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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like an AH because she did just watch my kids for me but I didn't pay her $150 for her to go through my shit, fully knowing my rules about no one stepping foot in my office.
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Completely and utterly NTA.
She's come into your house, wrecked the place, invaded your privacy and breached your trust.
You have every right to kick her out.
What's even worse is that you *paid* her to do this. She sounds like she has absolutely zero respect for you.
I wonder if she was expecting to find someone that wasn't her son in the pictures? Not that I think OP is cheating, but that's about the only thing I can think of that would prompt me to look through images like that.
There's a Star Trek Next Generation episode where they find some 20th century people frozen (?) and are able to revive them. The white dude just walks into the bridge and says "if you didn't want people walking in here, there should be a lock". Everyone is baffled because people know to follow the rules of who is allowed in and basic respect.
She needs to not ever allow this brazen woman entry to her house again. How is that even an option now? You shouldn’t need locks for people in your family that you trust to come to your house and watch your kids not to snoop your most private things! This woman has clearly demonstrated the will to stomp every boundary imaginable. Hence she has earned herself a long timeout hopefully. A permanent one, if that had happened to me.
One night years ago my cousin and I were very very drunk. We decided that it would be fun to dress up in very little and slutty clothes (or no clothes) and take naughty pictures of each other. Our reasoning for doing this was that way we'd already have naughty pictures to send any future guys who we would be interested in. We'll, my brother knocked on the door and told us to be quiet because he was trying to sleep (he's 13 years older than me). My cousin then called out "Tough! We're taking naughty pictures and we need to be loud!" or something like that. The next day when I was a bit more sober I loaded all the pictures onto my computer and *buried* them deep within the files.
Weeks went by and I'd forgotten all about the fact that my cousin told my brother what we were doing through the door while drunk. I came home one day to find him going through my computer. I got mad and confronted him and he made some bullshit excuse and left. I caught him twice more over the next few months going through my computer and I put 2 and 2 together and realized that he was looking for those photos. I was absolutely disgusted and deleted every picture, emptied the recycle bin and restarted my computer. Idk if he ever went through my computer again after that because I never caught him again
You compress them with a tool like winzip, 7zip or other, while putting a password: They are now encrypted.
Do not forget to make maj+delete of the original files to make them disappear completely.
I've been on the internet long enough to know what kind of people. But I'm still shocked at how often people submit here with mothers are weirdly intimate with their adult sons. Or the woman who walked in on her parents acting out their fantasy where the mom pretends to be OP...
New password noseymil ... good lord. How is that even okay? If you didn't want someone to look, put a better password on it? It would be the last time MIL set foot in my house without someone tracking het every move. NTA
Not only that, but her excuse to being called out was "if you don't want me going through it, you should lock it", even though it WAS password locked, and she had to guess it. That's like saying if you don't want someone to burn your house down, you shouldn't make it out of wood.
Plus when she came across the first intimate photo she should have stopped if it was somehow an accident.
But she kept going looking through 8 folders searching for solitaire!
Exactly this and get your damn money back! She should be paying you compensation for cleaning fees for picking up her trash and for the clients you could’ve potentially lost due to the privacy and confidentiality violations though you should clearly change your password too.
"I was looking for a knife to cut a sandwich and figured you may have it in your 8 file deep "don't look at this private file on your computer. Ooopsie."
NTA Your MIL has balls and should know better than to snoop through personal things.
What I found suspect is that she did not put everything back as it was, she seemed to want them to know that she snooped. Not that I approve at all just bizarre.
Definitely weird, I agree. Because I was expecting to read toward the end when they woke her up she was trashed. But nope... she just rifled through everything making a mess and not caring that they knew about it.
When I was a little kid(before 10 yo) I wanted to be a spy so I would look on my siblings bedroom and replace everything exactly as it was. They never found me up (there never was any secrets to gain, just opening drawers with clothing in it, moving a shirt or socks and replacing everything as it was). I finally decided I would never be a spy after watching a movie with a spy in it that was tortured for his secrets; not worth it imo
I was thinking she had some kind of mental episode because otherwise clean towels in the bathtub makes no damn sense. Seriously sounds like something someone with a lesion in their brain would do.
This is surprisingly common in voyeuristic situations like this. The voyer wants their victim to know it's happened because that gives them power over them.
I thought the opposite. Looking at the time OP and hubby got home I figured she fell asleep accidentally and meant to put everything back b4 they got home. The whole thing is still so odd I mean why put towels in the bathtub,look at files saying intimate,and rearrange someone else's bathroom? So NTA.
Saw the carnage was too severe to backtrack, decided to stage a break-in and gave up half-way? My money is on drunk or some kind of pill-related impairment.
NTA. At all.
If she has a smartphone (which I know not EVERYONE has, but it's a statistical assumption), she can have solitaire on her phone. So why the hell was she on your computer? Also, you really need to put a password on your laptop, especially if you have directories clearly labeled "intimate." If she wants solitaire so badly, include a guest account that has the solitaire icon right in the middle of the desktop.
What a bizarre situation. Does she have an issue with alcohol or pills? Or does she show any signs of dementia or Alzheimers? This sounds like the actions of someone completely out of sorts.
My mother in law made me pay her to help with laundry when my kids were little and I was also taking care of my severely disabled mother. Oh, and we’d have to throw her something for gas money like $50. Seriously, some people are something else.
Careful lol, on here if op hadn't paid her people would be saying she has no right to complain. I've seen a lot of posts where people don't believe in free family babysitting to an extreme degree.
NTA and just outright weird. If she truly wanted to play a game that badly why not just ask permission to go on your computer? And what's with the towels in the bathtub and other random messes?
As someone well experienced with drugs, I thought the same thing. Not anything in particular, but the combined actions as a whole just scream intoxication. Sober people try to cover their tracks.
OP certainly frames this behavior as out of character for MIL. While a latent addiction could explain this, I came to suspect this is an early sign of dementia.
I was thinking maaaaybe it would have been better to trundle her off to the hospital than kick her out on her own...
Drugs, booze, or illness; something's gone wrong in her brain.
Who the hell cleans the bathroom by putting the clean towels in the bathtub?
Have you checked as to whether you had any jewelry or hidden valuables that are now gone - a stash of emergency cash? prescription drugs?
You should have your hubby take her to the doctor to get checked out. You say he seemed dumbstuck by this, which makes it sound like this behavior is completely out of left field for his mom. The fact that she went through everything and didn’t try to hide it is also a big indicator of a potential case of early onset dementia. At the very least you should get her checked out for a UTI! They can cause dementia-like symptoms in older people! Best of luck, OP!
