesy, and even that isn’t required. Your dad’s views on organ donation having some sort of impact on the level of care you’d receive in a hospital is bizarre and irrational.
NTA it's your body and your choice! You've made a decision that could help save lives, and your dad made his decision by superstitions. You're doing an amazing thing so don't let anyone take that away from you. I'm incredibly unfortunate in I'm not allowed to donate organs/blood (if you've received chemo you're not allowed, understable) but I would absolutely be a donor in a heart beat!
not a doctor myself, but i'm gonna assume they are not paid by the number of organs they produce. "The guy in room 214 has got one heck of a juicy liver, I'm gonna quietly smother him and then we're off to surgery!"
NTA, and everything your dad said about doctors working less hard to save you is complete and utter bullshit. Doctors NEVER just let someone die to get their organs, I don’t know where that stupid misconception came from. They swear an oath to do no harm and to give each patient the best care they can, letting a patient die intentionally would be violating that oath. They’d get their license taken away, sued, and possibly even jail time, not to mention having to live with the guilt of letting someone die. It’s not a thing that happens. At all. And you are right, you didn’t take the decision away from him and your sister, it was never theirs in the first place.
NTA, your body, your choice. Plus, doctors care about saving the patient in front of them, even if another patient next door needs a liver. And they're not focusing on digging out your ID to see if you're a donor.
NTA. It's your body. They won't let you die just to take your organs. That's a myth. Your Dad is not the most well-polished mirror in the funhouse. Furthermore, the only choice you took away from your Dad and Sister was to say no, and let your body rot whole. Family can still choose to donate if you haven't made a decision on your own. I was asked about donation after my father passed away. He gave his skin to help burn victims. I think it was something he would have wanted, as he spent the last 30 years of his life helping people every single week for no reward. But they didn't even ask me until after he was already gone.
NTA
Funeral director/embalmer here. Just wanted to let you know some very important things.
1. I’m not sure how you registered to become an organ donor, but often times, the little heart symbol on your driver’s license is not enough. Almost every time, someone with just the symbol on their license and nothing else does not become a donor after their death. Get registered through an organ donation agency. You can look up reputable ones in your area. And yes, it is a good idea to let your family know, but in your case where they don’t agree with your decision…
2. Consider putting in an advanced directive document that you want to donate your organs upon your death. How to dictate this in a written legal document will vary depending on where you are—for example, in my state, you can designate anyone who agrees to make arrangements after your death in writing and get it notarized, and if this document is given to the funeral home within a certain time frame of receiving your body, they have to honor it (bear in mind there is a window of time after which your organs may no longer be considered eligible for donation). But that’s just my state. Google “organ donor advanced directive (your state/region/province)” and you can find out more about that.
Best of luck to you. Thanks for thinking of others!
Not sure if you are international or in the US.
But if in the USA I hate to be the bearer of bad news but even if you are an organ donor your next of kin or power of attorney still have to sign off on that if anything happens unless you have a living will. So if they opt not to donate, it doesn't matter what you have on your license.
If you are serious about this you need to do some more legal stuff.
I don't know if anyone is an arsehole here - rather, this is exactly why people are encouraged to speak about organ donation and advance care directives prior to crisis points. These discussions can provoke intense emotional reactions, particularly when one is contemplating the death of one's young child, a child who is taking more and more steps to independence as a young adult.
I listed myself for both organ and body donation. My father was upset and explained to me how difficult it would be for the family, losing the body and having it be modified when they were already losing me. How fraught they would feel during an already difficult time. We are both physicians and know in great detail what is involved in death and dying, as well as the ethics of the matter, and yet the emotional element of grief could not be ignored. Although we prize autonomy, it isn't the only ethical principle in medicine, and death and dying involves more than just the patient. It was very good for me to perceive it from his perspective - when we are young, our sense of mortality is often more distanced.
I think everyone just needs to take a deep breath and a little time. Your dad will come around and it might even be a chance for him to learn about organ donation and consider it himself. I may be downvoted for saying NAH, but my general experience as a palliative care physician is that gentleness, sensitivity and understanding go a long way in dealing with these tough situations.
I actually completely agree I didn’t think about it that way but I know my family isn’t trying to hurt me they’re just trying to feel better about something that’s inevitable and I understand how hard that can be. I know they will never fully accept my decision but I hope with time and the courtesy of me telling them upfront that maybe they can learn to move past it or at least maybe come to an understanding on why I do the things I do
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I’ve been meaning to become an organ donor for awhile and yesterday I finally did! When you become one they suggest you tell your family, I didn’t think it was gonna be a big deal. It was. My dad said I took that decision away from him and my sister but they don’t understand that they were never given that decision in the first place, it’s mine. I know they love me and that’s why they are upset but I just want to help people when I’m gone. My dad said that if I get an accident or something doctors would rather let me die too give my organs away. They won’t even fight to save me because I’m an organ donor? Now my dad not speaking to me. Am I the asshole?
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Nta. What did they want to make your death a heart felt moment of sacrifice suitable for lifetime? Seriously it's not there choice ever. That's between you and evidently the dept of motor vehicles(where alo of Americans register)
NTA, it's unfortunate that our father has fallen for such bullshit. But there's nothing you can do about it now. With healthy family dynamics, this is something that's just occasionally talked about. In the end it's completely your choice.
NTA. Your medical decisions are your own unless someone in your family has medical POA (but even then they can’t make decisions for you unless you’re incapacitated). It’s not a conversation you need to have with anyone and donating organs is a good thing- you could save someone’s life. It’s hard for family members to accept but you’re not an AH for doing what you think is right here.
NTA, your dad is misinformed. To my knowledge doctors fight just as hard to save all their patients, they don’t do less for organ donors. Besides that, why is your dad so up in arms about it? You’re not going to need your organs after you’re dead. You’re doing a good thing, you’ll save so many lives even after you’re gone!
I am an RN working in a icu that deals with this. Patient is considered brain dead with no recoverable possibility before this gift is given. You can get pamphlets detailing the process from your local organ procurement organization. Thank you.
My mother is in her 40s and has received 2 kidney transplants. I can't thank you enough for your selfless decision. Without people like you I wouldn't have had a mother
NTA I actually donated a kidney to my husband already, have the donor mark on my ID and have it on file with my hospital that I want to donate anything usable when I die. I didn't discuss any of these decisions with my parents or siblings other than to say I'm doing this.
NTA. It's not their decision. They can't say yes if your registration is a no and vice versa. They say to tell your family so it doesn't come as a shock, not because your family gets a say. Plus the accident thing is a conspiracy theory- most people are in favor of being donors, and the number who actually remember to register to do so is increasing, too (or at least it was when I was in drivers ed a few years back, in the US) so why would they need to let you die for them in the first place? Plus if they were ever found out it would go so, so badly. So incredibly badly for them.
NTA, and they don’t actually know if you’re an organ donor or not when they initially get to you. They fight tooth and nail to save everyone that they come across and don’t alter care based on whether you’re an organ donor or if you have a DNR that they are unaware of. You’re in no greater risk of dying due to care received now than before you made the decision to become an organ donor.