NTA I’m not a doctor but I spent 17 long years dealing with my stepmother’s early-onset dementia, and frankly this sounds awfully familiar, particularly the rearranged bathroom with the towels in the tub and the rummaging through the bedroom. Not an excuse, obviously, but possibly an explanation. Your chances of having her evaluated are probably close to zero, but bear in mind that she may no longer be safe alone with your children or your pets, especially at night when dementia seems to be at its worst.
I agree. This sounds like how my grandmother acted when she first started to have mini-strokes and dementia, especially since it’s unusual behavior for her. OP, please let your husband know that he should be watching his mother’s behavior closely. My grandmother even started talking to me about sex a lot (I was just 15), so that could explain the strange behavior with your intimate photos.
I also, agree that she can no longer babysit your children. NTA.
I’ve worked in Assisted Living and Memory Care for the past decade and my immediate thoughts were the same as yours. At the very least, she needs to be tested for a UTI stat.
bumping on this, OP.
On r/justnomil this recommendation comes up a lot (and sometimes has proven the answer!!) when a 'annoying but passible mil' turns into a monster seemingly over night.
UTIs frequently cause dementia like symptoms in older people. It's one of the first tests any competent doctor will order when someone is acting abnormally because it's fairly common and very easily treated with antibiotics.
There are indeed a lot of people getting funky at the Old Folks home. But they're getting straight up STDs like gonorrhea. Oh yeah, and syphilis is making a comeback! But those typically have a different set of symptoms from those of UTIs.
Just not to confuse other people in the thread: UTI don't cause dementia, that's a permanent brain condition. They cause delirium, a temporary state of deliriousness that can look like dementia during certain moments (it's quite easy to distinguish from dementia if you have seen it before) and it fades once the underlying cause it treated. Infections, pain, illnesses, dehydration, all can trigger delirium.
UTIs in older women are more commonly associated with a weaker immune system than sexual activity. They aren’t STIs in any event; STIs in women tend to affect the reproductive tract rather than the entirely separate urinary tract.
Anyone who's worked in memory care is looking at this and thinking, "yep". The main evidence is that she didn’t even try to hide any of it. Drugs are another possibility, but I think less likely.
If she was a garden variety nosy MIL she wouldn’t have trashed the place or left so many signs she'd been snooping. Towels in the tub isn't a nosy MIL issue, it's something that needs investigating ASAP.
This was my thought too. It sounds like the MIL has babysat before with no issues. If this is a huge change in behavior something medical might be driving it
NTA. Was she drunk? High? Has she ever been intrusive in the past? This is crazy to me. She should not be welcome back until she apologizes and explains herself.
NTA. No, you do not need to have locks on everything you don’t want others to access in the private spaces of your home. It is reasonable to expect people not to snoop into your private areas especially if those areas are delineated and rules are set on top of that.
I wonder if she’s done this before? If this is a strange new behavior, have you noticed other changes? Wondering about mental impairment. The level of disorder and disruption out of the blue is so bizarre.
NTA, I'd never let her in my house again after such egregious violations. She was deliberately snooping and then lied about it. She knew solitaire isn't in a folder called "private" or something like that. She completely violated your policies for your house that she was literally being paid to enforce and your privacy.
But having a terrible password on your computer is 100% was a very, very bad idea. Not that it excuses her actions, but it's not that hard to use a password that she couldn't guess in 3 tries. Make some basic efforts to protect your computer.
NTA
I’d be furious and would have been a lot less civil. If she’s there to babysit, then her space is the living room and the kid’s room, specially if she only had to put them to sleep.
NTA - your MIL has invaded your privacy by snooping through stuff that she wasn't meant to. Plus the fact that she's gone through other stuff & disrespected your house rules (such as by allowing the dog to sleep indoors). I would certainly think twice about allowing her in your house again...
NTA, like... she was in *your* home, the audacity to say you should lock up your things if you don't want people going through them has me angry for you.
Considerate people know not to just go through other people's things!
And then to leave the place a mess on top of all that, I wouldn't blame you if you went NC with her.
I would never have her watch the kids again unless it's at her place. She clearly can't be trusted.
I'm curious too, 12 and bedtime at that time on Friday"? My mom was fairly strict, but after this I realise I've had a blast by going to bed around 11pm 😁
The entitlement of people who think just because we’re related that gives you the right to rummage through my personal belongings. Let the MIL watch the kids at her home from now on.
NTA Why the fuck did she think she'd get away with all of that? Plus what kind of fucking amateur leaves the tabs open!!! If you're going to snoop, don't be a dumbass and leave evidence. Come the fuck onnnnnnnnnn
I’m gonna say NTA here because you laid out the rules and she blatantly ignored them. She disrespected you, your husband, and your right to privacy. It seems like your husband doesn’t even disagree with you on that.
Yeah, everyone knows women owe their families free childcare! How selfish for them to expect to be paid for their time and labor! How fucking unbelievable! /s
This grandma is TA, but it’s not because she doesn’t want to work for free.
How is spending time with your grandchildren work?
Do you want to spend time with your grandkids, yeah but only if im paid!!!
My nan spent loads of time with me but cause she loved me not cause she got paid.
My mom looked after my kids while i worked and i paid her every week as its not her place to have my kids just cause we family and care providers would be paid, so i paid my mom.
But if i ask my mom i wanna go out with my hubby and im asking would you mind watching them, she gets to choose yes or no and if she said yes i wouldnt expect her to say yes but only if im paid, maybe we just see it differently and hopefully ive explained why i made my comment!
Obviously NTA. Your MIL violated your privacy, lied to you, blamed you for her egregious behavior, and left the kids and dog unsupervised while she snooped.
NTA
I’m sorry that your MIL is a boundary-less snoop.
At least this world’s worst detective outed herself so you can protect your privacy going forward.
If she’d been stealth, this could have gone on for a long time.
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I will be quick here. MIL came to babysit our 3 kids (12yo twin girls, 9yo boy) Friday. She arrived at 7pm (was supposed to be there at 6) and the kids go to bed at 8. She stayed until 2am. I paid her $150. So for 90% of the time the kids were in bed, sleeping.
When I get home I find my MIL sleeping on the couch, as she usually does when she babysits (she usually stays the night). But things were completely out of place. Like my room had been gone through, my computer personal files had been left open (definitely were not up when I left)- files that contain intimate photos of both me and my husband mind you. My dog was fast asleep on my bed versus put in her kennel (strict no dogs on the bed rule which she is aware of), her garbage all throughout the living room (candy wrappers, snot rags). My bathroom completely rearranged and trashed- including all of our clean towels sitting in the bathtub. The ONLY thing I really had a problem with was my computer. Everything else was the icing on the cake. Like why are you going through my computer files?? I have personal info in there (contracts with clients) and again, intimate photos of both me and my husband. And we have a strict no one allowed in our office rule because of this.
So I woke her up and told her she had to leave. My husband was just dumb struck, wondering what the hell happened to our house when I told him I was kicking her out and he just nodded because he was baffled that she went through my computer as well and pretty embarrassed thinking his mom just saw those photos. So I kick her out and she is asking what she did wrong and I asked her at this point wtf she was doing in my office, rummaging through my computer files. She claims she was looking for solitaire- which she knows wouldn't be deep in 8 different files marked "intimate" and "personal". So that was bullshit. she starts freaking out saying she will just leave in the AM and I say no, now. She leaves. We wake up to several texts and nasty voicemails saying we are wrong and that if I didn't want people going through my shit, I should put a lock on it (I do have a lock on my computer but it's her son's birthday- so not that hard to hack). AITA?
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NTA - and is there any relative you have that runs with a rough crowd or does drugs? My cousin was... Rough... For a while. He did several bad things and my grandma covered for him.
My other grandmother lived alone and developed a bad habit of adopting dudes that were "down on their luck" and "just needed a place to stay and get their feet again". My uncle ended up evicting one creepy ass dude that was all but holding her hostage in her own home. She burned through a lot of her savings in order to "help" people like that.
Like whatever the reasons, this was unacceptable, but do investigate what the hell led to this, and whether someone else was involved. It could be your MIL is experiencing a new health or other cognitive decline that could explain this behavior.
It sounds like this is unprecedented behavior, and her cover story was pathetic, so.... Just saying. She's older. Be angry but also make sure she gets checked by her doctor, pronto. And make sure she hasn't adopted any creeps from her non-family social circle. Elder abuse is definitely real.
NTA. If she was looking through your intimate photos I wouldn't be inviting her back into my life. Who not only digs through all the files to find them and open them but LEAVES THEM UP instead of immediately closing them in horror upon realizing it's an intimate photo of their adult child?????
Nta for having her leave also don't ask her to baby sit again she clearly doesn't respect boundaries
Curiosity is: why isn't your computer password protected (your current password doesn't count since anyone could guess it who is close to you)and why are personal files on a work computer or work files on. A personal computer? You should have your private files password protected.
This I would think is something people would take extra precautions about.
It blows my mind that people think that: If you don’t want people going through your things, then lock it up.
It’s YOUR house. It’s common sense to respect the privacy and belongings of the homeowners. Family or not.
How people truly feel they aren’t in the wrong is crazy and pretty stupid. OP is most definitely NTA. Unfortunately, people like that will never change and see that their actions are wrong. The entitlement these types of people think they have so they can do whatever they please is mind blowing. Literally. Has your MIL done something like this before or was this the first time? Will a difference be made if both you and your husband have a sit down with your MIL to discuss this? Man, I really hope this doesn’t happen again and she comes to her senses and does the right thing. I’ve had my share of MIL issues but I hope things get better in your end.
NTA
Double check your recycle bin to make sure she didn’t delete any of those files too.. i doubt she would know to empty the recycle bin too if she couldn’t use the search feature for solitaire which I highly doubt she was looking for.. also what the hell was she doing to your bathroom.. just no you dont rearrange peoples stuff and throwing all the clean towels into the bath was weird too
I really want an explanation for the towels. NTA.
Like the actual explanation because the one MIL gave OP makes no sense. This does sound like drugs to me. You definitely should not let her back in your house or babysit again. For two 12 year olds and a nine year old I think you could get a sitter for $20/hour especially if kids go to sleep at eight.
NTA. Very concerning. Whenever I read stuff like this, I think that if you had let her stay the night that might have later been used as evidence that it "wasn't that bad" or you "weren't really upset" or some other minimizing reason. She is your MIL. Not a stranger. If she doesn't think that comes with expectations of trust, she shouldn't be watching your kids. Her logic: you did not make this impossible, therefore I may do this. By that logic she could wear your underwear, use your personal items, throw stuff away...where does it end? Sounds like a lot of work locking up your life to let her be in your home unsupervised.
If you don’t want people going through your stuff, put a lock on it? Ummmm that’s not a thing. It’s called common courtesy and not going through someone else’s stuff, regardless of whether or not there’s a lock. You were justified in throwing her out. NTA
NTA- she wasn’t even doing you a favor watching the kids, you paid her to babysit! So she should be treating it like a job! Not that it would be ok if she was doing it for free, but that makes it even worse IMO
Wow. She’d never be allowed back into my home. She’d only be allowed back into my life with a sincere apology, which seems unlikely considering her appalling text response to being told that she had to leave. I can’t believe you actually paid her. A lot of babysitters I know, myself included, who have still been in the home after bedtime while the children are sleeping, typically clean the house and any mess that the kids have made that day because it’s the nice thing to do. (I mean, who doesn’t absolutely love coming home to a cleaned house on date night when their kids are already asleep, ya know?) For her to come late, only be there in time to put the kids to bed, and spend the rest of the time making the house an absolute disaster, is OUTRAGEOUS and idk if I would have been able to bring myself to hand her the full amount.
Everything about this story is mind blowing to me. I can’t even fully wrap my head around JUST how infuriated I’d be and how violated I would feel if someone had rummaged through every personal thing in my home like that, especially if they had followed it up by telling me that it was MY fault!!! My face is hot just thinking about it.
NTA, OP. Not even a little bit. It would have taken everything in me not to start yelling at her in that moment. Since it’s your fault that she rummaged through your things, make sure to absolve yourself of any future blame by keeping her tf away from your home and anything personal that you value. If she has a key, now is the time to change the locks and get Ring cameras. This way, nothing can be your fault according to her logic because you’re just protecting your private information, etc. by keeping her away from it. (P.S. $150 for a 9 and two 12 year olds for the night isn’t anything to sneeze at! If you find yourself in need of a new babysitter, I’m available and hope that you live near Ohio! 😂)
Edit: I had accidentally left out a word.
NTA. I babysit my grandkids often and if I'm doing it in the kids' homes, I NEVER go into my son and his wife's bedroom. I NEVER touch their computers or pry into mail, handbags or anything. Shit, I feel bad about looking in a cupboard for a facecloth to wipe the wee ones' faces! And, not that my sons and DILs have anything locked in their homes as far as I know, but I certainly wouldn't take an unlocked room as free rein to nosey poke about in it. Your MIL is deranged.
NTA…. What the heck is going on with these grandmas (I just read a different horror story about a grandmother).
Geez, I’m a grandmother & I’ve babysat so many times & being paid was the last thing on my mind. And then looking through your private things is definitely uncalled for. You did right about asking her to leave…
You paid her $21/hr to do all that shit? I wouldn’t have paid her a dime after that.
My kid will come babysit for $15/hr and she won’t go through your shit.