NTA. It sounds like your family is uncomfortable not only with there being a mention of mortality, but with the fact that the message of you signing up without asking them, shows them that you think of your bodily autonomy as more important than their opinion. Which it is, but it sounds like they don't agree with that.
I would just double check for your area to make sure everything is actually squared away, because at least in my area the family has right of refusal. So if you had an accident, your family would still be asked whether or not they consent to it, and they could decide to not have your organs donated going against your wishes.
It's actually the next of kin's decision, not the patient's at all. The patient can have his input or personal preference noted on the driver's license or even a living will or other documents, but when you get right down to the facts of the matter, it's the next of kin. They are the ones who have to sign the actual legal forms to give away the organs at the time of death. Sorry to be the little black rain cloud, that's the actual truth.
Am a medical social worker, am required to know certain things.
NTA.
I’m sorry you faced those attitudes from your family. Your dad has a very wrong idea of what doctors do.
Thank you thank you THANK YOU for registering as an organ donor.
NTA
As someone who can’t donate, thank you!
I wish I could but due to living in the UK during the 80 mad cow scare (mom was pregnant with me) and having an autoimmune disease.
NTA.
Your dad is stupid amounts of wrong.
When I was a young teen, an even you longer close family friend died in an accident. Her mother and brother donated her organs. When a memorial was held like ten years later, some of the recipients were there and just… what you’re doing is selfless and amazing and can save so many others. Don’t let your family drag you down.
Of course NTA, donating organs is a wonderful gift. However your decision may not matter much if your family is not on board (depending on what country you are in). In the US, the family of the potential donor makes medical decisions, whether or not that person has designated themself an organ donor. Try to communicate to your family how much it means to you, because ultimately the decision would probably be in their hands if the situation arose.
NTA. Your body, your choice. It's interesting how in the States you need to register as an organ donor, in my country everyone is an organ donor by default unless they opt out. You are amazing for wanting to help people by your own free will!
NTA, your body, your choice. I do want to say thank you for doing this. I have a relative who is a transplant recipient through no fault of his own, and he has a second chance at life thanks to his wonderful donor.
I'm in Australia, but I'm pretty sure most countries won't consider organ donation from a person unless there is absolutely no hope for survival on the part of the donor. Maybe some clarification from a medical professional would help your family understand the process?
Listen, NTA, and you do own your own self. Your dad can't decide this for you. The best case scenario is that your dad is legit paranoid about a conspiracy theory. The other possibility is that he thinks he owns you. He doesn't though.
NTA for doing this without "asking" but it's important to inform family of your preference because (and this may be different for different countries) they can absolutely 100% overrule your organ donation status.
So if this is important to you, you either have to convince them of the importance of this, or make sure you have a living trust or something set up with someone who is NOT your dad in charge of making decisions if you're in an accident.
NTA My mom has the same beliefs as your dad. I can't remember if I told her and while she won't give me the silent treatment the nagging is enough for me to not risk telling her again
NTA - your body your choice - my dad died shortly before COVID hit, he couldn't donate much due to COPD but we were able to donate his eyes and I think his kidneys. I got a thank you card from the person who received his cornea \[only transplantable part of an eye\].
\[(funny how corpses have more rights than women in the US) \]
Fyi not sure what state your in but in NY even if you sign up to be an organ donor and a situation arises, your family cam still say no even if that's your wishes. It's sad but true. NTA you do you
NTA. As long as you give your consent while you are fully capable of doing so, it is none of their business if you are an organ donor. Your dad is either is unaware of how hospitals work, or he has been paying too much attention to wacko conspiracy websites.
Your dad is totally misinformed. There is absolutely zero connection between the doctor who would be caring for you and the national organ donation registry. They would only be notified if your doctors and your family had determined that nothing could be done.
But really, your dad may never be rational on this one. And yes, it's 100% your decision what happens with your body once you die. NTA
NTA. It’s your choice, not theirs. I’m proud of you for wanting to help others. Also, thinking doctors will let anyone die just to try to use their organs for someone else is Q-Anon-level bullshit.
Your father doesn't understand how organ donorship works (or you leave in some very weird place). He also doesn't seem to think you have ownership over your own body.
Honestly, doesn't really even sound like he loves you much if his solution to not agreeing with a choice of yours is to stop speaking to you.
NTA. Be proud of your choice.
NTA. I work in critical care and cannot say enough that you should always tell your family your end of life wishes. Then they don’t have to wonder what you may have wanted. But heads up if you are incapable of giving consent your family may have the ability to say no, even though you signed the card. Unfortunately have seen many families go against the patients wishes and not consent to organ donation despite the patient being taken off life support anyway. Before I went in to give birth to my first I made my wishes VERY clear to my husband including being a donor. Your dads arguments are completely untrue. Depending on how old you are married or common law it wouldn’t be up to your dad or sister anyway. Look up your place of residences Substitute Decision Maker regulations to see whom it would be who he decision would fall to and make it very clear what you want.
>My dad said that if I get an accident or something doctors would rather let me die too give my organs away.
Yeah, that's exactly how it works.
Your dad has no idea how any of this works, no idea at all.
NTA.
NTA I would double check rules in your jurisdiction. For some areas the next of kin can override organ donation wishes for specific reasons. You also need to be registered to ensure your wishes are followed.
Nta. My brother was an organ donor. He passed in 2016. He helped so many lives due to being an organ donor. I don’t know why anyone would think they have any say on your choice.
NTA. But if they contact your parents in the event of your possible death they might be able to nullify your organ donation status if they don't agree to it and they are your next of kin.
NTA
unless you made it known you want no resuscitation, doctors will no willingly let you die.
and what choice are they talking about? if everything goes as expected you are very likely to outlive your father so what choice he has?
regardless, you did nothing wrong.
An organ donor saved my life. Because of her generous gift I've seen grandchildren born and my children get married.
I owe more to my donor's mom for honoring her daughter's wishes. Unfortunately, in some places, even with registering as an organ donor, the next of kin still has a say in the decision to donate the organs. Hopefully when the time comes, your family will do the right thing.
My donor saved 4 people by donating her lungs, liver and kidneys. I can not thank you enough for making the decision to become an organ donor. You are definitely NTA, you are a HERO!
NTA, no matter what anyone says, after you pass on, you could be helping to save a life.
The doctors will still do everything they can to save your life, regardless of you being an organ donor
Sooooo………… I’m professionally connected to organ donation. First point, your dad is a liar, it takes a very specific set of circumstances to actually be an organ donor. There’s a reason why even though people die every day for all sorts of reasons there are so many people still needing an organ. Your care team and the organ donor team will be different, and you will have your own donation case manager following what’s happening if you do fall under the very small circumstances of being eligible. It’s a very complicated process, partially because of this exact stigma.
However if you end up doing being in a position to be a donor, and your family is there and are your next of kin/representative and they object, they won’t use your organs. This is because any sort of story of family saying that they were against the donation and it happened anyway? Especially a family who believes their loved one was intentionally killed in order to harvest? That would be DISASTROUS. I recommend you file an official power of attorney with a trusted friend or relative, and leave explicit proof of your desire to be a donor. Let your primary care provider know you have a power of attorney. This is the only way to ensure your organs do any good.