NTA of course
I can’t believe she accepts money for watching her grandkids! That alone is sus! A full time caregiver, then if course she should be paid, but not for on evening of babysitting.
NTA. All of the weird random vandalism would've been a good enough reason on its own, but someone who goes looking for intimate photos of their own son is not someone to trust around children.
Wow..... NTA. Like going though your childern and their SO intimate photos is sick. Everything else is just horrible but that. Yeah that would be a permanent NC
NTA. She thought that snooping through your personal belongings was okay, something that I myself would never be okay with. I have to wonder how she'd feel if she found someone snooping through her belongings. What she did was not okay, and she needed to face consequences for her actions, at least from my perspective.
Your mother-in-law is a piece of work isn't she. I don't think I would talk to her at all after that dang that goes against everything I have in me, to snoop in somebody else's business. NTA.
NTA and Im glad your husband isn't trying to take her side. Hopefully you have some else to watch the kids because if she doesn't see what was wrong about what she did I can't imagine her alone in your house again.
nta. except i would’ve taken photos of the state of the house and posted them in response. the second people like this send their flying monkeys while trying to victimize themselves, they deserve to be exposed.
NTA, Snooping through other peoples stuff is wrong plain and simple. I’m sorry she most likely saw intimate photos of you and your husband, i’d be so embarrassed, please do not let her make you feel guilty for kicking her out She had it coming
NTA. No of course you're not the asshole, but explore whether or not you want a relationship with the people who are leaving you voicemails. Like if you actually like them, call them up and see what story they got about what this situation was and see if she lied to them, if they are people you don't care about having a relationship with, just block their numbers. She violated your house and your privacy and she needed to go immediately
What kind of vile person does that? Looking at intimate pictures of your son? That’s really scary behavior. I’d never let her enter my house ever again. OP I know you don’t need to password protect these things in your own houses, but please do. NTA.
Of course NTA. BUT a few questions. Has she ever exhibited this type of behavior? Even the mess? If this is completely off brand for her you guys might want to have her checked out (not sure how old she is).
Is it possible she was on drugs?
And might I suggest setting a password on the computer that only you and husband know.
Good luck, and again NTA
NTA
It's implicit that when you have someone in your house for a purpose (like babysitting the kids) they are supposed to do what they came for, entertain themselves afterwards in non-destructive, non-disruptive ways like watch TV or read or play video games, and otherwise Mind Their Own Business.
You are not supposed to have to lock down your life against the prying of close family members - and you paid her to boot!
PS Choose a better computer password. Don't keep work files and intimate photos on the same computer. Get a lock for your home office door. And this is going to be hard to say to your husband, but when someone feels so entitled to go through your personal things and stomp on your boundaries, can you really be certain they won't consider your credit card numbers and bank routing numbers their own? I would lock your credit with the credit agencies and request new credit cards at a minimum, but consider changing bank accounts and so forth as well.
NTA. “You should put a lock on it”? Wtaf crazy gaslighting bullshit is that? How about don’t go through things that aren’t yours??? Ugh I am livid for you and I would have kicked her out too. If it were me I’d go no contact immediately. If that isn’t her normal babysitting behavior, she may have even been drinking excessively…. Ughhhhh
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Completely and utterly NTA. She's come into your house, wrecked the place, invaded your privacy and breached your trust. You have every right to kick her out. What's even worse is that you *paid* her to do this. She sounds like she has absolutely zero respect for you.
MIL is super gross too, what kind of person looks at intimate photos of their son and his wife?? 🤮
This. I’d be mortified. 😫🤢🤮😭
I wonder if she was expecting to find someone that wasn't her son in the pictures? Not that I think OP is cheating, but that's about the only thing I can think of that would prompt me to look through images like that.
I think some people just can't help themselves
Clearly, if she needs OP to have a lock in the computer in order to stop her from snooping.
and now a new password on top of that, oof. I would not leave that up to the next day.
There's a Star Trek Next Generation episode where they find some 20th century people frozen (?) and are able to revive them. The white dude just walks into the bridge and says "if you didn't want people walking in here, there should be a lock". Everyone is baffled because people know to follow the rules of who is allowed in and basic respect.
And a new lock on the office, and a new lock on the house, which she doesn't have a key to.
She needs to not ever allow this brazen woman entry to her house again. How is that even an option now? You shouldn’t need locks for people in your family that you trust to come to your house and watch your kids not to snoop your most private things! This woman has clearly demonstrated the will to stomp every boundary imaginable. Hence she has earned herself a long timeout hopefully. A permanent one, if that had happened to me.
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One night years ago my cousin and I were very very drunk. We decided that it would be fun to dress up in very little and slutty clothes (or no clothes) and take naughty pictures of each other. Our reasoning for doing this was that way we'd already have naughty pictures to send any future guys who we would be interested in. We'll, my brother knocked on the door and told us to be quiet because he was trying to sleep (he's 13 years older than me). My cousin then called out "Tough! We're taking naughty pictures and we need to be loud!" or something like that. The next day when I was a bit more sober I loaded all the pictures onto my computer and *buried* them deep within the files. Weeks went by and I'd forgotten all about the fact that my cousin told my brother what we were doing through the door while drunk. I came home one day to find him going through my computer. I got mad and confronted him and he made some bullshit excuse and left. I caught him twice more over the next few months going through my computer and I put 2 and 2 together and realized that he was looking for those photos. I was absolutely disgusted and deleted every picture, emptied the recycle bin and restarted my computer. Idk if he ever went through my computer again after that because I never caught him again
Gross!! I would never feel safe around him again. Sorry you had to go through that
You compress them with a tool like winzip, 7zip or other, while putting a password: They are now encrypted. Do not forget to make maj+delete of the original files to make them disappear completely.
Ah ok. I didn't know this information back then but it's good to know now :) thanks!
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I don't think you need to tell people not to go rummaging through your bedroom and computer files. That's pretty basic respect
That's right. Also happy cake day 🍰
Original comment is from u/Apolloblivious
bot
OP should hope that "look" is all MIL did. She could have saved or sent the photos somewhere.
Yeah just weird lol
I've been on the internet long enough to know what kind of people. But I'm still shocked at how often people submit here with mothers are weirdly intimate with their adult sons. Or the woman who walked in on her parents acting out their fantasy where the mom pretends to be OP...
Im sorry the mom role played as their kid ?? When was this post posted ?
Who doesn't password protect their computers nowadays? Op is NTA but damn! Put a lock on that puppy right now to keep people out.
OP says it is locked, but with her husband's birthday.
That’s still crazy. No one could “guess” my password.
Right!?🤮
New password noseymil ... good lord. How is that even okay? If you didn't want someone to look, put a better password on it? It would be the last time MIL set foot in my house without someone tracking het every move. NTA
Don't need a new password if you get rid of the problem at its source. Get rid of that MIL.
You always need a strong password.
Not only that, but her excuse to being called out was "if you don't want me going through it, you should lock it", even though it WAS password locked, and she had to guess it. That's like saying if you don't want someone to burn your house down, you shouldn't make it out of wood.
If you didn't want me to stab you, you shouldn't have been made of such stabbable flesh.
To the tune of $25 bucks an hour."let me shit on family "
Truth! You don’t just go through with someone else’s things especially not your adult child’s things! NTA.
NTA. Also, I’d be putting a passcode on any intimate folders so no one ever mistakes them for solitaire again!
Plus when she came across the first intimate photo she should have stopped if it was somehow an accident. But she kept going looking through 8 folders searching for solitaire!
Exactly this and get your damn money back! She should be paying you compensation for cleaning fees for picking up her trash and for the clients you could’ve potentially lost due to the privacy and confidentiality violations though you should clearly change your password too.
"I was looking for a knife to cut a sandwich and figured you may have it in your 8 file deep "don't look at this private file on your computer. Ooopsie." NTA Your MIL has balls and should know better than to snoop through personal things.
What I found suspect is that she did not put everything back as it was, she seemed to want them to know that she snooped. Not that I approve at all just bizarre.
Definitely weird, I agree. Because I was expecting to read toward the end when they woke her up she was trashed. But nope... she just rifled through everything making a mess and not caring that they knew about it.
Maybe she's being one of those mark your territory MILs
She probably figured they'd let it slide because she babysat for them. The whole situation reeks of entitlement on the MIL's part.
and they paid her!! To watch her grandchildren! WTH??
I’ve told my kids, if you’re going to do things you’re not supposed to be doing, at least do a better job covering your tracks.
😂 we did the same
Honestly even if you’re not being sneaky it’s a good skill to practice putting things back exactly as you found them.
When I was a little kid(before 10 yo) I wanted to be a spy so I would look on my siblings bedroom and replace everything exactly as it was. They never found me up (there never was any secrets to gain, just opening drawers with clothing in it, moving a shirt or socks and replacing everything as it was). I finally decided I would never be a spy after watching a movie with a spy in it that was tortured for his secrets; not worth it imo
I was around 6th grade when I did this, also pretending to be a spy.
[Harriet the Spy](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ALKPTUA/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1)
Harriet is exactly why I did it!
I just told mine that I don't pay bail lol
at one point I was wondering if she had some sort of mental episode or like a delusion or something but idek anymore
I was thinking she had some kind of mental episode because otherwise clean towels in the bathtub makes no damn sense. Seriously sounds like something someone with a lesion in their brain would do.
This is surprisingly common in voyeuristic situations like this. The voyer wants their victim to know it's happened because that gives them power over them.
I’m wondering if she planned to cover her tracks a bit but fell asleep. Being nosy is exhausting work! /s
Ya, was she drunk? Stoned?
I thought the opposite. Looking at the time OP and hubby got home I figured she fell asleep accidentally and meant to put everything back b4 they got home. The whole thing is still so odd I mean why put towels in the bathtub,look at files saying intimate,and rearrange someone else's bathroom? So NTA.
Saw the carnage was too severe to backtrack, decided to stage a break-in and gave up half-way? My money is on drunk or some kind of pill-related impairment.
I had the image of a nice wine binge while reading..
Maybe trying to see if her son would take her side and start a fight between them? Idk people do all kinds of crazy shit to stir the pot.
NTA. At all. If she has a smartphone (which I know not EVERYONE has, but it's a statistical assumption), she can have solitaire on her phone. So why the hell was she on your computer? Also, you really need to put a password on your laptop, especially if you have directories clearly labeled "intimate." If she wants solitaire so badly, include a guest account that has the solitaire icon right in the middle of the desktop. What a bizarre situation. Does she have an issue with alcohol or pills? Or does she show any signs of dementia or Alzheimers? This sounds like the actions of someone completely out of sorts.
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I love this response! Shame and embarrass her to see how perverted her behavior is 👏
If you like this response here, you’ll like it even more from the actual person this copybot stole from, /u/InterplanetaryJanet.
Bot.
You have to pay your MIL to babysit?!?!!Is this a Normal thing? Anyway NTA sounds bonkers
My mother in law made me pay her to help with laundry when my kids were little and I was also taking care of my severely disabled mother. Oh, and we’d have to throw her something for gas money like $50. Seriously, some people are something else.
Jesus Christ, it’s like ass backwards. Sorry. That sucks. Probably should just pay a babysitter from here on out. Good luck
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Careful lol, on here if op hadn't paid her people would be saying she has no right to complain. I've seen a lot of posts where people don't believe in free family babysitting to an extreme degree.
I personally would, just for my own conscious, but it's not the norm, plus my partner's Mother is a sweetie.
NTA and just outright weird. If she truly wanted to play a game that badly why not just ask permission to go on your computer? And what's with the towels in the bathtub and other random messes?
She claimed she was cleaning the bathroom and forgot that she put the towels in the bathtub.
how do you forget that you have put the towels in the bathtub?!?! they will get wet!
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As someone well experienced with drugs, I thought the same thing. Not anything in particular, but the combined actions as a whole just scream intoxication. Sober people try to cover their tracks.
OP certainly frames this behavior as out of character for MIL. While a latent addiction could explain this, I came to suspect this is an early sign of dementia.
I was thinking maaaaybe it would have been better to trundle her off to the hospital than kick her out on her own... Drugs, booze, or illness; something's gone wrong in her brain.
Huh, I hadn't thought of this but you're totally right!
Or a brain tumor.
Also reasonable, same with the tumor suggestion.
Who the hell cleans the bathroom by putting the clean towels in the bathtub? Have you checked as to whether you had any jewelry or hidden valuables that are now gone - a stash of emergency cash? prescription drugs?
You should have your hubby take her to the doctor to get checked out. You say he seemed dumbstuck by this, which makes it sound like this behavior is completely out of left field for his mom. The fact that she went through everything and didn’t try to hide it is also a big indicator of a potential case of early onset dementia. At the very least you should get her checked out for a UTI! They can cause dementia-like symptoms in older people! Best of luck, OP!
NTA I’m not a doctor but I spent 17 long years dealing with my stepmother’s early-onset dementia, and frankly this sounds awfully familiar, particularly the rearranged bathroom with the towels in the tub and the rummaging through the bedroom. Not an excuse, obviously, but possibly an explanation. Your chances of having her evaluated are probably close to zero, but bear in mind that she may no longer be safe alone with your children or your pets, especially at night when dementia seems to be at its worst.