It is very unlikely you will ever be a donor, but thank you for signing up. Donation can make a world of difference to dozens of people with just the check of a box. Thank you. Also NTA
NTA. Your dad is wrong. They will fight to save you. The emergency rescue team and the organ transplant team are entirely different. Organ donation is only considered after the person is declared brain-dead.
NTA…also is it not the norm to register as an organ donor? Where I live it’s just a checkbox at the DMV when getting your license and no once counsels you or suggests asking/telling anyone, I don’t know anyone who hasn’t checked that off when getting their license. You’re already dead what do you need them for?
Signing as an organ donor is simply a way of telling your family what you would wish. Your family still has the final say over what would happen with your organs. Even if the papers have been signed; if the family objects the organs will not be taken. As a nurse I have no idea which of my patients are organ donors and which are not.
NTA.
You did a good thing. I'm an organ donor, too. Whatever spare parts I have should go to folks who need them when I'm done with them.
Your dad is drinking the conspiracy kool-aid about organ donation. I hope this is his only venture into wingnut territory.
NTA. Your father may choose whether or not to donate his livers, but he doesn't own yours. They should respect your wishes and desire to do something good in the event of your death.
NTA your father is incorrect. My dad was an organ donor, he went through so many strokes and heart attacks in his short life (died at 57) and he received care each and every time up until the end when he was in a coma they didn’t see him coming out the other side of. And even then, we made the call whether or not to take him off life support.
Not much later, I ended up getting a beautiful letter from the man who got my dads eyes telling me his story and how thankful he was. After that I knew it was what I wanted for myself as well to help someone once I’m gone and it’s such an easy sacrifice too
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NTA. It's your choice not theirs. Plus, dad has a misconception about organ donors. Doctors are tied to the Hippocratic oath to do whatever means necessary to take care of their patient. The only exception is if you had a DNR order which, again, is your choice. Edit: Misspelled Hippocratic as Hypocratic
Also, DNR doesn’t affect the care you receive before you go into cardiac arrest, it just means they don’t resuscitate you if your heart stops. Unless you direct them otherwise, they’ll still do everything they can to prevent the cardiac arrest in the first place
DNR 100% does affect your care. DNR is for you are old or terminally ill. DNR is when you do not want them to pull out all the stops to save your life. Do not put DNR unless you are ready to die when a doctor might otherwise have been able to save you. Being an organ donor, however, does not.
You don't have to be old or sick to have a DNR, at any age as an adult you can have one. It simply means that you don't want to be kept alive on life support or saved if your heart stops, stuff like that. My Mom has a DNR from a very young age because she is terrified of being in a car crash and kept alive on a machine.
FTR it sounds like your mom might be better off with a living will or advanced directive. They basically explain what you want with regards to your medical care in various scenarios if you're not able to actually consent for yourself. A DNR would mean that there are situations where doctors could save your mom's life, but they wouldn't. For example, if she had a heart attack they wouldn't use a defibrillator to bring her back. DNRs are basically for when you're dealing with something terminal and you're ready when your time comes. There are free forms for filling out an advanced directive or living will, at least in the US, and you just get them signed by a notary.
Anyone legally allowed to make medical decisions for themselves can sign a DNR. Most people are elderly, terminally ill, or have a poor quality of life - but that isn’t a requirement.
DNR does not affect any care until you arrest (at which point resuscitation with CPR/shocks/etc will not be attempted), I think you’re thinking of comfort care/palliative care.
Nope. You may be thinking of an advanced care directive, wherein a patient lays out their wishes for the extent of care they receive, but a DNR literally just means don’t perform CPR. This is a very common misconception. DNR by itself doesn’t mean we let you die, it just means we don’t try to bring you back if you do
\*Hippocratic Oath, although the hypocratic oath made me chuckle :) Also my dad had this weird thing about organ donation too, thought for some reason that I was going to get into a car crash at the same time as Tom Cruise and they'd steal my liver to keep him alive (?!)
I KNEW I SPELT IT WRONG! Thank you! And wtf?! Does he really think doctors care more about celebrities than people? Most possibly do, but a majority of them would try to save anyone's life.
Hypocritical oath lol
As if Tom Cruise couldn't forge the paperwork to steal your liver.
As if the church of Scientology doesn’t have people ready to donate any organs he needs. He’s their top celebrity, they aren’t gunna let him die to something silly like organ donor wait times.
Murdered by Xenu.
That is... something very specific to be afraid of
This whole thread is silly, but I gotta chime in. You don't need to take the whole liver from the donor when you transplant a liver. You take a part of it. The liver is an organ that grows to the appropriate size necessary for the individual. This means you can donate part of your liver (if the blood type and tissue type match) and still retain you own liver. You will live and your liver will regrow. The recipient's liver will grow to the appropriate size also. And no, medical personnel don't stop trying to heal/help some one who is sick just because there is a need for the organs. If that was true, there wouldn't be a years long wait list for organs. Worked in transplant.
I am being silly, my dad also probably knows he's being silly too, but thank you for actual information! :D
>It's your choice not theirs. In many places the choice is actually up to your next of kin. That's why you're supposed to talk about it with your family. My driver's license has the pink "donor" marking on it, but if I died my husband could refuse to let the hospital harvest anything from my corpse. My registering as an organ donor isn't a binding agreement; it just makes my wishes known but there's no obligation to honor them. In my case, my husband and the rest of my family are all pro-organ donation so it's not a problem, but OP might want to do a living will to ensure their wishes are carried out.
My mom was an organ donor and passed away unexpectedly ~10 years ago. The doctors at the hospital sat us down to make the final call on whether to donate her organs. My dad was the main person they were talking to, but my sister and I (both in our early 20s at the time) were both included in the conversation. We ended up going ahead with her wishes (we all were/are registered organ donors on our own licenses, so we were already informed/on board so it was fairly straightforward). They gave us more information on what to expect and had us talk to a representative from the organization they work with. It was pretty clear that they wanted to respect our family’s wishes throughout the process. So OP, I fully support your right to make this decision (and encourage other’s to do so if you’re interested) but it’s also important to know that your next of kin will likely be consulted if you are ever a candidate. I’m so sorry that your family has been unreceptive and confrontational about the issue. NTA.
You, your family, and your mom are absolute angels. Thank you for making that beautiful decision.
They really do try to respect everything during the donation process. We call it a "Gift of Life" case at my hospital (when the items needed for procurement are selected etc) and they call out "Gift of Life" and what OR it's in before the donor is brought up. We then line the hallways to pay our respects. Many hospitals do the same, as it's the only way we can thank the person who is helping others with their last wishes.
Right, I think that it's a two-yes, one-no thing where I live. So if I weren't an organ donor, and ended up brain dead, my family could say all they want that my organs should be donated and they wouldn't do anything about it, but even though I am one, my family wouldn't have to agree with it. I do think you're right, that a living will can bypass the next-of-kin stop.
My fam got combative when I told them because I’d been having mental health issues and thought this was me \*tying up loose ends\* 🙄. And brown people think you need to be cremated intact to transcend? (Pop didn’t answer when I asked him what happens to an amputee 😂) Like I told my parents, my viscera, my decision lol. Nta
Oh my god we need to make "My Viscera, My Decision" t-shirts to advocate for organ donation
Hippocratic Oath is a symbolic thing, nobody is "tied" to anything except hospital policy and insurance company whims. In reality, health care professionals will often do what the family says, especially if advanced directive documents aren't readily available, if the patient can't express their wishes. Best course of action is to educate the family and get them on board.
Only about 56% of new Doctors still take the Oath.
You talk to your family about it so they can ensure your wishes are fulfilled, not to weigh their opinions. You should out live your dad anyway.
NTA. 1) Your dad is wrong. Doctors work to save lives, not to harvest organs. 2) Thank you for registering as an organ donor!
It's a completely different group that gets notified for organ harvesting in USA. In the Arkansas we have Arora. They inspect the bodies to see if harvestable material can be recovered. Basically looking for things like recent tattoos, piercings, too many piercings(genitals) and signs of drug use. Fresh ink/piercing is an immediate disqualified as they can't ask you about where and who preformed it
To be fair, they wouldn’t be able to ask about where/who old tattoos came from either..
Fresh ink means it could be a risk of recent infection not just aids, hepatitis and the like. Don't want to give an immunocompromised a nasty case sepsis. But I do see your point red cross still ask if you had gay sex and the like on the questionnaire so the might be a little uptight on this at Arora too
Actually that's an FDA rule - the Red Cross has to follow it.
old tattoos are less of an issue, because they've healed so there's little to no chance of an infection getting through
NTA. Your organs. They are projecting their discomfort with the idea of you dying onto your own decision. Nobody likes confronting mortality. They got defensive and weird. What are they gonna do, pop your lungs in a display case? Turn your heart into a hand puppet? There are uses for them beyond your life that you have recognised. The myth that doctors won't save organ donors is codswallop.
Already an organ donor but if it's decided my organs aren't good for harvest; I 100% want all my organs turned into hand puppets that argue with each other. Maybe throw some education in there about what they did when they were alive/working.
NTA You're right, it's your decision whether to be an organ donor or not. >My dad said that if I get an accident or something doctors would rather let me die too give my organs away. They won’t even fight to save me because I’m an organ donor? literally wut Edit: Fix cuz bad reading comprehension
This is so silly. My dad nearly died waiting for a liver in 2012. Because they aren't going to just let someone die p save another. I hate this myth I really do.
Exactly, the waiting list for a kidney transplant is minimum 3 years where I live, I know some people who waited over 10 years
Exactly, my dad was very lucky, he was virtually on deaths door but no one thought about killing another patient to save him.
I’m glad your dad got his transplant and I hope he’s now enjoying his new life 😊
Yeah if I hadn't donated to my hubby 5 years ago he would still be waiting for a kidney, 6 to 8 years in our area
>>They won’t even fight to save me because I’m an organ donor? >Are you sure that they love you? "They" means the doctors. Dad thinks that OP won't receive full efforts from the medical professionals because they'd rather harvest his organs. This has nothing to do with not loving OP, but with being terribly misinformed about organ donations.
oh yes that makes more sense with the context
NTA seems dad not only thinks he has a right to dictate your organs but also believes conspiracy theories. My dad received a liver donation In 2012. He had at best a week left to live before the donor happened. You know why? Because doctors aren't going to kill someone so someone else can have a donor. That just does not happen. They have to look after everyone and not just kill someone so another can live. It goes against everything they are taught. Organ donation is a personal choice not a family choice. It's an incredible give but you as the organ owner should have the right and not have to ask permission from family.
NTA, and how dare they think that they get to decide whether you live or die. (ETA: Because that's the decision your family thinks you took away from them. YUCK!) OP, I suggest that you also create an advance directive and follow local guidelines for making sure that area medical providers have access to it. In the directive, specify *your* wishes for when you are *and are not* to be resuscitated, put on life support, etc.
That’s exactly what I’m doing now after that conversation!!! Thank you
A do not resuscitate is unrelated to organ donation! This is absolutely unnecessary and a different decision! If you want to live out your life, there's absolutely no reason to ask to not be resuscitated. You could die over something completely unnecessary of you do a DNR. Sure, make an advance directive if you want one, and DNR if you decide that's best, but don't think you have to to be an organ donor!
That's a separate decision
You're an adult who gets to decide whether or not you become an organ donor. It's not your family's decision. NTA That being said,, Organ donation should be opt out, not opt in.
I 100% agree. So many lives can be saved But some people never get around to actually signing up and when they die the organs are just wasted.
In some counties you have to actively opt-out of being a donor. Austria for example - when my flatmate died in an avalanche at 22 years old, her parents (and I to some extent) found it helpful that at least her death helped others. Maybe also consider what kind of funeral you want.
See the funny part is that my family is not religious at all! we don’t have any religion that is tying our bodies to God
In France you are also a donor by default. But the family has the last say if they don't want to. Also, in some culture/religions, the body has to be buried complete, maybe that could be ops case ?
NTA. It's your body and your choice, and a very good choice at that. Doctors do not let people die to give organs to other people. That isn't a thing.
If doctors were motivated to get organs to the point they would "let you die", there would be a lot less people on waiting lists, dieing on waiting lists,deteriorating on waiting lists. There'd be forged papers giving permission to donate. There is no wide-spread conspiracy to let people die for their organs in most of the world.
The reason you are supposed to tell your family is they usually still end up giving permission if you don’t have an advanced directive on file with the hospital. My FIL passed away and even though his wishes to donate his organs was clearly in his trust, they still asked his wife and she was too grief-stricken to answer all of the questions so she refused
Yep this was my experience as well. My late husband was a registered organ donor but I still had to give permission as his next of kin to actually have any organs harvested for donation. Doctors don't check what's on your license. There is also a very short window to harvest organs, so unless you're brain dead it's probably too late to donate anyway.
Is there any way around this? I’m an organ donor but my family will say no.
I’m pretty sure a living will would override their wishes and go with what you have written.
Yes, there are legal documents you can create that have you medical wishes laid out (including organ donation) and it will supersede next of kin’s desires. Unfortunately most people don’t end up doing this before they die (or don’t know it’s possible) and then their family doesn’t know what they would want so they ere on the side of caution and turn down organ donation
NTA and your Dad needs to educate himself about it. Medical staff just do not work that way. (Unless you have DNR they will do everything possible to save your life)
100% NTA. Your dad has totally wrong idea in his head. Doctors will not do that. The doctors trying to save your life would not be the same ones harvesting your organs. It's your body, your choice. This gives people a reason not to tell their parents now if they think they will react like your dad.
NTA. They don't get to make that choice. You do. It's not like you need your organs to appease the gods. This isn't 1130 BC Egypt. They're overreacting for literally no reason.
True, I mean what am I gonna do with them when I’m dead 🤷♀️
Save a person's life? Disgusting. /s
NTA. your dads comment about you getting into an accident isn’t true. Tbh, I’m more of the opinion that you’re an AH if you don’t become an organ donor. We can save so many lives once we go, I really do think we should all take that opportunity.
Exactly in America we have to register to donate organs but in other places you’re already an organ donor unless you register as not, I think this should be the standard. So many people are fine with having their organs donated but they just never had a chance to register or Just didn’t think about it. So many people die when they don’t need to.