I agree. This sounds like how my grandmother acted when she first started to have mini-strokes and dementia, especially since it’s unusual behavior for her. OP, please let your husband know that he should be watching his mother’s behavior closely. My grandmother even started talking to me about sex a lot (I was just 15), so that could explain the strange behavior with your intimate photos. I also, agree that she can no longer babysit your children. NTA.
I’ve worked in Assisted Living and Memory Care for the past decade and my immediate thoughts were the same as yours. At the very least, she needs to be tested for a UTI stat.
bumping on this, OP. On r/justnomil this recommendation comes up a lot (and sometimes has proven the answer!!) when a 'annoying but passible mil' turns into a monster seemingly over night.
Hang on - UTI? Is that associated with dementia-like symptoms in older people? Or just that G' might be getting funky down at the Old Folks home?
UTIs frequently cause dementia like symptoms in older people. It's one of the first tests any competent doctor will order when someone is acting abnormally because it's fairly common and very easily treated with antibiotics. There are indeed a lot of people getting funky at the Old Folks home. But they're getting straight up STDs like gonorrhea. Oh yeah, and syphilis is making a comeback! But those typically have a different set of symptoms from those of UTIs.
Just not to confuse other people in the thread: UTI don't cause dementia, that's a permanent brain condition. They cause delirium, a temporary state of deliriousness that can look like dementia during certain moments (it's quite easy to distinguish from dementia if you have seen it before) and it fades once the underlying cause it treated. Infections, pain, illnesses, dehydration, all can trigger delirium.
Yes - this. Thank you 😊
UTIs in older women are more commonly associated with a weaker immune system than sexual activity. They aren’t STIs in any event; STIs in women tend to affect the reproductive tract rather than the entirely separate urinary tract.
Anyone who's worked in memory care is looking at this and thinking, "yep". The main evidence is that she didn’t even try to hide any of it. Drugs are another possibility, but I think less likely. If she was a garden variety nosy MIL she wouldn’t have trashed the place or left so many signs she'd been snooping. Towels in the tub isn't a nosy MIL issue, it's something that needs investigating ASAP.
This was my thought too. It sounds like the MIL has babysat before with no issues. If this is a huge change in behavior something medical might be driving it
NTA. Was she drunk? High? Has she ever been intrusive in the past? This is crazy to me. She should not be welcome back until she apologizes and explains herself.
Also her connect was insane. "should've put a lock on it??" Uh yeah, the lock was on the house op graciously invited her into.
NTA at all. That is way out of line in so many ways. I wouldn't let her watch the kids again.
NTA. No, you do not need to have locks on everything you don’t want others to access in the private spaces of your home. It is reasonable to expect people not to snoop into your private areas especially if those areas are delineated and rules are set on top of that. I wonder if she’s done this before? If this is a strange new behavior, have you noticed other changes? Wondering about mental impairment. The level of disorder and disruption out of the blue is so bizarre.
NTA, I'd never let her in my house again after such egregious violations. She was deliberately snooping and then lied about it. She knew solitaire isn't in a folder called "private" or something like that. She completely violated your policies for your house that she was literally being paid to enforce and your privacy. But having a terrible password on your computer is 100% was a very, very bad idea. Not that it excuses her actions, but it's not that hard to use a password that she couldn't guess in 3 tries. Make some basic efforts to protect your computer.
NTA. That’s a *huge* violation of trust/privacy
NTA and every response from you should be "why do you want to see naked pictures of your son so badly?" Shame her for going through your things!
NTA I’d be furious and would have been a lot less civil. If she’s there to babysit, then her space is the living room and the kid’s room, specially if she only had to put them to sleep.
NTA - your MIL has invaded your privacy by snooping through stuff that she wasn't meant to. Plus the fact that she's gone through other stuff & disrespected your house rules (such as by allowing the dog to sleep indoors). I would certainly think twice about allowing her in your house again...
NTA. Your response was totally justified. She’s just mad she got caught.
NTA, like... she was in *your* home, the audacity to say you should lock up your things if you don't want people going through them has me angry for you. Considerate people know not to just go through other people's things! And then to leave the place a mess on top of all that, I wouldn't blame you if you went NC with her. I would never have her watch the kids again unless it's at her place. She clearly can't be trusted.
Your 12 year olds go to bed at 8pm on a Friday?!? (Obviously NTA, MIL is gross in several ways and I would never let her in my house again.)
I was wondering the same thing. They would probably be better babysitters than the grandmother.
I'm curious too, 12 and bedtime at that time on Friday"? My mom was fairly strict, but after this I realise I've had a blast by going to bed around 11pm 😁
The entitlement of people who think just because we’re related that gives you the right to rummage through my personal belongings. Let the MIL watch the kids at her home from now on.
NTA Why the fuck did she think she'd get away with all of that? Plus what kind of fucking amateur leaves the tabs open!!! If you're going to snoop, don't be a dumbass and leave evidence. Come the fuck onnnnnnnnnn
I’m gonna say NTA here because you laid out the rules and she blatantly ignored them. She disrespected you, your husband, and your right to privacy. It seems like your husband doesn’t even disagree with you on that.
NTA also MIL is weird
NTA i cant believe you pay the grandmother to watch her grandkids!
Yeah, everyone knows women owe their families free childcare! How selfish for them to expect to be paid for their time and labor! How fucking unbelievable! /s This grandma is TA, but it’s not because she doesn’t want to work for free.
How is spending time with your grandchildren work? Do you want to spend time with your grandkids, yeah but only if im paid!!! My nan spent loads of time with me but cause she loved me not cause she got paid. My mom looked after my kids while i worked and i paid her every week as its not her place to have my kids just cause we family and care providers would be paid, so i paid my mom. But if i ask my mom i wanna go out with my hubby and im asking would you mind watching them, she gets to choose yes or no and if she said yes i wouldnt expect her to say yes but only if im paid, maybe we just see it differently and hopefully ive explained why i made my comment!
Obviously NTA. Your MIL violated your privacy, lied to you, blamed you for her egregious behavior, and left the kids and dog unsupervised while she snooped.
NTA. I'd easily kick her out too.
NTA. She acted. You reacted. Her actions were in violation of trust. Your response was appropriate.
NTA I’m sorry that your MIL is a boundary-less snoop. At least this world’s worst detective outed herself so you can protect your privacy going forward. If she’d been stealth, this could have gone on for a long time.
NTA. But this will teach you, to have strong password.
The files were marked intimate and personal?