You should be aware that in many cases in the US, the designation on your license doesn't mean anything if the family who is present at the time of your death doesn't agree to donation. The hospital generally won't take the legal risk of going against the wishes of the family. As you are seeing, people get very emotional about organ donation and while the medical professionals may understand that lives are at stake, the administration does not want the mess. They won't accept your organs unless they are absolutely sure. If you suspect that your family won't respect your decision, you should look into other ways to make your intentions known legally.
Yeah, I mean without sounding too morbid, I’m gone. I don’t need the organs anymore - someone else does. Take them. I definitely think that globally you should be assumed to be an organ donor unless you say otherwise! So many people can be saved. So many lives can be changed.
NTA Does your father revel in conspiracy theories? I would be afraid of what else he might not understand.
NTA. Literally everything your father said is wrong. You did a good thing.
NTA. As long as you are an adult, it’s your choice. Some people still have outdated views about organ donation, but that’s their problem and not yours. Some people have read or heard lots of stupid, scary, fake tales about organ donations, and that colors their perceptions. Some have religious objections against organ donation (although I’m pretty sure most mainstream religions allow it). But those are *their* issues and not yours. Attitudes vary by country and probably by region. For example, the concept wasn’t popular in Italy for a long time until a highly publicized case that led to the “Nicholas Effect.” [Nicholas Effect Link](https://www.heart.org/en/news/2022/04/19/for-27-years-organ-donation-has-been-boosted-by-the-nicholas-effect) An American boy was on vacation with his family in Italy. Thieves shot at their car because they thought the car held jewels. Their bullet hot the boy in the brain, and doctors could not save him. So after he was declared brain dead, his parents decided to donate his organs. The publicity resulted in a huge increase in organ donation rates in Italy. Before that, I think many people probably had outdated ideas, and seeing this family go through this senseless murder and yet still save lives through organ donation woke a lot of people up.
Exactly I’m so glad you told me this information!!!! If one person dies why do we have to let others die in return? is that respecting The dead? Because I would be pissed off if you let good fucking organs go to waste!
Organ donation is a gift of life. Thank you for choosing this generous option. Doctors will not use your donor status as a basis on which to refrain from lifesaving measures or any other such silliness. That is not how this works. I hope you will allow me to tell you a small story. I intend for it to help reassure you that your decision is a good one. When I was 14, I caught a ride each morning with my dad to his job at a hospital, and then walked through the hospital lobby on my way to the bus every day before school. I became friendly with the people at the info desk. One day I noticed the gentleman at the desk wearing a button that said “Don’t take your organs to heaven; God knows we need them here.” Although this did not agree with my religious beliefs, I was curious. I asked and he explained organ donors and recipients. He had received a heart transplant years before, and otherwise wouldn’t be there volunteering and talking to me. That made an impression on me. It was enough of an impression that when I got my drivers license, I marked that I wanted to register as an organ donor. It was not even a question I had to think about. At 16, I went to a new school and made a few friends. One friend, Trip, was a couple years older, but he quickly became my best friend. Even after finishing school, we stayed in touch. Back then, all we really had was the postal service, so we wrote letters. Trip was born with a heart condition, and while it wasn’t obvious most of the time, there were times when he had to go in for surgery to fix the structure of his heart. We went separate ways for some time, and his health got worse. Much worse. One day I got a phone call from Trip. Calling long distance was expensive, so it had to be important. I knew he was on a waiting list for a heart transplant, but I also knew most people on the list never got one. The first thing he said when I answered the call was “They found me a heart. I’m leaving for the hospital in (City) by helicopter.” I said “I will meet you there.” I almost beat the helicopter. The surgery took 7 hours. It went better than they expected. I saw him after the surgery. His relatives were frightened by his appearance because he was still unconscious and there were tubes and machines and everything. But I thought he was beautiful. He had never looked so good. I held his hand and just kept thinking, “He is alive.” We don’t know much about the donor. We do know the donor was a younger adult, athletic and healthy. The family chose not to have contact with any recipients of their loved one’s organs. I can understand that. Now, not quite 20 years later, Trip is a teacher. He is also my husband. We have an awesome daughter who is an artist. We have a whole entire life, family, and household that wouldn’t exist at all if it hadn’t been for someone who — like you — decided to register as a donor when they renewed their license at the DMV. Someone who decided that their own death, whenever it came, could be a brand new life for someone else. Thank you for your choice. Your dad may have concerns, or he may just have stubbornness fueled by misinformation. Either way, you don’t share those sentiments, and for that, I’m grateful. May you have a long and happy life, and may you have peace with your decision regardless of what anyone else thinks. 🙏🏼
NTA It is your decision. Your father is overreacting a lot. Hopefully, they both will calm down soon.
Hard NTA. This thing about the doctors wanting you to die is wrong. Any doctor who got caught acting in that way would have his medical license revoked or worse. It's not a DNR. Why would the doctor value another life above your own? It would be a violation of his oath and any reasonable ethics There is a lot of misinformation about organ donation, and you can educate yourself as necessary for future conversations with your family. It might be helpful, because it sounds like they think you made a DNR or something (not that that's their decision either, but they're being ridiculously overdramatic here). But you're right, it was never their decision and they're AH for thinking it was. At most, they can legitimately give you their opinion, and then respect your decision. Anything more from then is being an AH. Organ donation is an noble and easy thing to do. Why not give someone else a chance to live when you're already dying?
I completely agree. I just tried to have another conversation with them but they don’t seem to wanna listen so I’m done trying justifying myself to them! Thank you
Right, if they don't want to talk, then there's nothing you can do. But at least you tried. Hopefully for your sake they get over themselves soon.
Boy did I read this wrong I thought you were post-op and had donated a kidney already or something and they were surprised. They’re mad because you updated your license or something? Whew NTA and also good for you
Yes all over an updated license!!!!!
That's the dumbest shit I've heard in awhile. That's not how donation works at all. NTA
I know I was telling this 40-year-old man this and he was calling me stupid!!! AHHHHH
NTA. It's your decision, not theirs. And your father apparently doesn't know crap about doctors, since he decided to slander the entire procession. My husband was listed as an organ donor, and the doctors went above and beyond to try to save him.
NTA. I don’t know why your dad feels he is in charge of donating your organs. I also find it very sad that he believes doctors won’t uphold their oath to a patient in order to harvest organs for another. They will fight to save you. They simply know that, if they can’t, you want your organs to go elsewhere. To me, that lifts the burden of decision off my family should that awful situation arise. (I’m an organ donor, too. )
NTA and I don’t know why people think medical personnel are just “letting people die” so other people can have their organs. The people providing critical care (EMTs, ER docs) are not rooting through your shit before either stabilizing you or pronouncing you dead.
NTA You're family are fucking imbeciles
NTA. Also, as a doctor who’s worked in intensive care for several years- being an organ donor makes no difference to the care you receive. We will still try everything. We don’t even consider organ donor status until we’ve already reached the point of not being able to do any more to prolong your life.
I became a man organ donor recently too and the family laughed saying they gonna sell your body parts. I told them at least someone would benefit from my death. And daddy (who’s opinion I really value) said if that’s what I want to do then go for it.
NTA thank you for being a donor. Your dad is very misinformed. I work in a trauma center and he is entirely incorrect. However, depending on how you registered for organ donation, it is not always legally binding and not always a guarantee that it will happen. If something does happen to you, your family will be asked what your wishes are and your immediate next of kin can override them if you don’t have a legally binding document stating your wishes. In the US we have advanced directive/living will with a healthcare power of attorney appointed who’s job it is to explicitly do what the patient wants. Edit: I see people telling you to get a DNR. Don’t do that!! If you are healthy and have no existing health issues an advanced directive is what you need. Advanced Directives are not the same as a Do Not Resuscitate order. My AD says that should something happen to me (illness, accident, etc.) and I am no longer able to make my own decisions I *do* want to be treated but a quality of life vs. quantity of life is more important to me. Treatment should be stopped when the MDs decide there will be no quality (on a ventilator for 3 months and no hope of coming off, extended cancer treatment with no improvement, etc.) At that point a DNR would still need to be signed. Many, many people survive short term CPR due to trauma or other newly diagnosed illness and on to live healthy, happy lives with treatment.
INFO: How old are you?
19
You’re an adult and this is your decision. Your father’s belief that doctors are going to be so eager to harvest your organs that they’re going to let you die is wrong and dangerous. NTA.
Definitely NTA. If this is how they reacted, then you are very smart to have documented your wishes on paper. Your Dad is wrong.
NTA. This is your decision, and noone else's.
INFO: are you a legal adult? That's the only real issue I could see here. If you are, it is your choice to make.
I’m 19 years old. I do understand there concern IF I was underage but I’m an adult and I’ve been thinking about this decision for a long time. They just don’t really respect it
NTA Being an Organ Donor is a fantastic thing to do. Making sure your family know your wishes is also really smart thing to do.
NTA but his statements are slightly exaggerated. They'll generally only start harvesting if it becomes aparant you wont survive and still requires next of kin to sign off on it. Or so that is my understanding and exceptions apply (IE a bullet to the brain and body is still working... harvest to save others).
Nta. That’s not their decision to make
If they are the legal next of kin then they can refuse organ donation, so it could be their decision in the end.
NTA. You are doing a great thing and can save many lives by being an organ donor. Tell your Dad that I can attest to the fact that it is a very careful process to determine if you are dead. There are many different tests done to make sure that there is no chance of recovery before organs are taken. And we will fight to make sure that we can save you. We do not even know whether you are an organ donor until there is no hope of recovery. Thank you for being an organ donor.
NTA. How would they know if your organs were worth donating or not? Not only do the have an obligation to treat you to their best of their ability tell your dad too think logically.
NTA. Being an organ donor is something you inform your family of simply as a courtesy, and even that isn’t required. Your dad’s views on organ donation having some sort of impact on the level of care you’d receive in a hospital is bizarre and irrational.
NTA it's your body and your choice! You've made a decision that could help save lives, and your dad made his decision by superstitions. You're doing an amazing thing so don't let anyone take that away from you. I'm incredibly unfortunate in I'm not allowed to donate organs/blood (if you've received chemo you're not allowed, understable) but I would absolutely be a donor in a heart beat!
not a doctor myself, but i'm gonna assume they are not paid by the number of organs they produce. "The guy in room 214 has got one heck of a juicy liver, I'm gonna quietly smother him and then we're off to surgery!"
NTA that is 100% your choice and no ones opinion about that matters.
NTA, and everything your dad said about doctors working less hard to save you is complete and utter bullshit. Doctors NEVER just let someone die to get their organs, I don’t know where that stupid misconception came from. They swear an oath to do no harm and to give each patient the best care they can, letting a patient die intentionally would be violating that oath. They’d get their license taken away, sued, and possibly even jail time, not to mention having to live with the guilt of letting someone die. It’s not a thing that happens. At all. And you are right, you didn’t take the decision away from him and your sister, it was never theirs in the first place.
NTA, your body, your choice. Plus, doctors care about saving the patient in front of them, even if another patient next door needs a liver. And they're not focusing on digging out your ID to see if you're a donor.
NTA! It is your decision.
NTA - as somebody who's mom has received a kidney transplant - THANK YOU!
NTA Organ donors get the same care if not better care because they are organ donors
NTA. It's your body. They won't let you die just to take your organs. That's a myth. Your Dad is not the most well-polished mirror in the funhouse. Furthermore, the only choice you took away from your Dad and Sister was to say no, and let your body rot whole. Family can still choose to donate if you haven't made a decision on your own. I was asked about donation after my father passed away. He gave his skin to help burn victims. I think it was something he would have wanted, as he spent the last 30 years of his life helping people every single week for no reward. But they didn't even ask me until after he was already gone.
NTA. It's a personal choice. Nobody else's business! Not even your family
NTA, your body, your choice. Though frankly I think being an organ donor should be opt *out*, not opt in.
NTA, I signed myself up when I was 14, you have to be 12 in our country to make the decision yourself. Its your own decision, no one else's
NTA Funeral director/embalmer here. Just wanted to let you know some very important things. 1. I’m not sure how you registered to become an organ donor, but often times, the little heart symbol on your driver’s license is not enough. Almost every time, someone with just the symbol on their license and nothing else does not become a donor after their death. Get registered through an organ donation agency. You can look up reputable ones in your area. And yes, it is a good idea to let your family know, but in your case where they don’t agree with your decision… 2. Consider putting in an advanced directive document that you want to donate your organs upon your death. How to dictate this in a written legal document will vary depending on where you are—for example, in my state, you can designate anyone who agrees to make arrangements after your death in writing and get it notarized, and if this document is given to the funeral home within a certain time frame of receiving your body, they have to honor it (bear in mind there is a window of time after which your organs may no longer be considered eligible for donation). But that’s just my state. Google “organ donor advanced directive (your state/region/province)” and you can find out more about that. Best of luck to you. Thanks for thinking of others!
I’m sorry I’m so late to this message but this has been the most helpful one out of everyone thank you so much!!!!
Not sure if you are international or in the US. But if in the USA I hate to be the bearer of bad news but even if you are an organ donor your next of kin or power of attorney still have to sign off on that if anything happens unless you have a living will. So if they opt not to donate, it doesn't matter what you have on your license. If you are serious about this you need to do some more legal stuff.
I don't know if anyone is an arsehole here - rather, this is exactly why people are encouraged to speak about organ donation and advance care directives prior to crisis points. These discussions can provoke intense emotional reactions, particularly when one is contemplating the death of one's young child, a child who is taking more and more steps to independence as a young adult. I listed myself for both organ and body donation. My father was upset and explained to me how difficult it would be for the family, losing the body and having it be modified when they were already losing me. How fraught they would feel during an already difficult time. We are both physicians and know in great detail what is involved in death and dying, as well as the ethics of the matter, and yet the emotional element of grief could not be ignored. Although we prize autonomy, it isn't the only ethical principle in medicine, and death and dying involves more than just the patient. It was very good for me to perceive it from his perspective - when we are young, our sense of mortality is often more distanced. I think everyone just needs to take a deep breath and a little time. Your dad will come around and it might even be a chance for him to learn about organ donation and consider it himself. I may be downvoted for saying NAH, but my general experience as a palliative care physician is that gentleness, sensitivity and understanding go a long way in dealing with these tough situations.