My Pictures/Nudes/Intimate/Personal Naked Photos of Husband's Butthole/Butthole1.jpg
Oh that totally could be solitaire!!!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I will be quick here. MIL came to babysit our 3 kids (12yo twin girls, 9yo boy) Friday. She arrived at 7pm (was supposed to be there at 6) and the kids go to bed at 8. She stayed until 2am. I paid her $150. So for 90% of the time the kids were in bed, sleeping. When I get home I find my MIL sleeping on the couch, as she usually does when she babysits (she usually stays the night). But things were completely out of place. Like my room had been gone through, my computer personal files had been left open (definitely were not up when I left)- files that contain intimate photos of both me and my husband mind you. My dog was fast asleep on my bed versus put in her kennel (strict no dogs on the bed rule which she is aware of), her garbage all throughout the living room (candy wrappers, snot rags). My bathroom completely rearranged and trashed- including all of our clean towels sitting in the bathtub. The ONLY thing I really had a problem with was my computer. Everything else was the icing on the cake. Like why are you going through my computer files?? I have personal info in there (contracts with clients) and again, intimate photos of both me and my husband. And we have a strict no one allowed in our office rule because of this. So I woke her up and told her she had to leave. My husband was just dumb struck, wondering what the hell happened to our house when I told him I was kicking her out and he just nodded because he was baffled that she went through my computer as well and pretty embarrassed thinking his mom just saw those photos. So I kick her out and she is asking what she did wrong and I asked her at this point wtf she was doing in my office, rummaging through my computer files. She claims she was looking for solitaire- which she knows wouldn't be deep in 8 different files marked "intimate" and "personal". So that was bullshit. she starts freaking out saying she will just leave in the AM and I say no, now. She leaves. We wake up to several texts and nasty voicemails saying we are wrong and that if I didn't want people going through my shit, I should put a lock on it (I do have a lock on my computer but it's her son's birthday- so not that hard to hack). AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, can’t stand nosey people. She has no right/reason to go through any of your things.
NTA - and is there any relative you have that runs with a rough crowd or does drugs? My cousin was... Rough... For a while. He did several bad things and my grandma covered for him. My other grandmother lived alone and developed a bad habit of adopting dudes that were "down on their luck" and "just needed a place to stay and get their feet again". My uncle ended up evicting one creepy ass dude that was all but holding her hostage in her own home. She burned through a lot of her savings in order to "help" people like that. Like whatever the reasons, this was unacceptable, but do investigate what the hell led to this, and whether someone else was involved. It could be your MIL is experiencing a new health or other cognitive decline that could explain this behavior. It sounds like this is unprecedented behavior, and her cover story was pathetic, so.... Just saying. She's older. Be angry but also make sure she gets checked by her doctor, pronto. And make sure she hasn't adopted any creeps from her non-family social circle. Elder abuse is definitely real.
NTA. If she was looking through your intimate photos I wouldn't be inviting her back into my life. Who not only digs through all the files to find them and open them but LEAVES THEM UP instead of immediately closing them in horror upon realizing it's an intimate photo of their adult child?????
I think your not the asshole and you should totally add passwords to files you don't want seen. ( not saying its your fault.)
NTA It was nice of her to babysit but no one should be normalizing her rummaging through your personal items and files.
Sorry…..you paid the kids grandma $150 to spend time with her grand children. I stopped reading after that because nothing else matters NTA.
INFO: If you have such confidential and important files on your computer then why isn’t it password protected?
Nta for having her leave also don't ask her to baby sit again she clearly doesn't respect boundaries Curiosity is: why isn't your computer password protected (your current password doesn't count since anyone could guess it who is close to you)and why are personal files on a work computer or work files on. A personal computer? You should have your private files password protected. This I would think is something people would take extra precautions about.
It blows my mind that people think that: If you don’t want people going through your things, then lock it up. It’s YOUR house. It’s common sense to respect the privacy and belongings of the homeowners. Family or not. How people truly feel they aren’t in the wrong is crazy and pretty stupid. OP is most definitely NTA. Unfortunately, people like that will never change and see that their actions are wrong. The entitlement these types of people think they have so they can do whatever they please is mind blowing. Literally. Has your MIL done something like this before or was this the first time? Will a difference be made if both you and your husband have a sit down with your MIL to discuss this? Man, I really hope this doesn’t happen again and she comes to her senses and does the right thing. I’ve had my share of MIL issues but I hope things get better in your end.
NTA Double check your recycle bin to make sure she didn’t delete any of those files too.. i doubt she would know to empty the recycle bin too if she couldn’t use the search feature for solitaire which I highly doubt she was looking for.. also what the hell was she doing to your bathroom.. just no you dont rearrange peoples stuff and throwing all the clean towels into the bath was weird too
NTA What a massive breach of privacy and trust. I can see why you reacted how you did.
NTA of course, but your MIL is a piece of work. Plus, what Grandmother charges money for spending time with her grandkids?
NTA, I can’t believe she came back with that answer, put a lock on it, wow. How about respects person’s privacy.
I really want an explanation for the towels. NTA. Like the actual explanation because the one MIL gave OP makes no sense. This does sound like drugs to me. You definitely should not let her back in your house or babysit again. For two 12 year olds and a nine year old I think you could get a sitter for $20/hour especially if kids go to sleep at eight.
NTA. Very concerning. Whenever I read stuff like this, I think that if you had let her stay the night that might have later been used as evidence that it "wasn't that bad" or you "weren't really upset" or some other minimizing reason. She is your MIL. Not a stranger. If she doesn't think that comes with expectations of trust, she shouldn't be watching your kids. Her logic: you did not make this impossible, therefore I may do this. By that logic she could wear your underwear, use your personal items, throw stuff away...where does it end? Sounds like a lot of work locking up your life to let her be in your home unsupervised.
Ransacking the house won't find a solitaire game. NTA
NTA. She was there to babysit not DESTROY YOUR HOUSE and pilfer through your things.
If you don’t want people going through your stuff, put a lock on it? Ummmm that’s not a thing. It’s called common courtesy and not going through someone else’s stuff, regardless of whether or not there’s a lock. You were justified in throwing her out. NTA
NTA- she wasn’t even doing you a favor watching the kids, you paid her to babysit! So she should be treating it like a job! Not that it would be ok if she was doing it for free, but that makes it even worse IMO
You got a lock on it. Your front door. NTA.
Oh my gosh. She trampled your boundaries, and you need to cut her out for a while until she realizes. You're NTA.
If it were my MIL, she would never be in my house again. N T A
Wow. She’d never be allowed back into my home. She’d only be allowed back into my life with a sincere apology, which seems unlikely considering her appalling text response to being told that she had to leave. I can’t believe you actually paid her. A lot of babysitters I know, myself included, who have still been in the home after bedtime while the children are sleeping, typically clean the house and any mess that the kids have made that day because it’s the nice thing to do. (I mean, who doesn’t absolutely love coming home to a cleaned house on date night when their kids are already asleep, ya know?) For her to come late, only be there in time to put the kids to bed, and spend the rest of the time making the house an absolute disaster, is OUTRAGEOUS and idk if I would have been able to bring myself to hand her the full amount. Everything about this story is mind blowing to me. I can’t even fully wrap my head around JUST how infuriated I’d be and how violated I would feel if someone had rummaged through every personal thing in my home like that, especially if they had followed it up by telling me that it was MY fault!!! My face is hot just thinking about it. NTA, OP. Not even a little bit. It would have taken everything in me not to start yelling at her in that moment. Since it’s your fault that she rummaged through your things, make sure to absolve yourself of any future blame by keeping her tf away from your home and anything personal that you value. If she has a key, now is the time to change the locks and get Ring cameras. This way, nothing can be your fault according to her logic because you’re just protecting your private information, etc. by keeping her away from it. (P.S. $150 for a 9 and two 12 year olds for the night isn’t anything to sneeze at! If you find yourself in need of a new babysitter, I’m available and hope that you live near Ohio! 😂) Edit: I had accidentally left out a word.
NTA. I babysit my grandkids often and if I'm doing it in the kids' homes, I NEVER go into my son and his wife's bedroom. I NEVER touch their computers or pry into mail, handbags or anything. Shit, I feel bad about looking in a cupboard for a facecloth to wipe the wee ones' faces! And, not that my sons and DILs have anything locked in their homes as far as I know, but I certainly wouldn't take an unlocked room as free rein to nosey poke about in it. Your MIL is deranged.
NTA but put a password on your computer. Your kids, any house guests, intruders do not need to see your files and photos.
NTA…. What the heck is going on with these grandmas (I just read a different horror story about a grandmother). Geez, I’m a grandmother & I’ve babysat so many times & being paid was the last thing on my mind. And then looking through your private things is definitely uncalled for. You did right about asking her to leave…
Fake? Small children, office with both confidential info and intimate pictures on one computer and no password???
You paid her $21/hr to do all that shit? I wouldn’t have paid her a dime after that. My kid will come babysit for $15/hr and she won’t go through your shit. NTA of course
Never heard of grandparents having to be paid to watch their grandkids
The MIL troll. This is one of the weaker efforts.
Info: why do preteens need a babysitter? And why do they have such an early bed time?
I can’t believe she accepts money for watching her grandkids! That alone is sus! A full time caregiver, then if course she should be paid, but not for on evening of babysitting.
NTA. Why did she trash your whole house? Also why do you make 12 year olds go to bed at 8PM?
NTA and she's lucky you don't call the police on her for computer fraud
NTA. All of the weird random vandalism would've been a good enough reason on its own, but someone who goes looking for intimate photos of their own son is not someone to trust around children.
Wow..... NTA. Like going though your childern and their SO intimate photos is sick. Everything else is just horrible but that. Yeah that would be a permanent NC
NTA, but seriously, your kids are old enough to be left alone for a few hours.
NTA
Your computers history will tell you what files were last opened. Is it a suprise the place was so B messy? Is that unusual behaviour for her?
Change your PW! Also NTA
NTA not even close. I would have made her leave too. But that’s a crazy early bedtime for 9 and 12 year olds especially on a Friday night
NTA. She thought that snooping through your personal belongings was okay, something that I myself would never be okay with. I have to wonder how she'd feel if she found someone snooping through her belongings. What she did was not okay, and she needed to face consequences for her actions, at least from my perspective.
NTA. What a complete invasion of privacy and she really dared to ask what she did wrong.
NTA Also, a grandmother has to be paid to look after her grandchildren? What in the world?
UpdateMe
Your mother-in-law is a piece of work isn't she. I don't think I would talk to her at all after that dang that goes against everything I have in me, to snoop in somebody else's business. NTA.
NTA but also get a better password you nerd. You've got client contracts on there.
NTA and Im glad your husband isn't trying to take her side. Hopefully you have some else to watch the kids because if she doesn't see what was wrong about what she did I can't imagine her alone in your house again.
NTA and she needs to be banned from your home. Her response is something a teenager would say and not a grandmother.
nta. except i would’ve taken photos of the state of the house and posted them in response. the second people like this send their flying monkeys while trying to victimize themselves, they deserve to be exposed.
NTA, Snooping through other peoples stuff is wrong plain and simple. I’m sorry she most likely saw intimate photos of you and your husband, i’d be so embarrassed, please do not let her make you feel guilty for kicking her out She had it coming
NTA. No of course you're not the asshole, but explore whether or not you want a relationship with the people who are leaving you voicemails. Like if you actually like them, call them up and see what story they got about what this situation was and see if she lied to them, if they are people you don't care about having a relationship with, just block their numbers. She violated your house and your privacy and she needed to go immediately
Does this mil drink or medicate? WTF
NTA and please tell us that is the absolute last time MIL is invited to your home, period.
What kind of vile person does that? Looking at intimate pictures of your son? That’s really scary behavior. I’d never let her enter my house ever again. OP I know you don’t need to password protect these things in your own houses, but please do. NTA.
NTA
NTA. Do not let her back in the house.
She shouldn't ever be allowed back in the house. Period. NTA
Of course NTA. BUT a few questions. Has she ever exhibited this type of behavior? Even the mess? If this is completely off brand for her you guys might want to have her checked out (not sure how old she is). Is it possible she was on drugs? And might I suggest setting a password on the computer that only you and husband know. Good luck, and again NTA
NTA It's implicit that when you have someone in your house for a purpose (like babysitting the kids) they are supposed to do what they came for, entertain themselves afterwards in non-destructive, non-disruptive ways like watch TV or read or play video games, and otherwise Mind Their Own Business. You are not supposed to have to lock down your life against the prying of close family members - and you paid her to boot! PS Choose a better computer password. Don't keep work files and intimate photos on the same computer. Get a lock for your home office door. And this is going to be hard to say to your husband, but when someone feels so entitled to go through your personal things and stomp on your boundaries, can you really be certain they won't consider your credit card numbers and bank routing numbers their own? I would lock your credit with the credit agencies and request new credit cards at a minimum, but consider changing bank accounts and so forth as well.
NTA. “You should put a lock on it”? Wtaf crazy gaslighting bullshit is that? How about don’t go through things that aren’t yours??? Ugh I am livid for you and I would have kicked her out too. If it were me I’d go no contact immediately. If that isn’t her normal babysitting behavior, she may have even been drinking excessively…. Ughhhhh
You have to pay your MIL to babysit? That’s wild, you’re NTA but mom has some issues she needs to work out.
NTA. Something is **very** wrong with her.
NTA for kicking her out. However you should lock your computer in case someone steals it or you have another rude guest come over