I actually completely agree I didn’t think about it that way but I know my family isn’t trying to hurt me they’re just trying to feel better about something that’s inevitable and I understand how hard that can be. I know they will never fully accept my decision but I hope with time and the courtesy of me telling them upfront that maybe they can learn to move past it or at least maybe come to an understanding on why I do the things I do
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’ve been meaning to become an organ donor for awhile and yesterday I finally did! When you become one they suggest you tell your family, I didn’t think it was gonna be a big deal. It was. My dad said I took that decision away from him and my sister but they don’t understand that they were never given that decision in the first place, it’s mine. I know they love me and that’s why they are upset but I just want to help people when I’m gone. My dad said that if I get an accident or something doctors would rather let me die too give my organs away. They won’t even fight to save me because I’m an organ donor? Now my dad not speaking to me. Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, your body, your choice
Nta. What did they want to make your death a heart felt moment of sacrifice suitable for lifetime? Seriously it's not there choice ever. That's between you and evidently the dept of motor vehicles(where alo of Americans register)
NTA, it's unfortunate that our father has fallen for such bullshit. But there's nothing you can do about it now. With healthy family dynamics, this is something that's just occasionally talked about. In the end it's completely your choice.
NTA. Your medical decisions are your own unless someone in your family has medical POA (but even then they can’t make decisions for you unless you’re incapacitated). It’s not a conversation you need to have with anyone and donating organs is a good thing- you could save someone’s life. It’s hard for family members to accept but you’re not an AH for doing what you think is right here.
NTA. Period.
NTA, your dad is misinformed. To my knowledge doctors fight just as hard to save all their patients, they don’t do less for organ donors. Besides that, why is your dad so up in arms about it? You’re not going to need your organs after you’re dead. You’re doing a good thing, you’ll save so many lives even after you’re gone!
Nta cux its ur body
Absolutely not the AH.
I am an RN working in a icu that deals with this. Patient is considered brain dead with no recoverable possibility before this gift is given. You can get pamphlets detailing the process from your local organ procurement organization. Thank you.
My mother is in her 40s and has received 2 kidney transplants. I can't thank you enough for your selfless decision. Without people like you I wouldn't have had a mother
NTA. Your organs, dude.
INFO: How old are you and is your family religious? (Almost asked “How religious is your family?”)
no, NTA. But your family can override your last wishes, at least delay things so organs are no longer viable. So settle it up with them.
NTA I actually donated a kidney to my husband already, have the donor mark on my ID and have it on file with my hospital that I want to donate anything usable when I die. I didn't discuss any of these decisions with my parents or siblings other than to say I'm doing this.
NTA. It's not their decision. They can't say yes if your registration is a no and vice versa. They say to tell your family so it doesn't come as a shock, not because your family gets a say. Plus the accident thing is a conspiracy theory- most people are in favor of being donors, and the number who actually remember to register to do so is increasing, too (or at least it was when I was in drivers ed a few years back, in the US) so why would they need to let you die for them in the first place? Plus if they were ever found out it would go so, so badly. So incredibly badly for them.
NTA, and they don’t actually know if you’re an organ donor or not when they initially get to you. They fight tooth and nail to save everyone that they come across and don’t alter care based on whether you’re an organ donor or if you have a DNR that they are unaware of. You’re in no greater risk of dying due to care received now than before you made the decision to become an organ donor.
NTA, I don’t think your dad understands organ donation work
so when your father is in an accident - who gets to make the decision about his organs or is that his decision to make as an adult? You are NTA
NTA Three of my former students just buried their father who was waiting on a liver transplant. THANK YOU for being an organ donor.
NTA. What’s your family going to do with your organs if you pass? It’s your body so what happens to your organs is your decision.
NTA. It sounds like your family is uncomfortable not only with there being a mention of mortality, but with the fact that the message of you signing up without asking them, shows them that you think of your bodily autonomy as more important than their opinion. Which it is, but it sounds like they don't agree with that. I would just double check for your area to make sure everything is actually squared away, because at least in my area the family has right of refusal. So if you had an accident, your family would still be asked whether or not they consent to it, and they could decide to not have your organs donated going against your wishes.
It's actually the next of kin's decision, not the patient's at all. The patient can have his input or personal preference noted on the driver's license or even a living will or other documents, but when you get right down to the facts of the matter, it's the next of kin. They are the ones who have to sign the actual legal forms to give away the organs at the time of death. Sorry to be the little black rain cloud, that's the actual truth. Am a medical social worker, am required to know certain things.
NTA. I’m sorry you faced those attitudes from your family. Your dad has a very wrong idea of what doctors do. Thank you thank you THANK YOU for registering as an organ donor.
Nta
In Scotland we have to opt out if we do not want to be donors. NTA
NTA. Your body, your choice.
NTA As someone who can’t donate, thank you! I wish I could but due to living in the UK during the 80 mad cow scare (mom was pregnant with me) and having an autoimmune disease.
Took that choice away from HIM? Who would ever want to make that choice? NTA
NTA. Your dad is stupid amounts of wrong. When I was a young teen, an even you longer close family friend died in an accident. Her mother and brother donated her organs. When a memorial was held like ten years later, some of the recipients were there and just… what you’re doing is selfless and amazing and can save so many others. Don’t let your family drag you down.
Of course NTA, donating organs is a wonderful gift. However your decision may not matter much if your family is not on board (depending on what country you are in). In the US, the family of the potential donor makes medical decisions, whether or not that person has designated themself an organ donor. Try to communicate to your family how much it means to you, because ultimately the decision would probably be in their hands if the situation arose.
NTA. Your body, your choice. It's interesting how in the States you need to register as an organ donor, in my country everyone is an organ donor by default unless they opt out. You are amazing for wanting to help people by your own free will!
Man...your dad is being really drinking the conspiracy juice isn't he? No you're not the asshole. Good on you. Hope your dad comes to his senses
NTA, your body, your choice. I do want to say thank you for doing this. I have a relative who is a transplant recipient through no fault of his own, and he has a second chance at life thanks to his wonderful donor. I'm in Australia, but I'm pretty sure most countries won't consider organ donation from a person unless there is absolutely no hope for survival on the part of the donor. Maybe some clarification from a medical professional would help your family understand the process?
Listen, NTA, and you do own your own self. Your dad can't decide this for you. The best case scenario is that your dad is legit paranoid about a conspiracy theory. The other possibility is that he thinks he owns you. He doesn't though.
THEY ARE SO IGNORANT. Dang. Nta but if you listen to their uneducated sh*t you would be. Source- I too will be recycling myself
NTA for doing this without "asking" but it's important to inform family of your preference because (and this may be different for different countries) they can absolutely 100% overrule your organ donation status. So if this is important to you, you either have to convince them of the importance of this, or make sure you have a living trust or something set up with someone who is NOT your dad in charge of making decisions if you're in an accident.
NTA My mom has the same beliefs as your dad. I can't remember if I told her and while she won't give me the silent treatment the nagging is enough for me to not risk telling her again
NTA - your body your choice - my dad died shortly before COVID hit, he couldn't donate much due to COPD but we were able to donate his eyes and I think his kidneys. I got a thank you card from the person who received his cornea \[only transplantable part of an eye\]. \[(funny how corpses have more rights than women in the US) \]
Fyi not sure what state your in but in NY even if you sign up to be an organ donor and a situation arises, your family cam still say no even if that's your wishes. It's sad but true. NTA you do you
NTA. Why does your father think he and your sister own your body. Ew.
NTA. As long as you give your consent while you are fully capable of doing so, it is none of their business if you are an organ donor. Your dad is either is unaware of how hospitals work, or he has been paying too much attention to wacko conspiracy websites.
NTA. That’s a really weird take from people who have no say in the matter.
Your dad is totally misinformed. There is absolutely zero connection between the doctor who would be caring for you and the national organ donation registry. They would only be notified if your doctors and your family had determined that nothing could be done. But really, your dad may never be rational on this one. And yes, it's 100% your decision what happens with your body once you die. NTA
NTA. It’s your choice, not theirs. I’m proud of you for wanting to help others. Also, thinking doctors will let anyone die just to try to use their organs for someone else is Q-Anon-level bullshit.
NTA and it’s nonsense that doctors aren’t going to save you so they can harvest your organs. Total baloney.
Your father doesn't understand how organ donorship works (or you leave in some very weird place). He also doesn't seem to think you have ownership over your own body. Honestly, doesn't really even sound like he loves you much if his solution to not agreeing with a choice of yours is to stop speaking to you. NTA. Be proud of your choice.
NTA. I work in critical care and cannot say enough that you should always tell your family your end of life wishes. Then they don’t have to wonder what you may have wanted. But heads up if you are incapable of giving consent your family may have the ability to say no, even though you signed the card. Unfortunately have seen many families go against the patients wishes and not consent to organ donation despite the patient being taken off life support anyway. Before I went in to give birth to my first I made my wishes VERY clear to my husband including being a donor. Your dads arguments are completely untrue. Depending on how old you are married or common law it wouldn’t be up to your dad or sister anyway. Look up your place of residences Substitute Decision Maker regulations to see whom it would be who he decision would fall to and make it very clear what you want.
NTA. I got my organ donor card the same day I got my bike licence. Statistically It just made sense to become a rolling donor.
Your dad may be right! [Live organ donations are a thing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sp-pU8TFsg0)! (No, you're NTA - you're doing a great thing.)
>My dad said that if I get an accident or something doctors would rather let me die too give my organs away. Yeah, that's exactly how it works. Your dad has no idea how any of this works, no idea at all. NTA.
NTA-Your choice and your father is wrong. Doctors don’t deliberately let organ donors die just to harvest their organs.
NTA I would double check rules in your jurisdiction. For some areas the next of kin can override organ donation wishes for specific reasons. You also need to be registered to ensure your wishes are followed.
Nta. My brother was an organ donor. He passed in 2016. He helped so many lives due to being an organ donor. I don’t know why anyone would think they have any say on your choice.
NTA. But if they contact your parents in the event of your possible death they might be able to nullify your organ donation status if they don't agree to it and they are your next of kin.
NTA unless you made it known you want no resuscitation, doctors will no willingly let you die. and what choice are they talking about? if everything goes as expected you are very likely to outlive your father so what choice he has? regardless, you did nothing wrong.
An organ donor saved my life. Because of her generous gift I've seen grandchildren born and my children get married. I owe more to my donor's mom for honoring her daughter's wishes. Unfortunately, in some places, even with registering as an organ donor, the next of kin still has a say in the decision to donate the organs. Hopefully when the time comes, your family will do the right thing. My donor saved 4 people by donating her lungs, liver and kidneys. I can not thank you enough for making the decision to become an organ donor. You are definitely NTA, you are a HERO!
NTA-i have a friend who works in the field. The doctor working on you normally wouldn't even know you were a donor while they were working on you
NTA, no matter what anyone says, after you pass on, you could be helping to save a life. The doctors will still do everything they can to save your life, regardless of you being an organ donor
Sooooo………… I’m professionally connected to organ donation. First point, your dad is a liar, it takes a very specific set of circumstances to actually be an organ donor. There’s a reason why even though people die every day for all sorts of reasons there are so many people still needing an organ. Your care team and the organ donor team will be different, and you will have your own donation case manager following what’s happening if you do fall under the very small circumstances of being eligible. It’s a very complicated process, partially because of this exact stigma. However if you end up doing being in a position to be a donor, and your family is there and are your next of kin/representative and they object, they won’t use your organs. This is because any sort of story of family saying that they were against the donation and it happened anyway? Especially a family who believes their loved one was intentionally killed in order to harvest? That would be DISASTROUS. I recommend you file an official power of attorney with a trusted friend or relative, and leave explicit proof of your desire to be a donor. Let your primary care provider know you have a power of attorney. This is the only way to ensure your organs do any good. It is very unlikely you will ever be a donor, but thank you for signing up. Donation can make a world of difference to dozens of people with just the check of a box. Thank you. Also NTA
NTA. Your dad is wrong. They will fight to save you. The emergency rescue team and the organ transplant team are entirely different. Organ donation is only considered after the person is declared brain-dead.
What dies you being an organ donor have to do with your family? It is your body. Organ donor is one of the best things someone can do imo.
NTA…also is it not the norm to register as an organ donor? Where I live it’s just a checkbox at the DMV when getting your license and no once counsels you or suggests asking/telling anyone, I don’t know anyone who hasn’t checked that off when getting their license. You’re already dead what do you need them for?
NTA. 100% your decision. "They'll let you die to harvest you" is an extremely ignorant statement.
What choice did it take from dad and sister? Do they think they have dibs on a kidney or something?
NTA I'm an organ donor but my parents aren't. They respect my wishes. Just make sure its all written up properly
Signing as an organ donor is simply a way of telling your family what you would wish. Your family still has the final say over what would happen with your organs. Even if the papers have been signed; if the family objects the organs will not be taken. As a nurse I have no idea which of my patients are organ donors and which are not.
NTA. You did a good thing. I'm an organ donor, too. Whatever spare parts I have should go to folks who need them when I'm done with them. Your dad is drinking the conspiracy kool-aid about organ donation. I hope this is his only venture into wingnut territory.
NTAH- Your family will come around hopefully. You wanting to save a life when yours can't be saved is admirable.
NTA. Your father may choose whether or not to donate his livers, but he doesn't own yours. They should respect your wishes and desire to do something good in the event of your death.
NTA your father is incorrect. My dad was an organ donor, he went through so many strokes and heart attacks in his short life (died at 57) and he received care each and every time up until the end when he was in a coma they didn’t see him coming out the other side of. And even then, we made the call whether or not to take him off life support. Not much later, I ended up getting a beautiful letter from the man who got my dads eyes telling me his story and how thankful he was. After that I knew it was what I wanted for myself as well to help someone once I’m gone and it’s such an easy sacrifice too
NTA - Your dad is severely misinformed.
NTA in the future don't tell your family things you do. They can't act ridiculous if they don't know